#since when did i get so emotional abt these types of things my vision is seriously starting to get blurry from the tears wtf

[vociferans]

somehow this is like the third day in a row ive cried abt em

[narwhalandchill]

Tag game: Current

got tagged by @begaydoalchemy !! thank u !!

- Current time: 9:45 (AM for you US peeps smh)

- Current activity: finished up prefarming blades traces to 6/8/8/8. double calyx drops events is a godsend. was listening to a video essay on the bg but the favorite song section made me go listen to stiny on repeat again bc i love inflicting emotional damage on myself so i guess thats what.

- Currently thinking about: so theres this person in the hsr leaks subreddit megathread doing daily renheng insanity ponderings since blades trailer dropped and ive been just losing my mind ever since reading them. anyway i wanted everyone here to get to see them too but didnt wanna repost em bc its just kinda ehhhh to do so. here u go!! suffer with me!!! click the links theres all 3!!! (spoilery warning tho. idr how many leaks refs there are in there exactly but expect some at least)

- Current favorite song: spotify most listened to top5 currently looking like NEON by raon, kissaki by reol, wildfire, cha cha cha (we will never forgive xx swedes watch out) and stiny from KALUSH & jerry heil.

but like let me be clear the only reason reol isnt number 1 is bc the full version of the song only came out like 2 weeks ago and the earlier released shorter anime ver of kissaki is literally 7th on the list.

- Currently reading: ...i mean mostly just renheng fanfic but uhhh. i did read where the crawdads sing from delia owens (just plucked it out from the bookshelf randomly bc i was bored) a month or so back. it was neat but no like particular strong feelings abt it. it was very well written and i liked the flow of the prose a lot. also waiting for crooked kingdom to get a finnish translation bc i got six of crows in finnish and i dont do book series as mixed language sets generally. (also the translation work itself was just like an absolute fucking banger with the imagery and metaphors used like chef kiss)

- Currently watching: no particular show (last thing was when i rewatched fmab a couple months ago) going on but like. random video essays or informative stuff on yt honestly and its mostly for bg noise.

- Current favorite character: gee i wonder. dan heng (past editions included), blade, (big gap here bc i tunnel vision on characters), bailu, luocha, jing yuan i think for specific ones from hsr for now. am looking out for jingliu and fu xuan too i need to study them. in genshin its like. yeah its mr childe ajax tartaglia all the way but i kinda just havent been feeling it for the game much so eh. tighnari, kazuha up there too n arlecchino obvi.

- Current WIPS: what kind of productive person do you take me for??? ig i like. opened word this week to type out some random passage drafts for a ficlet type thing relating to the post i made a while back abt belobogs temperatures wrt dan hengs potential terrible, horrible, no good, very bad scalie time with it but do Not expect any results from that or anything i s2g. ive finished one fic in my life and that was half poetry half madness full one sitting and be done with it type deal

im sorry i have no idea who to tag so like. anyone who wants to do it feel free, mutuals or followers!!! :]

[boobchuy]

Did you like the finale? I personally liked it, except for maybe a few things, but I’ve seen a lot of ppl saying they don’t like it on twt. I really like your art so I’m just curious lol

anon I'm gonna use this chance to brainvomit my thoughts about it I hope u dont mind but u gave me the opening so I MUST BITE IT LIKE A RABID DOG

but, tl;dr is that I loved the finale as a whole, w a few gripes here and there bc nothing is perfect and that's okay

To be more specific, here is me crying and rambling <3

Things that I liked :))

* first and foremost, this is the story that matt has had in his vision for years. this is what he wanted to do, what amphibia stands for, just a big metaphor for change, and just for that alone I love this finale to bits, and will hold it dear in my heart for many years to come.

* I got what I wanted and MORE, that is; rule of three anne dying. this has been something I've been looking forward to since I joined the fandom and saw a post abt how Marcy and Sasha almost died in season finales, and wondering whos turn it was next. just. The whump of it all, y'know. AND THE OUTCOME AND CONSEQUENCE, IS SO MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER TO EXPLORE THAN I COULDVE INITIALLY THOUGHT

I don't know about you but knowing that Anne's tied to this powerful entity, to see that scene of her talking with god, essentially, it just manages to scritch a really good part of my brain. There's just, so much to explore from that scene, and it was such a pleasant surprise even if it feels quite a bit sudden LOL. for all intents and purposes, the little kid in me is screaming that it's very very cool, and I can't wait to attempt and make it cooler. (Plus, the AUs of just this one scene can inspire are ENDLESSSSS, so excited to dig into it more)

