#since els whole thing in this universe is him masking when he's in the band/public eye 2 be perceived as cool/aloof/whatever

[doodlboy]

I have a heart failure thought...

[aforrestofstuff]

What do you think the OPM characters' guilty pleasures would be? I feel like Tatsu loves soap operas and Atomic Samurai secretly loves a really popular boy band, like SMAP

Thanks for your request, anon! Sorry this took me so long to get to, you were buried in my inbox lol. But I hope this was worth the wait because oh boy this required all 3 of my brain cells.

Tornado of Terror: As you said, soap operas. She also loves candy apples in canon. But...she also is a HUGE fan of those really cheesy Cosmopolitan magazines that have all of the personality quizzes and the “which hot male celeb would date you” scenarios. She doesn’t fall for it one bit. In fact, she hate reads those fuckers in the same way that people pay to go see bad movies. It’s fun.

Silverfang: Yoga and following along to some cheesy-ass 80s workout videos. I’ve said he likes yoga in a previous headcanon, but he also likes to exercise along to some obnoxious 80s pop while some dude in a leotard instructs him on what to do from a TV screen. He wears sweatbands and legwarmers, too. The whole shebang. He only does it when he’s alone, though. Sometimes he’ll try to teach yoga to his disciples as a way to help them decompress after a long training session, but his workout tapes are his best-kept secret.

Atomic Samurai: I don’t know what a SMAP is, but he’s definitely got some questionable music choices going on considering he’s... well, the way that he is. I’d say he likes to listen to old country, like Marty Robbins and Glen Campbell. It’s really funny because you’ve got this intimidating man from Japan (or a fictional universe basically set in Japan) with a badass katana and shit but inside that empty head of his, there’s just a faint “out in the west Texas town of El Paso....”

Child Emperor: Picking at scabs. He’s often on his knees fixing shit in his lab, and he probably gets burned all the damn time from playing around with lasers so he’s undoubtedly always has a wound healing somewhere. Whenever he’s working on something, he’ll just absentmindedly pick at his scabs. It’s a bad habit and he knows it, but nothing beats the feeling of peeling off an entire patch of that shit. So satisfying.

Metal Knight: Buying books. He doesn’t even read them. He just buys bigass novels with smart-sounding names to fill up his library because he thinks it’ll make his dick grow another three inches or some shit. One of the few things he likes in this world (besides homicide) is the smell of a new book. If he’s feeling particularly pissy, he’ll go into his library and just ssssssnnnnnnnnnniififfffffffffff. He spends an outrageous amount of money on it. If he has anyone over (which is unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) and they mention his library by asking something like “have you read all of these?” It’ll be one of the few times in his life that he’ll feel shame.

King: Reading and writing fanfiction based on his favorite video game/anime series. Nobody knows he does this except his small following online, of course. And even more so, nobody online knows he’s an ultra-popular S-Class hero who’s friends with the most powerful man on earth. He’s actually a pretty decent writer, he just doesn’t take himself too seriously so the plotline to his stories tend to get a little haywire and overly self-indulgent. Let him have his fun. He just wants to be a Sailor Scout.

Zombieman: Singing. He actually used to be a good singer (he sounded like a discount Steve Perry back in the day), but constant smoking really fucked up his voice. He might as well have lungs the size of grapes because he can’t carry a note for more than 2 seconds without wheezing like an accordion with asthma. He’s never sang in front of anyone before because he thinks it’s silly thing that isn’t worth showing off. Play anything from The Eagles though, and he’ll have a hard time resisting.

Drive Knight: He likes to open up panels in his arms and legs to play with the wires (basically a robot’s version of nerve endings, I’m assuming) just so he can feel something. It’s kind of sad because he doesn’t experience pain or the cold or being tickled... (I know what y’all are thinking and you’d better STOP). So he sometimes takes it upon himself to dick around with his insides and dip his toe into what it feels like to be human, even if it’s just for a little bit. He’s super secretive about it (he’s just secretive about everything, really) because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he desires something outside of being a weapon of mass destruction justice.

