#sim: phoebe williams

[a-fundie-bunch]

"...he's never at home anymore. Always at one of his jobs. What is he, a... fry cook?"

"Yeah, and he does, like... landscaping or something too."

"Ugh. I don't know why I married him - I barely see him. Just like my dad..."

"Well, he's gotta provide, right...?"

"...you've never had a job in your life, Daniel. Or even a courtship. Don't you dare talk to me about providing anything."

"Heh... you got me there. Look, I know how Joe can be. He's up his own ass - works too hard. Needs to chill."

"Tell me about it."

"Maybe that's what you need... a guy who knows how to chill."

"What?! Ew. No."

"...fine, fine. It was worth a shot."

[sims-creations]

luckily for him, jillian stepped in...

[jillian] “I sincerely apologize for all the inconveniences that were caused by the lack of staff. trust me when I tell you that noone is more affected by it then the people here on ground.”

[james] “yes, yes of course...”

[phoebe] “see, I’d be willing to jump in myself to do make-up and hair for a day but I cannot stay throughout the entire weekend. my schedule won’t allow it.”

[james] “nonono, absolutely not. there’s gotta be another way - right, jillian?”

[jillian] “do I have your premission to ask the remaining crew to call up their social contacts to look for a replacement then?

[justalittlesolarpunk]

I’ve teased it. You’ve waited. I’ve procrastinated. You’ve probably forgotten all about it.

But now, finally, I’m here with my solarpunk resources masterpost!

YouTube Channels:

Andrewism

The Solarpunk Scene

Solarpunk Life

Solarpunk Station

Our Changing Climate

Podcasts:

The Joy Report

How To Save A Planet

Demand Utopia

Solarpunk Presents

Outrage and Optimisim

From What If To What Next

Solarpunk Now

Idealistically

The Extinction Rebellion Podcast

The Landworkers' Radio

Wilder

What Could Possibly Go Right?

Frontiers of Commoning

The War on Cars

The Rewild Podcast

Solacene

Imagining Tomorrow

Books (Fiction):

Ursula K. Le Guin: The Left Hand of Darkness The Dispossessed The Word for World is Forest

Becky Chambers: A Psalm for the Wild-Built A Prayer for the Crown-Shy

Phoebe Wagner: When We Hold Each Other Up

Phoebe Wagner, Bronte Christopher Wieland: Sunvault: Stories of Solarpunk and Eco-Speculation

Brenda J. Pierson: Wings of Renewal: A Solarpunk Dragon Anthology

Gerson Lodi-Ribeiro: Solarpunk: Ecological and Fantastical Stories in a Sustainable World

Justine Norton-Kertson: Bioluminescent: A Lunarpunk Anthology

Sim Kern: The Free People’s Village

Ruthanna Emrys: A Half-Built Garden

Sarina Ulibarri: Glass & Gardens

Books (Non-fiction):

Murray Bookchin: The Ecology of Freedom

George Monbiot: Feral

Miles Olson: Unlearn, Rewild

Mark Shepard: Restoration Agriculture

Kristin Ohlson: The Soil Will Save Us

Rowan Hooper: How To Spend A Trillion Dollars

Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing: The Mushroom At The End of The World

Kimberly Nicholas: Under The Sky We Make

Robin Wall Kimmerer: Braiding Sweetgrass

David Miller: Solved

Ayana Johnson, Katharine Wilkinson: All We Can Save

Jonathan Safran Foer: We Are The Weather

Colin Tudge: Six Steps Back To The Land

Edward Wilson: Half-Earth

Natalie Fee: How To Save The World For Free

Kaden Hogan: Humans of Climate Change

Rebecca Huntley: How To Talk About Climate Change In A Way That Makes A Difference

Christiana Figueres, Tom Rivett-Carnac: The Future We Choose

Jonathon Porritt: Hope In Hell

Paul Hawken: Regeneration

Mark Maslin: How To Save Our Planet

Katherine Hayhoe: Saving Us

Jimmy Dunson: Building Power While The Lights Are Out

Paul Raekstad, Sofa Saio Gradin: Prefigurative Politics

Andreas Malm: How To Blow Up A Pipeline

Phoebe Wagner, Bronte Christopher Wieland: Almanac For The Anthropocene

Chris Turner: How To Be A Climate Optimist

William MacAskill: What We Owe To The Future

Mikaela Loach: It's Not That Radical

Miles Richardson: Reconnection

David Harvey: Spaces of Hope Rebel Cities

Eric Holthaus: The Future Earth

Zahra Biabani: Climate Optimism

David Ehrenfeld: Becoming Good Ancestors

Stephen Gliessman: Agroecology

Chris Carlsson: Nowtopia

Jon Alexander: Citizens

Leah Thomas: The Intersectional Environmentalist

Greta Thunberg: The Climate Book

Jen Bendell, Rupert Read: Deep Adaptation

Seth Godin: The Carbon Almanac

Jane Goodall: The Book of Hope

Vandana Shiva: Agroecology and Regenerative Agriculture

Amitav Ghosh: The Great Derangement

Minouche Shafik: What We Owe To Each Other

Dieter Helm: Net Zero

Chris Goodall: What We Need To Do Now

Aldo Leopold: A Sand County Almanac

Jeffrey Jerome Cohen, Stephanie Foote: The Cambridge Companion To The Environmental Humanities

Bella Lack: The Children of The Anthropocene

Hannah Ritchie: Not The End of The World

Chris Turner: How To Be A Climate Optimist

Kim Stanley Robinson: Ministry For The Future

Fiona Mathews, Tim Kendall: Black Ops & Beaver Bombing

Jeff Goodell: The Water Will Come

Lynne Jones: Sorry For The Inconvenience But This Is An Emergency

Helen Crist: Abundant Earth

Sam Bentley: Good News, Planet Earth!

Timothy Beal: When Time Is Short

Andrew Boyd: I Want A Better Catastrophe

Kristen R. Ghodsee: Everyday Utopia

Elizabeth Cripps: What Climate Justice Means & Why We Should Care

Kylie Flanagan: Climate Resilience

Chris Johnstone, Joanna Macy: Active Hope

Mark Engler: This is an Uprising

Anne Therese Gennari: The Climate Optimist Handbook

Magazines:

Solarpunk Magazine

Positive News

Resurgence & Ecologist

Ethical Consumer

Films (Fiction):

How To Blow Up A Pipeline

The End We Start From

Woman At War

Black Panther

Star Trek

Tomorrowland

Films (Documentary):

2040: How We Can Save The Planet

The People vs Big Oil

Wild Isles

The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind

Generation Green New Deal

Planet Earth III

Video Games:

Terra Nil

Animal Crossing

Gilded Shadows

Anno 2070

Stardew Valley

RPGs:

Solarpunk Futures

Perfect Storm

Advocacy Groups:

A22 Network

Extinction Rebellion

Greenpeace

Friends of The Earth

Green New Deal Rising

Apps:

Ethy

Sojo

BackMarket

Depop

Vinted

Olio

Buy Nothing

Too Good To Go

Websites:

European Co-housing

UK Co-housing

US Co-housing

Brought By Bike (connects you with zero-carbon delivery goods)

ClimateBase (find a sustainable career)

Environmentjob (ditto)

Businesses (🤢):

Ethical Superstore

Hodmedods

Fairtransport/Sail Cargo Alliance

Let me know if you think there’s anything I’ve missed!

[isabelly-smelly]

my tumblr masterlist

sims 4

ellie williams & dina woodward in sims 4

tlou part 2 farmhouse progress

misc posts about palestine made by me

pro-palestinian music artists

list of pro-palestinian and pro-isnotreal celebrities (i’m trying to edit this post whenever i find out new information)

Fundraiser for Alaa Abu Matar’s family in Gaza

Video from Alaa Abu Matar

Second update about Alaa Abu Matar and his family

art

asking for help with watermarks (not a post of my art, just asking for tips)

general rules/DNI

DNI homophobes, transphobes (including terfs), misogynists, anyone who doesn't consider themself a feminist, zionists, racists, pro-shippers, neil druckmann supporters, AI "artists," doxxers, people who defend predators/abusers, people who sexualize minors/animals/violence, people who objectify characters/real people, people who write smut about real people, etc.

do not DM me anything sexual, it makes me uncomfortable (& i will block you).

my account is sfw so i do not mind anyone 13+ looking at my posts but if you're younger than that get off Tumblr (please).

do not re-upload my posts (unless they are the posts about Palestine, i do not mind if you copy and paste those elsewhere).

random post list & extra information about me/my tumblr under the cut-off!

random posts

random post about being at a wnba game

photos of emily engstler from wnba game

rant/asking for help about searching wnba on tumblr

phoebe bridgers sleep music

problematic tlou fanart

extra information about me & my tumblr

this is the only blog of mine that i am active on.

i speak english but can read a bit of spanish (i am still learning), however if someone sends me a DM in another language i will try and use google translate to respond (however that never seems to work well).

i am an artist but i don't post my TLOU fanart on social media anywhere due to mainly using my personal art Instagram (which is not linked anywhere on this Tumblr) for "original" art (aka not fanart). it also is hard to post art online now due to how many websites are stealing art to "train AI."

the majority of my reposts are about Palestine/Congo/Sudan and i do not think that will change any time soon (because i only want to repost information that i think is important). if you are uneducated about Palestine/Congo/Sudan, please look through the accounts i have reposted or look at journalists from those places. my intention is only to amplify their voices, not to speak over them. additionally, i intend to use the tags relating to those places so people have more access to information regarding them (via my posts that list journalists from palestine or reposts).

if i post something that sounds "weird" tone wise it may be due to my autism (because that makes it harder for me to read tone and express my feelings with the correct tone when writing & speaking).

i will edit this post over time (as most people do with their masterlists). all of my posts should be sfw (at least they are right now).

[detroit-grand-prix]

tagged by @thetightwhiteshirt to share 7 or more lines from my WIPs.

Tagging to do the same, but no pressure: @totowlff @gordiemeow @fuckyeahhangman @kritischetheologie (we've never talked but if you have the new moon/bono's version of SW&G cooking somewhere I'd do absurd things for a preview) @russilton

Aber Wir Ziegens Nicht (Toto/Susie enemies to lovers)

“Did you hear that we’re getting a new development driver soon? I think he starts next week. Some guy that used to race in WEC for Porsche, in the GT Pro class. They won the championship and won at Le Mans this year and he decided he was done. Wanted to try something new, I guess.”

