#sinfuldesires

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Epilogue

Previous chapters - Masterlist

“Do you find everything terribly strange?”

Aegon jumps at hearing Alyssa's voice.

“I am sorry, darling, I didn't mean to scare you,” she apologizes walking slowly towards her brother, who is leaning on the balcony watching the new soldiers training in one of the castle courtyards.

"You just caught me by surprise," he replies, reassuring her with a smile and offering his arm for support, “Should you be out of bed? Your maid said that you weren't feeling well this morning."

"It's nothing," Alyssa rolls her eyes and looks at her brother, "You seem worried."

Her green eyes scan the young prince’s face, his brow furrowed slightly and his violet eyes tired. When their gazes meet, Aegon shrugs, and Alyssa, for an instant, sees again the little boy he once was. A nostalgic smile is born on her lips while her hand caresses Aegon's face feeling a stubble that manages to draw a sigh.

“Sometimes I still can't believe how much you've grown in these years,” she says

Now it is Aegon's turn to roll his eyes, though he then takes Alyssa's hand and places a kiss on her knuckles, "While you, mother, look more radiant and beautiful than ever."

The princess can't help but smile at his compliment, "Did they also instructed you in gallantries in Riverrun?"

Aegon chuckles and shakes his head, his gaze drifting once more to the soldiers for an instant.

“Talk to me, Egg. You may be a man now, but I can still tell when something is bothering you, what is it?

There is a moment of silence before he speaks, “I don't know if I am ready. I don't know if I can do it"

She doesn't need to ask what he is referring to.

“You have prepared your whole life for this moment, Aegon, yet it is normal to have doubts. I'd be amazed if you didn't."

“I don't know,” he shakes his head, “Everything suddenly feels real now that I am here again. I feel like I wasted a lot of time living in the Riverlands when I could be here, doing more for the realm. Learning more about my duties."

"You weren't wasting time. You were Lord Kermit's squire and it was an honor for him to receive you these last few years in his ancestral home. The visits you made to the other lords of the Trident were necessary. You were too young to remember much about the war, but you know how important it is to keep the peace. That part of the realm was hit the hardest when our family bled, spending this time with them is a way for the Crown to make amends for what happened."

“I know, I know you are right, it's just…” he trails off, clearly measuring his words, “It's weird to be back. Everything looks the same, but feels different. And suddenly I have all these responsibilities. I understand the burden that weighs on my shoulders, and for that very reason I fear that I am not capable enough”

“This is your birthright,” Alyssa assures him, “I know you will make a fine king because you are a good boy.”

“You say that because you are my mother,” he retorts, dismissing her comment.

Alyssa just smiles.

At some point after her wedding to Aemond, Aegon had begun referring to her as his mother. At first, Alyssa had thought he was doing it by mistake, but when he began calling Aemond father, she knew her little brother was doing it knowingly. It had taken her a while to get used to him referring to her that way, but she hadn't tried to correct him. She hadn't pushed aside the memory of Rhaenyra, either.

No. Actually, the biggest challenge she and Aemond had had over the years was being honest with the children. As much as they tried to isolate them from the bloodiest facts of the war, the rumors and whispers were always there. So, after much discussion, they had explained to Aegon and Jaehaera what had happened, the terrible way their family had split into two factions and fought each other almost to extinction.

“We survived because we understood that House Targaryen must stick together,” she had told nine-year-old Aegon and Jaehaera. Aemond had been mostly silent throughout the entire conversation. He didn't say it, but Alyssa knew that he feared Aegon's reaction to knowing that he had killed his father, “We did many things to keep you both safe and protected, that was always the priority for both of us. For you to be happy, having a better future than ours."

As always, it had been Aegon who had asked the questions. Many of them. And they had responded as sincerely as they could. Jaehaera, on her side, had remained almost silent, her blue eyes more wistful than ever. Alyssa knew that, from time to time, she still had nightmares. And she also knew that the girl, unlike her brother, had experienced firsthand the horrors of war.

In the end, when they had been told everything, Aegon had remained tremendously close to Aemond, assuring that he was the only father he knew and loved.

“I'm saying this because it's the truth,” Alyssa assures him, “Besides, you won't be alone. The small council will help you to rule. As king, it is your duty to listen to them and theirs to advise you in the best way possible. You can trust them. Lord Tyland is a loyal man and I know he loves you well."

"Lord Tyland is a good friend," a soft smile appears on her little brother's handsome face.

"You don't sound convinced"

It takes Aegon another minute to reply.

“I don't want to disappoint you,” he finally admits, “Father has taken good care of the kingdom all these years. I would hate to see all his efforts come to naught on my own."

“Aegon, you could never disappoint us,” she assures him, “We are both very proud of you and your sister. We know that now that we will return to Dragonstone, you both will assume your duties with the best possible disposition and sense of responsibility. The realm is in good hands."

"Do you really have to go?" he asks, his voice denoting for the first time all the nervousness he feels, his face clearly anxious about the task he will have to take on shortly.

“My beloved boy,” she replies with a sigh, taking his hand, “I don't like leaving when you came back so recently, either. But the news was so unexpected and took us so by surprise that we just want…”

"Privacy?" he smiles, “It is fine, mother, I understand. Don't listen to me, I'm being selfish keeping you here when I should have insisted that you leave long ago. You deserve to live this moment as you choose."

Alyssa can't help but feel her tears well up in her eyes as she places her hand on her swollen belly, the baby moving inside her, perhaps sensing how emotional she feels.

"Is something wrong? Should I call Alys?" Aegon asks, noticing a wince on her face.

“No, no, I'm fine, it's normal to be this sore when the moment is so close,” she assures him, “I'm fine,” she repeats, noticing her brother's anxious expression.

And she is.

Discovering that she was with child had been a tremendous surprise. After her last loss in Harrenhal, her moon blood hadn't returned for months. And it hadn't flowed regularly until barely a year ago, though Alyssa had long ago given up hope of being a mother, so she hadn't even taken that fact into account. That was why, upon discovering her pregnancy, she had tried not to get her hopes up too much. But, as the months passed and the baby grew inside her, Alyssa had sent for Alys, immediately entrusting her old friend with the task of taking care of her during her miraculous pregnancy.

"I thought it was impossible," she had said with tears of happiness in her eyes upon seeing the woman after so many years.

"I told you that your body could heal," she had replied, examining her.

Aemond had not left her side for an instant since that moment. And she had had a hard time convincing him that she was fine and that she could carry on with her regular activities since Alys and Jaehaera would keep her company. He had reluctantly agreed, returning to his work with the Small Council.

“We should go to Dragonstone for a while after the baby is born,” he had told her one night a few weeks ago.

"Why?"

“We've waited so long for this,” Aemond had replied, “No, we didn't even imagine it could happen, but now that we'll have our baby after so many years, I want these moments to belong to just the two of us. Or the three of us. At least for a time"

Alyssa hadn't responded immediately.

"You do not like the idea?"

“I like it,” she admits, “But the kids…”

“They are already adults. Aegon is almost eighteen years old. It is time for him to assume his place as king. Besides, we won't be that far. If they need us, they can fly to the island without problem.”

"I guess," she nods.

The idea seems a bit selfish, yes, but the truth is that Alyssa can't wait any longer to meet the baby she's carrying inside. And to imagine that she could get away from the court, from her duties, from the whispers that followed her after so many years of infertility, and simply dedicate herself to watching her little one grow, together with Aemond, is too tempting an idea to pass.

"Let’s go then, for a time," she finally says, "the baby will need its siblings eventually."

"Of course," he smiles, "Besides, knowing those two, they'll surely visit us as soon as they can and we don't even have time to miss them."

Alyssa laughs, "You said the same thing when we sent Egg to Riverrun and he barely writes to us."

"He's young, my love, he must have other things on his mind," the prince kisses her forehead and places his hands on her belly, caressing it and smiling as he feels the baby move under his touch, "Besides, you could have flown with me when I offered it to you”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and doesn't respond. Dragon riding would never be an activity she would choose more than as a last resort. More than once Jaehaera had invited her to ride Morghul, but she had declined.

“I just hope they are okay once we are gone,” she sighs, “they haven't seen each other in years.”

The roar of a dragon and the shadow that casts over them tears Alyssa from her memories, bringing her to the present in the balcony with Aegon.

"Morghul," he says quietly, raising his violet eyes to the sky.

"Why didn't you go fly with Jaehaera?"

Aegon grimaces before shrugging again, "Lord Corlys wanted to talk to me about the situation of the royal fleet”

“Don't drown in your duties just yet, Egg. Aemond is still here, and it won't be long before we return from Dragonstone, you know he likes to feel useful to the realm," they both smile at her affirmation. “You could use some rest. You should take advantage of these days, and spend time with Jaehaera. When you were kids you couldn't wait to mount your dragons. And now that you are both riders, I haven't seen you fly together yet."

"Yes, I might do that"

Aegon sighs and Alyssa watches his expression, which seems to be lost for a few seconds. The princess wonders if her little brother is also worried about staying with Jaehaera in the castle. They had been very close as children, but learning about the war had created a kind of distance between them that Alyssa had thought they had managed to overcome over time. Until Aegon had had to go serve as squire and Jaehaera had resented being left behind.

"You don't have to marry Jaehaera if you don't want to"

"What?" Aegon watches her with wonder in his eyes, his shoulders tense and his brows furrowed once more.

“It's okay if you don't love her that way,” Alyssa explains, “I know it was expected for you to get married and carry on the tradition of our house, but we won't force a union that would make you both unhappy. If there's someone else, perhaps someone you met in the Riverlands,” Alyssa proposes tentatively, “If she's a noble young lady, you could easily make her your queen. Any maiden would be more than happy to marry you."

“And what would happen to Jaehaera?”

“She is a princess, she has royal blood, it would not be difficult to find a husband for her. I think there was talk at one time of betrothing her to the heir of Winterfell. She could… "

"No, no," Aegon cut her off sharply, "Jaehaera will be my wife, my queen."

Alyssa raises her eyebrows, amazed at the possessive, frightened tone she detects in Aegon's voice, "I just thought that…"

“Our feelings are not in question, mother. At least not mine,” he assures her, “It's just that meeting again has cost us a little more than I thought”

Alyssa nods and doesn't answer because suddenly the hooves of a horse hurtling through the castle gate catches her attention. Aegon averts his gaze from the princess, his eyes focusing on Jaehaera, who skillfully climbs down from the animal and adjusts her riding clothes.

The girl seems to sense their scrutiny because her gaze lifts to them, a half smile appearing on her face at the sight of Alyssa.

"Aunt!" she greets a moment later, after almost running to where they were, “What are you doing here? Alys said you should rest. You shouldn't have let her come up here, it could be dangerous,” her last sentence directed at Aegon, an impatient expression on her face as she crosses her arms.

"I didn't know she would get out of bed, I thought she was resting"

"How was your flight?" Alyssa interrupts when she notices that her niece wants to answer

“You know me, I'm always happy when I ride my dragon,” she replies with a genuine smile and Alyssa is amazed, once again, at how beautiful her little girl has become. Her eyes, as blue and long as her mother's, yet her face a feminine version of her father's, "I wasn't far from Dragonstone today."

“Sweetheart, try not to stray too far from the castle next time, it worries me in this weather…”

“No, auntie, please don't start scolding me,” she asks pouting and taking Alyssa’s hands, “Flying is my only refuge these days. I can't be embroidering and reading forever, and not all of us have obligations as noble and important as running a kingdom to keep our days busy."

“I never expressed myself that way,” Aegon replies, sighing.

“I'll go take a bath, I reek of dragon,” Jaehaera says, clearly ignoring him, “I'll see you at lunch.”

The girl kisses her aunt and quickly walks away from them.

***

"I'm frankly worried about those two"

Alyssa is sitting, like every night, on the windowsill. The sea breeze is her best ally now that labor is so close and her body seems to burn from the inside.

"We have to give them time"

Aemond, sitting across from her, strokes her belly gently.

"They don't seem to get along"

"Aegon is crazy about her," Aemond smiles, "He just doesn't know how to approach her."

“And what about Jaehaera? She seems upset every time I see her with him. I will not urge her to do her duty if she is not in love with him."

"Neither would I," her husband assures her, moving closer to Alyssa, "They deserve to know the joy of being married to someone they love, as we have known for almost fourteen years."

Alyssa smiles and reaches out to caress his face. Aemond closes his eye, and presses his face into her hand, a smile playing on his lips.

“It will be fine, being alone is going to force them to confront what they feel”

"Maybe, but..."

Alyssa stops talking as a sharp pain shoots up in her belly. Releasing a gasp of astonishment, she takes her hand to her lower back, trying to massage the area, but another pain as intense as the previous one seizes her again.

"Are you okay?"

“I think… I think you should call Alys. The baby is coming," she replies as she feels a liquid drip between her legs.

There is a moment of absolute silence between the two of them, who only look at each other, half surprised and nervous, before Aemond stands up and calls for the healer.

"Yes, the baby is coming," Alys pronounces a few minutes later, "It won't take long now, princess."

Alyssa clings to Aemond's arm to try to walk, too sore to just lie in bed. Her sweat drenches her nightgown and her messy hair falls down her back and clumps to her face, making her remember the scene so many years ago in Dragonstone, when she was assisting her mother during her labors.

"Is it true? Is the baby to be born tonight?"

Jaehaera is the first to enter the room, still dressed in her dinner clothes. Aegon enters after her a few seconds later.

"Mother, are you okay? They said that…"

He trails off as he watches Alyssa panting, one hand on her belly and one on Aemond's arm.

“Everything is fine,” it is Aemond who answers

“I wish to stay,” Jaehaera says, “I can help.”

“How would you help? You wouldn't know what to do,” Aegon replies.

“I am a woman, we know about these issues by instinct”

Aegon chuckles, “You're not even married, you'd be more of a nuisance. Come, let Alys and her midwives take care of it."

"No, I'll stay," and adds, "You're not the king yet, you don't have any authority over me."

"Enough!" Alyssa almost growls, “Jaehaera, my love, maybe it wouldn't do for you to stay. Births are not always easy. Aegon, take your sister outside and wait there. We'll call you once the baby is born."

Fortunately, they don't protest and leave the room. When they are alone again, Alyssa looks up at Aemond, with an I told you so look on her face, “See now what I mean?”

“It's just banter,” the prince replies, “They'll figure it out.”

"You'd better go to bed, princess," Alys urges her

And she's right because, a few minutes later, Alyssa is in more pain than she's ever known in her life before complete relief and hearing the most beautiful sound she could imagine, her baby crying.

“A girl,” Alys says, picking up a newborn who won't stop screaming and moving her arms and legs.

"Is she healthy?" asks Alyssa

"Is Alyssa alright?" asks Aemond in turn

“They are both very well,” Alys nods, handing the baby into the arms of the princess, who receives her too carefully, her hands slippery with her sweat and blood. The baby stops crying when she feels the contact with her mother’s skin, her eyes remaining open enough to notice her green eyes.

A sound of adoration escapes her throat before tears of happiness roll down her face, her fingers caressing the soft skin of her little girl. Alyssa raises her face to Aemond, who looks enthralled at the little girl, his face serious, but his eye denoting all the emotion he feels.

“Daena,” he whispers close to Alyssa's ear.

“Daena,” the princess confirms, repeating the name they had decided to give her baby just a few days ago, in case it was a girl.

"She is beautiful," Aemond sighs, "She is perfect, just like you."

Alyssa smiles and kisses the little girl's cheek before handing her over to one of her midwives to wash and wrap her up.

Aemond, unable to take his eye off the baby, waits impatiently until the little one is ready and receives her in his arms, cradling her as Alys helps his wife to her feet so the maids can change the bloodied sheets.

“You did a great job, princess,” the woman finally says, “You should rest now.”

“Thank you, Alys, for everything”

The healer nods and leaves the room with the midwives.

“I still can't believe it's real,” Alyssa comments as she feels Aemond sit next to her on the bed.

“She's our miracle baby,” Aemond says, stroking the baby's silver hair with his fingers, “Thank you, my love, you couldn't have given me a better gift.”

“I feel the same to you,” Alyssa replies, kissing her baby, feeling filled of love and adoration.

The noise of a couple of voices starting to get excited outside the door reach them, so they look at each other and sigh.

 “I just hope she's not as a handful as that pair,” Aemond says, half amusement and half seriousness in his voice.

“Well, it will be many years before we get to know that,” Alyssa replies, “Now go, let them get in here before they kill each other. I want them to meet their sister."

Aemond places a soft kiss on both of their foreheads before opening the door and allowing the two kids to enter.

"Oh! She is adorable!" Jaehaera carefully climbs onto the bed, moving closer to Alyssa.

"Congratulations, mother," Aegon smiles as he watches the baby, "and you, father, of course."

Aemond smiles at Aegon and places his hand on his shoulder, patting it, “This is Daena. Your sister"

“Daena,” they almost chant, though Jaehaera smiles, “A beautiful name. I like it"

“I think so too,” Aegon turns away from the prince and stands behind Jaehaera, “I'll take good care of you, little Daena. And I will take you to explore the realm in Stormcloud’s back”

“Yes, but she will ride Morghul first,” Jaehaera replies.

"No, her first ride will be on the king's mount," Aegon looks at her with a smirk.

Jaehaera rolls her eyes, "My dragon is faster."

Aemond clears his throat, "Her first flight will be with her father, and Vhagar."

Alyssa sighs. She had agreed to fly to Dragonstone as it was faster and safer than crossing the sea during the storms they were experiencing. Besides, it was Aemond's dream to fly with his baby like his grandmother had done with his father, and she was not going to take away that illusion.

“You're right,” Jaehaera asserts, a blush rising on her cheeks, embarrassed, “I'm sorry, we're arguing like fools at this happy time. Can I hold her?”

"Of course," Alyssa places the baby carefully in her arms, "Be careful with her head”

“Hi Daena,” Jaehaera says, standing up and cradling her, her nose delighting in the baby scent emanating from her little sister, “I can't wait to have one of my own.”

Alyssa sees that Aemond frowns and wants to comment on his niece's words, so she takes his hand and shakes his head before pointing to Aegon, who has once approached Jaehaera and looks at her, entranced. Jaehaera, feeling her eyes, looks at him and smiles back, pulling Daena closer to the future king.

“You were right,” Alyssa says quietly when her husband returns to her side, “I think they'll figure it out on their own”

“Everything will be fine, my love.” Aemond hugs her and turns his gaze to her daughter. Alyssa rests her head on his shoulder and sighs, filled with relief and happiness to see her family reunited once more.

Yes, everything would be fine.

Because it had been for her and Aemond, and it would be for Jaehaera and Aegon.

And for Daena.

Everything would be just fine.

I have received such support from you guys this past few days!! Thank you so much for reading and giving me your impressions of my story <3

[rodsracers]

Happy Saturday! #Scripture • And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. Galatians 5:24 KJV #LoveGod #JesusChrist #crucified #ourflesh #sinfuldesires #bibleverse #bibleverseoftheday📖 (at Mobile County, Alabama) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs0-ZCkBhDR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fpckp3a58la8

[donewith-ev]

Talk about overstimulation, my god. (2nd time) I came fucking everywhere, I literally yelled. 😂 Glad I was alone in the house. Great stress relief, though.

[stephanieseecharan-blog]

JUDGE Not, that ye be not judged , For with what judgement yee yudge ,you shall be judged ,and with what measure ye mete it shall be measured to you again . #loved #condemed #sinfuldesire #blissfulsin #LGBT #judgenot #hate not #loveall #gay

[aebi12]

Sinful Desires - Chapter 30 part II

Aemond knows he should be paying attention.

It is his duty, after all, to intervene and oversee that the decisions made by the small council and the nobles who have come to the city to formally sign peace benefit his regency and his nephew's future reign, but he couldn't find the subject less interesting right now.

No. Aemond, even if he tried, could not pay attention, so he delegates that responsibility to Velaryon and Lannister, who specify the terms of the agreement while the maesters scribble quickly on documents that surely will immortalize this moment for posterity.

And he couldn't care less.

Not when he hasn't been able to speak to Alyssa in two days, partly because she's been busy with her responsibilities to the wives and noble ladies of the court. And partly because he's afraid of whatever she's going to tell him.

Or what she will decide.

She can't just leave, he thinks trying to remain calm, She said herself that she loves you. She's just mad, it's just a matter of time and…

His hands open and close, his fingers flexing in a clear gesture of the anxiety he feels. From the panic that he has experienced since the night of the feast.

"It's your turn to sign, my prince"

A young maester hands him a quill and Aemond meets Lannister's eyes. The man nods letting him know that he can write his name in the document.

"And now war is finally over," announces Corlys Velaryon as Aemond puts down the quill.

A clearly festive atmosphere settles in the council room and the servants enter with glasses of wine for all to toast. Aemond discreetly joins in the celebration, sitting at one end of the room, toying with the porcelain sphere he has taken from the table.

"I received a raven from Oldtown this morning, my prince."

Tyland Lannister sits next to Aemond and hands him a glass of wine.

"Oldtown? Did we expect news from my relatives?”

The man’s face looks stunned at his words, "I imagined that the princess had informed you that your mother returned to her childhood home."

"No, I wasn't informed," he frowns.

“Princess Alyssa decided that it would be best for your mother to be…exiled to Oldtown. The dowager queen will be confined to a room in the castle, although she will enjoy of the essentials for her survival. The princess herself decreed that she would not be allowed to contact any member of the royal family, especially princess Jaehaera."

Aemond nods, not quite sure how to feel about this information. He hadn't thought of visiting his mother even when he believed she was still locked up in a dungeon in the Red Keep, his anger at her still very much present. Still, and even though he's aware that she deserved a worse punishment than she's received, he can't help but feel relieved that Alyssa decided to send her away from them.

One more thing to thank his beloved for.

“Should I dispose differently?” asks Lannister

"Not at all. If Alyssa decided so, so it shall be done. Excuse me"

Aemond stands up, throws the sphere on the table and exits the room leaving a sudden silence behind him, but not really caring about it.

The frustration, fear and anger that he experiences is about to overflow from within, and he can't let anyone, especially not the nobles of the realm, see how affected he is. So, he does what he did for years and channels his energy in the training yard, his sword his best ally as he challenges a couple of soldiers to try and keep up with him.

By the time he's disarmed the third soldier, his mind feels clearer than it did a while ago. The strength with which his heart beats from his physical exercise echoes in his ears and the sweat that runs through his body are sensations as pleasant as they are comforting.

"Well done, uncle, well done!"

Soft applause accompanied Jaehaera's sweet voice. Aemond turns and sees the children standing by their sleeping dragons in their cages.

The prince walks directly towards them, a half smile on his lips.

"That was incredible! I want to fight as well as you do, cousin,” Aegon says.

The emotion in his voice and the admiration with which he looks at him remind him of the way he used to see Criston Cole when he was a boy, entranced by the grace with which the knight fought. Nostalgia invades him when he thinks that this is the same training ground he learned everything he knew.

"Have you started training yet?"

“Ser Willis trains me sometimes,” he nods, “but I want you to do it. You are so much better than him."

“Don't let the lord commander hear you say that,” he replies trying to suppress a smirk, “The first lesson is to respect your instructor, understand?” Aegon is quick to nod, “Come on then, take one of the training swords. Let's see how much you've learned."

The boy runs to select one and Aemond kneels next to Jaehaera, "We won't be long."

The girl smiles at him and he places a kiss on her forehead before returning to Aegon, who has been fitted with a metal breastplate over his jacket by the master-at-arms.

“Plant your feet, don't spread your legs too far apart,” he points out, “Now, raise your sword, firmly. Attack me”

His nephew tries, without success.

Aemond spends the next half hour training Aegon, who gets frustrated a few times, but proves to have enough attitude to get up every time his cousin knocks him down, ready to continue learning.

“You have to keep practicing,” he tells him when the boy looks too tired to continue, “you won't become the best warrior in the kingdom overnight.”

"I guess not," he shrugs, "but you'll teach me, right?"

“Every day,” he assures her, “We will have time for you to…”

Aemond falls silent as the thought that this may not be true suddenly flashes through his mind. Maybe they won't have more time, not if Alyssa decides to take them to Dragonstone.

His gaze drifts to Jaehaera, who has enthusiastically followed the training from her place, to Aegon once more, who looks at him expectantly and confidently.

His cousin and his niece. But actually, more than that. They are his children. And he knows that he has said it many times, that he has referred to them as his family, but it is not until this moment that he realizes the true meaning of that word.

Because Aemond won't be able to have children of his own. And he hadn't lied to Alyssa when he said he wasn’t upset about the lack of heirs, but he hadn't understood -at that moment-everything it implied either. And it was partly because he was counting on being able to do with Aegon and Jaehaera the things he would have wanted his father to do with him, if Viserys had been interested.

“Let's go back to your rooms. It's cold and it's almost dinner time."

The children make no protest and each take Aemond's hand, moving down the halls together, whispering happily about their dragons, oblivious to the storm that is the prince's mind.

"Should I fix a plate for you too, my prince?" asks Daysi

"No, it is not necessary"

Aemond is content to watch them eat and laugh.

How many times has he seen a similar scene? Too many. But it is right now that he finally understands why Helaena enjoyed so much watching her children play. Or why Alyssa said that it gave her peace to see the children sleep.

But it is not only peace that he experiences, but also hopelessness.

Because there's a chance he won't be able to see them grow. That he doesn't get the chance to train with Aegon, to teach him to read or hunt. Because he might not be able to be there the first time Jaehaera rode her dragon or learned her first dances, like her mother had once done. Aemond might not be able to teach them High Valyrian, or tell them stories about the kingdom like the ones he enjoyed hearing when he was a child. Perhaps, he would miss all those moments. He would be a stranger in their eyes if they both went with Alyssa, away from him.

The thought makes his stomach clench, and as Aemond looks at the children once more he suddenly thinks of the babies Alyssa lost. His children. The ones whose death he felt, but for the first time caused him actual pain with their absence. Two children, two parts of Alyssa and him, who should be with them, but had been taken from them. Just as perhaps the chance to be a father through Aegon and Jaehaera would be taken from him. And Aemond hadn't realized how much he wished he could be a father figure to those two little ones.

The knot in his stomach rises to his throat, and he feels tears well in his eye as a stinging pain settles in his scar. Without saying goodbye to the children, Aemond leaves the room and goes to his own, walking directly to the jug of wine and pouring himself a glass. And then another, and one more.

The wine clouds his mind, but he's conscious enough when he decides to go to Alyssa's room and carelessly pushes the door open, entering unannounced.

“Aemond? What are you doing…?"

"Don't take them away from me, please"

Alyssa, who has been working on an embroidery, pushes her tools aside and stands up.

“Aegon and Jaehaera. They are also my family. I know I said…” he stops, his words beginning to mix in his mind, “They need you, I know, you are the mother they need. But I also want to be a father to them. Don't take them away, please."

"Aemond I don't..."

He interrupts her again, holding up his hand to stop her from talking, “I know I deserve it. I deserve to be punished, I behaved like an idiot… and I have been thinking too. I thought…I thought about our babies…you lost them because of me. My mother poisoned you because of me."

"That is not true"

"Yes. Yes, it is. You lost the opportunity to be a mother because of me, we both know it," his voice breaks, "And yet, you were merciful to my mother. Much more than someone in your place would be. You're always going to be better than everyone in this fucking place, Alyssa."

“Enough, please, I'm no better than anyone and I'm sick of you thinking that about me. I let Alicent go because it was the most convenient thing to do, not because I am some saint who only knows how to be pious”

"Yeah? Well, regardless of that, you're better than me. It's not that you're insufficient, Alyssa, it's that I am. I'm not enough for you, I don't deserve you. Only bad things have happened to you since you decided to give yourself to me that night."

"Aemond..." Alyssa sighs, trying to get closer to him.

"Have you thought about that?" he asks, drawling his words as he steps back, wanting to keep distance between them, but almost tripping as his body feels strangely light, his mind dizzy from the sudden movement, “Because I do. And yet I'm selfish enough to ask you to stay, to choose me… because I'm going to be lost without you and without the children. I will stay alone. And I deserve it, I know… I'm a murderer and a bad person, but I love you and I love those children. I really love them"

Aemond lets out a sob and Alyssa can't help but tear up when she sees him so broken.

"You are drunk," she says finally, walking over to him and taking his arm, "Come on, you need to rest, we are going to have a long day tomorrow."

Alyssa guides him to the bed and he doesn't resist, allowing her to help him off his boots and snuggling under the covers, Alyssa's perfume immediately relaxing him.

"Sleep, Aemond."

“Stay with me, please…” he murmurs, closing his eyes.

And she doesn't know if he's referring to that night or if he's talking about their future, she just manages to accompany him until he falls fast asleep.

***

When Aemond wakes up, it takes him a minute to recognize where he is.

"What the hell am I doing here?" he hoarsely asks more to himself, though there's no one in the room to answer him either.

Memories come to his mind little by little as he throws the covers aside and sits up in bed.

“Fuck,” he says as he puts on his boots and drinks some of the water on the nightstand.

His head still hurts, but not badly. More than anything he feels embarrassed for breaking into Alyssa's room so violently and saying things that would be too hard for him to admit in his sober mind. But they were things that she had to hear, things that he genuinely thought and that the alcohol had managed to rip out of him.

Aemond hurries out of the room and into his own, cleaning himself up as quickly as he can and putting on the fresh clothes the maids have left behind. Fortunately, it is not so late and it is a while until the ceremony where the lords of Westeros will swear allegiance to Aegon begins.

When Aemond is ready and reaches the throne room, he discovers that the princess is already there, wearing a beautiful dark red dress with black details that fit her figure perfectly and make him feel breathless.

“Everything is ready, my prince,” one of the maesters informs him, snapping him out of the bubble of adoration in which he had plunged.

He nods and goes over to his family, nodding to Alyssa, too embarrassed to make eye contact with her.

"Are you ready?" he asks Aegon, kneeling beside him

"I am, Lord Tyland explained to me what I must do"

"Good. It will be a long ceremony and everyone will be watching you, you will be our future king and today you must behave as such. Stand firm and watch everyone very carefully."

"Okay," he says with a sigh.

“Same to you, Jaehaera,” he looks at his niece, “As the future queen, this ceremony is also important to you.”

The girl smiles at him, and Aemond takes his place by the iron throne. The conqueror's crown is too large for his nephew's head, but it has been placed on a cushion beside him, symbolizing his position.

One by one the realm's noble lords and most important court officials file past Aegon, swearing loyalty and allegiance to his name.

His little nephew looks very solemn throughout the ceremony, which fills him with pride and satisfaction.

“Well done,” he congratulates, patting him on the back as they all start to head towards the hall where another feast will be held in Aegon's honor.

“It wasn't that bad,” he replies with a shrug and walking beside him, “I don't remember everyone's names anymore, though.”

“You will be able to remember their names when you are older. You will learn about the houses, their sigils, their history. And you will visit them. A king must be known by his subjects. You will travel the realm with Stormcloud”

"I would like that"

"Can I go with him?" asks Jaehaera, who has been walking quietly alongside them.

“Of course,” it is Alyssa who answers, taking Jaehaera's hand and intertwining their fingers, “You will be a dragon rider too. You can fly wherever you want."

Aemond smiles at her response and feels Alyssa's eyes on him. When their gazes meet, she seems to be watching him curiously and he can't quite understand what she's thinking.

The festive atmosphere in the hall manages to keep him entertained for a while, especially since Aegon and Jaehaera are by his side, asking questions and playing with their dragons. But, when the children leave, his good mood fades and the headache returns, so he prefers to go too.

But it is not to his rooms that his steps take him, but to the godswood.

Aemond finds it endearing to see the ancient heart tree surrounded by the pristine white of the snow that first fell on the city the night before. As it is too cold to be sited among its roots, he prefers to take refuge under the arches of the entrance, his gaze lost in the red of its leaves.

The smell of her perfume and the rustle of her dress against the tiles reaches him before her voice.

“Bored with the feast already?”

“I don't usually enjoy those events,” he replies without turning to look at her, “Too many people”

Alyssa moves to his side, though out of his line of vision.

A comfortable silence settles between the two of them, who watch as the snowflakes begin to fall once more.

“It is the first time I've seen snow,” the girl says, reaching out to try to touch it.

"Hmm. It's been a long summer,” he replies as he thinks of the only time he'd ever seen the castle covered in snow, when he was still a little boy. Of course, Alyssa would have no memory of that.

Once again, they fall silent, until Alyssa's presence is so disturbing to him, and he is so embarrassed by his behavior the other night, that he looks away from the snow and back at her.

“I'm sorry I was so impertinent last night. I shouldn't have bothered you in your rooms"

"No, probably not, but I liked that you did it"

"Really?" he looks at her in disbelief

Alyssa nods, “I liked some of the stuff I heard. It was great to learn about your real feeling for the kids. Sometimes…sometimes I got the feeling that maybe you conditioned yourself to love them because of me. Especially my little brother."

"That is not true"

"No, it is not. And I'm relieved that you consider them your family."

"They are. Aegon and Jaehaera are a part of me too, and I know I don't say it often, but I do care about them. I love them"

A smile spreads across her face, "And they are the ones who should hear it"

"You know it's not easy for me to admit those things"

“I am sorry I upset you so much with my suggestion of living in Dragonstone. It's not that I think that the kids don't need you. Of course they do. And if I'm honest, I think they prefer you over me."

“That's impossible,” he assures her and sighs, “However, I didn't mean for my words to pressure you into taking me back. That was not my intention, I had drunk more wine than was good for me and I ended up acting impulsively”

"Once again," she says with a smirk.

“Yeah, once again,” he admits.

Their eyes meet, and he gets frustrated that he can't figure out what she's thinking in that instant.

"How about you? Did you get bored of the feast too?”

"Oh yes," she nods vehemently, "I can't stand the ladies of the court another minute, so I delegated my responsibility to Rhaena."

“Are they that insufferable?”

Alyssa makes a half amused half exasperated face, “I have to admit you were right the other night. They won't stop talking about how handsome Cregan Stark is or how good a dancer Kermit Tully is."

"Don't you share their opinions?"

She shrugs, and to Aemond's surprise, chuckles. When he questions her with his gaze, raising his eyebrows, she explains, "It's just that I can't help but think that my mother considered marrying me to the those very same men who are at the feast right now." And she adds in an almost playful tone, "There were even debates to decide who would be the most adequate"

"And who was the winner?"

"Well, my brother Jace favored Lord Kermit."

Aemond snorts, remembering the smug Tully, "And who did you favor?"

"None of them," she sighs, "because at that moment my heart already belonged to someone else."

"To whom?" he asks, though he knows the answer

“Someone I used to meet in this very place many years ago,” she replies, her gaze flicking briefly to the weirwood before returning to him, “Someone I had recently met again and who captured my heart almost instantly.”

"A fool who let you go after that first night"

“We didn't have too many options at the time”

Alyssa takes a step toward him and Aemond, hopeful, does the same. There is so little distance between them that their noses almost touch, his breath mingling with hers, Alyssa's hand entwining their fingers.

"And now? Does your heart still belong to that fool?" ask in a small voice

"Yes, it does," she replies almost instantly, "and I hope it does forever."

He doesn't know who initiates the kiss, only that their lips meet in an avid sway that reflects the need and longing they both feel. Alyssa sighs his name against his mouth, and he places his hands on her face, feeling the trail of her tears, just as surely she feels the ones he is shedding himself.

When they separate, their faces remain joined, their breaths matching as he cradles her to his chest and she encircles his waist with her arms.

“Please, Alyssa, don't leave me. I'm so, so sorry, forgive me Alyssa, but don't leave me."

She places a finger over his lips to silence him. “Listen to me, please,” when he nods, she takes a deep breath and nods as well, “I accept your apology, but I need you to stop creating expectations of me. I am not perfect, I am far from it. I make mistakes. Many. And I don't need to feel that you resent me when I don't act as you expect”.

“I know, my love, believe me I know,” he assures her, “That was never my intention. I know it's not right, but you've always been special to me. From the first moment, since we began to meet each other here, you were my shelter. And you were... you are, my light. You make me a better person, you make me deserving of what I have. Without you, I am lost."

“That's not true,” denies Alyssa, “You are smart, bold, brave…”

"An impulsive jerk whose only virtue is know how to get into trouble"

She smiles, “Maybe. But you are a lot of good things too, Aemond. Don’t ever think otherwise"

"I don't deserve to be loved"

"Don't think that, please. I am sorry I blamed you for how I behave when we fight. You are not guilty of how insecure I have become or the fears that plague my mind, it was very unfair of me to blame you for that when many times you have been the reason why I kept fighting, my source of strength” She sighs, “You know I have been thinking about when we were kids? I didn't come here just for fun or to chat with my uncle," she smiles sadly, "I came because I felt safe with you, because I could escape the rumors at court, the scandals of my father and his squires, the feeling of being insufficient for not having a dragon. You were my shelter back then. And you were my shelter when your brother brought me back here, you were my ally and yes, I clung to you to survive, but even if none of that had happened, if our families had never clashed, I already loved you. In that sweet, childish way of a young girl, but it was always you."

"And for me it was always you too"

Alyssa wipes the tears that roll down her cheek and gives him a short kiss, barely a caress, "We have a horrible habit of constantly hurting each other, don't we?"

"It seems so, yeah"

“But I like to believe that we can be more than that,” Alyssa whispers, “At least, I want us to try to be more than that. I want us to be able to support each other, no more lies, no more resentment... just you and me. I am willing to try"

The question is unspoken, her green eyes bright in the moonlight, asking for an answer.

“I'm willing to try too,” he assures her, “Of course I want to try.”

"I'm sorry, Aemond, for everything"

"I'm sorry too, Alyssa."

“I know a lot of bad things happened to us, but I wouldn't change anything that happened between us. I choose you because I know we are worth it, Aemond."

"Will you stay here with me?" when she nods, the prince feels a huge weight leave his body, "Then I will make sure that every day of our lives you are convinced that it was the right choice."

"I'm counting on it"

***

The wedding takes place a month later.

Although, if she had allowed herself to be convinced by the prince words, they would have called a septon the same night of their reconciliation and they would have been married in front of the weirwood. Alyssa had strongly opposed that idea, reminding him that the Fortress was full of guests and it would be rude of them to just ignore the noble lords.

“I care very little for all of them,” the prince had assured, “I only need the children here. And maybe that annoying Stark to bear witness of our union"

Alyssa had only laughed because she felt the same way, but she knew they had to act appropriately. So they had left the godswood and physically killed nostalgia in her room, though they had kept up appearances before the court for the weeks that followed, each remaining in their own private chambers.

“You look beautiful, princess”

Enid finishes fixing her hair and helps her stand up to go to the mirror. A smile appears on her face as she notices how good she looks in the ivory dress with sapphire blue trim that she is wearing.

“An unusual combination,” Rhaena comments, helping her adjust the skirt.

“I thought it was the most appropriate,” she replies, thinking that it is the exact tone for the gemstone that Aemond wears in his eye. She had had the idea of using it for her wedding dress a long time ago and it had finally come true.

“Grandfather is waiting for you,” Rhaena says with a smile as well, “and surely Aemond will walk through that door if we take a moment longer.”

She rolls her eyes, but looks at herself once more before taking her cousin's hand and leaving her room.

In addition to Lord Corlys, Aegon is there, dressed all in black and gold.

“The day has finally come,” Corlys greets, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Shall we go?"

It had been her idea to allow her grandfather to escort her to the Sept in the city where the ceremony would take place. The cold would surely be a problem, but people needed a distraction to get through the harsh winter days, and a wedding provided just that. Besides, this way the High Septon would stop bothering them and could formalize theirs and the crown's union with the Faith once more.

The journey to the city is short, and suddenly she is walking behind her younger brother to enter the sept that is lit by thousands of candles and filled with the delicious smell of jasmine, where a clearly impatient Aemond awaits her along with Jaehaera, both also dressed in black.

Alyssa enjoys the look full of love, admiration and desire that he gives her. And she looks at him the same way as the man of faith joins their hands and has them recite the vows. As Aemond places his black cloak over her and kisses her forehead, Vhagar roars somewhere in the city, and Alyssa can't help but grin foolishly as the lords and ladies clap, and the common folk cheer, throwing flowers and chanting their names.

"If it were up to me," Aemond says when they're in the carriage, just the two of them, "we'd be on Vhagar’s back right now, going somewhere more... appropriate."

"Well, I am sorry, my lord husband, but we have a celebration to attend."

Aemond, to her surprise, smiles as he clasps their hands, "I like that."

"What?"

"You calling me husband"

"Well, get used to it, because now we are united before the gods and the kingdom," she giggles, "And your wife wants you to dance with her."

He winces, but when they're in the ballroom and the formalities are over, he offers his hand and leads her toward the dance floor.

"Do you know that Helaena once told me that you were a good dancer?"

"She did?" he growls, though he smiles. When she nods, he asks, “And have I lived up to your expectations?”

"Always"

Aemond smiles adoringly at her and whispers almost against her lips, “You look beautiful, my wife. I love you"

“I love you more,” she replies with a mischievous smile, and when he wants to protest, she kisses him.

And then the voices of the children reach them, running to hug their legs, amused and apparently fleeing from a nervous ser Willis Fell.

Aemond berates the children upon realizing this, but Aegon and Jaehaera just laugh, shrugging, and Alyssa laughs with them too.

Because she feels genuinely happy.

Because they are safe, because she has Aemond and their family.

And nothing else matters.

****

Lovely readers, thank you so much for being with me during this journey <3 This was the last chapter, though the epilogue will be posted soon!

[donewith-ev]

♚

I find that I'm very sensitive when I'm sick. I don't think much of it, it can be good and bad; Sebastian certainly seems pleased with it, however..

[doulos74]

#sinfuldesires

[alessiakyouya]

Dinner with fam on sats again! 😊✌ When to this restaurant at my 'neighbourhood' as my frens had call it 😂 Think e last x I've eaten fr this restaurant was 10years ago before my lil bro was born. It was originally at paragon basement, but it had closed down, really excited to find that it was finally up again! Food was not too bad, but kinda bland. 😯 Nevertheless, i do hope it would get better! Afterall. It was this restaurant which has made me & my fam fall in love with 'Vongole' ♡ #satfamtime #Spageddies #OrchardCentral #foodhunt #asusual #sinfuldesires #butwhocareswhenuhavefood (at Spageddies Italian Kitchen)

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 30 (Part I)

"Your cousins' ship is already at the docks, princess"

Alyssa looks up from the embroidery she is finishing, “Thank you, Enid. Please bring my cloak and gloves."

