#side note - does anyone think its weird that he was given a bow and arrow for the cover instead of his magic?????

[theclassycandy]

just going on and on about how tyril's arc if ur romancing him now that mc has been gone for a year. more under the cut and in the tags!

When i tell you there NEEDS to be so much ANGST AND PINING. I love Tyril so much and I miss him so much but when I tell you want this story to go INTO DETAIL ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HAS YEARNED FOR MC. I want there to be PAIN and SUFFERING!!!!!!

He has been learning all about the realms from the best tutors in Undermount ever since he could remember so is he scouring libraries all over the land to find something???? Anything????? To find his beloved mc????

I believe that this bow was used by mc (if you had the diamonds for it) and WHAT IF HE KEPT IT AS A WAY TO REMIND HIM OF MC AND HOW HE SHOULD NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR THEM AND FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN.

Does he think about mc and how they made him feel? Does the pain of losing them keep him up at night? Does he think about how unfair it is that first he lost his best friend, Kaya, was banished from Undermount, saw an evil elf take her place and body and the person that helped him seek justice for her, the love of his life, was taken as well? Does he think about how their kindness and heroism was only repaid by constant peril??? Does he think about they were supposed to return to Undermount together but he returned only to search for answers on how to get them back????? Does Adrina and his father have to check on him and how he's doing because they know he's neglecting himself to find answers for finding mc???? Does he cry to the Gods about how he hopes they look down on him with pity and mercy for them to be safe and alive to come back to him????????????? ESPECIALLY IF YOUR MC IS AN ELF - DOES HE MOURN HOW MC WAS SO EXCITED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THEIR OWN PEOPLE AFTER NEVER BEING SURROUNDED BY THEM THEIR ENTIRE LIFE AND NOW HE THINKS THEY WILL NEVER GET THE CHANCE???????!!!!!!?????? DOES HE DOES HE-

[odogaronfang]

Hey, can I hear about your Breath of the Wild au? It sounds cool

thank u so much for asking and i’m sorry i made u wait for this!!

i’m actually kinda in the process of redesigning them so i might post some sketches later but basically

[yeesh this got long ill put a readmore] 

-vio is half-sheikah and a traveling merchant, wanders hyrule foraging and hunting and selling things, makes a lot of money because he’ll bring his wares places they wouldn’t usually be found (for example, bringing lurelin great sea fish to the gerudo desert). he has extensive knowledge of hyrule’s topography and flora and fauna, and enough history under his belt to know where to avoid, or just be very prepared for. he doesn’t stay in one place much, the sheikah in kakariko will lend him a room when he stops by, but he did buy out that empty house in hateno and uses that as HQ, mostly in the winter when it’s dangerous and foolhardy to be on the roads.

-blue started as a hylian spearfisher in lurelin village. she grew up there, the people that cared for her are still there. but life as a fisherwoman is very slow and not at all the kind of life she wanted to lead, so when she was 16 she snuck off in the middle of the night and hauled ass to the lakeside stable near lake floria, used the money she’d made from fishing to rent a horse until she could find and tame her own, and abandoned lurelin. she left a note, told everyone what she was up to, but didn’t go back for a long time. now she goes back a lot, it’s how she makes her living after all, spreads lurelin’s good name and gets them (and herself) lots of business. 

-shadow is a merchant as well, sort of, sells really only meat and the odd gems and precious materials he can scrounge. it’s more a side-job, a way to get pocket money, because mostly he bums off the others- takes some fish and crabs from blue’s hauls to sell, stays at vio’s house during the winters, you get the picture. no one’s sure of his origin; everyone just assumes hylian. his dirty little secret is that he’s an ex-yiga, successfully emancipated. not something he wants to share with anyone, obviously. because of that, though, he’s inherently and irreparably tied to ganon- and, by extension, the blood moon. it isn’t something he shares until years after he’s met the squad™ and gotten comfortable with them, and that’s a main driving point in the au for me: finding out how (and if it’s possible) to free shadow from ganon’s influence.

-green is half-gerudo and raised fully hylian, in a more or less single-parent household, as his mother has many duties to attend to in the gerudo royal guard. he’s very close with his father and they probably send postcards back and forth even if they only travel to the market. he works as a mercenary of sorts: a for-hire monster slayer. he’s a huge history buff, has always loved reading about ganon and his previous incarnations, and was enamored with the idea of being in the princess’s guard detail since he was very little. that, of course, is not possible, so monster-hunting is the next best thing (he’s deathly afraid of keese, though.) he really likes shield surfing even though he’s not great and usually ends up with scraped knees and a dented shield afterwards. and if he isn’t fulfilling a contract or rolling down hills or hanging with his dad he’s probably gardening. he likes gardening. (he sucks at gardening. everything dies. even cacti.)

