#skunk sprayed under the house

[seat-safety-switch]

In my neighbourhood, there is nothing more terrible, more frightening, more suburbanite-scaring than nature. We wall ourselves off into these massive suburbs of concrete and glass to avoid ever interacting with the wild kingdom, but it's still out there. Sometimes it comes right into our homes.

Recently, I was out pushing some broken cars around to avoid the 72-hour parking limit, when one of my neighbours engaged me in conversation. Sometimes, I like to have a little chat, both to break up the monotony of spending my entire day foiling the bylaw officers' cruel plan to make me stop parking 100-plus cars on the street, but also to befriend my neighbours so they will stop calling them. My neighbour, who will remain unnamed except to say her name is Julie Hendow of 131 Maple Lane, was concerned about a monster she saw last night.

"It was a skunk, can you believe it?" she asked in horror. I was entirely capable of believing that a small nocturnal animal was capable of heading up from the public park down the street, and hiding her babies under Julie's porch. That skunk, though, represented a tension in the neighbourhood. I immediately realized that if I could remove her from the public eye, I would be hailed as a hero. And heroes get to park wherever the fuck they want. It's in the Bible.

Now, you might think it's difficult, or even risky, to move an animal that can spray you with bad-smelling juice. This is only the case if you don't want to smell bad. I grabbed that skunk and her kits, and loaded them into the back of a dilapidated Subaru wagon in the corner of my backyard. There, they would be able to do their shenanigans (growing up and discovering the bounty of life) without my neighbours seeing. And I only smelled a little worse than usual: when I went by the YMCA they'd probably give me a shower pass for free, again, figuring I was one of those unhoused folks that they were obligated to help out. No, I have a house. It just doesn't have any water or electricity, but they don't need to know that.

Most importantly, I had sacrificed my health to save the neighbourhood. A hero now walked among them. And until I decided to cash in that free YMCA shower, nobody was going to get within 30 feet to talk to my stinky ass. A golden age was dawning over the Maple Crescent housing projects, friends: an age that will never again have anyone asking me to stop parking my rusty-ass Plymouths in their driveway.

[olliedoesthings]

I have a small story for yall!

So my family had a skunk living under our back porch and it has sprayed my house and dogs 3 times over the past week or two. So my dad went out and bought a trap for it. Well, he caught it, and we didn’t know what to do with it because it was too silly to shoot, but we also couldn’t just let it out and let it go back into our porch. So me and my dad made a “release plan” and we went out yesterday morning to release the skunk, who we had named Jim.

So we put towels over the trap with Jim in it so he stayed calm and we put him in another container on the back of the truck so if he sprayed, he wouldn’t spray the truck and make the truck smell like skunk ass. We drove him up to a spot in the mountains that looked like a good place for a skunk, which only took a few minutes. In that amount of time, Jim ripped the towels off his cage by pulling them through the cage and shredding them to bits. Without the towels on the trap, he could see what was happening outside of the cage, and that little guy was staring me and my dad down.

We found a new towel and put it on the trap, but it wasn’t quite big enough and only covered part of it. We took him out of the container and we almost had him put on the ground, and he sprayed us. I thought it wasn’t that bad (it was, I stunk super bad) but my dad got the majority of the spray. So he stunk worse than I did. But we got Jim released and he ran off all happy like and started sniffing trees and whatnot!

But because my dad got sprayed the most, he didn’t want to ride in the truck. So he had me drive alone with him in the back of the truck (I was terrified cause I’ve never driven alone yet). We got back home safely tho! My mom did tell me to get out of the house because I stank like skunk ass tho.

Here’s Jim the skunk!

Yay skunk adventures! Sorry for the extreme yapping, I thought this story would be fun to share. :D

[lixiesfreckless]

Burn It | l. m.

the last installment to Punch It, a fic from the PICU

➸ synopsis: The Golden Tire Cup semifinals is today, and Minho has the opportunity to get the Wolfgang Street Racing club to the finals for the first time in four years.

Hopefully with you by his side, he'll be able to make it into the top two.

➸ starring: lee minho x female reader(ft. idols from jypnation, smtown, hybe, kq, everywhere, I went a bit crazy)

➸ word count: 3.6k words

➸ general content: streetracer!minho, very very dangerous street racing(do not attempt to do any of this, no matter how tempting it may be), a stupid amount of cameos, one somewhat misogynistic background character, gearhead culture

➸ warnings: alcohol consumption, swearing, a mild car wreck

➸ rating: teen+

➸ author's note: this is(should be) the final official installment to the picu! imagine punch it, floor it, and burn it as one continuous timeline, with the ending being this chapter. do I have a favorite? no, not after writing this chapter.

♫ this fic has a soundtrack! you don't need to listen to it while reading(especially if the lyrics will bother you), but it's a street racing tournament for crying out loud. do yourself a favor and listen to these epic vibes.

yes, it's meant to be listened to in that order(starting from Deja Vu). shuffling it will result in Minho cramming you into an air fryer for 20 minutes at 180 degrees.

♫- Deja Vu

You feel the refreshing spray of hose water on your bare back, soaking your black bikini top for the fourth time this evening. 

