#smol aisling will appreciate (???)

[elefseija]

Aisling Baskerville

Based on @hogwartsmysterystory ‘s template edited by @thecursedvaultchild AAAAH sorry for stealing, guys (?) ;-;

General Information

Name: Aisling Ingrid Baskerville Age: 17 Gender: Female Nicknames: Ash/Ice by her friends (since they often mistake the proper pronunciation of her name), Valkyrie or Shieldmaiden by her father, Morrigan by her mother, Pip/pipsqueak by her brother, Shortie by anyone who wants to die~ Date of Birth: 08th January 1973 Astrological/Zodiac Sign: Capricorn Alignment: Chaotic Good Ethnicity: Caucasian Nationality: Irish Species: Witch Blood Status: Pure-blood

Family

Father: Ìomhar Ragnar Baskerville

Pureblood wizard.

Tall man with blue eyes and black hair kept long, in a long single braid adorned with beads with runes carved in them.

Sorted in Gryffindor when he attended Hogwarts.

Raven animagus: his codename was “Bran”, meaning “raven”.

Fought in the First Wizarding War among the ranks of the Order of the Phoenix - sent many Death-eaters to Azkaban.

A careful strategist, yet relies on instinct too when it comes to fighting.

When his son disappeared, he became even more protective and dedicated to his family - thinking this was all his fault. Tried his best to find him and never lost hope.

He also has a strong sense of justice and is very dedicated to his job as Auror.

Auror - and strong dueler, but is really strong physically too.

Faceclaim: Clive Standen

Mother: Brighid Caoimhe Baskerville (née O’Broin)

Pureblood witch.

Short woman, with long, red, wavy hair and green eyes.

Sorted in Ravenclaw when she attended Hogwarts.

Fought alongside his husband during the First Wizarding War, and tried to save as many lives as possibile with her curative magic.

She may seems soft - but hides a powerful inner strength. Aisling took from her the witty temperament and her sarcastic replies.

She’s the storyteller of the family as well as the musician.

Healer (and really good potionist and herbologist).

Brother: Jacob Magnus Baskerville

Pureblood wizard.

Tall, young man, with black/brownish hair kept at shoulder-lenght and tied in braids, blue eyes.

Sorted in Gryffindor when he attended Hogwarts.

Caring and protective, yet impulsive and quite ambitious. As stubborn as his little sister. They were really close and went on many little adventures until their father would find them and bring them home.

Legilimens.

Faceclaim: Alex Hogh Andersen (aka Ivar the Boneless from Vikings)

Affiliation(s)/Organization(s)

Gryffindor

Gryffindor Quidditch team (she starts as substitute Seeker, but she’s officially a Chaser. Anyway, she keeps her role as substitute Seeker when needed.)

Hogwarts

Prefects

(Headstudents)

Frog choir for a short period of time

Ministry of Magic

Éire

Occupation(s)

Prefect

Chaser/substitute Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team

(eventually Headgirl)

Curse-breaker for the Ministry of Magic

Member of the Order of the Phoenix

Magical Characteristics

1st Wand:

Acacia wood

Unicorn tail hair

10″

Rigid flexibility

A very unusual wand wood, which I have found creates tricky wands that often refuse to produce magic for any but their owner, and also withhold their best effects from all but those most gifted. This sensitivity renders them difficult to place, and I keep only a small stock for those witches or wizards of sufficient subtlety, for acacia is not suited to what is commonly known as ‘bangs-and-smells’ magic. When well-matched, an acacia wand matches any for power, though it is often underrated due to the peculiarity of its temperament.

2nd Wand:

Black Walnut wood

Phoenix feather core

12″

Ridig flexibility

"Less common than the standard walnut wand, that of black walnut seeks a master of good instincts and powerful insight. Black walnut is a very handsome wood, but not the easiest to master. It has one pronounced quirk, which is that it is abnormally attuned to inner conflict, and loses power dramatically if its possessor practises any form of self-deception. If the witch or wizard is unable or unwilling to be honest with themselves or others, the wand often fails to perform adequately and must be matched with a new owner if it is to regain its former prowess. Paired with a sincere, self-aware owner, however, it becomes one of the most loyal and impressive wands of all, with a particular flair in all kinds of charmwork.”

Special Abilities:

Legilimens

Occlumens: it took her way more than Snape’s lessons to master this ability.

Animagus (Norwegian forest cat): unregistered until the end of the Second Wizarding War, for her safety.

Pet(s):

Norwegian forest cat named Sjofn;

Took care of Sickleworth as Rakepick went missing, and then had another Niffler named Thorin;

A little Kneazle that Barnaby gave her: she named the kitten Niamh;

A faithful companion in many of her adventures in hidden places, a Hippogriff she named Cloudjumper: though not tamed, the magnificent beast would often stay with her, much to Barnaby’s happiness.

Aisling owns a snowy owl named Skathi as mail carrier.

What do they see in the Mirror of Erised? Aisling would see herself, with her entire family together - as she grows up, she would start seeing her love interest (Barnaby) and her together: at first the image is blurred, as she makes up her mind the reflection in more defined. Form of Boggart: the corpse of her loved ones surrounded by snakes: this image comes from the legend of the death of her ancestor Ragnar Lothbrok Sigurdsson. Patronus: Form: Hippogriff

“Those with this unusual patronus are truly unique in character. People with the Hippogriff are fiercely loyal to those who earn their trust, often willing to go the extra mile for those who they care for. If you have a friend with the Hippogriff it is likely they are the most Loyal to you above all others.Those with the Hippogriff patronus are often very proud and self assured. They do not forgive insults easily. Occasionally this pride can drift into arrogance and cause friction with those around you.The characteristic which makes it so rare to find people with the Hippogriff is the large heart. Not many people have such a large loving heart as those with this patronus, something very special indeed.“

Memory: her parents teaching her how to dance, and Jacob dancing with her Amortentia: What she smells: (fresh laundry and a hint of sandalwood) What she smells like to others: petrichor (”a sweet smell that is produced when rain falls on parched earth”), wild strawberries, roses.

Appearance

Height: 5′ (and she does not get much taller as she gets older)

Weight: 122 lbs

Complexion (skin tone/conditions):

Pale skin than reddens easily under the sun (her cheeks may get pink quite easily).

After school, she gets a few tattoos (a celtic knot and runes), much to her mother’s annoyance.

Hair Color/Style:

Black hair with a hint of reddish shades - she loves keeping it long and wavy, and often braids it. As she gets older, she adds one braid  (or just a bead) whevever something important and significant happens in her life, be it good or bad.

From time to time she wear flowers or clovers in her hair/braids: soon, she starts wearing beads in her braids.

Eye Color: Green

Hogwarts Information

Core classes: Astronomy ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫⚫◯◯ Charms ⚫⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯ Defense against the Dark Arts ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫⚫◯ Flying ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯ Herbology ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯ History of Magic ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫⚫◯◯◯ Potions ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯ Transfiguration ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫⚫◯◯

Electives: Arithmancy ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯◯ Care of Magical Creatures ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯ Divination ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯◯ Study of Ancient Runes ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫⚫  (Advanced Arythmancy Studies) ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯◯◯◯◯ Ancient Studies ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫ ⚫◯

Worst Class(es):

Arithmancy: she’s actually not bad at it, but it takes her longer to understand it and sometimes she just runs out of patience. She just has a more creative mind than a logical one.

Divination: she. can’t. stand. this. nonsense. She attends it but never pays attention - she prefers to study and learn on her own. 

Best Class(es):

Defense against the Dark Arts: She is really, really good at it despite the lack of proper education in this field. She has instict, strength, will to learn - everything that helps fighting against the Dark Arts. She is also quite a skilled dueler. Part of her interest is due to her research of the Vaults.

Transfiguration: She just CAN’T disappoint McGonagall. NEVER. That’s why she studies hard and does her best when it comes to Transfiguration.

Charms: She actually really likes Charms, as she finds this subject calming and funny. She’s really curious and tries to learn advanced spells.

Study of Ancient Runes: As an heritage from her family, she finds this subject really easy for her, along with Ancient Studies.

Least Favorite Teacher(s):

Sybill Trelawney: Aisling just can’t understand her and her ways - and she can’t just take her seriously.

Favorite Teacher(s):

Minerva McGonagall: Aisling will always admire her House Head. Though strict, she is fair, and -in a way- supportive and kind.

Patricia Rakepick: Aisling really admired her and looked at her as a mentor - she felt like she had all the help and support she needed for once. Rakepick taught her a lot - took from her a lot as she betrayed Aisling.

Closest HPHM Friends:

Bill Weasley: Aisling looks at him as a brother figure, and admires him. They are quite similar, that’s why Aisling quickly crushed on him - it did last for a while, but didn’t work in the end: Aisling understood they both need another kind of person, not their reflections. Their friendship, however, is really strong and they know they can trust each other. When they both have some free time, they enjoy sparring together - as adults, they would meet for a butterbeer whenever they could. Not to mention Molly Weasley herself would invite Aisling for tea.

Charlie Weasley: both prefects, both quidditch players - their bond slowly grows stronger. He was the one who asked her to join the Quidditch team as he saw her during flying lessons: at first the joined as his substitute. She kept that role whenever he could not play - but she would officially be a Chaser. She also really likes to hear him rambling about dragons: and she would often tell him stories with dragons and magical creatures. Sometimes they stay up until late at night preparing plans and strategies for Quidditch matches.

Barnaby Lee: a rocky start with the memorable threat “I’ll vanish your bones” to which Aisling replied with a sarcastic roll of her eyes. But his real nature surprised her: sweet, caring, protective and yet tough, she soon became really fond of him. He has a soothing and calming presence to her, which keeps her grounded and anchored to reality, but would still let her soar free. He does not force her to spill all her troubles: he would just simply stay with her, talk if needed, or in silence. He would respect all her boundaries, but would let her know he is there for her. (Little does she know that she has the same effect on Barnaby, as he finds her presence really refreshing). Their relationship would develop in something way more deeper and stronger.

Rowan Khanna: the first friend she had in Hogwarts. Understanding, caring, kind, even if a bit naive - still, they would clash from time to time, mostly because of Aisling’s tendency to isolate and become quite aggressive when she feels like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. But Aislings knows Rowan is always willing to help her and she feels the same. She’s the shoulder Aisling can rely and cry on.

Penny Haywood: another great friend of her. They started bonding from their first year in Hogwarts - it didn’t take long for Aisling to trust her.  Penny brings that bit of teenage life Aisling needs to forget at least for a while the Vaults and her research.

Closest MC Friends:

Aleksia Aries @thereluctantherosrose : dorm mates and team mates that love talking and gossiping together and training together. Aisling shares with her stories (as well as cookies) until late at night, when Rowan BEGS them to just stop. They may have two different tempers, but they fit really well together.

(wip)

Favorite spell(s):

Revelio/Specialis revelio: one of the most useful charms in her job.

Expecto Patronum: one of her most powerful spells - she uses it also to communicate with other members of the Order of the Phoenix. It took her a bit of time to master this spell properly.

Protego Maxima/Protego Horribilis: along with the fog-charm, she uses this charm in her job to protect Muggles from danger.

Depulso and Stupefy: these are her go-to for duels - she tends to have an aggressive style, but she can be very sneaky when she wants to hurt.

Trivia:

She has Norse ancestors from her father’s side of the family: they arrived in Ireland during the age of Ivar the Boneless - the family is part of the Uí Ímair (Ivar’s dynasty). After centuries, they still live in the outskirts of Dublin.

Irish and Norse traditions are equally considered and followed in Aisling’s family, since both sides of the family are particularly conservative.

She speaks both Gaelic and English fluently. During her job as Curse-Breaker she learns German, Norwegian, Swedish. When she is really annoyed she easily switch for English to Gaelic.

