#snk positivity

[lotus-pear]

finally finished watching aot, rainah and berutolto were my fav duo out of the whole cast 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[joogios]

Girls when it was always going to happen

[lalawas42]

[muekyn]

🖕

[dorminchu]

WIP Wednesday: Between Heaven & Earth, Chapter One

A rough cut of a scene where Eren and Annie interact + worldbuilding

1912

The office was flooded with applications to the Garrison, since it was easier to get into than the Military Police and had the second-lowest mortality rate out of all three branches. It sounded nice, coming from the mouths of recruiters, but even the lowest ranking position in the Garrison was safer than the Scouting Legion. An overabundance of spending on resources with little to show for it but a seventy-five percent mortality rate.

The majority of the Trainee Corps budget went towards ODM equipment, food and space for the cadets as well as horses. Training accidents were infrequent but inevitable. Just like the Warrior Unit, everything else fell by the wayside to make space for more important matters.

When it came to combat, the instructors were teaching fundamentals out of principle. Unarmed combat might buy you a few seconds in a real-life situation. Any criminal could drive the sharp end of a whisky bottle into the newly-made private’s stomach and that would be that. Soldiers were usually more acquainted with ODM gear than a rifle outside of the MPs, who rarely had cause to use them. Why bother teaching this at all, if it wouldn't be utilized? Marley never taught the cadets a skill they wouldn't have to use, especially in the Warrior Unit. Everything they learnt would be reincorporated into their term.

“Hey, Leonhardt!” Braun on Paradis, in Marley, never changed. She stopped pace. “You can’t keep slacking off like this.”

Sucking up to the first cadet who asks for help is not going to make you into a better Warrior than I am. This exercise isn’t for points. You shouldn’t be drawing attention to me in the first place, you hypocrite.

She caught Jaeger’s eye.

Here’s a lesson on what not to do.

Braun, shoving Jaeger in her line of sight, said, "Looks like you have a new teacher," and caught her eye with a look that screamed better you than me.

Just her luck.

Scowling, she made eye-contact with Jaeger and threw him the knife. “Your turn.”

Jaeger caught the knife. In the time it took for him to open his mouth and say, “What?” she’d already closed the distance. Disarmed and grounded. Easier than a dummy.

Jaeger’s mouth split into a toothy grin. "That was amazing!" Clambering to his feet, dusting himself off, he said, "Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

"My father." She did not add it was a pretty basic technique. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not what you’re supposed to be learning anyway.”

He stared at her, eyes shining with fervor. “Let me try again. Disarm me.”

She stared back.

The only time she got to scrap without holding back was with Braun or Porco Galliard. In Marley the instructors were pushing a bayonet into her hands. In Paradis, a wooden knife. Turned onto the front-lines, the Warrior cadets fought to kill, not disarm. She shouldn’t be going easy on the enemy.

The third time Jaeger wound up on his ass, she offered a hand. “You almost had it.”

“Really?” Jaeger reached out to take it; she withdrew and caught him in the stomach with her boot. He got back to his feet, staggering, a tic in his jaw. “What the hell—was that for?”

“You left yourself open.” Resuming stance, unfazed. “I bet you’ve never won a fight in your life.”

A few cadets stopped to watch. Each time she flipped Jaeger over there were cheers. Nothing like back home, in Marley it was always perfunctory.

(Even though Eren is outmatched on a technical level, he innately gets that he has to disable her legs. Perhaps he fights dirty for a similar reason as Annie does; mirroring his point to Reiner in canon about how practice with a fellow soldier doesn't prepare the soldier for a real life situation)

("Don't have any honor?"

Jaeger grunted. "Fairness doesn't mean much in a real fight."

"That's smart, coming from you."

He huffed. "It's realistic." )

Shadis barked at them to disperse.

Jaeger spat into the dirt and said, “I can’t keep up with you.”

“You’re right.” She walked in the direction of the mess hall. Jaeger followed at her heels.

“You could teach me,” he said, “how to fight.”

“Why should I?”

“’Cos I want to learn.” He made a face like she was being obtuse on purpose. “I’ve been in a lot of fights, and I’ve never seen anyone move like that.”

Persistent. Good for target practice, if nothing else.

“Hm,” said Annie. “You’re not going to cry when you lose?”

“I won’t if you won’t,” he said, the light coming back into his eyes. He bumped her shoulder with his. “Next time, we’re partners. Don’t forget!”

[llycaons]

start screenshot //

// end screenshot

this is the most that got me thinking btw. REALLY defensive of their fictional characters who simply *checks notes* are an extremely misogynistic mass murderer with a god complex or are from a fascist propaganda series. defending fictional characters to the extent that you anonymously message some poll runner seems to be overinvesting in them too

[gabiloove]

To add to that post you made a few days ago: You're also allowed to block people who love or hate a character if you're sick of seeing either. You can block whoever you want for whatever reason and it'll make everyone's experiences better for not being overmatured with love for a character you hate or hate for a character you love every time you try to go into tags.