Whipping around, you find Minho rinsing off the back of his car, free hand stuffed into his pocket as he whistles and avoids eye contact.

He’s hit with a soapy sponge, square on the back of his black shirt.

“Hey!” He ditches the hose, deciding to pause washing the vehicle in favor of chasing you around the bumper.

The Wolfgang racing club had gathered at Changbin’s house for the annual Golden-Tire-Cup-and-car-show-preparation-party, detailing and fixing cars as needed before it’s time for the race, which takes place in the California desert shortly after sundown. Members were littered across the lawn and garage, replacing rims, tightening brakes, and avoiding Minho, who had taken a liking to spraying anyone that came close to his ride.

“Yo Min, I love what you did with the brakes!” Jisung points and yells to him, twirling and fumbling a ratchet wrench as he runs into the garage, kneeling to meet Seungmin who slides out from under someone’s car on a skateboard.

“What did you do to them?” You ask, cocking your head to the side and crossing your arms.

“Oh, I painted them red to match,” he says nonchalantly, the only sign of something strange being the pink dusting his cheeks.

“Match…match what? There’s no red on your car-”

No, but your whole car is red.

A slow smile spreads across your face as you walk around the hood of the car, and Minho only looks up at you right before you lean in and plant a kiss on his cheek. He smiles as you step back, sighing and admiring your teamwork.

The 1993 Toyota MR2 glistens in the late afternoon sun, not a single scratch or scuff mark streaking the ebony shell. Minho doesn’t think the car has been this clean since he first got the keys.

“You nervous at all?”

“Me? Nervous?” He scoffs and waves you off, and then worry creases his features as he drops the act. “...a little. We haven’t made it this far in years.”

“Yeah, but…” you say, pulling him in to wrap your arms around his half-soaked waist, “for the best racer in the city, I think it’s manageable.”

“Laying it on thick, are we?”

“Better take advantage of it while you can,” you giggle, and he rolls his eyes before leaning down.

Suddenly, a set of loud engines cut into the air as they fly around the block corner, cars rumbling and thundering as they slow down and approach Changbin’s house. A modified black vintage Mustang jerks to a stop in the driveway, and then the door flies open, a slender man with long skunk-stripe hair stepping out onto the hot pavement. A leather jacket with the word Guerillaz across the back sits draped on his shoulders as he closes the car door behind him, and other men start leaving their respective cars.

“Whoa whoa whoa, what did I miss?” The man says, tilting down his sunglasses and smirking at the two of you, still holding each other. You take the hose from Minho and aim it at him, spraying a stream of water and sending him into a fit of shrieks as he holds up his team jacket as a shield.

“Look what the scaredy cat dragged in,” Changbin taunts from the garage, before ditching his work gloves and crossing the lawn to meet the unexpected intruder.

Wooyoung catches Changbin in a hug, elated to see his old teammate after so long.

He used to be a part of the Wolfgang racing club before he moved up the coast to Sacramento– but since he couldn’t keep his hands away from the wheel, he ended up making his own club, one that ended up driving back down to team with Wolfgang to win the Kingdom Cup a year later.

They only come back down twice a year; once for the Christmas car show, and again in the summer for the Golden Tire Cup Championship. 

Wooyoung lets go of him, nodding towards Minho as he takes off his sunglasses.

“Semifinals, huh?” He says, looking at him in awe. “You must have gotten a lot better since I last saw you.”

“My teacher was alright,” he sighs and shrugs, and you spray his face and walk off, leaving him dripping wet in favor of going to find Yeji.

“Now that, I did not see coming,” San whispers, dapping up Hyunjin as he approaches the latter’s Supra, now painted red to match his hair. “The last time I saw them, they hated each other.”

“Wouldn’t you feel the same way if you met your match?” Ryujin pipes up from the ground, tightening the nut on a wheel. “They both thought they were the best before Minho won Changbin’s car.”

“Minho did what?” He asks, eyes turning to saucers.

“Dude, let me tell you about what happened last summer…”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Hall of Fame ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

Night is falling in the desert, but it’s never looked more awake.

Rows upon rows of cars line up on the dry earth, and photographers and gearheads alike gawk at the automobiles, snapping endless amounts of pictures and videos with their devices. 

Further down the track a stage is set up, with some DJ working a growing crowd as they sip on whatever they can get their hands on.

You’re at the edge of the car show with Yeji, helping her ward off condescending men with boring car questions. Surely they must know that car enthusiasts don’t all have to be male.

Another one saunters up to the two of you, sizing you up with a stare that lingers just a little too long at your exposed midriff.

“And this is your car?” he asks, and in favor of keeping your team from being disqualified, you keep your arms folded tight against your chest.

“Yes, it’s-” Yeji stops you with a raised hand, looking up from inspecting her manicure and staring him dead in the eyes.

“It’s my 608 horsepower V8 engine 2015 Porsche 918 Spyder, why do you ask?” She asks sweetly, smiling and batting her eyelashes at him. He narrows his eyes and reluctantly walks away, realizing this wasn’t a fight he could win.

“Nice one,” you chuckle, right as your phone rings in your team jacket. You check the time and answer it, noting that it’s just after 8 pm before speaking.

