#slaughtyr: jackie.

[doomdays]

@slaughtyr, "we’re not trapped in this."

she feels trapped. in some way, she has always felt like that: trapped in the shadows of the person she needed to be but couldn't figure out, trapped in a life that made her feel empty, trapped in jackie's shadow. out here, she feels like the latter is something she can break free of --- she can be the girl with the knife, the butcher, the one who is finding her purpose amongst something so harrowing, and there's something rejuvenating about that ( even if she isn't willing to admit it out loud. ) free of standards set by the surroundings of high school, it's like she can escape the secrets she's hiding -- at least, she convinces herself so, until jackie looks at her like that, and she's reminded of the web of lies she's crafted around her.

❝  you really think we're going home any time soon? ❞ she doesn't want to be here, but the idea of going home and resuming the life she was failing to craft herself seems like a different kind of hell. ❝  how do we even come back from this? do you think about that? how do we just --- go back to our lives? ❞   she thinks about jeff; does he miss her, or is he only thinking of jackie? does shauna even care, or does she just want it to be her he misses the most? her face falters at the thought, but she looks to jackie, and she's comforted for a moment, her own personal piece of home, despite everything she holds against her. ❝  i  ---  think we have to get used to this.  for a while.  right?  ❞

[ofaither]

୨୧˚♡* ♱    starter call, accepting.    ( @slaughtyr​ )

                "  we  used  to  be  good.  "    she  sobs  into  her  hands,  the  first  thing  she's  felt  in  weeks  besides  numbness,  blistering  cold.  and  it's  this.  some  wild  thing  thrashing  in  her.  she  begs  it  to  stop,  to  quiet,  to  sleep.  sleep  like  jackie,  gone  into  a  cold  winters  night.    "  we  used  to  be  good-  we're  sinners,  we're  hungry,  i  see  it  every  night,  ever  since-  ever  since-  "    javi  gone,  misty's  mushrooms,  a  downpour  of  hellfire  from  the  sky.  she  talks  to  Him,  every  night,  but  nothing  since  then.  it's  like  ...  He's  gone.  but  it's  thoughts  like  those  that  keep  them  here.  it's  her  that  keeps  them  here.  her  throat  aches,  peels  like  dried  paint  and  cracks  like  forgotten  wood.  when  was  the  last  time  she'd  spoken?  to  anyone?  maybe  she  had  fallen  asleep  like  jackie,  like  javi.  somewhere  deep  in  the  snow  and  they'd  all  forgotten.    "  what's  wrong  with  us?  "

[c0nsumere]

@slaughtyr : it will be better if i go .

" oh fuck you nat. " tone borders on something close to playful as hands go up to brush silent tears from the the curves of your cheek ( nearly invisible in the moonlight, & yet you want them gone, scraped from the skin that is yours ). " you don't have to go. " eyes adjust over your shoulder, caught in the gaze of the blonde: a smile that looks defeated or hollow pulls up on your lips. " i wanted to go for a swim or something but it's fucking freezing. " a half scoff, half laugh, bubbles in your chest as you're pulled back to look at the moon shinning of the lake. never had you seen anyone out here, not at this time, but you'll be the first to admit: nat's presence is greatly welcomed... it pulls you out of the swirl of self pity that is ready to consume you & your girlhood whole. " c'mon, sit. "

[roseguided-arch]

@slaughtyr gets a RANDOM starter ! ft eden parker, winter time

𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐏 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇 into an old cup, the outside metal immediately warmed from the liquid that’s been sitting in front of the fire all morning. once again, travis & natalie have taken to try to hunt in the hopes or scoring some food for them. ( no one wishes , at least she believes , to have to resort to what happened to jackie once again. no one wants to have to venture somewhere so dark in a moment or starving , black depravity. the mental weight of ur weighs on everyone , but they were starving. if they hadn’t , if they let jackie turn to ashes , they would’ve died. ) ; ❛ i’ll be back. ❜ is all that’s uttered to the occupancy of their cabin, the door open & red cheeks met with a chilling gust of winter wind. teeth chatter , limbs feel impossibly cold almost right away. who knew winters in the wilderness could be so entirely brutal ? often , eden remembers the old movies she watched with her dad & how he always wanted to go camping. if they make it out of this . . eden doesn’t want to see the depths of a forest ever again. boots crunch on the snow, ❛ lot ! ❜ calls eden, ❛ lottie, i brought you something. to warm you up. you’ve been out here most of the morning , so , ❜ a shrug of shoulders , ❛ you deserve something extra. ❜ & no one had objected when she took the broth, only a little. hands hold out the cup , ❛ come on, lot, drink up. i won’t accept argue. ❜ at least the meat locket provides relief from the wind.

[trueblu3-a]

( starter call / @slaughtyr ).

