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rami-hoe · 5 years ago

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Circus Freaks Chapter One

Summary: Aspiring writer Barbara decides to follow the King Company Circus to get authentic inspiration for her book.

Word Count: 6K

Pairing: Merriell Shelton x OC (slowburn)

The cab pulled into the lot just after 7:30. I’d woken up before six just to make sure I could get there on time, but I still arrived after the action had started. I handed my driver a handful of bills. “Keep the change,” I said. I scooted over to the door and pushed it open.

“Don’t forget your bag,” the driver called over his shoulder as he slipped the money into his pocket. I uttered a breathless ‘thanks’ and grabbed my bag as I jumped out of the car. The wheels began to turn before I had even closed the door. The rain spat down on my face and I pulled my umbrella out of my backpack. I lifted the straps onto my shoulders and pushed the umbrella open as I walked towards the hub of activity. A field of canvas was spread out over the lot, and the riggers bustled around it. They knotted ropes and pounded stakes deep into the ground as I ghosted through the lot. I made sure to give them a wide berth, but my mere presence was enough to warrant some pretty nasty looks. It was a bit of a relief that I wasn’t the only person on the receiving end of them, though. A handful of onlookers stood up on the hill; a man with a camera, snapping pictures no doubt meant to be developed in black and white and hung up with the other student art projects. A family stood beside him. The father kneeled down beside the kids and pointed at the canvas. Though I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I could imagine it was some quick remark about how, in just a few short hours, this place would be transformed, and they would be able to come back and enjoy the show. A small smile tugged at my lips. My father always brought me to the circus bright and early too, before it was set up. He told me it was important to appreciate the workers we didn’t get to see on stage. He always made me wave to them. Looking back, I’m sure our presence was something of a nuisance to them, and my waving did little to rectify that.

I pulled my backpack around and pulled my notebook out. I pulled the pen off the rings and flipped open to the first page. I stood on the sidelines and wrote, jotting down notes about the people and the venue. I made my way up the hill; I figured I’d be more out of the way there. The family had retreated to their car and driven off by the time I arrived, but the photographer was still there. He lowered his camera as I approached and shot me a smile.

“Here to watch the load in too?” he asked. I nodded and looked back down at my notebook. He shuffled over to me. “You a writer or something?” I tucked the book against my stomach as he tried to peer down at it, and turned to face him.

“Yep,” I said. “And I take it you’re a photographer.”

He chuckled. “Just a student for now,” he said. “But I’m working on it.” He fiddled with one of the many buttons on his camera. “I wanted to come down and get a few shots before it all went up,” he said. “Capture the reality before it becomes the fantasy.” He puffed out his chest as he gazed down at the landscape. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. He turned back to me and gave me a look I could only assume was meant to be sophisticated contemplation, although it came across more like he was letting out a long, silent fart. Here it comes. “Has anyone ever told you, you’re absolutely stunning?” I could hold back the laugh that time, but I did manage to keep it down to a short chuckle that I was sure could pass as amusement. “You know, I would love to shoot you sometime,” he said. “Find a nice, quiet spot. Maybe a park. Lots of grass, maybe a few trees.”

I dragged my thumb along the side of the notebook. The soft paper was immobile beneath my skin. “Yeah… I just don’t think I have the time,” I said. “I’m gonna be pretty busy the next few months.” I swung the cover of my notebook around to close it and raised it up as a kind of barrier between out chests. “With writing and everything.”

He nodded and took a step back. “Fair enough,” he said. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a small piece of cardstock. “But when you get back in town-” he handed the card to me “-why don’t you give me a call?”

I plucked the card from his fingers and smiled. “Sure,” I said. It was easier to throw the card away once he left than to argue with some stranger about why I didn’t want to go out with him. I tucked the card between the pages of my notebook, and he turned back to snap a few more pictures in a lunge far deeper than necessary. I wondered if he realized he hadn’t bothered to introduce himself before attempting to entice me with an intimate photoshoot.

The photographer, who remained nameless even as he trotted down the other side of the hill and revved his car to get my attention one last time before he drove off, didn’t stay longer than a half-hour. I wasn’t entirely sure what the point of the shoot was if he didn’t stay for the best part: the lifting of the tent. My dad always made us stay until the tent had risen up. He said it was the best part of the circus coming to town; seeing that canvas climb higher and higher into the sky. I couldn’t say I disagreed. When that canvas was on the ground, it was just a lot, but as soon as those ropes carried it up… It became something else entirely. When I was little, I used to look up at the tent and swear it was tall enough to touch the clouds. Even now, when I was old and tall enough to know better, I was mesmerized by the tent reaching towards the heavens.

The riggers’ job outside was done before long, and they moved into the main tent to set up the stage. It was about that time that the performers began to emerge from their trailers and head backstage. They weren’t in costume yet, but I liked to guess which performers they were; who were the acrobats, who were the clowns. Some of them had writing and pictures on the side of their trailers, but I was too far away to make them out clearly. I’d have to remind myself to try and get a closer look after the show; some of the artwork was truly incredible.

I waited up on that hill until I heard the music drifting out of the tent. Cars began to pull up into the lot and park. Families jumped out, and soon the excited squeals of children mixed with the music. My eyes fell on two kids who had gotten away from their parents. They ran up to the tent with the biggest grins on their faces, shouting back at their parents to hurry up. The couple walked hand in hand towards their kids, and all four of them disappeared inside the entrance tent. I descended from the hill and joined the wave of people moving towards the box office. My notebook was stashed safely away in my backpack as I greeted the ticket man with a smile. He barely looked at me; no doubt he would forget my face as soon as it was out of his sight.

I continued on into the main tent, and was rushed into the world of wonder the labourers had worked so hard to create this morning. It never ceased to amaze me how they could create something so awe inspiring in just a few short hours. I found a seat near to the front and placed my backpack between my feet. I leaned against the chair back and watched the people file into the tent. The audience filled up before long. It must have been a sold out show, but that wasn’t particularly surprising. This town didn’t get a lot of special events like this. The circus was a rarity, and it looked like everyone had come out to take advantage of the opportunity.

I would say a hush fell over the audience when the lights dimmed, but that wasn’t entirely accurate. Something vaguely resembling a hush, with the exception of children’s voices, practically vibrating with anticipation, asking if it was starting, and the parents in the audience shushing them. The ringmaster stepped out from behind the curtain and strutted to the center of the ring. He raised his hand and earned silence in return.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” he called out, his booming voice reaching every inch of the tent. “Boys and girls. Prepare to be amazed, dazzled, and delighted!” The children in the audience cheered as the ringmaster, who introduced himself as ‘Ack Ack’, went through his speech. When he punched his finishing line: “welcome to the show,” the performers poured through the curtains in a bright display of pomp and pizzazz. Everybody in the audience under the age of ten jumped up and rushed to the barriers to get a closer look. The performers grinned and waved, some blowing kisses, others showing off a few tricks that hinted at what their act would be. Two men entered the ring with a series of handsprings and presented their agility to the audience. A woman adorned with blue spandex and gold glitter pranced and twirled, spinning a red ribbon around her body. A thin man wearing black slacks and suspenders over a bare chest brandished silver daggers that reflected the stage lights back at the audience. The sight of the sharp edges made the boys in the audience scream.

The parade of talented faded back into an empty stage, save for Ack Ack. He took a moment to thank the audience for coming, then the drums began to roll. Ack Ack sauntered around the outer edge of the ring, smirking at the audience. The lights over the house were off; I was sure he couldn’t see any of our faces, but it still looked like he was trying to stare into the eyes of each and every person in the tent as he introduced the first act. They started off slow; clowns, stilt walkers, and jugglers performing small tricks to warm up the audience. Each act departed the stage with an abundance of cheers, and made way for the next. Ahk Ahk told the audience to prepare to be astounded by the acrobatic stylings of Sledgehammer, Daisy, and the PFC, and astounded we were. The two men flipped and tumbled on the floor while Daisy ascended high above the stage. No wires or harnesses aided her in her journey; just large bands of fabric draped from the ceiling. The climbed them seemingly without the burden of her own weight, and bent and contorted herself in the air. Every move she made was effortless. The men, on the other hand, seemed to be exerting quite a bit of effort. I could see the sheen of sweat covering their bodies from where I was sitting. Their lean muscles flexed as they moved about the stage. I saw more than a few women in the audience eyeing them, while making a decided effort to ensure the men they came with didn’t see they were looking. Of course, the men in the audience didn’t have quite as much subtlety when it came to staring at Daisy. But then again, it wasn’t just the men; Daisy had captured the attention of a good portion of the women as well. I couldn’t say I wasn’t feeling just a little hypnotized by those legs myself. I could have enjoyed a full show of just the three of them, but their act couldn’t last forever.