Susie furrowed her brow, taking a drink from her water bottle as she leaned against the desk where the simulation engineers sat, behind the massive windows that looked into the sim room. She’d just finished what felt like an absurd amount of laps of the Hungaroring in preparation for the next week’s race.

“How did he end up with us?” she said, thickly.

“He’s an old friend of Niki Lauda’s, they’re both from Vienna. Niki introduced him to Frank, and Frank apparently loved him.” the simulation engineer said, leaning back in his chair. “Toto Wolff is his name. I don’t really follow endurance racing, honestly.”

Susie had heard the name, and was fairly certain she’d seen him in the paddock once or twice, though she hadn’t ever met him. 

2. gold cage, hostage to my feelings (Phoebe Stallard/Emilia Kalbach - my OCs | Wildest Dreams extra chapter)

“You hardly even looked at me today,” the woman said. Her voice was soft, with a sadness that sounded sarcastic and rehearsed, with a bit of a sinister edge to it. It made Emilia shiver. “Even when I came into parc fermé. It took me forever to find you, you’re usually the first person I see when I get out of the car.”

“I’m sorry,” Emilia said.  “There was just so much going on. I’m the worst performance coach in the paddock, I know. But I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Oh?” She sounded intrigued. “How -” she said, accenting her words with a roll of her hips, creating delightful friction against the front of Emilia’s chinos. “Do you plan on doing that?” 

Emilia could practically feel the anticipation of what was to come. It felt like static electricity, making the hairs on her arm stand up and bringing a noticeable heat to her cheeks. 

“I think you know,” Emilia said, reaching out to tug gently at the padded jumpsuit pooled around the woman’s waist. “But first, this needs to go.”

“No,” she said, her voice stern. “Not until you ask nicely.” 

3. Afterglow (Wildest Dreams epilogue/postlude chapter)

“It’s not that I don’t like Williams, but this will be my third season, and It feels like the team changes so much every year, and now, I don't even know who the team principal is going to be, unless…”

She leaned in closer to Susie as she glanced around the mostly-empty cafe, dropping her voice to a near-whisper, “I mean, I’ve heard things, you know, online. I don’t know if it’s just collective wishful thinking, or if there's any substance to it…”

Susie smiled, and took a delicate sip of her espresso with a sly look on her face.

“No, I can tell you that it’s not me.” she said, setting the small cup back on its saucer. “I can also tell you that I will be involved in F1 in some way. Things aren’t finalized, but I will have my own project to manage. I can’t say anything about it yet -” she said, noticing the way Bee's eyebrows shot up “- but it’s a very exciting prospect. I can, however, also tell you that I know one of the candidates that the team is considering very seriously. I know him very well, and you do, too, and I think you’ll feel better about things if it goes through.”

Bee huffed, leaning back in her chair. She wracked her brain trying to pick apart what Susie was telling her. She hated the abundance of cloak-and-dagger, behind-the-curtain dealings in Formula 1. Some of it was necessary, though. Some matters, especially negotiating contracts for drivers and high-level team staff, were a delicate process. If it were all more open and transparent, outside influences could cause all of it to go to hell. 

“Wait,” Bee said, chewing her lip a little bit. “If you know, then…” She narrowed her eyes. “It must be someone from Brackley.”

[saagassims2]

29.04. was birthday of William Merona.

He’s currently in daycare, in group 1 where is also Phoebe Landry, Josephina Zarubin, Chandler Hsu, Charlie Hsu, Lauren Tinker, Robin Tinker, Natalia Traveller and Lily Hsu.

Happy late Birthday, William!

[little-big-fan]

Imagine Louis Tomlinson - Traição

Quantidade de palavras: 1,575

N/a: Finalmente a parte 3 do imagine do Louis está sendo postada, eu espero que vocês gostem☺️. Fiquem a vontade para comentar se querem a parte 4.

Parte 1

Parte 2

|• Casa da Raven.

~S/N Pov~

Ao estacionar na garagem de Raven tomo coragem para sair daquele carro e ir para os braços dela. Raven e eu nos tornamos amigas assim que Megan foi mandada para França, ela logo não gostou de Louis e tem um ódio mortal de Megan. Raven foi quem me amparou quando Louis me decepcionou, ela é uma ótima amiga. Saio finalmente do carro e dou passos lentos até a porta da morena. Assim que toco a campainha a morena baixa de olhos cor de mel abre a porta alegremente.

-S/N, pensei em você agorinha. Fiz aquela torta que você adora. - diz animadamente.

-Oi Ray, posso entrar?. -digo baixo.

-Aconteceu algo florzinha? Vem, entra. - diz me puxando calorosamente.

Assim que Ray me puxa para dentro, me aconchego no lindo sofá verde água de sua sala. Raven me lança um olhar preocupado e analizante, como se com um olhar pudesse ler todos os meus pensamentos - e ela realmente pode -.

-Louis fez algo né? - diz sem rodeios.

-Sim, e uma parte de mim se sente culpada. - meus olhos se enchem de lágrimas ao dizer.

-Por que? Por Deus S/N, não me diga que aquele filhote enviando pelo cão te traiu de novo?. - diz brava.

-Fez Ray, com Meredith. Eu me sinto culpada por ter o perdoado daquela vez, apesar de ter tido com ele meus maiores tesouros. Por que dói tanto? Ele conseguiu acabar comigo novamente. - digo sentindo uma dor no peito.

-Meredith aquela vaca, se eu ver aquela mulher na rua eu mato ela S/N. Venha cá, deita aqui no meu colo. - a morena me olha com olhos suaves e calmos ao me chamar.

Deito no colo da morena e desabo, meus choro se transforma em soluços e logo gritos de dor. Meu coração dói, meus pulmões necessitam de ar, mas o carinho de Ray e os sussurros doce em meus ouvidos vão me acalmando. Aos poucos meu choro vai se esvaindo até que eles cessam.

-Esta mais calma? - pergunta cautelosamente.

Solto um murmuro baixo, a morena continua o carinho e sussurra que tudo vai ficar bem.

-O que acha de comermos aquela bela torta, enquanto você me conta como descobriu tudo. - diz me levantando.

-Acho uma ideia ótima, preciso por isso para fora.

~Louis Pov~

Ao chegar na casa de minha mãe, penso em mil formas de dizer para ela o que eu fiz - claro que de qualquer forma ela vai me matar - porém nada parece bom. Decido bater na porta e Lottie abre a porta.

-Ew você tá acabado, andou chorando? O que você fez para minha linda cunhada? - Lottie dispara contra mim.

-Mamãe tá aí? Preciso conversar com ela, e respondendo sua pergunta, isso não é da sua conta. - digo ignorante.

-Uh quando ficou tão mau humorado Tomlinson? Credo, mamãe está na cozinha com Daisy e Phoebe. - diz indiferente.

Entro rapidamente me dirigindo para cozinha, me deparo com uma cena leve. Mamãe ensinando Daisy e Phoebe a fazerem um bolo - em outra hora eu adoraria assistir essa cena com S/N, mas eu preciso conversar com minha mãe -. As três percebem minha presença e logo as três me abraçam.

-Filho, que bom te ver, liguei para S/N hoje mas ela não me atendeu. Aconteceu algo?. - diz preocupada.

-Sim…. E é sobre isso que vim falar com você mamãe. - digo com nervosismo.

Mamãe diz para as meninas continuarem seguindo a receita que ela iria conversar comigo lá em cima. Mamãe me puxa até o terraço, onde sentamos no sofá marrom antigo de vovó.

-O que aconteceu Lou? Você andou chorando? Seus olhos estão inchados.

-Eu não sei como dizer mãe, temo que a senhora fique muito decepcionada comigo. Já basta o olhar triste de S/N. - digo choroso.

Minha mãe me olha preocupada, mas não diz nada. Sabe aquele ditado que diz que "Mãe sabe tudo", ele realmente é verdade. De preocupado o olhar dela se tornou decepcionado, mas ela não disse nada, apenas olhou fundo em meus olhos esperando por uma explicação.

-Eu sinto muito, eu juro. Eu a amo mais que tudo e eu estou tão arrependido. - digo com a voz falha pelo choro.

-A ama? Louis William Tomlinson, eu te criei para respeitar uma mulher, para amar ela e cuidar dela. Não para trair ela, eu estou muito decepcionada com você. - diz séria.

-Mãe eu… - tento dizer mas sou interrompido.

-Você o que? Sente muito? Como devo acreditar, como ela deve acreditar Louis? Você fez de novo, você quebrou a confiança dela em mil pedacinhos de novo. - me interrompe com raiva.

-Eu preciso dela mãe, do perdão dela, do amor dela. Ela é a mulher da minha vida, eu não seria nada sem ela.

-Eu não posso te ajudar Louis, sinto muito, você fez sua cama agora deite nela. Eu não vou te consolar outra vez, eu te avisei. Eu disse para você não fazer isso de novo por que ela te deu uma chance, ela te amou como você deveria amar ela. Ela esteve com você nos piores momentos, ela aguentou tanto por você e você a perde assim tão facilmente. Eu não te criei assim, não te criei para ser uma homem burro, covarde e mentiroso, te criei para ser um homem decente que deveria tratar a esposa como uma rainha. Mas você não aprendeu nada, eu sou sua mãe e te amo imensamente, mas por agora eu peço que você vá embora e só volte quando concertar tudo isso. - diz brava.

-Eu não sei o que fazer mãe, ela me colocou para fora de casa. - o desespero é notório em minha voz.

-Ela está certa, é mais fácil desabrigar 1 do que 3. Dê tempo a ela, e se você realmente a ama, faça ela saber disso. - diz se levantando.

Minha mãe desce para a cozinha novamente, me deixando ali sozinho e pensativo. Eu vou dar tempo a ela, o tempo que for necessário pra que ela me perdoe e me aceite de volta. Saio da casa de mamãe sem nem me despedir, entro no carro e parto para casa de Liam, talvez ele me deixe ficar lá.

~S/N Pov~

-E foi assim…. Eu o coloquei para fora e ate agora não nos falamos. - digo terminando a história.

-Sempre soube que ele é uma bela merda. Você merece muito mais, você é uma mulher linda, inteligente, engraçada, você é perfeita. Merece alguém que te trate como uma rainha, e creio que Louis não é essa pessoa. Sei que vocês são casados há muito tempo, mas a vida é feita de fases, e na sua nova fase Louis não está incluído. Ele não merece você, nunca mereceu - diz séria.

