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smokedstorybara · 5 years ago

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Perchance to Dream part 6

After Joxter’s departure, all Little My and Sniff wanted to talk about was the disastrous farewell dinner. Moominmamma and Moominpappa tried to discourage the topic whenever they could and Snufkin became and expert at refusing to let the subject go on for more than half a sentence, but still they persisted.

Little My even managed to pull Snorkmaiden into it by getting her outraged at Joxter’s prying.

Moomin hated the whole thing.

Not only was it a reminder of everything with his soulmate and Snorkmaiden, but now also of how Snufkin had held him that night. How safe and right it had felt to be enveloped in his arms. Cradled as if Moomin was the most precious thing on earth. It terrified him how much he wanted it to happen again. Preferably with less crying.

They were on the subject again when Snork visited Moominhouse to talk to Moominpappa about something.

Moominmamma had let him in and offered some tea and as he passed the sitting room something said made him pause.

“What’s that about Moomin not having a soulmate?” He asked, confusion thick in his voice.

“Well, you see,” Sniff responded, “Moomintrolls all have soulmates they meet in dreams. Except Moomin, for some reason he doesn’t.”

“We’re trying to find out what that reason is but he won’t tell us.”

“Little My!”

Snork frowned. “So he’s not Snorkmaiden’s soulmate? I always assumed.”

“Oh, so you already knew Moomintrolls have soulmates?” Sniff pouted.

“No, not at all. But Snorks also have soulmates, in much the same way.”

Moomin felt himself freeze in shock. His mind struggled to process this new information.

“So Snorkmaiden has a soulmate?” Little My asked. “What’s she doing with Moomin then?”

“Little My!” Moominmamma scolded. She continued in a softer tone. “I think it’s quite romantic, her choosing to be with Moomin despite him not being her soulmate.”

Moomin desperately cast about for a change of subject. Or a redirection of focus.

He barely managed to keep his voice even as he cut back into the conversation. “What about your soulmate, Snork?”

“My soulmate?”

“Yeah!” Little My pounced on the new target. “You’ve got one too, don’t you?”

“Well, yes,” said Snork, backing towards the stairs, “they live very far away and don’t like to travel so don’t go asking when you’ll meet them cause you won’t.” His foot bumped into the bottom of the stairs and he whirled around and practically flew up them, calling down as he went. “I need to talk to Moominpappa now, it’s very important so don’t come bothering us!”

Little My stared up where he’d just been for a few moments before snorting and shaking her head. She then loudly declared that she was bored and demanded they do something more interesting than sit around talking about gross stuff like romance.

Moomin let out a small breath of relief and could swear he heard a matching sigh from Snorkmaiden.

That evening, after dinner, Moomin made his way across the bridge to Snufkin’s camp. He had a lot of feelings about that day’s revelation and knew talking to his friend about it all would help. Snufkin never judged him, just patiently listened and then sometimes offered some of his simple wisdom when Moomin was done.

He settled next to Snufkin on the riverbank and stared at the darkening sky as he searched for the best place to start.

“Snorkmaiden has a soulmate.”

He felt Snufkin stiffen beside him for a split second before he responded.

“She does?”

Moomin nodded. “Apparently all Snorks do, just like Moomintrolls.”

“Oh.”

“She hasn’t said anything about them but I can’t help feeling even more guilty than I already was. What if they wanted to be with her but she chose me over them?” He turned onto his side to face Snufkin. “What if I’m stealing her away from her soulmate? All because I wanted a distraction from the loss of my own soulmate!”

Snufkin turned, mirroring Moomin, and took one of Moomin’s paws in his. Moomin’s heart skipped a beat. Snufkin’s face was so close, his eyes filled with so much emotion.

The guilt grew again. Here he was talking about his relationship with Snorkmaiden and at the same time wishing he could close the distance between himself and his best friend.

When he finally calmed himself enough to speak again his voice still broke.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

Snufkin’s grip on his paw tightened reassuringly and his other paw reached out to gently brush against Moomin’s face. Moomin realized, quite suddenly, that he was crying. He closed his eyes and let Snufkin wipe away his tears.

“I think,” Snufkin said slowly, in that thoughtful way of his, “that you should do what you feel is right.”

Moomin let out a wet giggle. “That’s not very helpful.” He tried to pout around the shaky smile.

Snufkin chuckled and rolled onto his back, paw still holding Moomin’s.

They stayed like that long into the night. Talking mostly about silly things and constellations and dreams. And in the morning Moomin helped Snufkin pack up his camp for one of his little solitary trips and saw him off with their usual soft goodbyes.

Snufkin had not yet returned when Moominhouse welcomed another guest.

The family’s friend Too-ticki had briefly visited and had explained how she had come to be the caretaker of an invisible girl named Ninny and how the girl’s condition was a result of the emotional abuse she’d suffered under her previous caretaker, her aunt. She told them that she had hoped the Moomin family would be able to help.

They had, of course, welcomed the girl with open arms.

Moominmamma set up the guest bedroom and whipped something up from her grandmother’s book of remedies and Moomin and his friends took Ninny out with them every day she was there. Picking mushrooms and making flower crowns and playing games.

She had never played any of their games before but she was very good at finding lots of mushrooms.

Snorkmaiden seemed the most eager out of them to spend time with Ninny. Sometimes she would take off with her for hours and refuse to tell the others where they went or what they did. Little My complained about it once, pointing out that Ninny couldn’t even talk to respond to anything Snorkmaiden said.