Pig God: His whole schtick is basically indulging in a guilty pleasure — pigging out on delicious food with no regard whatsoever for one’s overall health. Other than that, however, he does like to collect body pillows. There, I said it. All he fucking does is eat and he’s too much of a big boi to be going out 24/7, so he’s gotta be on the internet/watching anime/playing video games/reading manga during all of that downtime between his stints of doing hero work. His bed is fucking ginormous to handle all of that big boy-ness and on it, he has his body pillow nest. He rests on a throne made for kings. A true icon.

Superalloy Darkshine: Also working out along to some cheesy 80s exercise videos. His hero outfit was inspired from what those ravishing instructors would wear on the television. Well, it was supposed to be a full leotard but it ripped every time he flexed just a tiny bit so the speedo is the only thing that’s left. He’s gotta hella rhythm and keeps up with the music using little to no effort. Although, he can’t go too hard because he’s also a big boi and he’ll literally shake the entire building if he gets too turnt up. Dance muscle boy, dance.

Watchdog Man: Eating too many dog treats lol. Sometimes while he’s stationed on his little podium thing, visitors will leave him little offerings like dog treats and other miscellaneous food items/toys. He never takes them or eats them in front of people, but he often brings everything home with him after a long day just to gobble that shit up. He’s gained a little weight since he started doing it but you can’t even notice it because his suit is hella bulky. Some of it is due in part to stress-eating because being a dog and dude at the same time is hectic, but it’s honest work.

Flashy Flash: Racing shit. Whenever he’s on his travels during, say, assassination missions or hero work, he gets hella bored really quickly. So, to help with this, he’ll often race birds or planes flying in the sky on his way to his destination to see who’s quicker (it’s always him). Sometimes he’ll even play catch with himself by throwing a pine cone or something and running to the place he guesses it’ll land before it even touches the ground. He just does a ton of weird speedster shit whenever he’s bored and he’ll deny it if anyone asks.

Genos: Purposefully putting a little bit too much oil on his joints after each upgrade so he’ll be as slick as a salamander. It’s a really funny feeling to be able to move your limbs with little to no resistance without having to worry about popping or breaking anything. It just makes him feel so agile despite being like, a hunk of actual metal. If he wasn’t so uptight, he would loosen the screws in his fingers to he can bend them almost all the way back (he’s actually thought about it a few times), but both Dr. Kuseno and his 3 remaining braincells attested to that. He just likes to tinker around with his body and see what weird shit he can do. It’s a bad habit because it’s led to a few things being broken on multiple occasions.

Metal Bat: Zenko’s shitty pop music. Whenever he drops her off at school or piano practice, he’ll immediately go home and blast that shit on full volume (because he’s practically deaf from always jumping out of falling buildings and continuously blasting music in his earbuds) while doing chores and the like. He’s one of those people that HAVE to have something going on in the background as they’re getting shit done. He’d rather be caught dead than listening to the OPM equivalent of Taylor Swift because he knows Zenko would never let him live it down.

Tanktop Master: Wearing suits around the house when he’s not even going anywhere. He’s got to wear his tanktop 24/7 whenever he’s in public to keep up The Image (which he has no problem with, he genuinely loves the tanktop ideology) but he also needs to feel fancy every once and a while. So, if he happens to have the time while in between appearances, he’ll prance around in a suit tailored just for him. Because he’s so fucking huge that he had to pay someone a large sum to custom make an outfit that actually fits. He is 7-motherfucking-feet tall. 7.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Making Valentine’s Day cards all times of the year. Listen, it gets boring as hell in prison. Sometimes the guards will let all of the inmates have a little glitter and glue to keep themselves busy because no harm can come of a little arts and crafts, right? He likes to make cards on the daily just to let all of his lovers know how much he appreciates them. If they express even the slightest amount of disdain for his creations, he’ll spent the next week crying in the darkest corner of his cell block. He also likes origami. Origami is huge in prison because it’s hella time-consuming and guaranteed to calm a busy mind. His favorite things to make are little unicorns.

Amai Mask: Bath bombs. There have been several mishaps in which he’s used a poorly-made bath bomb and came out of the tub looking like Shrek but he’s grown and lot since then, okay? After a long day or a particularly stressful concert, he’ll sink into some hot water and drop a ball of lavender-scented goodness in there. It’s become a bit of an addiction because he’s got multiple cabinets dedicated solely to his collection, but at least he always smells divine.