-Eu tenho consciência disso, só não sei quando eu comecei a me submeter a tão pouco dele. Eu penso nas crianças, como eles vão reagir, como vai ser ver ele de novo. Nós temos filhos, e precisamos conversar como adultos sobre isso.

-Você vai pedir o divórcio? - diz pausadamente.

-Vou, eu não aguento mais segurar esse casamento sozinha. Ele teve muito tempo pra me reconquistar, agora é tarde. Eu só preciso de tempo, dele e de tudo. Eu deveria levar as crianças pra viajar?. - digo pensativa.

-Seria uma ótima ideia, você ficar fora por uns dias curtindo seus filhos. Você precisa disso antes de se preocupar com tudo. - diz alegre.

Levo em conta essa idéia, vejo a hora e percebo que as crianças logo vão chegar, me despeço de Raven e vou para a casa. Coloco uma música baixa no rádio pra deixar o caminho menos triste. Ao estacionar na garagem, sinto todo aquele peso de novo, lembro detalhadamente da discussão e como eu fiquei destruída. Antes que eu chore novamente saio do carro correndo para dentro de casa. Tomo um banho rápido e faço uma maquiagem leve, não quero que as crianças percebam nada por enquanto. Sento na sala e boto em um canal qualquer enquanto espero as crianças.

-Mãe, chegamos. - diz Maia alto.

-Meus amores, como foi na escola? Vão tomar um banho por que hoje vamos pedir pizza. - tento soar alegre.

-Foi divertido, Luke me chamou pra sair na sexta, eu posso ir? - diz tímida.

-Ew, Maia só falou disso o dia todo mãe, Luke e ela ficaram trocando olhares durante todo o recreio - Brian diz rabugento.

-Luke? Hmmm sempre notei a quedinha dele por você, e pode sim querida, desde que ele te traga as 21:30. E Brian um dia você irá se apaixonar e verá que é maravilhoso. - digo humorada.

-Assim como foi com o papai mãe? - Brian pergunta.

-Ah sim, claro claro querido.- digo indiferente, porém eles não notam .

-Mãe onde está o papai? Ele disse que ia me ajudar com a tarefa de química. - Maia pergunta.

-Seu pai vai ficar fora por umas semanas, você sabe, coisas do trabalho. - digo a primeira coisa que vem na cabeça.

-Poxa, ele prometeu, mas você pode me ajudar né? - diz esperançosa.

-Claro anjo, agora vão tomar banho, vou ligar para a Pizzaria.

As crianças sobem correndo e quando vou pegar o telefone, me olho no grande espelho da sala. Apesar da maquiagem, meus olhos encontram-se cansados e minha postura curvada. A tão pouca maquiagem foi capaz de esconder dos meus filhos a dor de hoje, mas de mim é impossível. Mas Louis irá se arrepender de ter me traído, eu sou a mulher que vai fazer ele enlouquecer por não poder ter.

Malu

[imagines-1directioner]

Pedido: oiê, quero um imagine com louis onde ele bate no carro da s/n e ela desce e começa brigar com ele, e ele fica sem reação pq ficou encantado por ela

Aqui está, amorzinho. Me diverti bastante escrevendo e espero que aconteça o mesmo com você quando ler. Obrigada por mandar o pedido e se tiver um tempinho, me conta o que achou, tudo bem? :)

Boa leitura 💖

________________________________________

- Louis William Tomlinson, você está atrasado quarentena minutos! - a voz estridente da minha irmã quando atendi o celular foi a razão pela qual espremi os olhos, sabendo que a bronca seria grande.

- Eu estou chegando, relaxa. - tentei tranquilizá-la enquanto dirigia o mais rápido que a avenida permitia, mas pelo tom irado em que ela me xingava, a tentativa para amenizar a situação delicada em que estava preso não deu em absolutamente nada.

- Você perdeu praticamente toda a cerimônia de abertura. A Phoebe vai surtar se você não estiver aqui ao final da formatura!

- A culpa não é minha se o trânsito está insuportável. - sabia que mentir não era a melhor atitude a se tomar, mas em certos momentos a tal mentirinha podia me salvar de impasses que não seriam nada fáceis de resolver, como por exemplo o que estava tento agora.

- Você está me irritando, garoto! Eu te liguei há uma hora e nem banho você tinha tomado. Acha mesmo que eu vou cair nas suas mentiras ridículas?

- Tá bom, Lottie! Eu já entendi que estou errado, OK? Não precisa perder o respeito.

- Quando é que você vai entender que os erros devem servir de aprendizado? Você sempre faz dessas, Louis. Nunca chega no horário quando marcamos algum compromisso e ainda acha que tem direito de aumentar o tom de voz comigo? Me admira você ser o irmão mais velho dessa família! - com Lottie gritando no meu ouvido foi fácil perder a paciência por mais uma vez receber um sermão da minha irmãzinha. Com certeza ela aproveitava esses momentos para descontar toda a raiva acumulada em anos de convivência, fazendo com que tudo se tornasse pior, principalmente ao volante.

Aquela falação toda rolando em meu ouvido, juntamente com os barulhos externos da rua, acabou me distraindo - como já era esperado- recebendo buzinadas dos motoristas de todos os lados. E como se já não bastasse, entrei na contramão de repente e tive o privilégio de bater de frente com um carro que me pareceu recém saído da concessionária.

- Puta que pariu! - falei para mim mesmo ao me dar conta do estrago do meu e consequentemente do automóvel a minha frente, além do susto que tomei quando a batida de fato aconteceu.

- Que barulho foi esse? Você está bem?

- Avisa a Phoebe que a amo mas não sei se chegarei a tempo para ver o discurso. - resmunguei, fazendo um careta com os olhos fechados e a mão esquerda na testa, sinais claros de que não estava pronto para encarar outro esculacho sem nem ter tempo para respirar.

- Louis, mas você...

- Depois eu te ligo. - interrompi a fala da minha irmã assim que tomei coragem para dar a cara a tapa as responsabilidades de uma vez por todas. Contudo, ao ver que a proprietária da Range Rover - quase inteira- era o próprio anjo que caiu do céu com a pancada dos para-choques, não tive outra reação a não ser vagar pela própria imaginação ao ver tal ser humano.

A mulher era simplesmente linda da cabeça aos pés, fazendo com que eu me perdesse em sua beleza antes mesmo de sair do carro e observar as consequências da minha desatenção. Era possível vê-la andar de um lado para o outro, um tanto quanto nervosa. Eu sei que deveria ajudá-la instantemente, mas a visão que tinha naquele momento pareceu bem mais interessante do que os gritos que viriam em breve. Apenas saí da transe absurda quando a vi gesticulando para mim, completamente brava, como se fumaça saísse de sua cabeça. Mas ainda sim, a garota continuava muito, muito bonita.

- Você por acaso é cego, ou o quê? Tem uma baita placa indicando que não pode virar aqui! - argumentou irritada, enquanto eu passava as mãos em meu queixo, demonstrando perplexidade por ter batido de frente com o amor da minha vida. Literalmente. - Além de cego é mudo, homem? Alô! Eu estou falando com você! - estalou os dedos bem perto dos meus olhos, fazendo com que um sorriso bobo abrisse em meus lábios.

- É.. Mil desculpas por ter feito isso. - respondi coçando a nuca. - Eu estava no celular e..

- Ah, claro! - deu uma risada fraca e sarcástica, mostrando o sorriso mais lindo que já tive a honra de presenciar. - Ninguém te ensinou que é proibido usar o celular enquanto dirige? - indagou sem paciência. - São pessoas como você que causam tantas mortes no trânsito!

- Eu sei, eu sei. Peço perdão por isso, mas a pressa as vezes se torna a nossa pior inimiga.

- Isso não justifica a sua falta de atenção, cuidado e responsabilidade. - rebateu. - Além disso, este bairro tem limite de velocidade, rapaz.

- Me desculpa. - repeti novamente, agora tentando demonstrar seriedade e arrependimento na intenção da situação se resolver o mais rápido possível para que eu pelo menos soubesse o nome da minha futura namorada.

- É só isso que você sabe dizer? Desculpa? - a cada vez que ela aumentava o tom de voz e me encarrava com o olhar furioso porém brilhante e sedutor, eu ficava cada vez mais encantado com aquela mulher. Ela não usava nada muito chique, sexy ou formal demais para uma sexta-feira. Apenas vestia uma calca jeans e um moletom bordô, que caiu perfeitamente naquele corpo cheio de curvas. O cabelo, que era jogado para o lado toda vez que via o estrago do próprio automóvel, me deixou totalmente vidrado na figura esculpida por Deus, sendo repleta de detalhes que precisariam de horas para serem contemplados. - Ei, você está com algum problema? Não escutou nada do que eu disse?

- Acho que o impacto da batida afetou meu raciocínio. - menti, apenas para que tentasse de alguma forma fazê-la se acalmar e assim repetir o que disse no momento em que estava admirando suas qualidades externas.

- Quer que eu ligue para a ambulância? - por um instante, vi sua feição brava desmanchar-se e ela vir até mim, um pouco preocupada eu diria.

- Não, não, está tudo bem. - respondi com um sorriso calmo. - Mas quero que você me ligue, pode ser?

- Eu mereço. - a moça levou as mãos até o rosto e balançou a cabeça negativamente após a minha cantada falha e em um momento nada oportuno. Pelo menos para ela.

- Para eu pagar pelo estrago que causei no seu carro, é claro. - ao perceber que não havia causado uma segunda bela impressão e acabei fazendo papel de babaca, tentei contornar a situação da primeira forma que me veio à cabeça e vejo-a aceitar minha sugestão, pronta para anotar meu número no smartphone. - Meu nome é Louis, caso queira colocar na lista de contatos e saber quem detonou o seu presente.

- Como sabe que o carro foi um presente? - eu não sabia, apenas deduzi pelo carro ainda estar sem placa, mas aproveitei a oportunidade dada pelo universo para ganhar uma mínima vantagem em cima disso.

- Tenho algumas habilidades bem interessantes, sabe? Hoje mesmo senti que conheceria uma garota linda em um acidente de carro. E tenho quase certeza que ela possa ser você. - pela primeira vez, a moça lançou um sorriso, mas não deixou de demostrar insatisfação pela revirada nos olhos.

- Eu te ligo amanhã para acertamos as contas.