.. 💕💕

[touchlikethesun]

okay so it is a much bigger red flag to me if you love eren than if you hate him. i think both love and hate are too simplistic of ways to look at his character, but if you LOVE him like love him than i need at the bare minimum a five paragraph essay (more like a ten page paper but i’m feeling nice) explaining why, and only after you’ve proven that you’ve thought deeply about his character and can recognise his seriously damning flaws will i accept eren as being ur fav or w/e. if you hate him tho all i can say is that’s valid lmao

[saenora]

so ive been spending day and night writing trying to figure out <under the influence>, more like thinking about how to get the plot to close… and its still hopeless…………. anyone willing to help with some writing tips?!?

—i have rejected 5 plots and rewritten it over and over and over and over and over again.

[jjkeremika]

AoT men being greedy

the men from AoT were always so eager to please you… in their own way.

fem!reader x Erwin, Jean, Reiner, Eren, Levi (aot/snk)

warnings(?): riding, breast groping, choking, legs over shoulders, thigh-loving, tying up, knife-play, in front of a mirror, doggy

NSFW

Erwin (you ride him, breast groping)

He was just so tall and his legs were just so long. You've tried different positions before, but he loves watching you bounce on his cock, scarred and tough hands grabbing your hips so tight; and it just wasn’t feasible to be intimate in other positions because of the height difference.

His hands squeezed and cupped your breasts as you hopped on his long cock, moaning as his fingers pinched your nipple and his hips thrusted upwards. Erwin would twist your nipples with his fingers before capturing them between his teeth and sucking and licking and moaning at the feeling of your breasts rubbing against his face.

Jean (missionary, choking)

Jean wants to see your beautiful face twist and scrunch and stretch and moan in response to his painfully-erect cock sliding easily in and out of you, his fingers clasped around your neck.

The pressure of his hand alternated against your chin as he pulled out and snapped back in, pushing and rubbing his hips against your ass to dig in as far as he possible could, feeling him deep inside kissing your jawline as he used one hand to wrap one leg closer to him and keeping the other at home around your neck.

Reiner (your legs over his shoulders, thigh-loving)

Reiner's favorite body part of yours is your thighs. He spends tens of minutes massaging and kissing and running his tough veiny hands up and down the limb.

He loves them so much he balances them right on his broad shoulders, his collarbones acting like landing strips for the incoming weight. "Ugh, fuck, baby, squeeze my head with your strong beautiful thighs. I'd love it, baby, please," he'd pant out, his hands moving to the outside of your thighs and pushing them against his cheeks, moaning as his hips sped up, fucking you harder, his contracting pec and abdominal and arm muscles glistening.

Eren (ties you up, knife-play)

Eren strips you naked and ties your wrists and ankles to the bed, sometimes spreading you out over the bed or sometimes tying your wrists above your head or ankles together. He'd hold his breath as he barely graced the knife against your skin, sometimes following the trail with ghostly kisses, starting at the wrists and moving down, restarting at the ankle and trailing up each leg.

The cool, sharp metal left no mark other than a trail of stimulated nerves, senses instantly tingling up the spine and shivering back down with hot blood. Eventually he'd it from your naval to your throat, just under your chin, the thin skin making the titillating teasing more sensitive. Eren stopped when you begged for him to enter you, to pound into you with almost all his strength because all of it would be way too much.

Levi (in a mirror, doggy)

Levi loves grabbing your hips from behind and thrusting into you mercilessly, each shove inside evoking soft grunts from you. The slapping of sweaty and wet skin echoing harmoniously off the walls. Occasionally followed by an off-key spanking.

The whole view captured in front of the mirror, a clear reflection of your curved back and bulging cleavage and sweaty, tousled hair. Levi's eyes, overtaken by dilated pupils, alternated intensely between where his cock entered you and you in the mirror.

You could tell when he was watching you in the reflection because he picks up his pace, bruises in the outline of his hands forming on your hips as his hips rapidly slap against your plump cheeks.

[sailorspica]

GLARING omission on my part

biggest uprising arc adaptation L's

#10 eren building a little house

#9

#8 dadkasa / armin characterization

+ the jearmin of jean is the only one rly concerned about armin

#7 jean development (chapter 51 in general, the SC returning to wall rose)

#6 hitch and marlowe sticking around

HITCHSASHA HITCHSASHA HITCHSASHA

#5 levi + levi squad enemies to comrades slow burn

#4 MY PRIDE AND JOY

#3 accurate lesbian breakup, historia characterization in general

#2 verfremdungseffekt

#1 FRIEDA MY WIFE

[ryuichirou]

I apologize if it is too personal but how do you deal with "antishipper" and the way they make callout posts and harassment campaigns against you ? It’s legitimately so scary and it makes me hesitant of posting my own art

Anon! I am very sorry you are going through this horrible feeling of hesitation and anxiety; knowing that people get targeted like that could not only stop you from posting, but stop you from creating altogether, and this is the worst part about this whole thing.

It’s not too personal, and I don’t mind talking about it at all. I’ve talked about our position and our relationship with fandom policing a bunch of times already, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.

