#shoutout to everyone on discord hearing me lose my mind about it every time i get a lil further with it

[sword-opera]

i wasn't expecting that last WIP to get so much attention aaaa

have a slightly more updated version (still not done!) bc i was gonna trash this piece bc im punching way above my current skill level and its TOUGH but all of the nice comments on the last one motivated me to pick it up again and keep swinging at it ^^/

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Mettle Of A Man; Part Sixteen

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: A very special shoutout to @anonymouscosmos for all of their encouragement and support! You are a god among insects. I’d also like to thank the discord chat for enduring my nonsense, as ever. Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

Part Eight: The Return To Sanctuary Hills

Part Nine: Domestic Ruminations

Part Ten: Institutionalized

Part Eleven: Two Weeks, Three Days

Part Twelve: Haylen’s Warning And The Glowing Sea

Part Thirteen: Under Fire

Part Fourteen: Dichotomy

Part Fifteen: The Litany Trial

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains graphic depictions of gore and detailed descriptions of previous abuse. Stay safe!]

Her head had been blown open, or at least it felt that way. The explosion was so close to her face that her helmet had just peeled off like it was made out of shrapnel-laden papier-mâché.

  Sergeant Shaun 'Lucky' Cathan was flat on his back hardly a foot away from her, pinned under the weight of the debris that was slowly crushing his armor. 

  She couldn't move. Her arms and legs wouldn't respond. That blow to the head had been nearly fatal. She was trapped on her stomach, inches from him.

  "Backhand-" Cathan choked, his voice wet. His gauntlet fumbled for her own, large metal fingers gripping her hand. "End of the line for me, eh Handy?"

  She gurgled something, trying to talk. One eye still worked. Barely. It felt like it was full of glass every time she forced herself to blink. It was too dark to see much anyway, even if she squinted. Her head throbbed with the beat of her heart. 

  "Save--your strength, Vega." Cathan instructed. 

  She wasn't sure what strength he was even talking about. Her armor felt like it had collapsed down on her spine. "Sir-" Vega managed to say. "S'been an honor-"

  "Don't give me that-- shit , Vega." Cathan chuckled. "I was just another dog of war. You'll get out of this. Go back to that man of yours, have a few kids, live your life." He coughed, wheezing, "my time is up, Handy."

  "No, no I'm-" Backhand tried to pull him closer, tried to get upright. Pain jolted down her back and legs and she halted, trembling. "I c-can't leave you here, Sarge." She groaned, knowing deep down that it was futile but refusing to give up .

  Cathan's grip tightened briefly. "It's alright, Handy." Her CO murmured. "It's alright. Make sure Tabitha has me buried on American soil. Or chuck my ashes in the harbor, yeah? Piss off all those Cambridge fucks." He chuckled.

  Backhand nodded as best as she could, the tears stinging painfully against the flayed skin of her face. "I will. Promise."

  The rubble overhead creaked and groaned, dust falling down on top of them. "Won't be long now." Cathan mused faintly, "Not long at all…"

  …

  Danse struggled to sit up and roll Vega onto her back. His own injuries faded to the background of his mind as she laid unresponsive, blood slowly pooling in the dirt beneath her left side. Her mouth opened and closed in a spasm; her eyes had rolled back in her skull and her fingers twitched erratically. 

  Have to hold pressure. Stop the bleeding. Danse numbly pressed his shaking hands down on her side just below her ribs, his body suddenly awash in a cold sweat as he realized just how much blood she was losing. He could almost hear Haylen rambling about the arteries, internal bleeding, penetrating damage, Worwick and Brach and Dawes and Keane and Danse felt like he was going to be sick. 

  "H... Haylen! " He yelled desperately. It was the only thing he could think to do.

  Then, against all odds, startling the everliving daylights out of him, Vega sat up . " Oh , you fuckin' asshole! " She hollered at Maxson around Danse's body while the paladin scrambled to attempt to stem the flow of fresh blood that her motion sent spurting out. "You really fuckin' shot me?! You're the worst kind of dick! " 

  Danse was flabbergasted. Her state was clearly compromised, how was she even conscious-

  "Fuck!" Vega growled in pain, dropping her forehead to rest on Danse's chest. "Oh fuck, fuck fuck you, you told me Danse was fuckin' dead, you liar! You expect me to just stand by and let you kill him in front of me?!" She continued to rant at Maxson, her voice muffled somewhat by Danse's shirt. "You dumb fuckin' prick, you stupid fuckin' dipshit motherfuck son of a cockass! This ain't exactly my first time gettin' fuckin' shot, you fuckin' fuck!"

  Danse realized that Arthur hadn't said a damn thing, possibly just as bewildered and awestruck by Elizabeth's impressive grasp of blue-streaked vernacular as he himself was.

  "Paladin Brandis, if I may…?" Haylen's voice was almost inaudible over Backhand's continued snarling. Danse jerked his attention away from Elizabeth, trying to blink the sweat out of his eyes in order to determine the field scribe's location.

  "Scribe, get the hell back behind the line!" Maxson barked. 

  Heavy footfalls heralded the arrival of Rhys and Haylen, the knight using his power armor like a shield to protect the scribe as if they were out in the field. Haylen was suddenly there , on her knees in the gravel next to Danse and Elizabeth. The paladin's eyes were now blinded with tears of gratitude and he huffed out a breath. "Danse, I'll get to you in a second." Haylen said softly, patting his hand. "Let me have her, okay?"

  "Haylen, I…" the large man didn't know what to say, his words failing him. He clutched pitifully at the scribe's hands, sure that he was gripping too tight.

  "I've got her, Danse. It's okay." Scribe Haylen soothed.

  "Yeah Danse, s'okay." Backhand said blearily, "s'Haylen, she's great. We love Haylen." Her head lolled back like it was too heavy for her to hold up. "Haylen made sure I got to eat and stuff."

  " What? " Danse rasped. 

  "The tactics Elder Maxson used during her incarceration…" Haylen trailed off, grimacing and then continuing in an undertone, "I made sure Rhys smuggled in something for her when he brought Brandis' meals."

  "Vega, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry." Danse apologized needlessly, resting his forehead against Elizabeth's as he supported her neck. "I didn't think anything would happen to you. I...I didn't think in general, I guess." He admitted.

  Vega smiled . "Hey, I'd say whatever shit I went through was a pretty decent tradeoff for finding out that you didn't bite it after all." She slurred. "Missed you."

  " Christ , Vega." Danse muttered in dismay, fighting to untie her hands. Haylen took over after a moment, the scribe's fingers infinitely more steady than his own.

  "I need a Stim and a bloodpack!" Haylen announced after examining Vega's abdomen, looking up worriedly. 

  Not a soul moved. The only sound was the noise of Maxson wriggling in the grip of the armored knight who finally had him secured. "Listen to the scribe!" Brandis shouted to the mute crowd. "You have a sister bleeding in front of you and you would be still and silent? Where are the brave, compassionate soldiers I once knew? Knights! Scribes! Are you not Brotherhood?"

  Two aspirants finally elbowed their way through the throng, making a wide berth around Maxson. One of them bore a large canvas bag. "Good, good work. Drop it here." Haylen instructed, unrolling her field kit. "Can I get a scribe with steady hands and another knight for the opposite side?" She called. 