The roar of applause during their exit almost drowned out Ahk Ahk introducing Fools and Errand. The girl sitting next to me, who couldn’t have been more than four years old gasped when she saw the two men standing up on the tightrope. That wasn’t the only time she gasped during their routine; she was rather mesmerized by the performance. She let out a small shriek when Fools ‘lost his balance.’ He swung his arms in three large circles before flipping back off of the rope. His hands latched onto the rope just in time, and he swung back around. The little girl danced at the miraculous display, only to scream in horror when he toppled Errand off of the platform. The small man flipped over the safety railing; it took a keen eye to see the little jump that got him the height he needed. Fools stood proudly on his own while his partner fell back first into the safety net and bounced back up.

The filler act killed about fifteen minutes while two men dressed all in black rolled out a large wheel and set it up in the middle of the ring along with three small targets with balloons tacked onto them. The clowns strolled off the stage as Ahk Ahk announced the ‘deadly stylings of Snafu and Cherie.’ The pair sauntered out arm in arm. The heels lifted Cherie about four inches over Snafu, but his wild hair made up the difference. Cherie peeled off Snafu’s coat and tossed it to a stagehand. He was a skinny guy, but the lights revealed the definition of his muscles; his arms were… Well, impressive to say the least. But most people weren’t looking at his arms; they were looking at the knives he was holding, two in each hand. He juggled one rotation with the blades, the primary purpose of which seemed to be moving three of the knives into one hand. The drums rolled, and everyone in the audience held their breath as Snafu stepped in between the three targets. With one fluid motion, he extended his arm and threw the knife. It hit the balloon square in the center, which popped so loudly I wondered if they had microphones attached to the targets. He took out the remaining two targets with similar ease and speed. The audience erupted in applause as the final balloon exploded on its post, and Snafu raised his arms in victory. He held his hand out, and Cherie stepped forward to take it. He guided her over to the wheel and strapped her in as the stage hands removed the now empty targets. He secured her limbs and stepped back, pulling two blades from his belt. The drums rolled once again as he turned towards the target pulled his throwing arm back. A gasp moved through the audience as he flung the knife forwards. It landed about a foot and a half to the right of her stomach. After the second knife embedded itself in the wooden wheel on the opposite side, Snafu turned around and the audience, once again, applauded. But then the wheel started to turn, and the audience grew silent. He pulled the remainder of his knives, five in total, from his belt, and turned back to face Cherie. One by one, the knives flew. Some struck two feet away from her body, others merely six inches, but each thud of the metal burying itself in the wood pulled a cry from the audience. After the last dagger landed, the wheel stopped with Cherie left upside down. Snafu unlatched her and she flipped off the wheel with unbelievable grace. The pair took their bows to thunderous applause, and jogged back through the curtain.

The last act of the show was a daredevil who Ahk Ahk introduced as “Lucky.” He promised we would be holding our breaths through his performance, and he certainly wasn’t wrong. I was sure there was some sort of trick involved, that the risk to Lucky was negligible, or at the very least not as great as it seemed. Though he was a talented enough performer, and he certainly captured the interest of the audience, my thoughts remained with his predecessor. Snafu and Cherie’s act had left my throat dry and my heart pounding, and I wouldn’t be forgetting them any time soon. They could have been the closers if you asked me. No doubt they would say the same.

The final parade was met with even more cheers and applause. The children rushed to the barricades to wave at the performers as they circled the ring and disappeared back behind the curtains. I heard at least one child ask where they were going, and knew there were others in the crowd wondering the smile. I always wanted to know what lay behind that curtain. When I was a child, I thought it must be some kind of wonderland. Even now, when I was sure it was nothing more than a dressing tent crammed wall-to-wall with props and sweaty bodies, it was hard to let go of the fantasy.

I stayed in my seat while the audience began to clear out. The families were all eager to be the first ones out, and the first ones in line for the other attractions. I’d been to enough circuses to know what awaited them outside; a parade of flashy souvenirs and overpriced food, and for those to managed not to be tempted by those, a showman selling tickets to the sideshow. By the time I made my way out of the tent, half the crowd had already fallen victim to one of the many traps laid out to separate them from their money. I didn’t plan on being sucked in; I didn’t have a lot of money with me, and I couldn’t afford to waste it on cheap trinkets and double-fried junk.

The first employee I found without a ten-person deep line in front of them was one of the riggers. The wifebeater, jeans, and steel toes would have made that fact clear even if he wasn’t fiddling with one of the lines as I approached him.

“Hi,” I said with a smile. The look on his face told me loud and clear he wasn’t used to dealing with the public, and he had absolutely no interest in it. The poorly disguised loathing in his eyes gave me more than enough reason to seek out someone else to talk to, but there was no one within eyesight. I swallowed my nerves and tried to paint a friendly expression on my face. “I’m looking for the, uh, business manager?” His reply was an unchanging expression. “Or whoever handles the business operations.” He stood up and brushed his hands off of his jeans. The grease, the source of which I was still unsure of, left a brown smear across the faded blue denim. He shoved his wrench in his back pocket and walked passed me. Something told me I wasn’t supposed to follow him.

I went through two employees before I found one willing to talk to me when they realized I didn’t want to buy anything. He told me to ask the ticket man in the box office. The boy sitting behind the glass window couldn’t have been older than eighteen. He flipped through his magazine, either ignoring or unaware of my presence until I cleared my throat. All I got from him was a name and directions, but that was more than I had gotten from anybody else. I felt a little uneasy going backstage without an escort; I got the feeling I wouldn’t be overly welcome.

I went around to the side of the back tent and stepped through the canvas curtains. Props and costumes were littered everywhere; well, littered might not have been the best word. Everything looked like it was quite well organized, surprisingly. The objects were all sorted based on who they belonged to and who would be using them, but they were still everywhere. Organized chaos, that was the phrase. I followed the sound of voices through the tent until I spotted someone who looked like they actually belonged there. I had to squeeze by a costume rack to get to where he was sorting his blades into a cloth knife holder. “Excuse me,” I said. He barely glanced over his shoulder at me, but I figured that was the best I was going to get from him. “I’m looking for, uh… Gunny?”

He shoved the last knife into its pocket and rolled the cloth up. “He’s back there,” he drawled, gesturing to the right corner of the tent.

“Thank you,” I said. He tucked his cloth under his arm and turned around as I stepped forward to follow the all too narrow path to the corner Snafu had directed me to. I managed to stop my momentum before I bumped into him, but he didn’t move an inch. I stepped to the side, and he strutted passed me and made his way out of the tent.

The path through the tent was surprisingly easy to follow. I didn’t get turned around once, although I did get a few furrowed brows and narrowed eyes from the people I encountered on my way. I found Gunny, or least, the person I assumed was Gunny, sitting near the edge of the canvas at small fold out table he had made into his desk. I greeted him with a small ‘hi’ I tried not to let sound to timid. Circus people were all about confidence; I wasn’t going to win them over by acting like I was terrified just being back here, no matter how true that was.

Gunny eyed me up and down. “Can I help you?” Well, one thing was certain: he had far more people skills than most of his colleagues. I guess that would be a necessity, since he was the one working with the public to organize the show.

“I’m Barbara,” I said. I extended my hand towards him, and he gave it a quick compulsory shake. “I’m a writer, and I’m working on a story about a circus troupe.” Gunny stared at me without so much as blinking. I gave up on getting an initial reaction from him, and continued on. “I was hoping to follow your operation for the season. I want to make the story as authentic as possible.”

Gunny scratched his nose. “And what do you want from me?” he asked.

I blinked. “Well, uh…”

“You don’t need permission to follow us,” he said. “Our route is on the back of our flyer.”

“Oh no, I know that,” I said. “But I was hoping… Well, it’s just that, it’s the people I’m interested in more than the show.” The show was incredible, of course, but it was the characters I needed help with. I couldn’t make them seem real; I’d never met anyone like the people I was trying to create.

Gunny had returned his attention to his papers about halfway through my introduction. “Look, I can’t stop you from following us,” he said. “And if you wanna chat with my people after the show’s over, that’s fine too. Lot of them go out for drinks once we close.” He scribbled a quick note on one of the papers straying near the edge of the table. “The public isn’t allowed backstage, in the cook shack, or the trailers.” I chewed my bottom lip; I should have known I wasn’t supposed to be back here without an escort.

“Okay…” I got the distinct impression that was all I was going to get out of him. “Thank you. I’ll, uh, leave you to it.” My face grew hot as I spun on my heels and hurried out of the tent. Really, I shouldn’t have been expecting that conversation to go any other way. The circus was a notoriously tight knit community; they didn’t like outsiders coming into their space.

The first group of circus goers dwindled off by the mid afternoon, but they were quickly replaced by the evening crowd. The 7:00pm show went off just as well as the first. I didn’t mind paying the second entry fee; it was worth seeing again. Just like last time, the performers left the stage with the audience on their feet, cheering and clapping. The crowd cleared out much faster with the evening show; the parents were eager to get the kids home and into bed before it got too late. A few couples stayed to play some of the games and have a snack before they left, but before long, the lot was empty. As the riggers made their second appearance of the night, to undo all the work they had done that morning, the performers began to trickle out of their trailers and make their way across the lot. Some I recognized from the show; most I didn't. Out of their makeup and costumes, a lot of them could be mistaken for an average person. Not all of them, but enough that this group of people walking along the side of the road didn't attract too much attention. None of them spared me a glance, but I was starting to feel just a little grateful I was so invisible to them; when they did look at me, it sure as hell wasn't with kind eyes. I trailed after them, well aware of just how like a stalker I was acting, until they arrived at their destination: a run down bar not far from the lot. The sign hanging over the door was completely burnt out, but the neon ring continued to glow around the word 'open' in the window. Looking directly at it left black splotches over my field of vision.

