#sitting on the end screen whispering to myself ‘it’s letting go’

[wishing4nuclearwinter]

every single time I replay dead money i’m like yooo begin again…. ! but know when to let go ! oh my god !

[plumdiggity]

There’s a standing event with my friends, we all come over to a place to hang out and drink and catch up and watch movies. The last couple of times I’ve blacked out but that’s kind of my fault for drinking on an empty stomach and no one else seems to mind me staying the night.

I’m the last to arrive, stuck in traffic, and the only spot free is right in the middle of the couch so I wedge myself in between and am immediately handed a drink. We’re just watching old vine compilation videos so it’s not weird that the video ends and another starts every few minutes. It takes me a few seconds to realise the next video isn’t vines or memes. It’s… porn. People with backs hunched wordlessly moaning and thrusting into some girl whose face is covered by another girls thighs assumedly being eaten out. It sounds brutal, balls slapping so loud I’m surprised if it doesn’t hurt. I laugh a little, about to make a joke about someone accidentally adding in their porn collection but stop when I recognise the couch. It’s the one I’m currently sitting on. I look around to gauge everyone else’s reactions but all eyes are on me.

“We were surprised that even after the 5th time we drugged you that you still never caught on. So we thought we’d skip that this time.”

“Yeah. Either you’re completely oblivious or way more of a slut than we thought.”

My eyes pivot back to the screen in time to see the camera pull back and the angle change and I’m watching myself getting manhandled into a new position. Straddling someone and hands shoving me down onto their thick cock, then pushed forward so my ass was more exposed for a second to slam into me as well. My cries are muffled and the camera turns so I see my drugged out self struggling to deepthroat a huge strap on that I’m told is going to split my tight ass if I don’t slobber it up enough.

I barely register that my glass had been taken out of my hand and my best friend has started sliding her hand up my thigh under my skirt. I don’t hear the rustling of clothing being removed but I let out an involuntary whimper when my bestie rubs her fingers over my panties and leans in close to whisper “I’m gonna make you squirt with that strap in your ass this time.”

[baby-yongbok]

Confession - Seo Changbin x afab!Reader

Genre - Fluff WC - 1.4k A/N - Day 3 of my Binnie Birthday Week Posts

✧ Masterlist ✧

Another day of bringing Changbin dinner to the studio is another day of Han and Chan making jokes about you being more like a wife than a best friend. You usually let the comments go, never commenting on them, just rolling your eyes and smiling but today something came over you. 

“He should just get down on one knee at this point. You’re even here earlier than him.” Chan huffs a laugh as he drags something across his screen and Han joins in. “He should be calling you his wife instead of Hyunjin.”

"I mean, what's so wrong with that?" Your response shuts them up instantly. They sit up straighter in their chairs, turning to where you’re seated at the end of the desk. They stare, blinking a bit and sharing a glance before looking back at you. “What?”

"You like him like that?" Chan asks, carefully mouthing his words so that he’s not too loud. A blush sweeps over you as you realize that you kinda confessed to them about your feelings for your best friend. You could deny it or you could finally let it all out. You chose the latter.

"I mean.. maybe, yeah." Your response is whispered as you stare down at the bag of food in your lap.

"How long have you liked him??" Han asks, his big brown eyes almost have a hint of excitement in them. What’s that about?

"I don't know, a year or two maybe." You shrug, trying to play off your long standing crush. The boys both sigh dramatically, pulling your attention over to them. 

"He likes you too! For like a solid year!" Jisung blurts out and Chan hits him, muttering a curse under his breath. "I don't care if he kills me for that. They are not about to play tag with each other."

"You should confess to him. He thought you didn't like him back." Chan follows, a lot calmer than Jisung.

"What? How could he think that? I thought I made it obvious." You move the bag in your lap to the desk. Your stomach feels fuzzy with nerves as you think of all of the times that you’ve tried to get Changbin to see you as more than a friend. All of the longing glances and gentle unnecessary touches. How could he not tell?

"Well, I guess not enough." Han slumps back into his chair with a sigh but you sit up straighter in yours. Your expression is serious, you’re passionate about this, about him.

"He's literally my favorite person. I mean, yeah he's my best friend but he’s also what gets me out of bed in the morning. He's the only person who knows me better than I know myself..." You trail off and Chan blinks over at you with wide eyes. Everything that you’ve been feeling for so long bubbles up in your chest. It’s banging on your ribcage, desperately pleading to escape.

"Hey uh -" Chan tries to fill in the seconds of silence. He tries to say something but your voice is louder than his. You have more to say. 

"He's literally my everything. I hate going a day without him. That's one reason why I bring you all lunch so often. I mean, my wallet is suffering but I don't care cause I get to see Bin. As soon as I see him it's like everything is okay, ya know? Like everything that happened in the day doesn't matter cause he's with me."

Chan tries to say something again but Jisung stops him and speaks instead. "This sounds like more than a crush."

"Are you asking me if I love him?"

Jisung smiles. "Do you?"

"I do." You smile down at your lap. "I do love him." 

"Good." Jisung sighs with a smile, standing from his spot at the desk. "We'll give you two a moment." You furrow your brows. Looking between him and Chan but their gaze is cast behind you. Oh no.

"I tried to tell you." Chan whispers as he gets up and slips out of the room with Jisung. You sit still, refusing to turn your chair around to face the object your newly confessed desires. 

"Hey." Changbin whispers as he drops his bag onto the couch by the door. He takes the chair right next to yours. He’s right in front of you and the air feels thin. Your stomach churns with embarrassment but at the same time it jumps with excitement. "I uh- I may have heard that."

"I'm gonna actually pass out." You roll your chair away from him, creating a safe distance between you two even though the only thing on your mind is falling into his arms. You want to hug him, you’ve waited all of this time to see him and now he’s here but your heart can only take so much before it explodes. Thank gods this chair has wheels.

"Did you mean all of that?" Changbin leans into you, trying his best to catch your distant gaze.

"Changbin..."

"Cause I feel the same way." Changbin reaches forward and pulls your chair back over to him. You're closer than before. His knee brushes yours and he keeps your chair in place with his foot. “I didn’t really show it cause… I don’t know, I thought that it was one sided. I thought that all those looks and touches were just you being nice. I didn’t want to think too far into it.”

His hand rests over where yours are fidgeting. He takes one of them, lacing your fingers together. “I love you too. I have for an embarrassingly long time.” Your gaze meets his, wide eyes meeting his nervous ones. That’s the first time he’s ever said I love you.

“I should’ve said something earlier. I should’ve confessed I just was so scared to lose you if you didn’t feel the same.” You chuckle softly, careful eyes searching his. “You could never lose me, Bin.”

His ears are burning red with your response. A crooked smile takes over and he squeezes your hand just a bit. You sit in silence for a second, smiling and blushing like grade schoolers until Changbin breaks the silence. 

“Would you like to go on a date with me? We could go to dinner tomorrow, let’s give your wallet a break.” Your chuckle is music to his ears, your smile is a masterpiece and the way that you shake your head yes is a dream come true.

“I’d like that.” You’ve never seen Changbin this red, he’s looking over at the monitors on the desk in a desperate attempt to calm down the joy vibrating through him. 

“Can I… maybe get a bit ahead of myself?” You furrow your brows, confused by what he means but he clears it up for you when he pulls your chair impossibly close with his foot. “I should wait, I know I should but I just… Can I kiss you?”

Time slows once his question hits the air. “You want to kiss me?” He smiles at you, leaning is a bit, hand still laced with yours as he answers softly. 

“Desperately.” Yours eyes meet, you slowly lean in until there’s no more than a mere inch between the two of you. “You can kiss me.” He sighs, smiling for a second before he closes the distance between you two. 

His lips are soft on yours. It’s everything that you could’ve ever wanted and more. It’s a simple peck, quick and innocent but it’s not enough. He pulls back for a second, eyes fluttering open in time with yours. “I’m sorry I just…” He starts but cuts himself off as he leans back in. 

His soft lips take yours in with more of a pull. This kiss is strong like him, sweet like you, it’s all of the passion you’ve secretly felt packaged in a single motion to be remembered forever. 

You squeeze his hand while his other rests on your thigh, lightly balled into a fist. He wants to touch you, maybe hold your waist and rub innocent circles into your thigh but he’s afraid that he might melt further. He’ll become a puddle at your feet and he can’t handle that right now. He needs a couple more seconds in heaven before he has to come down to earth. The kiss breaks with a gentle sound, you both pull back with eyes shut tight and small smiles. 

“That was...” You start and he finishes. “Yeah.” 

As if you read each other's minds you both fall into a fit of giggles. It’s awkward at first but it lightens up as it continues. Your head falls forward, resting on his shoulder. “I hope that was okay.” 

“More than okay.”

Thank You For Reading! Please Reblog or Comment to let me know how you liked it! It makes my day! 💕

ALSO, please follow my back-up acct. @minniee-verse 💕

Perm. Tag List:

@kayleefriedchicken

@compersian @kibs-and-bits @lixiluvs @armystay89 @lghtdarling

@teddy-stay , @baconcupcakes123, @moonchild9350 ,

@krayzieestay, @soulsbbg , @stay-bi , @yzsqu , @gho-ster , @lghtdarling

[museenkuss]

“How I transformed my body in 90 days” type video but I’m becoming a Renaissance Woman. Vlog footage of me reading the classics for hours on end, writing vocabulary lists, drawing in my sketch book to epic music. On day 15 I talk about how I’m slowly adjusting to my elaborate home cooked meals and how I struggle with the genealogy of the Borgias. There are montages of me educating myself on history, astrology, astronomy and dressing well, I take horseback riding lessons and go to museums. Erasmus, Machiavelli and Lucretius are stacked on my bedside table.

There’s a segment where I say “it’s day 53 and I’m really struggling… I can’t even write a sonnet. I don’t see any improvement in myself. Is this even worth it?!” The stakes are rising. I’m shown ripping up pages of rhymes in calligraphy. I swear as I rush around the kitchen, trying to prepare my oysters. I sit at my desk and sigh, head in hands, my desk covered in stacks of notes, huge volumes on art history and printed out articles. The dramatic moment comes when I for the nth time try to walk and gesture with sprezzatura while balancing books on my head for better posture. I fall. The books topple to the floor. I’ve reached rock bottom.

Black screen. Voice over: “It was really hard. I felt like Dante, in the dark forest, having lost my way. And then, I realised what I needed: I had to go on a grand tour.”

Music swells again, there’s a montage of me packing and travelling in busses and trains. Landscape rushes past. I read Goethe’s Italienische Reise on the journey. Finally, there are snippets of me in Munich, in Vienna. I take a selfie in front of Parmigianino’s self portrait in a convex mirror, showing off my own elegantly contorted hand. I’m in Florence, breathing heavily with excitement as I walk along the outside walls of the Galleria degli Uffizi. “Oh my god, there he is—“ I film the Petrarch statue, the phone visibly shaking. “I can’t believe I get to meet him…” I whisper with awe. Cut. I’m blowing a kiss at the right Grace in Botticelli’s Spring (I have a crush on her). I’m in the Loggia di Psiche in Rome, I’m kneeling on a bridge in Venice to touch it, “Tintoretto walked on these very stones..”, I’m filming the ceiling of the Camera Degli Sposi in Mantua. I’m in the streets of Grasse showing off a bottle of Fragonard perfume I bought, I’m teary eyed in front of the Concerto Campestre in the Louvre. Cut.

I’m back home. “It’s now day…79. Those were the most unrealistic two weeks of my life. And the most expensive. But now I’m back on track. I feel like I can really do this.” With newfound vigour I get back to my battered Reclam German/Latin edition of Ovid’s Metamorphosis. Day 81, 85, 89. Emotional/hopeful music. I show a Shakespeare sonnet written in beautiful calligraphy. I’m in the museum sketching the composition of an annunciation and taking notes on a Venus by Cranach. I practice a speech I’ve written following Cicero’s rules on rhetoric. I’m back on horseback. I present a cake of some sort.

DAY 90. I’m at my desk. “Wow, what a journey. Now let’s see the transformation I underwent in those 90 days.” I show side by side footage of me from day 1 and day 90. I look the same, except day 90 me is wearing all black, Castiglione style, and has better posture. Back to the desk. “I changed so much. I learned so much about myself and my limits. I’m still not fluent in Latin or Italian. But what I learned is that beauty is everywhere, especially in the struggle, and it’s worth cherishing. And now, I’m back and stronger and more curious than ever. If you haven’t followed me on tumblr @Museenkuss at this point, what are you doing? Click the follow button and give this post a like because NOW, the fun really begins. A renaissance woman never stops learning.” From under the desk, I grab two books and put them on my desk. The Tale of Genji and Sei Shōnagon’s pillow book. “It’s time to expand my horizon.” Black screen.

[mingihttps]

21 questions

bang chan x fem!reader

you want chan by your side when having a panic attack but he won't answer your calls. thankfully han is there to distract you until chan finally comes home.

wc: >800

warnings: established relationship, angsts, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, crying, hyperventilating, self harm (hair pulling), pet names (baby, babygirl, my love, sweetheart), a couple cuss words

"the number you have dialed is-" i hit the red button on my phone screen with shaking hands. i've lost count of how many times i've tried to call chan in the past hour. my sobs and uneven breaths echo off the walls of my bedroom and reach my ears twice as loud. my boyfriend not answering my calls when i need him just makes the tears run down my face faster. my thoughts are running a thousand miles a second. going from feeling so alone to feeling like my own boyfriend hates me. it's getting harder and harder to breathe by the second as it feels like the room is getting smaller. then, suddenly, the sound of the dorm room closing and heavy footsteps are ringing in my ears. based on the loud rhythm of the footsteps, i can tell that they don't belong to chan. i tuck my head between my knees and tightly thread my fingers in my hair as a way to ground myself and, hopefully, keep myself quiet. i don't want whoever it is that entered the dorm to know that I'm having a panic attack for who knows what fucking reason at this point. i can hear the footsteps getting louder as they get closer and closer to my lover's room that i've been hiding in ever since they left for practice this morning. i tug on my hair harder as my tears or faster as the footsteps stop on the other side of the door. there is a gentle knock that sounds three times louder than what it probably was. i put a hand over my mouth to make sure no sobs came out, which is fruitless since whoever is at the door already knows I'm in here.

"y/n... can i come in?" i hold back A choked sob, which only makes my breathing more shallow. why had han come home? were the others on the way? god, I hope so. "y/n? i know you probably want channie-hyung but he won't be home for another hour... so can i please come in?" now that i know han heard me crying there's no point in trying to keep quiet. i uncover my mouth and let all of my shaky breaths be heard by han through the door. han quickly moves to open the bedroom door and make his way to me. "shit." i hear him mutter under his breath once he sees the state that i'm in, hyperventilating and shaking as i hold myself for comfort.

"what happened?" he whispers affectionately as he sits beside me on the bed and takes my other hand out of my hair gently.

"i don't know anymore." i said, truthfully and quietly, but han still heard me.

"that's okay sweetheart, you don't have to know," he whispers once again while smoothing down my hair, "wanna play a game?"

i look at han with teary eyes questioningly. "what game?" i sniffled.

"how about 21 questions?" han smiled down at me with practically pleading eyes.

i wipe my eyes and nod my head. i know he's just trying to distract me from my anxiety, but who am i to say no.

"okay, i'll start, what's your favorite color?"

"han, you already know that"

"just answer!" i teasingly shake my head before answering the question and asking my own. i don't know when, but han must have texted chan and told him that i was crying because a few minutes into the game, i hear the front door slam shut and someone calling my name. the bedroom door opens quickly, revealing my boyfriend.

