#simple little thing because i am busy getting festive and whatnot

[dailyhmsw]

loop 106

[zoekennaargeluk]

When I was 15 years old, I ran away from home because I was pissed off at my parents for a reason I cant remember. I didnt have much money, so I decided to hop onto the skytrain(public transport train in British Columbia) and ride it as far as it would go. I reached the end of the line in less then an hour, and decided I wanted to ride it all the way back again, while trying to formulate some kind of plan of how I wanted to live the rest of my life without my parents or anyone. At the last stop, or the first stop depending on your perspective of it, a girl came on and sat in the row right behind me. I didnt pay much attention to her at first, as I was busy writing my life plan on a napkin. It was a few minutes later that she got up and came sat next to me, curious as to what I was writing. I told her the story, and after a few laughs, we began talking about everything and anything. Her name was Amanda, 17 years old, and absolutely wonderful. She told me she was getting off at the last stop, which was also the first stop, depending on how you look at it. It was also the stop I had gotten on originally, and I told her we would ride to it together. The train ride took less then an hour, and what a wonderful hour indeed.

When the last stop did come, we both knew we probably wouldnt see each other ever again(this was before the days of cellphones, and I was a shy little kid afraid to make moves). As we got to the end of the sidewalk which split in two different directions, she went right and I went left. Before saying goodbye she turned to me and asked me a question that has become a wonderful part of my life; she asked me, “Tell me something you have done, or want to do, that you think I should do? It can be anything, as challenging as you want it to be, or as easy. As long as you give me the rest of my life to complete it, I promise I will do it..�� I was confused as to why, but I thought about it, and told her, “Sing a song acapella in a room full of strangers.” She said perfect and asked me if I would like a challenge as well. I told her I did, and she told me, “read, from start to finish, “Ulysses” by James Joyce.” I had never heard of it at the time, but I agreed, and we said our goodbyes.

I have a awful memory, and cant remember most conversations I have with most people. But I remember all of that clearly. You know why? Because of the challenge she gave me. In the 12 years that have past since, I have tried to read that book in over 150 different sittings. Everytime I open my copy of the 780 page monster of a book, I always think of her, and I always think of that day. Ive never been sure if it was her intent or not, but she left her lasting memory on me with that challenge. I soon after learned what she did, was a completey wonderful and amazing thing for me. So I decided to keep it going. Ive met a lot of strangers in my life; some that have become friends, and some, due to living in different time zones and whatnot, didnt. I dont want to just have experiences and then let them go. I want to remember these meetings, and embrace the fact that they happened. So whenever I leave someone who has left an amazing impact of my life, I always make sure to add them to my Ulysses Bucket List. I ask them to give me a challenge, as difficult or as easy as they want it to be, and regardless of the fact that they have done it or not; simply something their heart has had wanted to do.

Some have been easy and fun; I met a man in India 9 years ago who told me to, for a week or a month, cook/buy twice as much food as I intend on eating, and give the other half to a stranger in need. I completed that mission 8 years ago, and thought about that man and the time we had all the way through. I met a girl on a cruise 6 years ago, who told me to jump into a body of water on a slightly cold day, without touching or feeling the temperature of the water first. I did that the very same year. I met a couple at an outdoor music festival a few years ago that told me to wear the most bizarre outfit imaginable and walk through a public place, completely oblivious to the fact that you arent looking normal. I did that task the very next day, at the same festival. Some have been difficult, to say the least: three guys I met in Amsterdam and smoked all night with, told me to go to a mall and give 10 strangers 10 presents. That one took a lot of courage, but I did it a year or so after I met them. It was nerve racking, but at the same time exhilerating leaving my comfort zone. A girl I met on a plane told me to sky dive; Im still in the process of getting that done. A couple I met in Cali on the beach told me to tell the 5 people I hated the most, that I love them and respect them. That one was very difficult because of my stubborness, but ive come close to completing that list many a times(still in the process, 2 more people to go).

And some things, have had an everlasting impact on my daily life. I met a girl at a music festival, who told me that whenever I get mad at someone, walk away, sing my happy song in my head for 5 minutes, go back to the person im mad at with a clam heart and mind, and work things out. Ive made this my way of life. I once met a man at a gym in a hotel I was staying at, that told me “whenever your body and brain tells your that you are exhausted and done…use your heart instead and push out 2 more reps.” Ive made this my motto when working out or working on any kind of extrenuating exercise in which my body demands me to quit. I also use it while working on anything, and while studying. One of the best pieces of advice ive ever received.

There are many others that each brought joy to my life. There are still many tasks I have yet to accomplish, and everytime I think of these tasks, I think of the people that gave them to me. It amazes me how well I remember all these people, while I cant remember so many aspects of even yesterday. These experiences, not only do I take from them a “mission” or a “challenge”, I also take from them a memory of them that never fails to appear inside of my mind. I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today. Im in the final 30 pages of the book, also known as the most dreaded of the read(in the last 40 pages or so, James Joyce doesnt use a single punctuation mark; no periods, no commas, no nothing; a straight 50 page run-on sentence).

