#smth smth she was his queen. she was more fearless and crazier than him

[professor-abeloved]

thinking about evil!wan capili, queen of delusion, mattyass' equal in love, loneliness and also possibly murdering the people you love.

for someone who grew up with nothing (who has nothing, who is nothing) mattyass' promises and praises are a siren's lure. the crown of thorns and blood on their temples that drip down to their hands is all worth it to be with the man who has everything (the man who is juan's everything).

if canon!wan's arc is about learning how to love yourself and be a better person for your loved ones, then evil!wan's is the opposite. it's about an all-consuming, all-encompassing truth that has no room for doubt, for growth, for truth.

but not even matthias, in all his power, can take away wan's self-loathing. all he can give is the illusion of choice.

all wan ever wanted is love, but it's not enough. mattyass has built them palaces out of paragraphs, given them a throne on top of a hill of dead bodies. but just like matthias, wan will never forgive themself for what it took to get here.

unlike matthias, they are ambitious. things can be better, can't they?

("i can save you," canon!wan would beg. "matthias, you can be better, you can change."

"i can make you worse." evil!wan would smile. "matthias, why stop with westchester?")

because evil!wan would feel so hollow, so empty that they need to fill the void in their soul with more than just mattyass' attention, more than what he could give.

so at one point, mattyass' dear creature would turn to him with that wicked grin on their face that he's only seen in the mirror. "darling, you said i'm something the likes of which the world has never seen, right? then let them see me."

matthias may have started the show, but wan is bringing it to the main stage.