"i'm so sorry, babygirl, are you okay?" chan says as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.

"it's okay channie, i know you're busy," i reassure him as i wrap my arms around his torso, "hannie helped me calm down"

"i know, he texted me, i'm sorry i wasnt here sooner, baby" chan apologizes again.

"i'm going to end this game of 21 questions here, then" han says as he gets off the bed with a stretch and leaves to go to his own room.

"you hungry at all, baby?" chan asks and i shake my head.

"i am tired, though" i whisper as i lay down in the bed.

"then let's take a nap, my love" my boyfriend whispered back as he lays down beside me.

requests are open !!

reposted from my old account

[planetpedri]

hii!!! How are you?? Could you please write smth with angest to fluff for Pau Cubarsi?🙏🙏🥰 Thank you!!

Center of gravity — Pau Cubarsí.

Pairing: Pau Cubarsí x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Pau had broken up a year ago, but somehow every time he’s stressed, he finds that you are the only thing that can ground him.

Word count: 1.0K

Disclaimer/s: Stressed(ish)!Pau so angst to comfort/fluff

A/N: Hiii!! I’m quite exhausted myself but good nonetheless! thank you for asking <3 I’m making my way through my requests and was listening to this song and was like omgg.

Rain splattered across your bedroom window, casting a gloomy feel across your bedroom. It had been raining on and off all day, which you usually did not mind, but for some reason you did today. You were grumpy all morning, and that only worsened as the day drew to an end.

You had finally gotten home from class, showered, ate dinner, and gotten comfortable in bed when your phone pinged. Picking it up, you exhaled slowly. The name ‘Pau’ lit up your phones screen. He’d had just as bad of a day, or seemingly worse (you assumed), considering he was texting you late at night. Like always.

Quickly typing back, you give him the go-ahead to come to your house. Your parents were out of the country for their anniversary, but even if they were home, they wouldn’t have cared.

Pau and you had broken up nearly a whole year ago, but even then, you stayed in contact. He visits, has meals with your parents while he waits for you to get home, ect. Your house was just as much Pau’s as it was yours since you’d grown up together.

Even then, the breakup still hurt. He was busy, never had time for you, the list goes on. Though, you two still valued each other as friends, and hopefully one day, you could progress past that again.

Lost deep within your thoughts, you don’t hear the door open and close or the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. You only realize he was there when your door cracks open and he says through a tired voice, “you decent?”

Jumping slightly, you let out a hmph. You sit up straight on your bed, scooting to make space for him. “Yep!”

Pau walks into your bedroom, shrugging off his wet hoodie before joining you on the bed. He doesn’t say a word until he’s laid down beside you, his arms looping around your waist as he lays his head on your stomach. “Hey.” He sighs out and you can already tell he’s burnt out, although from what.. you couldn’t be sure.

“Hey.” You hum, fingers finding their way to his hair, brushing a few strands away from his eyes. “Your hair is getting long again.”

You feel a slight upturn of Pau’s lips against your stomach, making a smile grow on your own face. “I kind of prefer it longer, but if you say I need a cut..”

“I did not say I didn’t like it.” You chuckle, twirling of piece of his hair around your finger. “So..” You weren’t sure how to approach the topic, so you trail off, wanting him to start it rather than have you grasp at straws.

Pau lifts his head up to look at you, his eyes fluttering slowly and you watch the way his long, thick eyelashes briefly kiss cheeks. “I don’t want to talk about it, tell me about your day.” He almost whispers, his eyes too busy flickering around your face with a hint of uncertainty flashing across them.

“My day was shit, but it’s better now.” You smile, tilting your head onto your shoulder as you meet his gaze. “What’d you do today?”

“Practice, practice, more practice, went home to do homework, did said homework, then…” He licks his lips, “yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

You knew he didn’t want to talk about what was troubling him, but you wanted to know. There was something different in the way he was holding you today, there was something hidden beneath his tired eyes when he looked at you, something you couldn’t recognize but it made you feel warm inside.

“Sounds tiring.” You finally reply, shifting around so Pau wasn’t resting against you at an awkward angle anymore.

“It was.” He murmurs, his hand trailing under your shirt to rest on your hip. He proceeded to draw miscellaneous shapes on it, his eyes solely focused on his doodling.

You couldn’t help the smile that broke out on your face, despite how hard to tried to stop it. Memories of nights where you and Pau would skip out on fancy dates just to cuddle together, all the nights he found his solace in your warm embrace. In a way, it made you feel sick. Like this was how it was meant to be, but something was stopping you from achieving it again.

Pau’s doodles stop, causing your eyes to flicker to him in protest. You find he was already looking at you, his eyes soft and bright despite the fact that your room was only lit by a dull lamp on your bedside. “What?” You ask, reaching up to move another stray strand of his hair.

“I missed you extra today.” He shrugs, “I’m just thankful you let me come over, that’s all.”

Your heart was pounding against your ribcage, and you didn’t bother to hide your smile this time. “I miss you extra all the time.”

A small laugh escapes Pau’s lips, his head dipping down to hide his face in the crook between your waist and arm, where he placed a small kiss on the exposed flesh of your inner forearm. “We’re so extra in general.”

By now, you’re laughing too. The situation was all too ironic. Ex’s who see each other when they need someone to lean on, ex’s who occasionally eat dinner with each other’s families, ex’s who cuddle, ex’s who say things couples say. Ex’s, who are still so obviously in love.

Pau’s head lifts to catch a glimpse of your laughing face, one he’d always adored, and he realizes if he just leaned in a little closer…

“That’s a bad idea.” You point at him, recognizing the look of longing. Your finger was mere centimeters from his face and the only thing separating the distance. But you’re not saying no, you would never say no. At least not to him.

Pau pushes your hand away from his face, “probably.” He whispers. Despite both of your words, both of you lean into each other, lips colliding in a long awaited reunion.

Likes , comments , and reblog’s are all appreciated. Lmk if you’d like to be tagged in any of my future posts.

DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby !

[f1amour]

Hi!!! Could i request a 🍮 with verstappen that have “don’t you care about me at all?” Like angst but with a happy ending. Thank you!!!

❝ don’t you care about me at all? ❞ — max verstappen

pairing | max verstappen x reader

content warnings | angst, comfort, happy ending

★ join my short n sweet friendsgiving!

─────────────────────────

you watch him sleep peacefully while your mind is filled with negative thoughts; did he love you? why was he pushing you away? had you done something? it hadn’t been the best season only the first half was great then the car started having problems and then battling for the championship with lando it wasn’t easy. so you understand the stress he had and tried your best to be there for him but he’d push you away everytime.

he had a rough race? you’d be there ready to give him your supportive words and touch he used to love but it’s now turned into quick side hugs and kisses on the cheek. from flying to most of the races with him turned into staying at home taking care of jimmy and sassy and watching the race on the tv screen.

you put your slippers on and walked off onto your balcony as the sun was rising. you didn’t realize how much time passed as max walks out in his workout clothes saying he would be going to the gym with his trainer, “okay,” you mutter, your eyes still set on the view avoiding his eyes as best as you can. going to the gym when you have a home gym right here? but the words never come out and he leaves.

“she didn’t even look at me just said okay and that’s all. she’s always up early make breakfast and my smoothie always ready but i woke up to an empty bed. thought she wanted to spend the break together as much as we can.” max tells his trainer as they finished up their workout. max left the apartment confused from the cold shoulder you’d given him, “i mean, you haven’t let her join you the last few races you’ve had. it could be that? or the fact she’s always checking up on your through the team because you never tell her anything other than fine everytime she asks how you are doing and the car.” his trainer knocks him out of this trance he’s had for months now as he realizes what he had been doing.

that’s why he stands in the kitchen with your favorite flowers on the counter and take out food ready to talk and apologize but you don’t come after he calls for your name. he walks to your bedroom and you are nowhere to be seen until he reaches the balcony and he realizes you’ve been sitting in your same spot you were on when he had left. “schatje? why are you still out here? it’s freezing—.”

“don’t you care about me at all?” you finally look at him, your eyes red and swollen after crying for hours and in that moment his heart breaks because he was breaking yours. “seriously max, what am i to you? it feels like we’re just roommates who sleep in the same bed and that’s all. i tried. i tried to be the supportive girlfriend but you…you push me away. you talk to everyone but me. i care about you, so why don’t you care about me?”

max sits besides you and wipes your tears away before he kisses your head but you just push him away, “i deserve that. i deserve whatever anger you feel towards me right now. i do care about you. i may not have shown it recently and i am sorry for that, baby. i’ve been so frustrated with the car and with myself that i couldn’t bare for you to see me like this. you’ve been there since my first championship and now that it could be in jeopardy…i don’t you to see me fail,” he whispers, his feelings valid but it leaves you confused why he couldn’t tell you all this.

“so why push me away like that, max? i supported you at your best and at your worst. with or without a championship i’m gonna be by your side always. but you need to let me in all the way. you have you talk to me when you feel this way and i should have done the same—.”

“no. that wasn’t your fault. i was a very shitty boyfriend so i understand why you felt you couldn’t talk to me. i’m so so sorry, my love. i promise from now on i’ll communicate more,” he promises and you raise your eyebrows expecting more, “and let me go to races again? cant believe you used jimmy and sassy as a pawn for me not going to any.” your pout that makes him chuckle has the mood feeling lighter now.

“i was fucking miserable without you. never again.” he mumbles against your neck as you wrap your arms around him. “i’ve got your favorite food and flowers waiting in the kitchen for you, i love you”

“i love you. you’re the bestest…next time though if you ever say i can’t go to a race i’ll show up with the mercedes team.” you threaten with a smile on your face.

“okay now that is mean.”

[totallyanfel]

❝𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙉𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍 𝙋𝘼𝙔 𝘼𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙊 𝙈𝙀 𝘼𝙉𝙔𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀❞ 〰 BOKUTO

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ hq x fem!reader. ft: bokuto koutarou

╰┈➤ˎˊ˗you jokingly say that he never pays attention to you anymore, now he's worried!

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ warnings: none except for tiniest bit of angst! but lots of fluff

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ 935 words, avg read time: 3 mins

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ a/n: this is my first time writing, and i never write for pleasure, or stories like these! so it might be really bad lol- but always give me constructive critisism about anything and dms/requests are always opened!! ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

────୨ৎ────

"bokuuuu~" you say, leaving the bedroom door to find your boyfriend sprawled on the couch, looking up and smiling at you before holding up his finger to signal for you to wait, the phone pressed against his ear with one of his streaked hands.

"movie night?" you silently worded with your lips, gesturing over to your bedroom before he gave a dismissive nod and thumbs up, focusing back onto the phone call. 

with a heavy sigh, you left to the kitchen, preparing what you two would always eat for the nights you'd lay on your shared bed, cuddled up next to each other while watching a move. that caramel popcorn that head playfully fed you, throwing it into the air as you two giggled at the missed shots and cheered together at the ones that made it. 

bokuto would always love nights like these and always preferred them, inside with you, over going out. he didn't have to share you while conversing with other people if it was some get-together or forced not to touch you everywhere you went.

Inside, you could cuddle, talk between just the two of you, scratch your hair, anything.

-

"this is so fricking delish," you said, stuffing your face with more popcorn as the bright tv screen hit your face, your hair tangling as the back of your head lay on his chest, sitting up on the bed. his arms envelopped you soothingly, meeting at your shoulders while you comfortably relaxed on his much bigger frame.

"hey, leave some for me-" a raspier whine escaped bokuto's lips, moving the thick arm that wrapped around you to reach for the bowl on your hips, before you felt his nose reach the top of your head and snuggle against it. he inhaled through his nose, letting the pleasant smell of your shampoo seep in as he couldn't help but let the tug on the end of his lips raise.

"nuh, uh! i made these all by myself while you were too busy on your pho-!" and almost as if on cue, his phone went off. both heads turned at the same time to the brightening screen, revealing a cute picture of him feeding you while watching your favorite show together, almost in the same scenario as of right now. underneath it was a message from someone that you honestly couldn't care less about, and he picked it up quickly.

"sorry, love, this might be important.." he subtly added, his once brighter expression muted as he brought the device closer to him. you let out a dishearted sigh, maybe exaggerating it a little too much to add on to your sarcastic comment. "it's like you never pay attention to me anymore.."

even the low mumble of your voice led him to shoot up, instantly tightening his grip around you, as if instinctual, and his voice was barely over a whisper. "what?" he moved his head around to try to meet your eyes, now basically "ear to ear" with him.

seeing the defeated look on his face, you realized he didn't see through your sarcastic comment, and trying to put your best poker face on, you tried to drag on the joke. it wouldn't harm anyone, just trying to see how long he'd last.

"yeah, you know, you're always so busy and all. just like right now, you know... your phone and all... you just never pay attention to me anymore." you lowered your head, some stray hairs falling down in trial to cover your face from the smile you were fighting, biting down on your lip.

if anything, bokuto pays way too much attention to you. you believed he'd just realize this was a joke; he was a clingy boy after all. whenever you'd leave, he'd insist on a hug, even in a rush. it would then lead to a kiss, and you perhaps being 15 minutes late with a few disheveled hairs. clingy bokuto was probably your favorite thing ever though. always wanting to be near you and never leaving your side for anything. so it'd be easy enough for him to see through your tiny prank.

"babe, are you serious? i-.."  bokuto lowered his head, his hair slightly drooping at the ends, and when you looked up, a small glint of sadness in his eyes shined through. fuck, he's actually serious.

"wait, listen, boku-" you tried to stop the joke right there, fully lifting your face before his hands met your waist, grasping you harshly as he flipped you with a hold so tight, as if you'd weighed nothing. when switching over to fully face him, he looked up at you, your legs wrapped around him, straddling his big "man" frame as he gave you a "little boy" pout.

"i-i'm so sorry, y/n... seriously. i never thought i'd be distant from you and all." bokuto's gaze never left yours.

a small pang hit your chest hard. "no, wait, boku-" you finally bring yourself closer to him, leaning closer to his face. "listen, i was just joking, mkay? you're perfectly fine; you pay enough attention to me!" you added, caressing his soft cheeks with your hands and cupping his jaw. 

"huh?" his eyes slightly widened, his head tilting to the side a little in confusion, causing you to giggle a little.

"Don't pull anything like that again, th-then.." he looked flustered, looking away from you now, half the sadness wiping off his face to your relief.

"soorrryyy~ i didn't think you'd take it so seriously!" you let out a soft chuckle at his tightening grasp on your waist.

"yup, you're repaying me for that little scare."

────୨ৎ────

a/n: srry if this is bad guys! anyway, yeah id totally see bokuto 100% blaming himself, even if he is like SUPER attached and wtv

wait now i feel bad cmere

[mclacedes]

Shameless (LN4 SMAU)

1. something awful

warnings: nothing, but there might be suggestive content

summary: in which people suspect the singer Y/N Stella left the Miami GP after party earlier because of Lando

pairing: lando norris x fem!singer!stella!reader

face claim: camila cabello / kendall jenner

WC: 3.3k

✧ next up

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . MAY. 　⁺ 　 . ✦

INSTAGRAM

paddockgirl

❤️ by user1, ynfan2, landonorris and more

paddockgirl: Spotted: the ever-dazzling Y/N Stella, slipping away from Miami’s hottest ticket—Lando Norris' maiden F1 victory after-party—way earlier than expected. Draped in designer and with her usual charm, the pop starlet didn’t stay to bask in the post-win glow. Instead, she was seen hurrying off alongside Bella Hadid and Y/BFF, each departing in separate cars.

