#sibling moment with leo and ella to follow shortly

[coffee-n-some-cream]

butch 4 butch (girls!rasey)

Ella came over to her house all the time. She crashed on the couch or sprawled on her bedroom floor. They would run amok in the streets, getting up to stupid shit, drinking too many beers for a pair of teenagers in public, hollering at each other across the street, digging through trash, wrestling each other in a park gazebo. They always stumbled into Casey’s house well after midnight, buzzed and giggling and covered with new scrapes, not even bothering to keep their voices down because when Casey’s dad had his whiskey in him a train barging into the house wouldn’t wake him up. It was nothing they’d be able to get away with at Ella’s, with her caring father and overbearing sister waiting up all hours of the night for her.

After they had gotten all their energy out, their screams and cackles and roughhousing, they would collapse in twin piles of sweaty limbs and toothy grins. And then, only then, did the quiet of the night and the shadows of Casey’s room allow the important things to be said.

“I think his drinking is getting worse.”

“You can crash at mine any time.”

“Your dad doesn’t like me. Neither does your sister.”

“Yeah, but they’re not total assholes.”

Sometimes Casey’s hand would dangle over the side of her bed, the tips of her fingers brushing the soft fabric of Ella’s t-shirt. Something so light and casual it could be an accident.

“My sisters are scared of me.”

“Scared for you, probably.”

“Shouldn’t be.”

“They love you, dumbass.”

Sometimes Ella would kick her leg up and rest it on the mattress, foot barely resting against Casey’s leg.

“What if I’m just like him?”

“Gross. You’re nothing like him.”

And sometimes they would just sprawl half over each other on Casey’s twin bed, Casey’s leg curling around Ella’s and Ella’s arm trapped under Casey’s back. As they dozed, Casey could turn her head and smell the musk of Ella’s sweat on her neck, could see the steady rise of her chest in the light of the streetlamp.

“I think I… nevermind.” 

“What?”

“Nah.”

“...Pussy.”

“Fuck you.”

Ella woke up with her arms around Casey more than once, head practically buried in her hairy armpit as Casey starfished across the bed.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Casey might drawl. “Get cold and lonely last night?”

“Holding on for dear life, more like it. I don’t know why I even try sleeping in the bed, you always try to push me out of it in your sleep.”

That summer, they played the night on repeat. Ella’s family would treat her presence as a rare occurrence. Donna would react to the sight of her with sardonic shock, Mika would needle her and beg her to stay long enough to get crushed in Super Smash Bros. Dad accepted her daily goings with wary side-eyes, and Leona seemed to oscillate between lip-pursed lectures on staying out too late and too-sincere worry about what Ella got up to.

“Going to Casey’s. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“This is shocking news.” Donna drawled.

“Ella… Remember that Mika’s softball games start tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Bye.”

Casey’s dad, on the other hand, barely noticed whether Casey was there or not.

“I swear, I could walk out of the house naked and throw myself into traffic and he wouldn’t even notice until the electricity got turned off because I’m the only one who remembers to pay it.”

Their evenings were spent wrapped in each other’s worlds, loud and raucous and competing to make each other laugh. The nights were cool and sticky with dried sweat and dipping their heads together in secrecy, trusting each other with the parts of their hearts that they couldn’t share with anyone else.

Casey’s eyes were brown, but looked like deep wells of black in the indigo darkness of her room. Her hair spilled inky and stringy over her mattress, escaping from her ponytail in long tangled strands. Ella’s own ponytail could barely hold together at the best of times, as short and thick as it was.

Ella toyed with the ends of Casey’s hair where they poured over the bed. “You ever wanna just… cut it all off?”

“Nah, too much work.”

“Isn’t taking care of it too much work?”

Casey’s shoulders shook with an almost silent chuckle. “Does it look like I take care of it?”

Ella snorted. “Good point.”

Casey was curled on her side on the bed, looking down at where Ella was laying on the floor, unopened sleeping bag separating her from the hardwood floor. It was a hot, sticky night. Too hot to share the bed.

“I kinda want to cut mine off. Just. Full chop.”

“Do it, then.”

“I don’t wanna deal with all the comments and shit. People will freak out.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

“Yeah.”

Ella’s fingers tangled in the ends of Casey’s hair, further up than before, and Casey felt the slight tug on her scalp. She hummed, feeling wide awake.

“Hey, what was that thing you were gonna say the other night but wimped out about?”

A long sigh. “Can you drop that?”

“Fuck no, dude. I wanna know.”

“It was stupid.”

“So? We say stupid shit all the time.”

“Uh, who’s ‘we’?”

“Fuck you.”

A snicker and another tug, this time very deliberate. Casey bit her lip because Ella wasn’t looking at her face. Her eyes were trained on the ends of her hair.

“What was it?”

Silence followed.

Casey reached down and batted at Ella’s face. Her hand was smacked away and Ella turned her head, but Casey just reached out again and stuck a finger in Ella’s ear. Her hand was smacked away again, this time harder.

