#side marmin

[iwantallmight]

Another thought I had (MARMIN)

Armin layed there, hand clutching at his womb. Is this it? Is this how it ends? He needs to get up, he needs to fight for Eren and Mikasa, and for once in his life he needs to fight for himself. But why, with all this fight and anger in him, why can't he move. Could he ever do anything right? As his friends are fighting for their lives and freedom for others, he's lying there, bleeding out and doing nothing to help once again. How could he ever walk side by side next to Eren and the others. He's so weak and pathetic. 

“ARMINNN”!! Ladybug shouted, running faster than she had ever ran before, she grabbed her lucky charm holding on to hope that this just might work. “Miraculous ladybug” she shouted as she tossed her lucky charm in the air watching her miraculous powers do their work. Ladybug ran to Armin picking him up cradling him, holding him tightly as if she never planned on letting go. ”Marinette you came back” 'Armin managed to cough out, hid body adjusting to healing so rapidly. “I didn't think you would…i didn't think i mattered enough to you for you to come back” tears filled his eyes, his words turning into whimpers as he held onto Marinette tighter. “Armin you're the only person here who I would ever come back for. I could never find another femboy twink who I can open up to as much as you. You make me so happy and so alive. I couldn't imagine what I'd do without you, if I didn't come back then there's no point in me doing anything else” Marinette replied, holding Armins hand to her cheek. “I love you Marinette, through all this time fighting titans and hawkmoth, me thinking I was going to lose you was the scariest feeling i had to experience. And I'll make sure to fight so we both never have to fill that way again."

[firegrilled]

Mommas’ Boys - Part 6

@erejeanweek2k19​ Prompt: Emotional Scars Cont

Part 1 | Part 7

The hit echoed loudly, earning multiple gasps from the crowd of kids and other chaperones that now descended onto the dancefloor.

Jean’s face fell at first before his anger exploded and boiled his blood. “You asshole!”

Celine didn’t budge from the hit, keeping her footing. She inhaled a deep breath, her hand brushing against her stinging cheek.

“…and someone who hits a lady. Yeah, you’re a real man,” Celine replied, her response dripping with sarcasm.

Before he could reply she jabbed Mr. Wagner in the throat causing him to gag and grab his neck. Then Celine lifted her heel and stabbed the stiletto into the man’s foot. She felt the stiletto snap and followed through with a swift kick to his balls. When Mr. Wagner lurched forward in pain, Celine grabbed his head and slammed it into her knee, allowing the man to crumple to the ground in agony.

“You bitch!” He shouted, his voice an octave higher. He rolled around in pain as other adults arrived.

“Sounds like I might be even more man than you now.”

Smirking, Celine turned to check on her son. She ignored the awkward walking pattern of having one functional heel.

“You’re no man-”

“You must’ve started with the world’s cruelest handicap if you’re having a dick measuring contest with a women,” Levi’s icy tone cut through Mr. Wagner’s weak voice.

Levi stepped to the front of the crowd with Erwin trailing just behind him.

“I’m going to sue the shit out of her! I want her and her son arrested for assault!” Mr. Wagner demanded as he slowly got back up. He hissed as he wiped blood away from his nose.

Erwin straightened his black tie, and patted his cowlick down.

“No you will not. We heard and saw everything. Harassing and assaulting students is already a major offense, let alone their mother. Between the security footage and witnesses there’s no court that would ever convict a single mother defending herself and her son. In fact, I can’t wait to hear what charges are brought up against you. Now get out of here and don’t ever come near my school,” Erwin ordered.

“But-”

“Security!” Erwin called out, a few guards emerging from the entrances.

In a matter of moments the dance floor was cleared and everyone moved to nearby rooms while the museum processed the situation themselves. Once it was all said and done, the clock in the courtyard struck a loud bell signaling midnight.

“Well, you might want to get Jean an X-Ray,” Erwin spoke, glancing at Jean who winced with every step.

“That was the plan,” Celine sighed. “He’s a tough boy for not complaining for so long.”

