#since the Mayor has abilities to move things without touching them (a story factor coming from LBD canonically being able to do this)-

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Worst and Most Dangerous Gay Countries in the World

This week we are pleased to present a guest post by Talon Windwalker, a contract writer traveling the planet together with his son. Talon is an expert in longterm family travel and LGBTQ travel. His website, 1Dad1Kid, chronicles their journey, and his food blog Travels4Yum will cause you to drool.

I’ve been traveling full time, as a queer single dad, with my son for five years thus far . I’m often asked: “Where’s his mom?” I usually just respond with the safest explanation that there's no mom. However, that, understandably, generally results in some confusion and more questions. So many times I’m tempted to only respond “I’m gay.” Unfortunately, that isn’t always the safest thing to announce. People within the LGBTQ travel community have some unique challenges the typical person doesn’t need to consider. While there has been a surprising increase in rights for the community over the last decade, that's only the reality during a relatively small a part of the planet . One country removes the last legal vestiges of inequality and another promotes a bill to “kill the gays.” A queer couple, especially a gay one, has got to wonder if posing for a bedroom with one bed will get them into trouble. Can they walk down the road while holding hands without worrying of being subsequent headline? Do they desire they have to “act more straight” during a locale? If something happens to a part of a marriage , will that relationship be legally recognized? The recent case of the married British gay couple who were on their honeymoon in Australia reaffirmed this as a legitimate concern. one among them, tragically, died, and since Australia doesn't recognize couple the death certificate listed his husband as “never married.” Imagine the nightmare of not only losing your spouse, especially as a newlywed, but not having the ability to navigate the varied legal obstacles because your marriage isn't recognized. In order to list the simplest and worst places for LGBTQ travel, I considered various factors including: Existing laws and up to date court decisions Experiences of fellow queer travelers Reliable travel alerts specifically focused on the LGTBQ community Results of social experiments Travel resources indicating “welcoming” countries. It is important to notice that even in queer-friendly regions, there could also be areas that are less welcoming and open-minded. for instance , large cities tend to be more accepting of diversity than small rural communities. additionally , some cities have “gay villages” which are LGBTQ-majority neighborhoods that are much safer than other areas of the town . Gay males tend to experience more problems than lesbians. Some laws explicitly target males while saying nothing about lesbian-related acts. In many cultures, it isn’t considered odd for 2 women to share a bed or to be affectionate publicly . Generally speaking, women will have fewer concerns as a same-sex couple. Of course, they will produce other issues to affect . Best Places for LGBTQ Travel gay travel Spain This was, at first, a touch of a surprise for me; considering how heavily Catholic the country is. However, equality may be a big concern for Spaniards, and in 2005 the govt legalized couple against the strong protestations of the Vatican. This move was supported by a minimum of 66% of the population. Spain is home to some well-known queer hotspots like Sitges and Ibiza. However, Barcelona and Madrid even have thriving LGBTQ communities and activities. In 2012, the ecu Union conducted a survey across all of its member states regarding attitudes toward LGBTQ issues. Spain ranked alright . Last year, a social experiment was conducted in Madrid with encouraging results. Queer couples should feel comfortable being like all other couple while visiting most of Spain. Iceland This country is usually rated because the most egalitarian nation on the earth . The capital’s annual Pride events are attended by an outsized number of the straight community. In a minimum of one year, the mayor (who is heterosexual) even wearing drag to open the festival. At least one prime minister was an “out” lesbian who married her partner shortly after the law changing the definition of marriage to gender neutral went into effect. Violent crime may be a rarity in Iceland, and hate crimes are even more rare. South Africa Once an area known for horrendous racism and intolerance, South Africa has adopted a really liberal constitution and was the 5th country within the world to legalize couple (and the 2nd country outside of Europe). LGBTQ travelers routinely speak of feeling safe within the country, and Cape Town has become a well-liked destination for same-sex weddings. Mexico City and Oaxaca, Mexico The Mexican culture features a strong “live and let live” attitude; however, Mexico City and Oaxaca are known for being welcoming cities. Recently, the Mexican Supreme Court ruled that couple may be a constitutionally protected right which helps to point out that things are changing during this wonderful country. While smaller cities/less-known destinations might not offer many legal protections, generally speaking LGBQT people are pretty safe. Public displays of affection (PDA) are often frowned upon, but that applies to heterosexuals also . Hate crimes toward members of the queer community are quite unusual. Canada This North American country was among the primary within the world to legalize couple . While there are some areas that are more conservative, generally