#singlewoes

[thecharismaticcoward]

The real reason I want a partner, instead of another dog, is nights like tonight. A dog can give me cuddles, affection, and incontrovertible adoration... But it can't be my plus one so I don't have to walk into a work function full if near-strangers alone.

[whittiesplit]

This is why I need a man or like a boo or something.. shit something, f the intimacy right now I just need a man to do man things 🙄😩 #singlewoes

[no1ukno]

Lmao Lord forgive me but the struggle is real...hope soon I'm getting old and snowbirdy' out here 😅😂😝 #funnymemes #lmao #meme #imadethis #velma #wheredawomenat #singlewoes #no1ukno (at Arizona Cardinals fanHQ)

[newtontuition-blog]

This is why a physicist and a biologist cannot be together. 🤣 . . . . #physicist #biologist #chemistry #sciencepuns #scienceteacher #sciencememes #funnyscience #sciencejokes #physics #biology #lovequotes #heartbreak #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #relationshipmemes #relationshit #bgr #baegoals #baebelike #foreveralone #singlewoes #sginsta #instasg #sgblog #sgblogshops #sgteachers

[malediction]

Single and Picky?

As a newlywed, I've become so conscious of how quickly married people forget what it's like to be single. Or worse,  when they only remember the freedoms and perks of single living, and omit the hardship. When I was single and I encountered someone who made married life sound SO hard and single life so preferable, I felt sorry for their spouse and I resented the implication that my life was easier because I was alone. I think if you make a bad choice in a spouse, marriage is infinitely harder than single life, but as a married person, I always think of a passage in the Bible that highlights just a few marriage perks: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one,     because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down,     one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls     and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.     But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered,     two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

This applies to SO many areas, spiritual, physical, & emotional. My husband and I make a GOOD team. We can accomplish a lot together. When one of us is struggling, the other can come alongside and be supportive. My husband is my defender and champion. The burden of decisions no longer rests solely on me. There have been countless times that my husbands counsel have kept me from making mistakes or his advice has prompted me to action.

All that to say, marriage really is quite wonderful, it's different than singleness to be sure, but it isn't something you should feel guilty for wanting. Many marrieds do a poor job of relating to singles in this area and I really would hate to become one of them.

One of my hubby's friends did something courageous and posted on social media about his desire to find a wife this year. My husband was very proud of his maturity and vulnerability to post something like this. But I was irritated by his "list" of things that he said he wanted in a wife. It seemed, well, picky and just a bit shallow.

Here's the problem though: many of us are told we are being PICKY, when we just have standards and then there are those that do not have standards and are just being picky. What do I mean?

A good definition of a standard for a spouse is a character trait that you preferably SHARE with the person such as, loves Jesus and follows God. Or has strong work ethic. Or intelligence and sharp wit. A good question to ask, is it related to your values or is it about preferences? Preferences would fall in the category of pickiness. What do those look like? Physical traits such as buff, blonde, and blue-eyed. Or something like sharing all the same hobbies (which I lucked out on - my husband shares most of my hobbies). Sure, those things would be nice, but ruling someone out because they don't match those preferences is foolish.

And then you get into shallow. If you are overweight and don't go to the gym, you shouldn't be asking the Lord for some guy with a six-pack. It's hypocritical. There are all these guys out there, playing video games for 6 hours a day, praying for a chick who looks great in a bikini, while they themselves cultivate a nice craft beer gut. Or girls how about wanting a guy that leads, but being unwilling to submit to leadership in your own life? It smacks of hypocrisy.

Some would say just having a list makes you picky, but I think lacking a list of any sort sets you up for failure at best, heartbreak at worst. I was reading a great book for singles called "Kiss the Wave" and the author lamented that many of her Christian friends had stopped following the Lord when they started pursuing a relationship with a non-believer. That's a scary thing, and when you lack standards, you place yourself directly on that path. It's happened to more than a few friends of mine.

"Without vision, the people cast off restraint." Standards actually benefit us and keep us locked into boundaries that aid us in dating. If you have no idea of what you want when you go into Target, I promise you are going to leave having spent $100 or more (am right, ladies?). Same goes for what you desire in a spouse. If there is no list, then practically anyone will do and you are probably going to waste a lot of time, money and emotions and guys who are no good for you. Or worse yet, divorced in a couple years. My husband matches SO much of my list, one I made back in my twenties and had honestly given up hope of finding. But if I had ruled him out because he didn't play an instrument or lead worship (my preferences), I'd be on the losing end. I wanted a tall guy, but I took that off my list, not wanting to be picky. Guess what? I got a tall guy after all. I wanted a guy with tats, and my husband will probably never get a tattoo. But I got so much more, because ink wasn't a factor for me when I realized his values were a part of the reason he hadn't marked his body.

Next time someone calls you picky or says you won't find a spouse if you have a list, do some soul searching and honestly determine if the things you want are preferences or standards. If you've ruled out past relationships because of preferences, commit to opening up your heart and mind to something different. I told my pastor I would NEVER date my now husband, simply because of my own prejudices and preferences blinding me to the great man in front of me. Thankfully, the Lord saw fit to disregard my stubbornness and my husband pursued me ignorant of my protestations. You know what they say, NEVER say never.

[twentysomethingeast-blog]

It's Like...

Everything that everyone has said is wrong.

You're a smart girl- law school is the worst.

You're pretty/any guy would be lucky- I'm ignored at every turn.

You're a great writer- I don't have the capacity to stick with it.

I had a guy literally turn away from me when he heard about my degrees. He said hi, was charming, was handsome, was so interested- and honestly this should have been the point where I knew something was going to fall apart, and then he heard that I'm getting a J.D. and an M.B.A. He took a deep breath, shook his head and said "well all I can say is that you'll make a lot more money than me" turned his back, and walked away.

He walked away.

He.

Walked.

Away.

I'm not getting these degrees as a way to hold anything over anyone's head. And the commentary that I've heard the most on my presence in the dating world: you're the type of girls that guys will flock to when they want to settle down. I don't care for that. I'm young and interesting and deserve my 20's just like everyone else. I've had men tell me, while drunk so this may not even be valid, that I'm beautiful. Not hot, not cute, not pretty, specifically I've only heard beautiful or gorgeous. In the light of day? I may as well be a troll. I'm tired. And annoyed. And single.

-Oliver Emme