* calamity trio fight scene. Need I say more. TJ hill I need the soundtrack of that it was so uplifting and cool and ughuh legend. You can tell the absolute fun and love that was put into it, from the character gestures, the expressions I fucking adore it so much. Easily the happiest part of the finale, a glimmer of light for how much the episode broke me :)

* ANDRIAS. andrias. Andrias... (Weeping). the reunion parallel. it broke me. and even though he's done a lot of bad things, and that's putting it lightly, I'm glad that he lived. I just can't help but feel sad for the kind of past he has, and I'm happy that he's given a chance to heal. that, along with the fact that just killing him off is the easy way out- make him do the work of trying to heal what he has destroyed; him being shown planting seeds and making things grow, with parts of his old friends attached on his person, it's a quiet, peaceful moment for him, and a very satisfying one for me.

* this is moreso a confession than me listing a pro. right up to the last few weeks of amphibia's finale, I had this really really really quiet fear in the back of my head that the plantars might get shoved aside in favor of calamity trio ToT, that's just the brain making up dumb problems, of course, and though as heartbreaking as it could be, I enjoyed that the show proved that wrong for me.

I fell in love with their characters, and the farewell scene with the plantars, it's so so so dear to my heart. Anne calling Polly her little sister, every word that hop pop said to Anne, the cut to sprig as he gripped his hat tight, tearing up. The way Anne's face was so scrunched up as she tried to comfort him. That last spranne hug, how it was animated so well, how heartfelt it was. God. I've been crying since I mentioned Polly while I typed this. That goodbye scene is everything, and even if people didn't like it for the sadness it caused, they shot it out of the park. Most emotional I've been in the show, tops.

* I went on a whole tangent about it on twitter yesterday, but Anne's death scene is equally as heart wrenching. I won't go over it like I did, but the two key moments that really broke me was when sprig and frobo brought her down, sprig was SMILING. trying to reassure himself and Anne that everything's gonna be okay, and there's this moment where he looks to the others as if saying 'its gonna be okay, right?', and the cut to Sasha and Marcy's heartbroken and horrified expressions. ITS JUST SO (pls excuse my language) FUCKING. FUCK FHCK FJCK. the the other moment, was Anne still managing to crack a joke and making her fam (AND MYSELF MIGHT I FUCKING ADD, HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY LAUGH AS YOU DIE) laugh one last time before she turns into leaves

* the future time skip designs. *eats them*

my other feelings 👍;

* THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE A CONTROVERSIAL OPINION. BUT. it felt, really off-putting and sad for me that Anne chose to be a herpetologist. IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS BEING STUCK IN THE PASTTTT, holding onto those memories for as long as she could. the strongest of feelings I've had w that has long since worn down as the hours went by, though. I want to believe that she eventually either grows to love this job genuinely for the sake of how happy it makes her, or she branches out more onto other things that aren't just related to frogs.

* I feelll like they could have done a better job tweaking sasharcys dialogue in the time skip. I don't mind that it was 10 years later, and IVE BEEN A FIRM BELIEVER ON SASHANNARCY GETTING SEPARATED SINCE THE VERY START, but, the part about how it's implied that once Marcy moved, they haven't kept in touch 😭??? hence her asking then on how Sasha and Anne have been doing only 10 years later??? I know we grow apart but I don't think it'd be that quick ... I think, I'll just chalk it up to them having not that much leeway on how to stir the conversation in that direction. Otherwise, sasharcys job careers make my heart feel full, they've really grown into themselves, into people that we didn't expect, and I think that that's wonderful.

* I don't really feel all that negative about the fact that the portal between worlds doesn't work anymore, mostly bc, I refuse to believe that it isn't possible ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

canon didn't even really imply there being one, but that didn't stop them from encouraging it a little bit. the stone guardian giving anne those last crumbs of power to go home is an orchard ripe for picking that says just how much more could be explored. And I wasn't as devastated because genuinely, I do believe there's a day where they will see each other again, whether that gets confirmed or not, it's something I'll hold to dear to myself til I eventually, move on from amphibia too.

[littlespaceporgs]

i have a need for more soft plo my dear 💕 how abt “i wanted to say ‘i love you’ for the first time without stuttering, but that failed” with everyone’s fave kel dor? also i love you to the moon and back and am super proud of you

A/N: Yeah that’s right, I’m back mostly fully now and yes I am writing the requests I have! JJ - I hope you like this! I LOVE U TOO! It’s funny to start off with and then goes angsty and then goes super fluffy and is an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. I was aiming for a little 500 word blurb... it stands at 1.7ish i think 💀

So if you haven’t been reading my Clone Wars Reacts series, you probably aren’t aware that I am a massive simp for Plo Koon (and others characters 🤦‍♀️)and if this is you deciding to read them here’s the link to my masterlist, which has all the parts posted already.   