I slipped into the bar after the group. Most of them had made their claim to a handful of tables. A couple were at the bar ordering their drinks, and two of the men had set their sights on picking up one of the local women. The first, a man I didn't recognize, had plunked himself down in a group of women, and appeared to be chatting all of them up with equal attention. The second, Snafu, was leaning against the bar and whispering in a woman's ear. His hand was on her knee, and whatever he was saying was putting a big smile on her face. I hadn't come in two minutes after them; how the hell did he work that fast?

I spent the evening nursing a couple virgin drinks and doing my best not to stare at any one of them for too long at a time. I was hoping to fly under the radar tonight; I'd say I got what I wanted. The largest group was easy enough to observe; they made no attempt to stay quiet as they drank and joked. It was a great opportunity to get to see the group dynamics at play; how they interacted with each other when they were in an unfamiliar environment, the way they closed themselves off so subtly but so completely. But every so often, a giggle would draw my attention back to Snafu and his lady of choice. Every time I looked back, she was making it more obvious that all he had to do was say the word and they could go wherever he wanted. Playing with her hair, pushing her chest out, running her hand over his thigh, biting her bottom lip oh so seductively. But every time I looked over, there they were. Still in the bar. Fully clothed. I didn't understand it; Snafu could have taken her back to his trailer five minutes after he walked into the building. What was he waiting for? I got the only answer I was going to get around one in the morning, when the group settled their tab and made their way out of the bar. Snafu got up to follow. His lady friend gripped his arm, either asking him to stay or asking if she could go with him; I couldn't hear the specifics. Either way, Snafu's answer was very clearly no. He pulled his arm away, shoved his hand into his pocket and tossed a couple of crumpled bills on the bar. The bartender nodded and counted out the cash. I craned my neck to see; it couldn't have been more than a few dollars, but he had been drinking all night. The woman turned on her stool and stared down at the counter as Snafu made his way over to the group. He pulled a box of cigarettes out of his breast pocket and took one between his lips. As he flicked his lighter on and held it to the end of the cigarette, the other man, who hadn't had quite as much luck with his girls' night out group, scurried over and clapped him on the shoulder. I squinted my eyes and scanned the familiar features of his face, trying to place him.

"The hell you wan', Peck?" Snafu muttered around the cigarette.

Peck nodded towards the woman he had abandoned at the counter. "You done with her?" he asked.

Snafu took the cigarette between his fingers and blew out a long stream of smoke directly into Peck's face. "She's all yours," he said.

The lot of them left the bar. Peck, and Snafu's friend followed a few minutes after, and I was left in the bar with handful of drunk locals. I left the money for my last drink on the counter and walked into the night. The wind moved right through my jacket and left goosebumps over my skin. I shivered and wrapped the fabric over my torso, hunching my shoulders and scampering off to my motel room. The train to their next location left at seven in the morning; I had to try and get a little sleep before I had to get up again.

***

Notes:

-Ill tempered when dealing with the public on a casual level

-Don't talk to outsiders

-When they leave the lot, they stick together

-If they take someone back to their trailer, they don't spend the night

-Us versus them mentality

I sighed. It wasn't enough. I needed to get to know these people, to see how they behaved up close and personal, but they wouldn't let me anywhere near them. I'd been following them for six shows, and I was lucky if I could get any of them to say two words to me once the show was over. After their first show, I'd gone on a strict budget. I didn't have a lot of money and I needed to stretch it out as long as I could. But even staying at the cheapest motels and riding nothing but public transportation, my cash was running out at a rapid pace. I had one more show left, maybe two if I didn't eat. But it wouldn't be enough. One or two more shows weren't going to get me what I needed. Nine or ten wouldn't either. As long as I was just a follower, I would always be "them," and they would want nothing to do with me.

It surprised me that, considering how they felt about the public in their spaces, nobody bothered to tell me to leave when I went into the back tent to find Gunny. I got some questionable looks, sure, but nobody asked me what I was doing or told me I shouldn't be back there. Gunny was in his usual corner of the tent, but he wasn't alone when I arrived; another man leaned against the edge of his desk. Gunny's eyes fell on me, and their conversation came to a halt.

"You're back," he said. The other man turned over his shoulder and looked me up and down. My eyes widened when I got a proper look at his face; it was Ack Ack, the ringmaster. God, he looked different out of costume. Gunny waved me forward and I walked to the front of his desk. "What is it now?" Not exactly the friendliest of greetings, but at least he wasn't telling me to fuck off.

I had planned out exactly what I was going to say, but with both men staring at me, but well prepared statement fell right out of my head. "I, well, uh, I just- I mean, I was hoping I could ask-"

"Spit it out," Gunny said.

I took a breath. "Is there anything I can do, in terms of helping around?" I asked. "I'd like-"

"A job," Gunny finished for me. He chuckled. "Run outta money, huh?" My lips parted to respond, but he didn't give me the chance. "Look, we don't have anything for someone like you, okay?"

I couldn't say that wasn't the answer I had been expecting, but my heart still sank in my chest when I heard it. Part of me had been holding out hope that... Well, it didn't matter now. "Okay," I said. "Thanks anyway."

Ack Ack shifted on the desk as I stepped back. "Could always use another shill around," he said. It wasn't directed at me, but it was enough to stop me in my tracks.

Gunny shook his head. "We have shills," he said.

"No," Ack Ack said. "We have artists you make do shill work after the show." He placed his hand behind him and leaned over it to stretch out his back. "They don't like it, and they half ass it."

Gunny folded his arms over his chest and sighed. "She's a gilly," he said.

"Then she'd be a perfect shill," Ack Ack said.

Gunny turned his eyes back to me. It felt like hours before he finally shook his head and spoke. "We can't pay you," he said. "You'd get three square meals a day, a bed in the cook shack, and a ride to the shows."

"That's fine," I said. "That's perfect."

He turned back to Ack Ack. "And since it was your idea, she can ride with you." Ack Ack chuckled and slid off the desk. "Now both of you get the hell outta here," Gunny said, returning to his paperwork. "Can't get any damn work done around here," he muttered.

I followed the path out of the tent with Ack Ack hot on my heels. I squinted as we stepped out into the sun, and turned back to him. "Thank you," I said.

"Don't," he said. "I saw an opportunity to help my people out and I took it." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Nothing to do with you, gilly." He brushed by me and pointed to a small tent behind the other two. "That's the cook shack," he said. "Meals don't always happen at the same time every day, but there'll always be three of them." He led me far enough around the tent so we could see the trailers. "That's mine up front," he said. "We make the jump at four. If you're not there, I'll leave without you." I didn't doubt that.

"What exactly does a shill do?" I asked.

"I was getting to that," Ack Ack said. "What you do is make sure the clems spend as much cash as they have," he said. "Go to the blowoff, play the games, look like you're having a good time." He sniffed. "You get your float from me. Make sure the operators know your face before you start and they'll rig the games for you. Got it?" There were a couple words in there that I didn't understand, but I made my assumptions from the context and nodded; I didn't want him thinking I was completely useless before I even started. "Good," he said. "Stay out of the roustabouts' way, don't oach, don't pick fights, and you should be okay." He held his hand out and I shook it. "Welcome aboard, gilly."

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AO3 Link

#merriell shelton #the pacific #snafu shelton #circus freaks

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bangtanfanfiction · 6 years ago

Text

♢ Pairing: BTS x reader (platonic for now)

♢ Words: 2.7 k

♢ Genre: Fluff

⌲ Description: Join Y/N’s journey as the only female member of BTS.

MASTERLIST

You could have sworn time must have stopped for you in that moment as you continued to gape at the older woman.

Jinhee was unaffected, standing before you with a serious look.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” You couldn’t help but exclaim, all kinds of manners slipping out of your mind for a moment.

She closed her eyes for a moment and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Y/N, let me explain first,” Jinhee sighed out and took a hold of your arm, pulling you to sit down beside her in the practice room.

“When you first came here you asked me where all the other female trainees were, remember?”

You nodded slowly.

“Well...you’re the only one.”

“W-what,” you stuttered as your eyes widened. “Why?”

“Have you ever heard of GLAM?”

“Not really…”

“They were a girl group under Big Hit and another company. Long story short, there was a scandal involving one of the members who ended up getting jail time.”

Your mouth dropped open again. “Did she really go to jail?”

“Unfortunately not, she got a two year suspended sentence instead.”

You couldn’t help but notice the bitterness the words were spoken with and hesitantly put a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Didn’t you like her?”

Jinhee sighed again before shaking her head. “That doesn’t matter, we’re here to speak about you.”

