#since a simple touch did so well i decided to try another snappy sickie sickfic!

[mypoorfaves]

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

I was craving a sickie having trouble taking medicine and my mind whispered something to me about a stubborn sickie refusing medicine which then turned into this Victuuri angst with Victor as a snappy sickie.

The two have a fight, but they work it out because they love and understand each other and I cannot get enough of their love ♡

1800~ words

～～～

“I told you, I don't need medicine, I'm fine!” Victor snaps, swatting away Yuuri's hand and the medicine along with it.

Yuuri blinks, taken aback by the outburst, and withdraws his hand. He knows Victor isn't feeling well, but he's never snapped at Yuuri like this before. While Victor couldー true to his wordsーbe simply irritated at Yuuri's coddling, Yuuri has a feeling it's the fact that he feels so bad that's causing him to snap.

“I told you it's just a cold. I'm not dying. I barely even have a fever,” Victor goes on, irritation still evident in his voice. “I've survived getting sick without you before you came into my life, and I can still manage now. So just leave me alone and let me sleep.” He slips underneath the covers, turning over onto his side with a frustrated huff, his back to Yuuri.

Yuuri tries not to let the words get to him. Victor is sick and in pain (no matter how much he may try to deny it) and isn't thinking straight right now. The words still sting regardless. Yuuri just wants to be there for Victor like Victor always is for him, and instead he's being pushed away like some unwanted reporter at a press conference. (No, actually, Victor would still smile at them, even if it was fake; not completely shun them like he’s doing to Yuuri.)

“I know you're not feeling well, Victor. It's okay to admit it. You don't have to hide from meー”

“Who says I'm hiding from you?” Victor cuts Yuuri off and whips around to face him. “Am I not allowed to sleep in the peace and quiet of my own home?”

Yuuri feels his own irritation swell. “I just want to help you.”

“Well, you're making it worse.”

Yuuri staggers back as if physically slapped, his irritation replaced with hurt. He feels tears burn in the corners of his eyes. “Alright,” Yuuri says, and manages to keep his voice steady despite the lump in his throat. “You know what? Fine. I’ll leave you alone then. If that's what you really want.”

He doesn't wait for a response from Victor. He gets up and quickly exits the room, resisting the urge to slam the bedroom door behind him. He still has some compassion for Victor, after all; he doesn't want to worsen the headache Yuuri is certain he has.

He doesn't resist the urge to slam the front door, though, as he steps outside into the cold. He sends Victor a quick text, “I need to cool off. Taking a walk. Be back soon,” then he stuffs his hands in his pockets and makes his way down the snow-covered streets of St. Petersburg.

It's not too late in the day, yet the sky is already pitch black, something Yuuri isn't sure he'll ever grow used to. The streetlights glow a soft orange, the light catching on the snow slowly spiraling through the air to land on the piles already on the ground. The air is cold and crisp, and is exactly what Yuuri needs as he inhales deeply through his nose, and out through his mouth, his breath disappearing in a cloud of water vapour.

Much like the disappearing wisps of air, bit by bit Yuuri's irritation starts to fade away, and he's left feeling lighter. Not better, but no longer like he's about to burst into tears. The cold kiss of snowflakes on his skin grounds him, slows the emotions rushing through his mind. Another deep breath, in and out, and Yuuri begins to think back on what happened.

Victor isn't used to being with someone. That's something that Yuuri had come to learn early on in their relationship, and it's strange how easy it is to forget the fact. Victor has always been on his own, always acted independently, has never had the luxury of relying on someone else for support.

Yuuri suddenly remembers Victor's earlier words: “I've survived getting sick without you before you came into my life.” He feels his heart drop as he imagines what that would have been like. He's hit with the image of Victor curled up alone in bed, a blanket over his trembling body, a box of tissues tucked under his arm as he clings to Makkachin, the closest thing he had to a support system at the time. Yuuri wonders how long he would let his suffering go on for until he asked for help, if he even did ask for help.

Victor has always had trouble expressing his true feelings, even to Yuuri and even after this long being together. He's come a long way, but there are still the odd occasions where Victor would rather deal with his problems on his own than come to Yuuri. Even though Victor’s problems are his problems now too; their problems belong to both of them, each half coming together to share the burden as one.

Yuuri slows to a stop, gazing up at the sky. There are no stars visible, the clouds obscuring them, but the snow’s gentle descent is just as beautiful a sight. It was snowing the day Victor came into his life, Yuuri recalls, and finds himself smiling at the memory.

