#shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the divider

[kkaisarion]

intricate rituals

in what appears to be a tremendous oversight, apparently i, a self-proclaimed tentacle enthusiast, have never written a tentacle fic before. until today that is, when my brain decided that dew deserves to have a tentacle dick, as a treat. and that he and rain should touch their tentacles together. also as a treat.

rating: explicit pairing: water!dew/rain includes: tentacles, frotting, unorthodox hand job, blow job, mentions of knotting word count: 2,196

“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.”

Dew makes the offer casually, throwing out the words into the space between him and Rain. He’s sitting on the couch with the recently summoned water ghoul, where they’ve been talking about their similarities and differences in water ghoul anatomy—their different numbers of gills, their blue versus gray skin, and—well, this seems as reasonable a next step as any.

“You want to compare…our dicks?” Rain asks curiously, tilting his head.

“Yeah. Y’know, for science.”

Rain blinks, and then shrugs. “Sure, why not. It’ll be easier than trying to describe them.”

“Right, exactly. So…” Dew and Rain pause and stare at each other for a long moment. Might as well go first, Dew thinks, and without preamble, goes to unzip his pants.

keep reading on AO3

[copiousloverofcopia]

ALRIGHT PRIMO LOVERS!!!!

The new installment of Potpourri is HERE!

Thank you so much for your patience with me and all your support. I hope you all enjoy!!!!

Special shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers 💗

**TRIGGER WARNING**

mentions of pregnancy loss, miscarriage

Potpourri

During his retirement, Papa Primo Emeritus falls in love with a new Sister of Sin who has suffered a tragic loss. While the new sister settles into the Abbey, Primo can’t help but grow more infatuated with her. Promising to give her everything she desires, but can he win her affections when she still can’t let go of the past?

Chapter 10: The Spark

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven’t started yet, start from the beginning HERE!

Read below the cut!

Chapter 10: The Spark

The dawn had only just broken over the horizon and the sun’s warm light began to settle across the Emeritus suite. Primo stirred, having never been much of a deep sleeper. His eyes, opening to the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Gwen was lying soundly beside him, still dreaming away, cradled in his arms. 

Her skin was almost glowing in the early morning sun and Primo felt breathless to look at her. Her beauty overwhelmed him. Appreciating it in silence, as not to disturb the quiet of their bed, he could feel it. Something electric had occurred and the magic of it still lingered in the air.  

It was undeniable to his keen senses. Only hours had passed since he held her in his arms. The two of them, crying out in the night and becoming one, but in his heart he already knew. He and Gwen had conceived a child. 

Indeed the spark was felt and in a few weeks time it would officially make itself known to them. Primo had never felt so content—so elated. A blissful reverie, washing over him as he gently rubbed the back of his hand across the small of Gwen’s belly. Watching as it continued to rise and fall as his lover lay naively sleeping beside him. 

While Primo was sure of it, the beginnings of life sprouting rapidly inside her, he knew Gwen would take some time. That no matter what he might say or do to prove it, a part of her would still deny it. After all, they had just made love, it was too soon to tell. Wasn’t it?

Primo felt assured, he had done what he always did. The promise made to her, kept. There was no ritual to ensure fertility or elaborate display to put her in a spotlight. No it was just a quiet enchantment. 

Something small to help it take hold so long as she agreed to accept his seed. Primo smiled, tears beginning to appear in his eyes. Rubbing his thumb across her stomach. Sensing the child’s aura already beginning to form. 

“Presto piccolo. Presto ti farai conoscere a tua madre.” he whispered, shutting his eyes. A tear falling from them and settling atop Gwen’s shoulder. 

“Mmm…Papa?” she muttered, still partly clinging to her dreams. Shifting in the comforts of the bed. The sounds of the comforter almost lulling her back to sleep. 

“Scusami, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Primo hummed, bringing his lips down to press against her forehead. Gwen rubbed her eyes as she turned over to face him. Seeing him smiling back at her, but with unexpected teary eyes.