Glimpse

Word Count: 1.7k Pairing: Plo Koon x Jedi!Reader Summary: Anakin running late, an awful sense of foreboding, and one thing that you were yet to say, mixed with a glimpse of a future you couldn’t have. What could possibly go wrong?

Tags for my loves: @peacelandbread @clonewarslover55 @libradusk @catsnkooks @mcu-padawan

The reasons why you agreed to go on a mission on Skywalker seemed to escape you at the moment. His plans, though working occasionally, had the reputation of heavy damage and being absurdly reckless. You did however, enjoy working with Ahsoka, though she could be just as bull-headed as Anakin on occasion. Maybe it was for her sake that you joined the mission?

The plan had originally been for you to lead a small troop of men in quietly, retrieve the data you needed, and then Skywalker would swoop in and distract them so that you could escape. The entry went well, and collecting the data happened without a hitch, but you were spotted on the way out and Skywalker was late. Again. And to make things worse, your comms stopped working a very long time ago.

“If you concentrated on getting out instead of what you’re thinking, we might just survive.”

Ah, that’s why you came on this blasted trip.

“Well maybe if you focused on this, instead of your sarcasm, we may live past the next 10 minutes, Plo.”

You’d known the Kel-dor for many years, almost as long as you’d been a Jedi, but the feelings you had for him were only a few years old, and started shortly after you began going on regular missions with him. He always had put the wellbeing of others ahead of his own, which was frustrating to no end, but endearing all the same. He knew that you had a way of overthinking every situation and very quickly becoming a ‘stress head’, so he always simplified the instructions and looked for the tell-tale signs of you steadily becoming unstuck. Always waiting for the clones to get on board an escape pod, making sure there were enough supplies, somehow always having all the answers and a witty response. It was the little things at any rate.

Like now for example, as you both knelt behind a box, trying to catch your breath, and he was trying to use humour as a way of distracting you from the very real possibility of dying by the hands of a droid.

You stretched up from your crouch and turned to look over the box. Oh shit, there’s an entire battalion of droids just a few meters – oh, and that one’s pointing- oh.

With a sharp tug, Plo pulled you back down, the blaster bolt whizzing past where your eyes had been only half a second ago. Despite not being able to see his eyes and mouth, he still gave you an exasperated expression.

“Be more-”

“I was fine! I saw it coming and I was going to move!” The Kel-dor ran a hand across his forehead, although, at this point he should be used to this type of behaviour from you.

Despite the joking and poking fun, your stomach was sinking further by the minute. As you just realised, if you stepped out, you would surely be shot instantly. A vast majority of the clone troopers had long since been torn apart. Swallowing, you closed your eyes, and leaned back resting your head on the box. There is no way either of you are going to surrender and get captured, but you both were aware of the fact that you likely weren’t making it out of this either.

Your shoulder was burning, and your ribs and abdomen ached, and there was a blaster burn on your leg. Another hand wrapped around your own, and squeezed it tight. Trying to stop shaking, you spoke.

“I – we’re not getting out of this one…” You turned your head and opened your eyes, finding his face. His eyes were turned down at the edges, and his shoulders were slumped the smallest bit. “Are we?”

Plo turned and took a similar position to you, not letting go of your hand.

“We must not think like-”

“Be realistic we-”

“It’s going to be-”

“Don’t- don’t you dare say it’ll be fine-”

“Skywalker-”

“isn’t coming! Or- or if he is, he’ll be too late!” you couldn’t stop your voice from shaking now, stuttering more with every word that came out.  Plo’s head hung and you could see the weight of your words hanging on him.

“At um – at least we’ll go out as we are, teasing the s-shit out of each other, you old man.” He let a laugh drift out of the mask.

“Don’t call me old, youngling.” You laughed back, smirking all the while. If you’re going to die here – if technically you wouldn’t be jedi – your heart raced at the thought. The code was – well if you’re dead you can’t very well follow the code, now can you?

“I- I um I love you.” As soon as it was out, you felt lighter and heavier all at once. His back straightened so fast the back of his head nearly whacked the crate. When he finally turned to you, his brows were sitting much further up on his face than what they had been before, so you traced every corner on his face with your eyes, just in case. His hand squeezed yours tighter.