Iaian: Shakespearean dramas. Kama got him hooked on theater shit and he’s since ripped through all of the most well-known plays. He thinks in iambic pentameter. It wasn’t always noticeable since he’s a quiet, well-reserved guy but his fellow disciples and Kami have recently noticed that he’s developed a bit of a dramatic flair. Even worse, he’s started calling himself a knight whenever he puts on his armor. Everyone prays it’s just a phase but seeing as how stubborn Iaian is, that seeks highly unlikely. Kami is dying inside because he can’t handle another drama nerd.

Okamaitachi: Soap operas, like Tatsumaki. Kama is the most dramatic out of all of the disciples so it’s only natural that she’d like the most dramatic genre of any show out there. She doesn’t exactly watch them religiously though. She’s the type of viewer to drop off the face of the earth for three seasons and come back without knowing what the fuck is going on (because the disciples have limited access to cable due to Kami’s dumbassery and ignorance to anything technology-related), but still cry during the finale anyway because oh no these people are so hot and one of them is deaaaaaad and the other one is that person’s long-lost sister....

Bushidrill: Taking alcohol from Atomic Samurai’s stash every so often. Bushidrill knows what the good shit is and he could buy it himself if he wanted to, but why would he when there’s a perfectly good alcoholic to steal from living right down the hall? He only takes in small doses because, believe it or not—he’s smart, but Kami isn’t gonna notice regardless of whether or not Bushi takes 1 or 5 bottles at a time because the old shit couldn’t spot a purple raccoon if it was 3 feet in front of him. There have been times where Bushi has opened bottles of Kami’s alcohol right in front of him just to play God and he always, without missing a beat, says “Oh, we have the same taste. How neat.”

Fubuki: I’ve said this before in a previous headcanon, but she has a mild obsession with Victorian aesthetic. She’s got a small collection of semi-authentic ballgowns that cost upwards of a-fuckton-of-money each, but anything’s worth it to be able to play dress-up with Lily. Fubuki’s favorite thing is making Lily feel beautiful because everyone has been an insecure teenager at one point and she knows how it feels to not be comfortable in one’s own skin. This isn’t exactly a guilty pleasure because she’s not guilty about it, but it’s almost gotten to a point where an intervention is needed. She’s got so many damn dresses and sooooo much fine china....

Saitama: Retail therapy, lol. Saitama is only good at budgeting because he has no choice given how fucking poor he is, but give this boy even a little bit of leeway and he’ll buy the ugliest clothes (to which he thinks look poppin’) and the best meats without even batting an eye. His entire manga collection is the product of him having little to no self control the moment he realizes he’s got a bit of money to spend on himself. This is also the only time he’ll experiment with cooking because now he can actually afford to fuck up, literally.

Mumen Rider: Sweets! I’ve said this in a previous hc but he has a major sweet tooth. You can substitute salt for sugar in any given recipe and he’ll see it as a major improvement because he just goes absolutely buckwild for anything sweet. His pancreas is suffering, but he believes nothing feels better than curling up under the covers on a rainy day with a heaping helping of milk chocolate. The only thing that makes him feel better after getting beat to shit is a kiss on the cheek and box of his favorite cookies (and some bananas, lol).

Sonic: Like Flash, he also likes racing things. But, in addition to that, his guilty pleasure is doing his own hair in elaborate hairstyles (when it was longer). He’s pretty much homeless so he’s got a lot of time to himself in between murders. This is when you can find him sitting in the woods somewhere braiding flowers into his hair and tying it off with a moss ribbon. He’d never admit he does this because he’s a big macho man and he’d probably cry.

Garou: Spicy chips. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he absolutely inhales his food without even tasting it half the time so it’s not even like he gets to enjoy the flavor that much. He just likes the burn because he’s a shithead. He also doesn’t fear death or a torn-up asshole, so he’ll eat an entire family-sized bag of the OPM-universe equivalent to Takis without even batting an eye. He’s been beat to shit so many times that the agony that comes with downing so much spice is lost on him. He doesn’t even need water. It’s insane. Someone stop this madman at once.

