#sitting n playing n building n listening to the creative songs on loop. so i suppose i subconsciously associate those songs w that

[ateeztories]

If I Need You I’ll See You In My Dreams. (FULL: so far) word count: 11k+

Angst, Fluff, “Coming of age” 

Very Easy Read. 

Seonghwa, Wooyoung, y/n imagine.

*AU where Wooyoung never followed Yeosang to KQ. That, however, does not mean they are any lesser friends with each other.*

To anyone who’s reading this, I just wanted to say that this is the first time I’m writing anything creative or anything at all so feel free to give any feedback/criticism. I would certainly appreciate it. Thank you~ so long peeps.

Song recommendation: End by Jeremy Zucker 

While reading i’d recommend listening to “Friend A” from Shgatsu Wa Kimi No Uso (Your Lie In April) maybe on a loop O_o

Pilot: Dreams

Seonghwa… You wanted to see him, one last time.

That day, you kissed your boyfriend Wooyoung goodbye at the airport and left him behind in Korea. He kissed you back.

He loved you, and you loved him. Wooyoung, he was the sweetest and the kindest person. He was your person.

He has work to worry about. You were going to miss him so much. Miss his bear hugs and all the other kinds, but you weren’t sad that he wasn’t coming. Only because you had your beloved friend Ji Yeon coming along. She had been with you through your middle school, high school and even ended up going to the same college. She was there for you through thick and thin. You and Ji Yeon were actually, best friends forever. The kind you read in stories and it astounded both of you.

It has been a week since you landed in Canada, there were things to see and to wonder about. You didn’t like to go to crowded places. You just wanted to enjoy the virtue of things that were unappreciated by the people. Go to places no one has ever been to.

That was something you both had in common.

It was Ji Yeon that “introduced” you to the group Ateez. She knew what it meant to you, but she was stubborn and did it anyway. Still, that was ages ago. College was taking over all your time and energy.

This was the break you needed.

You had long forgotten about them. You forgot about him.

...

“Can you believe this??” Ji Yeon Screamed while plopping down on the bed.

“this is the weirdest coincidence ever”

“We should go see it!!!!”

“The concert is in THREE days!!” 

All the suppressed memories rolling inside of your mind; all the while Ji Yeon’s voice turns in to mumbled white noises.

“let’s go then,”

you said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

As if you didn’t feel a thing.

Seonghwa… You wanted to see him... From afar. For the last time.

For the last time and never again.

Part 2: Wanna Go Back

“I said I’ll go,”

you said without a drop of emotion displaying on your face.  Unlike your heart and mind that was going bat-shit crazy right then.

“Awesome!! I just booked two tickets” Ji Yeon replied. Trying not to sound more suspicious than she already appears to be. You didn’t bother to question her intentions because that was simply none of your concerns at the moment.

Plus she would never do anything to hurt you. Ever.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━                                         

It has already been three days since Ji Yeon asked about the concert. You have been trying to contact Wooyoung. Even though, because of of the time difference and his work schedule, it never worked out. The calls were full of Hello’s and farewells. You missed him more than anything.

But now it was just another one of your ever-growing worries.

...

It’s today,

The thought of seeing his face in person never left your mind. It makes your heart feel some sort of way.

The way it feels to walk into a flaming pit of fire.

The way you feel at the drop of a roller coaster.

The way you feel when you see the person you once loved so dearly.

These thoughts made you feel guilty. It made you feel like a bad person.

“If Wooyoung knew what was going through my mind right now, what would he think of me?”

There was nothing you could do besides getting past those thoughts.

You felt all sorts of emotions as you walked into the concert hall.

“What are the chances that Ateez goes on tour here, at the same time we come to Canada??” Ji Yeon said.

“Ya… no shit”

Noticeably, you weren’t feeling it. you just wanted to get over it. You needed closure, and a part of you hated that feeling. Ji Yeon was no stranger to your mood swings. She caught on quite fast. Faster than you thought. Three days faster.

Somehow she knew what she was doing. Except, she didn’t know the whole story.

You walked through big brown doors into a seemingly small venue. You saw fan-girls falling into line behind the barricade like a bunch of tiny colonized ants. They bumped into your shoulder, passing you by as you walked among them, step by step. You looked around scanning the venue, while clinging to Ji Yeon.

“Maybe we should just go back,” you said with the least bit of persuasion.

“Are you kidding me? those tickets were NOT free” Ji Yeon said with a face that only you could decipher. 

You knew there was going back.

The venue became full, there was no chance for him to see your face. Even if he did, there was no way he would recognize you. It’s been too long since he last saw you.

Eventually and gradually, the stage became brighter as the audience became darker. This assured you, he wasn’t seeing you today.

Ateez members entered the stage one after another.

You saw his silhouette.

His tall figure that was impossible to forget. You saw his face, he looked different. Different from the face that was buried in your memories.

The music began to play and the performance started. The crowd went wild while you stared blindly onto the stage… standing still, wondering what you went there to do that day. You questioned your intentions in the midst of being unable to look away from his direction.

You eyes flickering at the thought of getting closure

“What closure?”

“How is this closure?”

You thought, staring at his face full of demeanor.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. you took it out slowly looking down, though your eyes could not leave the stage. You wearily look at your phone.

“Wooyoung!!!”

Your face lit up, eyes shimmered. This was the first time you were able to reach him in three days. You unintentionally jumped up and down in excitement.

You forgot all your worries and unwanted feelings.

You signaled Ji Yeon and she was telling you to get out and take the call.

The song, Utopia, was coming to an end. The members stood on the stage when Jongho approached  them while singing the last verse. It was a beautiful piece of art deserving of endless admiration.

Fan chants were echoing throughout the entire room: “Kim Hongjoong! Park Seonghwa! Jeong Yunho! Kang Yeosang! Choi San! Song Mingi! Choi Jongho! Lee Junyeong!!!”

As you were moving across the crowd making your way out, you looked at the stage for the last time. There he was… looking like the same old person that you knew. Head tilted up and with his eyes closed. His black hair wet with sweat that dripped down his chin and onto his shirt.

Still, you hated him for what he did.

You have Wooyoung now.

He is waiting for you to answer. He is waiting for you. You looked away and pushed your way out through the crowd. Went out of the nearest door which led you outside. It was dark, the street lights flickered and they were stable at the same time.

Not one single soul to be seen.

The door closed behind you as you answered the phone in a haste. “Wooyoung I miss-”

“Let’s break up”

…

Frozen.

Unable to take another step.

How to react?

“Woo- Wooyoung?”

your voice, weak, surprised and baffled in disbelief.

You can still hear noises from the inside. muffled screaming of the fans.

The music has ended.

There was silence and everything else.

“How to turn back time?”

Where did it all go wrong?“

"Why?”

Part 3: Your Lie 

 "Wooyoung I miss-“

"Let’s break up”

…

Frozen.

People say your body freezes when you don’t know what to do.

“Should I fight this?” …

“Should I just run away?”

When he said those words… You just froze.

Unable to take another step

“How do I react?” You think.

Think, and there is nothing.

Your mind is empty, exhausted and deluded.

Legs giving out, your body crumbles onto the ground as you sit on the pavement of the building, your knees nearly touching your chest.

Your mind completely disregards the sound of the door behind, opening and closing.

You finally find the strength to say the words lingering at the tip of your tongue.

“What do you mean you want to break up?”

“Why?”

“Why now?”

“Just tell me what is going on, we can figure this out together.”

Silence… Stillness.

You can hear Wooyoung’s breath. You can hear his longing sighs. His voice stutterers to break this ominous silence.

 You could finally hear his voice loud and clear.

“I think you already know y/n.” His voice almost sounds drunk.

“There is nothing to figure out.” Has he been crying?

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You respond.

“Wooyoung please…”

“Please… can you just wait until I reach Korea”

“I’m going to book the first flight tomorrow”

“Just hold on one more day”

“Please,” You sounded hopeless and desperate.

The silence of the surrounding creates goosebumps all over your exposed skin. The cold freezing winds making you sink into your own body. You are sniffing, your breath is shivering, and it is not because of the freezing winds. In the verge of tears, a lump in your throat. Your heart is beating so fast to the point you almost want to throw up at the thought of being without him.

You could hear footsteps behind you. You could see in the corner of your eyes, a tall shadow of a person. At this moment, you don’t care. Nothing matters as the only beautiful thing in your life slips away from your fingertips.

The tall figure gently walked to the side of you and stopped at the edge of the pavement. You didn’t look up at his face. You thought it was just a person coming out to get a breath of “fresh” air, a break from the chaos that is inside. Air that has now been polluted by the thoughts in your mind. He sat down beside you in a peaceful manner. Oddly enough, you weren’t scared of the stranger sitting beside you. All you could think about was Wooyoung.

Though it felt familiar.

You were now curious,  this stranger that carries a homely scent, an intimate familiarity. You lookup slowly… Upon his direction… All the while holding Wooyoung on the other side of the phone… You look.

He was looking at the distant empty roads across the parking lot. Your eyes grew wider.

It’s Seonghwa… Park Seonghwa!

At that instant, Wooyoung’s voice echoed through and out of the space enclosing you.

“Fine! I cheated on you!”

You heard Wooyoung’s reckless voice breaking the silence, as you stared into Seonghwa’s eyes.

You can’t believe your ears. Your heart is beating so fast. To the point, you almost want to throw up at the thought of him being with someone else. All the moments you both shared, gone in a fleeting minute. All the feelings of love and devotion suppressed deep inside your mind.

You can’t believe your eyes. The person that sits beside you at this moment. The person you missed for the longest time, and the person you hated the most. Now knows your most vulnerable secret.

You are looking at his face, but you’re not looking at him.  Your mind wanders to places no one wants to be in.

“I cheated on you. Is that what you want to hear?”

You are still looking up at Seonghwa’s direction. There is no doubt he can hear Wooyoung’s voice coming through the phone in this heart wrenching silence.

“This is it,” you thought. You were never gonna see Wooyoung again. He dares to break up with you over a phone call. End it all, after being together for two years.

Alone, you still loved him. All the feelings were suppressed. Yet they were still there.

All of this is happening so fucking fast. But, It felt like forever.

You still couldn’t say a word to Wooyoung.

Words are coming out of your mouth but your voice doesn’t make any sound. Your heart is shattered into dust. The street lights are flickering and glistering in your teary eyes.

Wooyoung continues, sounding spiteful than he’s ever been.

“Did you really think you were the only person I was with? Oh y/n you are too naive”

“This is not him,” You thought, while saying nothing and nothing at all. You continued to listen to him, step on what’s left of your heart.

“y/n, Did you honestly think I love-”

Seonghwa grasped the phone out of your hand and hung up. He latched on to the phone while keeping his head down.

Not once, ever since he sat down beside you, did he look at your face.

You looked at him. Then you gazed up into the distance.

There was silence yet again.

The deafening silence.

The silence that you loathed more than anything.

Part 4: The Story

“Wooyoung.”

Saying his name, just thinking about it, makes your heart, break into a million little pieces. You wanted to cry, cry your eyes out and throw up all the feelings that were bottled inside.

“y/n” Seonghwa muttered as he extended his arms to hold on while turning your way. To hold on to you… to comfort you.

“Don’t…”  you said. Keeping a straight face. While taking a deep breath, in an attempt to keep your composure. Because you can’t cry. Not in front of him. You don’t need his pity. And he doesn’t deserve to feel bad for you. It puzzled you, how difficult it was to not cry out loud. Scream at the top of your lungs. Yet he does not get to see you cry. After all, he left you. left you to wonder where he vanished to, without a word. Without even saying goodbye, he disappeared.

“Don’t touch me,” you said. Calm, but stern. You’re not a high schooler anymore. You’re not young anymore. You’re not his friend anymore.

Nothing less and nothing more.

You gaze up at the distance roads, turning your face away from Seonghwa’s direction. There is a horizon between the field across the road and the night sky full of stars. It’s a magical view for a night like this. A night that carries a sob story for people to read about.

You look at Seonghwa with eyes that hold a thousand, million words. His soft black hair is reflecting against the moonlight. It is blowing across his face as the wind sweeps the tension among you. The tension that holds a history belonging to you and only him. His hair… it had so much character. Once again, he looks like the person you know.

…

He had blonde hair when you first saw him on TV for the first time. It was peachy and unfamiliar. It carried a cold persona. You couldn’t recognize him at a glance. When you finally understood, you stared at his face for hours on end.

“So that’s where he ran off to…” you remember thinking. You remember going through a roller coaster of emotions all alone.

…

Flashbacks rushing back into your mind like an old movie reeling, roll after roll, scene after scene. Each moment you spend together; good, bad, exhilarating and frightening.

You were just friends, but more than that. You weren’t lovers but you loved each other. It was a beautiful time to be alive.

How hard it was for you; he may never know. But there was someone… not Ji Yeon, someone else. And that person was Wooyoung. He was there for you when you cried for so many nights and poured your heart out to him. You never thought of this moment, never thought how painful this moment would be. This moment he chooses to part ways.

“It’s happening all over again.” You said.

Thoughts, speculations, tearing through your mind, “There has to be something going on… he is not the type of person to do this.” All the while knowing that this, won’t change the fact that he broke up with you. He’s leaving you…

He left you.

It’s hard to face reality. Reality is sitting beside you. It is staring at you right in the face.

“It’s not fair,” you spoke under your breath.

You look up at the starry yet gloomy sky and blink the tears away.

“Why is everything going wrong today?” you wonder.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight to stop the tears. Still, they come creeping down your eyelids and stream along your glowing cheeks. One fell, two fell, tears came pouring out of your eyes. You put your guard down. No… your “guard,” was never there. It was denial, spite and history.

With both hands you cover your face and eyes to hide,. Your entire body trembles to the beat of your sobbing. You can feel the muscles in your face shaking. You can taste the salty tears as they fall onto your lips. You hear yourself silently screaming to release the pain you hold inside your throat. Your heart sinks deeper and deeper, each time you let out air. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t pleasant. You felt pathetic and miserable.

As the night gets darker and your sobs get louder, you feel the embrace of Seonghwa. You feel his touch for the first time in two years. It’s warm in this cold weather. It brings you comfort and relief. You continued to cry like a little child as he held on to you.

“I’m sorry,” He said.

Guilt, regret, pity, sorrow and all the feelings you can feel. These two words held so much meaning and you can hear every single one of them through his gentle voice.

…………

Seonghwa left, but he was always there. In the back of your mind. From the day he stepped in to that classroom. There was always comfort in his presence. Even the thought of him made you feel warm inside. There was never a guard between the two of you. The walls between you collapsed a long time ago and they were never going to come back up.

“Can I say the same for him?” You ask yourself. Whilst being wrapped up in his arms and feeling hollow inside.

He was your person before anyone else. 

Were you his?

Part 5: Friends

Park Seonghwa…He is with you, you feel his warmth, the feeling you craved at this moment. Your face is buried in his chest. Sobbing like a broken machine. A broken soul.

The history behind you two was always complicated, and it will always be, complicated.

━━━━━━༻p a s t༺━━━━━━ 

You were walking along the narrow sidewalk on the first day of high school. You stopped at an intersection, to wait for Ji Yeon. Waited and waited, you called her cell phone, and no one answered. You walked into the grocery store nearby to wait for her. You jump at everything so the ringing sound as you stepped into the store while opening the door startled you. It was a lovely day outside, but the sunlight was hot. You decided to get some ice cream for you and Ji Yeon. You were leaning, concentrated, picking her and your favourite ice creams. 

You heard the ringing once again and It scared the hell out of you. Your head shot up and turned towards the door with eyes wide. He stepped into the store while caressing his messy school boy hair.

There he was… Seonghwa.

That was the first time you saw him. He was wearing the same kind of uniform; you knew he went to your school. He looked… handsome. Not your stereotypical “idol” handsome.  Oh, the irony. It made your heart flutter, even though he looked like he could make you squirm with just a glance. His presence made you feel some kind of way. His aura was overwhelmingly attractive. You stared at him for a good minute until he noticed you. Which is when you were taken back to reality with a slap in the face. You looked away so quickly, you felt something snap in your neck. You were a deer in headlights. 