  A knight thundered past Maxson, the man throwing Danse of all people a haphazard salute before he took up his post at the other end of the group. Maxson practically seethed with rage. "Knight, how dare you salute that--that thing! "

  "That thing is still Paladin Danse of the Brotherhood of Steel, Maxson." Brandis growled. "He won the trial fair and square."

  "I will not allow it to live!" Maxson shrieked hysterically, struggling against the iron hold of the knight bear-hugging him. "I don't care how many of you I have to take down, Danse dies today! "

  "Maxson!" Brandis chided. "Do you even hear yourself? You sound insane! Think about what you're saying before you do something you'll regret!"

  "Not before he dies! "

  "Which would you rather be known as, Maxson? The abuser or the synth fucker?" Maxson froze at the sound of Danse's voice. The burly paladin shot the elder a bloodied sneer, his head tilted to the side at an almost arrogant angle. "After all, you got fucked by a synth." What the hell was he saying? Danse felt unhinged , words flippant, his tired limbs barely cooperating as he forced himself up on his knees and then to his feet. "You let a synth fuck you, Arthur." 

  " Abomination -"

  "You ordered a synth to fuck you." Danse reminded him, voice grating as his words came faster. "Demanded it to fuck you. Abused it. Threatened it with a certain death mission if it didn't. Then gave it that mission anyway." Danse rubbed at some crusted blood beneath his blackened right eye, grimacing. "Does it make it better if you didn't know I was a synth? Because then , you have to justify the reality that you molested a soldier in a compromised emotional state utilizing your privileged position of authority. Can you accept that , Maxson?"

  "You...Maxson, is this true?" Brandis asked incredulously.

  "That thing is clearly lying!" Maxson scoffed, looking around at the spellbound crowd like he expected everyone to agree with him. "Dammit, I am the elder -"

  "Did you hope that I would die out here, Arthur? Or did you assume that I would come crawling back to the Capital Wasteland after my inevitable failure in the Commonwealth?" Danse cut him off bitterly. "Did you think I would be easier to break once I had lost everything , Maxson?"

  "He always fights with Danse!" A tiny squire chimed in. Danse hadn't realised that Maxson had Ingram summon the damn children to watch their trial. "We heard them fight!"

  "Silence, brat! " Maxson screamed, his face purpling with fury. "I am the elder of this chapter, last of the Maxson line, and I will be given the respect I deserve! "

  "Cade's records can verify my story!" Danse shouted hoarsely for everyone to hear, his shoulders heaving with emotion. "Every time we engaged, I did not escape unscathed. Nearly every injury was documented. The dates will align with high-stress situations, and I'll stake my life on there being a long stretch of shit mood during the absence of your preferred punching bag, Elder! "

  " Liar! "

  "Abuser!" Danse yelled in reply, "murderer! You killed Cutler, through your biased orders! You killed Knight Astlin, Scribe Farris, Knight Varham! You killed my brothers and sisters!" Danse's fists clenched tight enough to ache. "And for what, Arthur? For a synth? Or for a man that had no interest in you? Either way, I refuse to accept their blood on my hands, Maxson!"

  " You killed them and you know it!" Maxson shrieked, kicking his legs desperately. "All you had to do was obey me, Danse! Was your pride worth their lives?"

  "There was once a time in my life where I would have done damn near anything you asked of me." His anger petering out, all Danse felt now was weary and bruised. "I loved the Brotherhood, Maxson. I still do. But the path we have taken under your leadership is heinous."

  "Don't you dare to lecture me about devotion, you mechanical mockery! " Maxson retorted.

  "This body may be synthetic, but my heart and mind…" Danse paused, saluting once more. " Those belong to the Brotherhood, Maxson. To my brothers and sisters in arms. Nothing can change that. Not even the knowledge of my true identity."

  "That's what you think!" Arthur flailed in the knight's grip, trying in vain to escape. No doubt so he could pitch himself at the paladin one final time.

  "Elder Maxson, through your words and through your deeds, I deem you unfit to lead our chapter of the Brotherhood of Steel at this point in time." Brandis announced abruptly. "As the senior ranking officer, I, Paladin Brandis, will function as the interim elder until we receive proper instructions from our superiors." He removed his helmet, staring down at Arthur sternly. 

  The young man was quite the pitiful sight, bedraggled from trying to beat Danse within an inch of his life as well as from his struggling afterwards. He still looked mad enough to kill, those blue eyes almost crackling with pent-up fury. "You planned this, didn't you?!" His paranoia on full display, Maxson made no attempt to maintain any sort of composure. "Just how many synths have infiltrated our chapter? Well Brandis?! "

  "Arthur, that's enough ." The senior paladin said in reply, his tone measured. "Don't make an even bigger fool of yourself. Bow out while you still have some dignity." He sighed. "Perhaps the stress of this campaign has been too heavy of a burden to bear for you. I sympathize, but I cannot permit you to carry on in this manner, Maxson." Brandis raised his eyes, scanning the crowd. "Cade! Knight-Captain Cade, please see to Maxson. He is obviously unwell."

  …

  Vega flickered in and out of consciousness. The weeks of abuse culminating in this final (though inadvertent) attempt to end her seemed to have nearly been successful. She only barely remembered Haylen treating her wound, mumbling out an apology to the younger woman for leaning so much weight on her. She caught snippets of Danse and Maxson shouting at each other, bits of the trauma that Danse had endured coming tumbling out and making Vega wish that she wasn't half-dead so she could at least flip Maxson off.

  " Rest , Vega ." Haylen had ordered. " You need rest ."

  And really, who was Backhand to refuse? 

  When next she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a canvas ceiling overhead. Vega squinted a little at the brightness of it. How long have I been out for?

  "Welcome back, General." That familiar voice snapped her out of her staring contest with the tent above her and she rolled her head to the side, unable to help her smile at the sight of Danse. Still a little bruised and banged-up, but alive . 

  Tears streaked down her cheeks and Backhand wished that she could have stopped them, sniffling loudly and covering her face.

  "General Vega, there's no need for that." The paladin chided her softly. Something bumped against her knuckles and she realized after a second that Danse was attempting to give her glasses back. 

  Vega accepted the glasses mutely, grabbed Danse's hand and used his arm as leverage to pull herself up off the cot. 

  "Wait, Elizabeth you-" The paladin began to protest, rising to his feet to stop her. Her legs nearly gave out but Danse managed to steady her, one large hand splayed on the small of her back. "You shouldn't be upright yet, Vega." He scolded.

  I missed you. I thought you were dead. The words tangled up in her mouth and instead Backhand mumbled, "I thought I missed you." Danse's brows furrowed in confusion and she hurried to correct herself, "I mean--I...I thought you were dead!"

  "I needed some time to regroup. Straighten my head out. Heal." The paladin explained quietly. "The O'Brians nursed me back to health."

  "What happened , though?"

  "What happened to you , Vega?" Danse asked instead, gripping her elbows carefully to keep her upright. 

  Backhand shrugged weakly. "Maxson thought I knew you were a synth."

  " I didn't even know I was a synth." Danse huffed, thick eyebrows raising once again. "How on earth would you have known?"

  "Maybe he was going on a witch hunt, trying to get me to confess even though I wasn't guilty of anything." She closed her eyes as she mumbled, "I missed you."