“Primo…are you ok?” she asked him, her Papa unable to stop himself from pulling her tightly into his arms. Holding onto her close, Gwen couldn’t help but let out a nervous chuckle at his enthusiasm.  

“I…I just love you so much.” he told her, taking in the scent of her hair. Trying to collect his emotions enough to move on. It was too soon to tell her, too soon to make light of things. The later she knew the better. The stress of worrying over another possible loss would greatly linger on her mind, especially in such an early stage. 

“I love you.” she told him. Words spoken this time outside the throws of passion. Said plainly to him in the calm, quiet room. Apodictic and whole in their sincerity. 

“There is nothing that…” Primo began realizing he was about to tell a lie. A little white lie, but one he knew she would forgive, “...nothing that makes me happier than to hear you say it.” 

“Hmmm.” she smiled, noticing that he looked as if he were holding back. As if there was more being left unsaid. “What is it?”

“It's just you never gave me an answer amore.” Primo explained, her acceptance on whether or not to be his Prime Mover still left undecided. 

“I just need some time.” she told him, her heart heavy to have to say it. Though the night between them had presented her with the revelation, she was no longer alone in the world. Now surely seen as his, under the eyes of Lucifer—the title was not one she was ready to accept.

“I understand.” he lamented. Closing his eyes in the moment to appreciate it. The time of the two of them being alone together would only last a short time longer and Primo intended to enjoy it. 

“I just can’t make any promises.” Gwen explained, nuzzling her cheek against the warmth of his chest. 

“I know…but I can.” 

Primo had long since gone to his office and Gwen began making her way out to the gardens. A quick hot breakfast in the refectory. Some tea and a blueberry muffin to warm her inside and prepare for cold winds on the grounds. The day felt filled with potential and Gwen couldn’t help but get the sense of hopefulness in the air. Feeling at peace now that Primo arrived home safely and that he was not pressing her to officially become his Prime Mover.

When she turned the corner however, ready to head out to the grounds, she bumped into Sister Imperator. An unexpected turn of events, Sister smiling at her instead of being cross. Gwen couldn't help but marvel at her. Already so well put together in the early morning hours. Her hair pulled back tight and her red heels eliciting an air of power and prowess at the sight of them as she walked. Gwen couldn’t help but envy her strength and powerful demeanor.

“Ah Sister Guinevere.” Sister crowed. The excitement in her eyes, a bit unnerving as Gwen quietly smiled back at her. 

“Sister, good morning to you.” Gwen replied. Sister Imperator worked quickly to place her hand on Gwen’s shoulder, bringing them uncomfortably close together.

“Would you join me for a moment in my office? I have a few things I would like to discuss with you and well, I prefer some privacy, wouldn’t you?” she asked her. Instantly Gwen was filled with anxiety. Convinced that a conversation about her Prime Movership was coming steadily down the pipeline, she cautiously agreed. 

“Of course, Sister, as you wish.” she replied, Sister Imperator happily leading her up to the Abbess office. Gwen, nervously straightening out her habit before taking a seat on the opposite side of the room. Subconsciously trying to keep her distance, when Sister Imperator let out a sigh. Recognizing that Gwen, just as the others, was intimidated by her.   

“I'm not all bad you know.” Sister remarked, her words taking Gwen by surprise.

“Oh, I didn't mean to…did I?” She stuttered, panicking that she had done something wrong. Her eyes, refusing to look up for fear that the Abbess would strike her where she sat.  

“Relax, I'm not going to bite. You will need to learn that if you are to become Primo’s Prime Mover.” Sister Imperator laughed as she took a seat at her desk. Crossing on legs over the other before leaning towards the petrified sister.

“Oh.” was all Gwen could say in response. 

“Oh? Is that all you have to say? My gosh child. I just wanted to see how things are going with you and Papa Primo but…” she began a soft, compassionate look upon her face turning to astonishment. “... well sweet Lucifer please tell me you have given him an answer by now.” she exclaimed; her inflection raised with the end of her sentence. 