Was the night too electric, or was something more simmering beneath the surface? With those hurried steps and that unbothered demeanor, it seems Y/N was in a rush to leave the celebrations behind. No word yet on what—or who—might have prompted her sudden exit, but in the world of fast cars and even faster whispers, one thing’s for sure: the story doesn’t end here.

You know you love this,

XOXO, the paddock girl

click here to open comment section

user5: ok is it just me or she looks disturbed?

user3: ok what is going on

landofan4: WJAT IS THE MIAMI GP WINNER DOING IN THE LIKES???????? WTF

ynfan8: lando liking this means something.... right?

ynfan10: add fire to fuel lando!!! we love to see it

landofan3: god what is happening???

ynfan8: some fans (like myself) think they have a relationship

ynfan15: yeah sure if they're dating why would she leave her boyfriend's VERY FIRST F1 victory after prty tho??

landofan7: lando like this if you're going after her ❤️ by landonorris

landofan11: SHUT UP HE DID NOT

TWITTER

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

it was long past midnight on May 6th, the night after Lando’s maiden victory.

the party had been good—electric energy, laughter, your father in his element, proud beyond measure—but you couldn’t stay in that stuffy, cramped place for another second, so you slipped away quietly, not warning anyone other than andrea amd zak to step into the cool night air outside the club.

the city’s hum was faint, the night, chilly. you looked at your phone screen to check the time: 1:12am.

you quickly ordered an uber, the car arriving minutes later. as you slid into the backseat, you felt the weight of the night sinking in. your mind wandered back to Lando—his smile, the way his eyes sparkled when he took off the helmet, how he looked so free and so alive, how you hadn’t been able to pull your gaze away from him all evening. there was something about him, something that made you feel all the things you didn’t want to feel, and it was getting harder to ignore.

Lando always made you feel like he completed something inside of you, like you could sit and listen to him talk for hours, just staring and memorizing his perfectly crafted features just so you could have the chance to do it all again in your dreams—the sweet ones and the wild.

you let all your armor fall near him, you let him see you and in return he… existed; he didn't have to do much to satisfy you. and he had no idea that his "baby boss" was falling more and more in love with the person he was every day.

the uber ride was quiet, the streets almost empty at this hour, and your mind couldn’t focus on anything else except the way Lando��s laugh had filled the room earlier, how effortless he made everything seem. as the car stopped in front of the hotel, you paid the driver and stepped out, feeling the chill of the night air hit your skin.

you didn’t want to go back inside. not yet. not when the night felt like it was still unfolding. so you found your way to the hotel’s poolside, the water reflecting the soft light from the overhead lamps. you leaned against the edge, arms folded, gazing up at the dark sky, the stars scattered like whispers above you.

it was quiet here. peaceful. no one else around.

so you just took the moment in: you let out a soft breath, trying to calm the flutter in your chest.

how was it that he could make everything inside you feel so real? it wasn’t supposed to be like this. you shouldn’t be feeling like this. but every time you looked at him, every time your eyes met his, you could feel it—something more than just friendship, more than the playful teasing. it was becoming harder to hide, harder to pretend it wasn’t there.

you stayed there laid and thinking for about an hour, letting the cool air settle around you, trying to push all the thoughts of him aside, but they kept circling back. it wasn’t just the way he looked at you or how he made you laugh, it was something deeper. something you didn’t know how to handle yet. but you didn’t want to fight it either.

you were at peace until a stepping noise caught your attention.

you blinked, slightly startled, as Lando dipped his feet in the water next to you, his gaze locking onto yours with that signature mischievous grin. his hair was tousled, his shirt untucked, and there was a casual swagger to his movements, even in his slightly drunken state.

“what are you doing here, norris?”

“shouldn't i ask you that, Cinderella?” he smirked, his voice teasing yet warm, the kind of charm that was both effortless and infuriating.

you rolled your eyes, but the smile tugging at your lips betrayed the fact that you were glad he showed up. “don’t call me that, Lando.”

“why not?” he leaned back, getting comfortable. “you ran off after midnight! it's the perfect nickname actually, if you stop and think.”

“no it's not,” you shot back, the corners of your mouth twitching in amusement.

“should i stick with baby boss then?” he asked, a playful glint in his eyes as he glanced over at you, waiting for your reaction.

your heart skipped. baby boss. he always said it so casually, yet it carried a weight to it that you couldn’t quite shake off.

"it's not baby boss," you sighed, trying to ignore the way your stomach fluttered. "but whatever, I’m sure you’ll call me something equally ridiculous anyway."

Lando just shrugged, unfazed by your resistance. “it’s either that or Cinderella. take your pick.”

you shook your head, but the warmth spreading in your chest told you that, somehow, it didn’t really matter what he called you. the sound of his voice, the way he spoke to you like no one else did—like you were someone important to him—was enough to make you feel something you couldn’t name.

"you’ve really got no filter, do you?" you muttered, feeling the tension between you start to shift. there was something about him that made it impossible to stay distant, something that kept pulling you in, even though you weren’t sure what to do with it.

“why would i?” Lando grinned, unabashed. “filters are overrated.”

he turned to look at you again, his gaze locking onto yours with that effortlessly charming look that made your heart race.

you two were there, under the midnight sky, staring into the universe's infinite darkness, the soft hum of distant waves mingling with the steady beat of your pulse. the quiet was almost deafening, the only sound the faint rustling of leaves in the breeze.

and yet, even in this peaceful, still moment, there was a strange intensity in the air between you and him. it wasn’t the alcohol or the high of the night’s events; it was something more—a quiet understanding, a shared breath.

“filters exist so we don't sound stupid, or insensitive. it's made so we know what to say and when to say it. they're not overrated,” you explain.

Lando’s lips quirked up, his eyes never leaving yours. “oh, c'mon, baby boss,” he laughed, rolling his green eyes, glistening with amusement. “there's gotta be a small bit of you that's like... shameless or something.”

you raised an eyebrow, trying to play it cool, but deep down, the way he looked at you made it hard to stay detached. you took a breath, the night suddenly feeling a little heavier than before.

“maybe,” you admitted, staring out at the water.

Lando shifted slightly on the beside you to get a better look at you. the warm glow of the pool lights danced across his face, softening the sharp lines of his jaw and the mischievous glint in his green eyes. he was so close now, his arm resting lazily on the edge of the lounger, his gaze steady on yours.

“then, quick, quick. tell me something awful,” he urged again, his tone playful but low, as though he was sharing a secret with you.

you hesitated, your fingers fidgeting with the fabric of your dress. you wanted to match his energy, to keep it light, but the weight of the night and his persistent gaze made it impossible to hold back. before you could stop yourself, the words tumbled out.

“lost my virginity with a guy who only did me because he felt sorry for me.”

the moment the words left your lips, you regretted them. the air seemed to shift, the playful spark dimming as Lando went still. he didn’t laugh, didn’t smirk or tease like you expected. instead, his brows furrowed slightly, and he looked at you like he was trying to piece together how anyone could make you feel that way.

“shit,” he muttered under his breath, breaking the silence. “i didn’t—”

“it’s fine,” you cut him off quickly, not wanting the moment to linger in the rawness of your confession. your eyes dropped to the shimmering pool water, the ripples almost hypnotic. “really. it’s... a long time ago.”

there was a pause, the kind that made the air between you feel heavier. Lando didn’t move, didn’t look away. when he spoke again, his voice was quieter, softer, like he was sharing something equally intimate.

“you deserve so much better than that,” he said, his words careful but full of conviction. “i mean... i wouldn’t do that to you.”

your eyes flicked back to his, and the sincerity there caught you off guard. Lando wasn’t teasing now, wasn’t trying to be charming. he meant it.

you let out a soft laugh, trying to defuse the moment, but it sounded more like a sigh. “thanks, i guess,” you murmured, your voice almost getting lost in the gentle rustle of the breeze.

Lando tilted his head, studying you for a moment longer. “no, i mean it,” he said firmly, leaning in just slightly. “you’re... all due respect, hot as hell.”

his words hit you harder than you expected. it wasn’t just what he said—it was the way he said it, like he was genuinely baffled that anyone could treat you as anything less than extraordinary. you swallowed, your chest tightening in a way that made you feel vulnerable but also... safe.

“you’re full of surprises,” you teased, trying to lighten the mood again, but your voice wavered just enough to betray the emotion building inside you.

“just being honest,” he shrugged, that familiar grin tugging at his lips again, though his eyes stayed soft. “besides, you know me, Cinderella—no filter. shameless.”

you smiled despite yourself, your fingers brushing over the cool metal of the marble floor.

“what's your big secret, Norris? your awful thing,” you asked, prompting yourself on one of your sides so you could have a better look at him under the midnight hours.

did he look handsome? as usual.

his tousled hair framed his face just right, the perfect mix of messy and deliberate, matching the black dress shirt, wrinkled and unbuttoned, as if it naturally rebelled against perfection.

the soft glow from the pool lights danced over his features, catching in his green eyes and making them look impossibly vivid, like they were lit from within. his cheekbones looked sharper in the low light, and the subtle curve of his lips held that ever-present smirk, the one that seemed to say he knew exactly the effect he had on you.

“oh, so now you want my dirty laundry?” he teased, raising an eyebrow.

“fair trade, i guess,” you shot back, the corners of your lips twitching into a smile.

for a second, his expression shifted—something darker, something more intent flickered across his face. before you could fully register it, he leaned closer to you, barely blinking as he moved toward you.

“what are you doing?” you asked, your voice soft but curious as your heart began to pick up its pace.

he didn’t answer. instead, he stopped once you could feel his breath against your face, his eyes locked on yours. his beautiful face was so close now that you could see the faint shadow of stubble on his jaw and the way his lips parted slightly as he breathed.

your breath caught with how he looked at you, his gaze intense but not unkind, the teasing smirk replaced by something that felt... heavier. his voice was low when he finally spoke, almost a whisper but laced with unmistakable intent.

“i know i’m drunk and you're my boss' daughter but... god, i wanna take you upstairs so bad. take that dress out of your body… you do things to me, y/n, do you have any idea of that?”

the world around you seemed to fade into the background, the gentle ripple of the pool and the faint hum of the city swallowed by the intensity of the moment. Lando’s words hung in the air, heavy and electrifying, as if the universe itself had paused to watch what you’d do next.

you swallowed hard, your heart pounding in your chest like a drum. his proximity was dizzying, his scent—a mix of cologne, champagne, and something uniquely him—invading your senses. you tried to find your voice, but the way his green eyes bored into yours made it nearly impossible to think straight.

“Lando...” you started, your voice barely above a whisper, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

he didn’t move, didn’t blink, like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. his gaze flickered to your lips for the briefest of moments before returning to your eyes, and you felt your stomach flip.

you blinked, trying to process the raw honesty in his words. the Lando you knew—the easygoing, cheeky driver who always had a joke ready—was nowhere to be found. In his place was someone far more vulnerable, someone baring his soul without hesitation.

“you're drunk,” you managed to say, though your voice wavered. “you don't mean that.”

he shook his head, a small, almost bitter laugh escaping his lips. “maybe i am. but i’ll still mean it tomorrow. and the day after that.”

his voice still low, intimate. his eyes searched yours, daring you to look away. “you think i haven't been biting my tongue for months? pretending you don’t make me feel like i’m losing my mind every time you walk into a room?”

your breath hitched. you wanted to say something—anything—but the truth was, part of you wanted him to say it again. part of you wanted him to act on it, consequences be damned. and that terrified you.

“i—” you broke off, shaking your head as you sat up straighter, trying to put some space between the two of you. “Lando, we can’t.”

the corner of his mouth twitched, like he was fighting a smirk, but his eyes stayed serious. “why not?” he asked, his tone calm but challenging. “because you’re andrea's daughter? because i drive for mclaren? or because you’re scared?”

the question caught you off guard, and you felt your defenses crumble just a little. “i’m not scared,” you lied, your voice trembling slightly.

“liar,” he said softly, his lips curving into a knowing smile. but there was no malice in his tone, just a quiet understanding that made your chest tighten.

you looked away, your gaze falling to the water, the reflections rippling like your thoughts. “this... whatever this is—it’s complicated. it’s not supposed to happen.”

“maybe not,” he admitted, his voice steady. “but that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

his words hit you like a punch to the gut, and His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of the moment. you wanted to argue, to tell him he was being reckless, that nothing good could come from this. but the truth was, part of you didn’t want to stop him.

the carefully constructed walls you had built to keep your feelings for him at bay were crumbling, and you weren’t sure if you had the strength to stop it.

“lando…” you began, but he cut you off, leaning in again, his voice urgent now.

“tell me you don’t feel it too,” he said, his green eyes boring into yours, his vulnerability laid bare. “tell me i’m imagining this, and i’ll stop. i’ll walk away right now.”

you opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out. you couldn’t tell him that, because it wasn’t the truth. you felt it—the pull, the tension, the way his presence made everything else fade away. and now, under the soft glow of the pool lights, with his gaze locked on yours, it was impossible to deny it.

“at least admit it’s there. admit i’m not crazy.”

you looked at him, really looked at him, and in that moment, you couldn’t lie.

“you’re not crazy,” you said softly, your chest tightening as the words left your lips. “it’s there.”

a silence fell between you, heavy and loaded with everything left unsaid. for a moment, neither of you moved, the world around you suspended in the weight of the confession.

then lando let out a shaky chuckle, a mix of relief and maybe something deeper.

just as you felt his lips brushing against yours, the moment was shattered by the sound of footsteps approaching.

“there you are!” oscar’s voice called out, his tone light and oblivious.

you and lando froze, barely inches apart, before turning to see oscar standing in the doorway to the pool area, clad in a matching pajama set and a sheepish expression.

“fuck’s sake,” lando breathed under his breath, so quiet only you could hear it.

oscar’s eyes flicked between the two of you, slowly piecing together the tension in the air. “oh… uh, sorry to disturb your peace,” he said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “but… your father told me to look for you, y/n. he is worried because you weren’t in your room.”

lando ran a hand down his face, muttering something incomprehensible before glancing at you, his expression unreadable now. you swallowed hard, the weight of what had almost happened still lingering between you as you nodded at oscar.

“right,” you said, your voice a little shaky as you smiled. “thanks, oscar. i’ll, um, be there in a second.”

oscar nodded, casting one last curious glance at lando before turning and disappearing back into the hotel.

“great timing,” he muttered, his tone half-joking but tinged with disappointment.

you bit your lip, unsure what to say. the moment was gone, but the tension wasn’t. and you knew it wouldn’t be so easy to push it aside.

“umm… maybe we can do it again, some time?” he joked, his tone light but his eyes searching yours as he got up.

he extended his hand to you, his fingers lingering in the air, waiting.

you hesitated for a moment before reaching out, your hand slipping into his. the warmth of his touch sent a jolt through you as he pulled you to your feet effortlessly.

“yeah, yeah,” you replied, attempting to match his casual tone. “maybe when you’re not drunk?”

lando chuckled softly, the sound low and almost self-deprecating. “fair enough,” he said, his gaze flicking to yours briefly before darting away.

the air between you was still thick with unspoken words, but his attempt to lighten the mood was enough to ease some of the tension. even so, as you let go of his hand, you couldn’t ignore the lingering spark that stayed long after.

“i might need to get some air before i go inside... today was one of those days,” he smiled faintly, his hands slipping into his pockets.

“sure, yeah. congrats on the race, again. i’m proud of you,” you said, your voice soft but sincere.

his eyes lit up at your words, a genuine smile breaking through the fatigue. “thank you, y/n. it’s good when baby boss is proud,” he teased, a playful glint in his eye.

you rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. “good night, lando.”