It is told that in her family runs the blood of berserkers and warriors as well as the blood of seeresses (properly, a völva named Aslaug) - the female side of the Baskerville family seems to have inherited this last gift, although not as powerful as it was originally.

She always wears a necklace with two pendants: a mjöllnir and a triskell.

Aisling always brings with her a little sack which contains norse runes carved in the wood by her father as a gift. She “pretends” to play with those and reading the future, yet... her predictions often work.

She REALLY loves rain and thunderstorms: this kind of weather calms her. On lazy mornings/afternoons and sleepless nights she would sit by the window and watch the thunders and drops against the glass.

Aisling also really likes telling stories: she’s interested in mythology (especially Norse and Irish ones) and knows lots of legends. Her most famous stories are the ones about Tír na nÓg (the realm of youth) and Ragnarok (the end of the world) - although Ben if TERRIFIED by the last one.

She is quite the introvert type: she does not like clingy and noisy people. She may seem cold and detached at first, but as she opens up to people she shows her caring and protective side. She is also quite reckless, especially when it comes to her friends or the Vaults: she can be selfless and sometimes neglects to take care of herself.

Seems peaceful but she is actually really sarcastic and witty. Sometimes she herself does not even notice it. And she is really, REALLY stubborn and strong-willed.

She may gets anxious when she feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders - in those moments she tends to be even quieter and to isolate. Not many would notice this, and often think this is her usual introvert self: yet Bill does understand her and manages to calm her (if not him, then it’s Barnaby).

She has a scholar soul: despite being a fast learner she studies whenever she can, even if it means staying awake at night. She loves learning, and it keep her mind busy.

Aisling loves music: she loves singing and dancing and is really good at both. Her mother taught her so many songs and lullabies when she was just a child, and her father taught her how to dance (actually, Aisling would simply copy the steps as she saw her parents dancing together, until her father would properly teach her). She can also play the piano and the flute: Hagrid even made a flute for her. (Actually trying to learn how to play the guitar). She is also REALLY interested in muggle music (especially rock and metal). Her voice is really sweet and soothing. (But beware: as a musician, she has the annoying habit of tapping her fingers on the desk/table).

As an adult, Aisling becomes a Curse-breaker, working for the Ministry of Magic. At first she follows Bill in his adventures to practise, but soon she works on her own - mostly in Ireland/Great Britain/Scandinavia. As the Ministry of Magic becomes more and more corrupted, she decides to act as a spy for the Order of the Phoenix, which she joined as soon as Tonks and Dumbledore asked her to.

Undercover, she went to Little Hangleton, following folk-voices about “a dark presence”, thinking this could be about Voldemort. She did find the Gaunts’ ring/Voldemort’s Horcrux - and was the one to talk to Dumbledore about the Horcrux: this was the hint to the beginning of the Horcruxes research.

Her theme music is Once there were dragons (from the HTTYD 3 ost).

( her faceclaim is basically Emilia Clarke/Daenerys Targaryen, with black hair AND ALL THE BRAIDS )

[pan-de-queer]

there's power in your love

Genre: Fluff, Drabble

Summary: “By the last semester of Chloe’s first supersenior year, they had their grocery-shopping routine down pat

Chloe made the list, Beca added to it, Chloe erased whatever Beca added, Beca would make a separate list for herself, and then they’d drive downtown and raid the aisles with the vengeance of starving university students on a tiny little budget.”

Or: Chloe’s muscles are appreciated for a hot sec, Beca is smol but powerful, it’s kinda domestic.

Author’s Note: june 8th 🌈 also idk if my reading comprehension is shit, but i took this prompt as “the person carrying shopping bags that are too heavy for them to impress/help the person they love” and not “the person they love carrying their shopping bags bc it’s too heavy for them” so like idk fam idk

ao3

43) Holding shopping bags that are too heavy for them.

Chloe was stronger than Beca.

Hands down. No contest. Scientifically backed.

Chloe had been working out long before she’d joined the Bellas and cardio had become a way of life. Chloe enjoyed the burn in her muscles and the straining feel of testing the limits of her body.

Still, Chloe never argued with Beca when it came to carrying the shopping bags after a trip to the grocery.

As the co-captains, the duo were always in charge of stocking up anything they needed at home (it was strange to call the Bella house their home, but it was. It felt a lot more like home than Chloe ever remembers Portland being). By the last semester of Chloe’s first supersenior year, they had their grocery-shopping routine down pat.

Chloe made the list, Beca added to it, Chloe erased whatever Beca added, Beca would make a separate list for herself, and then they’d drive downtown and raid the aisles with the vengeance of starving university students on a tiny little budget. When they’d meet at checkout, Chloe would judgingly stare at Beca’s cart with food and things that are completely unnecessary, but give in to the DJ’s knowing smirk with a roll of her eyes.

Once they’ve paid, Beca would rush to grab almost all the bags and leave only the bread, eggs, and vegetables for Chloe to carry.

The first time Beca ever did it, Chloe had argued for a good five minutes before Beca decided she’d heard enough and just started walking. Pale noodle arms straining and marking red at the bags that dug into her skin.

Chloe stopped arguing with Beca about it after the fourth time she insisted on carrying them, when Beca admitted that she liked helping Chloe share the load this way. That she liked going grocery shopping with her and seeing the exasperated smile Chloe would shoot her way every time she carried more than her tiny form even weighed.

So Chloe stopped arguing, and instead appreciated the proud little grin that’d settle on Beca’s lips every time she unloaded the mountain of grocery bags into the car or the kitchen island. She enjoyed the way Beca would puff her chest a little as if she was showing off just for her.

She enjoyed the warmth that spread to her toes every time Beca made her fall in love with her.

[secret-engima]

Since you like the genderbend and time travel tropes so much have you ever thought of writing about an AU version of Nox verse with a Fem!Noct time travelling/dimension travelling with Uncle Ardyn? Or even Fem!Noct in general because I confess I would love to see Fem!Noct(Nox) with Male!Nyx and all the shenanigans their courtship, marriage, and overall relationship would entail. Because I think it would be just as entertaining as Nox and Fem!Nyx's.

I have actually thought of that yes! Never got around to writing because I have TOO MANY AUS but sure let’s add another Nox verse spinoff to the pile. We shall call this one Fem!Nox verse.

-Same backstory as Nox, possibly dresses up as a boy to keep people from hitting on her out in the wilds when she is Smol and Skinny.

-A LOT more sarcastic than Nox main. It’s a defense mechanism.

-Nyx is not prepared for this sarcastic old soul of a princess who likes to pop in and visit the glaive and is just as warptastic as he is and appreciates his humor rather than finds him annoying and has wildly flyaway hair that Nyx just ITCHES to braid into some semblance of tameness because Nox is always annoyed with her own hair and he wants to help plus it looks super silky and-

-Oh no.

-Cue Libertus facepalming in the back.

-Unlike Fem!Nyx that went into Denial Mode, Nyx goes into Panic Mode because HE’S FALLEN FOR THE PRINCESS. OH NO. And he’s a refugee soldier so OBVIOUSLY that would never work but it doesn’t stop him from pining/flirting like crazy until Nox clues in that she LIKES this dork.

-Nox is the one to kiss Nyx first in this AU rather than the other way around, Nyx just sputters about how she’s a princess and he’s a soldier refugee so surely this isn’t gonna work out and Nox is having exactly NONE OF IT. They hold a whirlwind dating spree with some culture shenanigans as outlined in previous posts about Nox main and Fem!Nyx and then Nox accidentally gets herself married to Nyx.

-You read that right. Nox accidentally marries herself to Nyx. She notices that he wears braids and she knows Galahdians wear braids so when thinking of a gift she’s like- how about jewelry I know he’ll wear? so she makes him this beautiful bead out of fire opal using some old jeweler memories rattling around from the Ring and offers it to him next time she goes down to Glaive HQ.

-In front of all the glaives.

-You can see where this is going.

-Nyx gets breathless and wide-eyed because HIS PRINCESS IS PROPOSING TO HIM GFDGHGFDFGH and Libertus is speechless because WHAT and Tredd is wolf-whistling in the back while Luche just goes “wait- wait does she KNOW or is this another misunderstanding-” but it’s too late because Nyx has accepted the bead and is kissing Nox senseless before braiding it into his hair with the GOOFIEST SMILE on his face.

-Axis hears about this from Luche later and comes to yell at his Queen because WHAT WERE YOU THINKING.

-So yeah. Nyx is married to Nox for several months before he’s caught sleeping with her (as in actual sleeping, he was tired from his time on the front and Nox invited him for TV and Cuddles and they both passed out because one is a Princess who naps at the drop of a hat and the other was exhausted). Regis is Not A Happy Camper. He’s pretty ready to MURDER actually until Nox tells him that she’s married to Nyx already and so it’s FINE (It is not fine, Regis is going to get to walk his daughter down the aisle SO HELP HIM).

-Nyx is bowled over when not only does he SURVIVE having the king for a dad in law but also when the Lucian Wedding stuff is underway he learns that Nox is causing All The Scandal by insisting she take the Ulric name rather than the other way around. I mean- that’s an accepted thing for the Galahdian who proposes to take on the name of the spouse but Nox is ROYALTY he didn’t think-

-gfdhgfd he has the best wife. Doesn’t he have the best wife Lib?????

[zwritestuff]

I like how everyone's telling ghost stories and literally no other prompt, I've got a lot to share too. The first one being when I was smol I went to a doll hospital, it was a house from the 1910's full of vintage baby dolls in ANY condition. They were in locked display cases. I walked down one aisle and saw a burnt up baby doll, I kept walking and when I came back to the same spot, the doll was gone and the case was still locked. I legit sprinted outside after seeing that.

@crystalcrackhyd for some reason I feel like you'd also appreciate this story very much

And that's why I am scared of baby dolls! No, but really. As a kid I loved those baby dolls and I wanted SO BADLY to have the porcelain ones. But then The Conjuring came out (I was 8-ish? Maybe 9) and I was left scared shitless of those (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

[hazlouis]

Harry Denver 07.03.2018: A Review™️

1) HE IS SO SMALL. I couldn’t get over how small he is. He is tall, but not as broad as I previously thought??? I was absolutely shook

2) HE SAW ANOTHER SLEEPING BABY. He talked to the mom for a minute and asked her if he could “auction off the baby.” Surprisingly, she said no.

3) He has incredible stage presence. I was behind him to the side, and he gave attention, blew kisses and said thank you to the rear sections multiple times throughout. He made everyone feel included and appreciated.

4) Someone grabbed him while he was walking to the B stage :(. He was walking and all of a sudden stopped because someone had grabbed him by the shoulder and physically stopped him from moving. The security guard had to pry him out of the person’s hands. On the way back, Harry ran down the aisle instead of walking :/

5) He. Loves. Louis. There’s no way he wrote IICF or sweet creature for some rando girl he dated for 2 months or whatever people claim. Those songs come from a deep, deep place in his heart and you can tell by watching him sing them. It was really special and intimate.

6) During Sweet Creature, people held up rainbow lights (organized by section) and it looked beautiful. Harry noticed and blew kisses to people and said thank you.

7) Olivia played between Kacey’s set and the time Harry went on. The energy of the stadium during that was INSANE.

8) A couple times he joked about the altitude and how he was out of breath, as most artists do when they play a show here. Lol

9) Overall, Harry is wonderful and smol and I would die for him 949583736 times???? I will not ever be over this day.

[mittensmorgul]

I'm new to fandom and just spent a day browsing your incredible archive. You're seriously my favorite Supernatural tumblr. But I do have a question for you if you have time. Who is the mysterious Euclase whose art I keep seeing? I see her art all over and everyone seems to know her but she doesn't exist? Do you know her? Thanks for your time. Please stay awesome!