The maid helps her to wrap herself up and the princess sighs, looking at her reflection in the mirror and trying to calm the doubts plaguing her insides before leaving the room and going in search of her brother.

"Where is Aegon?"

"With Lord Lannister, princess."

"Again?"

"The prince insisted"

Alyssa then goes to the council room, where she finds a focused Aegon looking at a book of illustrations in the company of Tyland Lannister.

“Aegon, Lord Lannister,” she greets politely. The man bows his head, "I hope my brother is not bothering you once again."

Lannister smiles and shakes his head, "Not at all, princess, it is an honor to be able to help the prince."

The meetings between Aegon and Lord Tyland had started a few days ago. Apparently, the boy had found in the man a good substitute for Aemond to read stories with. Alyssa had been leery at first, but considering that the prince had told her that Lannister was the only one who supported the idea of Aegon being king when he initially proposed it, and that the man seemed to genuinely enjoy his time with her little brother, she had not objected further.

"Thank you, although Aegon has to come with me anyway," she looks at her brother, "Your sisters will be arriving at the Keep soon and we must welcome them."

The boy grimaces, "Must we go?"

"Yes, Aegon, it is important," she replies.

"Go, my prince, we can continue reading later," Tyland Lannister says, scrambling to his feet with the aid of a cane.

Alyssa looks away from him, fully aware that the Master of Coin is still reeling from months of torture by her mother's allies.

"Okay, later," Aegon finally answers, getting down from his chair and offering his hand to his sister.

The princess guides the boy through the corridors of the castle until they reach the front door. The cold winter wind causes both of them to shiver, feeling it full on their faces.

"Cheer up," she tells him, noticing that the little boy seems to get bored as the minutes go by, "I know you cannot wait to see your sisters."

“Where is Jaehaera? Why isn't she here?"

"Because she is studying with her septa," she replies, waving her hands nervously. The truth is that she had not wanted her niece to be present at their first meeting with her cousins. She doubted that the girls would be rude to a small child, but she preferred to make sure that they would be civil before exposing Jaehaera to their presence, "She can meet your sisters later."

"I guess," he shrugs, "when will Aemond be back?"

Alyssa once feels a pang of nostalgia at the mention of his name.

“Soon,” she replies, though she really has no idea if it's true.

Thankfully the gates are flung open and a carriage enters the keep courtyard, stopping in front of the gate and opening almost instantly to admit Alyssa's twin cousins.

"Aegon!"

It is Baela who gets out of the carriage first and goes directly to her brother, kneeling by his side and hugging him tightly. The boy returns the greeting with the same emotion.

Alyssa fixes on Rhaena, who slowly climbs out of the carriage, a smile on her lips as she moves closer to her.

“Hello Alyssa,” she greets, “It is good to see you again.”

"It is, Rhaena."

After their brief exchange, Rhaena fixes her attention on her little brother and Alyssa notices Baela's gaze fixed on her.

"Hello Baela," she greets politely.

"Alyssa," she nods.

“Lord Corlys regrets that he could not be here waiting for you, but urgent business in the realm required his attention. He asked me to escort you both to his quarters so you all can have lunch together."

“That sounds lovely, a family lunch,” Rhaena smiles.

"Yes, yes, let's go inside at once, it's too cold in here," Baela comments.

"Wait a minute," her twin returns to the carriage and pulls out a cage that contains a dragon slightly larger than the children's and that is sound asleep, "Now, shall we go?"

Aegon squeals with excitement at the cage and goes to his sister, letting her know that he has a dragon too.

“Mine is called Stormcloud,” he says proudly.

Aegon begins to drag Rhaena along, filling her with questions about Morning, her dragon. Alyssa walks behind them, next to Baela, and is able to see the tension and ill-concealed annoyance on her pretty face as she looks at her twin and Aegon bonding over their dragons.

“I heard that you are going to marry our cousin Alyn soon,” she says after long seconds of awkward silence, “Congratulations, I hope it is a happy union.”

Baela seems to abandon her thoughts, and looks at her for a few seconds before nodding, "Thank you, Alyssa."

Fortunately for Alyssa, they are already in front of her grandfather's rooms, although he is not there yet to act as an intermediary between them.

“I don't know what else to tell you, Aegon,” Rhaena gives a nervous giggle that ends in a coughing fit.

Alyssa watches her cousin place her hand on her chest and close her eyes. Now that they are inside, she can notice the deep circles under her eyes, as well as how thin she looks under her cloak.

“Egg, let your sisters rest, it was a long trip for them,” she says going over to her little brother but looking at her cousin, “Are you alright?”

Rhaena nods and tries to give her a smile.

"We'll talk later, yes Aegon?"

The boy seems to notice how weak his sister looks because he nods and doesn't press further, "I'll go find Jaehaera."

"Yeah, do that," Alyssa smiles at him, "I'll see you two in a bit"

The boy almost runs out of the room and the guards do their best to keep up with him.

“Jaehaera? Does the girl live here too?"

Baela frowns as Alyssa looks at her

"Of course. Jaehaera is a Targaryen princess, this is her home."

“She is the daughter of the usurper”

Alyssa forces a smile, "And to a part of the kingdom, I was the daughter of a usurper as well."

"Surely you don't think that of your mother, the true queen!" her cousin looks at her indignantly

“No, of course I don't think so, but that doesn't change the fact that, whether we like it or not, there are two versions of this story. Some houses supported my mother, some supported Aegon. The kingdom was divided and it took a lot to put it back together. We are still working on putting it together."

“And playing happy family is your idea of… what? Heal and move on?”

“We are all one family, Baela. House Targaryen must show unity and strength, especially now that dragons are nearly extinct, surely you understand that."

Bitterness reflects on her face, "Unity and strength,” she giggles, "I suppose your plan is for them to get married?"

“When the time comes, yes, it is most likely to happen,” she admits. “Aegon will be king. Jaehaera being his queen is more than fitting. It is a symbol of union, it is an opportunity to…”

"I don't give a shit about the symbolism, that girl's father murdered Aegon's mother, your mother, do you intend to just forget about that and condemn my little brother to marry that girl?"

Alyssa does her best not to show the anger she's feeling. “If we are to remember crimes, Aegon's father, your father,” she mimics her words, “Ordered the murder of one of Jaehaera's brothers. My mother took it upon herself to order the death of the other one. So, do not pretend to show moral superiority, Baela, because we all lose out"

"Especially you, betraying your real family"

The princess smiles sideways when listening to her cousin. She knew it would come to this, “The family that abandoned me, you mean? Because they never even tried to rescue me. Assassins and spies could enter the castle, but they couldn't rescue one of their own."

Baela grimaces, "Maybe it's because we knew you were too comfortable here sharing the bed with the enemy"

“I was on my way to get married to help my mother's cause when I was kidnapped,” she replies, “But I guess it was easier to just believe that I had betrayed everyone and focus on more important aspects of the war.”

“Enough, both of you, please,” Rhaena stands up and steps between them, though her gaze turns to her sister, “Baela, we're here to make sure Aegon is well taking care of, we said it would be a courteous visit, do not turn it into an opportunity to raise claims”

"How are you so calm?" she tuts, "She has our brother surrounded by snakes, living with the man who murdered our father."

“Your father challenged Aemond,” she points out, “The result was not what Daemon expected and he ended up losing. It was a lot more honorable than he deserved, actually," she says unable to contain her tongue.

"Alyssa, please!" Rhaena sighs.

"I will not tolerate my brother living here with these people"

“You do not have to tolerate anything, just to accept it,” Alyssa cuts her off. Her discussion with her cousin begins to tire her, so she stands up to her full height, and uses her strongest voice, “Aegon is the crown. His place is here, in the Red Keep."

"I am his older sister, I have the right to ensure his safety"

“And if you want to keep that right, you better understand how this works once and for all. Aegon will be king and Aemond is now the regent. His word and my word, as his future wife, is the prevailing authority,” her voice doesn't even waver despite the uncertainty of her future.

“He would be better off with me in Driftmark”

Alyssa smirks, “And what place would Aegon have on the island? I imagine he would be no more than an honored guest or squire to the Velaryon heir, Ser Alyn."

Alyssa knows that she has touched on a sensitive subject when she notices Baela's expression darken.

“I understand the reluctance of both of you, and I know it can be difficult to understand this situation,” she says after a few seconds of silence, once again attempting the path of diplomacy, “But Aemond and I will take good care of Aegon. Believe it or not, those two are very close to one another. The prince will rule the kingdom until our brother can take his place."

"And what will happen when you two have a child?" asks Baela, “Will he not seek to have his heir sit on the throne?”

A stab to the heart would have hurt less than her question, Alyssa thinks, though she maintains her fake calm expression.

"Aegon will be king regardless of other possible heirs," she replies simply, "I'll leave you now to settle in, cousins."

Alyssa leaves the room without waiting for another answer, tears stinging her eyes as Baela's question still burns inside her.

***

"Lady Rhaena requests to speak with you, princess."

Alyssa lifts her face from the scrolls she's been reading and orders Enid to show her cousin in.

"Rhaena," she greets, standing up and going over to the girl.

"Alyssa, I am sorry for coming unannounced, I was hoping we could talk for a bit."

“Sure, come here,” they both sit on the sofa in the anteroom, “Enid, bring a snack for us, please. Perhaps an infusion as well," she asks, noticing how pale her cousin still looks

The maid leaves immediately and Alyssa smiles hesitantly at her, "I hope all is well you’re your accommodations."

“Oh yes, we are quite comfortable,” Rhaena returns her smile, “Grandfather said that you personally oversaw everything being arranged for us. I appreciate that you have made time for taking care of such things. With your new position, surely you do not have so many free moments"

Alyssa feels her cheeks flush, "It is true that, in the prince's absence, some responsibilities fall on me."

Enid returns with a tray of sweets and a tea for both of them. Alyssa pours a cup for her cousin, who seems to appreciate the warm contents.

“I feel like I owe you an apology, Alyssa,” Rhaena says after a few seconds of silence, “Baela was very rude during our talk earlier, but it's because she's worried about Aegon. We both are."

“I know, cousin, I understand, believe me,” she nods, “And I probably owe you two an apology as well. I could have handled the situation much better, I imagined that you would have questions and well… it has been a long time since we last saw each other”

"Don't think that we intend to judge you or complain to you, please," she responds, understanding what Alyssa meant with her last comment, "We came because we wanted to see our brother, to know that he is fine and that his future is guaranteed."

“That is all I wish for Aegon,” Alyssa assures her, “The last time I saw my mother, she herself entrusted me with our little brother and asked me to take care of him. It is what I try to do. Everything I have done…” she cuts herself, swallows and smiles, “I am only looking out for his well-being”

"I know we don't have a chance to take him away from you and, frankly, I have no intention of doing so,” Rhaena sighs, “Now that he's king he's safer here than anywhere else. Although I understand my sister's doubts"

Alyssa sighs as well, “If I am honest, cousin, I didn't want Aegon to be king. It was Aemond who had the idea and I know it is only logical, but I never pressured him to delegate the crown to our brother”

"Especially since he also has a strong claim, being the brother of the former king."

“Yes, that is right,” Alyssa agrees, “But trust me, as impossible as it may seem to you to believe, Aemond chose to be regent. I know that he genuinely loves our brother and that he does not pose a threat to him," she dares to take her cousin's hands, "I understand that it must be shocking for you, that you must see him as a natural enemy, but does not have to be this way. He's going to take good care of Aegon. Right now, he seeks peace in the kingdom on his behalf."

Alyssa looks directly into the brown eyes of her cousin. Her words are honest, although they are accompanied by the usual sadness that she feels when thinking of the prince.

“You put too much faith on him”

“I know him well,” she admits with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, but if her cousin notices, she doesn't say anything.

"I should have realized that something had changed in you when we returned to Dragonstone," Rhaena says with a wistful smile, "Well, I knew there was something, but I didn't imagine that something was one of our green cousins."

Alyssa sighs and feels her eyes water, “Rhaena…”

“No, please don't take this as a judgment,” she says quickly, “I fully understand how complicated matters of the heart can be."

Alyssa wants to ask what she means, but she is distracted by watching her cousin bring her hands to her belly, a wince on her face, “Are you okay, Rhaena? Should I call the maester?"

“The masters have already examined me,” she says, shaking her head.

"Are you ill?"

"Not really," she sighs, "Shortly after arriving in Driftmark I lost the child I was expecting." Her surprise must show on her face, because her cousin says, "Didn't you know I got married in the Vale?"

"No, I had no idea," she admits, "Who is your lord husband?"

“It was Lord Corwyn Cobray,” she replies, lowering her gaze, and when she turns to face Alyssa, the princess notices she’s fighting back tears, “My husband died shortly before we found out I was carrying his child.”

“Rhaena, I am so sorry,” Alyssa takes her hands once more.

“Thank you, Alyssa. I thought this child could comfort me in my pain, but…” she shrugs and smiles sadly.

“I understand your feelings well,” she says, swallowing hard, “because I've experienced it myself.”

“I didn't know that… I'm sorry, Alyssa. I hope the future is kinder to you."

“Not in that regard, no,” she sighs, and Rhaena looks at her blankly, but doesn't press her for further explanation either.

There is no use in keeping it quiet, she thinks, In time the whole kingdom will find out about your condition.

"I cannot have children," she says softly, "Not now, not ever."

"Is it that final?"

“Yeah, I found out a while ago and… well… I've already made my peace with that idea,” she replies trying to smile, “Aegon and Jaehaera are the closest thing to children I'll ever have. And I know it might sound selfish, but I can't let anyone to take them away from me."

Her voice breaks at the end, and suddenly Alyssa feels her cousin's arms around her. The princess hugs her too and smiles. Although they were never overly affectionate with each other growing up, there is closeness and longing in that embrace. And, above all, there is relief in being able to open up to someone who, in one way or another, understands her pain.

“Fear not, cousin,” Rhaena cuts the hug and takes her hands, “The children will remain here with you. Baela can say what she wants, but she knows that we have nothing to offer our brother. My husband was a second son with no land or property in his name, and my sister doesn't have much either. Driftmark will be hers only by marriage, and she will have whatever authority Alyn wishes to offer her."

“I want you to know that I was against Baela being displaced from what was rightfully hers. It was unfair and I told that to my mother when it happened. I hope that is not what prompted your sister to join ser Alyn."

Rhaena shrugs, “It probably is. I think there is some physical attraction between them, but I highly doubt it is love. I feel that Baela sees Driftmark as hers and this is her chance to have it."

Alyssa nods, “What about you? Will you go back with her?"

“It's the plan. She has offered it to me, but perhaps I will return to the Vale. Lady Jeyne was very kind to me and has invited me to live with her for as long as I need,” Rhaena seems to hesitate and finally says, “There is distance between me and Baela. The time we lived apart after our mother's death, and the fact that I was sent with the Arryn as soon as the war began did not allow us to be there for each other. I know she resents the losses we suffered and the expectations she had created for her life, but she doesn't share that with me."

"I understand," Alyssa, "The war left us all with deep scars."

Rhaena flashes her a smile before getting to her feet, "I've distracted you long enough, I'd better let you rest."

"I liked talking to you, Rhaena."

“I like it as well,” her cousin nods, “And don't worry, I'll make sure Baela behaves for the rest of our stay here.”

***

Alyssa can't help but breathe a sigh of relief as she watches her cousin's ship sail away into the sea.

Though Rhaena had been true to her word, and the thankfully short visit had passed without major incident or quarrel between her and Baela, it was obvious that her older cousin was still irritated by their conversation of the first day, and Lord Corlys's failure to take her side in the matter of bringing Aegon to Driftmark.

“I hope she finds contentment with Alyn,” Rhaena says when they're back at the castle.

The girl, at Alyssa's request, had decided to spend a time in the Red Keep.

The last few days they had spent their afternoons together walking through the gardens or having fun with the children. It had been good for Alyssa to have someone by her side to share happy memories of her years on Dragonstone, someone close to her age to talk with about her day, and Rhaena, with her serene demeanor so much like her own, had become the closest thing to a friend she'd had in a while. Homesickness and loss had brought them together in a way that the happy years on the island had not.

"A message for you, princess"

Enid hands her a scroll and Alyssa pales as she reads the contents.

"Bad news?" Rhaena asks, noticing her expression.

"No, not really," she replies softly, her heart pounding in her chest and her hand crumpling the paper, "Aemond will be back in a couple of days."

Alyssa interrupts her cousin's response by quickly getting to her feet, “I am sorry, Rhaena, there are a lot of things I need to take care of. The prince… Aemond… returns with other lords and… they will all have to be accommodated”

The princess quickly leaves the room and spends the rest of the morning ordering that everything be ready to receive the noble lords who accompany the prince on his return. It is expected, Lord Corlys informs her, that a great council will meet and there will be a ceremony to pledge allegiance to her brother.

"A feast would be ideal to mark the occasion," Lord Tyland says, "The official end of the war."

"Not a bad idea," Alyssa nods, "I'll take care of it."

Though she keeps her mind busy, her body betrays her and a throbbing headache accompanies her until she returns to the nursery.

"Do you feel better?" Rhaena, who has been drawing with Jaehaera, goes over to her when she sees her drop on one of the sofas.

"What? Yeah, it is just a headache, it was a long day, a lot to organize and…” she makes a vague gesture with her hand

"Is it true that my uncle will be back soon?" Jaehaera approaches both of them

“Yeah, he will,” Alyssa sighs, “Did you have dinner yet?”

Alyssa tries to talk to Jaehaera, but she is too excited and goes with Aegon to talk about Aemond's return.

"Maybe it's not my place," Rhaena begins, "But you don't seem too happy about the idea of your husband-to-be coming back."

The girl closes her eyes and tilts her head back, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.

"Am I that obvious?"

“You haven't mentioned him more than necessary during the times we've talked,” she explains, “And you get tense every time the kids talk about him. And they do it frequently”

"Yeah, I know," she sighs, opening her eyes and facing her cousin.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to"

Alyssa nods. She knows she can't tell her everything, but she would like to talk to her cousin about Aemond, "We had a fight before he left the city."

"Was it about something grave?"

She nods again, "It felt final and I'm afraid that… I'm afraid that he's going to call off our betrothal”

Rhaena gasps and moves closer to her, “Alyssa! Do you think he would be capable of that?"

"But it would not affect Aegon, I assure you that his position will not change, I was honest with you and Baela when I told you that Aemond does not want power for himself"

“I wasn't worried about that,” Rhaena clarifies, shaking her head, “I was just thinking about what it would mean for you if that ever happened.”

“Believe me, I've thought of that too,” she replies, clearing her throat when her voice cracks.

"But maybe now that he's back, you can talk and fix what's going on between you."

"Maybe," she shrugs, "but I feel like he's very disappointed in me."

"Disappointed?"

“I did something that I regret and I wasn't honest with him. I did it… I did it deliberately behind his back,” she explains, lowering her gaze, “When he found out, he got very upset, for good reason, and even though I explained to him that I did what I thought, what I know, was the best for us, he… he looked at me…he looked at me as if he didn't know me, as if I was a stranger to him…he said he didn't think I was capable of doing what I did, and he made me feel like I couldn't live up to his expectations”

"Well that is pure bullshit"

"What?"

"Alyssa, you don't need to live up to anyone's expectations," Rhaena looks annoyed when Alyssa looks up at her, "You don't have to live trying to please him or anyone else for that matter"

“But Rhaena, what I did…”

“You yourself admit that it was for a good cause,” her cousin shakes her head, “So why overthink about it?”

"It is not so simple"

“I know I don't know the whole story,” she replies, “But I do know that you deserve someone who doesn't make you feel like you're not enough.”

Rhaena's words echo in her mind. Insufficient. Is this how she feels? Does she feel inferior to Aemond? Hadn't she wanted to marry him because she felt that next to him she wouldn't just be a pretty trophy? At what point had she stopped wanting that? Fighting for it.

“I have no idea what binds you to him. My father said it was just desire, your mother that he had poisoned your mind with his vile promises, I don't know. I don't know his story, but I know it must be something strong enough to have made you stay by his side after Luke."

"No, Rhaena, please..."

“I know you've forgiven him, you've told me, and I accept it, even though I may never understand it,” she says sincerely, “You're probably a much better person than the rest of us,” her cousin smiles, “And that's why you deserve more, Alyssa. You forgave things that many people could not forgive, and Aemond should be forever grateful that you still remain loyal to him." She interrupts Alyssa’s next words, “Yes, he should be the one here, apologizing for making you think for a moment that you don't deserve him. If something, it is he who does not deserves you"

A tear falls down Alyssa's face, although a smile appears on her face.

“You deserve so much better,” Rhaena takes her hands, “I watched my mother settle for the love my father could give her because he didn't get to marry the one he wanted. And I watched your mother suffer in silence and accept my father's mistakes when they were finally married. Baela says it's our nature, that dragon's blood makes us irreverent and impetuous, but I know better than that. I had something much better than that with my husband. He was kind and loving and we were happy. And you deserve the same. You deserve a love that doesn't make you feel miserable."

“I don't even know what to say,” Alyssa admits.

“Just think about what I said,” her cousin shrugs, “You're a good person, Alyssa Velaryon. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise."

***

Rhaena doesn't bring it up their talk for the next two days, but Alyssa can't stop thinking about her words.

Many doubts have arisen in her head. Doubts that she had not been able to raise before, when the idea of surviving was the only thing that occupied her mind.

Alyssa realizes that she has lost a bit of herself in the course of the war. She had been a determined, cheerful, and affectionate girl on Dragonstone. And, upon meeting Aemond again, had been brave enough to face him. Even while she had been held hostage in the city she had let the prince know what she really thought and she remembered making it clear to him, long ago, that she would not marry him unless he considered her as an equal.

She had also been able to confront her mother, claim her for her actions as sovereign, she had crossed part of the kingdom with her little brother on her back, she had sought justice against Talya and Alicent.

But then at what point had she turned into a nervous wreck who did nothing but cry and think of the worst possible scenarios? Had it been because of the grief over the death of her family? Had anxiety and fear turned to paranoia altered her mind?

It is partly so.

The last few months she had barely recognized herself. Her problems with Aemond had started since her arrival in the capital. The secrecy, the acting behind his back, hiding things from him…

You deserve a love that doesn't make you feel miserable.

She knows it's true.

When had she become so dependent on the prince's opinion?

It wasn't right. She couldn't go on like this.

She couldn't just continue to feel like the world was ending every time they argued. She couldn't fall back into her vicious cycle of sadness for thinking that Aemond wouldn't love her anymore.

She had survived the war.

She had survived the terrible pain of losing almost all of her family.

She had survived having her womb poisoned and being left without a chance to be a mother.

She could survive whatever came her way.

Even living without Aemond.

Her heart squeezes at the possibility, but she refuses to shed another tear, because now an emotion that she had tried to suppress because she didn't believe she had the right to feel has surfaced in her: anger.

Anger at Aemond. Anger at him for simply abandoning her and running away in his dragon. Anger for not having given her a chance to fix things. Anger at making her feel like a terrible person for daring to act the way he also did. Rage for leaving her in the castle, alone, thinking that she is insufficient.

Because, she realizes, she is enough. Alyssa is good enough for him, and she isn't about to let him make her feel otherwise again.

If she could forgive him crime against Luke, why can't he just put Aegon’s incident aside? Why does he have to torture her by leaving her for weeks without even deigning to send a letter to her?

Alyssa understands his anger, his frustration, but she doesn't plan to tolerate any more of his reproaches or his painful behavior.

If he backs off from their betrothal, then he's a hypocrite who doesn't deserve her.

And she's going to be okay no matter what.

At least, that's what she tells herself as she walks the children to the entrance of the Red Keep to greet Aemond and the other lords.

***

Aemond hates parades.

He hates the pageantry that the council has organized, the trumpets, the cheers of the crowd receiving them as if they were victors just for having reached a peace agreement.

He would have been much better off riding his dragon, but he can't let the pompous Lads and Stark get all the glory.

In the end, he is the prince regent. It is him that the common people must learn to cheer and respect.

Even so…

Aemond looks up to the sky and smiles as he sees Vhagar's figure. His dragon is glad to return to her familiar beaches, and he is glad to be reunited with his home.

To meet Alyssa again.

The prince can't wait to get this over with and just be able to hold her, smell her familiar scent, and kiss her. To apologize for having been so obtuse and to be able to spend the night together, sleep nestled next to her and rest as he hasn't been able to for months.

As the main gate of the Keep finally looms before them, Aemond quickens his horse's pace and quickly dismounts, a page taking the reins of his mount and moving the animal.

It doesn't take long for him to see her.

Alyssa is, as expected, standing by the doorway, a solemn look on her face. Aemond strides toward her with a purposeful step, but is interrupted by two small figures hugging his knees.

"Aemond!"

"Uncle!"

The children demand his attention and Aemond looks away from Alyssa to watch them. That's when he realizes the...

"Dragons?" he asks with a smirk at the sight of the two creatures on their shoulders, "Did your eggs hatch?"

“Indeed,” Jaehaera nods smugly, “This is Morghul.”

"And this is Stormcloud"

Aemond can't help but chuckle at the contrast between the names chosen by his nephew and niece, and kneels down to better examine the little creatures, who seem to sniff Vhagar on him because they let out a flame.

“You are going to have a hard job training them,” he sighs.

“They are still very young,” Aegon says without concern, “Cousin, where have you been? And where is Vhagar?

 "Did you go far, Uncle Aemond?"

Aemond turns his gaze once more to Alyssa, who is now greeting Kermit Tully and seems oblivious to his presence. A knot forms in his stomach as he realizes that she seems to be intentionally avoiding his gaze.

The prince intends to tell them that they will talk later, but when he sees their faces full of emotion, he gives up on the idea. And, he realizes as they hug him again, how much he has missed them.

"When your dragons grow we can fly together to the places I've been," he assures them.

“Do you know that I now have a master?”

"I have a new septa"

Aemond stands up and looks back at Alyssa, who is now in conversation with Stark and seems surprised by something the man tells her. The prince doesn't like the way the northerner takes the girl's hand in his and places a kiss on her knuckles.

Alyssa, for her part, is well aware of the moment when Aemond enters the castle and is grateful that the children run straight for him, allowing her to delay their inevitable meeting for a few more minutes.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, princess," says Lord Tully with much pomp.

"Thank you, my lord, it is an honor to meet you as well"

The young woman politely greets Aemond's companions, welcoming them to the castle.

"Princess"

“Lord Stark,” Alyssa greets, recognizing the direwolf emblem on his cloak.

“I want to offer my condolences on the loss of your family,” the man says, “I am very sorry for what happened to them, especially Prince Jacaerys.”

"Of course, you knew my older brother," Alyssa agrees, recalling Jace's time in the North.

“The prince made a great impression on me,” the man admits, “It was because of him that I joined the war, though I wish I could have done more for all of you.”

"I appreciate your sentiments, Lord Stark."

The man says goodbye and Alyssa spends a few seconds thinking about her older brother.

It is when the crowd disperses that she finally dares to meet Aemond's gaze, which she has felt on her for quite some time now.

Taking a deep breath to cheer herself up, she walks over to where the children are chatting animatedly with him.

“Aemond,” she says when she reaches them.

"Alyssa"

Hearing him say her name causes a current of heat to pass through her body. And his gaze... the blue of his eye stares at her and she finds reflected in it a mixture of fear and adoration that she doesn't know how to interpret.

"Alyssa, I..."

The prince tries to get closer and she instinctively backs away. Her rejection deepens the fear in his gaze, but Alyssa is reminded of her resolve from earlier and stands firm in her position, her voice sounding as emotionless as possible when she speaks.

“I am sure you are aware by now, but there will be a feast in the late afternoon. You are expected to give a speech.”

Aemond nods, unable to say more, his mind still trying to interpret Alyssa's behavior.

"Like a party? We can go?" Aegon asks

“Yes, you can attend for a moment,” Alyssa answers, looking at her little brother and offering him a lopsided smile, “Now, let's go inside, you have to get ready if you want to get to the party on time.”

“But my uncle…” Jaehaera protests.

“You can talk to your uncle later,” she replies, taking both of them by the hand.

And she walks off with the children at a determined pace, leaving a confused and frightened Aemond in the middle of the courtyard.

***

As the hours pass, Aemond's restlessness grows and his patience runs out.

The prince understands that Alyssa is upset. He hadn't expected her to greet him warmly, but their brief encounter had been unexpected to say the least. The girl had been so cold to him, so distant...

"Where is the princess?" he hisses at one of the maids who enter in with the clothes he will wear to the feast

It's not long before the festivities begin, and Alyssa hasn't peeked into their room to get change. Could it be that she prefers not to attend the feast in order to avoid his company?

"Princess Alyssa is in her private rooms, my prince" the young woman answers, lowering her gaze.

“These are her private rooms”

"The princess asked that her belongings be moved to new apartments, my prince," the girl almost trembles as she answered.

“When?”

“Several weeks ago”

"Alyssa has a new room?" he asks more to himself, his fear from earlier coming back to seize his insides, “Why…?” he cuts off his words. The maid will not know how to give him the answers he needs, "Where is she now?"

Aemond follows the maid's directions and soon finds Alyssa's bedroom.

The prince enters unannounced and finds her in front of the mirror accompanied by a servant he does not know.

"What is this supposed to mean?"

Alyssa sighs, turns and walks over to her maid, “Leave us, Enid, please. I'll finish myself"

The young woman nods and quickly leaves, closing the door behind her.

"What do you need, Aemond?"

"What do I need?" he asks sarcastically, "For starters, I need to know why in the name of the seven hells, did you leave our room?"

“You said you wanted distance between us,” she replies calmly as she brushes her wavy hair

"This was not what I was referring to"

“No? And how was I supposed to know what you meant?" Alyssa asks in return, pushing her brush aside and glaring at him with a rage that she clearly struggles to contain, "You left Kings Landing without looking back, I am sorry for not understanding exactly what you expected of me."

“I was an idiot, I know, I should never have left,” Aemond sighs, “I was angry and hurt and…”

“And you had every right to be,” she cuts him off, “I admit that I hurt you and I apologize for it. I explained to you the best I could the reasons I had for doing what I did. I didn't expect you to celebrate them, but I don't think I deserved for you to make feel like an evil creature, leaving me here hating myself either."

“That was never my intention, I swear,” he hastens to say, his heart pounding with fear at the resentment he hears in her voice.

"No? Maybe not, but you know me, Aemond, you knew exactly the effect your words would have on me and yet, you didn't care,” she replies, her voice finally breaking.

“Alyssa, I'm so sorry, you have no idea how difficult these weeks have been for me. I missed you from the first moment and…”

The princess can't help but laugh at his words, which ring hollow in her ears. "Did you miss me? Oh really? And yet you did not even deign to send a letter or a simple message"

Aemond falls silent and looks down. The truth is that he does not have a good justification for that.

“I supposed it wasn't worth the effort,” Alyssa takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, “In the end, why encourage a relationship with someone who let you down and didn't live up to your expectations?”

"I never said that!" Aemond's voice reflects the dread he feels after hearing her say what he had thought a while ago

“Not with those words, no,” Alyssa sighs, “It doesn't matter, Aemond, this distance is necessary. We could not continue to share a room with so many visitors at Court. It wouldn't be appropriate."

"I don't give a shit about what's appropriate"

She shrugs, “It is best if we keep up appearances for the duration of the council, but do not worry, I've had plenty of time here to think, and I don't intent to force you to share your life with someone you find unsuitable for yourself. If you wish to break our betrothal, I will not object."

There is a tense silence between the two of them in which their eyes meet and Aemond's heart stops as he observes determination on her face. A lump form in his throat, and the inside of his head fills with an annoying buzzing that doesn't let him think or act. Break the betrothal? Alyssa had to be kidding right?

But when he is about to ask, when he intends to approach her and demand that she gives up such an absurd idea, the door to the room opens and a surprised Rhaena Targaryen interrupts them. Aemond turns to see her and glares at her as she frowns. What the hell is she doing here?

“Cousin,” Rhaena greets, approaching the princess, “Alyssa, the children are ready, shall we go?”

“Yes, Rhaena, let's go,” Alyssa linked her cousin's arm with hers and looked back at Aemond, “Don't be late. Remember that they will be waiting for your speech”

***

"I'm sorry if I interrupted your conversation, Alyssa, I didn't mean to."

"No, Rhaena, you came at just the right time," the princess says as she tries to control the tremor in her hands, "I told Aemond what I had to say and there was nothing more to add."

She knows it's a lie, that there's still a lot to discuss between them, that maybe there always will be... but it had taken her a superhuman effort to control herself in his presence when what her body asked of her was to run into his arms and never let him go.

"Are you certain?"

Alyssa nods and a smile spreads across her lips as she watches Aegon and Jaehaera in their specially tailored outfits.

"Oh gods! Look at you two!" she says with a giggle, "You already look like our future rulers"

The traditional colors of the Targaryen house bring out the Valyrian traits of both children. Jaehaera wears her hair in intricately designed braids similar to her own, and Aegon has his hair, now reaching to his shoulder length, in a style much like Aemond's.

"No dragons this time?"

"Rhaena says that wouldn't be a good idea," Aegon shrugged.

“Too many people would scare them away,” Jaehaera agrees.

Alyssa gives her cousin a grateful smile and motions for the children to walk ahead of her.

As the guard at the gate announces the children's names, everyone falls silent and stands, staring at Aegon and Jaehaera, who walk around with a mixture of wonder and amusement until they reach their seats of honor at the main table.

Alyssa and Rhaena take their respective seats as well, the music playing back as the conversations resume.

“I thought you would come with the prince,” Lord Corlys comments from beside her.

“I preferred to come with the children”

His grandfather examines his face, "Did you argue again?" The princess nods, "Did he break the betrothal?"

"No, he did not. Actually, I think he meant to apologize."

"That's good. I guess that must be a relief to you, is it not?"

“No, it is not,” Alyssa restrains herself from rolling her eyes and drinks from her wineglass, “His apologies won't be enough this time.”

Lord Corlys looks at her intrigued, but he can't press her any further as silence falls again as Aemond enters the hall.

Alyssa stands up with the others present, preferring to focus her gaze on her hands as Aemond walks over to the vacant seat next to her. His familiar scent reaches her and the princess closes her eyes as she sits, wishing she could get away from his nearness, though she knows it's unthinkable under the circumstances.

“I am not the most eloquent of men, so I will be brief,” Aemond begins as he raises his glass of wine, “For peace to settle once more in the kingdom. And for the future reign of my nephew, Aegon III."

"Aegon III," the voices resound in the room while toasting the health of her little brother

Alyssa feels Aemond's gaze on her, but she doesn't look at him, though she is acutely aware of the heat from his body being so close to hers, their arms practically brushing against each other.

The arrival of the servants with the food saves her from the prince's scrutiny and she focuses on conversing with her grandfather and Rhaena as she struggles to eat the delicious dishes prepared by the castle's cooks.

Beside her, Aemond chats with lord Blackwood and lord Tully, although from what Alyssa can hear, it is the latter who are conversing while the prince intervenes from time to time.

As the music starts to get louder, her grandfather and Rhaena join the various other couples in the room, and Alyssa leans back in her chair, her gaze drifting to the children, who look a little bored after eating.

The princess is about to stand up and go to them when she feels Aemond's hand brush hers, his long, slender fingers touching her skin delicately, moving up her palm to her knuckles.

“I thought we'd keep up appearances,” the prince whispers next to her, close to her ear.

“Aemond,” she replies, shuddering at the feel of his closeness, her eyes closing instinctively.

"Alyssa," he gently cups her chin and tilts her face to his, "Please look at me."

The girl bites her lip hard and sighs, finally opening her eyes and meeting the blue of his gaze.

"Let's talk, please."

“This is hardly the place to do talk,” she retorts, pulling away from his touch.

Aemond's response is silenced when Cregan Stark stops in front of her and extends his hand, "May I, princess?"

Alyssa, grateful to be able to put some distance between herself and Aemond, stands up, "Of course, Lord Stark."

The girl is no stranger to the murderous glare Aemond gives the northerner as he escorts her to the dance floor.

"Are you okay, princess?"

“I am, thank you,” she tries to smile at him, “It is just that the night is quite warm despite the winter, don't you think?"

"Yes, that's right," the man nods.

Alyssa quickly examines Lord Stark. Despite being a large man, his movements are quite graceful and he dances delicately next to her. The contrast would seem interesting to her if her mind were not still fixed on the moment shared with Aemond instants ago.

“Is this your first time in the capital, my lord?” she asks trying to get the prince out of her thoughts

"It is, I’ve never been this far south."

"And do you find the city to his liking?"

“I suppose it has it’s charms,” he replies with a smirk, “Do you enjoy being here, princess?”

Alyssa finds the question strange.

 “I was born here, Lord Stark. King's Landing was my childhood home."

"And is it still your home?"

She doesn't miss the look Cregan Stark directs at Aemond as he asks the question.

“The castle will always be the home of the Targaryen,” she finally answers.

Stark seems to examine her face and she meets his gray eyes, though she doesn't know how to read his gaze.

“I had wanted to speak to you, Lord Stark,” Alyssa continues after a few seconds of silence, “You mentioned that you had met my brother Jace.”

"A prince like few others"

Alyssa gives him a sincere smile despite a lump forming in her throat at what she is about to ask.

“I suppose you can imagine I couldn't keep in touch with him when the war started,” she explains, her heart racing, “Did he ever… mention me?”

"He always referred to you with great respect and affection, princess"

Alyssa locks her gaze with Cregan Stark's, trying to find any hint of a lie, but the man seems sincere, "Really?"

“He was still in Winterfell when he received the news of you kidnapping. Prince Jacaerys defended your honor, and never blamed you for what happened. Even later, when he returned with your mother, we continued to correspond and he never made any judgment or complaint against you. He remained steadfast in his certainty that you would meet again at some point and clear up the whole story."

Alyssa feels tears come to her eyes, "Are you being honest with me, Lord Stark?"

"I would have no reason to lie to you, princess"

She nods and the weight that seems to leave her body, one that she didn't know she had been carrying until the argument with Baela had made her realize that she had never been able to say goodbye to Jace. Not knowing what he thought of her, whether or not he considered her a traitor.

"I am also sure that you brother did not write those words lightly, but that he believed in them"

This time a tear rolls down her cheek, "Thank you, lord Stark."

"Thank you? Quite the opposite, I have upset you"

“Your words have touched me deeply,” she assures him, “Now, please excuse me, I… need a moment.”

Alyssa moves away from the man and makes her way through the dozens of guests until she leaves the room and advances through the corridors, arriving at one of the balconies with views towards the inner courtyard of the Fortress, where she takes a deep breath of icy air that manages to calm her down even though the tears continue to flow.

But this are tears of relief.

She had been able to have a final moment with her other brothers and her mother, to say goodbye -in a certain way- to them, but not to Jace. And now she has managed to put a kind of closure to the pending chapter with her older brother. And that's a remedy for a wound she didn't know she still carried.

"Should I hit Stark for making you cry?"

The princess hasn't heard him approach, but somehow, she isn't surprised by Aemond's sudden presence.

Or of the half belligerent half mocking tone of his question.

“On the contrary, I'm grateful to him,” she replies wiping away her tears and adds, “We were talking about Jace.”

“Ah,” Aemond replies, moving to her side and leaning on the balcony, “I understand now your sudden emotion.”

Alyssa nods and plays with the rings on her fingers, "He was kind enough to share his memories of Jace with me."

“I imagine,” he smirks, “the honorable and handsome Lord Stark. The ladies of the court seem very enthusiastic about him."

Alyssa meets his gaze and notices the suspicion in his eye, “Don't be ridiculous,” she replies after making sense of his words.

"Ridiculous? Ridiculous is what you suggested this afternoon about breaking off our betrothal, how did you even think that I would want to do such a thing?”

She glares at him, “Perhaps from the fact that I’ve received nothing but silence from you for the past few weeks? Don't you dare ridicule me for thinking you wouldn't want me in your life anymore, Aemond. I asked you if I had lost you, I asked you to come back to me and you couldn't even say goodbye, you just turned your back on me and left”.

“I was upset and didn't want to talk to you anymore or I'd end up saying things I'd regret,” when he sees the sarcastic look she gives him, he sighs, “It was easier to leave, that's true, because I didn't know how to deal with everything that I was feeling. I'm sorry Alyssa, I really am. I was wrong, but I'm here. I came back to you And I don't want to leave your side never again."

"But maybe now I am the one who doesn't want you with me," she blurts out in almost a whisper.

Aemond's heart stops and a buzz fills his head as their gazes meet again. Her green eyes reflect sadness, but they also seem determined, which only fuels the panic that begins to build inside him.

“You can't be serious,” he replies in a shaky voice.

No. It couldn't be true.

She shrugs, “What I can't…what I don't want is to be around you feeling like I'll never fit in with your idea of me, feeling like I'm not enough for you or that I have to follow a pattern of behavior that you want so as not to disappoint you”

“I should never have even hinted at that,” he hastens to say, taking her hands, “I was a jerk, it was a petty idea I'll admit I thought, but it means nothing, because you're more than enough, if anything…”

"I know, I know what I deserve." Now I know, she thinks to herself as she laces her fingers with the prince's and offers him a sad smile, “And that makes it all the more difficult. I am too hurt, Aemond. I feel hurt by you and I'm angry, and I try to let go of all those suffocating feelings because I love you…” her voice cracks, but she swallows and encourages herself to continue, “When I saw you I just wanted to run to you and forget everything, put aside the last few weeks, accept your apology and move on, but…”

"But?"

“I don't know if I can,” she admits, a lone tear rolling down her cheek, “I deserve a relationship that doesn't make me feel this insecure. Sometimes…sometimes I don't like who I am when I'm not okay with you."

It takes Aemond a minute to recover from the pain her words cause.