“Right,” You nodded. “My question; Where is the logic in putting me with a boyband when I’m a girl? The only one, for that matter.”

“The higher ups in the company had a meeting about six months ago. We only have another group right now - Bangtan Sonyeondan - do you know them?”

“I might have,” You replied slowly as you tried to rack through your brain of any mentions of them. The name sounded familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“They’re also known as BTS and have seven members. The group is doing okay so far, but that’s just it. Okay isn’t enough. The company wanted to add something different, something new to the group for their upcoming comeback to attract more people.”

“And they thought adding one girl to a group full of guys would be the best choice?” Your brain was still not understanding the logic of it.

“It’s new,” Jinhee shrugged as she leaned back on the chair. “No co-ed groups in K-pop have managed to actually break through the market yet.”

“And you think this will be different?” You were doubtful at those words.

“There’s a reason why it’s you.”

Running a hand through your hair, you stood up and began pacing the space in front of Jinhee. “But I was street casted? You couldn’t have possibly known what I was capable of.”

“Whether we knew it or not, you’ve proven your talents more than enough now. You’re a good singer and dancer. Obviously there’s room for improvement, but we do think you’re ready.”

It didn’t take the sixteen year old girl a long time to understand the hidden meaning behind those words as you froze. “You want me to debut? It’s only been four months!”

“Not right away of course, but BTS’ new album is currently in production so you’re going to meet the boys today. There’s a lot to prepare for this comeback. Album photoshoots, song recordings and music video shooting. We don’t have a lot of time to waste.”

You felt your legs weaken as you sank down to the floor in the practice room. It felt like your soul had slipped out of your body for a moment. You were going to meet your group today. A group that had already been together for who knows how many years - and you were intruding.

“Do they even know?” You asked in a hoarse voice before clearing it.

“We told them last month,” Jinhee smiled sympathetically as she crouched down beside the younger girl. “Don’t worry, they’re great people, I promise you that.”

“That doesn’t mean they’ll like it.”

“You think too much,” Jinhee simply replied, standing up and pulling you up with her. “Now, go get changed and I’ll take you to meet them.”

The practice room became silent again as you were left alone to get ready. You were quick to grab your change of clothes from the bag laying in the corner. Slipping out of your sweatpants and into a pair of jeans and throwing over a fresh t-shirt that wasn’t stained with your sweat. You luckily took your perfume with you today to prevent others to notice the prominent smell of the hard work. After you finished changing, you grabbed your phone and went into google to search up the three letters you had heard.

“BTS…” you mumbled to yourself as your eyes scanned over the words on the wikipedia page.

There wasn’t much to read unfortunately. They had debuted last year in June and just finished releasing their first full album this August, the same month you arrived to Korea. You didn’t know when Jinhee would return to get you, so you were quick to take a listen to a couple of the latest songs from them to understand their vibe. It wasn’t hard to see that hip hop was their main concept. You tried to memorize the faces that stared back at you from the phone screen, but even you knew that people could look completely different from their photoshoots.

“Rap Monster, Jin, Suga, J-hope, Jimin, V and Jungkook,” Reading the names out loud, your head tilted slightly to the side. “Hm, interesting names.”

“Ready?”

Your head snapped up to look at Jinhee in surprise at the sudden appearance, but after taking a deep breath you tucked your phone into the back pocket of your jeans before walking out of the door. You’ve always been in the basement whenever you practiced, whether it be singing or Korean lessons. So to see that they were heading up to the ‘main’ level of the company made you nervous. You had only been there once before, and that was at the beginning of your arrival. After that, you had only kept to the basement where you were ordered to be.

Your hands were getting clammy as you followed Jinhee up the stairs and down a corridor which passed a lot of office desks with people sitting on them, not even giving you an ounce of their attention. After a few more twist and turns the two of you came to a more spacious hallway with only a handful of doors. There was a muffled sound coming out from one of them, and Jinhee didn’t even bother to knock as she opened the door and walked inside confidently. You felt your heart skip a beat as your scurried after the older woman.

The room wasn’t that different when it came to yours. The only difference being the size and lighter interior. It also looked more modern, so it must have been built of renovated in recent years. But even with the song booming through the sound system, you could still feel the tension rise in the room the moment you walked in. You felt the gazes of several people on you as your eyes were glued on the floor - too nervous to look up.

Then the music stopped and the feeling got a hundred times worse. You knew that you probably looked both pathetic and cowardly to the seven guys in the room from where you stood, half hiding behind Jinhee’s slightly taller frame. You could hear them breathing heavily, probably just from their dance practice session that the two of you had barged into.

“Boys,” Jinhee greeted them cheerfully.

“Noona, what are you doing here?” One of them asked in curiosity.

So they didn’t know who you were. Whether that was good or bad, you weren’t sure.

“Didn’t Sejin tell you?” Jinhee was surprised.

“Tell us what?”

Now you could hear the cheerfulness in the older woman’s voice lower as she realized the situation at hand.

“Oh...well, I thought it was about time for you to meet your new member.”

There were several sharp intakes of breath when you felt the shadow from Jinhee’s frame disappear and leaving you out in the open.

You gulped before mustering up the courage to finally raise your eyes and taking a good look at your future group members for the first time in person.

“Hello!” You greeted formally with a bow. “I’m Y/N, nice to meet you.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. It was in those moments you managed to get a better look at them.

The first one to catch your attention was the shockingly blonde hair that stood out among all the darker colors. The strands of hair laid across his forehead looking a bit damp from sweat. He looked to be one of the tallest, dressed in a long sleeved sweatshirt and black sweatpants. He was thin, but not lanky and his face looked to be one of the more friendlier ones, the way he sent you a small smile.

The next one to meet your gaze before quickly averting it again was the opposite of the first guy. He wasn’t as tall, maybe just a few more inches than yourself, but he had a look of maturity around him. He had dark red hair, cut short and frankly looked quite intimidating to you.

Now that you thought about it, all seven of them looked like normal Korean boys you could meet out on the street. It might be because of the casual clothing and makeup free face they all were sporting.

“I’ll just leave you to it then,” Jinhee suddenly announced with a grin as your eyes widened.

“Wait what, you’re leaving?” Y/N asked without thinking.

“I do have other things to take care of,” She pointed out before patting you assuredly on the shoulder. “Relax, they’re your members remember.”

Before the girl could stop her, Jinhee had already walked out of the room, leaving a heavy silence filled with awkwardness behind her.

Someone cleared their throat before stepping forward. It was the blonde guy.

“Sorry, we didn’t mean to come off so unapproachable,” he said sheepishly before offering a hand, which you accepted gingerly. “I’m Namjoon, also known as Rap Monster and the leader.”

“Right,” You remembered. “I read about you guys.”

“All good things I hope,” he joked or tried to at least, but it still managed to put a small smile on your face.

“Hello, I’m Seokjin, the oldest of this lot,” another guy stepped forward with black hair and plump lips. At first you felt a bit dazed, because wow - he was pretty. Though you managed to get over it quickly to shake his hand.

“Hi, I’m Hoseok as well as J-Hope!” The next person greeted a bit more cheerfully as he offered a grin that seemed to light up his face. It was impossible for you not to smile back.

“I’m Yoongi or Suga,” the intimidating guy nodded in greeting.

“I’m Jimin,” a guy with a sharp jawline yet chubby lookings cheeks and brown hair greeted you with a friendly smile. His eye smile becoming more prominent.

“Hii, I’m Taehyung, but you can call me Tae,” another guy with brown hair in a bowl cut grinned excitedly as you covered your mouth to not start giggling.

“I’m Jungkook,” the last one introduced himself, though a bit more shyly as he ducked his head after you made eye contact with him.

“Well, that’s everyone you’re supposed to meet so far,” Namjoon declared. “Except for the managers and our team of course, but you can do it when the time comes.”

“Okay,” You nodded before letting your eyes wander around the room. “So, what now?”

“I know! Why don’t you introduce yourself a bit more in depth?” Hoseok suggested before sitting down on the floor and making himself comfortable as the other boys followed. You lowered yourself to the floor and pulled your knees up to your chest.

“Oh uhm sure... I’m Y/N, and I’m sixteen years old and I’m from Norway-”

“-wait, Norway?” Seokjin cut you off in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, why?” You chuckled.

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean it like that. You’re just not what I expected Norwegians to…” he trailed off, his hands motioned to his face.

“Oh no, I was just born there, but it’s a very multicultural country,” You explained. “My parents are Vietnamese.”

“I knew you didn’t look Korean,” Namjoon mused as you chuckled.

“Anyways, I have a brother who is four years older than me but my family still lives in Norway, and I’m really excited to be working with you guys,” you ended the introduction on a positive note as most of them got some kind of smile on their faces.

“What year were you born?” Jimin questioned.

“1998. My birthday is January 5th.”

“Whoa that means she’s younger than Jungkookie!” Taehyung exclaimed in glee as the person in question also seemed to have lightened up.

“Seems like we have a new maknae,” Yoongi noted amused.

“Then you have to call of us oppa then,” Hoseok said slyly as you frowned.

“Oppa?” You repeated. “As in brother?”

