#side note though kind of wild how many words for unintelligent are just phased-out terms for disabilities

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

Okay, no, we are not doing this again.

Let's define a himbo:

Now let's evaluate each component:

Is Bahorel a hunk?

The chart defines "hunk" as "strong enough to benchpress you." Let's first analyze the text and what it has to say about Bahorel.

Bahorel had figured in the bloody tumult of June, 1822, on the occasion of the burial of young Lallemand.

Bahorel was a good-natured mortal, who kept bad company, brave, a spendthrift, prodigal, and to the verge of generosity, talkative, and at times eloquent, bold to the verge of effrontery; the best fellow possible; he had daring waistcoats, and scarlet opinions; a wholesale blusterer, that is to say, loving nothing so much as a quarrel, unless it were an uprising; and nothing so much as an uprising, unless it were a revolution; always ready to smash a window-pane, then to tear up the pavement, then to demolish a government, just to see the effect of it; a student in his eleventh year. He had nosed about the law, but did not practise it. He had taken for his device: “Never a lawyer,” and for his armorial bearings a nightstand in which was visible a square cap. Every time that he passed the law-school, which rarely happened, he buttoned up his frock-coat,—the paletot had not yet been invented,—and took hygienic precautions. Of the school porter he said: “What a fine old man!” and of the dean, M. Delvincourt: “What a monument!” In his lectures he espied subjects for ballads, and in his professors occasions for caricature. He wasted a tolerably large allowance, something like three thousand francs a year, in doing nothing.

He had peasant parents whom he had contrived to imbue with respect for their son.

He said of them: “They are peasants and not bourgeois; that is the reason they are intelligent.”

Bahorel, a man of caprice, was scattered over numerous cafés; the others had habits, he had none. He sauntered. To stray is human. To saunter is Parisian. In reality, he had a penetrating mind and was more of a thinker than appeared to view.

He served as a connecting link between the Friends of the A B C and other still unorganized groups, which were destined to take form later on.

Now, this is of course the Hapgood translation; where she (and FMA and Donougher) uses "quarrel," Rose says "brawl." (My Wilbour and Wraxall are, regrettably, not with me.) So what's the truth? The original French reads,

tapageur en grande, c'est-à-dire n'aimant rien tant qu'une querelle, si ce n'est une émeute, et rian tant qu'une émeute, si ce n'est une révolution

Obviously there are some linguistic variances, but on the whole, the translation dictionaries I've checked seem to indicate that this, rather than referring explicitly to a physical altercation, applies to any sort of confrontation or causing of a scene. (I personally especially see him in a similar role to that of a lot of the interviewers for Trevor Noah, but if we truly want to see Bahorel in action, we have the scene where he loudly tries to instigate an argument by denouncing a Classicist tragedy or on their way to the barricades when he begins denouncing Catholicism while tearing down posters giving them permission to eat eggs.

Why does this matter? Because this is the sole textual basis upon which Beefy Bahorel (or, to use the diagram's terminology, "Hunk Bahorel") may be derived.

If we're looking beyond the text, we can refer to the irl person on whom Bahorel was based, Victor Hugo's good (and by the publication of Les Mis, late) friend Pétrus Borel.

Could he pick you up physically? Looks can be deceiving, but likely not. Would he pick an argument with you? Without a moment's hesitation.

Is Bahorel kind?

It truly depends on your definition of "kind"! There is textual evidence to support all sorts of arguments here. For example, as a member of the Amis, we are given to believe that he values the rights of people and is willing to go to great lengths to help and support them. (Is this possibly only an ends to support his desire who cause chaos where he goes? Perhaps, but Les Mis as an entire work is an allegory, so I personally believe that if this were the case, he'd more likely be lumped in with the likes of Patron-Minette or even Tholomyès and the Lads, and he would also more likely have scenes where he is intentionally playing Devil's Advocate against members of the Amis; as such, let's go forward under the assumption that his motivations are purely altruistic.) We also see in his description that

He served as a connecting link between the Friends of the A B C and other still unorganized groups, which were destined to take form later on.

which indicates at the very least that he's charismatic and likeable ... but not necessarily kind.

