#sleep might not be possible right now tbh i'm super fucking anxious

[queenerdloser]

hahahaha after like five days of being totally normal, my cat has now decided that he is sick again and threw up like six times in two hours, spiking my anxiety back into astronomical levels

[collidescopeeyes]

Hey so I'm kind of in a tm-not-so-good place right now, so if possible can I get a Heartsteel Aphelios x reader who's dealing with a narcissistic/emotionally abusive parent? Or if possible it's Aphelios and their S/O but they also have the rest of the Heartsteel members and Alune to help them through it. As you can see by the request, I'm dealing with this right now and i kinda need the comfort, thank you!

As someone whose dealt with far too much of that myself recently, my heart goes out to you anon ❤️ hope things get easier soon.

---

You have ‘hey, are you awake?’ typed into the chatbox, thumb hovering indecisively over the send button, for a good fifteen minutes before Aphelios messages you. You aren't expecting it–it’s almost midnight, and Phel might be a night owl, but he also has a job. Part of the reason you'd been reluctant to text him–he’s busy, and you'd hate to wake him.

‘You okay?’ the text reads. You spend a moment wondering why he'd ask that, and then realize if he was texting you this late at night he also would have seen your typing notification hovering there for god knows how long. Which also means pretending you're fine is probably out of the picture as well–even if he didn't know you were visiting your parents this weekend, he's always been had a knack for seeing straight through you. May as well be honest, then.

‘not really tbh’ you type back. ‘like I'm fine I'm just…….blehhh. y'know.’

‘Want company?’ comes the immediate reply, because Phel puts sugar to shame. Too sweet for his own good, probably, because he really shouldn't be driving around at fuck o’clock at night to keep you company– ‘I missed you :(‘ comes the follow up text, neatly defeating the argument you were just building up in your head.

‘...can I come over?’ you ask anyway. ‘i don't really want to be at home right now’

‘ofc. I'm already putting my shoes on, I'll see you soon ❤️’

You send a heart back, click your phone off, and stare blankly up at the fading afterimage of the bright screen against your dark ceiling. You have no idea what time you'd gotten home, but you'd had about enough energy to crawl into bed and not much else. As such, you're pretty much still dressed, plus you're pretty sure you have clean clothes at Phel’s place. Even if you didn't, you'd steal one of his shirts to sleep in and Alune would have something to lend you in the morning. You're pretty sure she likes dressing you up, or at least, she has a habit of leveraging her industry connections to get amazing deals on clothes she just happens to think you'd look cute in. Kayn likes to joke she's trying to steal you away from Aphelios.

A knock on your front door startles you to attention, followed by jingling keys as Phel lets himself in. How long had you been zoning out for? He lived like fifteen minutes away, and it felt like it'd barely been five. You drag yourself out of bed as he pushes open your bedroom door, and even in the dim light from the street lamp outside your window you see him smile when he sees you. Immediately, you're wrapped up in a hug, and you feel him press a kiss to your hairline. The anxious knot that's been in your chest ever since you left this weekend eases a little, and you clutch at his hoodie trying to absorb that feeling. He smells like fresh laundry and comfort and home.

“...hi,” you offer after a moment, your voice slightly muffled from where you're pressing your face into his chest. You lean back, reaching over to fumble with your lamp so you can actually see him. “You got here faster than I thought, sorry.”

He shrugs. “I was at Yone’s, the bands having a movie night,” he signs. “We can join them, if you're feeling up for it, or we can just go back to mine and chill. It's up to you.”

You blink up at him. “What movie?”

“The mummy series,” he signs. “Ez is getting super offended, it's really funny.”

You huff a laugh. “That sounds…perfect, actually. You're sure nobody will mind?”

He waves a hand at you. “Of course not, the guys love you.” A smile curves your lips, and he pauses, a fond look in his eye before he ducks his head to press a kiss to your lips. “Not that I wouldn't be happy to monopolize you, but, y'know.”

You laugh. “I think Alune would have words about that.”

He shrugs. “Gotta flex my older brother privileges sometime. You good to go?”

You glance at your still unpacked bag, then nod–that was a tomorrow problem. Maybe the day after. His car is parked outside, still warm from the drive over–he must've cranked the heater for you, because left to his own devices Aphelios wouldn't feel the need for a jacket in a walk in freezer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He signs as you pull out onto the quiet streets, one hand on the wheel.

