#since my mom has gotten married then divorced then married again since she was enrolled

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Damn, getting copies of legal certificates is fucking expensive.

[amaramonette]

is that [ ISABEL DURANT ]? no, that’s just [ AMARA MONETTE ]. [ SHE/HER ] is [ TWENTY-SIX ] years old and is a [ PROFESSIONAL FIGURE SKATER ]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [ NEARLY THEIR WHOLE LIFE ]. on a good day, they’re [ PERCEPTIVE & CULTURED ]. but watch out! they can also be [ SPITEFUL & POSSESSIVE ]. [ MORAL OF THE STORY by ASHE ] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around spring hill!

hellllooo! i’m li and i’m pretty excited to be here and start using my new bby. she’s a bit of a mash-up of a few different muses that i absolutely love so i’m very stoked to see how this goes lmao. i apologize now for this bio, it took me fivever and it's hella long but like everything i do is long. ( sorry not sorry<3 ). i am also down for alllll the connections, the more drama and angst the better lol. hit me up if you’d like to plot or like this and i’ll come to you!

[ triggers: bad parenting tw, mental abuse tw, ]

GENERAL INFORMATION.

NAME → amara quinn monette NICKNAMES → mara, am, or ams AGE → twenty-six DATE OF BIRTH → october 28th PLACE OF BIRTH → springhill, nj, usa EDUCATION  → high school ged ZODIAC → scorpio GENDER → female ORIENTATION → pansexual, demiromantic RELIGIOUS VIEWS → atheist 

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

FACE CLAIM → isabel durant HEIGHT → 5'4" WEIGHT → 128 lbs HAIR COLOR → blonde EYE COLOR → blue BODY TYPE → thin, athletic

FAMILIAL INFORMATION.

FATHER →  utp monette ( WC ) MOTHER → evelyn monette  YOUNGER SISTER → utp monette ( WC )

EX-HUSBAND  → utp ( WC )

PERSONALITY.

POSITIVE TRAITS → venturesome, determined, cultured, & perceptive 
NEGATIVE TRAITS → possessive, spiteful, dramatic, & oversensitive
 INTERESTS → dancing, cooking, photography, flower pressing, yoga, dogs, & caffeine 
DISLIKES → humblebraggers and name droppers, people who talk during movies, people who say ‘you look tired’, & willful ignorance  AESTHETICS → being up before the sun, the sound of skates on fresh ice, a vintage polaroid camera, a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, & a strong red wine.  
MORAL ALIGNMENT → chaotic neutral PERSONALITY TYPE → ENFP-T ( the campaigner )

BACKSTORY.

❦ amara monette was born and raised in spring hill, new jersey to a marine biologist and local contractor. her family has always been fairly well known in town as her father has been quite a pillar in the community and his company has done a lot of work for the town. her only sibling is six years younger than her and the two sisters have been like oil and water since the beginning and have never been able to see eye to eye on anything.

❦ the monette family dynamics could easily be categorized as dysfunctional but in amara’s eyes, that term is putting it lightly. there’s never been any doubt in the eldest daughter’s mind that she was an unplanned accident—a fact she’d gotten her mother to admit after heavy plying with wine when she was only a young teen. “if we didn’t have you, I could still be doing what I love.” her mother blathered drunkenly.

❦ the only person who didn’t treat her like that—as though she’d ruined their life—was her father, though due to his work, he spent more time out of the house than with his family. unlike her mother or sister, the one thing her father always did was encourage amara. remind her that no matter what she was striving for, it was possible and just within reach.

❦ the bond amara shared with her father was special, just as the bond her sister shared with their mother was special. though her sister also shared a loving, positive bond with BOTH of their parents and what amara shared with their mother was anything but positive or loving.

❦ at the age of four, her mother enrolled her in ballet classes hoping to teach the rambunctious little girl some discipline. much to her mother’s surprise, mara fell in love with dance immediately. but ballet, or dance in any such capacity, hadn’t been apart of her mother's ultimate plan for her. the following year, despite all the crying and protests from her daughter, the wannabe ballerina found herself being taught to ice skate.

❦ she didn’t particularly enjoy skating, not like the other girls she trained with did, but amara succeeded in ways many of them couldn’t over the years. her indifference to the sport and at being the best had given her an edge above the competition. and the more naturally gifted she proved to be at the sport, the further her mother pushed amara and the more intense the training became. as she got older she managed to convince her mother to let her enroll in dance classes once more if only to help in the long run, she’d say. it was in those moments, those classes, that she felt most at peace. as though she’d found just where she was meant to be—or what she ought to be doing. she’s never stopped dancing since. 