“I think we all know where he gets it from,” Carla added, appearing right by Celine. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

Celine smirked, chuckling. “It’s been quite a while since I needed to do something so crude. Marriage and motherhood tempers a personality once you realize you’re caring for more than yourself.”

“Kick ass moves, Celine,” Levi complimented. He walked over to Erwin and leaned on his taller half.

“Thanks, but I really should take Jean to the hospital. I’m sad he’s missing his last after prom but better to be safe than sorry,” Celine shook her head. As she turned to leave, she glanced back at the principal. “Oh, and Erwin? You’re wearing the wrong tie. Unless Levi is adopting your pastel aesthetic.”

Levi and Erwin’s eyes widened, instantly looking down at their ties. Levi undid the baby blue tie around his neck and rushed to give it to his boyfriend.

Celine strolled over to the other high schoolers, finding Jean exchanging jokes with his prom group as well as Connie and Sasha.

“Jean, honey, it’s time to go to the hospital,” Celine interrupted their conversation.

Her son frowned but nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

“Bye Jean!” His friends waved to his as he walked over to his mom.

Jean remained quiet while he accompanied his mom to her old Honda. He inhaled sharply when he clicked his seatbelt in but tried to ignore the persistent pain in his chest. His eyes locked onto his lap while Celine started the car and began the long drive to the nearest hospital. The quiet hum of the ancient engine buzzed in his ears along with his guilt.

“Mom, I… I… I didn’t know you could fight,” Jean struggled to find words. It wasn’t what clawed at his consciousness but it was at least the truth.

“Now you know where you got your temperament from,” Celine giggled, trying to thaw the cold atmosphere in the car. Her eyes occasionally glanced at her son, recognizing all his tells.

Jean didn’t make eye contact, slouched in his seat despite his injury, and rubbed his hands back and forth over his thighs.

“I didn’t- Well, I mean… I wish you didn’t get involved.”

Celine frowned upon hearing that.

“My son was being attacked by a grown ass man. Well, I’m pretty sure I popped something so I don’t think he’s a man anymore-”

Jean snorted at his mom’s joke, accidentally cutting her off.

“He tried to beat up my son. No mother would let that happen,” she continued.

“Yeah, but… There’s something I need to tell you,” Jean’s voice lowered, suddenly more fragile. His hands stopped moving and grabbed onto his legs when he started trembling. “I… What they called me… called us. They weren’t entirely wrong and that’s what pissed me off! Thomas can call me what he want but not the others. They don’t deserve that.”

“No one does, Jean. And don’t you ever dare think that anyone can call you that,” Celine stated. “There are plenty of bullies in life no matter how old you get but you must learn to deal with them in other ways. Violence isn’t always the answer, though it does feel good. And I guess we’re going to be able to pay for your college now but-”

“Mom, stop making jokes. It hurts to laugh!” Jean begged as laughter wracked his body. His smile fell into a frown as the memory of the night came back to him. “They said our dads would be ashamed of us for being… for liking guys. And when he kept calling us fa-”

“Jean Kirschtein don’t you ever say that word,” Celine all but yelled as she pulled the car over, her knuckles white from griping the steering wheel so tightly. “No matter your choices, or your preferences, your father would’ve loved you just like I have.”

Jean’s face snapped to face his mom, revealing a scared yet sullen expression. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks. He quietly spoke. “Maman?”

“Your father was a tender and gentle soul, unlike either of us. He cared deeply for those around him, not unlike you which is why I fell for him. A man of few words but sharp as a tack and very easy on the eyes… But I digress. Before his health took a turn for the worst he spent most of waking hours with you. Even when he was frail from the chemo he held onto you so tightly, the light of his life. I know you have many questions about your father that I’ve never answered since even now the memories are bittersweet but never doubt one thing: he loved you. He loved you for who you are and for what you’ve become. He’d be so so proud to see how you’ve grown.”