"And where does that leave us?" he asks almost afraid of what she might tell him

“I honestly don't know,” Alyssa looks down, “I don't know if we work well together. Maybe… maybe we were just clinging to each other in order to survive”

"That is not true. You know it's not true,” he replies, his voice louder than he wishes, fear making him exasperated at her words, “What about our future? We fight together to be able to have a life next to each other, to be happy with our family. The four of us, remember?”

She nods, “I've been thinking about that,” she says, “I know you have all the power here, that you are the Prince Regent, but I couldn't stand being separated from the children. If it turns out that we don't work as a couple anymore…let… let Aegon and Jaehaera go with me to Dragonstone. For a while, at least, until Aegon is old enough to come here to do his duty."

Aemond doesn't even know what to say, the idea of getting away from Alyssa and her nephews is so absurd in his head that he has no way to respond.

"Have that last consideration with me, please" she asks, misinterpreting his silence.

"Would you really go?" Away from me?

Alyssa just stares at him without answering, because she really doesn't really know if she has the strength to carry out that resolution.

“If that's what you want, so shall it be,” he finally ends by saying, his voice sounding strangely calm though that is not how he feels in the inside, “But I wish you could forgive me and stay here with me. I would prefer that you choose to move on, that we both move on."

“I know,” she replies, removing her hand from his, “Good night, Aemond,” she says as she walks away down the hall.

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 28

Aemond and Aegon speak at the same time.

"What do you mean my brother is dead?"

“Are they talking about your father?”

Alyssa turns from looking at the prince to look at her niece, who just shrugs before looking down.

What had she done. An involuntary sob nearly escapes her lips at the thought of the harm she has caused to Jaehaera. How come she hadn't stopped to consider how her father's death might affect her? Not just emotionally, but politically. Were there others who consider the little girl as their queen? What would happen now that the iron throne was vacant?

"Stand up this instant, Lord Commander, and explain yourself," Aemond's tone manages to snap her out of her musings.

“King Aegon passed away while being carried from the council chamber to his apartments on his litter. When the guards lifted the curtains to help him down, they found him lifeless."

"How did he die?"

"I wouldn't know for sure, my prince, the maesters are still examining his body"

They won't find anything. Alys assured you they wouldn't find anything.

Aemond looks at the children for a few moments before giving his orders to the knight, “Lord Commander, lock the castle and the city gates at once. And gather all the council members in the council room. Drag them there if they resist. Start with Larys Strong.”

Ser Willis immediately leaves the room with his men and the prince turns to Alyssa, "I must go see him."

She doesn't object to his request or ask him to stay with them, she just nods and hears him leave as well, her green eyes looking at Jaehaera again, who seems to have recovered from the initial shock and is now talking with Aegon. For a moment she considers reaching out to her and taking her in her arms, making sure she's okay, but she can't. She's practically frozen in place, her eyes on the verge of bursting with tears that are half guilt and half revulsion for what she's just done. For the person she has become.

You're nothing but a kinslayer. Another one in the family.

Alyssa feels her vision blur and dizziness assails her, so she clings to the nearest piece of furniture and tries to breathe deeply to calm the tremors that run through her body.

"Princess, are you alright?"

Daysi's voice reaches her as if she were somewhere far away, although Alyssa is aware that the nanny has taken her hands and is standing next to her.

“Should I call the maester? Or the prince?

She hastens to shake her head quickly, “I'm…I'm fine,” she assures after her voice clears, “I'm just…” She makes a vague gesture with her hand.

Daysi brings something to her lips and she drinks without question. It's water and it’s really cold, which suits her well and helps her compose herself a bit. Alyssa opens her eyes and sees the frightened expressions of the children.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” she assures them.

I'll be fine, she says to herself.

“I'm just a little shocked,” she continues, “Maybe it would be nice… maybe a little more water would help.”

Daysi hurries to comply to her request, and Alyssa sips calmly, the tremors in her hands easing as she begins to breathe normally and watches the children resume their game.

"What is going to happen now, princess?" Daisy dares to ask, “Will the little princess really be our queen?”

"I don't know, Daisy, I don't know"

***

Aemond is not prepared for the wave of sadness that washes over him when he enters the royal chambers and sees his brother's still body on the bed.

He didn't love Aegon, at least not unconditionally. And if he was honest with himself, for much of his life a portion of his mind—one he tried not to encourage too much—had wished his older brother would suddenly disappear. He had envied Aegon so much, his natural skill with a sword, his bond with Sunfyre, his carefree nature, his claim as the king's firstborn. He had grown up resenting him for what he would be given, for his marriage to Helaena, for the horrible person he had become... And yet he had been loyal to him and had fought for him.

Because he was his brother.

And now he is dead.

"What is the verdict?" asks to one of the young maesters

"Everything seems to indicate that it was a natural death, my prince"

He frowns, “I saw him a few hours ago. He seemed as healthy as it was possible considering his condition."

"His injuries were considerable and the... excesses of his habits did not help his recovery at all"

“Are you absolutely sure that the king simply died of natural causes? Could he have been poisoned, perhaps?"

He hadn't wanted to ask that question in front of Alyssa so as not to upset her, but the thought had crossed his mind when he heard of the sudden death of his brother because, after all, Aegon was not without his enemies.

“There is no reason to entertain such an idea, prince. The king's body shows no sign of poison, and the wine he had in his litter has already been examined. Two cupbearers tried it and they are still as alive as you and me.”

Aemond nods and turns his gaze to his brother, who appears to be simply asleep. At least, the prince thinks as he takes the conqueror's crown into his hands, Aegon is no longer in pain.

“Call the silent sisters and have them prepare the body as soon as possible,” he orders before leaving the room.

***

The council chamber is abuzz with whispers as Alyssa and Aemond enter through the double doors.

"It's true? Is the king dead?” inquires Lord Tyland.

Aemond ignores his question and watches those present, the Grand Master, High Septon, Corlys Velaryon, Tyland Lannister and a clearly flustered Larys Strong being watched closely by Ser Willis.

"Did they cooperate?" asks to the lord commander

“Everyone except this one,” the knight points to Larys, “Apparently he was getting ready to go somewhere when we got to his chambers."

“Ridiculous,” Larys mutters.

“My nephew and niece need you, Ser Willis. Protect the princes until we return,” commands Aemond.

The knight nods and leaves the council chamber, though two of his white cloaks remain inside.

Alyssa, who had been reluctant to leave the children alone under the supervision of the guards, is relieved knowing that the Lord Commander will be watching over them. The man had faithfully cared for Jaehaera on the journey to Storm's End and was loyal to the royal family.

"It's true, my brother Aegon is dead"

"May the gods guide the king’s way to the afterlife," says the High Septon

"What happened? We were meeting right here until less than an hour ago.” Lord Corlys looks puzzled, though not overly sorry.

“My brother died of natural causes”

Another murmur runs through the room, and Alyssa digs her fingernails into her palms as she tries to keep her expression neutral.

"Has that been confirmed by the maesters?" asks Tyland Lannister

"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't be assuring you that information right now," an exasperated Aemond replies, "Aegon apparently succumbed to his many injuries."

"But he seemed to be as good as ever until a while ago," the High Septon sighed.

“We knew it could happen,” reasons Tyland Lannister, “Frankly it was a miracle that he survived his exile from the city, and still fight riding his dragon. Admirable"

Admirable isn't the word Alyssa would use, but she bites her tongue and fixes her gaze on a spot on the floor.

“That is true,” Corlys Velaryon chimes in, “His health had declined considerably. And during the session there were moments where he gave me the impression of being awfully tired and absent”

“Yes, yes, you are right,” Tyland Lannister agrees, “I figured…”

"Perhaps the princess could also tell us about her impressions on the king's health this morning."

Larys Strong's comment catches her off guard, and she only manages to look baffled as she turns pale. "Me?"

“Didn't you visit the king this morning? You spent a fair amount of time in his rooms”

“I… uh…” Alyssa looks at Aemond and the council members before answering, “Yes, yes, that's true, I spoke to Aegon this morning.”

"Why would that be relevant, Strong?" asks lord Corlys

"Because it seems to me that the king's death was most convenient for the princess"

"What exactly are you referring to?" Tyland Lannister frowns.

“That the king made it very clear that he would not support his brother's idea of punishing the princes' alleged aggressors,” the man waves his hand at Aemond and Alyssa, “and shortly after, the king dies, after being alone in his rooms with the princess"

"Are you accusing my betrothed of murdering my brother?" fury is evident in Aemond's voice, his hand going instinctively to the dagger at his belt.

"I'm just pointing out that it's very curious how it all happened"

There's an instant, a brief instant, when the faces of the council members are all focused on Alyssa, and though she tries to remain composed, she knows her facade is about to crumble under the pressure of scrutiny.

“I just went to… I was just seeking his help for the matter you are already aware of,” her voice sounds strangely hoarse and her breathing begins to hitch, “I didn't mean… I didn't…” Her green eyes suddenly meet the mahogany ones of her grandfather, and the man seems to acknowledge her guilt because she can swear there is wonder and realization in his expression.

She's lost.

However, when Corlys Velaryon interrupts her, his words surprise her.

"If I had to distrust anyone, that would be you, Strong"

"Is that so?" Larys looks with a mixture of wonder and curiosity at the Sea Snake.

“I'm afraid I must report treason, my prince,” Corlys looks at Aemond, “Larys Strong has been in communication with lords of the Riverlands who support the opposing side, and are now marching on the city. In addition, he had a plan to assassinate the king by poisoning him and he wanted me to be part of said conspiracy”

Alyssa gasps and brings her hand to her chest. Tyland Lannister takes a few steps back, away from Larys Strong, who in turn is looking at Corlys Velaryon with fury in his eyes.

“You really are a snake,” Strong says with a smirk.

"Treason!" says the High Septon, outraged

"Tell me all you know about this plan, Lord Corlys," Aemond demands, his cold gaze passing between the two men involved.

“The plan was to go into action once you were in the free cities,” he says, “According to Lord Larys, with the right contacts it would be simple to end the lives of the two of you,” he points to Alyssa and Aemond, “And install the child Aegon as King"

Alyssa casts her eyes on Larys Strong, who seems calm despite the accusations against him.

"What was he planning to do with Princess Jaehaera?" asks Alyssa

“The girl was not in his plans,” Lord Corlys replies with a grimace.

"Guards!" Aemond roars, "Take Larys Strong to the training yard and await my orders!"

Larys Strong barely puts up a fight when two of the knights drag him out of the council chamber.

“Who else knew about this plan?” inquires Aemond

"I couldn't tell you, my prince."

“Why didn't you report it earlier? Were you also thinking of joining Strong's conspiracies?"

“I was waiting for the right moment to talk to the king”

“And you waited so long that now the king is dead,” he spits.

Aemond's fury is clear. His temper threatens to boil over at any moment, and right now, the prince seems to want to take down anyone who seems the slightest bit suspicious.

Alyssa looks at Lord Corlys and their gazes meet once more for a brief moment. And she finds in the man's eyes something that seems to be a plea and a look of complicity. Or maybe just a reminder of what she owes him.

"You'd better calm down, Aemond," the princess places her hands on his arm, "Lord Corlys has just given us valuable information, surely... surely he was thinking about talking to Aegon very soon, and didn't imagine that things would get complicated so quickly"

“My brother is dead,” he hisses.

And his words cut through her conscious like knives, but she forces herself to remain calm and takes Aemond's face in her hands.

"Don't allow yourself to be guided by your grief," she tells him, “Lord Corlys made sure we were safe when you were convalescing in Harrenhal, and he has proven his loyalty to us. His testimony will help us get our justice now that we have proof that Larys Strong is a traitor and conspired for the king's death."

Her words seem to make an impression on Aemond, because he stops holding his dagger and his expression softens, “At least now I have a valid reason not to delay the matter any longer and cut off his head.”

"Wouldn't it be better to question him and get him to confess the names of all of his accomplices?" She knows that maybe she's pushing her luck, maybe Lord Corlys is making up this whole so-called plan thing, though something tells Alyssa he isn't.

"You're right," Aemond nods and looks at one of the guards, "Have Larys Strong taken to the dungeons and questioned until he confesses everything he knows."

The High Septon lets out a shriek of fear, and Alyssa suddenly remembers that they are still in the council chamber.

"The time has come to administer justice," she replies with a nod, "And Lord Larys is not the only one who must face it."

They both turn around at the same time and look at the Grand Maester, who has turned pale to such an extent that he seems to be going to faint at any moment.

“You will pay for your crimes too, maester,” Alyssa says.

"Princess, I don't... it's absurd..."

"I won't hear your lies no more!" Aemond orders, "Take the grand maester to the dungeon as well, and await my orders."

There is a certain satisfaction in seeing the maester being led from the room, although the uncertainty of the whole situation does not let her enjoy herself as much as she would like.

“The small council keeps getting small,” says Tyland Lannister half-jokingly half serious.

"There is an urgent matter to attend to, prince." Lord Corlys speaks, "The Matter of Succession"

Aemond grimaces and sits down in the same place as the day before. Alyssa sits down next to him again, as do the other members.

“Princess Jaehaera is the late king's only living daughter,” says the High Septon, “She should be the one to guide us.”

"Didn't you say until a few weeks ago that it is not appropriate for a woman to assume a position for which only men are qualified?" asks Lannister

"But it's only fair for her to be named heir!" the religious responds indignantly

A chuckle escapes from Alyssa's lips, "If we were ruled by what is fair, High Septon, we would never have started this war."

There is a slight awkwardness between the council members who suddenly seem to be aware of who Alyssa's mother was.

“We must have in mind what is best for the realm,” Tyland Lannister says, “We know that a woman on the throne will never be fully accepted. Lacking an heir to King Aegon, your younger brother is the prime candidate to be king. Especially if you two can't…” The man stops talking, awkward.

“Especially since we can't have children of our own, you mean,” Alyssa finishes for him, “It doesn't matter if my brother or my niece receives the crown, they're both too young to assume such power.”

"That is true," Corlys Velaryon agrees, "A regent is what the realm needs."

"None more capable than Aemond," Alyssa observes the prince, "He has the experience, and he is a Targaryen, the only living son of King Viserys."

"I think it is the most sensible option," Lannister agrees, "and if little Prince Aegon is made king, the lords who support Princess Rhaenyra's cause will surely agree to lay down their arms."

"Those men will accept any terms we give them or they will taste my dragon's fire," Aemond replies.

Corlys Velaryon frowns at him, “The riverlands have yet to recover from your assaults, Prince Aemond. If you march with your dragon, destruction will follow. And with winter advancing it will be a disgrace for all of us to lose the few fertile lands we have."

“The Reach also provides us with food,” he replies, dismissing his words.

Alyssa places her hand over his under the table. He glances at her briefly and finally sighs, “The northerners and other lords will eventually bend the knee, I'm sure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have pressing matters to attend to. The next time I summon you, you will know my decision on the succession.”

And when Vhagar roars menacingly, no one dares to do more than nod and watch him stride purposefully from the room.

***

The council members begin to leave the room a few minutes later, though Alyssa remains seated, her gaze still fixed on the door through which the prince has just left.

"Alyssa"

Corlys Velaryon's voice pulls her from her thoughts and brings her back to the reality of the now empty room and the figure of her grandfather standing before her, his dark eyes searching her curiously.

"Lord Corlys, I…" she doesn't quite know what to say. She doesn't even know if her suspicions about what the man knows are true.

"I believe thank you is the word you are looking for"

There's so much arrogance in that sentence that Alyssa stops herself from rolling her eyes, but not with her reply, “And I think that thank you should go both ways. Aemond was ready to kill you a few moments ago."

The man smiles sideways and wrinkles form in his eyes. Suddenly, the girl is aware of how old he looks and how tired he seems to be, "Let's say then that our interventions were quite opportune"

Alyssa nods.

"Is it true? Larys Strong's conspiracy against Aegon"

"It was," he admits, "The king was not particularly well-liked and his frail condition made him vulnerable to his enemies."

"And you were willing to join Strong?"

“I was considering my options,” he replies, adding, “But you should know that I would never have hurt you or your brother.”

Alyssa doesn't know if she believes him or if she should be relieved by his answer. She only knows that her grandfather is an ambitious man, that he always has been, and that she should not have been surprised that he sought to improve his position at any cost.

"What you did..." the man tilted his face, "I didn't think you have it on you to do such thing"

There is no reproach or disgust in Lord Corlys's voice, but still his words make her feel uncomfortable and renew the guilt she's been feeling since that morning.

“I only did it because I was desperate to protect my family”

Corlys Velaryon looks at her curiously once more, “There is no undercurrent of power in getting rid of the king, is that what you say? Did it not occur to you that by doing so, you would become one of the most powerful people in the kingdom?”

“I have no desire to rule or to sit on the throne, if that's what you think,” she clarifies.

“Perhaps not, but it is what awaits you once you marry the prince. It will be many years before Aegon or Jaehaera have the appropriate age to rule, and you will be a full-fledged authority until then"

And, in addition, so would he. That is what Alyssa understands from his words because, after all, she is a Velaryon. Even if only in name, Lord Corlys is the head of her house, her grandfather, and he can exert even more influence as he is directly related to Alyssa.

“I am not interested in the power that I may have. My actions were motivated by the fear that something terrible could happen to my little brother."

"Whatever the reason, it doesn't change the outcome," he replies matter-of-factly, "And now that it's done, you have to move on."

"What do you mean?" she frowns without understanding his words

“You were about to collapse a few minutes ago and you can't afford to be weak right now, Alyssa. You can't let the pressure of your actions take away your sanity."

"I don't…"

"You can't tell him what you did"

Alyssa looks down, her eyes feeling the familiar sting of tears welling up and her fingernails finding their way once more to her palms.

"He…"

"You can't tell him," he repeats emphatically, "The prince needs your influence now more than ever."

"My influence?" She looks up, "You talk as if I controlled him, as if I could bend his mind or..."

“That was what I witnessed just recently,” he interrupts once more.

“No, it wasn't,” she shakes her head, “you make it sound as if Aemond were a manipulable child in my hands and nothing could be further from the truth. He changed his mind because he listens to me, because he considered my words and found reason in them”

Lord Corlys smirks, a smug, weary smirk, “If you'd rather see it like this, that's fine. Nonetheless, the prince cannot know the truth.”

"I don't like having secrets from him"

You say that, but you keep hiding things from him more and more often.

“Sometimes you have to have them”

She shakes her head, a rebellious tear rolling down her cheek.

“You could lose him if you tell him you murdered his brother,” she shudders, “and there's more at stake than just the prince's love. Your position is at stake, that of your brother and the future of both of you. Think about it"

She just nods because she doesn't want to keep listening to the man, "Thank you, Lord Corlys, I'll think about your words."

***

Guilt is consuming her once again.

That night, as they share a frugal dinner, Alyssa is unable to meet Aemond's eye.

Though she knows that he is inwardly crying for his brother, grieving over Aegon's sudden death, though she wishes she could cross the short distance between their chairs and hold him, comfort him of a grief well known to her, she can't. She can't help but clutch her hand to a glass of wine she doesn't even taste.

He seems to be going through something similar because, after telling her that he found evidence of Corlys's accusation of Larys Strong in the latter's rooms, he has remained silent, eating very slowly and drumming his fingers on the table, though not really making noise.

You can't tell him. He can't know the truth.

Her mind keeps repeating those words to her, and she knows that, in a way, her grandfather is right. She herself had decided to leave Aemond out of her plan because she had not wanted to mortify him with the knowledge of what she had chosen as punishment for his mother.

Or because you knew he wouldn't understand, that he wouldn't want you to kill his brother.

Alyssa bites her lip hard and closes her eyes for a moment.

No, that was not true. Aemond had told her that she could choose Alicent's punishment and he would respect her decision. It was she who hadn't wanted him to be a part of her plan. That's all.

So why not tell him? If you are so sure that he will understand you, tell him.

And she really wants to tell him.

But she remains silent.

"I'll go see Jaehaera"

Aemond's voice startles her and she opens her eyes, facing the prince, who is already on his feet.

"Yeah, I huh... maybe I'll go later"

Aemond just nods, giving her the impression that he's staring at her for a few seconds before leaving the room.

“Take this away, I won't be able to eat more,” she says to one of the maids before raising the glass of wine to her lips.

When the table is free, Alyssa puts on her nightgown and climbs into bed. She won't visit the children that night, she doesn't think she can face the little princess.

You're nothing but a coward, says that voice in her head before she closes her eyes and sheds the tears she's had so hard to hold back.

~ ~ ~

The distance between the two seems to increase with the days.

Or maybe it's just Alyssa's impression, for she still can't act normal around him.

"I'll meet with the council again this afternoon," Aemond says, "I'll probably be late again."

She just nods and watches him knot his straight hair into his usual style before leaving their chambers.

Alyssa knows that council meetings are not as long as Aemond makes her think, she knows that the prince spends hours with his dragon, and that by the time he returns to the Keep, the children are already asleep and she pretends to be sleeping as well, lying on her side of the bed and hearing every little noise he makes as he climbs under the covers.

But they don't touch.

He doesn't reach for her hugs, he doesn't cradle her against his body, he doesn't even intertwine their fingers. Of course, she doesn't dare caress him either and spends most of her sleepless nights wishing she could get closer to the prince, overwhelmed by his smell of musk and wood, by the security she used to feel having him near her, by the craving to kiss him, by the crazy desire to confess to him the dark secret that she carries, by her fears that he will not be able to forgive her.

Did you not forgive his transgression against your brother? Why shouldn't he do the same to you?

She doesn't dare confirm an answer. She does nothing but yearn for the spontaneity with which they used to find each other and melt their bodies. And, for several nights, Alyssa believes that she can feel him watching her through the night, but when she dares to turn and look at him, he seems to be fast asleep.

***

"You're doing the right thing"

"I'm losing him"

“He is only grieving his brother, it will pass,” Lord Corlys assures her.

The afternoon is cold, but the children seem to enjoy their walk in the gardens. They both cradle their dragon eggs in their cloaks, carrying them carefully and talking to them between knowing smiles.

“It will be better after tomorrow. The funeral will bring closure to this unfortunate episode."

Alyssa looks at him skeptically, but she just nods. She doesn't believe his words, but she feels too tired to argue against them. Falling back into her familiar circle of sadness has left her weaker than ever, and she prefers to just be complacent.

“Will you attend the execution?”

"I'm expected to"

Not that she really wants to go. Alyssa thought she would finally feel free, safe and happy when her enemies were put to the sword, but when Aemond gives the order and the royal knights cut off the heads of the grand maester, Larys Strong and two other men accused of conspiring against Aegon and murdering him, she can only feel a bitter mix of relief and nausea.

And that night she can't sleep in the slightest, haunted by the image of those men's heads on the pikes outside the Fortress.

It's not funny? She wonders inwardly, they are the ones who did you wrong, but it is you who suffers from their deaths without finding the tranquility that you thought you would achieve with their absence.

Quieting her mind isn't easy and she knows it, so she gives up and climbs out of bed to sit on the windowsill, wrapped in a bearskin blanket. She is still sitting there when, hours later, Aemond wakes up and finds her.

"You couldn’t sleep?"

She shakes her head, her gaze still fixed on the courtyard outside.

“Are you… are you in pain? Do you want me to call the maester?"

The concern in his voice moves her deeply, and hurts her at the same time. Tears well up in her eyes and she fights back a sob as she shakes her head again.

But she knows that he notices her distress. Aemond always knows when something is not right, he is always able to read her like an open book. That is why he is terrified by the distance that has been created between them.

"I'm fine," she says hoarsely.

She doesn't hear his answer, but she notices him starting to get ready for the funeral.

“I'll see you there,” he tells her before leaving her alone once more.

***

Jaehaera is wearing a black dress with the golden three-headed dragon embroidered on the chest.

The choice of the dress was made by Alyssa herself, since it is what the late king's daughter is expected to wear, although seeing her dressed in the emblem of her father, her turmoil increases.

She has been avoiding the children as much as she could without neglecting them, but she knows that Aemond has spent time with them and that he has spoken to Jaehaera about Aegon's death. Daysi had told him about it one afternoon when they were walking through the Red Keep.

"Are you okay, princess?" the question comes from the nanny

“I'm just tired,” she answers, nodding and focusing her gaze on the funeral pyre.

Vhagar descends over the hill and Aemond dismounts before giving the order. The warmth of the dragonfire is welcome on such a cold morning, and as the flames lick Aegon's body, Alyssa can't help but pray – to whatever god will listen to her – that this be the last funeral she has to attend for a long time.

“The prince has ordered us to go to the throne room,” Lord Corlys tells her as the crowd begins to disperse.

"Why?" she questions, feeling suddenly very nervous

The man just sighs and climbs with Alyssa and the children into one of the carriages back to the castle.

“Daysi, take the children to bathe, I'll see them for lunch,” she tells the young woman once they enter the Red Keep.

Alyssa goes with Corlys to the throne room. Aemond already stands there, at the foot of the hideous chair of swords, the conqueror's crown once more in his hands. The princess has a feeling of deja-vu as she watches the scene.

“I have made a decision,” he says to the assembled council members and several other lords of the court, “I will once more assume the rule of the realm under the title of Prince Regent until my nephew, Aegon, is old enough to take his rightful place as king"

The whispers spread like wildfire among those present, all whispering things that Alyssa cannot understand. She only has eyes for Aemond, who is also staring back at her.

Why had he suddenly decided something so final without even telling her?

"Were you aware of this?" asks her grandfather quietly

She shakes her head.

"It doesn't matter," says the man, "It's just the result we wanted."

Alyssa's stomach tugs and she looks away from the Prince Regent and looks at Lord Corlys.

“It is perhaps what you wanted. The only thing I wanted was to be happy with Aemond"

Corlys Velaryon regards her with a mixture of pity and exasperation, but bows briefly before joining the voices pledging allegiance to the new regent.

***

"I thought my decision would please you"

Alyssa hasn't heard him enter their room, though a part of her is aware that he had followed her when he realized she had rushed out of the throne room.

"Should it pleased me the fact that you have place such a burden on my little brother’s head?" she asks from her place sitting on the edge of the bed

“Aegon will not always be a child. And you know that it is his right as a son of this family to sit on the Iron Throne and rule,” he replies with a calm voice.

Yes, she knows. She also knows that her complaint is foolish. It's what her mother had wanted for her son, what her grandfather somehow expected, what the kingdom took for granted. What Aegon was entitled to for having been born in the family that had created a ruling dynasty. Her reaction is irrational, but she can't help but feel betrayed.

"You could have told me before announcing it before the entire court."

"Just like you tell me everything?"

His question sounds like a reproachful accusation, and Alyssa automatically looks up at him, paling at the pained expression on his face.

“What… what do you mean?” she manages to ask in a thin voice, although it is not necessary for him to answer because his words were clear, the background of them letting her know that he is aware of her crime.

“You know exactly what I'm talking about,” he replies taking a couple of steps in her direction, “Don't take me for a fool, Alyssa, I know something isn't right between us. I know you've been keeping something from me since the day Ser Willis announced my brother's death. I know that…"

He stops talking and just stares at her, like he's unable to say out loud what he really wants to say.

"What else do you know?" she asks fearfully as she stands up

He seems to hesitate and looks down for a second, but when he turns to face her, there is determination in his turquoise blue eye, "Just say it, please, I want you to tell me," he almost begs.

But she can't talk. She can't tell him what he wants, she just shakes her head as her nails dig furiously into her palms.

"Aemond, I..."

"Tell me if it was you," he insists, "I need to know, please."

There are a few seconds of silence that feel like forever before her resolve and good judgment crumble, and she finally admits it in a choked voice, "It was me."

Aemond recoils from the weight of her confession, his gaze shadowed, and the tension reflected throughout his body. If he thought he was going to feel better to finally hear her confirm what he's been suspecting for days, he's dead wrong. Her admission of guilt has only added another weight and pain to the ones he already carries.

Alyssa. His Alyssa had poisoned his brother.

“I'm so sorry, my love, so sorry,” Alyssa hastens to say, “I just wanted…I wanted us to be safe, I wanted…”

"Why did you not tell me?"

"How could I?" she asks, desperate, “How did you want me to tell you that I thought… I thought about…” she can't even say it out loud

"Then why, Alyssa? Why go to that extreme?” he asks, frustrated and hurt, “I want to know… I need to know,” he corrects himself, “Whether this was some kind of retribution or punishment for killing Lucerys?”

Alyssa pales and tries to get closer to him, but noticing his expression, she stops short, “It was a punishment, yes, but not for you, but for your mother. I wanted Alicent to feel the pain that I experienced when she took the lives of our babies."

“A son for another son,” he replies with a cold smirk.

She flinches at his anger and choice of words. “You said you would let me choose the punishment I saw fit. I admit I didn't give it much thought, I acted on impulse because I was desperate,” her voice cracks from the pressure of holding back her tears, “I didn't think…I didn't think about the consequences or the pain I would inflict on you and Jaehaera”

"Or maybe you thought that I would not care too much if my brother died"

“No, such thought never crossed my mind,” she assures him, “had I thought that I would have apprised you of my resolution instantly. But because I knew of your affection for him, I did not want to burden your conscience with sending Aegon to his death."

He mutters something she doesn't understand but sounds like a curse, his hands balled into fists as he turns his back on her momentarily.

“I was scared and I was foolish,” she continues, “But it seemed like the sensible thing to do at the time. Aemond… your brother was never going to leave mine alone. He told me that he was considering making him a eunuch. To do such hideous thing to my baby Aegon! A little boy! Even if we went to Pentos, we would always have been a thorn in his side, an inconvenience to his reign. And you… you listened to the members of the council, he was not going to help us with our justice, he did not care at all what happened to me…”

"It was convenient to kill him, that's what you mean," he interrupts.

And the worst thing is that he, in a way, understands her. He understands everything that led her to make the decision to poison his brother, he knows that her fears were drowning her and that they were not unjustified. He knows that eventually his brother was going to be forced to act. And sparing young Aegon's life was not going to be his decision.

“I thought so, yes,” she admits, “but I've done nothing but feel guilty since that morning. There is no… I don't feel relieved or pleased with this situation. I just spend my days berating myself for what I did and with such shame that I can barely look you or my niece in the eye. I wish… I wish I hadn't done it"

And Aemond believes her. The prince really believes in the sincerity of her words, the problem is that he finds it hard to reconcile the image of his sweet and reasonable Alyssa with that of a woman capable of committing violent acts for revenge.

That wasn't his betrothed.

“I never thought you would be able to do something like this,” he blurts out suddenly, unable to contain his displeasure, “You were light, my light, my peace among the chaos, but now…”

She recognizes the words he had spoken to her so long ago and her heart breaks at the disappointment shown in his face, his voice, in how hopeless he seems. And the way he looks at her…like she's a stranger…like he doesn't know her.

Or like he's just seeing her for what she is.

“I'm a bad person,” Alyssa finally concludes, nodding, feeling for the first time—but amplified a thousand times—the terrible weight of her crime, “I'm a murderer.”

Her green eyes look so empty when she faces him and the tears that fall down her face, though silent, tear at him more than if Alyssa were screaming. Aemond instantly berates himself for leading her to think that about herself. And he knows that he should say something, that he should reassure her that it isn't true, but his bitterness overwhelms him. The lies, the betrayal, having been excluded once more… the grief for his brother. He falls silent and watches her bite her lip hard to hold back a moan.

"Have I lost you, Aemond?"

Her question catches him off guard and he doesn't have an immediate answer for her, which amazes him even more than her words.

“I think it's best if we put some distance between us for now,” he says after a few endless seconds, “I don't want…I'm too upset right now to keep talking.”

I don't want to hurt you anymore, is what he wants to say.

She just nods.

“I will be leaving the capital tonight,” he informs her, her sad green gaze resting on him once more. Aemond feels the need to explain, "I will go meet Borros Baratheon and his army before I meet Lord Stark and the other lords of the Riverlands.”

She just nods again.

Aemond looks at her for a few seconds and, since it seems that neither of them will say anything else, he turns his back on her and prepares to leave the room.

It is then when she speaks again.

"Promise you'll come back to me," she begs with a sobbing voice full of pain.

Never doubt my love for you, he used to reply before leaving her. And he would assured her that he would return to her.

But not this time.

This time Aemond just stops, not even turning to look at her, though she knows he's heard her.

And Alyssa, who had feared for his life during the battles of the war, realizes that fear doesn't even compare to the panic that rises in her chest as she watches him leave the room without a kind word or a goodbye.

_______________________________________________________

"How can there be peace without atonement?"

Vanessa Ives

________________________________________________________

Next chapter will *probably* also be the last, though we will have an epilogue. What you guys think? I'd love to read your thought on their current situation.

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - chapter 27

Aegon has been asleep for only a few minutes when Ser Willis Fell enters the nursery accompanied by a visibly sad Jaehaera.

"Oh no, what happened?" Alyssa asks, immediately getting to her feet and going to meet her niece, noticing the trail of tears in her swollen eyes.

The girl just shakes her head and hides her face in her aunt's neck. The princess takes her in her arms and addresses the knight, "Ser Willis, where is Prince Aemond?"

"He remains with the Dowager Queen in her chambers."

Alyssa nods and asks no more questions. She knows that something had to happen to send the child in that state back to her. The girl thanks the royal guard and tells him that he can leave before going back to sit on the sofa next to her niece.

"What is wrong, sweetheart? Are you hurt or in pain?"

The little blonde places her hands on her aunt's cheeks and shakes her head, but she doesn't verbalize any response. Her silence only worries Alyssa.

"But did something happen?" she presses her, wanting to know more details.

Once again, Jaehaera shakes her head and snuggles into her chest, her blue eyes watching Aegon's sleeping form.

Alyssa knows that it will be better to wait for Aemond to return to explain whatever has happened, so she begins to sing very quietly for Jaehaera, who after a while relaxes in her arms, although her gaze does not leave her cousin.

When the girl, too, succumbs to exhaustion and Aemond still hasn't returned, Alyssa asks Daysi and the other maids to put them to bed.

“Stay with them, Daysi. And do not let them out of your sight, please. Call the guards if anything, anything, seems strange."

"As you order, princess," the girl nods.

Alyssa leaves the room and goes to the one she shares with Aemond. A part of her mind whispers that he's most likely still with Alicent, and that she'll have better luck looking for him there, but she doesn't intend to go to the former queen's chambers. She doesn't trust that she can control her temper if she has to face her again.

So, she waits for him while anxiously pacing the room. Only as the lights in the Fortress begin to dim and silence reigns, it becomes clear that something very serious has happened. Or something very bad, because Alyssa is absolutely certain that Aemond would never be gone for so long without a good reason.

And whatever it is, she has to know it too, so she goes looking for the prince.

Alyssa throws a thick cloak over her shoulders and quickly heads towards the dowager queen's chambers, but Aemond is not there. Neither is Alicent. In fact, Aemond is not meeting with the other lords in the council chamber or the throne room. He is not in the training yards or the library either.

For a brief moment she wonders if he maybe had to go to the city or if he's flying Vhagar. Her eyes scan the sky without finding a trace of a dragon's presence.

In the end it is by instinct, the feeling that had guided her so many times as a child, that she finds him in the godswood sitting under the weirwood and with his face hidden in his hands.

If he hears the sound of her cloak scraping the ground or her footsteps approaching, he doesn't take notice. But somehow, he must know it's her, because when Alyssa sits next to him, he lets her arm wrap around his shoulders.

“I've been looking for you for ages,” she says quietly as she notes his sword carelessly discarded a few meters from him, and the knuckles on his hands raw from hitting something. Or someone, “What are you doing here? What happened?"

Aemond responds with another question, "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice is hoarse and his eyes convey the anger and desperation he is feeling.

"Tell you what?" she looks at him confused

"What my mother did to you"

Her heart skips a beat, and she is sure it stops beating for a brief moment before pounding furiously in her chest. Aemond's gaze is so intense, and she is suddenly so nervous, that she closes her eyes, trying to calm her breathing before facing him.

He doesn't give her those seconds, but instead places his hand on her chin gently, but firmly at the same time, and she ends up looking at him, "I didn't want you to suffer, I didn't want to cause you pain by destroying the image you have of your mother."

Aemond grimaces and his face darkens, "So you were going to keep from me the fact that she is the cause of us not being able to start a family on our own."

“I was going to tell you, of course I was going to, but I didn't know how,” she admits, shaking her head, “A couple of times I was about to, but I just lost my courage because…”

"Because...?"

Alyssa is silent, her eyes clouding as they fill with tears that fight to escape. He calls her name, and she inhales deeply into the cold night wind before speaking, "Because I was scared."

"Scared? Of what?" Confusion is visible in his turquoise blue eye, his brain wondering if perhaps the girl had feared some further action on his mother's part.

"Scared of your reaction at accusing your mother of such a vile action," she ends by admitting with a sigh, "Or the lack of it."

"What is that supposed to mean?" the confusion is still plastered on his hard features, "What did you think I would do?"

She doesn't respond immediately and he starts to grow impatient, “No more lies, Alyssa. That was the agreement between us. No more lies or half-truths, what was it that really scared you?”

"That you would not believe me and take your mother's side"

Pain is reflected in his expression and his good eye darkens with fury, "You don't trust me”

“Aemond, I trust you with my life, how can you say…”

“You trust me, but you thought I wouldn't support you,” he hisses, “Have I not proven loyal enough to you, to us? Didn't I risk my life and my dragon's life so we could be together? Haven't I shown you time and time again that I'm going to take care of you?"

"I never said that"

"Not with those words, but you certainly thought so."

“You cannot blame me for thinking you'd chalk my accusations up to simple paranoia or the hatred that runs in our families,” she retorts, anger rising inside her as well, “After all, I didn't have any proof that your mother had acted against me. You might as well have simply believed that the war was finally showing its ravages on me, and that I wanted to find someone responsible for something that was wrong inside me."

"Do you have so low opinion of me that you think I wouldn't take your words seriously?"

His question plunges into her like daggers because, she realizes, there is some truth in his words. Alyssa hadn't trusted him to back her up or love her enough not to doubt her word, which suddenly seems funny to her because just a few hours ago she had assured Alicent that their feelings were real, and their union was a solid one.

No, no, no.

Of course, she trusted Aemond, she loved him. And he loved her. It was just her insecurities once again taking control of her mind. She had to get over it, she had to make him understand her.

“She is your mother, Aemond,” she says, her voice choked by the lump in her throat, “You love her, you've spent your entire life idealizing her and fighting for her. You consider her your greatest ally and I know that she sees you in a similar way because you have always been by her side, how can you blame me for thinking that you would accept the truth of my accusations without even questioning them?”

He gives an exasperated snort and smirks, though there's nothing funny about his expression. His interior is plagued with confusion and pain, not only because of Alyssa's distrust, but because hearing her talk about his relationship with his mother makes him realize that all these years he has been nothing more than a child blindly following Alicent's orders, sharing and sometimes bearing with her the burdens of her responsibilities as queen and her resentment towards the life she could never have. Later, when the war began, he had been a soldier for their cause and she had expected him blindly to do his duty regardless of what he wanted. Because there was no room for desires or love, only for duty and sacrifice. And although he knows that Alicent -in her twisted and imperfect way- loves him, her love has only ended up causing him suffering. And that suffering had extended to Alyssa as well.

“I would have questioned them, yes,” he admits after a few long seconds, “but I would have believed in you.”

His voice cracks and suddenly Alyssa realizes that Aemond is crying. And it is not silent tears falling down his face, but sobs that break the stillness of the night and that make her shudder as she comprehends how much the prince is suffering at this moment. And it is then that she understands that he is not only dealing with the truths that she has hidden from him, but also with the loss of his mother. His heart, as she had feared, had ended up breaking as he realized that Alicent is not the person he thought she was.

She doesn't know who initiates the contact, just that suddenly her arms are around his neck, and he has buried his face in her curls. The argument of the last few minutes and the anger that she feels instantly evaporates from inside her, her mind is focused only on comforting him, on making him understand that everything will be fine. That it has to be fine.

“I am so sorry, my love,” she hears him say after a while. He brings their foreheads together, and she feels his breath on hers, "I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you."

“No, no, it's okay,” she assures him, brushing her lips against his, “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have kept what I knew from you, I ended up hurting you even more."

“It wasn't you who hurt me,” he assures her.

She says his name almost in a whisper and they fall silent once more. Aemond laces his fingers through hers, but winces as he flexes his knuckles.

“How did you get this?” asks Alyssa examining his hand.

"I released my temper against the weirwood"

“Our poor old tree,” she replies with the hint of a smile, “I wish you would have gone looking for me instead of resorting to this.”

“I needed a moment alone,” he admits

“I know,” she sighs, knowing that the prince needed to unleash what he felt physically, and preferably against something.

Aemond takes her hand and places a soft kiss on it. Alyssa watches his expression and sees the weariness in his eye, “Maybe we should go back to our chambers. Sleeping will do you good"

“No, not yet,” he asks, “I still have a lot of questions, I need…I need to know how it happened”

She knows what he means, so she sighs again, and decides to give him the answers he is looking for, "It was the tea she sent for me every morning or every night."

“I remember that tea,” he says with a gasp of astonishment, “but I thought your maid brought it on your orders.”

“She did,” she agrees, “I got used to drinking it because, as contradictory as it sounds, it relieved my headaches,” she giggles unfunny, “Only it also caused them at the same time. Alys told me that it is a very specific mixture of herbs that can render a woman infertile if it consumes frequently."

“But then my mother…”

“Alicent was the one who ordered the grand maester to brew it for me. I thought she was being polite, that she understood how anxious I was that you had gone to fight alongside Aegon. She kept sending the tea with Talya until I was the one who started requesting it myself”

Aemond swears, "The grand maester had to know my mother's plan."

“Yes, he was the only one who could have brew it,” confirms the girl, “According to Alys these are not easy ingredients to find, but a master of a great castle could easily obtain them.”

"I'm going to cut off that traitorous old man's head," the prince assures and his gaze burns with hatred, "Who else was part of that ruse?"

“I think Talya, my maid,” she shifts uncomfortably and tightens her grip on Aemond's hand, “Of course she claims that she didn't know the tea would have these effects, but she was aware that something was wrong.”

“I will make sure to include her in my justice plans as well”

“I've already taken care of her for now,” Alyssa replies with a slight blush on her cheeks, “I had her whipped and jailed.”