I never saw Amanda after that day, nor do I know if she ever did get a chance to sing a song to a room full of strangers. But what I do know, is that she gave me a gift that has never once stopped giving. So wherever you may be, thank you for giving me the Ulysses Bucket List. And I swear i’ll finish it one day. My life advice? Simple: Create your own Ulysses bucket list.

Edit 1:fixed some spelling mistakes. Going to leave 'clam' as is, haha!

Edit 2: Ulyssesbucketlist subreddit is now a thing!

Edit 3: I'm trying to reply to all of your comments and give everyone who asks for their own challenge! Please bare with me, I'll get to you I promise!

Edit 4: Monday 5/19/2014 UPDATE: I'm kind of lacking words at the moment, and am in awe of the power of the universe. Writing this story was just to relive a moment in my life, and to share it with others and maybe help them in some sort of way(or just give an entertaining story to read). Never did I think there was the slightest chance I would actually get to talk to her again. But thats exactly what happened. Last night I found out that the Amanda that ThatGuyWhoAte knew, was in fact the Amanda I met 14 years ago. Thank you Reddit. From the bottom of my heart, I give to you the sincerest Thank You I can possibly give. You gave me a chance to continue a life story that stopped writing 14 years ago. I will never forget this.

// 

A thing on reddit i thought was really cool.

[pkmnwater]

Thing 39 - Headspace

[A.K.A.: Obligatory La La Land post, Pt. 2] (Seriously, again with the Part 2 without a first part? Yes. I have my raisins.) ~You’re the fear, I don’t care, Cause I’ve never been so high. Follow me, in the dark, Let me take you past our satellites; You can see the world you brought to life, To life.~ [Written February 3, 2017, Rewritten and typed: February 14, 2017]