speaking LGBTQ people can feel safe traveling throughout this massive nation. Many large cities have gay villages, and Canadians are famous for being kind and welcoming. Toronto and Vancouver especially are noted as being extremely queer friendly. New Zealand Kiwis are a number of the friendliest and most welcoming people within the world, but they were a touch slow to hitch the opposite nations recognizing couple . When their parliament passed the law, though, they collectively began singing a Maori love song to commemorate the instant . As if people needed more reasons to like New Zealand! It is one among the safest countries to go to for everybody , including LGBTQ people. A queer couple walking while holding hands might encounter some people congratulating them but generally won’t need to affect homophobia. Portugal This wonderful country doesn’t often receive the eye it deserves, which is particularly true for LGBTQ travelers. The Portuguese people are fairly friendly and welcoming, and it warmed my heart to ascertain people actually encouraging a gay couple during another recent social experiment. Personally, i might like to see more people include Portugal in their travels. Worst Places for LGBTQ Travel gay travel2 This list might be really long, unfortunately. rather than listing all the countries that would pose potential problems for the queer traveler, I’ve focused on the foremost unsafe ones. Russia This country has taken homophobia to extremes. After enacting a law labeled as an “antipropaganda” measure against promoting homosexualty as a “normal” lifestyle, the Russian LGBTQ community experienced a drastic upswing in violent hate crimes. For the foremost part, police have appeared to be supportive of those crimes, rarely intervening even during attacks. Not satisfied with their level of overt hatred, the legislature recently tried to pass laws against same-sex couples showing any public displays of affection and/or “coming out” publicly. Surprisingly, those attempts (which specifically excluded females) failed, but it might be almost stunning if the law isn’t revisited at a later date. People have also been attacked for merely “appearing gay.” Uganda This African country is excessively homophobic. an effort to pass a law calling for members of the LGBTQ community to be executed was changed from “kill the gays” to “jail the gays.” Fortunately, that was annulled by the courts; however, lawmakers haven’t given up trying to pass legislation that might provide punishments for “unnatural acts” which might include homosexuality. Nigeria Nigeria seems to be in an unspoken battle with Uganda on which country are often more homophobic. There are multiple news stories covering mob attacks on suspected queers, even pulling them from their homes and beating them within the streets. On many of those occasions, the police have joined in on the attacks. Jamaica This island is documented for being laid back and enjoying a celebration lifestyle. However, when it involves LGBTQ people, all bets are off; particularly if you’re male. Sex between men is against the law during this country, and therefore the laws are often firmly enforced. The government is understood for supporting violence against gays, so if you’re a victim of a violent hate crime don’t expect to receive any assistance from local officials. Lithuania As a part of their European Union membership, this Baltic nation had to entrench some protections in their laws. However, the overall attitude toward LGTBQ people remains poor. Any sort of public event, like Pride, is usually amid violent protests. Legal protections here shouldn’t be considered as encouraging to queer travelers. While those protections could also be “on the books,” it doesn’t mean they're enforced, and police are generally known for being very lackadaisical and uncaring in their response to victims. Egypt Gay sex isn't specifically outlawed in Egypt; however, people are often arrested and convicted under morality laws which give for up to 17 years of imprisonment (with, or without, hard labor and fines). It is not uncommon for people of an equivalent gender to carry hands or walk arm-in-arm, numerous same-sex couples find these sorts of PDA to be relatively safe. However, as a foreigner you would possibly draw unwanted attention, so caution would be advised. Arrests at suspected gay gatherings aren't uncommon. While Muslim males are more likely to receive harsher treatment, all visitors are often subjected to an equivalent laws and punishments. Should I Avoid These Countries? This is a standard question with no, solid, one-size-fits-all answer. It really comes right down to individual choice. One has got to consider the potential risk factors, also as personal ethics. a number of us feel that giving our mighty tourist dollar to a rustic that encourages violence towards us may be a rather foolish, or unethical, decision. However, there's also a legitimate argument to be made that, by visiting and spending time in these places, we help “normalize” being LGBTQ. The best advice I can give is to be informed about the place you’re considering for travel and to honestly evaluate the risks versus benefits. Also consider the mood you would like for your trip. for instance , is that this a romantic getaway? Well, perhaps specialise in one among the simplest places to go to where you'll relax and be yourselves. TL;DR When it involves travel, like many things in life, only you recognize what works best for you. When considering LGBTQ travel, the subsequent countries stand out: Safest & most welcoming: Spain Iceland South Africa Mexico Canada New Zealand Portugal Most dangerous & unwelcoming: Russia Uganda Nigeria Jamaica Lithuania Egypt