Hi! And thanks! And welcome to fandom!

Euclase is a fantastic artist who now has a tumblr at @eliciadonze, if you’re looking for more of her art.

She deleted the Euclase tumblr due to an overwhelming amount of negativity aimed at her (not just from the Supernatural fandom, but not excluding the Supernatural fandom either, which is probably not a nice thing to hear upon first joining a fandom-- that there are ugly parts to the happy little place we try to make to talk about something we love-- but anywhere large numbers of passionate people gather together, there are going to be a certain percentage who don’t know how to stay in their lane, and an even smaller percentage whose entire purpose is specifically to CAUSE problems. Sometimes it’s impossible to avoid or ignore the rotten apples. Elicia was tired of having the largest collection of rotten apples harassing her, and so deleted.

But she is a lovely smol bean who posts her art for the fun of it, not just Supernatural, but whatever strikes her fancy, since it’s her hobby she engages in for funsies and not her job. So if you love what she does, please go over and tell her.

Honestly that’s an excellent rule for any fandom creator-- artist, writer, gif maker, video maker-- if you love what they do, TELL THEM! Like their posts, reblog their posts with a few words of appreciation in the tags, send them a message thanking them. Really, we all produce this content free of charge because it’s something we love to do. A little thanks goes a long way.

(on the other side of that coin, if you see something you DON’T like, a fic for a pairing you don’t read, your favorite artist draws a character you don’t like, whatever... just keep scrolling. The next post on your dash will probably be something you can love again.)

Tumblr’s like a huge grocery store, and we’re just pushing our carts down the aisle, filling our shopping basket with post we want to reblog. If you’re filling your own blog with Cheerios but right next to the Cheerios is *ugh* Froot Loops and you don’t LIKE Froot Loops (heaven forfend!), you don’t need to destroy all the Froot Loops and rip them off the shelves and yell at the store manager that these abominations have no place in any decent grocery store because they’re TOO FRUITY or TOO COLORFUL or made with FAKE FRUIT i mean it’s even called FROOT and wtf is that even... before setting them on fire. I mean, most people just walk past and find the Rice Krispies and continue shopping. I mean... no one’s asking you to personally love everything you see, and if you don’t love it, there’s no reason for you to interact with it at all. But if you REALLY loved those Cheerios, maybe write a quick email to the creator and they’ll be so glad they’ll send you coupons and free samples and stuff.

Or just be thrilled enough that someone liked their work that it inspires them to make more.

Basically, Euclase was the Froot Loops in my little metaphor up there ^^. But the Froot Loop Hate Brigade got to the point where they were staging a picket line outside the grocery store, and writing articles in the local paper about how terrible they were, and patrolling the aisles and basically taking all the fun out of even being Froot Loops when they just wanted to exist and maybe make someone else happy.

(Sorry, Licia... I haven’t had breakfast yet. For some reason I want Froot Loops now. If you would rather be Fruity Pebbles or something, let me know and I’ll edit... I just thought you deserved to be pretty cereal)

So there you go, a welcome, a PSA about the proper care and feeding of fandom creators, and an answer to your question. :)

[heyhosam]

hey sam! it's been a long time since i requested a headcanon from you omg i miss ;; (but i still stalked your blog tho hehehe i'm shy) can i request a jikook headcanon about jimin who adores jungkook who is a radio broadcaster and he sort of fell in love with his voice but jimin does not know how jungkook looks like until he recognized his voice somewhere? (tbh the plot looks like a manga that i like but i forgot the title) thank you so much sam ily❤ ps: i'm week for jk as hyung and smol jimin

hi sweetheart!! don’t be shy! I’m kind of an awkward potato at first…..and later also…. but you end up appreciating me :D  so feel free to stop by and say hi whenever you feel like it, ok?

I’m sorry i haven’t been posting too much lately :( it’s been a while since I wrote some hdc, tho so im a bit rusty, i ask for your forgiveness… I have a lot of messages on my inbox so I will respond to them eventually…. I will try to do it this weekend since today i’m a bit busy but I will write this one for you as a thanks for being so sweet to me and as a promise to reply to the others ^^

have a great day pup

//Jimin found about jungkook’s radio program one night after a really long day at work. he usually put on his earbuds and blasted loudly his favorite artists but that night his ipod had run out of battery and he didn’t have any music stored on his phone so his only option was to tune in the radio. and oh boy does he not regret it at all.

//jungkook has  melodic voice, sweet and that exudes warmth but at the same time is deep and boyish, really charismatic. no wonder he works at a radio station.

//the program varies from listening to jungkook’s song recommendations to reading letters from fans asking for advice. the host can go from a total dork that tells the most ridiculous jokes to a sweet caring boy trying to help a lost soul.

//jimin finds himself listening to his show every single night from then on. he has the show tuned in while his night shift at the convenience store, which always helps him overcome the night with a better attitude.

//taehyung laughs at him, says he’s obsessed. Jimin likes to say he just knows how to appreciate the good things in life.

//Jungkook opens about himself sometimes, and jimin learns he’s a young man -but slightly older than him- that has struggled his own in life as many others and uses his experiences to give advice to his listeners. Jimin loves to hear those stories, feels like jungkook is opening up to him only and not to hundreds of anonymous people that listen to him as well.

//he’s tempted to call, talk directly with jungkook those nights the phones are opened to the spectators, but he knows he’s shy and would stumble with his words a lot. also, what is he supposed to say to jungkook? “oh hey i’m jimin, big fan of yours. i love your voice and i love you too, marry me?” nah, too creepy…. 

//so he simply sends letters to jungkook for the other to read. he usually shares his own struggles, tells jungkook how difficult is being for him to manage the student life, living on his own and have his family so far away. jungkook is always sweet, reassuring, tells JM to keep fighting for his dreams like he did some years prior, shares his own story so he can give jimin the will to keep going. jungkook tells JM they have a lot in common taking in consideration his letters, and jimin likes to think jungkook’s voice softens a bit while talking to him after reading his letters, and his heart stutters happily every time jungkook dedicates him a new song he’s found recently.

//it’s a sunday that finds jimin working a morning shift. he hates it, because not only he had to woke up really early, but he doesn’t have jungkook’s sweet voice helping go through the boredom.

//the good thing about it is that he can afford sit in a corner and read a book, or try to catch up with some work he had been delaying, since just some grannies come for some shopping.

//he’s immersed in one of the books he’s supposed to read for a report when someone enters the store. a young boy, dark hair and darker eyes. he’s pretty attractive, but the side glance and small smile he throws jimin when they lock gazes tells him he’s a bit shy. the boy strides to the farther aisles in silence, jimin focuses back on his books.

//”Hello,” says the boy and the single word has jimin’s head snapping towards him, it sounds slightly familiar. the boy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything else.“hello.” he answers, and starts charging everything without saying anything else.“Thanks, have a good day.” he says once the other has paid and is about to leave. the boy smiles charmingly, sweet, and says:“you too, thank you.” jimin stares a him because his voice sounds so so so familiar. “is something wrong?” asks the boy with confusion written all over his face and then everything clicks. “oh my fucking god, it’s you!” screams jimin, blushing immediately because holy shit it’s jungkook and holy shit he just screamed at jungkook“uhm…. do we know each other?”“no…I mean i do, i know you and this just sounds so creepy but omg im a fan- im so sorry.”“oh….” jungkook’s face changes then, goes to confusion to realization and smiles once again at jimin. “you listen to my radio program?”“Yeah…. i- i love you - your show”“Wow, im glad. it’s always nice to know people like listen to me… thank you so much.”

//Jungkook starts coming to the store more often and jimin tries to play it cool every time, specially when jungkook is being friendly with him and starts a conversation. but they quickly fall into a more comfortable relationship, specially after Jimin confesses he’s JM and jungkook seems happy to know about it.

//jungkook is funny and nice outside of work also, manages to make jimin laugh without really trying. sometimes jungkook is the only one talking as jimin just smiles and nods, staring. because jimin likes jungkook’s soft voice, but likes even more his crooked smile and bunny teeth and the way he feels every time jungkook looks at him. and boy, he’s so in deep.

//they exchange phone numbers and start talking frequently. Sometimes jungkook texts him in the middle of a broadcast. it makes jimin feel special.

//”this song is dedicated to a friend of mine. we’ve become closer recently and im glad to have found such a nice person that fits so well in my life. so, ehm… jimin, i know you are listening- this song is for you”Jimin tries not to scream in the middle of the store, but now that he thinks about it he’s alone so he squeals out loud out of happiness.

//”It was a beautiful song” says jimin over the phone, after deciding to call jungkook in a boost of braveness.“Really? I’m glad. i found the artist recently and he really has beautiful songs. I thought you would like this one.”“I loved it…”“You know what it’s about?” asks jungkook, his voice soft and warm. for a second jimin forgets they are talking live on radio and there are hundreds of people listening to their conversation. “It’s a bout a new found love.”“oh…”“jimin, would it be too brave of me to ask you out on a date?”“Are you serious?”“totally…. I like you a lot JM”“I would love to…”

//after that night jungkook receives a lot of letters asking for advice in love matters, because his way of confessing to jimin was cute and romantic and had all his fans squealing with feels. (jimin dowloaded the podcast to save it on his computer)

//jimin discovers dating a radio host is a bit embarrassing, specially when said host dedicates romantic songs to him or says out loud how much he loves him, but jimin wouldn’t have it any other way. (he loves calling to the program and talk to the other, sometimes embarrassing jungkook on live radio)

[cringeandunbased]

rip

  On a Monday morning, Patrick awoke to the sound of a blaring alarm. With an exasperated sigh, he picked up his phone and chucked it out the window.

“PATRICK,” yelled his mother from downstairs. Patrick immediately awoke, fearing for his own life. He ran downstairs swiftly in his My Little Pony footie pajamas. The sound of pounding footsteps against the wood flooring echoed throughout the hallway, all the way down to the kitchen. His mother immediately face-palmed due to his attire. “I’m not even going to ask,” she stated whilst shaking her head.

“Uh-I can explain!” he shouted with the utmost sincerity.

“No-no I don’t even think I want to know,” his mother replied. Patrick stood in the kitchen attempting to avoid eye-contact with her. “Okay so this is not the reason I called you down, did you throw your Samsung I8160 Galaxy Ace II Black ffa11® out the window?”

“Yeah…” he trailed off, “But don’t worry it’s not broken I’ve done this a million times!” He replied earnestly.

“Okay, son, but just get ready you don’t wanna be late for your first day of school!”

“Yes, I do.”

He walked out of the kitchen and walked back up the stairs. Once he reached the great feat, otherwise known as the top of the stairs, he was already huffing and puffing. He mumbled quietly to himself, “#Relatable,” although he regained most of his energy and slipped on his khakis and an ‘I used to have a social life, before I took an arrow to the knee’ t-shirt over his body along with sunglasses with the words ‘YO and LO’ on each of the lenses. He soon took his Rainbowdash backpack from underneath his bed and ran back downstairs, getting his exercise for the day. He grabbed the crisp toast from the toaster and shoved it into his mouth and broke out into a Naruto sprint, getting his exercise for the week.

A group of teenagers around his age stood in huddles around the bus stop. He immediately recognized this as separate groups of cliques. A smol five-foot boy waved to get Patrick’s attention.

A cryptic, yet familiar sound filled the silence. Patrick felt a shiver run down his spine, perhaps it was just the cold Summer air? “Howdy! I'm Koy-chan,” said the small boy, before Patrick could introduce himself the boy cut in once again, “Koy, the student body president! You’re new to the school, aren't cha?” Koy cut in before he could answer, once again, “Golly, you must be so confused, someone ought to to teach you how things work around here, so I guess little ole me will have to teach you,” He replied with a twisted smile.