I used to be worried about posting certain stuff too. Well, when I was a teen/in my early 20s I wasn’t worried about anything: we had so much juicy stuff posted here lol But then the nsfw ban happened, and the social climate of this app and internet in general started shifting, the first stories about people driven to end their lives because of the hate they received started to come out, and we stopped posting completely. It wasn’t a huge loss to us back then, and this situation wasn’t the only reason why we stopped, but still, it clearly became much more difficult to just appear out of nowhere, throw problematic stuff in your blog and run away again.

I vividly remember us wanting to post my Shingeki no Kyojin drawings and comics based on our AUs and stuff, but not knowing what to do with Ereri – there was no way for us to be “unproblematic” (which was never a concern to us, we just didn’t want to get tons of hate lol) and still post Eren with a man twice his age. So we started posting them without a tag, starting with a drawing that wasn’t too shippy, and then miraculously the world didn’t end. That made us bolder, and we started to post them openly, and posted them for almost two years pretty regularly, alongside some of our other problematic ships + problematic themes. Of course we did get hate, we got a lot of hate while we were posting SnK stuff from all kinds of people, but what we also got a lot of people who found our content refreshing and interesting, even if it was weird and uncomfortable at times.

We weren’t the only people who shipped Ereri (let’s ignore my petty thoughts about the difference between Ereri and Rivaere for now), and we weren’t the only people in Twst fandom who liked Shroudcest, which is another ship that we were super hesitant about posting or even mentioning at first. But with all the hate around I was so certain the world was going to end the moment we post them, and that didn’t happen. The end of the world never happens, but what does happen is that people either get introduced to a fun new dynamic and get invested, or get happy that someone finally posts for the ship they were too afraid to post for. Somehow, when you see some other person being ballsy, you don’t feel as scared anymore – it happened to us with other people’s posts too. Yes, I still say this even though it spawns a bunch of callout posts and harassment, as it did with us. Were we cancelled? Yeah, somewhat. There’s so much you can say about an acc that states “problematic stuff, 18+”, right? I was super relieved and happy, actually, that a lot of people left/blocked us just because they’re the people I’d never want to interact with my art.

I’ve been yapping for a long time already lol so I’ll give you some pieces of advice instead… These are things that legitimately help us.

Surround yourself with people who support you – if not you personally, then at least your ideas (i.e. other proshippers). Luckily, nowadays it’s easier to find them… But also, having a friend who you can vent about these things to helps a lot! It’s cheesy but it’s a fact: when you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.

Always ignore comments/asks from antis and block them on sight, block anonymous asks too. Even if you really want to sass them, it’s much more effective to ignore them: when you give them attention, it invites more engagement from them.

Block people you get bad vibes from. Block those who like or comment bad takes or support harassment of others, block all of their alt accounts. It’s tedious and takes time, but it really helps to keep you hidden from them, at least to some degree. I look up Shroudcest sometimes just to block new people. They try to make fun of me for that, but who cares if it works? You can’t block everyone, but these people usually flock together and it’s usually just a bunch of friends, so taking several posts on these topics from people from the fandom and blocking everyone involved will obliterate the majority of harassers.

In terms of your safety, having multiple accounts in case you main one gets mass-reported helps + I would advice to keep irl stuff away from your fandom stuff just in case.

This is going to sound stupid, but please keep in mind that this isn’t about you. These people are very miserable and not very smart. Even if they try to paint you like a bad person, they don’t know anything about you, so don’t let their judgment affect how you feel about yourself. This is exactly what they want – to have power over you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, i.e. lock your acc and/or take a break if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, it will pass: it’s very rare for these clowns to keep focus on one person for a long period of time; they have like 5 different dramas per day. There are some absolutely batshit crazy rapid assholes who won’t leave an artist alone for years, but those are super rare and special cases altogether, I don’t think you need to be worried about those.

Keep in mind which fandom you want to do this with, btw. It’s usually okay for the most part, but if the fandom is just a bunch of kids, it’s more likely not worth it or deserves an empty account, at least. Twst is surprisingly good despite anything it might look like! Thanks to Yana being a shotacon and a creator of Kuroshitsuji, I guess. There are many great and supportive people in the twst fandom, it’s been a pleasure to be here, even though, once again, it’s the first fandom where I got a bunch of callout posts and nasty stuff in my ask (SnK fandom usually harassed me for other things).

TL;DR: it is scary, and you could easily get callout posts about yourself, but guess what, you also get to be yourself. Because realistically, callout posts can’t stop you from creating art. They want you to believe that they have power over you, but this isn’t true. Your life online won’t end after some random callout post – mine didn’t. They also don’t understand that each consequent callout post affects the person being called out even less. We do have a minor panic attack for the first hour or so, and it does involve more extra blocking, but mostly it just sours our mood for the day and drops our morale. I still draw, though, out of spite a little lol Oh, and do try to report these types of posts if you get them, there’s nothing wrong with that.

People had been persecuted for their art and ideas for centuries, so what happens now is really nothing new. Without diving into specifics, there are way worse things they could do than writing callouts, but they aren’t super likely to do those. Luckily.

Take care of yourself, but also please don’t doubt yourself; when it comes to your art being way too fun for lovers of censorship to handle, you’re in a very good company. I’m referring to all the artist and writers of this world btw and not just me and Katsu lol but us as well!

