#since the tumor was nearly undetectable at the time I thought it was irritation but it just inflated terribly over time
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my back hurts from hugging my dear friend goodbye while he was on the floor….. time for some advil
#I almost feel emotional relief knowing that he’s not hurting anymore#and that we don’t have to monitor him all the time for problems we could barely help him with#it rained three times in the past couple of weeks before he was at his worst and he loved walking around and smelling everything in the yard#all the wood and dirt and plants and the cool feeling really helped him feel happy#so he got to experience a few more rare instances where he got to chill outside without much exertion or heat#i’m not happy about it but i feel closure and i’ve accepted it#I’ve been grieving for him for weeks#taking care of him as his state deteriorated was kind of like the bargaining stage#I also thought that his first tooth fell out because we gave him (hollow) ice cubes as a treat so i thought it was my fault for a long time#since the tumor was nearly undetectable at the time I thought it was irritation but it just inflated terribly over time#he went very gently when he laid down to get the shot as though he understood it was his time
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