❦ at the age of nine, her mother had her pulled out of school to be privately tutored so she could spend more time on the ice—her mother only had one goal and she never let amara forget it. the olympics. though before her mother had the chance to remove her from school, the blonde had already made the best friend she could ever ask for. ( WC )

❦ it wasn’t until years later, at thirteen, she discovered that her mother had been forcing her down the same path she’d been set on as a girl. whereas her younger sister found herself free to pursue whatever interests she’d like, amara found herself on a rink shaped prison. and the unwavering pressure her mother applied only made it feel as though her ice space was forever shrinking.

❦ amara spent a majority of her youth and teens training, both on and off the ice, and whatever little free time she had left was spent with her small group of friends. friends her mother disliked for the most part and did all she could to keep her daughter away from. forcing amara to spend time with the other skaters in her class at every turn. not that she’d ever been able to fit in with them even if she wanted to. ( WCs )

❦ becoming a legal adult and dreaming of what it would finally be like to have the freedom she’d always longed for was just about all the blonde could do to keep moving forward. to keep her mother from truly bringing him down. but the relentless pressure from the cold-hearted woman and the fact that she showed no signs of letting up or letting amara walk away if she so desired to caused her to finally crack just a few months shy of her eighteenth birthday.

❦ like a thief in the night, amara disappeared from her parents home taking as many of her belongings with her as she could carry, save for all her skating gear. she spent several weeks sleeping on the couches of different friends while hiding from her mother and whatever wrath she intended to unleash for her missing so much ice time and standing up the coaches her parents paid plenty of money for.

❦ it was in those weeks of solitude that amara discovered what skating actually meant to her and just how much she still needed it in her life. the seventeen-year-old realized that she wasn’t as ready to hang up her skates as she previously thought and that there was still a thing or two she could learn from being on the rink.

❦ amara returned to the ice on the sole condition that her mother would let her do things her own way and would stop projecting her own regrets and more importantly wants on her daughter. things began to look up after that for the monette family in more ways than one and dysfunction that had once been so deeply rooted began to dissolve away just a bit. ( not so much between the sister lol, mostly just amara and her mom )

❦ she moved out on her own not long after, eager to have a life of her own as best she could, but being as clueless and willing to trust as she was, amara made many mistakes and gave her heart away much too easily which only led to it being crushed repeatedly by those who weren’t worthy of safeguarding it, to begin with. ( WCs )

❦ at twenty-one, after only dating for about a year amara married the man she believed was the one. however, it didn’t take her long to see just how incredibly wrong she was and the relationship was more toxic than anything else. she filed for divorce ten months later. ( WC )

❦ amara continued skating in hopes of making the olympic team—but this time the dream truly belonging to her, which seemed to pay off as she managed to do so successfully twice in 2014 and again in 2018. the blonde got a bronze medal in 2014 and didn’t place at all in 2018 after taking a nasty fall during her long program and making the mistake of not taking enough overall risks to make up for it. spooked after the olympic fall that nearly ended her entire career, amara decided to stop skating at a competitive level.

❦ in the following years, amara found herself joining several different national ice-skating tours but couldn’t quite shake the feeling of how far she’d fallen and how demeaning her life now seemed, skating for nothing more than mere amusement. unsatisfied and upset upon coming to the conclusion there was nothing else she could truly exceed at, amara took up the mantle that countless other incredible skaters also had, coach. a rewarding job that’s more or less left her at peace. 

OTHER IMPORTANT INFO.

❦ growing up, she was the most curious of children, constantly asking questions and wanting to know more about anything and everything. as the years passed, her curiosity never quite fizzled out as her parents as hoped. instead, the small blonde just became more confident in her ability to get the answers she sought and more determined to have it when a person wasn’t forthright with her. it’s something that leads her to trouble too often as she’s brought on a whole new meaning to the idea of questioning authority.

❦ amara can be quite a master of deceit and manipulation if she’d like. she gets a sort of amusement out of playing games with people and confusing them, especially with those she doesn’t get on well with. she definitely has a few different faces and is very particular about when she wears which face. her sweet face, where she’s likely to try and charm the pants off people, is the face she wears most of the time when interacting with strangers or just the general public. few people have ever seen her at her truest and those who have are either the ones she trusts most or the ones who’ve crossed her in unforgivable ways.