"How…?" suddenly he smiles, “Those were the domestic matters you mentioned right?”

“Yes,” she looks embarrassed, though satisfied, “as I told you in Harrenhal, I needed confirmation of what I imagined. Talya was the one who corroborated my suspicions about your mother, and I also found out that she worked as a spy for the White Worm leaking information from the castle to her. It was she who told her about our first night together."

"She's been working as a double agent all this time?" he frowns. The redhead had been one of his mother's most trusted servants for as long as he could remember.

“Most likely,” she nods, “Talya had…had a lot to tell.”

Aemond locks their gazes upon hearing the hesitation in her voice, and repeats his words from earlier, "No more half-truths, Alyssa, please."

"Do you really want to know?" ask quietly

"I need to know"

Alyssa nods and tells him everything Talya had told her about Alicent's crimes and her strange relationship with Lord Larys.

“I knew that the clubfoot worked for my mother or that they had a mutually beneficial relationship, but I never understood to what extent,” his hands are balled into fists and his tense posture shows the rage that fills him.

The truth is that Aemond doesn't know how to feel about what Alyssa just confessed to him. It is difficult to identify which feeling simmers more fervently within him, outrage at his brother's wickedness or perhaps the apparent ease with which his mother had ordered Aegon's natural children to be disposed of. He shouldn't have been surprised, however, considering that she had done something similar to him and Alyssa. The thought of it makes him feel unwell. No, the situation was not the same. He couldn't compare his beloved princess with those women, but even so, those creatures didn't deserve such a cruel fate. Although it's not like there was a place for them in the kingdom or in his brother's life.

"He's always been a conniving man," she replies, "continuously whispering ideas to sow mistrust or fear."

"Now I understand why you were so scared," Aemond sighs.

"We'll have to deal with him too"

"I know," he assures her, "and so it shall be."

"How did you find out that your mother was the cause of my infertility?" she asks, suddenly realizing that she has no idea how it happened. She doubts very much that Alicent has confessed it to him of her own free will.

Her question seems to throw him off balance, and Aemond briefly avoids her gaze as he mutters something. “I overheard a conversation between her and Jaehaera,” noting the girl's confusion, he adds, “My dear mother wanted to force my niece to slash your brother's neck while he was sleeping.”

It takes Alyssa a second to process what Aemond just confessed to her, but as she does, outrage, fear, and fury well up inside her, "What?" she asks unable to believe in his words, "Surely your mother was not capable of..."

“Of instructing her granddaughter to kill a child? I didn't want to believe it either. I thought that she at least loved Jaehaera, that she wanted to protect her, not that she would seek to spread in her the same hatred that torments her”

“I can't believe it,” she gasps, her heart pounding at the thought of the little girl having to hear such horrible words from her grandmother's mouth. That explained why she'd been so mortified after the dinner with the Dowager Queen, “No, no, of course I can believe it,” she corrects herself, her nails digging once into her palms and taking comfort in the rawness of the pain, “Aemond I… I don't even know what to say. I only know that I need… that I want to go to your mother's rooms and…”

"You'd hardly find her there considering I had her arrested."

"You… what?" She gasps at his words and her eyes widen almost comically.

“I know how you feel because I felt the same rage when I witnessed the scene,” he assures her, “For an instant I lost control of myself and…” he cocks his head, “I needed to put some distance between the two of us or I was going to end up doing something crazy"

"Your mother... your mother is in the dungeons right now?"

"Indeed"

"But, Aemond..." she opens her mouth, although she doesn't know what to say despite her mind is working rapidly, asking a thousand questions.

"My mother and her accomplices will have to face justice"

"How?" she asks in a whisper, "You can't just drag them out of their beds and cut off their heads."

"Why not? I am a prince of royal blood, my actions against lesser nobles should not even be questioned."

Alyssa detects the fierceness in his voice and the frustration as well.

“If you really believed that, and knowing your impulses, you would have done just that the moment I mentioned their names to you,” he grimaces, “even a prince's power has limits. Aegon is king and you would go against his authority by murdering two of the small council members. You are going to need his permission if you want to have their heads." There are a few seconds of silence as Aemond weighs her words, though he knows she is right. Even so, the prospect of having to depend on his brother's mercurial decisions annoys him greatly, "Besides, do you think he'll take kindly the fact that you put his mother in the dungeons?"

“Aegon is going to find out about her crimes and he will have to support me,” he assures her, although Alyssa thinks she detects a hint of insecurity in his voice, “I plan to offer him something he cannot refuse, although for that we will have to delay our departure a bit, my love"

"What do you have in mind?”

“I will get rid of the threat from the North and restore peace to the kingdom. My brother is no fool, he knows that Vhagar is his best chance to strike fear with the great lords and gain their loyalty."

"Do you think he'll accept your offer instead of releasing his mother?" question, unsure

“Aegon is clinging to his power,” he nods, “He'll have to back me up,” he says again.

But Alyssa knows as well as he does that this is highly unlikely to be the case. Aegon, for all his faults, loves his mother. And his whole life has been terribly influenced by her. It was going to be very difficult, if not impossible, to get him to act against Alicent.

Neither of them, however, is too inclined to verbalize the doubts they feel.

"I will present our case before the king and the council members in the morning."

Alyssa looks at him and nods, “What if they decide to support us?”

“As you said, I will personally behead Larys Strong and the grand maester,” he replies coldly.

"And your mother?"

There is barely an instant's hesitation before his response, “I'll let you determine the punishment my mother deserves,” he says confidently.

***

Alyssa is still sleeping, wrapped around his waist when Aemond wakes up.

It hadn't been difficult for either of them to fall asleep last night, emotionally drained as they were after their conversation in the godswood.

After all the truths he had discovered.

The lump in his throat appears again and, for the first time in a long time, the scar on his eye begins to bother him. Aemond sighs and gently lifts his betrothed's head from his chest, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as he tucks the covers around her because, even inside the room and with the fire burning brightly, it is a cold morning

The prince quickly dresses in his usual black clothes, puts on his boots, and picks up his Valyrian steel dagger. He would have liked to stay in bed next to Alyssa, but he has a pending conversation that he can't put off. And because he knows his princess is likely to be anxious not to find him in bed once she gets up, he writes a quick note for her explaining where he's going.

Aemond makes the short journey to the children's rooms, and is not surprised when he finds Jaehaera already awake and being attended by her nanny. His niece, like him, has always been a morning person. And he was counting on that.

“Good morning, my prince,” Daysi greets with a bow.

Aemond nods in her direction, then turns to his niece, "Princess Jaehaera."

The little girl gives him a smirk and a lovely little curtsy, "Uncle Aemond."

The prince chuckles, remembering Alyssa's comment about the manners instructed to the child by her septa during her stay in the Stormlands.

"I want to take my niece for a walk," he tells the nanny, "We're going to the gardens, so she should wear something that will keep her warm enough."

"Of course, my prince"

The young woman immediately goes to work, her skillful fingers braiding Jaehaera's silver hair into a headband-style braid, the way his sister Helaena used to wear as a child. The parallels are further heightened when he realizes that her dress has the same blue pastel shades as the ones his beloved sister used to wear.

“The princess is ready,” the nanny informs him, fastening the clasp of a fur-edged cape.

“Very well,” Aemond nods, brushing aside his thoughts to reach over and take the gloved hand his niece extends to him, “is Prince Aegon still sleeping?”

"Yes, my lord"

Aemond nods and, on his way out, instructs the gate guards to remain vigilant.

Uncle and niece walk through the corridors of the Red Keep in silence, although inwardly he knows that he should already be saying something. He just can't think of where to start, except that he somehow has to talk to his niece about her grandmother's terrible words.

"Did you sleep well?" he ends up asking and feeling a bit pathetic for the dumb question

“Yes,” she answers in her soft, singing voice, though her brow furrows.

When they reach the gardens, Aemond is still at a loss for what to say and begins to think this was a bad idea. Maybe it would have been better to wait for Alyssa. His betrothed had such a natural way of interacting with Jaehaera, of connecting with her. He, on the other hand… he generally expected the girl to be the one to initiate their conversations or ask him any questions.

Aemond sighs and takes a brief look at the landscape of the garden before his eye. Most of the plants look wilted and lifeless without the usual butterflies and bees flying among them. The prince sighs once more and sits down on one of the stone benches, placing the girl on his lap.

“Jaehaera,” he begins, clearing his throat. She fixes her almond-shaped blue eyes on his, and her gloved hands go to his cheeks, “What happened yesterday…the things your grandmother told you.” The girl shudders and a pout forms on her lips, although she doesn't stop looking at him. Aemond wonders if she is about to cry. He doesn't think he can bear to see her cry again, “Everything my mother told you was wrong. You must not believe in her words, neither Alyssa nor I want you to do a…” crazy thing is the word he wants to use, but he holds his tongue, “You mustn't think you have to listen to the order your grandmother gave you. There is no truth in her words. Aegon is your cousin, he is your family, and we protect our family."

The girl nods slowly and her expression seems to calm down, so Aemond relaxes and lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, “My mother, your grandmother, she is… she is very sick and very wrong. She shouldn't have told you those things and you'd better forget them, can you do it?"

“I can do it,” this time she verbalizes her response, and he smiles at her.

Aemond debates if he should continue, if he should perhaps reassure her that her grandmother cares about her, that she should not to think of Alicent as the scary woman from the other night, but he doesn't know if that's the right thing to do. Although it pains him to have to take Jaehaera away from a mother figure she's known since her birth, he doesn't think he can ever again trust in leaving her alone with Alicent, trust that she doesn't take every opportunity to try to indoctrinate his niece. He must make sure that Jaehaera grows up a happy girl, without pressure or expectations. May she have the childhood he couldn't have.

“Good,” he replies.

And he stands up with her still in his arms to spin her in circles in the air, causing the girl to laugh and an expression of happiness to paint her angelic features.

***

Alyssa and Aegon are already eating breakfast when uncle and niece return to their shared rooms.

“We wanted to wait for you, but someone woke up very hungry,” the princess points to her little brother, who attacks a bowl of porridge with impetus.

"I'm sorry, my love, we took too much time on our walk"

Jaehaera turns away from her uncle and joins Aegon, who smiles at her and offers her his plate, though she declines and takes one of the fruits set out for them.

"Is everything alright?" Alyssa asks as he sits down next to her.

“Yes, all good,” he takes her hand in his, reassuring her, “I needed to talk to Jaehaera alone.”

Alyssa seems to instantly understand his words, her green eyes drifting to her niece, who looks relaxed as she smiles at something her little brother is saying, "I'm glad you did."

Aemond nods, "Aren't you hungry?" he asks noticing that the girl's plate is almost intact

"Not really," she shakes her head and sighs, "If I'm being honest, I'm feeling pretty nervous about what we're going to have to deal with today."

“I know,” he agrees, “I'll go see my brother in a while. I want to speak directly with him before we head over to the council."

“We? Both of us?" she asks in disbelief

“To have you by my side during the meeting seems not only the most appropriate, but also the fairest,” he replies, looking at her with confidence, “I want you to have a seat in the front row while we seek the justice that is due to us”

Alyssa shifts uncomfortably in her chair, "You seem so sure we'll get the support of the council members."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

His question reminds her of Alicent's words about the shame her actions had brought upon her and Aemond. What if the council members shared her opinion? What if they saw their case unfounded because it was the consequence of a sin committed by both before the laws of men and gods?

"What worries you?" he asks noticing her upset expression

“I was just wondering if…” she cocks her head, “if the council members need to know specifically what happened. I mean… I don't know if I'm comfortable with them finding out about the miscarriages or the infertility."

Aemond seems to meditate on her words for a few seconds, “We didn't mention it then. We can say that my mother and her henchmen poisoned you."

In a way that's what they had done, she thinks as she nods.

Aemond lifts her hand to his lips and places a soft, comforting kiss. She smiles at him before trying to focus on her food, although without much success because by the time the prince announces that he will go in search of the king, she has barely managed to eat a few bites.

Alyssa tries to distract herself by embroidering and has almost finished her design when Aemond returns to the room, visibly frustrated and with a worried expression on his face.

"What happened? Couldn't you talk to Aegon?"

He shakes his head, “He's almost unconscious. Yesterday he overindulged in his drinking, and the master had to give him milk of the poppy because his wounds have worsened and the pain is excessive”

Alyssa is sympathetic, noting the sadness in the prince's words, "Is there nothing else you can do?"

“The dragonfire permanently damaged his body,” he replies.

There is a moment of silence before she speaks again, "What will happen now?"

“The privy council is going to meet,” he tells her.

"Will it be wise to attend without first confiding the matter to your brother?"

“We cannot continue to delay this matter any longer. The maester said that he may not wake up until late at night."

Alyssa ponders his words and finds that he is right. They should take advantage of these moments, and not give their enemies more time to prepare something against them, "Come on, then."

She offers him her hand, and he instantly takes it, standing up next to her and heading towards the council room without speaking or saying anything, just the firm contact of their hands being the support they both need.

The gazes of the lords and ladies of the court rest on them and the whispers begin, especially when they notice their joined hands, a clear gesture of intimacy that could rarely be observed. Or, rather, that it was not proper to perform in front of other people. Alyssa ignores them. All of them were surely aware of the intimacy between the two of them, that now they decided not to hide it, it did not change the fact that they were quite conscious of the nature of their union.

Aemond glares at a couple of them, and they quickly avert their eyes from both of them, their words falling silent and taking the opposite direction. Hypocrites, all of them, he thinks as they arrive at the doors of the council chamber, where the members are already assembled.

“You realize, Prince Aemond,” says Lord Corlys when they have both taken seats next to each other, “that this situation is most irregular.” His dark gaze fixes briefly on his granddaughter. She returns the contact before scanning the room with her gaze. In addition to the usual members, the Grand Maester and High Septon are also there.

“I don't see why,” he replies matter-of-factly, “In the absence of my brother, I am the highest authority in the kingdom.”

“That is debatable, my prince,” Larys Strong's sly voice sends a chill down her spine. Alyssa catches the hate in Aemond's eye as he turns to the man, “Queen Alicent is the one who should have such title. I can't help but wonder where she is."

“I would also like to know that,” the High Septon interjects, “The queen has never missed her morning prayers, she should…”

“I will satisfy your curiosity in that regard,” Aemond interrupts, “My mother will not be present on this occasion because she is locked in one of the dungeons.”

There is a moment of silence before chaos breaks out in the form of questions and a yell from the religious man. Alyssa gives him an annoyed look and stops herself from rolling her eyes.

"I do not understand, my prince," Lord Corlys makes himself heard and silences the others, "Under what precept has the queen been imprisoned?"

"Under charges of poisoning my betrothed, Princess Alyssa Velaryon," he mentions her full name with emphasis, causing Lord Corlys to shift uncomfortably in his chair.

“Poison the princess? Queen Alicent? She wouldn't be capable of such a thing!" the septon replies, outraged.

"I assure you that the dowager queen was capable of doing that and much more," Alyssa replies with contained fury, looking at the man.

“These are pretty serious accusations,” Tyland Lannister looks at both princes, “Is there any proof of what you say?”

“The testimony of one of my mother's trusted servants. She has confessed that she regularly sent Princess Alyssa a tea with the aim of poisoning her."

"That's all?" Larys speaks again, “A maid's words against the queen's? A maid who, I must specify, has been subjected to acts of torture by Princess Alyssa."

Murmurs grow once more among men.

“Talya herself confessed her crimes before receiving her punishment,” Alyssa notes.

“Nothing assures us that this was the case,” Larys replies.

"If you wish to keep your head, you better stop talking now," Aemond responds, "Don't think I'm unaware of your involvement in my mother's affairs."

"Or the others involved," Alyssa looks at the grand maester, "After all, it was you who brew the tea that poisoned me."

"Princess? I would never seek to hurt you, my lady!"

“I don't understand,” the High Septon looks at them both, “When were you poisoned, princess? You appear to be as healthy as ever, indeed, during your entire stay here in the city you have seemed well cared for and content."

“That, that,” the maester nods.

Lord Tyland addresses Alyssa, “I must agree with the Grand Master. You don't seem to look particularly ill, princess."

"Why exactly do you think the queen acted against you?" Lord Corlys looks at her too.

"It is enough for you to know that the accusation is real, as well as the damage that has been done to Alyssa's health," it is Aemond who answers them.

“My prince, you are trying to sully the name of the queen, a devout woman of faith,” the Septon looks at him in disbelief, “and you also accuse the grand master, who has dedicated half his life to faithfully taking care of the royal family, surely you do not pretend that we…”

"I don't pretend anything!" hisses the prince, fed up with the whispering of the men, “The only reason I brought this matter before you, was mere consideration. I could very well have let my dragon deal with these two traitors," his gaze goes to Larys Strong and the grand master.

“Please, gentlemen, let us remain calm,” Lord Corlys looks at everyone, “Prince, you cannot simply take matters into your own hands. The king…"

"The king will know that the accusations I bring are not without foundation"

From the looks the council members give him, Alyssa knows they are just as doubtful of Aegon's support for them as she is.

“If you would at least tell us the nature of the damage…” Tyland Lannister begins.

“If you want to know,” Alyssa interrupts, sick of them going in circles, and hatred boiling inside her. She doesn't plan to remain quiet anymore, she won't hide the damage done to her. Contrary to what Alicent has told her, she has nothing to be ashamed of. Everything lived with Aemond had been as a consequence of the love between them, not of momentary lust. The children that she had lost, no, that they had snatched from within her, should not cause her any reproach. Aemond turns to look at her and she nods, “Queen Alicent ordered the Grand Master to prepare a tea for the purpose of poisoning my womb. Due to their actions, two lives that I carried inside me perished. Twice I had to suffer the pain of losing my children."

"How is that possible? You are not even married!" sentence the High Septon

"Is that what you're worried about from what the princess just said?" hisses Aemond furiously

"It's not right," the man shakes his head again, "it's not right for two young people to give in to their… sinful desires."

“Prince Aemond,” Lord Corlys seems to once again seek to be the pacifier of the situation, “I understand your anger and the pain you may be feeling,” he glances at Alyssa, “But you will understand that our hands are tied. Your union, no, there is not even a union between you two."

"That doesn't justify the queen's actions against me!" Alyssa looks at him with amazement in her green eyes, “Twice, Lord Corlys, two losses! Two heirs of royal blood"

"I don't know if it would be appropriate to consider them that way"

"It's a divine punishment, that's it!" the Septon spits, "For their sins, it was the gods that caused their union to bear no fruit."

The man's words cause Alyssa to lose her breath, and she has to hold on to the arm of the chair.

"Do not involve your ridiculous gods in this," Aemond retorts, "It was not them who forced my mother's hand to hurt the princess."

"Your mother is a pious woman, the queen must be the best woman in the kingdom, she would never behave in such an unworthy way, the same cannot be said of the princess"

Aemond is on his feet in no time and draws his sword, directing it straight at the High Septon.

“You're going to pay for that,” he assures him, beginning to circle the table.

But Alyssa stands up too and takes his arm. He stops automatically, and Alyssa places her other free hand over the one he wields his sword. He understands what she's asking, but he still growls as he lowers the weapon.

Alyssa looks at the table once more, recording the expressions of the men in her mind. The High Septon looks faint, the Grand Master looks pale, Lord Corlys and Lord Tyland worried, and Larys Strong has a wicked smile on his face. She hadn't expected anything from them and yet they had let her down.

“Enough,” she says in a firm voice, “I think we've said all we need to say. We will await the king's decision in this matter,” she looks at Aemond, who still looks furious, but who nods at her words. "And rest assured, my lords, that I will not forget the participation of each one of you in this matter"

***

It takes Alyssa several minutes to calm Aemond down once they've left the council chamber.

“I should just go in and cut off their heads myself,” he hisses indignantly as she tries to drag him by the arm.

“What do we gain with that?” she tries to reason with him, “It would only fan the anger and resentment of the other great houses. With or without Vhagar on our side, we don't need any more rebellions to be crushed."

"I know but…"

She places her hands on his cheeks making him look at her. Alyssa can sense the anger and bitterness he is experiencing. Having grown up as an authority figure and wielding the power that his mother's and grandfather's status as regents indirectly gave him, having until recently had complete control as well, she understands that he hates not being able to do things his way.

“You have to calm down,” she whispers, their foreheads close, and her thumbs caressing his high cheekbones, “In a few hours you will talk to your brother and this situation will be fixed.”

Her words sound a lot more confident than she feels, and luckily, he believes them, because he closes his eye and takes in her jasmine scent before nodding.

"Perhaps it will do me good to fly for a while"

“That's a good idea,” Alyssa replies, “as long as that's all you do. Fly on your dragon and calm your impulses"

He gives her a captivating smile, but he promises her only to take to the skies with the intention of clearing his mind.

Once the prince leaves, Alyssa goes looking for the children, spending the rest of the morning with them, though her mind is lost in thoughts.

What she feared had finally happened. No one was going to help them. Why do it? It's not like they have real power. Even with the dragon alive, it was Aegon who was king and Alicent who controlled him. Aemond was just a hotheaded second son, and one they were going to get rid of very soon, since he had already announced their plans to live in the Free Cities. The lords of the privy council had no reason to side with him, especially if it meant directly challenging the authority of the regents.

And though she hated to admit it, they were right about one thing. There was no irrefutable proof that it was Alicent who had ordered the tea to be brew. They had dismissed Talya's testimony with no problem, and something told her the Grand Maester was never going to betray the Dowager Queen.

And there was the whole issue with the Faith.

The Faith had already brought too many problems to the kingdom and her family, both in ancient and in recent times. Because of the teachings of the faith, the enraged citizens had stormed the dragon pit. And the High Septon defended Alicent staunchly. Although Alyssa didn't know the size of his influence within the capital, it was better not to underestimate it. As she had told Aemond, there was nothing to be gained by acting directly.

Though that did not mean that she would sit idly by.

She had already spent a couple of days thinking about the best way to proceed, a way to get her problems to end for good. And she could only think of one solution, although her conscience objected if that was her best course of action.

But she had to do something. Her family was not safe, never would be unless she nipped the threats around them in the bud.

Sometimes, she thinks as she watches the children scribble on a parchment, there is no other way but fire and blood.

Alyssa reads a story to the children and leaves them with the maids before going to her room.

Aemond hasn't returned yet, which doesn't surprise her, since the prince could spend hours on Vhagar's back. But the sun is about to go down and she knows he won't be long.

“Prepare a bath for me,” she requests of one of the maids.

While the girls are pouring hot water into the tub, she goes to one of the drawers in the nightstand and pulls out the glass vial that Alys gave her the day she left Harrenhal.

The time has come to use it, as the woman had foreseen. A sad smile forms on her lips. Alys had explained the effects to her during one of the many nights that Alyssa watched over Aemond during his unconsciousness after his battle with her stepfather, and she had confirmed that it was safe to use since no one would recognize the effects. And Alyssa trusted the riverlands woman.

“The bath is ready, princess,” the maid informs her.

"Thank you, you can leave now"

Alyssa puts the vial back in the drawer, takes off her dress, and secures her hair in a loose bun before stepping into the luscious, warm water.

The princess closes her eyes and enjoys the relaxing sensation as she goes over in her mind what she must do that night. A lone tear escapes her cheek as she is going to have to lie to Aemond again, but this time it is for his own good. It's better that he didn't know about her plan because, even if he didn't seek to stop her, she didn't want to put it on his conscience.

"Can I join you?"

Aemond's raspy voice reaches her, causing her eyes to open immediately and her heart to race.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

“I just didn't hear you come in,” she smiles at him and extends her hand to him, inviting him into the tub. It doesn't take long for him to undress and soon his long body is next to her, his arms immediately searching for her waist to place her astride him. Alyssa bites her lip to hold back a moan as she feels the swelling of his crotch, "Do you feel better now?"

“As always when I am by your side,” Aemond assures joining their faces in a kiss that soon fills with passion.

Alyssa runs her hands over his shoulders and down his strong arms, her lips trailing down his neck, and delighting in the scent of his dragon on his skin. The smell of her home.

“I love you,” she whispers against his ear as her hands trail down to his erection and massage his flesh.

Aemond is soon ready and she descends into him, moving frantically as he caresses her breasts with his lips. His hand travels to her hair, untying the bun and burying his fingers in her curls. She smiles and moves faster, he imitates her rhythm, and soon they're both reaching for paradise.

Alyssa pulls out of him once she's calmed down and snuggles into him, her head over his heart, feeling his heartbeat. She could never regret sharing these moments with the prince. She could never be embarrassed by the physical expression of their love. There is nothing reprehensible in it.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks after a minute of silence, his long fingers tracing a path from her shoulder to her elbow.

"I was thinking that I would like to visit your brother tomorrow."

Aemond's caresses stops, and Alyssa pulls away from his chest so she can watch him.

"Do you want to speak to Aegon?" he frowns, “Why? I thought you were trying to avoid him."

“I was,” she nods, “but I feel like we don't have a lot of options right now. Perhaps if I go before him and assure him that neither my brother nor I are a threat to his reign, that we want no claim to that throne, he will feel more inclined to give us the justice we deserve."

"That's what you think?"

“I think Aegon is an arrogant man,” she replies with a sigh, “Even though he doesn't admit it, he surely wanted me to recognize him as king, to acknowledge his victory over my mother. After all, it was also me that he summoned to return to the capital.”

“Yeah, I guess so, but I wouldn't want you to have to deal with him right now. His pains worsen his mood and his words could… upset you”

“I am aware,” she nods, “and believe me I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't think we needed it. We got nothing from the members of the privy council and…”

“Fucking hypocrites,” Aemond interrupts.

She places a conciliatory hand on his chest, “Maybe if I go to him with an appeasing attitude and state our case while doing a courtesy or two, we'll get better results.” Aemond doesn't seem convinced, but she knows he's not going to refuse her request. “I know I probably won't achieve much, but at least I want to try. Then it will be your turn to ensure his support”

"Fine," he agrees, "As long as you don't feel pressured to do it, that's fine by me."

Alyssa smiles at him, though she internally feels a lump building in her throat, so she gives him a short kiss, “We should get out of the tub. The water is already cold”

Aemond smirks and watches her as she dries her body with a linen sheet before slipping into her nightgown.

“I'll have them bring us something to eat,” she says as he climbs out of the tub too.

***

A few hours later, Aemond is fast asleep next to her.

It hadn't been difficult to put a couple of drops in his tea at dinner. And when, a while later, he had begun to yawn, she had suggested that they get into bed, so he had never suspected that his tiredness was due to something else.

Alyssa hadn't wanted to have to sedate him, but she couldn't risk him waking up in the middle of the night and fine his bed empty. Her absence would only raise questions, and she would break down and end up confiding in him with her plan.

And she didn't want that. It was better for him to continue sleeping.

The princess grabs her winter cloak and pulls up her hood before leaving the room, inwardly grateful that no guards are protecting Aemond's chambers. Walking stealthily, she makes her way through the corridors of the dimly lit Red Keep until she reaches the entrance that leads to the dungeons. She knows that maybe she is risking too much, but she needs to see her. She needs her to know that what she's about to do, is her fault. She needs for the woman to carry that knowledge with her for the rest of her life.

The jailer lets her in without asking too many questions and leads her to one of the cells. The light down there is so dim that she has to press against the bars to see Alicent, who is curled up at the other end of the cell.

“You,” she says in her husky voice when she recognizes her, “What are you doing here?”

"Your cell is much more pleasant than the one I had"

“Have you come to gloat seeing me in these conditions?”

“A little, yes,” Alyssa admits.

Alicent approaches her and the princess observes her appearance, her dirty and threadbare dress, her swollen eyes and her raw wounds.

“If I were you I would avoid bleeding too much,” she nods at her injured fingers, “Rats enjoy the taste of blood.”

The Dowager Queen shudders and hides her hands from her, “If you have come to kill me, do it once and for all. Although I warn you that my sons…”

“Your sons will do nothing for you,” she interrupts, “Aemond has freed himself from your influence at last and has left your fate in my hands.”

"Never, he wouldn't do that," she replies, though her voice falters.

“Throughout his life you have done nothing but push the limits of his love for you, test how strong it was, how loyal he was to you. I guess you never thought a time like this could come."

She winces before replying, “The king, my son, will surely rescue me. Don't think I'm not aware that you wanted to appeal to the sympathy of the council members. They dismissed you and made apparent their revulsion at your depravity, as I already knew would happen."

Alyssa takes a deep breath and holds back her annoyance at her words. How is it that even here, locked up and below the surface, she could continue to exert her influence?

"I don’t really care about them," she says in a calm voice, "Soon the situation will be reversed and they will once again be the complacent lords they have always been"

"So you think?"

"I'm sure of that," she nods.

There is a moment of silence between the two women where they only dedicate themselves to observing each other. Contempt is clear on the Dowager Queen's features. Alyssa, for her part, feels a mixture of anger and pity.

“I have been thinking of a punishment for you since I found out that Aemond was holding you here as a prisoner,” the princess speaks once more, “I thought of the ways in which I could torture you, perhaps cut off your limbs or simply kill you, but nothing seemed enough." Alicent listens to her without interrupting, staring at her, though her hands shake slightly as she holds onto her seven-pointed necklace, "As I told you once, so long ago, I'm not a violent person, I don't enjoy inflicting pain on others, but sometimes it is necessary to do it.” Alyssa moves a little closer to her cell, "Finally, it was you who gave me the idea of the appropriate punishment."

"Me?"

“Yes, many years ago, when I was still a kid and we were all in Driftmark,” she explains almost with delight and giggles, “You know what's the funniest thing? That night I was on your side. I also felt enraged that Aemond had been severely hurt and no one but us seemed to care. Of course, I was a little girl who couldn't do anything, but you... you did your part in a way, talking about debts to pay and seeking justice into your own hands if it was denied to you"

"Princess…"

Alyssa interrupts her, "That is exactly what I'm going to do, because I am sick of having to depend on others to get justice."

"What are you going to do?" Alyssa takes satisfaction in hearing the rising panic in her voice.

"An eye for an eye, was it not so, my queen?"

Alicent pales and in a fit she drags herself towards the bars. Alyssa backs away from her grasp, her heart pounding from the suddenness of her near-attack.

"Don't you dare harming my children," Alicent replies with fury and fear.

“We could have been allies,” Alyssa continues, “but you chose to betray me. Whatever happens from now on, you brought it on yourself."

“What are you going to do? You bastard! What are you up to?"

But she doesn't answer, instead she turns her back on the woman, and walks towards where the guard is sleeping, “Find a way to silence her or she'll end up waking up half the city,” she orders before leaving the dungeons.

***

Alyssa absently plays with her sapphire necklace while waiting for Aemond, who has gone to check if his brother has woken up and to update him on the situation they are going through.

"Alyssa?" The prince's voice reaches her from the door.

“Here,” she replies, waiting for him to join her by the window, “How did it go?”

"He's awake," he replies with a shrug, "With his usual irritability and his aches, though more dejected and ill than ever, if I'm being honest."

The girl feels a tug in her stomach when she hears that information. Maybe she could use it to her advantage.

"Did he agree to see me?" asks, feeling the weight of the vial hidden in the neckline of her dress.

“Yeah, sure, he was amused to know that you wanted to talk to him,” Aemond frowns.

“I figured he would have a similar reaction,” Alyssa sighs.

"Come on, I'll take you there. You won't have much time because he insisted on being present at today's council meeting."

She agrees and they leave together towards the king's rooms. Aemond says goodbye to her without entering, informing her that he will be waiting for her with the children.

Alyssa watches him disappear down the hall before taking a deep breath of cold air and entering the room.

The first thing she notices is the intense aroma of the incense and as she makes her way to the foot of the king's bed, she understands the reason for it. Aegon's wounds, though covered by bandages and some pinkish scars, produce a terrible stench.

"Well, well, my niece is finally here to see me. I thought you were avoiding me”

“Uncle,” she greets with a nod ignoring his words, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Oh, come now, put aside the empty words,” he replies as he settles between the bed, wincing, “We both know that you care very little for my condition”

"I was just trying to be polite," she tries to offer him a smile, "The king's health is of the utmost importance to the entire realm."

Aegon chuckles and drinks from his wineglass.

"So you admit I'm king now"

“You wield such power and sit on the iron throne,” she nods.

"After offering your mother as meat for my dragon"

Alyssa is aware of Aegon's eyes carefully watching her reaction, so she does her best to remain neutral.

“The war was brutal,” she simply says.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Aegon rolls his eyes and continues to drink until his glass is empty, “I should arrest you right now. You and my little brother, for having dared to do what you did to my mother."

“Aemond surely told you everything Queen Alicent did to deserve such a punishment. Her machinations directly affected me, just like affected you as well”

He shrugs and smirks, though his eyes are cold, "Yeah, well, my mother was always repulsed by bastards."

Alyssa tries to brush off his insult and remains silent.

“Still, I should congratulate you, Alyssa,” he continues, “You managed to turn my brother against my mother. That's not an easy feat to accomplish."

“I couldn't take credit for such a feat,” she replies, “I never intended for Aemond to have to choose between me and his mother. It was she who put him in that situation."

"And now you want me to cut off her head, don't you?"

"I want justice to be done"

He laughs and mutters something that sounds like a poor imitation of her voice, "I could want the same thing and ask for you and your brother to be executed."

"Aegon and I represent no danger to you," she is quick to say.

“I think we both know that's not true,” he cuts her off in a harsh voice.

“Soon we will go to Pentos and, if it depends on me, we will never return to this city again,” she continues, “I only wish that those guilty of my…”

"I thought of making him a eunuch. Did my brother tell you that?" Aegon interrupts her once more, "Or send him to the Wall."

Alyssa pales and her heart flutters, the weight of the vial becoming more and more obvious against her chest, "He is just a boy, he doesn't even understand his role in this world."

“But it is a role that will always weigh on him, I know that well,” he replies with a somber voice.

"Aegon, please... just..."

“The maester is here to examine you, my king,” a guard announces from the gate.

"Let him wait, my niece and I have a pending talk"

Alyssa nervously looks at the door. She hadn't counted on anyone else wanting to see Aegon, but perhaps that would end up working in her favor as well. Perhaps the gods were assisting her in her task. The thought of it makes her smile.

“I see that we are not going to agree,” she tells the king, “I hope that, as the years go by, my little brother and I will prove to be your loyal subjects and your doubts will be dispelled.”

“Why go to Pentos? Why not Dragonstone?”

She frowns, “I didn't think it would be an option for us. Surely you will want to give the fortress to your future son, Aemond said that you would marry soon”

"How is Jaehaera?"

His question surprises her and, for a moment, she doesn't know what to answer.

"She is fine"

“She still cries a lot? She was crying the last time I saw her."

"No, she doesn't cry too much these days," Alyssa watches him and seems to notice Aegon's expression soften for a moment.

“Will you take good care of her once you are living in Pentos?”

"Of course," she immediately replies, "I'll do my best to make her happy."

Aegon nods and cocks his head, taking the cup to drink, but it is empty.

Alyssa knows it's her chance.

“Let me fill your cup,” she says, walking over to the nightstand and picking it from his hand.

The princess turns her back on him and goes to the jug of wine that is in the center of another table. With her heart pounding in her chest, she extracts the vial, and her hands shake slightly as she empties much of its contents into the king's cup. Then, she pours one cup for her as well, and takes a deep breath before turning and facing him.

“Here,” she hands her uncle his glass, “Let's toast.”

"And what would be the reason for doing so?" he asks without waiting for her and taking a couple sips of his drink. Alyssa watches with wide eyes as he swallows the contents.

“New beginnings. The beginning of your reign and the new life that awaits me," she answers with a nervous voice.

"Hmmm." Aegon looks at his glass and then looks at Alyssa, "Strangely sweet."

"Yeah?"

Aegon seems to look at her with amusement, and for a moment Alyssa is sure he's going to realize what she's just done, but in the end, he just finishes all the drink.

"Now go, the council awaits for me"

Alyssa nods, glancing once more at Aegon's sad figure as she leaves the room.

The grand master blushes when they meet at the door, and the adrenaline that runs through the young woman's veins for a moment is cut off to give way to her rage.

“Princess,” the man bows.

"Grand Master"

She gives him a hard look and proceeds down the hall.

It's done.

And she almost can't believe it.

Alyssa stops in her tracks and turns to look at Aegon's room, where the guards stand undaunted, unaware that their king has been poisoned.

That he's been sentenced to death for her, for Alyssa of all people.

For a brief moment, her brain whispers to her that she's done a foolishness, that she'd better run to the Grand Master and confess so they can save Aegon’s life and she doesn't have to face the fact that she's killed a man.

But she doesn't.

This is justice and it is the right thing to do.

It's the only way to keep her family safe.

Alyssa resumes her walk and, when she reaches the nursery, she throws herself into Aemond's arms.

"Was it that bad?" asks the prince gently caressing her back

“Yeah, yeah, I don't think…I don't think he's very happy that we locked up his mother,” she forces herself to say.

The prince takes her by the chin and makes her look at him. Alyssa feels tears well up in her eyes, though she fights to keep them inside her.

"Don't worry about my brother, when the council meeting is over I'll take care of him"

Only I've already taken care of him, she thinks, though she nods and hugs Aemond again.

Fortunately, her brother and her niece claim her attention, and she tries to play with them and keep up with the stories they make up, though her mind is still on that smelly room and the fatal glass of wine.

She knows it will take a while for it to take effect, though once it does it will be quick and painless. More than what Aegon deserves, but just what suits her.

Alyssa is chasing the children when the guards start to run and the servants rush down the corridors.

"Aemond?" she goes to him, who now has his hand on his sword

"Stay here, I'll go see what is this all about"

“No, don't leave us alone,” she pleads, her gaze flicking to the children who seem to understand something is wrong as well.

"But…"

Her response is interrupted by the appearance of Sir Willis Fell, who strides toward them with a very serious expression on his face.

He's coming for you, Alyssa thinks. And for a moment she thinks so, but at last the knight goes straight for Aemond.

“My prince, tour brother the king is dead,” he announces in a solemn voice before turning to Jaehaera, drawing his sword and dropping to one knee in oath, “Long live the queen.”

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 26

Sleep eludes her that night.

As Aegon—and apparently Aemond as well—sleep peacefully, Alyssa can't stop thinking about her idea of leaving the kingdom and flying to Pentos.

Had it been madness to propose such thing to the prince? Had it been terribly selfish on her part? Probably yes, but that's not what takes away her sleep. Alicent and Aegon had forged their destiny, whatever it might be.

The children, however, were going to grow up away from everything that their family had built for generations, from everything that was theirs by right, from their family history, their native country. Alyssa couldn't help but wonder what her mother would think of her idea of taking her youngest son away from Westeros.

"You cannot sleep?"

Aemond's voice is barely a whisper. Alyssa looks down at him and shakes her head. The prince sighs, throws back the covers and sits against the headboard of the bed.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to wake you,” she says as he clasps their hands together.

“I've been up a long time,” he admits, stroking his thumb over her hand, “What are you so anxious about?”

The thought of leaving it all behind, she says in her mind.

“I was only thinking about what awaits us in the future”

“Mmm,” he watches her closely, “Are you second-guessing your idea of us living in Pentos?”

“No,” she replies instantly, though her voice doesn't sound convinced, “Are you?”

Aemond takes a few seconds to reply, “I think we have to be careful about how we proceed. Pentos welcomed a Targaryen prince with open arms almost twenty years ago, but the situation in the free cities is often volatile, we must be smart and not cut our ties here in case we need to return."

"You plan to tell your brother and mother about our intention to live in Pentos"

“We can't just ride my dragon and run away,” he sighs, “Aegon may have no intention of naming his daughter as his heir, but I do not think he'll take kindly to us taking her away without telling him.”

“And if he opposes the idea?” question, distressed

"I do not think so," he assures her as he kisses her hand, "I am sure we will face opposition from my mother’s side though," at the mention of Alicent, Alyssa feels the familiar wave of anger and pain run through her body, but he doesn't seem to notice, "In a couple of days there will be a council meeting, I will use the occasion to inform them of our decision"

A couple of days. That is more than Alyssa would like to stay in the Keep, but she knows Aemond is right. Nothing assures them that they will be welcome on Pentos, and they cannot simply drift away, unable to offer an established home for the little ones.

“I was thinking tonight,” Aemond says suddenly, and Alyssa looks at him, “your proposal reminded me of the time I considered riding Vhagar and taking you across the sea with me.”

"When was that?"

“Before my father died,” he replies with a smirk, “When you had barely returned to Dragonstone after our first night together. Helplessness and frustration were consuming me, it hadn't been easy to get away from you that morning, to abandon you while you were still sleeping... and I wasn't going to simply accept that you would eventually marry some other lord, so a possible escape together to one of the free cities crossed my mind, although I quickly gave up on the idea”

"Why?" she asks, surprised at his words

“Because the idea of condemning you to a life on the run was repulsive to me. It would have been unworthy of you, of both of us. You deserved more," he replies, moving closer to her body and bringing his free hand to her cheek.

"Do you think that's what we are doing now?" she asks quietly, “Run away?”

“I think we've earned our peace,” he says as he hugs her and joins their foreheads, "And if your tranquility is far from this palace, on the other side of the sea, then you will have that"

Alyssa smiles and presses their lips together. The kiss is soft, her thin lips take his delicately and his hands go to her waist, placing her astride him. Alyssa moves against him and Aemond sighs against her lips, but when she starts kissing his neck, he stops her.

"Aegon can wake up at any moment," he whispers, directing his gaze to the small bed at the other end of the room.

"You are right, I am sorry," she nods.

“Come here,” he smirks and lays her down on the bed once more, hugging her body and playing with her hair, “We should try to sleep, there are still a couple of hours until dawn”

“Uhum,” she buries her face into his chest and closes her eyes, finally feeling the sleep come to her.

***

"Can we fly today?" Aegon glances at his cousin for an instant before turning to Jaehaera, “Would you like to fly with us? It is fun"

The four are having breakfast in one of the rooms of Maegor's holdfast. Alyssa watches her niece, who still seems to be getting used to Aegon's presence, expectantly.

"Can we, uncle Aemond?" she asks with a shy smile directed at the prince

Alyssa knows that even if Aemond had wanted to refuse, he couldn't say no to Jaehaera's longing expression.

