#since i'm starting late my week will go from this friday to next thursday

[doingthehardthings]

No Excuses November

Y'all I'm here!! I'm clocked in even if I'm a little late.

Here are my goals for the month:

Hike 3x/ week, totaling at least 6 miles per hike

2, 25 minute lifting + ab sessions/week.

No looking at my phone in bed in the mornings for any extended amount of time, 4x/week!!

Try one new thing each week. Anything. But it has to be a new experience

Meditate every day.

Last night, I got my hike 1 done. But, I did not meditate; and I def. used my phone in the bed in the AM. Today is looking much better in terms of my goals: I'll update later tonight with my progress.

Let's fucking get it. Thank you @m0tiv8me for facilitating this.

[roosterforme]

Is It Working For You? Part 13 | Rooster x Reader

Just in case you need to start at the beginning or visit an earlier chapter, check out my Masterlist!

Summary: Bradley is starting to feel like he's just your dirty little secret, and that is not a moniker he wants to wear.

Warnings: 18+ only, smut, angst, fluff, some swears, adult banter

Length: 2900 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

You felt like shit all day on Friday. You'd barely slept Thursday night, even though you were snuggled up against Bradley's warm body. And when you had slipped your hand into his underwear in the night, coaxing him toward you, it made you feel terrible in the end. Because he really wanted to be with you, more than just physically. Like actually be with you. He'd been telling you that all along, for weeks, since the very beginning. You knew since that first night at the Hard Deck, after he bumped into your stool that he would be whatever you wanted him to be. But now you were the one pumping the brakes.

Because you were scared.

All you had wanted to do was make him happy, but instead he was looking like a kicked puppy again. While not outright avoiding you, he kept himself very busy on the tarmac, going over safety checks and maintenance procedures all day. 

Maria was the first one to ask you what was wrong as you were updating your computer software in the tower. "I don't know what to do. He wants a relationship. Some sort of label. I don't know if I'm ready for this right now."

Maria squeezed your shoulders. "Girl, only you can decide what's best for you. But, don't even try to tell me he hasn't fallen in love."

You spun around in your chair to face her. "You think he's in love with me?"

Maria nodded seriously. "Yes. When you fell asleep on him while we were watching the movie, his face was completely unguarded as he looked at you and held you and rubbed your back. He's beyond smitten. It's honestly next level."

Your heart was not made to handle what you were feeling. It was a disturbing combination of elation and terror. Bradley Bradshaw was your ideal. You didn't want anyone else. But... what if it cost one or both of you a promotion? What if Bradley got stationed back in Virginia Beach again? What if he didn't even make it back from the Daggers mission?

Your stomach lurched just as Cam waltzed into your office. "Everyone is drinking at the Hard Deck tonight. You know, last day of work before we're all out of here." 

You barely heard him but you nodded along. You turned away from Maria and Cam and pretended to get your computer and other items in order so you could pack them for travel. But really you were trying to decide if you believed that Bradley might be in love. You played back all of your interactions with him. He was so smooth right from the start, clearly an accomplished flirt. But he'd let you be the one in control of almost everything. You were the one to decide when that first scorching kiss happened. He took you out on a date under your terms, not his. He seemed to know you were the one who would be holding back, and wanted to make you comfortable. And he had told you he'd be good to you, let you get away with more than he should.

It was too much, and you needed to focus on something else. You kept pushing everything related to Bradley out of your mind, even after he texted you.

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 <3 <3: see you at the hard deck tonight?

You gave yourself the excuse that you needed to call your parents before it got too late on the east coast. You stayed on the phone with them for a long time while you drove home and made dinner, letting them know you'd be out of the country for a bit. You avoided texting Bradley back while you got dressed to go out and put some makeup on. But when you pulled into the parking lot, you didn't see his Bronco anywhere. 

You walked inside with Cam and Maria, and immediately you saw Phoenix. "Hey, do you know where Bradley is?" you asked her as you got your phone out to finally text him back, feeling bad for ignoring him for hours.

"He'll be here," she replied, giving you a small smile. "You're going to be good to him, right?"

You just looked at her for a moment before you felt a hand on your arm. Convinced it was Bradley, you spun around with a smile, only to find Kyle. 

"What do you want?" you asked him, wishing he would vanish. 

"Hey, I....just wanted to say hi, let you know I'm cool with what you said to me last weekend. See if I can buy you a drink to say sorry."

You just stared at him, kind of shocked. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Cam ripped me a new one, and I feel bad. We've known each other for awhile, you know? Come on, I'll get you a beer."

So you ended up sitting at the bar with Kyle, your backs to the door. He apologized, told you not to feel awkward if you ran into each other, and then you just chatted for a bit. You told him you would be flying out on Sunday morning via Comanche, and he wished you safe travels. 

You felt a little bit better, now you just needed to see Bradley.

-----------------------------------------

Today had been rough, but Bradley finally came to terms with what you had told him the night before. He would make himself be cool with doing things your way, because it was better than any alternative where he wasn't with you at all. You cared about him. You wanted him. That's what mattered. The rest could wait. He would be the very definition of chill. 

It was still early when he arrived at the bar, but he saw that your shitty little car was already here. He made his way inside and spotted you immediately. Your hair was loose and you were wearing your ripped up jeans and a tank top with your boat shoes. You looked so good, sipping on a bottle of your favorite beer. 

You turned slightly and laughed, and that's when Bradley saw you were sitting with that asshole Kyle. And you looked happy about it this time. Kyle leaned in a bit and nodded at something you were saying, clearly charmed by you. What the actual hell?

Suddenly Bradley understood how it must have felt for all the other girls before you who had caught feelings, just to see him move on a few days later. This was not fun for him at all. 

He stalked over to you and dropped a hand heavily on your shoulder. "Y/N, what the hell?"

You turned toward him with a bright smile on your face that vanished as soon as you saw his expression. 

Kyle jumped off of his stool. "Hey, we were just having a drink, it's not-"

"I wasn't talking to you, man," Bradley told him, never taking his eyes off of your face. Kyle just mumbled and shrunk off into the crowd, and Bradley dropped into his seat. 

"What's wrong? Do you want to go outside and talk?" you whispered to him, gesturing toward the door. 

"No, let's talk right here." Although the volume in the Hard Deck was loud enough that nobody would be able to hear you, he wanted to be seen with you. He needed to. 

"Okay... What do you want to talk about?" 

Bradley pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Come on, Sweetheart. You're really going to sit here and flirt with some guy you assured me you're no longer interested in? How is that fair to me?"

"I wasn't!" you insisted. "I wouldn't do that!"

"You won't let me call you mine, so somehow I don't count when you feel like chatting up that asshole? If we keep it casual, then you don't have to feel bad? You gonna go find Jake next and make his night a little nicer?"

"Jeez, Bradley, that's not even what happened! Give me a little credit here!" you whispered harshly.

He stared at your face, your eyes pleading with him to believe you. "I thought I could be cool about this, but I guess not. What are we? And don't you dare try to say we're just friends. Or friends with benefits. I'm not going to agree with that."

When you didn't respond, he let out a long breath and said, "You know, I'm starting to feel like your dirty little secret. Like you just want me around to make you feel good, fuck you all night, and spill my heart out to you. Don't you feel this connection?"

"Yes, of course I feel it! You're not the only one lost in their feelings here, Roo! You're not! I just don't know what else to tell you. I've never been good at this stuff. All the other guys I dated-"

"Let me stop you right there. See, that's the problem. I'm not talking about pasts here, Sweetheart, I'm talking about our futures."

He watched you chew on your lip before he continued. "I don't see how being in a relationship with me will make you look bad. So we'll have to have a conversation or two with some commanding officers? I'm more than willing to do that. So we'll have to be assigned to separate task groups from here on out? That's all good too, Baby Girl. I can keep my hands to myself during work hours, and treat you with the utmost respect. But you're killing me here."

Bradley paused to really look at your face. You were on the verge of tears. God, somehow he was the asshole in this scenario. He was the one who was going to make you cry, when all he wanted was to hold you and love you. 

"I'm leaving," he managed to say through his pulse pounding in his throat. He needed to get away from you before he did something really idiotic that he would regret. 

"I'll go with you," you said, a hiccup in your voice. "I want to go with you."