“I- well I wanted to say it without stuttering, and preferably when we weren’t a few minutes from death, but well- I guess there’s really no time like the present?” He still hadn’t moved, frozen and staring at you. Oh, no. You waved your free hand in front of his face, trying to break his stupor.

“Plo? Are you-”

“I love you too.”

You couldn’t help but smile, your hand moving to his face instead, moving your thumb across his cheekbone. Idly, you noticed that he hadn’t let go of your other hand yet. His hand moved the hair from your face, smudging the ash and dirt also. With a hand on the back of your head, he gently pulled so your foreheads pressed together. Your eyes slid shut, and you concentrated on the feeling of warmth and light that this brought. If this was the last thing you remembered before death, then you would die happily. For now, you savoured the few seconds you had sitting there. You sighed, and opened your eyes.

“I – just-”

“I know.” You pulled away, and despite the happiness of a few seconds before, a sense of foreboding sat heavily in your chest. You swallowed harder, and moved to grab your lightsaber. You grasped it tight, and ignited the glowing blade. Next to you, you heard his blade reveal itself. Your muscles in your legs tensed, and you braced your shoulders. One more time. When you turned to him, he was still looking at you, with a sad expression that rivalled your own. You shuffled so you were instead in a crouch, ready to fight. Might as well go out swinging.

You took a deep breath and steeled your nerves. For a second before you stood, you couldn’t hear anything. When you thought back and remembered it, there was the sound of droid’s legs and chatter, of occasional blaster fire of those who were left, and your lightsaber humming in your ear. At the time, there was nothing. You just kept staring at Plo, hoping that somehow, you’d get more of this, more than 5 seconds.

Faster than a blink, you got a glimpse of a future that could have been. Cold nights on Coruscant, wrapped up in blankets, watching the night sky past by. Daybreak, curled up in each other’s arms, feeling the glow of sun come in. On missions with small troops of trusted clones, being able to be open with your relationship. Sneaking around before council meetings, trying to savour what moments you could before missions. Feeling like young padawan’s again, running around quietly. Visions of you leaving the order, years from now, quoting being unable to stick to the code, Plo following shortly after. Of you building a home, your stomach steadily growing outwards.

And just like that it was over, and you were stuck with a reality of death.

Your throat burned and your vision blurred. Now.

And then Plo’s hand desperately grabbing yours and pulling you down again, a shrill beeping coming from his wrist. Your heart pulsed in your ears and you looked to the sky. Of course.

“Sorry, we were busy dealing with Ventress! How are you holding up?” A scathing laugh burst out of your throat. The droids were falling back, away from your position at the sight of the sheer number of Republic soldiers. You laid back on the dirt, feeling the sun on your skin, soaking up whatever light you could. It was only now that you felt the weight lift, where the light feeling of relief took its place. Plo begun to answer Anakin. You cut him off with a venomous tone.

“We’re a-”

“We’re alive, you’re late, and I am going to kill you, Skywalker.” There was an audible sigh that sounded suspiciously amused from Plo as he made to stand.

“I wasn’t that la-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence.”

Plo’s hand reached down and hovered near your face, though you ignored it and shot up on your own, winding your arms around his neck. He softly grunted as you laughed and the realisations began to sink in. Maker, we nearly died. We were very nearly dead. You nearly had to watch the man you fell in love with die.

Whilst your mind rambled, he pulled apart, and was still brushing the hair from your forehead again. You hadn’t noticed, but he was taking in every freckle, wrinkle and scar you had, like you had been doing to him not too long ago.

You nearly died. Plo nearly died. You almost didn’t get to say – oh, no. You told him. You thought you were going to die and you told him. But now you’re not going to die. And he said it back.

He said your name and whisked you from the spiral. His leathery forehead leant down and pressed against yours.

“I love you.”

Maker, he said it again. You grinned, and pulled him closer. You wanted to say it one thousand times at the top of your lungs, and suddenly the glimpse didn’t seem as far out of reach as it had a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.”

[kae-karo]

For the character ask, Kazu (or Thoma just in case someone already asked for Kazu) ❤️

hello epi!!!!! 💜 i actually have not had anyone ask for kazoo yet!!