You picked up the first two ice creams that caught your hand and went up to the counter hoping to escape this humiliation. While you were waiting for the cashier to scan the items, you felt a strong presence behind you. It was him… standing tall, making you feel all kinds of intimidated. “how did he get there so fast??” you contemplate during this mental chaos.

You paid the cashier at lightning speed and ran towards the exit. You looked back just for the sake of it while opening the doors, only to see him staring at you. He smiled at you. It looked more like he laughed at you but “What do I know,” you thought while making a face that felt like a smile while walking out of the store. If only the muscles in your face moved properly, it wouldn’t have looked like you just ate the world’s most sour lemon.

You walked outside to see Ji Yeong standing at the intersections waiting to cross the street. You sneaked up on her placing both ice creams on her cheeks. Ji young turned around in a flash raising her hand to almost knock you out. “Oh it’s just you” “Why do you sound disappointed? Are you sad you couldn’t knock me out??” Mundane conversations never felt so good at that moment. The big sister you never had. No… The big sister you always had, watching over you. Making sure you always have your life together. And you were the same. Clumsy, but you tried. She was the more mature one.

“Why is your face so red?” Ji Yeong asked tilting her head. While grabbing the ice cream out of your hands. “O? Oh there was-” At that moment, Seonghwa walked out of the store. Ji Yeong’s attention immediately went to him, she looked at you and him again. “She’s too smart for her own good.” you think while looking at her face that is now grinning like a clown

“I- I think he goes to our school,” you said avoiding her eyes “Ohohoho, you think??” Ji Young said still smirking like a damn clown. She looked up at you with squinty eyes with an even wider grin. You knew she was about to do something you’re both going to regret.

Ji Yeon looked at Seonghwa who was walking towards the school. “HEY, YOU!!!” She screamed. Seonghwa looked back afraid for his life.

“HEYYY WHAT ARE YOU DOING???“ You said, silently screaming.

Ji Yeong ran towards him whilst dragging you with her.  

How she has the courage to do things like this, you never understood. But you were always grateful for that. But this time you weren't so sure, “Why in the world is she doing this??” you wonder all the while being dragged by the mighty hands of Ji Yeon. Seonghwa still standing, scared for his life by the sight of Ji Yeong running towards him amid pulling you like a suitcase. The way Ji Yeon suddenly stopped running and the moumentum she had built up made you crash onto Seonghwa.

“Sorry,” you said, frowning at Ji Yeon and blushing like no one’s business.

“You okay?” He asked with coughing out a laugh. You heard his voice for the first time. His voice matched so perfectly to his oh so handsome face. 

Leaves started falling slowly, winds brushed through the three of you standing on the sidewalk. Autumn has never looked so beautiful.

You remember walking to the school together, he parted ways to walk with his friends at the Entrance. His friends, you became close to them too.

You walked into the classroom that belonged to you for the year. Took a deep breath. ”everything will be fine,“ you more so wished.

Ji Yeon ended up in a different homeroom, unfortunately. Her outgoing self was fine. However, you were scared.

You chose your seat close to the window. A place that made the classroom feel much bigger. Looking outside somehow made you calm. And the sound of birds and wind crashing on the windows made you feel like you were outside.  

That’s when he entered the classroom. His eyes scanned the room and stopped at you. He slowly walked towards you.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked… with a smile? You don’t remember.

“No, you can sit here,” You said with a faint curious smile tracking his face as he sat down. There was that feeling again… But this time it was different. It felt normal, a beautiful, typical feeling… It was like he was always there in your comfort.  

You two were quiet for a long minute.

“I can’t believe we’re in the same homeroom,” He spoke with that gentle voice again.

This was the beginning of a questionable yet charming, melancholic, and longing friendship that lasted for years… It was normal, doesn’t any friendship start out like this?

But a part of you knew how special this was.

Today, you are holding him once again… after years, 

Crying because of another man.

Crying because of Wooyoung… His old friend… 

Your old friend.

You just want this never-ending night to be over.

You needed time, to stop crying… Time to think.

Part 6: Timing

You hated “Time”… 

Life happens… Time goes on without a care for your emotions, without a care for anyone’s feelings. 

Time, the passage that left you behind at the peak of your teenage years. 

It felt good at times but just some days, you could feel it. Feel the emptiness lingering at the back of your mind. 

But now, you needed time. More than anything, you needed time to think about what had just happened today. 

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The memories of the early teenage years reeled in your thoughts. All the while, your head was buried in his chest. 

He no longer belongs to you.  You… are not his anymore. 

You’re not anyone’s… anymore, and these thoughts frightened you. 

His embrace comforted you while you melted away at his warmth. It distracted you from breaking apart this endearing connection. 

As the night went by, you finally gathered the courage to pull away from him. 

You’re not crying anymore, although your face was now swollen, red and soaked with fallen tears. You notice that his shirt was drenched in your tears as you bring your arms up to dry your face. You glance at his face with an apologetic smile.

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa look at you, only to look away at the distant roads.

A bitter laugh escaped your mouth… “I’m not okay,”  You sighed. 

“My boyfriend… just broke up with me,” You say while staring into the night sky.

“I know. I…heard”, Seonghwa stutter.

“Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk”, He spoke again, knowing full well, that it was Wooyoung. His old friend.

Hearing him say that angered you. 

Wooyoung stuck by you during your worst times. He made you laugh with his whole being. He was there for you… He took care of you, and you did the same.

 "He was there for me", You think. The person who called you today wasn’t him. You were still in denial. After all the things that happened, you still couldn’t shake away the pieces of hearts you left with him. The feelings you left with him when you kissed him goodbye at the airport.

“It’s Wooyoung…don’t you remember? You were friends with him in high school" You say although you knew… that he knew.

"And you don’t know anything about him,” You said, irritated by his words.

He did… probably more than you ever knew about Wooyoung.

 Your thoughts yell at him… “HE was there for me when YOU weren’t!”

He doesn’t get to say those things when he was the one that left you. 

Maybe saying “sorry” doesn’t make it all okay. Maybe it didn’t matter to Seonghwa if he said goodbye that day or not. 

Maybe…he didn’t see you the same way, you saw at him.

All your pent up anger started pouring out of your body. But you were stern. 

You stood up… looking forward, steadily. Head held up high with all the force you could muster.

Is it time?

Is it time to finally confront him? 

there was that helpless silence again. 

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The concert ended a long time ago. The fans must have left the venue.

you looked at your phone to see a text from Ji Yeon.

“I’ll be waiting in the car if you need me" 

 You walked forward. Not having the guts to face him, you started to speak, facing your back at him…

Thinking that this, would be the last time.

The last time you will ever speak to him.

The last time he will ever hear your voice. 

"You know what? … You could have at least told me why"  

"Why you had to leave like that,” Your voice trembled at the thought of confrontation. 

“You could have at least-”

“I did…" 

 Seonghwa cut you off. 

You didn’t turn to look at him, but your face looks confused and baffled at his statement.

"My letter… I wrote you a letter” You could hear the disbelief in his voice as he recalls the day he left. 

“Seonghwa…What are you talking about?” You ask while your eyebrows narrow in doubt and shaking your head in denial.

“The letter… It was so sudden… they gave me such a short time to decide and leave the city… I didn’t even get much time to say goodbye to my friends… And you” He continued. 

“I didn’t want to text or call you and leave suddenly, so… I wrote you a letter" 

You could not believe what was coming out of his mouth. your mind was unstable at his excuses.

"He can’t possibly be serious right now…What letter?” you think as you hear Seonghwa’s muffled voice described what happened that day. 

You took a step forward and started to walk away. 

“I wrote it and gave it to Wooy-" 

 ...

You hear Seonghwa stop himself as the realization hits both of you. 

You were no longer walking away. 

You froze.

You could hear, the sound of wind brushing through the tree branches in this Midsummer night. 

 The whole world stopped and Time stood still. For the first time in your life, time was no longer passing you by. It stood still, and waited… for you to get on the passage that once left you behind. 

For the first time, a piece fell perfectly into your puzzling life. 

It fell into the perfect place while all the others blew in the wind…

Part 7: Let You Go (You & Wooyoung POV)

Maybe it was never meant to be…

“Maybe it’s time to let you go”

He thinks.

The day you left Korea he knew, you were going to slip away. He had friends that knew Seonghwa. He knew that it was only a matter of time. He knew that you were going to meet him there.

At the back of his mind, he also knew that you needed this.

He knew that maybe, it was time to let you go.

He loved you. 

He loves you. 

Still.

━━━━━━༻ p a s t ༺━━━━━━ 

On the first day of High School, he laid eyes on you for the first time, when he saw you walking with Seonghwa and Ji Yeon.

Seonghwa parted from you and Ji Yeon to walk with Wooyoung and his other friends. 

His bitter unrequited, one sided crush... began that day.

“Who is that?” he asked Seonghwa, unable to take his eyes away from you. 

You were radiating like a star in the daylight. 

It was magic to him. 

“Uhhh… she’s y/n, I just met her today. And that's her friend Ji Yeon” Seonghwa said. 

He saw your eyes sparkling at the sight of Seonghwa…

The day he saw you for the first time, he knew that you were never going to look at him the same way.

The way he looked at you.

The way you… looked at Seonghwa.

He became friends with Seonghwa’s friends, which meant that he became friends with you and Ji Yeon. 

Four Years of endearing friendships with you, Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Ji Yeon. The world belonged to the four of you. There were other people, coming in and out of your lives…

Yet the world revolved around the four of you when you were together. 

Each and every one of you would do anything, to get back those four years… 

To go back the time you were friends and nothing less or nothing more.

Everyone knew the relationship between you and Seonghwa was special. Everyone except you and Seonghwa. 

Wooyoung didn’t know about the things that happened between just the two of you, except, he would notice the subtle changes. He saw the walls between you and Seonghwa slowly fall apart. It didn’t matter how high or how strong they were, he noticed. Ji Yeon noticed. 

 He was never going to come between the two of you. 

The times Wooyoung spent with you, the four of you were always there. 

Amid everything, he found everything that you did so endearing, adorable and he respected you for who you are. He loved everything about you. He saw that you were clumsy, intelligent and wise. He saw your flaws and quirks and still loved you anyway. He would get butterflies in his stomach each time he saw you enter a room. He could feel his heart beating faster when you were sitting inches apart. 

 He also knew that he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

The only difference was that you didn’t see him the way you saw Seonghwa. 

It was painful, to say the least.

But he saw how happy you were around Seonghwa. He wasn’t going to take that away from you.

Wooyoung being Seonghwa’s best friend, they only wanted the best for each other.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The day before Seonghwa left.

It was past 10:00 pm 

Wooyoung got a phone call from Seonghwa that day.

“I need to tell you something”

“I need you to do this one last favor… for her" 

He said.

It was a strangely quiet night that day.

There was a park next to Wooyoung’s apartment. A place the four of you used to hang out at night time looking at stars. A place where you all made late-night conversations that dove deep into your souls. The place that triggered conversations leading to teardrops that reflected the moonlight. It was merely a playground but for you four, it was perhaps the symbol of your friendship. 

Wooyoung knew exactly where to go when Seonghwa called him to meet up. He saw Seonghwa’s back. His figure that was sitting on a bench crouched down. His demeanor had dark clouds forming at the top of his head.

At that moment he knew. 

Seonghwa always talked about leaving… to go follow his dreams. It meant leaving his friends and everyone he loved. Wooyoung never thought this day would come. Although he knew how much talent and potential Seonghwa had, he never through this day would come. He never thought that Seonghwa would actually leave all of you.

Wooyoung approached Seonghwa. 

He had an envelope in his hands. He was fiddling with it as if he didn’t know what to do with the envelope in his hand. It was as if he wanted to give it away as soon as he could.

"Hey”, Wooyoung said while making his way to Seonghwa.  

Seonghwa’s head turned towards Wooyoung in an instant. He stood up slwoly while looking at Wooyoung concerned. 

“Hey,” Seonghwa muttered. reluctant to let anything come out of his mouth.

“You said you wanted to tell me something?… Is everything all right?? Let’s just sit down first”

“No,” Seonghwa said… as if he was in a hurry to run away.

“Actually, I’m leaving…

Tomorrow”

Wooyoung let out a laugh “What are you talking about? Where are you going?" 

He laughed because of how ridiculous Seonghwa sounded when he said those words without any context.

He laughed… 

Because, at the back of his mind, he knew exactly what Seonghwa was talking about.  

Seonghwa knew that Wooyoung didn’t need an explanation.

After all, they were best friends. 

"I… I wanted to tell you at least.”

“I want to tell y/n too but right now, I don’t think I can look her in the face and say goodbye”

“Or even a phone call... she’d hate me”

“Just this once, can do me one last favor? Will you give this to her” Seonghwa asked Woooung. 

“Of course,” Wooyoung said without hesitation.

There were no other intentions. The letter was meant to be for you and it was going to end up in your hands. 

Seonghwa finally gave Wooyoung, the letter. The letter that holds a thousand words and feelings to be unraveled.

His hands… they felt heavy. 

It seemed like he was about to burst into tears. Looking down, trying to trap the tears from leaping out of his eyes. Wooyoung felt the same. He thought that he was about to lose his best friend. They both held in tears because it’s not like them to cry. 

It’s not like them to cry they thought, because they were who people thought they were. 

Because when they act differently, people judge.

Because people are who determines what kind of children they are. 

This was the mindset of these two teenagers. 

Teenagers soon to learn what life is. Learn to love themselves as they are. Teenagers who were to learn how to truly love others. Learn to not care about what the world thinks of them. They would soon learn that as long as they were good, honest people, that it’s okay to cry if they feel like it. Cry happy tears, sad ones and all the other kinds. 

But at that moment, they were just teenagers full of feelings and dreams.  

And those teenagers were willing to do anything… right or wrong, to fulfill those feelings and dreams.

They talked for hours after. The typical things best friends talk about. 

Both of them were known for their way with words. Perhaps the lack of it. But that night, they talked about the most mundane things for hours on end, while keeping a lump in their throats. 

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

They said their goodbyes. 

Wooyoung watched Seonghwa walk away.

Nothing was going to break the friendship they had. 

Nothing except Time, Distance and somebody else.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

Mondays.

Everyone hates those right? 

Wooyoung biked to school that day. It was sunny and cold.

His mind was filled with a thousand, million thoughts as he swept through the cool winds.

An envelope tucked safely inside of his bag, he parked his bike and made his way into the classroom.

He stopped himself by the classroom doors, at the sight of you. 

You were sitting by the window as usual. Enjoying the warm sunlight hitting your face. Not aware of how heartbreakingly beautiful you looked. The small crack in the window blew wind across your face making you look even more breathtaking. 

“There it goes again,” He thought.

That feeling in his heart, every time he saw you. 

It always started in a blur…

Everything would go quiet and then, like a train getting faster and faster, his heart would start pounding like crazy. 

Ji Yeon came up behind him and put her hand around his shoulders. At that instant, he snapped back to reality. The classroom was full of noise once again and he began to notice the people around him. 

“What are you looking at?” Ji Yeon asked jokingly. 

“Hm?” He asked without making eye contact and pretending to be clueless.

Everyone knew about his feelings for you. Everyone but you and Seonghwa. 

“Nevermind, let’s sit down the class is about to start,” Ji Yeon said with a smirk on her face. 

He went to sit at the desk behind you, while Ji Yeon sat beside you.

You turned to Ji Yeon, “Do you know where Seonghwa is? I didn’t see him in the morning and he’s not picking up my calls.”

“Did you try texting him?” Ji Yeon asked.

“Ya, but he’s the type to rather call than text you know,” you talked with a concerning tone.

“Don’t worry, he’s probably just too lazy to drag his ass out of bed” Ji Yeon, being herself, tried to make you feel at ease. You let out a laugh only to bring yourself back to worrying.