Celine placed her hand on her son’s shoulder, firm but gentle. She bit back her own tears as old memories swirled in her head but the multiple emotions that played across the canvas that was Jean’s face left her trying to keep her composure.

“Mom, I like boys and girls,” Jean whispered, his voice low like he was stating a terrible fact. He sounded like a kid caught with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

“That’s fine sweetie. I love you and that’ll never change. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me this,” Celine replied, reciting the lines she’d practiced for so long in her head. Not that Jean ever needed to know that. “Now let’s go see if you actually broke something or if you’ve been a big baby.”

“Maman!” Jean squawked as the car came back to life.

“Now as a mother I must know, are you really dating Mikasa? She spent the whole night with that little blonde girl,” Celine wondered, already noticing the pink tinting her son’s cheeks.

“Her name is Annie,” Jean informed her. He released a deep breath and dabbed his face with his sleeves. “No we haven’t been dating for almost six months. We came out to each other and wanted to hide it from everyone. Though Eren and Armin knew. She and Annie have been a thing for a few weeks now.”

“Does that mean you’re seeing someone? Is it Marco? Oh honey please don’t tell me you’re dating your future college roommate-” Celine started as a realization dawned on her.

“Whoa, no! I mean we dated in middle school but no. He’s been seeing Armin for a while. Apparently they’ve been in some sort of weird long distance relationship that started out as pen pals or something. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Really? What about Eren? We saw you two dancing before things hit the fan.”

“You saw that?” Jean asked as his eyes widened and his voice jumped an octave. He quickly clearly his throat and sunk into his seat, trying to hide his tinted cheeks. “No, ew. Why would I like him? I just gave him a pity dance.”

Rolling her eyes, Celine tried to hide her smirk. “Of course, honey. We’re here.”

The trip to the hospital took time but eventually the staff was able to confirm that nothing was broken but Jean definitely had bruising. With a prescription for bedrest and some painkillers, Celine and Jean returned home to retire for the evening. They had just walked into the house when a knocking from the door caught them by surprise.

“Who the hell would come here this late?” Jean asked as he pushed himself up from the couch to answer the door. “Oh, hello.”

“Who is it, honey?” Celine called from another room.

“Hi, Jean, may we come in?” Carla asked.

“Ye-yes. Come on in. Mom, the Jaegers are here!” Jean called back as Carla and Eren walked in, quietly shutting the door behind them.

“I got this for ya. Hope you’re doing well,” Eren spoke, his voice much quieter than usual as he extended a plastic grocery bag.

Jean took it and quickly pulled out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream.

“Oh, my favorite. Thanks! And yeah just some bruising. I’ll live.”

Celine stepped out of the kitchen to see the two boys talking over something while Carla made a beeline for her.

“Sorry for stopping by so late, but Eren insisted on checking up on Jean. He even wanted to skip after prom but Mikasa insisted he stay until Jean got out of the hospital. How’d that go?” Carla wondered.

“Well, it was productive,” Celine chuckled before clarifying. She pulled a stool out for Carla while she prepared coffee for the pair. She elaborated in more detail about the car ride. Tears threatened to come forth once more but she restrained herself once more until a gentle tap from Carla brought a somber smile to her face.

“Thank you for telling me so much. Jean’s so lucky to have such a caring and warm mother. You’ve raised such a fine boy and even took his coming out with a much better attitude than myself or my husband,” Carla chuckled at the ridiculous memory.

“Well I had a mother’s intuition for a while. It helps.”

“Sorry to go off topic but where do you keep the bowls and spoons? I think both boys have earned the right to eat some ice cream before bed,” Carla asked, standing up.

Celine pointed to a cabinet and a drawer just below it. “Yeah they’ve been through a lot today.”

Carla retrieved the bowls and spoons, walking towards the living room. She took two steps into the room before doing a U-turn and dropping what she grabbed onto the counter with a clatter. Carla’s eyes were wide and unblinking.

“Are you okay, Carla?” Celine quirked an eyebrow at the unusual expression.

“I owe Levi a bottle of Chardonnay.”

That answer left Celine even more confused.

