#small crush on a classmate.. goes forgotten for many years until they reconnect and actually get to know each other

[girlymatsu]

Erina’s Graduation day… she fancied herself up for school for once…

[softsichenghours]

just like in highschool {n.y}

summary: in which it’s been five years since you’ve seen your highschool sweetheart, nakamoto yuta. that is, until your dreaded highschool reunion.

word count: 4.8k 

you sighed as you turned off the engine in the driveway of your best friend’s house. it had been five years since you had been in your hometown, and you weren’t planning on going back anytime soon, until you got the news of your highschool reunion. it had been only five years since you graduated and moved away promptly, but a few of your classmates had put together a reunion. you supposed if you attended this one, you wouldn’t be obliged to attend the rest in years to come. 

your parents had since moved out of your hometown, and you would rather stay with your best friend, ellie, instead of staying with distant relatives or in a hotel. but you still found yourself stalling for time by sitting in the parked car and staring at her house. it was the house she grew up in and it was passed down to her when her parents also moved away, so you knew it well.

you knew you had to face the music sometime, so you took a deep breath and grabbed your bag from the backseat before exiting your car. you walked up to her front door and rang the doorbell, hearing excited footsteps scatter to the door. 

“y/n!” taeyong said excitedly, pulling you into a bear hug. you couldn’t help but laugh at the same silliness your best friends fiance still had five years since you had last seen him. you got a good look at him when he finally pulled away from you. he had gotten more handsome, which you thought was nearly impossible for taeyong. even in highschool he was a heartthrob, but he had much more of a boyish look back then. 

“you’re looking great. come in.” he beamed.

“you are too.” you chuckled, taking a step into their home. it had barely changed since you were younger.  “where’s–” before you could finish your thought, you heard a voice yell from upstairs.  

“is that y/n?” ellie called. before taeyong could tell her that it was in fact you, she was barrelling down the stairs as fast as her tiny legs could carry her and crushing you in a hug. 

“hey, you have to be careful!” taeyong laughed, but she didn’t listen. as soon as she took a step back from you, she was asking you questions at a rapid fire speed. 

“why haven’t you come to visit any sooner? how are you doing at your job? is there anyone special yet?” she wiggled her eyebrows with her last question. 

“1. i haven’t had the time, 2. it’s good, and 3. no. there’s no one yet.”

“so, who else is still around?” you questioned as you sat around after dinner that night, sipping on your glass of wine. “just you guys?” 

“us, jeonghan, nayeon…that’s about it. johnny lives in the town over now, but he’ll be here for the reunion.” taeyong explained, looking at ellie to make sure he didn’t miss anyone. 

“yeah, that’s really it…” she sighed.

“oh! and yuta will be here, too. he flies in tomorrow.” taeyong added. 

yuta. 

“what even goes on with him anymore?” ellie questioned, leaning back on the couch. 

“i don’t know, i haven’t talked to the guy since graduation. i don’t think anyone has. he’s a singer, i think.” 

“i heard he got divorced from asami recently. like, within the past year.” ellie mentioned. 

“really? i thought they would be together forever.” taeyong pondered. you kept out of the conversation, not being able to open your mouth to speak about him. 

“no, i followed her on social media, and they didn’t really seem happy.”

“how long were they married?” taeyong raised an eyebrow, finishing the last of his wine.

“gosh, it must’ve been…three years? or it would’ve been three years. they got married when they were around 19.”

ellie must have noticed how quiet you were, and quickly changed the topic. she knew about what went on between you and yuta back in highschool. you wished you had forgotten.

you thought you weren’t ready to face everyone from home, but you definitely weren’t ready to face yuta. that’s why when he walked into the restaurant you were eating at the next night with ellie, taeyong and johnny, you almost choked on your water. you froze, memories coming back to you all at once. 

“yuta, over here!” ellie called, waving him over. he seemed different, but so the same as he sauntered over. he even looked different. if you had thought taeyong had gotten more attractive, it was nothing compared to yuta. he had matured a lot, and looked like a man now, not the geeky teenager you knew. you noticed his long hair was dyed red and half of it was tied up in a small bun and that his eyes still looked like they held all the stars in the sky. 

as he sat down next to taeyong, his eyes met yours. in that moment, it was like you were both saying a thousand words to each other. in that moment, you both knew. 

nakamoto yuta wasn’t satisfied with his life. after his divorce, he felt like a piece of him was missing. maybe it was his ex-wife, asami, maybe it was just her company and love. he tried to fill the hole with his career, playing small shows and writing songs. but at the end of the day, he still came home to an empty apartment. that’s why when he heard about the reunion, he knew he had to go. he wanted to see all his friends from highschool and hopefully reconnect with them. you had crossed his mind many times, but he never expected you to show up. that’s why when his eyes met yours for the first time after five years, he knew. 

when you had all finished your meals, johnny was the first to start a conversation. 