You sigh deeply. “It's…nothing new, and I probably should've expected this because this is what always happens, but…I dunno, I was hoping we could have a mature conversation this time? But no, same old song and dance. Nothing is ever their fault, and if I get them to stop deflecting long enough to actually admit they did something wrong, I must only be bringing it up because I'm an terrible daughter who's just trying to hurt them, and then the whole thing turns into a big confrontation when all I wanted was…I dunno, some acknowledgement that ‘hey, that was a fucked up thing I did,’” you gesture vaguely at the dashboard, frustrated, and then deflate with a defeated sigh. He reaches over and squeezes your hand in wordless comfort. You offer him a weak smile. “It's fine. I'll be fine. It's just…exhausting, you know?"

He nods, and with a final squeeze you let his hand go so he can sign “I'm sorry. It's not fair, and you deserve better.” He glances at you, brow pulled together in worry. “If you ever need anything, comfort or company or help, I'm here for you. We all are. Doesn't matter how late it is or how far away you are, I'll come running.”

You probably shouldn't try to kiss him while he's driving. “Thanks,” you say instead, voice soft. “I…can't tell you how much that means to me.”

He smiles, but if he has a reply his hands are occupied pulling into Yone’s driveway. Still, he's not driving anymore, so that makes it fair game to lean across the console to kiss the life out of him.

--Right up until you hear Yone's door open. You break apart, only to see Alune standing on the doorstep, hands on her hips. She signs something too fast for you to catch in the dim streetlight, and then flounces back inside. Phel laughs, and you look at him curiously. “She called me an attention hog,” he signs, chuckling.

You laugh. “Well, we better not keep her waiting.”

The sound of the movie filters in as you enter the house and make your way to the living room, coupled with familiar voices and laughter. “--and codex style books weren't even invented until the Roman Empire!” Ezreal is arguing as you walk in, gesturing at the screen animatedly. “It would’ve been a papyrus scroll!” A chorus of greetings sounds over the tail end of his sentence, apparently dismissing what's no doubt the tail end of a long rant. They're scattered around the room–Alune and Ezreal on the long couch, K'Sante and Yone in the twin armchairs on either side, Sett lounging on the beanbag in the corner and Kayn laying directly on the carpeted floor, ankles crossed on the edge of the couch and watching the movie upside-down.

“He's been going on like this the whole time,” Sett informs you by way of greeting, grinning.

“Someone has to hold Hollywood accountable for their blatant disregard for historical accuracy!” Ezreal insists hotly, before fixing you with a pleading look. “Back me up here, you think papyrus scrolls are cool, right?”

“Pretty cool, yeah,” you agree. Alune animatedly gestures you over to two free spaces on the couch with a beaming grin, which you have no doubt she pulled rank to acquire. Kayn offers you a wave as you step over him.

“I saved some snacks,” she whispers as you settle by her side, Phel on your other. True to her word, she has a bowl of chips in one hand and a punnet of chocolate dipped strawberries in the other. Ezreal tries to sneak one of the latter while she's distracted, only for her to whip her head around and give him a narrow eyed look, to which he immediately begins to feign stretching instead.

“How was your trip?” Yone asks. You must make a face, because he frowns. “Ah. My condolences. Family matters are often... uniquely troubling."

You wince. “It was…not great, yeah. I don't...really want to get into it.”

“I'm just putting this out there, but if you want someone vanished you can just say the word, I know a guy,” Kayn offers from the floor.

You stifle a laugh. “Are you the guy?”

“Me or one of my siblings,” he qualifies. “Depends, how many people you want killed?”

“You cannot keep threatening to sic your family members on people you don't like simply because your father teaches all his foster children martial arts,” K'Sante points out dryly.

“It's not just because of that,” Kayn argues. “It's part of the pact–everyone gets one favor, no questions asked, everybody has to chip in if they can."

“And you…haven't used yours yet?” Yone asks skeptically.

“Nope,” Kayn says cheerfully. “I covered up my fuckups and achieved my numerous impressive exploits by my own merits, thank you.”

“I do not need anyone killed,” you confirm.

“Yet,” Ezreal corrects sagely, only to interrupt himself with an aghast gasp. “He's reading hieroglyphs in the wrong direction!” he cries, pointing accusingly at the screen. Phel puts an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side, and like this–snuggled up with him, surrounded by your friends and terrible movie–it was suddenly a lot easier to believe everything was going to be okay.

