#siis silleen tavallaan mut ei ihan oikeest

[guiltycrunch]

being a gnc binary trans person already sucks bc of the whole getting misgendered by strangers all the time thing, but as a finn who has to rely on public healthcare systems to access hrt its even harder. every time i have an appointment coming up i start freaking out over if i will appeal to the doctor enough, if my interests and presentation and mannerisms are "gender congruent" enough by their arbitrary and sometimes genuinely toxic standards, if i am "mentally stable" enough. every time i am terrified i might be refused future appointments on the basis of my mental health issues that have nothing to do with my dysphoria, which will make me either have to fight for access to healthcare again over another years long waiting period or just give up. i am terrified they will outright refuse to diagnose me because of my issues, which is why i am deliberately not seeking care or support for them out of fear of becoming "undiagnosable".

this is already my third time trying to get a diagnosis. i think if i get rejected again i *will* just give up this time.

and i have to repeat this mentally exhausting process every now and then for 2 or so years (as theres only 2 clinics in the entire country for all the thousands of trans people living in it, and so theres often months long gaps between appointments), because informed consent basis doesnt exist here and possibly will not even start existing here anytime soon on account of the current right wing cabinet, and i cant just go to a private clinic or diy things because i cant afford either of those options. in those moments, a large part of me genuinely wishes i lived somewhere with informed consent options, because i am tired of having to *prove my gender* to a council of "professionals" who will then get to essentially decide my fate.

i could go on and on and on about this for hours but basically what im saying is death to finland for this and many other reasons forever actually