#snek actually drew wow

[snekthedemonnoodle]

silly

[brutal-nemesis]

Train Day 2021: Train Danger. Trainger

Happy Train Day! I hope everyone’s year has gotten off to a good start (❁´◡`❁) And If not let’s make it better with some whump!! This time I have yeeted Castys into old west and therefore this is not canon. But it’s still that classic blend of goofy while also Horribly Mean, so buckle up. Or don’t because trains don’t have seatbelts. I think.

Castys drabbles masterlist

Ingredients: manhandling, hand whump, broken bones, gore/brutality (if you’re not about that just stop reading after they knock him out)

A list of dumb things to do:

Hide from an angry rich man on top of a speeding train

A list of smart things to do:

Not that

Guess who made the dumb decision today? Not that Castys had thought it was a good idea, he was thinking more along the lines of aaaa run away from angry men who want to hurt me oh look a ladder let’s climb it. So here he was, carefully making his way along the roof of the train, cool desert air blasting into his face. He really hoped they hadn’t seen him go up that ladder since his gun had run out of bullets, making it basically a useless fancy piece of metal instead of a shooty death contraption. His best bet, now that he was defenseless, was making it to the front of the train where he could chill with the coal shoveling dudes. Mr. Fancypants Thurmond and his lackeys wouldn’t DARE soil their nice clothes with coal dust, so Castys would be safe up there until the train stopped and he could dash off to lands unknown.

Alas, things were never quite that simple. Just as Castys was readying to jump to the next car, the hatch on it opened and one of Thurmond’s goons poked his head out. Castys considered just jumping over him and continuing to run, but decided against it when the man pointed his definitely loaded gun at him. Not that he was afraid of dying, but getting shot was entirely unpleasant and Castys would rather not fall off this train that he’d actually paid money to board (for once). Hearing the sound of another hatch opening and footsteps behind him, Castys slowly turned around, hands raised in surrender in the hopes that he wouldn’t get thrown off. 

“Evening Mr. Thurmond, how kind of you to join me up here. The sky is quite lovely at this time of night, I must say.” Castys addressed the imposing man stalking towards him as calmly as he could, hoping to keep things under control.

“Quit your yapping. The only thing I want to hear out of you is the location of the gold you stole from me.” Thurmond didn’t falter one bit in his approach, and Castys hesitantly took a step back before realizing that continuing to back up would send him tumbling down between the cars. Great, he was trapped.

“I’m not entirely sure that gold is yours, considering the fact that you stole it in the first place. Stealing it from you basically makes me the police. But, like all law enforcement, I can be bribed, so I’m sure we can work something out. Let’s all just calm down and-“ Thurmond didn’t let Castys finish, grabbing the front of his shirt and dragging him to the edge of the train. Castys felt empty air beneath his heels and, stupidly, he looked down. The train was inconveniently going through a canyon, so if Thurmond let go of him he would fall a ridiculous distance to the canyon floor. Which would suck. “H-hey, come on now, I didn’t think you were this stupid. If you drop me here, you can consider the gold lost, amigo. My corpse is gonna be a whole lot less talkative than I am.”

“I know what you are, immortal,” Thurmond growled. “And as much as I would like to, I know that throwing you off here would be the same as letting you go. Which is something that I don’t intend to do.” After letting Castys dangle a moment more, he yanked him back from the edge and tossed him to one of his waiting underlings. “Get him down to my compartment. And don’t make a scene.” Castys tried to retort, but the man holding him clamped a hand over his mouth, which he considered licking but ultimately decided against since it would probably taste terrible. He let the man drag him to the hatch and toss him down to the other dudes waiting at the bottom of the ladder because they had functioning guns and he did not. Actually, scratch that, he didn’t have a gun at all, now that he checked. Thurmond must have taken it while he was being all ooh I’m almost going to throw you off this train won’t that hurt and also suck.

So there he was, weaponless in a very fancy train compartment and surrounded by a stupid amount of Thurmond’s henchmen. Lovely. Thurmond strolled in casually, as if there was absolutely nothing suspicious going on, and glared at Castys before looking around at his goons expectantly. “Well, don’t just stand there, tie him up,” he ordered. “Can’t have him running off before I get him to talk.”

“What makes you think I’m going to talk? The fact that I never shut up?” Castys did his best to remain calm as the men grabbed him. “You might have me defenseless and outnumbered and you’ve probably eaten more recently than me, but I pride myself on my ability to only talk about what I want to talk about. Which right now is-”

“Uh, Mr. Thurmond,” one of the goons interrupted, “we left all the rope in the car with the horses. I mean, we can go get it, but...”