Bradley stood and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm going back to the barracks, and I'm too tired to figure out a way to sneak you in, just so we can fuck around. It's Friday night, the building is teeming with people. I'll just see you later."

And then he was gone. 

---------------------------------------

Your hands were shaking as you drove back to your apartment. Before you left the Hard Deck, you texted Maria and told her you were going to the barracks for the night. Then on your way to the parking lot, Phoenix had caught up to you and simply said, "He's worth it. I'm telling you, he's worth all of it. So please figure it out, because I don't know if he can."

Now you were stopping home to get your overnight bag and heading out once again. And you were pissed. Your thoughts were racing. Everything was moving too fast. You needed time to slow down. You just needed more time with Bradley. Everything would make sense if you had a few more weeks, or even just a few more days. 

You still had his visitor parking pass in your car, so that made the first step easier. After you parked and grabbed your bag, you made your way to the main entrance of the barracks. Bradley was right, this place was packed with officers and visitors. There were a ton of people waiting to be scanned in, so you stood at the end of the line and waited. 

"Hey, Lieutenant Y/L/N!" You turned and saw Fanboy on his way inside with a pizza box. "What brings you to the barracks?" he asked with a warm smile as he scanned his badge through the gate. He always had been very friendly.

"Oh, hey, Fanboy. I'm... I'm just here to see someone," you replied, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You didn't know what else to say.

"Rooster?" he asked with a grin.

Your eyes went wide. "Yeah... how did you know that?" He definitely must have seen you sneaking in at some point.

He just shrugged and smiled more. "Well, Rooster is the only one living here, other than Halo, Phoenix, Hangman and me. Halo is kind of antisocial, Phoenix is already at the Hard Deck, and Hangman would be swinging from the rafters shouting at the top of his lungs if you were here to see him," Fanboy told you with a laugh. "But don't worry, I'm cool. I won't say anything."

"Uhhh, thanks," you replied, and then the woman at the front desk was ready for you. Two forms of ID and a signature later, and you were in. 

"That was relatively painless," you muttered to yourself. Not that this was necessarily a grand gesture, but you had come through the main gate and Fanboy clearly knew what was going on. So it felt like something. The last thing you wanted was to have Bradley upset with you right before the mission started. Now you just had to find his room in this huge maze. You remembered his room number, so you just walked around until you found the correct hallway. 

As you neared his room, you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket.

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 &lt;3 <3: i'm so sorry, i should never have talked to you like that 

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 <3 <3: will you please call me when you can? you can call me anytime, even if you leave the hard deck late

Your heart couldn't handle much more as you knocked gently on his door. Because what if Maria was right, what if he was in love with you?

"Yeah?" he asked as he opened his door a little bit and then froze in surprise, his phone still in his hand. He was wearing just gym shorts, and he had clearly been running his hands through his messy hair. "Y/N. What are you doing here?" 

"I told you I wanted to come with you, but you left."

He poked his head out into the hallway and looked around, still puzzled. "How did you get in here?" 

"I checked in at the front desk."

"You did? But you have to give the name of whoever you're here to see. And you have to sign in with your full name and military ID."

"You don't think I know your name, Bradley Bradshaw? And I always have my ID on me."

Bradley just stared at you.

"Stop giving me that look. You're not my dirty little secret. Fanboy just saw me anyway... he knows I'm here to see you. He guessed it right away, quite possibly because I am generally doing a terrible job at hiding the way I feel about you. I'm so far gone over you, I might as well have Rooster sharpied on my face. But I don't even care if Fanboy knows, because you're not my dirty little secret, Bradley!"

He reached for you and pulled you into his arms. "I'm sorry I said that to you, Sweetheart. I shouldn't have done any of that. And if you want to talk to Kyle, that's your business. Even though I still think he's an asshole."

You leaned your cheek against his warm chest. You were standing in the middle of the open doorway, and you could hear people walking up and down the corridors. Bradley tried to pull you inside, but you dug your heels in. "Are you seriously jealous of him? Or Jake? Because if I wanted somebody else, I wouldn't be with you every single day as soon as work ends."

Bradley kissed your forehead. "I'm just frustrated, Baby Girl. And I should never take that out on you."

You felt like you were on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry too. And I didn't come here just to mess around, I came here to spend time with you. I always like spending time with you, Roo." You rubbed your face against him. "But I also don't know how I'm supposed to control myself when I want you all the time, Bradley! I feel the need in my bones. But truly, I didn't mean to make you feel bad about yourself. I didn't even know I was doing it."

Bradley leaned against the doorframe and held you as several officers walked by. "I want you all the time too, Baby Girl. Sometimes it makes it hard to think. And I was frustrated, because I know you'll sit at the bar at the Hard Deck with other guys for more than ten minutes, right out in the open. Hell, the only date we really went on that was just the two of us was nowhere near base. Is that the only reason you agreed to it?"

You kissed his chest, his deep breaths calming you. "No, that's not the reason at all. I begged you to ask me out a second time, because I wanted to be with you. And it was the best date ever, because being around you makes me feel good in every way."

"You make me feel good too."

"I just wish we had more time. I just need more time," you whispered, and when Bradley pulled you inside, you went with him.

-------------------------

Oh Bradley, you're definitely a little dirty, but nobody would keep you a secret for long.

This chapter includes a request from @rosesinmars who asked for a little more jealousy. Hope you enjoyed this one!

Check out Part 14

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[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Battle Of The Knights Pt. 4: Round 3 -Marc

Pairing: Moonknight trio x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: nothin- you're safe

Genre: fluff- still just fluff lol

Summary: "So let me get this straight, you all like me, so you each want to take me on a date and let me decide what to do after?" You can't believe the words you're hearing even as you repeat them back.

What happens when the relationships you've built with Marc and his two alters are turned on their heads by a proposition that is anything but simple? How can they expect you to risk blowing up the carefully crafted dynamic you've worked so hard to create? And why do you agree to such an insane suggestion?

***

As much as you'd like to sit and stew on your date with Jake the way you did with Steven, you're starting to think it's best for everyone not to draw this out any longer than absolutely necessary, so the following Friday you text the trio again, this time addressing Marc, with a message identical to the one you sent Steven and Jake.

Marc. Your week starts Sunday. You have until next Sunday to plan and execute a date on a day of your choosing or you forfeit your turn.

Marc almost immediately shoots back an affirmative like Jake did.

Okay.

But it wasn't until the next day that he reached out to give you any information on your date.

Hey y/n, right now my plan is to pick you up at 7 pm on Friday. Is that okay?

You chuckle to yourself as you read the message. He's the only one who asked if his choice was convenient for you. Even if that time didn't originally work you would make it work, if that's what time his plans are for you have no intentions to make it any harder.

Of course! See you then.

You shoot him back your reply quickly. Friday. You just need to make it through Friday. That is doable. On Thursday you remember to ask for a dress code since none of them seem particularly fond of revealing their plans in advance and when you're again told to keep it casual, you pick out a pair of shorts and a crop top for your third mystery date. Marc knocks on your door just after 7 looking a bit frantic when you open the door.

"Sorry I'm a bit late. I brought you flowers." Marc says holding out a bouquet of pretty purple and white blooms.

"Oh, it hasn't even been five minutes, don't worry about it. Give me just a second to set these up in a vase and then we can go. Okay?" You tell him, turning back into your apartment to put the flowers somewhere.

"Sure!" He calls after you without crossing the threshold. You don't actually have any vases lying around so you stick them in one of your reusable water bottles until you can get them a better home. No one's ever gotten you flowers before so keeping a vase in your apartment has literally never occurred to you before this moment. Marc waits patiently at your door until you return. It's strange to realize this but before now you hadn't really thought about it much until now. Usually, the boys move about your apartment as if they live here but through this whole process, none of them have stepped inside. Whether that was something they agreed on in advance or just a subconscious side effect of the temporary dynamic change you're not sure but you're not about to tip the scales for any of them by inviting Marc in. He can wait at the door if that's what he's chosen to do.

"Okay! Let's go." You smile at him once you're done, stepping out and locking your apartment door.

"Do you have your underground card by the way? We'll have to hop on the train from here." Marc tells you before you leave the building.

"Yeah, I've got it. Where are we going?" You ask.

"Oxford Circus." He says.