Wooyoung saw that you were worried. He tapped you in the shoulder while calling your name. 

“Y/n…”

You looked behind at him with the same expression. “Hm? what is it?” “Do you know where Seonghwa is?”

Wooyoung didn’t know what to say. Nothing was coming out of his mouth. He managed to say just one thing.

“Can you meet me after school? There’s something I need to give you.”

You looked at his face in confusion and curiosity, only to agree to him. 

“Sure… of course,” You said while nodding. 

The teacher entered the classroom. You and Ji Yeon went about the day thinking that Seonghwa was just saying home for the day. You were planning to call him after school. Maybe drop by his house to see if he’s okay. Not in a million years, you would have thought that he left his friends. That he left you. 

The last bell rang. Students were rushing out of the school. 

Wooyoung was standing by the gate, waiting for you. 

He was holding the envelope in his hands. This time he looked at it carefully. It was white in color and had a pretty border around the corners. Your name was written on it with Seonghwa’s handwriting. 

He noticed you walking towards him. 

Thoughts began reeling in his mind, all the while he stared at you from a distance. 

“What did he wanna say to you?" 

"Why did he only tell me?" 

"Why am I the one delivering this to you?”

“It’s not fair,” He looked at the bright blue sky only to turn his head back your way.

 Those feelings came back. 

He was a teenager after all. A teenager that was willing to do anything for his feelings. 

 Wooyoung was a good student. A good person. 

But it only took a split second to ask those questions. 

“What if you never get it?" 

"What if you never find out?”

“Will things be different… between us?”

He thought, watching you getting closer and closer to him. 

When you approached him he was looking at you. Although it seemed as if he was staring into another world. 

“Earth to Wooyoung!!” You said while waving your hand in front of his face. 

He looked at you once again as if he looked at you for the first time ever. 

The envelope was no longer in his hands. 

It was yet again safely tucked away in his bag… never to end up in your hands. 

Or so he thought. 

“Oh hey," 

Wooyoung said under his breath. 

You held out your hand expecting something.

"You said you were gonna give me something”

“Huh?” he said as if he was caught off guard. 

He’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Yet he thought that this was his only chance to make anything happen between the two of you. 

“Oh…” he put her hand away gently. 

“I wanted to treat you today…” He said. 

“Treat me?" 

"Yeah… let’s go get some food. Do you want to call Ji Yeon too?" 

 He said, trying to sound less suspicious than he already does.

"No, she said she wanted to go home early today.”

“Something to do with her mom.”

He nodded, “Okay let’s go then”

“What do you wanna eat?” He asked looking straight ahead while walking out of the gates of your high school.

“Anything… as long as you’re buying,” You said, sounding like the happiest person on earth. 

It made him laugh. It made him happy, to see you happy. 

 But he knew that your happiness wasn’t going to last long. He knew that you were never going to see Seonghwa after that day. Never in a way that would able for you and Seonghwa to truly be together. He had to find a way to tell you all about it. Any other way that wouldn’t involve you seeing that letter.

The air was cool that day, but not cool enough to restrict him or you from buying ice cream. He knew you loved ice cream. No matter how cold it was out, you would never refuse to buy your favorite ice cream. Let along someone else buy it for you. 

You noticed the worry in Wooyoung’s face. He has been like this all day. He knew you were smart enough to figure out that something was wrong, but never acted upon it. Even while paying the cashier, he was thinking of the things he should tell you. 

You two were walking on the sidewalk, next to each other, when you suddenly jumped in front of him and said, 

“Jeong Wooyoung… is there something you want to tell me?" 

You weren’t expecting him to be serious about this but when you said those words, he stopped dead in his tracks. His head lowered and then he looked at you with his soft eyes like he was sorry. 

”But what for?“

You thought.

"There…” he pointed to a park that was nearby. 

“Let’s go over there and talk,” he said.

They walked over to the park. You kept looking at his face but he had his head steady and looking straight. 

A part of you knew that this was about Seonghwa. You had been worrying about him that whole day.

Still, you weren’t ready for what you were about to hear.

“We’re here now… just tell me.”

“You have to promise me that, you won’t freak out... o-or cry...”

“Okay sure, get on with it already”. 

“Seonghwa…”

You kept staring at him, as though you didn’t want him to speak anymore. 

“He left the city,”

Wooyoung said under his breath. He didn’t want you to feel this way. He thought you were about to break down in front of him. 

Instead, you showered him with questions that were pouring out of your mind.

“What do you mean?" 

"Where did he go?”

“Why?”

You didn’t move. you kept staring at him with teary eyes until you got the answers you wanted. 

Wooyoung kept quiet. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that you would find out soon enough. He knew that it was better to just tell you at that moment. But all that came out of his mouth was, 

“I’m sorry”

“What do you mean you’re sorry?”

“You’re supposed to know these things!!”

There was no one at the park. You could’ve screamed at the top of your lungs if you wanted to but you didn’t. No one would understand the frustration, the anger and the sadness you were feeling inside. Yet you kept yourself composed. 

“You’re his best friend… How could you not know?” You said finally.

Wooyoung tried to speak. 

“He didn’t-”

“I don’t wanna be here anymore," You cut him off.

You stood up. 

"Thank you… for the ice cream,” you spoke.

At that moment he knew that you weren’t angry at him. 

You were angry at Seonghwa for leaving. Perhaps leaving without a word. For disappearing into thin air like your friendship meant nothing.

You went home that day resenting everything about Seonghwa. You assumed that he didn’t want to be contacted by you or anyone he knew. 

So you didn’t. 

It was emptiness more so than anger or resentment. 

You felt betrayed and cheated… 

From the wrong person. but you didn’t know. 

Wooyoung watched you walk away that day. 

He felt ashamed and guilty but he didn’t want to lose you.

If he were to tell you what he had done then, he knew that it would be the end of it all. It was too late.

Although it wasn’t forever, he knew he had to live with it, until one day. 

What he didn’t know was that this would be the day when everything will be destroyed between everyone he loved.

 ...

Months went by before the time you learned about Seonghwa’s whereabouts. You were at home cleaning the living room and there was a music show playing on the TV.

That was the day you found out. 

Where he had been all this time. 

You saw him on TV for the first time… in months. 

At first, you couldn’t recognize him. 

 “How can a person change in such a short time,” you thought.

You thought while staring into the TV.

It read “ATEEZ” at the bottom of the screen. 

“What a weird name,” You thought.

“Was this his big secret?” You thought.

You thought and you though… 

You couldn’t stop thinking.

His hair was peachy blonde. It looked unfamiliar and yet, he looked like the same old Seonghwa, the longer you looked. His built was familiar and beautiful as always. 

He looked like he was having the time of his life. 

“He seems happy…” You thought.

The emptiness you felt for the longest started to fill with sadness. 

You felt your legs giving out and fell onto the ground. 

“Why is this affecting me so much?” You wonder. 

You felt emotions you’ve never felt before. 

You felt your heart getting tighter at every breath you took.

“He could have just said goodbye…" 

“ If you just said something to me…”

"We would have been fine…”

 You thought.

 ...

You were no longer the same person you were before. 

You went to Wooyoung and he was there for you. 

Everything you wanted… he had.

He was there to make you laugh when you were sad. 

He was there to take you to places when you needed it.

He was there to bury you in his arms when you felt like you were alone in this world. 

He was there when you were crying your heart out because of Seonghwa at that time. 

That was the reason for this endearing relationship.

The endearing relationship that was built on a lie. 

  ━━━━━━༻ p r e s e n t ༺━━━━━━

Today,

Wooyoung sits on the empty beach at midnight. 

The place you two kissed for the first time. 

There is a bottle of alcohol by his side and a worn-out envelope in his hands. It didn’t look white anymore… and the corners looks folded and messy.

Yet it was unopened. 

Unopened and still waiting for lingering feelings to be freed into the world. 

The feelings waiting to be read to you.

Still waiting to land in your hands. 

He recalls the phone call he made to you as he gets sober into the night.

The moonlight reflects on the ocean. 

It looks beautiful and blue and yet his head is down. 

 ...

“Fine! I cheated on you!!” He remembers saying. 

Except he didn’t. 

“Maybe it would be easier for you to hate me if I said those words,” He thinks.

“You would have met him by now,” He thinks

“Maybe its time to tell the truth,” He thinks.

His phone starts vibrating on the ground. 

Making it sink more in to the sand with each vibration.

He finally looks at his phone. His eyes are red from crying.

He sees his phone lighting up with your name on it through the tiny sand rocks.

He tries to brush up his hair that sticks to his face.

Amid the sounds of waves crashing the sand, 

Despite the dark yet beautiful scenario he sits before, He only thinks of you.

He reaches for the phone.

As Wooyoung answers your call, and as he brings it onto his ear, he thinks…

“Maybe it’s time to let you go…" 

The beach was empty that night. 

Yet there was the sound of ocean waves rumbling onto the sand only to fade back away at his feet.

The beach was empty that night because people were too busy to admire the moon light reflecting on the calm waters on a Tuesday night.

The beach was empty that night and his remorse, shame and regret managed to fill the air around him. 

Making him lonelier than anyone could ever know.

Part 8: If I Leave Now… (back to “second person”)

If we only saw what we wanted to see…

What would we see?

If we only heard what we wanted to hear…

What would we hear?

“Right now all I see is the ground at my feet. I see the two years I spent with Wooyoung flashing before my eyes." 

"Right now… all I hear is the sound of the wind. My mind… is immersed in the sounds of laughter from those times I spent with him…" 

"Were they real to him?”

Your back faces Seonghwa. You were about to leave, thinking you said what needed to be said. 

…

“Wooyoung… I  gave it to him…”

“Did you ever get it?…” Seonghwa asks, not taking his eyes away from your sight. Expecting your answer to be “Yes” and nothing else. 

But his voice… You could hear the little trembles of insecurity and doubt.  

It’s been years since you hear Seonghwa’s voice. You can feel his gaze on you for the first time in forever.

You can’t stand to hear his shaky voice. 

You can’t bear to turn around to look at his face.

All you could think about is running away.

Runaway to find the answers. 

Runaway only to run back to the person you don’t want to see.

“I have to go…" 

"I have to talk to Wooyoung.”

You say.

You could only imagine what Seonghwa’s face looks like. Eyes wide and his soft hair brushing across his creased forehead. You knew Seonghwa enough to know that this isn’t what he wanted to hear at this moment. 

Would anyone?

You hear things you don’t want to hear.

The last thing you want to hear is that the mundane yet wondrous two years you spend with Wooyoung was a lie. 

Despite the severed feelings, you were willing to carry those memories with you because it made you happy in a puzzling way.

But now those memories, tainted with regret and bitterness. 

Just because at the start of it all, there was a lie. 

Countless thoughts go through your mind and you still can’t wrap your head around what happened today. 

Although you knew that closing your eyes, does not make this day any less real, that’s all you can bear to do. 

You close your eyes… 

You close your eyes and hope to wake up from this nightmare.

 …

“If I leave now…”

“If I leave now, when will I see you again…”

“If I leave now… will I find my way back to you.”

The wind sweeps past you as you take a deep breath. 

You open your eyes facing the sky full of stars before letting yourself do whatever your heart desired at the moment. 

You want to see his face before you leave. 

Your eyes wander at his direction and the body carried the rest. 

Your footsteps are reaching him as he stares at you hopelessly. 

…

There you are… standing in front of him. 

The familiarity lingers as you step closer to him. 

He has changed so much but in your eyes, the same old Seonghwa stands before you with his hair black as the midnight sky. Eyes shimmering with tears, so close to trailing down his cheeks. 

You can’t stand to look at his face.

“I didn’t need a letter…” You speak. 

“I didn’t need a letter to know what you felt about me." 

Your voice trembles as you speak.

Your hand finds its way to his face. Cupping his soft cheeks while your fingertips touch the ends of his hair.

your face tilts as his hand traces up yours overlapping yours. He held it tight as if he’s been waiting to hold your hand forever and as if he never wanted to let it go.

"I know…" 

"I wanted to say goodbye… I’m sorry.” Seonghwa spoke with his, oh so handsome voice. 

“His voice… It’s different now." You think.

Not a care for his apology because it’s not his fault. 

It was never his fault. 

"It’s not your fault,” you say. 

Your eyes shut tight as you feel tears creeping up.

…

You think…

“Till next time”

“I have to go”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“If I leave now… I want to kiss you goodbye”

You think and you think, all the while your eyes wander all over his face. 

You find yourself moving closer and closer to him as he holds your hand tight. 

A kiss on his temple… 

Unable to pull away, your face lies on his cheeks as you feel his eyes close tightly. You feel his teardrops falling on to your face and trace down your neck.

“Stay,” He says. 

A kiss on the cheek. Boundaries and unspoken feelings. 

A kiss on the cheek. It makes you want more.

As if you were saying that you will be back. As if you were saying that 

“If I leave now… we will see each other again.”

“I’ll be back… I promise.” You say.

He wraps his arms around you as you were about to pull away.

“If you leave now… I promise… I will find my way too you again.”

...

You think about the words he said as you look outside the car window. 

Ji Yeon is at the driver’s seat. Concerned as usual.

Refreshing air is coming in as you drive past countless fields on a lonely road. You immerse in the way you felt in his arms and his comforting words that gave you butterflies. 

“What are you gonna do about Wooyoung?” Ji Yeon asks breaking your thoughts while keeping her head on the road. 

You run your fingertips through your hair, taking a deep breath. 

“Hmm… I don’t know." 

"I have to call him.”

You say with no emotion. 

Ji Yeon didn’t say anything. Maybe she knew you wanted space. 

The whole drive back to the hotel was quiet. Except for the sounds of horns and the city noises once you entered the highway. 

One problem goes away while another creeps in. 

Love is blind they say...

Maybe in another universe, we could have been together…

Maybe in another universe, he never lied to me…

Maybe in another universe, the four of us could have still been friends…

But this is the real world and If I leave now… I will find my way back to the right person.

 Part 9: I’m Okay

Sitting on the passenger’s seat. You wait as you reach your hotel room, suffocating in this silence that somehow comforts you. The sky is as dark as ever, yet the stars shine through, making you hopeful despite everything that happened today.

Is it ignorant, to feel hopeful now?

Is it selfish to feel like my future is somehow going to be better from now on?

“Hmmm.”

A life without that person?

Ji Yeon is driving and you looking outside the cracked open windows. Looking at other passengers waiting to pass through traffic.

“They have no idea what happened today at the venue. They have their own lives to worry about.”

"Why do I even care about this?”

You look at Ji Yeon who is concentrating on the road.

“I’m not alone."  You think.

"Despite everything that happened today… despite everything that will happen when I finally call him, I will not be alone.”

It’s hard to look around only to realize that you’re alone. But you always had Ji Yeon. The friendship you two had was rather complicated but she was always there. Like she is now. Even though it may not seem like it.

“She has her own life… Just like those passengers waiting in traffic. Each with a story to tell on their own. Mundane, Adventurous, Tragic, Exhilarating, whichever it may be… at this moment, we’re all waiting for the traffic to pass us by.

I’m not alone… I have Ji Yeon, I have Seonghwa and the rest of the world.”

Just like those people, Ji Yeon has her own story and you were glad to be a part of it.

You let out a chuckle because of these ridiculous thoughts reeling in your mind when you should be thinking about that phone call.

“Is something on my face??”

Ji Yeon asks, not taking her eyes away from the road.

“…Oh? What do you mean?” You say whist being startled and snapping out of these absurd thoughts.

“Well for one, you’re looking at my face AND laughing- is something on my face- are you thinking about weird stuff again?” Ji Yeon says while finally looking at your direction with narrowed eyebrows, after stopping the slow-moving vehicle.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WEIRD STUFF??” You ask as you look away, not being able to maintain eye contact.

“I don’t know… you think about one small thing and go off on meaningless ‘thought trains’ She tries to make air qutes with her hands while driving. 

“And then you space out and STARE at things LIKE MY FACEEEE jUST nOw and THEN you start smiling like some creepy- that’s weird honey-”

You can’t believe she just said that. That she called you out like that. In disbelief, you look at Ji Yeon with your mouth wide open.