“Why would you-fine, fine,” Thurmond sighed. Castys smiled at his frustration. If there was one thing he loved, besides setting things on fire, it was seeing super composed dudes become not composed. Hilarious every time. “I suppose I’ll just have to...get creative.” Thurmond grabbed a dagger from one of his men and walked towards Castys. How exactly was the man going to restrain him with a knife, it’s not like-oh. They were pinning him against the wall. Then that meant...

“Woah, don’t tell me you’re willing to ruin this lovely wallpaper. I mean look at those...flowers. And are you gonna pay damages for poking a hole in the wall? I thought this whole thing was about you wanting more money.”

“We’ll pay for it with your portion of the gold.” Thurmond smiled before swiftly plunging the dagger into Castys’s hand, securing it to the wood beneath it. Castys grit his teeth, breathing in sharply in an effort not to cry out. It hurt about as much as he expected it to, which was a whole dang lot. But hell if he was going to let that stop him from being annoying.

“So...so that means...you were gonna...let me keep some of the gold?” Castys asked between breaths, grinning. Thurmond’s only reply was to pull out another knife, and the man holding Castys’s other wrist promptly pinned it against the wall. “Double or nothing, huh? You know, if I promise not to pull the knife-” and there was the sweaty hand over his mouth. Fine, whatever, just take away his ability to be a pain in the ass, the one thing that made life bearable. He didn’t bother to hold back his screams as Thurmond stabbed the knife through his other palm. Once it was firmly secured, Thurmond straightened and rubbed his temples.

“Will you please-just shut him up. With something a little more efficient than your hand. I don’t think I’m going to interrogate him here.” The man silencing him nodded, glancing around before ripping Castys’s bandanna from his neck and shoved it in his mouth. You know what, that was fine. Like, yes, it did taste like sweat, but it was Castys’s sweat, which was preferable over someone else’s. And when you’re impaled to the wall of a train by an asshole you stole money from, it’s the little things. Speaking of, train walls were objectively the worst kind of wall to be impaled to. Because trains move. They shake. And when there is a knife in your hand, you do not want it to shake because by god that makes it hurt so much worse.

Could he have yoinked his hands from the wall? Probably, but it would hurt like a bitch and he would still be in a train car surrounded by men who were very much willing to upgrade his current pain package. Unappealing. Better to wait for some other opportunity. So Castys busied himself by thinking of better surfaces to be impaled to. Ice would be cold but it would melt, and glass could probably be broken pretty easily if you could even be impaled to it, or maybe a post in the middle of town since someone might...no, that would more likely mean he would get things thrown at him, oh, but how about…

He had a pretty good comprehensive list of things to be impaled to by the time the train finally slowed to a stop. Not that he would ever need such a list for anything, but thinking about it was a heck of a lot better than dwelling on how much pain his hands were in or his upcoming interrogation (which would likely be Terrible) or how much his feet hurt from standing for so long or the fact that something vaguely smelled good and boy he was hungry or-okay in conclusion a lot of things sucked. But he hadn’t been thinking about it until just now, which was good. And he wouldn’t have to think about it for much longer because Thurmond had just told one of his men to knock him out. Which begs the question, why couldn’t they have-

When Castys woke up, it was hot. Dusty. Sharp rocks dug into his back. He opened his eyes to a cloudless blue sky. He groaned, trying to sit up or at least roll over, but he found he could hardly move. Rough rope tied his wrists to something above his head, and he could feel the same sort of pressure around his ankles. Fantastic. There was also some sort of hard rod under his thighs, like he was laying on-oh. Oh that is. Those are train tracks. Those are train tracks that he is laying on top of. Those are train tracks that he is tied to. Train tracks. 

Yikes.

“Good morning, Castys. So kind of you to join us. The sky is a lovely shade of blue today, isn’t it?” Thurmond was standing over him, but tragically was not blocking the sun’s glare, forcing Castys to squint up at him.

“Wow, repeating what I said to you last night, how cool and poetic. You know,” Castys wiggled in his bonds, “I would say that this whole ‘being tied to the tracks’ feels a little cliché, but it’s just, like, my legs. What’s up with that?”

“Do you know what the most painful bone to break is?”

“Oh that’s easy, it’s the funny bone! If I break that one I will probably get extremely depressed.” Castys smiled at the men standing around him, but no one reacted. “I don’t know a lot about bones,” he said quietly.

“Clearly. The correct answer is the femur, the strongest bone in the body. But I’m sure it’s not strong enough to withstand an impact from something like, say, a train. So,” Thurmond crouched, finally blocking out the sun, “you are going to tell me where you hid my gold, or you are going to find out just how painful breaking your femur can be.”