“Okay that’s great and everything, but do you hear that?” “Oh, that’s just my ringtone don’t worry about it, as I was saying—” The bus came to a screeching halt, to Koy’s disappointment. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME I WAS JUST ABOUT TO—” By then Patrick had already left, Flow- I mean Koy called out to Patrick… But nobody came.”

Patrick walked down the bus aisle scanning for an open seat, his eyes met with his ex-Aaron, as Aaron smiled sweetly and moved his Fluttershy bag so Patrick could sit.

“Nope,” He stated as he sat in the middle of the aisle. On the hour bus ride, the group of cliques fell into perfect harmonies of WAKE ME UP and Kumbaya. Patrick could appreciate this. Everyone exited the bus and took off his ‘YOLO’ sunglasses muttering, “Mother of God,” under his breath.The school was massive, and cliches were littered throughout the front. A blaring alarm sound and everyone began their journey to their first class. Patrick looked at his schedule. As he scanned it he noticed the word, 'Phycology' printed in a bold letter at the top. He narrowed his eyes and muttered, "Wtf is this SJW bullshit?!" He continued to walk forward accidentally bumping into a back leather blob.

    "Watch where you're going you cis scum!" He aggressively flipped his hair before Patrick could even attempt to stutter and barely apologize. Patrick continued to walk forward, being sure to avoid any more of whatever the fuck that was.

   The room read '666'. Patrick entered finding the closest seat the front like the need he is. He took out his materials and immediately crashed face first into his desk. He awoke in the middle of a lesson.

    "All of you failures just missed the perfect demonstration of REM sleep. Patrick, good job extra credit for you!"

    Patrick casually fell asleep again. Another loud bell spud for the next period. So he walked straight into the math building. Literally. He now had a bloody nose and rock-kun slapped him, thinking he was being perverted and doing something he shouldn't have. He blushed slightly as he was into kinky shit. He then walked in and sat again in the front as always. The teacher began the class starting with,

    "Okay class today we'll be learning about slope! It'll be really fun and I'm sure this weekend so many of you will be doing math for fun!"

    Patrick fell asleep again. He awoke to the sound of, "and now you all know how to use -mx+b form to calculate how downhill your lives are going." The bell sounded and now it was the most difficult class. Lunch.

    Patrick walked around, Pop-Tart in hand searching for someone to take pity on him and allow him into their clique. There was always that 2007 edgy teen that he met. Or Aaron. Edgy teen it is!

    He walked under the weeping willow finding the black void sitting underneath it, a black leather journal in hand. Patrick sat down criss-cross-applesauce.

 “fuck off m8,” exclaimed Patrick

    "Um, wait till Tumblr hears about this," He flipped his hair.

   "I'm sorry," Patrick said as the grunge idiot whipped out his phone, whilst repeatedly flipping his hair.

    "Okay, I guess I can like forgive you because I haven't been triggered so far." He flipped his hair again.

    "Wow, really?!" He replied excitedly.

     "Yeah I guess, I mean I have this poetry slam and it's like really lame but if you want to you could watch me perform. Not like I'd care if you didn't go. I'd probably just write some really good poetry about it tbh."

    After lunch, he just took off until the poetry slam took place. This was an entire week he skipped. He entered the darkened art room and immediately recognized every last one of the Grunge's paintings. They were all various shades of black and gray background with a white anarchy symbol. He walked in just in time as it was his turn. "So...um up next is... Yves!" He began muttering silent enough so only Yves could hear, "Please don't do anything to weird like the last one, we can't afford any more mics being broken."

    "Yeah I know, trust me it'll be fine." She cleared her throat before unfolding a sheet of paper with her poem on it. "I love the way the way you speak, your voice so sweet as though it were honey, if I could I would hold you until the end of time. With ropes. I love the idea of having my hands around your neck allowing complete control over your life. Oh, how I love you so. If I could I'd gag-"

    "OKAY! That's enough, I'm kinkshaming this shit, give it up for, Yves! As this is her final performance," he glared as she sat back down. That audience snapped. Patrick thought long and hard about the message he just couldn't quite figure it out.         "Up next is...Peri!" So that was his name.

    "DEATH, DESTRUCTION, CHAOS, POVERTY, MOIST SOCKS," all that could be heard was a single breath from Peri and the audible squirming coming from the local rock fucker at the word, 'moist,' "Thank you," Peri breathes heavily and dropped the mic as feedback echoed throughout the room.

   "DID YOU BREAK ANOTHER FUCKING MIC?!" The principle yelled.

     "FIGHT CAPITALISM!" He yelled in response and did a barrel roll out the window and was just gone. Patrick clapped loudly and the snapping poetry people just stared at him.

    "Hey, so not to be weird or anything but do you know any not-so-straight girls? Name's, Eli by the way," they shook hands. "So you got an answer. I mean I'm not gay or anything but like...Girls exist and stuff. I'm asking for a friend! It's not for me that's gay and I'm straighter than a ruler, straighter than the straightest line, straighter than stripes! Straighter than anyone! I AM THE STRAIGHTEST! IM NOT GAY, YOU ARE!"

    "Okay jeez I get it you're straight no need to get twisted," he calmly replied.

    "IM NOT TWISTED, IM STRAIGHT! But so like do you know any girls, asking for a friend," they calmed down by then.

    "No, I don't. I only know the 'do a barrel roll' kid."

    "Okay, well, see you Saturday at the party I guess."

@ikolonena you wanted this shit.

[meluvsalldatshit]

The Bridge Where You Once Stood

-I hurt myself today-

Jongdae walked into the local coffee shop, ordering a muffin. He had just arrived at his cousin’s house yesterday and had decided to go out for a walk.

“Hey JONGDAE! Is that you? Long time no see man!” Sehun said from across the room. Jongdae turned to him and his face lit up as he walked towards the taller male.

“Oh my god SEHUN? Been a minute since I've seen you around here!” he replied.

“I know man! Dude we need to catch up! What have you been up to these days?” Sehun said as he threw his arms around Jongdae.

“Actually I found work in a different state. I got my own place and I’ve been living there for a few years now.”

“Woahhhhh really? That’s great man!” Sehun said releasing the older male from his clutches.

“So what are you doing here man! Jesus it’s been ages.”

“Actually, I just came to visit my cousin. I haven’t seen her in a while and decided it was time to come back since she’s the only family i got left, you know?”

Sehun’s smile lowered a bit, remembering the hard times in their childhood together. Jongdae had gone through so much. “Yea man, I get it. Anyway it’s nice seeing you! You’re still a looker, eh?”

Jongdae laughed.

“Hey how about a drink? It’s only like 8pm and I just got back from buying clothes and stuff for my cousin.” he offered.

Sehun nodded almost frantically, happy that he could rekindle his friendship with his distant hyung.

Jongdae had left the neighborhood a while back, finding a life for himself. They were all friends, hanging out in one of the tree houses the neighborhood kids built. They grew up together basically, watching each other grow into well refined, okay mildly refined young adults, and later into grown ass men. Their group of friends later expanded, gaining more love and friendship along the way. There were 12 of them; and that’s all they needed. But unfortunately all good things must come to an end. Eventually, friends started leaving the neighborhood, going off to abroad or out of state schools, others finding differents passions and pursuing their own path. The only ones left where Sehun, Jongdae, Minseok and Chanyeol. These four had been the last to leave, feeling like their lives were incomplete, not really knowing what to do with themselves. Chanyeol eventually went off to find his passion in helping people (specifically smol people), becoming a social worker, eventually a father to two beautiful children, and a loving husband. Sehun had found a job at a local shop, inheriting the position as shopkeeper from his family business. He had decided to stay in the neighborhood, helping out his family. Jongdae and Minseok however, stayed together though the local community college, sticking together like superglue. They each had really no direction, and after two years, Jongdae realised he didn’t see the point anymore. He dropped out of school and decided to work instead. Minseok stayed in school, but the three of them continued to hang out together. Until ultimately, they each took their own path.

Once at the Bar, Jongdae and Sehun caught up on each other’s lives, Sehun talking about how his family business has been going good, and how he’s been helping his family even though he’s the youngest. Jongdae told him about his struggles with getting used to a new environment where he currently lived, and how hard it was for him to get back on his feet. They drank all night, talking about their future plans, and what they should do while Jongdae is in town. They ended up going back to their own place, making it safely by taxi. Jongdae entered his cousin’s home, making sure to lock the doors behind him. He walked into his assigned room and fell on the bed, almost immediately losing consciousness.

--

Jongdae opened the door and smiled as he heard laughter coming from the room. He had just returned from his class, walking into his house. Minseok had wanted to come over for a while, and because Jongdae’s class got out later, Minseok just let himself in.

“Mini what are you doing in there?” Jongdae called out.

Minseok came out of the room, running into his arms.

“Welcome home!” he said with the widest smile possible.

Minseok was the cutest thing ever, and he made Jongdae’s heart melt everytime.

“I was watching this really funny show. Come watch it with me!” Minseok said tugging on Jongdae’s shirt.

Jongdae smiled softly.

“Alright hold on i have to put my things away.”

Jongdae set his things down on the couch, and walked into the room with Minseok.

“Scoot over.” Jongdae said, motioning for Minseok to move over on the bed so he could fit next to him. Minseok moved over and Jongdae scooted closer to him, laying on their backs, Minseok pressing play on the TV in front of the bed. Minseok scooted closer to Jongdae, resting his head on his shoulder. Jongdae thought nothing of it, actually liking the warmth it provided him. They both lay there in the room, laughing and enjoying each other’s company and the show.

--

-I focus on the pain-

Jongdae opened his eyes and groaned as he sat up. He had a slight headache from last night. He got up from his bed, moving over to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. He had planned to just take it easy at home, but decided it was probably a good idea to walk to the store to help his cousin with food while he stayed there. So after he was ready, he put on his shoes, and walked out the door. He walked the streets of his childhood, remembering the good old times all 12 of them had together. The familiar streets forcing him to reminisce, and he smiled at the thought of them all playing hide and go seek or tag or other made up games that were passed purely on their creativity and imagination. It had been a good childhood. So many good people surrounded him, and that helped him grow. It helped him to not be lonely, and it gave him a sense of hope when he needed it most. Now, none of them really kept in touch with him. He didn’t really know what any of them were doing. They had all been inseparable, but now they all had their own lives; they had no time to be contacting each other. He wondered why things had to turn out the way they did. Why couldn’t he go back to that time where they had no worries in life, where the climax of their problems was not having enough toys for all of them to play, when going to the park and getting hurt was a fear, and stealing their moms money for some ice cream was the ultimate crime? He wondered why there was such a dramatic ending to their “close” friendship. That’s why he had a hard time trusting others now. Apparently people always leave, no matter how close they may seem to be.

--

Jongdae was sitting on the couch; going over an essay he had to turn in by tomorrow. He had been putting it off for the past week and he hated himself for procrastinating. Minseok walked in the door then, Jongdae realizing he forgot to lock the front door.

“Hey Mini.” He said from his seat.

“Hi Orange.” He responded.

“I told you to let that go. Cmon.” Jongdae whined.

“Nooo! It’s too funny!” Minseok laughed.

Jongdae just sighed and turned his head, returning to focus on the paper he had to write. Minseok came around the couch, and wrapped his arms around Jongdae’s chest and shoulders, leaning down and placing his face next to Jongdae’s ear.

“Mini let go, i’m busy.”

Minseok only shook his head, cuddling closer to Jongdae. He leaned in and whispered,”you should have done it sooner, cutie.”

Jongdae didn't miss the way Minseok’s voice whispering low in his ear made him tingle.

“Let go! I have to do this by tomorrow!” He said trying to squirm out of the hold.

“Are you hungry” minseok said,”I can make you some food.”

“Goddamnit mini let GO!”