“good night,” he replied, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before you turned and walked away, leaving him to the quiet of the night.

as you stepped inside, your shoes on your hand, the cool air of the hall wrapped around you, but it did little to chase away the warmth his smile had left behind.

it wasn’t just his words or the way his eyes lingered—it was the quiet understanding in his voice, the unspoken connection that hummed between you. even as the door clicked shut behind you, you knew this moment would follow you, echoing in the corners of your mind long after the night had faded.

[daydreamabout]

3:15 (Oscar Diaz Imagine)

Summary: You're in a situationship with Oscar, not sure if you want to be official. Inspired by 3:15 by Russ. All I ever tried to do was help you understand and grow Light the way for truths that if not for me simply wouldn't show 'Less you get somebody else who's on my level, but you know That there's no one on my level, you gon' realize if you don't I wish you would own up to your flaws And just say that you're wrong when you're wrong Instead of actin' like you're right, then it turns into a fight Now you're stormin' out my house in the middle of the night “What's on your mind?” Oscar interrupted your few kisses. You were currently all over him in your bedroom, as usually. You pecked his soft lips one more time and sighed “I don't think you should do it tomorrow.” you spoke softly. Your lover's dark eyes looked at you for a few seconds before he frowned “Don't start this shit again.” The anger about the same situation started to boil within you, so you got off of Oscar and laid on your back. “What is your problem?” you spat at him. The sudden tension in the room was obvious. He suddenly sat on the edge of your bed and gave you an intimidating look over his right. “I don't think we're close enough to have this kind of conversation!” “Wow.” You didn't know how else to react. He was obviously refering to the fact that you weren't sure how to label your 'thing'. You cared, a lot. But he was part of a gang and you cared too much about other people's opinions too. “I think you should go home. ”you let out bluntly without thinking. He turned his head away from you and let out a dry laugh “You know.... I fucking might!” and stormed off. ***

How come when I love somebody, part of me don't wanna stay? Every time I get too close, I just start pushing them away I know, I know Maybe I just wanna leave before they try to leave me first Maybe I don't wanna need 'em 'til they say they need me first I know, I know (yeah, yeah, yeah) Damned if I do, damned if I don't Drank Tequila, I can't drive home Hard to play cool, heart belongs to you I know that if I show that I keep my walls up, if you want me then you better start to climb WoMen who love me aren't rare WoMen who mean it hard to find Somethin' tells me that I'm right about you Please, don't prove me wrong They say love's a song for fools We're wise enough to sing along  “Back off!” you raised your voice and pushed the guy to the side. You were frustraded, ended up at someone's houseparty, drank enough Tequila to not drive home by yourself, but not enough to forget about Os. The porch made an exceptable place to sit down for a bit and re-think your previous thoughts. You wanted him. All to yourself. So you took all your courage and dialed his number. Oscar picked up after a while, but did not say anything. You could just see the seconds of the phonecall on your screen. “Can you pick me up?” you asked carefully. You could hear him sigh into the phone. “Where are you?” *** It took about 20 minutes until you could see the familiar red car pull into the street. You slowly got up and neared yourself the sidewalk. The car came to stand right in front of you, but before you even had the chance to get in, your lover already got out. He stood right in front of you and looked deep into your eyes. “You're in my head.” you said while pointing to your temple. The alcohol was definitely kicking. His eyes softened and you felt like there was a slight smile on his lips. He took your hand in his and placed a soft kiss on it “Get in the car, Y/N. ” You continued to stare into his eyes. “I want everyone to know about us. ” His face seemed to light up a bit. He pulled you in and kissed your forehead before whispering in your ear “Get in babe, we'll talk about it tomorrow.”

But now it's hard to breathe I'm not in love, it's just a game we do I tell myself I'm not that into you But I don't wanna sleep, it's quarter after three And now it's hard to breathe I'm not in love, it's just a thing we make We're skin on skin, I need this spell to break, oh But I don't wanna go, and I know that you know You're in my head like

[fxrmuladaydreams]

back off (sv5) (dr3)

pornstar!seb x pornstar/camgirl!reader , pornstar!daniel x porstar/camgirl!reader

summary: seb isn’t happy when he finds out that you’ve become intimate with daniel, and daniel isn’t happy when he finds out seb isn’t going to give you up

prev part next part

Sebastian feels like he’s been staring at the screen of his phone for days now.

I’ve been spending so much time with Daniel lately

He’s reading the words over and over again, as if they’ll change at some point. When he gave you Daniel’s phone number he really only expected you to film a video or two with him, not to become close with him.

Sebastian figured you clearly weren’t in the mood to talk to him either, seeing as his last few texts went unanswered, so he decided he needed to take matters into his own hands.

You’re surprised to see Sebastian standing on the other side of your door when you answer it, a nervous smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers clutched in his hands.

“Sebastian, what are you doing here?” You ask.

“You weren’t answering your phone.” He shrugs. “These are for you.” He thrusts the flowers into your hands.

“Thank you… Come in.” You step to the side so he can come inside.

He takes slow, cautious steps in, as if afraid he’ll overstep.

“You know, usually if someone doesn’t respond to texts it means they don’t want to talk.” You tell him as you find a vase for the flowers.

He feels bad being here, but tries to keep his cool. “You don’t want to see me schatz?” He pouts.

You sigh. “I thought you were the one who didn’t want to see me.”

Your words feel like a punch to the gut. “I always want to see you.” He says quietly.

“Then why did you push me away?”

He stares at you, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“I can’t put up with you like this Seb. You can either stay here and be honest with me, or you can keep this wall between us and leave my house.” You cross your arms over your chest.

His lips move for a moment, he’s trying to think of the right way to string his words together.

“I was nervous. I felt like things were too much, moving too fast.” He takes a step towards you. “But I’ve sorted myself out now. I want to be close with you.” He practically whispers.

You take a small step back, keeping that small bit of distance between you. You’re too afraid you’ll quickly fall under his spell again if you don’t.

“We can become close again. As friends.” You tell him.

He gives you a small nod. “Friends. Can friends offer to buy you lunch?” He asks, a sheepish smile on his face.

You can’t help the smile that starts to appear on yours. “Friends can get lunch together, yes.”

“Good. Lunch it is then.”

He takes you to lunch in his car, letting you pick the music. It’s very reminiscent of your drive to the filming studio. He keeps stealing glances and you keep pretending not to notice.

Everything seems effortlessly easy with Sebastian. You quickly fall into rhythm with each other, a slightly flirty banter used to communicate with each other.

He pays for your meal, even after your insistence that he doesn’t have to.

“I’m just being a good friend schatz.” His tone is teasing, but he doesn’t like the way the words feel on his tongue.

He wants to be able to sweep you up in his arms and plant a kiss to your lips, but he remembers what you said about kissing. How it was something personal, that it belonged to you. He was just going to have to fight to earn it from you.

He drives you back to your house and joins you inside for a movie. While you start on opposite ends of the couch, by the time the movies over you find yourself curled up against the German man.

He almost wants the movie to never end. He wants to stay here with you in his arms forever. We wouldn’t be mad if you happened to fall asleep against him.

But when the credits roll you sit up, peeling yourself away from Sebastian, who tries to fill the space between you.

“I had fun today.” He tells you.

You nod, giving him a soft smile. “Me too. It was nice to see you again.”

“Maybe we can hang out again. Sometime soon?” He asks.

He’s close now, probably too close. You can feel his breath fan over your face as his words are murmured to you. His eyes travel down to your lips. You know what he wants, and even if you didn’t he tells you when he tilts his head closer to you.

“I kissed Daniel.”

He freezes at your words, slowly pulling back. A flash of anger crosses his face.

“Did he make you?”

“No! No, I kissed him willingly.”

“Oh.” He leans back on the couch.

“I’m sorry. I just thought you should know.” You head tilts down in shame.

He hums. “So are you dating him?”

You look back up at him. “No, I don’t think so.”

Sebastian smiles mischievously. “Then he has no claim over you. You can kiss whoever you’d like.” He brushes the hair away from your face and leans in again. If he pressed his lips to yours you wouldn’t have pushed him away, but he doesn’t. “I’m not going to kiss you schatz. I don’t want to confuse you, or make you feel bad about your feelings for either of us. But I won’t give up on you that easy. I’ve still got some fight in me.” He winks, then pulls away to stand up.

You almost reach out for his hand, wanting to pull him back down and kiss him yourself, but he steps away, towards your door.

“Goodnight schatz.” He calls out to you, then you hear your door open then close.

You feel fuzzy on the inside, like you’re on a bit of a high as you get ready to go to sleep.

Daniel comes by the next day, immediately pulling you into his arms and planting a kiss to the top of your head.

“Good morning sweetheart.” He says. “I brought breakfast.”

He puts a bag down on your table. You recognize the logo on the bag, it’s from the diner he took you to after you filmed your video. He hums as he admires the flowers on your table, letting his fingers gently brush against the petals.

“Where did you get these?” He asks, thinking you probably bought them yourself just to add to the dining room.

“Seb gave them to me.” You tell him. You try to sound casual about it, as if he didn’t stay late last night and if you had your way you would’ve climbed on top of him.

“Seb?”

“Sebastian.”

He scoffs. “Yeah, I know who Seb is. I just thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.”

You shrug. “It was nothing. We went out to lunch. As friends.”

He nods. “So, got any plans for today?”

You try to have a nice day with Daniel, but it’s clear something has shifted. He holds onto you just a little tighter, and makes sure to sit next to you a little closer.

When he drops you back off at your house he leans in for a kiss. You turn your head, letting his lips land on your cheek.

“Goodnight Daniel.” You quickly tell him, stepping into your house and closing the door between you.

Daniel lets his anger bubble up on his drive home. Why were you with Sebastian the previous night? Who the hell did Sebastian think he was to give you flowers? Why didn’t you let him kiss you tonight? His hands grip the steering wheel as he drives.

He walks back into his house and sighs as he hangs up his coat. The house seems far too empty, too cold when he’s home alone.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket as he walks to his room.

To Sebastian

I don’t know what your deal is, but you need to back off. Y/n and I are happy and you’re just going to ruin it.

He gets a reply within minutes.

To Daniel

I think Y/n can choose to spend her time with whoever she wants. And I’m not planning on letting her go that easy Danny. Let the best man win.

Daniel huffs as he tosses his phone aside. He’s going to show you just how much better he is for you than Sebastian.

[daydreams-after-dark]

can we talk about a sub police officer han >.> like with a criminal reader because i know we all saw how he held that toy gun in skz code 😭

I read this ask before I watched skz code… then I saw it and I knew what you meant. He’s such a darling boy. I love him. I want him to do bad things to me. Even if he does it awkwardly, he gets the job done.

🥰🥰🥰 I’m so excited actually, because I have quite a few #policeofficerskz asks and the concepts are so scrumptious. I can barely contain myself.

Anyways… here is what came to mind for your ask. I love you and hope you enjoy 😘🥰

CW: coercion, unprotected p in v sex, cream pie, sex in a semi public place, nudity.

🚨🚨🚨🚨

Since your arrest earlier that day you have been scoping out the police officers at the station. Watching through the bars of the cell, narrowing down which one would be your ticket to freedom.

Really, you shouldn’t have even been arrested. You were set up. Okay, fine. You’re a con artist. But you wouldn’t have been arrested if you hadn’t been snitched on by some undercover officer. Thanks Officer Kim.

As you analyse each of the police officers in the station, the one who seems to catch your eye the most is Officer Han. He appears gentle, quiet, easily persuaded, kind of awkward. You can work with that. Plus, he is kind of cute. Bonus.

And what do you know, Officer Han is on night duty at the station tonight. Alone. You watch him through the bars as he drinks instant coffee and works at his computer.

The lights are low in the station. It’s quiet too, apart from the clacking of his keyboard.

He yawns and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes for a long moment. Poor baby’s tired. When he opens them his eyes land on yours.

He swallows nervously. You know he’s feeling vulnerable having you watch him. This is perfect.

You tilt your head and part your lips seductively, and his eyes blink rapidly before returning his attention to his computer screen.

“Officer?” you say coyly.

His eyes snap up to meet yours again.

"I need your help. You see I'm innocent. This was all a set up. Your officer Kim is corrupt. He stitched me up." Your bottom lip wobbles.

Han sighs loudly, like he wishes you would just stay quiet so he doesn't have to do anything. Maybe he'll just ignore you.

Or maybe not.

Officer Han stands and with his head down, he quietly walks towards the cell. He stops once he's in front of you, but doesn't look up.

"Look, it's not up to me...I'm just babysitting the station. I wasn't the arresting officer. There's nothing I can do." he says and makes to walk away.

Your hand reaches through the bars and grasps his arm. He stills, looking down at where your hand is wrapped around his forearm, and swallows hard.

"Please. Can you at least keep me company. I'm scared. I'm cold." You say in a small voice.

He looks up at you, a bewildered expression on his face.

"Please?" You let your eyes well up as you give him your best "pleading" eyes.

He shakes his head regretfully. "I-I shouldn't. It's against protocol." he whispers. You squeeze his arm a little harder and he whimpers. You've almost got him.

He lets out a shaky breath. "J-just wait here. I'll get you a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket." he concedes.

"I'm not going anywhere, Officer." You purr and release his arm.

You watch him through the bars as he fumbles about making a hot drink and finding another blanket, before returning to the cell and producing a key.

You smirk and go sit on the roll out mat in the far corner of the cell. You must look non-threatening for your plan to work. He enters the cell cautiously and stands in the middle of the area like he doesn't know what to do.

"Come sit." You pat the mat next you. He looks back awkwardly to where his desk is. "I won't bite." you raise and eyebrow.

"O-okay. O-only for a second... " he stutters.

Only for a second? You know how that always ends.

"Here's a blanket, he hands you the tatty fabric. "and your hot chocolate." he gives you the paper cup and sits down next to you and looks at his feet.

"Officer Han. That is your name isn't it?" you place the cup down in the corner, and turn to him. He is very attractive close up.

He nods. "Yes."

"And how long have you been a police officer?" you reach out and draw a circle on his knee with your index finger.

"Um... six months." he says shakily as he watches your finger work its way up his thigh.

"Hmm. Just a baby, huh?" you lick you lips as you watch him tremble.

"M'not a baby." he narrows his eyebrows and glares at you, but quickly looks away.

"No. I was only joking." You bring your hand up to stroke his cheek. "I bet you're very good at doing grown up things."

Officer Han gulps. "I am." he chokes.

"Wanna show me?" You grab his chin, forcing him to look at you. "I need you to show me what grown up things you can do. Can you? Can you do that for me?"

"I-I'm not sure what you mean, Miss?" he says innocently.

"Sure you do. I'm cold." You press yourself up against his side. "I'm thirsty." You ghost your lips over his cheek. "I'm starving." You whisper against his ear. "Need you to warm me up." You nibble his ear lobe. "Need you to fill me up."

"Fuck." he whimpers.

"That's exactly what I need you to show me."

“Huh?” He looks at you wide eyed. His eyes dart around the cell.

You slowly straddle his lap and begin to grind down on him. He's hard in his trousers, and from what you can tell, he's going to fill you just right.

“Miss. We can’t.” He protests in a small voice.

“Don’t you want to touch me, Officer?” You unbutton your blouse, revealing the swell of your breasts and your push up bra. “Go on. Touch them.” You say sternly.

Cautiously, he brings his shaking hands up and rests them on the bulge of your breasts. His mouth hangs open as he squeezes them slightly.

“Mmm, you like them don’t you, Officer?”

He nods.

“Yeah? I bet Officer Han would like to know what my pussy feels like too? Wouldn’t he?” You purr and take him in a ravenous kiss.