"Fine, but just for a short while"

The children smile at his response, and Alyssa pats Aemond's hand.

“Do you want to come fly with us?”

"No, thanks"

“I thought you didn't want to get them out of your sight,” he replies mockingly.

“I think they'll be safe with you,” she rolls her eyes and finishes her apple. It will be good for her to have some alone time. She has a lot to think about, decisions to make, and unfinished business to take care of.

"I forgot to mention to you yesterday that I will have to go to Dragonstone before our trip."

"Why?" Alyssa looks up at him.

“My brother wants a dragon egg. Apparently Syrax left a clutch before leaving the island."

His response angers her, and the idea of Aegon having one of the dragon's eggs tied to her mother dislikes her.

"Does the idea bother you?" wants to know Aemond

"Yeah," she admits with a nod, "it's not…I don't want him to have anything from my mother."

“There is no guarantee that the egg will hatch,” the prince replies, “My brother is an adult and there has been no record of a rider bonding with two dragons. He hopes it works, of course, but the egg will most likely end up just being a decorative item in the palace."

Alyssa tilts her face and sighs, “It could happen. My cousin Rhaena's dragon hatched in the Vale and we could hardly call her a little girl."

Aemond sighs as well, "I was hoping I could find a couple of eggs for Aegon and Jaehaera as well"

The princess doesn't know what to think about the idea. She knows it's natural for them to have a dragon, but right now she associated dragons as a big part of her family's downfall. The creatures had caused too much destruction and instead of uniting them, they had only served as weapons of war to destroy each other. She didn't want for that to eventually happen to the children.

“It's part of who we are,” Aemond says, sensing her doubts, “Every Targaryen has the right to have a dragon egg. Your brother and my niece should not be the exception”

"I know, but…" she doesn't quite know what to say. In the end, she thinks, it doesn't matter. As Aemond had said the eggs could never hatch. Theirs hadn't, "Go, go to the island and get what your brother wants."

Aemond nods, then leads the excited children to the usual meeting point with Vhagar.

***

Alyssa clings to her cloak as she strolls through the godswood. It hasn't snowed yet in the capital and the morning isn't so cold, but even so the wind blows mercenary causing the sparse weirwood leaves that are still on the ground to move in a small whirlwind.

“I always marvel at how resilient malvaelis are”

Alyssa jumps when she suddenly hears a voice, and turns immediately to find the figure of Lord Larys.

"I am sorry, princess, I didn't mean to scare you," says the man with the beginning of a nasty smile on his lips.

"Lord Larys," she greets, nodding and involuntarily taking a couple of steps back as she remembers everything Talya has told her about the man, "Don't worry, I was just surprised to find you here."

“It seemed like an appropriate morning for a walk around the castle”

Alyssa nods again, but she doesn't say anything.

“I heard that you spent time in Harrenhal while Prince Aemond recovered from his injuries,” he continues, “I imagine you felt at home living there.”

The hints of his comment annoy her, but she refrains from responding and instead says only, "Harrenhal provided us with the shelter we needed, yes."

"Yes, yes, of course," Larys smiles again and Alyssa decides that she has had enough of his presence so she is about to leave, but the man speaks again, "They are from Braavos, did you know?"

"What?"

“Malvaelis,” Larys points to a red-flowered bush that stands tall despite the inauspicious weather, “They come from Braavos.”

"I didn't know"

"Have you ever been to the free cities, princess?"

“Never,” she replies, frowning, wondering where the man is getting at with his nonsense comments.

“No, of course not,” Larys smiles again, “I hear the winters aren't half as bad as they are here. What a blessing it must be to be able to live in such a pleasant climate”

“You hear a lot of things,” Alyssa replies with a sigh.

"That's right, princess, it could be said that it is my job"

A roar then echoes over the fortress and Vhagar's silhouette looms over it. Alyssa looks up and smiles at thinking how much fun Aemond and the kids must be having right now.

"Magnificent creatures the dragons," Larys also gazed at the sky for a moment before turning his gaze to Alyssa, "A shame what happened in the dragon pit."

“A tragedy in every sense, yes,” Alyssa agrees.

“But also, an opportunity for reflection, don't you think? It gives us the occasion to think about the damage that a badly influenced and angry crowd can cause”

"I guess so," Alyssa suddenly feels anxious without knowing why and she clasps her hands behind her back so the man doesn't notice how shaky they are, "I should…"

"You managed to escape during the riots, princess"

"I did"

"Perhaps the idea of doing it again seems appealing to you"

"Doing what again exactly?"

“To… how did you say? Ah yes, seek shelter once more, maybe across the sea… Braavos or Pentos perhaps?” Alyssa pales. The princess opens her mouth once to reply, but she doesn't know what to say. Larys doesn't seem to be waiting for an answer, as he continues talking, “Your mother was also a fan of simply running away from her problems. But I think that, just like she did, you will discover that the consequences of our actions and decisions can easily follow us even beyond the sea”

"Lord Larys I don't know..."

Once again, she is speechless. The man is clearly referring to her idea of leaving the castle, but how had he found out? She was sure Aemond hadn't told anyone about their decision yet, how come Lord Larys already knew? And more importantly, was he threatening her by saying that she would have to deal with the consequences if she moved across the sea?

Larys Strong fixes his sly gaze on the princess and trudges over to where she is. For a brief moment Alyssa thinks she's going to be attacked, but then the man takes something from the pocket of his cloak and places it in her hand.

A peach.

He must notice her strange look because he says, " “I heard peaches are your little brother's favorite”

And without adding more he leaves a stunned Alyssa standing under the weirwood.

***

Alyssa heads toward the dungeons walking purposefully.

Surely Talya was behind this. Surely, she had spoken with Larys Strong, surely she had told him that the princess is now aware of his crimes and that was why the man was threatening her. There could be no other explanation.

"Do you work for him now?" she asks when the jailer shows her the maid's cell

"Princess?"

Talya's silhouette appears before her and Alyssa turns her face to the side at noticing how badly injured and sick she appears.

"Larys Strong, do you work for him now?"

“No, of course not, why…”

"He's threatening me. And he knows things…things that only the prince and I knew about. It was you, right? You told him that now I know about his transgressions and that I am a problem for him."

Talya shakes her head, “You know he has spies everywhere,” she says in a tired, drawled voice.

“This is different,” Alyssa looks back at Talya, “He's never been openly hostile and now…”

“Lord Larys probably seeks to torment and poison your mind,” Alyssa shudders at her words. “He is an ally of the queen. Whatever game he is playing, the Queen Mother must also know about it, I assure you."

Game. For them it might be a game, but for her it was turning into a nightmare. Alyssa looks away from Talya and walks away from her as well. She shouldn't have gone looking for her. The woman was no longer someone she could trust.

The problem is that she doesn't have anyone else in the Fortress. No one to talk to, no one to guide her. And she can't trust Aemond with this because she would have to tell him the truth about his mother and…

Alyssa leaves the dungeon as quickly as she arrived. She has to remain calm. She has to put the damned words of Larys Strong aside, and think about what she would do next. In a couple of days, she would be gone from this place and then…then everything would be fine. No matter what the man said, they were going to be fine on Pentos. They couldn't hurt her or her brother from so far away, could they?

Daemon had been thousands of miles away from the Red Keep, and managed to assassinate your nephew, says that voice in her head, what assures you that the same thing won't happen to you or your brother?

The children's giggles reach her as she stands near the playroom. Alyssa feels the relief wash over her body and a smile spreads on her lips when she sees them sitting at a small table, having lunch happily.

“Alyssa,” Jaehaera smiles at her as she sees her walk in.

The young woman approaches them and sits on a cushion between the two children, "Did you enjoy your fly?"

“Very much,” the girl nods.

“It was amazing,” Aegon begins to speak in his usual animated tone of voice, “My cousin flew Vhagar until…”

Alyssa is disengaged from her brother's story when she notices one of the fruit bowls.

"Where did you get this from?" she asks interrupting the boy and looking at the maid

“Princess, what do you…?”

“Who brought these peaches here? Where did you get them from?” Alyssa stands up quickly and glares at the maid, "Speak!"

"From... from the kitchen, they brought them from the kitchen"

"Who sent this? Has the prince eaten the peaches?��

Alyssa turns to Aegon, who looks at her in wide-eyed astonishment, not quite understanding the situation. Did he seem sick? Was he pale or was it just her idea? Did the peaches have any poison? “Aegon, did you eat the peaches? Have you tried them?" Her eyes flick to the plate that doesn't seem to have been touched, but… “Answer me Aegon!”

The boy pouts and appears to be about to cry.

“No, princess, the prince hasn't eaten the peaches yet,” Daysi chimes in.

There is a brief moment of relief in Alyssa's body, so she looks at the young maid for confirmation, “Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?"

“I am, my lady, he…”

“Someone gave you the peaches? Did someone else bring them?”

“No, I myself went to the kitchen to look for them. The cook said they had arrived this morning and it was almost a miracle to get them in this weather, so I thought…”

Alyssa doesn't need to listen anymore. Her hands fly to the plate still on the table and she tosses it across the room, the contents scattering everywhere and the clang of metal echoing and making Jaehaera jump.

"No more. No more peaches in here."

"I wanted to eat them!" Aegon protests tearfully.

"NO! No more peaches until…”

"I want my peaches," Aegon continues crying harder and standing up, "They were mine!"

"Aegon, enough, you don't understand, but... it's for your own good and..."

Alyssa shuts up. It doesn't make sense to continue. Aegon isn't listening to her and her words only make him cry harder.

“My brother is forbidden to eat peaches,” she turns to Daysi. The young woman nods quickly and does not dispute her words, "He must not... he must not eat anything strange or anything different"

Alyssa is aware that her words sound ridiculous, but she doesn't care. She has to keep him safe. She has to protect him.

Aegon's cries intensify and she sighs. "Aegon, please, I don't want…" the princess tries to hug her brother, but he pulls away from her. Alyssa feels her eyes water and turns her back on them, leaving Daysi to take care of the crying boy.

***

Alyssa doesn't get to sleep that night either.

Every time she closes her eyes, the slightest noise makes her suspect that at any moment they will receive an attack.

When Aemond shifts uneasily next to her, she decides to get out of bed. She doesn't want to disturb the prince's sleep and wake him up, so she goes to the other side of the room and pulls up a chair next to Aegon's bed.

It had taken a lot to calm the little one down after his lunch tantrum. The rest of the afternoon he had spent it playing with Jaehaera and without speaking to his sister, he had not even given her the customary goodnight kiss. Alyssa knew that perhaps she had overreacted, but after her talk with Larys Strong, it was better to be careful. Nothing assured her that a plan to get rid of her brother was not in motion.

Alyssa gently strokes Aegon's silver hair and watches the sleeping boy cradling the dragon egg Aemond had brought back that night. The prince had obtained three eggs and had given one to his brother and left the other two with his nephews. Aegon had been so excited at the prospect of having his own dragon that he hadn't talked about anything else over dinner.

“Forgive me, Aegon,” she whispers, her voice choked with tears fighting to leave her eyes, “I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just afraid. So, so afraid"

The little one moves in his dreams and sighs. Alyssa withdraws her hand and continues to watch him until the sun begins to rise on the horizon, which is when she decides to return to bed as she does not want Aemond to find her awake and question her about her restiveness.

When the young woman snuggles up next to the prince under the covers, she closes her eyes and lets herself be carried away by the extreme tiredness she feels.

***

His brother is carried on a litter to the council chamber and two men help him settle at the head of the table.

Despite the regal robes he wears and the ruby crown, Aegon's state remains pitiful. Aemond lowers his head as his hands shake when he tries to lift a glass of wine to his lips.

“Let's begin,” Alicent says after a few seconds of awkward silence, “Lord Larys, what is the situation in the city? Are the fights still happening?”

Aemond listens intently to the news of various riots that still occur from time to time among sections of Flea Bottom’s population who remain discontent by the lack of provisions as a result of the winter. Nothing to worry about, according to the master of whispers, just isolated situations that don’t mean real danger. When the news turns to the subject of war, they say nothing new, only that the northerners are getting closer to King's Landing and that Borros Baratheon is raising his army to meet them somewhere on the kingsroad.

“Once Baratheon finishes them off, I will marry one of his daughters,” Aegon announces.

There is a general murmur of approval among the members and Aemond refrains from rolling his eye, though he clears his throat and gets everyone's attention.

“Before we discuss such… auspicious news,” he says looking at his brother, “I think the two of us have something to share with the council”

Aegon smirks and drinks from his cup, "Oh yes, of course, we must solve the problem that my nephew's presence supposes."

“I proposed to the king,” Aemond continues, “that he should name Aegon the young as his heir and betroth him to Princess Jaehaera.”

The council members look at Aemond in open skepticism, and the prince is aware of how upset his mother looks next to him.

“An absurd idea,” the woman mutters.

"The king might still have heirs of his own," says Lord Corlys.

"I think it's a good idea"

To Aemond's astonishment, the comment comes from Tyland Lannister. The man, once handsome and proud, is now a shell of what he once was, still looking very thin and showing the aftermath of the torture he was subjected to by his half-sister.

"Lord Lannister?" Alicent looks at him in disbelief.

“Both children are the future of house Targaryen. Each one represents the warring factions. Uniting them would be a gesture of peace, a sign that we can move towards the future”

“That child is a threat,” Alicent replies, and Maester Runciter nods vehemently besides her, “There will be no peace until the traitors have been eliminated.”

Aemond slaps his hand on the table and his mother says no more, just fidgets with her seven-pointed star necklace.

“My brother Aemond,” says the king, “takes my nephew's safety very personally. I proposed making him a eunuch and allowing him to live at court,” Neither of the men say anything, but they cast uneasy glances at the king, “The alternative of sending him to the Wall was also proposed. You are my council. Talk”

“It's a… a rather touchy subject,” Larys Strong is the first to speak, “I personally think the idea of naming him your successor should be ruled out, my king. You have the right to have only your blood sitting on the iron throne."

A couple of lords agree with Larys, and though Corlys Velaryon proposes sending the boy under his guardianship to Driftmark, no one really considers his offer. After several minutes it becomes clear to Aemond that he will not find a solution with them and, above all, that most council members see little Aegon as the last inconvenience to be eliminated.

"Out everyone. I'll talk with my brother and mother alone,” he finally says when he tires of the men's incessant chatter.

Once the three are alone, Aemond turns to them.

“I was hoping we could come to a solution, but you leave me no choice,” he begins by saying. Alicent fixes her big brown eyes on him, “Alyssa and I will leave Westeros and settle in Pentos. And we will take the children with us."

His mother gasps and Aegon just laughs.

"You can't be serious," says the queen, "That's nonsense, how can you pretend to abandon your family?"

"I would hardly call that abandoning my family considering it is with my family that I intend to make the trip, mother"

Aegon laughs again and Alicent looks at him, exasperated, “Do something! Stop your brother from leaving the Fortress, make him desist from such a ridiculous idea” Aegon drinks from his cup again, ignoring his mother, “Are you aware that he wants to keep Jaehaera, your daughter, away from you?”

At the mention of the girl, Aegon looks to his mother, “I think it would be for the best. Nothing good awaits her in this place”

Alicent looks at her son in disbelief, then back at Aemond, “I told you,” she says reproachfully, her eyes watering, “I told you that girl was going to take you away from your family. And she has achieved it. You are going to leave us right now, on the brink of war when we need you the most."

Aemond looks at her coldly, “I fought a war for Aegon's right to be king. Now he is king, it is up to him to keep his throne”

"I can't believe it..." Alicent looks at him with pain in her eyes and approaches Aemond, placing her hands in his arms, "We need you, Aemond, there are still fights to fight and..."

"You may leave if you wish," Aegon cuts her off, "but you will after Helaena and Maelor's funeral."

Alicent stops caressing Aemond and the prince looks for his brother's gaze, "She hasn't been...?”

“We've been a bit short on dragons around here in case you forgot,” he replies bitterly, “Our sister needs you one last time. After that, leave if you want."

***

There is a note from Aemond on the bedside table explaining that he has gone to a council meeting and the children are with the nanny.

Alyssa hastily changes her clothes, ignoring the food the maids have left on the table so she can go find the children. Leaving the room, she realizes that it is much later than she imagined because the sun, although weak, is already shining high in the sky.

The young woman goes to the playroom, but she does not find the children there. Nor are they in the garden, training yards or kitchens. Alyssa's nails dig into her hands as time passes and she can’t find the little ones. Where could they have gone? And where is Aemond? Alyssa had looked for him in the council room, but it was already empty.

With her heart pounding and the feeling that something bad is about to happen, Alyssa returns to the playroom.

"Have the children returned?" she asks a maid who is cleaning the room

"Yes, princess, they are with Daisy in the gardens."

Alyssa nods and hurries to the gardens, where she discovers Daysi in the place that used to be a favorite of Helaena and her children.

"Finally!" she says half exasperated and half relieved, "I've looked all over the castle for them, where were you?"

"I'm sorry princess. The children got tired of playing in their room and Prince Aemond told us that it would be a good idea to take them to the beach”

"To the beach? You were outside the palace?" she asks, her heart pounding as she watches Jaehaera and Aegon run through the bushes, "I told you to keep them in the room."

“Princess, I thought…”

"The children are not to go anywhere without Aemond or I present, understand?" she says with a hard voice and frowning in the direction of the young woman

"As you order," Daisy curtsies.

Alyssa sighs and is about to apologize to Daisy for taking her frustration out on her when Jaehaera starts calling for Aegon.

"What's going on?" she asks, approaching the girl, "Where is Aegon?"

"I don't know," she shrugs, "we're playing hide-and-seek."

“He was here a second ago, I saw him…” Alyssa starts to approach the bushes, “Aegon! Aegon come here immediately!"

Her words get no response, so she turns back to the girl, “Was there anyone else? Did you see a man or was there anyone else here?” Jaehaera shakes her head and Alyssa stifles a groan as she walks into the garden calling for her brother.

“Aegon this is not funny,” she says in a choked voice, “Aegon!”

Daysi and Jaehaera are also calling him and Alyssa, desperate, is about to go find the guards when her brother's giggles are heard behind her.

 "I won!" says the boy excitedly, causing Jaehaera to also giggle.

But his joy has the opposite effect on Alyssa.

"Where were you?" she asks angrily as she approaches her brother and kneels before him, holding him for just an instant before placing her hands on his small shoulders, "Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"We are playing," he replies without faltering his smile.

"I know you were playing, but... something could have happened to you, don't you realize?" she says, shaking him by the shoulders, “Why didn't you answer me? I didn't stop calling you, you should have answered me"

"I don't…"

“Don't ever do something like that again, got it? Never again!" says shaking him again

Aegon goes perfectly still, and when Alyssa watches his expression, she sees the bewilderment and fear in his eyes. The girl immediately stands up and turns away from her brother, still feeling terribly scared and disgusted at herself for taking it out on her brother.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just wanted…” Alyssa turns to look at Daysi and Jaehaera, who are watching the scene in amazement, “To the play room. Game is over for today."

None of the children protest and Alyssa walks after them trying to contain the images that her mind had created in the brief seconds of her brother's absence and that continue to play in her head.

"Aemond!"

Aegon runs to his cousin, who is waiting for them in the room, and watches in obvious confusion as the boy throws himself into his arms and begins to cry. The prince meets Alyssa's gaze, but she refuses to look at him, suddenly embarrassed by her behavior earlier.

"She is mean to me," Aegon says, his voice choked with sobs.

"Aegon, please..." Alyssa starts, but the boy doesn't want to listen.

"No! You're bad and you hit me and…

"I didn't hit you!" she immediately cuts him off, “I admit I overstepped, but you worried me by not responding and…”

"What exactly happened?" Aemond intervenes

“Alyssa won't let me eat and she won't let me play,” the boy explains, “she is mean.”

"Stop saying I'm mean, I just want you to be safe!" she replies, exasperated and fed up with her brother's sobs.

Alyssa turns her back on them and tears roll down her face, although she doesn't know if it's because the situation overwhelms her or because a sudden headache explodes inside her.

She walks to the other side of the room and stops by the window. Aemond finds her with her eyes closed and still shedding silent tears several minutes later, when Aegon has calmed down. She widens her eyes as she feels the prince's thumbs cleaning her cheeks.

“I did not hit my little brother,” she says quietly.

“It never crossed my mind that you could have done it”

“But I did let my temper to guide me and I was very hard on him,” she admits feeling her blush stain her cheeks.

"What happened?"

Alyssa recounts the situation and, hearing her words, realizes how extreme her reaction had been. There had been nothing to fear and yet she had let fear guide her actions.

"And what did he mean when he said you don't let him eat?"

“That was…” she doubts if she should go ahead and let Aemond in on her conversation with Larys.

"What, Alyssa, what happened?" presses the prince, “There is something you are not telling me. I can tell there's something going on in your head and you won't tell me what it is,” she can hear the frustration and anger in his voice, “I've given you space because I know you need it, I know I can't make you trust me, but I thought there would be no more secrets between us"

“It's not that I don't trust you,” she rushes to say, trying to calm him down, “It's just…I'm tired, Aemond. I'm tired of what this place is doing to my mind. Since we arrived, I have been thinking that at any moment an assassin will appear to end Aegon's life. And that terrifies me. The idea of not being able to defend him paralyzes me and... and I'm just afraid. I see threats in every corner of this place.

“I can understand that you feel that way, but I don't think it's all. Even while we were in Harrenhal, I know something else was bothering you. You said you wanted to confirm some things. What are you not telling me?"

Aemond seems almost desperate and Alyssa knows that she has to tell him, that she will eventually have to tell him everything she knows about his mother and Larys Strong. But she doesn't feel ready yet for all that the revelation can bring with it. Her insecurities and fears are stronger than her resolve.

“I don't want to break your heart,” she answers almost in a whisper, her hand caressing the prince's cheek.

Aemond swallows and sighs, "Do you have any idea what that makes me think?"

Alyssa shakes her head and brings her lips closer to Aemond's, uniting them in a kiss that lasts only an instant, but is full of intensity. The girl hugs his body, and he seems to understand that she doesn’t want to keep talking about it, because she hears him sigh once more.

“We'll be leaving very soon,” he tells her, “My brother is already aware of our resolution. I only ask you to hold on a little longer, just a couple more days."

"Why? Haven't you already done everything Aegon wanted? Why can't we just leave?"

“Because of Helaena,” he answers with an exhalation. Alyssa pulls away from his embrace and looks at him blankly, "I have to be present for Helaena's funeral, Vhagar has to…" he shakes his head helplessly.

Alyssa's heart twists inside her. Helaena, her beloved Helaena. She hadn't considered that her body was still in the crypt, waiting to be fired like so many Targaryen before her.

Her eyes drift instinctively to Jaehaera, who is sitting next to Aegon, her small hand running up and down her little brother's arm, in a gesture that is meant to be reassuring and seems to be having an effect as the boy smiles affectionately at her.

“The funeral will be held in just a couple of days. Just a couple more days, my love, and we can start again."

***

Alyssa is already in bed when a soft knock on the door announces the presence of Daysi and Jaehaera.

"I'm sorry to bother you, my lady, but Princess Jaehaera insisted on talking to you."

“It’s okay, Daysi” she gives the nanny a brief smile and then stretches out her arms to call out to the girl, “Come, come here darling.”

Her niece walks over to the bed and climbs smoothly onto Alyssa's knees.

"What is it, you couldn't sleep?" she asks noticing that the girl is already wearing her nightgown

She shakes her head and hugs her body. Alyssa smiles against her hair and kisses the top of her head, relieved that Jaehaera is seeking her contact. For a moment she had been afraid to scare her with her outburst of last few days.

“Uncle Aemond said you're sick,” she says, breaking the hug.

“Yeah, I, uh…I'm not feeling too well,” she replies as she tucks a lock of silver hair that has escaped from the braid behind her ear.

The girl looks at her with her fathomless blue eyes and then places her hands on either side of her face.

“Mother was sick too.” Alyssa opens her mouth to reply, but she doesn't know what to say. "She left," the girl continues, and this time the princess is able to see the sorrow in the blue of her gaze, "Will you also leave?"

"No, of course not, why do you think that?" wants to know Alyssa, anxious for the girl's words

She shrugs and caresses her face, "You said you'd stay with me."

"And I will," she assures her, "I promise you, my little princess, I'll stay with you."

A few long seconds pass until she nods and whispers an I believe you that manages to melt her heart.

And as Jaehaera hugs her body again, seeking safety and comfort in her warmth, Alyssa realizes that this situation has to come to an end.

That she has to overcome her fears as she has done so many times, that she has to put aside her doubts and face the reality of the situation, a truth that she has known for a long time but that in her hopes of starting a new life in Pentos, she has eluded. Danger is everywhere. Larys Strong had told her so, and the events of the war had confirmed it over and over again.

Whether she flew to the ends of the earth with Aemond, to the North, or to any other part of the realm, nothing was going to change the fact that her life and that of her brother would continue to be a thorn in the side of their enemies' plans. And it is they who she must take care of.

Besides why would she have to run away? She hadn't done anything wrong. This was her home and she had the right to live in it without feeling threatened. The prospect of a better future for the children of her family was what had kept her from losing her sanity during the darkest and most pain-filled moments.

And she was very close to securing a better life for Aegon and Jaehaera.

And Alicent Hightower wasn't going to stop her. The woman had already taken enough from her, she wasn't going to take this too.