“Oh aren’t you fluent in Korean yet?”

“I understand most of it,” You felt the need to defend yourself. “Though there are a few things that I’m not quite sure on yet.”

“Until then you can just call us by our names if that makes you more comfortable,” Namjoon offered. “It’s probably what you’re used to from back home as well.”

“I-I don’t want to seem rude…” You hesitated at the generous offer.

“No don’t worry about!” He smiled. “Seriously, take your time. And we’re here to help with whatever it is you’re confused about."

“Yeah, it must be scary to have moved to a different country,” Jimin said. “It was scary for me, and I’m just from Busan!”

You laughed at his exaggerated tone before quickly covering it up in embarrassment. But that small sound of joy must have broken the invisible barrier between you, as they all grinned.

“She’s so adorable, my heart can’t handle it,” Taehyung gasped dramatically as he clutched his heart, making you blush as the compliment.

“So, do you sing or rap?” Jungkook asked you for the first time. They all became interested.

“I sing, but the teachers said I was pretty decent at rap as well.”

“Can you dance?” Hoseok leaned forward eagerly, Jimin also seemed expectant.

“I would say so,” You nodded, though a bit shyly.

“What about hobbies?” Seokjin chimed in.

“I like to read and write on my free time.”

“Why did you want to become an idol?”

The air seemed to have turned from lighthearted and fun to serious in a single snap of your fingers with that question from Yoongi, who had been mostly silent throughout the conversations. For a single moment, you almost replied with a picture perfect answer. That it was something you always dreamed of when you were little. That music was your passion. But then you remembered these seven boys were now your teammates. Members, friends and...family in a way. And lying wouldn’t do them, or you any good.

So you told the truth.

You let out a breath. “Honestly, I never saw myself being an idol or a K-pop star. All I expected from coming to Seoul on vacation was having fun with my friends and then head back home to continue with my education. Maybe getting a good job with good income after college. But after getting street casted, all of that changed so quickly and I’m still a little bit uncertain what it is I want to achieve. I’m gonna be completely honest with you guys; I don’t know much about music or making it, but I know how to appreciate it. And now that I’m actually here, I intend to do my very best in everything as long as I can.”

The silence that followed after your words was making you anxious as you bit your lower lip in anticipation. The seven boys before you exchanged a couple of glances before Yoongi suddenly smiled - the rest following slowly after.

“I think you’re going to fit in just fine, kiddo,” He told you with an assuring voice as you felt yourself relax.

This was the start of a whole new journey.

#bts #bangtan boys #bangtan sonyeondan #bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts 8th member #jungkook fanfic #jimin fanfic #taehyung fanfic #hoseok fanfic #yoongi fanfic #seokjin fanfic #namjoon fanfic

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takigawachrxsyuu · 6 years ago

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Daiya no Ace characters with non-baseball jobs (pt. 1)

Eijun as a barista:

- he is That Barista that smiles at you, and your day instantly becomes 100 times better

- he’s always super friendly at work and will go out of his way to be nice to customers

- “here’s your dark roast, i love your shirt!” “one caramel frappuccino? nice hair!”

- writes nice messages on people’s cups, or will just draw a smiley face if it’s too crowded

- tries his hardest to remember his regulars’ orders, and is immensely pleased when he does

- he gives free refills to students around exam times because they always look so stressed

- he once took, like, three days off and half the customers stopped coming to the cafe. the management freaked out

Miyuki as a model:

- seriously, he’s so pretty. there was virtually no other option

- he does high fashion shoots for, like, the biggest brands

- definitely one of those models that becomes the face of a brand two months into the job. everyone else hates him for it

- old friends think about him like “oh, remember kazuya from school? i wonder what happened to-” *sees a big billboard with his face on it* “oh”

- someone tell him life is not a photoshoot

- despite being a model, he will probably still wear the same shirt/sweater every single day

- it’s impossible to make him look bad in a photo. he looks good in every photo, without exception

- one of the models that unnecessarily flirts with the photographer while working

Haruichi as a florist:

- his flower shop is the most aesthetic place on this planet

- he’s very well-versed in flower meanings and will lowkey throw shade

- “oh, you’re buying striped carnations for your daughter’s graduation?” (after customers leave) “i hope their daughter knows that those flowers mean disappointment” *sips tea*

- gets the weirdest customers and always has the funniest stories to tell

- somehow convinces his customers that yes, they need all twenty of these roses and all ten of those daisies and exactly six daffodils

- you truly don’t know what you need in life until you enter haruichi’s flower shop

Kuramochi as a cop:

- will chase you the fuck down, don’t even try it

- does NOT fuck with his job. if you do anything even remotely illegal near him, he will stop and call you out on it

- that said, he will 100% use his siren to speed down to a restaurant to pick up his takeout before the place closes

- he will also 100% change his cop car license plate to ‘OMW2FYB’

- “the donut cop stereotype is so fucking stupid, like, where did it even start?” “Officer u are literally eating a donut RIGHT NOW”

- looks like a SNACK in his uniform

- is the baddest bitch on the block

- he would honestly rather die than do any sort of paperwork. he always puts it off or gives it to someone else

- he is the absolute MASTER at interrogations

Chris as a psychiatrist:

- so soothing. so kind. so soft. so nice.

- he will cure all your depresso

- he has the nicest office. it has a comfy sofa, stuff to fiddle with, a great view, lots of tissues

- always has water, tea, and coffee, and will offer it to all of his patients

- he’s so gentle with his patients, he never pushes them, he always lets them take their time to say stuff

- he LOVES hearing about people’s days, and will ask for any details

- “how many dogs did you see today?” “how many streets did you cross? did you cross safely?”

- he has the best advice ever

- whenever his patients are done, he gives them a big, warm hug

- he will talk to his patient’s parents if they are too afraid to

Ryousuke as a food critic:

- HE’S AS FEARED AS THAT MEAN GUY FROM RATATOUILLE SEND TWEET

- he has like 20 shows on tv, and he literally rips people to shreds in every single one of them

- like, for real, people leave with their hopes and dreams crushed

- “you tried to feed me this? bitch, please” “did you sprinkle salt on these fries or did you sprinkle fries in this salt?” “it looks like you tried really hard this time. well, try harder”

- he looks like he’ll be nice but no, no he is not

- haruichi has a tv in his shop that only ever plays ryousuke’s shows and he always proudly tells his customers “that’s my brother!”

- the only person whose food ryousuke will eat without completely roasting them is haruichi’s

- has never complimented anyone’s cooking, ever

Tetsu as an IKEA assembler:

- he pulls up at your house looking like an absolute SNACK and says “i’m here to build your Nordli” with a completely straight face

- always insists on saying those weird names for the furniture

- The Furniture Whisperer TM

- he doesn’t even need the building plans unless the furniture is somehow customized. he’s memorized how to build every single piece of IKEA furniture

- he once built a closet on his own in, like, thirty minutes

- works in absolute silence

- “do you have the right screws for this Kopardal?” “I’m sorry for the what” “Kopardal”

- you scroll down, like, ten posts on Instagram and BOOM, he’s done building your bed

- if you have a pet he will stop and play with it before he leaves

Nori as a pet store owner

- he’s mildly allergic to all the animals in his store but it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s absolutely fine (it’s really not)

- dogs absolutely love him

- cats also love him

- ALL ANIMALS LOVE HIM OK

- is super quiet and won’t bother you when you’re shopping unless you ask him a question first

- his store is always really clean and organized, it’s super easy to find anything you need

- invites kids to volunteer to play with the animals and teaches them how to wash them, groom them, teach them tricks, etc.

- likes it when people come in to hang out with the animals

Shirasu as a vet:

- his office is right above Nori’s pet shop, it’s very convenient for both of them

- is super gentle with all the animals that he takes care of

- even animals that are shy or unfriendly like him

- very skilled at calming animals down, especially if they’re afraid or overexcited

- always gives his customers coupons to Nori’s store, and Nori gives his customers a discount for Shirasu’s office

- he deals with literally any animals: dogs, cats, snakes, birds, ferrets, guinea pigs, hamsters, fish, etc.

- doesn’t really have fixed hours so if a customer needs to come in at, like, 11pm, he can schedule for that

- has a bunch of candy that he gives people when they’re scared about their pet’s health

- also always has something to drink, whether it’s water, tea, coffee, or juice

Daiya shiposts here

#daiya shitposts*#daiya-shitposts*#these are literally just the characters i thought of off the top of my head #i'll get to ur favs don't worry #daiya no ace #sawamura eijun #miyuki kazuya #kominato haruichi #kominato ryousuke #kuramochi youichi #takigawa chris yuu #yuki tetsuya #kawakami norifumi #shirasu kenjirou #seidou #shitposts #headcanons

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stylo-xx · 7 years ago

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Eyes Closed (M)

G-Dragon: Angst/Small amount of fluff/Smut

PART 3: You Always Hurt the One You Love

A/N: All right this one is out before midnight for once! haha. This is finally a more Ji-Yong-centric part and I felt way too many feelings writing this but I hope you all enjoy none the less! xx

P.S. please by all means leave me your thoughts/comments about how you like/dislike how the story is going so far. I’d really love to know where I can improve and/or what things I am doing that you all like.

