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pergimelaut · 4 years ago

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Books I read in 2020.

I was once platonically attracted to a friend. Not only did he tell me the name of the person he liked (not me, of course), but also the reasons why. I could’ve mentioned two or three, but one reason sank me in was, “Because she likes to learn.” He didn’t say that to offend me since that night was one of those meetings in which he is the spotlight of our conversations, yet I couldn’t help but feel offended. I thought, “That certainly can’t be me. I don’t like to learn.” I never did, actually.

It was a wake up call that, all this time, I had been stuck in the peak of Mountain Stupid, one of the stages of Dunning-Kruger effect—a phase where you were filled with nothing but arrogance and overconfidence, before the realization “you didn’t know anything at all” hit you like a bucket of cold water.

Well I didn’t change myself after that, though. But in my defense, I decided to read 70-something books in the third year of my student press organization’s membership (which I later failed) long before I had had the conversation with him. I had had my own reason at first, but whatever it was, it was slowly but surely shifted with an ultimate goal created due to that very night, “I want to like to learn.”

Long story short, I was able to read 33 books in 2020.

It’s nowhere near an achievement to be proud of, so I cancelled my plan to write about it and upload it on a platform where I could gain a higher chance he would read it. I know, I know, I shouldn’t seek validation from another person besides myself—after all 33 books were quite impressive for someone like me who don’t really like books, so I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it nor should I be disappointed with the fact that the plan must be cancelled as I was miserably failing, but, welp, so. Okay. In this post, I would like to tell you the books I read in 2020, sort by chronological order.

Yeah, I uploaded it on my personal blog instead, what a dramatic turn of events.

Manifesto Flora was the first book I read, finished it on 2 January 2020. I believe I started to read it on the last couple days of 2019, so it was kinda cheating. It’s a compilation of short stories. All of them were amazing but there was a short story that I really enjoyed titled “Bekas Teman Baikku”. The author had written a short story for a yearly student magazine organized by a student press organization I later joined.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez was an amazing novel it earned 5 stars on my Goodreads account. My teacher had been telling us about it as he taught magical realism in Creative Writing class. I finished it in three days—I remember those days where I didn’t do anything besides reading; I woke up in the morning and started to read. That was the only thing I did all day. It almost felt like reading was my hobby. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.)

Hidup di Luar Tempurung was the third book I read. I wasn’t in the best mood to read at that time, but I pushed myself, ended up finishing it but also regretting it since I knew that this book deserved to be treated well. After that I read Bagaimana Tuhan Menciptakan Cahaya by Raka Ibrahim and O: Tentang Seekor Monyet yang Ingin Menikah dengan Kaisar Dangdut by Eka Kurniawan, ended up disliking both by simply because I didn’t enjoy them, I gave them 2 stars.

Then, well. Global pandemic left me shell-shocked as everyone else, really.

One month nearly passed but thankfully I managed to finish the first e-book titled Filosofi Teras by the end of March. I liked the book at first, even for a short period of time I felt like I could rely on the book as I was trying to cope with anxiety, but turned out it’s a false hope since I simply couldn’t become that rational LOL. But topics about stoicism still got my attention though—perhaps it’d remain as something I could admire. Pulang by Leila S. Chudori was a really good book, another one with 5 stars. Later I learned that having 1965-ish as a setting for novels is mainstream, but since I hadn’t known that, it left me in awe.

Then I got tired.

I wasn’t in the mood to read any books, so I turned into Japanese books—my admittedly guilty pleasure. I read Naruto Secret Chronicles: Shikamaru’s Story: A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darkness, a light novel from Naruto based on Shikamaru’s perspective. Although I wouldn’t mention it as one of the books I read in 2020, it was surprisingly a good book. It taught me about Naruto’s universe beyond what I knew, such as politics and government involved. It helped set the mood, so I continued with Ichigo Doumei, another Japanese novel. It was a book mentioned in Your Lie in April, one of my anime recommendations. It’s a good, simple wholesome story that taught us to treasure the life we had. I disliked the female lead character, though—I still do.

I read Kubah by Ahmad Tohari, a novel my teacher once mentioned, which I dislike, and much hate later on, since it gave people wrong assumptions about PKI and what’s surrounding the 1965 tragedy. After that I fell into Kagerou Daze fandom where I spent a lot amount of time consuming the songs, manga, anime, and also light novels—making me successfully adding Kagerou Daze Vol. 3: The Children Reason, Kagerou Daze Vol. 4: The Missing Children, and Kagerou Daze Vol. 5: The Deceiving to my Goodreads’ bookshelf. The latter was my favourite among them. As I hyped with Japanese authors, I thought it was best to finish Before the Coffee Gets Cold, a Japanese novel I found from a post about, well, Japanese novel recommendations. It’s a fun experience; an enjoyable story with a heart-warming ending.