Before you know it, you both start bursting out into laughter. It echoes throughout the car and out onto the highway.

“Thank you…

For being on my side.

For being in my life.”

“Like everything, this will fade away.

Just like the waves crashing onto the words scribbled on a lonely seashore… Reality awaits to crash and take away our laughter.

But I hope we can do it again.

Laugh like everything is just fine.

Laugh like our stars are aligned, exactly how we want them to be.”

……….

You two finally reach the Hotel room after what anyone would call a quiet car ride.

You threw your phone and purse onto the bed along with yourself.

Ji Yeon placed her stuff and the car key on top of the nightstand.

“I’m gonna hit the shower, those Atinys were so damn sweaty jumping around and screaming in my ear.”

Ji Yeon says waving her hand in the air while walking into the washroom.

You let out a laugh “yeah right… Like YOU didn’t jump around and scream in MY ear”

“What do you have for Yeosang anyway? Let me guess… He’s your bias?” You say while staring on to the ceiling of the hotel room.

“Whatever.” You hear Ji Yeon say along with the sound of the shower turning on.

You were exhausted and drained of energy but you managed to sit on the edge of the bed. Your phone lays on to your side and it lights up with notifications. Notifications from meaningless advertisements and people you’d consider acquaintances. It lights up again and again as if it is inviting you to do the very thing you’ve been wanting to do when you parted ways with Seonghwa.

You hear the sound of the shower running in the background as you pick up your phone. It feels heavy. Everything… feels heavy now. The most recent phone call was from Wooyoung.

You were tired to think anymore… To deliberate whether to call or not to call him.

You take a deep breath and without a second thought, you call him. You close your eyes and open your eyes and the phone rings with Wooyoung’s name lighting up the screen.

“Wooyoung… It’s me.” You speak.

Your heart drops as you hear him say your name.

Your heart drops as you hear the waves crashing and the sound of the wind through the phone.

You know exactly where he is.

“Are you sober now?” You ask, with the most impassive voice you could muster to mask.

“How did you know-” Wooyoung stops himself realizing that you knew him better than anyone.

“So you met him… Did he tell you about it?”

“Did you figure-”

“Wooyoung… 

When I hang up this phone, It’s over”

You can’t listen to his voice anymore. The voice that brought so much pain to you just a few hours ago… You want to say the things you want to say and hang up.

“I’M ending this. I’M breaking up with you… Not you…

I think I deserve at least that much.”

It’s quiet on the other side, yet you could almost hear his thoughts.

There’s no need to explain why. There is no need to explain what caused all of this. He should know that better than anyone else.

After a few seconds of silence, you hear him speak.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry doesn’t cut it.

But we’re adults now. Shouldn’t we be more mature?

We make mistakes when we are young, and carry those mistakes into adulthood.

Some people forget.

Some people forgive.

Some people grow out of them.

Is it ignorant to forgive somebody?

To forgive somebody but never want to see their face again?

Is it the “mature” thing to do?

To be okay with something that cannot be fixed?

To let go and cut ties?

To know when somebody regrets the things they’ve done?

To know that living with such regret is punishment enough for them?

For him?

The friendship, the deep-rooted bond between the four of you went above and beyond lies and secrets.

That’s what made you say…

“It’s okay.”

It’s okay because now you know.

It’s okay because maybe, he is sorry.

Because now you can end it.

And move on.

For good.

“One last thing… When I get back, I’ll come to find you…”

“Not for you… but for that letter.”

“Goodbye, Wooyoung.”

…

“When I hang up this phone, It’s over”

Words you say lingers in your mind as you lie on your bed once again.

You hear Ji Yeon turning off the shower and come out of the washroom.

“That was an awfully long shower Ji Yeon,” You say with a tiresome voice.

Ji Yeon nervously laughs and says “yea… sorry were you waiting for a long time?”

“No.. You’re just on time”

You get up and make your way into the shower.

“Hey, are you okay?…” Ji Yein stops you and asks.

“Yeah… It’s been a long day... I’m just tired.”

… … …

“Yeah… I’m okay.

Maybe it’s time to start believing those words.”

 Chapter 10~

To be continued…?  :) 

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It: Part One

Jensen x Reader, Jared Padalecki, Leo Caprini (OMC) platonic

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all.

Part one is from Jensen’s POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series. Some are just songs I imagined playing or being played as the story took shape in my imagination, or they are songs actually being used in the series. I will link them when that’s the case. Hope you enjoy it! xo

Series Summary: After a hard breakup, Jensen decides to throw himself into organizing a Music Festival in Austin that is meant to raise money for a few of his most cherished charities and organizations. As he throws himself into planning it, he stumbles upon a spirited, undiscovered performer, who he convinces to come aboard to help plan and coordinate the event with him.

What transpires after that takes both Jensen and his new friend, by surprise. But when their respective pasts come back just before the event kicks off in Austin, they will both have to decide if the unexpected feelings are worth perusing, or if they should just walk away and go on with their lives.

Series Warnings: Language, Break-Ups, Angst, Fluff, Smut (that’s it for now)

Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify)  [Youtube Playlist Coming Soon]

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

“You sure you feel up to this? We can just hang out at the hotel if you want.”

“No,” Jensen said. “I need to get out, get fresh air. I need to breathe. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE board meetings? It’s why I’m not an office guy. I would suck at it. What happened to let’s meet at a restaurant, have a meal, a drink and just talk stuff out?”

“Alright man, whatever you want,” Jared agreed and took a few tentative steps to cross the street. “But, remember, you were the one that wanted this all to happen ASAP. The guy is on vacation with his family and putting aside time for us. If he wants to set up in his hotel conference room…” Jared trailed off and shrugged before making his way across the street.

Jensen waved him off and followed in his friend’s footsteps and as they made their way up onto the boardwalk, they were both relatively relieved with how deserted it was. October at the Jersey shore wasn’t exactly ‘in season’ but it was a nice enough night that they could have encountered a lot more people.

“This is good,” Jensen smiled, as they strolled down the boardwalk. He inhaled a deep breath of the salty air and exhaled slowly. “I get that. But it's important to get this stuff finalized before I go back to Austin and start making firm plans. ‘Cause before you know it, it’s back to Vancouver. Doesn’t leave much time to get things in motion.”

“Could always push the festival back a year,” Jared suggested, knowing Jensen would never agree. He was like a dog with a bone where this festival was concerned. Once the idea to host a three-day event in Austin came about, Jensen was bound and determined to make it happen, all in a year’s time.

“No, its gotta be next year,” he said, gesturing with his hands that was his final decision. “It's fine. I’m better now that I’m out of that conference room. It was like a million degrees in there. This, this was a good idea. Maybe we find a small bar, grab a beer, some grub. Just relax a bit.”

“Until your phone rings,” Jared said unintentionally sharp.

“Come on, Jar. I don’t wanna—” he sighed and stopped walking. “It's over, alright. She left and honestly it sucked.”

“And the festival is your way to distract yourself from that.”

Jensen gave him a reprimanding look but couldn’t deny his claim.

“It was six months ago, and yeah, it took me a while to get over it. But it wasn’t like we were married, and she wanted something else. I’m done waiting for her, okay? I get it now, she’s not coming back. So, you can stop worrying. And yeah, maybe the festival is my way of moving on. Work is work, and while it keeps me busy enough, I want to do something more. Organizing this thing through the brewery, it’s gonna be great. It's going to help a ton of people and bring some recognition to a few great charitable organizations.”

Jared walked by his side quietly, listening and waiting for Jensen to stop rambling. When he did, he asked a simple question completely throwing Jensen for a loop.

“That all sounds great. It really does, and your intentions are on point, Jay. But… what happens when it’s over?””

He hemmed and hawed over an answer, sputtering and stuttering before just giving up and shrugging his shoulders. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be fine?”

“Perfectly. Fine.” He nodded as confirmation. “In fact, so fine, I won’t even remember whats-her-name because I’ll be swimming in fine.” His tone oozed sarcasm, only to be made more punctuated by his expression.

“Jensen…” Jared sighed. “Just stop. It's fine, I get it. I’ll back off. Let’s go get that beer and whatever.”

He shoved his hands in his pocket as the autumn wind kicked up his hair as it rolled in off the ocean. He started to look around at the different booths, only a few of which were open and functioning that time of year. A little further down the boardwalk, Jared spotted a place that could be just what they needed.

“Come on, let’s check out this place,” he motioned his head towards a bar/restaurant called The Beachcomber. Jensen shrugged in agreement as they headed towards the building.

Walking through the front doors, they were met by a quick blast of warm air from above. There was a smattering of tables with patrons, but mostly they were empty. They made their way towards the back of the bar, where there were tables open that overlooked the ocean. Claiming one, they sat down and grabbed a menu to peruse. Not too long after, a waitress came by and took their orders. If she had recognized them, she didn’t mention it and went about her business as usual.

“I don’t want to keep bringing it up,” Jared started, after the waitress came back with their drinks.

Jensen sipped his beer. “So, don’t.”

“I just—I thought you were going to propose? You told me you wanted too. She left because you couldn’t make the commitment, Jay. Why didn’t you go through with it?”

Jensen just shrugged and looked out over the ocean to think before answering Jared’s question. “I don’t know… at the last minute, I just couldn’t do it. The idea of settling down with one person is terrifying, man. It may suit you and Gen, but I don’t know if it’s for me.”

“It’s not like you’re some playboy. You are monogamous as hell. So, what was it really?”

“Maybe I just couldn’t see my future with her. You know, settling down, kids, the whole nine.”

Jared nodded slowly, finally understanding. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because that makes me sound like a dick.”

“You are a dick,” Jared teased and threw a piece of the napkin at his friend.

Jensen mocked him with a fake laugh and went back to his beer. “Yeah, yeah… moving on. Let’s talk about the important shit. I want tomorrow to go as smoothly as possible so we aren’t sitting in the pits-of-Hell conference room, so will you have a chance to look through all the contracts?”

Jared nodded and sighed. “Mhm. But really Jay, that shit needs to just go to the lawyer. I know you want everything to be perfect, to go smoothly. And I have no doubt that it will… but can’t we just concentrate on the creative stuff? Gen and I got a lot of the marketing taken care of. You and Jason, Robbie too, right? Y’all got the music covered. The festival will go off without a hitch and Random Acts will take in a bunch of money, as will the Austin Y and the crisis hotline.”

“Yeah, music is coming along. I just don’t have anyone that fits the vibe, you know?”

“No, I don’t. What vibe is that?”

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t know… this I guess,” he motioned towards the beach and the boardwalk, “I wanna bring this to the Brewfest.”

“Why? I mean, it's great here, but what makes it so special?”

“Can’t put my finger on it. Have you ever been here in the summertime? Dude, it's amazing. Just the whole vibe of the place…”

“That’s why you’re so intent on having these meetings with Leo. You want him to bring the boardwalk to Austin.”

Jensen shrugged again and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well, alright. I will help you make that happen then. Tomorrow, we’ll just have to convince him.”

“Well, lookit you. Being all motivational and shit.”

“Rah Rah!” Jared teased and shaking his hands like pom poms.

“How are we friends?” he asked and shook his head with a sarcastic eye roll included.

“You’d be lost without me and you know it,” Jared mocked and raised his glass in salute. Jensen nodded in reluctance agreement and clinked his glass against Jared’s.

The food was dropped not too long after that, and they enjoyed their seaside dinner as the sun set behind the houses to the west. About an hour after they arrived, dinner and drinks were finished, and they debated on staying or going back to the hotel. Deciding to stay for one more round, they settled in and kept an eye on Game Six of the World Series happening on the TVs above the bar.

Somewhere around the fifth inning, the volume got turned down, and the customer’s attention was asked to look towards the small corner stage. Behind the riser, was the backdrop of the Atlantic Ocean and a smattering of small boat lights on the horizon. Though the sun had just set a little while ago, the moon was already nearly full, hanging low in the night sky.

Jared was intent on the game playing out over the bar, even though there was no sound now. Jensen sipped at the rest of his beer and decided to keep his eyes on the stage. An older man, maybe in his mid-60s, welcomed the crowd and thanked them for patronizing The Beachcomber. His thick New York accent made Jensen smile, especially once he took in the man’s overall appearance of his slicked-back salt and pepper hair, white tee shirt and black leather coat.

Right out of the damn Sopranos, he thought and chuckled to himself.

He watched the stage, eager to see some Sinatra wannabe come out and try to charm the crowd. But when the girl with the guitar came out instead, he sat up a little straighter in his chair and glanced over at his best friend to see if he was paying attention.

He wasn’t.

Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off her, not solely because she was beautiful; which she was… stunningly so. Her beauty wasn’t what made him sit up and take notice. It was the way she held her guitar; gripping it as if it were her lifeline. He observed her closely, surprised that she seemed nervous. When she strummed the guitar and brought the melody to life her nerves faded away; she was suddenly confident and assured. Her voice carried on and as the lyrics of “Dust in the Wind” filled up the back end of the Beachcomber Restaurant, Jensen found himself immersed in the moment.

He went to the bar that night in search of a hot meal and cold beer. Jensen didn’t expect to find a solution to some, or even all, of his problems. But the longer he sat and watched her perform, he started to feel that maybe everything will work out for him after all.

She played through a short set and it was clear the other people in the bar couldn’t care less about the magic he was witnessing. At one point, Jensen looked around and was shocked how little people were paying attention. How did they not hear her voice, feel her words, or get touched by her vulnerability? He was more in shock about that, then the girl herself. Yet, the more she played, the more he was drawn in and attentive to every note, every word, every second.

By the end of the last song, she gave a slight bow and turned to scurry off stage. Jensen clapped eagerly for her, as the last few remaining patrons gave her a half-hearted attempt at applause. He was floored that he was the only one who took notice of her and turned to say as much to Jared, who was on his phone nodding emphatically.

“Yeah, got it. Ten tomorrow morning. Yup, thanks, see you then,” he said into the receiver then ended the call and tucked it away before looking up at Jensen. “You ready to go?”

“No, I… did you hear any of that?”

“Hear what?”

Jensen ran a frustrated hand over his stubbled face. “The girl, the music… did you hear it or did I just imagine that whole thing happening?”

“Oh, I heard it. It was good. I was just sort of engrossed in the game. Anyway, we should go. It’s getting late and Leo’s attorney said he wanted to reconvene by ten.”

“Can you just give me a minute? I want to see if I can catch—” just as he was standing up from the table and surveying the bar, he caught a glimpse of the guitar girl heading out of the doors and sprinting out into the night seaside air. He slumped back into his seat and sighed. “Nevermind… let’s go. I guess I can come back tomorrow night and see if she’s tending bar,” he mumbled more to himself than to Jared.

When Jensen looked back up and saw the way his best friend was looking at him, he shrugged and wrinkled his nose as if he was being chastised for something.

“What?”

“Dude, stalk much? Besides, we have a two o’clock flight out of Atlantic City. Bob is expecting us back to set Sunday morning.”

Jensen groaned. “Shit, I forgot. Alright, well, it’s the modern age, I can use a phone and try to get in touch with her—”

“Jay… chill. She’s just a girl, sure, she’s cute but, what is the big deal?”

Jensen opened his mouth to explain and suddenly felt stupid. She was just a girl; a girl that had a voice that could calm the Kraken, and a mastery of a guitar that could rival most of the greats. Even just hearing a few songs, he knew she was that good; but she was just a girl.

“I’m not taking away her talent, but unless you’re sweet on her or something—”

“No, it’s not that,” Jensen started, but then opted to change the subject and waved it off. “You’re right, no big deal. It’s late and we should get some shut eye before tomorrow. If we’re lucky we can settle all this with Leo, have the contracts in place for the festival and be back home in less than twenty-four hours.”

Jared nodded and felt a bit of his concern wash away. “Ok, good. Just stay focused on the work in front of us and we may actually pull this off.”