“I'll do whatever it takes to protect us,” she whispers against her niece's little body, “we'll be together and we'll be fine, I promise.”

~~~

The funeral of Helaena Targaryen and her son Maelor takes place at sunset.

The journey from the sept to the outskirts of the city where the cremation pyres are located is not long. The carriage once again has blue roses decorating it and Alyssa and the children—she had refused to let them alone in the Keep despite Alicent's complaints—are seated in a wooden carriage and flanked by Aemond, who rides forward.

The entire town gathers again to accompany their deceased queen. Their somber expressions and tears let Alyssa know that neither of them has forgotten the tragedy of their deaths.

This time, however, they are not silent. Men and women signal their support for Alicent, who stands ahead of them. Some also dedicate words of encouragement to Alyssa and Jaehaera, although they are not too many. For Aemond, however, there are only looks of suspicion and fear. And there is curiosity and whispers, many whispers when realizing the presence of the little Aegon.

Vhagar comes down the hill as the bodies are placed on the pyre and Aemond entwines his fingers with Alyssa's, clearly looking for the support he needs so he can command the dragoness.

The last few days sadness has haunted the prince. Aemond had spent most of the time in the castle, reading or simply training, and Alyssa had been able to see how much the idea of a funeral for his sister affected him.

The girl gives him a half smile, and he nods. Vhagar roars, opening his jaws and bathing Helaena and Maelor's bodies in dragonfire. Beside her, Jaehaera seems to whisper something to Aegon, though she can't make out the words. The children are holding hands today and her little brother has remained very solemn throughout. Alyssa can't help but wonder if he might be thinking of Rhaenyra. Aegon mentions her less and less often, as if he's gotten used to the idea that her mother won't be coming back.

They hadn't even had a funeral for her mother, she thinks bitterly as her gaze drifts to the fully enclosed carriage where she knows the king is traveling.

“Come on, it's time to go,” Aemond whispers in her ear as the crowd begins to thin.

Alyssa helps the children back to the wooden cart. Jaehaera keeps her gaze on the funeral pyre until they go far enough that she can no longer see it, then hugs her aunt. Aegon, who now rides along with Aemond, looks around curiously.

"Maybe you should get some rest," she proposes to the prince, noticing how grim his expression still looks.

"Hmm I don't think it's necessary"

“I can stay with the children,” she insists, “Go and relax a bit.”

Aemond ends up nodding and walks off in the direction of his room. Alyssa and the maids return to the playroom, where she spends the next hour reading to the kids and eating lemon cakes.

"Princess Alyssa." The girl stops her words immediately upon hearing Alicent's voice, "I'd like to talk to you for a moment."

Alyssa is tempted to decline her offer, but eventually closes the book, hands it to Daysi, and follows Alicent into the small sitting area across the room.

“I'm listening,” she says as her hands dig into her palms, this time from the suppressed rage she experiences at seeing the woman.

“I heard that you had ordered to punish and imprison Talya, what was the reason for doing that to one of the oldest servants in this family?”

Alyssa can't help but giggle in disbelief. Of all the possible topics of conversation that she had imagined Alicent would want to discuss with her, that had not crossed her mind.

“I had my reasons,” she replies

Alicent winces when it becomes clear that Alyssa isn't going to elaborate further, “You had no right to make such a decision. You are just a guest here, you have no authority to punish the servants as if…”

“And yet I did,” she interrupts her, “Why? It bothers you? Surely there are many other maids in the fortress who can fulfill her duties."

“Talya was one of my trusted servants”

“I don't doubt it,” she retorts, her voice thick with contempt, “considering you regularly sent her out to do your dirty work.”

Her words leave her mouth before she can stop them, but as she watches Alicent's face pale and her arrogance falter, she feels for an instant triumphant.

"Dirty work?"

"I think we both know very well what I'm talking about"

Alicent starts fidgeting with her necklace nervously and avoids the girl's gaze, "Princess, this has been a very hard day for everyone, we should probably…"

“No,” Alyssa hisses as she takes a couple of steps toward her, “Don't act like you don't understand what I mean. I am no longer ignorant of the damage you have caused me; do you have any idea how much you have hurt me?"

Alicent meets her gaze and Alyssa can notice the nervousness, fear and indifference at the same time, "You speak as if I were a monster"

“In my eyes you are,” she replies, “and also in the eyes of the gods you love to pray to so much.”

"Princess…"

“You have caused the death of two lives growing within me,” she continues, “Two. Two lives that were also part of Aemond, of your son."

There is a moment of silence in which both women look at each other and Alyssa has to contain her urge to react violently when she hears her next words, “They were bastards. Blood of bastards spilled during the war"

“Your own grandchildren, your own blood,” she says in disbelief.

“My son's misjudgment,” she shrugs and looks away momentarily, “It wasn't right, the two of you being together…it doesn't make sense. My son is a Targaryen prince, he deserves a decorous lady, not a girl who shares his bed regardless of the consequences and has no sense of decency," Alyssa wants to retort, but the woman continues, "You are aware of that as much as I. Why else would no one know about the losses you suffered? Why did you insist that it remain a secret? Because it was sinful and a shame! A shame for you, for him and for good customs. How long have you lain with my son without really being legally or spiritually bonded to him? How long have you been nothing more than a harlot to him?"

Alyssa reacts almost instinctively and slaps her across the face. Alicent is about to lose her balance, but she grabs onto one of the sofas and her breath hitches as she glares at Alyssa.

"I will not allow you to insult me again," the young woman replies, "I will not continue to remain silent in the face of your insults, your crimes, in front of the permanent damage you have caused me"

"Damage?" she laughs, “Blessing, more like. You see me as a monster, as a criminal, but I have not done more than take care of my son and even help you "

“How, according to you, has it helped me?” she asks amazed

"I made sure you're not a threat anymore, don't you see?" Alicent says, “Now that you're barren and unable to produce heirs, your blood and life are no problem. Your mother's supporters will not be able to use you as a piece in their machinations because you will have nothing to offer. Take this chance, this little mercy and run away. Go far, I can help you if you wish, I can get you a favorable marriage with a man who doesn't need more children. Save what little decency you have left and accept my offer."

"And do you think Aemond will accept something like this?" she questions feeling disgusted

"You overestimate my son's feelings towards you"

“And I think you do just the opposite,” she answers confidently, “You never accepted that Aemond and I love each other, that we've loved each other practically forever. Do you think our story began when I returned to the fortress? Our history was written since we were children”

"That is not true"

“You don’t even know your son,” Alyssa sighs, “You don’t know anything about him, you weren’t really there for him. You may have defended him when he lost his eye, but after? You placed on him the bitterness, resentment, and paranoia you felt. Aemond has always been more of an ally than a son to you, always taking care of you and your needs instead being the other way around"

"Nonsense"

"Is it?" Alyssa is suddenly invaded by a wave of sadness that joins the anger that still runs through her body, "You do not deserve the love that he feels for you or the loyalty that he has shown you"

“I love my son,” she says, shaking her head.

"If you loved him, you would not have taken away his possibility of being a father"

Alicent's brown eyes flash with fury and a smirk spreads across her face, “That's your burden, not his. My son will be a father one day. No man would bear not being able to leave a legacy, the time will come when he will get fed up with you and abandon you to go in search of what you will never be able to give him”

Alyssa is about to raise her arm once more when Aemond calls out to her. The princess clenches her hands into fists, her nails causing wounds that partly appease the fury she feels inside her.

Both women turn to look at the prince, who approaches them with a curious look in his good eye, one that is half wonder and half caution.

"I didn't know you were here, mother"

“I wanted to speak to the princess, we had unfinished business to discuss,” Alicent says.

Aemond watches Alyssa's expression and is surprised to see the hate in the girl's eyes and features. What had happened between the two of them? Had her mother been rude to her again? Before he can ask, Alyssa speaks.

"Indeed, your mother and I just had a most... enlightening talk."

There are a few seconds of silence in which Alicent looks at Alyssa warily, but when it's clear she won't say more, she turns to her son, “I'd like to have dinner with you and Jaehaera tonight. Bid a proper farewell to both of you."

Alyssa opens her mouth to strongly object to the idea, but the girl—who seems to have heard her name in the conversation—runs over to them and takes Alicent's hand.

“Grandma,” she says with a gentle smile.

Aemond meets Alyssa's gaze, who sighs and nods, “I'll stay with Aegon here,” she says, not daring to deny the little princess something she clearly wants.

***

Despite the fact that having dinner together was Alicent's idea, his mother seems terribly distracted as they eat a delicious pheasant in the queen's chambers.

"Are you okay, mother?"

“Yes, of course I am,” she offers him a brief smile and her gaze then drifts to Jaehaera, “My dearest love,” he hears her say in the way she called Helaena so many times, “do you like the food or would you rather eat something else?"

Ser Willis Fell enters the room and catches their attention.

"What is it, Ser Willis?" the queen wants to know

"I'm sorry, my queen, but the king requests the presence of Prince Aemond."

Mother and son exchange a brief glance before the young man leaves the room in the direction of the king's chambers, inwardly wondering what Aegon would want with him.

In the end it turns out that his brother, who still refuses to drink milk of the poppy and drowns his pain in wine, is only looking for his brother's company.

“You should listen to reasons, you could use a good night's sleep,” Aemond says, though he knows his words will have no effect. Aegon doesn't seem to really hear him, but instead he just fidgets and says words without any coherence, although once or twice the prince seems to hear the name of Helaena, his children and Sunfire's.

After long minutes, Aegon falls asleep and Aemond instructs a maid to help him and watch over his sleep while he returns to his mother's rooms.

Is when he’s already outside the chambers that he hears the sobs of his niece. Heart pounding, Aemond pushes open the door, but stops at the sound of his mother's voice.

"You have to do it!"

“No, I don't want to,” the girl immediately replies, crying again.

"You have to cut his throat while he sleeps, it is the only solution, kill the boy Aegon"

"He is my friend! I won't do it!"

There is a bit of a scuffling and a metal object falls to the ground. Aemond, who had been frozen at his mother's suggestion, wakes up from his trance and goes to Jaehaera, whose face is bathed in tears as she refuses to take the knife that Alicent wants to place in her hand.

"Mother!"

Aemond's voice echoes through the room and Jaehaera breaks free of her grandmother's grasp and runs towards her uncle. The prince takes her in his arms and strokes her hair, though her eye is focused on his mother, who doesn't seem embarrassed at being found out by her son.

“Ser Willis,” Aemond calls. The knight enters the room immediately, "Took my niece to Princess Alyssa."

The man bows and Jaehaera offers him her hand to leave the room. Once they are alone, Aemond walks over to his mother.

“Tell me that I didn't just hear you instruct Jaehaera to become a murderer,” he says hoarsely with the rage he feels at that moment, “Tell me that I misheard and that you didn't mean for your granddaughter to murder her own cousin.”

Alicent winces and her hands fidget, her nails hurting her fingers once more. Aemond notices this, as he has so many times, but for the first time he doesn't empathize with his mother's pain.

"That child must be eliminated"

“And you wanted my niece to take care of it?” he hisses taking her arm, “Have you lost your mind?”

"My son, I don't..."

"You have gone too far, mother." He shakes his head, “I'll admit I had my doubts about leaving King’s Landing, but after listening to you, I know I have no choice. I won't let you poison Jaehaera's mind like you did ours when we were kids."

"Aemond! How can you say such a thing?"

"Isn't that what you did?" He lets go of her arm and takes a few steps back, "You instilled in us contempt for our nephews as children, you made us grow up in fear that something would happen to us if Rhaenyra became queen."

"And it happened, I never told lies"

“We also had our share of blame in that regard,” the prince ruefully admits.

“Aemond, please, you have to…”

“No, mother, your paranoia seems to know no limits. I will not let Jaehaera inherit the unfounded fears you have for a child,” he retorts harshly, “do you think Helaena would have wanted that for her daughter?”

“And do you think that she would want for her only daughter to be taken to the other side of the sea? Away from her family? And for what? So that girl you insist on having as your mistress can play at being a mother since she will never be able to give you a child of her own?”

“That doesn't have…” Aemond stops short as he registers his mother's final words, “How do you know?”

"What?"

"How do you know that Alyssa won't be able to give me children?" His mother's face pales, and she averts his gaze for a moment. "Mother, how do you know that Alyssa won't be able to have children?" repeat Aemond

"I didn't... surely you told me"

"No. I haven't told anyone,” he replies, suspicion growing inside him, “Have you been spying on my conversations with Alyssa?”

"Don't talk nonsense, why would she do something like that?"

Yeah, why would his mother do something like that? He wonders. And he answers himself: because his mother had never accepted his relationship with the princess, because she was firmly opposed to their getting married, because his mother was very capable -as he had discovered a moment ago- of ensuring that a union between the two of them did not prosper.

His mind then recalls the queen's words when Aegon had suggested that he and Alyssa could give him an heir. I'd like to see how she pulls it off, Alicent had said, sneering. And he had dismissed her words.

Suddenly everything fits in his head. The look of deep hatred that Alyssa, who had always tried to get along with the queen, had given her mother a while ago. The fear that she felt that something bad would happen and that he had attributed to simple paranoia, but that now seemed to take on another meaning.

And, above all, it explained her words from a few days ago.

I don’t want to break your heart.

Because she knew how much Aemond loved her mother.

Or he had loved her, until this moment.

"What did you do to Alyssa?" he asks, cutting the distance between them

"I did what I had to do to protect you"

“You're a…” he whispers, but he keeps his words to him. Though he can't keep his hands from closing briefly on her throat, "You are despicable."

Alicent writhes under the pressure of his hands and he releases her.

"Aemond, please..."

He doesn't let it get close to him.

"Guards!" he calls and a couple of men enter the room, "Arrest the queen"

__________________________________________________

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42996300/chapters/108031281

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 29

One night.

Alyssa promises herself that she will only take one night to grieve for Aemond, for the pain that his words and his absence cause in her heart. Only, when morning comes, she is still a nervous wreck, crying and feeling disappointed, so when her maid comes in with breakfast she just asks to be left alone because she does not want to see anyone.

Her mind is cruel to her. It not only denies her the much-needed rest, but it continues to replay her fight with the prince, the disappointment she heard in his voice, the way he looked at her before turning his back and exiting the room.

Or exiting your life for good.

What if Aemond decided it wasn't worth it? That she, Alyssa, wasn't good enough for him. What if, now that peace had returned to the realm, he didn't want her by his side anymore?

The girl was trying to convince herself that this was not possible, that his feelings could not change that easily, that they had both gone through hell relying on being together... he would not throw everything aside because of a mistake of hers.

But it was not a mistake, it was a decision you made. It was murder.

When her mind burst with these thoughts, Alyssa pushed sadness aside and anger surged. And the rage made her destroy everything around her. But it didn't make her feel better, no. It only made the fears she harbored bigger.

Because, the truth is, Alyssa had a lot to lose. A woman always had a lot more to lose in these matters.

"Who would want to marry a used good?"

What her mother had told her so long ago during their conversation in her room on Dragonstone kept coming back to her mind, haunting her, making her imagine the worst possible scenarios.

If Aemond decided he could not forgive her, that they could never be together as a couple again, she was not just going to be without his love. She was going to be ruined in everyone's eyes because, it was known to the entire realm, that she was no longer a maiden. The lords of the small council even knew that their union had been consummated to such an extent that her womb had housed life as a result of it.

When despair accumulated in her chest, she found no other remedy than to scream against the pillows and cry. And vomit what little she had managed to eat when the rational part of her mind forced her to.

No. She could not lose Aemond. She could not lose the life they had dreamed of together and that was so close to coming true. She could not lose her brother and her niece.

He is the prince regent, whispered that voice in her mind as she hugged the pillow, the highest authority in the realm. What would your objections mean against his word?

“It's just your mind playing with you,” she whispered against the stillness of the night, “Aemond is not cruel. He would never hurt you by taking the children away from you. He loves you."

But her arguments sounded weaker and weaker as the days passed without receiving news from the prince.

***

He knows he has made a mistake as soon as he feels the cold winter wind full on his face as the huge figure of Vhagar passes through the city.

Aemond knows that he has been too harsh with Alyssa, that his words and actions have caused emotional damage that he swore to never cause the princess again, but he still orders his dragon to fly faster in the direction of the kingswood.

Although part of his mind begs him to go back and apologize to the girl, he does not trust what he might end up saying if they continue their conversation right now, not when - and despite the pain of having parted on such bad terms with the princess - his heart is still grieving for his brother.

Or maybe it's just that he is too much of a coward to go back and face the mess he left behind.

The mental image of Alyssa crying, her pain-filled green eyes, her hands trembling, and the words she whispered to him before leaving the room consume him as he flies over the Kingsroad. Vhagar must feel his disturbance because she does not stop launching flames and roars that surely terrify the inhabitants of the villages that he passes through.

And the pain makes its way into his chest too. A different pain, although just as intense as the one he felt when he thought he had lost his entire family. And the terrible instinct to destroy, to vent his anger and use Vhagar for it appears again. If his insides are on fire, why shouldn't the rest of the world be on fire as well?

His dragon roars loudly once more and releases a blaze that he directs towards what appears to be a field on the outskirts of a small town. The dragon fire bathes the land full of frost and the screams of men, women and children filled the night. Aemond cannot hear what they are saying, but it is not hard for him to guess what they must be talking about, especially when their gaze scans the sky where he and Vhagar still hover, watching his creation.

How had he found pleasure the last time he'd done that? How could he delight in the terror he brings to the faces of the peasants? A nagging feeling of shame begins to rise inside him as the words that Alyssa once told him about being a good ruler come back to him.

I know you're upset right now, but I also know you're a man of duty.

He hears her voice as if she were right next to him and it exasperates him even more, albeit in a tremendously painful way. He is still just a stupid boy. She had told him that a long time ago and now he was able to confirmed it. He did nothing but hold on to his pain, letting himself be defined by it, by the past grievances, by anger and resentment. He has been on the verge of making the same mistakes that he and his family made during the war. He had learned nothing despite all the pain.

He had always thought that ruling and having power was his right, for he was a Targaryen with Valyrian blood, but he had never thought about the responsibility that came with it. He had disowned Aegon for shirking his duties, but-so far-he hadn't done much better than his inept brother. He had started a path of destruction and, if he weren't for the memory of her, he would continue walking through it.

He does not deserve power.

And he definitely does not deserve Alyssa.

The sudden realization knocks his breath away and his dragon roars again. Aemond orders her to fly in the direction of a nearby forest until he finds a clearing where Vhagar descends, and he can get off his mount and let his pain flow freely.

The trees are his victims, silent and immovable, as his sword buries again and again in their trunks, his frustration and violence increasing as he lashes out at them. And with each blow, he cries for his dead brother. For his mother betrayal. For Alyssa's lies. He cries for the abyss that he has opened between them, and that he is not sure he will be able to close.

Why hadn't she just been able to tell him what she planned to do? Why hadn't she trusted him enough?

Questions keep coming to his mind, even though he knows the answers. And, the truth is that the question that consumes him the most is what he would have done if he had known of her intentions. What would he have felt if he had known that his brother had only a few hours to live. Had he tried to prevent his imminent death? Because Aegon was going to die one way or another. Whether by the hand of Alyssa, Larys Strong, or his own weakened body.

Could he possibly forgive Alyssa for acting behind his back? He knew that she had done it for the right reasons, he knew that his brother was nothing more than a potential tyrant, embittered by his pain and his losses, he knew that Alyssa had only wanted to protect their family. And if he understood all this, why was he so upset then? Because Aemond knew, though part of him still did not fully realize it, that he could forgive Alyssa for poisoning Aegon.

But can you forgive her for acting in ways that were not in line with the expectations you had of her? In a way you don't approve?

The thought nauseates him and he drops the sword. Why does he hate the idea of Alyssa getting blood on her hands so much? Aemond is aware that the princess is a strong and determined woman. Impulsive, too, like when she'd stabbed him after finding out about Lucerys death. He was no stranger to the lengths to which Alyssa could go. In the end, she had followed the same path as so many others-including him-in his family.

And that is, he realizes, lies the crux of the matter.

Aemond had never thought of Alyssa as one of them. Ever since he, in childhood, had come to know her, he had placed her in a place reserved specifically for her. A kind of pedestal, an altar where only she existed. Her, with her adorable smiles, her easy conversation, her calming touch, her patience, her stolen desserts from the kitchen, and her songs.

She was not Rhaenyra, or Jace, or Luke, despite her coming from them.

She was Alyssa. Kind, serene and beautiful Alyssa.

His Alyssa, providing him with warmth and love and reassurance amid the bitterness, blames and suffocating duty on his side of the family.

It had been that way until that night in Driftmark.

It had been like that when they met again and passion led them to consummate their story.

It had been like that during the war.

Why couldn't it be like this now?

An almost animal snarl escapes his throat and Aemond resumes his attacks, though this time it is his fists that find the bark of the trees, pain and rage mixing inside him until he passes out from exhaustion.

***

Eventually, it is Jaehaera who manages to make her see reason and get out of her vicious cycle of sadness.

Alyssa feels the bed creak under a soft weight and soon after the blankets which cover her face, are thrown away.

“I said I didn't want…” she trails off as she looks at the figure of her little niece, “Jaehaera? Why are you here? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

Her voice sounds hoarse and her throat aches from speaking after so many hours—days, actually—of silence. Alyssa quickly sits up and watches Jaehaera, who has a smile on her face.

“I miss you,” the little girl explains with a shrug as she settles in next to her.

Such is the naturalness of her response and the clear bewilderment in her eyes-those eyes so similar to Helaena's-that a couple of tears roll down Alyssa's cheeks.

 "Are you sick too?" the girl asks, misinterpreting her reaction, “Like mother was?”

The princess bites her lip and hastily shakes her head, “No, darling, I just needed…” she takes a deep breath before smiling, “Actually, I was sick, in a way,” she admits, “Although I already feel much, much better now that you are here with me."

Alyssa holds the girl to her chest and the urge to cry returns when she thinks that she has, in a way, left her alone in the world.

"Could you ever forgive me?" she asks softly against Jaehaera's platinum hair.

The girl comes out of her embrace, takes her aunt’s face in her little hands and says, "I can."

And Alyssa swears, though it is perhaps her mind so in need of any positive encouragement, that Jaehaera somehow knows what she means. And she knows it is unlikely, if not impossible, but she clings to the relief her answer offers and pulls her close again, breathing in her scent of roses and chamomile.

“I want to show you something,” Jaehaera says after a few moments.

"What is it?" asks Alyssa wiping away her tears.

“Look,” Jaehaera pulls her dragon egg towards her, “It will hatch soon.”

Alyssa gasps as she notices the cracks in the shell's surface, her eyes wide comically as a smile spreads across her lips.

“Jaehaera, oh…this is amazing,” she admits, running her hand over the warm surface of the egg, “have you thought of a name for your dragon?”

She nods, "Morghul"

Alyssa turns her gaze back to her niece, stunned at her choice, “Morghul? Are you sure? Did the dragon guards tell you what it means?"

“You said death it is a trip,” Jaehaera nods, “And with my dragon I can travel as long as I want, up there, closer to them.”

Alyssa is touched by her words and simply nods, not wanting to think more about her niece's logic. Though she detects no sadness in the princess's voice, she knows that memories and loss weigh heavily on her and are something she can never change, though she can try to ease them.

She should have tried to ease them, but instead, she had dedicated the past days to cry over her mistakes, neglecting the children once again.

"Where is Aegon?"

“His egg will hatch soon too,” Jaehaera replies, “We were playing, but he fell asleep by the fireplace. And I came here because I missed you."

Once again, the girl's sincerity touches her and fills her with love. It's probably the first time she's heard Jaehaera openly admitting her affection for her. And she's determined it won't be the last time.

“Okay, let's let him sleep some more. Let's have an afternoon just for you and me, what do you think?" Alyssa immediately notes that Jaehaera is happy with her suggestion, "Let's leave Morghul by the fire and go for a walk."

Jaehaera instantly climbs out of bed and Alyssa, encouraged for the first time in days, finds in the joy of her baby girl the motivation to get out of bed and keep going.

***

The cold is the first thing he feels when he wakes up.

Later, he notices the pain in his hands, head and nausea.

Why had it occurred to him that drowning his sorrows in wine was a good idea? Hadn't he gotten tired of seeing Aegon do the same thing and suffer the consequences the next day?

Aemond scrambles to his feet, looking around for Vhagar, but he doesn't see the dragon. Surely, tired of waiting for the prince to wake up, she has gone hunting. After all, for the past few days, Aemond has done nothing but fly aimlessly, foraging for food in local villages, and simply venting his grief against trees for lack of a better target. Once or twice it had crossed his mind to challenge a man willing to fight him, but he had ended up giving up the idea.

"We meet again, my prince"

It takes Aemond a couple of seconds to recognize the voice.

 “¿Alys Rivers?”

 The figure of the woman, wrapped in a dark cloak, suddenly appears among the trees. Aemond finds her more mysterious than ever, especially when noticing the bulky sack that she carries.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

“Looking for herbs,” she answers simply, “Winter forces me deeper into the woods.”

"I thought you lived in Harrenhal"

"We are closer to Harrenhal than the place you are expected to be, my prince," she points out with an amused smile, then points to his hands, "I can help you with those cuts."

Aemond looks down at his bruised knuckles and grimaces, "Just pointless injuries really."

Alys doesn't answer, she just stares at him until Aemond is taken aback by the intensity in her eyes and ends up nodding with a grunt.

The woman approaches him and searches for something in the pockets of her cloak. The prince watches her prepare what is necessary while he searches for something to eat among his own belongings. A piece of sweet bread and an apple is all he finds.

“Do you always go through the woods by yourself, looking for your…ingredients?”

“You know this is how I make my living,” Alys agrees. Aemond offers her some of the food, but she rejects it, motioning for him to come closer, "How did you end up with these injuries?"

“Mmm,” is all the answer he gives.

But, as always, she seems to understand his silences. Aemond winces as the woman pours a liquid over his wounds and turns his face to the side.

"How is everything in Harrenhal?" he ends up asking, trying to distract himself

“The castle still stands. What little we were able to save before winter came still helps keep its inhabitants afloat.”

Aemond nods, "I will eventually send someone to take possession of the castle and manage these lands, but do not worry, I will make sure you maintain the freedom of your trade."

“I thought so,” Alys replies, bandaging his wounds, “How is the princess?”

Aemond knew that the question would come because Alyssa and the woman had been very close during their stay in Harrenhal, even so, his heart oppresses and an unpleasant feeling in his stomach appears at the thought of the girl.

“I figured I wouldn't see you anytime soon,” Alys continues when Aemond doesn't respond, “I figured you wouldn't leave the princess side that easily.”

"We are…" he doesn't know what to say or how to explain what is happening, "I had to leave King's Landing to ensure the peace in the realm"

"Is that so?" she asks innocently, though Aemond is able to recognize the sneer in her voice, “I think you are in the wrong direction then. Lord Stark's armies camp further north,” Alys puts away what was used to heal his hands, and begins to mix a liquid in a bowl, “For the pains caused by drinking too much wine”

Aemond grimaces, but drinks from the bowl. "I don't usually drink this much, I don't know what came into me"

Alys's eyes meet his, and Aemond realizes again, for the first time in a long time, how much she resembles Alyssa. The woman studies his expression and Aemond looks away, annoyed by her scrutiny.

“Thank you, Alys Rivers, for your services,” replies while standing up and putting distance between him and the woman.

“You should go back to King's Landing. That's where you are really needed."

Aemond turns to face her, “Did you see something in your flames? Is there a problem in the city?”

“I don't need the flames to recognize a broken heart,” she replies, shaking her head.

He growls again and clears his throat, "That is not what…"

“The princess sacrificed so much for you, and she has shown her devotion and love towards you, numerous times,” says Alys.

"Stay out of this, Alys, it is not your place," he warns her.

“She loves you,” Alys ignores him, “do you love her?”

Aemond snorts, "That's a silly question," he retorts.

 “If you are certain of your answer, what is the problem?”

 “Our feelings are not the problem,” he explains despite his reluctance to speak, “The problem is…well…we had a disagreement over something Alyssa did.”

"Something you didn't think was appropriate"

“No, I wouldn't say that, it was just…unexpected,” he ends up admitting with a sigh.

"Why?"

"Why?” he asks half teasing and half annoyed, "Because she is not like that, she is…"

He stops talking.

Alys gives him a giggle that ends in a grimace, “Of course. The princess did something that you did not like and she stopped being pleasant in your eyes”

"I never said that"

She shrugs, "Men rarely approve of women making decisions and having a mind of their own."

"Such is not my case"

"It is not?" Alys asks and narrows her eyes, "I would have thought it wasn't."

“It is not,” he points out, “I just felt…surprised.”

"Because she is no longer the obliging woman that she always was"

Her words disturb him. Obliging isn't a word he would have used to describe Alyssa. It's not how he saw her. Alyssa was…strong and determined and fair. But she not obliging.

Or maybe she was.

But not in the way Alys made it out to be. Not like a simple perfect lady of noble birth she was meant to be. No. Definitely not like his mother, for example, had been her whole life. And Aemond definitely does not want for Alyssa to ever be like Alicent had once been. The mere idea causes him revulsion. Had he, internally, wished that the princess was simply another lady in service of what men expected of her?

"No. No,” he is quick to say, “You make it sound like I am trying to suppress Alyssa, like I want her to be just a beautiful ornament next to me with no will of her own. It is the opposite, in fact"

Alyssa was going to be his wife and she would be his equal. That was what she wanted, she had made it clear to him. And it is what she deserved. He did not intend to be the one to deny her independence and freedom.

“Even so, it is not fair for her to carry the expectations you placed on her shoulders,” Alys continues, “Perhaps you would do well to assess your feelings, my prince. If you love her, you should do it for who she is, not for who you expect her to be."

“It is not a question of whether I love her. I do, Alys, I love her so much that I can't even put into words the depth of my feelings for her. And I miss her, and I need her by my side, I can barely breathe now that we're apart."

“And does she know all this?”

Aemond sighs and tilts his face, "I hope she does."

She has to know. Alyssa couldn't doubt his feelings. They had fought, yes, but that didn't change the fact that he loved her.

"Have I lost you?"

He remembers her question. And the silence that followed. Now, however, he has no doubts. She hadn't lost him. She couldn't lose him because, Aemond knew, he would love her until he took his last breath on this earth.

***

When morning comes, Jaehaera is still cuddled next to her.

Alyssa smiles and wakes the girl between kisses, "Come on, little princess, we have a long day ahead of us."

She is willing to bring order to the Fortress. Having spent the previous afternoon with the children, she realizes that she has left out very important aspects of their lives and education now that they are growing up. In addition to different domestic tasks that she should have taken care of long ago.

The time to mourn is over, she tells herself as she fixes her hair in front of the mirror, you are of the blood of the dragon. Start acting like one.

Those words had helped her overcome the most difficult moments in her life. Surely, they would help her now too.

"Come on, let's have breakfast together"

Jaehaera takes her hand and they walk towards the kidsroom, where Aegon is once again by the fire watching his egg.

"How much longer?" he asks as soon as he sees his sister

"I couldn't tell you, Egg," Alyssa admits, "but I don't think it will take too long."

“Mmm,” the boy makes a face, “I wish my cousin was here. He knows more about dragons and he would surely give me the correct answer”

The princess restrains herself from rolling her eyes and brushes aside the twinge of discomfort that mentioning Aemond causes her.

"Come here, it's time to eat." The boy reluctantly agrees and joins them at the table. Alyssa takes one of the muffins and tries to finish it before speaking, "There is something I'd like to talk with both of you about." Jaehaera looks at her curiously and Aegon without much interest. She sighs and clears her throat, "I do not think Aemond has discussed this with you yet, but some things are going to change from now on."

"What things?" Aegon winces.

"Well," Alyssa ponders exactly how to continue without wanting to overwhelm them with information, "Now that you are a bit older, you'll have to start being educated by maesters and septas, for example."

"Why?" once again is her brother who poses the questions

"Because you are princes of the realm, therefore you have the right and responsibility to be educated"

“Sounds boring,” says the boy making another face and eating his oatmeal.

"Will I have a new septa?" Jaehaera asks

"You will,” she nods.

"Will I also have a septa?"

"No, Egg, you will be educated by maesters, and you will also start your training with the sword"

“My cousin promised to train me to be a great warrior,” he says animatedly.

“Your cousin will soon have many other responsibilities, he probably can't keep that promise,” she replies, trying not to convey the bitterness she feels, “But ser Willis Fell can…”

"No, I want Aemond to teach me," Aegon cut her off.

"For the moment that can't be, Egg, Aemond is traveling and..."

"You're being mean again," Aegon replies.

"No, I am not," Alyssa sighs, "Aegon you have to…"

But it's useless. Aegon climbs down from his chair, and returns to the fireplace. Alyssa knows she has to hold back, that there's no use trying to reason with him right now. Aemond is probably his favorite person. And not that she can blame him for it. She had been overly paranoid in her dealings with Aegon and, as she walked away from her little brother in the throes of her conscience over her crime, it was the prince who had assumed her role in Aegon’s life.

“Give him some space, princess,” Daysi says, “You'd better wait for him to calm down"

“Space,” she snorts, “seems like everyone needs space from me”

Daysi says no more and Alyssa finishes eating in silence, leaving the children in the nanny's care once more before heading towards the council chamber.

"It is good to see you on your feet again"

"Lord Corlys," she greets with a nod, "I was hoping to find you here."

"The rule of the realm does not cease, not even for a lover's quarrel between the prince regents”

Alyssa tries to offer him a smile and sits next to her grandfather, who is facing a huge book that appears to be filled with accounts and numbers.

"I warned you about not telling him the truth"

"How do you know I did it?"

"Not hard to guess considering how upset prince Aemond looked before he hastily left the city," he replies, offering her a condescending look, "You should have kept the truth to yourself."

"I do not intend to listen to any more sermons from you"

Lord Corlys sighs, closes the book and looks at her with his deep brown eyes, "He made you the highest authority of the realm before he left"

"He did?"

He nods, "so maybe is not all lost for you yet."

“Lord Corlys, I…”

“You are not a fool girl, Alyssa, I know that,” he interrupts, “I'm sure you know you have a lot to lose. Your reputation, your future, your brother…”

"My brother?" she looks at him, alarmed

“Aegon will be king. He is basically owned by the crown. And Aemond is now the crown. What do you think will happen if the prince gives up on this marriage? He can either send you back to Dragonstone or force you to marry another lord, permanently alienating you from your little brother. That, if he doesn't decide that he wants the crown for himself."

“No, he would never do that,” she replies immediately, “No matter how upset he is with me, he wouldn't take Aegon away from me. And he would not take power for himself. He is not…he wouldn't do that, I know."

Lord Corlys examines her with his gaze and Alyssa tries to remain cold and calm, although inside her mind does not stop repeating his words, specifically that possibility in which Aemond no longer wants to marry her.

“Like I said, maybe is not all lost. He clearly trusts your judgment as he left you in charge of everything”

“I wanted to talk to you about it,” she replies, grateful for the change of subject, “There are changes I want to make both in the fortress and to the routine of the princes.”

"I hear you"

Alyssa spends the next few hours in the company of her grandfather and Lord Tyland Lannister, familiarizing with the state of the royal treasury, the city's taxes, and the general situation of the realm.

“It is an excess,” she comments, looking at the accounts of several of the court ladies, “Surely the crown does not have to bear the cost of this many fur coats and silks. And besides there is the issue with the food,” she snorts, “The animals of the Fortress eat better than the people of the city”

"What do you suggest, princess?" Tyland asks.

“Be more austere where we can. Winter is just beginning and we have to make sacrifices in order to return the kingdom to its pre-war prosperity. And we must try to help the people of the city the best we can."

Alyssa cuts the budget of various nobles at court, also decreeing that food, oil, and candles in the castle must be rationed (although not to extremes lengths) and that the surplus must be distributed among orphanages and other places in the Flea Bottom.

“Once Prince Aemond secures peace with all the houses,” Lannister says, “we will be able to demand compensation from them for having risen against the crown. That could help to somewhat replace the taxes that you do not want to collect from the common people, princess”

“Yes, perhaps,” she nods, “we must also name a new Grand Master for the Keep. And I want two new maesters to take over Aegon's education. Young teachers, if possible, who are patient, dynamic and connect emotionally with my brother”

"Of course, I will write to the Citadel today."

“And a new septa for the princess. A young woman too, preferably."

Alyssa says goodbye to the men and goes to the throne room, where she meets with the royal steward and orders him to get rid of the Faith decorations Alicent Hightower put up years ago.

“Restore the traditional Targaryen emblems in their place”

"As commanded, princess"

Later, she has lunch with the children and takes advantage of the fact that they are concentrating on their dragon eggs to talk to Daysi.

“I need you to do something for me, Daysi”

"Whatever you order, princess"

Alyssa smiles and takes a deep breath before speaking, "I need you to go to Dragonstone and bring my and Prince Aegon's belongings." The nanny clearly receives her order with surprise, "You are one of the few people I trust in this place," Alyssa continues, "I know I can trust you with this mission and that you will carry it out with the best of dispositions and with the efficiency that characterizes you"

"I'm flattered, princess"

She offers her a sad smile, “You will take a letter from me to the steward of the castle. In the letter I will order him to give you the freedom to pack my jewelry and clothes, as well as any other personal belongings that you find in my room. You will do the same with Prince Aegon's belongings."

"Why…?" the girl stops herself

“Speak, Daysi, you can speak freely”

"Wouldn't it be better if you go yourself, princess?"

Alyssa is quick to shake her head. She cannot yet return to the island she once considered home. She does not feel strong or ready enough to deal with the ghosts she is sure to find there. Not counting everything that had happened since her departure. No. Going back was not an option. At least not now. Maybe, with Aemond by her side, she could handle it, but alone… Alyssa tilts her head once more.

“It is not convenient for me to leave the Keep right now,” she answers

“What should I do with the other belongings of your family?”

Alyssa's heart constricts at the thought of her brothers and her mother, "I'll ask the steward to take care of that."

She knows that the girl probably won't find much. Aegon and his followers had surely scoured the fortress for the treasures her mother had needed so badly towards the end of the war, but there's nothing to lose in trying.

“You’ll leave tomorrow, Daysi. I trust you won't be away for so long, your absence will be noted here," she looks at the children and sighs.

"I will accomplish my mission to the best of my ability, princess."

***

Aemond has forgotten just how infuriating Borros Baratheon can be. Especially when he's been drinking too much.

"An oath-breaker," he exclaims between hiccups pointing his face at the prince, "he promised a marriage, and in the end, he broke his word"

The prince refrains from responding in the way he wants as he clings tightly to his glass.

"I don't recall your being overly affected when you preferred to pursue a match between your daughter and my brother, the late king."

Borros grunts and makes an unintelligible comment as he continues to drink.

Aemond sighs and is relieved that the man has finally shut up. Since his arrival, a couple of days ago, he has not stopped throwing hints about the failed union between their houses. And he is fed up. If it weren't for the fact that he must wait for the army to finish dismantle the camp and get ready to go meet Lord Stark, he would have left long ago.

You should be back in King's Landing. With Alyssa.

That annoying voice in his head hasn't stopped haunting him since his conversation with Alys Rivers. Although he had felt considerably relieved and less irritated after being able to voice his frustrations out loud, the woman's words had given him much to reflect on.

And, after leaving the vicinity of Harrenhal and deciding to continue his mission of peace, he had kept wondering if he had -unconsciously- placed impossible expectations on Alyssa. Most likely he had. But for him to think of the princess as his anchor, his beacon in the darkness, wasn't necessarily bad, was it?

Love her for who she is, not who you expect her to be.

And he did. He loved her because she was his Alyssa. His friend, his confidante, his best support, his betrothed. Now that his heart was resigned to the loss of his brother, he knew that she had made the decision he would not dare to make and that she had put an end to the confrontation that bled their family to death.

He had, in a way, started the war by spilling the blood of a brother. And she had ended it by sacrificing another.

Alyssa had simply been braver than him and had acted decisively to ensure their family's survival. The green and black machinations had pushed her towards it. What right did he have to recriminate her actions? Certainly none. He was nothing more than a kinslayer. And now she was one too. They had become, once again, mirrors of each other, like when they were two children without a dragon lamenting their fate. A smile between sad and melancholic appears on his face and he sighs.

 “In a way, I understand, my prince,” the man suddenly continues, “Yes, yes… who can resist a woman with dragon blood?”

Aemond turns his attention back to the man, his good eye glaring at him.

"Besides, my daughters would pose a greater challenge as they are noble ladies, while the princess did not hesitate in sharing your bed," Borros giggles idiotically and Aemond stands up just as quickly, crossing the distance between them in barely two strides and placing his Valyrian steel dagger against the neck of the lord of Storm's End with such violence that he ends up spilling the wine on his chest, "What the…?"

“If you value your life, Baratheon, you better never speak that way about my betrothed again,” he hisses, clenching the dagger and drawing a trickle of blood.

“I said nothing but the truth,” the man mutters.

“Control your tongue or next time you'll be my dragon's dinner,” he assures him, “Don't think I need you alive, you're useless to me right now. And I wouldn't hesitate to kill you right now for your offenses, but my betrothed would surely like me to give you a warning first."

"Mercy, my prince, my father is drunk and does not measure his words"

The plea comes from one of Borros Baratheon's daughters. Aemond had met her the day before, but he had already forgotten her name and her presence.

“Mmm,” he says turning to her, “remind your father of my words once he sobers up.”

"I will," she nods and Aemond tucks the dagger into his belt, allowing two servants to help Borros Baratheon out of the tent.

“I am so sorry, Prince Aemond, my father got carried away,” the young woman continues once he sits back, “Please do not hold a grudge against him for his audacity.”

“House Baratheon is a longtime ally of the crown,” he replies with a nod, “I have no intention of changing that if he behaves.”

“Thank you, my prince,” the young woman bows slightly, and she seems to hesitate before adding, “I hadn't had a chance to offer my condolences on the king's death.”

Aemond looks down and takes a sip from his glass of wine before looking back at her, “I appreciate your sentiments,” he replies using one of the phrases his mother had taught him as a boy. The thought of her makes him smile bitterly, “Considering that you were going to marry my brother, I suppose I should also extend condolences to you, lady…”

"Cassandra, my prince," she is quick to reply.

“Lady Cassandra,” he nods, “I imagine you were on your way to the capital. I can think of no other reason to have a noble lady in a war camp."

“I was just passing through, yes,” she admits, “it's a shame what happened to King Aegon. I was looking forward to meeting him and being able to unite our houses”

Aemond doesn't know what to answer, so he drinks from his glass again and wonders internally if Cassandra Baratheon really felt that way or if they were just empty and polite words because it was what she was supposed to say.

“It would have been a suitable alliance, yes,” he ends, wondering if his brother would have been a better husband to this young woman than he was to Helaena.

"I heard that you will marry Princess Alyssa"

“Indeed,” he replies dryly. At least he hoped so, if she ever forgave him for the stupid recriminations he'd leveled at her.

“I met the princess when I visited Dragonstone with my sisters a few years ago,” she continues, apparently unaware of Aemond's change in attitude, “Princess Alyssa was very courteous to us. She showed us around the island and made us feel very welcome during our stay," a smile spreads across her face, "My sisters and I had recently lost our mother, there wasn't much that could cheer us up at the time, but I had a good time in Dragonstone, largely thanks to her. And now it seems that I should also thank her for sparing my father's life," she smiles again, "I hope you can pass on my gratitude to her when you return to the capital"

Aemond shifts uncomfortably in his chair, taking his first real gaze on Cassandra Baratheon. Although he had seen the girl, he hadn't really examined her, so he searches her face for any sign of whether her words hold some hidden purpose, though he only finds sincerity behind her gray eyes.

“I'll let her know,” he finally says and sets his glass of wine down on the makeshift wooden table.

Cassandra smiles once more, “Thank you, Prince Aemond. Now, if you excuse me, I should go see how my father is doing."

He simply nods and watches her leave the tent, his mind instantly returning once more to the princess.

***

Daysi returns almost a week later with trunks full of Alyssa and Aegon's clothes.

“I saved everything you asked for, princess,” the maid says, “and I made sure the castle steward did the same with your mother's and brothers' belongings.”

“Thank you, Daysi, I was sure you would do a great job,” she replies with a smile, “Now please go rest. You must be exhausted after the trip”

The nanny leaves and Alyssa sighs before opening one of the trunks and looking at her old dresses.

She had been living for most of the last year in dresses borrowed from Helaena and the ones Rhaenyra had left behind in the Keep when she was still very young. It was time to remedy that situation.

“These will do,” she says to herself as she unpacks the many garments in house Velaryon silver tones and some in Targaryen colors. After verifying that Aegon's clothes are also in good condition, she asks a couple maids to carry everything to her new rooms, and then she summons the children.

"What are we doing here?" Aegon asks, looking around the spacious room that has until recently belonged to his namesake's.

“These are your new accommodations,” Alyssa informs her, and she turns to Jaehaera, “And you'll have a new space, too.”

"Why?" the girl looks at everything around her with fear

"I don't want to live here alone," Aegon says back.

“And you won't,” she smiles, “You won't need to use these rooms until you are much older, you two can still sleep in the nursery for now. I just wanted you to see your new apartments”

“This was my father's room,” Jaehaera looks between Alyssa and Aegon.

“Yes, I know,” the princess replies and then sits on one of the sofas, asking them to do the same and sit next to her, “I wanted to talk to you about this. As I had told you a few days ago, some things will change in the palace, especially now that…” she sighs and looks at the children before speaking, “Well, Aegon, you will be king one day.”

"King? Me?" the boy looks at her strangely, "I thought she would be the queen," he comments, looking at his cousin

Jaehaera falls silent, her eyes on the boy.

“You are the older, the crown belongs to you, Egg,” she explains. And it wasn't a lie, although the matter was not as simple as that either, but they are still so small that Alyssa thinks that is the best explanation she can give them at the moment, “When you grow up, you will be the king of the Seven Kingdoms. And that is why you must prepare, study and train to be a good king."

"But…"

“I know it sounds boring,” she interrupts softly, “but it's your responsibility and right as a Targaryen. And it won't all be horrible, I promise. You will be able to learn to ride, train with the sword, and do many other fun things like hunt and fly on your dragon when it hatches."

“I guess,” the boy sighs, “Jace was going to be kin, and Joffrey after him."

"Yes, that is how it was going to be," she replies with a lump in her throat, "Now it is your turn."

He frowns and sighs again, "I miss mother."

Alyssa takes him into her arms despite his initial protest and places him on her lap, "Me too, sweetheart, but I know that she would be very happy to know that you will be our future king."

"Really?"

“Yes, really,” she admits, kissing his forehead and adds, “I am sorry I've been hard on you these past few weeks, I wasn't feeling very well and I ended up hurting you with my actions.”

But I do all this for you, Aegon, she thinks as she hugs him, All for you.

"It’s fine," the boy shrugs, "just don't be mean again."

"Never again, I promise," she sheds a tear and smiles, showering him with kisses, even though he tries to deceive them as he laughs.

"How about you?" he asks he looks at his cousin once he has managed to stop his sister's attack

"Jaehaera is a princess, she too will be educated," she answers smiling at the girl, and reaching for her hand, "And when the time comes, she will also be able to fulfill her duty to the realm."

Her words sound bitter on her lips, remembering how much they had scared her as she grew up and she understood the meaning.

The small girl nods and then looks towards the trunks that the maids had left in the room, “What is that?”

"Those are my old toys!"

Aegon immediately drops to his knees and takes Jaehaera's hand as she goes to explore his belongings. Alyssa watches them with a smile, her heart feeling light for the first time in a long time.

 "Your new room is ready, princess," informs her new maid, a young woman recommended by Daysi, who is still shy around her, but has proven quite efficient.

"Thank you, Enid."

Alyssa stands up and leaves the children next to the royal guards who now never leave Aegon's side. She still has to get used to the fact that her brother was so constantly watched because of his new position, but she prefers it that way.

Her new rooms were smaller than the ones she had had up to that moment, but that didn't really bother her, since they were near the children's room and it was more convenient for her.

“Daysi said that jasmine is your favorite,” the maid comments when they both enter the room and the sweet smell fills her nostrils.

“Thank you, that is a nice touch,” Alyssa replies with a smile as she looks around, everything in perfect order.

In addition to her clothes, some jewelry had been brought to her from Dragonstone. After examining them, she had decided to only keep the sapphire necklace that she wears almost every day and that is her favorite.

It's better this way, she thinks to herself as she takes the chest with the jewels, this room is yours alone. Without painful memories or unbearable absences.

And it is that, although she tried to keep her day to day busy, the abandonment of the prince weighed heavily on her. Their bed at night felt tremendously empty, and his scent was fading little by little. It was proving very difficult to continue in that place without the promise that everything would be all right when Aemond returned, so she had decided that it would be better to have a space of her own.

Alyssa sighs and heads towards her grandfather's rooms. Lord Corlys is writing a letter when she is announced.

"Lord Corlys," she greets as she sits across from him.

"Alyssa," he looks at her strangely, "This is an unexpected pleasure"

She offers him a brief smile, "I need your help with something."

"Of course"

She places the chest on his desk and hands it over, “These are the jewels I was able to retrieve from my old room on Dragonstone. I want them to be melted down or sold as quickly as possible."

"To what end?" he looks at her curiously

“The money collected will be used to help rebuild the city and support its residents”

"Isn't that a bit extreme? This are your belongings, you would not have to give them up for something so…”

"Important?" she finishes for him, “I have insisted that we all make sacrifices in order to replenish the royal treasury. I should not be the exception."

“The situation of the realm is not that desperate”

"It's what I want," she insists, "I don't need all this jewelry"

Corlys Velaryon watches her for a few seconds.

"You plan to do charity, then"

“I plan to take care of the people and help in their needs”

“A very Queen Alicent-esque move”

She snorts, “There's nothing political about my reasons for doing this,” she retorts, and when he looks at her skeptically, she adds, “Maybe a little. The crown has neglected the people, and I don't think I have to remind you that this same people caused a revolt that ended in tragedy for my family."

“I have it very much present,” agrees her grandfather

“I will also use this opportunity for the residents to meet their future rulers”

"Will you take the king to deliver food to the poor?"

“I'll start with Jaehaera,” and she adds, “It is something her mother would have wanted her to do.”

“Yes, Queen Helaena was well loved by the common folk,” Lord Corlys seems to consider her words, “It's not a bad idea for the princess to be loved as well. And the king, eventually. Much can be achieved by having the people happy”

"Thank you, Lord Corlys. I am counting on you getting me that gold as quickly as possible, then"

 “Don't go yet, there's something we need to discuss,” he says when Alyssa starts to stand up.

"What is it?"

“Dine with me so we can talk more comfortably”

The princess agrees and follows her grandfather into the other room, where dinner is already set on the table.

“I received a letter from your cousins today,” he says after a few moments of silence, “The twins plan to come to the capital soon. I hope they arrive here in a couple of days."

"That is a nice news," Alyssa smiles, "Aegon will be happy to see his sisters."

“And it will be a good opportunity for you to resume your friendship with them as well. It wouldn't hurt to have proper company here."

Alyssa nods as she eats her stew. She had never been too close to her cousins, barely knowing Baela, though with Rhaena she was bound by the familiarity and affection of their shared years on Dragonstone, “Of course. I will arrange everything for their arrival, we will receive them accordingly”

Lord Corlys seems pleased and pours more wine for both of them, "You may not know this, but Baela was recently engaged to my grandson Alyn."

The girl drinks from her glass before responding, “I did not know,” she admits with surprise. She didn't even know that Alyn and Baela knew each other, though it was to be expected considering that her cousin had spent most of the war on Dragonstone alongside the dragon seeds, "Quite a convenient match."

“I think so too,” Corlys agrees.

"I hope your hand is not behind this, forcing Baela to join your grandson"

Her grandfather giggles, "As if I could force Baela to do something."