How I feel about this character:

from a gameplay perspective, he is honestly kinda op lmao i'm so glad i decided to pull for him. he's my main travel character like when i'm walking around, mostly cause his E is so good for...literally every kind of travel? like i used to have kaeya or childe even out most of the time but kazoo is just perfect for the first attack like gathering all the enemies together n stuff??? he's super great paired with bennett since his primary elemental absorption is pyro, but since benny doesn't have huge pyro application most of the time, i can steal kazoo's burst or E to get some solid pyro application. once i got that down from a mechanics perspective, it's like. supremely badass. kazoo also pairs well with childe since i can drag all the enemies together and then bap them with childe's Q?

from a design perspective, he is babie. i adore his hair and the maple leaf theme, he's very flowy and fits well with the anemo vibe even if he isn't blue/green (understandably lmao). i actually like the red tho it's a nice color scheme for him

from a character perspective, i adore him. i wish we'd gotten a proper story quest for him instead of just the pre-inazuma thing? he's such a fun balance between peaceful and lowkey a little unhinged lmao like YES give me haikus and then threaten to burn someone's face off or whatever u did ily bb. i also find his backstory super interesting with lots of places to expand on it either in canon or just in fanon lmao

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

TOMO 🥺🥺 that's definitely my primary (only?) kazoo ship

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i realize now that this says 'otp' but i will continue to ignore it in favor of listing off all the chars i want to see them be friends with lmao. i think i said on the kaeya one that he and kaeya would be a fun friendship lmao. i also do adore kazoo beidou friendship!! i also think canon gorou's lil 'KAZUHA!' when he saw kazoo again was cute i'm here for their friendship for sure. i think he could get along well with xiao since they both sort of do the silent anemo wanderer thing lmao. good travel companions i think, if kazoo ever stayed in liyue. oh! i think he xingqiu and hu tao could be a riot in terms of their poetry too lmao

My unpopular opinion about this character:

hmm...again, i feel like i have very little in the way of unpopular opinions. maybe this is a stretch but i think (?) it's popular to view kazoo as the subby, delicate wifey type? and i really don't vibe writing him that way at least. don't mind reading it, but not really my thing to write it?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

TOMO INTERACTIONS i would've loved/would love a story quest that further explores what happened to tomo, where he came from, etc in the sense of like. maybe kazoo grieving? or smth? if i were writing it personally, i'm not sure how i'd go about it, but 1. i simply can't imagine kazoo really just. setting that vision there and leaving it (knowing that ppl want to steal it?) and 2. just fully letting tomo go (and the CAT the cAT) idk it feels like there could've been a bigger emotional impact if we'd had some more backround beyond just 'they were friends and then he DIED' like a full story quest centered around kazoo coming to terms with him truly being gone? idk that whole bit felt insufficient to me lmao. i would also like to see him...do some more wandering? like...not just on inazuma and in the crux fleet? he makes a big deal out of being a wanderer, i feel like it'd be fun to have him show up in other countries and stuff

my OTP:

tomo, without question lmao

my cross over ship:

hmm. is it cheating if i say todoroki again? (not as a romantic ship) lmao i think their senses of humor would align surprisingly well. plus red/white matchy matchy lmao. and a burn? it's all coming together....does this make dabi = tomo? i'll take a 'tomo didn't actually die but got kidnapped by the fatui on the brink of death and they turned him into a harbinger' 👀👀

a headcanon fact:

hmm....i mean aside from his past which is purportedly rather straightforward, i really don't know if i have much in the way of creative thoughts here lmao. is it a hc to say he and tomo were more than just besties?

send me genshin ships/chars to talk abt or rank!

[callmepippin]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely @lexiklecksi for the 11/11/11 tag, the rules are: answer the 11 questions she asked me, make up my own 11 questions and then tag 11 ppl to answer those (so if you want you can skip to the questions at the bottom lmao). however as a fair warning: this got Way too long probably bc im rambly today. i tried to limit the stream of consciousness but….

1. current musical obsession: Frank Ocean and related sort of neo-r&b stuff - while writing this im also discovering Childish Gambino’s “Awaken, My Love!” (and also the song Golden Brown, but not bc im listening to it but bc im learning it on both guitar and piano)

2. 3 things i always take with me:

- wallet (or at least my id)

- phone (&earphones)

- cigarettes&lighter

3. what (or who) i miss most in lockdown: i dont rly remember? im so used to the situation by now that i kind of forget to miss what i did when things were “normal”... but i guess going to bars w/ friends, and just being able to go shopping when i need smth

4. pick: either only read 1 book or only read books picked by someone else: i wouldn’t be able to only read one book for the rest of my life! so definitely the second option (esp if i can pick the person who picks the books)

5. why i found your blog/followed you and if i intend to stay: uhh you followed me and when i checked your blog i liked the vibe i guess? also you were v nice in the tags of my music stuff! also ya i like it here, so im staying for a while

6. when and why did i last cry: i genuinely dont know for sure.. the last time i specifically remember crying was my granddad’s funeral, which is three yrs ago this month, but i do know ive cried once or twice since then, i just dont remember for sure when and why.

wait i do remember, i think the last time was when i saw Richard Says Goodbye (live music and movies or books are basically the only reason i rly cry, im not an emotional crier, dont know why).