[h0-0d]

I think Reiner/Bertholdt/Jean/Armin are one of the best shipping dynamics of all SNK. Just think about it:

Reiner/Bertholdt: Learning to come to terms with the horrible things you have done and the horrible thing you have become, accepting it and making your best to still love. Finding the strength to stay alive in what life gives you, being grateful for the bits of happiness existence will provide. Understanding all sides are flawed, and coming to terms with the injustice of the world hand in hand.

Armin/Jean: Trying to find your way to truth and freedom while having to bargain your own humanity in the process. Understand the monsters while being careful not to become one. Trying to stabilise difficult situations together, and encouraging each other into their leadership positions.

Armin/Bertholdt: Digging deep into human nature and understanding the selfish core we all exhibit, discovering the human manipulative side and exploit it in the best way we can to fulfill what we think is best. Showing how strength without drive is as weak as intelligence without human compassion. Learning about forgiveness and love in shy gazes, silent subtle conversations, shades of red and puffs of steam.

Jean/Reiner : Overcoming the trenches dug by outside forces with care and compassion. By showing your enemy the humanity and compassion you wouldn't even give yourself. Knowing that the world might not love you, but someone else does, and that person will forgive and care for you even if you did wrong. Accepting to love yourself by the hands of a person who is as shitty as you. To whom you're equal.

[enjeru0taku-blog]

The way I SCREAMED lmfao!! Why are these so absolutely correct?! I was chuckling for Eren and Armin but Mikasa on? Dead!

Reiner...baby no. 😂😂😂😂😂

And jean, omfg

eren's is basically older eren probs talkin about younger eren

These are all so fucking perfect!!!

[wouldyousmoochthatblorbo]

DAN HIBIKI FROM STREET FIGHTER

Anything to say to sway the voters?: “he has gone through so much trauma. his father died (canon is VERY ambiguous on this) anywhere from the ages of 4-10 IN FRONT OF HIM IN A VERY BLOODY WAY, and then being told by the dojo he wanted to learn from that he was ontologically evil for having dark intrusive thoughts about killing his father's murderer. he is very much affected by this to the point he struggles to improve his fighting style because he is so deeply traumatized, yet he continues to smile, be positive, and improve bit by bit because he doesn't want to be defined by his trauma solely. he hates seaweed but wants to eat it because he thinks it'll make his hair thicker. he hates vain men. handsome guys are his enemy (because he has crushes on them). he is very much implied bisexual: he has obvious crushes on female characters such as juri han in the shop descriptions and mai shiranui in snk vs capcom, where his characterization is fairly accurate to his street fighter alpha 3 and street fighter v characterizations, he has a Homoerotic Bond with blanka and legitimately seems to have a crush on guy, and has a crush on the very obviously nonbinary robot seth. he respects diversity, and we love a woke quing. yes, i said quing, because he has multiple lines throughout the street fighter series, and elements to his character, that suggest he is nonbinary in some way. he calls himself "the ultimate bijin", bijin being a gender neutral word for a beautiful person, in the japanese version of a shop quote where he outright says he'd look hot as a woman. he wears chinese schoolgirl uniforms and stockings. he knows six entire languages. he's based physically off of two cisgender men but his personality and mannerisms come from an 18-20 year old girl that he (at the time being 23 and her being 20) has ship tease with in crossover games. he's a thilf in spirit, and he's raising his 10-15 years younger sister that in my theory could've been his biological daughter through some sort of means. he taunt a canon character how to speak english, japanese, and thai again. he runs a failing dojo (we love a failenby quing). he doesn't know how to pay his electrical bills. he's ambiguously level 2 autistic and ambiguously bpd and ocd with all the major symptoms of cptsd. he's schrodinger's fat/fatbait (fat in clothes, weirdly muscular despite the dialogue that suggest otherwise shirtless). he offered to tutor a teenage girl in his fighting style simply so he could get more students and look cool to others but now she's his best friend and he's afraid of her abandoning him. he taught blanka how to be a man. he repeatedly performs good acts of kindness simply so he can stave off his intrusive thoughts that he's ontologically evil and to make his father proud. there's so much more i could say about him but he is a character of all time.”

[jean-vi]

Lie To Me | Levi x Reader

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Inspiration:  “Chizu ni nai basho e yume wo hasete / Shiharau no wa Risiko der Freiheit” - Jiyuu No Daishou by Linked Horizon Summary: Facing the female titan, you find yourself in a sticky position. Genre: Angst, Fluff (?) Warnings: Major Character Injury, Spoilers for Season 1 of SNK, Most events that occur in this work do not actually occur in the season, but the context is a spoiler. WC: 4.3K A/N: I have been writing fanfic on here for a while under @tae-cup but this is my first AOT Fic. I hope it reads well :) Other: Masterlist

Part 2

    You didn’t think you’d ever get used to riding horses for hours at a time. You understood, fundamentally, that they kept you alive when you were outside the walls, but at the same time, you really did not enjoy the constant jolting. It was truly a beautiful day to be outside, no doubt about it, but maybe this was…a little too outside for comfort. The walls had been your home for many years until you joined the Scout regiment. To be completely honest, it had been a bit of a rash choice, a sort of rebellion against the Military Police that terrorized your family. 