Alyssa smiles. Baela, the willful. Suddenly, at the thought of their possible reunion, her mind fills with anxiety. How would her cousins take seeing her again? Surely, they knew that she was betrothed to the man who killed their father.

"What is it?" asks Corlys, looking at her

“Nothing, I was just thinking about the happy reunion,” she lies, hating that her expressions almost always manage to expose her.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about." She looks at him, attentive, and he clears his throat before continuing, "Queen Alicent."

"Oh," she replies

"Oh indeed,” Corlys agrees, "I know you must still be very upset with her, but it is my duty to counsel you that it would be unwise for you to execute her."

In truth, Alyssa hadn't given the woman much thought, her mind occupied with other, more pressing matters.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"First, because of her position as dowager queen and mother of the former king, because of the love the people still have for her, and because the damned High Septon misses no opportunity to pester the council about releasing her from prison."

The truth is that she already knows all these reasons. They were, in part, what had also convinced her to seek some alternative punishment for Alicent.

“I imagine that's not what you want to hear,” Corlys continues, misinterpreting her silence, “But I know you understand the need not to upset the people anymore, not when peace is still very fragile. And the crown must not make enemies with the Faith, no matter how ridiculous its representatives might be”.

“I know all that,” Alyssa nods, “I could just leave her to rot in her cell.”

From the expression on her grandfather's face, she knows that this alternative does not seem appropriate either. Alyssa sighs. It's not that she necessarily wants to torture or kill the woman. She has already satiated her thirst for revenge, and doing so had brought her neither relief nor peace of mind. Only problems.

"I will take care of her tomorrow."

“I trust that you will make an appropriate decision for such a sensitive issue”

Alyssa says her goodbye and reflects on everything Lord Corlys has just told her while returning to the children's rooms

"The children?"

"They are already asleep, princess"

Alyssa sighs and spends a long time watching them rest peacefully, oblivious to the stormy thoughts plaguing her mind, but eventually she goes to her new room.

Only when she is there the ideas in her mind come back to haunt her and, as she is aware that she will not be able to sleep feeling so troubled, stands up and goes towards Helaena Targaryen's room.

She has not entered the former queen's apartments since that fateful last afternoon and her sadness hits her square in the chest when she thinks of so many shared memories in that place.

"Do you need help, princess?" asks Enid, who has followed her there.

“No, Enid, I'll take care of this myself,” she replies, “Go rest, I'll see you tomorrow.”

The maid leaves her alone, and Alyssa starts doing something she's been putting off: taking care of her aunt's belongings. With her eyes brimming with tears that she tries hard not to shed, she puts away the dresses, books, and various objects that plague the queen's room.

“Oh, sweet Helaena,” she says almost in a whisper as she gazes at notebooks full of drawings of insects and other creatures, “I'll save all of this for Jaehaera, for when she is old enough to fully appreciate it.”

And she does that. She packs everything and, when morning comes, she asks Enid to carefully move the trunks to a room away from Maegor's Holdfast.

Then she goes to the dungeons, ready to finally close the chapter of her life that Alicent Hightower occupies.

"Open the cell," she commands the jailer, "get her out of there."

"Are you sure, princess? She gets violent sometimes."

"Do what I say"

The man growls, but he does as he is told, dragging an unrecognizable Alicent from the darkest end of the cell.

For a moment, Alyssa almost feels sorry for her.

“You, bastard bitch! Murderer!" the woman shouts when she becomes aware of Alyssa’s presence, although her voice sounds hoarse and weak.

Alyssa observes her appearance, her green dress almost black from the dirt of the cell, her once beautiful hair full of knots, her face contorted with pain and anger. And there are also the notorious wounds on her hands and arms, her bruises and scratches. She shudders watching her.

"You killed the king, my son," she wails, "you should be here!"

The jailer lets out another grunt and shakes her to stop talking, clearly used to such accusations as he doesn't flinch when he hears them.

Alyssa does her best not to be intimidated by her fury. She knows that she must appear strong and invulnerable, that Alicent must not see through the false image of security that she offers.

“After consideration,” the princess says, “I have decided that you will return to Oldtown. You will be exiled from court life and spend the rest of your days confined to a room in your family castle.”

"Bastard!" she says again, interrupting her, “You killed my son! Where is Aemond? He probably does not know, he would never allow…”

"Enough!" Alyssa cuts her off and breathes to keep her composure, "You will not have access to more than the essentials to cover your basic needs and you will not be able to try to communicate or see your son or princess Jaehaera again"

Alicent lets out a pitiful moan and her hands go to her hair, pulling at it.

"You'll be alone," Alyssa says, almost spitting out each of her words in rage, "You'll spend the rest of your life in solitude and knowing that Aemond and I are happy here," her words burn her insides and cause her heart to pound violently, but her face does not show her mortification, “My brother will be the next king and Jaehaera will be his queen. Both will grow loving each other and being loyal to each other. And there won't be anything you can do to change that."

“Nonsense,” Alicent mutters, “My son Aemond will save me, he will return with fire and blood. It is something that you will never understand because you will never be a mother, you will never know…”

"I won't tolerate your insults anymore," Alyssa cuts her off, taking her chin tightly between her hands and making Alicent to look at her, "Enjoy the rest of your days knowing that everything, absolutely every tragedy that happened with your family, you caused it yourself"

Alyssa lets go of her so violently that Alicent stumbles. The princess turns to the jailer, "Bring her and follow me."

She rushes out of the putrid place, Alicent's insults still ringing behind her. Once they return to the surface, Enid places a dark cloak over Alicent, carefully covering her as Alyssa wants to avoid the whispers of the court if they should see her.

"You'd better gag her, princess, or she'll wake everyone in the castle," says the man.

Alyssa nods and waits for Alicent to subdue before leading them to one of the gates, where a carriage awaits the Dowager Queen to take her to Oldtown.

“Give this letter to the lord of the castle,” he says, handing the scroll to one of the soldiers who will be traveling with Alicent.

When the carriage starts moving, the girl feels a weight leave her body, although a bitter sensation consumes her.

"What will happen to the other prisoner?" asks the jailer.

Talya. She had almost forgotten her.

“Since she relied so much on her tongue, take it off her,” she retorts, “And then have her taken toward the docks. Make sure she gets on a boat to the free cities. I don't want her here anymore"

"As you order, princess."

Alyssa remains in the courtyard for a long time, her ears still full of Alicent's insults and her mind wondering what Aemond will think when he returns to learn of his mother's exile.

If he does not appreciate your decision, he would be ungrateful, says a voice in her head.

And the girl agrees with it. While she doesn't particularly enjoy violence, she might have liked to make an exception for the Dowager Queen.

Still, she knows that her decision was the right one. The realm was to remain at peace, and killing her would have meant causing discontent among the noble houses, the faith, and the people. Letting her go is another sacrifice she makes for her brother and her family. And she can afford it.

"Call the master-at-arms," asks to Enid, "I want to train with my bow for a while."

Alyssa spends the next hour shooting her arrows, but still her heart is only eased when she returns to the children and is greeted with squeals of excitement.

"Look, look," Aegon goes to her and takes her hand, leading her to the fireplace, where a small steel-blue dragon is huddled by the fire, "It hatched, my dragon is finally here!"

“Ohh Aegon, it's beautiful,” Alyssa gasps, smiling as the dragon snuggles into her brother's arms.

"Stormcloud," says the little prince, "It's called Stormcloud."

"It's a good name," she smiles and watches the scene entranced, until a sound similar to something breaking draws her attention to her niece, who stands a little away from her with her dragon egg in her arms.

The girl meets her gaze and smiles, setting the egg on the ground and watching the little dragon hatch. The two siblings gather next to her and wait for the creature to be born.

“Morghul,” Jaehaera says, picking it up.

Aegon comes to stand beside her and Alyssa smiles at the sight of them doting on their baby dragons.

It was this, just this, that she had wanted so fervently. A happy future for the only children she was going to be able to have. And, although her heart still ached from Aemond's absence, at that moment she felt completely happy.

***

One week.

A bloody week had taken Borros Baratheon's sluggish army to advance toward the agreed meeting place with the northerners.

"Winter doesn't allow us to move as quickly as we'd like," the man had said with a snarl, still embarrassed at having been reprimanded by Aemond the previous night.

The prince would have wanted to simply fly off to join the rebel lords, but he did not trust them, so he preferred to keep up with the Baratheon army and watch out if they decided to attack treacherously.

But it turns out not to be so.

Stark and the group from the Riverlands called the Lads await him at the agreed place and receive him with the formality of the occasion.

“Prince Aemond,” they greet politely once he dismounts from Vhagar.

"My lords," he replies, "we finally meet."

Vhagar roars into the sky, and Lord gray eyes take in the huge beast. Aemond is internally pleased to note the reaction of the men - and children, like in the case of Benjicot Blackwood - in front of him. It is good for them remembered that it is Aemond who has the advantage and who can burn them to ashes at any moment.

"A magnificent beast," Stark comments, still looking at the dragon, "As impressive as the direwolves north of the Wall."

Aemond nods respectfully, "I think we have a lot to discuss."

The group leads Aemond to a tent where a pair of servants stoke the fire and pour wine for everyone.

"You did the right thing by naming Aegon the younger as our king, my prince" Stark says as soon as they sit down.

"That's right," adds Kermit Tully, "It's his right as heir to Queen Rhaenyra."

“Queen Rhaenyra,” Aemond says with a chuckle, “I hope, my lord, that you do not wish to resume that debate for we would never agree.”

“The prince is right,” the Blackwood boy chimes in, “What really counts is that Aegon the younger will be king.”

"And you his regent," Stark looks at him.

“Until my nephew is old enough to assume the crown himself, yes,” he nods.

“Pretty convenient,” the man continues.

"For whom, exactly?" Aemond looks at him with his good eye, "Do you think I wished for my brother's death so that I could enjoy the pleasure of ruling the kingdom the next few years?"

The bitterness in his words seems to make the Lads uncomfortable, though Stark simply shrugs it off.

“I came here to ensure that peace returns to the realm,” Aemond says, “The war has bled our nation enough.”

"You certainly contributed by burning the riverlands almost in their entirety"

The comment does not come from the men, but from a woman who has just entered the tent and looks at Aemond with a mixture of curiosity and rudeness.

"And you are?"

"Lady Sabitha Frey"

The prince looks at her without hiding his disgust, “My betrothed told me about you. And of the treatment she received from when she was under your care at Harrenhal."

“I did my best to protect the king,” the woman replies.

“Lady Sabitha,” Lord Tully chimes in

“I'll see to repay your attentions when the time is right,” Aemond interrupts, “Let's focus in what’s important. Peace"

"Peace," Lord Stark nods.

Over the course of the next hours, the Lads agree to send their armies back home, as does Lord Stark.

“However, I would like to go to the capital to make sure with my own eyes that the situation of the royal heirs is as you tell us, prince,” says the northerner.

Aemond is insulted by his distrust, but he already imagined that he would receive a similar proposal, “I did not expect it to be otherwise. I insist that you all come with me to King's Landing to swear allegiance to the Iron Throne and to my nephew Aegon."

The lords seem pleased with Aemond's invitation, so the mood lightens considerably after that.

“I want to get going as soon as possible,” Aemond says after a frugal dinner.

“If we hurry, we can be in the capital in a fortnight,” Tully replies.

Fifteen days.

Fifteen days, and he could be reunited with Alyssa.

His heart skips a beat at the idea and a smile spreads across his face at the thought of being able to hold her in his arms, as he wants so much to do.

"A word, my prince," Stark asks as Aemond prepares to leave.

The other lords and Lady Sabitha leave the tent and Aemond turns to the man.

"Speak, lord Stark"

The man seems to hesitate before speaking and looks a little uncomfortable, which arouses the prince's interest, "Perhaps you are aware that prince Jaehaerys visited Winterfell when the war was just beginning."

"I was aware, yes," Aemond replies, even more intrigued at the mention of his late nephew.

"The prince was looking for a potential marriage alliance between our houses, that is to say between Princess Alyssa and myself," the man stares at Aemond, "Of course, nothing ever came to fruition."

"Surely you know, Stark," he hisses, his temper beginning to betray him, "that the princess and I will marry soon."

"I've heard about it"

"Then I don't understand the point of this conversation," Aemond glared at him with his one good eye.

“My intention was to let you know that the friendship I forged with prince Jaehaerys was very important to me. So important, in fact, that it made me leave Winterfell to fight for his mother's cause. And it is because of him, because of the oath I swore to him, that it is my duty to also make sure that his sister is well."

"What do you mean by well?" he hisses, his hand instinctively closing around his Valyrian steel dagger.

“That once I'm in the capital, I intend to make sure princess Alyssa is protected and well taken care of. Above all, that she is in a place where she really wants to be”

Aemond hears Vhagar roar and Stark looks bewildered once again. The prince fights the rage that bubbles up inside him and only balls his hands into fists as he speaks to the man, “Are you suggesting that I am holding my betrothed against her will in the Red Keep?”

"Well, she didn't exactly get there of her own free will, did she?" replies Stark with a hard voice

The man's gray eyes meet Aemond's blue and they hold each other's gaze for a long minute.

"I don't know what you're up to, Stark, but I assure you the princess and I don't need you to interfere in our relationship."

"Maybe not," he agrees, "but it is my duty to go before her and make sure that both she and her brother receive the treatment they deserve."

Aemond chuckles and tries to calm down, “At least I'm glad you are not a craven and that you had the courage to tell me face to face about your purposes. Although I warn you, my lord, that you will be disappointed at finding in your arrival that the princess is not a damsel waiting for you to rescue her. Not should you expect for her to fall that easily for you and your honorable intentions”

“Do not misrepresent my words, Prince Aemond. I only want…"

“Yeah, yeah, you want to fulfil your duty,” he says with a cluck, “I'll keep an eye on you, Stark. I'll be watching you very carefully."

"And I’ll be watching you, my prince"

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 25

"They won't take him away from you"

Aemond's hand lands on Alyssa's shoulder, startling her, and causing for the girl to look back at him.

"Did you say something?"

The prince sighs, "No one is going to take your brother away, my love, you can rest easy."

The girl restrains herself from rolling her eyes, "I don't trust this place," she whispers before turning her gaze to Aegon, who is still playing with Jaehaera, "If I could, I would have him every second by my side."

"I know," Aemond takes her hand, drawing her attention once more, "I know you are concerned about your brother's situation, so I'd better take care of it as soon as possible."

Alyssa nods. Aemond has been by her side for the past few hours since their arrival in the capital, and ignoring his mother's call, but she knows he is eager to see her. The princess would be tempted to avoid the reunion if it weren't for the fact that she needs the information that Alicent will surely give her son.

"Of course, go and join them," she tries to smile at him, "I'll stay with the kids a bit longer."

"As you wish," he stands up and leans down to kiss the top of her head, "I'll be back soon."

Alyssa nods absently, her eyes once again focused on the children, though she overhears Aemond's ordering the guards to protect their niece and nephew, and not let anything happen to them, on threat of being eaten by Vhagar.

But Alyssa knows that even dragons have limits. The true villains always find a way to carry out their violent acts.

Aegon's laughter fills the room. Her brother has recovered his innate joy and begins to run between the furniture being chased by Daisy, the sitter. Jaehaera watches him with the beginning of a smile on her lips, though she doesn't join him.

"I'm hungry!" Egg suddenly exclaims.

“Go get something for the princes,” Alyssa orders one of the maids, “Daisy, come here, please.” As the young woman approaches her, the princess smiles, "I haven't had a chance to thank you for taking care of my niece during her stay at Storm's End."

"You don't have to, princess, it was an honor and a joy to be able to take care of the princess," she replies, blushing

"Was it hard for her?"

“The castle…was very different,” Daisy assents, “There were no children and Lord Borros's daughters,” the girl seems to restrain herself, “Lord Baratheon hired a septa to educate the princess, that kept her entertained most of the time "

"And during the nights?"

"The princess asked about you and prince Aemond every day." Alyssa sighs, "Over the days she got used to both your absence."

"I'm glad you were there for her, Jaehaera is very happy with you, I can tell"

"I didn’t leave her alone, not once, my lady"

“Thank you, Daisy,” Alyssa replies gratefully.

The maid then arrives with a tray of food, and Alyssa joins the children, watching them eat and continue to play, until they are so exhausted that they fall asleep.

“Take care of them, Daisy, please,” Alyssa says, getting to her feet, “I won't be long, but if any of them wake up, keep them here and do not let them get out of this room.”

“Yes, my lady,” the nanny nods.

Alyssa goes to the door and turns to the children, anxious and debating whether or not she should leave them. Maybe she shouldn't let them out of her sight, maybe she could postpone her conversation for another time.

But she knows that she cannot delay the confrontations any longer. Although she hates the idea of facing the ghosts of the Keep, she has to do it. Any hope of a future in this place depends on her making it safe.

And that is what she intends to do.

***

"Aemond, my son!"

His mother puts her arms around him as soon as the prince enters his older brother's room.

Aemond is surprised by Alicent's effusiveness, but still he hugs the queen and strokes her auburn curls in a comforting gesture when he notices his mother sobbing.

“I thought I'd lost you,” she admits as she faces him, her hands cupping Aemond's face and staring at him for a few seconds before breaking the embrace and examining his figure, as if searching for a wound.

"I am fine, mother, you don't have to worry," he assures her, holding her arms.

Alicent nods and seems to want to say something else, but Aemond pushes away from her and walks into the room to get to the bed, where he finds his brother. Aegon is nearly naked, his wounds mostly protected by bandages, though some are exposed and covered in ointment.

“You walk in and once again you have her full attention,” he says sourly with a lopsided smile before wincing.

"Aegon," he replies in greeting, "so now you are king."

"I am. Or I never stopped being one,” he points out, “It doesn't matter. I killed our half-sister, and I kept my crown. For what it serves me,” he laughs unfunny as he points his legs with his hands.

“Your wounds are healing,” Alicent chimes in, “The maester says…”

“That foolish old man says what you want to hear,” the king cuts her off, “and if it were up to him, I would be drinking the milk of the poppy all day”

"You should take it, it would help you ease your pain," his mother replies, annoyed, "Your father got some relief thanks to that sedative, it's not synonymous with weakness if you use it too"

Aemond does not agree with his mother. His brother has never looked weaker than now. If he was in a bad condition before leaving the capital, now he is even worse. His gaunt face seems to indicate that he doesn't sleep well either, his body is much thinner than Aemond remembered, and several of his wounds produce an awful smell.

“I already said I won't drink the bloody milk of the poppy,” Aegon hisses, and when he tries to move, he lets out a cry of pain. His mother is there instantly, arranging the pillows and bringing him a glass of water, “I am the king. I will not let those leeches to rule in my name, I do not trust them."

Aemond notices that his mother seems to hold back her response, so he intervenes.

“How did you manage to secure the kingdom? I heard what happened with Sunfyre."

There is a wince on his brother's face, though it is deeper than any Aemond has seen in the brief moments of their reunion.

"I have the support of the Baratheon, Velaryon, Lannister, most of the houses of the Reach and the Valley"

“What about the North and the riverlands?”

"Those damned traitors," he retorts furiously, "they will bend the knee sooner or later."

"It is foolish of Lord Stark to continue to deny your brother's authority," Alicent chimed in, "With your return to the city, surely he knows he doesn't have much of a choice."

“Fire and blood,” Aegon says with a smirk, “how did you manage to survive the fight with our uncle?”

Aemond notices his mother shudder beside him. He has no intention of telling the details of the fight with Daemon, so he offers his brother a summary version of their encounter, and the days that followed.

"The girl came back with you then," his mother avoids his gaze, but Aemond notices her hands moving frantically.

"Yes, of course, Alyssa is here with me."

“Bards and poets will surely sing the feat of your victory for centuries, the one-eyed prince and his dragon vanquished over the Gods Eye,” his brother comments sardonically, though unable to hide his bitterness, as he stretches out his arm to take his cup of wine.

“They'll probably talk about your victory over Rhaenyra, too,” Aemond replies, trying to soothe his spirits. He needs his brother to be in a good mood to be able to propose the idea he has in mind,

"Puff, yeah, of course," he laughs once more, "I have no doubt that they will talk about the Usurper, the king without a dragon"

“Your father didn't have his dragon for long either, he barely rode it once and was a king…”

"Do you think I want to be compared with my fucking father?" hisses Aegon looking at his mother with annoyance.

“Sunfyre was a good companion for you,” Aemond chimes in, noticing Alicent's pained expression.

A shadow of pain that the prince knows has nothing to do with the burns crosses his brother's face, but after taking a couple more sips from his wineglass, Aegon looks hard and bitter once more.

“I will send you to Dragonstone as soon as possible to bring me new eggs. I heard from one of the keepers that Syrax had left a clutch the last time it was there."

"Will you search for a new dragon so quickly?" Aemond raises his eyebrows in his direction.

"I must strengthen my reign," Aegon shrugs, "I am a king without a dragon, who cannot walk without help and has no heir."

“Jaehaera is your heir,” Alicent glares at him.

"Jaehaera is a woman," Aegon tuts, "I need not remind you, mother, that the kingdom expects a male heir to be the next king, as you and Grandfather reminded me so many times."

Aemond knows that this is his chance to bring up his idea.

 "There is yet a Targaryen heir," he says, focusing on his brother, "Rhaenyra's son lives."

"Oh yes, young Aegon," smiles his brother, "what about him?"

"He is a threat to your reign," his mother chimes in, “It will be better to deal with that complication soon”

Aemond fixes his good eye on his mother, her answer does not surprise him too much, but even so his heart sinks when he hears her words.

"Our nephew," he points out, "could be the best solution to our dilemma."

"What do you mean?"

"Marry him to Jaehaera and name him your heir."

"That is ridiculous!" Alicent looks at him, indignant, "That boy is Rhaenyra's son, how could he…?"

"Why would I name him my heir?" Aegon interrupts his mother, “I couldn't trust that boy. Growing up he might want my head for what I did to his mother."

“Exactly,” Alicent moves to Aegon's side, “it is absurd to even propose such an idea. Surely it was that young lady who put such nonsense into your head”

Aemond does his best to remain calm, but his gaze fixes angrily on his mother, his shoulders tense and his hands ball into fists at his sides.

“In case you haven't noticed, our house is on the verge of extinction. Marrying Aegon and Jaehaera is the best solution. She would be queen, mother of future kings who would carry on our legacy through her blood."

"I might as well marry her off to a future child of yours," Aegon replies, "Surely you and Alyssa will soon produce an heir for me?"

His mother lets out a derisive laugh at this point and tilts her face to the side as she quietly says something that sounds like "I'd like to see how she pulls it off," though Aemond isn't sure if he heard correctly, so he dismisses the comment.

“That's not…we don't…” he stops short, not quite sure if he should tell his brother about what Alyssa suspects about her inability to be a mother.

"Or I could have a son by myself"

Aemond looks at his brother, not quite sure if he's telling the truth or just joking. The prince has not considered it before, but he assumed that Aegon was no longer capable of being able to consummate the act necessary to become a father again. Was he wrong?

“Is it possible in your…situation to keep those expectations?” asks

His brother doesn't directly respond, “I'll make it possible. I have known Lord Borros's daughters, I will choose one of them as my wife. She will surely give me strong children."

“The council has urged your brother to find a new wife. You should do the same"

Aemond ignores his mother's words, “What about our nephew? I promised Alyssa that nothing would happen to her brother and I intend to keep my word."

"You weren't in a position to make such a promise," his mother insists.

“Surely you know that young Aegon poses a threat,” his brother looks at him, “I can't just ignore his existence. Men loyal to Rhaenyra would seek to place him as king in my place."

"And surely, brother," Aemond takes a few steps in his direction, "you do not intend to murder a child not even four years old."

Aegon grimaces. “I could send him to the Wall. It is a more than honorable exit for him."

"Alyssa will not bear to be separated from her brother"

“She might as well live with him in the North,” Alicent chimed in.

"Or I could make him a eunuch and allow him to stay here at court, serving as royal cupbearer," Aegon proposes.

“Both are extreme solutions that I will not tolerate,” Aemond retorts with suppressed anger.

"Your brother is the king, his orders will be respected"

“My brother would do well to remember that he will not have my support or Vhagar's if something, anything, happens to my nephew,” he specifies, staring at them both, “I cannot force you to name him heir, I know that, but I won't let anything bad happen to him."

“And why do you think I need you or your dragon? The kingdom is mine"

“Not completely,” Aemond smiles, “I was in the riverlands long enough to understand the threat Lord Stark, his winter wolves, and the other lords pose. They are a great army and it will not be easy to defeat them. Vhagar would give you the immediate advantage. Surely Stark would bend the knee at the sight of my dragon, but that will only happen if Aegon the young’s life and well-being are guaranteed."

There are a few moments of silence after his words, Aegon just stares at him for a few seconds and drinks from his glass again.

“I'll think about your words and discuss them at the next council meeting,” he finally ends by saying.

Aemond nods and turns to leave the room.

His mother follows him and takes his arm, stopping him once he has passed the guards at the door.

"Aemond, I would like to talk to you"

"Mother, please" he looks at her between tired, annoyed and exasperated, "If your words will offend my betrothed in any way, I prefer not to hear them."

“Please, my son,” his mother places her hands on top of his, her teary brown eyes staring at him, “Just a moment.”

Aemond sighs. He is unable to say no to his mother when she seems so desperate and scared. He nods and she leads him to the first vacant room they can find.

"Surely you know we are not in the best of positions right now," she begins to say, her hands moving steadily, "your brother's reign is held by a fragile peace."

"I am aware of the situation, mother"

“The coffers of the realm are full again and the lords have sworn allegiance to your brother, yes, but the allies we have,” she shakes her head, “I don't trust them. I don't trust Lord Corlys, or the Tyrells, or the others... we are surrounded by enemies."

"We've always been surrounded by enemies, isn't that what you reiterated to us growing up?"

“It's different now. No matter what your brother says,” she swallows and meets the gaze of her son, “The maester says that it is unlikely for him to conceive another child”

Aemond doesn't know what to say. Fortunately, his mother continues to speak.

“We need allies more than ever,” she says, “The time is right for you to join a young woman who will help us strengthen the kingdom.”

“I knew you would say something like that,” Aemond sighs wearily, “Mother…”

“Do it for our family, for me,” she takes his hands He notices her new wounds reddening the skin around her fingers, "Marry a proper young lady and have heirs worthy of the Targaryen name."

"Enough!" Aemond turns away from his mother, “I don't know how to make you understand that I am not leaving Alyssa, mother. I am not with her because it is convenient for me or for the kingdom, but because I love her."

Alicent shudders when she hears him, "Love is not…"

“Enough,” he says once again, cutting her off, “I don't intend to argue with you any further. I have made my position very clear. Alyssa is going to be my wife and you are going to have to learn to live with that."

Aemond hates that his words sound like a threat, but he is tired of his mother's reproaches and scorn for his love for Alyssa.

“Go back to my brother. He needs your attentions."

One more king who needs her as a nurse, the prince thinks as he watches the green figure of her mother leave the room.

***

“Here is the maid you sent for, princess,” says one of the guards escorting a surprised Talya.

"Thank you, you can leave now."

The men exit the room, Alyssa's former chamber, leaving the two women alone.

"Princess!" Talya seems genuinely happy to see her, "I didn't know you were back in the Keep."

"I find that hard to believe," she smiles ungraciously, "Considering that you always seem to know everything that goes around on in this place."

If the redhead notices the harshness in her words, she doesn't let it show in her gaze.

"I'm glad you are back, princess, I was relieved to know that you were able to meet with Prince Aemond."

Alyssa is tempted for a few seconds to waver in her resolve to confront the maid after she not-so-subtle reminds her that she helped her flee the keep, but finally she sighs and moves closer to Talya.

“My time in Harrenhal allowed me to discover things I didn't know about,” she begins by saying, “And it also allowed me to reflect and remember things I had forgotten.” Clearly the maid doesn't quite know what to answer. Alyssa continues, "I want the truth, Talya, don't you dare lie about the questions I'm about to ask you."

“Of course, princess, I assure you that…”

“The tea you brought for me every night,” Alyssa stares at her, “did you know it was specially made to prevent me from becoming a mother?”

There's a shadow of doubt that crosses the woman's face for just an instant, so swiftly that if Alyssa hadn't been paying attention, she probably wouldn't have noticed, “The tea was for your aches, princess, the Grand Master himself used to brew it and…”

"Stop lying!" she retorts, furious, "You knew it wasn't ordinary tea."

"Princess, I swear I had no idea it wasn't."

"Talya..."

"I had... I had my suspicions," the redhead accepts, "It was an unknown tea and I thought there was something strange, but you drank it regularly and nothing happened, so I thought it was just my imagination"

“You thought there was something strange and yet you religiously brought it to my room every night”

"I didn't... I had no idea... I was just following orders, princess"

"Whose orders?" she asks with her heart pounding in her chest

Talya hesitates, but Alyssa's menacing gaze seems to persuade her.

"Direct orders from Queen Alicent," she says, "The queen ordered the maester to prepare it and for me to bring it to you each night or whenever you needed it."

Alyssa feels her stomach drop with the confirmation of what she already imagined. Her eyes crystallize with tears that she doesn't intend to shed, so she takes a deep breath and turns her back on the maid for a few seconds.

“I swear, princess, I swear to the gods that I had no idea that tea served another purpose. The queen requested moon tea on a regular basis and I thought…I thought that if she wanted to avoid the consequences between you and Prince Aemond, she would ask me to bring you moon tea, I didn't suspect of any other drink”

"Really?" she turns to see the redhead, "Not even when I lost the baby"

“That was… that was some time later. I didn't imagine that the tea caused it."

“You were there for me. You held my hand while I lost my child,” Alyssa says bitterly, “and yet you claim to know nothing.”

"I did not know anything!" she repeats with tears starting to roll down her cheeks, “If I had known…”

“Would you have acted differently?”

"My loyalty is to you, Princess Alyssa, I swear it."

She smiles once more, though the joy doesn't reach her eyes. The words of Talya, the woman she considered an ally and friend in the fortress, who comforted her in the most bitter moments of her life, hurt as they are stained by her betrayal.

“Even if you didn't know about the effects of the tea,” she says, clearing her throat, “Your loyalty was not with me. You were spying on me either by orders of the queen or the White Worm”

"Princess, I don't…"

“Don't try to deny it,” she cuts her off, “it was you who attended me in this very room when my family and I came to fight for my brother's claim to prevail and his legitimacy not be questioned. It was you who found out that I had spent the night with Aemond, that I had lost my maidenhood, and who surely gave that information to Mysaria”

Talya has the decency not to deny her actions, but she lowers her head and Alyssa hears her sob.

"Do you have any idea what your words caused?"

"I had no choice, princess, as a woman, a servant, I never had too many options in this place."

“You will not win my sympathy with that argument,” she replies in a hard voice, “Your intrigues caused my mother's distrust, her antipathy towards me. Because of your words, she considered me a traitor, a stranger and turned away from me. Our relationship was never the same after that."

There is a part, a very small one, inside Alyssa's head that tells her that maybe she is being unfair to the woman, but she chooses to ignore it. Talya had decided to sell the secrets of the fortress in exchange for money, most likely. She was now reaping what she had sown.

"I'm so sorry, princess, I promise... I swear that I will be your most loyal servant, as I have been for a long time now."

“Your actions, even indirectly, have caused me irreparable damage. Needless to say, the prince is just as affected as I am, and he wouldn't take your indiscretions so lightly if I decide to share them with him," her green eyes look directly at her and she notes that the maid understands the threat, "I'm going to need the whole truth Talya. I don't want you to hide anything from me."

"What do you want to know?"

Alyssa asks and Talya speaks. The redhead tells her about Aegon's habits, the whispers from the Fortress about how frail the king looks, about the threat posed by the northerners with their army. She also tells her about the times that she helped Alicent to silence servants who shared the king's bed, about his frequent visits to the city and his unpleasant habits.

"The Dowager Queen herself knew of the existence of Aegon's natural children?"

"Yes, princess, Lord Larys informed her of their existence."

The strange relationship between Lord Larys and the queen is intriguing. Alyssa already knew that the man was not to be trusted, Lord Larys had successfully escaped the Keep during her mother's brief reign and then returned to maintain his old position and privileges, but according to what Talya tells her, he is also dangerous and ruthless.

"Was the prince aware of what his mother and Lord Larys were up to?"

“No, Prince Aemond didn't know,” she assures her, “The queen… the queen preferred not to tell him as she was embarrassed by the king's behavior, so it was all between her and the clubfoot”

Alyssa nods, relieved, "Tell me about the secret passages in the castle."

“There are everywhere”

“Who else knows about the existence of these paths?”

"Very few people. There are rumors, there have always been rumors that King Maegor built them, but only a few know about them. Lord Larys among them"

Alyssa feels uneasy knowing that information. She was never a fan of lord Larys, and now more than ever she must be very careful around the man, especially since he is a faithful servant of Alicent. And if the queen was cold-hearted enough to give the order to kill off her natural grandchildren, she wouldn't hesitate to ask for something to happen to her brother.

“That's… this is all I know,” Talya says after Alyssa's minutes of silence.

The princess pushes the thoughts out of her head and focuses her eyes on Talya, "What should I do with you?"

 "I want to serve you faithfully, princess, from now on."

"But you deserve a punishment"

Talya pales and her voice falters, “Please, princess, I know I did wrong, but you… you are different. You are a good woman, you are merciful and…”

Alyssa laughs, “Yeah, I'm a good woman, and what have I gotten out of it? All my time here I tried to keep the peace between both sides of my family and what did it get me? I ended up poisoned and permanently incapacitated to be a mother,” she retorts bitterly.

"Princess…"

"No"

"Princess, please, I helped you, I helped you flee the castle with your brother"

"And that's the only reason you'll keep your life." Talya cries again, but Alyssa ignores her and calls the guard. One of them enters immediately. “This woman will no longer be a palace maid. She will receive ten lashes, ten, and then you will throw her in the dungeons."

"No, please, princess, no"

The man grabs Talya's arm and for a moment Alyssa's will wavers.

"You're going to stay locked up until I decide what I'm going to do with you"

The guard nods and leaves the room nearly dragging a sobbing Talya.

***

Alyssa finds Aemond reading in the children's room.

"Where are Aegon and Jaehaera?"

“The sitters are bathing them,” he says, nodding to the other side of the room, where Alyssa hears giggling.

The princess nods. She hasn't realized how late it is, because after her conversation with Talya she had gone for a walk in the gardens to clear her mind.

And to think about what she should do next.

“You look tired,” Aemond comments as she sits down next to him. He puts the book aside and intertwines his fingers with hers, “Everything okay? Do you feel sick?"

"No, I just... wanted to take a walk"

"I thought you didn't want to lose sight of those two"

“There were some domestic matters that required my attention”

Aemond looks at her curiously, but he cocks his head, “Well, yhose aspects are certainly under your jurisdiction. I'm not going to get in there."

Alyssa smiles and kisses him lovingly, joining their foreheads when the kiss ends.

“How did it go with your brother and your mother?”

Aemond seems to think about his answer for a moment, "I think it went as well as I expected."

"Meaning…"

“That the situation has not changed much. They still depend on me to consolidate their power in the kingdom. Aegon…I don't even know how to describe his state. I suppose pitiful would be the ideal word."

"Is it that bad?"

“His injuries seem to have worsened. He refuses to drink the milk of the poppy and continues to drown his sorrows in wine, making him more bitter and cynical than ever. Pathetic, really"

"Your mother?"

"As paranoid as usual," the prince sighs, and a blush spreads briefly across his cheeks, but Aemond shakes his head and looks back at Alyssa, "I proposed as a solution to name Aegon as heir and marry him to Jaehaera."

"What?" surprise is reflected in the princess's eyes, “Why…?”

“Because it is the ideal solution,” Aemond takes her hands, “There are no heirs to our house but our niece and nephew.”

“Even so… you didn't tell me you'd propose such a thing,” anxiously, she pries her hands away from Aemond's and her nails sting her palms, “This… this is extreme isn't it? It would put my little brother in the spotlight, which is just what I don't want for him right now. Or ever. I want Aegon to be protected and to grow up... I want him to be well and happy."

“If my brother names yours as heir, he will immediately be protected by everyone in the kingdom. He would be prepared to be the new king, he would grow up with Jaehaera and they would have the chance to form a special bond, just like you and me. Both are descendants of Valyrian blood and with them we would unite our families, wasn't that what you wanted? The future you imagined?”

Aemond's blue eye twinkles with suppressed emotion, and Alyssa is at a loss for what to say. Yes, at some point during the war she had wanted to fight to unite their families, but she had always thought that would be achieved if she and Aemond were to marry, not in the hypothetical case that her niece and brother – little children – were entrusted with tremendous burden.

“My brother will not live long,” Aemond continues, clearly trying to convince her, “I am sorry to say it, I am truly sorry, but his injuries will shorten his life. He has the ridiculous idea of looking for a new wife and having another child, a male heir, practically pushing Jaehaera aside.”

"But he cares about Jaehaera"

"What is a daughter compared to a son?" Aemond asks with a sad smile, “The entire kingdom has already bled because my father put your mother over my brother. If Jaehaera is cast aside, there will always be that bitterness in my family. If my brother spares the life of yours, your mother's loyal men will seek to place him as rightful king. Aegon is an important piece on the game whether you like it or not, my love. We will have to make the best decision if we want to protect him."

"Does your brother intend to have another wife?" she asks quietly, the feeling of anguish rising in her chest. She knows that what Aemond says is not without reason. She is aware of Alicent's lack of scruples.

“The council urges him to have an heir of his own blood. In his defense I will say that he proposed that we will be the ones who take it upon ourselves to produce the next royal heir."

“Did you tell him about my… condition?”

"No," he replies immediately, "I figured it wasn't my place to say it."

Alyssa nods, although internally her heart is torn a little more and the permanent hatred that she has felt for a few weeks increases when she imagines Alicent's reaction to the proposal of her eldest son.

"I imagine they did not take your suggestion into account"

Aemond sighs, "No, but I made it very clear that Aegon's safety must be guaranteed no matter what they decide about the succession."

"What will happen to my brother?" Alyssa watches Aemond's face darken, “Aemond. I want the truth. What are they planning to do with my brother?”

“Nothing concrete, nothing has been decided”

“Nothing yet,” Alyssa specifies, “do you think something will happen soon?”

"Lord Stark is marching towards the capital with his army and that of other houses of the riverlands still loyal to your mother," he informs her, "My mother and brother assume they will seek to place Aegon as future king."

“Surely they represent no threat to Vhagar”

“No, of course not, that's why I assure you that nothing will happen to your little brother. Aegon knows that he will not be able to stand alone against the combined armies. And he knows that my collaboration depends on yours and Aegon’s safety”

But that is not enough. Aegon and Alicent can still act against her or her brother in some way or another. And even if the northerners were to win, could she trust them? Or were they just another bunch of men seeking power through a child they could easily manipulate? Would they spare Aemond’s life or would they execute him for treason?

Alyssa feels panic rise in her chest, which seems to contract to the point where she barely manages to breathe. Her eyes glaze over and her vision blurs. She hasn't experienced a panic attack since what happened with her twin brother, but she knows she has to calm down and stay sane. The princess bites her lip hard and feels the metallic taste of her blood.

Once again, she is at a crossroads. One faction or the other. Although her mother is no more, her followers continue her fight. As long as Aegon is king, the greens would still be a threat.

“Alyssa? Can you hear me?"

“Let's run away,” she says in a rush, “Let's leave the kingdom”

"Where would we go?" Aemond sounds incredulous

“Across the narrow sea,” she shrugs, “let's take Vhagar and go to the free cities. Maybe Pentos. Rhaena always said that the magisters and the prince had been kind to her family. Interested in their dragons, of course, but they had a good life. We could raise the kids there, away from this nest of snakes that is this place."

“Pentos? But…"

“Your mother and the council would never allow the Seven Kingdoms to go to war with the free cities, it would be madness. Aegon clearly has no plans for Jaehaera. We could just leave and continue living without worrying about them.”

Alyssa is tempted to add “please,” but stops herself. Her forest green eyes lock onto Aemond's and he understands what she is saying.

This is the moment of truth.

The moment where he will have to choose. Choose between remain in the Red Keep, clinging to whatever power he may have, power he himself would wield over her Aegon if the little boy were to be named heir; or choose the family that he has decided to form with Alyssa.

The family he swore would be his priority.

But it also means abandoning his mother and brother. Leaving them to his fate with a looming battle on their backs. One that, as she understands it, they could easily lose no matter how many allies they have.

The princess can't quite read Aemond's expression, but she seems to detect surprise in his gaze, mixed with disappointment and what appears to be fear. All in just a few seconds. When the prince speaks, however, he does so decisively and without a tinge of hesitation, “If it's what you really want, then fine. Let's leave the city"

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 18

Alyssa is paralyzed.

The noises around her fade away and all she can focus on is the small corpse and the desperation on Helaena's face.

She knows that she must do something, she has to do something, she should run and hug Jaehaera, take her away and protect her from such a terrible scene, but…

But she can't do anything.

Ser Criston Cole is the first to move. The Hand of the King enters the room and passes by her side, pushing her aside unceremoniously and heading straight for Alicent, who lies on the floor gagged and bound hand and foot.

"Two men! It was two men!" she says in a shaky voice, "They snuck out the window and took... took..." the woman trembles as she points to her grandson's body

Her mother's voice seems to bring Aemond out of a trance similar to the one Alyssa was experiencing. The prince takes one last look at his grief-stricken sister before giving orders.

“Lock the castle immediately and lock the city gates as well. No one is to leave the city until further notice”

Alyssa finally turns her gaze away from Helaena and over to Jaehaera, who is all but relegated to a corner of the room, silent tears rolling from her eyes. The princess carefully approaches her and takes the little girl in her arms. Jaehaera hides her face in her chest. Alyssa wants to sing a lullaby to try to calm her down, but her voice breaks when she tries.

Alicent goes to Helaena. The Dowager Queen wraps her daughter in her arms. Helaena does not protest at her touch, but rather that she allows to be embraced by her mother while incessantly repeats that she did not want to choose, that they forced her to choose. Her mother whispers things in her ear and the young queen seems to calm down for a few seconds, but Maelor starts crying and that makes Helaena start crying again, her body shaking violently as she pulls at her hair. When Alicent fails to stop her attempts to hurt herself, Aemond goes to her sister and holds her tight. The queen goes to Maelor and takes him into her arms, though her gaze never leaves Helaena's.

Aemond orders the maester to be summoned, and Runciter advises Helaena to rest. As they know that it will be practically impossible for them to convince Helaena to try to rest, the maester gives her milk of the poppy, which manages to make her sleepy enough for Aemond to lift her into her arms and take her to her rooms.

Alyssa notices that little Jaehaera has also fallen asleep in her arms. For a moment she thinks about taking her to the nursery, but she doesn't dare to leave her, preferring to hold her in her arms and make sure she'll be okay. Besides, Jaehaera is used to sleeping with her little brother, what if she wakes up and…

"What happened, mother?"

Aemond's return takes her by surprise and makes her shudder. He seems to sense her mortification as se moves to her side and rubs her back to reassure her as he repeats the question to his mother.

The Dowager Queen begins to tell the macabre story. The threat of the murderers, Helaena's offer to sacrifice herself for her children, the ruthless choice that the young mother had to make and that finally gives meaning to what she did not stop repeating until a few moments ago.

Helaena had had to choose one of her children. She had chosen Maelor, but one of the men had ignored her choice and taken Jaehaerys's life.

And they saw it all.

"They seemed to know secret passages," Alicent explains, her voice almost a whisper, "They vanished without having to use the door."

"Did they say anything else? Who sent them? Aemond asks

Alicent seems to hesitate before speaking and her gaze avoids her son's as she says, "They came to collect a debt, they said “An eye for an eye, a son for a son."

Aemond's hand, which had continued to comfort her while his mother talked, stops moving and she feels his body tense as he understands the meaning of her words.

The death of the little prince was a direct revenge for the death of Lucerys.

A revenge orchestrated by… her mother.

Alyssa is feeling physically ill. Her body is seized with nausea and she fears she won't be able to support the weight of Jaehaera's body, but she clings to the little one refusing to leave her alone. The girl closes her eyes and tears flow again.

What extremes have they gone to? How could one be so cruel to concoct an idea like this? How could her mother have agreed to murder an innocent child in cold blood? Her brother had been an innocent envoy, yes, but his death, even if Rhaenyra was unaware that it was a terrible accident, could not be avenged with an act as reprehensible as this.

And Helena.

Sweet Helaena, the purest soul Alyssa knew, the loving mother, the kindest woman who had been her refuge in the castle… who could be so ruthless as to put her through such brutality?

“Aemond,” Alyssa whispers turning to him.

But the young man's gaze is fixed on the tiled floor, which is still stained with his nephew's blood despite the fact that the Silent Sisters have already removed the body. Alyssa calls him back. He still doesn't respond. As the princess reaches out her hand to take his, he pulls away from her and hurries out of the room.

"Go with him" Alicent almost ordered.

“But Jaehaera…”

"I'll take care of her"

Alyssa waits until a maid arrives to help Alicent before leaving in search of Aemond. A part of her heart doesn't want to leave the queen and the babies, but it comforts her to know that three guards are inside the room with them and that there are two more guarding the doors.

While she wonders if the prince has gone to his chambers, Vhagar roars from somewhere in the city. Alyssa stops on the spot and runs into the garden as she inwardly prays that Aemond won't do something foolish. He couldn't have reach to Vhagar so quickly, could he? Surely not. Alyssa watches the sky for a few minutes in case she catches a glimpse of any flying dragons, but she finally gives up and heads to Aemond's room.

The door is ajar and the sound of sobs reaches her ears. She briefly wonders if it would be a good idea to go inside, but she ends up pushing the door open and striding over to where he is sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I want to be alone" he says avoiding looking at her, but making no attempt to hide his tears.

"Aemond..."

"Leave me alone!” the harshness of his voice amazes her, but she draws herself up to her full height and takes a few steps in his direction, "I'm sorry, Alyssa, I shouldn't have talked to you like that, please, I need to be alone."

"No"

"No?" he looks up at her, his deep blue eye a well of sadness and rage

“I don't think you should be alone right now,” she explains in a firm voice.

Aemond rises from the bed and glares at her, even so, he fails to scare her. Alyssa knows that he is hurting, that his mother's account of this fateful night has broken him inside and that he must be blaming himself for what happened.

"Why not?" asks as he starts to walk, backing her up as he advances, "Do you think I'm going to do something stupid?"

“Perhaps,” Alyssa agrees.

“What do you think I'll do? You think that I’ll ride Vhagar to go straight to Dragonstone so I can make my half-sister pay for what she just did? Because that is precisely what I desire to do right now,” he spits out angrily.

Alyssa doesn't even flinch at the harshness of his words. She knows the prince's temper, his impulsive and violent nature, his sharp words thrown only to hurt.

"And after you take your vengeance? Who will be the next to die?” she asks defiantly, “Once you kill my mother, they will kill who? Alicent? Jaehaera? Me?"

Aemond shudders and tears flow from his one eye again.

"Don't try to convince me with your peace speech," he warns.

"I won't," she shakes her head, internally accepting that this is not the time. “I know you are angry, Aemond, and you have every right to be. But right now, you are not mad at my mother, you're mad at yourself."

His facade collapses at her words. Aemond collapses at her words, falling to his knees and covering his face with his hands, his sobs intensifying. Alyssa feels her heart tighten as she watches him so defeated, bent by the immense guilt that he surely is feeling.

“It should have been me,” he blurts out his words as a howl in pain that tears at her heart, “They should have come for me. It had to have been me"

Alyssa kneels next to him and he allows her to hold him close, hiding his face in her chest as she strokes his hair.

The princess wants to comfort him, wants to tell him that everything will be okay, that the pain will pass, but none of those words seem appropriate for the situation because, like Aemond, her world seems to have suddenly turned completely gray and full of suffering. So, she settles for holding him until he stops repeating his previous words and stops sobbing.

"Don't ever say something like that again," Alyssa says when he's calmed down

“I'm only telling the truth,” Aemond replies lifting his face and looking at her, “It was only fair that…”

“There is no fairness in war,” she cuts him off, cradling his face in her hands and staring at him, “So don't ever say that you deserved to die. I forbid you to say something like that again."

Aemond hugs her with incredible desperation, as if Alyssa is a figment of his imagination that is going to vanish at any moment, as if he fears that she is going somewhere else. Alyssa waits for him to break the embrace before taking his hand and leading him to the bed.

"Wait here," she asks once he's under the covers.

"Where are you going?" he questions, eager

“I want to bring Jaehaera here with us tonight,” she explains caressing his face, “I don't like the idea of her sleeping alone”. Aemond nods and Alyssa places a soft kiss on his forehead, "I won't be long."

The princess leaves the room and goes to Alicent's, but the guards inform her that the children are in the nursery. When she arrives, she finds the Dowager Queen in one of the makeshift beds sleeping next to Maelor, maester Runciter watching over her sleep and holding a vial of what appears to be milk of the poppy that he must have also administered to the woman.

“I'll take the princess to my rooms,” Alyssa says quietly to the nanny looking after Jaehaera, who doesn't stop moving uncomfortably on her bed.

“Princess, the dowager queen said that…”

"The prince regent gave the order", Alyssa cuts her off and takes the little girl in her arms, who calms down when notices someone holding her.

Two guards escort her to Aemond's room, who is still awake when Alyssa tucks the little girl between them. Jaehaera instinctively snuggles against the prince's body, who places a soft kiss on the head of hisr niece.

"Thank you, my love," Aemond whispers as Alyssa crawls under the covers.

"Rest, Aemond," she replies, "You need to sleep."

"Would you sing for me?"

Alyssa nods and begins to hum a tune until the prince's eyes close.

***

The next morning Alyssa wakes up when she feels Jaehaera's little hands on her face. Although it is still quite early in the morning, the other side of the bed is empty.

“Good morning, darling”, she greets, sitting up on the bed and trying to smile at her, “Did you sleep well?”

"Momma?" asks the girl

A lump forms in Alyssa's throat, where the hell is Aemond?

"We'll go see her in a bit, okay?"

The little girl nods and adds "And my brother?"

Alyssa's stomach drops at her question. What is she supposed to tell her? It would be irresponsible to create in the little girl the false hope that she will see her brother soon, but she also does not believe that it is her place to explain to Jaehaera what has happened. Mainly because she doesn't have the slightest idea how to do it.

 “Would you like to eat something first? I'm starving” she ends up saying to try to distract her mind.

"Milk please"

Alyssa is touched by her words and her eyes glaze, but she does her best to hold back her tears, “Very good, milk and fruit, okay? If I remember correctly, grapes are your favorites”. Jaehaera nods, and Alyssa stands up to go call one of the maids, who soon arrive with a tray of food for both of them.

"Talya, do you know where Aemond is?" she asks approaching the woman

"The prince is in the king's chamber," Talya informs her.

“Oh,” Alyssa feels a lump in her throat again and drinks all of her tea in the hope that it will help her get over the feeling, “And Helaena?”

"The queen is still in her room with Queen Alicent"

"Thank you, Talya. Please bring clothes for Jaehaera”

The woman curtsies and returns a few minutes later with a dress for her niece. Alyssa changes the little girl and fixes her hair the best she can. When there is nothing left to do, they hold hands and walk towards Helaena's room.

"There you are!" Alicent sighs when she sees her granddaughter and opens her arms to receive her, "My precious girl"

Jaehaera says something that Alyssa doesn't hear because she prefers to go into the room to where the bed is, and where she finds Helaena still sleeping.

"How is she doing?" Alyssa asks Alicent once she returns to the living room

“Same as yesterday,” the Queen Mother replies, “She fell asleep again from crying so much.”

“Jaehaera was…”

Alyssa stops as screams reach her. The princess manages to recognize Aegon's voice and the sound of different objects breaking as if they were being thrown against the walls or the floor. There is a commotion of soldiers and Alicent scrambles to her feet to leave the room and go to her son.

"Momma!”

Jaehaera's little voice makes her turn her head to where a sleepy and visibly confused Helaena appears. The little girl runs to her mother, hugging her knees, but the young queen doesn't even look down at her daughter.

"Helena?" Alyssa rushes over to them, "Are you okay?" There's no answer. Helaena looks at her with strangely empty eyes that still carry an enormous sadness. “Jaehaera is here,” she says softly close to her aunt's ear, “Hel, your daughter has been asking about you.”

After several seconds of no response and no indication that her mother will return her affection, Jaehaera begins to cry. The noise seems to disturb Helaena, who covers her ears and sits on the nearest sofa.

“It's alright, Jaehaera” Alyssa rushes to take the girl into her arms, “Your mother is not feeling well, she needs to get some rest. Let's… let's give your mother some time until she feels fine again, okay?”

Jaehaera’s cries seems to continue to affect Helaena, so Alyssa prefers to go outside and cradle her little niece in the hallway while her eyes are fixed anxiously on the room at the end of the hall, where the screams have stopped, but from where soldiers rush out.

