#since then (i.e. currently working on. A ~*Lemon*~) i figured i'd read it
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nice writer feeling is being able to read your own stuff from four-ish years ago and finding it's still pretty good. maybe not quite like how you'd write it today but definitely not painful to read
#花話#was rereading diary entries from like 2020-ish last night tho i also read a bit of late 2019#and stumbled across the entry from the time after i published my first ~lime~ lol n so in order to reflect back on my changing character#since then (i.e. currently working on. A ~*Lemon*~) i figured i'd read it#i also published that one anonymously for a while... it's kind of funny bc i expressed the same feelings then as the ones#that eventually contributed to my decision to publish anonymously for gnshn altogether#so like yeah fear of living in the shadow of my own bn/ha days forever; but having skimmed the like late 2019/2020 part of my life again#after the. Ordeal(tm) of my late 2018/early 2019. n stuff. and also the 'who would ever wanna read smth You wrote' thing from The Ordeal(tm)#it's occurring to me that perhaps... my bn/ha days were much more Marked by my late high school life than left Unmarked. if that makes sense#like i knew they were related n all like the resentment n jealousy n whatnot but looking at it now#the first year fresh out of Suffering is always the most fragile i suppose. which isn't smth i noticed then bc i thought i was Over It lol#anyway. learning to love one's own art is hard work but i'm glad to have put in the effort hehe
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