-red is zelda’s (not the princess) little brother. he’s not really sure what he wants to do quite yet, but he, unlike green, is good at gardening and sometimes helps out hateno’s farmers for some money, and sometimes just because he’s a nice person. also, he found out while trying to make zelda a birthday gift that he’s very good at the more delicate parts of metalworking, stuff like wire-wrapping and the intricate designs like the zora do. he’s thinking about following through with that, but it’s not a definite. he likes exploring a lot, too, but he was never given any formal training in fighting, so he’s leery of it until he gets some proper instruction from the others.

-zelda is not THE zelda, in this au. she was named after The Princess Zelda™ as an honor and a tribute to the latent princess, as many have come to call her. she bears the name with pride (as she should). she’s a seamstress, mostly, with a good eye for detail, and aspiring to learn the spear, because, yknow, weapons are fun, and she needs to protect her little bro. she’s not always with the squad, she has things to attend to in hateno and needs to develop her trade, but when she does she absolutely kicks green off his throne and starts calling the shots, with vio as her tactical advisor and blue as her bodyguard. also she doesn’t let anything near red, ever. she kicks ass, end of story.

some fun, random facts:

-vio’s horse’s name is mocha. he got her when she was just a filly, and raised her himself. and as a silly, literal-minded child, her coat reminded him of coffee. (she’s a sooty bay quarter horse with a mane like a palomino’s, and an irregular blaze and snip on her face.)

-do not, ever, challenge blue to a spar. she’ll knock you on your ass with her spear in .5 seconds. she also teaches zelda how to work a spear. technically the form isn’t correct, as she was brought up taught how to spearfish, but it works well enough.

-red is insanely resistant to changes in temperature. he and zelda lived in hebra for a little over a decade, before their mother died and they moved to hateno. zelda bundles up in 4+ layers if the temperature dips below 70, but red? 40 degrees, he’s out in shorts and a tank top. he lives. whenever they kill a wizzrobe he’s given its rod. no one else can be trusted. he also makes killer hot chocolate.

-green is very good with history but can’t be trusted with maps. he just… doesn’t know how to read them, somehow. if you ask him where any historical landmark is he can give you its coordinates, latitude and longitude and regional climate, but hylia help him if he has to use a map.

-zelda, practiced as she is with her fingers from all her years of seamstressing, is an excellent pickpocket. she doesn’t admit it, and doesn’t want people to know for fear of tarnishing the good noble name of zelda. but she can take your wallet, your keys, your child and your heart and you’d be none the wiser. how could such a sweet girl with such a dignified name do anything of the sort?

-much as shadow likes to brag about being the “””tough guy”””, hes Not. sees a keese? screams. moblin? nope, let the other guys take this one. he and green do bond over hating keese. but otherwise he’s mercilessly teased, once he’s found out. it’s part of the reason he ditched the yiga- too many dealings with those things. he eventually gets over it, because he has to, but he is NOT happy about it.

-red and zelda kick ass at snow surfing. it was their favorite thing to do when they lived in hebra. they’d put selmie to shame. they can shred a mountain like shawn white all day and go back for more the next morning. don’t dispute their titles. it will end poorly for you.

-blue whittles. it’s a big stress reliever, keeps her hands busy, and it was a necessary skill in lurelin, where new fishing spears had to be made nearly every day. she’s also pretty good at basket weaving, for the same reasons, although the lack of sharp objects in it pushes her more towards whittling.

-vio makes his own bows and arrows. along the same vein as blue’s whittling, it’s something to do and at least that way he’s assured of its quality. sometimes they trade projects, or they’ll randomly etch things into vio’s bow, like a strange and permanent game of telephone. more than once she’s carved a dick into his bow. it would be covered in them if vio didn’t find a way to make them into abstract works of art. he tried to retaliate, once, and carved one into the staff of blue’s spear. she picked it out in gold leaf and wore it like a badge of honor until that particular spear broke (embedded in a lynel’s flank). your move, vio.