He had no way of knowing what his life would become after that; days filled with Victor at his side, Victor eating dinner with him and his family, Victor smiling as they stroll through Yuuri's hometown, Victor praising Yuuri as he executes a component particularly well on the ice.

He had no idea the joys being engaged to Victor would bring. Mornings started with soft kisses and whispers of “time to wake up, my solnyshko,” relaxing days spent simply enjoying each others company, and long nights wrapped up in each other's embrace.

But relationships require work too. It’s not all smooth sailing. Hardships are bound to happen no matter how deeply in love a couple may be. Just like now, with Victor turning his back to Yuuri (quite literally) and Yuuri doing his best not to let it get to him.

Yuuri's parents always stressed to him that open communication is the fundamental component of any healthy relationship. So the right thing to do would be to go back home and talk to Victor. Now that Yuuri has cooled off and has had some time to think, he knows how Victor feels.

If Victor doesn't want Yuuri smothering him, he'll do his best to make Victor feel loved and cared for without coming across too strong. Even if that means giving him space when all Yuuri wants to do is hold Victor in his arms until he recovers.

His resolve made up, Yuuri turns around and starts walking back home, the freshly fallen snow crunching beneath his boots.

～

When Yuuri opens the door to their flat, he's surprised to find Victor up. He had expected him to be in asleep in bed, not supporting himself against the bathroom counter and rummaging through their medicine cabinet.

Victor startles at the sound of the door, dropping his gaze to the floor when Yuuri tries to meet his eyes.

“I'm back,” Yuuri says by way of greeting. Victor is still silent in front of him, and Yuuri clears his throat nervously before speaking. “I… had some time to think. To clear my head a little. And I just want you to know that I'm sorry for bothering you, and I'll give you space if that's what you want.”

Something changes in Victor's expression at the words, his shoulders slumping further and his frown deepening.

“But,” Yuuri continues, “I also want to let you know that I'm here for you and I love you, and I can get you whatever you want. I know it's just a cold, but even that can be unpleasant. I've had one enough times to know,” Yuuri says with a light chuckle. “So if you need anything, you don't have to feel embarrassed about asking. But for now, I'll be on the couch,” Yuuri finishes, then begins to walk away.

“Wait!” Victor catches Yuuri by the wrist. He looks shy as Yuuri meets his eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, Victorー”

“No, It's not,” Victor interrupts, and Yuuri lets him speak. There's something in his eyes, a desperate need to tell Yuuri whatever it is he's going to say. Yuuri listens.

“You know that I'm not...I'm not used to this.” Yuuri nods gently. “I've never had someone like you who wants to always be there for me, who wants to love all sides of me, not just the glamorous ones. I'm so used to hiding the more vulnerable side of me, but I keep forgetting that I don't need to anymore.”

“You're right. You don't,” Yuuri says lovingly, taking a step towards Victor and stroking his cheek. “You can tell me what you need, Victor.”

“I know.” Victor closes his eyes, breathes in and out. “I know.”

“Good.” Yuuri smiles softly at him. “Now what are you doing out of bed? I thought you wanted to sleep,” he asks, his tone not accusatory but curious.

“I did. And I tried, but I have a headache,” Victor says, and he still looks so shy about admitting it. “I was trying to look for some painkillers, but I couldn't find any.”

“I had to use some the other day and forgot to put the bottle back. It's still in our room,” Yuuri tells him, taking Victor’s hand into his own. He lifts it up to his lips, placing a kiss upon the golden band on that rests on his finger. It's a simple gesture that speaks a thousand words: I love you, I forgive you, I'm never going to leave you. “Let's get you back to bed, hmm?” Yuuri asks, gently pulling him along. Victor nods, and lets himself get lead. 

Back in the bedroom, Yuuri procures the pills, Victor swallows them down with a fresh glass of water, then he lays down on the bed, facing Yuuri. “Thank you,” Victor says, and Yuuri knows it's not just for the medicine.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Yuuri says, lightly tracing his fingers over Victor’s arm.

“I will,” Victor says back, and Yuuri can tell he means it.

“Good.” He kisses the tip of Victor’s nose. “Get some sleep.”

Victor nods tiredly, his eyes slipping shut, and Yuuri watches fondly as Victor’s breathing evens out, his chest rising and falling in the steady and slow rhythm of sleep.

～～～

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