He squeaks in response and you smile against his mouth. “I need to you take your clothes off, Officer. I don’t want any part of you hiding from me. I need to see all of you.” You lean in close your his ear “I promise I’ll take all mine off too. You wanna see me naked don’t you?”

Again, Han nods frantically, and undresses so quickly you're not sure if it's pathetic or endearing. Either way, your cunt pulses when you see his bare form. Strong. Toned. Mouthwatering cock.

“I’m naked. Now what? What do you need me to do?” He says desperately, taking in your naked body too.

“Well.” You say laying down on the blanket. “You can start by warming me up.” You part your legs, presenting your pussy to the police officer. "With your mouth."

He’s between your legs, pushing them wide, slurping at your pussy like he hasn’t had a drink in ten hours.

“Oh fuck yes! Officer. Fuck, you do know how to do grown up things!” You cry as he suckles on your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Fingers! Fingers!” You demand, your breath heavy. He pushes two fingers into your cunt while he continues to give your clit attention.

“Yes! Harder!” You thread your fingers through his hair and pull him against your core while you grind your hips against his face.

You’re going to come at any second, but you know that you want to come on his cock.

“Lie on your back, Officer. You deserve to relax after such a hard days work.” You wriggle out from his grasp. The obedient officer does exactly what you ask and he’s on his back, cock heavy and leaking again his stomach. “Time for me to show you what a good girl I am.” You say as you straddle him.

You take your time. Teasing him by sliding along the length of his cock. Getting it soaking wet.

“Please.” He whispers.

“What is it Officer? What do you need?” you coo.

“Don’t tease me.” He sobs.

You lift off of him to line his cock up with your entrance and slowly lower yourself over his length. “Am I being a good girl?” You bite your lip as you encompass him completely.

You continue to ride him slow. He feels so hard inside you and you think if you went any faster he’d blow almost immediately. You want to exhaust the boy.

You build him up, pushing him to the edge, only to ease off. Several times you repeat the process. Officer Han is a wreck underneath you. Sobbing for you to let him come.

“Shh. It’s okay, Officer.” You reassure him as you reach down and play with your clit. You close your eyes and allow an orgasm to wash over you, clenching your walls around his cock.

“Fuck!!!” He cries and you rock your hips to take him over the edge. He comes so hard, and so deep, inside you.

Officer Han pants and trembles underneath you. But you’re not finished with him.

No.

You climb off him and immediately take his cock in your mouth. He protests. He’s so sensitive. Your mouth is too much. But you don’t care. His little cries and pretty moans make you just want to overstimulate even more.

You suck him until he’s hard, then milk him dry. Four more times. All the while he begs you to both “stop, too much”, and “fuck please, let me come!” You ride him two more times too, because he feels too good in your tight little cunt.

Eventually he is so exhausted that he passes out. Mouth agape with a little bit of drool on his chin. Or maybe that was your wetness?

It's almost a shame that you're never going to see him again. He'd probably make a great boyfriend.

🚨🚨🚨🚨

“Officer Han! What happened?”

“Oh dear. This isn’t good.”

“Someone had a rough night?”

“Someone’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.”

Voices wake Officer Han from his sleep. He blinks his eyes open to find its morning. Where the fuck is he? He sits up panicking.

Oh fuck!

He looks around the empty cell, then down at his naked body. Where the fuck are his clothes!? He scrambles around, trying to locate his uniform. But they’re gone.

The other officers laugh and taunt him as he resorts to wrapping the blanket around his waist and tugging at the cell door.

Locked.

“Officer Han.” A stern voice cuts through the jaunts and laughter, and a short, blond man pushes through the throng of officers that have gathered in front of the cell.

Han gulps. “Chief! I can explain.”

Read unrelated fic ot8 frees use jail cell

Read unrelated fic good cop /bad cop Han / Lee know

@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @armystay89 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @mylittleponeypinkrosieposie @kyunchoni @justforreaders @melochacco

[callmedaleelah]

— Pinnacle [ tsukishima kei university au series ]

— i’ve never needed anything more ; you just discovered that you missed his birthday

author’s notes : no mention of (y/n), written in second person pov, semi alternative universe, timeskip!tsukishima, college life, not proofread, english is not my first language

[ masterlist ] | [ ask daleelah go to box box 🐭 ]

It’s a peaceful Sunday morning, around 10 a.m., and after having a quiet breakfast, you pick up your phone to talk to your mom. The conversation begins with updates on your morning until you seize the moment to express something that’s been bothering you.

“I don’t know, Mom. I think I can manage my own meals. I already know the eating schedule, and sometimes I want to cook something for myself too,” you explain, trying to break away from the food deliveries your mom insists on sending three times a day.

“Honey, I just don’t want to bother you with all that. You should focus on your grades,” she replies with her usual reasoning.

You let out a soft huff, dropping onto your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Your mom’s words fade into the background as your mind wanders. You feel a small ache in your chest—frustration mixed with guilt.

“I don’t want to burden you either, Mom,” you whisper softly, almost unaware the words slipped out.

There’s a pause on the other end. The silence is weighty, making you regret saying anything at all.

“Alright, honey. Next week, we’ll go visit the nutritionist,” your mom says, breaking the silence with a more thoughtful tone. “If she says you’ve reached your ideal weight and everything looks good, I’ll let you manage your meals. But I’m supervising your groceries.” Her voice softens, showing a small concession.

Relief washes over you, a smile tugging at your lips. “Okay, thanks, Mom.”

After a bit more conversation, your mom finally ends the call, leaving you in a quieter state. You sit up, eyes focused on nothing in particular, thinking about the nutritionist visit. You’ve been working to balance your diet, and you know you’ve been struggling with vitamin deficiencies recently—an issue your mom constantly worries about. The promise of having more control over your meals feels like a small victory.

As you walk to the bathroom, ready to shower and shake off the heaviness of the conversation, your phone buzzes again in your hand. Tsukishima’s name lights up on the screen. You feel a small surge of surprise.

“Hello?” you answer.

“What are you doing right now?” His voice is calm, but there's something playful underneath it.

You smile to yourself. “I was about to take a shower before you called. Why?”

A soft hum comes from his end. “I’m picking you up after. We’re having a movie marathon at my place tonight.”

You blink, slightly taken aback by his straightforwardness. “We are?” you ask, trying to keep your tone light. “That sounds... fun, I guess?”

“Yeah?” He sounds suspicious. “You have other plans?”

“Well, I usually spend Sundays reviewing my notes and preparing for the week,” you admit, feeling awkward about turning him down.

“You’re gonna reject me for studying?” His voice is half-teasing, half-accusing, and you can almost picture him raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, you can’t guilt trip me for prioritizing academic works,” you reply with a whine, though there’s a grin on your face.

He chuckles, the sound low and brief. “Alright, then. I’ll come over, help you with your notes and assignments, and then we’re doing the movie marathon.”

“Why are you so eager for this movie marathon?” you tease. “you’re not busy anymore?”

He sighs at your teasing, his tone turning dry. “Just get in the shower. I’ll be there in ten.”

Before you can say anything else, the line goes dead. You frown, staring at your phone for a second, feeling the familiar mix of confusion and amusement whenever Tsukishima decides things on his own.

Shaking your head, you quickly hop into the shower, the warm water soothing your thoughts. As you step out, towel wrapped around your damp hair, you catch a message from Tsukishima:

I’m here, in front of the gate.

Your heart skips a beat. You quickly towel your hair dry, feeling self-conscious about your appearance. Grabbing your access card, you rush to the gate, still fussing over your damp, messy hair. When you spot Tsukishima, he’s casually scrolling through his phone, looking like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

Without thinking, you grab his hand, dragging him toward the dorm. His eyes widen slightly at the sudden motion, but he follows without protest, his long strides keeping up with your rushed pace.

“What’s wrong with you?” he mumbles as you reach the entrance, his tone a mix of amusement and confusion.

You let out a dramatic sigh, pulling off the towel from your head. “Don’t you see? My hair is a mess. It’s still wet,” you complain, your cheeks warming under his steady gaze.

He glances at your hair and then shrugs, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “No one cares, though.”

You narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms in mock annoyance as he casually moves to sit on your bed. There’s a softness in his expression—a faint smile that lingers longer than usual—and something about the way he watches you makes your heart flutter in a way you can’t quite explain.

You sit at the edge of your bed, the early afternoon light filtering through the curtains and casting a soft glow on the room. It feels cozy—quiet, the kind of quiet that makes the space seem intimate and peaceful.

As you dry your hair, your motions are automatic, distracted by the thoughts of the work awaiting you, but Tsukishima, with his typical nonchalant air, interrupts this routine. He catches your hand mid-motion, and for a moment, your eyes meet. His gaze, though masked in his usual cool demeanor, has a playful spark to it. The brief eye contact sends a flutter of confusion through you—why is he playing around like this? Your heart skips slightly as he wraps the towel around your head with a teasing smile, and you groan, twisting away, your cheeks flushing at the sudden closeness.

“What is wrong with you?” you huff, more from embarrassment than frustration. Tsukishima chuckles, and the light sound is warm, like a break in the tension you’ve been carrying. His amusement feels infectious, though you try not to show it, eyes narrowing as you try to hold your ground.

He shifts, changing the atmosphere back to focus. “So, where do we start?” he asks, his tone returning to his usual calm.

You glance toward the desk, still messy from your study sessions. The sight of the scattered papers and open textbooks feels overwhelming, but Tsukishima—always annoyingly unphased—just sighs, opening the first book and flipping through it like it’s second nature to him. You sit down, the chair creaking under your weight, and hand him the list of the week’s syllabus with a soft breath, almost dreading the process.

His fingers graze yours as he takes the list, his touch brief but enough to make you hyper-aware of his presence in this small, cluttered room. You glance at him through the corner of your eye, noting how focused he becomes, eyes narrowing slightly as he begins checking your notes against the topics. The sunlight catches his glasses, making him seem somehow even more distant and aloof. Yet there’s something oddly comforting about it—the way he’s silently helping, the quiet rhythm of the two of you working side by side.

You dive into your own assignment, the tapping of your keyboard filling the air. The room grows warmer as time passes, the afternoon heat creeping in. Despite this, Tsukishima stays focused, the steady flipping of your notes the only indication he’s still there. Occasionally, your eyes dart toward him, wondering how he manages to make even studying seem effortless. His calm presence fills the room, and the usual weight of stress starts to lighten.

“Why do you need to study like this?” he asks suddenly, his voice breaking through the silence. His tone isn’t accusing but genuinely curious.

You glance up at him, blinking in surprise. “Well, since you haven’t realized yet,” you say with a small laugh, trying to ease the vulnerability creeping into your chest, “I’m not naturally smart at this. I have to catch up with everyone else.”

He doesn't respond immediately, but you can feel his gaze on you, thoughtful, like he's contemplating more than just your answer. When he finally speaks, his voice is softer. “No one’s naturally smart at any major. You just have to keep learning.”

It’s a simple statement, but it feels like more than just advice—it’s Tsukishima’s quiet way of telling you that he sees your effort, even if he doesn’t say it outright. His words settle into your chest, making your heart feel just a little lighter. You smile, turning back to your work, but not before catching the way his eyes linger on you for just a second longer, a rare glint of something softer behind his usual aloofness.

You continue typing, the sound filling the room again. The sun has shifted now, the light becoming dimmer, casting longer shadows across the desk. You both sit in comfortable silence, the world outside your window still and quiet. It’s peaceful in a way you hadn’t expected—a shared moment of focus that makes the pressures of your academic struggles feel manageable, even fleeting.

After two hours, Tsukishima closes the notebook and hands you the paper with the syllabus, each point checked off. You murmur a quiet thanks, placing it beside your laptop. But his question hangs in the air, and something about the stillness in the room makes you feel like you need to explain more.

“Well, I didn’t even know this kind of thing existed,” you start, keeping your tone light, though the words feel heavy. “I was never good at math or chemistry in high school. But my mom decided that since I wasn’t good at it, I needed to work harder. She probably wants me to excel at everything,” you laugh, though it doesn’t reach your eyes.

Tsukishima leans back against the headboard, watching you carefully. His eyes, usually so cold and distant, seem softer now, as if he’s seeing through your cheerful front. “And because I’m not naturally good at it, I have to work twice as hard if I want to be decent.”

“Such an academic achiever,” he mumbles, though there’s no bite to his words.

You glance at him, narrowing your eyes suspiciously. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or...?”

He shrugs, his lips quirking into a faint smirk. “Take it however you want.”

Despite yourself, you smile, shaking your head at him. The two of you fall back into silence, but it’s different now—warmer, like the shared weight of your words lingers in the air between you.

Tsukishima glances at your digital clock, noticing it’s midday. He drops your notebook onto the desk, groaning as he stretches behind you. You're so absorbed in your task that you don’t notice him until he wraps his arms playfully around your neck, pulling you out of your chair.

“Hey, stop!” you laugh, squirming, but he drags you up and pushes you onto the bed. Your laugh turns to confusion when you land, sprawled across the mattress.

Before you can get up, Tsukishima jumps onto the bed beside you, ruffling your hair. “You’re so annoying sometimes,” you groan, but the smile on your face betrays your words.

“It’s lunch time, take a break,” he says, shifting comfortably beside you. His arm pulls you closer, and though your heart pounds, the scent of his cologne relaxes you. You look up at him, your fingers unconsciously brushing through his blonde hair. His deep gaze meets yours, soft and unguarded. Your touch is gentle, and Tsukishima closes his eyes, leaning into the sensation.

But the moment is interrupted by the buzz of your phone. You glance at the screen, reading the message from your mom. “I need to get the delivery,” you say, standing up.

“Your mom sent lunch again?” Tsukishima asks, sitting up as you slip on your slippers.

“Yup, and you’re helping me eat it,” you tease before heading out.

When you return with the paper bag, you see Tsukishima organizing your desk, stacking your notes neatly and shutting down your laptop.

“Hey—”

“I saved your work,” he says, glancing over. “Relax.”

You sigh, placing the food on the table. “This is my favorite,” you announce excitedly, opening the containers of chicken popcorn and wings.

The two of you wash your hands at the sink, standing close but quiet, and then sit side by side at the table. Small talk flows easily between bites, the room filling with the warmth of shared conversation and delicious food.

Tsukishima nudges you gently as you finish tying your shoes, his touch more playful than forceful, before pulling you outside your dorm in one swift motion. Before you can react, he’s already grabbing your hand, pulling you toward his car parked nearby.

The ride begins in silence. After a few minutes, you decide to break it, your curiosity getting the best of you. "So… what were you up to yesterday? You said you were busy."

Tsukishima spares a glance at you before answering in his typical nonchalant tone, "Just visiting my family." His answer is short, and for a moment, you’re not sure how to follow up.

You nod, thoughtful. You realize that although you’ve been together for a month, you haven’t really talked about family. The topic feels heavy, almost foreign in the context of your still-growing relationship. For you, discussing your own family is a delicate subject, one you usually avoid. Maybe Tsukishima feels the same?

The car finally comes to a stop, and Tsukishima is quick to unbuckle his seatbelt, getting out and circling to your side. He opens your door, an unexpected gesture that makes your cheeks warm, but you pretend not to notice the effect it has on you.

Inside his apartment, he hands you a pair of slippers, far too big but comfortable nonetheless. You slip them on and can’t help but notice the massive window spanning the wall, offering a breathtaking view of the city, the night sky filled with twinkling lights.

"Make yourself comfortable," he says, gesturing to the couch. "Pick something to watch on Netflix. I’ll make the popcorn."

As you sit down, scrolling aimlessly through titles, you call out to him in the kitchen, “So, do you visit your family often?” You ask, testing the waters.