“Hello?”

“Your boyfriend says to ‘get your ass over here’. The race is about to start,” Lia says, half drowned out by the crowd you’re sure is swarming there by now. You look at Yeji, who waves you off with a shake of her head.

“I think I can fend for myself,” she whispers, and you nod in response.

“I’ll be there in two minutes.”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

You hear bets being made and taunts being thrown as you push your way through the crowd, making your way to the start of the track. Four cars of different makes, models, and colors sit at the starting line, with members of their respective teams standing near each one, buzzing with anticipation.

After showing the back of your jacket you get let onto the track, where at least half of your gang circles Minho, giving him some last words of advice and encouragement.

“Remember, the gas is on the right and the brakes are on the left,” Felix jokes.

“Oh oh, and your seatbelt,” Jeongin joins in, egging him on, “don’t wanna break the law, now do we?”

“Alright alright, knock it off you two,” Changbin laughs, then looks to the team’s resident mechanic.

Chan is silent for a moment, then puts a hand on Minho’s shoulder.

“You’ve got this,” he says quietly, and the team nods in agreement. “Be safe.”

You push your way into the circle, and Chan smiles at you before gesturing to everyone else.

“Let’s give them some space, yeah?” he says, and the group disperses, wishing safety and slapping Minho on the back before exiting the track.

The man of the hour turns to you as you step up to him, the shouts of the crowd fading into the background as you meet his eyes.

“How are you doing,” you whisper, flicking some sand off of his team jacket. He looks out at the crowd, drawing in a deep breath before looking down at you again.

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of losing,” he admits, running a hand through his black locks. “I don’t want to let everyone down, we’ve come so far-”

“Because of you, Minho,” you interrupt, pushing a pointed finger against his chest. “We only got this far because of you. We’ll be proud no matter what trophy you take home.”

The creases in his forehead ease at your words, and you take his gloved hand into yours.

“You’re not here to be the best; we already know you are,” you remind him, smiling. “You’re here to have fun. Winning would just be a nice bonus.”

“Oh yeah? And what happens if I win?” He grins, pulling your hand a bit closer as you chuckle at his forwardness.

“I can think of a couple things-”

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE TENTH ANNUAL GOLDEN TIRE CUP SEMIFINALS!”

The voice of the announcer booms over the speakers as a tall man with a silver microphone enters the track. You quickly leave a kiss against Minho’s cheek, then lean over to his ear.

“Come back to me in one piece,” you whisper, then squeeze his hand and run off the track. 

“WE HAVE QUITE THE LINEUP FOR YOU TODAY, SO LET'S HEAR IT FOR OUR RACERS!”

The crowd erupts into cheers as each racer stands in front of their car, awaiting their introduction.

“FROM THE P1ECE PEDAL PUSHERS, HWANG INTAK!”

A guy with curly brown hair waves at the crowd, blowing kisses and causing several girls pushed up against the barricade to faint.

“FROM THE BLUE FLAMES, NAKAMURA KAZUHA!”

A Japanese chick with sick looking sunglasses does a small curtsy, and you scream along with the crowd, always excited to see other women excited about racing.

“FROM THE NEVER CRASHING TIRES, LEE JENO!”

A guy with snow white hair spells out his team’s acronym with his hands before waving, and you can hear his team start chanting from down the track.

“AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, FROM THE WOLFGANG, LEE MINHO!”

You and the gang howl as loud as you can as Minho turns around and points to his back, showing off the detailed wolf design on the back of his team leather jacket.

The four racers shake hands with each other before each getting into their cars, waving one last time at the crowd before shutting the doors.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Turn Back Time ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

If Minho really thinks about it, all races are the same.

The announcer had gone over the rules, and despite this not being his first race by a long shot, he assumes that anyone would have been able to guess them.

Three laps around the track.

No shortcuts.

Start at the sound of the gun.

Unlike NASCAR, foul play technically is allowed, but none of the teams that made it to the semifinals made it by playing dirty. It felt too much like cheating. That, and no one wanted to scratch their nice cars for a trophy if they didn’t have to.

Minho grips the wheel and closes his eyes as a girl wearing next to nothing struts out to the middle of the track, holding an air gun in her gloved hand.

Slowly, the sounds of the crowd roaring and his opponents cheekily revving their engines fade into the background, the world around him becoming more still as he goes to his happy place.

He opens his eyes again and he’s back, back in the passenger seat with you holding the steering wheel.

“What are you waiting for?” you say, giving him an annoyed side eye.

“Aren’t you going to tell me when to go?” 

“Okay, go.”

“What-”

BANG!

“Go!”

Minho breaks out of his reverie and floors it, the racers doing the same as the crowd screams in delight.

“AND THEY’RE OFF!” The announcer booms, standing in a tower on the other side of the starting line as a black haired girl next to him waves a giant checkered flag. The cars zoom forward, getting smaller and smaller as they tear down the track. A tiny drone follows them, becoming a tiny red light flashing in the distance.

Minho grins, falling into the rhythm of upshifting like it’s an old song he loves.

The P1ECE’s car takes the lead, narrowly cutting corners while NCT’s car stays hot on its trail, not letting it get a lead. The Wolfgang’s car gives them their space as Blue Flame’s car stays next to it, hugging the inside of every curve. 