“Not exactly.” Gwen frowned, looking over to Sister Imperator. Her eyes sullen, as if pleading for mercy. Without a second thought Sister stood up and came to sit beside her. Taking Gwen’s hands in hers, the two of them making eye contact—Gwen unable to control her tears.

“You know…your worth to Lucifer, the Ministry, inside this Abbey, and even to Primo…has nothing to do with your ability to have a child…you realize that don’t you?” Sister began, her sage words resonating on a far deeper level than Gwen had expected. 

“So, you know…” Gwen asked, unsure how to feel about Sister Imperator knowing the truth about her pain. But before she could continue, Sister interrupted with the gentle squeeze of her hand. 

“I do…and I know much more than that. Sister Guinevere, mother to mother, it’s time you realized that yourself worth also had nothing to do with it either. You have punished your self and if I do say so, Primo, long enough. If you love him, it’s time to move on with him.” Sister said, Gwen nodding. The two of them, exchanging something far beyond the spoken words. A feeling and understanding that things would be alright and that there was no reason for either of them to wait. That happiness had waited long enough. 

“You’re right… you’re so, so right.” Gwen sniffled back, standing up from the sofa and making a mad dash for the door. Stopping only a moment to smile at Sister Imperator. “Thank you. I won’t keep him waiting any longer.”

“No, no you won’t.” Sister Imperator smiled as she watched Gwen disappear through the doorway. “And just in time too, I was worried we were going to have to wait for her to show.” Sister muttered to herself as Papa Nihil’s ghost manifested beside her. 

“I was too…but now that that is settled. What do you say we return to our suite.” Nihil smiled, wiggling his eyebrows as he egged Sister on.

“Argh… Papa you’re incorrigible.” she said, laughing away.

“It is in his sovereignty over sin that we are renewed…that we shall all be allowed to live life free of unnecessary guilt.” Copia continued as the congregation hung on his every word. Happy to be back and performing Black Mass for the Abbey after such a long time. Though what he wanted more than anything, that particular day, was to speak with Primo. 

It had been two weeks since Primo’s return from the conference and Copia, along with the rest of the Abbey, were still dying to know what was happening between him and Gwen. Copia smiled over to them in the front of the pews. Gwen, holding Primo’s hand as they listened intently to his sermon. The two of them, having begun to be more open in public.

Though they had kept things hush, Gwen had accepted his offer. The two of them were bound by things far deeper than his magic. She loved him and though it may not be what she originally intended for her life—it would be worthwhile. Prime Mover and Papa, the first in many years to be celebrated by the church. 

Copia could see that things had changed. Felt that they were keeping good things from them. Waiting impatiently for his eldest brother to let him in on the secret. Knowing that they would have to make things into a full ordeal within the traditions of the church—and soon.

The rest of the sermon was beautiful. The sweet and earthy scent of incense and notes of Copia's wine, still thick in the air. The word of the Dark Lord felt in every heart within the pews. All of them, feeling renewed in their faith—called to sin in his name.

When the mass was over, and the 'nemas' had all been said, Copia waited for his moment to approach Primo and Gwen. Watching as his flock slowly exited the pews. Leaving only the clergy in the front to take their leave. Just as Primo and Gwen stood to head out, Copia ran up to them. Practically beaming to speak to them, Primo and Gwen smiling to one another as Copia began to speak.

“Buona sera.” Copia smiled, almost tripping on his chasuble.  

“Buonasera anche a te fratello.” Primo said back, Gwen bowing her head in reverence before the current reigning Papa.

“So I can’t help but ask, as you know I am an anxious man…but will we soon be celebrating any specific ceremonies… you know ones that you all will be leading by chance.” Copia teased, hinting to Primo and Gwen that he knew she’d accepted. 

“Soon…I should say quite soon…” Primo began, smiling before giving Gwen a kiss on her forehead. “...I will be making the announcement by the end of the week.”