[davidmann95]

Age old comic questions to ask: in the old debate regarding "which side of Superman is the real person whole other one is the fake identity", I consider Clark Kent the real person and Kal El/Superman his mask. What's your opinion?

In spite of being such a profoundly significant aspect of him - arguably THE significant aspect of him - I actually have two pretty irreconcilable answers to this one. In part it’s a matter of a multitude of fundamentally incompatible takes on him being presented over the years, and to narrow it down to a single vision in terms of legitimacy is impossible after 1940 or so. But if we’re being really honest, it also has to do with my mood at a given time, and my frustration with how he as a character is often treated.

The first answer, what I’d call the proper answer for a modern mainline take on him, is both of them are real. Or, depending on your standards, neither of them. He doesn’t just turn off who he is, or spend half his life pretending. When he’s slouching in a bad suit and pretending to be near-sighted he can still count and mentally sort by size every dust mite in his field of vision in a picosecond, he’s still listening into police band frequencies, he’s still fighting for truth and justice. He’s still being Superman. And when he’s wearing a leotard and holding up collapsing bridges, he’s thinking about hitting deadline and feeling bad about bumping into that one guy from accounting and remembering how to make the recipe he tried on a recent time-travel trip that he’s sure Lois would like. He’s still being Clark. And at the same time he can’t be angry or bold as Clark, or scared or awkward as Superman, same as you might have Work You and With Your Friends You and With Your Family You, and they’re all real but not whole. The ‘truest’ guy such as he is would probably think of himself as Clark, but that’s the guy who knows how to drive a tractor and has been tinkering with a one-man Multiversal transportation unit in the Fortress and is wondering if he’ll ever write another novel, not exactly fitting with either of the above. And you could count on your fingers all the people in the universe who interact with that side of him on anything like a regular basis. Ultimately, they’re both meaningful and valid expressions of who he is, Clark the part of him that feels awkward and alien but determined to do the right thing in spite of the limits even he possesses, and Superman the very nice godling raised by the Kents to help people because he can.

…but there’s another answer too. If you’re enforcing a more rigidly-defined take on the identity binary, if you’re focusing on one side as being a ‘truer’ expression of himself even if neither encompass all of it, if you’re picking between the Silver Age Superman or the Byrne Superman as a more valid expression since they both decide on one, or if I’m just particularly frustrated with DC’s treatment of him on a given day and feel they need to flip the script - if one way or another, you’re being forced to pick one. In that case, my answer is definitely, unquestionably that he has to be Superman who sometimes pretends to be Clark Kent, not the other way around.

I know that goes against 30 years of conventional wisdom - especially since Kill Bill/Quentin Tarantino’s argument to that effect left a sour taste in a lot of mouths - but like the old narrator says, he’s SUPERMAN, DISGUISED AS MILD-MANNERED REPORTER CLARK KENT. That’s how Siegel and Shuster made him, that’s how the majority of his most critically-acclaimed stories portray him, that’s how he was for 48 years until John Byrne kinda-sorta-maybe broke everything forever, and of all the things he changed for the worse, Clark as the unambiguously true character of the two might have been the most destructive. ‘Power levels’ can be adjusted, he can start fighting bigger and stranger or smaller and more intimate threats, Krypton and the presence or lack thereof of Ma & Pa Kent in the present can be retconned, but that’s a fundamental change to the innermost core foundation of who he is, and while it arguably led to the more well-rounded “they’re both real” take down the line - though I’d argue it was headed that way anyway and Byrne actually significantly delayed it - at the time, it absolutely, catastrophically cut the character out at the knees. I would sincerely say that DC accepting it as the True Canon take on the character has been one of the biggest reasons he’s struggled to regain a foothold in the public imagination.