“Would you fuckin’ stop?”

“What was it?”

Another sigh, and Ella glared at the ceiling of Casey’s room. Casey watched the discomfort grow on her face. She saw the moment Ella decided to tell her the truth, her eyes overtaken by regret even before she opened her mouth.

“I think I'm gay.”

Casey blinked. “Oh.”

Ella continued to stare at the ceiling. She reached up to scratch at her brow, hand hiding her eyes from Casey’s view. “Yeah.”

“That’s cool.”

A glance in her direction. “Is it?”

Casey was sure it must be showing, all the noise in her head and the bubbling over in her chest. She was sure her breaths must be coming in pants, that she must be floating off the bed a bit, that her eyes must have little cartoon hearts in them. Of course it was cool. Jesus fuck, of course it was. 

“Yeah, man.” Casey’s hand dangled down and mingled with her hair, both no longer touching or being touched by Ella. “I mean. Pretty sure I’m bi. So.”

Ella searched her face, apprehensive, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “You are?”

“Yeah. Since I was, like, twelve. Thought you knew.” A shrug. “So I get it. Girls are hot.”

Ella’s eyes looked cool and colorless in the moonlight as they watched her. Casey watched her right back, thinking that in the daylight they were the warmest hazel. Ella’s breaths hitched before she evened them out again, and the silence stretched between them. Silence wasn’t something they usually did.

Casey opened her mouth to say something, and her fingers twitched forward. But Ella was so still, and she looked scared. Casey had never seen her scared. She pulled her hand up onto the bed.

“Hey. Let me cut your hair.”

A breath escaped Ella’s mouth. “What makes you think I’m gonna trust you with a pair of scissors near my head?”

“Because I’m gonna use clippers, and I’ve been cutting my dad’s hair with them since I was seven.”

“Good point.”

The soft buzz filling the room that night clung to the inside of Ella’s ears and filled her up with something warm. She sat in Casey’s desk chair and stared at the baseball bat that sat in the corner of the bedroom, broken in half and patched together with duct tape. They hadn’t bothered with a towel, so strands of soft, black hair fell over Ella’s shoulders and into her lap. She held one lock between her fingers, rolling it back and forth. Her skin tingled where Casey’s fingers ran along her scalp, her neck. Fingers pulled lightly at her hair, tousling it, and a warm shiver went down her spine.

A breeze pushed through the window and Ella could feel it against her scalp. She sighed.

A hand brushed the hair from the back of her neck, and the buzzing stopped abruptly. “We’re gonna need to hose you off. I’m itchy just looking at you. But I think you’re done.”

Ella reached up to feel her head, her breath catching at the prickly hairs against her palm. Casey turned the chair until she faced the mirror that was propped up against the dresser. Ella stared at herself.

“What do you think?” Casey grinned, the gaps in her teeth on full display. “Not counting the piles of hair all over you.”

Ella nodded, not taking her eyes away from the mirror. She looked like a different person. A stronger person. Someone Ella wished she was.

“I think you look hot,” Casey blurted when Ella didn’t answer. “The butch look suits you.”

When Ella turned to look at her, a huge smile spread across her face. It was wide and warm and ferocious, and Casey thought that smile could eat her alive if she let it.

“Yeah. I like it.”

Ella’s family didn’t freak out as much as she thought. Donna didn’t even notice that her hair was short until Mika rolled out of bed, wandered into the kitchen, and let out a piercing shriek of joy at the sight of her. Leona bemoaned Ella’s willingness to let Casey near her head with a pair of clippers, but offered a tentative smile as she said, “It looks nice.” Dad just tousled her hair with a gentle hand and remarked that it made her look so grown up, a wistful tinge to his voice.

Ella couldn’t keep her hands off her own head for the first few days. Casey got a pride-filled grin every time she caught her running a hand over the nape of her neck or palming the hair around her temples. The new hair seemed to be an excuse to get her hands in the mix as well, ruffling and mussing the short strands every chance she got so they stood up in odd spots.

The days were hotter, the sun harsher, and Casey’s A/C wasn’t up to the job. Casey declared that Ella could have the stinkin’ bed before sprawling out on the cool hardwood floor. Ella sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her. Casey’s forehead was against the floor, her hair pulled into a high ponytail to keep it off her neck, and Ella was staring at the wispy hairs at her nape. They were shiny and stuck together with sweat. Then her eyes followed the dusting of freckles along her neck. They ran up to her cheeks and behind her ears, then trailed down her shoulders and beneath the fabric of her shirt. Ella wondered, if she pulled the shirt off, how far they would go. Where the little flecks of brown would be.

“Quit staring, it’s getting me all hot and bothered.” Casey’s voice was soft and teasing, her nose scrunched.

Ella swallowed and looked away, face warming. “Weird joke.”

The room was silent for a moment. Crickets filled the night air, and a soft breeze ruffled the pages of a comic book Casey had left on the dresser.

“I wasn’t really joking.” Her voice wasn’t teasing anymore.