Four Japanese novels in a row brought me to cursed loop as I realized I had not “learned” enough. Whereas I did learn something with each Japanese novel I read, it wasn’t “learning” that I’d planned in the first place.

August was a month where I thought, “Eh, maybe I like books,” because I read 8 books in one month. I read Setan van Oyot by Djokolelono, a book published by Marjin Kiri. The novel was well-constructed from the start to the middle part, but unfortunately NOT until the end. Another note: it didn’t bother giving us the translation of both the local and foreign languages used in the story, which is good! I also had the energy to consume Of Mice and Men, a classic book mentioned in Pulang.

I had spent days in library and bookstore when I finished Hidup Begitu Indah dan Hanya Itu yang Kita Punya—it made me aspire to achieve the ability to write articles like Dea Anugerah, the author. I also read Ketakberhinggaan di Telapak Tangannya by Gioconda Belli which easily became one of my favourite books of the year.

I read The Heart is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers, another book with a writing style I would aspire to achieve. It’s a good social-realism novel covering racism towards black people, the life of a curious little girl, a perspective from a blind-deaf man, and the socialist guy—everything was set around the 1930s, written by a brilliant 23-year-old woman. It has some translation issues, unfortunately. Then I continued with Kekerasan Budaya Pasca 1965: Bagaimana Orde Baru Melegitimasi Anti-Komunisme Melalui Sastra dan Film. I’ve been wanting to be able to convey my thoughts in a well-constructed thesis like what the book did.

Tango & Sadimin by Ramayda Akmal was the next, and it was enjoyable even though not satisfying—at least it helped me discover my tendency towards social-realism novels. Then I read Xenoglosofilia: Kenapa Harus Nginggris? by Ivan Lanin—it didn’t help me that much despite its educational contents, but perhaps I just didn’t find what I was looking for.

September was a shameful month as I didn’t read any books AT ALL. I planned to read at least one book per month, that’s why I set 12 books in my Goodreads. My goal wasn’t to read books, but to like them, so what I set up was simply the habit. Looking back at what I did—finishing One Hundred Years of Solitude—I could read book all day if I want to. But I want to become someone who, even if for a few pages, read books every day. And I considered myself failing when September passed without any finished books added to the list.

November came and I read El hablador by Mario Vargas Llosa, a book I had been desperately looking for that my friend finally lent to me. I gave them 5 stars because it greatly helped me in understanding indigenous people and how important it is to support their rights.

Then I desperately turned back to another Japanese novel, this time The Kudravka Sequence by Honobu Yonezawa. It successfully made me fall in love with one specific character because I feel represented, then I looked up Wikia and the synopsis of the next novels, and ended up disappointed LOL. I got tired again and read Sebuah Pertanyaan untuk Cinta by Seno Gumira Ajidarma, a book which I couldn’t believe had written by the Seno Gumira Ajidarma LOL(2). Then in order to set up the mood, I bought my friend’s self-published short stories, Dongeng Sebelum Tidur: Kumpulan Cerita Pendek. It was the first time I added a book to Goodreads. I told her that I uploaded a review and gave her 5 stars. She was really happy and I too was happy because of it.

December approached as well as final exams. So many papers with short deadlines, and despite that, I read books instead on working with my papers—procrastinator as its finest, you see. I read two Agatha Christie’s books, The ABC Murders and Five Little Pigs, two novels I had really wanted to read in years. After exams passed, I somehow gained my energy back. I read Kisah Seekor Camar dan Kucing yang Mengajarinya Terbang by Luis Sepulveda, an enjoyable novella reminding us to take care of animals and protecting the environment from pollution. I wrapped up 2020 with two classic books, No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell.

Yup, that’s it!

Now that I’ve just tracked back all the books I read, I realize that my reading experience has its ups and downs. I ain’t good at keeping my mood stable to do the same activities for a long period of time, and I earned the energy back by—apparently—switching into Japanese novels or light-themed books.

Long story cut short, I failed to read 70-something books. But I also recovered from the heartbreak I guess (LOL), and that’s good news! (Although maybe I forced myself to move on, since the goal was the indicator whether I’m worth it or not, and I failed.) (I shouldn’t have done that to myself, but I had no chance at all in the first place, though. That’s why if I could move on by setting an impossible goal, failed in the process, and helplessly gave up, so be it!)

Thank you for reading.

(And thanks to Anggy who beta read the post! <3)

#english #tentang saya

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boof-kun · 7 years ago

Note

Do those... asks...