  "I thought of you every day." Danse replied bluntly. Her head shot up and she stared at him, watching as a flush crept up his neck. "I er, I...I am not good at these sorts of things," he admitted. "But it's true. I thought of you and...and of your son. Of the life you should have had. When Preston tracked me down, we realized that something must have gone wrong. So I...came back." 

  Oh . She hated the disappointed pit that yawned open in her stomach. She should have known that he wasn't thinking of her in the same way that she had thought of him. 

  Backhand rested her forehead on his chest, willing her tears to abate. "We need to get them out of the Institute." She said thickly. "All of them. Anyone that will come, Danse."

  "I think you and I should speak to Pal-- Elder Brandis. He has expressed interest in working with the Minutemen." Danse sighed heavily, then continued, "I cannot recommend that we work exclusively with the Brotherhood. There are years of prejudice that have been beaten into these men and women. The allowance of my presence is a show of good faith, but I don't know if I trust the rank and file to storm the Institute without turning it into a massacre." He gave her a wry smile. "I cannot blame them. Even knowing what I am now, it's going to take me some time to remove my knee-jerk reaction."

  "There's always something else to do." She wasn't trying to complain , but God she was tired .

  His facial hair brushed against her forehead, scraping the skin lightly. "I know. What was it you said in the Glowing Sea? 'A run ashore'?" He queried while giving her forearms a gentle squeeze, as if to comfort her.

  "I thought you were dead." She hadn't meant to say it again, watching his eyes go dark and kicking herself for bringing it back up.

  "I suppose I was, for a time." Danse murmured, his expression troubled.

  "I... please don't do that to me again." Vega begged. Her hands fisted in his fatigues, wrinkling the worn fabric. "This is going to sound really dumb and really selfish, but please . Don't."

  "When you thought I was dead, did you..." Danse hesitated. "I mean, did you really miss me? I'm not even...well, I'm not a..." He cast his eyes around, narrowing them like he was physically searching for the word he wanted to use. "Human." He finally managed to say, the admission obviously paining him. "I'm a freak of nature, Vega. A perversion of science and an example of where mankind has gone wrong--"

  "Danse." Backhand cupped his jaw, her palms smoothing over the bristle of his stubble as she coaxed him to look at her. "No offense, but you cannot be this stupid."

  "What do you mean?" The paladin asked, his confusion endearingly evident. "I'm not...how am I being…?"

  Backhand blinked. Maybe he could be that stupid. "You're probably the most human person I've ever met, Danse. The way you care about your squadron, the way you've helped me...look, I wasn't upset about you being a synth, I was upset about you being dead ."

  "Oh." Danse breathed. "Really? You... really? Me being a synth wasn't…?" His words kept faltering, uncertainty shining through with every hitch. 

  " You , Danse. I cried about you being gone ."

  "Elizabeth…" 

  "So don't you dare scare me like that ever again, got it?" Backhand leaned forward, boldly pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

  "I--yes. Understood, Knight. Uh, General." Danse stammered, his fingers absently touching the spot she had kissed. "W-We should...go speak to Elder Brandis. If you believe you can walk a short distance? I know better than to ask you to stay put and be patient."

  "Permit me the usage of your arm to keep me upright and yes, we can absolutely go."

  ...

  Please don't do that to me again .

  She had missed him, she said. She had mourned him, even. Cried over him. Danse's head was spinning.

  How could that even be possible? How could she...he was a machine . 

  No time left to consider such weighty problems, unfortunately, as he found that far too soon the two of them were approaching what had formerly been Maxson's quarters and now served as Brandis' war room.

  "Ad Victoriam, Paladin Danse and General Vega!" Elder Brandis greeted them warmly with a loose salute, gesturing around the war table afterwards. "Kells, Cade, Ingram, Quinlan, Doctor Li, I trust you all need no introductions?"

  The briefing was, as they usually were, tedious. Nothing brief about it, if he was being brutally honest. Vega held her ground though, which was all he really needed.

  "You boys aren't tyrants or fuckin' warlords. Not while I have any sort of say in the matter." She said sharply. "If you want Minutemen support, we are working as a team and the Minutemen have uninhibited access to all information as it is gathered. That means we'll need Quinlan's full cooperation." She held up a hand, staving off Quinlan's outburst. " Only in regards to the Institute. We don't want your super-secret Spec Ops sealed Brotherhood case files, so don't get those boxers in a bunch." Cade snorted and Proctor Quinlan looked absolutely scandalized, even as he grudgingly nodded. 

  "Now, General, this is all well and good but what does the Brotherhood get out of this bargain?" Kells asked pointedly. "As far as I can see, we're the integral piece in this plan."

  "' As far as you can see ' is an apt phrase, Lancer-Captain Kells." Backhand's tone was cool. This was General Vega for certain, the woman who had whipped the Minutemen back into shape. "Because what you can't see are the rest of my operations. The Minutemen aren't the only force I have at my disposal, just the most obvious." She leaned in a little, her eyes cold as ice behind the lenses of her glasses. "Do you really want to test me on my home turf, Kells? After everything that's happened?"

  "Not testing you, General Vega." The lancer-captain clarified, "simply identifying what seems to be an imbalance in the negotiations."

  "I got you Doctor Li." Vega retorted. "Without her, your Liberty Prime would still be a pile of junk. I've gotten your scribes tons of information to sift through, I've done everything the former elder asked of me."

  "Lancer-Captain Kells, if I might also interject?" Danse asked hesitantly, cringing on the inside as everyone turned to look at him like they had forgotten he was even there. Kells inclined his head after a moment. "Sir, we cannot be so quick to discredit our position. Due to our aerial location, we will be within the perfect striking distance to any sort of localized, above-ground assault."

  "I am more than aware of our position, Paladin . But that does not negate the fact that we have a much larger stake in this than anyone else-"

  "Larger than the locals who have been getting body-snatched for years?" Vega cut him off. "Let's not forget that myself and your new elder were starved and tortured for weeks , while the rest of you sat around and twiddled your thumbs out of fear and respect." She spat. "Don't fuckin' come to me with your scale-tipping bullshit . It took a synth to make you all sack up, and I don't intend to let you forget that." The woman straightened up, looking grim. "I'm not giving you anything else. You can either work with us, or you can keep pitching yourself against the Institute until they've all slipped away and you're left with nothing but an empty facility and unanswered questions."

  "She's right." Doctor Li affirmed tersely. "They won't just wait around to be pummeled. This isn't the Enclave. The board of directors will do everything in their power to avoid you and waste your resources at the same time."

  "We cannot afford to entrench ourselves in a drawn-out assault, Kells." Brandis reasoned. "When we strike, we have to do it decisively. Give it everything we've got and cut off the head."

  Kells nodded, seeming satisfied. "Understood, Elder Brandis. I meant no disrespect, General Vega."

  "None taken. I'm still recovering from getting the shit kicked out of me, so my manners aren't up to par quite yet." Vega rested her elbows on the table, steepled fingers tapping her chin. "I won't take anything from you that you're unable to give, Lancer-Captain Kells. If I can avoid using the BoS altogether, I will." She murmured, tilting her head. "I need to get in touch with some people before I can offer anything concrete, but once Lieutenant Garvey knows I'm alive I'm sure the rest will learn fast. We'll rally and plan accordingly." 

  "Well then, what are we waiting for?" Ingram asked eagerly. "C'mon Vega, let's head to the comm deck and get things squared away!"