“Meraviglioso, assolutamente meraviglioso!” Copia cheered, Primo subtly reminding him to tone it down a smidge. “I’m sorry I am just so very happy for the two of you…that being said, and I hope you will pardon the intrusion as I know you both are anxious to return to your suite, but might I borrow you for a moment Primo.” Copia asked, his request a bit confusing.

“Of course…” Primo began, “Amore, I shall see you soon ok?” Gwen nodded and smiled in response before heading out of the chapel. Leaving the two brothers standing alone in the nave. 

“What may I ask, is it that you wanted to discuss fratello?” Primo asked him, choosing to sit back down in the front pew. Copia joined him, a wide smile on his face. 

“So does Guinevere know yet?” Copia blurted out, his excitement too much in the moment. 

“I am not sure what you mean.” Primo smiled softly. Copia looked at him, brows furrowed and completely bewildered.

“Really…be serious fratello…she’s.” he continued before Primo cut him off. 

“Shhh...hold your tongue now…” Primo chided playfully, a bit shocked that his little brother would be aware of it. It was too early for even Gwen to have any idea of it, let alone anyone else. “How did you…eh?”

“The ghouls…” Copia continued with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Ah.” Primo laughed, nodding his head in amusement. The sound of his laughter, echoing in the emptiness of the chapel. 

“Aether has quite the keen sense of smell.”

“That he does.” Primo agreed. Copia’s eyes, growing wider in his elation.

“So it’s true, Gwen is with child?” he asked him. Primo, taking a quick assessment of their surroundings before proceeding with the answer. 

“Si, that she is. But again…shhh…even she doesn’t know. I don’t want her worrying.” Primo explained.

“Well better tell her soon fratello before everyone else finds out before she does. I can keep Aeth contained, but I can’t guarantee anything about the others.”

“Of course, of course. Soon I promise. Soon she will know.” Primo assured him, the two of them walking together, Copia’s arm wrapped around his elder brother. A proud father to be. 

Notes: Presto piccolo. Presto ti farai conoscere a tua madre.- Soon little one. Soon you will make yourself known to your mother.  Scusami- I’m sorry Buona sera- Good evening  Buonasera anche a te fratello.- Good evening to you as well brother. meraviglioso, assolutamente meraviglioso.- Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. 

[copiousloverofcopia]

Peepaw Lovers! Rejoice lol I have a new installment of Potpourri!

Hey there ghesties!

I am doing my best to make sure all of my chapter fics have a chapter released this month so that way everything is updated for the new year.

Thank you so much for your patience with me and all your support.

Special shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers 💗

**TRIGGER WARNING**

mentions of pregnancy loss, miscarriage

Potpourri

During his retirement, Papa Primo Emeritus falls in love with a new Sister of Sin who has suffered a tragic loss. While the new sister settles into the Abbey, Primo can’t help but grow more infatuated with her. Promising to give her everything she desires, but can he win her affections when she still can’t let go of the past?

Chapter 8: Forget Me Nots

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven’t started yet, start from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below the cut!

Chapter 8: Forget Me Nots

The soil felt smooth as Gwen finished patting it into place. The seeds pressed gently into the earth, with all the love and care she could give them. It had been weeks since her and Primo spent the night under the honeysuckle in the greenhouse. The garden, henceforth becoming a much-needed sanctuary for her. The one place in all the world she felt happy, if even for only brief moments at a time. 

Primo had a mind to bring her there every day, though he wasn’t always able. He could from the moment she stepped into it that the garden awakened the joy inside her. Insisting she’d join him in his working of the land whenever she could. Slowly Gwen began to let go, allowing some of the walls she had built up to come down, caving whenever she ventured to the garden. Rolling up her sleeves and not afraid to get her hands dirty beside him. Creating something beautiful out of something so messy, a simple task that had come to mean so much to her. 

She was sitting along the stone patch as she finished up her work. Her collection of seeds all beneath the soil as she began dabbing the small pearls of sweat. The embroidery of her handkerchief donning the ruby red initials of “P.E.I”. Turning to the sound of footsteps towards her and her eyes beginning to sparkle when she caught sight of Primo having just arrived. 