    Your hands gripped the reins with uncertainty. The first time you’d left the walls, all those years ago, you’d been excited. The world felt fresh and new. Now the sky felt like a rotten apple and the people were all the same: excited or nervous recruits and down-trodden experienced soldiers alike. One person caught your eye though. 

    You looked up from the reins to view the people in front of you. Squad Levi. You were a relatively new addition. You were the newest member until the nuisance known as Eren Jaeger joined. It wasn’t that he was particularly annoying, although sometimes his shouting and monologues about freedom did grate on your ears, it was more that he injured himself a lot. You understood the basic fundamentals of his abilities, like being able to heal considerably quicker than a normal human, and regrowing whole limbs wasn’t out of the question either. Being the designated medic, not by choice, you had made a name for yourself by chasing after any squad members who had the slightest ailment. Eren Jaeger? Well, he had lots of them, and it was considerably more draining. 

    The others had laughed and thanked Eren for keeping you off their backs. That was only a few weeks ago. Now, here you were. There was always a grimness to the air on these missions. The usually lively squad was dead silent. The beating hooves of the horses pierced the air. It was too quiet, too calm. 

    Your eyes roved from person to person. You were taking the rear with Eren in front of you. He was just a kid, but he had the stare of someone much older. Next was Petra. She was always a good friend to you. Her smiles and determination brought light into this serious squad. You finally rested your eyes on Captain Levi. 

    At this moment in time, you were having trouble remembering why you were chosen for this team. Still, he had trust in you and so you would have faith in him in return. It was a mutual sort of arrangement. Going into the Scout regiment, you had known some basic first aid. It was a skill taught by your mother. After hearing about your unwavering interest in the Scout Regiment, she had insisted on teaching you the basics. 

    “You can’t stop me.” You hissed. 

    “I know.” Your mother sagged in defeat. “I know you have this–this anger deep inside. I just don’t want you to go into this mess unprepared.” She took your hand and held it firmly. “Let me teach you what I know. I may only be a midwife and I may not be of use to you, but I want you to be of use to others.” 

    You sat down at the dining table and waited as she fetched her bag of tools. 

“And another thing, sweetie,” she whispered as she drew out the needle and thread, “make yourself important, irreplaceable.” 

    A red flare went off, somewhere to your right. A return green flare to your left. 

    “Captain.” Eld called out and the Captain glanced at the flares. 

    “Petra, fire the flare.” He said simply. 

    “Yes, Captain!” The woman responded quickly and sent off the green flare. 

    Well, things were getting interesting. There was already a titan so close. It was a little unnerving. You’d seen scouting missions fall apart before and you really did want this to be the exception. Defeat after defeat. The wounds dragged on. Another set of hoofs joined the marching beat. 

    “Captain Levi, a message!” The new girl shouted as she sidled up to the right of your squad. You observed her carefully. She seemed shaken, but not harmed. The girl was sweating and her hands were gripping the reins too hard to be considered relaxed. 

    “Report.” The Captain commanded. 

    “The right side scouting squads have been decimated! There are huge casualties!” The girl cried. 

    Levi seemed to think for a moment before nodding in the direction of Petra. 

    “Petra, pass on the message.” He commanded. “And thank you for the report.” He addressed the girl who nodded and fell back, racing towards the right. You saw it now; flares screeching into the sky, puffing black smoke. 

    “An abnormal this far in?” You wondered aloud and you had been with the team long enough to see the tell-tale signs of distress. Still, Levi remained a statue-like figure. His head barely turned in the direction of the flares. 

    “The formation has fallen apart. We have no choice but to divert to a more advantageous position.” Levi responded after a short pause. You then sense the shake of the new recruit ahead.

    You considered yourself pretty straight-laced and a person who was rather blunt. However, you didn’t exactly lack human compassion, which you speculated that the Captain in front did. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for human life, it was evident that he did based on his role in the regiment, but he didn’t react much to anything. This stone cold expression of his definitely paid off when you asked for his help in the medical ward. 

    “Hey.” You pulled up next to Eren. His face was downcast and his eyebrows were sinched together. “We’ll find your friends.” 

    It was a promise that was more than likely false. You had wanted to say that they would be alright, but that was certainly a lie. Eren’s expression was that of a boy who was already imagining his friends dead. You didn’t want to see those thoughts come to fruition, they were children after all, but this world was cruel in the worst ways. 

    “I told you to stop saying things like that.” Levi spoke and there was something in his vocal fry that made your heart quicken. 

    “I know, but remember what I said?” 

    The man thought for a moment and then dipped his head. “Continue.” 

    A few weeks earlier

    Levi had always been a good steady hand and a calming presence. It was probably what first drew you to asking him to assist you after missions. You felt a little guilty asking an already exhausted man to continue to work, but he had agreed. He was rather apathetic but he worked diligently. 

    “You told that man that he would be okay.” Levi seemed perplexed, truly, as he looked towards the corpse on the ground. “You shouldn’t lie to the dying, so why?”