Later that night, as Jensen stretched out in his hotel’s king-sized bed, his eyes finally drifted closed and her face was there with him. It was partially hidden in the shadows of a stage, only hints of her features could be seen through the fogginess of the room and the singular light shining down upon her. But it was her. She was humming a tune, something familiar but in his unconscious state was unable to identify what it was. Unbeknownst to him, he began to hum along in his sleep, and a smile touched his lips.

In his dream, she smiled too and reached out a hand towards him. His dream self hesitated but then slowly walked around to the climb the stairs that would take him to her. Just as he joined her, she was gone, but he could still hear her voice humming the familiar melody. From the stage, he looked out and saw the crowd of one. She was there, her face still shrouded in a gradient of darkness, but her voice was clear and comforting. A sudden hit of a snare drum made him look away, and when he looked back at her, she was gone leaving a swirl of grey smoke in her wake.

Another hit of the snare drum pulled him out of the bar, and yet another out of his REM sleep. The alarm pinging on the table beside the bed continued yanking him from a dream he would later come to realize was way more profound than he thought. As he sat up, fully awake now and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sighed as the last few vivid images of the dream dwindled away, leaving only the melody firmly stuck in his mind.

The next morning’s meeting went off without a hitch. After Jared and Jensen met with Leo Caprini and his lawyer, they had a catered breakfast and stood around chatting for a while. Jensen expressed an interest to see more of the town if not for their flight out that afternoon. As if fate heard him and stepped in to correct it, both his and Jared’s phones went off simultaneously. Jensen kept chatting up Leo as Jared excused himself to check the text message that came through from the show’s EP.

No rush back. Set is closed for another three days. Will call with details later.

When Jared returned, Leo and his lawyer were in a sidebar. He held up his phone so Jensen could read the message.

“You get one too?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. Wonder what the hell is going on?”

“I’m going to give him a ring on the way back to the motel. But three more days? Shit. I might as well go home for that. Gen and the kids just got back from her folks’ place last night. Could do with a few days home before we get back at it.”

“Then you should. We’re all done here if you want to head back and pack up, get a new flight and all that.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jared said, with obvious signs of relief washed over him. “You coming?”

Jensen considered it for a moment. “Nah, I think I might just hang here. If I’m gonna do this, might as well do it right.”

“Sure you’re not just gonna get a pizza, pint of ice cream and sit in the room pining all night?”

Jensen drew in a deep breath and tried not to murder his best friend with his glare. “Positive.”

Jared wasn’t wrong though; despite Jensen’s consistent protest he was over it, he was not, in fact, over it. He did miss Dee and would find himself wishing she could come back. But then he would remember that he couldn’t commit, though he did often question the reasons for it. Was it because she really just wasn’t the one? Or was it because he knew she was getting complacent with him and someone else had caught her eye. He wasn’t perfect in their relationship, and he had certainly gone through the laundry list of his shortcomings. The feelings just felt uncertain where Dee was concerned but the distraction of the festival was to combat constantly living in that state of ‘What the fuck am I doing with my life?’. He just prayed that it actually worked.

Jared held his hands up in relent. “Alright, sorry. I’ll stop. I know what you said, you’re done waiting. And that’s good. But, I also know you can get mopey about it when no ones around.”

“True, however… I am moving on. All in to the festival and that’s it. No dating, no relationship bullshit. Just diving head first into trying to pull this off.”

Jared shook his head and chuckled. “Man, I still don’t get what you plan on doing with all this. I mean, I read the contracts, I sat in the meetings, but I guess I just can’t envision it all yet.”

“What’s the hangup?”

“I don’t know… Austin is pretty great as it is. Why bring in other flavors when you have the ultimate chocolate already? You know?”

Jensen busted out laughing and slapped his best friend on the shoulder. “That’s one way to put it. Honestly, it’s the vibe of the place. Dee and I came here years ago, and this boardwalk was hoppin’. Families, first dates, best friends… arcades, rides, food… the food alone is worth it. Yeah, Austin is fucking great, but I want this festival to be the biggest thing to ever happen there. I want people to come from all over to see how special Austin is--”

“And I get that, so why bring a New Jersey boardwalk vibe to Au--”

“Because, son, ain’t nothing else like it anywhere in the world,” Leo interrupted as he rejoined their conversations, giving the much taller man a hearty slap on his shoulder. “You Texas boys sure do got a gorgeous bit of country down there, no one is disputing that. But this here,” he turned and made a sweeping gesture towards the boardwalk ocean that lived across the street, “this is somethin’ special.”

“No argument there,” Jared mused and gave the man a curt smile. “Well, if we are gonna be changing flights, we should get back--”

“Actually, since there’s been a change of plans, I think I might stay here, spend an extra day or two getting to know the area, brainstorm on the festival a while…” Jensen shrugged trying to stay indifferent, but felt a ripple of excitement at the thought.

They had a silent exchange, which Leo watched in amusement. “You boys are somethin’ else!” he chuckled wildly as he proceeded to pull his cell from his pocket. “Since you’re sticking around, Jensen, let me call my assistant and tell her you’ll be comin’ round. I’ll have her give you a tour of some of the must-see places, get a feel for what parts of our little utopia here you wanna cart on down to Texas. Sound good?”

“Sounds, amazing,” he said as the three men moved towards the elevator bank. “Just what I was hoping for.”

An hour later, Jensen was strolling into the hotel bar and scanning the near empty room. Leo had mentioned that his assistant would be there waiting to take him on the promised tour of the boardwalk and businesses Leo maintained there. However, all he could find were two older couples having an early bird dinner, an awkward first date going down at the bar, and a lone woman in a booth pouring over paperwork.

Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly began to circle the room, hoping that the mystery assistant would reveal herself. As he rounded the corner, he looked up and noticed the woman in the booth. She had finally picked her head up from staring at the papers strewn on the table in front of her, stopping Jensen in his tracks.

It was guitar girl, the singer from the bar he saw the night before. His feet felt frozen to the ground. When he got himself moving again, he walked towards her with no idea what he would say, just that he needed to say something to her. Tentatively, he approached her table, unaware of the large, goofy grin he was unintentionally wearing.

“Hey, hi! How are you? I’m, uh--I saw you at--Uh, what was the name of the place....” Jensen stammered until he saw her confused expression.

Seeing her close up, he realized how many of her striking features he’d missed in the darkened atmosphere of the bar. He took a moment to appreciate just how beautiful she really was, before continuing with his awkward greeting.

“Oh man, uh, let me start over. Hi, I’m Jensen. I saw you sing at a bar last night, and--” he stretched out his hand then to shake hers, and inadvertently struck her glass of iced tea, causing it to splatter all over the papers that were spread out across the table.

He watched, in horrific slow motion as the mixture of liquid and ice made a rapid path across the table, soaking and smearing the ink of the pages. Jensen glanced up at the woman as her face contorted from confused to panicked, to disbelief.

“Oh… shit! I’m--I’m sorry… here, let me get that--”

Jensen lunged for the napkins and began to pat the papers dry, as the women stood and did the same. A waitress scurried over with more napkins upon seeing the mishap and Jensen took them gratefully, trying to save as many of the documents as he could.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said, again, finally causing the woman to sigh and slid out from the booth.

Seeing that some of the tea landed on her pants, Jensen felt his face flush with embarrassment. He went to apologize again and she stopped him by holding up a hand.

“Don’t. Just… don’t. Its fine,” she said flatly, and wiped at the growing wet patch on her pants. She looked up, but avoided his apologetic gaze and called for the server. “Hey Marci, can I get a handful more napkins, please, hun?”

“Sure thing!” she called back and disappeared behind the bar.

“So, what was it you wanted?” she asked Jensen, finally taking a moment and looking him straight in the eye.

He stuttered to a smile and shrugged. “I just wanted to say I was a fan--”

“I see you two found each other!” Leo’s voice bellowed through the bar.

Jensen turned, surprised to hear him, and then quickly turned back to the woman to see her expression to be just as confused as his was.

“Well, damn, (Y/N), leave you alone for an hour and you’re already a mess!” his wild cackle made all the heads in the barn turn to stare.

“Actually, Leo, this is my fault. I spilled the iced tea, and--” Jensen stammered before getting interrupted.

Leo waved Jensen off. “No worries, son. I’m sure she understands, dontcha, sweetie?”

“Sweetie?” he couldn’t help mimic Leo’s word sarcastically. A thousand thoughts flew through his head about the nature of their relationship until Leo laughed and shook his head.

“No, no… she’s my niece! She’s a damn good assistant, too! I suppose I should make some formal introductions. Jensen, this is my niece, (Y/N) she operates as my assistant, a bartender, a coin clerk and a sometimes rock star, ain’t that right?!”

(Y/N) smirked, and nodded to appease her uncle. Despite their initial encounter, she reached out her hand to Jensen to shake it. “Nice to meet you,” she said and quickly withdrew her hand.

“This is the fine gent I texted you about.”

“Oh,” she replied and looked back at Jensen. “Well, small world, huh.”

“Yeah, I’d say,” he said with a snort, accompanied by a goofy kind of grin, but instantly regretted it. He thought that (Y/N) seemed unimpressed and, maybe even mildly put out by the entire sequence of events.

“Well, anyways, will you be able to take him around today? I have a bunch of appointments I need to keep, or I’d take him myself.”

“Sure,” she replied. “Where do you want me to take him?”

“Shit, (Y/N), you’d know better than me. This is your town, sweetie. Go on and paint it red with the boy!”

“Uncle Leo…” she chastised and shook her head. Turning to Jensen, she again gave her best professional smile. “I just need to go change, but I only live a mile away. I’ll run home, meet you back here in about thirty minutes.”

Jensen nodded as casually as he could, “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Then my work here is done! Come on, (Y/N), I’ll walk you out. Jensen, my boy, you’ll be in good hands with this one. Any questions you have, any input you need, (Y/N) here is the girl to give it to ya! No one knows Seaside better than she does.”

“I’ll be back shortly,” (Y/N) said as she gathered up the still soaking wet papers and as delicately as she could, piled them with the envelope and slapped them with a thwamp against Jensen’s chest. “These were your contracts, by the way. Hope you don’t mind waiting for new copies.” She shrugged, her eyes ablaze with satisfaction.

(Y/N) was fierce, he could tell that right away. As he watched her leave, Leo must have said something that she found funny, because she threw her head back with a laugh. He couldn’t hear her, but wondered what it sounded like. As he waited at the bar for her to return, there were a lot of things he wondered about where guitar girl was concerned. Mostly, the tenor of her voice and the way she played stuck with him and how it felt so in contrast with the steely-eyed, guarded woman that he had just met. Jensen was more than just intrigued by her; he was curious to know how many more layers there was to this woman, to his guitar girl.

Just before she reappeared, dressed in a Ozzy T-Shirt and ripped jeans with a pair of brown suede sandals, it was then Jensen realized it was the longest he’d gone without one thought of Dee crossing his mind.

Everything Tags: @kazosa  // @sorenmarie87  // @lefthologramdeer  // @his-paradox //  @letsby

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Series Tags: @winchest09 // @aomi-nabi // @luciathewinchestergirl // @jerkbitchidjitassbutt  // @lauravic

[musicandmusing]

Metanoia - Chapter 5

Description: Namjoon lives a double life, if you will. He teaches high school Literature and enjoys it. But in the safety of his apartment, he has his hobby, creating music under the pseudonym RM. His meddlesome friends push him where he stubbornly refuses to believe he can go and clings to the safety net he has created. But how strong can a safety net be when it’s full of holes?

Genre: Fluff and Angsty

Pairing: none, (Namjoon and his self-esteem?)

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: Swearing and drinking.

He could barely keep his hands from shaking in his adrenaline-induced craze to bring his broken dam of thoughts out before one of them could be lost in the flood of too much and not enough. Tae leaned so close now that he had pressed himself into Namjoon’s shoulder. Yet Namjoon still couldn’t feel bothered by the lack of personal space, so intent on tearing down his half completed work to rebuild it stronger than before.  

A/N: This chapter has been sitting and waiting for a good day to post. It’s been done for months and I just haven’t hopped on a computer to get it posted and I apologize. TBH I’ve had a cursed week (car died, phone’s dying, hit my head at work) so it felt right to show myself all the hard work I’ve put into this story. It’s a bit of a technical chapter but it felt right. Enjoy! - Cinder

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

I sit in darkness waiting for your storm

The flash of lightning quick as it fills the black that consumes me

I keep my eyes closed to keep me tethered to the reality of you

All shadows and bruises, cuts and rough edges, words sunk deep in my back

A broken rumble shakes my bones out of their slumber

Waking me up to a new view I can’t recognize

Your hands covered my eyes, blindly led by you

Your soft words rattled my heart and tilted my world

Chasing the white rabbit your fictitious words created, I fell through your looking glass

Missed the signs that shouted at me to turn back and listen to the reasons why I shouldn’t

He listened carefully to the sample he’d just added behind the first verse. Feeling unsure about the necessity of it, he muted the track and listened again. Half way through the verse he unmuted it so that the heavy synth beat loop came in on “a broken rumble” and Namjoon smiled. But now that he was building on the bass line with the synth, it felt a little... like he could add more. He went into a folder of his preferred samples and found some hi-hat options and a few snare effects he liked. If he spliced the snare and hi-hat options together, cutting the sound off in the middle and creating an off beat rhythm maybe it would give that sense of off-balance the verse needed. He caught his tongue in between his teeth as he set his plan into motion.

He was nearly done carefully crafting the somewhat complex concept in his editing software when his mattress dipped unexpectedly causing him to let out a less than manly squeal and lean harshly to the right. He whipped his head around to see what had caused the movement and his heart rate immediately began slowing back towards normal. He could only send his best withering stare at his asshole of a roommate who grinned wildly at him while Namjoon continued to clutch his laptop for dear life. Tae had already settled into his pillows like it was his own bed, propped against the headboard next to Namjoon and legs casually crossed in front of him with his left arm thrown across his stomach. Namjoon stared at Taehyung, not having quite recovered from the shock he’d received while Tae had the gall to just take his headphones wordlessly from him. He couldn't even bring himself to react when Tae slid the laptop from his lap and started clicking around, clearly starting the track in its incomplete state. Namjoon couldn’t bring himself to get upset at Tae’s absolute disrespect for his privacy and work preferences as he watched his roommate carefully listen to the track. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he sank into his pillows and stared at the ceiling in resignation.

The whole situation really wasn’t even that unusual. Taehyung had interrupted his work on songs before so it’s not exactly a problem that he was listening to the track unfinished. But he could’ve at least found another way of barging in rather than startling him some like horrible jumpscare in a B-list horror movie. Outside of his already reducing frustration for his friend, he patiently waited for the verdict. As he slowed his breathing into a rhythmic pattern, counting slowly while he waited, Tae began to hum. What surprised him was that the snippets were a melody separate from any existing part of the song. Tae seemed to search for the notes as he paused and Namjoon heard him click the trackpad, to presumably back up the track and try the line again.

Namjoon immediately wanted to pick Tae’s brain on his thoughts but he patiently waited out Tae’s own creative process as he worked his way through the song. He had an idea of what Tae might say though, a backing vocal line or even a duet would maybe add some additional emotional depth. He could already imagine it. Tae’s husky tone could compliment the lyrics in a way Namjoon couldn’t quite capture alone. When Tae finally pulled the headphones down around his neck, Namjoon wasn’t surprised by his first words since he’d crashed into the room.

“I think I can add some vocals to the track.” Namjoon turned his head to see Taehyung’s eyes were shining with barely contained excitement, looking the same as he had just hours before while secondhand shopping. Humming, Namjoon nodded in understanding of the rush of creative possibilities.

“I figured that’s what you were working out.” Tae scooted closer to Namjoon and pulled the laptop to sit more in between them. He started clicking around the trackbar, one headphone pulled over his left ear, clearly looking for a specific part of the song.

“Well I was thinking about adding a chorus-like sound here if you think that could work and maybe a doubling here...” Tae played the song and gestured to the portions of the sound waves displayed on the screen as he described his ideas.