"Oxford Circus? What are we doing over there?" You ask frowning in confusion. The name of the station does not give you any clues as to what you'll be doing.

"That's all I'm gonna give you til we get there babes." Marc says.

"Fine." You say with exaggerated annoyance that makes Marc laugh as the two of you walk to the nearest underground station. You catch the next train headed for Oxford Circus while Marc asks you about how your week has been at work. Once you're off the train Marc takes your hand as he walks the streets to an unknown destination. After a few minutes, he pulls open the door to a building that you just barely catch the name of.

"Minigolf?!" You gasp.

"I thought it'd be fun, something laid back and low stakes. You know, except for the fact that you're definitely gonna lose."

"I'm gonna lose?! Oh, you are so going down Spector." You laugh.

"Yeah sure totally." He scoffs as you walk up to the desk at the front. The two of you pick your course, get your clubs and choose from the basket of colorful golf balls, yours blue and his yellow, and then the competition begins. You keep score because Marc is notorious for not doing that properly whenever you play games. By the time you get to the last of the nine holes of the course, it's not hard to guess how things will end. You line up what should be your final shot and knock the bright blue ball against an edge of the course that pushes it into the hole.

"HA! That's game baby! You lose." You jump up when it rolls in.

"Hey now, I could totally make this shot you know. It's not over til it's over." Marc defends.

"Even if you do make this shot Marc you're still five up. You can't beat me at this point." You shrug and Marc lines up for his next putt. It takes Marc two more shots to get his ball in.

"Damn." He shakes his head.

"Yeah- I totally wiped the floor with you." You laugh.

"No no, you wanna have the higher number obviously, so I win." Marc says looking at the scorecard.

"I know I've called you an idiot a number of times but I don't think you're that dumb. Or maybe you are if you think that's gonna work." You scoff. Marc slaps a hand against his chest dramatically.

"Ouch! Must you kick a man while he's down?" He sighs.

"Aw poor baby." You pout at him. "I'd feel worse if you hadn't declared that you'd beat me before we even started." You smirk at him.

"How evil." Marc smiles.

"That's what you get for saying I would and I quote 'definitely lose'. Looks like the stakes weren't what you thought they were."

"When did you get so good at mini golf anyway?" He asks.

"Oh I don't know. I don't play that often."

"What?" He blinks at you.

"I'm just good at most things." You shrug.

"I'd do well to remember that then." He hums.

"Yes. You would." You smile and turn to walk back to the desk to return your club and golf ball with Marc quickly catching up to walk beside you.

"So- I was thinking we could get burgers, or if you want something that's more upscale there's an Italian place not far from here that's pretty good." Marc suggests once the two of you have exited the building.

"In the theme of laid back and low stakes- burgers sound great." You say with a slight nudge.

"Awesome, there's a burger joint a couple blocks down that's so good even Steven likes going there." Marc throws an arm over your shoulders as you walk.

"Really? They have vegan options I'm guessing?" You ask.

"They do indeed. Although- since Steven isn't rambling in my head tonight I think I'll pass on the vegan options this time around. Don't tell him." Marc winks at you.

"Your secret is safe with me." You giggle. You've always found it sweet that Marc, despite not actually being vegan, tries to accommodate Steven's lifestyle as often as he does. Jake really can't be bothered- not that you blame him honestly- he's not vegan either, there's no reason for him to go out of his way to choose vegan options but Marc's attempt at consideration is nice. It only takes you about five minutes to make it to the restaurant Marc was talking about and since the place isn't busy when you get there it doesn't take long to get your food once you've ordered.

"I can see why even Steven likes this place." You hum popping a fry into your mouth.

"Good right?" Marc smiles.

"Yeah, I'll definitely be coming back here." You nod.

"Well- sounds like I'm doing pretty damn good tonight then."

"You're certainly better at planning dates than you are at playing mini golf, I'll give you that much." You shrug.

"I think I can accept that as your official assessment." He says.

"Yeah?" You chuckle.

"Yeah! Imagine if I sucked as bad at date planning. Now that would be something I can't recover from."

"I mean- it's not like I'd go home and block you if you planned a bad date." You wink.

"Sure but not getting blocked is such a low bar. I'm aiming for way higher." Marc says.

"You're doing great so far." You chuckle. The two of you joke and chat while finishing your food and even once all that's left is the rubbish you keep talking until eventually the place is getting ready to close and you have to leave. Your train ride back to your apartment is similarly filled with chatter. It's always interesting to you how no matter how long you spend with Marc you never actually run out of things to talk about with him. When you think about it, that actually applies to Jake and Steven too, it's like you can never spend enough time with them. It's nice, having someone, or in this case, a trio of someones, that you don't get tired of being around. Once you're back at your apartment there's an awkward transition from whatever you're talking about to goodbyes- neither of you particularly rushing for the night to end.

"Well- we made it back." Marc says.

"We did. I had a good time tonight." You tell him with a smile.

"That's all I was hoping for." He says. You chuckle and turn your back for long enough to unlock your apartment and then you face him again, leaning forward a bit to give Marc a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Goodnight Marc." You say quietly before stepping into your apartment.

"Wait-" Marc says before you can shut the door.

"Yes?" You tilt your head at him. You can practically see the gears turning in his head before he speaks again.

"When will we see you again?" He asks. You pause for a moment and consider what would be the best answer.

"Soon." You offer. Giving a specific date wouldn't do any good. If it's too soon you'll be pressured to rush the decision, and if it's too far anxiety may eat the boys up before you even get around to giving an answer.

"Just- soon?" His brows draw together in confusion.

"I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer it's just- well I've got a lot to think about here, I need some time to sort through my thoughts." You tell him.

"Sorry- we shouldn't pressure you. It's all so- strange, we know. It's just- well you know how we can be I guess." Marc says. You look at him for a moment, it's not often that Marc's nerves show, but right now he's fiddling with his fingers and you know for a fact that he's more anxious than he wants to let on.

"Before the month is over. I'll text you all." You say in an attempt to ease his uncertainty.

"That's three weeks." He says.

"Yeah, I know. That- should give me enough time to work out my feelings about this whole thing. And- you can pass that message along to Steven and Jake, yeah? Before the end of the month. I'll message you all and we'll meet up to talk." You nod as Marc's shoulders visibly drop slightly. As if having a timeline just drastically decreased how tense he was.

"Okay. We'll be waiting, whenever you're ready." He tells you.

"Goodnight Marc." You say.

"Goodnight y/n." Marc says. With that, you fully enter your apartment and shut the door behind you. Tonight was fun. So was your date with Jake the other week and Steven's before that. You simply enjoy spending time with all of them- which, you already knew. The more you think it over the more you are sure that you're in way over your head, but it's a little late to worry about that now. You have a decision to make. But you also have three weeks before an answer is expected. Tonight you'll just let yourself enjoy the post-date bliss and you'll worry about the decision tomorrow. Or the next day. You'll get to it. Just not tonight.

***

Taglist: @queerponcho @avengersinitiative2012 @stressed-cherry @animechick555

[ani-coolgirl]

I'M NOT DEAD YET!

Hey, y'all. Some of you might have been wondering where I've been. Was I injured? Did I die? Did I simply give up and fall into a black hole so I didn't have to face my failures? Allow me to express they events chronologically:

Saturday the 18th: Start writing the next entry to Every First Time but realize it's kind of late. Go to bed with an incomplete fic but a solid idea.

Sunday the 19th: Starting off the week strong with my A/C breaking down. As I live in one-star review state of Texas, you might come to conclusion that I did which is: This is Very Bad.

Monday the 20th: I accidentally murder my laptop (well, since it was an accident, I guess it's manslaughter). Cracked up the screen right and good. A/C still broken.

Tuesday the 21st: Friend diagnoses my laptop as fixable... after he orders some parts. Guy shows up (at 9PM for some reason) to diagnose my A/C. It's fixable... after he orders some parts.

Wednesday the 22nd: Migraine. So bad I almost barf. Everything still broken.

Thursday the 23rd: Different technician diagnoses my A/C as fixable! He fixes it! It breaks down an hour later. He determines it is fixable... after he orders some parts. Guy also feels the need to share that his friend won the Power Ball a few years back and has invited him to move to Germany because the US is garbage and he's afraid Trump's going to be re-elected. I too wish to move to Germany, in part so I can escape this very weird conversation.