One lap down, and Minho is cruising in third place as the cars zip past the finish line.

“IT REALLY IS ANYONE’S GAME FOLKS…”

Silently, you say a prayer as the cars disappear from view, the crowd going insane around you and your gang.

Inside the car, Minho is having a ball, treating the desert track as his own personal time trial as he and the others burn rubber, trading places around every turn. 

He lets Kazuha’s car pass him as he eases up on the gas, enough to let her gain a small lead.

“What is he doing?!” An angry man yells, gripping onto the barrier as the cars fly past the start again, signaling the final lap. You assume he has money on the line as you smirk, knowing Minho’s real strategy.

“THERE GO THE RACERS AND- HOLD UP- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DO WE HAVE A DRIFT RACER?!”

The crowd becomes uncontrollable as they hear the announcer, seeing a small cloud of smoke go up from the edge of the track as Minho drifts around the first turn, not slowing down.

“That’s my boyfriend!” You point and scream, barely keeping yourself behind the barrier.

Minho spins the wheel left and right, howling inside of his car as it slides around every curve, leaving a smoky trail behind it. Threatened, the other racers speed up, attempting to widen the gap between him and them, but he’s gaining ground way too quickly.

He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face if he wanted to. He’s having too much fun.

He hardly realizes there’s only thirty seconds left between him and the GT Cup Finale.

And then, on the final turn, the unthinkable happens.

Jeno’s car pulls away as something under Kazuha’s car explodes, and then starts smoking.

Minho watches as her car drifts into Intak’s, making them both turn sideways and start to block the inside of the turn. 

Heart dropping, he realizes he won’t be able to clear the turn.

“Are you not going to slow down?!” He yells, frightened at the calmness in your voice.

“Why would I do that-”

“To keep us ALIVE?!” He screams, grabbing onto the middle console. “Because that’s how you handle turns?!”

No.

“This is how you handle a turn,” Minho whispers, and then taps on the break and spins his steering wheel to the right.

Up ahead, you feel yourself going lightheaded as you see the smoke start to build, blocking the rest of the track from view. Only the neon green NCT car was visible, blazing towards the finish line.

Next to you, Hyunjin goes pale, and you grip onto his arm, more to steady yourself than to comfort him as the crowd collectively holds their breath.

And then, the crowd explodes into cheers.

“RUN ME OVER AND CALL ME DINNER- WOLFGANG MAKES IT AROUND THE FINAL TURN!”

Minho flies around the corner, tires skidding against the ground while the car drifts before he steps on the gas again, emerging from the smoke. You scream, nearly shaking Hyunjin to death as you grip onto his jacket and watch the MR2 draw near to the finish line.

The girl next to the announcer wildly waves her checkered flag as the NCT car crosses the finish line, followed two seconds later by the Wolfgang car, before they both screech to a halt.

Minho throws the door open, nearly tripping over himself as he strains to see down the other end of the track, followed by Jeno.

A hush falls over the crowd as they wait in near silence, hoping to see anything other than smoke emerging from the two cars that fell behind.

In the red haze from their tail lights, one figure emerges.

Kazuha’s thumb shoots up from her body, carried in Intak’s arms as he walks them both towards the starting line.

“THEY’RE OKAY!” The announcer cheers, nearly dropping his binoculars as the crowd joins him.

Relieved, Minho's eyes search for yours before locking on them, barely having any time to react as you sprint across the track, and subsequently crash into him. The rest of the gang hops the barrier, whooping and hollering as they celebrate their finalist.

“I knew it, I knew you could do it,” you nearly sob, clutching onto his jacket.

“You saved my life,” he shudders, holding your shoulders tightly. “I would have crashed into them if you never taught me to drift.”

You don’t hesitate; you can’t. You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him in for the kiss he should have gotten before the race.

The crowd screams as he picks you up and spins the two of you, not caring one bit about who’s looking as he returns your embrace in earnest, smiling against your lips.

“GET A ROOM, WILL YOU?” The announcer laughs, walking up to the two of you and dragging Jeno with him. Minho chuckles and puts you down, and you catch a glimpse of the announcer’s mic, spelling Soobin in sparkly silver letters.

“EVERYONE, OUR GOLDEN TIRE CHAMPIONSHIP FINALISTS!” 

Soobin takes Minho’s arm and raises it along with Jeno’s, and the crowd goes wild.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Be Free ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

slowlee: come to the kitchen rq

You read the text and swipe away the notification, slipping the phone back into your jacket pocket.

“Glad to hear that no one got seriously injured,” the man you were talking to says, stepping back onto his motorbike. “Typically for people like us, crashes end up being way less epic.”

“Well I'm glad you haven't gotten into any,” you jest, waving to him and his crew before they roll off the driveway, their silver hexagonal logos glinting off their jackets in the moonlight.

You turn and walk back up to Changbin’s house, alive and overflowing with guests as the afterparty is in full swing.

Making your way through the crowded house, you dap up Hongjoong and a tipsy Mingi, do a shot with Chaeryeong and Yuna, and slide into the kitchen right as Minho picks up a brown bottle, instantly meeting your gaze.

