#since Spotify wrapped is coming out soon: Top 10 songs that remind me of my girl 💕

[mqcuriosities]

OC Playlist // Fen Holloway

[hopesanpedro]

Createurs - We Exist

I have the pleasure of being in the presence of talented and passionate artists and musicians most of the time and it’s, for me, is one of the best things in my life. Friends, I call these people.

Last Saturday, one of the bands I looked out for in the past years launched their first album – We Exist. Createurs, which is apparently the French word of creators which is already so beautiful when you think about it in itself, is a collaborative band telling the stories of the monsters not just under our beds but also the ones inside our heads, even the ones that are chasing us, through the music of different people. They have also collaborated with different visual artists for each of their song and those artworks were also featured in the lyrics booklet with their CD.

We Exist album has 12 well-written tracks that speaks of the eerie, the enchanting, the damned, and the mystery of the entirety of life. Yes, life.

Now, I’m not going to pretend like I’m some music expert and give you guys a review of their album. I am, however, going to share with you my thoughts on each and favorite lyrics from the tracks in it.

1. Pancake (Re)Mix

This one’s a little too close to my heart. Remember the artworks I’ve mentioned earlier? I made one for them and it was for this song. I think this is the most outright cheesy song they have in their album. But even so, it wasn’t the corny kind. I described this one as “colorful” when I first heard it. It’s exactly the reason why I was careful on putting too much color in the artwork, I didn’t want to take the colors from the song – I wanted it to be as serene and innocent as the song.

“Flying with time just to witness your smile. And I, oh I’m falling down tonight”

We all know the feeling of being all chummy giddy soft inside like we swallowed a whole damn litter of puppies and they won’t stop making you melt from the inside and that’s what this song makes you feel like – kilig. Oh young, new, love.

2. Tides and Lifelines

Okay, just reading the title you’d get an idea of what this song is about. This song reminds me of a lyric from one of my most favorite band ever ever; “love is watching someone die”. (fine it’s from What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie). I think this is one of the songs Createurs wrote and it speaks about mortality and how we deal with it.

“We’re the bullet in each other’s gun, shoot the angels that would take us apart”

Just read those lines. I don’t want to even think how hard it is to be so desperate and helpless in trying to help someone so dear in the brink of death. Ouch, I’m just gonna go and cry for a while.

3. Teragram Carnivale

“Shadows fall on rooms like this, where the sun and the moon collide, with your eyes that once were my carousel rides”

I feel like we all can relate to this song in some way. It has to be relevant to every one of us at some point in our lives. We all wanted to believe in something that has grew its root around our hearts and got a little too caught up in the roller coaster rides. I think this song brings you back to that particular time to make you realize that the past never changes and they never go away. Definitely in my top 3.

4. Facemask

I think I’ve played this song one too many times when they uploaded this on spotify before. Mostly because of its catchiness and its angst. Lol sorry I know, I can’t think of a better way to describe it. You can actually feel the song’s anger and disappointment wrapped in some sort of vengeful feeling.

I liked the lines “You’re only fooling yourself, messing everyone’s head.  A catfish, a sly dish, the culprit, gets blown kiss”

In this digital era, anything and everything can be edited or lied about and it gets sickening when someone or a group of people manipulate others by lying to them about important things.  Technology is a beautiful thing if used for good, but there is some greed in humanity that uses it for something else entirely.

5. Trigger Warning

“It’s the beginning and it’s the end. When all the light has been set, a warning when night is at best.”

I feel like this song was supposed to be in the beginning? It would have been nice to have heard this intro to all their haunting songs, both in a good and eerie way. It’s like the ones you hear when you watch a horror movie that gives you chicken skin and cool fog kinda vibes. It’s a mood setter, a look into the mirror of our own self. It asks you to look inside and acknowledge that you are one of these monsters you are so scared of.

6. The Curious Life of Mr. Hyde II: The Mexicat

This song is still in my everyday playlist. It’s been there since I’ve met Rain the night they played for WAT Up the first time and I got sucked into their music. Oh god I have so many favorite lines from this song!! It’s about mental issues and it perfectly sings the chaos that is in one’s head. They wrote this to try and explain how complicated it is to be in the state of unstable mental health in a very poetic way.

Here are my top 3 lines (YESS BECAUSE I CANT CHOOSE OKAY?? ☹ ); “The colorful imagery of dancing audacity”, “Conversing with my demons, addicted to the tone”, “I haven’t got a martini or any kind of whiskey, But baby you’re my margarita, drunk in love with you”.

Welp. Let’s just say I love the entire lyrics ugh

7. Pianocktail

OH THIS! I love this one. This reminds me of my other favoritest band forever – Panic! At The Disco. The story within and the sophistication in this one is something that’s imprinted into my fanatic heart (awow).