For one thing, if Clark’s the ‘real’ guy, he’s probably not going to be that different from Superman. He has to be brave and charismatic and unwilling to let injustices go unaddressed no matter the cost, because those are all clearly fundamental aspects of who he is, and Superman has to be capable of all those things too. The problem of course being that that makes him a Superman who isn’t doing cool Superman stuff, and unless you really zero in on the office drama or reporter intrigue as equally relevant and exciting parts of the story - which most don’t - that makes a Clark who’s real ironically a distraction from the real event of him being Superman, a set of interstitial scenes to break up the robot-punching. And it takes away the drama of him having a secret identity if they’re both the same: of course he spends half of his life as the guy he truly is when he’s not being a superhero, for the same reason Peter Parker doesn’t just take an Avengers paycheck and spend all his time as Spider-Man. Him willingly spending his time acting klutzy and insecure when he’s actually Superman is a fascinating insight into his character. If nothing else, it hits on the primal motherlode of relatability that is “to be normal and accepted he has to pretend to be someone he’s not”; there’s no overstating what a long way that goes in making a borderline god someone who you can sincerely empathize with, and everyone on Earth can do that with that experience. Handsome Hero Reporter Clark Kent fighting crime on the other hand is an obvious thing that character does if he has superpowers, and nothing more. It cuts him down from having an interesting motivation for each identity to one for both, and undoes a lot of potential complexity in the process.

American Alien is the one story to come down entirely on the side of Clark Kent being the real one that I know of to really, powerfully work, and it rewrites a ton of how he functions to make that fit. In spite of some of what I said above still applying - the story is about how he becomes Clark Kent, superhero, his decision to put on the suit being an ancillary aspect of that, rather than him going down two parallel tracks that converge in interesting ways - it actually turns out well; it’s arguably the best Superman story since All-Star even if I’ve personally preferred a couple others, and in the isolated context of that story, it works incredibly well. As a Superman who’s meant above all else to address the specific themes and aspects of who he is that this story wants to go into, it goes perfectly: he’s a Clark who can still believably do Superman stuff, but because he’s really Clark that image ends up cracking, yet when the chips are down Clark is still tough enough in and of himself to get the job done. It’s absolutely a fair-game reimagining for the sake of what the creators are trying to do.

But just the same, while it fits for that one story and any possible sequels, I don’t think it fits with the broader portrayal of Superman as an icon, for a very important reason: one of the big things at the heart of his story is the idea that it’s our best selves that are our truest selves, at least in his eyes. Jor-El isn’t just the guy who failed to save Krypton, he’s the man who gave us Superman. Jimmy Olsen may be a dope who wanders into danger so often he needs a signal watch to summon the most powerful man on Earth to regularly save him, but he’s also a quick-witted crusading action reporter who’s decent enough that the best guy on Earth considers his best pal. Perry can be a dick boss, but he’s he’s a crusading journalist of integrity who wants to bring the best out of the people he works with, and because of that Clark looks up to him. Lex has done horrific damage, but Superman above all thinks of him in terms of the kernel of goodness inside him being squandered, and all the wonderful things he could do for the world. In Superman’s world it’s the best in us that’s the most essential part of who we are; he…screw it, Morrison put it better the way he always does:

“In the end, I saw Superman not as asuperhero or even a science fiction character, but as a story of Everyman.We’re all Superman in our own adventures. We have our own Fortresses ofSolitude we retreat to, with our own special collections of valued stuff, ourown super–pets, our own ‘Bottle Cities’ that we feel guilty for neglecting. Wehave our own peers and rivals and bizarre emotional or moral tangles to dealwith.

“I felt I’d really grasped theconcept when I saw him as Everyman, or rather as the dreamself of Everyman.That ‘S’ is the radiant emblem of divinity we reveal when we rip off our stuffyshirts, our social masks, our neuroses, our constructed selves, and become whowe truly are.”

The essential truth of his story is that inside every Clark Kent - the person our fears and vulnerabilities make all of us be, even him - when the time is right and you tear your shirt open there’s a Superman who will emerge as your highest, truest self to make things better. Not that behind every seemingly-magnificent Superman there’s the moments where he has to calm down and stop rocking the boat and go back to being scared, vulnerable, mild-mannered Clark Kent. You can rectify that by presenting Clark as a profoundly appealing figure in and of himself - Superman’s really just like you too! (though isn’t he just Spider-Man at that point?) - but like I said earlier, while Clark should be admirable, past a certain point that runs into some major problems of its own, and Lois is supposed to be the one to show how a normal person can be super anyway. Again, I think the best path forward is for both of them to be true. But if you’re making a decision, Clark may play his part…