" you had to guess that this would happen eventually. " in regards to the circle of hand holding that occurs just outside frosted window ( silently you crave to sit there in the comfort, to find what they're so sure they have ). arms rest on the window pane, your chin sat atop as eyes drift upwards to the blonde staring down & out. this is, in some ways, your worst nightmare: is it not everyones? desperation is an ugly creature, jackie would know it well as she churns within you all, but even you have to say... there's a vague beauty in the trust they are all giving to lottie, it's a trust you once had –– you shed it yourself. " isn't this how all relgions are formed or whatever? "

[c0nsumere]

@slaughtyr : i'm cold.

lips pull into a thin line, a smile of some distorted kind. she's covered up more than you, more than most of the girls, & yet she's cold, looking down to you with eyes that would get you to fold in a moments notice. " if we use both of our blankets, we could be warmer... body heat, or whatever. " you shift slightly, lifting up the thin sheet of fabric covering your figure, a welcome for her ( your best friend, the only one who you could truly feel comfortable sharing such a space with... you've done it before ). features soften now, allowing head to fall back down. " grab your pillow, c'mon. "

[roseguided-arch]

@slaughtyr ASKED, "𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓." @ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒆!!

𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐂, 𝐔𝐏 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄. just the two of them like shauna prefers it to be to where she has jackie all to herself & in return, jackie is unfiltered & purely herself. that’s when shauna likes her the most—though, don’t get her wrong . . . she likes jackie all of the time , mostly. the wind has settled outside & the only light in the attic is stream it moonlight shining through the window. they lay side by side , bundled up to try & ward off the worsening cold outside. a blanket shared by the pair , body heat proving effective in keeping them decently warm combined with everything else. the young woman smiles at her best friends words , dimples settling into the freckled flesh of her cheeks. ; ❛ it’s always better when it’s . . when it’s just me & you. ❜ no jeff, no group of semi genuine friends , & no overbearing parents. just them. ❛ we’re best friends. always have been & , hopefully , always will be. when i think of my future . . i always see you there. ❜ can best friends have a sense of ownership over one another ? can they interweave so deeply into each others arms to be separated is like losing something ? a hand reaches out to tuck a strand of blonde , ❛ we’ll be together always , right ? after this & after school . . ❜

[doomdays]

shauna isn't exactly holding onto hope either.   it's hard to be an optimist in these conditions,  it's easier to focus on what they can do here instead.   and maybe she can't admit it to jackie,  but her purpose here does offer her some sort of freedom,  despite feeling like they're trapped.   she's never been the girl that people look to for anything,   and now,  it's her they wait on as prey returns,  ready to be feasted.   it might feel like they're rotting away out here,   slowly fading out of existence ---  but there are some moments when shauna feels more alive than ever,  when there's a knife in her hand and blood coating her fingers,  because there's some kind of power in it.  power that she doesn't think jackie could understand,  and if she tried to explain it,  would jackie just resent her for it more?

her head falls to the side and she glares back at jackie,  but there's a hint of sympathy in her eyes.   ❝  no one thinks you're an idiot,  ❞   she insists.   but she can see how frustrated everyone is with her,   she can see that they're all waiting on jackie to do her part,  find her own purpose here  ---  and jackie doesn't seem to be keeping up.  there is something strangely satisfying about it all for shauna:   knowing that,  maybe for the first time in their lives,   shauna gets to be more valuable than jackie,   a thought laced with misplaced resentment over the years of their friendship that's certainly not fair here and now,  but for shauna,  it makes her want to lean into it,  be the one to guide jackie this time around.   ❝  and---  nobody is comfortable giving up,  okay?   we're all just  .  .  .   dealing,  because we have to.   for however long it has to be,  this is our life now.  you just have to be willing to adapt.  ❞     

and it's not lost on her -- how,  despite finding comfort in her own purpose and value out here,  she's likely talking a bigger game than she feels,  just as desperate to be somewhere safe  ---  but not necessarily back at home,  where she was cold in jackie's shadow,  especially after finally feeling the sun out here. 

shauna rolls her eyes,  her head falling back with annoyance,   now more defensive than ever.   ❝  it's not that---  i like it,  or anything.  nobody likes this.  ❞    she likes the feeling it gives her,   but those words are reserved only for her journal,   the only place her head can put these thoughts into words that won't have jackie sticking her nose up in disgust.   ❝  it's just something to do.   it's not like the dead cabin guy kept a bunch of board games around,  ❞   she mumbles,  as if that comparison is even valid.   