7. who holds the key to my heart: my partner of five (and a bit) years, whom i love Very Much! (although ofc my heart is not locked, i have so much love to give, just romantically i am very much taken)

8, pick one: star wars/star trek, dobby/gollum, white/black magic, flying/teleportation, time travel: past/future?

- Star Wars

- Gollum (even though i have read hp but still havent read lotr, ive read the hobbit like 4 times tho)

- i think the hard dichotomy btwn white/black magic or like light/dark and good/bad in most fiction is often v flawed bc thats not how the world works, everything is grey areas (e.g. the Jedi are not better than the Sith, both have deeply flawed philosophies). the Force (or any magic for that matter) is not inherently good or evil, it just is. nature isnt abt good or evil, isnt abt opposites but abt balance.

and especially if you work with the occult and magical, i think thats all abt walking the edge between light and dark, life and death, night and day, good and bad etc…

so to answer the question: grey magic lmao, its all abt balance

- teleportation i think, bc while flying is very cool, i think teleportation has more practical uses (although also has danger involved, such as what happens if you teleport into a space that is already occupied by a person or an object? but for the sake of argument, prolly teleportation)

- do not even get me started on time travel.. the implications of time travel to the past are…… complicated to say the least (it only works if you believe in hard determinism, which i wholly do not). so in a practical sense, def to the future (although that is also Problematic within the constraints of our four-dimensional universe/experience).

in a philosophical sense though, ignoring all the paradoxes and laws of time and space, id still pick the future (or maybe no time travel at all), bc i think the past is the past for a reason. we remember it, we learn from it, but ultimately we must leave it behind.

my philosophical problem with traveling to the future is more that you cant just. skip life. so if you travel to the future, it has to be way beyond your own life and direct influence, or youll interfere with yourself and your own future, and thats scientifically, psychologically /and/ philosophically a v bad idea all round, i think.

9. which thoughts keep me awake at night: almost never specific thoughts, but quite often anxiety abt the near future. but theres no like, lingering issues that keep me awake.

10. what id do with you if we were locked up together for 24hrs: i think i’d really like to write with you! make poetry, song lyrics, make art! bc we could rly learn from each other i think and also we could just rly pick each others brain abt mundane, important and transcendental stuff ya know?

11. ask anything: do you have concrete, long term plans for the future, maybe even backup plans? a clear vision of how the rest of your life is going to go? or are you more the type to do what makes you happy now and figure it out as you go along?

my own questions (large variation in vibes and weight, i know):

describe your favourite colour using other senses (like what sound, smell, feeling or w/e do you associate with it)

what’s the best thing that happened to you in the last week, last month and last year?

what’s the one thing/what are the things that help(s) you get up in the moring and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

are you a leftie? (warning: there is a correct answer)

do you play/have you ever played a musical instrument? (and for the sake of completeness, yes i am counting singing as well)

do you have one thing (e.g. a song, movie, book or smth else) that never fails to bring you joy?

do you have one (or more) person(s) you feel you could still hit up after ten yrs of radio silence and you’d still vibe?

what’s your favourite song lyric/line from a poem/quote? and why?

who was your first celebrity crush? (if you’ve ever had one obvsly)

what’s smth you’re looking forward to? could be specific, could be a general thing like a driver’s licence or your own apartment or w/e

this one is specifically to feed my curiosity, indulge me: why did you follow me?

congrats, you’ve managed to reach the end! again, very sorry for the rambles, thanks for sticking around. im tagging @alt-heidi, @terdiscussie, @a-soul-to-cling-to, @ontvreemd, @sarahhnghae and i guess whoever fuckin feels like it? i literally can’t think of 11 ppl on this hell site, so if i forgot you its not personal. if we’re mutuals you’re especially tagged.

[13tinysocks]

HHHH The Hunt Is On original concepts that were scrapped and I feel like rambling. For context THIO is Jane/clockwork/Jack x reader currently on Quotev. At first it was just Jack tho. Anyway *shakes my ass* Mild thio spoilerz 

-As I said, THIO at first was supposed to be only a Jack X reader. I understand it would have been a lot more popular if it was but tbh I don’t really care. We thought to ourselves, “Ight Jack’s epic but what if lesbians?” And slapped them in. 

-Also put them in for a better story. Jane vs Jeff is super popular and we wanted to do our own take on it. Jack vs Jeff is interesting but Jack has no emotional attachment to Jeff in this universe. Wouldn’t have been much drive without Jane and the lesbianism xoxo.