❦ anyone who knows amara is aware of how jealous or possessive she can be of those in her life she cares for. she’s never been able to quite help herself and isn’t afraid to make her feelings known when she feels her relationships have been infringed upon in any way. making friends and building relationships has always been something she’s struggled with as her childhood wasn’t normal in any sense. all her time after school was spent training—on or off the ice. and when she wasn’t training she was home with her family who she didn’t quite mesh with.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

childhood best friend

ex-husband

father

younger sister

old friends —

new friends 

rivals 

exes / flings 

i’m here for it allll!

[sometimesverysad]

I’ve finally cut them out of my life so I suppose it’s a good enough time as any to share my story

So for me I think I was a really lonely child. I didn't have a lot of friends and was really shy. The friends that I did make I quickly lost because I was temperamental and bossed other kids around. We lived in the middle of nowhere anyway and my mom wanted to homeschool me so I didn't have a lot of chances to make friends either way. My dad and mom got divorced when I was 5. My dad says it's because she cheated on him and because he couldn't handle her outbursts anymore, my mom says because he had major anger issues and hoarded all their money in a safe she didn't know the passcode to and would always buy himself things, a brand new truck, guns, and the like with it but never anything for her or for me. I think it was a mix of all their problems that made the relationship unhealthy for everyone. After the divorce we moved in with my grandma for a time and my mom had to enroll me in public school against her wishes.

Elementary school for me was interesting for sure. My teachers thought I had a learning disability until about 2nd grade and put me in classes that retaught me the basics. Third grade was a weird in-between year. Fourth grade they put me into one of those gifted students classes where they split you off from the rest of the class for most of the day and teach you "advanced topics" and expect you to juggle both the work from the advanced classes and the classes you didn't actually take but that you're supposed to already know the information from anyhow. I don't remember it being too hard? I still didn't really have friends, I was bullied a lot, but didn't care much. I was one of those kids that was bullied but stood up to their bullies and other people's bullies for them so they learned not to mess with me XD I just knew it was better than home. I never wanted to go home.

So my mom remarried right away. I'm not sure if she was already seeing him before my dad and her spilt or she just felt the need to immediately jump into another relationship because she couldn't handle living under her mother's roof with her sister again. They didn't get along well, any of them together. That toxic matriarchy they had going carried on to the next generation as well. Grandma is eccentric, to say the least. She was abused by her own mother so much so that she has completely blocked her childhood out. She simply doesn't remember it. Then my grandpa made it big with his company and  left her for his secretary whom he started another family with. My aunt had a lot of trouble coping with her dad doing that to them, and became pregnant with my cousin when she was 15. My cousin has a mental and physical disorder that makes her unable to walk or talk because she had whooping cough when she was born but she wasn't tested for it. My mother had her own issues. They didn't make for a healthy family back then, as they were all still figuring things out. 

My step dad, Carl, came into the picture and he was... not the kindest person. He and my mom worked at a nursing home together. I later worked there myself (although I'll get to that later) and I figured out that he puts on the facade that he is the kindest most caring person you'd ever meet beyond closed doors. Everyone loved him. It was sickening. At home he was a raging alcoholic. I remember being 5, 6, through about 11, or 12, and having to take my little brother and hide in my room when he'd throw his fits. He was only scary as far as yelling and occasionally throwing things though. Things could've been worse. Maybe if we wouldn't have hidden as often, or my aunt and grandma wouldn't have picked us up to take us for weekends as often as they did... idk he sobered up after elementary school. Don't really remember what was the changing point.

My dad tried I think. To be there throughout my life. At least he told me he did. He was a compulsive liar even before he went down the path he did. In elementary school it wasn't that bad tho. Just a lot of broken promises and a hopeful little me that thought her dad was going to someday make good on the promise to take her away from her mom and stepdad. He didn't hurt me so much until later years.