Minseok giggled as he released Jongdae, skipping over to the kitchen. Jongdae ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. Minseok liked to play like that, always seeming like he had an ulterior motive. After about half an hour, Minseok called out from the kitchen,”Jongdae come eat! I made your favorite!”

He sighed but couldn't resist the alluring smell emitting from the other room.

“Coming!”

--

-The old familiar sting-

Jongdae walked into the store, searching for a cart to put his groceries in. He walked down the long aisles, reaching the candy section, and stopping when his eyes grazed over a particular chocolate bar.

“Jongdae, valentine's day is coming up!” Minseok said way too excited.

Jongdae looked at him in disbelief.

“Yea so what? All the stupid couples in school are going to be sucking face.” He grumbled.

“Who are you gonna give chocolates too?” He asked.

“Why would I want to waste my money buying candy for some smutty ass women?” Jongdae said.

Minseok shrugged.

“You can just buy them for me instead.”

Jongdae looked over at him and laughed.

“What, are we gonna go on a date too? Hold hands and take selfies together? No thanks.”

Minseok pouted and hit him in the arm.

“No! I was just saying it might be nice to give each other chocolates as a nice gesture.”

Jongdae scoffed. Minseok looked down at his feet.

“Alright whatever why not? What's your favorite kind?”

Minseok smiled and his face lit up. “Kit Kat!”

Jongdae didn't really like chocolate, but he could appreciate the occasional bar or cake. He looked into Minseok’s gleaming eyes and smiled. “You’re such a nerd.”

After that valentine's day, Jongdae made it customary to buy Kitkat for Minseok every now and then, just because he liked to see the smile that would never fail to bring warmth, never lose its light. Jongdae continued to walk down the aisle, trying not to resurface any more memories. After he gathered his groceries and paid for them, he headed home. As he walked down the streets in the afternoon, he came across a certain spot in between buildings. He stopped on the street and was hesitant at first, but decided to walk towards the familiar opening. It was like an alleyway between two now abandoned buildings, the businesses having been run out. On the other side of the alley, there was a large hill and at the bottom, a small river. It was more like an aqueduct but the grass reached all the way down to where the water ran. He walked close to the edge, sitting on the small grassy area, looking up at the sunset that was beginning to fall in the west.

“Look at how beautiful it is from here.” Minseok said with a smile, sitting down on the grassy area. Jongdae followed him through the alleyway, coming out and seeing the nice view from where he stood.

“How did you find out about this place?” he asked.

“Well, I was walking on that street to your house one day and i saw a bunny in the alleyway. Of course I followed it, and well I came across here.” Minseok said.

Jongdae looked around. “No one had ever told you to leave?”

“Well, no, I think this building doesn't run at this time. It’s always quiet here.”

“How did I never see this?”

“I don’t know, you are pretty oblivious Jongdae.”

“Hey shut your mouth ok?”

Minseok looked out over the river, picking at the petals of a nearby dandelion.

“Hey Jongdae?”

He turned to look at Minseok. “Yea?”

“What do you think will happen to us?”

Jongdae looked back at the river. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll become rich and famous one day.”

Minseok let out a chuckle. “Please. With your singing?”

Jongdae looked astonished and hurt. “What do you mean? Of course with my singing! I’ll take lessons to get better! You haven't actually heard me sing for real!”

Minseok laughed and hit him lightly on the arm.

“Shut up. I’m just kidding. You sing good. Also come to think of it, you haven't ever shown me or any of us your singing skills ‘for real’. I know baekhyun has a great voice. No wonder he went for a degree as a musical major.”

“Now that you bring it up, you’re right.”

“Sing for me.”

“No.”

“Cmon Jongdae please? No one’s around.”

“Maybe later.”

Minseok pouted and hugged his knees, both sitting in silence watching the sky.

Jongdae laid back on the grass, not caring that he would probably be itchy later. He looked up at the sky, and outstretched his hand. Then he suddenly started singing a small tune that he remembered from far back in his memory. It was a melancholy song, one that sang to his heart, one that spoke to his soul. He hadn't heard it in a while, but for some reason knew all of the lyrics.

“ I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real…”

Jongdae traced the clouds floating in the pinkish-orange sky with his finger.

“I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here …”

A breeze blew over Jongdae, and he realised it was probably time to go home. He grabbed his groceries and dusted himself off. Why was he suddenly thinking of Minseok now? No one had brought him up. Not even Sehun mentioned him when they went drinking last week. Maybe it was the town.

--

“Minseok what are you doing?” Jongdae said.

Jongdae had found himself suddenly in a peculiar position. He was on the couch, and Minseok was straddling him, hovering over his body. They had just been together all day. They had come back to eat and were messing around. Minseok was probably playing like he usually did, saying inappropriate things for laughs. Jongdae had gotten used to it a while ago, and decided to just roll with it.

“You look really hot in that shirt.” Minseok breathed.

Jongdae looked down. He was wearing a slim tank top, revealing most of his arms and clavicles. He had changed because it was a hot summer; the day had consisted of the sun trying to fry everything.

“Thanks. You like what you see?” Jongdae smirked up at him.

Something in Minseok’s eye twinkled.

“You really shouldn't be walking around like that. It’s dangerous for me.”

Jeongdae brought his hand up to Minseok’s thigh.

“What are you gonna do, huh?”

Minseok looked down at the hand slowly climbing up his knee.

“I might ravish you.”

Now listen. Jongdae wasn't gay. He had fallen for a lot of girls and appreciated their efforts, but he never seemed to want a relationship with any of them. He found it a waste of time and decided he would just fuck around. He didn’t think Minseok was gay either, because he too, has been with women. He just thought Minseok liked to mess around since they were so close, and sometimes he went too far. This was probably one of those times.

“Is that a promise?” Jongdae smirked seductively.

Minseok leaned closer to his face, their lips hovering over each other. “Don’t test me.”

He dismounted Jongdae and walked over to the kitchen to get a drink. See? He wasn't serious. Jongdae knew Minseok was just messing around, but sometimes he wondered if he would one day actually go through with it. And in the back of his mind, he wondered if he would let it happen.

They went out drinking later, deciding the test that they took today in school was enough an excuse for celebration. They didn't know whether they passed or failed, but they were free from studying nonetheless. They laughed together, making jokes and messing around. After getting snacks, they went home. They had not gotten drunk, but they were a tiny bit tipsy. And maybe it was the heat of the alcohol in his system, but Jongdae thought Minseok looked pretty alluring today. He had taken off his shirt, changing into his pjs. The toned muscle of his abdomen and arms glowing under the bedroom light.

“Are you gonna stay here? Or go home?” Minseok said.

“I’m too lazy to go home right now. Let me stay over?” Jongdae pleaded.

“Alright here, take these.” Minseok said as he handed Jongdae a pair of pjs.

Jongdae suddenly had an idea just to tease.

“Can you help me change into these?” he smirked.

Minseok looked up at him as if to say,’are you serious?’ with a raised brow. Minseok walked over to him and placed himself directly in front of Jongdae, hands finding their way to his hips; a smirk spreading across his lips. He looked Jongdae directly in the eyes, not breaking the gaze as he lifted his shirt, pulling it up and over Jongdae’s arms. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Jongdae thought Minseok’s eyes were unbelievably the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. Minseok leaned in and tugged on the necklace that sat around Jongdae’s neck, forcing their faces close enough to feel each other's breath.

“Don’t start something you’re not willing to finish.”

Jongdae just swallowed hard. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Minseok being this way was almost making him knowledge the warmth accumulating in the pit of his stomach. Jongdae felt sweat forming at his temple, and he watched as Minseok started to turn away from him. Maybe that was an invitation. Maybe Minseok wasn't just playing around anymore. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he wanted to test the waters.

“I never do anything half assed.”

Minseok took that as initiative and leaned in, placing their lips together, closing the small space between them. It was just a long peck so he looked up expecting to see Jongdae’s surprised expression. He was surprised to see Jongdae looking down at him, eyes half-lidded, cheeks turning a pink shade, lips glistening.

“Jongdae, don’t worry ok. It was just a joke.”

Minseok started to pull away when Jongdae grabbed at his hips, keeping him close, pulling him closer, his tongue running over his lips quickly.

“I’ll finish what I started.”

Minseok had wide eyes as he looked up at him. “Jongdae you’re drunk. You’re gonna regret this later. Let it go.”

Jongdae smirked. “I’m not drunk. I didn’t drink that much tonight. I’m well aware of what’s happening.”

Maybe Minseok was right. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of want. he had an itch in his stomach somehwere. it didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon. It was an unbelievable annoying itch; one that could only be soothed by Minseok.

“But-” Minseok started, but was cut off by Jongdae’s raspy voice.

“Shut up.”

He leaned in and kissed Minseok full on the lips, their mouths moving in synch. Hands making their way around necks and waists. Jongdae never let go of Minseok’s lips as he pushed him back onto the bed.

--

-I remember everything-

Today was hotter than usual. Jongdae was used to it being cold… Seeing as it was fall. He was lying in bed just enjoying the sunshine even though it was heating him up slowly. All he had to do was open the window and it was the perfect combination of hot and cold.  Yesterday was fun for him. He enjoyed the day with his cousin, playing games and just talking about their lives. They talked about everything and it was nice to confide in someone you trust. She was living alone now, because her parents were off on A business trip. They ate food and listened to music together, and they even did karaoke. He had missed this kind of fun. With everything that had happened in his life, it was nice to not care about life's struggles for a day. Jongdae walked into the kitchen, greeting his cousin who was cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

“Hey I'm going to be home late today.” His cousin said.

“Alright. I'll be fine.” Jongdae said.

“I left food ready for you so help yourself.” she said.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, thanks though.” he said.

“You’re gonna be fine on your own?”

“Yea. I’ll find something to do.”

“Why don’t you head down to the bookstore nearby? You can maybe find something to read.”

Jongdae looked at her. That actually wasn't a bad idea. He could go calmly read about anything he wanted to and relax. After they had eaten breakfast together, Jongdae’s cousin headed to work, and we walked over to the bookstore. He walked in the quiet still building, looking around trying not to disturb those who were immersed in their books. He walked by a section of poetry, his favorite section. He picked up a small book with a teal cover, opening to a random page and reading from it:

The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have

Is yours

The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years

In the long green grass

Will be yours and yours and yours.

Jongdae starred at the words on the page, long enough for the letters to blur. Why was this so familiar? What was this sudden feeling in his gut? What is it? He searched the archives of his mind for something, anything that could shake his memory.

“Mini where are you taking me?” Jongdae complained.

“Just follow me and be quiet! This is a library. Inside voice.” Minseok smiled.

“What are you doing?” Jongdae whispered.

They turned the corner and went to a certain area of the library, the section of poetry. Minseok had pulled out a book that contained a bookmark, opened it to a page and cleared his throat.

“The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have is yours…”

“Are you reading poetry to me?” Jongdae whispered in disbelief.

“Shut up! Listen.” Minseok said straightening himself out again and taking a breath.

“The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours…”

“Oh my god I can’t believe this. Give me that.” Jongdae said, snatching the book closed.

Minseok just stared at him. “What’s your deal?”

“Nothing, I just think this is dumb. Why did you even bring me here?” Jongdae said,"i have better things to be doing right now."

“I thought you liked poetry.” Minseok said dejected and annoyed, arms slumping at his sides, eyes darkening.

“Not right now. Did i ask you for a reading? i have things to do. What is the point of all this?” Jongdae said as he placed the book back on the shelf.

“Nothing.” Minseok said as he left the aisle without another word.