@bicep-naruto thank ;)

(1)Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

closed

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

nop

(3) Can You Whistle?

i used to be able to but now i cant :/

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

stan the beatsmith - heaven or hell

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple but i also v like black, blue, turquoise/teal, and pastel colors

(6) Relationship Status.

songle

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48 degrees fahrenheit

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up tired but i wasnt cranky

(9) How Many Followers?

332

(10) Zodiac Sign.

capricorn

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no but i do take a couple different medicines

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

rule of the bone by russell banks

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

this is a random book from a drawer (i havent even read the book i dont know why it was in there) “...and snarling about everything. Four smokers were...”

(16) Favourite Anime?

hhhHHHHH I HAve ToO MANY (death note is one of my favorites for sure though)

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

i think my dad?

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

i like putting stickers on my door (and i have a bunch of sheets of stickers in a drawer) if that counts as collecting something

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

i literally cannot remember

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

(21) Favourite Animal?

cats are good friends. i also like penguins and dogs.

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

sometimes eight but usually around one

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

pool

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

yours ;)

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

water from the fridge thingy

(28) What Makes You Happy?

you, video games, my cat, remembering rlly weird dreams

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

mmmmmmm its about the same but its harder to focus if the music has words

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

i love both but cats are more chill

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

the one no one uses

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

i have a playstation but for all i know xbox could be better

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean. lakes are scary

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

black magic (bc religion)

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

green

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

i save money until i find something that i want to buy

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

the blanket underneath me has some pink on it, theres a few random items with pink, some pink gel pens+markers+paints, and some pink on the stickers on my door and on the drawings from when i was little

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

yakuza 0

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

like once or twice in third grade. one also landed on my thumb in my backyard.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

not unless their thinking is convincing

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

yell heah

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

not really bc theyre boring

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

im not sure ive cried of a movie tbh

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

id probably sell the ticket tbh

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

slightly picky

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

no i like thunder/lightening the sky goes pew pew

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i like both even though i literally never write

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

yeah but i get a headache after a while if im wearing headphones and its loud

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

i dont have an actual playlist. i just like videos (mostly music) on youtube and choose what i want to listen to (i dont unlike any of the songs i dont listen anymore just because i want to look back at what i used to like ten years from now). anyway ill just close my eyes and choose something random bc if i shuffle it i wont know where anything is:

lights - klaypex

^^ i used to listen to that v often in fourth grade (i still like it tho)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

love and affection

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

tea even though i dont drink either

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

i have a project for ceramics about 3d art from an ancient civilization, a specific artist, or from a movement

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

aroace

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

ive been sleeping on the floor for the past few months so no

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

i dont have a favorite but when i was younger i used to watch pokemon all the time and i remember i loved piplup

(64) Favourite Social Media?

tumble dot come

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

i dont have much of an opinion on them

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

sometimes

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yeah

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

pantene conditioner and dove shampoo i think? i usually get something random

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

id probably sleep in my car bc im afraid of motels especially crappy ones. i always feel like someones watching me in motels/hotels + since its a motel it might be nasty and im not taking that risk

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

i dont watch movies

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

dont have one

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

all of the 34 sad quotes i showed you :))

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

i like all of them. i dont find any of them “””“sexy””””” though

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

GOD i was obsessed with swinging when i was younger... like my best friend and i in preschool were known for being inseparable and for always going really high on the swings. and ye, i still get excited when i see a swing set

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

i dont remember what i did five minutes ago let alone what the last thing i ate was

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

neko atsume and thats it

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

no bc i dont know how to do cpr. if i did then sure bc itd be the right thing to do probably

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

yEALL HEAH

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

also: YEALL HEAHHE

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

mmmm typically no

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

its open but barely bc i dont want the light to come in

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

ate, saw you ;), and nearly poke myself in the eye

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

sweatpants and a tshirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

UUUU soap

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

wii u - botw, twighlight princess, hyrule warriors

ps4 - persona 5, fallout 4, neir automata, ffxv, yakuza 0, and two other final fantasy games

3ds + dsi that doesnt work anymore - animal crossing, ace attorney the trilogy, super smash bros, pokemon x, devil survivor 2, a mario game that avarey gave me, cooking mama 2, this zoo game that i lost, gardening mama, and maybe one more?

phone - neko atsume

((im planning on selling a few games))

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i can tell you irl bc theres a lot and its be more confusing if i wrote it out ;))))

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

coke

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

f u n k y sounds + i heard some asmr of a person cutting chalk, soap, wood, etc. and that sounded nice

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans when im going out, sweatpants at home (so probably sweats more)

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

ungly

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

laying down and pretending im dead

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

maybe one of a constellation? or of a symbol from a video game or something i rlly like and means a lot to me

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

mmmm dan and phil are p entertaining and so is jenna marbles

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