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Having a trans man existential crises YIPPEE
#so probably a common experience but for the sake of being emo ill pretend im all alone in this feeling#so ive always went by pansexual#mostly dated girls#but truth is for a while now ive wanted to just fully identify as a gay man#but i feel like im not seen as a real man so calling myself gay just looks like straight with extra steps to most people#and if im being honest ive really exaggerated my attraction towards women in pursuit of being “queer enough”#but like when i look within... im not. really attracted to women 😭😭😭#but like being an untransitioned closeted trans man who identifies as gay is like. seen as cishet#i feel the need to perform queerness. so i let people call me view me as a lesbian even when that feels wrong on so many levels#all of it feels scary to come to terms with lmao#i mean ive liked all the girls ive dated fine enough#but i think the real reason ive always had a difficult time with romance might not be because im aromantic but.#because ive been barring myself from pursuing relationships that would fulfil me#and like. not going after people im actually attracted to#ashamed to admit ive pretty much never dated someone im attracted to 😭😭#also its diffcult to find gay men interested in a trans man. especially untransitioned#got no problem with t4t but. id be lying if i said i dont yearn for cis gayness. i really do :(#siggghhh. id like to formally apologize to all the hearts of straight men and gay girls ive broken#my fatal flaw is someone says hey i like you lets date and i say okay :) even when i know damn well i should stay 10 feet away#feeling lots of shame and regret this afternoon fellas...#[ RJ ]
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