  "Excellent plan. You two are dismissed." Brandis agreed, making a shooing gesture at the two women. Once they had departed, he turned his attention to Cade. "Do you have faith in our medical capabilities, Knight-Captain?" 

  Cade nodded. "We had been planning to attack them head on anyways, Brandis. If we're truly going in a little less 'shock and awe', we may actually tip more towards over-prepared."

  "I'm not certain how useful their teleporter will be to us once we get inside. I'm sure they'll lock it down with great expedience. However there is another possible egress." Quinlan spread the old blueprint out on the war table, fingers indicating a small service tunnel. "Now, if their measurements are accurate, power armored troops will not fit in this tunnel. But unarmored individuals most certainly will. This includes any…" he hesitated, like he was preparing himself to say it, "... refugees , or non-hostile denizens." 

  Quinlan referring to synths as anything but had Danse's head spinning. Vega was an absolute marvel .

  "It will be heavily guarded." Doctor Li warned. "They like to pretend that there's only one way in or out. Their precious molecular relay ."

  "Danse, I think you ought to take point when it comes to securing this tunnel." Kells remarked, making the paladin straighten up. "We won't be able to gauge our level of involvement until we have a full muster from Vega, but I'd like a senior-ranked soldier in the mix. And I know how much you enjoy being boots on the ground." The older man offered Danse a thin smile.

  Danse was so moved he needed to take a moment, finally choking out a ' yes sir ' with his hand over his heart. That Kells, even after all the years of growing to despise synths, would trust him with such a task-!

  Perhaps they did stand a chance, after all.

Part Seventeen

[musepirations]

sorry for yet another cryptic rant on main but there is something that has been bugging me for over a week now and it keeps being brought to my attention over and over again so i just... have to air out some dirty laundry for a second. 

we had to make the hard decision to close our group a week and a half ago. fair enough, every group comes to an end even though it is hard after a group has run for so many months. and you have tried so hard as admins, for so many months ( especially during the global pandemic which affected everyone ), to create a safe space and a room for distraction. we have tried so hard to keep the group active and the members involved and enthusiastic and excited. we reached out, asked for opinions and suggestions with the sole purpose of making the group better and for keeping the group thriving. even though not everyone always took kindly to that, especially when it came to activity and asking to do a bit of self-reflection on the half a dozen roles some had and virtually no time to roleplay them. but we tried to make it work, always. we offered tools to enhance plotting with everyone when it was pointed out that plotting ( or lack thereof ) was the issue. very few made use of it. out of twenty members only a good handful reacted to plotting calls or replied to starters, which always included the three admins. i think everyone would agree that such a thing is disappointing to see, to say the least - to receive complaints about ‘ i have no plots ‘ but seeing very little effort made to actually plot. you have to realise there is only so much an admin can DO FOR YOU. we offered tools. we have written numerous messages to point out the importance of plotting and interacting with everyone. we have pressed on inclusiveness over and over again. but we cannot do the plotting for you. don’t blame us for it then. it isn’t fair. don’t tell us you cannot talk to us ‘ because we are admins ‘. numerous people from our group did come to us afterwards to appreciate how approachable we were as admins. don’t tell us you cannot talk to us and it is pointless talking to us because ( quoted ! ) ‘ WE CANT TALK TO YOU ALL BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY DONT GIVE A FUCK ‘. as admins who tried so hard to keep the group running and who have always valued our members’ opinions and only ever did or said anything to make sure our group was the best it could be, that everyone felt included and the group wouldn’t die... it hurts a whole lot to be told that. especially in a one way conversation where you were only talking about yourself and were not hearing anything else that was said or asked. to be insulted and talked to in a very passive aggressive and accusing manner two weeks in a row, causing me and the other admins so much stress because we did care so deeply, was the final straw. especially since the root of the problem was a clique everyone was aware of ( mind you ) - a clique you were all part of. and then to blame the admins for ‘ bubble roleplaying ‘ while the admins were the only people making an effort to plot with everyone who posted plotting or starter calls, and the admins got almost no replies to their own plotting calls or starters... that was very rich. there is a difference between purposely favoring and only writing with certain muns ( bubble roleplaying ) and roleplaying with certain muns more frequently because no one else is doing your replies / wanting to plot with you. do not throw that in my face when you were the one sitting on my reply, you were the one to not react to my plotting calls or replied to my starters and i was the one who always sent the last message in a conversation because you never replied again. don’t manipulate me and guilt trip me into believing i was still the problem ( which you knew would get to me, because it is who i am - you know i care deeply and you abused that to make me feel bad about myself ). maybe there is equal blame. i will be the first person to admit that i am far from perfect. but then there is still EQUAL blame. not just you pointing a finger at me. don’t guilt trip me by bringing up a mistake i made in the past and profoundly apologised for to the person i wronged back then and actually talked it through with them - it was none of your business to begin with. my friendship with them was strained, i admit, and i am not too proud to take blame for that at all. not at all. but you made me lose a friend i loved dearly with your meddling. i still do not know what the cause was of everything you said and the drama you started ( maybe you all just wanted a way out of our group, so you could start your own with all of our members but us admins ; because just leaving when everything was so shit apparently, was too easy, right ? an opinion not a lot of members did seem to share with you, by the way ) - all i know is that it caused a group to close and the members who did still love it were punished. and you and your friends, who were at the roots of a lot of tension even though you refuse to see your own blame in anything, did not say a word. not a thank you for all the months. not even a goodbye to the other members if you care so very little for us admins to acknowledge what we did do right. nothing. radio silence.

BUT HERE COMES THE GOOD STUFF ! y’all started your own group ! and fair enough, it had been in the works for a long time, by one of you. fair enough, you asked your closest friends from our group ( your clique, ey ) to help out admin. fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. but to post only one thing in our groupchat an hour after we announced closing, and it being a double promo to your own group which DROPPED the same night we closed and you asked A SHOUTOUT FOR  from me ( which i gave you, because after all i still wish you all the best, i do - even though i do not agree with a lot of things you did and do ) the morning after we closed our group... that feels very disrespectful to me. and that isn’t all, is it ? because your group only consists of OUR MEMBERS ! members who i know ( from numerous sources ) you have all messaged privately to ask them to join your group. you even asked one of my co-admins. you asked everyone but me and my other co-admin. you just take our members, plop them back down into your own group to continue where you left off with them, right ? but you exclude me and my co-admin. all of you ignore me on discord since then. you ignore me on instagram, when i compliment a picture of yours because i still care about you. and in the meantime, you are just luring all of our members into your new group. do you have any idea how EXTREMELY UPSETTING that is ? to know you are deliberately being left out of something ? even by people you considered your friends ? i don’t care that you created a new group, all four of you - we made a new group as well which we are super proud of and excited for. you do you, always. and i wish you the best with it. but when you go around messaging all of our members - members you probably did not have anything to do with when our group was still running because they weren’t your best friends - to have them join your group so you can pick up where we left off... but you are excluding me ? that hurts me deeply. because no one likes to be left out. and no ones likes to feel like trash and feel uncared for. no one likes to feel that the blame is all on them after trying so hard to do good for everyone. which was always the goal in our group. it hurts, and i hope you know it. and i hope you’re not proud of it. i wish all of you and your group the best. i just wish it wasn’t build on the months of work we put into our group to make it a solid family. only to cast us out like we are dirt. after treating us like dirt, some of you at least. shame on you. 