My mom was another story tho. She's always been what's held me back in life. I could get over my dad and my stepdad. I figured I didn't need either of them so it didn't matter. Idk

Basically she has been diagnosed with a lot of different things throughout her life. Manic Bipolar schizo Effective Disorder is the one i usually stick with when telling people about her. She was... a hard person to live with. She enrolled me in gymnastics and cheer-leading for kids my age because she was trying to live her old dream through me. I didn't like it, I was never a sociable kid. I could do nothing right in her eyes. I always had to be better than everyone else. In sports and in school. It didn't help that she favored my brother as soon as he was born. I still had to be perfect tho. she wasn't forgiving when I wasn't. And when I was she never praised me, only told me my attitude should be better. That I should be grateful she even fed me or clothed me. compared me to the devil and my brother to an angel. When I was in first grade that was the first time she went to the mental hospital while I was alive. I felt relief. My brother was only a baby then. I think he went to live with my grandpa and his family who were very well off and I went to live with my grandma and aunt and cousin. It only lasted 6 months. I wished I would never have gotten to see her again. I would have panic attacks at school when I wasn't good at something. The other kids probably thought I thought I was too good to be partnered up with them because I would complain about being worried i wouldn't receive a high enough grade when paired with kids who were known to have lower grades, when I just didn't want to deal with my mother's wrath. There were several times I came to school with a fever of 104 or more, both because my mother told me I would go to jail for skipping school, and because she told me she would take my bed away if i didn't anyway so what was the point in staying home to rest and recover? Her lies and bluffs(?) definitely didn’t help with my growing anxiety disorder. I tell myself now that I couldn’t have known whether she was lying to me or not but it doesn’t change much.

In 6th grade there was a new program called Phoenix that sported the idea of 40 students being chosen through a lottery throughout several school districts in the Columbus Area to go to a middle school where "mastery” and perfection were expected across the board of all it's students in all their classes. I got in. I had never made my mother so proud. She cried. I thought maybe it meant new beginnings for me.

So middle school was a big changing point in my life, but sadly not for good reasons. The first year, I made friends. That was good. Cat and I went to the same school, whereas we could only ever hangout outside of school before. I suppose I didn't mention her or Emma yet. My two best friends for years. Sometimes, when my mom allowed me out of her sight I could make up excuses about having homework we needed to work on together to go and take refuge at their houses. They had warm, loving parents. The first few I had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Anyway, Cat specifically, was my neighbor a couple houses down from my mom's home now, my grandma's old home which she continues to rent out to my mom and Carl indefinitely. My mom was used to the lavish life, since my grandfather had given it to them before his remarriage. She wanted to live in a house in a rich neighborhood instead of the apartments we had lived in before on a worse-off side of town during most of my elementary years. So when my aunt got married and she and my cousin, grandma, and new uncle moved to Hilliard, mom made a deal with grandma to pay her a hefty rent monthly to live there instead. The house came with its problems, it was basically falling apart and was and still is to this day a fixer upper years after. But it was a roof over our heads. It didn't matter to my mother that we couldn't afford things like books for school or new clothes and later food at home, she had what she wanted. Appearances, she was always concerned about appearances. Probably why she never hurt me enough to leave bruises or marks. She loved to pull my hair. Loved to make me doubt my own sanity and self worth. It was fine though because I was happy at school. Phoenix had longer hours than the other local middle school options too. We were usually there ‪from 6:45 to 4:50‬ every day. Getting too comfortable was probably my downfall tho.

Because there were only 40 kids to the whole grade I was in, and 80 in the school total it was a pretty tight-knit community. Not really any bullying. Even someone like me had ‪around 15-20‬ friends among everyone there. I was happy. I was loved. It was Cat, Gabe, Harald, and I. We had a lot of other friends that we weren't as close with, they made up the "nerd herd", that we were in and liked to call ourselves, but they were all kind. And then there was all the friends I had made from my extracurricular too, which was only Choir at the time, so that I could keep my grades up. 

I don't remember what had started it all, but basically some stupid drama had happened with a friend of mine, then another, then another. Basically things that I counted on being good got shitty too, and so my home and school life being bad together got to me a little too much. My grades were slipping and my mom and real dad both had to come into a school meeting for that, hell they scared the crap out of all my teachers. That's a laugh thinking back on it now. The controlling matriarch and the dad that's so chill he should never have had kids in the first place. Not to say my mother ever should have had them. My parents were both unfit to be parents. I was pretty depressed about it back then tho, enough so that I wrote a letter on the bus home about how nobody would miss me if I disappeared. Honestly I can't even remember if it was a for real suicide note or if it was just me acting out to get attention. That was the first time my depression had reared it's ugly head outright like that tho. Before it was just all the symptoms. I had never had a name for it. No big deal tho. A lot of people have depression. For a lot of people it starts young. And besides, where families commonly had diabetes, or cancer, physical illnesses you could formally diagnose, mental health problems were my families' specialty. My mom with hers, my dad with his undiagnosed  paranoia and excessive anger and depression, his father's own suicide, my mother's grandmother receiving shock treatments for her own demons, etc etc, it went pretty far back. My mom expected this of me. Except that she was never prepared to actually deal with the situation when it was presented to her.