- Esperarei ansiosamente! - comentei de forma alegre porém descreta quando ela se distanciou de mim e entrou no carro, seguindo em frente enquanto fiquei mais alguns segundos babando na bela mulher presa em minha memória, a qual seria a mãe perfeita para os meus filhos

***

- E foi assim que a gente se conheceu, filha.

- Você ficou todo bobo quando viu a mamãe que nem perguntou o nome dela, pai. - Zoe, minha primogênita de apenas seis anos, ria do modo como me comportei diante de S/N no dia em que nos conhecemos, cerca de doze anos atrás.

- Ele era o próprio pateta, filha. Não teve reação nenhuma ao me ver. - minha esposa surgiu na sala, e sentou-se no sofá, junto a nós para que relembrássemos da situação relativamente engraçada, já que uma batida qualquer nos levou à montagem de uma linda família.

- Claro, sua beleza me causou um impacto bem maior do que o acidente.

- E eu pensando que você tinha se machucado. - comentou com certa indignação, balançando a cabeça de forma negativa enquanto soltava um riso fraco, assim como eu.

- Mas espera aí, o que aconteceu depois? - Zoe franziu o cenho, expressando tamanha curiosamente em sua fala.

- Eu fui massacrado pela família inteira por ter perdido a formatura da tia Phoebe. - Zoe e S/N riram alto, uma vez que o passatempo preferido delas era tirar sarro de mim. E mesmo que isso as vezes me deixasse minimamente irritado, adorava vê-las sorrindo para os ares. - Mas tudo valeu a pena porque no dia seguinte eu e a mamãe tivemos nosso primeiro encontro. - a informação dada por mim surgiu em boa hora, pois assim pude trazer S/N para perto, tendo uma desculpa qualquer para sentir novamente seu perfume único, o qual tinha o poder de arrepiar todos os meus pelos quando o aroma passava pelas narinas.

- No mecânico. - completou ela, soltando um riso leve, que se tornou mais forte quando nossa filha gargalhou.

- Ei, mas depois eu te paguei um café e uma torta!

- É, essa parte até que foi quase romântica.

- Vocês se beijaram? - a garotinha perguntou rapidamente, com os olhos arregalados.

- Vai, conta para ela que foi você quem me beijou, dona S/N.

- A gente passou horas conversando, filha. E quando fomos embora, seu pai me pediu um beijo e eu dei. - respondeu rindo, de forma envergonhada.

- Que fofinho. - a pequenina deu uma risada tímida, levando as mãozinhas ainda em crescimento até a boca, sendo o motivo do nosso sorriso ao ver aquela coisinha preciosa interessada na história.

- Sabe que eu também achei? - comentei ao pegá-la no colo e abraçá-la com força. - Agora que respondi sua pergunta, você vai cumprir o combinado, certo?

- Sim, senhor.

- Qual era o combinado? - S/N perguntou ao se aproximar alguns centímetros de nós.

- Eu devo tomar banho. - Zoe deu um sorriso amarelo, já que sempre fugia do compromisso com o chuveiro.

- Ótimo! Então vai lá, antes que eu corra pela casa toda atrás da senhorita e te molhe de roupa e tudo! - brinquei fazendo uma voz engraçada, responsável pelo gritinho fino e risonho dela, que correu diretamente para o banheiro após fugir das minhas cócegas.

- Pensei que você ia mencionar para ela os mínimos detalhes sobre o que aconteceu depois que saímos da confeitaria.

- Quais detalhes? - me fiz de desentendido. - Que a mãe dela é uma safada e não resistiu aos meus encantos, me levando para o próprio carro e transando comigo ali mesmo? - S/N deu uma gargalhada alta e estapeou de leve meu braço logo em seguida, provavelmente por tocar em um assunto pouco falado entre nós.

- Você não presta, Tomlinson.

- Foi você quem me arrastou para o carro.

- Queria conhecer as habilidades que você mencionou quando nos conhecemos. - a mulher deu um sorriso sacana para mim e aproximou seus lábios dos meus, apenas roçando-os devagar.

- Hoje você conhece muito bem cada uma delas.

- Tenho uma memória muito fraca, sabia? - dessa vez, fui eu quem gargalhei e senti meu membro se animar dentro da calça, visto que S/N sabia exatamente como me instigar de verdade.

- Temos vinte minutos até que a Zoe saía do banheiro. - sussurrando a frase na beira do ouvido, escutei ela rir fraco, sendo a deixa perfeita para um beijo na lateral de seu pescoço. - Acha suficiente?

- Não. - disse junto de um suspiro após meus lábios molhados afastarem-se da região em que estavam. - Mas dá para o gasto. - mordendo o lábio inferior, S/N me puxou pela mão até o nosso lindo quarto, cenário onde revivemos a nossa primeira vez no carro que fiz questão de destruir porque sabia que a dona dele seria minha para sempre.

__________________________________________

xoxo

Ju

[eowylesbian]

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better (answers under the cut to avoid a long post lmao)

@bishopsknifetrick tagged me in this ty atlas!!

i definitely won't be able to tag 20 ppl and ofc no pressure if u don't want to do it: @carbonbased000 @setting-in-a-honeymoon @afandomplace @queenoffakers @soup--punk and anyone who sees this!!

name/nickname: lucy or luce!

gender: probably female

star sign: leo!

height: 5'3ish, haven't measured myself in a long time so that's just an estimate

time: 9:44am

birthday: august 19th 2005

favourite bands: fall out boy, paramore, arctic monkeys, most fueled by ramen/dcd2 bands from the early 2000s, idkhow, green day, meet me at the altar, the last shadow puppets, doll skin, vial

favourite solo artists: pj harvey, david bowie, hozier, phoebe bridgers, hayley williams’ solo stuff and patrick stump’s solo stuff

song stuck in my head: grow up by vial

last film: the truman show

last show: grey's anatomy

when i made this blog: i originally made it 2-3 years ago i think, i was abt 12 closer to 3 years, and it was a sims blog lmao but about 7 months ago i moved my fob sideblog here bc i never used this one

what i post: literally whatever tf i want lmao i rb rob/pmore posts a lot and occasionally make those lyric comparison posts or just. vent into the void of tumblr

last thing i googled: robert smith bc my dad and i were listening to the cure and dad wanted to know what part of england he’s from (it’s blackpool, in case you were wondering)

other blogs: the old version of this blog and a couple unused sideblogs bc im holding possible urls lmao

do i get asks: hardly ever :(

why i chose my url: it was originally andyoucanget-whatyouwant after a line in favourite record by fob but someone in an ask said they always read it as andy you can get what you want so i added an extra y for fun lol. thinking about changing it again bc she’s Long 

following: like 109 or something

followers: i think just over 300

average hours of sleep: 7-8ish, sometimes 9 or sometimes like 5, and im always tired no matter what

lucky number: idk if i have one but i like 7 and 21

instruments: tried to learn bass but it did not go well...also kind of want to try guitar but im worried the same thing will happen :/

what i am wearing: fleecy penguin pyjama trousers, a grey turtleneck and a purple fleece pyjama top (nothing but style for my online classes)

dream trip: australia, germany, chicago, the list goes on

favourite food: pizza. always.

nationality: irish :)

favourite song: all time favourite is disloyal order of water buffaloes by fall out boy but atm i can’t get enough of r u mine by arctic monkeys

last book read: god not even sure, i never read anymore

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: idk abt top 3 but probably the one in my Head that is far too complicated to explain and is slightly embarrassing

favourite colour: ab/ap blue, mania purple and pine green

[a-fundie-bunch]

Hello, Leah Hall here. Congratulations to my sweet youngest sister, Bethany - she's a young adult now, and she's courting! She and Adam Brown have known each other since their teen years, and The Watcher has finally brought them together in a courtship. Praise Him!

And congratulations to my little brother Joshua, too - he and Maria just got engaged today, and are planning to get married very soon! An engagement, a courtship, and Phoebe's pregnancy - The Watcher really has blessed our family lately!

As for me, I've been taking care of everything at home, cleaning and cooking for everyone - but nothing has brought me more joy than my baby nephew, Lucas. He's so precious, and it's such a blessing to be able to take care of him so often.

Being a loving aunt is wonderful, but I do sometimes wish I could be a mom - that I could meet the one The Watcher has for me, just like my siblings, and have a big, loving family.

...I don't think it's ever going to happen, though. Maybe it just isn't what He has planned for me.

[sims-creations]

[phoebe] “oh yes, but of course! it’s a shame we didn’t think of that sooner, isn’t it, james?”

[james] “certainly...”

[jillian] “great, I’m sure we’ll be able to find a solution quickly. I might even know a guy who I could call, so...”

[phoebe] “excellent! I knew you’d get it under control, jill - just like you always do.”

[jillian] “sure, don’t you two worry. everything’s going ahead as planned, you’ll see.”

they were her bosses - but they were her friends, too. how very convenient for them to blur the tricky lines between being private and professional whenever it suited the situation. now it suddenly was on jillian to find people to replace the sick crew-members on the same day. as if she hadn’t enough on her plate as it was. but they were counting on her to safe the day once again. and if she was being honest, part of her kinda liked it. 

[devotedlyghostlyenemy]

sims2 kids clothes. T-shirt recolors

recolors of “William shirt” version of @phoebe-twiddle​, CU @eir-ung​ eir-sims

DISNEY COLLECTION by me

Download here:

http://www.simfileshare.net/download/1676726/

Download Mesh here:

https://phoebe-twiddle.tumblr.com/post/610931229987160064/download-william-ava-googledrive-sfs

Eir CU original version here: (eir-amaryll-henley-cu)

https://eir-sims-uploads.tumblr.com/post/179800252938/eir-ung-today-i-made-clothing-for-kids-this-is

AM version here:

https://witheredlilies.livejournal.com/

[youngfcs]

Olá, Cibele! Sou dos estadunidense e amo seu tumblr, gostaria de recomendações para Delphini Riddle (os cabelos azuis não precisam e sim escuros) com uns 19-25 anos, obrigada desde agora!

Olá nenê <3 Caso quisesse cabelos azuis, tem a Sophia Carson em Descendentes! 

Madison McLaughlin

Margaret Qualley

Nicole Weaver

Odeya Rush

Phoebe Tonkin

Quinn Shephard

Rose Williams

Stella Maeve

Tuppence Middleton

Yasmin Paige

(cib)

[detroit-grand-prix]

Wildest Dreams Chapter 20 - Everything Has Changed

Chapter summary: The new race calendar has been set, and Phoebe heads to Austria to compete in her first-ever race: The 2020 Austrian Grand Prix.