“The taste has never been this condescending. A drink to be made by the one and only pianocktail!”

Ah, there’s nothing more tripping than an uncertainty for something you’ve had for so long.

8. Chat Box From Alaska

“She’s a part-time lover and a beautiful liar, plagued with her broken words and empty promises. Cornered by the pillars of her comfort and embrace, making out with someone better, someone smoother, someone tastier”

I feel like this song is basically for fuck girls who manipulates people for sex by leading people on and leaving them just as fast. I think the last part of this song was written by Rain as a poem years and years ago? Nevertheless, it ended the song so smoothly.

9. Awful Things the Moon Saw

This song makes me think of obsessive lovers or past ones that refuses to let it go. Maybe it’s also us when we hold on a little too tight on something that’s already slipping away.

“Well you know you’ve got me haunted by your scent, Now I find myself begging and falling for you more and more.”

It is also kind of a lullaby to me for some reason, I can sleep soundly with this one playing hehe

10. St. Cecille

This one’s also in my playlist since I’ve first heard it. I think I read the story behind (or at least heavily connected) this song, written by the vocalist. He has a lot of passion, idk ask him. JK!!!!

"Rhyme our thoughts in this waltzing dreams. Time stops when you are around. You’re the one I’ve been talking about on the song of roads and hearts”

I wish I can share with you guys the link to the story but I’m not sure if he’d like that. Anyway, this love song is right up my alley – mysterious, magic, and love? Hell yas.

11. Bloodstream

All I can say about this is that I am so excited for the story to come out because I want to look more into it. Twilight’s werewolves just left the building.

“Chaotic, poetic, and overly narcissistic. Hypnotic, agnostic, but slightly optimistic. Out of the forest to Manila fucking buses. It’s a tale about a man who waltzed among carcasses.”

It’s a midnight story!

12. Stellar Memories

The first song, besides the ones I’ve already heard before of course, that caught my attention in the album was this one. It’s a desperate attempt to preserve something we believe in and wish for its memories to last up to our end.

“Set up the fire and let’s dance around the house. Then watch it burn down like the dreams we fought so hard to get. If this is it, hope higher, ‘cause we’ll hide from the world and never make a….”

I feel like this is the best song to end the album with because I didn’t want it to end and I just kept it on loop for all its entirety because I liked each song.

I’ve already wrote a (lengthy) Instagram post about their well thought branding and packaging but I also want to commend them for the bomb line up and organized launch! Page Four Production reminded me so much of the first gigs of WAT UP and made me miss the team. From promotions to media exposures, to the materials! I look forward to attending gigs they’d come up with!

I won’t ask for more releases so soon because I want to savor this album and all its stories. I’ve already heard the Part I of Mr. Hyde and it’s Createurs’ gift to everyone who attended their launch so if you are curious, wait for the next album maybe it’d be included there.

This album will always have a special place in my heart. It’s definitely worth the long wait. Congrats, Createurs!

Listen to them on Spotify and follow them on their social media pages to be updated!

[kitty084]

Worthless (Shawn Mendes imagine)

Authors Note: Okay this is my first try at doing an imagine. I think mine is a little long, but I’ve been wanting to try writing one for a while. Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think of it. Can’t wait to read your responses. Also, I listed to the SAD LOVE SONGS playlist on Spotify while writing this so if you want the full effect, listen to this while reading it. All the things that are in this story is something I deal with on a day to day basis and it’s really personal to me. Hope this helps others out there who feel unloved. P.S. Happy Canada Day! Thanks. Lots of love. xx

I thank the driver as I hop out of the uber, handing over the $30 fee. Walking across the street to my apartment complex I let out a yawn. I slide the key in my door and turn the handle. Swinging the door open I step through the doorway and lock it behind me. My backs aching and my legs feel like led after working 8 hours at my dead end job. I make my way to my bedroom, throwing my bag onto my bed and pull out a clean towel from one of my drawers. Slipping off my shoes and socks I head to my ensuite, turning on the shower. While I’m waiting for the water to warm up I peel my clothes off and assess my skin. I know my eczema’s getting bad again because I had to vacuum the skin flakes off my bed this morning, and it’s starting to stick to my clothes. So I’ve gone back to using the steroid creams and doing my wet wraps twice a day. I’ve had eczema ever since I was a baby. It went away for a while, but came back in high school and it’s still here at 23. The waters finally warm enough so I step in a let it run across my skin. 10 minutes later I pat myself dry and wrap my hair up. I slip on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Pulling four bandages out of the bathroom drawer along with my cream I get to work. While I’m putting on the three different creams, I sit the bandages in warm water in the sink and let them soak. Once I’m all creamed up I start wrapping my legs and my arms and then I wrap a towel around my legs as I sit on the cold bathroom floor, resting my arms on my legs. Then I tilt my head back against the cupboard and let the tears fall, sobs wracking my body. Along with my eczema I had depression and anxiety which made matters worse. It doesn’t help that I’m dating Shawn Mendes. I love him, of course I do, but it hurts when he’s on tour. He can’t be with me and I hate that. I constantly felt like a failure and hated how I looked. My anxiety prevented me from leaving my bed some days. I’ve made some pretty big mistakes in my past and I constantly felt worthless. I hear a bang, but I’m pretty sure it comes from my noisy neighbours. I have to catch public transport all the time because I can’t drive. My retail career isn’t my dream job, but I’m not qualified in anything else because I dropped out of university. It’s not fantastic, but it pays for my rent and bills. Most people don’t understand how hard it is to deal with eczema. They take clear skin for granted and that annoys me so much. “Baby?” I hear from outside the bathroom door “You in there?”