Iran

Morocco

[merlinsmusings]

Death Blindness

Benjamin Franklin once said, “…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” In the developed West, especially in the United States there is a large swath of people who don’t seem to understand this idiom. While the latter is one argument, the former has a significance on culture that is typically ignored. Death has become a taboo topic where people thing they are invincible and able to escape death. This mentality stems from fear, which leads to death being ignored and sanitized from the public eye to the extent that family members fear being around the deceased instead of taking an active role in the burial. This avoidance leads to people not allowing themselves the ability to mourn and experience grief. Sight is essential to the grieving process to create closure in the mind and allow the person to move on. Death is paramount to the human condition, and in the United States the culture has become sanitized of death, which does not allow people the ability to grieve and move on with their life.

The idea that death rituals in the United States have changed is not debated, through lobbying and the passage of laws the death rituals of the United States have been completely changed; however, the old ways are significantly healthier mentally. This classic death ritual, today known as a natural burial, can still be performed in some locations today but due to lobbying by the funeral industry, it is becoming few and far between. Caitlin Doughty, an alternative mortician and the premiere voice on alternative burial rituals, states, “The world used to be our burial ground. We buried bodies on farms, ranches, and in local churchyards––anywhere we wanted, really” (From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death 216). Historically, the family would prepare the deceased for viewing and then the burial took place in a private cemetery on private family property with the family or religious leader leading the burial followed by burial by the family. This direct role helped the family work through the grief that the death caused. They would hold visitations in the home and it would become a somber multi-day affair allowing the family the time they needed to grieve and the ability to have some time alone in a familiar environment to be with their loved one. In this role sight took a forefront because all of the extraneous details were removed and the family was allowed to be alone with their loved one, take care of them, and bury them once they were ready.

Today, however, sight has taken a backseat and it prevents people from being able to grieve. Following the advent of the internet, there has been an surge of Laissez-faire direct cremations. In this system the family fills out an online form where they pay with a charge card, then the deceased is picked up from the hospital, home, or other place and transported to the crematorium where they undergo cremation, and finally the remains are shipped to the family through the postal service. The family never sees the deceased and plays no role in the ritual. While some families must do this due to financial reasons in areas where natural burials are not an option or not a known option, there are a significant number of people who choose this option because they fear death and want to act like it didn’t happen. The second is ultimately harmful for the family because they are unable to receive that closure that seeing their loved one allows. Caitlin Doughty goes so far as to make the comparison, “[this process is] the equivalent of grown adults, thinking babies come from storks” (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory 104). This process intentionally keeps the family in the dark about what is going on and happening to their loved one. Since they are just receiving a container filled with a powdery solid instead of actually seeing their loved on their mind begins wonder whether or not they are still alive and out in the world.

To further the harm of today’s death rituals, the lack of sight has caused death to become less experiential and more intellectual which makes death denial easier. A common psychological ail in the United States is death anxiety. Every year there crowds that flock to therapists over mental anguish that the underlying cause tends to be some form of death anxiety. In their study Mark Vahrmeyer and Simon Cassar set out to identify whether death denial was essential to being alive and discovered “by intellectualising the concept of death, it has the effect of introducing a shield between the experiential stance of the client and the therapist” (162). This conclusion means, in order to truly understand the problem of death denial and work through it the patient has to experience the death of a loved one which is not happening due to today’s cultural shift. By not being able to see their loved one and be able to go through the process of grief, it makes it next to impossible for them to face their fears and be helped by their therapist. It is through this sight that makes it possible for humans to experience death and grieve for their loved ones.