Content warning: N/A

Chapter word count: 5,648

Author's Notes: Okay, this is where the real-world race results are going to start to deviate a bit from actual results and timelines a bit. More or less without being too spoilery, don't expect the situation at Williams to be quite the same as it was in real-time. I mean, they're not going to be competing for championships still, but I think their fortunes will fare a little bit better than they actually did in 2020. When I wrote this story originally, I didn't know much about Niki Lauda. Since working on "Star-Crossed" with @totowlff, I've come to have more appreciation and fondness for him, and wish I'd shown him more in the story leading up to this point, but it is what it is. I've written a new section in this chapter for him, though. I will also not do a complete chapter for each race like I did with this one, but I wanted to spend time here since it's Phoebe's first F1 race. Here's a picture of Susie Wolff's helmet from her time at Williams. She debuted this design in 2014. It was designed for her by Roland Mouret, a French fashion designer that Susie likes (or at least did in 2014). I thought since it was likely that she wouldn't be able to go because of restrictions, she'd like to do something special for Bee's first race. There are slight modifications just because Williams wasn't sponsored by Martini anymore. If you want to hear what Phoebe's engineer sounds like, he's in this video of all of the 2020 engineers. The link will take you right to the relevant part of the video. He's Latifi's engineer, but Phoebe is in Latifi's seat right now, so Gaetan is her engineer. If you've never seen the pit board group picture that's mentioned, here's an okay example of one. It seems like teams will take them after the race when they get a good result. Lewis and Valtteri are both in front of their pit boards here, but I think Williams getting into Points and Almost Points on their first outing of 2020 would have been HUGE for them after the 2019 they had.

Red Bull Ring, Spielberg, Styria, Bezirk Murtal, Austria July 1st, 2020

The revised season calendar was finally set, and the first two races would be in Austria, at the Red Bull Ring. The two races Bee was most looking forward to this year, in Suzuka and Austin, were both officially canceled, but Bee was still happy that she would get to race. She’d even had special helmet designs planned for those two races, specifically. At least they’d get to go to Monza, still - she had another special helmet planned for that race, too.

Rather than go back to the UK, Bee opted to stay in Stuttgart for the month between the calendar being confirmed and the first race. She had to make sure to be extra-diligent about working out and getting some limited practice in her at-home racing sim. It wasn’t the same as using the proper sim at the factory, but with lockdowns, travel restrictions, and mandated quarantine periods, going back to Grove would be more trouble than it was worth.

She checked in with Natalie via Zoom before she left for Austria. Bee felt a little bad for Natalie - she was apparently quite busy with a lot of her clients being other athletes that were temporarily out-of-work and likely not dealing well with being idle. Motorsport was one of the only sports that was planning a comeback. 

“I was so nervous the entire run-up to Australia, and it didn’t even happen.” Bee told Natalie. “And it feels weird because I’m not nervous right now, but I’m sure on Saturday and Sunday I’m gonna be a mess.”

“Well, what’s the absolute worst thing that can happen?”

Bee turned over the possibilities in her mind. Sure, the worst thing was probably any of the inherent risks of high-level motorsport, but those risks were always there, and had been there since she was young. 

“I dunno. Having a bad race, I guess. Finishing last.” Bee said. 

“And is it going to be the end of your career if you have a bad race, on your first race? Everyone has had bad races. Even Lewis. Even Max. And it’s your first one! The beauty of it being your first race is that you’re sort of free from any expectations of how you’ll perform, I think. Sure, Claire will want you to do well, and I’m sure you’ll want to do well for yourself, but you don’t have a baseline to live up to yet.”

That was true. It was freeing. It wouldn’t last, but even George had a very rough year and nobody was doubting his talent. Bee didn’t have quite the level of pure, raw talent that George had, but she certainly would try.

Instead of staying in hotels, a lot of drivers were planning on renting motorhomes for the race, and staying on the trackside campsites that fans normally used, since there would be no fans in attendance at this race. One of the other drivers put a link in their WhatsApp group to a company that did motorhome rentals in the area, and would even drop it off at the track so Bee wouldn’t have to worry about driving it there - she was a professional driver, sure, but a large motorhome was very different than an F1 car or her little Mercedes hatchback. 

Bee thought it was a great idea - she used to love camping with her parents and grandparents when she was younger. Every summer, Bee and her parents would take a long trip to the US, and it included a camping trip with Bee’s grandparents on her mom’s side to the Upper Peninsula, generally staying in a state park on the shore of Lake Superior. Plus, it would make social distancing far easier than it would be while staying in a hotel.

Bee arrived at the track on Wednesday, having flown from Stuttgart to Graz. It all felt almost routine at this point. Her visits to Austria had become frequent - she’d been making this trip at least once a year for the past six years, since her Formula Renault days, and she’d flown into Vienna last spring for Niki Lauda’s funeral.

That was a sad day. It was pouring rain in Vienna on the day of the Mass, which seemed appropriate for the occasion. Bee hadn’t been to many funerals, and certainly not one quite as massive. It had also been a long time since she’d been to church. Her mother had grown up Catholic. Bee had been baptized and her family attended Mass when they lived in Michigan, but they hadn’t bothered going since moving to Germany. 

Going to St. Stephen’s Cathedral was almost as awe-inspiring as meeting Niki the first time had been. The moment when Niki called her “The American from Stuttgart” and told her that he was happy that she was with Mercedes would stand out in her mind forever. 

Bee regretted the fact that she hadn’t gotten to know Niki as well as she would have liked to before he became too ill to attend races any more. Before his health took a turn for the worst, she had been at a few races that he was in attendance, always watching by Toto's side. There was something about him - maybe what he meant to the sport, maybe his famed swagger and bluntness, that made her a bit intimidated by him. Bee wasn't sure why she was so nervous around him. He never gave her any reason to be - he always was very kind to her, and he reminded a little bit of her grandfather, Daniel.

On one occasion, though, Bee plucked up the courage to ask him to take a selfie with her. It was during a rather dull free practice session, but she wanted to send it to her dad. Her dad had a hard time believing that she was working so closely with the Niki Lauda, one of his childhood heroes.

"Well, if he doesn't believe you," he said, with a wry smile, "I guess you could just bring him to the track."

She never got the chance after that, but at least he obliged her. As far as she knew, her dad's desktop background on his work computer was still Bee's selfie of her with Niki Lauda.

She always had found it touching that he knew of her before they’d even met, and remembered who she was just by description when Toto introduced the two of them at the first US Grand Prix she’d gone to, shortly after being made a Mercedes junior. The idea that she somehow registered in his mind, despite all of the people who he had known and met over the years, was jarring. Bee had never thought of herself as anyone exceptional, even though being a woman and gotten as far in racing as she had made her only one of a few. 

“He remembers everyone. Plus, as often as Susie talks about you to him, I’m definitely not surprised.” Toto said, when she mentioned it once.

During the service, she mostly stuck by George the entire time. She was nearly overwhelmed as she was introduced to a lot of Formula 1 luminaries of the past that her father had grown up admiring. She managed to avoid talking to Dr. Marko. She spotted Daniel Bruhl, who was one of her favorite actors, but couldn’t work up the courage to say anything to him, given the solemnity of the occasion. She spoke briefly to Toto and Susie. Toto looked sadder than she’d ever seen him, which was understandable, given how close he and Niki had been. Toto introduced Bee to his two older children, Benedict and Rosa. They were both just a few years younger than Bee was. Bee was surprised at how similar both of them looked to Toto, given how much Jack looked like Susie. 

The service was a fitting tribute for the man - maybe a bit more solemn than he was, but it an occasion befitting a giant of the motorsport world.

As far as getting ready for the race, there were seemingly a million little tasks to accomplish, which helped prevent her from getting too nervous. She had to submit a negative test to the FIA four days before arriving. She found her rental motorhome fairly easily as well. It was small, but quite nice inside - very modern-looking, certainly nothing like the old Winnebago her grandparents owned when she was young. She also rented a bicycle from the rental company with it - drivers wouldn’t be allowed to go out or do any socializing with each other, but she had started to enjoy biking during her free time over the pandemic, and Toto mentioned that there were some very nice trails and bike routes around Styria.

It looked like Emilia had already been by to drop off groceries and supplies for the week. Since teams would have limited staff, interaction would be restricted to team bubbles, and drivers wouldn’t be able to go out, she would have to fend for herself as far as meals go. Well, somewhat - Emilia would be doing the cooking, because she was in charge of Bee’s meal plan anyway, and Bee was a terrible cook. 

She started putting her clothes and things away when Emilia came in. 

“Oh, good, you made it. You found the groceries, I assume? And the bike? We can do a training ride later.”

“Oh, did you bring one too?”

“Yes, I thought it was a good idea, so I rented one as well. That way I can make sure you’re not slacking.” Emilia said, teasing Bee a little.

Emilia sat down at the motorhome’s kitchenette table and produced a stack of papers from her backpack with an official-looking FIA header and started flipping through them. 

“Now”, she said, “You’ll need to go to the garage once you get settled in here to check in with Claire, you’ll need to do a COVID test, and they’ve instituted some rules regarding team bubbles. You’ll need to observe social distancing rules - two meters apart from anybody not on your team, no going into other team garages or motorhomes or you’ll be subject to fines, no going out unless it’s necessary, all of the usual things. It sounds like other teams are setting up bubbles-within-bubbles, but I don’t think we are, but the sheet says to keep interaction limited to your engineer and mechanics. And your ‘manager, performance coach, and press officer are exempt from team bubble restrictions, along with team staff as necessary’.” She said, reading directly from the sheet.

“Well, okay then.” Bee said, putting the last of her things away. “I guess I’m ready, if you want to go over to the garage with me.”

Bee got checked in with Claire, went over and stood in line to get her test, nearly sneezed on the swab as they put it up her nose, and walked up the paddock, just to see who had all arrived. It was eerily quiet, without any fans and a limited number of staff for each team. The only press around was the media staff that worked directly for Formula 1.

When she thought about it, though, this wasn’t the worst way to experience her first F1 race. She would rather there not be a global pandemic raging if she had the choice, but with less of an audience at the track, there would be less pressure on her. Sure, there was a television audience, and she would need to be able to focus, but the atmosphere might be more akin to pre-season testing than an actual race.