“What? Why?”

“Uh, what’s a gentle way to put this… your son’s choice in people takes after his father.”

Celine almost spat out her coffee when she understood the meaning of that sentence.

To Be Continued

[genderdysphoriablues]

19/1/'20

Today I was awoken at 9:3 7 concerned parents asking if I was okay. I had shut off my alarm, I guess, or slept through it. Either way, I'd missed Sacrament meeting. So I got dressed and hurting to second hour, which was thankfully Sunday school so I didn't feel too weird. I've also taken to wearing a massive trench coat that hides most of me and helps make me look flat (a chance to give my chest a rest and not have outrageous dysphoria). After Sunday school we had Linger Longer, which was pancakes and berries. Then I got set apart for my new calling (Sunday school teacher) and briefly met with my bishop about why I'm in therapy. He doesn't know any details yet (definitely not that I'm on T), but he's aware that I'm dysphoric (though I doubt he really has a grasp on what that entails) and now my therapist can work with him to help me.

After that I went home and we had FHE, which I spontaneously taught (I'd forgotten it was my turn, but I did well). Then I went to see @closetmormon and friends. Instead of our regular study session we had a miniature Pride celebration to commemorate when he came out to himself and to celebrate my first shot of testosterone. There were more people there than we normally get, and Grace and @starmin-marmin were able to come as well. We had pizza, a lot of soda, and cookies with a rainbow of M&M's. It l awesome! I watched everyone play Smash the last bit, and had a lot of fun.

I got home and slept for a while. Actually, a big chunk of my "sleeping" was just me pretending to be asleep when my brothers came downstairs and made the most noise ever. But it was a good rest anyway.

Side note: my parents did my seem to notice my hair, which actually really surprised me. In still going to get it evened out tomorrow.

[avangee]

Monster (Ereri)

Eren screamed but no one came, no one ever came, all the boy saw was darkness, all through the humans’ daylight. His memory before he started traveling through the portal everyday is flooded with darkness, only allowing little glimmers of his family laughing and then of his family being slaughtered. He knows the humans did it, the humans always fucked with harmless monsters. Eren never wanted to see any monster being put through the torture humans deemed acceptable to put monsters through. Thats why his kind tortured the young humans, to instill fear into their brains, to not let any human ever get the nerve to hunt down monsters and murder them.

The child he traveled to was young and naive, she would cower in her sheets as if Eren was the most horrifying creature she had ever seen. Eren knew he was not, she was merely scared of the dark and he happened to live in the girl’s dark. Eren had never seen himself fully, but he had caught enough glances of himself in the windows of the girl’s room. He looked human enough, his face and eyes were human, only his arms and tail were monstrous, no skin like the rest of his body had, just muscles and bones peeking out. He’d have to take a longer look at himself when he went up again.

Eren tried to walk to the side and was hit with a sharp pain in his forehead, almost as if a thousand knifes had passed through his skull. A guttural scream passed through his mouth, loud enough to echo across the dark space he was trapped in during the humans’ daylight hours, louder than his previous yelp of pain. He heard the mechanical whirring of the portal opening up above him and the floor begin to shove him up towards it. The monster groaned from the headache he had just received and didn’t move to get out of the space faster.

The scream was loud enough in fact, for the scream to travel sixty thousand feet above him to the third room on the second floor of a mansion owned by one Levi Ackerman. The human man was in his sister’s room cleaning the filth an eight year old makes daily, just as he was leaving for his evening tea he heard a soft noise from under the bed. Annoyed that Mikasa had probably left a robotic toy on under her bed, he hesitantly got down on his knees on the freshly vaccumed, scrubbed and steamed white carpet to pull out the toy. He couldn’t be that bothered by the reason to clean under the king size bed more than once a week. Levi slid his arms under the bed with his hand outstretched to look for the toy, he grasped the toy and pulled it towards himself. The toy twitched under Levi’s hand and the man retracted his hand and moved his head down to the floor, even though he had cleaned it less than an hour ago he still felt uneasy about putting his face anywhere near it.