~~~

Alyssa spends the next several hours taking care of Maelor and trying to distract Jaehaera, who continues to incessantly cry ask and about her brother and mother. When she finally gets her to take a nap, Alyssa leaves them in the care of the nannies and goes in search of Aemond.

She finds him in the training yard, venting his anger and frustration on one of the straw dolls. The princess does not interrupt him, but instead waits until a visibly exhausted Aemond drops his sword.

"Do you feel better?" It's a stupid question, she knows it, but still he gives her a mini smile as she places her hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry, I just needed…” he makes a vague gesture with his hand.

"I know, I know" she nods joining their foreheads

She's had a hard day, but Aemond's has been worse. From what she has heard from the nannies, he had to tell the king what happened with his son and he had also spent most of the day looking for the criminals throughout the city.

“We found one of them,” he says in almost a whisper, “He was trying to get out of one of the city gates.”

"Are you sure he's one of them?"

“He had a sack in his hand. You can imagine what was inside."

Aemond's voice cracks and he lowers his face.

"Is he dead?"

“Not yet,” he shakes his head, “He's being questioned right now. Aegon wants it to be a slow death."

"I agree with him," Alyssa admits without feeling a shred of remorse for her words.

"I'm not that patient," he snarls, "I'm tempted to go to the dungeons right now and finish him off."

 "Did he say who sent him?"

Her heart fears the answer she will hear, though her mind already knows what Aemond is going to tell her.

“Daemon. He was going to take the sack to Harrenhall as proof so he could get his reward”

Alyssa is able to feel the rage emanating from Aemond's body, his hands balled into fists, his jaw clenched, his shoulders tense; still, she has to ask.

"My mother?"

There is a long silence in which they only manage to look at each other, until finally he speaks

“He didn't mention Rhaenyra. He said that the order came from Daemon and the details were provided to him by a well-known prostitute in the city.”

Alyssa experiences an ounce of relief. Maybe her mother really had nothing to do with this cruel revenge, maybe…

"I'm going to kill Daemon," Aemond says, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"I know," she nods, "I won't try to stop you or plead for his life."

"Good"

“Daemon is the real threat. I want his head on a pike."

"And you will," he assures as he looks at her with what seems to be pride and satisfaction.

***

The funeral takes place three days after her talk with Aemond.

The streets of King's Landing are eerily quiet as carriages carrying the royal family and council members head up one of the hills for the ceremony. Alyssa manages to observe the men, women and children neatly formed in silence, accompanying in a certain way the pain of the king and the queen.

When the carriages stop, Alyssa picks up her niece and stands with her at a safe distance from the funeral pyre. Alicent had objected to Jaehaera's presence at the ceremony, but Aemond and Alyssa had insisted.

The septon says a few words that are intended to be of comfort and resignation and that have no effect on Alyssa's state of mind. No speech will be able to alleviate the sadness of death or diminish the consequences it has brought. No words have an effect on Helaena, who spends her days staring into space, unwilling to move, talk, eat or simply hug her children. No words calm Aegon's temper, who takes refuge in his wine to drown his pain.

Vhagar roars as the septon stops speaking and Aemond approaches the old dragon to give the order. Alyssa closes her eyes as dragonfire bathes the funeral pyre, enveloping her nephew's little body.

Goodbye, my little boy, she thinks to herself.

"Is this the trip?" Jaehaera asks as Alyssa takes her in her arms.

"Indeed, darling. Your brother is now in heaven with the gods."

Alyssa hasn't found a better way to explain it to her. Alicent has been doing nothing but looking out for Helaena, Aemond was continually meeting with the small council or looking for the accomplice of the man they had captured, the one they called Cheese, so it had fallen to her to explain the situation to Jaehaera. The young woman thought that turning to the gods was the best option. Besides, she knew that Helaena and Aegon had been raised under those precepts so she supposed they would approve of her explanation.

"Can I go with him?"

"No, no sweetheart," she clears her throat, "You have to be here, with us."

"But won't he feel lonely up there in heaven?"

“He won't be alone. He will have grandfather Viserys, uncle Luke” Alyssa’s voice cracks and she swallows again as she smiles at her niece, “And one day we will all be together with him again, okay?”

Jaehaera's blue eyes rest on hers. Alyssa is surprised at the depth of understanding she finds in them, "Okay," the little girl finally says before hugging her neck.

Alyssa starts to walk in the direction of the carriage when she feels a pang in her belly. Jaehaera looks back at her and she smiles at the girl and starts walking once more, only to be stopped again by a second pang.

"Are you okay?" Aemond's voice rings from behind her.

“Yes, fine,” the princess sighs and tries to adjust the corset of her dress, “I'm just tired. Will you go with us to the Fortress?”

"No, not yet, I wanted to be with Vhagar for a while"

 "Of course,” Alyssa nods, "We'll see you later."

Aemond kisses both on the forehead before going to his dragon. Alyssa watches him go and climbs into the carriage with Jaehaera.

By the time they reach the palace the pangs have returned and Alyssa is feeling worried. The pain begins to intensify and she has to take a deep breath to be able to walk normally to the nursery.

"Darling, you're going to stay with Daisy, okay?" she says to the princess, "I'll come for you later"

The little girl nods and the maid takes her hand, leading her to her toys. Alyssa makes a face and starts walking towards her room as she debates whether or not to call the maester. It is when she is finally near her bed that she feels a liquid trickle down her legs. Her hands fly to the skirts of her dress, lifting them up so she can examine herself, and her heart stops for an instant as she gazes at her fingers covered in blood. Too much blood.

She is losing her baby.

Alyssa frantically walks back to the door and orders one of the guards to call Talya. The maid finds her nearly bent in pain clinging to one of the sofas.

"Princess!" the woman gasps as she notices the small pool of blood that has formed at her feet, “What happened?"

"Help me go to bed" asks Alyssa leaning on her and holding back moans of pain at the constant pangs.

"Should I call the maester?" Talya asks, “He's with the king now, but if I tell him…”

"Not a word to anyone," she cuts her off, "Find one of the midwives and bring her here, but be discreet and try not to attract attention."

"But…"

“Right now,” Alyssa hisses.

Talya does as she asks. When the midwife arrives, she examines Alyssa and confirms what she suspected. Her baby is gone. The baby she considered to be safe and secure in her womb, the one she had barely given a thought to these days, the baby she hadn't even confessed to Aemond that she had been expecting, is gone.

"Drink this, princess" the midwife offers her a cup, "This will be over quickly"

Alyssa drinks the brew and squeezes Talya's hand as the woman examines her again and places a compress on her belly.

"It happens more often than you think", says the midwife once the pangs have stopped and the bleeding has slowed considerably, "You are young, surely next time everything will go as expected"

"Not a word of this to anyone," she commands, her voice hoarse from tears, "Not to the prince, not to the dowager queen, not to anyone."

Both women nods. The midwife leaves and Talya runs a bath for Alyssa, helping her into the tub while she changes the dirty sheets. Alyssa prefers to close her eyes and allow herself to be enveloped by the sensation of the water covering her body. She feels so tired and sore...

“Bed is ready, princess,” Talya says, “Let me help you, you should rest. I'll get you something to eat."

Alyssa declines his offer, but lets Talya carry her to bed and settles under the covers.

Once she is alone she finds that she has no more tears to cry for her baby. Her heart feels tight and her soul cries for what could have been, but the rational part of her brain tells her that maybe this was for the best, that maybe it wasn't the ideal time to bring a child to this world. Alyssa is extremely tired, so she just closes her eyes and falls asleep.

When the sound of the door wakes her up, it seems to her that only minutes have passed. Alyssa tries to sit up in bed and feels a pain in her belly that luckily passes quickly.

"Look who's here"

Aemond's voice reaches her. Alyssa smiles as she sees that he holds Jaehaera in his arms.

"Princess, I'm so sorry," Daisy says, "You told her you'd be back for her and she's only asked for you."

"It’s fine, Daisy, thanks, you can leave her here with us"

The maid leaves the room, and Jaehaera settles between Alyssa and Aemond, who is already under the covers.

"Are you ill? You look awfully pale," Aemond frowns, "Perhaps I should call the maester."

"It's not necessary", she smiles tiredly, "I just need to rest, tomorrow I'll feel better"

"Are you sure?" Aemond doesn't seem convinced

"Totally" she nods, lying down again and hugging the little girl.

Aemond gives her a short kiss before wishing Jaehaera good night and going to bed as well.

Alyssa strokes the little girl's platinum hair and watches her lovingly, though a lump forms in her throat at the thought of the baby she just lost.

It wasn't the right time, she forces herself to think, now I need to focus on Jaehaera and Maelor, the ones who really need me.

And with that in mind, she allows herself to sleep again.

***

A couple of days later Alyssa is playing with Jaehaera in the nursery when Alicent and Lord Larys enter the room.

“Daisy, take my granddaughter somewhere else. I need to speak to the princess,” orders the Dowager Queen.

Alyssa looks at her, surprised, "Is everything okay?"

The queen does not answer her, but she fixes her impatient, hard gaze on the maid. The woman reaches for the girl's hand, but Jaehaera protests.

"No!" she says stubbornly as she sits back down on the floor

“Jaehaera,” says the young woman, “why don't you go with Daisy to the garden?”

The girl stares at her, “You?” she asks

"I'll go play with you when I finish talking with your grandmother"

Jaehaera ends up nodding and allows her nanny to lead her out of the room.

Alyssa carefully stands up. Her pains have decreased and the bleeding is minimal, but she prefers not to tire her body too much, "Well, what is it?"

"Princess Jaehaera will no longer be in your care, and you'd better spend your... free time busy with other activities."

"I don't understand," Alyssa looks at her, confused, "I like spending time with my niece and she…"

 “I don't trust you,” Alicent admits, interrupting her, “Someone must have warned those filthy criminals that my daughter and I would be with the children in my room. Someone must have given him inside information about the family, someone who was very close to us."

"And you think it was me," she manages to say in a small voice

"Who else?" the queen looks at her defiantly

"You are joking, aren't you?" Alyssa bites her lip nervously, "You can't honestly believe that I had something to do with the attack on Jaehaerys," her voice cracks and she clears her throat, "I loved that boy, I would never participate in such cruelty”

"You have to admit that your absence that night is suspicious, especially since you dined every day with Queen Helaena and her children," says Lord Larys.

"This is ridiculous!" she almost screams, unable to believe what she hears, "I never..."

"What's going on here?"

Aemond enters the room, stopping to find a visibly shaken Alyssa and her mother standing next to the whispers master.

"Nothing, my son, we were just chatting with the princess"

"You were accusing me," Alyssa points out without holding back. The anger she feels at the queen's distrust is her last straw. She has held back her temper many times regarding Alicent, she has accepted her rudeness, but she will not tolerate being accused of this vile lie.

“What would she accuse you of? I don't understand” Aemond approaches Alyssa and tries to take her hand, but she doesn't allow it.

“Tell him,” she says looking at the queen, “Tell him you think it was me who gave Daemon information about Helaena's daily routine and her children's.”

Alicent looks down for a moment. Aemond looks between his mother and her betrothed, "I don't think my mother meant to say such thing, Alyssa, maybe you misunderstood what she…"

“I'm not an idiot, Aemond! I understood perfectly what she and Lord Larys implied” she glared at him.

Aemond closed his eye for a moment, then turned to Alicent, "Why would you even suggest such a thing, mother?"

“She's not trustworthy, she's nothing but a bas…” the Dowager Queen retorts and stops herself before finishing the last word, “I told you she would turn you against your family. You'd rather believe her than me."

“Alyssa has done nothing but support this family since she's been here,” Aemond replies, “She's been a friend to Helaena and she has taken care of the children since…” he cocks his head, “I won't have you questioning her loyalty"

"It is your judgment that is clouded by the passion you feel towards that wench" Alicent's voice cracks, "She will be your downfall, she is surely colluded with Daemon and her mother and she will not stop until we are all dead"

“Mother, I will take consider the pain I know you are feeling and use it as justification for your accusations,” Aemond hisses looking hard at her, “Alyssa is to be my wife and she has my complete trust. And if anyone else dares to level any other unworthy accusation against her, I will see that person punished."

"You cannot…"

"Yes, I can. I am the prince regent and I am the one who makes the decisions here," Aemond turns to Lord Larys, “I advise you to stop filling my mother's head with conspiracies or next time I will feed you to my dragon, understood?”

"Of course, my prince." Larys bows his head.

“Aemond,” Alicent tries to reach out to her son, but he stops her.

"Go rest, mother. We'll talk another time" when she seems to want to press, he adds, "Later, mother."

Alicent shoots Alyssa a venomous look before walking out of the room with Lord Larys.

Aemond seems undecided as to whether or not he should get close to Alyssa, who has stood very still with her arms folded and her gaze fixed somewhere on the floor.

“I had no idea my mother was going to tell you all those things,” he says after a short silence.

“She's never going to accept me,” she replies, “Nor she nor anyone here. Everyone considers me a traitor in one way or another."

"Not me." Alyssa looks up from the floor and looks at Aemond. Her recurring headache begins to build again and she suddenly feels very tired, “I know you would never put my sister or her children in any kind of danger. I trust you with my life"

She offers him a sad smile, Aemond sighs and tentatively approaches the princess. When Alyssa doesn't back down, he closes the distance between them and hugs her, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I know, Aemond, I know," she admits, "but I'm tired of fighting to please your mother or your grandfather or the council."

"They are not important, no one is more important than you and me"

“Your mother wants to keep me away from Jaehaera,” her voice cracks, “and I don't think I can bear being apart from my little princess.”

He has no idea how much the girl's presence has helped ease Alyssa's spirits.

“She's not going to do that,” he assures her, “My mother doesn't have as much authority as she makes it out to be. I am the prince regent, I will let the servants know that it is you who makes the decisions regarding the children. You will soon be my wife, use the authority you have now, Alyssa."

She nods and they are silent for a while, until he speaks again.

 “I know that these past few days have been a nightmare for all of us, and yet I have seen your dedication to Jaehaera, how good it does to her to have you around,” his voice sounds soft and musical, “I'm terrified to think that something bad could happen to all of you because of me, because I didn't compromise or because I didn't…” He stops and Alyssa looks for his eye to encourage him to continue. “I'm with you, Alyssa. I am also tired of fighting.”

"What do you mean?" she asks with her heart racing, a glimmer of hope breaking through her mind.

“That we are going to proceed as you propose. I will send terms to your brother so that we can reach a peace agreement.”

_______________________________________________

Read in A03 - Sinful Desires by Aebi12

[aebi12]

"Sinful Desires" - Chapter 23

Vhagar lands on one of the shores of the Gods Eye, where Daemon is already waiting with his dragon.

"Finally, we meet," Aemond says from above, "You have lived too long, uncle."

“On that much we agree,” the man nods, turning his back on him, and climbing onto Caraxes.

It's funny, the young prince thinks as he waits for his uncle to take to the skies, how much he used to admire Daemon Targaryen. The famous rogue prince, the brave bearer of Dark Sister, the man who had earned his fame from the war in the Step stones. It was easy to be dazzled by the man's imposing presence, his size, his handsome and mystical features, his skill in combat, and his derisive comments. It was easy, yes, to think that he was a worthy role model, especially when one is an impressionable child who never received affection from his father. Not that his uncle had filled any space in that regard, but still... Aemond had been curiously drawn to him, perhaps because they both shared their position as second sons, always destined for the background, yet clearly better equipped to exercise power than the heirs.

Yes, it had been easy to empathize with Daemon Targaryen.

But, as he learned growing up, his uncle is just a cruel man with no real purpose, and nothing dazzling to admire. His foolish war with the Free Cities had only brought losses to the kingdom, his temper had guaranteed him enemies, his violent nature had robbed Aemond of the people he loved most. There was no way to let go of his crimes, there was no other way but vengeance. Vengeance that would have to end with Daemon's death.

Or with yours, whispers that voice in his head.

Vhagar ascends easily, understanding what the prince is asking of her. If his she-dragon remembers that there was a time when she used to fly with Caraxes and his rider in peace, she does not show it, because her jaws open mercilessly trying to catch the Blood Wyrm. But it is not so easy to do so. Vhagar is big and slow, Caraxes is fast, and his lighter body manages to fend off his dragoness’s attacks.

Still, they charge at both, flames streaking the sky, Vhagar roaring in rage as Caraxes' wings escape her fangs once more. Aemond whispers High Valyrian words to the dragon, who opens her jaws and unleashes her powerful fire, managing to burn part of her opponent's tail.

Caraxes flees into the sky and Vhagar follows him. For a few long minutes, Aemond seems to lose track of his uncle and his dragon. And then he listens to them, but it's too late for Vhagar to evade Caraxes's blow entirely. Her dragon roars in pain as the wyrm's fangs cut one of her wings.

Aemond roars in fury, his concern growing as he realizes that Vhagar cannot easily move the injured wing. Even so, she is only more enraged than ever, and with a renewed effort she goes for Caraxes, who this time fails to fully escape. Vhagar's claws rip into his belly, causing blood to spill and the red dragon to roar in pain as well.

Caraxes writhes until he coils his long neck close to Vhagar, his fangs closing on her neck. Vhagar responds by biting into his wings and further opening the belly wound. Caraxes is seriously injured, Aemond realizes, but so is his she-dragon.

A strong jolt and the force of the wind let Aemond know that both dragons are plummeting towards the lake. Fear wells up inside him, paralyzing him for terrifying seconds as he realizes this is the end of his path. No one could survive that fall.

“I'll be back to you, I promise,” he had told Alyssa. He is about to break his words.

Vhagar roars with a force that makes him tremble, and Aemond clings to the saddle. Daemon seems to be hovering over his dragon, he has certainly gotten up from his chair, what is he up to? The shine of the Valyrian steel blinds his eye for a few seconds. Daemon has drawn Dark Sister and is moving up Caraxes's body, swinging precariously towards him.

“Old fool,” Aemond says, freeing himself from the chains with which he is secured to Vhagar.

Aemond takes his hand to the hilt of his sword as well, but doesn't have time to draw it. Neither does Daemon, because suddenly both are engulfed by the icy and deep waters of the Gods Eye.

And then everything goes black around him.

~ ~ ~

His lungs burn and his body seems to be pierced by icy needles.

Aemond tries to breathe but can't. When he opens his mouth for air, his insides fill with something that freezes his gut and that he doesn't identify.

Disoriented, he struggles to open his eye, but there's nothing he can see around him, just darkness.

Where the hell is he?

The distant sound of a dragon roaring brings him back to immediate reality.

The fall. The lake. His uncle Daemon. Vhagar.

Cursing inwardly, he moves his arms and legs to push himself and get as fast as possible towards the surface. His arms and legs seem to weigh like blocks of cement, but the prince forces himself to swim until after a few long seconds he breaks through the darkness and can finally breathe normally. The air entering his lungs fills him with relief and pleasure, and it takes him a minute to recover enough to orient, and swim to shore.

Night is beginning to fall and the moon is already illuminating the firmament. Aemond drops to the sand at the shoreline to catch his breath, but nearby flames bring him back to the spur of the moment. The prince stands up and draws his sword, though it takes him a couple of tries to regain his balance, his hands tired and his fingers numb from the cold.

Aemond walks over to Vhagar, who is pitifully lying near the edge of the lake. The wetness of her scales allows him to notice that the dragon had also been submerged in water and had managed to swim or crawl to land. Perhaps she wasn't as hurt as she seemed up there, maybe…

A stabbing pain in his right-side forces him to interrupt his thoughts and to curse. Aemond manages to turn around just in time to avoid a new attack from his uncle, whom he hasn't heard approaching because he was so focused on his friend.

"Seven hells!" he mutters to himself, dodging a blow once more.

There is an insane grin on the old prince's face, made more terrifying by the trickle of blood running from his forehead to his chin. Daemon is also apparently injured.

Aemond wields his sword, and this time, when his uncle charges at him again, he is ready. Steel collides with steel, uncle and nephew angrily try to murder each other. Damon is strong, and despite how tired he seems, his thrusts are skilled. Aemond is faster, used to dodging his opponents and leading them to the side of his good eye so that he is not exposed, but he is injured, the cut on his side is bleeding, and the pain is starting to seize him.

No. He cannot lose.

He has people waiting for him, important people who are counting on him. People who are going to die or to whom terrible things are going to happen if he loses this duel, and leaves them stranded.

The idea gives him the boost he needs to put aside the pain of the injury and fight with the same impetus. Daemon recoils from the young prince's sudden ferocity, staggering and cursing. That's all the edge he needs. As his uncle tries to regain his balance, Aemond takes advantage of the seconds of hesitation to swing hard at Daemon’s sword, cutting his hand and causing him to drop it. One more fluid movement and Aemond's sword pierces his uncle's belly with such violence that Daemon ends up falling to his knees.

There are a couple of seconds of utter stillness before Aemond withdraws his sword and watches the body of his uncle fall. The prince cautiously approaches the still figure of Damon, though his eyes are wide and his breathing is shallow. He doesn't have much time left, just a few more minutes to live, he thinks.

Aemond should be proud, excited to have won the fight, to finally have his revenge… he can only feel contempt for the pathetic sight. And then there's all the rage he still feels. The young man carelessly kicks Dark Sister aside, and unleashes his fury into Daemon Targaryen's face. What little strength he has left escapes with every blow he lands, unable to stop as he listens in his mind to his sister's screams, as he remembers his nephew’s lifeless little body and all the pain that came after. It's not enough, not even when the man's face turns to a bloody pulp and his knuckles bleed, torn apart by the power of his blows.

He only stops because Vhagar roars and the neighing of a horse reaches his ears.

It doesn't take long for him to see her. Of course, Alyssa couldn't wait in the castle until he got back. A lopsided smile appears automatically on his lips as he watches her carelessly dismount, the poor animal looking terrified to be so close to Vhagar.

It takes Aemond a couple of tries to get to his feet, but he manages to keep his balance long enough to walk towards his princess, who has already located him and is practically running to join him.

"Aemond!" she sighs with relief, hugging his body, and making him stagger. Her eyes flick briefly to the corpse of her stepfather and she shudders at the state he's in. “I was so scared,” she whispers against his chest, reveling in his particular scent.

The prince takes her face in his hands and watches her under the moonlight. Her bright green eyes, her full lips, the trail of tears on her cheeks, the blush in them surely from having ridden so fast on such a cold night. Alyssa looks more beautiful than ever even though she is crying again. Aemond swallows, thinking that for a moment he was sure he would never see that face again.

“Hey, it’s okay, my love, I'm fine,” he says, though his voice sounds weak and the pain in his side stuns him for a few seconds, causing him to close his eye and curse.

"You are injured"

Alyssa seems to suddenly notice Aemond's appearance. Her eyes scan his body, his face has a few bruises, his hands are full of blood, although she suspects it's not his, and the wound on his side seems to be the most dangerous visible injury.

"I'm fine, don't worry, I'm…"

Aemond can't finish speaking. Alyssa gasps as he falls to his knees, his hand clutching his wound.

"Aemond!"

 "It's nothing, just…" once again, words fail him. Aemond hisses in pain and suddenly feels very, very tired. His body feels extremely weak, and he can't breathe normally, as if he is still inside the lake.

Alyssa kneels beside him, and lifts his leather jacket to examine the wound, biting back a sob as she realizes how deep it is in, and the enormous amount of blood spurting from it.

"We have to…. We have to tend to that wound, you can't…” she can't even finish a coherent thought

“It's going to be all right,” he manages to say, feeling sleep wash over his body. If only he could rest for a few minutes...

“Aemond, no, no, don't close your eyes,” she asks terrified, “Aemond, do you hear me? Aemond!” She practically sobs his name as the forces betray the prince, his body failing, "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."

Alyssa caresses Aemond's face, calling his name several times, but he has closed his eye, and doesn't seem to hear her, “Please, no, no, don't leave me,” she says again as she shakes his body, again to no avail.

She is wasting time.

If she has any chance of saving Aemond, she has to take him to Alys immediately. And it's only the urgency of the situation that gives her the capability to carry the weight of his body, leaning against hers to get to her feet and walk towards the mare, that thankfully hasn't fled and continues to wait obediently for Alyssa.

Vhagar roars, pained and angry, but Alyssa pays her no mind. Her only goal is to get Aemond on the mare and get to the castle as soon as possible. Although achieving it takes her several attempts because the prince is already passed out by the time she manages to sit on the mare as well and hug his body with one arm.

“Hold on, please hold on,” she pleads as she smacks the mare's sides, motioning it forward. The animal couldn't be happier to get away from the dragon, so it doesn't take long for them to reach the castle.

“Alys! Alys!” Alyssa yells as she stops the animal outside the cabin, “Alys, help him, he's hurt and…”

They both unload Aemond from the mare and carry him into the cabin, where they place him on the table. Alys immediately goes to work, freeing his body from his clothing and examining the wound.

"The wound is too deep," she says, "and he's lost too much blood."

"Then do something!" she practically yells, glaring at her

“It would be of little use, the wound is…”

"I don't care how big the wound is," she replies hysterically, "You're going to help him and Aemond is going to be okay because… because he promised me so, and I'm going to make him keep that promise."

“Princess, I don't think…”

"I don't care what you think," she cuts her off, rage welling up inside her at Alys's excuses, "Stop wasting his time and help him."

There are a few brief seconds in which both women observe each other. Finally, Alys goes over to one of her shelves and starts working.

***

"I'm sorry I spoke to you in that way, you did not deserve my anger"

Hours have passed since Alys finished closing Aemond's wound. In addition to the cut, the woman dictated that he had fractured ribs, which made it difficult for him to breathe, that's why a weak whistle comes out of his chest.

“I can understand how you were feeling,” the woman replies, “It doesn't change anything though. I have done everything I can for him. His recovery escapes from my hands”

That's not what Alyssa wants to hear, and the woman's words cut through her like deep knives. The girl looks at Aemond once more, the ghastly paleness of his expression, his body terribly bruised, the bandages around his waist. A lump form in her throat.

“There must be a way to help him,” she replies, “You must know some method, something…alternative.” Her green eyes meet Alys's black ones. Didn't people say that she was a witch? Surely, she knew some secret way of healing, "Perhaps your fires have an answer"

“There is no other answer,” Alys replies in a tone that tells Alyssa she knows something.

“Please, whatever it is, do it. I just want him back,” she pleads.

"Magic rarely offers a solution," the woman says, "and it wouldn't bring him back."

"It's not like I have a lot of options"

"Wait. And pray,” she replies.

Alyssa is tempted to throw her the cup of the she has in her hands, but she holds back, and her eyes go to her little brother, who is still sleeping soundly.

What is going to happen to them now? If Aemond does not resist... she will have to find her mother and reunite her with Aegon. And she will have to live by Rhaenyra’s expectations and rules again, if she doesn't take it badly that Alyssa has gone to seek refuge with the man who murdered her husband.

No, Aemond could not die. He was strong, he was a fighter. And besides, they were so close to ending it all… Aemond had to live. He had gotten healed once, when her own hand caused the wound, he was going to heal now as well.

"You should rest," says Alys, "He's not going to wake up anytime soon."

Yeah, sleep is probably the best idea, but Alyssa can't just leave him alone. Not that night, nor the days that follow.

Aemond has been transferred to the castle with the help of a couple of servants. Alys changes his bandages twice a day, but she says there isn't much progress.

The fevers are the worst, they come every night, and cause the prince's body to tremble, his lips murmuring unintelligible words.

“For the infection,” Alys says as she tries to get Aemond to ingest the contents of a glass vial.

"I thought the wounds were clean"

"Fever says otherwise"

Alyssa sighs. The sun is about to rise, the night has been long and she has been by his bed once again, although it is increasingly difficult for her to stay for long hours when during the day her little brother demands her attention.

"An army is approaching the castle, princess Alyssa."

A maid, visibly frightened, gives her the news. Alyssa immediately stands up and watches Aemond, unconscious and unable to defend himself from possible enemies. And it is not that she has many means to defend the castle or…

“Did you manage to see the banners?” she asks before her brain starts to torment her more and her fear paralyzes her. The maid shakes her head.

Alyssa turns to Alys, who seems to understand what she is asking of her. Protection for Aegon and Aemond. The woman nods, and Alyssa walks out of the room toward one of the towers so she can watch the approaching men.

The army is quite sizeable in numbers, and her heart races with fear at the possibility of having to flee. She cannot leave Aemond in that state, and traveling with Aegon has already proven risky. Who are these men? Alyssa narrows her eyes and watches the banners fluttering in the wind. It takes her a while to recognize it, a golden dragon against black background.

Aegon.

How come Aegon is here? Surely, it's impossible, his injuries were too severe to venture into a military campaign. And the riverlands are loyal to her mother, how come…

Her thoughts come to a halt when the man leading the army removes his helmet and immediately recognizes Corlys Velaryon.

~~~

“I didn't expect to see you here, my lord”

Alyssa receives her grandfather in one of the rooms. A servant has brought them breakfast, Lord Corlys eats heartily, though she can barely bother, too tired and anxious to feed.

"On the other hand, I am not surprised that you are here with Prince Aemond"

Alyssa nods. The last time she saw Lord Corlys they were both still in King's Landing with her mother, what has happened since then?

"I must admit, it never crossed my mind you could support Aegon," she says, taking a glass of wine and raising it to her lips.

"Your mother turned against my house time and time again, she questioned the loyalty of my sons... my grandsons, and unjustly imprisoned me" She nods again, "Even so, I'm sorry how it all ended, your mother didn't deserve such a... bloody end”

Alyssa, who is about to drink once more, stops her action upon hearing his words. An involuntary tremor causes her to drop the glass, the crimson of the wine spreading on the floor.

"My mother is dead?" she asks in a small voice

Corlys shifts uncomfortably in his chair, "I thought you knew that."

"Last I heard from her, she was on her way to Dragonstone after fleeing from King's Landing."

Her mother is dead. The idea is so bizarre to her that she can't process it. No, there must have been a mistake.

“Aegon was hiding on Dragonstone and it didn't take him long to gain control of the castle,” Lord Corlys informs her, perhaps sensing her need for news, “Your mother didn't have many allies and Aegon captured her quickly. His dragon was with him so…you can imagine the rest”

No. Alyssa can't just imagine, so she insists until Lord Corlys speaks again. When he is over, her face is pale and the nauseated feeling that floods her is almost unbearable.

“Aegon murdered my mother,” she whispers, shaking.

“Not that I relish the idea of being his subject,” he sighs, “But Baela tried to killed him as well, and the king forgave her. Besides, with Daemon dead, there's nothing else to do. The Greens are in control, Aegon sits on the Iron Throne and most houses have sworn allegiance to him, we are all sick of war."

Alyssa doesn't answer. She wants to get out of that room, to stop listening to Lord Corlys, and just forget everything he's told her.

"I came here to secure the castle and inform Prince Aemond that his brother requires his presence in King's Landing."

"Aemond is in no condition to go anywhere," she replies, "The king's call will have to wait."

"He also asked for you"

Alyssa frowns, what would Aegon want with her? Suddenly curiosity gives way to fear. If Aegon killed his mother, the next one for sure will be her little brother.

"Does Aegon know that my brother is here with me?"

"He knows," Corlys agrees, "but I don't think he's looking to hurt him."

"What makes you think that, my lord?"

Corlys Velaryon shrugs, “He seems quite satisfied now that he's avenged his children. He did not mention your brother at any time”

Even so, Alyssa is not convinced, "I will not travel to the capital until Aemond is well enough."

“As you like,” Lord Corlys replies, “I am here only as a messenger,” a scowl spreads across his face.

After that conversation, they don't interact much more.

Lord Corlys leaves a garrison in the castle to provide security for Prince Aemond and sends men to also protect Vhagar, who is still near the lake, recovering from his wounds.

“Nearly all the dragons are dead,” Lord Corlys tells her the day before his leave. He and Alyssa are in the Gods Eye, watching the she-dragon from afar, “I still remember when Laena claimed her. She looked so proud of herself."

The man looks towards the horizon, nostalgia is clear in his expression.

“I'm sorry we've had to come to this point,” the young woman says, “but I'm glad Baela and Rhaena are okay.”

Lord Corlys stares at her for a few seconds, “I'm sorry you and I haven't been able to spend much time together. I probably could have done more for you and your brothers, but after Laenor's death…”

He leaves the idea hanging, and Alyssa doesn't respond. She doesn't need Corlys Velaryon's words. She was always aware that her grandparents did not like her, her blood was clearly not that of his son Laenor, and Lord Corlys paid attention to Luke only because he was too proud to admit that the boy was not related to him, and because he knew that through him he could carry on his legacy.

“Have a safe trip, Lord Corlys”.

***

The days pass as an exact repetition of the previous one.

The bruises on Aemond's body begin to heal, his breathing steadies, the wound on his side begins to slowly heal.

But he still doesn't wake up.

Alyssa seems to live in eternal déjà vu as she lies next to Aemond, conversing with someone who doesn't answer, telling him the stories of the kingdom, singing to him until her throat aches.

The girl does her part not to be carried away by grief. By her memories of her mother, only the good ones, because for these last few weeks since she found out about Rhaenyra’s end, her childhood memories are all that have plagued her mind. Her memory is selective, and she appreciates it, because she prefers not to think about everything they said to each other, about the frustration, anger and pain that her last encounters caused her.

No. Better to remember Rhaenyra as the loving mother she was to her and her brothers. Her mother loved her, she knew that much. And she will forever hold that certainty.

"I'm bored!" Aegon says for the third time.

“You could go to the river with Alys,” the princess proposes.

“It's too cold outside,” her little brother sighs theatrically, “it's not even fun to build things in the snow.”

The snow had started to fall a week ago. Aegon had had enough of it with no more children around to play with him.

“Have a little patience, sweetheart. Once your uncle gets better we can return to King's Landing."

“That place is boring too,” the boy crosses his arms and starts crying, “I want my brothers and mother, where is mother?”

He has begun to repeat the question frequently, after Lord Corlys's visit. Alyssa had done her best to explain that their mother was no longer with them, but Aegon was a difficult boy. At least more than Jaehaera. Her silent little princess had accepted her brother's absence more calmly, with an occasional tantrum, yes, but with a better understanding of the situation. Not that Alyssa wanted the roles to be reversed, but it was hard to deal with Aegon's incessant crying, complaining, and questioning.

"I already explained to you, Aegon, that mother is not here and that we cannot see her at the moment"

"But I want…"

"Stop please!" she cuts him off. A throbbing pain begins to star in her head.

Aegon starts to cry and Alyssa sighs. When she wants to go after him, her brother runs. The maid immediately goes after the boy, and the princess buries her fingernails into her palms, annoyed, tired and sad. Her brother didn't deserve to be treated that way.

"Aegon!" she starts calling while she also leaves the sitting room, “Come, please, I need…”

Alyssa stops short when she feels something slide down her legs.

"What in seven hells...?" she whispers as she lifts her skirts and discovers the trail of blood.

Her thighs are suddenly covered in blood, and a familiar pain in her belly takes her by surprise.

“No, no, no, no, not again,” she says to herself as she almost runs to where she knows she'll find Alys.

The woman seems to understand the situation instantly, so she helps her out of her dress, and just like Talya once did, she stays by her side as it all happens. This time it's even faster than the last time, although just as painful.

“I didn't even know I was with child,” she says after Alys has cleaned her up.

“When was the last time your blood descended?”

“I… I don't remember,” she replies embarrassed.

"And before this? Was your blood flowing normally every month?"

Alyssa tries to think, but the truth is that she doesn't remember the last time she had to worry about it. The situation in King’s Landing had been so turbulent, and she was so immersed in her losses, that the absence of her moon blood had not once crossed her mind.

"Has this happened before?" asks the woman with interest

"Once," she replies after clearing her throat, "I guess I'm just not cut out to be a mother."

Her own words make her sob. Why was this happening again? Why right now? Aemond bedridden and his child, perhaps the only thing that could comfort her, was also abandoning her.

“Don't say that,” Alys reproaches.

“But it's true,” she shakes her head, “My mother had six children without problem, and Aemond's mother managed to have four. You would think it would be easy for me too, right? But another loss…” she trails off, “Something must be wrong with me.”

Alys hears her sob, and when the princess calms down and meets her gaze, she finds that mix of suspicion once more.

"I don't think it's your fault"

"What isn't?"

“Losing these babies,” Alys says quietly, “I've seen this before.”

"What do you mean?" Alyssa shifts in bed, sitting up to hear her better.

"I think it was provoked"

"But I don't drink moon tea," the girl frowns, "I haven't had it in months."

“Moon tea helps only when it is drink opportunely, and it is used for specific cases. This is different, this is… poisoning the body. Turning the womb into a toxic place incapable of sheltering life”

"Alys..."

“I think you have been taking a mixture of herbs that work slowly, but are effective. They do not cause an immediate loss, but rather they slowly dry out its interior, making you barren”

"No, I would never drink…"

Alyssa stops talking. The only thing she's been having on a regular basis was the tea that Talya religiously brought to her room each night.

“I knew it the first time I saw you,” the woman continues, “I knew something was wrong inside of you. And I've been watching. Your headaches, the nausea, the bloated stomach, how long have you been drinking that tea?”

“Months,” she replies in a choked voice, “But it tasted good and it helped my headaches, I couldn't know that… I didn't know it caused these effects”

"Yes, the taste is very sweet, pleasant like almost all things that cause real harm"

Alyssa covers her face with her hands. Why would Talya poison her? What motive would the woman have for doing so? She had proven to be her friend, had helped her flee the city and… Alyssa interrupts her reasoning. It hadn't been Talya who had first offered her the tea, but Alicent.

Alicent who had asked the maester for an infusion for a headache Alyssa falsely claimed to have. And it had been just after she had refused to drink the moon tea after Aemond had go to Rook's Rest to fight alongside his brother.

"It's very difficult to prepare, and the ingredients are expensive, usually just things a castle maester can get."

“Is this going to keep happening?”

“Yes,” Alys looks genuinely sad, “The damage is permanent. And having taken it for so long…”

"I won't be able to be a mother," she sentences, understanding her words

"Perhaps at some point, if your body heals"

"Are you sure?" she asks, tearfully, "Couldn't this be something normal?"

“I don't think so,” she sighs, “Not with the amount of blood you lost. It is not normal"

Alyssa doesn't respond as a maid enters the room at that moment.

“It is Prince Aemond, ma'am. The prince is awake”