#simeball au

[mika-writes-fanfics]

Grimetown's Worst Postman

Slutty Postman! Suguru Getou Headcanons

Warnings: nsfw towards the end, some gender neutral reader x getou, theft, slimeball AU, grimetown AU

Author's note: For @bastardblvd 's Slimeball AU.

Slutty!Mailman Getou who…

Is the worst mailman

Will steal anybody’s mail if he feels like it. Doesn’t matter if it’s family, close friends, or somebody he really shouldn’t cross. He WILL steal your packages

Klepto with taste. He doesn’t collect and steal junk after all. So he opens all packages before stealing!

If you don’t have something he wants, your mail is shoddily taped back up after he’s obliterated that package 

If you ask him about it, he gives you some bullshit like: “Oh it had to be inspected by customs” or “Yeah there was contraband inside” 

Bought a nice snack crate? Yeah, he’s eating it while he’s driving his route. The rest of your mail is delivered with crumbs all over it

Slutty!Mailman Getou who…

Is not above corruption

Will kick packages labeled ‘fragile’ right out the door to his truck if it’s for someone who’s pissed him off

Will steal the mail of his enemies and throw it in their own garbage cans to ‘send a message’

You just can’t send money in Grimetown. Not while Geto’s working at the mail center. Pockets all cash. Takes checks even though he can’t deposit them, just out of spite

Gojo resorted to putting money in his mailbox, effectively bribing Getou to stop stealing his mail. Getou continues to steal anyways but still pockets the money, blaming it on the other post workers even though he’s literally the only guy on the route

Slutty!Mailman Getou who…

Cannot mind his own business

Opens everyone’s mail and bills just to see what’s going on. Wants to get in on all that drama 

His nosiness is insurance. Trying to complain about your packages that never arrive? Or the many dents in your mailbox? No you aren’t! He’s got dirt on you, don’t even think about it

Also helps him to score with you. Signing up for dating websites? Ordering from spicy websites?  He already knows, and he’s gonna use it to get into those DMs (or preferably in those pants)

Slutty!Mailman Getou who…

Is not well dressed

Walking dress code violation. Top is always unbuttoned. His tiddies are on full display. Rolls up the uniform shorts until they’re booty shorts. Man’s is always double-cheeked up on the clock

Gets away with it because none of the supervisors say anything. They’re too busy ogling his ass and tits

When it’s real hot outside and in the truck, he completely unbuttons his shirt, legit is just half naked in there, delivering mail like that

He uses his job to pick up chicks, without shame. Handsome/pretty new grimetown resident moves in? He’s hand delivering their mail to make his move

Slutty!Mailman Getou who…

Uses his job to get in your pants. 

Gets added to your route as soon as you move in, making him the first slimeball you meet

Makes you sign for all your packages even though you definitely don’t need to

The fucking sign sheet is a blank copy of a lease agreement, pilfered out of Sukuna’s mailbox, but you don’t notice. Your focus is all on this slimeball in uniform

Complains that the packages were super heavy (they weren’t) and the heat is killing him, prompting you to invite him into your home to cool off

One thing leads to another and the sexual tension rises dangerously high between you and him

Dips his fingers in you... and your wallet on his way out, robbing you of both your dignity and your cash

No one in Grimetown is safe from Slutty Postman! Getou. 

Not even you.