Friday the 24th-Sunday the 26th: Surprise visit from the sister! This is a Good Things but also means that I get absolutely nothing done, especially because I'm staying in a hotel so I don't melt. Dreams of submitting an update in a semi-timely fashion completely die. Everything still broken.

Monday the 27th: Memorial Day! I honor the fallen of my country by ruminating about how all my shit is still broken and won't get fixed because it's a holiday.

Tuesday the 28th: TORNADO WARNING. No whirlwinds of death touchdown near me, fortunately, but I am awakened at 6AM by phone alerts and sirens so, I spend an hour huddling in my bathroom with my loudly complaining cats while severe thunderstorms rage outside. No significant damage, but I am smacked in the face with greenery when I open the door to the backyard when I discover that the tree has decided to spread its leaves (hah) and broaden its horizons... meaning there are several large segments of the tree that need amputating. Everything still broken.

Wednesday the 29th: D-day. Tree has several limbs amputated. All ordered parts arrive. My A/C is fixed! My laptop is fixed! And then... THE POWER GOES OUT (only for five minutes, but it did scare the shit out of me). Buuuuut, my laptop's emergency surgery led to unexpected complications, namely that for some reason, several of the keys aren't working. Luckily, I have a spare keyboard, so I said "fuck it" and am currently dealing with it. I work on an incomplete fic that had a solid idea and I, uh, kinda remember what it was. Mostly.

So, yeah. I've had a wacky week and a half. Really not much to say here but FUCK YOU, CHUCK, YOU ASSHOLE. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU??

[daylilys137]

Here is part two of my Zutara teaching idea. Still not sure what to call it?

Katara loved her job. She had basically taken over for Master Pakku as soon as he had retired. Yue had taken over from nurse Kiyana just a year later, and Katara loved working with her best friend. To add to all the excitement, Toph took over for the earth bending teacher when he suddenly decided to dedicate more of his time to his wrestling career as “The Boulder”. It was nice having so many friends at her job, not to mention finally getting to rip out the last of the misogynistic ways of the old waterbending teachers. 

Most of the rest of her high school friend group had moved onto better and bigger things, and she wasn't all that good at keeping in touch with them. An occasional comment on a social media update or a text here and there was about it. The one she had been the worst at keeping in touch with was Zuko, mainly because she wasn't sure how to catch up without sounding too…. well, interested. She'd had a crush on him since her first year and knew that he would likely always just see her as an annoying little sister since he was always with Sokka. She had dated a few other schoolmates, one even in Zuko's class (Haru who graduated two years before she did). The last boy she dated had been her final year as a student, Aang. She hadn't really been sure about it, but she only had two more months before she graduated, so she figured if it wasn't great, it wouldn't last anyway with her heading off to live abroad for a year. They had ended things as friends. 

Here it was, 3 years later, and the man she had been pining for the longest was now rejoining her and her friends. She had turned around hearing Dean Bumi talking to someone, and seeing Zuko was so thrilling she couldn't help the smile that took her over. She tried to keep her voice casual at least when asking him what he was doing here. He had seemed shocked at seeing her. Bumi had answered the question, and she nodded, letting her smile fade to what she hoped looked more neutral yet friendly. She couldn't believe she'd be getting to see him all the time now. Then Zuko had simply said, “Katara, it's good to see you again.” 

The way Zuko said her name had her heart fluttering. She asked him if he was excited about teaching as they all walked back to the building together. He seemed pleased about the new arrangement, though a bit nervous. He talked about how leading men and women as an officer in the military probably trained him better for this job than just about anything else. As he headed out of her classroom to go fill out paperwork and get started on his own classroom, she told him to always feel free to ask for help should he need it. 

“My door is always open and if you'd like you can join Toph, Yue, and I this Friday night to celebrate the last weekend of summer. Maybe we could all catch up?” Katara said, trying to sound casual. 

“OK. Yeah, it might be nice to catch up with everyone. Zuko said, smiling at her. “And besides that I'm not sure if Toph will really let me get away with not coming. She might just bully me the whole way there.  Where are we meeting?” 

“Oh I can pick you up if you'd like,” and worrying it sounded too “date-like” Katara quickly added, “I could make sure Toph doesn't bully you the whole way there.” 

Zuko simply chuckled and said, “Sure. Text me when.” He turned and left her room. 

Throughout the week they would occasionally see each other at staff meetings, where she made sure not to sit right next to him. He was distracting enough without sharing his space. However, on Thursday, her luck was not so keen as she was running late. Toph had saved her a seat right between her and Zuko. Toph had smirked as she suggestively patted the chair. Toph had known for a while about her crush, I mean, there was no point in keeping a secret from the earthbender who could sense heartbeats. She sat down and scowled at Toph, though Toph wouldn't see it. 

She had immediately noticed Zuko shift a tiny bit and suddenly felt all the warmth coming from him. He was a firebender, after all. He was a foot away. It wasn't like she was sitting in his lap, but of course, now that she had pictured that scenario, she could barely hear the calendar announcements Dean Bumi was going through. Toph apparently had decided that since some terrible (or wonderful) fate had brought Zuko back, this year was going to be the year she should torture Katara. As soon as Bumi finished his announcements, Toph turned to her, Zuko and Yue and said, “Well, perhaps we should all volunteer to do the first one together, that way we get our required duty out of the way, and we all get to go together. It'll be like old times.” 

Her and Zuko simultaneously said, “What?” while Yue nodded in agreement. 

Toph smiled knowingly in her and Zuko's direction and said, “Weren't paying attention?... All teachers have to attend one dance during the year as chaperones. I was suggesting we all chaperone the first one together so that we don't have to do it the rest of the year. It'll be like old times, getting all dressed up and having fun together.” 

She looked over at Zuko unintentionally, thinking about what he looked like at the last dance before his and Sokka's graduation. He just happened to catch her eye, but he quickly turned away. She saw him swallow before nodding and saying, “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. And if these kids are anything like we were, they're less likely to be completely stupid at the beginning of the year.” 

Yue smiled and said, “We could all go shopping for our outfits together.” 

Toph made a small grunt. She didn't particularly like shopping. “Well... I guess the first dance pictures always do end up in the yearbook, so we better be looking pretty good." Suddenly, Toph smirked and said, "Plus, it will give us a chance to dress Sparky up.” 

Katara could see Zuko turning a deep shade of scarlet, and she giggled along with the girls. He looked down at Katara with a small smile before pointing a finger at each of them, “I can dress myself, thank you.” 

They signed up in 4 of the last 6 spots for the first dance. Toph tried to bully Zuko into going shopping with them, but he simply said, “You guys will just have to surprise me with what you get. I will just be wearing a basic suit anyway.” Katara couldn't decide if she was more nervous or more excited about that first dance. It was still a month and a half away, and there was plenty to do in the meantime. Tomorrow, she would be picking up Zuko for their "teacher's night out," and she needed to be able to act normal through a 10-minute car ride alone with him. What should she wear?...

[becomingkatie]

Saturday morning at 10am I was stomping around like "the weekend is half over and I haven't gotten anything done yet!" Clearly I was feeling more than a little stressed about maximizing the weekend, lol.

Saturday morning I baked a loaf that I'd mixed up Thursday night and shaped and popped in the fridge Friday morning. It's got fish peppers from my garden and cheddar cheese in it - a nod to a jalapeno cheddar loaf, but I didn't have jalapenos. The fish peppers are SPICY. Like, I cut a slice of bread and my hands tingle and then I scrub them with soap and then if I rub my eyes it still burns them. Soooo, maybe not the best? If you've ever wanted to sweat and cough from eating spicy bread, I have succeeded in making the spicy loaf for you.

Saturday night I made marry me chicken gnocchi soup. I'd say it's medium. Good enough to happily eat the leftovers of, but probably not so tasty that I'll make it again. Well, I say that, but Ken has been saying, "Next time I think I'd (insert small change here)" so I think he actually really enjoyed it and might want it again. Anyway, it's gone well with a slice of toast on the side.

We had a big finances talk Saturday, too, since even over 2 years of marriage the only joint finances we have is a credit card I got where he's an authorized user so we can have a "joint" card. We're going to be moving to a fully (or at least mostly) joined approach (with some separate savings and investments) so we are getting ready for that.