“EVERYONE!” Minho yells, pouring a shot of whiskey into his cup before pulling you to his side. You try and fail to keep a grin from landing on your face.

“I’d like to make a toast,” he announces, surveying the room of members and supporters turning to face him and grinning. “To this team, for making it to the finals after four years!”

Whoops and whistles fly around the room.

“To Changbin, for helping me keep his old car in top condition so I don’t die on the road!”

A crazy sounding laugh comes from the man holding baby Chun Ja, complete with a mini racer jacket and red binkie.

“And to the rightful owner of his car,” he lowers his voice, face softening as he looks down at you.

“Minho,” you whisper, eyes widening as you stare up at him in shock.

“I want them to know,” he whispers back, hand squeezing your waist.

“For beating my ass by seven seconds in our duel last year,” he continues, and you watch as several members around the room blink and look at each other in confusion. Yeji and Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up simultaneously, and your best friend’s eyes meet yours, equally shocked. “And teaching me that there’s no point in being the best, if you’re not having fun with it.”

The room erupts into cheers as Minho raises his solo cup, and everyone follows suit, cups rising all around the kitchen. “Next stop, the Golden Tire Cup Finals!”

“Shit, I’ll drink to that,” Wooyoung laughs, before everyone throws their shots back.

As the party quickly resumes, you’re swarmed by some of the girls in the gang, bombarded with questions about the legendary duel that decided the fate of the club’s leader. Amongst the chaos, you lock eyes with Minho, who’s getting slapped on the back by Hyunjin while some other members tease him.

He mouths three words to you, and you swear you feel your whole soul light on fire.

You giggle, flaming red as you mouth them back.

I love you too.

After all, you should have known that after acquiring your heart, there’s only one thing he could do.

Burn it.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

Burn It

a lixiesfreckles_ production

cast(in order of appearance)

Lee Minho as the finalist

Han Jisung as the baby mechanic

Kim Seungmin as the only one working

Jung Wooyoung as the old teammate

Seo Changbin as the host

Choi San as the one that's figuratively late to the party

Hwang Hyunjin as the drama

Shin Ryujin as the pit crew

Hwang Yeji as the one who knows her shit

Lia as the messenger

Lee Felix as thing 1

Yang Jeongin as thing 2

Bang Chan as the experienced mechanic

Choi Soobin as the mc

Hwang Intak as the heartthrob hero

Nakamura Kazuha as the victim

Lee Jeno as the neo one

Kim Hongjoong as the designated driver

Song Mingi as the passenger princess

Lee Chaeryeong as party girl 1

Shin Yuna as party girl 2

dedicated to everyone who read Punch It and demanded a book afterwards. it's never gonna happen, but the flattery stayed with me.

do not copy or repost. all rights reserved.

[daryldixonsjizzrag]

More random hcs of John Marston (all under cut) <3

1899 ones first

Abigail: "You're so annoying"

John, turned on: "Love you too :)"

Refuses to shower yet calls periods gross

Stole a really intoxicating cologne from a rich guy's house and will spray it on at any given moment, saying it smells nice (he smells like a skunk dipped in powdered sugar)

Doesn't believe that Australia exists so Arthur told him that the little island in the middle of flat iron lake was Australia but John couldn't swim to it so he just accepted his defeat and proceeded to tell Jack that the little island was Australia until Abigail stepped in.

Might add more lol my brain just shut down also I'm rlly happy to take requests (that means I'm begging you to ask me for more hcs bc I'm lonely and have nothing else to do with my life)

[fruitgoat]

Oh dear lord. I have most of my windows open tonight because well, I like fresh air. It triggers my allergies a bit, but it’s worth it to air out and cool the house. The only problem tonight is that the local skunks are apparently out in force. The smell is not bad enough to believe they actually sprayed something. They just be out there walking around and chilling under the windows. Chatting.

Possibly Someone is just eating a skunk, but I haven’t heard anything and my local predators aren’t that subtle.

[franki-lew-yo]

Literally all my wildlife encounters (I've never left my country -_-) are all coincidental and intrusive and the exact opposite of 'magical' at all.

When I was a kid my family went to Tahoe a lot to stay in a dinky cabin our dad's family has up there. One summer when we were watching a movie in the livingroom-kitchen, this raccoon starts very quietly opening up the screen door and pawing around inside. I was the first to see it and for some reason I just forgot how to talk so I just pointed and went 'aaaa', 'AAAaaa' at the coon before my parents and sister finally looked over and screamed and the raccoon yeeted back outside.

The greatest sight I ever saw in Yellowstone was being caught driving through a herd of mother bison and their calves, but even that was really accidental.

Also in Yellowstone, while my dad and the rest of a wolf discovery team were outside in the snow trying to see if they could find wolf tracks; I stayed behind in the rv cause I was tired and this adorable coyote came up to it and was casually sniffing around for scraps. It saw me inside and was all "0.0;" but then just kept sniffing. I truly think animals look at our vehicles and homes like they're our 'dens' and they try to scavenge for our 'kills' around them.