[boku-no-imagine-this]

I HIGHKEY LOVE YOUR TODOROKI ANGST! I. NEED. MORE. can you please make a angst scenario of Todoroki and a fem!reader with a quirk that makes her live forever. I wanna see how you'll make my heart ache with this 👀. Love you so much!!!!!!!

a/n: thank you,,,, you asked for angst, You got angst. Love you too anon!!! I added a twist to the quirk as well. Shoutout to the betas from the bnha x reader discord server for helping me with corrections. I’m so so so so so thankful to the people who took their time off to beta this 💕

Promise to Neverland 

“Peter Pan and I have similar quirks.” you said softly, looking at the children’s book. Your small child hands lifted the book up from the table then placed it back on the bookshelf.

“Huh? Does Peter Pan even have a quirk”

You shook your head. “I don’t think so. He just lives forever,” you stated.

“Then we can be like Peter Pan and Wendy” The young boy with those deep blue and grey orbs had suggested with a blush tinted on his cheeks but you frantically shook your head in disapproval.

“Silly! I should be Wendy and You should be Peter Pan since I’m the girl” You huffed, puffing your cheeks.

“You said you’re like Peter Pan…” Shoto trailed off. “So Wendy is the one who lives normally”

“I know…” You sighed in disappointment. “I don’t want that… Peter Pan and Wendy’s story end badly. Peter is stuck in Neverland and Wendy grows up and never sees him again. I…” You trailed off, trying to hold your tears back.

“I don’t want to say goodbye!” you yelled with tears pricking the end of your eyes.

Shoto walked forward and engulfed you into a warm, gentle hug which you were too upset to even return. “I promise to never say goodbye.”

You finally returned the hug. “Promise? Promise to the second star to the right and straight on till morning”

He pulled away and smiled at you. “Promise to the second star to the right and straight on till morning”

Promises were meant to live on forever. However, they were made in such a naive stage of life when you were both unaware of the fact that unlike promises, those who make them don’t live on forever.

———-

Growing up, your appearance had only moderately changed. Your quirk allowed you to stop and slow down time in certain objects. Due to a malfunction of your quirk, you had accidentally used it on yourself, causing you to age differently. Even with that, you were able to still be cared for by your best friend, the boy whom you had met and befriended merely through your parent’s connections.

 Shoto was there for you when things went downhill, just as you were there for him in his lowest points in life. Here you were, a second year in junior high school, training with him while your face was burning red. He was panting heavily with his face inches from yours.

 You were just about to fall from tripping on one of the small ice shards he had created. You had coincidentally stopped time around you two while his arm was around your upper body.

Once the realization of the situation had dawned over you, your face combusted into a deeper red causing you two both to lose balance. Your quirk had deactivated making you both fall as his grip on you loosened.

“I’m so sorry Shoto!” You quickly apologized getting up. He dusted his clothes off and stood up. “It’s fine. We both need practice with our quirks to become stronger.”

 “Promise you’ll stick with me forever. No matter what happens, we tell each other anything and everything if we want to. Best friends forever.” You firmly stated, however, your heart had somehow felt as if it had twisted when you had said the last few words.

He looked at you with a confused expression before nodding with certainty. “Sure”. With that, you unknowingly forced on a smile.

 ——–

“Gahhhh! I really envy you L/n! You still have such perfect skin and a cute babyface!” Ashido whined as you walked with her to the classroom.

“It’s just a side effect of my quirk… it happened when I was young causing me to age slower” you chuckled awkwardly, attempting to make your friends calm down.

 “Yeah but, that’s so cool, We’re gonna be grandmas while you’re gonna look like you’re 40! You look like a Junior High Schooler!” Ochako smiled. “Plus your quirk is awesome! Time manipulation!” she awed.

 “It really isn’t much of a big deal compared to you two- oh! Shoto!” You called out immediately as you saw your dual color haired friend. You ran up to his table and smiled. “Good morning.” you greeted.

 “Good morning Y/n.” He greeted in return while you took your seat beside him. “I’d like to ask you something.” He said causing you to turn your attention back to him.

 “Yeah? What’s up?” you inquired.

He looked around the classroom to see that not many people had arrived yet. It was just Uraraka, Iida, and Ashido who were all gathered in Iida’s table, possibly talking about something.

“I like someone,” he said.

You opened your mouth to reply. However, once the words had processed into your mind, you slowly pursed your lips together. You were unsure of what to say. Did you understand and hear correctly?

 “Y-you like someone?” You questioned hesitantly and he nodded and you felt your throat run dry. “I like many people as well. I mean, you like me, Midoriya, our classmates, your siblings, our teachers, of course. How would you be close to everyone if you disliked them?” You laughed, attempting to make your assumption of it to just be a misunderstanding. It couldn’t be that. Right?.

“I believe you misunderstood. I…” He paused clearing his throat. “I like someone, in a romantic sense.”

Your face paled as your eyes dilated. Was he joking? Were you dreaming? How could it be? Your mouth stayed slightly agape as you observed him. He was as stoic as ever, but he seemed to be avoiding your gaze; his cheeks were tinted with a slight, barely visible pink.

 “Who is it?” You inquired, holding onto the hope that it could be you. “If you don’t mind me asking that is.” You added with a small chuckle after.

 He looked back at you straight in the eye, causing a light blush to dust your cheeks… You always got flustered whenever you would meet the gaze of his mismatched, beautiful irises.

 “Promise you wouldn’t tell anyone.” He asserted. Back then, it would usually be you who would initiate promises, out of mere childhood spirit.

 You nodded, your anxiety growing and adrenaline levels rising. “Promise.”

 “Yaoyorozu. I like Yaoyorozu,” He stated.

 You bit your tongue to hold back from saying anything in spite. You finally managed to regain control of your composure and let out a deep breath. “Really? That’s good I guess.” You smiled. “What made you like- I mean, realize you like her?” You asked, stomach churning at your words.

 “I realized it when I began feeling differently whenever I would talk to her. I felt… calmer and happier. I began to take notice of small things she would do. I began to see her as more than a classmate, more than an acquaintance….” he said trailing off.

 “Oh I see, I guess I just misunderstood what you had said” you laughed timidly. “I.. I’m proud of you. If you want to talk about it, feel free to approach me anytime.” you grinned.

 He gave you a soft smile while nodding, “Thank you.”

 “No problem! After all, we made a promise back then that we’d tell each other everything and anything; stay together forever,” you responded.

 “Right. Thank you once again” he said.

 “You don’t need to,” you said awkwardly laughing.

 “Apologies. You’re like a younger sister to me” he said. You looked down to your hands to calm the even stronger aching in your heart. Before you could respond, you immediately spotted Yaoyorozu.

 “I’ll go to my seat. My stomach isn’t feeling well” you said, turning around to walk over to your seat. Shoto tilted his head slightly in confusion and attempted to go and question if you needed anything, however, he had quickly realized that Yaoyorozu had taken her seat. His gaze shifted slowly back and forth from her and you causing his eyebrows to furrow in confusion. ‘Is Y/n trying to help me?’

 You sat down and placed your head atop your arms on the desk. You gritted your teeth trying to soothe the heavy ache and the painful throbbing of your heart… ‘He likes her and he sees me as a little sister… It’s kind of reasonable, but, if it weren’t for my quirk’s effect, would he still see me as a little sister?’