P.P.S this was the song that was playing in the car, give it a listen!

(Part One)||(Part Two-A)||(Part Two-B)||(Part Four)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED BY s-tttop)

Sitting in the rear seat of the black tinted windowed SUV, Ji-Yong absentmindedly played with the threads that were poking out from the rip on the knees of his jeans. The men accompanying him in the car sat in a comfortable silence as they were all far too exhausted from having been woken up so early; at least early to them. Just when they got comfortable being home, they get ripped right out of their comfortable bed sheets only to be shipped off to some other city. Another city, another photoshoot and yet it was still the same monotonous thing over and over again.

Donning his sunglasses Ji-Yong stared out the window and nodded his head to the faint sound of the music coming from the car speakers.

‘Haunted by secrets, my lips are sealed

All of your demons it turns out they’re real

The shadows on the wall, will watch me as I crawl

But you know how to make me come back

I’m just a monster that you’ll never fear’

He shook his head out of his thoughts; somehow they always managed to be about her. He couldn’t understand it really, he would drink to forget but he always remembered. Always. Even when he was drunk out of his mind he could swear he’d hear her call out to him, swear that he heard his phone go off and that it was her finally willing to talk to him. But somehow it always just managed to be his imagination. He thought it was like some kind of cruel joke his mind liked to play on him although he wasn’t sure if this was actually some sick, deep seeded pleasure he got from torturing himself or if he had just completely lost it. He couldn’t even sleep without seeing her, the only time he’d actually get a decent night’s rest was ironically when he was piss ass drunk, but even then the hallucinations of her in the room was like dangling forbidden fruit right before him that was always just barely out of reach. Like the other night at Seungri’s friend’s club he could have sworn he saw her in the distance intermingled with the other just as intoxicated people in the club. But from his seemingly permanent seat at the booth he knew she was just another hallucination; just a fever dream of attaining the unattainable. There’d even be instances when he’d actually get to the point in the night where he would ‘forget’ her long enough that’d he’d go home with someone for once, but in the end they were never good enough; they weren’t her. At times he’d even feel terrible because every single time without fail he’d picture her being the one he was taking out his frustrations on but none of his paramours or lovers alike could satiate the undeniable hunger within him. I guess ‘Misery’ simply loved the company but very rarely did he love to keep it.

‘Why won’t you ever let me leave?

Just fucking let me out

Every time that I’m out of reach she says “turn around”

“Yah, can you turn the music off…” he spoke.

The suddenness of his voice filling the car startled a sleeping Dae-Sung and Seungri; whom of which was drooling on Dae-Sung’s shoulder.

“Ahh, but Hyung that’s a good song it’s nice and mellow it was--”

“I can’t hear myself think” Ji-Yong cut off the maknae “besides I hate that song…”

Young-Bae threw him a half lidded side-eye.

“Yah Ji-Yongie-ah” the oldest of the five spoke up “If that song brings up bad memories you just have to say so…”

“Hyung!--” Ji-Yong readied himself to put up a fight, only for his actions to be cut short by a tired hand from Young-Bae on his shoulder.

“Hyung, do you really want to piss him off at this close of a proximity”

The eldest man simply shrugged and cozied himself up in his coat that was haphazardly strewn across his body.

Ji-Yong sighed and slouched back into his seat.

Seeing that the commotion had subsided the men returned to their previous positions as they tried to relax before a grueling day of getting unwillingly pampered and shoved into clothes that despite their appearance they were deceivingly itchy.

Ji-Yong sighed again and pulled his phone from his pant pocket, these days he had kept his distance from social media but every so often he liked to make an appearance to appease the masses on Instagram. Opening the app he scrolled through his photos to find a selfie he had taken previously, added a cute~ caption and posted it. As if almost instantaneously the number of likes he received was by the thousands; the thought of it almost made him want to chuckle. Curious what he had missed in his absence from the world of social media he decided to check the photos he had been tagged in; every now and again he’d find some kind of amazing fan art or just a hilarious edit of one of the members. Scrolling through there was a picture of him from an old concert here, a picture of him drunk with some fangirl there; just an unintentional collage of Ji-Yong. The further he scrolled the more he began to notice he had been tagged multiple times in some picture of two people kissing.

‘Dear god another dating rumor?’ He thought.

He kept scrolling past but seeing as I the amount of times he was tagged in that same picture, his curiosity had gotten the best of him. Only, I'm sure looking back he'd probably wish it hadn't.

And as clear as day, there she was; just as beautiful as ever but in the arms of another man no less. He felt an array of emotions, just seeing her in that state and just the thought of what had probably occurred between the two of them later that night made him sick. Feeling like his heart had tanked to the floor, a jealousy from deep within began to rear it's ugly head. Just what did this douche bag have that he didn't? He had, had to endure the pain of seeing her in magazines gallivanting around with the annoyingly perfect men of Hollywood but this just seemed to hurt him more somehow.

He scrolled down to read the comments.

‘Omo, she is so lucky!~’

‘WHo is that with her???? Damn! *faints*’

‘I totally know who that is (¬‿¬)’

‘Wtf how does she date all these people?!!!!’

‘I wish someone would kiss me like that (ಥ﹏ಥ)’

‘Pfffft well if this isn’t a fuck you to that dragon guy ╭∩╮(^3^)╭∩╮’

‘Wait how do you know who that is with her???’

‘Haha that’s Suho from EXO! My friend was at that party, she said she saw them together most of the night. She said Alex was pretty drunk and her and Suho were just like all over eachother *shrugs*’

‘What party?! DETAILS PLEASE!’

‘Some grand opening to some new club in Gangnam. I don’t have much details other than that, my friend is the one that lives in Korea not me (ಥ_ಥ)’

‘Holy shit…’ Ji-Yong thought ‘So--so I did see her the other night...it wasn’t just some fucked up dream I had’

He bent over in his seat and placed his head between his hands, all this time-- the past two days he had been mulling over and over again in his mind about that night when he thought he saw her and he actually had. He was mentally kicking himself for, for once not following his indiscretions and just going up to her. All this time, he could have heard her speak for the first time in months, he could have listen to her laugh, he could have been the one that was in that photo, he could have been the one that ended his night with her; but no, the better man had won.

‘Pffft, better man...’ he scowled ‘that ostentatious fuck…’

Sitting upright in his seat again, he clenched his jaw and balled up his fist so hard his knuckles went white. He couldn’t believe that once again this asshole was the cause to all his problems. He couldn't believe that he was stupid enough not to realize she was actually within reach and once again he had let her go. His chest started heaving up and down harder and harder the angrier he got.

‘ARGH!’ he pulled back his arm and took a hard swing at the plastic frame of the car window and completely smashing it in the process.

The other men in the car just looked at each other awkwardly at the enraged man’s outburst.

Noticing the blood cascading from from his best friend’s hand, Young-Bae went wide eyed.

“Ji-Yong-ah--”

“What?!” he clenched his eyes shut and with a shaky, unbattered hand pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

“Not to make the situation worse but, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” his best friend gestured with his hand “You crazy son of a bitch, look at your fucking hand! What the fuck Ji-Yong?!” rolling down the partition to the driver he demanded that he immediately take them to the hospital.

Managing to light his cigarette with one hand Ji-Yong spoke nonchalantly.

“Yah, Young-Bae I’m fine...I don't even feel anything…”

“Don’t even feel-- DID YOU ALSO LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND IN THE PROCESS OF BREAKING YOUR FUCKING HAND BECAUSE THAT FUCKING WATERFALL OF BLOOD COMING DOWN YOUR ARM DOESN’T LOOK FINE TO ME!”

The other men in the car just continued to glance at each other awkwardly, not trying to make any sort of eye contact with the other two men.

“STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME!”

“WELL I WOULDN’T HAVE TO IF YOU WEREN’T SO FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND--”

“YAH!” the eldest’s voice boomed “Young-Bae you yelling at this Pabo isn't helping. Ji-Yong, what-the-fuck? What the hell could have happened to you in the past five minutes that you go and not only break the company car but you break your goddamn hand?!”

With the cigarette dangling between his lips, he let out a sardonic chuckle.

“Have a look for yourself…” he said barely above a whisper and tossed his phone in their general direction.

Upon arrival the doctor had diagnosed that Ji-Yong had a Boxer’s fracture; in short he had broken the first two knuckles of his right hand. After pulling out the shards of plastic, stitching up the gaping wounds on his hand and wrapping his hand and forearm up in a cast he was free to go.

He sat on the edge of the hospital bed in an almost catatonic state, staring blankly at the linoleum flooring solely being consumed by his thoughts.

Young-Bae and a very cautious Seungri walked into the room slightly alarmed at their friend’s zombie like state.

“Yah, Ji-Yong-ah the doctors said you're free to go”

No response.

“We can go to TOP Hyung’s house and drink some wine and--”

“He's not supposed to drink while he's on the medication Hyung..” Seungri interjected.