This denial of death due to the lack of sight leads to yet another set of ails. Following the bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki the United States Government withheld information from the Japanese people about what really happened to their deceased, even going so far as to deny that the event happened. To further rub salt into the wound, following an atomic blast the deceased are typically vaporized. Barbara Marcón went so far as to say, “Victims could find neither acceptance nor support in society at large, because at this time the community of suffering was not strong enough, the cultural trauma had not yet emerged” (789). What she meant was that by hiding evidence and removing the crucial elements from jumpstarting the grieving process, the Japanese people were unable to grieve the loss of their loved ones and feel the grief they needed to move on. In addition this forced denial of death also contributes to the cultural ails in the United States today where people truly believe they are invincible and they will not die. By not being able to experience the death of someone else and being able to feel that grief something that should be an emotional experience is nothing more than a hypothetical logical experience, which are two completely different experiences. This changed experience leads to the death cultural ails in the United States.

Sight has the power to completely change a person’s mind and has the ability to jump start the grieving process. In their study entitled “The Effects of Print News Photographs of the Casualties of War,” Michael Pfau et al determined that war photography about the Iraq War had the power to trigger such strong responses that it lead the participants to become more strongly against the conflict (160). To the extent, “News stories of war casualties packaged as photograph plus caption elicited more negative affect—puzzlement, anger, and sadness—than those conveyed via text alone” (Pfau 160). These feelings elicited are good indicators that the individual is going through the grieving process. If simply the sight of photographs of deceased strangers has the ability to change an individual’s opinion on war and  jumpstart the grieving process for a complete stranger just think about how important this sight would be toward grieving loved ones.

Firsthand sight is also essential and allows for a more full experience of grief. Following the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11, Mayor Giuliani and his administration stopped any and all people from getting near the site and forbid the disbursement of unapproved photographs. Barbara Kirshenblatt-Gimblett stated, “To have been so close to the disaster and yet so insulated from it means that we too knew it from photographs rather than from direct experience of the ruin” (12). While photographs of the loss is better than nothing it is not the same as the actual experience of loss. While photographs have the power to jumpstart the grieving process, this kind of sight still keeps the experience a logical one instead of an emotional one by removing the person from the actual event. It is essential to experience the loss firsthand and see the loved one who was lost or else it can be easy to fall back into death denial. And this death denial doesn’t allow the person the ability to move on and come to terms with the death of their loved one.

The experiential nature of death is truly what makes grief happen and sight is the main factor. In their study Ciara McCabe et al took the same moisturizer and placed different labels in it about the richness of the cream (98). What they ended up finding was “word labels (‘Rich moisturizing cream’ vs ‘Basic cream’) could modulate subjective ratings of the pleasantness and richness of touch, and influenced the representation of tactile inputs in the orbitofrontal cortex,” (McCabe et al 105). This study shows that sight is able to influence the end belief of a situation. If it can change the thoughts on a moisturizing cream it can completely change the experience of grief from the loss of a loved one. By taking part in the death ritual of a loved one and seeing them, the brain is able to have the closure it needs to be able to work through the grief of that loss.

Following the loss of a loved one, social media is a complicated outlet to work through the grief due to sight. Social media can be a good place to work through loss and memorialize a loved one. Vani Kakar and Nanki Oberoi believe, “the major reason why people are increasingly using social media and internet blogs to voice their grief” is because “they are able to experience catharsis by simply expressing their grief on a virtual portal, without having to face the perceived lack of empathy of a fellow human” (373). Facebook, especially, includes a number of features to memorialize a loved one. Not only can a user create a personal memorial, but the memories feature can remind them about the good times they had with the deceased. In addition following a death the deceased’s Facebook page can become a public memorial to remember them. Since interpersonal communication has become more and more digital and lead to the loss of typical face to face communication, this feature set allows a wider group to be able to support those who lost a loved one and help them work through the loss. In addition it can allow those who have gone through a similar situation the ability to provide support to those who they don’t know. And, while this conclusion is valid, the overall argument is a bit more complicated.