He was returning from his meeting with his brothers in preparation for the Ostara celebrations. The annual celebration of the Spring Equinox—of new life would be quickly upon them and with that the Ministry had become busier and busier as the day drew near. The Equinox had normally been a time Primo was at his most jubilant. A chance to start anew and for things to grow—to share his love of flowers with the siblings. 

This year however was different. The closer the time came, the more he worried more about how the celebrations would affect Gwen. Expecting that the festivities in on of this particular subject would set her back. Undo all the progress she had made. 

“What was the hold up?” she asked him. Having grown just comfortable enough around him to start giving him a bit of grief, though Primo was so smitten he wouldn’t have noticed. Falling in love with her all over again with each passing moment.  His heart warmed by looking at her—hands tinged with dirt and that sweet smile worn brightly across her face. 

“Just some final decisions and preparations for Ostara. Terzo is arguing that he should be in charge of the fertility rituals with the new siblings…we beg to differ.” he told her, watching as the smile immediately fell from her face. 

“Oh…” was all she could say. Primo reached out his hand to help her up. Gwen, quietly brushing off the dirt from her habit as he gently pressed a kiss into her forehead. 

“Mio fiore… you know that we don't have to attend the celebrations if you don’t want to.” he assured her, pulling her closer to him. Gwen nuzzled against his chest. Taking in the scent of incense and dried herbs mixed with the faintest hint of rose. Feeling at ease as she listened to the beat of his heart. Comforted by him like no other.

“No.” she sighed, squeezing him tighter. 

“No?” He pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were filled with tears. 

“I know how much the celebrations mean to you. What kind of woman would I be to take something away that means so much to you?” she explained. Primo taking her lips onto his. The heat between them, manifesting in the well endowed outline within his slacks. The length of which pressed hard against Gwen’s thigh. 

She hummed against his lips. No longer shy about her need of him, as she ran her fingers across it. Primo let out a shutter and a slight moan. Wrapping his arms around her as they lost themselves in their kiss. Deep and passionate as he slipped his hand up between Gwen’s thighs. Meeting quickly with her heated core. 

“I need you.” she confessed, his fingertips already teasing at her panties. Gwen, shuffling where she stood in anticipation of him. 

“I need you more.” Primo proclaimed, sinking his fingers into her gently. Her head fell back as a breathy moan escaped her. Her delicate hands, holding on tightly to him as he massaged her inside. Pressing intently into the soft, cushiony flesh of her walls. Primo burying his face in her neck, kissing her and whispering praises in her ear.  

“Oh Primo… I…I.” she mewled, her lover’s talented digits already bringing her to the brink of ecstasy. Her body, coming undone quickly where she stood. Almost limp in Primo's arms as he worked her over. 

“Cum.” Primo insisted. Biting his bottom lip as he felt her tightening all around his fingers. Using his other hand to try and steady her. He loved how beautiful she was this way. The pleasure between them, giving the most delightful flush to her cheeks. The relaxed look on her face was everything.

When he was done, he slipped himself from her. His lips quickly taking onto hers, when to his surprise Gwen dropped carefully down to her knees, undoing the button of his pants and allowing his cock to fall free. She blushed immediately, having never seen it in the daylight. Now laid out in its full glory, intimidating as she looked up at him. Taking a quick lick of the head before Primo ran his fingers through her hair.

“Mmm…” Gwen hummed as she began to tease him, stroking his shaft gently. Her eyes, never leaving him.  

“You know you don’t have to do this.” Primo smiled, his cock pulsing with every slight move of her hand. Unwittingly finding himself carefully thrusting into her touch. 

“I know, but I want to…wait, what's this?” she asked, her voice filled with concern but more so curiosity. Primo looked down, watching as she carefully traced his scar with her fingertip. It traveled around his shaft, something easily hidden in the dark, but quite obvious in the spotlight of the afternoon sun. 