-they split the task of making food, usually:

green is good at cooking, insofar that vegetables/herbs are involved. if you add meat it’ll taste like garbage. but he’s very good with vegetables. 

zelda is insanely good with spices and sauces and if you let her she’ll burn your tongue out. they get into competitions, to see who can withstand her stuff the longest. no one can beat her. she is feared and respected. mostly feared.

blue does the seafood, predictably. it’s a delicate and precise art, of which she is the master. usually she’s a huge fan of spices but on seafood she vetoes it (most of the time) because, as she puts it, “it’ll be f-ckin’ delicious without anything on top”. she’s right.

vio does all the fancy stuff. as a kid he’d get bored and just read whatever he could get his hands on- many of them were cookbooks. so if they’re looking for a big meal with a lot of weird obscure and really good (if small-portioned) stuff they’ll get him on it, and he delegates helpers from there depending on the dish.

red does mostly bread and desserts, his specialty being pastries and honey candies, and really anything heavily sugar-based. sometimes he’ll saute things in honey and it’s honestly to die for, even though a lot of it sounds kinda weird, like honey-glazed chicken thigh. just trust him. also his pasties are in VERY high demand on long journeys. 

shadow is bad at most things but he’s actually really good at soups, mostly because all it entails is throwing things in a pot with salt water and butter and waiting. he just has a good sense for what to throw in. other than that please never let him in a kitchen. he’ll burn it down, and then somehow manage to burn the ashes. trust red, don’t trust shadow.

-there’s a running joke that green was some kind of forest spirit in a previous life. wild animals will just walk right up to him as though they’ve known him a lifetime. deer will approach him, rabbits hop right up, foxes trail him, birds have landed on his head. no one knows why. he likes to name them, and gives them scraps of his dinner. it’s a sad affair when shadow, oblivious or just apathetic, makes them into the night’s dinner, but at least it’s made with love. green might (definitely) cry a little bit.

-vio has long hair, and one of the favorite traveling games to play is to see how much shit they can get into it before he notices. leaves, twigs, burrs, feathers, small rocks, literally anything is fair game as long as you can sneak it in without him knowing. and if there’s a special occasion, and everyone’s all dressed to the 9′s, and vio’s got his hair done up, they play a different game where they sneak the pins out of his hair one by one. whoever pulls the pin that undoes it completely loses and has to take responsibility for the whole thing. bets are placed, and vio absolutely gets revenge wherever possible. it doesn’t stop them.

[preservationandruin]

Part Four: Storm’s Illumination

Update! I downloaded the nook app, killed my phone’s storage, and have accepted that reading too much on this will fry my already-bad eyes. 

But, on the plus side, I can read more WoK. 

Point of views back out to be Dalinar, Kaladin, Adolin, and Navani for this section. Featuring Dalinar deciding not to do a stupid thing but to keep trusting Sadeas, the fact that Dalinar isn’t hallucinating, Kaladin learning about his powers, and Dalinar and Navani finally smooching. Also, this is really fucking long, my apologies. 

We start seeing the epigraphs be death rattles again. Meanwhile, Adolin has realized that trying to get his father to see that he’s going mad has resulted in Dalinar deciding to abdicate in favor of Adolin--which is not what Adolin wanted at all. You done fucked up, Adolin. 

Dalinar has another vision, where he sees the Recreance--the Shardbearers giving up their swords. Interestingly, he also feels the hurt and betrayal of the spren: “A terrible feeling struck him. A sense of immense tragedy, of pain and betrayal. [...] What was happening? What was that dreadful feeling, that screaming he swore he could almost hear?” Also, the blades were glowing, but they dimmed and dimmed over time--the spren dying. Yikes. 

So there’s a big hint as to what the Shards actually are. And one of the Radiants--probably Tanavast taking their shape, although it’s hard to tell and it could be a former Bondsmith or something--tells Dalinar that the Night of Sorrows, True Desolation, and Everstorm are coming, and to read the book and “unite them.” 

Ren’s also having either a panic attack or an epileptic moment--all Dalinar classes it as is “an episode of weakness” but he’s pale, his legs are shaking, and he immediately sits down and rests his head in his hands. 

...I wonder when Renarin started awakening his powers, as a note. Also Renarin accepts the Old Magic as existing easily, while Adolin claims it’s a myth (Dalinar shuts that down). 

Adolin and Dalinar start fighting about whether or not Dalinar should step down and Renarin interrupts with “uh...guys...we could, like test to see if the visions are legitimate or not??” and both of them are like “?????” 

So they decide to have Navani write down the visions as Dalinar sees them, because they know they can trust her and their first choice--Jasnah--isn’t there. 

“The visions had told him to trust Sadeas” DALINAR NO

Navani is going out of her way to help Adolin with his flirting attempts she’s such a good aunt I love her. Also it gets him out of the room so Navani and Dalinar can talk privately. 

Navani tries yet again to convince Dalinar they can be together but Dalinar is a bit too tired and confused and uncertain to be able to do this right now, which she recognizes and does leave.