    “I don’t know.” Was your first response. It was something you seemed to say often with the man, but this time you took a moment to ponder his question fully. “I guess when a person is forced to deal with death and the inevitable pain, they need to be told lies to keep themselves sane.” Then you took a deep breath. “In less metaphorical terms, in order to keep them on our side until the end, they need to feel secure.”

    Your hands were shaky after long missions or stressful days with lots of patients. The day was just winding down now and it was another heartbreaking loss. Less and less soldiers seemed to come back alive and intact lately. It was mentally and physically draining to care for the wounded, but for some reason, Levi kept coming back. He would hand you the needle and thread and when your eyelids began to droop, he’d finish the job for you. It wasn’t in any gentle or particularly caring way. He’d take the needle and thread, as if commanding you to sleep. But you never could sleep. You’d drift in and out of consciousness sitting on the ground nearby. Tonight was one of those nights. 

    “Get some sleep.” He said quietly as he finished and fixed your rough stitching job. It had been hurried because the soldier was bleeding quickly. Now, the table was covered in blood and you couldn’t stand looking at his disfigured body any longer. You’d saved his life, but he’d never walk again. 

    “I can’t sleep on nights like these.” You responded gruffly. You were stubborn and Levi shared this trait. 

    “I know that, but you need to be able to properly treat people tomorrow. They need your best mind.” 

    You paused and then frowned, shutting your eyes in thought. “So you save the lives of humanity by getting four hours of sleep, right?” 

    “I am here to save myself and only myself. I can get by on four hours. You, on the other hand, are stupidly trying to save the lives of all these dying soldiers. It is a pursuit that will lead you nowhere.” He snipped the thread and set his hands down on the table with a heavy sigh. You ignored his scorn for your current occupation and decided to rest your head against the cold stone.  

    “You say you’re only here to save yourself, and yet you have so little regard for your own life?” You said softly, on your way to dreamland. You heard the soft fabric of his clothes rustle and you felt his gaze slip to your face. The glance was fleeting and warm, but he remained focused on the task at hand.

    “There are some people I can not bring back. I should have died with them years ago, and although they want me to lay them to rest, I will continue to cruelly live on in their name. It is purely selfish.” He responded. 

    You thought on his words for a moment. Levi seemed the opposite of selfish to you. 

    “Some would call that selfless.” You shrugged before the night took you away.

    “My friends.” He was muttering to himself. 

    “Eren.” You tilted your head down to look him in the eyes. “Don’t worry. We will find them.” You’d probably be finding their bodies and even that would be a miracle. With how close the titan had reached, you doubted a bunch of recruits would be able to stand a chance. “And if they’re injured, you know I’ll fix them right up.” You assured further. 

    The boy looked away and you took that as your cue to fall back. Still, even if he didn’t fully believe your lie either, it was something to convince himself of. Captain Levi spared you a glance. You went back to dreaming. You day dreamed about what your life could have been like. You imagined a world where titans no longer terrorized humanity. Would you have still chosen the path of medicine if it weren’t needed for your survival? Would you have…fallen in love? Maybe a doctor or a nurse you worked with? Maybe a stranger you’d met at the market? What did all this daydreaming do you anyway. It wasn’t going to change the situation. 

    “Captain, I hear something.” Oluo shouted. 

    Levi looked behind him and, of course, everyone else followed suit. There was a thud, but it was faint and seemed so far away. In the distance, behind, was a tiny dot. It was moving at an alarming rate, though. 

    “Is that��” You started.

    “ –the abnormal?” Petra finished as you both stared in horror. 

     The Captain gave away nothing. 

    “We continue riding forward.” He insisted and you usually trusted the man but this was absurd. The forest was out of the way and more of a barrier than anything else. It just made no sense. Then it hit you. The useless ODM gear currently strapped to you would become a lethal weapon in the forest. 

    “Understood.” You replied, but you truly did understand this time. 

    “Captain! We could have saved them!” Eren screamed as the soldiers zipping through the trees were swatted out of the sky. This titan really was terrifying. You’d never seen one that looked like it before. Despite being at the back of the formation, you remained vigilant in looking straight ahead. You probably trusted a self-appointed “selfish” man far too much. 

    Eren’s exclamations were becoming more desperate. 

    “There’s another dead.” The boy cried and it did tug at the heart strings. 

    “Eren,” You began, “I work with the dead all day, every day.” You felt the listening ears of your teammates, even Levi, especially Levi. “I know their deaths were violent, but they were quick.” You continued and you heard another crunch. God, you were really sick of people dying. You could feel your eyes wetting as the slaughter continued behind you, but you refused to let tears fall. With a steely determination, you stared straight ahead. “It is much better than suffering a slow, painful, death later on a table in a strange room.” 

    “I agree.” Levi added and your eyes fell on the back of his head. He was so calm and reserved in a time where even Eld was nervous. “Cover your ears.” 

    You had just enough time to register his words and mindlessly react. 

    Bang!

    For some reason, you saw him watching you as the world exploded in light. 

    “Did we really capture it?” You asked, waiting for anyone to answer. 

     “It would appear that way.” Petra murmured. 