“so yuta, how’s the singing career going?” he questioned, a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

“it’s– going,” he laughed. “i play a few small gigs at bars and local festivals every now and then. i think i have more songs than i’ll ever need.” 

“you’ll get your recognition one day, man. just keep at it.” taeyong reassured. 

“what about you, y/n? what do you do now?” johnny questioned you next. 

“um,” you thought about what you did, working as the senior vice president of an accounting company. “i have an office job.” you chuckled, trying to make a joke. 

“boring! isn’t that like watching paint dry?” johnny insulted. 

“no, sometimes i actually do the painting.” you replied in a joking matter. 

“what happened to the teenager with big dreams of being an artist?” yuta questioned cockily, crossing his arms and leaning back. 

“life happened. y’know, some of us are trying to survive and don’t have our heads in the clouds still.” you jeered. everybody fell silent.

“yeah, well, some of us want to be happy, not rich.” he fired back. “and weren’t you the one who told me to pursue this career?” 

“o-kay!” taeyong exclaimed before your little argument could grow bigger. “we should get going, it’s getting late.”

you wanted to say you felt bad for lashing out at yuta, but as you lay in bed that night, you knew you were right to stand up for yourself. he hadn’t contacted you in five years, he had no right to talk about your job. as for his, although you had made fun of it, you respected what he did. you hadn’t heard him sing since highschool, but even then, his voice was calming and angelic. you remembered lying under the huge oak tree in your backyard with your head in his lap as he sang sweet melodies to you. things were a lot different back then.  

you couldn’t seem to sleep because of the thoughts running through your head, so you sat up and grabbed for your phone and headphones on the nightstand. you quickly searched his name, nakamoto yuta, and searched for his songs. the first one you found, you assumed it to be the most popular, was called sun&moon. you listened as his voice filled your ears again, the lyrics making your mind swirl.

“when my moon rises your sun rises as well under the same sky in this different time our hearts are connected under the same sky

you and i you and i you and i our own secrets you and i you and i you and i we are like one

will i be able to see you again? at the end of this long journey? want to be together in the same time in different places this distorted fate.”

the lyrics reminded you so much of yours and yuta’s relationship. well, it was never a “relationship”, but it was definitely something. you decided to turn off your phone and get back to trying to sleep, neglecting the tears filling in your eyes.

tap, tap, tap. 

you almost didn’t hear it over the soft lull of the television and oscillating fan in your room the next night.

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. 

you furrowed your eyebrows as you watched the tiny pebbles hit the window. when you looked out, you thought your eyes were playing tricks on you. yuta stood in the backyard, throwing rocks at your window. just like in highschool, you thought to yourself. he smiled to himself when your face appeared behind the window. you opened it quickly, before sticking your head out. 

“what are you doing?” you questioned. it was almost midnight, after all. 

“um,” he looked down at the pebbles in his hand. “throwing rocks at your window? come down, please.” 

“and why?” you fired back without thinking, not meaning to sound rude. 

“because i want to talk to you.” yuta answered simply, a perfect smile appearing on his face. you couldn’t stop your stomach from doing a flip, just like in highschool. 

that’s how you ended up on the rooftop of the abandoned gas station on the corner of pine street, a place you commonly hung out at in highschool. the gas station had been closed for over 10 years, and yuta had discovered that the back door was unlocked in your junior year. now that you were here as adults, it felt like all those memories were just a weird fever dream. 

you were the first to speak. “i’m sorry for what i said the other night. i never meant to start an argument.” 

“it’s fine. i see where you’re coming from. music is the only thing that’s ever made sense to me.” he said, staring down at his feet dangling over the edge of the roof. you were reminded of his song lyrics that were so closely related to your relationship with him. 

“i listened to one of your songs.” you mentioned, inhaling sharply. 

“really?” he looked at you and smiled. “which one?” 

“sun&moon. it’s really nice. the lyrics are beautiful.”

“thank you…i knew you’d like that one.” because it’s about you, yuta wanted to say. “what have you even been up to lately?”

you took a deep breath and looked forward at the town. “not a lot. just working.” 