You turned back to see both Yaoyorozu and Shoto talking. ‘It might just be a crush. Crushes are sometimes things people get over.’

You nodded, happy with your homemade resolution and looked over to see Hagakure and Tsuyu already in their seats. You figured it was best to just clear your mind and you would get over it soon.

———-

If you could have gone back in time to view yourself and your decisions, you would have scoffed.

Years had passed by, but it had felt like it had only been months. You laughed as you talked to Kirishima and Kaminari, who were making jokes about how the graduation would go. The rest of your class, 3-A; the class you had been with and gone through so much from the past three years; villain attacks, various intense training sessions, life-changing events, and personal events on friendship and love. All in your togas and graduation caps, everyone was having last minute chats before the ceremony begins. There would be no telling of who would immediately be going out in the hero field or who would decide to seek higher education, but no matter what decision each one of you would make, U.A. had prepared you all for anything that would come in the future.

You chuckled, shaking your head. “All jokes aside, let’s hope that really doesn’t happen”

 Kirishima nodded with a close lidded grin. “Gotta agree with that. We wouldn’t want a goodbye scolding from Aizawa”

 “Yeah” Kaminari shivered. “But it would’ve been pretty damn funny if it happened”

 “Don’t even think about it” You and Kirishima deadpanned in sync.

“I was kidding!” He retorted

“Yeah.. anyways, let’s enjoy this day to the fullest. After all, it might be the last day we’ll see each other almost every day” You said.

 “Hey, don’t talk as if we’re all gonna die. Some of us might go to university but many would go to hero work immediately. Maybe even at the same agencies.” Kirishima replied. “What are you doing? Starting your own agency or gonna go under another agency? Since we’re all relatively popular, we’d all be either in areas like Tokyo or Musutafu”

 “Kirishima and I are temporarily gonna be under agencies which were coincidentally close to each other. We’ll check how things go and later on start our own agencies” Kaminari explained and you hummed in understanding.

 “I see, That’s a good plan” you nodded.  

 “What about you?” Kaminari inquired.

“Oh actually-” you were about to explain until you had spotted the distinct dual colored hair. “Hold on. I wanna tell Shoto first.”

 Kirishima frowned but he raised a brow. “He still doesn’t know?”

 “For someone so smart, he’s pretty stupid” Kaminari.

 “Yeah. Though it’s partially my fault…” you trailed off.

Kirishima placed a hand on your shoulder and looked at you firmly in the eye. “Hey. Don’t look so down now. Just tell him what you gotta say” he grinned and you nodded, turning around to go to his direction.

Once you were about to go and talk to Shoto, you paused your steps. He was still talking to Midoriya. ‘It’s alright, I’ve still got the rest of the day.’ You turned your heel around and walked back to the opposite direction, to your other classmates.

 The day had passed by just as smoothly as the ceremony had thankfully gone well. Midoriya had finished his final speech as one of the representatives aside from Iida. Now Aizawa, All Might, and Principal Nezu were making final remarks. You smiled softly throughout the speeches, they were all so warm and comforting. It was all over, however it was a new beginning as well. You looked to the side and saw Shoto listening intently.

 “… and once again, Class 3-A, you are all graduated. Congratulations.” Principal Nezu finally stated as everyone clapped and cheered. Oh, how you wished things would always be like this.

———

U.A held a party after the ceremony, mainly to just celebrate and have a farewell event. You stepped into the auditorium with the toga finally off revealing the semi-formal dress you wore under.

 You scanned the room to check for anyone to go and hang out with until you felt a tap on your shoulder. Your quirked a brow up, confused to who it was before you turned around and saw Shoto standing behind you. “Oh, Shoto, hey.” you greeted.

 “Hey. I’ve been looking for you” He said.

 Your cheeks flared up slightly at his words. “Oh, really?” you inquired, replying.

He nodded. “I wasn’t able to talk to you earlier before and after the ceremony. Wanna sit down?” He motioned over to a free table and you nodded.

 You both took your seats. The room was dark however, dimmed white lights were illuminating the room, along with the colorful lights that danced around. Several students, not only your class but the rest of the third year graduated batches were as well.

 “I can’t believe we made it” you started. “Yeah. After everything we’ve all gone through, It makes me glad that everyone’s happy” Shoto replied.

 “Mhm. Everyone is just smiling and enjoying their time, despite it being one of the last times we’re gonna see each other for a long time” You spoke, smiling softly yourself as you rested your cheeks in your palms..

“Right. Speaking of that, have you decided what you’re doing?” he questioned causing your eyes to brighten.

“Yeah. I wanted you to be the first to know since you’re my closest friend. The pro hero I did my work studies with this year offered to help me build my own agency” you happily said.

 His eyes widened before his features softened into a smile. “That’s great. Here in Musutafu as well?” he inquired causing you to purse your lips and shake your head.

 “Unlike your agency, here in Musutafu, I’m going to be all the way in Nagasaki,” you said, averting your gaze. “I know I won’t be as close to you and everyone and it seems like I’m being selfish but…” you trailed off, unsure and unable to even say anything.

“It’s alright,” he said. “You chose that because you want to be a hero for not only people in the main cities but in areas in the south and others” he stated. “That’s being more selfless rather than selfish,” he stated. You felt your heart skip a beat as you clenched onto the hem of your dress tightly. You smiled under your pursed lips. His words always cleared your mind and reassured you. 

You nodded and looked up to face him. Your eyes met his. It felt as if time stopped, and that was not because of your quirk. You felt your cheeks heat up even more. No, you couldn’t bear to continue like this especially when he has someone he loves. You abruptly stood up with your palms on the table and turned around. “Sorry, and thank you.  I’ll get a drink and tell everyone else before I leave tomorrow.” you excused yourself and made your way outside the auditorium to the restrooms. 

You turned the sink on and filled your hands with water then splashed it on your face. You grabbed a piece of tissue and wiped your face. Thankfully, you weren’t wearing much makeup. You looked at the mirror to see the blush fading away. You let out a groan and covered your face once again. He managed to make your heart ache, in the way that you yearned to be with him and have that immense joy whenever you were in his presence.

 You looked at your face in the mirror with a smile and furrowed brows. Starting tomorrow, you promised yourself to do your best as a hero.

——-

You adjusted to Nagasaki fairly well. It had been more or less 5 months, however, you didn’t keep track of time nor did you have much free time. You dealt with villain groups in the area, helped with rescue missions, and had just finally finished a mission regarding a black market within the villain society you had been working on ever since the start of your career, which had been the sole reason why you barely had free time.

You hung your trench coat on the coat hanger behind your office door and took a seat at your desk. You scanned through papers and files, quickly taking notice of a creme white envelope embroidered with rose gold on the sides. You tore off the seal and brought the paper inside out.

—

‘Dear Y/n,

 It has been so long since we have seen you. We understand that it is due to your hero work in Nagasaki and we’ve heard so much about it. You’re doing so well and we’re extremely happy for you. It has been so long since we’ve caught up and we understand you’re a busy person but we have wonderful news: We’re getting married. We hope you can make time to come, it will be in 4 months. You’ve made such an impact on both of our lives that we truly believe you need to be in one of the biggest times of our lives.