“War injury.” he smirked, watching as Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. He was incredibly funny when he wanted to be.

“Is that so?” she laughed. Moving once more with her fist. Up and down along his full length. 

“Ah… a story for another time.” he assured her, breathless as Gwen moved forward with her intentions to please him. Primo had never felt such rapturous bliss. So in love with this woman. He would give her anything and everything she wanted, if she’d only allow him. 

A few short days had passed, and the morning of the Ostara celebrations arrived. Primo, along with his brothers, was occupied from the moment the sun began to rise with the ceremonies. Readying for the likes of fertility rituals and blessings of rebirth. The whole of the Abbey grounds, covered in daffodils and wildflowers. The siblings and ghouls alike enjoying the warm weather and the sounds of children laughing already began to fill the courtyard.

The day was filled with activity. Everyone, buzzing from ritual to ritual. The Papas, presiding over them all in between bountiful feast and drink. It was amazing that there was any room left in anyone’s stomachs come midday.  

Gwen drifted carefully through the day. Doing her best to ignore the happy siblings with their small children in tow. Or the group of pregnant sisters who sat before the newly constructed outdoor altar—surrounded by baaing lambs. All of them, waiting for the next ceremony where the Papas would bestow blessings for a safe delivery. 

By the time dusk hit, she wished so badly she could run back to her room. Hide from the constant reminders that plagued her at every turn. She promised to try for Primo and was so proud she had managed to stay. Walking around dressed like all the other maidens, who had yet to bear a child, in a white muslin gown.

At some point she knew she would have been expected to participate, like all the others who were present on the grounds. Though she did everything she could to avoid it and successfully hid herself among them. Watching everyone else smiling and enjoying themselves as she greeted them wearing a thinly veiled mask of happiness on her face.

As the day went on she would catch him, more and more searching for her eyes. Smiling up at Primo when he’d see her. So handsome in his robes, all of them in their full Papal regalia, and so brilliant in his command of the rituals. The one saving grace for the day, was knowing that when it was over, she would be back safely in his comforting arms. 

Primo and his brothers stood at the picnic tables, talking to the visiting clergy who had traveled for the festivities. The siblings had been finishing up their food as the ghoul began lighting up all the lanterns. The sun setting as the day was heading to an end, Primo noticeably distracted by his keeping tabs on Gwen. As the group continued to converse, Mr. Saltarian approached them. Placing his hand on Primo’s shoulder. 

“Pardon the intrusion Papas, but everything is ready for the conception ritual.” he alerted them. 

“Oh?” Primo asked, looking back over his old friend’s shoulder to see the altar, dressed in bouquets of yellow daffodils and lilies, ready for use. Primo knew this was the one ritual he was looking forward to. A few rites read by the chosen Papa and a blessing to the couple before they were allowed to consummate their intentions on the altar. Hoping to gain favor from Lucifer to help them conceive that night.  

Primo decided to give it a shot, sending Saltarian a knowing look before heading off to retrieve Gwen from the crowd. The group of them, watching as Primo went running off opposite the altar. Saltarian, giving a hopeful smile as he tried to regroup the rest of the Emeritus brothers. Only then did Copia notice Primo was leaving them. 

“Where is he off to? It’s time to start the rit—” Copia began before Secondo cut him off at the pass.

“You know exactly what he is going over there for stronzo.” he told him, Secondo rolling his eyes at Copia. The youngest Emeritus, finally beginning to understand the situation.  

“Can’t blame him… it's the perfect opportunity.” Terzo smirked, wiggling his brows at Mr. Saltarian and Copia. 

“Every opportunity for you is the perfect opportunity, now move.” Secondo hissed, shepherding them to the altar. 

Primo found Gwen quickly, seated by herself on a bench in the far back of the yard. Her eyes were closed. She seemed to be mediating or finding a way to control her emotions— though Primo could tell she had just about had enough. Coming to sit down beside her and taking her hand in his, instinctively Gwen knew it was him.

“Is it over yet?” she asked him, the need to cry heavy in her tone. 