Although Namjoon could just almost make out the music coming through the neglected right side of the headphones, he couldn’t hear the song and so Tae’s words made little sense. In these moments he needed the song in his ear, listening for the potential hidden within the notes already laid out. Namjoon stopped the track and unplugged the headphones, forcing Tae to remove them with a slight look of confusion. He plunged his hand under the pillows beneath his back until he felt the tangle of earbuds he was searching for and pulled them out. Gently, he placed one half of the earbuds into Tae’s right ear as he took the other and scrubbed back to the beginning of the track on the computer. At least he hadn’t added any panning yet so the sound would be completely balanced between the two of them.

“Show me.” He looked at Taehyung with a seriousness that had Tae sitting up straighter, losing the slouch he’d until then been sitting with and adjusting his earbud to sit just so. Tae’s eyes glazed into complete focus on the screen full of soundwaves as Namjoon started the song again. They listened through the song again and Tae sang the parts he had pointed out before. It was just a skeleton of the sound, no words yet, and no additional voices to fill the chorus sound he talked about but Namjoon heard the idea. His brain was filling in the sounds he knew he needed to round out the arrangement and the wheels began to turn.

It dawned on him this could be a full-fledged duet and pulled his notebook out from under the pillow Tae was leaned against and started analyzing the lyrics. He ignored the look Tae gave him for probably his questionable storage technique while he worked, judging by the timing. It was effective and sort of weird but who was he to judge. Tae certainly had plenty of weird habits that Namjoon was privy to but he let slide on an almost daily basis.

His first instinct was to begin by sectioning off the second verse, a possible echo, bouncing the words from himself to Tae. His brain had gone into complete hyperdrive, imagining the possibilities of different breakdowns to include a vocal part, determined to include it now that Tae had convinced him. How will the lyrics change with the vocals. Should the verse slow down to give Tae more time to sing the lines. If he did slow down the verse, would he extend the loops or add new material. On second thought no adding more material. Relooping what was already there should work. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered Tae having crowded his space, leaning into his left shoulder with his head clearly in his peripheral but not enough in the way to disrupt the notes he made to accommodate the changes.

It was an adrenaline rush as he reworked and considered the changes in sound. The familiar heavy thrumming of his pulse took over the longer he dove into his work. He eventually decided to just give Tae the whole second verse and he would take the first verse. Then Tae would double him on the first chorus and they would split the second chorus into the bridge and then back into the repetition of the chorus with Tae backing while Namjoon covers the chorus alone.

You came through like a thunderstorm

You took me over and ran, ran, ran me down

Your symphony of sounds

Drowning out my reason

Gonna go take my shelter and weather your storm

He scribbled over all the original notes for the second verse and started noting his final ideas in bold strokes, solidifying his intention. Tae made a small noise of surprise but nothing that could shake Namjoon’s focus. It had only taken maybe five or so minutes to work it all out and he brought his laptop forward so he could start manipulating the track again. He began clicking around his recording program, sectioning off the areas of his recording where he needed to mute his raps in place of where Tae would sing. He could barely keep his hands from shaking in his adrenaline-induced craze to bring his broken dam of thoughts out before one of them could be lost in the flood of too much and not enough. Tae leaned so close now that he had pressed himself into Namjoon’s shoulder. Yet Namjoon still couldn’t feel bothered by the lack of personal space, so intent on tearing down his half completed work to rebuild it stronger than before.  

“Tae grab me my MIDI controller.” Namjoon pointed blindly in the direction of the mini MIDI controller he knew sat on his desk to Tae’s left. Even in the chaos of his desk cluttered with loose papers, empty cans of various drinks, a few mugs of various rounds of coffee or tea, he knew the mini MIDI controller would be easy to spot. Namjoon could perfectly picture it sitting in it’s usual nearly neat nook where it barely managed to keep from tangling with a charging cable for his phone, his charging cable for his laptop, and another pair of earbuds. Tae clearly had no difficulty finding it as he was back on the bed in less than 30 seconds, navigating the disaster zone of his desk easily. He even had the forethought to wrap the cord around it.

Plugging it in, Namjoon started setting up as quickly as he could, wanting to continue running on his creative high with Tae’s now seemingly ever-present weight against his shoulder. His roommate continued to silently watch and, normally, Namjoon didn’t let Tae in when he was in the throes of writing and composing but as he was an integral part of the inspiration it felt too trivial to force him leave while he edited the song to fit the new structure.

He started adjusting the settings in his software, trying to find a synth tone to that would suit Tae’s somewhat rough timbre. It needed to be easy for Tae to hear so probably an alto range to double his baritone as his guide. They'd just make a first draft recording with his cheaper microphone that sat on the shelf above his desk. They could really get fancy another time when it wasn't possibly already the next day.

Recording at home was less than ideal but he didn't have the expendable income to go and rent a studio full time. Just a couple hours here or there was the best he could do for recording any audio clips he needed. Besides for the purposes of a rough draft he had enough cloth in his room to help dampen any reverb anyway, what with the thick carpet and long window curtains. The mic was good enough it wouldn't pick up too much else outside of whatever was directly in front of it anyway. He'd gotten it second hand so it hadn't even been too out of his budget.

Namjoon spent 30 minutes, give or take because he didn't really pay attention to the time while he was composing or producing, experimenting with the melody. Occasionally he would wait for Taehyung to give some input, a slight shake or nod of his head if he liked the changes made.

“Taehyung can you grab the mic?” While his roommate grabbed the microphone from his desk shelf, he swapped the earbuds back for the headphones so Tae could hear the song better. They swapped microphone for headphones and Tae settled into a cross-legged position next to the laptop while Namjoon set up the microphone quickly. He didn't have to tell Tae what was happening next. It was clear it was time to record. He didn't even ask for Tae's permission but if Tae hadn't wanted to be a part of this he should've said something when he saw the notes scribbled all around the pages of lyrics. To Tae’s credit, he took everything Namjoon threw at him with ease, not even slightly flustered as he was pushed into the metaphorical spotlight in the privacy of Namjoon’s bedroom.

He pressed play and waited. Namjoon could just hear the song playing as Tae kept one ear of the headphones cocked partially off his ear in order to hear himself better. A technique Namjoon had taught him which he had learned through trial and error. He held his breath as he watched his roommate inhale and focus on the guide Namjoon had just carefully crafted for him. He began to sing, his voice a little rough from the day but it gave grit to the lyrics. Namjoon slid his eyes shut and let the rough yet smooth timbre wash over him. He couldn’t stop the goosebumps and pounding of his heart if he tried.

The world a tinted yellow

The rain hits my face and I think it feels like you

It’s hard and soft, soothes and frustrates

It slides over my skin like your fingers trying to pull me closer

But I’m not sure I want to stand in this rain anymore

To be broken into an unfamiliar form, just the way you wanted

Melted into your desired shape, cracked and glued back into place

Nothing quite the same as before, I won’t be rearranged no more

Want to recognize myself when I look in the mirror

His voice perfectly captured the shattered kind of feeling Namjoon was trying to describe, the loss of your own self due to the destructive power of another. Although he hadn’t truly felt that loss but the feeling of losing himself was always on the precipice of his thoughts, always a worry that never quite let go, no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. Confronting it meant facing choices he didn’t want to second guess.

Taehyung had just finished the last line of the verse when his phone started vibrating angrily from his pocket, light shining through the thin fabric of his old sweats. He paused the recording and pulled out his noisy phone. Namjoon could see that Jimin was trying to FaceTime, a photo of him with Yeontan covering the lower half of his face filling the screen. Even with the poor lighting in the room, just the bedside table lamp and laptop filling the room with battling warm and cool tones, Tae answered. He angled the phone so that Jimin would get an unflatteringly close view of his nostrils as Jimin’s pixelated face filled the screen. Jimin was clearly in his own apartment, possibly in his bedroom judging by the multiple pillows he seemed to be leaning on.  

“Hey Jiminie what’s up?” Tae repositioned the phone into a slightly more flattering angle as he moved back towards the bedside table lamp so he wasn’t washed in near darkness. Namjoon noted that Jimin had completely ignored the strange way Tae had answered the call, his face neutral as he spoke.

“You’re not in your room.” Jimin frowned at the screen, clearly confused. “Where are you? Are you busy?”

“I’m in Namjoon-hyung’s room.” Namjoon leaned in onto his roommate’s shoulder so that he came into frame and gave a little wave that Jimin returned. “We were working on a song.”

“Oh! Can I listen to it?” The screen blurred as Jimin seemed to shoot up from his relaxed position and the volume at which Jimin had exclaimed startled both Tae and Namjoon into knocking their heads together. As the video refocused, he was clearly waiting like an excitable puppy for a treat and sat in anticipation against the wall he’d been casually leaned against previously. Namjoon glared at Jimin while rubbing the top of his head, although he was pretty sure he wasn’t in shot anymore as Tae settled back against the headboard again. He grabbed the phone to pull himself into frame again to respond to Jimin’s over-enthusiastic question.

“It’s still in the works. We just made some major changes.”

“I have a great idea then.” Namjoon raised an eyebrow and Tae leaned closer to the phone, as if he’d be able to hear Jimin. Even though the only thing that could possibly cover the sound of Jimin’s clear voice was the low hum of the heating in his room and the muffled sounds of the occasional car driving by their apartment building. “I was going to suggest it before. I’ve been playing some of your stuff to the producer I usually work with. He’s co-written a bunch of my stuff and I really like working with him. He’s super talented.”

Namjoon would say that Jimin is super talented too because he co-wrote a lot of his own music and can dance the pants off a koala but he kept his mouth shut. Jimin was clearly on a verbal roll and he didn’t want to interrupt him or turn down his plans, yet. Although he’d have to hold his tongue about playing his music for everyone and their cousin like some proud parent.

“I have a session with him tomorrow and you should come and get his opinion. Might have some interesting suggestions.” Jimin finished excitedly, beginning to slowly rock side to side and causing the video to sway. Namjoon opened his mouth to ask more questions about what he meant by ‘get his opinion’ and ‘interesting suggestions’ but his roommate butted in.

“Is that the grumpy guy you work with?”

“He’s not grumpy!” Jimin pouted at the screen, thankfully stopping his swaying in his effort to look put out. “He’s just tired most of the time. He pulls a lot of extra hours.”

Namjoon turned to Tae with a look that hopefully portrayed his distinct lack of understanding where this conversation had just made a sharp left. Tae just rolled his eyes and clarified his statement to Namjoon, pointedly ignoring Jimin’s pouting face. “I’ve met him a few times while sitting in on Jimin’s recording sessions. He’s like a cranky cat. Should have a sign saying ‘Do not touch.’”

“He’s nice.” At Tae’s incredulous expression to his boss, Jimin huffed. “I think I’m making progress befriending him.”

“Jimin. You call him your friend but he pretends he doesn’t hear you.” Namjoon raised both eyebrows at this and watched the exchange unfold like a tennis match, eyes shifting from Jimin on the screen to Taehyung next to him.

“Yeah but he always gives me appropriate breaks before I even say I need one and his constructive feedback is always helpful. He’s never rude when I make mistakes. He always has the mini fridge stocked with bottled water.” Jimin defended, clearly offended with Tae’s brush with the truth. At least Namjoon, assumed it must’ve been the truth since Jimin didn’t deny it.

“Sounds normal to me.” Tae said flatly while inspecting the fingernails of his unoccupied left hand while Jimin scoffed in retort. Namjoon felt like they had definitely forgotten he was even there. The experience was turning out to be incredibly enlightening though. He’d seen them interact in person quite a few times now but didn’t usually hear much of their conversations over FaceTime because he was not a nosy friend. Well, okay, a little nosy but he never went out of his way to be nosy. It was like they’d been friends for as long as he and Tae had known each other, the way they bickered. He let them forget his existence for the sake of his curiosity.

“Right! That’s progress! He used to not make eye contact at all!” Well that’s a bit strange, Namjoon thought. Not making eye contact at all? If he went in to meet this guy, he hoped he’d actually get some feedback, which sounded dubious from what he was hearing so far.

“Yes.” Tae just rolled his eyes. “Progress.”

“You do not roll your eyes at me young man!” Jimin’s voice hitched up a few pitches in his indignation at Taehyung’s antics. This was fairly familiar territory for Namjoon, scooting slightly further away from the phone for the impending shouting that was coming. He hoped his neighbors slept like the dead.

“You are only a FEW MONTHS OLDER.”

“You will NOT DISRESPECT ME, KIM TAEHYUNG!”

Namjoon could only see this going downhill from here if he didn’t intervene soon. He had to say that they certainly didn’t let the separation of a screen stop them from squabbling like two angry parakeets. Better to cut them off before there could be any serious repercussions. Like noise complaints. He’d like to keep his clear track record with the landlord.

“So what time should I show up tomorrow?” He plopped his head onto Tae’s stiff shoulder and whatever the two had been ready to throw at each other evidently died in their throats. Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise seeing Namjoon suddenly appear in frame and sat still for about ten seconds before he seemed to register Namjoon’s question. Namjoon had been planning to ask a few more questions about this producer but this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to get an unbiased opinion on his music. Until… Unless he was signed. And if that happened, then he’d probably get a lot more opinions than he needed.

Jimin’s face turned from ready to kick ass to delighted so fast it gave Namjoon mental whiplash. “Tae will be able to bring you along. He’s supposed to come work on sketches for the music video while I’m recording. You can sit in while I work and see what he’s like.” The swaying of the screen started again and Namjoon tried not to feel motion sick from Jimin’s inability to control his physical manifestation of his emotions. Jimin looked at Namjoon expectantly as he leaned from one side to the other, head tilted slightly to follow his body’s momentum as he waited.

“Are you going to let him know I’m coming?” Namjoon questioned slowly when Jimin didn’t say anymore. If the guy was like a cranky cat, Namjoon would rather not make a negative first impression by crashing a recording session. He didn’t need any scratches.

“I guess I should do that shouldn’t I.” Jimin mumbled as his video cut out and the artificial sound of quick keyboard clicks crowded the small speaker of Taehyung’s phone. Tae had yet to make any comment, his frustration with Jimin apparently deflated from the reminder of the original purpose of the conversation about the producer. The two of them waited, holding very still when the clicking suddenly paused but Jimin didn’t come back. Tae shifted his legs from their crossed position to stretch them out and wiggle his toes and Namjoon continued to lean against him, staying as quiet as possible to not miss anything. Finally they hear a distorted buzz but the idol still didn’t say anything and Namjoon deflated, hoping this wouldn’t take too much longer. To pass the stretching time, he fiddled with the knobs on his MIDI controller, twisting one back and forth around the original position before moving on to another. The sharp sound of clicking filled the silence again and Namjoon couldn’t help but release a sigh, settling in to wait for a while.

They both startled when Jimin’s face finally popped back up on the screen, a big smile on his face. At least this time they hadn’t hit their heads together. “He’s cool with it.”

Namjoon smiled and gave a silent thumbs up, deciding to hold off on any other questions for now. He’d rather mentally prepare for presenting his stuff to a real producer. With a wave and a brief goodbye, he ducked out of Tae’s personal space and opened up a document on his laptop to begin a checklist. His creative high had definitely disappeared by this point but now was replaced with a simmering nervous energy as he typed out what he would want to bring tomorrow. Focus renewed, he didn’t even manage to acknowledge Tae as he left his room to wrap up his conversation with Jimin, only half hearing something about what they wanted to cover tomorrow but tuning out any more than that.

In his effort to make sure nothing would be accidentally left behind as he tended to do when packing, he didn’t register Tae’s sign off with Jimin. The next thing Namjoon picked up was the thundering footsteps towards him and looked up in time to see Tae mid-leap, throwing himself at the space he had just recently vacated. Namjoon quickly pulled his laptop and MIDI controller to his right so Tae couldn’t possibly break them but with his hasty movements meant his phone launched across the bed and at his dresser. All he could do was watch as the corner of his phone case smacked the front of a dresser drawer and land on the floor with a dull thunk. Tae bounced into the bed and Namjoon couldn’t even face him but he knew that his roommate was fully aware of the potentially destructive scene he’d just caused.