Young-bae side eyed Seungri.

“We can watch a movie so you don't have to make an effort to talk to us?”

Still no response.

Seungri stepped forward and took a shaky breath before speaking.

“Hyung, I failed you. If you wanna hit me go ahead, I deserve it” he preemptively winced.

Ji-Yong pushed him away “I’m fine let’s go..” and he hopped off the hospital bed

“But Hyung aren’t you mad at me?”

“No Seungri, I’m not mad at you…” he kept walking toward the door somberly.

Seungri and Young-Bae glanced at each other and walked out after him

“But Hyung don’t wanna hit me? It would make you feel better” the maknae cleared his throat.

Jiyong stopped in his tracks turning to face Seungri.

“The only thing that would make me feel worse is inflicting undeserved pain on someone who’s done nothing wrong to me” he turned on his heel and continued toward the exit.

The other two glanced at each other again, Young-Bae simply mouthed ‘Do something!’

“Hyung if you're playing hard to get its working, just hit me! It's ok i swear!”

Keeping to his onset silence, Seungri received no reply.

“Ok well if you're not mad at me who are you mad at?!” Young-Bae smacked the maknae on the back of the head.

Not turning around he spoke in a monotone voice.

“Myself…” he pushed passed the frosted glass doors revealing a smiley Dae-Sung with a bouquet of flowers in hand and a just as ecstatic Seung-Hyun that were both happy to see their leader one piece; so to speak.

“Hey, there he is!” Dae-Sung motioned to hand over the flowers to Ji-Yong but he simply brushed him off and headed toward the town car in waiting.

“Aish, what’s with him?” Dae-Sung furrowed his brows “I thought the Oxycodone would’ve made him tolerable for once…you’d think that being who he is he wouldn’t let some girl get him like that..if I was her I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to get back with that mess of a ma--”

“Yah!” Seung-Hyun smacked him on the back of the head “go get in the car!”

Dae-Sung rubbed the back of his head and mutter incoherent nothings to himself.

Walking up to the older man, Young-Bae placed a hand on his shoulder and sighed. Watching his best friend slide inside of the car, he couldn’t help but feel pity for him. He felt somewhat guilty. He had known she was back in Seoul, he knew about her and Suho but he didn’t tell Ji-Yong because he felt like he was protecting him; but it made him wonder if he was more so protecting himself. Protecting himself from what he wasn’t sure.

“What are we gonna do Hyung?”

Seung-Hyun blew a puff of air from his mouth “I really don’t know, I didn’t think he could get any worse but this just takes the cake”

Young-Bae bit his lip and nodded.

“Would talking to her at this point even help?” the eldest man raised an eyebrow.

The dreaded man sighed again “Honestly, Hyung I don’t think that’d make it any better. I know he says he always says he just wants to see her but truthfully I think talking her would make him worse if that’s even humanly possible…besides I’m pretty sure that is a lost cause”

This time the eldest man nodded.

“I spoke to Tim the day after the club and he told me Suho had come back that morning and checked on her and that he was laying it on pretty thick; flowers in hand and all--”

“Pfft, Jesus...” Seung-Hyun raised his eyebrows.

“He also told me that she texted Tim later that night telling him about how excited she was for tonight, that Suho was supposedly coming back from Paris and he was going to take her on a ‘real’ date..”

“Wah...that guy’s not fucking around huh?”

Young-Bae shook his head “Aish, Hyung I just wish he would stop being so stupid and talk to her! I mean I know why she doesn’t want to talk to him but if he really did love her as much as he complains about all the time then why not fight for her instead of letting this stupid picture get to him?! While he’s over here breaking shit for no other reason other than letting his fucking ego get in the way, this douche is over here getting the girl. The more Ji-Yong mopes and sulks in his own self pity, the further away she’s getting”

The older man shrugged.

“I can’t let this happen, not just because Ji-Yong is my best friend but I also just straight up don’t trust that guy. Tim and I both agree that we feel like he’s up to something...I just don’t know what it is yet” Seung-Hyun replaced his hand on the younger man’s shoulder and nodded his head. He didn’t really know what to say, while he loved Ji-Yong he hated this self-destructive monster he had become; he hated the entire situation to be honest. The entire thing had him confused, being that Ji-Yong was the one that ended things to begin with he didn’t entirely blame her for wanting nothing to do with him. On the other hand, knowing how much he loved her and how much he regretted letting her go for no other reason other than being a complete coward, he wanted his friends to be just like they were when they first started dating; up until that point he hadn’t seen Ji-Yong as happy as he was in a long time. Now, all he saw was the pathetic shell of a man he once called his friend, this new Ji-Yong wasn’t the same guy he had know since they were kids. He always feared that one day or another one of them would let their celebrity status get to their heads and being at the place Ji-Yong was at the time, he never would have guessed that G-Dragon was there to stay once the stage lights shut off. Now more so than ever. He never minded Ji-Yong’s partying ways, or his promiscuity but when it got to the point where G-Dragon became his scapegoat and it was his catalyst for hurting Alex, he just slowly began to resent him. Seung-Hyun knew everything, he knew about every spat, every little fight, every time they’d say words they never meant to each other; he knew everything.

“WHERE IS SHE?” Ji-Yong cried. “Ji-Yong calm down” Young-Bae tried to pacify his extremely intoxicated friend. “Yah! Young-Bae I fucked up, I FUCKED UP” he wailed with hot tears streaming down his face “I lost her, I FUCKING LOST HER” “Ji-Yong, jinja calm-down” “How the fuck do you want me to calm down when I ruined everything?! Ahh Young-Bae, I’m done!” “Done with what?” he furrowed his brows. “With this, with everything! I don’t wanna do this anymore!” “What are you talking about?” “Just let me drink until I can’t fucking feel anything anymore...I don’t want to feel anything…I’m fucking useless, all I do is fuck everything up” “No you don’t what the hell are you talking about?” “I-I screwed up” Ji-Yong slurred his words “she hates m-me, she hates me…” “Ok listen to me” Young-Bae took his best friend’s face between his hands “you are fucking drunk, just stop talking for a second and think about what you’re saying” “All I do is make her cry...” he said absentmindedly, completely ignoring his friend’s pleas. “Ok, Ji-Yong listen to me” taking his friend’s face in his hands again “Stay right here and drink this water ok? Give me a second a I’ll be right back” Ji-Yong simply nodded as he cradled himself back and forth on the hotel room bed. Stepping into the bathroom Young-bae pulled out his phone and quickly searched for Alex’s number. The phone rang three times before he got an answer.

‘Hello?’ her voice sounded hoarse. “Alex? Where are you?” ‘I’m with Jackson, Tim and Saige, why?’ “I really need you to come back to your room, please it’s Ji-Yong” A short pause came before she spoke ‘why...I don’t want to talk to him right now. Besides my flight back home is in like 45 minutes so, no” “Flight back home? What do y--” he heard a crash from the other room. ‘What was that?’ “Shit…” he swore under his breath. ‘Young-Bae?’ “Please just come back to your room, I don’t have time to explain!” ‘Young-Bae wait!--’ He hung up his phone and rushed back into the other room to find Ji-Yong held a broken bottle of whiskey in a bloodied hand. “Ji-Yong what the hell?!” he rushed to his best friend’s side “No, no! Put that down! Jinga look at your hand!” Ji-Yong swayed in place and sniffled “i-it’s not that bad, see” he held out his bloodied hand toward his friend. Just then a pounding came from the front door. Young-Bae rushed to open the door, revealing an Alex who looked out of breath.. “What the hell is going on?” she spoke as Young-Bae closed the door behind her. Not being able to stand his ground Ji-Yong swayed back and forth and stared at her in awe. “Oh my god Ji-Yong you’re bleeding!” she took several steps toward him and grasped the wrist of his bleeding hand. Not even batting an eye he continued to stare at her the words that were coming out of her mouth went completely unheard. “Oh my god um ok” she pulled him toward the bathroom “Young-Bae what the hell?! Why did you let him do this to himself?!” “Let him?! I was trying to keep him from doing anything stupid, and the one second I take my eyes off of him, to call you by the way, he does this shit!” he threw his hands up. She shook her head “can you at least find me a first aid kit or something? I need to get these little pieces of glass out of his hand” Young-Bae nodded and headed out the front door. “Tsk, Ji-Yong what the hell is wrong with you?” she held up his hand toward the light to get a better view “Here, let’s at least try to wash the blood off” Running his hand under the faucet, he’d wince every now and again but still he would always manage to find his way back to staring at her; admiring her facial features. “Ahh, ahh!” he winced again. “Oh shit, I’m sorry!” she looked at him with pleading eyes. As if completely forgetting the shards of glass in his left hand, he cupped her face with the other hand and stared into her eyes before leaning in for a kiss.