“Almost amore… almost.” he assured her, bringing her closer to rest against him. He could hear her sniffling. Bringing his hand up to wipe the warm tears that rolled down her cheeks. He couldn’t ask her now. The idea would only make things worse. 

“Don’t be… you know I was going to wait until a bit later to show you something, but I think now would be a good time. Get you away from all this, spend some time just the two of us before bed, si?” Primo asked as Gwen brought her eyes to him. 

“I’m sorry.” she told him. The weight of the day had been too much and now she was unable to hold back the emotions bubbling up inside.

“Ok… ok.” she sniffled, taking Primo’s hand as he led the way. To Gwen’s surprise he led her to the garden. 

 “It’s just over here.” he told her as they passed the roses and the newly bloomed poppies, hellebores, and bloodroots. Finding a small section of flower bed that was covered in the tiniest little sprouts, still lacking their blooms. 

“What are these?” she asked him. Primo smiled, sneezing tightly to her hand. 

“These are Forget Me Nots.” he began, watching as Gwen’s eyes began to tear up once again, “...I thought it would be nice for you to have a place to come when you need to think about them—the baby you lost.” he explained, his mismatched eyes roaming her face, watching her reaction. He wondered what she was thinking. Her eyes staring into his as if she could see directly into his soul. The tears balancing themselves on her lashes.

“Thank you.” was all she could say before the floodgates opened and Gwen began to weep into Primo’s chest. The stress of the day, coupled with his sweet gesture, hitting her full force. Unable to control her sobs.

“Of course… You know grief isn’t something we forget or get over. It's something we grow around. I know that I could never give you back, and I never expect you to forget them.” he told her. Primo, hoping that this small place just for her as a memorial to her baby would be able to help her heal.    

“I know amore… I know.” Primo said, as he held her close. Rubbing her back gently as she continued to cry in his arms. No matter how much time would pass, Primo knew that a part of her would also ache for what she lost. He only hoped she’d allow him to help carry the burden and to allow herself to heal.

“I was so happy.” Gwen cried, holding on to Primo for dear life as she felt her heart crushing inside her chest. The pain flowing through her as inside she recalled that day. The worst day of her life. 

Notes:

This chapter features a head canon involving a scar on Primo's *ahem* lol anyways I want to give credit to NYDELIDE on twitter and thank them for allowing me to include this in the chapter.

[copiousloverofcopia]

It's time to celebrate my fellow Peepaw Lovers for a new installment of Potpourri is HERE!

Thank you so much for your patience with me and all your support. I hope you all enjoy!!!!

Special shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers 💗

**TRIGGER WARNING**

mentions of pregnancy loss, miscarriage

Potpourri

During his retirement, Papa Primo Emeritus falls in love with a new Sister of Sin who has suffered a tragic loss. While the new sister settles into the Abbey, Primo can’t help but grow more infatuated with her. Promising to give her everything she desires, but can he win her affections when she still can’t let go of the past?

Chapter 9: Gardening

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven’t started yet, start from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below the cut!

The sun was shining brightly on the Abbey, and it was the first time in a long time Gwen felt at peace. Getting her hands dirty as the soil sifted through her fingers. Content to feel the wind through her hair as she sat with Finn in the middle of the garden. The two of them, enjoying the warmth of the day atop their cheeks as they tended to the plants. 

In the quiet moments, Gwen’s mind was heavy with thoughts of Primo. Shortly after the Ostara celebrations he was called to leave for a Ministry wide conference in Glasgow. A situation that required at least one Papa to attend and Secondo and Terzo had gone in recent years and Copia had his hands full, they had no choice. He had only been gone for a couple of weeks and in that time, Gwen hardly knew what to do with herself. 

His absence made her realize, both unfortunately and unfortunately, how much she needed him. Finding herself looking for him in all his usual spots. Expecting to see him sitting in the confessional or working away in the deep recesses of the garden. Or even finding him when she snuck a glance over at the patch of bittersweet Forget Me Knots, he had planted for her. 