After a few beats of silence, he slowly turned towards his still frozen roommate, his frustration taking over his nerves. Tae refused to make eye contact as he looked to where the phone had landed. Eventually he hesitantly met Namjoon’s eyes and flinched because Tae may be many things - hyperactive, nosy, meddling, spoiled, air-headed, brilliant - but destructive was usually not an adjective attached to him.

“Go get it.” Namjoon demanded, not willing to look at the state of his phone, and Taehyung had the sense to not question him and rushed over to go pick up the phone. This phone had yet to sustain any damage to the screen, with the help of some heavy duty screen protectors, and Namjoon was not having his new record ruined from his best friend’s stupidity.

Tae cautiously and slowly turned over the phone, clearly just as worried that something may have happened. Namjoon almost felt the need to cover his eyes so as not to see the damage from the bed but his morbid curiosity kept his hands firmly planted on either side of his body, palms pushed against the mattress. When Tae had crouched with the phone for a good 15 seconds, Namjoon decided to clear his throat and snap him out of whatever daze he was in. His roommate finally clicked the power button to light up the lock screen. A triumphant smile spread across his face as he proudly showed off the phone.

“No cracks!” The air Namjoon had been subconsciously holding in released all at once like a popped balloon.

“You are incredibly lucky, you excuse of a friend.” He glared at Taehyung but there was no heat behind it, more relieved that he wouldn’t be replacing his phone yet. But Tae suddenly moved like he was going to chuck Namjoon’s phone at him, frowning, and Namjoon shielded his face in fear. Only seconds later Taehyung was full out laughing, making Namjoon glare at his roommate as he came back and sat next to Namjoon once more. He dropped the phone safely into the space between them. Namjoon could only manage to smack Tae’s arm in a half-hearted attempt at a silent reprimand as they sank back into a comfortable quiet.

“This is really happening.” Namjoon stared at the wall in front of him, photos of his family and friends, mostly Tae and Jin, covering a large portion of it. He lingered on the ones from his college graduation, the one of his parents grinning as he stood between them with his diploma proudly displayed. Next he looked at one of Jin, Tae, and himself all crowded in a photobooth making the most ridiculous faces they could, aegyo and just general silliness, from the time they had gone to the beach together. Namjoon remembered breaking his sunglasses thirty minutes into the road trip and neither of his friends would let him hold anything of value for the rest of the trip. He’d also almost lost his wallet and frantically had turned over the hotel room they’d stayed in only to find it sitting in his shoe. He was pretty sure Tae had done that just to get back at him for stealing his earbuds and then promptly losing them. He’d later found them in a pants pocket but only after they’d gone through the washing machine.

Tae nudged his shoulder and Namjoon looked at his friend, sure he was unable to hide the uncertainty he felt.

“Yup. You’re really meeting a producer tomorrow. You’re getting professional advice on your demo tomorrow. And I’ll be there with you. And Jimin too.” His small smile helped soothe some of the nerves that sat next to his uncertainty, the two trying to create a monster of anxiety. “You’ve got this. Wanna finish the song?”

A glance at the clock on his laptop read half past midnight but Namjoon couldn’t help but smile back. He looked back at the wall of photos, settling on two he’d recently added. A selfie of his closest friends and himself at karaoke, clearly in the middle of belting whatever song had been on, sat taped next to another from Jimin of the three of them, all crowded on the couch just out in the living room together laughing as Jimin gave the camera a less than impressed look.

“Yeah. Let’s do this.”

[hongbab]

Odd mixture - “Han Sanghyuk asked me out today.” (Ravi/Hyuk, pg, 2567)

a/n: written for this request ♥

sequel: just say yes

Imagine a 20-odd-year-old boy with the prettiest uneven eyes that you’ve ever seen. Give him a uniquely fleshy nose that seems to spread in the middle of his face even more as he laughs. He also has a pair of cute, pink lips with the corners naturally upturned a bit as if he is always battling a laugh that wants to burst out of him and when he smiles, his perfectly white teeth almost blind a certain unlucky bastard. His chiselled jawline is remarkable as well, just as his boyishly crumpled ears and his almost offensive height, his strong thighs and his big yet soft-looking hands. Lastly, add a large amount of cleverness, humour, ambition, and talent to the mix and stir well. That’s Sanghyuk.

Take another boy who is roughly the same age as the one above (if a little older), give him sleepy, droopy eyes, a big nose and tiny lips, and sprinkle some mental breakdown on top. That’s Wonshik.

Wonshik keeps staring at the desktop in front of him with his fingers in his black hair, supporting his head in his hands with his elbows on the desk. He really doesn’t know how he ended up here—not physically, because he knows he walked into his dorm room thirty minutes ago, but emotionally. Mentally. Psychologically.

There’s a grunt coming from behind and Wonshik hears Hongbin sit down on his own bed, clasping his hands with a clap that makes Wonshik's eyelids flutter in surprise. Apart from that, he still doesn’t move.

“Okay,” Hongbin says, sighing. “I thought I’d let you tell me what’s wrong with you, because you always complain about your life even when I don’t care, but you’ve been sitting there unmoving ever since I came in. Will you finally tell me what’s up or will you wait for me to beg? Not that I’d do that, just—”

“I don’t know,” Wonshik mumbles, blinking slowly.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Hongbin asks, speaking fast like he does whenever he’s annoyed. “You don’t know what your problem is?”

“No. I don’t.”

Hongbin sniffles impatiently and gets up from his bed, standing by the desk with his hands in his pockets—Wonshik can see him from his peripheral vision, but he really doesn’t want to look at his friend right now. People talk about killer looks in conditional sentences, but Wonshik once saw a spider drop from the ceiling after Hongbin had noticed it was making a web in the corner of the freshly cleaned dorm room. The spider didn’t move anymore.

“Did you ask Jaeeun out again?”

“No,” Wonshik replies. Now that he’s thinking about it, Jaeeun seems to be a thing of the distant past, as if he didn’t just get rejected by her for the fourth time two months ago.

“Fine,” Hongbin declares in a tone that suggests he doesn’t think it is fine at all. “You’ll write a song about it anyway and I’ll be forced to listen to it on loop.” He sniffles again and turns around, striding to his side of the closet.

“I won’t,” Wonshik mutters.

“Oh, come on,” Hongbin tsks, unbuttoning his shirt. “You always write about your heartbreaks.”

“I’m not heartbroken,” Wonshik says, sitting up straight. Hongbin cocks an eyebrow, but doesn’t look convinced at all. “And I can’t compose.”

“Ah, creativity crisis,” Hongbin nods and shrugs his white button-up off.

Wonshik is glad he’s already sitting.

Hongbin has a… very nice body and Wonshik feels as if he got struck in the head with a huge rock as the realization hits him. Hongbin's muscles tense up on his back as he bends over the bed to fold his shirt, his biceps bulging when he reaches up to the top shelf of the closet where he has his T-shirts. He has a nice six-pack, too—a six-pack that, in Wonshik's opinion, looks more desirable than his own, but… that six-pack doesn’t only look desirable right now. It looks hot and Wonshik wonders if Sanghyuk has a similar-looking tummy, if his pecs are bigger than Hongbin's or even Wonshik's; he wonders if the muscles between Sanghyuk's ribs look as defined as Hongbin's.

It’s sick and upsetting, but he ends up visualising Sanghyuk in the shower with the water steaming around him as he smears body wash all over himself like those model-like actors in TV commercials. Sanghyuk always smells nice, too. Wonshik is curious about what kind of body wash he uses.

He whines out loud.

“I’m gay.”

Time seems to stop as Wonshik says that with his eyes tearing up in embarrassment. Hongbin was halfway putting on his T-shirt, but now stops with the collar around his head. When he finally pulls it down very slowly, he blinks at Wonshik twice.

“I mean, no,” Wonshik shakes his head, “I like boys, it’s— it’s both, I like… both...”

“Wonshik…”

“Han Sanghyuk asked me out today.”

“What?” Hongbin furrows his brow, sitting back down on his mattress. “Han Sanghyuk? That second year guy from the fourth floor? The one who… you know,” he straightens and keeps his arms away from his body in an attempt to imitate Sanghyuk's wide-shouldered appearance. Wonshik nods. “Are you sure he was actually asking you out?”

“No need to sound so doubtful,” Wonshik grumbles. “He asked me if I wanted to have a coffee with him tomorrow—”

“That doesn’t mean—”

“—AND I asked him if he meant it as a date,” Wonshik continues, feeling quite miffed at Hongbin for thinking he’s stupid. “He said, ‘I guess’, and smiled. He smiled at me, Hongbin.”

“Mm-hmm,” Hongbin nods. “Okay, look, Wonshik. I’m not trying to play your parent, but saying you’re gay is… a huge thing and, so, are you sure you’re not just confused?”

Wonshik glares at him, but doesn’t say anything as he crawls over to his bed and pulls the duvet over his head, rolling to his side to face the wall. He really doesn’t know what he’s feeling. He never wanted to just hold the hand of a boy or sit in a boy’s lap or have another boy sit in his lap or… or just whisper nice things into a guy’s ear. The nature of his fantasies about boys has always been more… physical and a lot simpler—in the emotional sense, anyway. Even so, what he really wants right now is to curl up in Sanghyuk's hold and feel as small as possible, no matter how he and Sanghyuk seem to be of the same height. He feels hopelessly smitten and at the same time, he doesn’t know who he is anymore. He wants to cry.

*

Wonshik opens the door of the café to let Sanghyuk step out into the cold December weather first, trying to seem as gentlemanly as one can be. There’s a mirror on the wall on his left and when Wonshik's eyes meet his reflection’s, he sees the ashy grey colour of his own face. No wonder he felt like puking—he even seems like he’s about to do just that.

“It’s snowing again,” Sanghyuk says, scrunching up his nose as he looks up at the sky.

His face seems gilded in the yellowish streetlights, the shadows of his features emphasizing the sparkling of his eyes even more. Wonshik quickly averts his eyes, his cheeks heating up.

There are warm fingers around his almost frozen right hand and Wonshik winces, his entire right arm going numb as Sanghyuk squeezes his palm gently for a few moments before letting go of it.

“Wonshik.”

When Wonshik looks up, he can’t find Sanghyuk next to him but has to turn around, seeing the boy standing a few steps behind, head lowered as if he’s particularly interested in the small cracks on the pavement.

“Yes?” Wonshik asks, though he’s unsure if it’s actually comprehensible. He can see his breath leaving his mouth and he can hear the grating creak of his voice, but that doesn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything back in the café either.

“I…” Sanghyuk takes a deep breath and steps closer, but doesn’t look up at Wonshik. “I’m sorry if I misunderstood you or made you uncomfortable. It’s probably better if I…” he makes a vague movement with his hands, puts them in his coat pockets, and with a sad glance at Wonshik's face, proceeds to walk towards the dormitory building that is only a few metres away.

“I live there, too, though,” Wonshik mumbles, but stays still until Sanghyuk disappears from sight.

*

When Hongbin opens the door to their room, he knocks over an empty beer bottle that rolls against Wonshik's knee on the floor and he yelps unnecessarily, as if it actually hurt. It didn’t. Nothing hurts as much as his heart right now.

“Oh my God!” Hongbin cries out, horrified.

When Wonshik looks up at him through his tears and the snot that seems to be clogging up his sinuses and thus blunting his senses, he notices that Hongbin isn’t looking at him with worry creasing his forehead, but at the tiny drops of remaining beer dripping on the floor from the bottle. Wonshik gulps down too much of the alcohol in his hand and starts coughing.

“What the fuck happened here?” Hongbin asks, stepping in and collecting the four bottles he finds on the floor.

“Sanghyuk thinks I don’t like him,” Wonshik slurs, drinking again and fighting the tight sensation in his throat.

“No, I mean, why did you think it was okay to make a mess in here?” Hongbin grumbles, throwing the plastic bag Wonshik carried the booze home into the trashcan.

“I fucked up,” Wonshik says, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“You did, but… ugh, okay, tell me.”

Hongbin sits on his bed, watching Wonshik expectantly.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Wonshik shrugs. He feels so nauseous and sleepy… and he wants to kiss Sanghyuk so bad. “He talked to me about himself and I couldn’t even speak. He held my hand and I froze up. I wanted to kiss him, but he walked away. What am I supposed to do, Hongbin? How do I… how…?”

“First of all, you’re lame and can’t talk to anyone you find hot,” Hongbin says. “Maybe you should’ve made that clear to him. Secondly, I have no idea how dating works. Thirdly, drinking until you pass out won’t solve anything.”

Hongbin takes the half full (or rather half empty) bottle of beer from Wonshik and places it on his desk so Wonshik can’t reach it from his spot on the floor.

“And lastly, you should probably talk to him—”

“Right,” Wonshik says, scrambling to his feet, “I’m going to talk to him.”

“Tomorrow, Wonshik!” Hongbin yells, but Wonshik is already opening the door. “Talk to him tomorrow when you’re sober!”

Wonshik doesn’t listen. He walks to the staircase with a hand on the wall, closing one of his eyes in an attempt to get rid of his double vision. He stumbles up the stairs until he reaches the fourth floor, feeling sicker with each step he takes before stopping in front of room 412, heaving as he knocks three times.

“Coming!” a cheerful voice behind the door says. “Oh… hi.”

Wonshik lifts his heavy head, blinking slowly at Sanghyuk's tiny little roommate, Jaehwan, who grimaces at the sight of him as if Wonshik is a roach running around in circles on his porch. Wonshik feels like one.

“I want…” he breathes. “Sanghyuk…”

“Get in line, Casanova,” Jaehwan quips, but then the door opens wider and Sanghyuk is standing there, looking displeased with the way Jaehwan is handling the situation. “Fine,” Jaehwan rolls his eyes. “I was going to have dinner at Taekwoon's anyway.”

With that, he takes his coat and puts on his shoes, walking past Wonshik with a momentum that almost tips Wonshik over. Like a mini tornado.

“You’re barefoot.”

Wonshik looks up at Sanghyuk, confused, and then back down at his feet. He wiggles his naked toes on the cold stone flooring.

“I forgot to put on shoes,” he mutters.

He hears Sanghyuk sigh above him and then there’s a hand under his arm, guiding him inside where the wooden floorboards feel warm. Sanghyuk pushes him down by his shoulder, making Wonshik sit on an unmade bed with some kind of anime pattern on the bedsheets. Wonshik can’t tell if it’s Sanghyuk's or Jaehwan's, because there are similar bedsheets on the other bed as well. He wants to know what kind of anime Sanghyuk likes, even if Wonshik himself isn’t really interested in those shows.  When he looks up at Sanghyuk, he feels new tears pricking his eyes.

“Why are you here?” Sanghyuk asks while he pulls a desk chair to the bed, sitting down opposite Wonshik.

“I don’t—” Wonshik shakes his head, but that only makes him feel dizzier. “Hongbin told me— ugh. I wanted to tell you why… why I was such an idiot.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation,” Sanghyuk says and fuck, he looks so handsome even when he’s upset. “Maybe my gaydar is not developed enough yet.” He laughs bitterly.

“No, it’s— it is, I think,” Wonshik stutters. “You’re the first guy I really… liked. Ever. In the sense that I… that I would like to just sit and listen to music with you or, watch a zombie movie or watch you… play on your phone or whatever you want to do. And I don’t know how to tell you.”

He watches as Sanghyuk's eyes start crinkling at the corners, his nostrils widening and his pretty white teeth showing as he smiles, blinking down at his hands shyly. “What do you think you’re doing right now if not just that?” he asks and as he glances back up at Wonshik, the hurt and upset have disappeared from his beautiful face.

“Yeah, but,” Wonshik takes a deep breath to keep his nausea down, “but I also wanted to tell you… I get stupid around people I like in the— uh, romantic sense. I get stupider. I can’t really talk to them and I’m just, you know, awkward.”