“Fucking humans,” a voice grumbled from under the bed before booming, “Leave me!”

Levi poked his head fully under the bed and saw a person under it, as if they were riding an elevator up out of the floor. The man was angry, the person would probably track mud into the freshly cleaned carpet! He didn’t even want to think about what else the person could fuck up in his house.

“If you think you’re coming anywhere near this clean floor, I will personally beat you to a pulp, brat.”

Eren couldn’t very well just go back down into the portal, that’s not how it works. When the child gets in bed the portal opens, closes when she’s asleep, and opens again when the sun rises, “Listen here, human, I’m coming out of this fucking bed before my legs and tail get chopped off.”

Levi scoffed at the boy, he could now distinguish the voice as male, and motioned him into his little sister’s room, “Don’t fuck up my cleaning,” the man warned.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?” Eren asked, normally when humans, even the grown ones, saw him they ran but all this human cares about is his clean floors.

“Get in here before I shove you back into the floor,” the human replied, obviously angry and annoyed.

Eren climbed out of the portal, running past the human and close to a window where he could study his refelction. The monster gasped, his hair was all the way down below his chin it was brown, but not the same color of his skin, it was more like the brown of the food he had seen the child eat that got stuck to her teeth, it was stuck to itself and there were miscellaneous small objects stick inside the glob of hair. His eyes were bright green, the only thing he found somewhat pretty about himself. He already knew what the rest of his body looked like, his arms bony and covered with a thin layer of pink and red muscles, his tail long and skinny with more bones peeking out than his arms and only a few patches of muscle, and everything else he could see was human, he had none of the cloth items humans wore and he didn’t ever want those. He could see the sun start to set and was surprised that he was pushed out of his  dark space before the sun was gone. Normally the floor would push him up when the child went to sleep if he hadn’t already climbed out. This was strange, but he wouldn’t think of it anymore, he would watch the sun.

“Hey Eren! Mikasa!” a high pitched voice called.

Eren whirled around, seeing a blonde boy monster running towards him, the sight made him sad but he isn’t quite sure why. The boy stopped near Eren and pulled a book from the bag on his back.

“What’s that?” a low female voice asked, but her tone wasn’t questioning, it was monotone. Eren turned to his side to see a black haired monster, she had the wings of a raven and her eyes were the only spark of emotion on her stoic face, they sparkled with a deep purple, black, and little flickers of gold shone through the beautiful murk the purple and black had created.

“It’s a book about the human world, I found it in my father’s library. Look-” the blonde monster pointed to a picture in the open book “- it’s the sun, I’m going to see it one day, we all are. When the corps defeat the Titans, monsters will all be welcome in the human world.”

“Armin, the humans in the Titans will never stop killing monsters, we’ll never go up there,” the girl shut down the young monster’s hope.

“Don’t be such a downer, ‘Kasa, Eren agrees with me right? We’ll go see the sun.”

“Yeah,” Eren felt himself saying, “I’ll take you to see the sun.”

The monster blinked out of the memory, he didn’t know what he had just seen. Titans? He’d only ever had memories of his mother and father, never of the two young monsters, Armin and Mikasa he thought they’re names were.

“Armin and Mikasa…” he mumbled to himself, he thinks he should know those names. Those names mean something to him, he just wasn’t sure what they meant.

“What did you just say, brat?” the human asked, his face as emotion filled as a rock. Eren looked at him and came almost nose to nose with the human, he recognized the pale face, the pink lips, the grey eyes. He wanted to know where he knew the human from, he wanted to taste the human, he wanted to see Levi again. Eren dropped his head down to the human’s and kissed him. He wanted to know why he loved kissing this human, and why he knew he needed to.

“Eren?” the human asked when they parted, his grey eyes searching for something in the monster’s.

Eren backed away, fuck. These humans killed his family, his friends, every single innocent creature he knew, and he just kissed one. He kissed a fucking human!

“Levi,” he mumbled under his breathe “ Why do I know that name?”