“oh, i see.” he said simply. “that’s tough…i mean-! work is good sometimes!”

“no, you’re right. work shouldn’t be the only thing occupying my life.” you said with a short laugh escaping your lips. 

“is it? there’s no one…special, if you know what i mean?” yuta joked, nudging your shoulder with his. 

you laughed at what he was implying. “no yuta, there isn’t anybody. a few boyfriends here and there over the last few years but nothing lasting.” you sighed.

yuta was silent for a moment, both of you looking out over the rooftop, both of you wishing it was highschool again when you were–

“i’m sorry to hear you haven’t had luck in that area.” he cut you off from your thoughts. “i guess you heard what happened with me and asami…” 

“yeah, ellie told me. i’m really sorry, yuta.” you looked over at him and watched as he smiled with nostalgia. 

“it’s okay. it’s what we both wanted. well, i guess we wanted different things in life. she wanted to travel the world and always be on an adventure. i wanted to settle down within the next few years.”

“sadly that’s what ends a lot of relationships at this age.” you chuckled with a bitter tone. you had so much you wanted to talk about with yuta, so much you wanted to ask him. like why did he chose her over you? and why did he act like nothing ever went on between you? but you couldn’t bring it up so soon, he only wanted to have a civilized conversation. 

what you and yuta had was like no other relationship you’d ever had. but there was never a label on what you had. you weren’t girlfriend and boyfriend, but you both knew you were lovers. for almost two years you were attached to each other. you did everything a couple would, went on dates, had sleepovers, and showed affection. you were each other’s first, well, everything. first date, first meaningful kiss, first time. you were each other’s first loves. well, you were in love with him. madly, at that. 

and you thought he felt the same towards you, but then he started going out with asami right before graduation. you were so heartbroken, you must’ve cried three rivers that night. the only person you ever told about how you were feeling was ellie, so naturally, she knew about how you felt about yuta. you had never gotten to talk to him about it, as you both were so busy then. and after graduation, you went your separate ways to different universities. for years, you wanted to know why he did what he did. but now that he was sitting next to you in such a vulnerable way, you couldn’t seem to talk about it. 

yuta couldn’t either.

“hey, y/n, here’s your yearbook.” ellie laughed and tossed the hardcover to where you sat on the couch. you caught it quickly, a confused look on your face. 

 “wh- how’d you get this?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“when your parents moved out of town, they found it in their attic and knew you’d want it one day, so they gave it to me to hold on to.” she smiled, sitting next to you and opening hers. you turned over the slim book in your hands. truthfully, you had never even looked at it. 

“oh my gosh, look how small and awkward everyone was!” she giggled, finding the seniors page. 

“i’ve never even looked at mine…” you pondered. 

“wait,” she looked up from the pages. “really? not even to look at the autographs?” she asked with disbelief in her voice.

“not even to look at the autographs. i guess i was so heartbroken that i didn’t even want to see them.” you said in a quiet voice. “should i look now?” 

“no! i mean, they’ll do autographs at the reunion, so how cool would it be if you looked at it for the first time after that? you’ll see everyone’s original comment and their comment from now!” she suggested excitedly. before you could say anything, she took your yearbook from your hands and stood up. “you’ll get this back at the reunion.”

the night of the reunion crept up on you faster than you wanted it to. you had been excited to see everyone again, but now that you stood by the door waiting to go into the venue they had booked, you couldn’t stop your mind from racing. ellie noticed and laid a hand on your shoulder comfortingly and leaned into you  

“don’t worry. you won’t have to see these people ever again after this if you don’t want to.” she whispered. she was right, but it wasn’t just everyone you were nervous to see. the thought of yuta made your hands tremble, as you had decided to talk to him tonight about what he had done. 

after a few hours of socializing, yuta had completely slipped your mind. you were talking to some old friends when you noticed his figure slip out the back door. you quickly excused yourself from the conversation and followed after him, grabbing two beers from the bar on the way. 

yuta’s head didn’t even turn when you walked out into the cool night air, the metal door slamming behind you.

“hey, you good?” you sat beside him on the step, handing him a beer. he looked over at you and tried to smile, but it was obvious something was weighing him down. 

“yeah,” he looked away from you, “i’m good.” 

“no you’re not.” you said without missing a beat. “i know you, yuta. something’s on your mind.” 

he was quiet for a few seconds, the noise of the party inside filling the silence.  