Ella’s heart started to hammer in her chest, and she didn’t dare look. Casey must see her breaths coming faster, the heat creeping up her neck, the sweat pooling in her collar bone.

Then Casey was in front of her, kneeling at her feet, a hand gripping the sheets next to Ella’s thigh. Ella couldn’t look away, her gaze pulled to those deep brown eyes, the way moonlight danced in them, the way they looked scared. Ella had never seen her scared.

Casey’s lips parted. “El.”

Ella’s fingers threaded with the greasy strands of Casey’s hair and pulled her forward, lips pressing harshly against hers. A gasp filled Ella’s chest at the jolt of heat that ran to her belly, and Casey’s breath warmed her cheek in a deep sigh of relief. Casey’s hands went around her waist, strong and bony and gentle, and with a little tilt of her head, she turned the kiss from something hurried and rough to something slower, sweeter. Her lips were so warm and soft against Ella’s, and it felt like she was smiling.

Ella’s hands loosened to cup her face, afraid that at any moment she would try to pull back. But she didn’t. Instead, she leaned forward, pushing herself between Ella’s knees. Ella could feel the ribbed fabric of her tank top against the inside of her thighs. Casey bit lightly at her bottom lip, and Ella sighed into her mouth.

Then Casey dipped her head and licked at the sweat along Ella’s collarbone. Ella’s hands knotted in the back of Casey’s shirt.

“Casey,” she breathed.

“El.” Casey kissed up her neck and sucked hard on the spot just under her ear.

Ella had to bite her lip to keep down her groan. “Casey, you cut my hair.”

“Sure did.” A kiss, a soft nibble, then she sucked on the skin again.

There was nothing she could do to hold back the shiver that ran down her spine, but she tugged on Casey’s hair, trying to pull her off. Casey just moaned a little and bit down on her neck harder.

“Case. My neck.” Another tug on her hair, another moan.

Casey’s lips were making obscenely wet sounds as they kissed her skin. “Your neck. Yeah.”

“Casey.” Ella finally yanked on her hair hard enough to pull her head away. “Don’t give me a hickey. I can’t cover it because you cut my hair.”

Casey’s pupils were huge, her lips swollen pink, and she stared at Ella blankly for a moment. Then understanding dawned in her eyes. “Oh, shit.” She looked at her neck. “Yeah. Um.”

“Dude, did you…?”

“Oh, yeah, I did.”

“Already?”

She nodded, eyes locked hungrily on the light bruise under Ella’s ear. “Yeah.”

Her hand slapped over the bruise, and Ella glared at Casey, which Casey thought was really hot, honestly, what with her kissed-pink lips and rosy cheeks.

“My family is gonna freak.”

Casey shrugged and grinned. “Fuck ‘em.”

“If my dad sees me with this, there’s no way I’ll be able to spend the night here anymore.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Shit. Do you have anything to cover it, like makeup?”

“Seriously?” Ella’s hands gestured around the room. “Me? Do you have makeup?”

Casey chewed on her lip. “The butch look has its downsides. What about your sisters?”

“Leona wears makeup sometimes, but if she sees this there’s no way she’s not snitching to Dad.” Ella rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “Mika loves makeup, but that kid can’t keep a secret to save her damn life, and Donna doesn’t touch the stuff.”

The floorboards creaked loudly as Casey stood and walked to her closet. Ella watched her rifle through it, yanking hangers against each other and digging through the pile that covered her shoes. She had thought the way she felt, if it ever managed to escape into the dark little haven of Casey’s room, would destroy their little something, rend it to pieces, stamp it into the ground and spit on it. It had been an ugly, fearful thing sitting in her chest. But it had gotten free. And Casey was the same, talked to her the same, looked at her the same. Ella thought that meant something. That the way Casey looked at her when they kissed was the same way she always looked at her.

Casey was in front of her again holding a hoodie. She snapped her fingers in front of Ella’s face. “You with me? You good?”

Ella swatted at the hand. “Quit.” She yanked the hoodie out of her hands and inspected it, feeling the well-worn fabric, sniffing it. It had the musk of a hoodie that had been worn for a while without being washed. And the sleeves had been cut off, the edges jagged and fraying like Casey had done it really quickly with a pair of dull scissors.

Casey let her look it over for a bit, then tugged on it gently, pulling it around her shoulders and putting the hood over her head. “There.” She reached into the hood and tapped the hickey, making Ella jump. “Can’t see it.”

“Your solution is for me to wear a hoodie? In summer?” Even as she spoke, her finger hooked into the loop of Casey’s jean shorts and pulled her closer.

“The sleeves are cut off, it’s cool enough.” Casey lifted one knee to rest on the mattress between Ella’s legs. “By the way, your arms are gonna look so good in that.”

“They’re definitely gonna know something’s up.”

“You got a better idea?” Casey whispered, leaning forward so her breaths puffed against Ella’s lips.

“Good point.” Ella pulled her down and kissed her again.