Eren didn’t know anything, fuck he knew about as much as the child at this point. Taken away at the thought of his own desire at the moment, Eren looked up at the human. It seemed he was going through the same confusion as Eren was. The monster saw him drag his fingertip across his bottom lip over and over until the human noticed Eren’s staring and returned it with a glare. Before this whole disgusting kissing thing Eren remembered something other than the monster’s he loved and needed screams. He desperately wanted to remember more of the joy of the monsters he saw with the book. Focusing, he took a breath trying to remember more about Marmin and Akasa. Wait, that didn’t sound right right, those weren’t their names. Their names were… Armin and Mikasa, yeah.

Levi knew Eren Jaeger, this was Eren. But how? This creature was not human, this Eren was different. Deep breathes. In and out, the air flowed through the man, filling his lungs with the smell of bleach. He loved that smell. It smelled pure. Clean. It reminded him of Eren. But Eren was gone. Levi knew that, he had even been there when the brat and the rest of the corps was slaughtered. It stays as an overwhelming image that haunts him through his day and through his dreams.

“Corporal!” a desperate voice screamed over the deafening sound of gun fire and falling bodies. Levi knew that the soldier had been calling out to him. He wanted to help whoever it was. But the motionless body in front of him petrified him. Eren. He was shot right in front of Levi’s eyes. Hot tears streamed down the man’s face. It should have been him. The brat shouldn’t have tried to save him. Shouldn’t have jumped in front of the bullets. He deserved to live more than Levi did for fuck’s sake. What has Levi done? Killed. Tortured. Far worse than what everyone thought. Eren, though. Eren never did anything wrong. Hell, he hadn’t killed anyone at all and he’s in the middle of a fucking war. Levi prayed to every god, diety, and supernatural force that Eren would come back. Or at least, that they could take them both.

Levi didn’t try to survive after he saw Eren. He stood still. Making himself a target for anyone. And dammit, he prayed that he would die. That’s three, now. All three of the people he ever loved all died because of him. His mother, Petra and now Eren. Grabbing his gun, he tried to stand. But he was weak. He was exhausted, in every aspect of the word’s meaning. Sleep. He wanted to sleep. Forever. Just lay down and never wake up. He closed his eyes as his head fell to the dirty ground. Maybe he had been shot. That would have been bliss. Shot and killed. It would have been simple, he would have seen Eren again if it were.

“Hey!” a voice forced him out of his memories. Levi was grateful for that.

(IT SHALL BE CONTINUED)

[genderdysphoriablues]

22/9/'19

Today I woke up at 11:34. Man, I got dressed in record time. Not fast enough, though, and I was still late to church. I mean, not terribly late, but enough that I sat in the foyer. I need to start getting there early enough to sit in the chapel, because I actually really enjoy experiencing Sacrament meeting in there like I’m supposed to, it’s just my anxiety that stops me from going in after it starts.

After church I got in a binder break and some lunch before Grace came over. We headed to our group study with @closetmormon and @starmin-marmin. We studied Galatians this week and talked a lot about how members-back then and now-can focus to much on little semantics and not enough on building a personal relationship with Christ (this discussion stemmed from when the ancient saints were told that new converts didn’t need to be circumcised and they didn’t need to worry about that). We weren’t able to stay for too long, though, because I had a family party that my mom had planned.

Grace and I made it there in decent time and hung out with my mom’s side of the family. We had ice cream floats. It was nice. But we couldn’t stay long there either because Grace needed to get home. After I took her back to my house and she left, I swung back by Clostemormon’s place and gave him and his housemates some peaches. I stuck around for a little bit and watched some Jenna Marbles videos with him and the others there. She’s really funny. Before all I knew about her was what I’d heard from Jacksfilms and their bizarre rivalry, but I think I’ll watch some more of her videos.

I got home before my family so I read some of Jim Gaffigan’s book Dad is Fat. It’s funny. I also got some dishes put away. When my family did get home they all played games while I watched. Just like normal.