Back to Bridge Four!!! They’re on another bridge run, and Dunny dies--hit by two arrows and trampled by horses. Moash has to pin Kaladin down to stop him from running out after the kid which, thank god Kaladin has some people who are willing to act as his self-preservation. And so instead of helping Dunny, he goes around and tries to heal Bridgemen from other crews. 

Kaladin is too good and pure. He’s just furious that nobody cares about the dead Bridgemen. 

Kaladin runs off of righteous anger and like, coffee, probably. 

Anyway he fucking tears the Bridge Four gang a new one when they refuse to help someone from another bridge because people from other bridges were mean to them--and in the process states that his father was the only man with honor that he ever knew. 

Listen, this is why Kaladin is dangerous--he cares about everyone, that makes them surprised and grateful, especially on the bridge teams where nobody gives a shit about anybody, and then they become slightly more loyal to him. And then suddenly he has like, an army of loyal people. 

He’s such a hufflepuff. 

Also Teft is dropping the world’s least subtle clues here like “wooow its so weird we keep not getting hit....funny that that happens when you run point...just keep carrying lit spheres with you......they’re good luck....oh they went dun again wow that’s so strange kaladin” 

Meanwhile, Kaladin’s own grazed arrow wound is completely gone, and he’s getting a little freaked out. 

Another death rattle: “the burdens of nine become mine. Why must I carry the madness of them all? Oh, Almighty, release me.” This is absolutely Taln (or, uh, whichever of them is the one who was left behind). 

Dalinar’s at a feast again, and Wit isn’t there--Dalinar notes it’s probably because he doesn’t want to become predictable. Also Dalinar notes that noblewomen competing to draw the same person has the same social function as duels between noblemen, although they don’t use the same word. Wit does show up, just casually sitting next to Dalinar--and Dalinar notes that Adolin’s judgement of Wit was more accurate than his was. 

I gotta say, Adolin is hella perceptive. I’ve said it before, I know, but he’s a smart kid. 

Wit quietly--and accurately--depicts the relation between Dalinar and Sadeas:  “The foolishness of men who care, Dalinar, and the brilliance of those who do not. The second depend on the first--but also exploit the first--while the first misunderstand the second, hoping that the second are more like the first.” 

Also Wit ponders if you can pull a person apart and put him back together into something else “Like a Dysian Aimian” (but also, unsaid, like a Radiant.) This whole conversation is Wit trying to gauge exactly how much Dalinar knows--possibly because Wit doesn’t know exactly what Tanavast is telling Dalinar. Interesting. 

Sadeas is going to pull Some Bullshit (as always) and Elhokar is getting more and more paranoid, so all of that is interesting. 

Dalinar voice: Sadeas is going to cause Bullshit re: the investigation so I’m just going to go up and ask him about it. 

I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad idea but regardless it’s going to possibly throw Sadeas off. Unfortunately, Sadeas’ plan is to lull Dalinar into a false sense of security--claiming the most likely suspect is someone who dislikes Dalinar. 

Adolin cannot fucking believe that Sadeas is exonerating Dalinar (which, again, Adolin should stick to his intuition that Sadeas is a sneaky bastard). So Dalinar and Sadeas start plans to ally, which of course GOES HORRIBLY WRONG DALINAR DON’T TRUST SADEAS. 

Skar, about Amaram: Were you with him when he won his shards? Kaladin, quietly, but with great internal salt: No. Nobody was. 

BECAUSE AMARAM DIDN’T FUCKING WIN ANY SHARDS HE STOLE THEM LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE I HATE AMARAM SO MUCH

Rock: You can’t fucking swallow a broam Moash: I bet I can Kaladin: Don’t do that, because if you do that, you will die

Kaladin as Bridge Four’s tired Team Mom is very real

Also Moash is still showing signs of wanting to go too far--a la “we could just take everything” until Kaladin shuts that down for being stupid and likely to get them caught. Moash isn’t a tactical thinker. 

Also Kal baits Rock into revealing that he can use a bow and arrow. 

Rock: that shot is nearly impossible

Rock: effortlessly makes the shot

Dalinar is trying to figure out Parshendi gender. “The clean-shaven ones didn’t have much in the way of breasts” weLL IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE NOT MAMMALS so THANK GOD. But Dalinar has noticed that the fighting pairs are usually a man and a woman, and also wonders why in six years of fighting nobody thought to investigate what gender their opponents were. 

I mean, honestly, given how much we depersonalize our enemies, I can believe that. 

And Dalinar’s having problems with the Thrill again. Notably, it doesn’t make him a less effective fighter--it just cuts off the bloodlust and glee. 

