#shudderue

[shudderue]

May I perhaps ask about the brain rot?

this is going to be incoherent but something about rue picking his discipline because he was a horny stupid teenager who never had to think and shudder never getting a choice because it was formed by anger. but it was rue who killed his whole family and ends up better off outnumbered in combat. and like they both feel guilt about their discipline but it's for drastically different reasons and just. hm. parallels

shudder found his purpose after the war and his purpose was helping people and his hotel. and he settled down and was happy and had that going for him even with the fucking atomic bomb in his chest while rue travelled and fucked and became a fulfilling prophecy of the reasons behind his guilt

and i just feel like there's a lot to be said about how rue is an addict — sex, booze, anything to take his mind off of things and dull them a little bit. he's this squirming pile of guilt and has this constant ache in his chest that's all the emotions he's trying not to look at, and then you've got shudder who's kept himself as a steady lifeline for people like rue who are running and running

my own personal headcanon is that what happened in and pre-sow was that rue and vex just fucking. lied. like they went "oh yeah the argument was about my discipline" because it was actually way more serious than that and they don't want to talk about it but all the dead men have known for centuries and are in on the joke. but that's another post in itself lol but basically it's like. something something i can see through you i can see every part of you but your murderous rage has made you shield it from me anyway. i can see everything and take and grab and hide and bury because it's the only thing i can stand to do to get these horrors away from me. you know?

[galaxysplove]

@incorrectspquotes

@ratmans-notebooks

@dead-men-disco

@the-sanctuary

@theres-an-endless-starry-sky

@the-ghost-of-a-spirit

@themarvelmarauder

@marauders-fanfilm

@messrmarauder

@marauderslove5101520

@marlesbiane-mckinnon

@marymaccies

@maidofdarkness23

@shudderue

@skuttlebugs

@billygaysanguine

@bizzarefixations

@i-am-a-fish

@peterpeterpumpkinpeter

@pandorahaspropheticvisions

@my-castles-crumbling

@armageddon-outta-here

@alice-loves-herbology

@are-you-siriius

@brainwrongbutalive

@bubblemoon66

@cheezbot

@davinamarr

@evan-at-deaths-doorstep

@facelessxchurch

@flowerpoweryay09

@wilhelm09

ok, since my last notes post did so well

if this gets 10,000 notes by september, i’ll come out as trans to my parents and ask to get my name changed

ive always promised myself i would come out as trans by then, but im honestly just too scared to

dont worry, they are accepting, they treat my trans friend amazingly and even when he isnt around correct themselves when they accidentally misgender him

im sorry if this sounds like im milking for notes, thats not at all my intention here

[train-whistles-at-night]

i am so full of brainrot so shudderue for ship bingo? <3

not one of most faves but im always down to hear u talk about it lucy <3

[shudderue]

having brainrot. what if i changed my url to shudderue

[shudderue]

Ghost of a Kiss; Breath of a Smile

a shudderue fic in which there is angst and gay. i don’t know what else to say.

It hurt to breathe.

For years, now, Anton Shudder had been afraid of his gist, of the monster that lurked within him. Decades and centuries had gone by when all he’d been able to feel of this thing that resided there was hate, anger, pain. Feelings that fueled it, made it stronger.

The day he’d had his Surge had, perhaps, been the worst. Days went by - perhaps one, two, perhaps a week - of agonising, obliterating pain, leaving him with scars across his chest and a monster inside of him.

He’d never wanted it to be like this.

Anton took another breath, and pain rattled through his body. Dimply, he took notice of the light around him but didn’t dare open his eyes. Not yet.

At first, he’d wanted to train it. Make it like him, make it a friend that he could work with. It had been a companion to him in those lonely, dark days where he couldn’t find anyone to even speak to him, anyone to show him some bare smidgen of affection or love or anything that he so desperately yearned for.

It was the war that broke it - maybe, however, it broke him.

Resentment brewed within the gist, as it was forced to take the burden of what Anton had seen and done. Now, instead of seeing it as a companion, he saw it as little more than just something to push his bad feelings aside - that’s what he referred to it as, and that’s how it was. He had new companions, now, new friends. He didn’t need the monster inside of him.

Another painful, awful breath and he could feel it burning inside of him, thrashing to get out. Could feel it screeching, even if the sound was contained to Anton’s head.

He opened his eyes.

The room was empty, bare - a hospital room, he reflected, ignoring the pain as he pushed himself upright. Tried to stand.

Good, it said. Good. You’re weak.

He didn’t remember when it had started to talk to him, but the tiny bit of effort that was put into a growled, “Shut up,” took away what focus went into keeping him upright, and he collapsed.

The door opened. All he could hear was screaming.

read the rest on ao3 here <3

[galaxysplove]

My gender is no more than people who have a stage???

Idk what happened there but ok

@billygaysanguine @skuttlebugs @shudderue no pressure and open tags

Type "my gender is" on your phone and let your phone finish the sentence, then tag your moots to keep the chain going, I'll go first.

My gender is a little bit more intense than I thought I could have done

@mirukosbitchywife @get-junpeid

[shudderue]

[deep breath]

SHUDDERUE

[shudderue]

i feel so bad abt this but. i have this idea for a fic and i'm super excited for it but i feel like it's such a niche idea that there's going to be maybe? one person interested in it and idk. it's just rly demotivating skfhfkdhks

[shudderue]

my fic idea list grows longer by the day and it's getting concerning because they're all really depressing and/or shudderue

[shudderue]

tem oh my god you finally stopped thirsting after skulduggery to do something

SP Bingo!!

~ Tem

[shudderue]

goddamn i really want to write either crackfic, continue my shudderue angst fic or do shitty little oneshots for a while and can't decide which

[shudderue]

does saranton or shudderue sound better for shudder x rue i'm not sure

my fic idea list grows longer by the day and it's getting concerning because they're all really depressing and/or shudderue