#sjm uses so many words to describe tamlin and none of them actually help me visualize his beast form
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
CHAPTER 4 - page 1/?
original word count: 2843
revised word count: 1521
click for ch 4's full comparison document.
original:
I didn’t know how the wooden hilt of my hunting knife had gotten into my hand. The first few moments were a blur of the snarling of a gigantic beast with golden fur, the shrieking of my sisters, the blistering cold cascading into the room, and my father’s terror-stricken face. Not a martax, I realized—though the relief was short-lived. The beast had to be as large as a horse, and while his body was somewhat feline, his head was distinctly wolfish. I didn’t know what to make of the curled, elk-like horns that protruded from his head. But lion or hound or elk, there was no doubting the damage his black, daggerlike claws and yellow fangs could inflict. Had I been alone in the woods, I might have let myself be swallowed by fear, might have fallen to my knees and wept for a clean, quick death. But I didn’t have room for terror, wouldn’t give it an inch of space, despite my heart’s wild pounding in my ears. Somehow, I wound up in front of my sisters, even as the creature reared onto its hind legs and bellowed through a maw full of fangs: “MURDERERS!” But it was another word that echoed through me: Faerie. Those ridiculous wards on our threshold were as good as cobwebs against him. I should have asked the
revised:
Wood rasped my palm. When had I grabbed my hunting knife? Cold blistered through the room, and my eyes watered as I fought to make sense of the chaos. My sisters’ shrieks. A terrified moan. My father? Despite my heart’s wild pounding, I had to try to protect them, even if my hunting knife looked laughable compared to the shape filling the doorway. It had a wolf’s face, a snarling mouth revealing yellow fangs. A crown of horns jutted from its forehead. And while the beast was tall enough that I’d barely come up to its shoulder, it moved with a quick feline grace. Faerie. Had I been alone in the woods, maybe I would’ve fallen to my knees and hoped for a quick death. But I didn’t have room for fear, not here. My bow and quiver, which held the ash arrow I’d cleaned from the wolf’s body, were across the room—past the beast. But its thick neck looked like a good home for my knife. Hackles raised, the beast roared. It took me a moment to realize it wasn’t an inhuman sound but a word. “Murderers!” “Please,” my father said weakly. “Whatever we’ve done, we did so unknowingly—” I snatched a dinner knife off the table and brandished both it and my hunting blade before me. No iron in sight
#first of all#putting any dialogue in all caps is so unserious#using all caps AND italics?? cmon#sjm uses so many words to describe tamlin and none of them actually help me visualize his beast form#who would've guessed that comparing him to four different animals wouldn't give me a clear picture of what he looks like#one small edit I made (both in this chapter and ch 1)#was to use “it” pronouns for tamlin/andras when they're in beast form since their gender probably isn't immediately clear to feyre#I think it also helps to make faeries feel more “other” but in a subtle way#idk I just thought it was neat#ch 4#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#acotar rewrite#sarah j maas#sjm critical#acotar critical#anti acotar
5 notes
·
View notes