Dalinar literally saves Sadeas’ fucking life and later in the book Sadeas repays him by leaving him and Adolin to die. 

To quote a D&D show I watch, SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF FUCKING HONOR. 

Descriptions of the thrill remain disturbingly...sexual, almost. At least in the sense that the vocabulary we have to describe a visceral glee and desire tends to be reminiscent of sexual language. (”He nearly choked on it, the joy, the pleasure, the desire. The danger.”)

Sadeas: tonight, all of my soldiers will feast as if they were lighteyes Me, full of salt: BET THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE THE BRIDGEMEN YOU COLOSSAL ASSHOLE

Another bridgeman has died and Kaladin is not taking it well. Gaz didn’t come to the bridge run--he might have deserted by this point. Kaladin also notices that the Parshendi revere their dead. Kal also still doesn’t believe that Dalinar is as good as people say he is. 

And Teft just got Kaladin to inhale stormlight and use it instinctively, leading to him glowing. Kaladin is lowkey freaking out about having the powers of the Radiants. 

Kaladin and Hoid are interacting for the first time and it’s great. We also get the story of a group of people who would kill any who did something wrong because the emperor wouldn’t tolerate it, and then discovered the emperor was dead all along and had to live with the guilt of knowing that those murders were on their hands, not the emperor’s. 

...which could be a metaphor for all of Vorinism learning that Honor is dead. Or not. As with most things with Hoid, it’s very ambiguous. Also, Syl doesn’t like Hoid, which is understandable. I can see an Honorspren thinking he was strange and wrong. 

Kaladin, thinking, also realizes that his “Emperor” is the apathy--the belief that he can’t change anything. He holds onto that instead of looking for other reasons things could be happening, or acknowledging that he can change things. 

And so he decides to actually start working with and using his powers. 

Honestly from the point of anyone else this story is lowkey ridiculous like “yeah a slave turned out to be a new radiant and so his team of bridgerunners helped him train in the chasms and literally nobody noticed, really” in-universe it makes sense because nobody pays attention to the bridgemen but still you have someone who CAN FLY

A death rattle mentions “Re-Shephir, the Midnight Mother, giving birth to abominations with her essence, so dark, so terrible, so consuming.” Another of the unmade? Hard to tell. 

Adolin is talking to Jakamav, who I unfortunately can only ever see as a fratbro. On the other hand, that’s not an inaccurate interpretation. Adolin is also casually Judging other people’s fashion choices someone let this boy dress in the pretty clothes he wants to dress in instead of his uniform

Also Adolin is grumbling about how other people always want dark hair, which he thinks is stupid. He also claims he forgot that Humility existed, which is probably true. 

Also Jakamav’s girlfriend insulted Dalinar and Adolin is just. ready to FIGHT. 

“Adolin liked to be familiar with a large number of people, but not terribly close with any of them.” That’s just interesting. He’s only really close with his family, especially Renarin, at this point. 

Also, Adolin starts to see the purpose behind the Codes--he starts to see that it’s not just about pure practicality, but also about treating war and the death that comes with it with a measure of seriousness, and also giving people commanders they can trust. It’s about the importance of symbols. 

Dalinar is reciting the Way of Kings to Sadeas and Elhokar, who don’t really get it. We also get “all save the Heralds themselves must dine with the Nightwatcher,” implying that she’s seen as some sort of death entity. 

Also, Dalinar is me:  “And you have this entire passage memorized?”  “I likely got a few of the words wrong”  “Knowing you, that means you might have forgotten a singled “an’ or ‘the.”  Also Sadeas does give Dalinar the honest advice that literally nobody else naturally talks like him, so other people assume he’s putting it on as a self-righteous act (...again, Dalinar, I feel you on that one.) 

Dalinar is staring at Navani again. And Sadeas is judging people’s fashion sense now. 

Time for Adolin to crush it in the duelling ring. Also the line “And so Adolin--in a moderately subtle move” is killing me like. Welp. It was moderately subtle which is the best we can expect from him. Anyway, Adolin obviously just annihilates his opponent, because Adolin is incredible. 

“They’re trying to kill me,” Elhokar said softly, huddling down in his armor. “They’ll see me dead, like my father.”   Highprinces: Look we made a strong king Me: Look at what you did to him! he has anxiety!!!

I retain a soft spot for Elhokar. And he mentions seeing “Symbols, twisted, inhuman” in mirrors--sounds a lot like Cryptics. I almost wrote Cryptids. Wonderful. And Elhokar and Sadeas bully Dalinar into using Sadeas’ fast and costly bridges--which Kaladin later takes as a sign of Dalinar not having as much honor as people say, if I remember right. 