Again, returning to the infographic's definition, we indeed see that they define "kind" as drinking Respect Women juice and being a ball of sunshine who will "treat you right." If we refer to Bahorel's conversation with Joly,

“You have a mistress who is always laughing.”

“That is a fault of hers,” returned Bahorel. “One’s mistress does wrong to laugh. That encourages one to deceive her. To see her gay removes your remorse; if you see her sad, your conscience pricks you.”

“Ingrate! a woman who laughs is such a good thing! And you never quarrel!”

“That is because of the treaty which we have made. On forming our little Holy Alliance we assigned ourselves each our frontier, which we never cross. What is situated on the side of winter belongs to Vaud, on the side of the wind to Gex. Hence the peace.”

“Peace is happiness digesting.”

“And you, Jolllly, where do you stand in your entanglement with Mamselle—you know whom I mean?”

“She sulks at me with cruel patience.”

“Yet you are a lover to soften the heart with gauntness.”

“Alas!”

“In your place, I would let her alone.”

“That is easy enough to say.”

“And to do. Is not her name Musichetta?”

“Yes. Ah! my poor Bahorel, she is a superb girl, very literary, with tiny feet, little hands, she dresses well, and is white and dimpled, with the eyes of a fortune-teller. I am wild over her.”

“My dear fellow, then in order to please her, you must be elegant, and produce effects with your knees. Buy a good pair of trousers of double-milled cloth at Staub’s. That will assist.”

The reader might see that our Bahorel is a gentleman who does not force a woman to change her mind and respects her decision as made once it has been made. One might even argue that Bahorel puts on a façade of apathy for his friends so that they do not see the depths of his true feelings for his mistress — a hot take for a Romantic but not altogether out-of-character. However, does this suggest being a ball of sunshine? Does this suggest kindness? (Depending on your interpretation, the trouser advice may suggest "treating you right"; this will also be left to the reader to decide.)

All of which leads us to our final question, the one most hotly contested in the very nature of our poll:

Is Bahorel a dumbass?

Again, a very contentious term, especially when one examines the provided definition of "Can't tell shit from shinola. You have no idea how he's survived this long and neither does he." The author of this treatise (besides not knowing what shinola is) invites the reader to alter the terminology to "unintelligent," as "dumbass" carries the implication of being intelligent and choosing to make bad choices, whereas the description provided here as well as its subcategories of "Dumb Jock" and "Well-Meaning Idiot" ("a single braincell dedicated entirely to calculating protein" and "helps in every way he knows, which isn't many" respectively) imply a genuine lack of intellect.

Bahorel is in the top two makers of informed bad choices in the Amis (Grantaire does so in such a way that they cannot be quantifiably compared, though Bossuet gets an honorable mention for really trying to make better choices when he does have the information and simply falling on bad times), but is he actually unintelligent? The mere fact that he is in law school speaks to his ability to perform when he so chooses.

Ultimately, because he only speaks a total of 5 times (once with Combeferre, once with Joly/Grantaire, once with Courfeyrac, and once with Enjolras/Gavroche, plus an additional time to no one in particular when he's remarking about how well the city looks in her low-cut dress) and the remarks are so brief, it's difficult to say with all certainty how intelligent Bahorel may or may not be, though based on this and different elements that comprise his background and character, this author believes that Bahorel is likely very smart and merely chooses to turn the other way in the face of logic.

Conclusion

Whether or not Bahorel is intelligent is utterly irrelevant in the face of the other two factors that determine a character's himbo status. Bahorel's intelligence, kindness, and hunk statuses are all subject to debate, though this author feels conclusively that Bahorel, at minimum, not, does not fulfill the criterion for "hunk" so much as troublemaker.

Les Mis fandom, let us settle this debate!