“No”, I say my tears although they’ve stopped still make my voice wobbly.

“Y/N, are you okay?” When I don’t respond the door swings open and Shawn is there in the doorway. “Oh, love” he says before rushing over to me to gather me in his arms. “Shh, its okay, I’ve got you”. He pulls away to place his hands on my cheeks to wipe away the tears that stream down my face. Leaning forward he plants a sweet kiss on my forehead, “come on, let’s get you cleaned up”. Shawn un-wraps my bandages and helps me rub moisturizer on my skin. “You okay to do your hair?” I nod still numb, even though the tears have gone. He gives my hand a squeeze before walking into my bedroom. After I’ve finished drying my hair and putting the dirty clothes in my hamper, I find him laying out a long sleeve top and some sweatpants. He respectfully turns around while I change. “Okay, I’m decent” I say. Shawn turns around pulling off his favourite hoodie and sliding it over my head. I pull my arms through the sleeves and slide on some clean socks. “You want some water?” I’m still too numb to talk, so I nod my head and follow him into the kitchen. He fills a glass up and hands it to me, watching as I take small sips. We walk into the lounge room and I sit on the couch next to him, placing my glass down on the table. I look down, fiddling with my hands in my lap, until he gently takes them in his. “Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” he asks with concern, sliding his thumbs over my hands. I shake my head and refuse to look at him, until he releases a hand and lifts my chin to my eyes meet his “talk to me”. My eyes start to water

“I…” is the only thing I can get out before I break down again. He wraps both arms around and pulls me onto his lap, letting me cry against his chest. “Shh,” he says as he rubs my back in gentle strokes “just take your time. Follow my breathing. That’s it”. Once I finally get my breathing under control and the tears stop I pull back to look at him. “Hey” he says tucking a stray hair behind my ear, with a small smile on his face. “You ready to tell me what’s been going on in that pretty little head of yours?” I take a deep breath.

“Yeah. I’ve just had a stressful day and I panicked. Sitting in the bathroom before, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about doing this to you”

“Doing what to me love?” he asks in confusion, eyebrows drawn

“You have to look after me all the time, like I’m a baby. I can’t be a problem to you, because you have your busy music career. I’m worthless, I don’t deserve you’re love. I’m ugly, I don’t have a great job, and I can’t even do something as simple as driving. I just don’t know why you stick around anymore, when you could have someone less complicated.” I don’t look up at him as I finish, because I don’t want to see the judgment in his eyes that proves I’m right. I start to get up off his lap, but he grabs me around the waist pulling me back into him. He shoves his face in my neck and he says “don’t you dare” I can hear the anger in his voice and I feel him shaking. “Don’t you dare think you’re worthless”, He pulls away and takes my face into his hands “I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?”

“Okay” I say quietly.

“I love take care of you because I want, to not because I feel like you’re a little kid. I’ll never not want to take care of you. You’re never a problem to me; it’s my career that’s a problem. It makes me spend too much time away from you. I know you’ve made mistakes and it doesn’t matter to me how big or small they are because everyone makes mistakes. I know I sure do. I don’t care that you can’t drive or that your job isn’t amazing. Most importantly I don’t care that your skin isn’t flawless, you’re still the most beautiful girl in this world. I’m the one who’s not worthy of your love.” I place a hand on his cheek and peck his lips before placing my forehead on his “I’m sorry” I say

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry because it’s obvious I don’t say I love you enough and then you start thinking like this. I hate it when you get down like this. I want to be here for you all the time and I want to help you fight your battles. Fight your depression and anxiety. Be your hero. I love you, I love you with everything in me and I’ll remind you every second of everyday if you need me to”.

“Thank you. I love you to, my hero” I say with a giggle “you’re amazing you know that?”