❝  okay,  nobody's turning on you,  ❞   she mumbles,  instinctively following her  (  hardly ever realizing how natural that is.  )   they're just not as willing to worship her as they once did ---  and that's not even entirely true,  but from shauna's eyes,  that's how it always felt.  everyone here is just more realistic  about what's happening,  and that perfect image of jackie  (  at least the one created in shauna's mind  )  is fading.  ❝   and definitely not me.  ❞    she ignores the bitter resentment she holds,  features softening as she reaches out her hand to place against jackie's arm.   ❝  i'm never going to give up on you.  i'm just trying to help,  jackie.   ❞  

BACK HOME she may not have noticed it, that unbidden, reflexive response to jackie's emphatic insistence they get back home. may as well be complaining to mari for all the sympathy she gets. where her shauna might have taken a beat, set aside her frustration in lieu of comfort, a true best friend. 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝚂 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚄𝙽𝙰. which only becomes more obvious each day. the wilderness' shauna seems closer to strangling her than anything close to comfort. in fact, she sometimes looks at jackie as if she's a complete stranger, or a ghost. right now? ( i'm sure my face says the same. ) the fissures of their secrets, lies, & jealousy have split into cavernous fractures since their plane hit the dirt. it's only a matter of time before they crumble.

❝ no, shauna. as much as everyone here is convinced that i'm an idiot, I'M NOT WAITING ON SOME MIRACLE. i just think we could all be a little bit less comfortable with the idea of giving up. ❞

any of the girls still claiming they're waiting for rescue are lying to themselves. the domesticity of their new 𝚌𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚜 makes her sick to her stomach. bile churning at such easy acquiescence to their circumstance. how the hell can they expect to make any progress if they're only focused on this place? & THE ONE PERSON SHE EXPECTED TO BE ON HER SIDE would rather play butcher than have her back. ❝ no? well neither is skinning bunny rabbits but you seem to be enjoying yourself well enough. ❞ familiarity in the venomous lash of her tongue —

𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞, ��𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚎. 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍.

meanwhile, they'd probably be better off if she had just bit it when they first crash landed. ❝ sure, shauna. an awesome story about how my entire team turned on me, including my best friend. ❞ huffing it back to her wet clothes WITHOUT WAITING FOR A REPLY, she starts to lay them out beneath the sun. she isn't good at anything out here, so how is she supposed to help? to chip in or whatever?

[doomdays]

shauna's head falls back as she rolls her eyes, but it's not necessarily for jackie; she hears her, she knows she's right, she juts doesn't know the 'how' of it all, and without knowing that, it's hard to think too hard about getting home. it's not lost on her, the way jackie says 'i,' shauna's thoughts immediately going back to those left behind: they were surely all mourning jackie taylor, likely forgetting shauna was even with her, always the shadow, never the spotlight ( not when jackie alway shined too brightly in it. ) ❝  jackie, i know. but-- are we just going to walk through the wilderness and stumble upon some nice people who want to take us out of our misery? we're stuck, and-- ❞ her eyes close, because she doesn't actually believe the words she's thinking. ❝  rescue has to find us eventually. okay? but we have to find a way to survive until it does. ❞ 

if that means becoming the butcher, sharpening herself as a knife, preparing herself for whatever battle is to come, shauna is ready ( she has to be; back home, her edges were too dull, never ready for the fight, but she will be now. )

her jaw tightens, and she looks away, down to her sneakers that are far beyond repair now as they continue to dig into the dirt below. she wonders what jackie would think if she told her she liked that she was seemingly adapting to this better than jackie was ( no matter how much that was just pretending. ) she knew better than to say it out loud, locked away with all her resentments over jackie, fair or not. ❝  well, sitting around complaining about it isn't going to get us home, ❞ she mutters, not daring to look back at her just yet. something about the barrier between civilization in the wilderness gives her enough confidence to shoot back, to lightly step out of jackie's shadow.

(   she's careful not to burn herself in the process.  )    

❝   jackie,  just TRY.   it's not forever,  okay,   it can't be,   so just try to do something.   if nothing else,   then----   it's a story to tell everyone back at home,   right?  ❞    shauna's journals are filled with experiences that she can't imagine ever telling out loud,   but back home,   everyone hangs onto jackie's words,   won't they want to know all about what she had to do to survive the wilderness?  

PERHAPS SPOKEN AS MUCH FOR HERSELF AS SHAUNA, desperate - unsettled, she reaches for the light. a way out. girl not meant for the deep dark wood / everyone turning to strangers around her, 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚜 ; their pelts. soon all she can see in them is hunger. ravenous & all - consuming, bloodied maws ready to pick at the fallen dead. [ that's not what you're really afraid of though, is it jackie? ] bearing witness to a slow, violent descent. no, her true nightmare comes at night, to remind her. wide - eyed girl faced with her own deadly reflection. yes, what she really fears — becoming one of the fallen. one of the forgotten. . . the sacrificed.

the evident disbelief in the question makes her want to cry, scream, rage at the spinning world around them. ❝ shauna, i HAVE to get back home — the sooner the better. ❞ making no attempt to shroud the desperation on her tongue. 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 ; 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙. only no one hears. . . & then, would they even care if they did? she doesn't want to know the answer. ❝ are you being serious right now? ❞ [ that's how the gulf widens, how girlhood dies, understanding is lost in the woods. ] ❝ there is no getting used to this. ❞ so much left unspoken, trapped in the venomous delivery of her words. THE TRUTH IS, there's no getting used to shauna. not like this, covered in blood with a knife in her hand.