Tsukishima hums from the kitchen, “Not really. Only when I have time or when they need something.”

You bite your lip, unsure if you should dig deeper. “Are you… close with them?”

He’s quiet for a moment, the sounds of popcorn popping filling the silence. When he finally speaks, his voice is measured. “Close enough.”

Sensing that it might not be the easiest topic for him either, you shift the conversation. “Well, any movie preferences? Or should I surprise you?”

“Surprise me,” he replies, the faint sound of a smile in his voice.

Now, you found yourself flipping through Netflix with a remote in hand, your eyes scanning titles you weren’t even familiar with. Growing up, your mom had strictly limited your screen time, organizing your schedule down to the minute. That habit had stuck with you through high school and into university. So, now that you lived away from home, movies had never really been a priority, and you hadn’t exactly binge-watched anything since. But Tsukishima—he looked like the type to have a curated list of films he enjoyed, and you were sure whatever he picked, you’d end up liking it just because you were watching it with him.

As you scrolled through the selection, you heard a notification ping from Tsukishima’s phone on the table in front of you. “I think someone messaged you,” you said, glancing at the screen.

“Can you read it for me?” came his voice from the kitchen. He was waiting for the popcorn to finish, the sounds of popping kernels filling the background.

You hesitated for a moment, unused to the idea of going through someone else’s phone, but eventually, you picked it up, unlocking the screen. “It’s from… Akiteru? ‘Kei, did you get my present for you? It’s supposed to be delivered this morning to your place,’” you read aloud, frowning slightly.

You didn’t know who this Akiteru person was, but the way they casually called him by his first name made it obvious they were close. Was it a friend? A cousin? Before you could process it further, Tsukishima’s footsteps echoed from behind you.

“Say it again,” he said as he walked into the room, popcorn in hand.

“Huh?” You glanced up at him, confused, and looked back down at his phone. “It’s from Aki—”

“No, my name,” he interrupted, his eyes locked on yours. “Say my name again.”

Your heart skipped a beat, heat rushing to your cheeks as you realized what he was asking. You hadn’t called him by his first name since the two of you started dating. It felt too intimate, too personal—especially when he insisted on keeping things low-key.

You swallowed nervously. “Why?”

“Just say it,” his voice was patient, though you could hear the faint edge of impatience creeping in.

You felt your face grow warmer. Clearing your throat, you finally whispered, “Kei.”

The corners of his mouth lifted into a small, smug smirk. “You can call me that from now on,” he said, sitting beside you, the bowl of popcorn landing on the table. You hastily handed him his phone, still avoiding his gaze.

“Oh, it’s my brother,” he remarked casually, glancing at the screen.

“Your brother?” you asked, feeling a bit more at ease now. “He sent you a present?”

Tsukishima nodded as he typed a reply. “Yeah, apparently.”

You glanced over as he stood up, walking to the front door. When he returned, he carried a small package. Opening it in front of you, he revealed a sleek, personalized pen from an exclusive stationery brand.

Your eyes widened in awe. “That’s so beautiful. My dad has one of these—it’s expensive for a pen,” you said, admiring the elegant engraving of Tsukishima’s name.

“Yeah, my brother works for this company,” he replied nonchalantly, though there was a hint of pride in his voice.

You picked up the small card nestled inside the box and read it aloud. “‘To my salty brother; you’re getting old like a grumpy grandpa. Happy 23rd birthday.’” You paused, blinking in surprise. “Wait, it was your birthday?”

Tsukishima chuckled at your shocked expression. “Two days ago, actually.”

Your mouth fell open. “So your birthday was on the 27th?” He nodded, still amused by your reaction.

“That’s why I couldn’t see you on Friday and Saturday. I had to celebrate with my family.”

“You didn’t tell me it was your birthday!” you exclaimed, fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. “I would’ve prepared something for you—a gift or a cake, at least!”

He shrugged. “I knew your birthday by accident, so it’s only fair you found out about mine the same way.”

“But still,” you muttered, pouting a little. “You celebrated mine, but I didn’t even get you anything…”

“That’s why I wanted to have a movie night tonight,” he said coolly, leaning back against the couch. “Spending time with you is enough for me. Plus,” he added with a teasing smirk, “I got you as my girlfriend now—that counts as a gift, right?”

Your cheeks flushed a deep red at his words, heart fluttering. Without thinking, you scooted closer to him, wrapping your arms around his torso in a tight hug. You had never initiated physical affection before; it had always been Tsukishima who made the first move.

His body stiffened slightly in surprise before relaxing into your embrace. “Happy birthday, Kei,” you whispered softly into his chest.

Tsukishima couldn’t help the warm smile that spread across his face, his heart swelling at the sound of your voice. It was a simple moment, but to him, it was perfect—the quiet intimacy of your touch, the way you whispered his name, all of it felt right. As he rested his chin atop your head, his fingers gently combed through your hair, and he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of your head, savoring the sweetness of the moment.

i’m sorry i write this so late for tsukishima’s birthday but please enjoy 🥹🫶🏻☺️

tagslist (free to mention) ; @theweirdfloatything @snowthatareblack @ilovemymomscooking @nayiiryun @knightofmidnight @kozumesphone @scxrcherr @thechaosoflonging @monya-febrjack

[snowysosturn]

Allies or Affiliates? - Chris Sturniolo Part 11

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Pairing : Y/n x Chris Sturniolo

Summary : Law student Y/n’s life takes a turn when she reconnects with Chris, her brief teenage flame who is now a dealer for a dangerous Boston drug gang. As their bond reignites, Y/n is drawn into Chris’s tumultuous world, where rival gangs clash and loyalty is everything. Balancing her love for Chris with her own ambitions, can their connection survive the chaos that threatens to pull them apart?

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of drugs, mentions of selling drugs, angst, cursing, mentions smoking weed, death

Chris's POV

Sitting in Y/n’s treehouse with her after being so intimate felt like stepping into a different world, one I’d almost forgotten existed. We could see the stars through the treehouse window, her laughter echoing in the dim fairy lights as the effects of the weed softened the edges of everything. The air felt thick and warm, and her gaze was softer, more open, as if the high had taken down her walls. When her hand brushed against mine, her fingers tracing gentle lines, I felt a spark of something that went beyond words.

Finally, we made our way to her room. Y/n barely made it to her bed before she collapsed, a sleepy smile on her face as she drifted off almost instantly after telling me I could spend the night. I stretched out beside her, feeling a peace I hadn’t felt in years, like all the noise in my head had finally quieted down. Her soft breaths filled the room, and for once, I felt like I might actually sleep through the night. Here, with her warmth next to me, the world seemed so far away.

I closed my eyes, letting myself drift, her presence like an anchor. But just as I felt myself slipping away, my phone buzzed in my pocket, the sound jarring in the quiet of her room. My heart sank as I looked at

the screen, Nate’s name flashing across it. I sighed, irritation prickling at the edges of my calm. The last time I’d been in Y/n’s bed, Nate had blown up my phone too, begging me for some weed because he “needed something to take the edge off.” Typical.

I ignored the call, sliding my phone back into my pocket, hoping it wouldn’t wake her. But a few seconds later, it buzzed again. I declined it a second time, annoyance pushing out the peace that had finally settled over me. Whatever Nate needed could wait.

Then, a message came through:

Answer your fucking phone.

The words sent a shiver down my spine. Nate never talked to me like that, never demanded anything from me with that kind of urgency unless it was serious. My stomach twisted as I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb Y/n, and made my way out onto her balcony, carefully closing the door behind me.

As soon as I stepped outside, Nate’s name flashed on my screen again, and this time, I didn’t hesitate. I swiped to answer, dread pooling in my gut. "What’s going on?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady but low.

There was a pause on the other end, a silence so heavy I could almost feel it through the phone. Then Nate finally spoke, his voice rough and strained. "Danny. He’s dead."

The words hit me like a physical blow, a sucker punch to the gut that stole the breath right out of my lungs. He was gone? Just like that? For a few heartbeats, everything around me froze, the world narrowing down to those two words, echoing in my head. Danny’s dead.

“What?” I whispered, gripping the balcony rail so hard my knuckles turned white. “What happened, Nate?”

Nate let out a shaky breath, his voice thick with something I’d rarely heard from him – fear. "It was a hit. One of the guys from H Block.. they got him, Chris. I-” His voice cracked, and he took a moment to compose himself. “He was out alone, they ambushed him. By the time anyone knew what happened, he was already gone."

I closed my eyes, the weight of it settling heavily on my shoulders. Danny was gone, just like that. It was a stark reminder of the life we were both tangled in, the violence that came with it, and how quickly everything could go south. We all knew the risks, but that didn’t make it any easier to face.

"Nate.. I’m so sorry, man fuck." I managed to say, my own voice hoarse with shock. I didn’t know what else to say. Danny had been a pain sometimes, sure, but he was family to Nate. And he was one of us, as much as any of us could be called that.

“Yeah, well..” Nate’s voice dropped, a bitterness seeping into his tone. “This is what we signed up for, right?”

I swallowed, feeling the bile rise in my throat. He wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That didn’t mean it didn’t feel like a punch to the chest, a reminder of just how easily I could lose everything.

And then, like a ripple through the haze of shock and grief, came a thought that made my stomach clench even tighter. Y/n. I’d promised her I’d get out of this, somehow, that I’d find a way out, but right now, that promise felt impossibly far away.

“Are you with anyone right now?” Nate’s voice brought me back to the moment, a question layered with an unspoken warning.

I glanced back toward Y/n’s room, the soft glow of her bedside lamp just visible through the curtains. “Yeah. But she doesn’t know anything about this, Nate. I.. I can’t tell her. Not about Danny. Not now.”

There was a pause, then Nate sighed, a sound that carried a world of resignation. “Maybe that’s for the best. It’s not exactly something you can just drop on someone. Besides, if you care about her, you’ll keep her out of this mess. You don’t want her caught up in what happened to Danny.”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see it. Nate was right, as much as I hated to admit it. If I wanted to protect Y/n, I had to keep her as far away from this shit as possible.

After the call ended, I was left with a hollow feeling in my chest, standing alone on Y/n’s balcony as the weight of what Nate had told me settled in. Danny’s dead. He’d been the first to pull us into the Crimson Cartel, the cousin Nate had practically idolised, the guy who showed us how to survive. And now he was gone, taken out by H Block, the gang we were always in a deadly dance with. The thought of going back inside, of laying down next to Y/n and pretending everything was normal, felt impossible.

I sent Nate a quick message to let him know I was on my way, then carefully slipped back into Y/n’s room. She was still asleep, her breathing deep and steady, and for a moment, I almost convinced myself to stay, to cling to this feeling of normalcy. But there was a sick twist in my gut, the knowledge that this world I was a part of, the world I’d thought I could keep from touching her, was more dangerous than I could ever fully admit.

With a last glance at her, I quietly made my way out of the house, moving into the cool night air, my mind churning with anger, grief, and an uneasy resolve. I knew exactly where Nate would be, our usual spot at the docks, where we’d go when things felt too heavy, a place removed from all the noise. The streets were mostly empty as I drove, the city lights blurring past in a haze of red and yellow. My mind kept replaying the conversation with Nate, the anger in his voice, the grief masked by bitterness.

When I arrived, Nate was already there, leaning against his car with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring out at the water. He looked rough, more so than I’d ever seen him, his shoulders tense, his jaw set in a hard line. As I approached, he didn’t look at me, just kept his gaze on the dark, choppy water, his silence heavy with emotion.

“Hey” I said softly, coming to stand beside him. I didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know if there was anything that could actually ease the blow.

Nate exhaled a shaky breath, then finally turned to look at me, his face twisted in a mix of anger and sadness. “I keep thinking it’s not real, you know? That he’ll just.. show up, same as always.” His voice cracked, and he quickly looked away, clenching his fists. “But he’s gone, Chris. They took him. Just like that.”

I reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nate. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” The words felt weak, inadequate, but I didn’t know what else to say. Losing Danny was a blow for both of us, but for Nate, it was something deeper, something raw.

Nate laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You know what’s messed up? He warned us about this. Said one day, we’d either get out, or we’d end up like him.” His gaze turned cold, a hardness settling over his face. “Well, I’m not going out like him. I’m not just letting them take him and get away with it.”

The intensity in his voice sent a chill down my spine. I knew what he meant, even if he didn’t say it outright. Revenge. He wanted blood for blood. And maybe, in another time, in another life, I’d feel the same. But standing there, hearing the anger in his voice, I felt a strange clarity, a need to break this cycle, not to keep fueling it.

“Nate, listen” I began, my voice steady but pleading. “This life.. it doesn’t end well for any of us. If we keep going down this road, we’re going to end up just like him. This could be our chance, Nate. Maybe we can find a way out. We could leave the cartel, start fresh somewhere else, away from all of this.”

He finally looked at me, his eyes narrowing as if I’d just suggested something absurd. “Get out? And do what, Chris? Get 9 to 5’s, pretend we don’t have blood on our hands? This is all we know, man. This is all we have.” He shook his head, his face twisted in disbelief. “They took him from us, and you’re talking about leaving?”

I held his gaze, refusing to back down. I knew shit was going to hit the fan between the two gangs now that one of our top men were gone. “Danny didn’t want this for us. He wanted us to survive, Nate. That’s why he brought us in, to protect us. But we’re in too deep now, and if we don’t get out, we’ll end up just like him. Don’t you see that?”

Nate scoffed, turning his back to me, his shoulders hunched. “What, you think they’d just let us go? Crimson doesn’t do retirement, Chris. You know that as well as I do. The only way out is in a body bag.”

“Maybe” I admitted, the reality of his words settling heavily in my chest. “But maybe if we play it smart, we could find a way. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I’m saying it’s worth trying. We don’t have to end up like Danny.”

Nate was silent for a long moment, staring out at the water, his face a mask of tension and turmoil. Finally, he turned back to me, his eyes dark with a determination I didn’t quite recognize. “I don’t want to leave, Chris. I want them to pay. Every single one of them. Danny didn’t deserve this, and I won’t rest until they know what they’ve done.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I felt a flicker of fear, a sense of impending danger that went beyond the cartel and its threats. Nate’s anger, his need for revenge, was something that could easily consume him, and me, if I wasn’t careful. I’d thought maybe he’d see reason, that he’d want to break free from this life as much as I did, but it was clear that Danny’s death had only solidified his loyalty, and had anchored him even deeper into this world of violence and retribution.

“Just.. think about it, okay?” I said, feeling a knot of helplessness tighten in my chest. “Think about what Danny would really want for you.”

Nate’s face softened just slightly, but his resolve didn’t waver. “I know what Danny would want” he muttered, turning away from me. “And I’m going to make sure he gets it.”

I watched him for a moment longer, my heart heavy with a mix of worry and sorrow. Nate had always been like a brother to me, but in that moment, I felt a distance between us that I wasn’t sure we could ever bridge.

Nate took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he exhaled, the weight of everything finally sinking in. “I’m going to crash, man. Maybe smoke a joint, see if it takes the edge off. I can’t think straight right now.” His eyes met mine, hollow and exhausted. “I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah, take care of yourself” I replied, clapping a hand on his shoulder. But as I turned to walk back to my car, my mind was already elsewhere.

I’d only left Y/n’s place about an hour ago. Surely she was still asleep - the first time you smoke weed you have the best sleep of your life. The memory of her, half asleep and peaceful, pulled at me in a way that nothing else could. If I was careful, I could slip back in without her even noticing. I could be there, beside her, just for a few more hours, away from everything else.