Sunday morning I was in a MUCH better mood and we went for an "easy" gravel ride where I cried on the side of the road and nearly puked in someone's driveway because it was such a challenge. I haven't been riding much, and I haven't been challenging myself much either. Combine that with having covid a few weeks ago, and it was a shock to me how hard this ride was. Ken signed us up for a "mini" 25-mile gravel ride in about 6 weeks, so I have some work to do to make that an enjoyable experience and not a sufferfest. I've done a 40-mile gravel grinder ride a few times and loved it - it just makes me really sad to be in such worse shape now than I used to be. At least I genuinely enjoy cycling so the climb back to where I want to be is something I can have fun with.

After the ride we got bagel sandwiches in the town near the start/stop point. Mine had sausage, egg, cheese, and apple butter. I'm a sweet+savory gal so it was AMAZING. And then we showered and I napped on the living room floor for half a football game. ("Ken, can you put on the football channel so I can take a nap?") After dinner I made a blueberry muffin recipe that uses sourdough discard. I'd been meaning to make them for ages and finally had discard in the fridge and time to whip them up. It said to divide into 12 muffins... I am not sure that was the right move. But they taste great.

It's going to be a busy week. Plenty of work, a vet neurologist appointment for Theo, both individual and couple's therapy on Tuesday (I hate double-therapy days ugh), and trying to stay up late and push hard to finish editing this book so I can publish it before the end of the month. This weekend we want to bike again, and I want to do some training stationary bike workouts during the week, and we also both need to make sure we have clothes (or, more likely, get some clothes) for the two October weddings we have coming up. So I am Stressed but it'll be a good time if I can manage to enjoy myself through all the busy. And people add kids on top of this??? Howwww???

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I had a rough week last week. Tuesday my dog gets sick, so I look up her symptoms. And bc I'm a crazy person, my mind automatically latched onto the worst possibility. So I spent three hours crying hysterically and having panic attacks bc I was so scared she would die. Then Wednesday I had to take my dog to vet and was still super stressed out. Thursday and Friday I have to deal with medicaid and disability paperwork. Saturday I had a panic attack so bad that I couldn't stop it and had to text my brother to come help me (he lives with me. we're too poor to live without a roommate, and we've basically lived together our whole lives, so it was whatever). Sunday morning I have a panic attack and can't leave my house to play my weekly dnd game bc the thought of spending hours with other people away from home was...bad. Sunday night, I got completely (and irrationally) terrified of being alone. I was so afraid that I called my mom, and of course she offers to come over. And I'm freaking out so bad I let her, even though it was late and I know she has to get up early for work. (She only stayed until my brother got back around 10:30)

BUT, today is a new day. I managed to get my blood work done today, and talk on the phone to my case worker, and pick up a pair of contacts from my eye doctor to wear until my order comes in. And I didn't have a panic attack. I mean, I still had to have my dad take me, bc leaving home alone isn't something I can do right now. (Mentally or physically. My brother's car broke down, and since he's the one who has a job, he's been using mine. i stg it's like a fucking family curse; every time someone is already in a financial bind, their car will break down.)

So I have decided to take the next few days to just relax. My two besties that I've been friends with since middle school both have kids with autism and they said I'm probably going through autistic burn-out. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and my doctor thinks I'm somewhere on the spectrum, though on the lower support side. I'm gonna play bg3, and unwind. And try to work on some fic. (bc I have the next chapter of 16 Days damn near finished, and it's the last chapter that ties up the current plot, then there's an epilogue that takes place later that played out like a movie in my head, so writing it will be a breeze.)

Side note, did y'all know that some school systems still use 'high/low functioning'. I've had to say to my coworkers that autistic people would prefer not to use those terms. But it isn't surprising; one of my cousin's kids was literally diagnosed with Asperger's. Which has fallen under the autism spectrum disorder since like, forever ago. And also there was a TA in the autism classroom I worked in once who literally told me that autism was caused by demonic possession. I'm so glad I left the school system. Bc I eventually was going to fucking explode with rage after the way my kids were treated. (My students, not my actual kids. I don't have or want any)

Working in EC has really shown me how little the school system actually cares about helping the disabled; they will cut corners and do shit that 'technically' meets a kid's IEP, but doesn't do a damn thing to help them. And if you say something like, 'i don't think that counts' your coworkers will not be happy. But to a certain degree you can't be too mad, bc there is literally not enough time or resources to meet every child's needs, bc they cram as many kids in one EC classroom as possible, hire the minimum amount of TAs required by law and expect one teacher to be able to magically meet all their needs. My last job had 3 kids in wheelchairs in those tiny ass mobile units schools started using, that literally did not have room to move around, unless the other students stood up to let them get by, and sometimes even move their desk. We had multiple kids with autism. One of them stimmed by screaming, another was triggered by loud noises.

This post kinda went off on a tangent. Anyway, heads up to any parents who have kids starting school, make sure you get a copy of your child's IEP. If you think they aren't being serviced, contact your local Board of Education, and tell them that you have a child with an IEP who isn't receiving adequate services. Then threaten to sue them if they don't start providing your kid their services. It does not matter if you can actually afford to sue them or not, an IEP is a legally binding document. You have the right to sue, and most of the time the threat alone is enough to kick their ass into gear.

[museum-spaces]

oh gang I have been over doing it lately.

Here's a list of everything I did since last Sunday [6 August 2023]

Sunday; get up, get shower, eat food, convince myself to go to Vancouver Pride. It's about an hour away via public transit. Met up with a new 'friend' [thank you grindr, just friends thanks gang] and went in. watched for 3 hours, then walked through the festival for a few hours. Get home before dark, but couldn't tell you when.

Monday; stat holiday, walk Ianto, sleep, walk Ianto, sleep

Tuesday; Walk Ianto at 6ish, back to work; work all day on projects and staff needs, at 4 have a 1 hour meeting with 3 other people, at 5 have a 1 hour meeting with the Boss Man, take Ianto to dog park, get home after 8pm

Wednesday; walk Ianto at 6ish, very similar to Tuesday with added 'oh shit one of our staff won't be available for 5 days he's supposed to work leaving it up to me, and one other staff because the other two staff have vacation time and won't be in Canada' stress. Take Ianto to the dog park, get home between 7 and 8.

Thursday;walk Ianto at 6ish, just me and my Second for most of the day at the museum, lots of uping and downing of stairs to take care of things.

Friday; walk Ianto at 6ish, get to work, work for 2 hours, get lift to Museum of Vancouver for professional development, be told lunch would happen there so I didn't bring anything... lunch does not happen. Learn about native plants, new methods of display, and some other very cool things. Get back to the Museum at 4, eat a frozen muffin, work for an hour before taking Ianto to the dog park, get home between 7 and 8pm.

Saturday; get up late, walk Ianto from about 7-8;30/9. get breakfast and plan on starting laundry. Fall asleep until 4;30 instead. wake up feeling SO ILL but Ianto needs to go outside. Decide to take my cane for the first time since moving. forget to bring my cane. find a stick that is about 2 inches too short. walk Ianto to a dog park [not our usual]. get asked if I am about to pass out by one of the humans there. wave her off and lean heavy on my stick. eventually sit my ass down on the ground. go home and sleep.

Sunday; get up and walk Ianto at 6ish. get home and realize I'm going to fall asleep again. Set my alarm because I need groceries and to do laundry. wake up and crawl back out of bed shortly after noon. sit on my couch and lose it because I know I will not be able to go shopping. Break down and order grocery delivery. Crawl into the shower and scrub off. have a nap. take Ianto out again. Get home at about 8, think about ordering delivery dinner. fall asleep instead.

Monday; wake up to the delivery app still open on my phone. walk Ianto, go to work, spend a few hours in the front of house, then a few hours in my office, then a few hours working with the treasurer.. yay training. take Ianto to the dog park but it's too hot for him to play, so go to the water instead. get home at about 6;30, before I let myself sit down I started my laundry, ordered dinner in, and hopped in the shower. By the time I got out of the shower dinner was ready [yay]. then grocery delivery got here. now siting on my couch zoning out.

I am so tired yo. I did not leave out any showers or other chores. I have not done dishes. I have not swept. Not brushed or trained with Ianto.

