#silv and i share one braincell and we bounce it back and forth to generate stupid aus

[goffilolo]

God, or whatever being is responsible for my existence has decided to give me a brain capable of making up silly little AUs and i'm about to make it everyone’s problem. lets go girls:

So we all seen the AU where Asta is a Silva right? I am proposing to you the ultimate twist of ‘Asta isn't a Silva, but everyone else seems to disagree and Nozel gets gaslighted into being a deadbeat dad’. Basically what I’m getting at is that silv and I were talking about how Asta’s hair is very similar shade to the Silvas and it could very well be identical if this bitch washed his hair more often. So my boi makes the use of communal baths at the base, his hair is like 5 shades lighter and Noelle is having a very ‘wait a fuckin minute’ moment. And it goes something like this-

Noelle, showing up at the Silva castle like “Was anyone going to tell me that big brother Nozel had an illegitimate child or was I just supposed to find that out myself?”

Solid and Nebra are looking at her like she’s on crack.

Noelle then brings Asta in with her who btw is very confused and has no idea what the fuck is going on.

Solid and Nebra take one look at the kid that’s about the same age as Noelle and has the same hair as them and go “Nozel you WHORE!”

Nozel obviously denies the whole thing, but the word gets out quickly and now the Vermillions are butting in, cause they already met Asta, they like his vibes and to think that his entire time he was their very distant cousin? Shame on you Nozel for knocking up some woman in the boonies and making a dash for it.

Fuego is like: Nozel my friend I did not expect this kind of behaviour from you

Nozel: me neither?

Nozel meanwhile is standing here not saying shit, cause at this point it’s too embarrassing to admit to all these people that he’s still a virgin at the age of 30, so he has to play along and be like "Yes, this is Asta, my...son... whom I made."

So now Solid is having a meltdown cause it means that he’s technically related to peasants. Nebra is enraged and accuses Nozel of being a deadbeat and Noelle is having a realisation that she was this close to having a crush on her nephew.

Nozel is getting so much shit from his Vermillion relatives for "abandoning his pregnant girlfriend and child".

His aunt is looking through some old mission reports and what does she find my dudes? One of Nozel’s first missions as a magic knight at 15 was assigned near Hage, so they just accept that as a proof. Nozel meanwhile was going through a full on ‘depressed and truamatised girl’ phase back then after Acier’s death so he doesn’t remember shit from those times and at this point he is legit starting to believe it "maybe... Its true! Maybe I Am the father! Maybe I slept with a whole ass woman and just don't remember it?"

This is then followed by Nozel trying to do awkward father-son bonding time with Asta, who at this point is like “things are already so goddamn weird, it might as well happen” as well as “you owe my church 15 years worth of child support”.

Nozel: Do you want to do…activities together?

Asta: You mean like exercise?

Nozel: Sure, let’s go with that

Which is how you find Asta doing his usual work out routine at the Silva castle and Nozel trying to be a ‘supportive dad’ and follow along and just collapses in exhaustion almost straight away, wheezing like a dying cat.

The entire elf invasion fallout is getting even more hilarious because what is Damnatio supposed to do? Use Asta; the newest and funkiest addition to the Silva tribe as a scapegoat? Cause it’s either that or prosecuting their entire military power. I mean he still tries to pin it on Asta cause ‘if the silvas didn’t have a devil possessed child none of it would’ve happened’. So now the political landscape in clover is looking something like this:

I may or may not expand on it, we shall see