“Ji-Yong, no...” she pulled away from him “your timing is terrible, you really think that just because you’re and idiot with blood gushing out of your hand that means I’m not upset with you?” He closed his eyes and threw his head back. “What were you thinking anyway? You could have really hurt yourself…” “Would you have cared if I had?” he opened his eyes and leaned against the counter. “What the hell is that supposed to--You know what, I don’t want to fight with you anymore I just really want this night to be over” she sighed. He pushed himself off of the counter and stood right before her, once again staring into her eyes. He weighed his options in his mind before he bit his lip and went in for another kiss, only this time actually making contact. Deepening the kiss he placed his good hand on the nape of her neck and backed her up against the wall behind her. She hesitantly placed a hand on his bare shoulder and then moved up it into his hair. Pulling away to kiss her neck, he smiled to himself. “Mmm, Ji-Yong what about your--hng--hand?” “Fuck my hand...” he spoke into her skin. She let out a small whimper “I’m serious Ji-Yong” “So am I” he took his hand from her neck and placed it beneath one of her thighs and raised her leg up toward his waist. She threw her head back as her eyes rolled back into her head “Young-Bae is going to be back any second…” “We have to hurry then...” he took his hand and moved it up underneath her long hoodie and hooked his fingers around her underwear and yanked them off. He pulled away from her neck and looked her in the eyes and smiled, placing a peck upon her lips he reached between the two of them and attempted to undo his pants with one hand with no such luck.

“Uhm, could ya help me out a bit” he let out a chuckle.

She sighed and complied undoing the button and zipper to his pants. Going back in for another passionate kiss he pulled down his boxer briefs and pumped himself before entering her causing her to gasp into the kiss.

Not giving her time to adjust he started pulling in and out at a fast pace, completely forgetting about his mangled left hand that he rested against the wall. Her moans began to fill the bathroom as they reverberated off of the walls, he pulled away from the kiss and threw his head back letting out a few of his own grunts and groans. “Oh holy fuck…” his eyes rolled back into his head “I’m sorry for what I said earlier baby” She let out a whimper “Ji-Yong, shut--the fuck--up” He chuckled before he let out a loud moan “oh fuck, babe--fuck--I think I’m gonna cum” “Already?” she said breathlessly. He looked at her through half lidded eyes “Yes already--shiiiiit--I’m surprised I could even get it up I’m pretty fucked up right now” She raised an eyebrow “that makes two of us” His moans began to get louder and louder, he usually wasn’t one to be super vocal during sex but when he was she took far too much enjoyment out of it.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket causing her to pull it out to check who had messaged her. “Mmm--really? You’re gonna--ung--check your phone right now?!” She let out a moan as he picked up the pace “oh my fuuuck-- oh shit it’s--ung--Young-Bae” “What?” “I said--oh Jesus H. Christ-- I said it’s Young-Bae” she whimpered “He’s--he’s comiiing!” “Shiit” he threw his head back again. “J-Ji Yong you have like 45 seconds to get your shit together” He breathlessly nodded his head and began to pound into her harder and harder until he could feel her clenching around his dick signaling that she was just as close as he was. “Come on baby--fuck--cum for me” Pulling him in closer causing her to leave scratch marks along his back she could feel that warm pit in her stomach beginning to build before she completely unraveled around him. Seeing her in complete ecstasy and feeling her clenching around his dick was all it took for him to become undone. Riding out their highs, Ji-Yong slowly pulled out as his chest was heaving up and down rapidly. “Shit sorry, I was going to pull out before I came..” he said out of breath. Just as winded he was, she pushed herself off the wall and with shaky legs made her way toward the shower and pulled off the detachable shower head to clean up. He made his way toward her and held her from behind before placing a kiss on the top of her head. She simply nodded her head in a delayed reply. “Why--” he cleared his throat “why do you always come back to me?” She turned toward him “I don’t know…maybe out of stupidity?...” “You could have easily just let me bleed all over the place, flown home and not cared” “I guess that’s my problem...” “What is?” “I care too much…” she sighed “I can’t just leave you alone, what if you had hurt yourself worse than you did tonight? I couldn’t let myself live with that weight on my shoulders if something had happened to you…I would never want you to hurt in any sense of the word” He nodded his head “But what about when I hurt you? Doesn’t it make you angry? Doesn’t it make you want to walk away for good” “Of course it does, and sometimes I wonder if you do it on purpose because you want me to end things because you’re too much of a coward to. You are probably the biggest, most narcissistic pain in my ass that I have ever met and yet still no matter what and out of sheer lunacy I will always come back to you. Because I unfortunately fell in love with you...”

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The car ride to Ji-Yong’s penthouse was a silent one, no one dared to utter a single word. When they arrived to his building Ji-Yong hopped out without a single ‘good-bye’ and headed toward the lobby; Seungri and Young-Bae followed suit behind him. Seungri cleared his throat “Hyung, are you feeling hungry?” “No…” he said in a monotone voice, not turning to face either man. “Cause if you are thre is no need to be shy about it! I’ll even cook the meat just for you!” No response. “Yah, Ji-Yong-ah you need to eat something eventually, you can’t be on the medication without it” Young-Bae furrowed his brow. “I said I’m fine…” he said walking into the elevator and pressing the button to his floor; the other two quickly hopped inside before the doors could close. Seungri and Young-Bae awkwardly glanced at each other, both determined to get their gloomy friend to at least crack a smile. “You know” Young-Bae smiled “now that you have that cast and everything, you can lie and say you fought a bear or something” Ji-Yong let a puff of air out through his nose. “Yea Hyung, you could say anything! I mean you could also say you punched a car but just leave out the reason why” Young-Bae smacked him on the back of the head. Ji-Yong raised an eyebrow. “Hyung...If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think she’s very happy with that guy anyway. Pretty sure I heard Rowan ask her that night what the whole deal with that guy was and Alex just said ‘wait what guy?’ Finally he cracked a smile. Seeing the reaction he got from his Hyung the maknae continued with more feeling. “AND, from what Sasha had told me Alex isn’t staying that far away from here” Ji-Yong went wide eyed and turned to look at the maknae. Seungri wiggled his eyebrows. “Whoa ok slow your roll there wingman” Young-Bae interjected “Don’t really think adding stalker to the broken fist is a good idea. I think he’s done enough for one day” “Tsk, come on Hyung!” Young-Bae looked at the hopeful look in his best friend’s eyes and sighed. “Look if you really want to talk to her, go tomorrow huh? I don’t think seeing you in a Chanel dress shirt covered in your own blood is a good look for anybody” Ji-Yong looked down at his shirt. “Ok he’s got a point there Hyung…” the maknae eyed him up and down. The doors to the elevator opened up to Ji-Yong’s floor and the three of them continued onto the hallway toward Ji-Yong’s place. Reaching his front door, he pulled out his keycard and opened the door and before the other two could come in Ji-Yong paused and turned to face the other two. “Thanks for looking out for me like you guys did today” “Hyung did I just imagine it or did he actually thank us for something?” “You know what Seungri I think he did” Young-Bae smiled.

“I know I haven’t been the best leader to you all, let alone best friend in the past few months but I want you know know that I sincerely appreciate you all putting up with me…” “That’s all we’ve been wanting to hear!” “Any time Hyung-ie~!” “With that being said, I want to be alone” Ji-Yong stepped inside and slammed the door before either of the other two could get a word in edgewise.

After the events that took place throughout the day, Ji-Yong wanted nothing more than to pour himself into bed. Getting to his room he shut the curtains, turned off the lights and mid taking off his shirt he winced at a sharp pain shot right up his arm; he had forgotten he broken his knuckles. “Tsk, well I guess this is ruined” he muttered to himself observing the damage he had done to his favorite dress shirt. He tossed it in the general direction of his waste basket and plopped face first into his bed. When had he gotten to this point in his life? When did he begin to feel so lonely in a room of thousands? The ironic thing was that he found solace when he was actually alone. Truthfully he had nothing to complain about, he had it all: fame, money, souped up cars, even all the women he could ask for. But despite everything he had, there was still one thing he was missing; her. He rolled over on his back and pulled out his phone from his pant pocket, scrolling through his photos he’d found some silly pictures he had taken of the members, the further he scrolled the more fond memories came clamoring back into his head. But there was one 30 second, black and white video at the end of his camera roll he never remembered taking. He pressed the play button and it was just himself on his bed staring into the camera. The Ji-Yong in the video looked to someone outside of the frame and smiled.

‘Babe what are you doing?’ the voice laughed. ‘Nothing just waiting for you’ he smiled again. ‘You are such a weirdo’ the voice laughed again. ‘Yea but you’re the one who made the mistake in dating me so--’ he raised up out of frame and when he came back down onto the bed he brought a giggling Alex down on top of him. He briefly kissed her before he tucked a wet piece of hair behind her ear. He moved the camera closer to their faces.

‘Eww Ji-Yong no, I look so gross right now I just got out of the shower’ ‘No way, I honestly wish you could see how I see you through my eyes’ ‘But if you’re looking at the world through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags’ He smiled again ‘I love you’ She sighed ‘I guess I love you too’ her eyes flickered to the camera ‘Okay, let’s just turn this off now’ ‘No baby wai--’

His screen cut back to the thumbnail. Of all the stupid things he had done thus far in his life, his biggest regret was the day he let her go.

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