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musicprincess655 · 7 years

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Chapters: 10/19 Fandom: Haikyuu!! Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira Additional Tags: Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru - Freeform, they dont officially get together by the end so they dont go in the ship tags, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, War, Blood Series: Part 4 of Royalty AU

Akira was grateful when he could leave the girls in the care of Matsukawa and Maiya. It was good that they’d been able to find out about the refugee camp from them, and good that they could use it to their advantage, but Akira had never been known for his compassion, and the longer he spent with those girls and their big, sad eyes, the more out of place he felt.

Day was starting to break as they finally got the last of their camp set up, more defensible than before. Matsukawa offered to take the first watch, as he always did. Akira would be last, which meant he got to go to sleep for now.

They’d decided it would be safer to pair off into the small tents, just in case things went south. Akira was paired with Yuutarou, which was really for the best. Neither of them were really good with new people, but Akira especially could be hard to get along with at first.

They settled down, somehow even more tired than they’d been despite the first full meal they’d had in a while, scavenged from the company’s rations. Maybe because of it. Whatever the reason, Akira could feel his droopy eyelids getting heavy. He knew he looked tired most of the time, but he could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

He stretched out on his bedroll, not even opening his eyes as he heard Yuutarou stretch out next to him. Close. Close enough for Akira to feel the heat radiating off his body. Yuutarou had always been naturally warm, and Akira had always been quick to take advantage of that in the colder months.

Akira was having a hard time telling where the line of “too close” was. It felt like it was always moving.

When they were children, sleeping like this, curled close to each other, was nothing. They’d done it as easily as breathing, just like they’d held hand wherever they walked, and leaned in close while looking over their lessons, and Akira had never thought to be afraid of that.

It was only different now that it maybe meant something different to Akira. Or maybe it meant the same thing, but more. He wasn’t sure.

What he did know was that Yuutarou was in love with him. He’d known for years, since he was sixteen years old and Yuutarou had spent the better part of six months unable to look him in the eyes without stuttering. It wasn’t news to him at this point, nor did he think Yuutarou had been particularly surprised when he’d realized his own feelings.

What Yuutarou didn’t know, and what Akira did, was that those feelings were returned. That was something Yuutarou could never find out, because if he did, it would just make everything harder.

If Yuutarou just thought he didn’t care in the same way, if he thought Akira would always think of him as a close friend and nothing more, it wouldn’t hurt him as badly when he knew it could never happen. They couldn’t get together, they couldn’t court, and they certainly couldn’t mate.

Akira wasn’t built for being with someone like that, especially not Yuutarou. He knew that courting, letting all those feelings he’d kept locked up in his chest for so long out, would change him irrevocably, and there would be no going back if Yuutarou left him.

And Yuutarou would leave eventually, Akira was sure. Sure, Yuutarou was in love with him now, but that puppy love couldn’t last forever. He’d eventually realize that being with another beta wasn’t worth the trouble, that Akira wasn’t worth the trouble. They couldn’t start a family together, and Akira wouldn’t be able to give him everything he would eventually want.

He would leave, and Akira would break, shatter into thousands of pieces that he would never be able to put back together. It was better to just stay as friends, to have Yuutarou by his side, even if not always in the way he wanted. Friendship would be enough, would have to be enough, because Yuutarou had already changed him too much for him to survive losing that friendship.

Akira thought that everything had been a lot easier when the biggest problems they had were falling into the creek and getting covered in mud. Back then, a kiss on the cheek had meant nothing more than Yuutarou loving him as all children loved their best friends.

There was a small, hidden part of him that refused to stop hoping, though. That kept telling him that Yuutarou would be able to accept him as he was, and would be happy to take him. He did his best to kill that part, but it refused to let its light go out.

And sometimes…sometimes he started to believe it. That if he told Yuutarou everything, told him what a relationship between them would mean, that everything would be alright.

And then he remembered the way Yuutarou had looked at him sometimes, when he thought he wasn’t looking. The way his eyes would travel Akira’s body with a kind of hunger that Akira recognized, even if he didn’t share it. Even if he never would.

He wouldn’t be able to offer Yuutarou that. Even if Yuutarou didn’t want children, didn’t want a family, surely that had to be a deal breaker for him. It was one thing to have two male betas in a relationship – that was normal. What was less normal was two adults in a relationship that would never involve sex.

Akira knew that theoretically they could still mate without sex. All that was really required was consent on both sides and a bite to the mating glands, just where the neck met the shoulder. But would Yuutarou want a mating like that? And more importantly, was Akira willing to let him give up something like that? Akira might not want anything to do with sex, but he’d seen the hunger in Yuutarou’s eyes, and he knew he did.

His thoughts chased themselves around in circles in his mind, keeping him awake and leading him nowhere. He was still closer to awake than asleep when Yuutarou got up to leave the tent for his watch, the one before Akira’s. He was awake to feel Yuutarou smooth his hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. He had to school himself into stillness, trying not to shiver.