-THIOs name was supposed to be linked to YN searching for Jack. We kept the name bc these bitches lookin’ for Jeff and how to stop him. The name kinda bothers me now but it’s sticks well enough.

-In early concepts YN was the host of a popular cyptid hunting/buzzfeed unsovled style webshow. She was still going to be autistic w/ a special interest in the supernatural. 

-She was going to be more driven though. She would do fucking anything to prove that ghosts and/or monsters are real.

-Prob 21/22

-Jack was going to live in some abandoned mall or hospital. Same goth aesthetic but less neat and quieter. A lil more unhinged but still wicked smart.

-Soulmate AU!!!!!

-The writing on your skin shows up on your soulmate’s! YN would get hastily written science notes until she was 19 then it all stopped. Occasionally a random mark that was accidental. 

-They were too driven to really communicate much. They both figured, “Eh I’ll get to it when I’m 30.”

-YN writes her entire routine for the day on her forearm. It’s a habit that she can’t shake.

-Jack’s blind and can’t see it. But if Rake were to catch it he’d point it out prob. If Jack so desired, he could take a (shitty) pic of the text and have it read out to him

-He figures it out way before YN

-Uses it to avoid her when she comes lookin’. She doesn’t get how he keeps giving her the slip.

-When he reveals it to her she’s like MOTHERFUCKER!!!! ! !! !! !! But also, ayo? Hot gray dude with a god complex? Wanna make out?

-When it was just a Jack/reader the plot was gonna go a lil like this:

-YNs crew were going to be her buds. One of them was going to be killed by Jack for munchies pre-story. Later on, YN would use a spirit box and make contact with him (Noah) More on this in a bit

-Noah was going to be punk, loud, annoying, and a skater.

-The group is still in shock and mourning even thought it’s been two months. A few people from their block have gone missing here and there. Something isn’t right. 

-YN and co. were going to film an episode where Jack and rake live. Seedeater was contemplated on being there too but we didn’t really connect with him.

-They catch something black and blurry on camera but only see it when they’re editing. 

-Go back over and over. Nothing.

-YNs like fuck it! Im going alone bc y’all loud.

-Night vision handheld camera like outlast

-Gets a good pic of Jack. It’s unclear, he has his mask on, he’s on all fours.

-Thing is, he like, is faking being a feral animal bc he wants YN to fuck off. 

-Just imagine being smart but crawling around and growling so this girl will go away.

-Doesn’t attack her bc he’s very aware that if too many folks go missing around the area then more people will look. He doesn’t fell like relocating again.

-YN gets in contact w/ Noah via the spirit box.

-Ghosts r real baby!

-He spills on what happened to him. Tells YN that it’s too dangerous.

-His ghost is super duper fucked since Jack got to him when he was STARVING

-YN sort of heed his warning. She’s like ayo!!! Monsters are real that’s so swag but also I’m gonna expose that thing for what it did to you >:

-Noahs like on god literally dont you will die

-No <3

-There’s a big reveal when Jack finally stands up normally and YN is about to piss herself bc the entire time she thought he was a smart dog xoxo

-YN peaces the fuck out

-Goes back a lil later. Scared but determined. No one believes her abt the spirit box and Noah won’t show himself to anyone else.

-YNs upset about Noah but a curious person. Wants to examine Jack from every angle before she exposes his ass.

-Trail and error. Lots of him chasing her off or almost actually fucking killing her. 

-Eventually, there’s like a weird unorthodox interview.

-YN asks him questions from across a tiny table. He’s so fucking tall, he could reach over and snap your neck in an instant. 

-Learn about one another. 

-Bonding. Some frenemy type of shit.

-Jack is YNs 7ft tall lil secret

-Closer. Forgiveness.

-Someone else is like ayo? There’s body parts at (Jack’s place of residence)

-Ruh-roh law enforcement.

-YN and co. saves Jack 

-Friends feel betrayed but they like ight ig, monster fucker lookin ass

-Gets muddied here bc this is where we did an overhaul to the plot where it was more of a character driven, tragic, depressing, hope punk, sort of thing with lesbians and mullet Liu. 

-Note that I’m not going to write this. I’ve found I only enjoy writing polyamory fics instead of solo stuff x.

-THIO is currently ongoing and it is a lot different and very, very plot heavy. The link for the fic is in the thio/ the hunt is on tag. 