One of my choir friends had seen me writing that note on the bus, and sadly, she decided to be good friend and report me to the school counselor. My mother was furious when she found out. I was in the garage working on some cruddy science project when she came home from work that night and slammed every door in her path. It was one of the only times she ever hit me hard enough to leave a mark. basically it ended in "I had wasted her time and how dare she get a call at work for nonsense like that." She scoffed at the idea. She dared me to do it. I don't remember much of the rest of that year. I'm sure I carried on by somehow pretending things were going to be alright. 

The second year of middle school was even worse tho haha. My mom had to go to the mental hospital again. You would think that'd be great with how it had gone the first time. Just a vacation from her. But I think maybe it was because she was more removed from her family that it took so long to get her into the hospital that time. Carl, my stepfather, didn't know what to do, and didn't see the signs like Grandma and my aunt could. He and mom had practically been newly weds the time before. So my brother and I got to witness her downward spiral. The worst part was that it was like we had a whole new mom. At least for me. I wasn't used to being shown love. She called me pet names, and played with my hair. One time I wasn't wearing a seat-belt and she shot her arm out to protect me from going flying through the front window of her car when she had to slam on the brakes. We didn't have a lot of money but she took us to parks and we rolled down hills and did stupid whimsical things happy families do with their toddlers and preschoolers. The entire summer I grew attached to a woman who wasn't my mother, but I didn't know any better myself. She quit her job at the nursing home. She got a job at a pizza place and had me come in with her to make pizzas all the time when school started up. Told her boss I was shadowing her for a school project. She started talking to kitchen appliances at home. She became devoutly religious out of nowhere, even though we hadn't been to church since I was in 3rd or fourth grade when it had started to conflict scheduling wise with all of the sports I was in. In the mornings before she'd leave for work she would tell us how much she loved us then scream at us for ever being born then put her head in her hands and look up and tell us how much she loved us again.

Then they took her away. It took four police officers, four grown men, to drag her out of the house kicking and screaming. She had had a fit in the middle of the night and had smashed a lot of the furniture and appliances in the house. They took her away in a paddy wagon. The school heard from my grandmother and aunt what had happened. The poor counselor had just wanted to console a child in the time of an absent mother, she wasn't expecting an abuse case that went generations so far back she wouldn't be able to recount them to the police when they took me into their custody. Even before that tho the hospital my mom had been placed in made a mistake and let her out early, on "good behavior" they noticed too late that she had very obviously faked. We got calls to my house for days with her making threats on everyone involved's lives. She told us in the messages that she would come to take my brother and I away and kill anyone who tried to stop her. I was scared for our lives, but at the same time, found I didn't want mine anymore. I told the counselor at school I planned to kill myself. That's when the state took me into their custody. It only proved to piss my unhinged mother off even more, but luckily they finally found her, lurking outside my brothers elementary school, due to them taking me and making her come out of hiding. I went from children services to an urgent care facility, to a drug rehab center, to a mental hospital of my own, all within a 48 hour period. I was spit at and threatened by patients, called a liar indirectly by my close and distant relatives alike, and treated like a paycheck by employees at each place. I still wanted to die. I just felt that way in a mental hospital 3 hours away from everyone I knew. I was kept there for 6 days and then sent to live with an aunt on my dad's side of the family that I had only seen at Christmas's and Easters. I shortly had to go back to a different mental hospital which only kept me for 5 days. After living with her, I went to live with my grandma and aunt and uncle and cousin on my mom’s side. I was given the privilege of finishing out my school year living with them. The only thing that got me through was being promised I could live with my dad and his fiance at the time (who was not much older than me, I wasn't even sure she was legal) when the summer came and we could move out of state to start fresh somewhere else. He never knew how to parent tho. I packed all the things I had in two garbage bags and we moved to live in a government run homeless shelter for the two months of summer before my freshman high school year. He couldn't figure out how to get me registered in the schools out in Wheeling and so I moved back to my mom's house and that was that. All children services did was piss my mom and her immediate family off and give them fuel to hate me even more for years to come. That and give me a more realistic view of who my father really was, by killing my idealistic thoughts about him one day saving me. Thus my high school years began.

Part 2 to be written at a later date -KC