“Not as amazing as you, beautiful”. He says with a big smile before leaning in and capturing my lips with his. I can feel the love in his kiss and I eagerly return it, wrapping my arms around his neck, while his wrap around my waist. We pull apart and he kisses the tip of my nose. “Now, Y/N my love, what did you want to do tonight?” I look at him in confusion

“Don’t you have to go to the studio tonight?”

“No, I called Geoff and told him that you need me tonight, and tomorrow you can come with me to the studio. I’m all yours” I grin at him and give him a quick kiss. “How about pizza and a movie?”

“You read my mind. I’ll go order and you can pick the movie” he picks me up and puts me on the couch so he can go make the call and I start to surf Netflix. I end up picking A Cinderella Story because it’s my favorite. A little while Shawn comes back with a big, comfy, blanket. “Pizza will be here soon, I’m just going to take a quick shower.” He says before passing me the blanket and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. The pizza arrives and I serve it up along with two glasses of coke when Shawn turns the corner. I press play on the remote and he wraps his arm around me covering us with the blanket, while I snuggle into his side. “Cinderella story, huh”

“Yep” I say smiling up at him. Pretty soon the pizza’s gone and I feel absolutely content. I let out a yawn and I feel Shawn chuckle beside me. The movie finishes a few minutes later and he cleans up while I get ready for bed. A few minutes later he walks in, taking his jeans and t-shirt off, leaving him in only his boxers. He climbs in the bed beside me gathering me in his arms and we just look at each other. I take this time to play with his hair, fresh and still slightly wet from the shower, his curls sticking to his forehead. He closes his eyes and hums in response. My eyes are getting heavy and I let out a yawn. “Alright sleepy head, time for sleep”. Shawn rolls me over and pulls me tight into his chest, resting his face in the crook of my neck. He places a small kiss just beneath my ear. “Hey, Y/N”

“Yeah”

“I love you”

“I love you more Shawn”

“Not possible, I love you the most”

“Okay, you win”

“I know, because I’ve got the most amazing girlfriend”. And with that we drift of to sleep, me tight in his loving arms. I still had my insecurities and doubt, but knowing Shawn loved me for me made it a lot more bearable and I couldn’t be more greatful.

[givemedahoran]

My Kind Of Crazy

Inspired by this song

Special thanks to @wdmsusie for being an absolute gem and reading over this for me and giving me some advice as it is my first piece of writing. I hope you all enjoy!

••••••••••

Sadie and Niall’s relationship was one people wrote songs about. Hell, Niall wrote a whole album about it. The two were madly in love practically from the day they met. And despite the fact that Sadie could be wild and crazy at times, it made Niall love her even more. She was the perfect kind of crazy for him.

“Love, what are you doing? I’m trying to watch the game!” Niall said trying his best to sound annoyed, but he couldn’t stop the smile that was threatening his face.

Sadie was stood there in one of Niall’s old Led Zeppelin t-shirts that was far too big for her small frame. “Come on Ni,” she pleaded, “You have been watching these damn games all day long!”

“It’s the World Cup Semi-Finals babe, what d’ya expect? I promise this is the last game, and then we can turn on any movie you want and maybe even order some takeout.” Niall pleaded with her whilst trying to maneuver his head around her to see the screen.

Sadie huffed, not happy with the answer, and walked off into the kitchen. A few moments later an idea came to her, and she immediately headed to Niall’s in-home studio and grabbed one of his guitars. She padded down the hallway and back out to the living room where Niall hadn’t moved an inch since she left.

“Look baby,” Sadie said, grabbing Niall’s attention as she walked further into the room, “I’m a rockstar, just like you!”

Niall couldn’t hide it any longer. He busted out laughing as he watched Sadie hold the guitar upside down and tried to play it as a “rockstar” would.

If it were any other person tearing Niall away from one of the biggest footie games of the year, he would have been extremely annoyed but it was Sadie and he was so in love with her that he couldn’t possibly get mad even if he tried.

Giving up on watching the game, he sat back as she not only held the guitar upside down, but attempted to play chords that didn’t even exist and danced around in front of their television singing the words to one of his songs. Niall pulled out his phone and turned the flashlight on, waving it around as if he were at a concert which made her chuckle, but she carried on with her performance. At the end of the song she strummed the guitar quickly a few times before yelling out “THANK YOU LOS ANGELES AND GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!”

Niall jumped up off the couch giving her a round of applause, shouting “Yeah, rock on baby!” Sadie burst into a fit of giggles as she removed the guitar from around her neck and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. Niall rounded the table to come up behind her as he wrapped his fingers around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. “Hey love, when you are done with your little concert can I come backstage and get ya to autograph that t-shirt of mine you're wearin’?”