 Best wishes, Shoto and Momo’

—

As soon as you finished scanning the letter your heart felt as if it had stopped beating. You shook your head with your mouth agape. What was going on? It had only been 5 months since everyone had separated and graduated. Wasn’t it too early?

Your mind was filled with questions but you quickly shuffled the table making various items on the desk fall off, for your phone. You quickly scroll through your contacts and clicked on Shoto’s name.

You abruptly stood up with your phone connected to your ear and your other hand grasping onto your hair. You bit your lower lip while walking back and forth across the room, anticipating him to answer.

 “Come on, pick up, pick up. Pick-”

 “Hello?” A deep voice had responded from the other line. “Shoto!” you yelled out of relief, your chest tightened as your heart began to race faster.

 “Oh, Y/n? Hi. Are you alright? Is everything fine? You sound troubled” He replied with a worried tone.

“I’m…” you struggled to even reply. You were clearly at a disheveled state due to a reason you should be ashamed of however you chose not to say why. You breathed out deeply, “yeah I’m fine. Just tired. I received your letter”

“You have? I was planning on telling you in person. However, when I came, they said you were out” He said.

“I know. Sorry about that. So…. you and Momo are getting married?” you inquired painfully. “Yeah. I proposed a month ago.” He smiled.

“C-congratulations” You stammered. “But, isn’t it too early?” you laughed awkwardly.

“We’ve been together for almost 8 years and live together so I guess not?” He replied, confused.

“What?!” You yelled. “8 years?! It’s only been 5 months since graduation” you quickly stated.

“No,” Shoto said, confused. “It’s 20XX. It’s more or less half a decade since we graduated from U.A”

“Impossible…” You breathed out. “I-it can’t be! I mean-”

“Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?-” He questioned. “No! I’m sorry… I think I’ve been careless about the dates and I’m just tired… I’ll come to the wedding. I just need to rest for now” you sighed, tears already pricking the rims of your eyes.

“Right. Thank you, I’ll be sure to inform Momo. Get some rest and send me a text when you feel better. Bye”

“Bye” you managed to whisper before ending the call. Your hand trembled as you placed your phone on your desk. Soon after that, you slumped over to the wall and fell to the ground.

You felt sick, disgusted at yourself. You were so ignorant and busy. Part of you wanted to strangle yourself for being immensely ignorant of how time passed. However, the reason why you were being ignorant was that you carried the burden and wanted to save people’s lives. That part of you felt as if your ignorance was in the way of your love and chance to impress Shoto and possibly win him back. You were disgusted at that part of yourself. How could you ever wish that?

 Tears continuously streamed down your face as you purse your lips, biting back a wail. You continued to silently cry at the corner of your office for a while longer. You needed to vent out your emotions to properly think straight.

 Finally, you stood back up and wiped your tear stained face. You looked at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were glossy and red. Sighing, you walked back to your desk and pressed the button to communicate with your assistant.

“Hello?” You called out with your voice strained. “I’d like to clear my schedule for next week Saturday and the 2nd week of 4 months later,” you said then removed your finger from the button. As soon as you had done that, you placed your head over your arms above the desk. ‘I’ll keep my word and be there. I have to’

——-

4 months had quickly passed by; those words were to be taken literally in your case.

You leaned against the wall as you watched Ochako and Mina fuss over Momo’s hair. You would’ve been doing the same; would’ve been helping her out, would’ve been panicking about the rush of time, and would’ve been happy for her.

“Y/n!” Hagakure called your name causing you to perk up. “Yeah?” you inquired and walked over to them.

 Mina immediately pouted and fixed your hair. “Quit leaning against the wall. Your hair’s getting ruined and your gown’s wrinkling”

 “Oh right.. Sorry” you apologized and decided to help out by getting a few bobby pins and cleaning a few strands of Momo’s hair out of the way. The ravenette frowned. “Are you alright Y/n? You look troubled. Shoto’s been worried and said you hadn’t been feeling well the past months”

 Your heart had suddenly began to flutter; hearing that he was worried and actually cared made you feel hopeful, just for a while, until you quickly reminded yourself about the event you were currently at. “I’m fine. I’m just really proud of you and Shoto”

 She turned to you and smiled. Oh how you wished you weren’t envious of that smile, the smile Shoto fell in love with, “Thanks”. For now, you decided to genuinely attempt to truly be happy for them, for both her smile and his to last forever.

 You suddenly flinched. “Momo! Your hair!” you yelled, causing her to immediately turn back to face the mirror. “Sorry, go on”

 You nodded and continued with her hair along with the rest of the girls.

——-

You failed to do what you had thought of just earlier in the dressing room. Throughout the entire ceremony, your heart clenched and twisted as it did before. Envy engulfed you while they said their vows; while the vows were being exchanged, you were forced to bite back a cry.

 You knew you couldn’t take it anymore, the first few hours of the party were spent alone until you finally decided to step outside.

 The party was being held at a high starred hotel by what you had presumed to form the appearance of the venue. You leaned against the railing and let a deep breath out.

 “You alright?”

 You nearly jumped at hearing a new voice. You turned around and almost froze. You turned back around and nodded. “Perfectly fine”

He walked forward next to you and did the same, leaning on the rail. “Shouldn’t you be inside… Y’know, enjoying your wedding” you spoke up, causing him to shrug.

“I am, though I saw you were alone and walked out here,” Shoto said.

“I’m fine, go back inside to Momo” you replied, brushing him off.

“Y/n” he called you out making you stiffen. “I’ve known you for almost 2 decades and I’m pretty sure I know when you’re lying.”

“Touche” you chuckled. “Things have just been hectic lately, in work-”

“Right, you were able to put an end to underground villain organizations” He replied, cutting you off and you nodded. “I guess news gets around fast”

“It does. Anyways, apologies for cutting you off. Go on” He replied.

You nodded, “Right. And personal problems”

“Such as?” he inquired making you pause. “It’s a secret” you replied.

“I don’t want to be insensitive but, we made a promise that we’ll tell each other everything” Shoto frowned. Your eyes widened at his statement, later on, your features softened finally processing his words.

“True, but I guess I’m just still unsure about it” you covered as he hummed in understanding. “It’s fine. Just tell me anything you want to and can” he stated.

“Thanks, Sho” you sighed. Silence took over as soon as you uttered those words. It was a comforting silence, that made you reminisce about the past and how simple things were, how calm and silent they were.

You decided to speak up, feeling guilty. “Time has passed by so fast.” you began, causing him to perk up and listen intently. “Honestly, I kept adding onto my own work for the wrong causes. Now that I realize it, I feel horrible, disgusted at myself. It’s been so stressful and mind breaking that I forgot about why I even became a hero… I was so congested in it that I forgot to even take time off to the point I forgot to even keep track of time” you explained.

“I believe you’re a good hero. A good person, with a good heart” he responded, making you smile. After the longest time, you had met his eyes, not in longing and pain, but in genuine, true happiness.

Out of spite, you tipped up your toes and brushed your lips against his cheek before going back down. You both met eyes once again until your action had processed in your mind, making you turn back to the door of the hotel.

“Sorry, I just felt like doing that. Y-you know, like how your mom and sister do… since I’m like your little sister as you had said years ago” You explained out of the whim. He nodded and gave a soft smile “It’s fine. Now let’s go back inside to everyone” he said and you and he did so.