[candygothjester]

AAAA idk if my other ask went in but I think it was for your oc Jax w 7 and 21 from that as game ?? But if my other one DID go in then dont worry abt this one if u dont wanna alsjdkhfg

IT DID IM JUST so slow at responding to asks omg kjsdhkjsfd

I shan’t complain though because I love rambling about my OCs to no end, though apologies if this lacks coherency it is like 3 AM right now? But thank you sm for the ask!

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

Honestly!! This is something that I’ve struggled for the longest time with! I keep trying to think of a voice for Jax and I’ve yet to settle on anything? I’ve figured his voice would be on the higher end, generally being heavily emotive unless he absolutely wants/needs to mute out his feelings... which, either way, is a good tell to get a grasp on his state of mind in that moment, same with the pitch of it that well follows suit. Jax definitely has an awful singing voice, but I’d imagine him being able to whistle, roll his r’s, and he is (canonically to my campaign!) able to do other accents very well. Otherwise, he has an extremely strong Elvish accent, though I’m not sure what accent in the real world it’d be reflective of (one of my friends suggested Australian, which I can see for better or worse,).

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

yes /j

Realistically? An absolute fuckton of songs, though I’d have to say Grand Finale (matches his general personality and what I want his character growth to be like!) by Studio Killers; Nightlife, Music People, Welcome Kingdom of Addiction, and Ghosts of Utopia (all discuss very corruptive influences on his life and thus how those then reflect on his own actions and ultimately drag him down, making him suffer more and more) by IAMX; The World Does Not Revolve Around You and Irresistible (this man’s awful ego) by Temposhark; and The Prince (his present self more-or-less being reflected upon by him when he’s older) by Madeon! I can’t say this without including songs about his pairings, so I particularly associate Achilles, Come Down (if there’s any song that I could dedicate to their dynamic as a whole, it would be this) by Gang of Youths with Jax and Dekida (where I find that the singer’s voice would match Kida’s, to reflect on the previous question), then world.search(you); (again, another close descriptor of Jax and Hazel’s dynamic, particularly while they both think the other is dead) by Mili with Jax and Hazel! None of these match his music taste, I’d imagine at most he might listen to a FEW songs from IAMX, but regularly I think he’d listen to rap..?

21. What’s a fact you haven’t shared about this oc?

THERE’S SO MUCH... this man has an incredible amount of lore and things to his personality, I couldn’t even begin to start with just one... but I think I’ll go with the most recent development of him since it’s fun? So, to give context, Jax’s forearms and hands are completely black, their surface looking a lot like charred wood with many, many lacerations thanks to corruption from The Tower (and to give even more context, this whole world has a singular set of very magical tarot cards called the Dwelling Cards that all come with their own unique properties, abilities, intuitions, and corruptions, generally being held by a person that matches their stereotypical traits within divination. Only one Card can be held at once by a person, unless that person holds The Fool like Jax), as upon killing his father who held it, Jax took the card and it completely corrupted his hands which now burn with absolute hell levels of pain. From this, his mother created gloves for him which numb the pain of the corruption, though it still hurts plenty and tends to spike at random moments regardless; their edges are magically sewn into his skin to ensure that they will never accidentally come off. Eight levels of context aside and completely disregarding that I’ve mentioned this nowhere before besides TH, the one thing that I really wanted to talk about was the solution since I really haven’t put that anywhere before! I was thinking that when this whole situation gets sorted out and dealt with, since my campaign has an odd focus on elemental creatures (the Bronze Dragon, Mary, & a stone/construct hawk goddess, Uvetta, are like. two major characters), I’d make his blood turn golden in response (I think Uvetta would partake in his healing..? This would take more context, but for basic knowledge she is something of a healer and is also the essential creator of the Dwelling Cards) to match, in a sense, his ego and status, reflective of how much he sees himself as something wonderful and how others do too, but also how he’s not only a “null” prince but an idol, regarded by, looked up to, and favoured by many to the point where he makes his own self conform to these visions much like a trophy. He’s a god in his own right to some extent, the golden blood only reflecting that. On its own, the properties of the blood can be healing at first in regards to a person’s mental state, though if enough of it consumed it quickly becomes addicting and intoxicating whilst not once quenching thirst, only drawing people in to drink more and more. It is cool, kind of like water that’s been sitting out for a while in a colder location, and it solidifies into a metal outside of Jax’s body after some time passes. Since I think it’s cute, his own blush becomes very much golden, though I think at the same time his tears would turn black for... no true reason really, it just sounds kind of fun and ultimately reflects his contrast from the self he presents to others to who he actually is. Bodily fluids aside, I feel as though his hands and forearms would be permanently covered in tinted skin, like thick lines of blue kind of like bandages running over them.

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