Sadie bit her lower lip to keep in the giggles as she nodded her head, “I suppose so,” she said, turning around in Niall’s arms so she was now facing him. Niall smiled wide, “Great, promise I’ll never wash it again.” He said with a wink. This time Sadie couldn’t keep in her laugh as she leaned forward to press a giggly kiss on his lips.

Later that afternoon once the game had finished Niall hollered out to Sadie letting her know that she could come down so they could watch their movie. Moments later she entered now wearing a pair of jean shorts and slip on sandals with the t-shirt of Niall’s still on. “Whatcha doin’?” Niall asked, “You’re dressed like you’re goin’ somewhere.”

“Well I was thinkin’, since it is such a nice day and we have been cooped up in the house for most of it, why don’t we go out and just take a drive down to Malibu like we used to. We haven’t done that in forever!”

As much as Niall just wanted to relax and spend the rest of the day on his couch, he couldn’t resist that look on Sadie’s face where she would poke out her bottom lip and look at him with her big brown eyes. “I suppose a little drive wouldn’t hurt.” He said, causing Sadie’s face to light up. Before he knew it, she was pulling him up off the couch and ushering him to their bedroom so he could change into proper clothes that he could leave the house in.

The drive to Malibu from Niall’s place in Hollywood Hills was a little less than an hour which meant there was plenty of time for Sadie and Niall to have one of their car jam sessions. Niall had created a playlist on Spotify that was titled “Just for Sadie” and it was all of their favorite songs to blast in the car and sing along to. As soon as they got on the open road of the Pacific Coast Highway, Sadie would roll down the windows and turn the radio up loud. She would slip off her sandals and rest her bare feet on the dash.

Niall watched as she danced around in the passenger seat, not able to keep still for even a second. Suddenly the volume lowered and Niall turned to look at Sadie. He knew that devilish look she had on her face which meant she was up to something. “What is it?” He asked suspiciously. “I was thinkin’, can I drive on the way back?” Niall barked out a laugh and shook his head, “Love, you do know that this is a stick shift right? Remember what happened last time?” Niall’s mind flashed back to the first time Sadie insisted he teach her stick shift in case there was ever a situation where she needed to drive his car. They went to an empty parking lot and within 10 minutes Sadie had gotten so frustrated over the fact that the car stalled nearly every time she pressed the gas, that she gave up and refused to ever try again.

“I know, but I feel like now I am more prepared and I’m ready to try it again.” She said with a hopeful look in her eyes. Again, it was one of those looks she could give Niall that would make him cave in to anything. There wasn’t a single argument they could have that she wouldn’t win if she pulled out that look. “Alright fine, but how about we just stick with a parking lot again today? Not quite sure if you are ready to drive on the highway.” Sadie seemed satisfied with that answer and turned the radio back up as she laid her head in Niall’s lap for the rest of the drive.

They finally arrived to one of their favorite little beaches in Malibu that was away from the main beach and quite secluded. Niall had yet to be recognized there as not many people knew about it and were hardly ever there. The two headed down to the water’s edge just as the sun began to set over the ocean. Niall laid out the blanket he always left in the trunk of his car for their impromptu beach visits. Sadie sat in between Niall’s outstretched legs and rested her back against his chest. Despite his not wanting to go at first, Niall felt himself relax and enjoy this time he had spent here in peace with Sadie. His life was so fast paces that he often forgot to just sit back and enjoy the little things in life like watching the sunset on the beach with the girl of his dreams.

The two sat there for a while, even after the sun had set, just having mindless conversations and enjoying each other’s company.

“So tour’s starting soon...” Niall said, his words trailing off as he subtly tried to introduce the subject. He knew how much Sadie hated talking about him leaving because while he was off traveling the world, meeting fans, and performing his songs, she was in their big house all alone doing the same work every day.

“Yeah, just another month or so right?” She spoke, trying not to sound too sad as she knew it would upset Niall, but she couldn’t help it. Niall’s 2017 tour was far shorter than this one would be and she already found that as a struggle.

“Hey gorgeous, you know we will be alright. I have a few weeks in May and June where I will be able to come back home. And you will come out and visit me a few times, ya?”

She sighed, “I know, it’s just I have gotten so used to you being home that it’s gonna be hard to be without you again.”

Niall’s heart broke and while he wished she could just come on tour with him, he knew he could never ask her to give up her job and life in LA for that long. He didn’t know what to say that could make her feel any better so he just did what he knew best and held her to his chest, pressing soft kisses to the top of her head as they listened to the waves lap up on the beach.