“Well,” Snorkmaiden had responded, “she’s still nice to be around.”

When Ninny finally became visible enough to talk, she and Snorkmaiden spent even more time with just the two of them.

If Moomin were being honest, he’d say he was a little jealous for a short time. Though he felt immensely guilty for it. He didn’t think he had much right to be jealous, if any at all. He wasn’t entitled to her attention, even though they were dating. Especially with his own split as it was between her, his soulmate, and Snufkin.

She had every right to make a friend she wanted to spend all her time with. Especially if that friend was Ninny, who definitely needed it.

Then, finally, one day while they were all at the beach Ninny regained full visibility.

As soon as she saw Ninny’s face, Snorkmaiden gasped.

“Oh, it’s you!” She laughed brightly. “I should’ve realized! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was scared.” Ninny admitted.

Everyone else looked between them in confusion.

“What’s going on?” Little My demanded. “Realized what?”

Snorkmaiden’s smile grew.

“Ninny’s my soulmate!”

“There you are.”

Moomin turned at the sound of Snorkmaiden’s voice. He’d been sitting in a secluded field for the better part of the day, thinking about everything.

He would’ve gone and talked it all through with Snufkin but he’d already told him all his thoughts and feelings about Snorkmaiden having a soulmate. Those hadn’t changed much with her meeting her soulmate and the discovery of who her soulmate was. And the changes there were felt more like something to be talked over with Snorkmaiden before anyone else, he’d just needed to get all his words straight in his head first.

“We should probably talk, shouldn’t we?” Snorkmaiden said as she settled in the grass next to him. “We never really talked about my soulmate. I know I should’ve mentioned it to you ages ago,” she continued, “I just… I was worried the subject would be too painful for you. And now I’ve gone and made things worse.”

Moomin figured he should let her get everything she wanted to say out before adding in his own thoughts on it all, so he started picking some of the flowers around them while he waited and listened.

“I… “ She paused briefly to gather her thoughts. “This doesn’t have to change anything. I mean… I’m not going to break up with you just because I’ve met my soulmate. You know I wouldn’t do that to you, right?”

“Of course.” Moomin smiled softly at her, trying to hold back tears. She was such a kind person. But he knew they’d both just end up hurting.

He looked back down at the flowers and took a steadying breath.

“I lied to you.”

“What?” Snorkmaiden’s voice was thick with confusion.

“When we first got together. I… “ He faltered.

She rested her paw on his. “You what, Moomin?”

“I used to have a soulmate. Long before we met. He was a Mymble and a wanderer, like Snufkin.”

“Oh.” Her grip tightened. “What happened?”

“Nothing terrible! He just… didn’t like the idea of soulmates. Didn’t want to be tied down like that. So I started taking herbs to stop our dreams so he wouldn’t be stuck with me.”

“Oh, Moomin.” Snorkmaiden sounded near tears.

“It’s… I’ve somewhat come to terms with it. He couldn’t help his nature any more than the rest of us can. But it does still hurt, and I don’t like talking about it. You’re the second person outside my family that I’ve ever told, nobody else knows.”

“The first was Snufkin, wasn’t it?”

Moomin looked up to see a wry little grin on her face. He shrugged helplessly.

“He’s easy to talk to.”

“Mmm.” Her grin turned a little more knowing. Moomin narrowed his eyes at her, trying to figure out what it was she was thinking. He quickly gave up and refocused on the original topic.

“Anyway.” He paused. “It… hurts. A lot. To give up your soulmate. It’s like… like ripping out a piece of yourself. And you have to live with the constant question of what might’ve been different if you hadn’t made that choice. Would you be happier? Would they? The ache of missing them and the guilt for feeling that way when you’re with someone else. It’s confusing and overwhelming and there’s no proper advice to be found anywhere. Nobody who can tell you if it gets easier. Nobody who can really tell you anything. Because every soul-pair is different so every split is different too, the very few there are.”

Moomin was struck with the sudden realization that he was crying.

“The pain of giving up your soulmate - whatever the reason - is not something I’d wish on anyone. And I definitely don’t want you to do it for my sake.”

“Moomin… I just. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you already have been.”

He smiled sadly. He’d hoped to convince her without admitting this.

“You really don’t have to worry about that.” He whispered, closing his eyes before continuing. “I… started dating you to distract myself from everything with my own soulmate, and in the hope that I’d fall for you and stop hurting. But it didn’t really work like I’d wanted it to.”

“Oh.”

“I really wanted to be in love with you. I just wasn’t. Maybe I couldn’t. I don’t really know. I do know that you deserve to be with someone who can and will love you. Please don’t put your happiness aside for a lie.”

Snorkmaiden took in a deep breath and Moomin mentally braced for the hurt or anger.

“That’s… honestly, a bit of a relief.”

Moomin blinked in confusion. What?

“I may have agreed to date you because I was flattered that you’d chosen me. I did want to like you like that, and the whole thing was quite the boost to my self-confidence. I just… “ She shrugged.

They stared at each other for a moment before bursting into loud, relieved laughter.

When he finally recovered enough to sit up, Moomin turned back to Snorkmaiden.

“So… just friends?”

She beamed and nodded. “Best friends.”

#moomin #snufkin #snufmin #snorkmaiden #ninny #what's their ship name?#snorkninny?#ninnymaiden?#skdjfhskd #perchance to dream

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