Also, Dalinar’s opinion on fights: “When you won, it was always better to win quickly and with extreme advantage.” Amen to that. 

Kal’s trying to intentionally inhale stormlight now. And we get Teft’s explanation of the Words, which i like, although one of them is pretty much word-for-word “Dying is easy, young man, living is harder” from Hamilton. 

And now, Bridge Four is being put on Bridge duty every single day, which is just the brightlords flat-up wanting them killed. “Consider it an...honor” they say, and Kaladin has to stop himself from swearing. He also learns that he has to inhale the Stormlight in, he can’t just...will it inside of him. 

And Kaladin forms the “parshendi carapace” idea to protect them. We also get some examination of Kaladin’s agnosticism. 

Also he tried to walk on a wall and fell on his ass, nice going Kaladin. 

But he’s getting the hang of having a lot of power and exploiting that to smuggle things out of the chasms. Including surviving a 40-foot fall. 

Back to Dalinar and Adolin, Dalinar has decided not to abdicate. Navani is also the one most aware of Elhokar’s weakness, while Dalinar still denies it. Also, Renarin is fascinated by Navani’s fabrials. So am I--fabrials are really cool. 

And Dalinar is talking with Nohadon in his vision. Also, Navani realizes he’s speaking, instead of gibberish, an ancient dialect of the Dawnchant. Which Dalinar doesn’t know, and thus can’t have hallucinated--the visions are genuine. 

Navani is realizing she might have just figured out how to translate the Dawnchant, which is also incredible. 

Navani and Dalinar are, yet again, alone, and Dalinar is even like “Navani you’re doing it again” and Navani is just like. yep. you caught me. Also she explains that being the old queen basically means she’s placeless in the world and everyone only sees her as the wife of a dead man, and she’s furious seeing it from Dalinar as well, who knew her even before Gavilar did. 

And so Dalinar kisses her because of course he does. There are even passionspren. And then she starts talking business and important things but Dal is also like, distracted because holy shit she’s so pretty aaaaa which, is, relateable, i too cannot function around pretty people. 

Also, multiple notes that the marriage between Gavilar and Navani might not have been the best--Navani notes she had reason to be unfaithful even though she wasn’t, and starts saying something that Dalinar cuts off. 

Also Navani is very smug about the fact that Dalinar kissed her first. Dalinar tries to claim that he was seduced. “What? Seduced?” She glanced back at him. “ Dalinar, I’ve never been more open and honest in my life.”  “I know,” Dalinar said, smiling. “That was the seductive part.” 

This is such a Good Ship

Anyway back with the bridgemen Moash just wants to flat-up attack Sadeas’ army and Kaladin is like. Nope. No. If we do that we will die. 

Yep, Dal is using the bridges again. I can’t remember if this is the time with the Tower or not. I’m on around the 900th page, so maybe? 

“a one-armed herdazian is still twice as useful as a nobrained Alethi. Plus, so long as I’ve got one hand, I can still do this” and then Lopen just flips off the army i love him. 

Also a soldier tries to take their water and Kal is ready to fight them. The soldier is like I don’t want to wait for our water crews and Kaladins like wow that’s too bad for you, and the soldier looks like he’s going to hit him and the entire fucking Bridge 4 gang forms up like buddy, if you punch Kaladin we’re going to have a Problem. 

The soldiers who aren’t assholes are even like, nice. 

Kaladin voice: oh god i hope they don’t notice that was a spear fighting formation WHOOPS And its time for operation Parshendi Armor. 

So everyone targets Kaladin, who can fucking dodge shit and surgebind, and not the bridges. Booyeah. All of bridge four is now yelling at him because of course they are. Matal, who is in charge of the bridges, threatens to have Kaladin strung up and Kaladin’s like yeah bc that worked so well for you guys last time. 

And Dalinar noticed that Parshendi archers were targeting Kaladin’s group and went in to save them. Dalinar is Good. And he even raised his Blade to salute Kaladin. So this time wasn’t the Tower, but that’s got to be the next full Bridge run we get. We’re close, now. 

Although Shen took this badly. Of course--these are the bodies of his people. But at the same time, Kaladin literally needs to do this to keep them all alive. All the choices here are bad, but this was the least bad. Kaladin also is trying to work out the logistics of leaving, realizing that staying is untenable, but leaving is impossible. Somehow they discount the possibility “Dalinar Kholin recruits you as a personal guard after you save his life.” 