Their hunger began to set in, so they decided to hit up a little café before heading home. It was nearing 11 o’clock by the time they got back and both of them were exhausted. They decided to call it a night and head to bed. Sadie was out as soon as her head hit the pillow, but you wouldn’t know it based off all the moving and shuffling she did in her sleep. When the two first started dating, Niall couldn’t stand it. For the first hour after she was asleep, Sadie would not stop moving. She would steal the covers off Niall’s side and on a few occasions she had rolled Niall off the bed. However, over time it became one of the the little quirks he had learned to love about her. And although he wouldn’t admit it, when he was on tour and in a big hotel bed all by himself, he missed her movements that would keep him up because without them it reminded him she wasn’t there. At this point, they had been together for so long that Niall learned to just sleep through her restlessness.

The next morning Sadie was up before Niall which was not unusual at all. She was a total morning person and was usually up with the sun, whereas Niall would sleep until noon everyday if he could. Sadie quietly slipped out of bed, changed into some workout clothes, went for a run, and cooked the two of them breakfast all while Niall stayed fast asleep. She entered their room and set the tray of breakfast down on the dresser, heading over to Niall’s side of the bed. Her fingers gently brushed his brown locks off his forehead as she whispered, “Wake up sleepyhead.” Niall moaned and groaned but finally opened his eyes, a lazy smile forming on his face. “Mmm, good morning gorgeous. What time is it?” He mumbled, his raspy morning voice clearly evident. “Half past ten. I made you some breakfast.” The smile on Niall’s face expanded as he sat up further in bed and pressed a kiss to Sadie’s lips, “Thank you my love.”

“Of course darling, and happy anniversary.” Sadie said with a smile.

“Happy anniversary Love.” He said, finally taking in what she was wearing. Sadie was still in her running shorts but had taken off her top so she was just in a sports bra. Over top she wore one of Niall’s aprons that he had gotten as a gag gift for Christmas from Deo. It read “May I Suggest the Sausage?” with a cartoon hand pointing downward.

Niall busted out laughing at her attire and she immediately broke out into giggles as well when she followed Niall’s eyes to the apron. “Uh love, I don’t think it was intended for you to be wearing that apron.”

“Hm, well if you were the one wearing it, let me just say I would gladly accept the sausage.” She said with a wink.

Niall’s mouth gaped open, “Come here ya nutter,” he chuckled before reaching his arms out and pulling Sadie down on top of him, her screaming out giggles.

The rest of the morning, the two lounged in bed eating the breakfast Sadie made and sharing sweet kisses every now and then. Sadie got up to grab the two more coffee and Niall sat there thinking about how insanely lucky he was to have her in his life. Although she tended to be extremely energetic and at times drove him crazy, she was his type of crazy that he wouldn’t change for the world.

[ohwhatamessiam]

Give  -Part 6

Summary: Bucky and (Y/N) had an amazing yet brief relationship in Bucharest before all hell broke loose. Two years later they reconnect in a bar in Brooklyn, but things have changed and neither are the same as they were before. Will their relationship survive or is a break up inevitable?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Language, fluff, and some heartbreak. Sorry this one might hurt. 

Author’s Note: Hi again! This is part 6 of my submission to @bladebarnes​‘s #bladehits2kchallenge inspired by the song Give by You Me At Six. As usual 1st person reader, and this is the last of flashback-ville! A thank you, I love you, and a let’s-go-see-some-bands-together-in-November(?) to @lostboyinneverland​ for beta-ing me. We’re coming to the end guys, only one more to go! I have had an idea for a sequel but y’all let me know if you want it (or maybe I’ll just end up writing it I don’t know.) Here’s my Spotify playlist to listen to while reading the entire fic. Hopefully this turned out okay, and let me know your thoughts!

Give | Masterlist

Light hit my face, flashing bright behind my eyelids and warming my skin. I rolled to my side, needing to escape the glare of the sun but found something harder than a pillow under my head. My eyelashes fluttered as my vision started working again and a soft chuckle came from above me.

Tilting my head the slightest bit I caught Bucky watching me, a pleasant smile on his lips and a loving look in his eyes. I smiled, wrapping my arm around his waist and molding my body into his side. I’d apparently been sleeping with my head against his chest because as I moved my cheek, my lips brushed against his skin. Lifting my body, I stretched to find his mouth and was grateful for his warm fingers hooking under my chin and guiding my lips the rest of the way. The kiss was soft, affectionate, and the perfect way to start my day.

“If that’s how you say good morning babe, I think I’m gonna have to spend the night more often,” I spoke against his chest, resting my head near his heart.

“I’d like that,” he smiled, metal fingers stroking my hair. I sighed onto his skin and closed my eyes, settling back into his body. His metal thumb stroked my cheek as I drifted back to sleep.

It was too soon when Bucky squeezed my arm and whispered, “We should get up doll. We can’t stay in bed all day.”