[quarthly]

Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao

[timextoxhajima]

NOO i swear you're not taking any of my time huhu i love talking to you😭😭 tbh i usually have time at nights but i'd rather use them to sleep or watch some tbz content bc my a test every 3 weeks schedule is still going but i have a lot more to do now so i'd usually spent the first 1 weeks with taking as much rests as i can 🥲

and no worries ur not making me feel pressured to reveal myself!!!! im just saying this bc i really wanna be friends w u,, but if i ever leave tumblr then i WILL OFC I WILL TELL U

hehehe yea i love trying new hobbies no matter how bad i may be at them just to find the feeling of joy when i feel like im truly enjoying them, and with writing even when what i write has nothing to do with my thoughts it really help in keeping my minds busy instead of drifting away into bad thoughts🥲🥲 i do video editing too sometimes, photography, but its kinda hard thanks to the pandemic so yeah,,, editing sunwoo video it is for me😭😂 i hope you found ur getaway too!!! or did u already?

I C THE NEW ENHYPEN POST OMG IVE BEEN SEEING THEM A LOT LIKE A WHOLE LOT EVERYWHERE not to mention im also a shawol so i know that ni-ki was one of the shinee kid?? in shinee's japanese concert😭😂 but i havent found the time to know abt the other members yet so--

ANW I RLLY LOVE THAT FOR UU its good that you're getting a lot more comfortable❤️ so does that mean you are currently on a holiday? yea coming back to uni really sucks sometimes i hated it a lot too but these days i've gotten a lot closer to my friends and i miss them so much now that we havent seen each other for months🥲

i'm pretty good! all the preparation has been kinda a lot and my research supervisor has been kinda laterep lately which is making me super anxious most of the time bc i really need to get everything done by august😭😭 but yeah writing has helped me A LOT in shifting my thoughts and making me feel better, i hope i am taking care of myself enough

how about you dana? are you taking care of yourself ? - 🍋🍋

omg just sleep LMAO just fkin sleep it's fine tumblr isn't worth your physical health HAHAHAHHAHA yeah your 3-week test schedule sounds disgustang fam idk how you do it so props to you

omg... tbh photography is a great way to ?? learn about life?? does that make sense lol i started photography in 2013 and now i've shifted more into filming, writing and editing so it was a very nice shift and transition for me. i guess my getaway definitely includes writing fics, i'm on a video production intern right now too so i get to shoot in studios and edit the footage later on. i was supposed to go on a chill photoshoot with a friend but covid said fuck you LMAO but i might get paid to help my freshies do their committee photoshoot at the end of the year so that'll be a blast. i love brainstorming themes for photoshoots and like templating designs - i think i'm an all-rounded creative person, as in into creatives [not boasting about... my creativity] but i definitely love the freedom in expression and i'm starting to realise that i'm picking up every single medium i could possibly utilise to exploit this freedom of expression thing: writing, dancing, filming, photography, creative designs, you name it LOL

yes niki was a shawol!! he went for a tokyo dome concert of shinee's and key hugged him while he cried LMAO he said it was like 2014 or smth which meant that niki was fucken... 9... stanning enha has been a JOURNEY for me because all this while i've been stanning groups that are generally older than me. even with skz jeongin i began to feel a tad awkward because he's younger, and with txt i basically couldn't whole-heartedly stan them because 3/5 of them are younger than me... then you have enha whose maknae is younger than my sister?! like... fam... how... why... am i that old now... omg

yeah i am on holiday! my sem ended in late april and since then i've been pretty much rotting at home, handling my intern projects, writing, learning some choreos for more covers and sobbing over kdramas owo the tissues wasted LMAO i love this break for myself honestly cause the sem was such a shitshow and i lost a friend or two over some nonsense and i had conflict with a couple of others too so while i do miss their nonsense, i really need the time away from these idiots who act like 5 year olds sometimes

omg i hope your supervisor knows not to pressure you too much, like work-life balance is a thing there right... >.>

i'm so happy you're writing that shit out. back before i began to write i felt so suffocated and i can't imagine my life if i didn't go into writing so i'm glad you found this portal to escape, even if it is for a moment!

i'm taking of myself... by keeping myself at home LMAO i haven't seen friends for like... weeks now, which is pretty surprising given the circumstances, because we're not on lockdown and you can still go out in pairs and i've had friends trying to get me out of the house to hang but i'm... so lazy... and frankly just uninterested in a social life now. idk how i shd feel about that, it's like the introvert rlly hopped the fuck out after i spent majority of the past sem acting like an extrovert.

if you consider sleeping at 4am every night taking care of myself then HEY i guess im fit as a pickle HAHAHAHHAHAHAH