She had some time to take a nap, and then Emilia got her up to go on a 30km bike ride (Emilia called it a “short ride”) before dinner. They rode in a wide loop around to the nearby town of Knittelfeld and back. They rode past the hospital Bee was taken to after her accident, just over four years ago.

“Did I ever tell you that the worst race of my life was here?” Bee said, while her and Emilia were taking a short rest under a tree.

“No, what happened?” Emilia said, handing Bee an brightly-colored electrolyte drink from her backpack. 

Bee took a long sip of the drink and said, “I was in Formula 3, so… it was just over four years ago now. I was about to overtake this kid - he was a Red Bull junior too, just like I was at the time - and he squeezed me into a wall, right at the Rindt corner, which is turn 9, I think. They had these big kerbs at the time called sausage kerbs - to prevent you from leaving the track to pass. Anyway, my car kind of vaulted over it a little and when I landed, I ended up in the wall. I ended up with a concussion and a broken wrist. They had to put my radius back together with a plate, and they had to take a graft from my hip because it broke my scaphoid, too.”

“Oh, yeah, scaphoid fractures take a while to heal unless you use a vascularized bone graft.” Emilia said, nodding.

“Yeah, exactly - that’s what my surgeon told me. Anyway, I was in that hospital that we rode past a little bit ago for almost a week. And then I got thrown out of the Red Bull program. Helmut Marko - you’ll see him around - called me before I was even out of the hospital, and left me a voicemail. They were my only sponsor at the time. I was convinced my career was over.” Bee handed the empty bottle back to Emilia and stood back up, ready to make the trip back.

“Well, it wasn't. And you’re here now, as a Formula 1 driver.” Emilia said, zipping the empty bottle back into her backpack and climbing onto her bike. “That’s pretty cool, I think.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

The next day was the track walk, press conferences, and strategy briefings, but there was a little more time between activities because of the lack of sponsor activities and press obligations. Bee and George were paired together for the virtual press conference, because the interviews were done within team bubbles. They were still on the stage like they would be for any other press conference, but reporters were asking questions via Zoom instead of being in the building.

Bee did get a few of the expected questions about it being her first race, how she felt as the first woman to enter a Grand Prix in a while, but to her relief, she got some questions that weren’t related, like what it was like to develop last year’s car, and how it was feeling this year. 

She saw Toto in the paddock as she was leaving the press conference. She waved, but he dashed over to where she was. 

“Bienchen! Good to see you! I know we can’t hug but we can -” He stuck his elbow out for a socially-distanced ‘handshake’ like she’d seen other people doing.

They tapped elbows, and laughed about it - it looked and felt a bit silly.

“Well, you’re my manager, so I think you’re allowed in my ‘bubble’, but better safe than sorry.”

“Oh, before I forget,” he said suddenly. “I actually have something to give you. Are you staying at the hotel, or at the campsite?”

“I’m at the campsite, I’m not far from the entrance. If you text me later, I’ll just meet you outside of my motorhome.”

As promised, Toto met her at her campsite later on, a large box in his arms.

“Now, this is from Susie, since she couldn’t come this weekend… just because of restrictions and all. She wanted to be here for your first race, but she said this would have to do. She said that the only stipulation is that you have to call her on FaceTime when you open it, and you can’t open it until Sunday morning before you head over to the garage.”

“Oh, intriguing. She must know how much I hate surprises.” Bee laughed. “Do you know what it is?”

“No. She wouldn’t tell me, I think she was worried I’d spoil the surprise.”

They chatted for a few minutes, catching up on what they’d been up to on their breaks. Bee thought Toto looked far more relaxed than usual, almost younger. He had a markedly shorter haircut, which likely had something to do with it. Apparently he and Susie had been staying in Austria, and it had been nice for them to be able to spend so much time together.

“But, I did miss all of this,” he said, waving his hand. “It’s nice to get back to racing. I don’t want to say I was getting bored, but, maybe a little.”

Friday rolled around, and it was time for free practices. It would be the first time Bee - or any of the drivers, really - would be in an F1 car in a while. For the first few laps, it felt very strange to be driving the car again. The first time she was on her brake, her head tilted forward, like she’d forgotten that she needed to hold herself upright. After that, though, she managed to regain her muscle memory and things were coming back to her. 

Bee wasn’t really nervous until qualifying, but she tried to remember what George had said - that it was fine if she didn’t have a great first run, she would have more chances. 

Unlike Formula 2 and 3, where qualifying was a 30-minute straight drive for lap time where your time determined your grid placement, Formula 1’s qualifying was a bit more complicated. For the first 20 minutes, all 20 cars on the grid try to set the fastest time, and the slowest 5 are eliminated from advancing to the next qualifying round. The same thing happens again, and then the final 10 move on to the third round, or “Q3”.

Bee was the third driver out on the track, behind both of the Alfa Romeos. It was best to try and get out of the garage as soon as possible to avoid getting stuck in traffic on the track. George managed to squeak by into the second round of qualifying by a fairly thin margin. Bee was eliminated in Q1, but her only goal was to not qualify in P20, and she ended up in P17, so it wasn’t an entirely unsuccessful session. For Williams, though, it was a massive improvement to even have a car in the Q2 round after not being able to do so at all last season, so the mood in the garage when Bee returned was jubilant.

Despite the suspense almost making her give in and open the box, Bee waited to see what was in Susie’s package until Sunday morning. She got up, got dressed in her team kit, and called Susie on WhatsApp while she was sitting at the kitchenette in her motorhome. Emilia wouldn’t be around for a bit, so she figured now was a good time.

She called Susie’s number, and waited a moment for the call to connect. Susie’s face appeared a moment later, with Jack sitting in her lap.

“Hi, Susie! Hi, Jack!”

“Hi, Phoebe!” (“Bee!” Jack squealed as he waved at her.) “Okay, I see that Toto gave you the package, and it’s not been opened yet, so that’s good.”

“And you wanted to watch me open it with you watching?”

“I did!” 

“Okay, let’s see.” She cut the packing tape on the plain cardboard box, and there was another, glossy black box underneath. There were no logos or anything on it, but she had an assumption on what was inside given the approximate size, shape, and weight of it. It was very familiar-feeling.

“Do you know what it is?”

“I have a guess.” 

“Go ahead and open it!”

She took the lid off the box, and removed the foam insert covering the top. There was a greeting card envelope underneath. She opened the card first - there was a message in Susie’s neat handwriting on a plain white card.

“Bee,

Today is the day of your first race as a Formula 1 driver.You were 15 years old when we met. I will never forget meeting that fierce, determined young woman who one day dreamed of reaching Formula 1. You’ve had a long, hard road to get there, but I never had any doubt that you’d make it one day. When I told you that you had the heart of a lioness, I meant it, and I still do.

The day you had your last race in Formula Renault, you gave me your helmet to thank me for my help. I still have it - it’s on a shelf in my office at Venturi. You’ve never had to thank me - I’ve always been happy to support you, and it’s been a joy to see your journey in motosport so far. I really wanted to see your first race and cheer you on in person, but that wasn’t possible, given the circumstances. You told me then that you wanted to give me one of your Formula 1 helmets one day, but I decided that I would beat you to the punch by giving you your first Formula 1 helmet. I hope you wear it during today’s race and know that I’m with you in spirit and cheering you on from Vienna. 

Go get ‘em.

<3 Susie :)”

It was signed with her signature and the trademark smiley face she always included in her signature.

She lifted the foam covering off of the top of the box, and saw a white dome with the number 50, in a neat, navy blue sans-serif font. She lifted it out of the box, and couldn’t help but gasp.

It was the brand and style of helmet that Bee wore, but it was painted to be a copy of the helmet Susie used when she was a Williams test driver in 2014.

It wasn’t an exact copy, of course - Martini was no longer Williams’ title sponsor, so a few things had to be changed out of necessity. The Martini-branded stripes had been changed to regular red, white, and blue stripes, which was convenient given that it was close to the original, and Bee was American. There was a single light blue star on the back, and one on each side below the visor. Each side of it had a pattern of red and blue squares and stripes that made it look like a modern art painting. Susie had told her the original design was made by a fashion designer that was a favorite of Susie’s, Roland Mouret. On the side, where Susie’s signature was on her original, she had signed the name “Phoebe” with the same smiley face. Other than those subtle changes and the current sponsor logos, it was a shockingly close replica of the original.

Bee had always really liked Susie’s helmet, and was disappointed when she joined Williams the year after they no longer had Martini as a title sponsor. 

Bee was speechless, and swallowed around the lump in her throat that had formed. 

“Susie, this is…”

“Do you like it?” She looked expectant, almost.

“I love it. It’s… I can’t even describe it. I’m so excited.” Bee’s vision was going a little blurry from the tears that had come to her eyes. “I was really upset when I realized that you wouldn’t be able to be here for my first race, but… this really is the next best thing.”

Emilia came in then. She was there to make sure Bee was up and ready and ate something before they needed to go to the garage. She had a few light media duties before she’d need to get ready today - her and George were slated to give a brief interview for the pre-race broadcast.

“Who are you talking to?” Emilia said, in German.

“It’s Susie, she’s on WhatsApp.” Bee said. “Look what she gave me!” she said, holding up her new helmet.

“Oh!” Emilia said, coming around to the front of Bee’s laptop. “Hello, Susie. How are you? I hope you’ve been doing well.”

“I’m good, Emilia! Nice to see you again! Take good care of Bee today.” Susie said.

“I will.”

“I have to go, Susie. I have to eat before we go over to the paddock, but I really appreciate this. I’m going to bring it to the garage right away so they can get the visor films on it. Call me later, if you get a chance.”

“I will, Bee. Good luck today. I’m rooting for you. I’ll be watching, and I’ll definitely call you later on.”

Bee had a protein shake with her breakfast, which was some oatmeal with some almond butter and berries mixed in. It wasn’t quite the same as peanut butter, but it was passable, and a good source of carbs and protein to keep her full and energized all day. She also started drinking the horrid isotonic drink to make sure she was hydrated. She’d be sipping on it near constantly until the race started.

“I have a question,” Emilia said. “I’ve been learning a lot about racing since you hired me, but there’s still one thing I don’t know.”

“Hm?” Bee said.

“Why do your drink bottles have those long tubes? I understand the bite valve, but not the tubing.”