    “You guys leave, switch to ODM gear.” Levi instructed. “Get Eren to HQ as fast as possible.” 

    “Yes, Sir!” You all replied in unison. You unstrapped the small medical bag from your horse and wrapped it around your shoulders. 

    The Captain disappeared from sight. You switched to your ODM gear, flying from tree to tree. Everything was moving so quickly and the green of the forest hid most of the sunlight. However, a movement caught your eye. 

    “The traitor.” You heard Eren hiss. That’s when you saw them. The Scout Regiment logo felt wrong to be displayed on a traitor to humanity. 

    “Move! Move! They’re closing in!” Eld shouted and you began to weave through the trees. 

     “Gunther!” Petra screamed and you knew. You knew what happened. Fuck. You didn’t want to see the body of a person you just saw yesterday, but you needed to. You looked back and you acknowledged him. He hung lifelessly, swinging like a pendulum. 

     “Go! Go! Go!” Eld continued and you followed. It wasn’t your business for heroics. 

     Then, a flash of yellow light, like lightning striking. You couldn’t hold back a surprised scream now. Shielding your eyes, you felt your hair sizzle and the air pop. Then, like something out of your worst nightmares, the titan was there. She was fast and agile. Her movements were unlike any other titan you’d seen or killed, but you supposed this was unlike any other mission you’d been on. 

     “I’ll kill her, once and for all.” Eren screamed to Eld as he raised his hand to his mouth. 

    “Stop!” Your eyes widened and you felt breathless. “Please, just let us handle it. We’re the best, after all.” You tried to reason with him. 

     “Trust us.” Petra nodded. 

    Eren looked from you to your squad to the titan. The titan was closing in and you didn’t have much time left. 

    “Trust us.” You pleaded. If Eren transformed, it put so much at risk. You couldn’t risk him getting taken. 

    “Okay.” He finally said and you all breathed a collective sigh of relief. He turned and zipped ahead. “I trust you.”

    You watched his figure fading into the distance as you and the others began your assault. Eld moved in to distract. The wind was rushing in your ears as you positioned yourself on a tree. You didn’t have quite the kill count as the others, but you understood the basics. Petra and Oluo sliced into the titan’s eyes, causing the monster to stumble back into the tree. 

    “It’s protecting its nape!” You shouted and you flew in to join the fray. You hooked onto its ligaments and began slicing. The tendons in the arms were gone and the shield on her nape dropped. You hesitated to celebrate as the others looked on in victory. They wanted the killing blow. 

    After seeing and hearing the cries of all those soldiers she’d killed, you wanted to slaughter her too. You could feel their pain fueling you to push on, even as your gut began to sink. It was just too easy. 

    “Strike the neck, now!” Eld yelled his war cry and you hooked onto her nape to join him. The female titan lunged. You pulled back with a scream, but Eld was already bit in two. Blood began to stain the grass. No. 

    “Eld!” You screeched. You watched as his body fell. No medical miracle could bring that back to life. You frantically turned to the others. “We need to regroup!” 

    “It’s–It’s impossible.” Petra was muttering as she flew away from the titan. “It’s only been 30 seconds or so. That’s just not–” 

    “Petra!” Oluo warned, but it was too late. Blood splattered on a tree. 

    “No, no, no.” You whispered as you retreated. 

    “I’ll kill you.” Oluo went in for the exposed nape. Your eyes widened. 

    “Wait! Stop!” You shouted, but it didn’t matter. You’d never seen a human kicked that hard or that far, but Oluo was gone on impact, you knew that from the sickening crunch. There was no way. All of squad Levi? Gone? 

    You landed on the grass. You felt numb as you stared into the face of the titan. Falling to your knees, you looked up to the sky, past where her form blocked the sun. Maybe, in this giant forest, it wouldn’t be such a bad place to die. You’d be with your comrades. You dropped your medical bag and accepted this fate. The female titan stared down at you and then her hand was wrapped around your body. Her grip was so tight, you felt your bones cracking like sticks and now you screamed in agony. 

    “You killed them!” You were a mess. Tears were running down your face and now you couldn’t breathe. You came face to face with the female titan. Her hair covered her blind eye. 

    A blinding light and Eren had abandoned the plan. You felt the pressure on your body ease up and then suddenly, you were falling. You had no time to grapple to any trees. You just plummeted to the ground. 

     The air left your lungs and every breath, every movement, every shake of the ground, hurt. On a scale of 1 to 10? This was a 10. The two titans were fighting and their rumbling moved farther away. You almost wanted to thank Eren. Now, you’d be able to die in peace. 

    Captain Levi. 

    The whole squad was wiped out in one go. You didn’t have it in you to sit up, so you lay with your back tucked between the grasses. It wasn’t long after the explosion of light that you noticed a familiar figure flying through the trees. 

    Levi had come to a stop above Petra’s body. You were in blinding pain, but you needed to get his attention before he left. 