“i’m just feeling a bit…lonely. everyone is in a relationship, or happy with their life at least.” he sighed, running a hand through his thick red hair and taking a sip of his beer. 

“not everyone is.” you said without thinking. yuta didn’t say anything. “why did you do what you did to me in highschool?” 

“hmm?” he looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed. “what do you mean?”

“why did you pick asami over me? why did you just start going out with her one day when i was in love with you?”

“y/n…” he sighed. 

“no, yuta, i deserve to know. i’ve asked myself those questions everyday for five years, i just want an answer. even if it’s not what i want to hear.” you said, your voice shaky. don’t cry, you had to tell yourself. yuta still stayed silent. 

suddenly the door opened, and taeyong poked his head out. 

“hey, i thought i’d find you two out here. we’re signing yearbooks now if you want to join.” he smiled. you heaved yourself off the concrete steps and huffed, taking a swig of your beer. you went back in with taeyong, leaving yuta alone outside. 

yuta wasn’t ready to go back inside just yet, leaving his mind to wander to what you had brought up. he knew you were hurt over what he did back then, but he didn’t realize that you were still hung up on it. the truth was, he had only started going out with someone else because he knew that after graduation you would have to part ways anyway. he didn’t know if he could make the long distance work and knew we couldn’t handle the breakup because of it. still, he knew he should’ve talked to you about it first. 

yuta had been so in love with you, and he wished you knew you weren’t the only hurting. even though he was with asami, it took him a long time to get over you. even though he was with asami for almost four years, he had never felt a love like yours. if he was being honest, he still found himself thinking about you too often. and he would never tell anybody, but he knew he would never find a love like yours again.

the next day rolled around quickly and soon you were packing your barely unpacked suitcase to go home again. your mind and heart were heavy as you thought about leaving your friends again, but as always, life got in the way. you thought about yuta. you knew he was flying home today, too. you hadn’t even gotten to talk to him that much, which you regretted. you didn’t even know why you wanted to.

“hey y/n, here’s your yearbook. you left it downstairs when we came home last night.” ellie spoke from the doorway, making you flinch at her sudden presence. you forced a smile and took the slender book from her hands. 

“thanks…” you muttered and almost shoved it in your suitcase until she stopped you. 

“are you going to read it this time? aren’t you curious as to what everyone had to say five years ago and today?” ellie urged. you pushed your suitcase out of the way and sat on the edge of the bed, opening the front cover. 

“i guess i should, right?” you looked up at her. ellie just smiled like she knew something you didn’t before closing the door again, leaving you to read. had she secretly flipped through your yearbook without you knowing? you didn’t really care at this point. you skimmed through the pages, a small smile forming on your lips as you looked at everyone’s pictures. 

right before the autograph page was the senior superlatives page, something else you had forgotten about. you read about the most athletic and the most likely to be famous, none of them sparking interest to you. your eyes fell on a picture of yuta with the caption “biggest flirt”. well, they got that one right. then you spotted a picture of you and yuta that you didn't even know existed, with the caption “most likely to remain highschool sweethearts”. all you could do was chuckle bitterly. 

when you turned the page to the autographs, you smiled widely once again. you always tried to be kind and made friends with everyone in highschool, so everyone had something nice to say about you. you must’ve read through twenty “i’ll miss you!”s and “you’re the best!”s, before reading the more sincere ones. 

you laughed at what ellie had said about you being her bestfriend forever, even if you didn’t have a choice, and what johnny had said about you being the best lab partner in chemistry for three years. just when you thought you had read all of them, you recognized yuta’s messy writing. 

“i think i’m in love with you. -yuta” if that, what he had said in highschool, didn’t make your heart skip a beat, the words directly underneath it in neater handwriting from the night before made it skip two. 

“i know i still am. -yuta” the only thought that ran through your mind was that you had to find yuta before he got on that plane.

you drove through the backstreets to the old house where you knew yuta’s parents still lived. you knew the route there like the back of your hand still, like it was just yesterday you were spending your days there, messing around with yuta. 

when you pulled into the driveway, your mind was so foggy that you almost forgot to turn off the engine of your car. you ran up the front steps and knocked on the door, hoping someone was home. hoping that someone was yuta.  

“y/n dear, how nice to see you!” yuta’s mother beamed, pulling you into a hug. 

“hi mrs.nakamoto.” you smiled, catching your breath. 