“Oh. It’s so you can drink out of it with your helmet on, if you wanted, especially when you’re sitting and waiting in the garage before you get started, or between qualifying rounds, or something. There’s also a drink system in the car - there’s a tube that passes through your helmet and into your mouth, but I don’t like using those. They’re too prone to malfunctioning and then you just end up with a mess, so I don’t bother, unless it’s really humid out.”

They walked over to the paddock so Bee could do her media duties, and then she and Emilia went to her drivers’ room in the garage so she could warm up and change. She gave her new helmet to one of her mechanics to have the visor tear-offs applied. There was also a driver’s presentation where there would normally be a drivers’ parade,

Afterward, Emilia helped her with her warm up, stretch out, and gave her a brief massage, ironing out the knots in her shoulders and neck. Emilia was incredible at this, and Bee found it very relaxing. 

“Not too sore after qualifying yesterday? Do we need to tape anything? I know it’s been a while.”

“No, it’s not too bad, but we’ll see what I feel like after the race.”

“Are you feeling okay? Nervous at all?” 

“Strangely, no. Not right now. I just feel… I don’t know. I’m happy I finally got here.”

“Good. Get changed then, I’ll see you out in the pit lane.”

She and George both came out of their rooms around the same time. They gave each other a fist-bump, but George pulled Bee into a hug, social distancing be damned for the moment. They were both still masked, at least. 

“Good luck today, Phoebe. You’ll only get one first race, so don’t worry about the end result. Just do your best and have fun.”

“I will. Thank you, George. Kick some ass and get us into the points.”

They had to go out onto the start line for the national anthem. Each of the drivers was wearing a t-shirt given to them by the GPDA union in support of the Black Lives Matter protests happening in the United States - they were black t-shirts with “END RACISM” in large white letters. 

They all stood in a circle on the start line around podiums that held each of the podium trophies. A string quartet (plus an accordion and bassoon player) stood on a platform above the pitlane. They were wearing traditional alpine costumes - the women wearing dirndls, the men wearing lederhosen. A pair of skydivers drifted above the track, holding an enormous Austrian flag between them. The entire anthem was instrumental, which made Bee wonder what the lyrics for the Austrian national anthem were. The only part that was sung were the last words: “Vielgeliebtes Österreich!” (Austria, dearly loved!)

Finally, it was time. Bee walked back to the garage. She put her radio earbuds in, her HANS device on, put on her helmet, and pulled her gloves on.

She climbed into the car, and the mechanics went to work, getting the car out onto its place on the grid. 

“Radio check.” Gaetan, her engineer, said.

“Loud and clear.”

The nerves started to hit her with a vengeance, then. It was becoming too real. She tried to breathe, to visualize the racing line around the track, just like Susie had told her to do all those years ago. She wasn’t sure if it actually did anything to benefit her performance other than give her something to focus on, but it always seemed to work for her. 

Finally, the mechanics dropped her car off of its jacks and withdrew. She saw the marshal wave the green flag. Time seemed to slow as the starting lights turned on. She didn’t blink. Finally, it was lights out on her first race.

She got a decent start, but ended up in some pretty heavy traffic around turn 1. The first few laps went without incident, and without really any changes in track position. Eventually, Max and Lance had issues that caused their retirements. Gaetan kept her up to date on retirements, kept updating her on her pace. 71 laps was a long race, but once she got started, Bee didn’t even really notice how fast time was passing. George was right - it felt like any other race she’d done. There were more and more retirements - 7 in all, strangely none of them from collisions. She and George were both steadily moving up the grid. He was able to grab 9th place after Giovinazzi from Alfa Romeo had a fuel pressure issue. Bee finished her first Formula 1 race in 11th - just striking distance away from the points, following Sebastian, of all people. A double points finish for the team - even a points finish for her, would have been absolutely incredible, but she was mostly just happy she’d made it to the end and that her car had been reliable enough to get her there. Maybe she had gotten lucky with so many other retirements happening, but for now, she’d take it.

“Good job, Phoebe. There’s the flag, that is P-11. An excellent first race in F1, I think!” Gaetan said. She could hear clapping and cheering in the background of his transmission. Compared to last years’ races, Williams was off to an incredible start. 

“Thank you! That was fun! Let’s do it again next week.”

After the cooldown lap she pulled her car into parc fermé behind Sebastian’s Ferrari. 

She felt a bit bad, because P10 was not a great result for him, but if he was upset about it, he didn’t show it. He ran up to her as she jumped down from her car and pulled her into a hug, lifting her off of her feet briefly. He set her back down and she stood there for a minute, trying to contend with the fact that her childhood idol was still racing, and she’d only finished one place behind him in her first race. It was a little overwhelming.

She couldn’t hear if he was talking through her earbuds, helmet, and balaclava, so she just patted him on the back. He released her and gave her helmet a good-natured tap. He grabbed her arm and dragged her in the direction of what she assumed was the weighbridge where they needed to go and be weighed post-race. They stripped off their helmets and balaclavas as they walked.

“That was such a fantastic first race, Phoebe. I couldn’t believe it when I looked up at one point and saw you behind me.”

“Thank you. I still can’t believe I’m here. I know I probably just got lucky with all of the retirements, but… I’ll take it.”

“Ah, but, making it until the end is half of the battle.” he said. 

As she was on the weighbridge, the other drivers milling around congratulated her, clapping her on the shoulder. They didn’t say what for, but she knew it was because she got a decent result on her first race, and probably because she was the first woman in 30 years to run in a Grand Prix. The enormity of the moment hadn’t quite set in yet - she was too sweaty, exhausted, and somehow still buzzing from adrenaline. She and George walked back to the Williams garage to a cacophony of cheers. It was their best finish in a long time - almost a double-points finish. They were technically ahead of Red Bull in the constructors’ championship right now, as both had retired, so the mood in the garage was celebratory. Claire hugged them both at once, and told them she was so proud of them. 

“Can you guys do that again next week?”

They took a group picture with a pit board, like Phoebe had seen a lot of teams do (and she was in a few from Mercedes).

Someone had changed the sign to say: 

GEORGE P9 

PHOEBE P11 - 1ST RACE!

Bee was elated. She drove in her first race. She made it until the end. She was spitting distance of earning points, which hadn’t been done by a woman since the 1970’s. She and George had given their team a good result, which they absolutely deserved for all of the hard work she did. 

She couldn’t wait to do it all again next Sunday. 

[aliveandfullofjoy]

100 Artists Who Shaped My Year: 2019

It’s been a few years since I’ve done this, and I’m technically two days late, but here we are all the same! A list of 100 different artists whose work made an impact on me in 2019. Some are local, but most are not. One has to remain anonymous for now, because life is silly. 

In alphabetical order.

Pedro Almodóvar, for writing and directing Pain and Glory (2019, film) and Bad Education (2004, film);

Anonymous Playwright, for a play title whose name I can’t mention yet;

Will Arbery, for writing Heroes of the Fourth Turning (2019, play);

Frédéric Back, for making The Man Who Planted Trees (1987, animated short);

Antonio Banderas, for his performance in Pain and Glory (2019, film);

Ingmar Bergman, for writing and directing Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film) and Summer Interlude (1951, film);

Caty Bergmark, for directing Baby (2019, musical) and life;

Eli Bolin, for writing the music for Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television) and John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019, television);

Bong Joon-ho, for writing and directing Parasite (2019, film) and Snowpiercer (2013, film);

Nicholas Britell, for his score for If Beale Street Could Talk (2018, film);

Bo Burnham, for writing and directing Eighth Grade (2018, film);

D’Arcy Carden, for her performance(s) in The Good Place (2018-19, television);

Carol Channing, for being a light in the dark;

Benjamin Christiensen, for directing Häxan (1922, film);

Toby Chu, for his score for Bao (2018, animated short);

Olivia Colman, for her performances in The Favourite (2018, film), Broadchurch (2013-17, television), and Fleabag (2018, television);

Willem Dafoe, for his performances in The Lighthouse (2019, film) and The Florida Project (2017, film);

Ana de Armas, for her performance in Knives Out (2019, film);

Donna Deitch, for directing Desert Hearts (1985, film);

Kaitlyn Dever, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Eugene Fedorenko, for directing Every Child (1979, animated short);

Beanie Feldstein, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Fiddler on the Roof in Yiddish (2019, musical);

Elsie Fisher, for her performance in Eighth Grade (2018, film);

Jennifer Garner, for her performances in Love, Simon (2018, film) and 13 Going on 30 (2004, film);

Greta Gerwig, for writing and directing Little Women (2019, film);

Brian David Gilbert, for Unraveled (2019, webseries);

Daniel Glenn, for Sixteenth Night (2019, play);

The Great British Bake Off (2019, television);

Adèle Haenel, for her performance in Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Regina Hall, for her performance in Support the Girls (2018, film);

William Jackson Harper, for his performance in The Good Place (2018-19, television);

Jerry Herman, for his tremendous career;

Marin Hinkle, for her performance in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (2017-18, television);

Tom Hooper, for directing Cats (2019, film), the most fun I’ve had in the movies in forever;

Peter Jackson, for directing The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03, film);

Barry Jenkins, for writing and directing If Beale Street Could Talk (2018, film);

Carly Rae Jepsen, for a damn good concert;

Erland Josephson, for his performance in Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film);

Kunio Kato, for directing La Maison en Petits Cubes (2008, animated short);

Val Kilmer, for his performance in Tombstone (1992, film);

Tim Kov and Anna Hulkower, for My Little Tonys (2018-19 podcast);

Yayoi Kusama, for her Infinity Mirrors exhibit;

The Lemonheads, for their cover of “Frank Mills” (1992);

Dan Levy, for his performance in and producing Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television);

Eugene Levy, for his performances in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television) and Waiting for Guffman (1996, film);

Lizzo, for Cuz I Love You (2019, album);

Billie Lourd, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Jonathan Majors, for his performance in The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019, film);

Dave Malloy, for writing Octet (2019, musical);

Richard Maltby, Jr. and David Shire, for writing Baby (1983, musical);

Djibril Diop Mambéty, for directing The Little Girl Who Sold the Sun (1999, film) and Touki Bouki (1973, film);

Corinne Marchand, for her performance in Cléo from 5 to 7 (1962, film);

Toby Marlow and Lucy Moss, for writing Six (2018, musical);

Mike Marshall, for his performance of “San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)” in The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019, film);

Elaine May, for writing, starring in, and directing A New Leaf (1971, film);

Noémie Merlant, for her performance in Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Anaïs Mitchell, for writing Hadestown (2019, musical);