Jongdae remembers. He remembers Minseok’s little efforts in trying to make him happy. Why did he continue to try to make him happy? Jongdae was not interested in such an emotion. He had been a sour child, what with his family situation going to shit. Life was hitting him hard at that time, and he knew no better than to exert his frustrations out on those around him. He failed to see Minseok's intentions and efforts, brushing them completely off, not showing any remorse or gratitude.

He read the poem again and realized why Minseok had picked that specific one. As if it had started a domino effect, memories of Minseok started flowing into his head, everything and anything that ever happened between them. Every time Minseok tried to do something nice, every time Minseok tried to get closer to him on an emotional level. Jongdae had just realised it, now, years after it was relevant. Minseok probably took hours to find this one poem, trying to find something that would properly express his feelings. And Jongdae had shut it down like it was nothing. He must have been so hurt. All Minseok wanted was for some sort of acceptance of acknowledgment of his love, but Jongdae never paid any mind. He now realized how much of an emotional toll that must have taken on him, but how could he know? how could he possibly have known about Minseok's feelings? He was struggling with life and didn't have time to be in love. But Minseok didn’t say anything on the matter, or any other matters.

He never said anything.

--

Minseok was in the TV room, laying down watching his favorite show. Jongdae had walked in and greeted him from the door. Minseok got up and hugged him with a huge smile, reveling in the warmth that was Jongdae, loving his scent.

“Let me go.” Jongdae said.

“Did you have a bad day today?” Minseok said.

“It’s none of your business.” he said as he shoved Minseok off and walked away into the other room.

Minseok frowned and went to sit back on the couch, sighing into the cushion. He wanted to reach out to Jongdae so bad, but there was never an opportunity. Minseok felt like anything he did, he couldn’t get to Jongdae. There were several brick walls around him and Minsoek couldn't find a wrecking ball strong enough to tumble them all down.

Just then, Minseok had an idea. He would try his best to make Jongdae feel better. They had been together for a while now, spending most of their time with each other, so he felt entitled to making Jongdae feel better. He went into the room and dragged Jongdae into his car, driving to their special spot, behind the buildings.

“Why are we here, Minseok?”

“I know you’ve had a bad day and so i’ve decided to try and make you smile!” Minseok said with a huge grin.

“Stop being annoying. Let’s go back.”

“Come here!”

Jongdae groaned and walked passed the buildings into the grassy area in front of the small river. Minseok was standing there with his arms outstretched, standing in front of a small teddy bear, and some food. Minseok had set up a picnic.

“What is all this?” Jongdae said.

“It’s for us! This way we can eat and talk about your day and eat food!” Minseok said excitedly.

Jongdae watched him as he sat down on the blanket, and motioned him to come over.

“You think I want to sit here with YOU and talk about my day?” Jongdae said, brows furrowing, his tone dangerously treading on anger.

Minseok looked up at him, smile immediately fading. “Well, we don’t have to talk about your day, but we can forget about it by having fun," hands scrambling for the homemade sandwiches.

“You think throwing me some pity party is gonna lift my spirits? I just need to be left alone. Why do you even bother?” Jongdae said.

“But I thought we could-”

“Stop doing shit like this. It’s annoying and a waste of my time. I’m going back. Get in the car unless you want to walk back.” Jongdae said turning around.

Minseok didn’t say anything, just shook his head.

“Um, actually I have something to do-”

“Alright then. Don’t say I never offered to do anything nice for you.” he scoffed.

As soon as Jongdae was gone, Minseok looked at the food in front of him. He grabbed the teddy bear and hugged it tight to his body, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion. The tears came hard, and he couldn't seem to stop them from flowing. Jongdae didn’t mean it. He was mad and Minseok meddled with his mood. Jongdae was right. He should just stay out of it. Maybe if he went back to apologize, Jongdae wouldn’t be mad at him. Minseok dried his tears and stood up. As the sunset started setting, he picked up the things and threw them all away in a nearby trashcan. He walked back to his home heart in his hands, ignoring the intense pang it gave off, ignored the tightness in his throat and tried to go to his room before his family noticed he had arrived.

“Minseok I told you to come home early today! Why are you such a horrible child? I get back from work, and you’re out messing around? You don’t even help me at home!” his mother yelled.

Minseok only looked down at his feet, not saying anything.

“This is why your father left us. You better change this attitude of yours. Clean up your act. I don’t need a useless son around here. ” she said as she walked away.

Minseok walked up to his room and closed the door. She’s right. He was out all day sticking his nose in places where he shouldn't. He was a useless son. probably an even worse friend. He couldn't help anyone. He couldn't make anyone's day. Maybe if he apologised nicely, his mom would not be angry with him. And then maybe his dad wouldn't be so disappointed in him. Maybe they would talk again someday.

--

-What have I become?-

Jongdae walked out of the library, deciding it was time to see Minseok. It had been so many years since they last saw each other. He wanted to see how Minseok was doing. Then maybe he could apologise for being such a dick to him all the time. Was Minseok still even in the town? Jongdae just hoped Minseok was reachable. Even if he was out of the state somewhere, maybe he could still contact him. Where would he even go looking for Minseok? There was no other place but his childhood home. Jongdae walked across the streets turning past a familiar fence with a house behind it. He remembered this place. They would all hang out in the lawn and play pretend firefighters.

Jongdae walked up to the porch, fixing his shirt, not knowing what he was going to say once Minseok opened the door. A million things pondered his mind. Why did he even show up here? What was he trying to prove? No. He had to do this. He had to see Minseok again, even if Minseok hated him to his core and told him he never wanted to see him again. If that were the case, Jongdae would just accept it, apologise, and leave forever. But he needed to do this so that both their souls could be placed to rest. There was an aching feeling in his heart. He had gotten used to it over the years after he left but he now realised Minseok was the cause to that. Now that he was here, standing in front of his doorstep, his heart raced and all the nerves in his body tingled. He reached out with a shaky hand and rang the doorbell.

A child opened the door, looking up at him then calling out to someone in the background.

“Yes? Can I help you?” a tall man said.

Jongdae bowed his head. “Ah yes, sorry to disturb, but does anyone by the name of Minseok live here, by any chance?” he asked.

The man looked at him confused. “Ah no, sorry. No one by that name lives here. Are you looking for him?”

Jongdae’s expression immediately fell. Of course he didn’t live here anymore.

“Yes, actually. It has been a while and this used to be where he lived.”

“Oh really? I’m so sorry. We’ve been living here for a few years now.” the man said.

“Of course. Sorry to bother your home. Please forgive me.”

The man nodded and bowed, and so did Jongdae.

Why would Minseok still be living there? He felt so dumb. Minseok had dreams and aspirations, even though he didn’t really know what to do with them. Jongdae remembered seeing potential in him. Maybe this trip just proved his uselessness. He never seemed to do things right, and now that he wanted to comfort a long time friend and maybe have a chance at re-kindling their friendship, he fucks up. Maybe he was just doing it out of selfish reasons, wanting to lay to rest the uneasiness his heart has been harboring for the longest time. Where could he have gone? Jongdae walked into Sehun’s family business, looking for the tall waiter. Maybe he knew where Minseok could have gone off to.

“Hey Jongdae! Nice seeing you again! Come to visit me at work now, are you?” Sehun smiled.

Jongdae smiled gently.

“Hey Sehun you got a minute?”

Sehun nodded his head.

They sat at a nearby booth, Jongdae meddling with his thumbs.

“What’s up, man?” Sehun asked.

“Dude ok, so like, i’m back home right, we grew up here, and of course i’m gonna be hit with all of our friend’s memories. I’ve been trying to contact Minseok. I’m trying to find him. Do you happen to know where he is?”

Sehun stared at Jongdae for a long time.

“Minseok? Why all of a sudden?”

Sehun looked like he knew something, or was hiding something, and Jongdae didn’t like the unsettling feeling it gave him.

“Do you know something about him or not? Why are you looking at me with those judging eyes?”

Sehun shook his head, eyes darkening into something he couldn't read, his posture completely shifting.

“You were a complete asshole to him, you know.”

Jongdae stayed silent, all thoughts and motor functions coming to a halt. The dramatic change in Sehun's tone came suddenly, and he wasn't prepared for the bitter taste it left in his throat. But Sehun was right. He knew. He most definitely knew. And now he regretted everything.

“I-I’m trying to find him because of that. I know what I did was horrible, and I can’t make up for it, but I want to see him at least, to try and apologise... or something, I don’t know! I just want to see him!”

Sehun looked at the table, eyes cold and hard, trying to search for any reason not to glare directly into Jongdae's soul.

“I know what happened between you two, you know. I didn’t mention it the other night because we were just catching up and it would have brought the mood down. But I knew what was going on.”

Jongdae looked up at him, heart wavering in its chest cavity, blood running cold.

“I didn’t judge. We were all doing our own things, and whatnot, but he was crazy for you. He was happiest with you. I could never understand.” Sehun said, his hard eyes softening unbelievably at that last word. Even Sehun knew. He knew all the pain Minseok was probably going through. Why couldn't he tell sooner?

Jongdae swallowed hard against the thickness in his throat. “I know….why are you telling me this?”

Sehun ran a hand through his hair in frustration, suddenly letting out a long sigh. “Because you didn’t deserve him, man! I could never and will never understand why Mini would keep running after you, when all you ever did was kick him while he was down!” Sehun said sternly, his expression morphing into something that resembled rage and sadness. "You must have really gotten a kick out of that, huh? watching him break."

Jongdae almost forgot what words were. The ones that Sehun was spitting at him felt like daggers and he had to hold back the tears that were wanting to form at his eyes. “He never said anything!” he said.

“He didn’t have to say anything! It was written all over his face! You could feel the struggles oozing from his body! I could fucking cut through it with a knife! How could you never notice? How could you not pay attention? Did you know he was going through shit times at home too? Did you even care?” Sehun said way too loud, the rest of the people in the shop turning to look at them.

Sehun was a wolf at this moment, baring his teeth at Jongdae, malice seeping through his jaws. He quivered under the intense glare, swallowing hard before responding in a broken whisper.

“I- I don’t know, at the time I was just-” Jongdae started, barely audible.

“Look. You left. You were gone. I’m glad to see you back, but as a friend, you need to know that what you did was horrible. It's something you can never repair, and i almost hated you for it. Almost. I couldn't bring myself to hate you, Jongdae. I really, really wanted to.”

Jongdae stood up from the table, fists clenching at his sides.

“I know. I’m sorry. there are not enough apologies to fix any of this, I know. I hate myself for not noticing it until now, but I just want to go see him, maybe try really hard to show him how really sorry I am.” The tears finally showing themselves.

“Look man," Sehun said as he leaned back on the chair, diffusing and softening his gaze," I forgive you ok. I hold you as a dear friend to me, and I know you weren't in your right mind. But what you did can't be taken back. Maybe its best if you leave him alone. Maybe he’s better off without you saying anything.” Sehun said.

“Can I just-” a tear trickled down his face, hi voice failing him, the break indicating complete remorse,”see him? I want to see his smile again, or his face, anything.”

Sehun’s heart immediately sunk. He didn't need another one of his closest friends falling apart in front of him. he didn't want anything like that to happen again, and even though he knew what Jongdae was going to face, he couldn't help but give his friend some closure.

“Here man. Im telling you, you should just let it go. But I know you're a stubborn bastard. Just keep this in mind: You were everything to him. He never hated you even after everything you did. He won’t ever hate you. Ever.” Sehun took out a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote something down and passed it to Jongdae.

“Thanks.” Jongdae said, wiping at his face.

“Good luck.”

--

Minseok had just gotten out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. Jongdae followed after him, leaving wet footprints all the way to his room.

“You’re gonna slip on this later.” Minseok said.

“It will dry.”

“I’m gonna go make food alright?”

“Whatever.”