The internet can also be a horrible place to grieve. Kakar and Oberoi also state “the grieving often describe the grief journey to be a a long, seemingly endless one, which often leaves them devastated and frightened and at the same time lonely” (373). So, while the internet and social media can be a great way to memorialize the deceased and work through the loss, it can become a place to deny the death happened. The same feature set that makes the internet a great place to grieve can make it a place to deny death as a reality. Features like Facebook Memories can lead the mind into thinking that the deceased is still alive and still posting to social media and not aging. If photographs appear as memories in the context of a realtime news feed, the subconscious mind will think that the image is a realtime image. To build upon the Pfau article, if images of deceased strangers can jumpstart the grieving process and lead individuals to change their opinion on war, it can lead the mind into believing that a loved one is still alive. This conflicting sight can then lead to death denial and rounds back to all the ails caused by the modern death rituals making social media a complicated place to grieve through sight.

As well, it is possible to have too much sight and to take a death ritual to the extent that it becomes death denial. In the Torajan death practice described by Amanda Bennett in her article for National Geographic, “the departed—and their corpses—remain a part of the family.” In this practice deceased relatives can remain in the familial home for long periods of time before being placed in a familial tomb, where they are then occasionally taken out again for “ma’nene’” or second funerals (Bennett). In the mean time they are left in the house known as “to makula’” or sick person and treated like normal, even being given food (Bennett). One woman was even interviewed as saying, "I’m not sad, because she’s still with us,” while talking about her deceased mother. In this situation the sight in the death ritual becomes a way of denying that the death happened and acting like everyone lives forever. In this capacity the experience becomes one to act like the death didn’t happen and use sight as a means to deny that the death ever happened.

Finally, the roll of sight in the grieving process doesn’t just end at burial, it can be an essential way of working through the grief. For some people photographs and home movies can be a great way to work through the loss, for others a memorial can be a great way, but for many artists, creating their works can be the way they work through it. One of such exhibits was Jennifer Palmer’s show Mapping Loss which was in the Barr Gallery at Indiana University Southeast. Her work typically focuses on creating maps of emotions or other higher order thinking. For this exhibit in particular she created maps that expressed her feelings of grief following the loss of her mother. The necessity of sight never leaves the grieving process, but it can take completely different forms following the burial to help each individual work through their loss.

In the developed West, the topic of death has become a major taboo, leading to major death denial and the though that death is escapable and eternal youth is attainable. This mentality stems from sanitizing death from the culture and sweeping death under the rug. This mentality leads to people being unable to grieve and feel the loss they are experiencing. Overall sight is essential to the grieving process create closure in the mind and allow the person to move on. Death is inescapable and is paramount to the human condition, everyone will experience it at some point. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

Works Cited

Bennett, Amanda. “When Death Doesn't Mean Goodbye.” National Geographic, National Geographic Partners, 11 Mar. 2016, www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2016/04/death-dying-grief-funeral-ceremony-corpse/.

Doughty, Caitlin. From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death. Norton, 2017.

– – –. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory. Norton, 2014.

Kakar, Vani and Nanki Oberoi. "Mourning with Social Media: Rewiring Grief." Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, vol. 7, no. 3, Sept. 2016, pp. 371-375.

Kirshenblatt-Gimblett, Barbara. “Kodak Moments, Flashbulb Memories: Reflections on 9/11.” TDR (1988-), vol. 47, no. 1, 2003, pp. 11–48.

Marcoń, Barbara. "Hiroshima and Nagasaki in the Eye of the Camera." Third Text, vol. 25, no. 6, Nov. 2011, pp. 787-797.

McCabe, Ciara, et al. "Cognitive Influences on the Affective Representation of Touch and the Sight of Touch in the Human Brain." Social Cognitive & Affective Neuroscience, vol. 3, no. 2, June 2008, pp. 97-108.

Palmer, Jennifer Laura. Mapping Loss. 23 Aug.–22 Sept. 2017, The Barr Gallery–Indiana University Southeast, New Albany.

Pfau, Michael, et al. "The Effects of Print News Photographs of the Casualties of War." Journalism & Mass Communication Quarterly, vol. 83, no. 1, Spring 2006, pp. 150-168.

Vahrmeyer, Mark and Simon Cassar. "The Paradox of Finitude in the Context of Infinitude: Is Death Denial an Essential Aspect of Being in the World?." Existential Analysis: Journal of the Society for Existential Analysis, vol. 28, no. 1, Jan. 2017, pp. 151-165.