Just work and sleep and 2 outings.

The next 2 weeks are going to be a nightmare because of staffing fuckery. fuck fuck fuck.

I need to remember I am actually disabled and although I have much more energy than I did before, I also have much longer working hours/requirements.

I think part of the hard part is that I genuinely enjoy the work. And the activities. After the first 3 hours at pride I knew I'd struggle on monday but I was having such a euphoric time that I couldn't leave. Like, at Camel Town I was always a little bit annoyed by the situation. At the hotel I was just there to pay rent... and I failed at that. But I really really like this place, gang.

[karizard-ao3]

Ask and you shall receive!

I remember thinking it would be funny if as the days of the week went by, Armins body starts to have a physical reaction to the stress he’s feeling so this is was what I had:

- Monday; wakes up late and start of his back rash, Tuesday; back rash has spread from his right shoulder to his left. He wakes up and finds he has a giant pimple on his nose. Wednesday; back rash has now spread to his middle back (very itchy!!). Jams his pinky finger in the classroom door which results in him having to wear a cast. Thursday; back rash has now spread lower. Breaks his glasses. Friday; pretty sure the rash is spreading elsewhere now, his pimple is about ready to pop, he has a cast on his pinky and hand, is forced to wear contact lenses and ends up getting gum in his hair. Also loses his shit.

Also, I loved this idea of both Eren and Mikasa listening to “Drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo on repeat because they both think they’ve been broken up with. So after the disaster that was Monday, he decides to go visit his friends after school:

Mikasa

- knocks on the front door of Mikasa’s house and is met by the very tired stare of a father to a teenaged daughter filled with angst. Her dad tells him to come in, where he subsequently hears the bass of what seems to be the bridge of Drivers License. Mikasa’s mother also looks very tired sitting at the kitchen table, where she says to Armin “she hasn’t stopped playing it since last night”. He makes the very daunting walk up the stairs and down the hall to Mikasa’s bedroom where he waits long enough to hear the song end and start again. He knocks and is met by a very puffy Mikasa and a thousand tissues scattered around her bedroom with miss Rodrigo blasting against the walls. He leaves her house with absolutely no answers and a snot stain on his shoulder.

Eren

- goes to Erens place next where hopefully Aunt Carla will ask Armin to stay for dinner because his mom is making tuna casserole at home and the Ackermans had not uttered a single word about dinner invitations after he failed in getting Mikasa to turn the music off. As he stands at the front door he hears the music playing from Erens bedroom because his window is wide open and his room is directly above him. He doesn’t knock, Carla doesn’t care, she’s wearing noise cancelling headphones. To Armins horror Eren doesn’t have his door closed, no, it’s wide open and there he is, laying upside down on his bed, belting the bridge to Drivers License as if he’s the only boy in the world.

Armin goes home that night with less answers than he started with and rumbling of his tummy as he accepts his fate of tuna casserole. The bridge to Drivers License is stuck in his head.

Feel free to add your own ideas if you have any!! I would love to hear if you have any suggestions because you’re my idol when it comes to idiot EMA teenagers 😂😂

Please forgive me because I'm doing talk to text so I'm sure things are going to be misspelled but I'm too excited about this to wait any longer to reply LOL. I love that they're listening to driver's license because at 15 years old, in the US at least, the most those chuckleheads have are there Learners permits and so if they wanted to drive past each other's houses to be dramatic they would have to bring an adult with them. Please imagine if you will e r e n inviting Zeke over and not telling him that the sole purpose of him being there is for him to sit in the passenger seat while e r e n circles mikasa's block.

Also, I'm dying at arman's maladies. The rash spreading over his poor, frail body, his glasses breaking... This boy can't catch a break! And then the tuna casserole on top of that. Why does it feel so canon for Armin's parents to cook the most American Midwest shit? I just know his mom is a connoisseur of the different varieties of condensed cream soup.

Is Jean going to be opportunistic about the breakup or is he planning to bide his time?

[editorialsonlife]

taking the time off from work was a v good call. I also spent 2 days on a leadership course last week and.. oofff. it was rough. None of us were fully prepared for what we walked into there which was probably for the best but it's part one of a three part course and this module is all about leading yourself, and a deep dive into an assessment called Lifestyles Inventory which looks at your default personality settings when you get into conflict or hard situations and then looking at triggers and habits and rewards and it was just a whole deep dive into a lot of stuff with an overwhelm of information and like, it was really really good and I enjoyed it but it was also like, 2 days of group therapy lol and just A. LOT.

And a bit ruthlessly (for me anyway, considering everything else that has been going on mental health wise as of late) you do an assessment of your satisfaction in all the different areas of your life and the moment and yeah, it kinda hurt to put it on paper and see where things are at right now. good, but painful.

off the back of that, and several conversations with v good, life long friends I've made the call to go on antidepressants (and pls know I have zero issue with other people taking them and have actively encouraged people to take them this is my own BS mental programming for myself and the stupid standards to which I hold myself) and like, it feels so much like admitting defeat and giving up. and I know, I KNOW its not that realistically. but fuck does it ever feel it.

and since I've given myself permission to admit just how much things suck right now, and how much they have sucked for a while, its just a lot of feelings and awfulness and there's nothing quite like seeing a 21/27 score for depression and 15/21 for anxiety to be like, oh yep its time to throw something else at this and get on with this. So I'm off to the GP on Thursday to talk about it. He basically wanted to put me on them the first visit I made to him but I didn't want to and I commend him because the discussion was v reasonably, take the time off work, see how you're feeling after that and we'll revisit it then which I really appreciated. so this is just the next step in the plan and we'll go from there. I won't start them for a couple of weeks regardless just because of the holiday stack (currently in Taupo with the girls for a long weekend and then off to sydney in 8 days for a friend's birthday) and then when I'm back from that I have a solid 6 week stretch at home before melbourne with dave to start them and hopefully settle a bit as well.

In the meantime, I woke up at 445 which is just too early, and today is a v flat day, and I need to rally coz we have walks and brunch and hot pool plans and I don't wanna be a downer for everyone so rally I must. home tomorrow, then work on wednesday and a wfh day thursday while I have counselling and GP appointment and then friday in the office as well. it'll be fine.

I have more thoughts about the leadership course but I will share those later coz other people are now up and about.

[justaredheadf1fan]

First one in the US is here

Well, hiyah!

That gif made sense seeing all the spectacle going on in Miami since yesterday. Not a fan, but what can I do?

I'm starting to think about stopping this blog not even halfway through the season. Just because with a job with such random shifts and maybe only 2-3 free weekends (Barcelona being one of them since we're attending once again) until I'm done in October keeping it up seems kinda tedious ngl. I'll see what I decide in the next few weeks, I'm still getting used to the adult life again 🤣

Press conference - Thursday

I haven't really paid attention to what was said in the pressers, plus they didn't talk about anything interesting whatsoever.

The most interesting thing was about last weekend's drama between George and Sid the Sloth due to Crofty's question. George really is a mood right now. I mean, it was just an inchident, problem with a certain someone is still that he can't take it when someone pulls the same crap as he normally does.

But that's about it. Maybe tomorrow I'll pay more attention, but there's no promises.

Free Practice 1 - Friday

Well, in all honesty, I've watched the first session without watching it. I was drying my hair while FP1 was on and I didn't really pay attention.

There was some trouble for George apparently that they had to fix before he got back on track, the track is almost brand new since they changed the shitty ass tarmac so they all needed to try different set ups to see what works and what doesn't in this new bore of a circuit. Nothing new, all in all.

Hülkengberg did crash with like 20 or 25 minutes to go and the session was Red Flagged immediately. Quick job for once, wish the FIA took it this seriously every single time.

Other than that, the only interesting enough information is having George, Lewis and Sharl respectively on the Top 3. What a sight for sore eyes, am I right? 🥹

It might be a little too late to watch FP1 but I need to take advantage of the free Friday although I'm getting up early tomorrow for work...

Free Practice 2 - Friday

Okay, not the day to watch F1, truth be told. I'm getting ready for bed while I watch FP2 🤣 I'm being so unserious today it's actually funny. Anywho.

Grape Scotch (this reference might be too "obscure"), that save from Kevin!!!!! He missed the wall by less than nothing, phew!!!