I knew he was right but I also never wanted to leave his side. Never wanted to be without his warmth, his smell, and his skin again. “Why not?”  I whined against his rib cage.

“Your stomach’s been growling for the last 10 minutes,” he chuckled. “As much as I want to stay here all day, we both need to eat something eventually.”

“Fine,” I groaned, lifting my head from his body, “What do you have to eat?” With daylight illuminating his apartment, I could see he’d been living here a while. Somehow the place was in even worse shape than my own, with cracked tiles and horribly peeling wallpaper. But the old fridge, coffee brewer, array of mismatched dishes, and bag of chips sitting on top of the fridge told me he’d done his best to make it home.

“Not a whole lot.” He rolled off the bed, leaving me to find my shirt on the ground. “Do you have anything in your apartment?” he called as he rummaged through his closet. He emerged with a black short sleeve shirt and pair of dark wash jeans on, and his arms in a red henley he was pulling over his head.

“I think I have a few eggs left over, a partial loaf of bread, and possibly some yogurt.” As I stood up, I noticed the newspapers taped over his balcony door and windows.

Perched on the edge of his loveseat, he pulled on a pair of socks and watched me try to find my shoes. “Some fresh fruit would go well with the toast or the yogurt,” he answered, a sly smirk playing on his lips. I found my shoes in the hall, accompanied by two shining objects.

“It would,” I nodded, picking up both my kitchen knife and a smaller combat knife. “You should probably put this away.” I handed him the weapon, noticing his gulp and quick turn to the counter to find its sheath.

He concealed and secured it around his ankle before pulling on his boots, and reaching for his black baseball hat. “I’ll go run to the fruit stand and get something.”

“You mean you’ll get plums?” I tilted my head and smiled at him, holding the blade of my kitchen knife downward.

“Maybe,” he blushed. He tugged his gloves on and jacket before meeting me at his door. “But they’re my favorite.” Pausing directly in front of me, his hands held my face, covered thumbs caressing my cheeks and I wished I could melt under his touch. I snaked a hand out to his hip, pulling him closer to me.

“I know they are,” I whispered, my lips brushing his cheek. He turned his head, finding my lips with his own and our mouths worked together in a moment of fervent passion. The bill of his hat pushed back from his face as I rose onto my toes.

Pulling back from my mouth he grinned, “They’re almost as sweet as you.” I couldn’t help the tug at my heart or the flush on my cheeks. I peppered his face with small kisses, only stopping when I reached his smiling lips. A covered hand slid down to my hip, gripping me against him and deepening the kiss. I welcomed him in, savoring the way his scruff brushed against my lips and his tongue teased mine. Our lips separated for us to catch our breath, and he exhaled, “I swear I’ll only be gone for 20 minutes tops.” I kissed him again but his hand tilted my jaw, pulling us apart. “I’ll meet you in your apartment,” he moaned, wetting his lips as his heavy lidded eyes betrayed his desire. His clothed metal fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt teasingly and he raised his brows in suggestion, “We can continue… this.”

Pausing for a second, I bit my lip. This was all so new to us, and normally I’d never want to be this attached to someone, but Bucky felt so comfortable, so right to me. I reasoned with myself that this was just the honeymoon phase and it’d be more unhealthy if we were too codependent. As reluctant as I was to let him go, I knew I could wait 20 minutes for him. “Okay,” I nodded, prompting him to kiss me one last time before opening the front door.

He tugged his hat back down, planting a peck on my forehead. “I’ll rush back, I promise.”

Three loud knocks echoed from my front door. I pulled the skillet of eggs from the stove, carefully dumping them onto plates. One more loud bang came from the door, and this one sounded harder than knuckles meeting wood. Hurrying across my apartment, I unlocked the deadbolt quickly and yanked the door open.

Regret was etched all over Bucky’s features as I grabbed his elbow and guided him into the hallway. I closed the door and turned to find him frozen directly behind me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, but my words quieting in my throat as his haunted eyes met mine.

“I just, I really wanted this to work,” he sighed, gaze dropping to the floor. “I did.”

Shaking my head, I pulled the bag of plums from his hand and took them to the kitchen. “What do you mean?” I was afraid of what I’d see if I looked at his face.

“Us. This.” He spoke clearly, his voice carrying across the room.

I turned on my heel, anger and heat suddenly rising in my chest. “Considering what you said to me last night and 20 minutes ago, if this is a break up speech it seems pretty insincere.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I watched him searching for his next words. This obviously was not planned on his part.

“I-, I thought I could be happy. I was wrong.”

“Drop the bullshit,” I groaned, grasping his jaw in my hand and forcing him to look at me. “You’ve been happy for the last two weeks with me. I’ve been nothing but honest with you Bucky, and you didn’t lie to me about your past. Don’t you dare start now.”