Anyway Dalinar and Navani are now a thing. Their guards and clerks are starting to get a bit confused at how much time they spend together. And more discussion of Shshsh, who I hope we get the story of next book. God, I hope she’s not just one more fridged woman for male pain. 

Dalinar: how will we explain this to Elhokar??? Dalinar at the end of the book: yes i am fucking your mother goodbye 

...I still blame/thank Jazz for making me incapable of taking that scene seriously. 

Oh man, horns just sounded for a chasmfiend on the Tower HERE IT IS.  Kaladin, Dalinar, and Adolin are all getting ready for it, and the rate of my habitual leg-jiggle stim has like, doubled. Wonderful. 

And we also see Sadeas planning--trying to get Dalinar to commit most of his forces and leave behind his bridge crews. That sneaky bastard. Also Sadeas claims credit for the armored bridgemen idea. That dick. 

I’m gonna cut it here. I have a feeling I’ll scream a hell of a lot about the Tower. 

[allmymisters]

For the Love of 2018 - GOOOOOAAAAALS!

I didn’t get the black stallion I was hoping for this year. I tend to have high expectations I suppose. 2018 had its splashes of cherished moments in addition to downright depressing hidden gems. The sudden losses of very dear friends for one. Those were blows I was not prepared to experience and, screw you 2018 for giving me those moments. I’m no stranger to tragedy (have you read this site?), but this year’s tragedies were a vast array of empathetic reassurances that there is no explanation for the sheer magnitude of such occurrences nor through any fault of their own. It just sucks to have to go through it and you’ll be struggling with it for the rest of your life.

I think everyone was stressed the hell out this year. Frustrated and angry, there were a lot of opinions and entertaining thoughts on where we should or should not be, as a society and as a nation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the weight of the world as I did this year. I didn’t like people before, but 2018 proved how much my contradictory persona could take. Humanity is a raw and evil sort of thing letting way to bursts of sunlight at any given moment which results in confusion and downright rage. I was deleted, blocked, called names, and asked to duel a few times this year, all for, having a valid belief that my truth is not your truth. On the other hand I learned some people I’ve known a majority of my life have some really skewed views of what they support. Speaking of ending relationships…my friend of 15+ years decided that she could no longer remain in our relationship and instead broke up with me on the grounds of…This is unknown at this time as to why our oh so dear friendship came to an abrupt end and was not worthy of any explanation whatsoever. Marriage, babies, narcissism…you know, the silent killers of friendships. It seems pointless to say, but it did open my eyes to how I expect to be treated in life. So, first there was the lack of closure that came with my ex husband and now once again, another uncommunicated shut down. Hmmm…is it me? Did I not give enough? I give too much, more than I should in a lot of instances. People are just weird.

For the first time in a really, wait, ever, I felt like I accomplished something. This little project being one of them. Nobody cares what I write or do or say or feel. I know this. The difference is, I don’t care anymore, it is my therapy, my cathartic medium to deal with my life that will hopefully help others in a relatable and true sense. It truly is the first time I’ve consistently followed through with my own idea, not someone else’s, but mine. What made my year was receiving some very heartfelt thanks yous and that was enough for me. To make another feel better or to move someone with words, that is my art. For the first time in my life I am proud. All the work I’ve done this year, I am proud of, and worked hard for, and it felt like I had just finished a marathon. A marathon I’ve been running for 45 years. What a fulfilling thing, right?

I promise to get to the good parts soon, but not yet, I have to finish through the hard layer first before I get to the chewy center where rainbows shoot out of the asses of babes. Reaching 45 was difficult. Harder than anything I’ve ever done, and with that came a dreadful revelation. I came to terms that my physical self is no longer twe—, I mean, thirty-five. No longer do I feel I can climb fences, dance the night away or have a slap boxing match without being completely winded in ten minutes. The white hair that has accompanied my raven locks is disorienting, and the extra pounds which make me cry on most days because what women doesn’t want to look hot in her skinny jeans, but instead replaces her lacy unmentionables with…COTTON!? It has affected me profoundly. One thing they don’t tell us women getting older is how terrifying it is, physically and mentally. How we don’t feel attractive, how I cannot look anyone remotely attractive in the eye, and how the thought of donning a bathing suit would suddenly feel absolutely horrifying. They don’t tell you of the anxiety, the insomnia, and what the discovery of cellulite does to a woman or that missing a period will make you feel absolutely regretful and sad. How forgetful one becomes as she frantically tries to locate the cell phone she is currently speaking on or wishing for her tiny boobs of 34Bs again instead of this, what is this blob coming out of the side of my bra. I know, I really shouldn’t care. I have a mister who loves me as I am, but ladies as we know they can tell us we are gorgeous all day long but in the end it only matters is we feel uncomfortable, and I know, boo hoo right? Get over it and be stronger right? I will eventually, I just don’t like it.