Besides that especial someone having troubles with his car's insides, the rest has been really quiet. Even though I've been busy while watching, I've been paying more attention to this one, all for nothing.

SHARL AGAINST THE WALL, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

Geez, thank goodness it was close to the end and nothing else happened. What a bore. When I wanted some excitement I didn't mean my boy crashing!!!

Anywho, more tomorrow. I might die of lack of sleep but I'll watch from my grave then 🤣

Free Practice 3 - Saturday

Ladies and gents, I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION. You could say that I dislike this GP and you'd be right. It's not interesting, DRS zones have been shortened, nothing's going on. You name it.

I mean, there's really no point in watching this atm. I couldn't be any more bored. This race for me looks more like a circus than a sport. Well, nowadays all of them are, but Miami is the worst representation. It's more important having celebrities and events unrelated to the sport than the actual race weekend. It's sad. I miss the old F1 so much.

It's been painful to write this crap of a "summary", because you can't even call it that. So unmotivating 🤣

I'm sorry this is such a downer, not proud of it. But I feel like if I don't even try and watch it all and make a post and everything I'd be failing my resolution toward this blog.

Anyway, I'll watch Quali later. I hope it's more interesting. I really hope it is.

Peace out!

[bestdressedchuuya]

Ever since I made that post about how much I dislike tuesdays, I've been thinking of scoring each day of the week for some reason. So here we go: as someone who works mon-fri, here's my opinion on each day

Monday (5/10) - I won't rank this one as low as you might expect. Mondays usually go by fairly quickly for me, probably because I'm still somewhat refreshed from the weekend

Tuesday (1/10) - Horrible day. All the refreshment from the weekend is already used up and I start to yearn for days off again but it's not even CLOSE to next weekend.

Wednesday (5.5/10) - Meh. I've got nothing against Wednesdays. I've kinda gotten back into the groove of working by now so it's whatever.

Thursday (6/10) - Getting much closer to the weekend! But it loses a lot of points because it always feels like it should be friday by now, and it makes me sad when it isn't.

Friday (7.5/10) - Hell yes friday!! Friday evenings are so good because I'm all done with work and I've got the whole weekend to look forward to. Loses some points because I still have to get up early and go to work.

Saturday (10/10) - The pinnacle of days. I can sleep in, stay up late, and I have no work obligations whatsoever. All days should aspire to be like saturday

Sunday (8.5/10) - A nice relaxing day. Good for sleeping in and staying in bed for a long-ass time. Loses some points because I have to go to bed early for work the next day.

Aaaaand repeat.

[annieintheaair]

One day you'll just wake up laughing like did that even happen. No way out, only way is through.

We ended up having a lot of fun after I signed off last week. I got home super late and struggled to function all day Sunday but it was worth it. I watched church online and accomplished pretty much nothing all day but I'm working on allowing myself to rest when I need to.

Monday I got stuck in major traffic heading home from work. My GPS told me to go a different way because of an accident that shut down the highway that I take home. The alternate route ended up taking me an hour anyway so by the time I got home, I had just enough time to shower and rush out the door to go to the hair salon for content day.

I spent a few hours at the salon taking pictures for their social media pages, which was kind of fun and I am excited to see them posted over the next 6 months. It was actually really draining though so I was glad to go home and rest for the remainder of the day.

Tuesday morning I made it to a yoga class that I hadn't been to in over a year. It was nice to be back in that studio and feel like I was creating a new routine. In the afternoon, I went to see my therapist and it felt very mixed when I had to choose three emotions that I had felt over the last week.

Wednesday morning I made the decision to go to my first pilates class in a very long time. I am still feeling the aftermath of it because it was an intense workout. I'm hoping to make it to at least 3 pilates classes per week now.

Even though I had hoped to find a trip to work Wednesday night, it was actually nice to be off. I went to students and then had time at home to relax before bed. I never really mind going to work at night but on the nights that I get to be home, I enjoy them even more since they're so far and few.

Thursday morning I made it to bible study and a lot of the women in my group couldn't make it so it was super small. I almost didn't make it, too, since I was busy putting out fires at my other job and ended up being a few minutes late.

After bible study, I was really craving matcha from White Rhino and decided to stop and get a bagel from my favorite bagel place, too. I finished out the day with work but found time to go to yoga before that.

Friday was such a relief since I knew I'd be off that night. I went to yoga in the morning and then went to the nail salon for a mani/pedi. I got home just in time for my new phone delivery since it required a signature.

Shinayde and Brent came over in the evening and we went to Oktoberfest. It was fun and we ended the night drinking frozen margaritas at a Mexican restaurant. Back at my house, we played games until about 2am.

Saturday morning they headed home and I was supposed to go to my community group but I really wasn't feeling it. Instead, I allowed myself a slow start and then ran some errands. Around 5pm, Julie and I got an Uber and went to Tupps Oktoberfest, which was fun except for the fact that they ended up cutting off food sales since they couldn't keep up with the demand. We went to The Yard instead and got some appetizers there before heading home for the night.

Surprisingly, I woke up around 8am today, got ready, and went to church at 9:30am. When I got home, I attempted to finish setting up my new phone and then ended up without service on either phone, which required a trip to the Verizon store. They were able to restore service to my new phone but now my watch won't connect and I'm wondering if it's because it's too old. I checked online to see the status of my new one and it says it's supposed to be available for pickup this week. Hopefully, that's true since I kind of need my watch for work.

I stopped at Dilla's on the way home to get a quesadilla for lunch. It was really good and I'm honestly shocked that I've lived near Dilla's for a very long time and never tried it.

It has been somewhat of a lazy afternoon, just relaxing and going to yoga tonight before work. I could honestly use a nap at this point but part of me wants to go to the pool and soak up one of the last pool days of the season (who am I kidding, it's still 100 degrees).

xoxo

Annie

[noodlyappendages03]

Saw him this morning for all of two seconds and said hi. Was pleasant and oddly, it wasn't weird. He slowed his pace and we made eye contact, but he didn't stop to chat and ask me where I had been. My guess is he figured it was none of his business and didn't want to give the wrong impression or the mean, self-loathing part of me thinks he straight up didn't care. I showed up late because my daughter had a ceremony at school. I'm sure he noticed because he took my damn parking spot!

He left early today. DD doesn't owe me anything and I'm not entitled to know his whereabouts either, but it's one of these guesses: 1. He has his kid and there's some sort of end of year event (thus, why I also came in late). 2. He's meeting with a divorce lawyer to hash out child support (the likeliest possibility based on what I've heard from last week). 3. He has another date. I prefer to think it's Option #2, since he was getting advice from his dad who had flown into town on Friday. He's been doing divorce stuff every other Tuesday.

But there's always that distinct possibility he left early to meet up with a woman. I don't want to think about that....or it being the same woman I had mentioned before. Which is why #2 is either the truth or a comforting lie. Guess I'll find out if he shows up tomorrow morning or tomorrow afternoon.

People are complicated. Life is complicated. It's hard to relate to TikTok because many of those giving advice are younger and it's their first rodeo. Let me be a bit delulu and more nuanced for a minute. My guess - based on the look he gave me and the context, which can't be described in words adequately - is that he was starting to fall in love with me but knew he didn't want more and also wasn't in a place to give more. We were having a great time, then suddenly it just came to a screeching halt. It wasn't a definitive answer. "Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore..." He couldn't ask me for the next step and the next step would have also put my career there on ice. He didn't want me to uproot my life because I think he realized in the process of uprooting his how much I would have to sacrifice for him. Money I worked hard to earn, my house I've worked so hard on. Time with my daughter. Time that he will most likely lose with his own. He knows I love my daughter and knows that it would break my heart if I was going through the same ordeal. So he didn't want me go through that if I didn't have to. Plus, if it affected our professional life, that had the potential to negatively affect the child support issue as well as my livelihood. He couldn't give me the consistency I need, and it wouldn't have been fair to me. (But of course he can have fun with another divorcee who doesn't work with him, is jaded by love, and has already been through the whole thing. Less at stake with that one. She has less to sacrifice for him. Hmm. Key word....less.) In a way, it was a very loving thing to do to be honest and up front. And I did a loving thing back by letting go, as hard as it was. (He's a smart man...I think now he knows just how hard it was to make the decision that I did. I was trying not to tear up talking to him Friday, which is why I was averting my eyes so much. Soul-searching wasn't just me flipping a coin. I agonized and cried for hours.)