Hayao Miyazaki, for his entire body of work, but especially the films of his I watched for the first time this year: Porco Rosso (1992), Kiki’s Delivery Service (1988), The Castle of Cagliostro (1979), Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984), and Castle in the Sky (1986); 

Elisabeth Moss, for her performance in Us (2019, film);

John Mulaney, for writing and starring in Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television) and John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019, television);

Annie Murphy, for her performance in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television);

Bill Nelson and Joseph Trefler, for writing Men with Money (2019, musical);

Tim Blake Nelson, for his performance in The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018, film);

Rosemary Newcott, for directing The Wizard of Oz (2019, musical) and A Christmas Carol (2019, play) at the Alliance Theatre; 

Griffin Newman, David Sims, and Ben Hosley, for Blank Check with Griffin and David (2015-2019, podcast); 

Yuri Norstein, for directing Hedgehog in the Fog (1975, animated short) and Tale of Tales (1979, animated short);

Lupita Nyong’o, for her performance in Us (2019, film);

Catherine O’Hara, for her performances in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television), Waiting for Guffman (1996, film), and Home Alone (1990, film);

ozello, for pronouns, but especially “caleb” (2019, album and song);

Nick Park, for writing and directing Creature Comforts (1989, animated short), A Grand Day Out (1989, animated short), The Wrong Trousers (1993, animated short), and A Close Shave (1995, animated short);

Dolly Parton, for her body of work;

Robert Pattinson, for his performance in The Lighthouse (2019, film);

Paula Pell, for her performance in Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television); 

Joe Pesci, for his performance in The Irishman (2019, film);

Christopher Plummer, for his performances in Knives Out (2019, film) and The Man Who Planted Trees (1987, animated short);

Hal Prince, for everything; 

Florence Pugh, for her performance in Little Women (2019, film);

Marjane Satrapi, for writing and directing Persepolis (2007, film);

Céline Sciamma, for writing and directing Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Andrew Scott, for his performance in Fleabag (2018, television);

William Shakespeare, for his body of work, but especially Macbeth; 

Domee Shi, for directing Bao (2018, animated short);

Stephen Sondheim, for everything; 

Emma Stone, for her performance in The Favourite (2018, film);

Jan Svankmajer, for directing Alice (1988, film);

Jeanine Tesori, for writing Fun Home (2015, musical), Shrek (2009, musical), and Caroline, or Change (2003, musical);

Alfred Uhry, for writing The Last Night of Ballyhoo (1997, play);

Liv Ullmann, for her performance in Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film);

Agnès Varda, for directing Cléo from 5 to 7 (1962, film) and Faces Places (2017, film);

Vernal & Sere Theatre Co., for their production of Spirits to Enforce (2019, play);

Alicia Vikander, for her performance in I Am Easy to Find (2019, film);

Paula Vogel, for writing Indecent (2017, play);

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, for writing and starring in Fleabag (2017-18, television);

Lulu Wang, for writing and directing The Farewell (2019, film);

Rachel Weisz, for her performances in The Favourite (2018, film) and Disobedience (2017, film);

Orson Welles, for directing The Other Side of the Wind (2018, film) and Macbeth (1948, film);

Lina Wertmüller, for directing Seven Beauties (1975, film);

Chloé Zhao, for directing The Rider (2017, film);

and Zhao Shuzhen, for her performance in The Farewell (2019, film).

[tabloidtoc]

Hollywood Reporter, November 13

I’m out of tabloids until Monday afternoon, but my OCD remains :)

Cover: Actress Roundtable -- Laura Dern, Lupita Nyong’o, Jennifer Lopez, Renee Zellweger, Awkawfina, Scarlett Johansson 

Page 4: Contents 

Page 6: Contents 

Page 13: The Report -- Streaming TV’s ‘Black Box’ and the coming Guild War 

Page 16: Disney’s ‘FX on Hulu’ Plan Snubs Pay TV to Boost Digital Battle, Viacom Makes ‘Agressive’ Play to Remake Its Leadership 

Page 18: Can NBC Halt Jimmy Fallon’s Long Ratings Tumble?, Amazon Takes Netflix’s Theater Playbook 

Page 20: Box Office, Broadcast TV, Cable TV, Billboard Hot 100, Billboard 200, Closer Look -- LGBTQ’s TV Visibility Grows 

Page 22: Awards Season -- Documentary Feature -- Apollo 11, Prosecuting Evil: The Extraordinary World of Ben Ferencz, David Crosby: Remember My Name, Best Actress -- Charlize Theron, International Feature Film -- The Traitor (Italy), Lionheart (Nigeria)/Joy (Austria), Makeup/Hairstyling -- Rocketman 

Page 24: 7 Days of Deals -- Chernin Readies ‘2.0′ Media Fund: $700M to Shower on ‘Quality’ Buys, At AFM There’s the Best and Then Not Much Else, Rights Available -- Dangerous Alliance by Jennieke Cohen, Girl Serpent Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust, Film -- Colin Farrell and Andy Serkis are in talks to join The Batman as the Penquin and Alfred Pennyworth, Adam McKay, Emma Stone and Brad Pitt, Vanessa Hudgens and Alexandra Shipp

Page 25: Tenoch Huerta, Sadie Sink, Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, Television -- Kate McKinnon, Ava DuVernay, Mary-Louise Parker, Courtney B. Vance, Digital -- Zoe Saldana and Reese Witherspoon, Adam Scott and Ben Stiller, D’Arcy Carden and Abbi Jacobson, Kaitlyn Dever and Jonathan Tucker, Will Graham, Kristen Bell, Michelle Wolf, Real Estate -- Oprah Winfrey and Jeff Bridges, Rep Sheet -- Wesley Snipes, Hong Chau, Swizz Beatz, Chris Lowell, Adrien Brody, One to Watch -- Rachel Gao 

Page 27: About Town -- Jane Fonda and the ‘Ticking Existential Time Bomb’ in D.C. 

Page 28: ‘One of Michael Crichton’s Most Iconic Pieces of Work,’ THR Confidential -- Hollywood history questions answered -- Which Agent Shot Another Agent in the Groin? Walter Wanger, Joan Bennett and Jennings Lang 

Page 30: Yes I Did Say That! -- Reed Hastings, Katie McGrath, Kent Alterman, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Joy Behar, John Legend, Amy Robach, Chris Jack, Flashback -- Kelsey Grammer 

Page 32: Patron of the Artists Awards -- David Oyelowo and Ava DuVernay, Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow, Courtney B. Vance and Norman Lear and Willem Dafoe, Cynthia Erivo, Olivia Wilde, Mark Ruffalo and Laurence Fishburne, Awkwafina and Constance Wu, Gabrielle Carteris, Greg Berlant and husband Robbie Rogers, JoBeth Williams and Paul Rudd, Leonardo DiCaprio, Chrissy Metz and Diane Warren, Esai Morales and David Harbour and Julia Garner 

Page 33: American Cinematheque Awards -- Charlize Theron and Seth MacFarlane, Kristen Stewart, Jason Reitman, Adam Aron and wife Abbe and son David and Les Coney, Donna Langley and Seth Rogen 

Page 34: Baby2Baby Gala -- Gwyneth Paltrow, Kelly Sawyer Patricof and Kate Hudson and Jessica Alba and Chrissy Teigen and Kelly Rowland and Katy Perry and Norah Weinstein, Kobe Bryant and wife Vanessa, Camilla Belle and Molly Sims and Monique Lhullier and Jordana Brewster, Nikki Reed and Gina Rodriguez, Frozen 2 -- Idina Menzel and Kristen Bell, Bob Iger and Sterling K. Brown and wife Ryan Michelle Bathe, Jeremy Sisto and Jason Ritter, Jonathan Groff and Evan Rachel Wood and Josh Gad, Jennifer Lee and boyfriend Alfred Molina 

Page 36: Rambling Reporter -- Chuck Lorre’s ‘stupid’ Scientology phase, agent Nick LoPiccolo survives ‘horror film’ car crash by inches, Twinning with Christian Bale and Matt Damon, Power Dining -- David O. Russell, Indya Moore, Jeremy Zimmer and Rich Paul, Mariah Carey, Goldie Hawn, Tom Ford, Pete Davidson, Henry Winkler, John Lasseter, Bob Iger, Frank Marshall, Barry Josephson, Marvin Levy 

Page 38: Hitched, Hatched, Hired 

Page 40: The Business -- Howard Lee 

Page 42: Guest Column -- A ‘Disgrace’?! Netflix Should Avoid Wasting Money in Theaters 

Page 44: Digital -- Stars in Games: It’s More Than a Paycheck -- Keanu Reeves, Norman Reedus, Jeremy Davies, Angela Sarafyan 

Page 50: Behind the Screen -- Crafting a Scene-Stealing Cat in Captain Marvel 

Page 51: The Race -- Oscar Contenders Reckon with Fact Versus Fiction 

Page 56: Style -- Watches ‘to Impress and Express’ -- Niles Fitch, Aldis Hodge, Henry Golding, Chris Pratt 

Page 56: Marlon Brando’s Rolex Hits the Auction Block 

Page 58: Peak TV as Pop-Up Eateries: ‘It’s a Whole New Business Model’ 

Page 62: Cover Story -- The Actresses Roundtable 

Page 73: The Secret Past of a Hollywood Futurist -- Yves Bergquist, Alexis Debat 

Page 76: Awards Season -- Animated Feature -- Toothless, Elsa and Woody’s Three-Way Fight -- It’s a perfect storm with three giant franchises -- from Disney, Pixar and DreamWorks -- all competing against one another for the first time, and a slew of other films (including Netflix’s first original animated movie) aiming to earn a nomination slot 

Page 77: Animated Short 

Page 78: Makeup & Hairstyling -- crafting a ‘handmade’ joker, Production Design, Costume Design 

Page 80: Song & Score 

Page 82: The Making of Ford v Ferrari 

Page 87: Reviews -- Tina: The Tina Turner Musical 

Page 88: Dollface 

Page 90: Social Climbers -- Actors -- Kevin Hart, Marlon Wayans, Scripted TV -- Game of Thrones, TV Personalities -- Maria Celeste Arraras 

Page 92: Backlot -- ‘We’re Kicking Down the Doors’ -- Queen & Slim helmer Melina Matsoukas on pushing culture forward 

Page 96: 90 Years of THR -- High School Musical was an instant smash in 2006