I suffered my first panic attack and god forbid, my last. I had no idea. For all those who suffer this on a constant basis, I am so very sorry. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced, to be in small out of town diner, while you sit across from your loved one. A regular morning waiting for a server who doesn’t come while you are reminiscing about the spectacular night you’ve had together, and then for no reason at all, it happens. As I sat there with cold hands and irregular heart beating, body feeling disconnected, I imagined how awful it is that I, ME, was going to die in this amazingly terrible diner amongst strangers. For about 30 minutes, I concluded that it would be as easy as that and I looked at him and thought, at least I was loved and had loved again.

It’s a odd spectrum of emotions when you lie in bed at night and what used to be something so easily attainable becomes a labyrinth of questionable moments in life.

Why did I have chocolate tonight? Why did that person not text me back? Am I ever in my life going to fucking be appreciated for the work I do? Why am I so very broke and why did I just spend $14.99 on an Adobe app? Does he still find me attractive? Why didn’t I have children? Was i supposed to have children? Do people think I’m stupid? Did I go over 1200 calories today? How could there have not been one single carton of 2% milk!? Shit, I forgot to buy saline solution again! I hope my parents don’t die soon, what if I die before them…

And it goes on and on throughout the night. So yeah, lots of things occurred in 2018 I’ve never experienced before. Thanks for the new adventures! I found very little to say in 2018, not in person at least. I’ve embraced my Aquarian aloofness this year. I disconnected like I’ve never done before and found myself in very little meaningful conversations in the outside world. It baffled me really. For the first time in my life verbal exchanges were challenging. I just couldn’t connect. It was as though someone had taken my speech and turned it into a whole new non-language causing me tongue tied instances of pure lack of eloquence and articulation…embarrassing. Are you wondering about the good parts?

2018 was transitional to say the least. We got out of a very small apartment with a devil of a landlady into a very beautiful house in a new neighborhood. I really fell in love with being home. This place feels like a haven and despite still looking at unpacked boxes and unfinished furniture, it has become a place to relax and entertain at my whim. I am now the proud owner of a fire pit and a grill! Who knew such small domestic luxuries could bring about such sweet comfort! I tried to buy a house this year which didn’t pan out as I wanted it, but sometimes there’s a bigger plan. In turn, I sold my first house as a real estate agent this year which brought me a feeling of accomplishment. I can do it! Yes I can! A motto that held little weight before. Small, but an endeavor I never thought I’d ever add to my repertoire. I often wonder if I’m just real comfortable doing then jobs at once.

Karaoke. The activity that I refused to do in any public place became commonplace in 2018. Somehow singing Concrete Blonde and Leslie Gore brought a silent release for me and just the sheer gathering of friends in these instances made me genuinely joyous. The fact that people wanted to spend time with me, strange as that may be, was the one thing I felt humanly connected to. I felt strangely isolated most days. I attended a wedding, reconnected with family, and watched a lot of soccer. Simple joys. I was involved in a study about race and gender, wrote about people I admire, and received notes of praise. I read stories at night, saw tons of music, and dreamt of distant lands. I ate delicious meals, watched tons of film, and dove into photography. I wrote words. I said goodbye to the past. I made amends. I attoned and forgave. I laughed harder than ever and I cried seldomly. I felt loved. It went quickly and I suppose as we age it goes by at lightning speed. I long for the days of long summers and spontaneous trips.

What will 2019 be? I can only hope for less death, less loneliness, less heaviness. I am wondering if I too have become nothing but 1s and 0s and perfectly angled moments. Who will reach out, if anyone, to say hello that isn’t summed up in an abbreviated expression. Will the “We need to hang out” become an actual instance of beverages and exchanges of laughable tales or will it be the continuous cycle of empty efforts spread across another year. There are no resolutions for me, there is just a continuous wanting to better the briefness of existence. I want to read more books, see more music, cry at art, take better pictures, write more stories, take more trips, share more experiences, find inspiration, and motivate to healthier habits and less sour cream and onion chips at midnight. I want to shoot bows and arrows, play more pool, and swim in the ocean. I want to see my nieces and nephew, take my mom someplace new, and visit my dad. We always have such high hopes in the beginning don’t we? The ending of one cycle, packed with memories in our virtual treasure box, and the rebirth and renewal of new ones. Isn’t that the beauty of it all? What will this new skin look like? What stories will I tell next…