In 2014 a bear got stuck in my sister's car in Tahoe and mauled the insides of it (and pooped everywhere) trying to get out. My mom was really stupid and opened up the back for the bear to get out rather than wait for animal control but yep- that was the same car from our childhood that was given to my sister and it was destroyed because bear.

The one time I saw a weasel was on a trail when it was definitely hunting a squirrel.

There is at least one skunk under my mom's house right now and it eats the extra cat food left out for this abandoned cat. I tried getting my stuff ready to take my dog out for a walk and the skunk was just casually eating with it's tail turned up towards me. Terrifying.

Speaking of skunks; in my current complex I used to let Shelby off the leash even at night and that was always a bad idea- because in 2019 while we were coming back in the dark this skunk was sniffing on our stoop and Shelby went right up to it. The skunk didn't 'spray'; it smelled, so I think it had already sprayed something else earlier but it did hiss and charge at us and the whole time I'm screaming for my sister to open the door and help make sure my dog didn't get sprayed or mauled by a skunk but she had her headphones on. The skunk left on it's own but Shelby still thinks she saved the day and got it to leave.

Also (not the same walk) while off the leash, Shelby up and bit-tackled what I thought was another neighborhood cat hiding under a car in the car port, but as it hobbled away from us I realized it was actually a raccoon. My dog up and punked a raccoon and is so damn lucky to not have gotten mauled, but only because the raccoon was surprised that a chihuahua mix had even tried to mess with it.

Before either of these incidents while we were still both living with our mom in the mountains, we used to let Shelby out into our little back yard to go potty in the morning. While we were talking one morning while she was outside, we hear this high-yipping like Shelby was in trouble and we see a baby deer zoom by in the backyard- scared. We open the front door and call for her and Shelby runs up with an openwound-bloody back being followed by an angry female deer. The doe ran away with her fawn the moment it saw us, but still. Shelby got too close/tried to mess with a mother deer and got her back clawed open from it. My gandpa was a vet at the time and he got her stitched up but she seriously had a big seam across her back from her deer attack for a year afterword. If you live in rural areas NEVER let your pets outside.

Also at my mom's we had our compost right outside the door and 'oop: one night this opossum's just foraging through it like it's nothing.

Last summer we had a trip up to Tahoe that was a bust. On the way back getting closer to Santa Cruz, I see what looks like this big ole elk statue in an open field for some reason. I'd seen elk in Yellowstone and grand Teton before but my sister and I presumed elk out in California were extinct until recently. We pass by more and more of these 'statues' unti I suddenly realize they weren't statues at all: we were in the middle of a a reintroduced elk-herd during the beginning of rut. Sadly we did not fight them to get meat for our burgers.

There's always sealions at the Santa Cruz wharf but before covid there used to be a thing where you could go under the docks and see them sealioning (lying around) under the wharf, seperated by just a metal fence. I accidentally slipped my foot into a crack under the fence and I moved it just in time before the sealion near to it lunged out to bite me. Yeah.

Back in 2021 or something I saw what I thought was an escaped canary on the ground, suffering from heat stroke. I didn't want it to get eaten by a cat so I picked it up with my hat, went up to me neighbors who had birds and asked it it was theres. They said no. I brought the bird inside to cool down (Shelby kept trying to eat it), caught it-took it outside and it flew away. Turns out it wasn't a canary. It was a wild passerine bird I still saved from being eaten and brought into my apartment thinking it was a lost pet.

The one time I saw an owl in the wild ever was when one was sitting on a perch near our car on Halloween night 2020. That was cool.

Speaking of 'wild animals that have gotten stuck in my house'; in 2022 TWO DIFFERENT alligator lizards not only somehow snuck into our apartment without me noticing, they also hid under our stove and it took forever to get them to leave.

Two weeks ago Shelby stepped on a garter snake which was trying to get away from us and she didn't even realize until the snake was safely in the bushes from her. Shelby has difficulty grasping that snakes aren't sticks for some reason.

When we lived in a condo complex that had a pool+hot tub for the residents, my sister and I wound go over and swim when it was raining cuz no one else would be in it. While we were in the hot tub the suddenly realize there are all these newts/salamanders around us and a lot of them were trying to hang out in the pool (I guess because it was warm?) or around it. We went diving after and getting them out of the pool because we didn't know how bad clorinated water is for newts and didn't want them getting sick or dried out from it. Also I think it's more than logical to think a newt would be boiled if it jumped in a hot tub. Not an amphibian expert to know 100% but it feels like the right call, y'know? ((if I accidentally hurt or traumatized the newts and didn't know than I'm sorry)).

and finally, there's

that time earlier this month when my sis and I were driving back to my mom's at 11 o'clock and almost hit a full-grown mountain lion with our car. Again; never let your pets out alone if you live in rural areas.

[shadowmaat]

Woke up to weird noises. Went out to the living room and looked out the door to see a skunk walk across the stairs and under them. Spent the next half/three quarters of an hour stomping on the stairs and shoving a long pole under to encourage it to leave.

It did not leave.

I did start to smell skunk, though, so decided to call it quits. I don't want to get sprayed and I also do not want it spraying our main entry to the house.

Now I have a stomach ache, which I assume is unrelated because I can't form a logic chain to the skunk. Having it there is annoying, but not worth physical levels of anxiety.

