#silury rambles

[melsilurian]

i am actually going to go fucking insane. if one more of my favourite characters die in an angsty way inside my own mind i will go feral. fucking lose it. scratch at the pillows till their feathers burst out all over the place. my mind is an echochamber of madness and i am the speaker.

[xestuck]

actually sorry some serious stuff

i originally lef t the server on the 11th cos i thought i was gonna commit suicide on my birthday and i nearly did, but honestly since then i havent felt right abt the server at all, people usin my species for stuff without asking me, drama goin over the top and almost purposeful misunderstanding constanttly

recently ive been getting more into my art for once and really enjoying my art and the act of drawing and making art, and i thought that fs stuff was helping that, but the more i tihnk abt it, its the characterrs i made, not fanspecies

and with so many more followers on this blog than my main or my art blog, i feel like im defining mysellf by homestuck fan content, dont get me wrong i love doing this sprite stuff and making hs fan characters but. i cant get a job with this, i cant get paid with this, at no point did anyone want to pay me for this either

and honestly some of the fanspecies stuff ive made isnt tied to hs at all, other than one or two drawings of them in godtier and the cameo of a troll in the art ive done. i havent thought about siluri or chirufes or brownies in a sburb session or anything connected to actual hs stuff almost ever, and the only reason sphynx are is cos i made them in 2015 specifically for my fansession idea with my fankids

idk im rambling this is going nowhere ive just been thinkinng abt this shit for a while and recent stupid events have been bringing it to light for myself i guess

maybe ill start up my fanventure again, maybe i wont, i have so many other stories of original work that i wanna do instead. especially artmeus. :--) im working on makin the comic blog for it now