#sisko ball

[starfleetshrimps]

sisko ball

honorable mention to this thing that happened while i was making this:

[meatmensch]

interesting point! what do you think about - wait you, you said your favorite captain is picard? oh nevermind man i don't care about your opinion

[duskentropy]

jadzia has definitely photoshopped a picture of sisko, replaced his head with a baseball and sent it to the senior officer group chat

[blunderpuff]

Sisko's baseball is not his Orb; the Orbs are the Prophets' baseballs

[tboyautism]

dukat: ah! captian sisko. it seems like you have seized cardassia by the balls once again. if only we were on the same side. cardassia cluld use a man like you

sisko: ah but dukat, cardassia has no balls, on the fact that the federation removed them. you are out numbered out played and outballed. and the question is. what now?

julian in the back of ops (he isnt supposed to be there):

[briscal]

ds9 a plot sisko and worf are forced to weigh the life of a pow over their own

ds9 b plot O'Brien is turned in to a pig human hybrid and forced to dance on a small ball for the entertainment of a godlike alien

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Jim Kirk would beat up William Shatner in a 7-11 parking lot

Jean-Luc Picard and Patrick Stewart would write non-fiction bestsellers together

Benjamin Sisko would have Avery Brooks over for dinner, cook him the best meal of his life, and they'd talk animatedly about racial justice until 2am and then say "so, same time next year?"

Kate Mulgrew and Kathryn Janeway would go on a coast-to-coast road trip and take a selfie kissing in front of the world's largest ball of yarn

[andyoullhearitagain]

Ok come on a journey with me.

So in "Take Me Out To The Holosuite" they all sign this baseball for Sisko, right? And clearly they had all the actors sign the ball for the character (cute) because frankly no prop department would miss the opportunity to use their alien scripts. I'll buy that Worf usually writes his name in Klingon but was like "oh everyone signed in Standard I guess I'll sign in Standard." But even if Quark can write his name in Standard (for business purposes, sure, I'll buy that) I just don't see him drawing the little ears on the Q! Quark isn't afraid of a little whimsy but I think he's just too toxicly masculine to draw a little picture in his signature. And we've seen Ferengi writing and have even seen Quark's name:

(I would have liked it a lot better if the baseball had the alien names in the alien alphabets but w/e)

So either

a. Quark is like, pfft, these aren't real letters, might as well draw a little picture (maybe?)

or

b. Someone who speaks Standard wrote it for him and drew the little ears. But who? Jake? Something to consider.

[overseer-picard]

As a real life horse girl, I present:

Starfleet Captains as Different Kinds of Horse Girls

The actual canonical horse girls:

Kirk: The Show Off. Kirk is genuinely a great rider with soft hands and a good seat, but due to this high skill level and his natural disposition, he can be overconfident and do dumb things that result in injury and/or (according to McCoy) death. He loves a flashy horse with high chrome (white markings) to match his own dashing looks.

Picard: The Spiritual. Picard seeks connection with his horse, who he sees as an equal, and hones his skill-set as a rider to maximize this communication. Riding is a relaxing, emotionally cleansing activity for him that centers his mind. He has this quote stamped into his saddle: "When you first meet a horse, his instinct tells him you are a predator. Gain his trust, and you become his protector."

Pike: The Cowboy. Pike's horse is his companion and he rides to reconnect with the past when times were simpler. Not picky with breeds or looks, he’s content with his fuzzy Quarter Horse. He relishes the freedom of open skies and endless plains, the solid earth beneath him keeping him grounded.

NOT canonical horse girls (but could be if they just believed):

Janeway: The Competitor. Dressage, cross country, show jumping, she does them all. Hair slicked back, jodhpurs tight, boots polished, Janeway enters the ring to win. And she does. She chooses horses that have the same fire and intensity that she does and together they are an unbeatable team.

Sisko: The Polo Player. Ball is life, even on a horse. Sisko's team of competitive polo ponies are trained to a tee. He relishes the intensity of the game, the teamwork, and the difficulty of the hand-eye coordination. Winning isn't as important as the thrill of not dying.

Archer: The horseless. Archer is the kid you knew in middle school who was obsessed with horses and knew everything about them but never had one. Instead, he settled with pretending his dog was a horse. I cannot emphasize enough how much this man oozes naive horse girl energy.