So about a month ago, I went to see La La Land. And before going on, minor spoiler alert that I’ll be going over the main theme of the movie [duh], but also touch upon the ending, and although I don’t believe it’ll take anything away from the experience of the movie, your mileage may vary. Ergo, preemptive spoiler alert on this one, I’ll mark when I get specific. On a similar vein, if you haven’t seen the movie yet, I highly recommend it. It’s not necessarily the best story or movie, cause that’s preferential, but it’s definitely a worthwhile experience, and I say that without a hint of doubt. Highly recommended with greatest praise. It was my first time sitting in a Cineplex VIP theater; one of those larger auditoriums with huge oversized chairs, where they serve you food/drink and there’s a side table instead of just a drink holder. Since they first announced and started building them in my area, about four-five years ago I believe, I had the desire to go to one. I’ve always had a passion for cinema and for interesting/better experiences, so of course you put that together and I’ll be drawn into it like a fly. Except I wasn’t. For a while, it was too difficult to find the time to go to one, as they’re also pretty out of the way for me, and I didn’t drive back when, and to justify the price was kinda hard for me to do without it being some special occasion, but then I had other plans anyway. Then, eventually, my passion for going to the cinema dwindled, then died, for raisins. Either way, the long short is that for one reason or another, I’ve never been to a VIP up until this point. I had heard about a movie doing its rounds at film festivals, garnering quite a lot of attention. but I didn’t personally take much note of it, being distracted by other things at the time. It wasn’t until around November or December of last year when my sister tackled me and forced me to watch a trailer for this interesting little movie (I hate watching trailers). And I was floored, it was so beautiful, and...happy. That was the moment I decided I was going to a VIP, and it was going to be for this movie. I hadn’t been to the movies in quite some time until fairly recently at that point. It was a joy that was taken from me by a number of things, and despite me honestly trying to still enjoy the cinema, I just didn’t/couldn’t. It just wasn’t something I found enjoyable anymore. And it felt terrible; things that used to excite me and things that I knew would’ve excited me simply didn’t. It was a terrible feeling. [Someone remind me to write of “Devoid” at some point, please.] But, obviously it didn’t stay that way. The timing was strange for me. It was around then that I also came to the realization that I loved movies again. I have a friend whom I’ve known for a very long time, but words weren’t exchanged between us for most of that time. She invited me to go a few times, then I started making plans to go. She managed to reignite the movie-goer inside me, reminding me of something I genuinely enjoyed; the whole experience of it, enjoying both narration and symbolism, and the process of film. I had planned to make a model experience. Having a fun night out and getting a brand new experience, something to remember. It was supposed to be that way. I planned it as a way to say thanks to her for all that she did for me. It was supposed to be a easy trip out, dinner and a movie, and the full VIP experience. Y’know, get there early and take in the atmosphere of the lounge, look at the art around the center and in the VIP halls, that whole shebang. That’s how I planned it in my headspace. But things don’t always go according to plan. It turned out the timing for the movie didn’t quite work out, so I suggested something that got lost in translation, and I ended up having to be a busy up until the time to go for the movie, so I was a bit frazzled on time and timing, and being there early was out of the question. In short, it wasn’t perfect, and didn’t go in accordance to what I planned. This put me in an interesting mindset. I had a flood of thoughts [when do I not?!?!] in the back of my mind that I was still in the process of sorting through, dealing with certain thoughts and whatnot. Coincidentally, the loudest of some of those thoughts at the time were about “what could be” or “how it should be”. This compounded with what I was thinking at the time; how the night should’ve went. I kept fixating and feeling bad about it, but put it aside as the movie began so I didn’t taint the experience any further. I knew little of this movie going in. I just knew it was going to be fun and pretty and bright and musical. But I had no idea of the genre or themes or messages. But boy howdy did it end up resonating with my thoughts. The title really does give it away though, “La La Land”. When is that term used?? It’s quite rather simple to figure in hindsight, the movie’s core theme was right there. Headspace. It got me to realize something. In our minds we build up stories and plans for how things should go. Even the most stout realists still have thoughts of how things should or could be. For me, I think endlessly on how things are, and how they could be different, and how they should be, and how things would be if every step was done “right”. This is La La Land. Once I caught on to what the movie was doing, my mind kept drifting off, thinking about how my personal La La Land would be like right now, in correspondence to my current wants. I often speak of how I save certain memories and experiences in my head for quick access. There’s a reason these are the moments I chose, not only do they remind me most of a particular thought or feeling, but many of them are also of moments in my mind when I could’ve done something different. Reality doesn’t always match how you want things to go, a glaring example being that night, still fresh in my mind, but in my personal headspace, I experienced what I had planned; what could’ve been if things went “right”. I closed my eyes [figuratively] and the flashback starts. I recalled the memory that currently makes me smile the most. I feel the wind in the air, the colours all around, the smells, and what I saw, an image I often think of in my mind. It was beautiful, and of beauty incarnate. I recalled what I wanted to do that day, if things were in accordance to my grand design. I relented that I’m satisfied with reality and how things played out, but I keep note of the (new) memory as well, the “what could’ve been”, it’s -my- La La Land after all. I go though and between a few of my strongest memories, turning them in my mind into the “best” outcome, as per the closing moments of the movie. Piecing together the “perfect” timeline. But it was all in my head. *Spoiler Alert* And then the movie ended, and I was sad. But it’s not a sad ending. If anything, it was quite the opposite. Just because it’s not a fairy tale ending, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad outcome, you can be happy and appreciate things just the way they are, there’s nothing wrong with that. The ending wasn’t even bittersweet, it was happy, just in a non-conventional way. *End Spoiler Alert* That movie messed me up for a good while, because it got me thinking so much about my own La La Land, a concept I sometimes think about, but usually try not to delve too deep lest I get lost. But suffice to say, I feel in the deep end after getting back that night. It too closely resonated with some of the things I was going through already. I am satisfied with how things are and with reality, honest. But despite that, I also can’t shake off the images in my headspace and the thoughts of my La La Land. I was conflicted. I wanted things, things that I know can’t be and I can’t have. I have a particular fondness of and desire for fairy tale endings and for things to just work out. Again, I blame Disney. But reality is harsh, and we rarely get to live in La La Land. That’s what the movie was about. Things have a way of working out the way they’re meant to, and sometimes, despite however hard people try, what someone sees in their headspace just isn’t quite possible. But that doesn’t mean we can’t/shouldn’t have a La La Land, and certainly not that we should give up on it. I conclude that one can be happy with both reality and what could be at the same time. You see, from where I stand, I believe that it’s actually an interesting duality, and both sides must exist to empower the other. We have reality, sometimes cruel and harsh, and separate from what we want and desire. This creates in our headspaces our personal La La Lands, where we see what we want, and envision our lives if things had gone “right”. We can take that image, that dream, and then work towards it in reality. Reality will probably never match the life we have in La La Land, but with enough work and luck, it can come pretty close, right??

~Bouken desho, desho?~ “It’s an adventure, right??” Of course it is. The present of today will be the past of tomorrow, proof that time is magical and each moment a miracle. Just because something stands in the way of where we’re going or where we want to be, it’s up to you to decide to stop.  With renewed passion and those thoughts behind me, I’ll move forward with what I have, working for what I want, with hopes that it’ll come together eventually. And even if things fall apart along the way, if I’m happy with where things end up, I’ll have my La La Land -and- my reality. It’s somewhat related to a mindset I’ve adopted recently (something I’ll write about soon), and the timing of seeing this movie just cements it in my mind. I’m a better person for it.

[previous] [next] [If you're new, or want to start over, press here] [I’ll get to fixing my links soon, I swear. Plus posting my backlogs. But, consider this a formal return to form.] [Guh, thinking about La La Land so much again really makes me want to just go off and gush about it some more. It’s honestly such a pretty and happy and fun movie. I can’t wait for the blu-ray to come out.]