    “Captain.” You choked out, but for some reason, he heard you. He turned to you and jumped down from the tree. His feet landed softly next to you and he didn’t hesitate to kneel beside your body. His rough, but nimble, hands circled yours. The Captain could have said any number of things, but chose these:

    “Do you want to be saved?” It was simple. He was giving you the option to die peacefully with your comrades or be saved. You usually couldn’t read Captain Levi very well, but when you looked at his face, finally, you were taken aback. 

    Anger. His mouth, set in an ever-present line, was now tilted into a frown. His eyebrows were pushed together ever so slightly and his eyelids dropped into a killer gaze. You had wondered at his emotional capacity for years now, but with this single gaze, you understood him. You understood how he needed to protect himself from the death that surrounded him. You refused to be another comrade that he’d be haunted by at night. Looking at the sky, you realized you had a long life ahead of you. Now was not your time to die. 

    You had your answer, and it was for, just as he said, purely selfish reasons. You couldn’t muster the energy to move or speak, but your eyes slid over to your fallen medical bag. And now Levi had his answer too. You wanted to say you saw him breathe a sigh of relief, but it was probably an illusion. 

    “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” He parroted your blissful lie as he grabbed the bandages from the bag.

    You found the nerve to speak with that comment. “Maybe you were right. Lies don’t help the dying much. We know it’s over.” 

    “You are not ‘the dying.’” He bit back with a deadly tone. You didn’t flinch. Instead, you wanted to laugh. He finished the wrapping and sat back. “I don’t know what else to do.” He finally admitted. 

    Your gaze moved to the treetops. Everything was fading and going in and out of darkness. 

    “Nothing else you can do.” You mustered. “I’m probably bleeding internally. I’ll die before leaving this forest.” 

    “You will not.” The man said quietly and when he stood, he stared down at you with an incredulous expression. “Why do you accept your death so easily? You will survive and you will live until you are old. Do you hear me, idiot?” 

    You smiled as your eyes slid closed. “I hear you, Captain.” 

    A Few Days Later

    The last remaining member of Squad Levi. You lifted your hand gingerly and stared at the wrappings. They were clean, fresh. That must be good. You watched the dust particles filtering through the sunlight streaming in. A roof. That was a good sign. You were in a bed. Also a good sign.

    “Don’t move.” A harsh voice commanded, but your lips pulled into an easy smile. 

    “Captain, I wasn’t aware you cared so much.” 

    “Do you know how hard it is to deal with all those injured scouts when you get yourself injured?” Levi was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room. His legs were stretched out lazily as he reclined, one hand nursing a steaming teacup. “Don’t do it again.” He took a sip. 

    “Yes, sir.” You grumbled and dropped your hand. The man got up and moved to the side of the bed, where you could see him better. 

    “We are now the only members of the Special Operations team.” 

     You tilted your head back and stared at the wooden beams. What were their last thoughts? Last sight? Probably the forest floor and trees the size of castles. That forest was littered with bodies now. It felt like a terrible nightmare. 

     “I am hardly special enough for any ‘Special Operations.’” You countered. “Why do you even want me on the team?” 

    He gave you a blank stare, which was a common occurrence. “Because you were on it before and you’re alive and breathing.” Levi reasoned. 

    “I think I should switch to being a medical helper instead, full time.” 

    “Why are you arguing with me, idiot?” He frowned. “You are a part of Squad Levi still and you always will be. That’s how it works here.” 

    “I could just get myself thrown out.” You chuckled. 

    “And I’d just argue that you stay, like last time.” 

    The conversation fell silent. Then you shifted to look out the window. “I care for this team, a lot, but there is no team left.” You sighed. “I guess that only leaves me to care for you, Captain.” 

    You heard his footsteps and he was now in front of the window, just staring at you. His usually intimidating gaze was gone. 

    “I wouldn’t have saved you if I didn’t care either.” He stated simply and leaned against the window sill. The light fell so perfectly on his face, highlighting the curve of his mouth, the sharpness of his eyes. 

    “I would have saved you, too.” You added. 

    “You would save everyone if you could.”

    “And you wouldn’t?” 

    “I save people I think I can save.” He shrugged. His grip tightened on the edge of the window. “I don’t know why I saved you. I was sure you were going to die, and maybe I should have let you.” 

    You pressed your lips together. “I’m still glad you lied to me. I will be truthful in saying that I asked you to save me for purely selfish reasons.” 

    “I guess we have that in common.” The Captain crossed his arms. Your eyes widened and he tilted his head. “Did I say something amiss?” 

    “No I–” You stopped yourself. “I just didn’t realize you cared.” 

    “If I didn’t care, why would I spend all those nights with you, fixing up the worst injuries I’ve seen?” 

    “Because you care about…human life?” 

    “Because I care about you, idiot.” He said roughly and moved to your bedside. The man took your hand in his and it was eerily reminiscent of the forest. You could almost smell the dirt. 

    “Maybe I care about you too.” You finally said and he dropped your hand. His face fell back into its usual stone-cold expression. His only acknowledgement was a dip in his head.

    “Get some rest.” He said bluntly and headed for the door.

    “You as well, Captain.” 

    He let his hand brush against the door frame for a moment and then left. A fleeting ghost. A vision. You wished you could hold onto his hand for a just a bit longer. It was nice to be in good company. 

To be continued...?