Minseok walked into the kitchen, pulling out things to make food. Jongdae came out after, sitting on the couch and turning on the tv, flipping through channels. Minseok brought food to the table, and Jongdae ate some. Minseok settled himself next to Jongdae, snuggling into his side. After a while, Minseok looked up at him. They had been hanging out together like this for a long time now, but none of them had ever said anything about making it official. Maybe they were just too shy or scared to say anything.

“Jongdae…” minseok started.

“What’s up?”

“So, we’ve been...like this for a while. Um.”

“Like what?”

Mines swallowed,“Well, um you know, I know we haven’t said it officially, but I think we should start... dating.”

Jongdae looked over at him.

“I’m not gay,” he deadpanned.

Minseok looked up at him, his heart suddenly twitching.

“I didn’t say you were, but-”

“Sorry no thanks. I’m not interested in dating.” Jongdae said, getting up from the couch.

Minseok looked after him, his form completely fallen. He gave up. He was tired of this. Jongdae would never open his heart to him no matter how hard he tried.

“Jongdae...do I mean anything to you?” he said more angry than anything else.

Jongdae looked at him in silence. “I mean, yea. You’re special.”

“Are you sure? Because I feel like I don’t mean shit to you.” Minseok said, standing from the couch, exhausted and done.

Jongdae looked at him with a raised brow.

“What are you talking about? Of course you mean something to me. Do you think I would just let anyone stay in my house?”

Minseok look up at him and smiled a bit, straightening out. Does that mean-?

Jongdae walked into the kitchen and grabbed something to drink.

“Do you like me, Jongdae?” Minseok said softly from the doorframe.

“Yea, you’re an okay guy. We’re friends member? We grew up together. Of course I like you. Plus you’re a good rider.”

Minseok balled his fists, brows furrowing, teeth clenching.

“Is that all I am to you? A good fuck?”

Jongdae lowered his drink to the counter.

“What do you mean? That’s a compliment. I’m not insulting you.”

Minseok knocked the cup over, having dealt with enough of this shit.

“I’m being serious! We’ve been together all this time, and that’s all you think of me?!”

Jongdae looked genuinely confused. “Mini why are you getting angry? Do you think….” he paused,”Do you think we are dating?”

Minseok stepped back, not paying attention to the pain of his nails digging into the skin of his palm from how hard he was squeezing his fists.

“You tell me that I mean something to you, but your actions prove otherwise!”

“Do you think all this time I cared for you THAT way?" jongdae scoffed," Oh no, sorry dude. I let you stay cause I don’t mind your presence.” he said.

Minseok’s eyes teared up at that, his heart feeling way to heavy as he turned around to grab his things on the couch. He payed no mind to the set of eyes on his back as he put on his shoes and headed out the door.

“Where are you going?” Jongdae called after him.

“Leave me alone!”

Minseok slammed the door behind him.

--

-Everyone I know goes away-

Jongdae looked at the piece of paper that Sehun had given him, and looked at the small house in front of him. He took a deep breath and walked up to the porch once again, heart in his hand. He rang the doorbell and this time, a small woman opened the door.

“Uhm, hello. My name is-”

“Jongdae.” the woman interrupted.

Jongdae looked at her, confused. How did she know his name?

“Uhm yea. How-”

“I’m Minseok’s sister.”

Jongdae looked at her surprised. He had forgotten about her. She had grown up so much.

“Uhm-”

“Come in, come in.” she gestured.

Jongdae followed her to the living room where they sat on the couch.

“So what’s up? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.” she said as she smoothed out the wrinkles on her skirt.

“Yea. It has. I came back into town to visit my cousin- that’s where i’m staying right now- and I was just remembering old times. So… I wanted to see Minseok again. Is he here? I’ve been looking for him.”

She looked at him with a straight face, body suddenly tensing up and swallowed hard before answering.

“You...you what?”

“I know I might be intruding. You’re his sister. I’m sure you know everything that happened in the past, so I know what you might be thinking, but I’ve come here with my heart in my hands, coming to beg for some sort of forgiveness.”

She looked at her hands for a long time, the house silent enough to hear their breathing. “Okay,” she finally said,”I’ll take you to him.”

Jongdae followed her out of the door, through the streets, not saying or questioning anything until they passed a large green field, surrounded by trees. Jongdae’s heart sank and he tensed up when he realised where they were going. His legs almost stopped moving, forgetting how to walk. She led him through the field until they came up on a tombstone which was labeled:

“Here lies

Kim Minseok

May you be at peace”.

The engraved letters staring straight at him, Jongdae realizing the weight of the situation.

“No. this- this can’t be…” his voice cracked.

“Minseok died, Jongdae; 3 years ago.”

Jongdae’s entire being shook with emotion and he fell to his hands and knees, not being able to hold himself up, suddenly hyperaware of gravity. He looked hard at the tombstone, burning a hole through it with his eyes.

“No! No this Isn’t real! This can’t be real!” he yelled as hot, angry tears flowed down his face.

He suddenly couldn’t breathe. Memories of Minseok started flowing through his head once again, and he cried harder. Minseok was dead. He really was dead. How could he be dead? How could that shining person, full of hope, full of passion, full of love just leave the earth? How could the sun shine so brightly in the sky when clearly tragedy has been roaming these grounds? How could the town be so lively with the absence of the only person that could change the world for the better?

He punched the ground hard as more tears flowed from his eyes. Why did this happen? Why did it have to turn out this way?

“WhY?! WHYY?! WHy MINSEOK!?”

The sister stood there, with a hand over her mouth, masking the silent sobs coming from her mouth, as she watched Jongdae's world completely fall apart.

Jongdae realised it then. Minseok was gone. He would never be able to see him again. He would never be able to say anything else to him, never able to see him smile, hear him talk, watch those glowing eyes. He had so much to say. He had wanted to see him so badly. He didn’t realize how important Minseok really was to him until this very moment. It was not Minseok who had left. In reality, Jongdae was the one who had left. Jongdae was the one to leave unspoken, leave Minseok tattered and broken. He felt like his world was crumbling. He held his heart as he held himself up with one hand, fearing he would completely lose it if he didn’t stay grounded.

What was he supposed to do? Why didn’t anyone tell him? There were no words to describe the physical aching of his heart at this moment. Jongdae had never cried so hard. He struggled to keep breathing, each breath feeling like he was inhaling shards of glass.

“Jongdae…...Jongdae…” the woman beside him said softly with a quivering voice. She fell on her knees next to him, caressing his back with shaking hands, trying to calm down his violent sobbing.

When Jongdae remembered where he was, he mustered up enough strength to ask,”What- what happened?”

She wiped at her eyes and said,”He committed suicide.”

Jongdae couldn't even look at her. He couldnt take his eyes off the engraven name in front of him. He only squeezed his fists together until his knuckles were white.

“Tell me. Tell me how it happened.”

She took a deep breath, trying not to sob as she told Jongdae everything. How Minseok became depressed soon after he left, how life at home made him even worse, how his psychological state worsened day by day, but the only thing constant in his life was his love for Jongdae. Before Jongdae left, Minseok had loved him. He had fallen hard, and he was the rope that would save him from falling into eternal darkness. Jongdae was the only good thing in his life, and Minseok held on so tight, it almost tore his limbs off. She told Jongdae of how Minseok dealt with his departure, how he had cried for days on end, until eventually he stopped everything altogether. She told him of how he lost his hope, his dreams, his aspirations. She told of the longing despair he had felt in the next year, completely losing himself as a person, giving in to the depression and turmoil. She had tried to help him, tried to soothe his worries, tried to grab onto the rope that was severed when Jongdae left, but was too late. She said he would go to a place behind buildings, sitting in front of a river, emotionlessly letting tears roll down his face as he looked into the sunset, staying there for hours. She said he had forgotten how to smile, and she knew helping him was futile. The only thing that could save him had already left, and she knew her brother was gone. She said that during his last days, She had seen Minseok staring out of the window with the saddest smile she had ever seen. It had shook her to her core, and she had cried because she was useless. She had to sit there and watch her brother be ripped agonizingly slow to pieces. She hated that her hugs or love could never reach him, she hated that even when he said he was going for a walk, she couldn't stop him from leaving. She had been yelling and crying, holding onto Minseok begging him not to leave her, to stay and fight. She had begged with the entirety of her soul, but it was all futile. The last thing Minseok had said to her was “I’m sorry, Nani. I’ll be safer where I’m going. I’ll be able to smile again,” and kissed her cheek. He had resisted her last plead, leaving her unable to move, drowning in sobs on the floor of their house.

Jongdae looked at his palms through blurred vision, where they rested on his knees, letting every emotion flow through him. Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t Minseok ever say anything? Jongdae wondered how he could have been so fucking blind. How could he have turned away from helping someone who was desperately pleading? Mines was yelling loud enough for the whole town to hear, and Jongdae was oblivious to all of it. Why did he have to add to the negativity Minseok was already dealing with? He wanted to be there, he regretted everything that he ever said, regretted every action, regretted ever rejecting each act of kindness. Minseok had only given him kindness. He only ever gave him smiles, love, hope, positivity; Jongdae had ignored it all.

He had ignored everything.

--

“Minseok wait! Slow down!” Jongdae called after him.

After Minseok had stormed out of the house, Jongdae had followed him, because he felt bad about leaving things how they were.

Minseok continued to walk, until he reached the bridge over the river that led to his home. Jongdae had caught up, pulling his arm back and looking at him in the eyes.

“Look i’m sorry ok. I don’t know why you’re so pissed off, I didn’t mean to say bad things.”

Minseok looked up at him, softly sobbing, tears streaming down his face.

“I only ever cared for you, you know. I just, I just wanted to be happy.”

Jongdae looked down at him, not saying a word.

“I know now, that you don’t want anything with me. I was in the wrong to think you could ever develop any feelings for me. Why did I stick around?”

Jongdae let go of his arm and said,”Why do you care so much what i do with my life? Why do you take my problems personally? Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

Minseok reached his hands up and pounded at Jongdae's chest."BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” sobbing strongly,” I LOVE YOU, KIM JONGDAE!” He took a deep breath and said,”You mean everything to me.”

Minseok leaned his head against Jongdae’s chest, and let himself cry.

Jongdae only looked at him, not doing anything, just standing there.

“I’m sorry. I can’t ever love you. I don’t have that luxury.”

Minseok stepped back, looking up at him with immense sadness.

“This is probably not the right time to bring this up, but I couldn’t find another way to say it. I’m leaving this place. And i’m never coming back.” Jongdae said with no remorse.

Minseok stopped breathing and had wide eyes. “What?”

“I’m tired of living in this shit-hole of a town. I’m not doing anything with my life, so I’m leaving. I’ve been putting money together for a while, and I found a place in another state. I can start over.”

Minseok said nothing. He only stared at Jongdae.

“It was nice having a friend like you. I really had good times."He brought his hands up around Minseok's back and neck, bringing him in for a hug,"Thank you for being special to me. Take care, Mini.”

And without another word, Jongdae had turned to leave, heading back to his place.

Minseok stood at the bridge, wind blowing cold air through his body as he watched helplessly at Jongdae’s figure getting smaller in the distance. He couldn’t find the strength to say anything. He couldn't move. He couldn't even feel. He just watched. He hoped Jongdae would turn around to look at him one last time.

He never did.

--

-And you could have it all, my empire of dirt-

Jongdae stood at the top of the wooden bridge, looking over the river in silence. The bridge where Minseok once stood was cold and dark, lifeless and empty. Jongdae felt empty at this moment. He had walked there after the visit to the cemetery, and after he had said goodbye to Minseok’s sister.

Now he stood there, watching the sunset until it was dark, listening to the trees blow in the wind. All of his tears had completely dried up, and he felt numb.

There was nothing he could do. Minseok was gone, and all he could hold onto was the memories he had. He chose to keep a mental picture of Minseok’s gleaming smile, the one that always warmed him up.