Freeman: The Rehabilitator. Freeman rode competitively when she was younger but now has found a great sense of purpose in seeking out the broken and forgotten horses. She focuses on the "dangerous and un-fixable" off-the-track thoroughbreds and rehabilitates them to become their best selves.

*I do not know enough about the various Disco captains to have thoughts on them but Saru has actual horse energy.

[cheesydelphox]

ATTENTION BAJORAN WORKERS

I've come to make an announcement. Benjamin Sisko is a bitchass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking space station. That's right, he took his Starfleet fucking bald dick out, and he pissed on my fucking space station, and he said his dick was t h i s b i g. And I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Empok Nor security system. Benjamin Sisko, you got a small dick. It's the size of this starship except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby, all scales, no pips, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bottle of kanar. He fucked my space station, so guess what? I'm gonna fuck Bajor, that's right, this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on Bajor, I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the WORMHOLE. How do you like that, Kai Opaka? I pissed on the wormhole, you idiot! You have twenty-six hours before the piss drrroppllets hit fucking Bajor, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too.

[stra-tek]

Facts about Captain Robau

This was a long-running thread on TrekBBS in 2008-2009, a riff on the "Facts about Chuck Norris" meme. And it had some gems (thanks to all TrekBBS members who participated):

The Kelvin's shields aren't for keeping weapons out... they're for keeping Robau in.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Captain Robau.

Spock is constantly shouting in "The Cage" because he can't hear his own voice over the sound of how awesome Captain Robau is.

Sisko and Picard are arent really bald. They just want to be like Captain Robau

The Kelvin doesn't need two warp nacelles to create a symmetrical warp field. Captain Robau simply wills it to happen.

That God head thing in Star Trek V wasn't exiled to the center of the galaxy he went to hide from Captain Robau

That Borg didn't open a gateway to fluidic space to assimilate species 8472 they did to get away from Captain Robau

Captain Robau doesn't sleep. He waits.

Captain Robau doesn't use the transporter. He just leaps down to the surface.

The new Enterprise is being built on the ground because Captain Robau plans to lift it into orbit

Captain Robau can kill two stones with one bird.

When Capt. Robau was born, the only one in the room crying was the Doctor. Never slap Capt. Robau.

Captain Robau does simply walk into Mordor.

Captain Robau doesn't do pushups. He pushed the planet down and then pulls it back up.

In space, Captain Robau can hear you scream.

Captain Robau is hung like a Horsehead Nebula.

Captain Robau once used a crowbar to destroy Ceti Alpha VI. That crowbar later found its way to Black Mesa.

Captain Robau is immune to entropy.

When Captain Robau makes love, he causes a quantum singularity.

Captain Robau's bald scalp is considered an aphrodisiac in...oh, what's that place called? OH. Right.

The universe.

Zod kneels before Robau.

Captain Robau got drunk one night and relieved himself out in the desert. The spot in the desert is now known as the Grand Canyon.

Captain Robau CAN beam through raised shields.

A supernova didn't destroy Romulus, Robau did!

Robau doesn't wear sun screen. The Sun wears Robau screen.

The Great Bird of the Galaxy is the name given to Captain Robau's cock.

Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.

Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.

Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.

Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.

Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.

The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.

Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.

Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.

What does Captain Robau use for a condom?

SPACEDOCK.

[maggotsandcream]

There's just something so funny about how Sisko's main hobbies are cooking, baseball, and archaeology/history, which are all very normal with archaeology/history maybe coming off as a little unusual but not that odd. You probably know a guy with that exact set of hobbies, very relatable. But in universe folks mostly replicate their food so it comes off as niche artisanal crafting and the fact that he cooks the majority of the meals he and his son eat makes him an outlier even amongst other folks in the Star Trek universe who know cooking basics. And being into baseball in the 24th century actually is more a tie-in to the whole being a history buff thing as it's not played commonly anymore in the 24th century. Really Sisko's only normal hobby is therefor the history one since that seems to be a really common hobby in-universe.

So it's more like if you knew a guy who sewed all his own clothes was really into that ball game the Aztecs played and regularly played it himself and convinced all his coworkers to play it.

[foone]

Has anyone written an official star trek novel about Worf's bar mitzvah yet? (long post on Jewish Worf under the cut)

He was orphaned at age 6/7 and adopted by the Rozhenkos shortly after, so he would have come of age in a Jewish household. As for "would Worf have had a bar mitzvah?", have you met the man? He loves him some rituals!

And if you're not sure if Worf's adoptive family is Jewish, two things: 1. His mother is played by Georgia Brown, a Jewish actress 2. HIS DAD IS LITERALLY TEVYE. THEY COULD HAVE NOT MADE IT ANY MORE OBVIOUS

His dad is played by Theodore Bikel, who got his start in acting by playing Tevye in "Tevye the Milkman", an adaptation of the stories that predates Fiddler on the Roof. In 1969 he started playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, the role he played more than any other.

Anyway I want to get a story about a klingon girl being adopted by a Jewish family as a child, and having her coming-of-age ritual with her new family. Call it "My Bat'leth mitzvah"

You know it's been pointed out that Worf seems to be more invested in the history and culture of the Klingons than most of the raised-by-Klingons Klingons we meet in Star Trek.

There's lots of fan explanations for this (the Klingons have lost their way, and he believed their propaganda about themselves, so he's more Klingon than Klingons, or he's on the autism spectrum) But I want to see it brought up on trek itself.

Someone asks Worf why he's so invested in Klingon rituals, in their history, in their culture, when so many Klingons have forgotten the same, and let it slip away.

Worf explains that he got it from his father, who always emphasized the importance of... *Worf stands up and begins to sing at the top of his powerful klingon lungs* TRADITION!

Three decks away, a startled ensign drops a sample container. Within hours half the ship has mutated into kangaroos and Data has to save the ship yet again while Picard swordfights Shakespeare on the holodeck

I wonder if Worf ever mentioned to Sisko that he was Moses.

Sisko: What. Worf: You're a prophet to a people just out of slavery, one raised by another culture but secretly one of them. G-d spoke to you and told you of your divine mission. Because of your actions you were told you would not enter the promised land.

Worf: Remember when you entered the wormhole and spoke to the prophets to stop the Jem'Hadar invasion fleet? And they did? Well, what happened to the Pharaoh's army when they tried to follow the escaping Hebrews across the Red Sea?

Worf: Even your name! Benjamin, son of Joseph and Sarah. These are Hebrew names! You are Moses.

And how does DS9 end? (spoilers) Oh, Ben is taken into heaven on a chariot of fire. Like the prophet Elijah.

I imagine a young Worf coming to his father, excited to point out a connection to Klingon religion he found while reading the Torah. His dad is excited that his adoptive son has taken such an interest, and asks him to explain.

Young Worf explains that he was reading about Jacob, who met either G-d or an angel, and wrestled him until he was given a blessing. Jacob was from then on known as Israel, meaning "wrestles with G-d".

Worf points out that Klingons have no gods... Anymore. They were killed by Klingons in the distant past.

Little Worf balls up his tiny fists. "Don't worry, father! I shall help you finish what Jacob started!" and runs out to practice Bat'leth in the back yard. Sergey covers his face with both hands, then looks upwards and whispers "he doesn't understand... Forgive him, please!"

He'll ask the rabbi for advice later, and they'll be a very unique conversation.

There are many difficulties with maintaining the faith and traditions in the atheist utopian future of Star Trek, but "my adoptive son read the Torah and now thinks it's his divine mission to kill G-d in his heaven and drink bloodwine over his corpse" is a new one.

little did Worf know that the job had already been done, years before he was born, and with Klingon assistance. Yes, I'm going to bring up Star Trek V...

"God" or at least a very powerful being claiming that title, is trying to kill Kirk on a planet named after the James Bond actor. Kirk reaches the top of a mountain (why is he climbing the mountain?) and he's out of options. BAM, Klingon Bird Of Prey, out of nowhere! DIE, GOD!

But it wasn't a Klingon at the weapon's console. It was Spock! (But he's Jewish too, so it was still someone who Wrestles-with-God)

From then on Spock was known to the klingons as chotwI’Qun: God Killer.

(the grammar is probably wrong on that, but if you try to correct me on my Klingon (don't you mean tlhIngan Hol?) at the end of a post about how Worf is Jewish, I will simply call you a NERD)

[sexy-bag-of-mostly-water]

The way Sisko says "BAse-BAll! :D :D :D"

He just loves that stupid game so much

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Gul Dukat

By Ames

Last week we expanded our spotlight series to include villains, and like our focus character Kai Winn, this week’s villain is so compelling he deserves his own post. It’s no secret I’m a big fan of Dukat (both my favorite Cardassian and my favorite DS9 villain), but what is it about him that’s just so entrancing? Is it the swaggering charisma he exudes? Is it all the justifications he makes for his clearly villainous actions? Clearly it’s the mile-long neck, right? Well A Star to Steer Her By is going to get to the bottom of how such a bad man makes such a great character.

Did Dukat do nothing wrong? Of course not; he’s a monster, after all. But as a character, he gets so much right, and his performance by Marc Alaimo is so devoted that, every so often, you let your guard slip and root for the guy. He has the sheer audacity to pull off some of the schemes we’ve highlighted below, so scroll on down, listen to us whispering in your ear on this week’s podcast (jump to 1:15:10), and swagger up the place.

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Favorite moments

Won’t someone please think of the children? One of the most impressive things about Cardassians is their ability to scheme for the long term. And Dukat is particularly skilled at scheming. His war orphans plot in “Cardassians” to undermine Gul Pa’dar sat dormant for eight years before it emerged! How many other schemes is he sitting on, waiting for them to hatch into something nefarious?

I spent the last few years building up an immunity to mind melds When Sarkonna tries to mind meld Dukat to extract information, she learns the hard way that Dukat’s mental discipline somehow surpasses hers. And she’s a freakin’ Vulcan! And then Dukat spends the rest of the scene in “The Maquis” sassing at his Maquis captors about how terrible they are at handling their prisoners and how the Cardassians are so much better at it.

Attention Bajoran workers It is downright badass for Dukat to beam in during “Civil Defense” and snark at the crew in Ops about how naive they were to set off the counterinsurgency program… all while standing in front of a ball shooting lasers! We also see more layers of trademark Cardassian scheming when even Dukat’s program is supplanted by yet another directive from Central Command!

I thought the Obsidian Order didn’t have any ships I find it amusing that, while normal Romulans acquiesce to the Tal Shiar in “Face of the Enemy,” the Cardassian Central Command and the Obsidian Order seem to loathe each other. In “Defiant,” Dukat has teamed up with Sisko to get the Defiant back from Tom Riker, and he manages to gleefully expose the Obsidian Order’s illegal ship-building plans on the way!

Cue the fireworks! Cardassians are nothing if not petty. When the Siskos have proven it possible for Bajoran lightships to have traveled to Cardassian space in “Explorers,” Dukat is there to congratulate them. Turns out the Cardassians have beaten Sisko the punch by “discovering” wreckage of a Bajoran lightship right before Sisko arrived. Coincidence? I think not.

You’re my number one dad, give or take Okay, so Dukat was fully planning on killing Ziyal in “Indiscretion,” and it’s the lowest bar for a man to not murder his progeny, but he manages to clear it! Leaving his bastard daughter alive ends up ruining his position and his marriage, but Dukat can’t bring himself to harm his daughter when he finally confronts her. And damn does he look good in a Breen uniform.

The first Klingon Bird-of-Prey ever to be captured by Cardassia Marauding Dukat may be my favorite Dukat. Sure, he lost his status after the news about Ziyal spread, but in “Return to Grace,” he just goes with it! He uses his dinky little freighter the Groumall to actually capture a Klingon Bird-of-Prey, which is all kinds of impressive. And he even has a good rapport with Kira this episode, trying to tempt her over to the privateer life.

Remember to rate your Uber driver While Sisko, Odo, and O’Brien are dressing up like Klingons to infiltrate the Order of the Bat’leth ceremony in “Apocalypse Rising,” Dukat is flying around with his stolen Klingon Bird-of-Prey. He’s even magnanimous enough to bring our DS9 friends to the ceremony, likely as an excuse to show off his spoils and how damn great he looks in a Klingon baldric.

The enemy of my enemy, twice removed If there’s a theme to many of these favorite Dukat moments, it’s the sheer audacity he displays. If nothing else, he always picks the ballsiest moves, which makes for the most entertaining developments. And it’s nothing short of audacious when he reveals that he has allied Cardassia with the Dominion in “By Inferno’s Light” while the DS9 crew picks their jaws up off the deck.

A graveyard the likes of which the galaxy had never seen! Just everything about “Waltz” is spellbinding, which is a testament to Dukat’s character because a majority of the episode is watching him go slowly (and then quickly) absolutely insane. He reveals to Sisko with relish how he believes he was right in how he treated the Bajorans and how he deplores that they never so much as said “thank you.” Ingrates.

Yo Momma jokes, Bajoran edition Is it contrived that “Wrongs Darker than Death or Night” establishes that Gul Dukat took Kira’s mom as a comfort woman during the Occupation? Yeah, a little. And I’ve already given both Sisko and Kira guff for their actions this episode. But you’ve got to appreciate the gall of Dukat, ringing Kira in the middle of the night to drop this bombshell on her for no damn reason.

How do you fight a god? Dukat turns a new leaf when he gets really into Bajoran religion. And sure, all his leaves are evil, but this one is still new! In “Tears of the Prophets” he lets himself get possessed by Kosst Amojen so he could take on the Prophets, and subsequently hit the Bajoran people where it hurts: right in the religion. Sadly it results in Jadzia’s death, but Dukat was just that committed.

Don’t drink the Kool-Aid Another “Oh the audacity” moment from Dukat comes in “Covenant” when he establishes the Cult of the Pah-wraiths. Rather successfully too, I might add! He’s got a decent and devoted little cult going, so brainwashed that they don’t bat an eye when he knocks up [at least] one woman, and even convinces them to go full Jonestown to cover his ass.

A little more than a neck lift If other Cardassians thought it was audacious to jump feet first into bed with the Dominion in “By Inferno’s Light” or watch a Pah-wraith possess him for reasons in “Tears of the Prophets,” imagine how Damar feels when he finds Dukat has gotten cosmetic surgery to try to infiltrate the Bajorans’ ranks in “Penumbra.” This guy. Always upping the ante, he is.

I’m just a simple man of the land By the top of the next episode, “‘Til Death Do Us Part,” Dukat has weaseled his way into the good graces of Kai Winn. And an episode after that in “Strange Bedfellows,” he’s weaseled into her bed. We covered all this in the Winn Adami spotlight, but Dukat’s skill at deception and persuasion are rivaled by none. He plays Winn like a fiddle and she loves it!

Feel our love: the love of the Pah-wraiths Okay, the Prophet stuff at the end of the series treads too far into fantasy for me, but what’s perfectly on the nose is both Dukat’s and Winn’s characterization. Dukat so seamlessly plays Winn into the hands of the Pah-wraiths by “Strange Bedfellows” that it is a work of art. And he gets her to read from the Book of the Kosst Amojen in “The Changing Face of Evil,” sealing their fates and bringing the whole series toward its conclusion. Praise be!

—

What a truly audacious journey! That’s everyone from Deep Space Nine I felt like covering in these spotlights, so next week we start revisiting some of our friends from Voyager! Boy, are we missing them during our watchthrough of Enterprise, for which I hope you’re humoring us by following along on SoundCloud, or wherever you get your podcasts. Summon the Pah-wraiths with us over on Facebook and Twitter, and see what schemes transpire!

[sputnikodin]

"I was afraid you'd ask that. I throw this ball to you and this other player stands between us with a bat, a stick, and he, and he tries to hit the ball in between these two white lines. No. The rules aren't important. What's important is, it's linear. Every time I throw this ball, a hundred different things can happen in a game. He might swing and miss, he might hit it. The point is, you never know. You try to anticipate, set a strategy for all the possibilities as best you can, but in the end it comes down to throwing one pitch after another and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape. [...] The game wouldn't be worth playing if we knew what was going to happen." -- commander benjamin sisko in star trek: deep space nine season one episode one: the emissary - part two

"that's the beauty of baseball: you just don't know what's gonna happen next" -- guy on the giants tv pregame show just now