[feminist-space]

Post by Keystone Equine on Facebook, October 14, 2020:

"“Everyone knows that Vagisil powder works when a skunk has sprayed your dog!” This, from my friend, Katrina. Apparently, I have been living under a rock because I did not know.

I have no idea how the topic came up, as Katrina runs a greenhouse. I was there to buy pot fillers but made a mental note to skip the classic fixes, next time a skunk came to call. Katrina assured me that the ‘intimate health powder’, sprinkled onto one’s dog and worked in, would soon put matters right.

Of course, that very evening, the Universe arranged to have Glen and his skunk collide.

You know that feeling when you’re finally made it to the end of a long and taxing day? When your jammies and a cup of tea are beckoning, along with your snug little bed? It was about that time when Mike and his dog came boiling up the path to the house.

“Glen’s been hit! Glen’s been hit!” I glanced at the clock in the kitchen… 9:30… If I jumped in the truck and sped to town... I might just make it.

I hit main street with minutes to spare. Taking the corner, I was relieved to see the lights on in the drug store.

“Thank God you’re still open!” I hollered to a tired-looking clerk at the till. “Where is your Vagisil?!” I was in too much of a hurry to elaborate. The poor woman no doubt was wondering why, if I was in such dire need of fixing, I’d left it ‘til the end of the day.

Meanwhile, back at the checkout. It was while the clerk was scanning my four tins of the stuff, that I noticed her downcast eyes and raised brows. Pink cheeked, I thrust my money at her and reached for the bag. Our eyes met.

“Oh, I feel fine, don’t worry,” I said by way of explanation. “It’s for the dog.”

***

PS: Katrina was right. The powder, liberally sprinkled and worked into the coat, works brilliantly. If the hit was point-blank, you might have to sprinkle, work it in and repeat. No fuss, no muss, no skunkiness. No recipe to remember, no ingredients to stir up or keep on hand, no rinsing a wet dog. You're welcome.

📷 Stu Stuthorne."

[ask-smolder34]

onviouslt we wanna hear baout youre first date

"Buckle up, this one is a doozy: So, Smolder and I head out to a local restaurant, get seated, and start looking at the menus. We tilt them forward to discuss options, and they catch on fire via the candle between us. I freak out while Smolder puts them out, and assures me it's fine. That leads to me shifting my form all night, trying to be incognito. Thankfully, we don't get kicked out, although the waiter politely asks me to stay in one form, my shifting is making the other patrons nervous. I decide to stay as a dragon, and we make it through dinner, Smolder pays, and we leave."

"After that, we decide to walk around the park as it's still light out. I unfortunately get really bad gas from the food, which if you've never smelt, be thankful. I think I saw a skunk put a clothespin on their nose, that's how bas it was. So I'm feeling bad, in more ways than one, but Ocellus assures me it will get better. Then, it starts raining, and we didn't bring an umbrella, or coat. So we hurry under a tree, but it has a beehive in the trunk, and we both get stung a bunch of times as we flee into the rain storm, running right into that skunk, who sprays us. So, smelling bad, and nursing several bee stings each, we get back to Dorm House, only to find out, no anti-skunk smell things. Silverstream helps us dig out the stingers, and Sandbar gets some salve from Zecora, who also provides some things to help wash off the skunk smell."

"Thankfully, I had a stuffed up nose that day, so the smell didn't bother me too much. They took a bath together, and helped get the smell out, then snuggled in front of the fire, sipping tea. So, bad date, leads to good evening. Thanks for the ask." ~Chip Wing, Love Bug, and Silverstreak

[spider-xan]

I was walking home just now and thought there was a black and white cat on someone's driveway, but it turned out to be a skunk with a tuft of white fur at the end of its tail, and it ran with its tail up and hid under a BMW with its tail out while I gave it wide berth bc I know they can spray up to ten feet away lol

Also, I should point out that I do not live in a rich neighbourhood - this is just one rich asshole who bought and tore down a small house to build an ugly black box of a McMansion two to three times the size of every other house in the area, most of which are small one-floor bungalows, and most people here do their grocery shopping at the super discount chain; this guy's other car is a fucking Tesla that has somehow not been vandalized yet, anyway, I hate this guy, and there are so many rich people like him in this part of the city, and it's like, you know they hate living among the average person in this area instead of in a rich suburb.

[kitwilsonsass]

What a great day. A skunk has once again this year sprayed under my porch so my entire house smells again. And I got texts I never saw asking me to cover tonight.