“First of all: rude. Secondly: how do I know you’re not bluffing? There are abandoned train tracks, like, all over the place. I think. But even so how do you know a train’s even gonna-” a faint whistle sounded in the distance. “That is a train whistle.” Castys looked down the tracks, where he could see a faint black spot that was growing larger with alarming speed. “That is a train.” He nodded and looked back at Thurmond. “You’re an ass”

“I simply want you to return what’s mine, and your continued refusal to do so has forced my hand.” The train whistle sounded again, louder this time. Castys could feel the tracks rumbling under him.

“There are at least...five other things you could have done that were not as horribly fucked up as this. I might just refuse to talk out of spite for you being such a big dickhead.” But as the train grew closer and closer, he could feel fear starting to wear down his resolve.

“I don’t mind waiting.” Thurmond straightened and stepped back. “Especially since I think we’re just going to have to let this train pass.” Castys didn’t even need to look to see how close the train was getting, he could feel it, he could hear it, there wasn’t any time-

“Alright, fine, fine, I’ll tell you, it’s in Red River Gorge, now will you please untie me?!” Castys shouted over the roar of the fast-approaching train. Thurmond simply leaned down, holding a hand to his ear, a massive asshole gesture.

“What was that, now?! I can’t hear you!” Castys could hardly hear him over the sound of the train’s whistle, but he could feel the ground rumbling beneath him, the metal of the tracks vibrating intensely under his thighs. There was no escape, no matter how much he struggled, this was inevitable, he was going to get run over by a fucking train. Terror unlike any he’d felt jacked his heartrate up so much that he felt like he was going to burst out of his chest, but even its rapid pulses were drowned out by the all-consuming tremor of the huge, metal beast that was bearing down on him, moments away from ripping him to shreds-

Collision. 

Destruction. 

Agony. 

If anything could have been heard over the roar of the train, it would have been two sickening cracks followed by a scream so desperate, so pained, it almost sounded inhuman. Castys couldn’t tell he was screaming, he couldn’t tell if he even existed. The only thing he knew in the world was that it hurt. It felt like every part of him had been replaced with the pure concept of anguish. All other sensations, thoughts, and feelings were drowned in the relentless torrent of misery. And when death came for him, he welcomed its sweet release.

“Well, well, look at that, back as good as new,” Thurmond’s voice purred above him. Castys groaned as he regained consciousness. He still felt phantom stings of that horrible, horrible pain, and he wasn’t about to let himself experience it again. And since his ankles were still magically secured to the tracks, there was only one way out.

“Well that was fun. Not as fun as riding down to Red River Gorge and digging around under the butte that looks like a cat, but still fun,” he huffed, opening his eyes. “Wanna try that next?”

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” Thurmond smiled and motioned to his men. “Let’s go.”

“Hey, aren’t you, uh, forgetting something?” Castys wiggled, thankfully no longer in pain from either his legs or his hands, but boy was he sticky. He was never a fan of being covered in blood, especially not his own. “I held up my end of the deal, so how about we stop littering all over the railway, huh?” He tried as best as he could to gesture with his head to the tracks, now strewn with shards of bone and twisted chunks of flesh. 

“I think the buzzards will take care of the cleanup, and I’m not sure how much I trust the word of someone like you.” Thurmond mounted his horse and the rest of the men did the same. “We’ll go check the location out, and if we find you were telling the truth, then we’ll untie you.” Thurmond smiled and tipped his hat. “Until then, don’t be a strainger.”

“What-you can’t be fucking serious, you can’t just leave me here, asshat! And that pun didn’t even make any sense!” Castys was certain the men could hear him, but none of them even so much as turned back to look at him as they galloped away. “What if you come back and I’m gone?! I’ll get all the gold then! And I’m gonna lick all of it so even if you-okay they’re just straight-up not coming back. Lovely,”  Castys huffed. Maybe he’d get lucky and no more trains would come by and he could just lay here and get sunburned. Might as well try to nap since he didn’t really get to sleep last night. It was kind of peaceful out here, despite the fact that it was so hot...

In the distance, a train whistle blew.

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump​ @blackrosesandwhump​ @fanmanga1357-blog​ @poppys-whumping​ @thehopelessopus​ @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi​

[sneks-n-bickles]

its 7:30 am have a very rough portrait of my sweet baby Mr. Squirmy Wormy because I haven’t drawn him in almost a year now and I miss and adore him

[snekthedemonnoodle]

destroy it if i want

[snekthedemonnoodle]

some little clancy doodles!!

[snekthedemonnoodle]

i did a thing with my bestie where we make pintrest boards for each other and make characters based on the other’s board!

here’s Dray based off of my bestie’s board for me: