#sirius black x fem!reaser

[f4irydaydreams]

tired | s.b

sirius black x fem!reader 

warnings: crying, stress, anxiety, bad habits, self indulgent, angst? bad writing, hurt/comfort (~1k words)

a/n (repost of an old fic from when i was @/daisyyy2516) this is for you anon! and any others who might remember reading my stuff. reblog if you like it! i’d hate to post these again and have no one read them. i think this was for one of @mullthingsoverinthehotwater ‘s writing challenges? prompt was “i’m fine. stop asking.”

tagging some people who might wanna see this? @peppers-analytics @sabstfu @arithmqncy @biderboy @o-rion-sta-r

it was all just getting too much. too much. there were too many things to do, too many things to worry about, too many things running through her mind. she was slipping away. 

the year had been stressful for everyone, with their exams and heavy workload. the library was always busy, filled with noises of the quill scratching on parchments and the quiet giggles of the first years in the corner. in the back of the room sat y/n, buried behind a pile of books reading text that seemed to get blurrier by the minute. 

y/n was never one to obsess over work like this. at least that’s what everyone thought. behind her bubbly, cheery, loud facade was someone hanging by a thread. sometimes she got ahead of herself. her expectations were too high and her worst enemy was herself. of course, no one realized until now when she was exhausted to the point where she could no longer put up a happy face every single day. 

“y/n?” 

no answer.

“y/n? why don’t we get you out of here for a while? take a small break. we’re all going to the lake to hang out for a bit.”

she finally looked up to meet the soft grey eyes of her boyfriend, sirius. sirius and y/n had been friends for years, but they all knew that their bond was beyond the ties of friendship. it was no surprise that the two ended up together (well except for the hundreds of girls lining up at sirius’s door every morning). 

her breath hitched as she stared at her picture-perfect man. his hair slightly long, overgrown, and messy, falling into his eyes. his eyes.

“m’sorry siri got some more work to do. go ahead have fun”, she snapped out of her trance and gave him a weary smile before going back to making sense of the letters on the parchment.

this was the third time she blew him off this week. something didn’t seem right. after years of knowing her, seeing her cry, listening to her laughter as he teased her in class, and spending hours on end talking at night, he never saw her like this. 

“please…”, he just wanted to see her smile for a bit and relax. 

fuck. he hates me. why would he even put up with me at this point all I do is study and try to get through this and still manage to fail. it’s gonna be okay just keep smiling, keep smiling okay? don’t wanna worry siri too much, he’s got enough on his mind. 

she slipped her small hands into his large ones, squeezing slightly to reassure him, to let him know she’ll be okay. but all he could think about how her hand won’t stay still and kept twitching in his, and her nails and fingers were bruising from constantly picking on them. her other hand’s knuckles were turning white as she gripped onto the quill as if her life depended on it. 

“what’s wrong angel? you know you can tell me anything right?”, he was worried to the point he started to question if he had done or said something to make her feel this way. 

“i’m fine siri! just want to get some studying done okay?”, she brushed it off trying not to look in his eyes. 

“y/n please just tell me what’s wrong.”

the frustration was getting to her and the last thing she wanted was to take it out on him. She was so tired, so so goddamn tired. with exams, assignments, extra classes, and quidditch she barely had time to breathe, let alone spend some time with her boyfriend. 

she missed being with him so very much but was too wrapped up in stress to realize it. 

it was hard for her. it wasn’t always easy for her to get good grades like lily, or for her to fly naturally like james. it took effort. a lot of it and small slips like a bad grade or a rough game slowly tore her down. 

without saying a word she grabbed her stuff, give him a small smile, and kissed his flush cheeks.

“i’m fine. stop asking.”

she could barely hear him calling after her as she rushed past the packs of students, speeding walking towards her dorm. she didn’t want to face him, he shouldn’t see her like this. 

the minute she walked into the empty room, her hands gave out and everything crashed to the floor. 

stop. stop. stop. you have to be strong okay? what are you doing, what if someone walks in. keep it together, you’re fine, just push through. 

picking up the books distracted by her trial of intrusive thoughts she didn’t hear him walk in. 

his heart broke at the sight of her. why couldn’t she see that everything was going to be okay? he wanted to be there for her, to comfort her but he didn’t know what was wrong. 

“angel, look at me”, his cold hand stung her burning cheeks stained with tears she didn’t realize had fallen. 

no. no. no. he’s going to be so disappointed. be strong for him. 

“i’m not leaving. you don’t have to talk, let me hold you for a while okay?“

she opened her mouth to speak choking on her sobs, immediately biting her lips to keep them from escaping. 

he slowly pulled the books out of her hands and put them aside, pulling her into his arms holding her close. he didn’t say anything just kept her snug against him running his hands through her hair trying to calm her down. her hands grabbed onto him tightly refusing to let go. 

“sirius?”

“yes, my love?”

“i’m sorry.” 

being disowned by his family was dreadful. watching his brother fall down a dark path was painful. watching his best friend fight lycanthropy every month was heartbreaking. 

but hearing his sunshine fall apart like that? hurt the most.