The drive back was quick, my thoughts scattered between Nate’s broken expression and the hope of finding some comfort in Y/n’s presence. When I reached her house, the place was silent, dark windows giving nothing away. I parked a little further down the street, keeping my footsteps quiet as I made my way around the side, toward her balcony.

The familiar route felt oddly reassuring, like muscle memory kicking in as I climbed up and peered into her room. Carefully, I slid the balcony door open and stepped inside, moving quietly as I slipped out of my shoes and settled onto the edge of her bed. Sure enough, there she was, exactly as I’d left her, wrapped in the blankets, a soft rise and fall to her breathing. Just seeing her like that, oblivious to the chaos surrounding us, brought an unexpected calm. She didn’t stir, but I could feel her warmth, the comfort of just being near her.

Y/n’s POV

Sunlight streamed through the blinds, gentle but enough to nudge me awake. I blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, and felt a familiar warmth beside me. Chris. He was here, his arm draped across me, his chest rising and falling steadily. For a moment, I just lay there, my heart swelling at the sight of him so peacefully asleep next to me.

This time, he hadn’t left in the middle of the night. He’d stayed.

The realisation filled me with an unexpected happiness, like maybe last night meant more to him than I thought. But as the initial rush of contentment faded, I remembered a tiny detail I hadn’t had to consider over the weekend: my parents were home.

The thought hit me like a shock of cold air. I couldn’t help but glance at my closed door, wondering if they’d wake up before Chris left. I was used to slipping out of the house quietly to avoid questions, but the idea of him sneaking out felt a little nerve wrecking. What if we were too loud? What if they happened to catch him in the hallway, or worse, heard him on his way down?

I sighed softly, trying to piece together what this all meant. Things with Chris weren’t exactly straightforward. After last night’s conversations and the intensity of everything between us, the way he held me like I was his anchor in a storm, it made me realise just how deep he was in all of this. And I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t know now.

Chris woke beside me, his eyes fluttering open as if he’d sensed I was awake. He blinked a couple of times, and when he saw me, a small, sleepy smile spread across his face.

“Morning” he mumbled, his voice husky.

“Morning” I replied, unable to hide my own smile. I hesitated, glancing at the door again. “So.. my parents got back yesterday.” I whispered, half teasing, half nervous.

His eyes widened slightly as he realised the situation. “Ah. Right” he said, a hint of a grin playing on his lips. “Should I start planning my escape route?”

“Maybe” I chuckled. “Or I could try to sneak you out before they wake up.”

“Think we’d get away with it?” he asked, shifting to face me, his eyes still half closed but filled with a warmth that made my heart skip a beat.

“Only one way to find out” I replied, giving him a small, mischievous smile. I hated the idea of him leaving, but the last thing I wanted was to face my parents’ questions first thing in the morning.

Chris nodded, running a hand through his tousled hair as he picked his phone up to check the notification he just received. "It’s okay" he murmured, his voice still soft from sleep. "I’ll go through the balcony. I’ve got things to take care of anyway."

There was something in his tone, something quiet and weighed down, I’m hoping he wasn’t starting to regret last night. I wanted to reach out, to make him stay just a bit longer, but I could see it in his eyes, the urgency to go.

“Alright” I said, my voice reluctant as I tried to keep it light. “Guess I’ve got all morning to kill anyway. I don’t have class until late this afternoon.”

He reached over, brushing a thumb across my cheek, his eyes studying my face like he was memorising it. “I’ll text you later, okay? Maybe we can meet up tonight.”

I nodded, feeling a small twinge of relief, an indication that it's not regret. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

With one last glance toward my bedroom door, he slipped out of bed, pulling on his shoes quietly before heading toward the balcony. He paused at the threshold, looking back at me one last time, and for a second, I thought he was going to say something else. But he just gave a soft smile, then disappeared over the railing with practised ease.

The room felt colder, emptier the moment he was gone.

I spent the next two hours rotting in bed, aimlessly scrolling through TikTok, trying to distract myself from the heaviness of last night. I was in a surprisingly good mood after everything with Chris. It was comforting waking up to him beside me, even if he had to sneak out through the balcony before my parents woke up. I couldn’t help but daydream about the future, wondering how things could be if we both left all this craziness behind.

Eventually, I noticed it was already 10:30 a.m, and I figured I should probably make some breakfast so I made my way to the kitchen. I loved having some kind of noise in the background, so out of habit I turned on the kitchen radio and let it fill the space as I danced around, preparing scrambled eggs and toast. The morning felt so ordinary and nice, the smell of coffee, the soft sounds from the radio, it was a comforting routine, like a safe bubble around me. The kitchen was bright, the world felt warm, and my mind drifted back to Chris and all the possibilities ahead of us.

Then, the soft background noise of the radio was interrupted by a breaking news announcement that made my heart drop.

"A man killed in last night's gang related feud has been identified as 31-year-old Daniel Doe."

The words barely registered at first. "Doe? Daniel Doe? As in Nate’s cousin, Danny?" I felt the floor slip beneath me as the reality of what I’d heard sank in. The world around me seemed to blur, the sizzling of eggs on the stove now distant and irrelevant. I gripped the counter to steady myself, my mind racing.

Danny was.. dead? As a result of the feud?

Images of Nate and Chris flashed in my mind, Nate’s anger, his focus on some unknown turmoil that he and Chris wouldn’t discuss, and Chris’s hesitations, his careful attempts to keep me in the dark while also trying to keep me close. They’d both been connected to this from the beginning. I thought back to Chris’s face this morning, the way he looked at his phone. That’s why he was off.

I glanced back at the radio, my hands trembling. The familiar warmth of the kitchen now felt suffocating, like I’d been thrust into someone else’s life. For the first time, it felt as though the dangerous world Chris was tangled in was no longer just a dark secret but a harsh, painful reality. This wasn’t just his story, it was becoming mine, too. It just reinforced the fact to me he needed out now.

I needed to talk to him.

Chris’ POV

Waking up next to Y/n that morning felt almost surreal. The quiet warmth, the way her breath moved softly as she slept, the faint light filtering in through the blinds, there was a peace to it all, like something I hadn’t felt in ages. Just being there with her, no running, no hiding, no keeping up walls. For a brief moment, I let myself imagine what life could be like if things were.. different.

She turned to me smiling with that sleepy softness that nearly made me forget everything else. But just as she whispered that her parents were home, my phone buzzed on the bedside table. I ignored it at first, not wanting to break the moment. But then it buzzed again, and I knew I’d have to check it. As I picked it up, the message notification lit up across the screen, and my stomach twisted at the sender’s name. Vince.

“I need you at the harbour in an hour. Don’t be late.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Vince never gave times or places unless something big was going down. And after last night with Nate, after everything that happened.. I had a feeling I already knew what this was about. I swallowed, trying to hide the tension from Y/n, even though I could feel her watching me.

“I'll go through the balcony.” I said, forcing a casual tone, though my chest felt tight. “ I’ve got things to take care of anyway.”

She nodded, understanding. It was something she’d heard me say before, though this time it felt heavier. We both got up, and as I got ready, I tried to keep my mind on the drive ahead. She didn’t ask any questions, thankfully, just smiled and kissed me goodbye before I headed out the door, promising to see her later.

The drive to the harbour was tense, my hands gripping the wheel as I ran through all the things Vince could want from me. After Danny’s death, things were bound to get messier than they’d already been. And that was saying a lot. Nate had been enraged when I’d seen him, just lost in his own anger. Vince’s message felt like the beginning of something that couldn’t be undone.

When I arrived, the familiar salty scent of the harbour filled the air, and I parked my car, scanning the area until I saw him standing by the water, looking out over the edge. Vince was a large guy, even with his back turned, his silhouette a solid, immovable force that made it clear he was someone you didn’t mess with. I got out of the car and walked over to him, the weight of the morning hitting me with every step.

This meeting wasn’t going to be anything good.

As I approached Vince, the intention to bring up my plans for getting out of this mess circled in my mind. I knew he wouldn’t like it, fuck he might not even hear me out, but I had to try. This wasn’t what I wanted, and after last night with Y/n, after getting a glimpse of what my life could be if I left it all behind, I felt even more determined.

But before I could even open my mouth, Vince turned to face me, his expression harder than usual. His dark eyes held an intensity that made my stomach drop before he’d even spoken a word.

"Chris" he began, voice low and steady, "I need you to step up.”

I blinked, every thought in my head screeching to a halt. "Step up?" I managed, trying to keep my tone calm even though a hundred red flags were already flashing in my mind.

Vince nodded, his gaze unwavering. "With Danny gone, there’s a spot that needs filling. I can’t pick Nate, his court case a few weeks ago has him under too much scrutiny. Plus he’s too close to this right now. He's emotional, unstable. But you.. you’ve been around long enough. You know how things work.”

The weight of his words hit me like a slap in the face. He didn’t need to say it outright for me to understand. He wanted me to take on a bigger role, to fill Danny’s shoes. Danny, who’d just been killed.

I swallowed hard, fighting to keep my face blank, even as I felt panic clawing its way up my throat. My mind raced, every argument I’d prepared dissolving in the face of this new reality. I’d hoped to talk Vince into letting me out, to make a case for why I needed to distance myself from all of this. But this was the exact opposite of what I’d planned.

"Vince, I.." I stammered, trying to pull myself together. "I don’t know if I’m ready for something like that."

Vince’s gaze hardened. "There’s no time for second guessing, Chris. Crimson needs people we can rely on. You’re smart, you keep your head down, you don’t have a record, and that’s an advantage. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you could handle it."

The urge to tell him no, to beg for a way out, to walk away and never look back, surged up in me. But staring into his face, I knew the stakes. This wasn’t a life you just “walk away” from, and pleading wouldn’t make any difference to Vince. It might only make things worse.

The reality of it washed over me like ice water. Vince wasn’t giving me a choice. Danny’s death had created a void, and whether I wanted it or not, he was shoving me right into it. The world felt like it was closing in, my mind screaming as I grappled with what this meant for me, for Nate.. and for Y/n. She didn’t deserve this. None of this was supposed to touch her life.

But here I was, on the verge of getting dragged in deeper than ever when I should be trying to get out.

a/n : am I in too deep... have I lost my mind.... I CAN BE YOUR HERO BABAYYYY

taglist: @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @lvrsturniolo @bernardsbunny @spaghetti835928383 @marrykisskilled @sturnsxplr-25 @bxtchboy69 @vickytaa @anikaistg @matts-girlfriend @lvrsturniolo @sophand4n4 @ilovepurpledragons

[emmyrosee]

okay so, this evening has not been fun for me, so ofc I’m gonna try coping via escapism 🤩

and as always you are absolutely NOT obligated to write it. I’m so serious, if you don’t want to there’s absolutely zero pressure emmy, I’d completely understand one hundred percent.

very long story short, I got my grades back for this semester and despite doing soooo much better overall this year than my first year and not failing a single class this time around, unless I get a miracle it’s looking like I’m going to have to be asked to withdraw from my university for a whole year ☹️

and as someone who got straight As from elementary til my last year of high school/made school my whole life, this is just an enormous blow to any self confidence I had finally built back up. I was doing better mentally and finally feeling a bit like myself again and I’ve just felt so sick with anxiety all evening because I don’t even know what to do anymore. If they decide to ask me to leave, it’ll make my chances of medical school even slimmer than they already were and I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure and like I’ve just ruined my future despite knowing it’s not all true and I still have options :(

it’s so hyper specific and I’m so so so sorry abt that, but would it be possible for some comfort + tons of fluff with kuroo possibly? I just want to be babied a bit by this fictional man LOL. I feel like he’d know exactly what to do and how to get my mind off of it until I inevitably get that email :(

anon <3

My love, I am so sorry you’re having to go through this, and I am here, to PERSONALLY, tell you that you are far from a failure, and you should still be proud of yourself for getting so far. It’s okay to have bumps like this that halt your dreams, and it doesn’t make you any less deserving of continuing to chase those dreams. And hey! Use me as an example! I went from being a mechanic for four years and being fired for being so terrible (yes that is an actual thing that happened) then I went to college for writing; and now I’m a licensed esthetician with a focus in makeup artistry! There is no such thing as a dead end, no such thing as a closed room, just keep treating yourself gently and reminding yourself that this is far from over, your dream is still more than obtainable with some time and it is more than okay.

Ahem. Let me get off my soapbox PFFFF-

——-

Last night, you refreshed your emails who knows how many times, staring at your computer screen on the verge of hyperventilating for what felt like hours- and it might have been; your brain can’t process how long it was right now.

Your bottom lip was tight between your teeth, the hand on the mouse pad trembling, waiting in anticipation, tight with nerves. Your other rested a fist on your lap, waiting for the results and occasionally wiping a rogue tear that falls.

There’s a soft rapping on the door, but you don’t turn to face it. You merely keep refreshing.

“Hey,” tetsuro whispers, and you hear his feet padding into the room, and when he gets next to you, he crouches down. Once again, you can’t spare him a glance. “Any updates?”

You stay silent. He winces, “I’ll take that at a no…” he lays a warm hand on your back and gently rubs it in circles, “it’s okay baby. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“Tetsuro, please,” you whimper, not quite in the mood for a pep talk. “I’m going to puke right now, my life is in flames and crumbling around me, I’m so nervous, please. Save the pep talk, I can’t handle it right now.”

“I'm sorry,” he soothes. He doesn’t say anything further, just rubbing your back in slow, firm circles with his palm, blinking his golden eyes up at you warmly, lovingly.

You feel your body cramp from being under his loving touch, suddenly dawning on you just how long you've been sitting in the chair, inert and unwilling to peel your eyes from the email inbox. You suddenly become hyperaware of how your legs feel numb, your fingers are cramped and your eyes are burning. It's the first time in hours you've taken a break from your refreshing to scrub at your eyes, breeding a wetness to try and soothe the sting.

You hear Tetsuro sigh, "why... don't we go to bed, angel?"

"No."

"But-"

"I can't," you whimper. "Not now. Not yet-" your breathing picks up as you look at him in despair, chest fluttering and heart pounding as you try to breathe. He furrows his brows and shushes you softly, big hands moving to cradle your cheeks and force you to look at him.

"Baby," he says softly, but firm enough to ground you. "It's late. They're not going to send it this late at night. And if they do, we'll deal with it when we wake up tomorrow. But I'm almost certain they're not going to send it to you this late. I promise, okay?"

You let out a shaky sigh and look at the time: 22:43. It's far too late to be thinking, to be worrying, and you'd much rather breakdown in the comfort of your own bed, than alone in this wooden chair.

But you do know that, no matter what, Tetsuro is going to be right next to you, rubbing your back and cradling you close.

When you say nothing, Tetsuro slowly stands up and scoops you in his big, strong arms, "come on, angel face. Let's get some rest." You thunk your head against his chest and fist your fingers into the collar of his shirt, letting him carry you to the bathroom where he plops you down on the countertop.

He grabs your toothbrush and some toothpaste, and gently tells you to open, which you sleepily do. He's extra careful, making sure to get every tooth he can, scrubbing softly as to not make you uncomfortable. Silence, save for the bristles on the toothbrush, fills the room, the corner of Tetsuro's tongue sticking out in focus.

"Okay. Spit," he says, moving so you can comfortably turn your head and spit the froth out. Skincare comes next, and his touch is even softer as he massages in every product you use.

"Good girl," he whispers, picking you back up to carry you to bed. "My good girl. Good, brave girl..."

You drift off in his arms at his praise, not even feeling the way he gets you into pajamas or gets you under the covers, the exhaustion of the constant high of anxiety weighing you down.