His steely gaze held mine for only a moment before softening. I let go of his face as he muttered, “Well shit.” Moving quickly past me, he went to one of my windows. He checked the streets near our building and then the sky. “I’m not trying to break up with you, but I’m trying to tell you this isn’t going to end well.”

“What’s going on?”

He moved from one window to the next. “They’re coming for me,” he answered, turning to look at me and then back out to the street. “I don’t know what suddenly changed but there was a picture of me on a newspaper about the bombing in Vienna.”

“Do you think it’s Hydra?” I asked, closing the distance between us. My hands slipped over his shoulders and across his chest, leaning my body onto his back.

“No, it’s the UN I think, or some government agency.” He continued to stare out the window, his fingers tapping against his leg. “And since I’m now a domestic terrorist according to the paper, they won’t care whether they take me in alive or not.”

Slipping around him, I placed myself between the window and his body. “Don’t say that, we’ll figure a way out of this. I’ll come forward and say you were with me last-.”

Shaking his head, he cut me off, “No. There’s no chance in hell that I’m letting you expose yourself for me. They’ll scrutinize you, interrogate you, maybe even arrest you.” I sighed against him, mentally searching for another way to help him. “Honestly, I’m thinking about surrendering.”

Holding a breath in his lungs longer than usual, I rubbed his forearms, trying to soothe him. “But you didn’t do it.”

His gaze turned hard, “How do you know that? You didn’t even ask.”

Hands slipping to his face, I brought his forehead to mine, “Because I know you. That’s not you anymore.”

“But it could be.”

“But even if it could be you, physically. That’s not you, it’s not what you want or what’s in here.” I poked his chest reminding him that his heart was not a killers.

“I’m so sorry this is happening.” His hard edges crumbled and his hands guided my hips closer to his. “I didn’t want you to have to go through this.”

“It’s not your fault.” I rubbed his jaw with my thumbs, brushing his beard and hoping he’d relax into me.

“Yes it is,” he groaned, gripping my wrists in his fingers and moving me away from the window.  “Because if they come after me, they’ll come after you too eventually.”

“Buck-,” I started to pull him away from the glass but he turned his back to me.

“It might not be the government, but Hydra will want to get rid of loose ends. Make sure no one knows their secrets.”

“If they come, then we’ll handle this together.”

He turned to me, a hand running through his hair as he shook his head, “You don’t get it. I’ll probably be dead or locked up. We can’t handle any of that together.”

Knotting my hands behind his back to make sure he couldn’t remove me, I looked up at his stormy eyes, “You sound like you’ve already given up.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” he hunched his body into mine, hands settling on my hips again. “Just being here, holding you, puts you in so much danger. And I don’t care what happens to me, they can lock me up or kill me, but I can’t stomach the thought of someone hurting you. But I guess I’ve already dragged you into all this.”

“You didn’t drag me into anything. I walked into this of my own free will.” His eyes lowered to my lips, focusing on how my mouth formed the words. “I love you Bucky, and I’d do all of this over again if it meant I got to be with you.”

He moved quickly, lips crashing against mine before I could even grasp what was happening. Instinct taking over, I gripped his biceps, anchoring my body with his as I kissed him back. Our mouths moved together desperately, wanting to take in everything we could of each other, needing to stretch what felt like our last moment together.

The walls of my apartment vibrated gently, notifying us of a helicopter approaching. His lips stilled under mine, jaw going slack as he opened his mouth against my own. Taking in a deep breath just as I exhaled, he held me close to him, sharing air for the last time. I wished the world could slow or stop. I needed more than just this and he deserved more than two weeks of cautious happiness.

“I love you, (Y/N), and I’m sorry,” he spoke into my cheek before taking his hands from me.

He moved quickly to my hallway, shoulders broadening and spine straightening in preparation for what was coming. “Make it out alive please,” I called to him, feeling heat and tears building behind my eyes.

As his fingers wrapped around my doorknob he hesitated, turning back to look at me. His eyes were apologetic and his brows furrowed. “Stay close to the ground and behind something. Don’t come out until everything sounds normal again.” My heart ached but I nodded at him, gulping down my nerves.

Watching him walk out of my life for the last time felt like losing a piece of me I didn’t know I had. But I didn’t have much time to contemplate my feelings as the sound of glass breaking and bullets hitting metal and plaster reached my ears minutes later. I followed his orders, curling into a ball on the floor of my kitchen, covered by my island and appliances on all sides as more bangs flew through the air. I covered my ears and rocked myself, silently praying he’d survive somehow.

I didn’t realize I was crying until all the fighting stopped, and I knew I was alone.

Tags: @irishdancr24 @fangirlisms-22 @suz-123 @tequilavet @plan3tmadison