ETA: His divorce is public record, so I looked. He contested his divorce on Friday, which is why he was gone. He's hurting and stressed. Explains Thursday and Friday. I was hurting, he was hurting. Fuck. Not sure where he went today. He has no clue I lay in bed crying a good chunk of the weekend.

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and thirteen

okay, trying a new format which will be proper grammar but all lowercase. i'll see how it goes and how i'll like it.

this week's been A LOT. yet very exciting. i moved to stockholm on thursday. had to wake up at 3 am but surprisingly ended up falling asleep quite late. the flights were not great, i felt quite anxious on both of them but i took melatonin for both and ended up sleeping for most of them.

i've of course also been listening to lots of kent. i feel like such a poser walking around town with kent in my ears even if no one can hear and no one would care.

one thing about stockholm is that it's very humbling walking around town because literally everyone's hot. it's insane. like, people are so fashionable and fancy and conventionally attractive while i feel like i barely match their level in a full face and my best outfit on a good hair day. truly so humbling.

on friday i met up with m for food and drinks. we struggled finding each other first because of the friday after work rush hour but once we got to the restaurant/pub thingy, it was very empty although it filled up over the time we were there. it was a burger place and it was really good although i got one of those humiliating cough fits at one point and never truly relaxed afterwards.

afterwards we went to an irish pub and, oh my god, it was so epic! i'm so happy to have someone to go to irish pubs with. i love drinking guinness and listening to celtic music. it was also nice because once we got there we really started becoming more natural with our conversation. i did feel quite sick on my way home though which was not the greatest because the bus home was delayed quite a bit so i just ended up walking home and lowkey died.

anyways, on tuesday, earlier in the week before i had moved, i had my last hangout with l for a while. we had subway and then they were my emotional support for asking my talking stage l on a date. it was so... okay, spoiler, i am going on a date with him but i still want to tell you about the interaction because it was a bit silly.

me and l (my bff l, not talking stage l) are sitting in the hallway of my old school and discussing what i should say and how i should send it and stuff. so i'm planning every single message out word for word in my notes app. once i've received approval from my friend, i open snapchat and stare at the conversation for a tiny bit before starting to type the messages out. i wanted to type them out rather than copy pasting so it would still feel a bit more real (for myself) in a way. literally started off with a single "btwwww" and his bitmoji shows up immediately and i literally yell and my friend starts yelling too because we didn't expect him to see the messages in real time. he replies a few quick silly messages just copying me but in swedish and then since i haven't typed out my second message yet he's going "TYPE". it was funny but it was so weird because it almost felt as if he knew it was happening right there and then.

i continue with like "you know how i'm moving soon" "to stockholm" "and i'll become a stockholmare" and he's like "yeah, you'll become swaggy" and then i just type out the entire question and i'm freaking out but i just go as quickly as possible over the keys so it'll be over:

"so i was wondering if you maybe wanted to go on a silly little date?"

i added the shy fingers emoji combo and like a looking down kinda sad/desparate i don't know emoji and he replies with like the emoji with a salute emoji and the same shy fingers and then a second message saying "hell yes" WHICH WAS SO RELIEVING OH MY GOD LIKE I DID THINK IT WOULD BE CRAZY IF HE DENIED AFTER HAVING TALKED FOR THIS LONG SO I WAS EXPECTING IT BUT LIKE HEARING IT AND IT BEING SO ENTHUSIASTIC WAS SO NICE!

we planned to go for drinks next weekend and now we've decided on friday and i'm literally shitting myself every moment ever right now. i'm so nervous. I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE NOR HAD LIKE A THING WITH SOMEONE AND ACTUALLY MET UP NOR KISSED SOMEONE OR LIKE DONE ANYTHING! I'M GOING TO EMBARRASS MYSELF SO BAD!

hoping the drinks will help me out! love y'all! i'm gonna die!

sotw: kent - beskyddaren

[racke7]

For nearly a month now, I've been ill.

The first week, it amounted to a slightly sore throat and a very mild cough. So then I went back to work the next monday, and had my sore throat become a bit more noticeable during the afternoon.

That tuesday, I spent the whole morning coughing, so I said "nah, I'm staying home today". But I had a thing to do on wednesday, and I didn't feel like shit anymore so off I went to work. And of course, on the drive home from the project, my voice violently imploded.

That thursday, my cough had moved from my upper throat, straight into somewhere in my lungs. So I said "fuck that, I'm staying home for the rest of the week".

The next monday, I was wary enough of everything that I just said fuck it and called in sick immediately. Then, during the afternoon, my stomach started to hurt a bit, but whatever. Then, at midnight, I woke up with my stomach-pain being worse, but I could still manage to go back to sleep so-... and then I woke up an hour later still in pain.

So, at 3am, I crawled out of bed and made my way to the ER (because it was pain vaguely similar and roughly in the same area as where my appendix had been hurting earlier this year). The ER said "we don't know what the fuck that is, but it isn't your appendix, and probably won't kill you, go home".

So I did, and got a time at the local clinic later in the day. But after waiting for nearly two hours, and with the promise that "waiting on the doctor" would mean "a lot more hours", I shrugged and went home after just a few tests and a new time with a physiotherapist who "might help" (the pain in my stomach hadn't stopped, but it wasn't that bad).

The pain in my stomach finally started to lessen at some point during wednesday. Not disappear, but lessen. Thursday was the physiotherapist time, and apparently my stomach-muscles are a bit out-of-phase with each other? Though considering how one of my sides had been in pain for going on 60+ hours at that time, I dunno if I entirely trust that assessment.

(Also, so far, the only assumption made seems to be that I'd "strained a muscle" in my stomach. Though how the hell I'd managed that without also getting "proximity pain" when he touched the attachment-points for my muscles, or how I'd managed to strain it from lying in bed? Not the most trustworthy of diagnosis, I feel.)

Regardless, I stayed home for friday too (stomach-pain was nearly gone, sore throat was still there).

Was planning on going back to work on monday, but realized two things late sunday evening: 1, my throat was still hurting; 2, the doctor wanted me to take a bunch of tests for a third thing (my spine, which keeps getting inflamed, and which they're now refusing to give me an extension for my pills for), and the clinic that I was supposed to take those tests at opened at 9 (job starts at 7, half an hour away). So I asked my boss, and he said "take that day off".

Was stuck in a waiting-room for a lot of hours for the sake of a five-minute thing, and then came back home. Throat had been a bit sore, but not really anything worthy of note, so tuesday here I come-...

I woke up on tuesday and coughed for three fucking hours straight.

Boss wasn't very happy ("you can still work if you just have a cough"), but fuck him, I stayed home. Felt a lot better on wednesday and went to work. Felt like I had a bit of a sore throat by the end of the day.

Woke up thursday and my cough was back in my lungs. And I coughed enough at one point that I came close enough to trigger a gag-reflex that I went "there's a bucket in the other room, I should bring it closer" before it died down.

Friday (today)? I stayed home, in part because I'm still fucking coughing, and in part because I'm also feeling a pain in my chest from coughing so hard yesterday. Also had a call with my doctor where she made a lot of awkward noises about me being home sick for a full month with "just a cough" (especially since apparently no infections or inflammations showed up in the blood-work), and "without a proper examination" (I get that you're massively understaffed, but like... you're the one who didn't care to check me for either my cough or my unknown source of stomach-pain).

So... feeling more than a bit frustrated at all of this bullshit about my physical health (and massively sleep-deprieved because I couldn't fall asleep last night) I sat down and revived my "cough-monitoring excel-sheet".

As in, the excel-sheet I made after a very persistent lingering cough after having caught the flue, right before covid hit (meaning that everyone said "cough? stay home").

Checking on that, I was coughing maybe 10-20 times a day early on (roughly around 1-cough/40-minutes), and 3-4 by the end of it.

I started recording my coughs today at 1pm, and my cough is most strong during the morning.

I'm up to 21 coughs. Roughly 1-cough/10-minutes.

... I dunno if this has been really bad today, or if that's actually mostly normal? Because if it's normal, then I should definitely fucking not be working.