#since like age 13. pondering and yearning to even feel a fraction of that
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[reading shoujo manga] sighs dreamily. i wish i knew what romantic love felt like
#cruel joke to make a girl aromantic when she has done nothing but read romance novels and shoujos growing up#since like age 13. pondering and yearning to even feel a fraction of that#like i knew those werent a reality. but they had to be based off of something right#a tangible feeling. like the butterflies. the nervousness. all that#i wanted it more than anything but noooooooooo#i wasnt allowed. im not allowed! i wish i felt it. i wish i knew what it felt like#would have saved me a lot of grief and awkwardness#i will not know what it feels like. ever#ill just have to deal with everything feeling like a conscious decision#i love to love on purpose thats not what my issue is. i love that i can choose l#but. man#i wish it was natural#im gonna mourn the teenage love experience i felt like i deserved. that i felt like i was promised#it never came and now it never will
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