Shame filled you immensely just as guilt washed over you. You knew you shouldn’t have done what you had just done. Peter Pan had given Wendy a hidden kiss that he shouldn’t have.

———–

It took you awhile to get over it. You finally managed to gather your strength, courage, and composure to just move on, as hard as it seemed.

You opened your phone with a smile to finally text Shoto. You looked up at the penthouse and rung the doorbell.

Instead of either Shoto or Momo, whom you had expected to be the ones to answer to door, a young girl had run out. “Auntie Y/n!” A little girl with raven hair and heterochromic irises ran towards you and tackled you into a hug. You laughed and hugged her in return.

“I missed you so much” the little girl grinned, pulling away. You smiled at her and nodded. “I did too, Shiro”

You both finally got up and nodded at each other. You both performed a series of hand clasps and claps before grinning at one another.

You both immediately heard a stern clearing of a throat, causing you and the little girl to turn to where the sound had come from, clearly knowing who it was.

“I see you still have the audacity to do a handshake with my own daughter after only texting me just now that you’re staying in Musutafu for 16 days” Shoto crossed his arms with a frown.

You chuckled and got back up, “Well, what’s the point of a surprise if you know?” You teased, making him playfully hit you.

“Come in. Momo immediately started cooking just seconds ago when I got your text” he rolled his eyes, opening the door to let you in.

You followed in after Shiro then removed your shoes. “The house still hasn’t changed much huh?” you smiled.

“Not at all,” He said while walking in. You entered the living room, connected to the kitchen. “Hey L/n, I’m getting some Sukiyaki done, please wait for a while” Yaoyorozu perked up from the kitchen then stepped back in to tend to the food. “It’ alright really. I’m just visiting” you said.

“If you were, you should have warned us ahead of time” Shoto frowned making you roll your eyes. “Well, If I’m going to be honest, this trip really was last minute” you replied. Shoto raised a brow, intrigued by your reply. “How so?”

“Hero work” you replied.

Shoto gave you a deadpanned look. “How am I not surprised. For what exactly?” he inquired further.

“They’re working on a case regarding a villain like black market here in Musutafu. Since I handled it well back in Nagasaki, they decided to call me up for backup”

“I see. I remember Midoriya informed me that he was working on that case as well” he stated and you nodded.

“I’m actually staying at Ochako’s place since she lives close to various agencies”

“You could’ve stayed with us” Shiro interjected with a pout.

You laughed and ruffled her hair. “I would but I’m pretty sure if I surprised your dad with the fact I’m staying over, he’d be even madder”

“I’m not mad” Shoto replied, rolling his eyes making you and Shiro burst into a fit of giggles.

“The Sukiyaki’s done! Please come over” Yaoyorozu called over while popping up from behind the wall. You three got up and walked over to the dinner table. You used the ladle to get a bowl for yourself then saw Shiro’s mouth watering from the scent of the soup. You used the ladle to get another serving and poured it on the young girl’s bowl.

You took a sip and savored the flavor before turning to Yaoyorozu. “This is great Momo. You really didn’t have to”

She shook her head, “it’s fine. You’re our guest and it is almost lunchtime after all” she explained, you nodded as thanks then continued eating.

“So are you here for vacation?” Yaoyorozu questioned but Shoto replied for you.

“She’s working on the case Midoriya is doing,” he replied.

Before you could interject, Shiro spoke up. “Daddy, you’re just mad at Auntie Y/n because she’s prettier than you”

You were tempted to choke at your soup but ended up laughing softly. Shoto’s brows furrowed. “I’m not mad about that, I’m not even mad. I just-”

“You are. You’re mad that she’s prettier than you. But you’re pretty too”

“I said I-” Shoto was about to retort back but you decided to intervene.

“Shiro, Your dad’s right. He’s not mad…” you trailed off as a smirk crawled up to your face. “He’s upset”

The young girl beamed and nodded repeatedly making you and Yaoyorozu chuckle while Shoto had given up.

“If you’re so pretty Auntie, then why aren’t you married?” She innocently inquired. You weren’t sure how to answer. You glanced slowly at Shoto who was also anticipating an answer.

“You really are cheeky and talkative huh? You better start eating before I get your Sukiyaki” You jokingly threatened to cause her face to pale and immediately, she began to eat more.

After lunch, you offered to wash the dishes along with Shoto as Yaoyorozu fixed the table and gone to do some urgent paperwork for her agency.

“So what wrong? About what Shiro said earlier at the table, don’t you want to be in a relationship? You used to babble about it a lot before” he spoke up.

“You really do have this hidden telepathic quirk huh?” you said while scrubbing the plate.

“Of course, I’ve known you for decades” he rolled his eyes.

“To me, it seemed like only a few years…” you replied lowly. “That’s the reason. I’m afraid of initiating because if I’m going to live 2 times longer than my significant other, It would hurt even more to lose them and live on. I’ve seen people envy me for my youth but really, I envy everyone else” you paused. “It’s like Peter Pan remember? He had to see everyone grow up, live, forget, and pass away. I’m afraid of that. Plus people won’t even take me seriously” you finished.

“I see,” he said. “Well, no one’s gonna pressure you to get into a relationship any time soon. What matters is if you’re happy”

Your mind processed his words several times and they repeated; every syllable echoing. You forced on a smile, questioning to yourself if you could still be happy knowing that he couldn’t love you and that one day, You’ll have to face the harsh reality of your words that were previously uttered.

———–

As per usual, time had passed by quickly that it had become an inside joke every time a big event would occur or if you remembered that either 5 or ten years had passed by. You witnessed many blissful: birthdays, weddings, celebrations, and mournful circumstances, such as one you were currently at.

You looked around the people around, several were familiar faces, however, they were all upset. Everyone was in black and either busy mourning or talking to each other.

You stared at the coffin with a blank expression; eyes sore and red while your face was pale. Your body was weak and frail despite you only looking like a middle-aged woman.

Gripping onto the stem of the bouquet, you bit back tears from streaming down your face. Your legs were probably going to give up on you if you wouldn’t take a seat any time soon. You let out a deep sigh as you turned around to look for a vacant seat. As you did, your eyes drifted off at the press who were outside, thankfully being kept out by security. They were all shamelessly trying to get a story of how the great Pro Hero, Shoto, had passed away, audaciously begging for details. You finally took a seat and continued stirring into a daze while your eyes were fixated at a framed photograph on the table beside the coffin.

You suddenly snapped out of your daze from a tap on your shoulder. You looked at the woman with raven hair and mismatched hues behind you, who looked no more than a few years younger than you. “Aunt Y/n, my husband and I are going to leave. The kids would get out of school anytime soon” she said as you nodded.

“It’s alright. I’m not your mother,” you replied.

“You were always like one to me” she frowned. “Dad wouldn’t want you being like this. You’ve been like this at other funerals already. It’s not bad but you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. He passed away peacefully at an old age.” Shiro stated, to comfort you even though she was just as grief struck.

You gave her a soft smile. “Thank you. Go on, your husband is waiting. I’ll stay here for a while” She nodded and left.

The words you had previously uttered were an understatement. You had stayed there for more than several hours, people had already left and the moon was up. You decided to stand up and bid a final farewell.

You smiled, placing the bouquet down beside the gravestone.

“Promise that I’ll see you in Neverland”