“Wonshik, it’s my first time liking a guy, too,” Sanghyuk says and Wonshik vaguely notices that he has leant closer. “I know how nervous you feel, but, really, you could’ve sent me at least some signals.”

“I tried,” Wonshik sniffles. “I tried, but I’m the worst at that, even though… even though I wanted to kiss you so bad, I still want to kiss you so bad. Can I kiss you while I’m still drunk and brave?”

Sanghyuk bursts out laughing and Wonshik wants to laugh as well, but he’s too embarrassed and his ears are burning. He holds Sanghyuk's left cheek in his hand instead and pushes forward, pressing his lips to Sanghyuk's smile, kissing him softly. Sanghyuk kisses him back, opening his mouth and placing a hand on Wonshik's neck, his fingers playing with the short hairs on Wonshik's nape.

When they stop kissing some long, long minutes later and Sanghyuk has pulled him into a tight hug, Wonshik already knows he won’t remember anything in the morning. He won’t remember anything but the best kiss of his life—the kiss that made him the happiest he’s ever been.

Maybe, but just maybe, the mixture of the two of them isn’t as odd as he thought.

[nigelgodrichproducer]

Ultraista-era Nigel interview

Magoo: I am curious about how the project came together before you met Laura, when it was just you and Joey. Were you just hanging out between schedules when you were in the same town?

Nigel: Exactly. He and I and another friend named Guss. So many times we just got together and we would be recording or jamming. Most of it we did in London but we are working all over the place. Guss and Joey both have little studios and I have a big studio. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, we just made a concerted effort to get a bunch of backing tracks together. We spoke about a certain aesthetic about electronics and a repetitive rhythm which is played. Obviously electronic music that is repeated is exactly the same. You get a human being in and they can repeat but it will sound different every time. Afrobeat was the reference point. So that’s how it started and then we had an intense 3 day session, like a right ol’ recording party and ended up with bits of music that we would then … essentially what I did was took all the music off and kept the rhythm and started again. That’s the basis of the record.

M: How much of this stuff did you have together before you thought you had to find yourself a singer?

N: Quite a lot actually because we’d done tiny snippets which might have been a minute long or three minutes or whatever. It would be a feeling, a little movement and we would leave it at that and move on to the next one. After a while we would go back and look at things and see how they could build and be structured.

M: Were you at any stage trying to do it without vocals?

N: Originally yeah, it could have been just instrumental. It was a bit of an experiment really just to see how substantial something could be like that.

M: Just to see how it evolves?

N: Yes, because it is always a terrifying prospect to say OK we are going to make some music and find a singer… you’d find a singer first and get them involved. I think it’s very hard to find a singer. With the peculiar relationships that we have… mine and Joeys is such a specific one, once in a lifetime, unique buddy becomes muse becomes .. you know!

M: You have worked with each other for years …

N: Yes, To get someone else in with that chemistry is terrifying. It’s something that is not taken lightly anyway. We only did it because we felt that we would be real pussies if we didn’t try. You know, let’s push this and I think we were very fortunate to meet Laura. She’s incredibly down to earth and rational. One of the most important things about relationships is about being able to communicate with that person.

M: I read about how you put up posters at an art college. You were trying to  find someone who was not even necessarily a musician to sing. Did you actually audition anyone form that process?

N: We actually got replies with music that they had made. We were trying to find someone who was an interesting character, who could sing but maybe hadn’t thought about taking it seriously.

M: An amateur?

N: Exactly. The last thing we wanted to do was have a singer songwriter with their chops together who had their version of what they wanted to do already sorted out. What we did end up finding in Laura, was someone who did have their own thing going, but it was very compatible and didn’t work against what we trying to do.

M: How much did the songs change when she came into the picture?

N: What would happen, is that I would write with her. There are a couple of tunes I wrote myself.

M: With lyrics and melodies?

N: Yeah, lyrics, melodies and me singing and she’d re-do it. We’d improve them and finish them off with her singing then there are things that she wrote over the top of what I’d done and we’d finesse that. Then there’s like a ping-pong thing where you are just throwing stuff at each other and putting it together as you go. There are all sorts of ways of doing it and lyrically it is the same thing. We’d play word puzzles.

M: So did you have that aesthetic before Laura joined, that historic Ultarist poetry movement  (The Ultraist movement was a Bohemian-style literary movement born in Spain in 1918)

N: That was already happening before that word came along. People have said you must have been sitting there with an Ultraista manifesto following the instructions. Well no, it was just a coincidence but it works very well. That word suggested what I was feeling, what I could see along with that music.

M: Do you ever have free time Nigel?

N: Oh I do. I have an awful lot of time to stare at the wall and think about what I am doing. I have a very unstructured life. It’s a blessing and a curse because it can actually drive me crazy but it allows me to drop anything and do something on a whim. I have this amazing studio. I can just run in if I have an idea. A lot of this record was collaborative in that we were all in the same room but quite a bit happened in isolation. I wrote a bit of stuff at home. Laura wrote stuff on her own.

M: Was there a lot of sending files over email?

N: Yes a lot of that. Exactly.

M: When you got to the stage of setting up your own studio, was this something that was ticking away at the back of your head?

N: No, this is not like a career move. I think what happened was that there was gap in the schedule. This stuff had been kicking  around a little bit. It was like let’s get this finished. Am I a man or a mouse?

M: You don’t seem like the kind of guy that is going to have a holiday sitting on a beach drinking cocktails?

N: I really wish I did. I think I really give myself a hard time with time! I have read about so many incredible people, incredibly productive people who describe themselves as lazy… and I think that I am lazy. One of my best friends, Nicholas Godin from Air, who is full of wisdom … says lazy people are the smartest because they always try to get the most using the least effort. I think I am one of those. I’m not like idiots who just work for nothing. There has to be a good economy of your effort. It is very important to being creative. You can’t waste your energy on something that is not really going to contribute to the end result. That goes for anything. If you are a recording engineer and producer, then you know what I am talking about. If something sounds, finished or good, you don’t need to take it apart and put it back together again.

M: I am curious about what kind of hours you work. Will you bash your head against a wall trying to get something done, keep at it. Or are you more … let’s take a break, come back tomorrow and this idea will come to fruition.

N: I think I would answer that question by saying I would probably stop.  Generally what would happen is that I would say stop, this isn’t working and at that moment, something will happen.

M: I always find that I have my best ideas on the toilet. You have that break and have that golden moment, pardon the pun

N: It’s like when people started using Pro Tools, they’d say I miss pushing rewind. When you used to rewind you had this moment to think about things. You don’t get that space any more. I think that I work better at night when everybody else is asleep. The world is quiet, there are no distractions. I am terrible in the mornings as a human being. I am just not a good morning guy. Nothing really good happens until after dinner. That’s fine when it is just me. When I  am working with other people, it’s hard because people don’t all keep the same schedule. Generally the work that I do which is good and happens very quickly is between the hours of 11 and 4 in the morning.

M: I hear quite a bit of Brian Eno in his David Byrne type phase in your work. Is he a bit of an influence?

N: I guess so. I am a big fan of that era Talking Heads

M: The Remain in Light period?

N: Yeah, that was huge to me. It was an incredible piece of work but I’m not a fan of Heroes. There are things I am a fan of and things I am not. Obviously there is an idea behind Music For Airports, the ambient moments which I totally understand and love. I have an enormous amount of respect for the guy but I don’t try to emulate anything he has done and never would. Whereas I would try and emulate Trevor Horn. This is a good example of how things happen actualIy. I try to do Trevor Horn and it sounds like Brian Eno. I understand why you say that. He thinks outside the box. He is not hemmed in by a set of rules he thinks he has to follow. At times he has done things in his career that changed the way that everybody does things.

M: Have you met Brian Eno?

N: I have met him a few times. He is very gracious, a very nice man. The thing that I like about Trevor Horn is … even if it is too pop for me, like Frankie Goes To Hollywood or something, even within this mainstream pop thing, he is incredibly obtuse and bold. Such big, bold things happen that go against the grain and you can feel that intention. That’s the thing I really do try to emulate as an idea, rather than a sonic palate. With Brian Eno … I like the sound of space, the ambience and echo and reverb. I like to see big spaces when I listen to things because I see things when I hear things.

M: Getting back to the Ultraista album … without getting too technical … is that just the way Joey plays, or is there a bit of manipulation going on or a bit of both? To me it sounds like there are a few layers of drums in the way that dance music has multiple loops or some sort of loop and a bit of programming underneath. It feels like you’ve gone for that aesthetic but done it live …

N: That’s exactly right. Basically there are electronics going on that he is playing to which is woven into his sound. Sometimes the drums are being processed through a piece of electronics that is making a rhythm that he is playing to. It’s like they’re rubbing against each other.

M: I just wanted to ask how you go  being on the other side of the glass so to speak, promoting an album?

N: It’s fine. It feels a little bit like uncomfortable but I think that is good. It’s a nice change and it is important to make yourself vulnerable. It’s important not to be afraid of things… and it’s important to just do … stuff! I mean the nature of the business is changing. I think producers are more artists now anyway. I’m not going to just find a band and make a record with them anymore. It’s just not that much fun. I would rather work with people that are my friends, have my input, be upfront and be able to write music. It is stuff I have always done. I don’t know what I will do next. I enjoy the playing, that’s fun.

[moonlightjeno]

flashbacks

a/n: so this is my first imagine i hope you guys like it! 

genre: fluff!!

characters: taeyong x reader

summary: ur wedding day and flashbacks leading up to that moment

word count: 1855 (around)

Italics, are flashbacks.

 Y/N Pov: 

You looked up at your reflection, your perfectly put on make up, your hair tied up in a beautiful french braid. You could feel the beautiful and soft silk from the white wedding dress, you had on. You stepped towards the door, the red carpet peeking from under the huge brown double doors. Your dad, was watching you, admiration in his face, you looked back at the huge brown double doors that has started to open, you couldn’t be happier.

 Taeyong’s Pov:

Taeyong looked up, his palms were sweating from being so nervous and anxious. He had been so excited yet so eager for this day, and it had finally come. Everything he looked at reminded him of you, the blossoming flowers that bloomed with the sun lighting up the place. Reminding him of the first day you met.

 It had been a day just like any other, he had just come out of the studio and was walking back towards the dorms where him and the members lived. Though Taeil and Jaehyun had stayed a bit longer, to get coffee before going back to the dorm, he couldn’t remember. He would usually take the bus back to the dorms but today he had felt like walking, He had started to walk, aimlessly knowing that his feet would guide him to his home. He had been walking quite some while when he noticed that he had started to walk through Tapgol Park. It was beautiful this time of year, it was a spring and the flowers were blooming beautifully. He was watching the flowers until his eyes caught, you. You were sitting down in a bench, holding what looked like a sketchbook in your hands. Your hair falling in your eyes, you kept looking up at what seemed from his view a white flower with some animal on top of it. Taeyong had been looking at you for at least 10 minutes, as it seemed it had started to get cold, and you had gotten up to leave. His eyes following your trail, and back to the wooden bench you had been sitting in, he saw that you had left your sketchbook on the bench and hadn’t noticed. He quickly walked up to the bench, and grabbed the black - brown turned sketch book turning it in his hands. “(Y/N)’s Weird Imagination” it read at the top of the book, with different drawings of, what Taeyong recognized where composition notes, dance routines and sceneries form the park. He looked back up, you were almost out of sight, he ran towards you, catching his breath once he caught up. “Hey, you forgot this” he said, holding out the now fading black sketchbook with it’s creative different designs on the cover. “Um, thanks” you had said, and in that second you realized who you had been talking to. “Um, I’m (Y/N) nice to meet you, your nicer in person” you said in a joking manner, and it had made him blush, finding that it was impossible that this beautiful girl was talking to him. “Uh, yeah, nice too meet. Cool name-’ he face palmed himself, ‘well that was stupid’ he thought ‘-um, your drawings are amazing” he had said trying to make the conversation a bit less weird, than he had already made it. You had just started laughing, “Thanks Taeyong, wanna go grab coffee?” Taeyong couldn’t have believed what you had said, immediately answering “I would love that”

Taeyong looked back, at the big brown double doors with white loops around them, his mind going back to one of the very first memories he had with you, your unofficial first date. It had been casual nothing fancy.

Taeyong had been planning on having an extra practice hour to perfect the choreography for cherrybomb. Walking through the building he saw you again sitting down in the practice room, nodding your head to the beat of the music you were listening to through your headphones. he opened the door to the practice room walking over to you, your head still bobbing up and down from the music. he touched your shoulder making you jump back, you were about to hit him when you realized who it was you calmed down. “hey, i was about to practice in hear but i can come later if you want?” he asked. “it’s no problem really, i was about to take a break either way. i have to finish rehearsing for the comeback tomorrow.” you told him getting ready to leave. “oh um ok, i can help you out if you want?” he had no idea what he was saying but he just wanted to spend a little more time with you. You looked up at him blush showing on your cheeks, slowly nodding not believing that the best dancer and your crush had agreed to help you out. “um... yeah that would be amazing. thank you” you answered looking down shyly. “great, let’s get started”

after an hour of practicing you learned the choreography and had just started dancing to music have a fun time. A slow song had started playing and you were calming down getting ready to leave when he kissed you. you kissed him back, Taeyong couldn’t believe what was happening. he pulled back breathing slowly 

“(y/n) would you like to go out sometime?”  

“i would love to Taeyong”

 The sun, was shining bright that, Taeyong could see the water dancing off in the sunlight, making water crystals in the light. The sounds of nature filling in his ears, the church bells, ringing. The sound, took him back to not long ago, in which after 5 years, of being together he had finally proposed to you.

 It was a bright day in Seoul, unusual for it’s normal weather, Taeyong had thought it was a good sign for the big proposal he had to ask that day. He had been fearing the whole week not knowing whether you would say yes or would totally reject him, and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. He had woken up early that day, to make you pancakes it was your anniversary tradition. You always tried different things, and today Dan had wanted to test out pancake art. He had looked it up on internet and it had seemed pretty easy, he had recognized kind of like a dance. Though being famous in the group for cooking his artistic skills hadn’t shown much, it looked more like a whale than anything. You would usually come around the time he was done cooking so he set the pancake on the table, cringing not knowing after 5 years, what to expect. “Nice whale, Tae! thanks” you said, looking a little sleepy but still beautiful. “Yes, because it was totally meant ot be a whale” he mumbled. “Well, what we gonna do today?” he asked changing the topic. “Well I was thinking we could go to the park, and we could hang out”

“Okay!” Dan yelled, ‘oh crap’, he had it all planned out, he had asked this past whole week for your friends and his members to maek small videos talking about you and why they loved you. 

Taeil and Mark had taken you to the park, talking about the comeback, and just life in general, until Taeyong spotted the bench in which he first saw you, and knew it was now, or it was going to fail. “Let’s go sit” Taeyong heard Taeil say, while he steered you towards the bench. Taeyong was crouching behind a tree ‘Genius’, when he sent you the video he had made, all the pictures and messages he had gotten had all been put into one video with the help of his members. “Hey (Y/N) can you check what time is it?” Mark asked,

“Um, sure” and with that the video began. Taeyong could see you almost cry, and he felt excited and sad at the same time not being able to be there with you. He heard his own voice last “I love you so much (Y/N) your the greatest thing that ever happened to me, so will you please look up” you looked up and saw Taeyong. Taeyong was standing right in front of you, on one leg, a ring out “Will you please marry me?” he asked, the butterflies exploded into fireworks. “YES!!” you got up and hugged him, “Really?” Taeyong asked not aware that this was actually happening, “Yes! You idiot!”

 (Y/N) Pov:

 “Ding, dong!” The huge bronze bells, indicating that you were now going to step on the red carpet. The huge brown double doors open with that the butterflies, expanded all over you body creating little explosions everywhere. You looked up and saw that beautiful face, with brown dark eyes and the now pink dyed hair you loved so much, and finally in for what seemed forever. Everything in space, felt in place.

***

welp that was that... i really hope you guys like this!!  <3