[fennecdreams]

Save the Skunks

I could somehow talk to animals, and I was visting this place that had native skunks. These skunks were rude and not very nice, but i saw people shoot one and just leave it there. I went to the injured skunk and fixed it up somehow, saying I'll get them to stop doing this.

cut.

we were standing on a bridge that was incredibly high above the river below, and it was also very long and narrow. It was a suspended bridge but it didn't have the main suspenders, it just had the ropes for the railing. My mum was trying to encourage me to go bungee jumping of it with the other people, but I did not want to at all. I walked down the bridge as it swayed and rocked, gripping onto not the railings themselves, but the ropes holding them in place. I tried to keep walking but the wind picked up and was flinging the bridge out from under my feet and spraying water up in my face so that my eyes were screwed shut as I held into those ropes for dear life.

cut.

i was on the bank of the river underneath the bridge, and there sat one of the native skunks. In the rock wall behind us was a door so I took the skunk inside to find it was a cramped house carved into the rocks. There was another door leading further inside, but this one was incredibly skinny and i had to turn on my side to get through. In this room was the kitchen and dining room i rested the skunk on the table and went out the skinny door again to see a man coming through the front door. He was old and tanned, holding fishing gear and wearing a wide brim hat. I welcome'd him to the house, then realised it was probably his and so I tried to apologise and ask him if I could be here but I kept bumbling over my words. I told him I was trying to help the native skunk population as people were killing them for sport and not even taking anything from the corpses.

end.

[lumeliasimblr]

Vulcan Mastrano is...difficult. He invites friends over to his house just to get in to his underwear and argue with them, and anytime he's in public he loves to stir up trouble. But deep down he is craving friendship and affection. He just doesn't know how to go about it.

Gone midnight almost every night, Vulcan gets a call from a colleague on the force, Bani. Luckily Vulcan is a light sleeper and hears the phone ring from where he sleeps, because Bani seems to be the only person in Lumelia that actively seeks out Vulcan to speak to (even if it is in the dead of night).

Biting the bullet, during one of their late night phonecalls Vulcan asks Bani to have coffee with him the next day, and the two meet at Drest's coffee shop.

It becomes evident quickly that the two have more than friendship in mind, and the date goes very well, with the two ending on a kiss with a promise to see each other soon.

Later that night as Vulcan slept, a burglar gained entry to the house. Luckily, being in law enforcement, Vulcan has the best alarm tech and the burglar was quickly apprehended by the force with nothing stolen.

Although he caught burglars for a living, Vulcan was shaken up by the experience of the home invasion, and invited Bani over the next night to keep him company (with Vulcan quickly getting in to his undies as per - but luckily Bani didn't mind at all)

Unfortunately just when Bani was heading off for the night, he startled a skunk and was sprayed from head to toe.

Needing his clothes washed and a nice long shower, Vulcan invited Bani to stay the night and gave him some spare clothes to sleep in. Curling up under the duvet, the two cuddled close, rather glad of the negative events from the last 24 hours that had led them to that moment.

Mastrano V - First Summer - Year Five

I'm sorry I cannot get over how lush these guys are I am constantly squealing at their cuteness

Bonus pic: Freja inviting herself in to Vulcan's house late at night so she can tell the rest of their siblings about their brother's new beau. Look at that satisfied face :3

[ask-smolder34]

"Alright, Winter Wrap up is wrapped up." "groannnnnn, anyways, bad jokes aside, Gallus here helped make nests with Professor Rarity, while I helped Professor Fluttershy wake the critters. Thankfully, no skunk spray victims today."

"That joke was really bad Gallus, so Smolder here helped melt the ice and snow off the streets with her breath, and I helped with the birds."

"Yona help with plowing snow off fields, Yak strength put to good use. Yona also tired, but it good tired."

"I helped with carving the ice on the ponds, my claws helped make quick work of it. Now we're all going to the tree house for the weekend. I know Smolder and Ocellus are going to enjoy the mini lava pool, and the rest of us will enjoy the warm water pool we made there. There's lava, or rather magma, under it which keeps it warm." ~The Student Six

[draconosaurus]

We have a skunk living under our shed in the backyard and it keeps coming up to our porch and spraying and leaving it’s nasty ass stench all around and it just wafts right on in through the drafty ass front door.

It sprayed right under me and my girlfriend’s bedroom window a couple weeks ago and the smell was in our house for DAYS. When it’s that fresh, it’s so chemical and pungent smelling and it’s enough to make a person throw up (which I did several times) and not sleep.

I can literally smell this fucker right now as I’m typing, I know it’s on our porch, and there’s nothing I can do because this absolute ASS of an animal is gonna spray if I go out there and I’ll be throwing up again and having world war flash backs.

Have the most horrific headache rn with no quick fix (took a nap, drank water, ate food, took ibeprofen) but I'm on a writing roll so I guess we just boss battle tonight

[fourcornersarizona]

Commiseration over Sangria--Anya & Inez

Continued from Here

@unyieldingvalxr

“Ugh….” Inez makes an agreeing sound of disgust in her throat. “I’ve known more than a few men who are better suited for a pigsty then a house, too.  Sounds like you ran yourself into a con artist.” Without waiting for Anya to ask, she reaches under her bar until she locates her secret bottle of sangria. She normally only pulls it out for grim times such as these… and the drinks are always on the house. Pouring Anya a glass of the sweet red wine, she sets it in front of the distressed woman. Then she pours one for herself, and takes a sip before tucking the bottle away. “So, who’s this louse, and what do you plan to do about it? I know a guy who knows how to catch skunks without getting sprayed himself, if you think that’ll help. He can catch lizards and snakes too.” Not all men are creeps, after all, and Vin is always willing to extend some energy in the name of righting a wrong. Especially if a bit of amusing chaos can be created along the way.