“what brings you here?” she questioned, holding you at arms length to get a good look at you. you looked over her shoulder into the house, memories washing over you. memories of yuta chasing you down the stairs with a pillow in hand when you would have childish pillow fights during your sleepovers, of many bowls of popcorn being burnt in the kitchen, of almost waxing yuta’s eyebrows off in his bathroom, hell, you had even lost your virginity in that house. but now there was no trace of yuta.

“i’m looking for yuta.” you said, looking at her once again. “is he here?” you asked as hope bubbled in your chest. 

“oh, i’m sorry. i’m afraid you just missed him, sweetie.” she said, an apologetic look settling on her face. you sighed as all hope dissipated from you. what did you do now? it would be too late if you drove to the airport, and you had to leave soon too. did you just have to accept the fact that you were in love with each other and you wouldn’t be together? it hit you that that was the first time you acknowledged that you were still in love with yuta. 

you ran your hands through your hair and looked away from the older woman, trying not to let the tears collect in your eyes. you blinked them back when she spoke. 

“is everything alright, dear?” her kind eyes bore into you, the same kind eyes yuta had inherited. 

“yeah, everything’s fine.” you forced a smile. “i just wanted to say goodbye.”  

“well i’m sure you’ll be back here at the same time again and you’ll get to see him.” she smiled gently. 

“you’re right. thanks mrs.nakamoto.” you smiled softly. “i should get going, i have a plane to catch, too.” 

you said your goodbyes to her and got back in your car, your heart heavy and crying in your chest. maybe if you had just looked at your yearbook when you got home the night before! there life went, getting in your way again. you collected yourself as best as you could and turned on the engine of your car, getting ready to go back to ellie’s and finish packing.

as you drove down the narrow backroad, you noticed a familiar head of flaming red hair leaning against his car which was pulled over on the side of the road. yuta! you caught his eyes as you pulled over behind him and noticed a grin spring to his face. you quickly got out of the car to talk to him.

“y/n, what are you–?” he started but you cut him off. 

“i saw what you wrote in my yearbook.” you smiled, the same feeling of hope building in your chest.

“finally!” he laughed, taking a step closer to you. “so, what about you?” 

you took a deep breath, hoping you wouldn’t come off too strong. “i’ve realized that the thing missing in my life that i’ve been wanting, is love. i know this sounds really cheesy and i feel like we’re back in highschool again but these past few days i’ve realized that i can’t stay mad at you for what you did because i’ve never really stopped liking you.” you blurted out.

“i feel that way too! i mean, i tried so hard to stop loving you, but it was hard to. seeing you again just brought it all back to me.” he reciprocated, his wide grin growing even wider.

“listen, yuta. i know life is going to try and keep us apart because when has life ever worked out in our favour?” you paused while he laughed. 

“you’re right about that.”

“but i want to be with you and i’m not letting anything keep us apart anymore.” you said confidently, although you were sure your hands were trembling at your sides. yuta leaned down, his hands grasping either side of your face, his lips landing on yours. it felt like fireworks all over again. just like in highschool.

you closed the door to your apartment behind you, stifling a yawn and kicking your heels off. you had had a long day at work and all you wanted was to cuddle up in your bed and sleep for three days. the mouthwatering smell of dinner cooking hit your nose and you smiled softly, knowing what was waiting for you. 

“is that you, babe?” yuta’s voice called from the kitchen. you hung up your coat and trudged into the kitchen to see him standing at the stove, preparing whatever meal he had cooked for the both of you. 

it had been two months since your highschool reunion. yuta had packed up his life and moved in with you only a few weeks after. since then, your days had been filled with happiness instead of constant work. 

you wrapped your arms around his middle and rested your cheek on his back, breathing in his scent and letting your eyes close. 

“no, it’s not me.” you replied with a giggle. 

“how was your day, munchkin?” he asked softly, putting his hands over yours and removing your arms from him just so he could turn around to see you. 

“tiring.” you sighed, looking up at his glowing face. you could tell yuta was a lot happier here, too. “how was yours?” 

yuta had started working for a music production company and was excited to make music everyday. you were lucky that he had shorter days than you, because that meant he could be home to greet you when you got back from work everyday. 

“my day was amazing.” he smiled, pulling you back into his arms, your head resting on his chest. “let’s have dinner and then go to bed, yeah?” he suggested, a hand rubbing your back soothingly. 

“yes please.” you chuckled lazily, your eyes fluttering closed again. you stayed like that for a moment, the way yuta was swaying you gently almost making you fall asleep in his arms. 

“i love you, y/n.” he whispered, placing a kiss to the top of your head. yeah, this was definitely what was missing from your life