“I love you Kim Jongdae! You mean everything to me!”

Jongdae looked up at the stars, feeling the breeze through his hair, listening to the sound of water running under him, hoping Minseok was somewhere up there listening.

“I love you, too.”

‘If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way’.

-END-

[thewafflewhat]

22/07/17 (9th time) (evening)

So, let’s start off this rant with the glow stick fiasco. I’m sure by now you’ve all heard about glow stick gate, but if you haven’t, I’ll give you some context now: I’m standing in one of the two massive fat-off queues either side of the building to get in when suddenly this woman walks past handing out glow sticks saying that it was for Wicked, and for some reason I thought she was with the theatre so I took some (free glow sticks!) and stuck them in my mother’s bag. There were four in each little pack; two green and two pink, and there was a little note on them that said something to the effect of ‘get them out when Elphaba hands Glinda the book in For Good’ and I just thought ‘aw that’s cute! Like for the last ever show in Germany! That’ll be cute omg the AV staff are being really cute this cast change’… Until less than a minute later, a woman in the FOH suit walked down the line in the opposite direction taking all of the glow sticks off of everyone, and tbh I didn’t want to give mine in because even if they weren’t going to be used in the show they’re still free fucking glow sticks! Who turns down free glow sticks?! But they were doing bag checks on the way into the theatre (as an extra security measure after all of the terror attacks across the UK since the start of the year) and I figured they’d get taken off of me on the way in anyway… So I gave them to the woman as she came back down the line to head back into the theatre.

So, the FOH staff know when the glow sticks are going to be pulled out and they were on high fucking alert going into that part of the scene (although I’d almost forgotten about them at that point) so when Elphaba passes the Grimmerie to Glinda just before FG all you heard were the cracks of glow sticks that the people giving them out had still managed to sneak in, and then suddenly there was a FOH staff member crouching down and running down every single aisle (that I could see of the stalls from where I was sitting) to tell anyone holding the glow sticks to put them down so they wouldn’t be distracting, and it was the funniest goddamn thing I think I’ve ever seen in that theatre not related to the show. Legitimately, I was half immersed in the scene (only half because I didn’t want to start crying in public…) and I heard the cracks and had a bit of an ‘oh shit’ moment when I remembered about the glow sticks and then I just started laughing.

ANYWAY altogether that incident probably lasted less than 30 seconds and no one got the glow sticks out again, not even for the curtain call and speeches. And that was glow stick gate, now onto my other rambling!

- Random thought before I start to properly ramble but the cogs on the set actually turn! It took me seeing the show nine time to finally see it but I thought it was so cool!

- I said it before when I went to see Kerry’s last show but I’ll say it again: the audience for cast change dates (specifically last show dates) is fucking electric, there’s so much love from just about everyone in the theatre and I’m glad I got the chance to experience it again; it’s Wicked at its best imo, purely because the cast gives as good as they get and react accordingly to all the love and extra attention from the audience, and you can really tell that they were savouring every second

- The best example I can think of to try and describe what the atmosphere was like to anyone who wasn’t at the show was the applause that went on for a ridiculous amount of time for just about every principle cast member for their first entrance.

- Suzie’s lasted for a literal minute (which made “it’s good to see me isn’t it” and “no need to respond, that was rhetorical” even better imo) and I just remember never wanting it to stop because you could literally feel the love radiating from the audience! I felt so fucking proud because all of those people were clapping and cheering FOR HER! This smol Aussie bean who joined the cast in September who crept into the hearts of every single person who saw the show during that time. Like I haven’t seen one bad word said about her online and she always seems so gracious and lovely (and you’ll know that I fucking love her if you read the last one of these I did back in January) and she fucking deserved that applause. I’m so happy she got it, and it set the tone for the entire show that, yes, this was going to be a beautiful show full of love not just between the cast on stage but from the audience to the cast as well.

- If I thought Suzie’s applause lasted a long time then Willemijn’s lasted for a goddamn eternity. I’ve never heard anything like it, and I’m so fucking glad that she got that support and felt that love from everyone in the auditorium. *BEWARE FANGIRLING AHEAD* The amount of love and pride I felt for her in that single moment was off the fucking charts. If someone could go back to 2014 and tell that Willemijn that in 3 years she’d be back in the London production of Wicked getting the chance to properly finish her run, not just in London but for the whole show, after a decade with the role, getting to celebrate her own special 10th anniversary along with the London production, and the fact that she was STILL getting that much support and love from audience members from around the entire goddamn globe, I don’t think she would have believed you. And that just speaks to how humble she is to this day about all of the opportunities she’s had with this role and this show, and all of that is just a testament to how much she loves the show, the role, her cast mates (from all of the numerous companies), and all of her fans. I’m just so glad I got a chance to see Willphaba’s ‘super Elphie’ when I did as many times as I got to!

- Sue Kelvin got applause when she came on too and she absolutely lapped it up. She was loving it so much, she even did a tiny curtsey when the applause didn’t stop.

- Oliver Saville got some love when he first came on but it didn’t go on for nearly as long as Suzie or Willemijn’s (mostly just because it felt so awkward for the applause to keep going on when he was pretending to be asleep so he couldn’t savour it in quite the same way as the others)

- Mark Curry got applause when he first entered too (which I thought was so lovely! I’ve never seen a Wizard get applause but I really came to love Mark’s interpretation so I’m glad he got some love)

- I also have to give props to the audience for being respectful and waiting until the end of songs to clap (instead of starting to clap before the music has even ended and going over the top with it), and for the fact that any clapping mid song didn’t go on for a silly amount of time (just enough to show appreciation for the moment without interrupting the rest of the song; like when Willemijn flew in DG, and when she comes up for the start of NGD) which made me feel pretty proud, especially since I remember Kerry’s LAST last show and there was none of that respectfulness… Yay! Audiences growing up with the show over the years!!

- Major side note: the audience should really learn to take cues from the ensemble; if they’re laughing, you shouldn’t be. That literally resolves all issues of laughing at the shit that isn’t funny, AND if the atmosphere on stage is serious then you don’t laugh! Like when Dr. Dillamond bleats during SB there was this drunk woman (who’d clearly seen the show before) who mumbled along to the end of his lines and then laughed hysterically when he bleated. There’s a big difference in atmosphere for a serious scene vs. what is supposed to be comedic (the bleating vs. the train station scene, for example) and I’m still waiting for the day that an entire audience actually gets that.

- (I’m also waiting for the day when the audience actually laughs at all the stuff that IS funny. I’ve seen far too many shows where I’m laughing because the line or the delivery of the line is funny but no one else around me is laughing. Like, it’s fucking funny, just laugh)

- Willemijn is The Riff Queen™ god she really left no prisoners with this show, a wonderful send off to the six month run she had, creating new riffs left, right and centre at random fucking weekday shows.

- (Here’s a short ‘Willemijn is queen’ thing) During the last section of TWAI she doesn’t take a breath all the way from the start of ‘with me’ right through until the end of ‘things I’ve never felt’ but she never loses any power or volume in any of the phrases (once I realised it I’ve been checking to see if other Elphies do it and none of them do. Some of them manage from ‘with me’ to the end of ‘with the Wizard’ but none of them can manage to sustain it for as long as Willemijn. Super Elphie to the max!)

- Both Suzie and Willemijn’s little Americanisms in pronunciation were still there but I can’t fault them for that, their accents were otherwise truly convincing (although Willemijn did seem to trip up on the line “so you think I should just shut up, is that it?” during the lion cub scene but that was really the only line)

- Suzie and Willemijn still broke my heart in all the right places (like Elphaba’s dance! Suzie did the eye contact thing again and my heart ached)

- Popular is hilarious. More specifically, Suzie’s Popular is hilarious. In fact, it’s the funniest part of the entire damn show (but only if the actress playing Galinda lets it be and also if whoever the Elphaba is plays along with it too), purely because of the ‘toss toss’ bit. I do think it just speaks to the chemistry Willemijn tends to have with her Glindas, and the way that she plays off of what each Glinda gives her. Suzie’s ‘toss toss’ has a laugh AND a gesture after it so watching poor little awkward Willphaba react to that is always a good time. It had me proper belly laughing, I can’t lie. ALSO! Suzie’s little lip puckers when she puts on the lipstick makes me chuckle every time, and then to add to the moment, Willemijn wipes the lipstick off and then proceeds to wipe it on Galinda’s bed!

- Elphie not only keeps the pink flower that Galinda gives her but she also doesn’t take it off until just after Fiyero catches her practicing her hair toss and tells her she doesn’t have to glam herself up, and I just realised that I find it really cute that the flower and the new found Gelphie friendship clearly means that much to her that she kept the goddamn flower, I mean!

- Low E in INTG!

- There are little flashes in lighting for any small downbeats during OSD and I realised it to simulate photographs being taken! Gelphie being tourists and being dorky and taking photos together is my new favourite thing!

- I’ve said before how much I love the fact that any time Suzie’s on stage she’s acting her goddamn heart out even if she isn’t the focus during that moment, so I was watching her to see her reactions to certain things and she smiles when Elphie casts her first spell!!! A proud smile! It was the most beautiful thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

- (I’ve flailed about Willemijn’s final DG in a few posts before posting this so I’ll just link them here (x) (x))

- Low G in INTG reprise!

- Willemijn did her line Kerry Ellis style after ALAYM! (As did Rachel Tucker for her last show this year too)

- Willemijn’s witch cackle during the cat fight scene is seriously unmatched and I already miss it.

- There wasn’t a note match going into NGD but it’s because Suzie’s speaking voice is quite deep compared to some other Glindas (Savannah has quite a deep speaking voice too, I think it might be a London thing) so when she yelled ‘Fiyero’ it wasn’t as high pitched and screechy as some others, and then Willemijn still went ‘fuck it I’m gonna belt a super high note anyway’ which means the transition between the two wasn’t seamless but goodness me Willemijn Verkiak!

- NGD is Willemijn’s song all over, I don’t even give a single fuck.

- Sue Kelvin’s Madame Morrible is bullying Glinda even before their little scene in MOTWH (in fact you could see it in TG, when the Ozians were spreading those horrible rumours about Elphaba, Suzie was reacting to each thing and then turned around to Morrible to protest and got shut down and turned back around with a fake smile), it’s just that is when you actually see it first hand in the show. I love it when cast members have enough experience to create those small moments between themselves that only adds to their character and the mini arcs in each act.

- I also have to give some merit to Sue Kelvin’s Madame Morrible, her ‘wicked witch’ never failed to give me chills, and every tiny nuance from her line delivery to her stage presence just makes me love her more; there will never be another like her.

- There were no noticeable sound issues this time (thank fuck, sound no. 1 has finally learned!) but the mix still sounds really weird to my ears and for what I enjoy.

- Willemijn and Suzie started their bows hugging! The door opened on them at the right time and they were standing there hugging each other :’) (x)

- There were 21 cast members who left the company for this cast change! Just about every single principal apart from Nessa and Dillamond left and a large number of the ensemble (although there were a whopping 23 cast members who left for the 2016 cast change just before the 10th anniversary cast joined the show)

- Willemijn was crying during her speech, Suzie was crying, the ensemble was crying, my heart was fucking crying ugh

- You could really tell just how much the whole company love each other as well

- Popular was Suzie’s song from the beginning! She auditioned with it for WAAPA when she completely changed the course she was studying! I’m so glad she got to finish her Wicked journey in London.

- All in all, the principles from the 10th anniversary casts were all incredible and they’ll be sorely missed in the global Wicked family (though you never can be too sure with any of them, saying they’re done with the role and then ‘surprise bitch’)

So the moral of this story is: when you’ve already seen your show 3 times in under 2 months, the only way you can possibly see them any closer together is to just go on the same day!