Waking up this morning, your bones feel like bricks under the wall of your muscles, barely able to move under the force of it all. Your skin feels like paper, so hyper aware of it now that you’ve had the time to come down from your anxious state. You blink up at your ceiling, eyelids tight as you do, and you continue to stare and let your body wake up molecule by molecule, inch by inch. You feel it coming to life, and you slowly bring your hands up to press the heels of your palms into your eyesockets to force the rest of the sleep out of your eyes.

When your hand then drops next to you, you feel yourself grow saddened at the lack of warmth. Tetsuro’s been out of bed long enough to let his side cool down, and it makes you want to cry at the idea of being alone right now.

You never should’ve shut him down last night. All he wanted to do was help, and you shut him up and made him feel bad, now he’s not even in bed with you anymore, and you feel tears sting at your eyes again, this time out of anxiety of making him upset, and-

“Ah, you’re up.”

Your guilty, howling mind shuts up as soon as tetsuro’s body makes its way into the doorway, smiling and stirring his tea with a spoon. “Good morning, babygirl.” He takes a step into the bedroom and before you know it, he’s at your side, sitting on the bed next to you. He uses his free arm to wrap around you, but not pull you to his chest. “Did you sleep okay?”

“No,” you whimper, voice croaky. He nods and lets his thumb rub up and down the curve of your shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.”

His brow cocks in confusion, “huh?”

Now, finally, you turn to face him, “I snapped at you… I told you to-“

“You told me you didn’t want a pep talk,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to tell me that my words might not be the most helpful. I’m not going to get mad at you for that. It’s not like you told me to shut my ugly ass up- you’d never do that, I’m too pretty.”

This, for the first time in what feels like days, has you crack a smile. You let out a small laugh, breathy and barely there, but he smiles proudly all the same, pulling you in for a hug now. “You’re a goof,” you murmur.

“And you, need to eat something,” he whispers against your head, and you deflate in his arms again. “Don’t you protest me, you know you have to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” you say.

“I know, but you didn’t eat last night, and I let you sleep in-“ at his words, your eyes flick to the clock on your nightstand, red numbers flicked onto 10:24. “You have to have something.”

“But-“

“I know,” he says. “Do you want something sweet, or savory?”

20 questions. It’s something he does after a fit of your anxiety to try and make your life just a hair easier, decisions quicker, and your day just a bit brighter because you’re getting exactly what you want. He claims he used to do it with kenma, hence why he’s so good at it.

“Uhm…” you shrug, “why not both?”

“Both?” He echos. “Okay. Do you want fruit?” You nod. He nods with you. “Okay. How about a bagel?” You nod again. “Okay. With some cream cheese?” You shake your head and he clicks his tongue, “butter?” You shake your head again, “okay. Uhmmmm-“

“I want to do it,” you mumble, and he presses a kiss to your head.

“You sure? Because I can whip something up-“

“I have to do it. I have to put the toppings on my bagel.”

He nods a final time and squeezes you close, “okay. If you need any help deciding, I’m right here, okay? I’ll be cutting your fruit.”

You hum and slowly swing your legs out of the bed, stretching and mewling from the force. When your hand instinctively darts for your phone, he clicks his tongue, "leave it. You don't need it right now."

"But-"

"I told your family to text me if they need you. Your phone is on do not disturb. Leave it there, babe." He swings his own long legs over and extends a hand out to you, wiggling his fingers enticingly for you to hold. When you grab three of them, he smiles and slowly leads you into the kitchen.

The news is playing on tv at a low volume, there’s a discarded blanket on the couch, and you quirk a brow in intrigue, “tetsu, how did you know I was awake?”

He shrugs, “my life shifts when you wake up for the day. I feel it in my soul.”

“Ew.”

“Shaddup.”

You laugh again, smiling a weak smile as you plop down at the table. He makes his way to begin cooking your bagel, popping it in the toaster before making his way to cut up your fruit. You sigh and play with your fingers, wondering if you should make conversation, or let silence rule, and you sigh shakily before opening your mouth to speak. “What’re you going to have?”

“I, my love, already ate some toast with some apple jelly and butter.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m going to pick at some fruit with you, because I don’t want you eating alone.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I know,” he hums. Then, he turns to face you with a smile. “I want to.”

Your heart flutters as you smile at him, looking down at your fingers to distract yourself. Usually, you’d be scrolling through your social media, checking apps and emails, but since he forbade it, you’re left to listen to him sing softly and the newscaster drone on and on. After a few short minutes, your bagel pops, and he plates it with some sliced fruit and places it in front of you, before kissing your head and grabbing various toppings for it.

Breakfast drags, but in a comforting way, where it drips by so slow like honey, syrupy sweet as Tetsuro talks. He talks about everything and anything, about the game Kenma's going to stream for charity, and the funny meme he sent the streamer- or funny to Tetsuro at least, as allegedly Kenma left him on read. You find yourself eating at his company, and before you know it, your bagel, juice, and fruit is gone. You look down at your plate in surprise, and he wiggles his brows at you, "feel better, angel?"

"Uhm... yeah," you say, almost confused. "I didn't think I was that hungry."

"I don't care how you thought, I'm glad you ate." He stands out of his chair with a stretch, "you still hungry? I can make you another-"

"No," you sigh. "I... I really should check my email-"

"Not until I give you a bath and a massage."

You quirk your brow, "you're going to give me a bath and a massage?"

"Of course," he chuckles, "If you're too anxious to give yourself some self care, that's plenty fine, but that means I'm going to give you self care." He shrugs, "those are just the rules."

"Do you even know how to give a massage?"

"Bokuto and I used to massage each other after practice all the time." Your brow quirks higher, and he holds his hand up, "don't ask. Just trust me."

"Can Bokuto give me a massage?" You tease, giggling at the way he gives you a fake smile and a high pitched "no," to tease you.

He presses a kiss to your head, "I'm going to go run the bath, why don't you get changed and meet me in there?"

"Okay," you hum. He nudges your nose with a finger before stalking down the hall to the bathroom. When your hear the tub running, you make a dash towards the small office room for your laptop, nervous to check your email, and-

"I took it out!" He calls, followed by a cackle.

"You're an ass!"

"It's your favorite ass, though!"

You grumble and make your way to the bedroom to get undressed per his request, stealing one of his oversized shirt to conceal yourself until the tub is filled. You stalk into the bathroom and blush under the way his eyes glaze up and down you, "fuck, I love you in my clothes."

"Back off, I'm about to bathe," you snort.

"Yeah, but I can still find you hot." As the tub fills, he adds a scoop of epsom salt, and a splash of bathing bubbles, large bubbles brewing on the surface of the water. You smile and watch them shape and form, the sweet smell filling the air around you. You feel excitement brewing inside of you as you watch him turn off the water and push himself up and off the floor with the edge of the tub, "should do it, baby. I'm gonna let you soak, I'll set up for a little massage after, make you nice and comfortable.

"Okay," you mewl. He presses a kiss to your lips and makes his way to the door. "Hey, Tetsu?" You say, reaching for his hand, which he takes happily. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, babygirl," he whispers. "You know that." He pinches your cheek and leaves the bathroom for you to relax.

The bath water is warm as you soak in the epsom salt, feeling your muscles loosen and relish in the combination. You bury your face in the bubbles and close your sleepy eyes, letting the smells lull you into a state of relaxation. Your head is still heavy with anxiety, but your heart is full of love and warmth for your boyfriend.

You're not sure how long you were floating in silence, lost in the bubbles and oils, but he gently knocks on the door, "you okay? Haven't heard you for a bit."

"Yes," you mewl, stretching. The water is now chilly and the bubbles are mostly gone and you rub your hands over the surface of the water. "Is the massage stuff ready?" You tease, looking at your hands and wincing at how pruny they are.

"It's been ready, I didn't want to bother you," he snickers. “Come out when you’re ready, just wanted to make sure you were alive.”

“I’m alive, I’m coming,” you call, getting out of the tub to dry yourself. You take your time drying off, trying to enjoy the last little bit of warmth clinging to your skin. You leave the bathroom to get dressed into some clean pajamas, smiling as tetsuro busies himself with the whole massage set up. “Candles? You spoil me.”

“There’s a lot of smells going on,” he says with a face.

“I know I can tell,” you hum. Getting dressed, you slip on a pair of his boxers and a shirt, and you make your way to the bed to wait for him.

“Alright-“ he pats the bed for you to crawl on top of. “C’mere, let me pamper you.”

You giggle, “you have been pampering me!” Regardless, you swing your legs onto the bed and lay on your stomach, squeaking as he straddles you and cracks his knuckles.

He lays a massive paw on each of your shoulders, using his thumb to splay and press the muscle under his force, and your eyes cross in the middle and flutter in relaxation. They work in circles to press into the muscles, before laying flat on your back to dig his heel into before his fingers press and roll back up to your shoulders.

Thick fingers roll over the knot in your right shoulder, no doubt from the refreshing of the page for hours on end last night. You whine and bury your face in the bed, and he hums, "I know beautiful, I almost got it."

"Feels good," you murmur.

"Told you it would," he says softly. “You need to trust me.”

“I think I trust you too much,” you snicker. Tetsuro says nothing, merely offering you a laugh through his nose as he continues with the massage.

Your body twitches as the tips of his fingers dig into your side as part of the massage, but your snicker doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “Something wrong?” He hums, doing it again.

"Tetsu!" You giggle, reaching behind you to try and stop his wrists, "that tickles!"

"That's crazy, I'm not tickling you," he snickers, and it's hard to tell if he's lying or not. "I mean, I can tickle you, if you want-"

"No!" You squeal, and your laughter turns choppy as he uses the sides of his hands to playfully chop up and down your back, making your body instinctively let out bumpy noises from your mouth.

“Quite an attitude on ya today,” he taunts, before hooking his fingers up under your arms, making you shriek, “okay, now I’m tickling you.”

Your mind spins from the sensory change, the signals in your brain cross, but one thing is for certain:

The email is far from the front of your mind.

And it feels good to laugh.

[hyuuukais]

-`♡´ - APARTMENT 143

pairing -> lee minho x fem reader

synopsis -> after a bad breakup, y/n needs to find a new place to live. although she's grateful for her best friend, up-and-coming model hwang hyunjin, for letting her stay at his, she can't keep living with him and his model roommates. so when an opening for somewhere nearby with cheap rent opens up, she jumps on it, despite knowing next to nothing about the 3 other tenants, only that one owns 3 cats. the three quickly learn of her breakup, determined to help get her back on her feet. but what happens when one of them begins to develop feelings?

warnings -> gen, y/n talks abt being compared to her sister, family tension, food/eating mention, lowkey survivors guilt going on

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER FIFTEEN -> LIKE IT USED TO BE (partially written, wc: 898)

"Oh good, you're not dead yet," Han speaks a bit loudly into the phone and you move it away from your face slightly.

The bright screen has your eyes straining in the otherwise dark room, tucked under a plush comforter from your childhood. It's amazing it's still in good condition considering how old it is, but your bed squeaks under you to remind you of the age of this room full of old memories. On the night stand next to you is a framed photo of you with your family, your mom and dad standing behind you and another little girl, slightly taller than you; your sister. You lean over and put the frame face down.

"Still alive, barely," you reply with a sigh. "Why'd you assume I'm having a bad time?"

"Let me think," he puts a finger to his bottom lip in fake concentration. "'How am I supposed to last four more days'... doesn't exactly sound like someone having a good time."

"You caught me, but I swear it's nothing." A lie. "Nothing interesting." A truth; is your family drama really worth talking about? "How's the apartment?"

"Fine. We've started to try and befriend the guy down the hall, Seungmin? Maybe you've run into him?" You shake your head. "Minho seems to get along with him the best. I think it's because they both act unwelcoming to strangers."

This makes you snort. The two of you continue to talk and laugh, the cats making an appearance at one point with Minho, who gives you a short wave, and you don't realize how late it's getting until your eyes catch the time briefly; 3:08AM. Shit. How loud have you been? You freeze when you hear a door open, muting Jisung on the other end and flipping your phone over. Your door opens.

"What are you doing up so late? Don't you know what time it is?" Your sister groans. "And you're being kind of loud, mind keeping it down a bit? Who're you even talking to?"

"No one," you say too quickly, internally cringing at yourself. "Sorry. I'm going to bed soon."

"You're lucky it was me and not mom who walked in here," she says with a sort of laugh. "She would have screamed her head off and taken your phone, despite being an adult now."

You sit up. "Yeah."

"She really fucked us up a bit, huh?" She sits next to you hesitantly when you don't reply. "Maybe we'd be closer now."

"Hyo-"

"I'm sorry," she stands suddenly. "I shouldn't be saying all this. Forget this, please." Your older sister stands in the doorway, eyes pleading. "Don't mention this to anyone, okay?"

"Okay," you whisper, knowing damn well Jisung heard every word.

As you listen to her footsteps fade, you learn to breath again, flipping your phone back over and unmuting Han. When he notices you're back, he says nothing, fiddling with the string on the hoodie he wears.

"You-"

"It's okay-" You speak at the same time and laugh, breaking the newfound tension. He continues. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but I guess this is what you meant by complicated?"

You pout, eyes beginning to sting. When you speak, your voice breaks a little. "Yeah, I mean, it's hard, you know? All my life I've been compared to Hyo by my mother and teachers and even my friends. Like, I have to be her instead of myself, and she never once stepped in to protect me from all that like a big sister is supposed to. Never heard her stand up for me when it was happening right in front of her, no moment of 'hey, let my little sister be who she wants, you already have one of me'. I feel like I can't talk to her anymore. I'm rambling, sorry."

"No, it's okay," Han reassures you.

"We used to be close when we were young," you speak into the space he's left you. "Then as we got older, we drifted. We're only a few years apart, but she always acted so much better than me once we hit a certain age. She said hurtful things to me a lot, and I'm sure I said equally awful things back." A tear falls onto your blanket and you sniff, looking up to your ceiling where a poster of a boy band is pinned to prevent more from falling. "I want my sister back, but... I think there's too much pain."

"Oh Y/nnie," Han gives you a sad look. "I wish I could hug you right now."

"I'm just saying stupid stuff now, I should sleep." You've overshared and want out of this conversation ASAP. "Goodnight Han, sleep well."

He's about to protest when you hang up, moving your phone next to the frame to charge. For a while you lay there, staring at your ceiling with a heavy weight on your chest. You've never fully talked to someone about the way your upbringing made you feel or the way it still affects you. There's still a scared little girl inside of you, shying away from hands that want to hold you, comfort you. Because what if it's all a lie? What if they all leave you, like Hwa? Or like... like him?

You glance over to the frame again, not having it in you to flip it back up.

notes -> me vs y/ns mother rn- who do we think this "him" is referring to? and what happened? will hyunjin and y/n make up?

taglist -> @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143 @puppyminnnie @tfshouldidohere @kangaracha @chlodavids @whitney190 @thisisnotjacinta @borahae-reads @brooklynie @gini143 @kayleigh-28 @skz-streamer @babyphotos0325 @scallywag1299 @venusmoonxnight @naomisosoup @fertiliezedtoesw @s00buwu @realrintaro @anothershorthuman @skzstaykatsy @ilovejeongin007 @btswestan @multifandomedsimp @ihrtlix @raehawthorne @euphoric-univers @hyperpixie @evermourning @satsuri3su @jazziwritesthings @minhwa @wyzminho @fic-for-readers @dreamerwasfound @imsiriuslyreal @lailac13 @palindrome969 @lixie-phoria @aalexyuuuhm @sunflowerbebe07 @st4rhwa @lukeys-giggle @jabmastersupriseee @judeduartewannabe @gaysontheprince @stepout-09-15 @splat00z

^^^ orange means i can't tag you