The line of “too close” was always moving.

He was still mostly awake, and starting to feel a little sick to his stomach from lack of sleep when Yuutarou finally came back to wake him up. It was midafternoon, not quite nearing twilight yet. There was still plenty of light for him to see by, so he couldn’t miss Yuutarou following him to where he would sit to look out for incoming threats.

“You should go get some sleep,” he said, voice cracking from disuse so early in the…well, it wasn’t morning, but he’d adjusted to being nocturnal, so it felt the same way early mornings had felt as a younger teenager. “Every bit counts, and it’s only a few hours until everyone else is up.”

“I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anyway,” Yuutarou said quietly. “It’s only a few hours, after all. I’d rather sit with you.”

Akira made some affirmative noise in the back of his throat. He’d be grateful for the company, anyway.

Yuutarou was good company. Friendlier than Akira and more prone to chatting, he still knew how to be quiet. He wasn’t a stressful person to be around. If anything, it was relaxing to sit in silence next to him and just observe the world, listen for incoming threats that might reach his ears before they reached his eyes.

“Akira?” he asked quietly, breaking the silence, but not irrevocably. Akira hummed. “What is your plan? I know you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have one. I think I deserve to know what it is.”

The unspoken “I’m here because I trust your judgement” was almost too heavy for the atmosphere. Akira took a deep breath.

“Unless Karasuno is significantly more organized than I’ve been giving them credit for, and I don’t think I’m wrong, based off what the girls told us, they can’t have gotten to all the nobles that stay on their estates,” Akira said softly, enough that he could still listen while he talked. “Especially smaller nobles that don’t have any influence in the castle. They’d still have money, and they’re probably not any happier about the castle falling than we are. I think, if we can find one, and if we say just the right thing, we can get them to give us supplies, weapons, maybe even information.”

“You think we can win this war with some forgotten nobles.” It wasn’t a question. Yuutarou was turning the thought over in his head. “Is that why you’re trying to keep Yahaba with us?”

Akira nodded. While he hadn’t been able to do much, a few words to Matsukawa about what might help Yahaba feel less like running off had kept a careful balance between Yahaba, Kyoutani, and the rest of them.

“He knows how to talk, and he’s good at it,” Akira said. “Just enough of those dumb princess airs to keep whoever he’s talking to calm, but I think he might be even sharper than I’ve given him credit for. He gets this look in his eyes sometimes. He’s smart, and he’s good at talking to people that aren’t Kyoutani. Add in the fact that he looks like some sweet little omega who just needs someone to take care of him, and he’ll have noblemen eating out of the palm of his hand.

“Watari is another one we really need if we’re going to do this,” he went on. “He’s not good at talking like Yahaba is, but he notices everything. He would’ve made a good spy if he hadn’t followed Maiya on those adventures of hers.”

“You’re really thought this through.” Yuutarou sounded impressed.

“Not all of it,” Akira admitted. “I’ve always been banking on finding a noble to support us. It’s only recently with seeing Yahaba more that I thought he would be perfect for the job. Add that to the things the girls told us, and suddenly, Karasuno seems a lot more precarious than they used to.”

“You really believe we can win,” Yuutarou breathed. “I…obviously you would have left by now if you didn’t think we could win. I know you, by now. But still…the way you say it, it really seems like we’re going to win.”

“Nothing is certain,” Akira said. “I know how badly this will go for all of us if this goes wrong. I know the trust you’re putting in me, and I’m grateful for it. But this isn’t a sure thing, and that you’re staying with me, even with the consequences of failure…thank you.”

“I’ve always known better than to bet against you,” Yuutarou grinned. “Kageyama was good at war strategy, but you knew how to run a court so well that the war would be over before it began.”

Suddenly, Akira was aware of how close they’d gotten. They’d started leaning in, just like they always would during their lessons as children. Akira could feel Yuutarou’s breath ghosting across his face, watched as the smile slid away from his mouth. Yuutarou reached out slowly, tucking a strand of hair that Akira hadn’t bothered to tie back behind his ear.

This time, Akira couldn’t hide his shiver.

Yuutarou was leaning forward, even closer, and…

“Do you two want breakfast?”

Akira jumped away, looking up to see Matsukawa looking at them.

“We found hardtack,” he said, glancing between them, the almost nonexistent distance between them. “It’s not delicious, but it’s filling, and it’ll keep us through the evening.”

“I’ll take some,” Akira said, standing up and brushing off his back. He heard Yuutarou standing behind him, and tried to ignore how close he’d been to kissing him. And how badly he’d wanted to. And the part of him that was screaming that there was still time, turn around, kiss him, tell him what’s going on, tell him you lo…

Not even in his head would he allow that word. It would only hurt him, and hurt Yuutarou. He squashed it down ruthlessly.

The line of “too close” kept moving, and Akira was no longer sure of where he wanted to keep it drawn.

#my writing #a/b/o #hq fanfic #kinkuni #haikyuu!!#motf #royalty au

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