What was even more painful was staring at the empty spot in their bed. Struggling all the while to come to an answer for him. To give him resolution to the burning question he’d asked her just before leaving. A question she was still so unsure how to answer. 

“Do you think you’ll say yes?” Finn asked her, pulling Gwen out from the quiet reverie. Gwen smiled softly. Of course, Fiona was curious. The whole Abbey was waiting to hear Gwen’s answer. After all, it had been years since a Papa had taken on a Prime Mover. It was one of the most revered and honorable positions within the church. One even the most devout and beautiful of sisters rarely came to hold. Spouse of a Papa and fruit bearer of the Satanic Papacy. 

Had it been asked of anyone else; they’d have jumped at the chance. Hopeful that they would be able to carry the next in line for the Miter. The evidence of desire, most noted in those who would vie for Terzo or Secondo’s chamber key. Throwing themselves shamelessly at them during Black Mass. All clambering for the chance to have a permanent spot on one of the Papa’s arms. For Gwen, it wasn’t the same.

Her affection for Primo was true and unlike anything she had ever felt before. He had given up so much for her. Binding the two of them before Satan just to give her a second chance. Each passing moment between them, having her wishing she could bear him a child. Deep down, however, she worried that she never could. A fear that kept her from allowing herself to truly be his. 

“I—I don’t know.” Gwen answered, brushing off the dirt from her knees as she rose up and wiped the notes of sweat from her brow. Letting out an exhale, before picking up her things and heading back towards the greenhouse. 

“Gwen…please. You can’t be serious.” Finn exclaimed, trailing after her. Careful not to trip over the freshly planted creeping Phlox as she struggled to keep up her pace.

“But I am…I am not sure I am cut out for that sort of thing.” 

“You’re not cut out for that sort of thing? Gwen…are you mad?” Finn asked her, managing to finally catch up. Position herself in front of Gwen to stop her just before the greenhouse door.

“I can’t do it again—” Gwen began. Finn’s face turned soft, trying to understand where it was coming from when the two heard a voice coming from behind them. 

“Sisters? I hope I am not interrupting anything.” Mr. Saltarian asked, his eyes squinting in the sunlight as he approached. 

“Of course not, what can we do for you.” Finn smiled, Gwen turning to do the same.

“Well actually I was hoping to speak with Sister Guinevere alone.” 

“Ah, I see.” Finn began realizing what was up, “...of course. Maybe you can talk some sense into her. See you at supper.” she said as she winked at Gwen, taking her leave. As Finn disappeared in the distance, Gwen grew quiet. Deciding to continue on with her business within the greenhouse as Saltarian followed closely behind. 

“I take it you still don’t have an answer for him.” he asked, Gwen’s eyes shooting over to him a moment, feeling a bit surprised. 

“Sweet Satanas. Does everyone know?” she asked, feeling uneasy, waiting for his answer. 

“Naturally. It isn’t every day that this kinda thing happens. No matter what vapid excuse you might give about your relationship with him, everyone knows that you are together.” Saltarian replied, before taking a seat at the rod iron table.

“I know…” she admitted. 

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel and be together. It is no secret that you two are in love. It’s as plain as what's left of these gray hairs on my head.” he told her. Both of them, letting out a lighthearted chuckle as Gwen took a seat beside him. Saltarian, reaching across the table to take her hand in his. 

“You’re right. I do love him.”

“See…then it's only a matter of time before you have to face that. You don’t want to be alone in the darkness forever Gwen. I know how far you’ve come since being here.”

“I have. I just don’t think I can give him what he wants.” she explained, sniffling back as she tried her best to maintain composure.

“It's what you want too. If anyone can give it to you… it's him. Just think about it. Ok?” Saltarian asked her. His pleading eyes, begging for her to give his friend a real chance. A chance they both deserved at happiness. 

“Ok.” she smiled as Saltarian gently squeezed her hands. 

“He is coming back tonight. If I were you, I wouldn’t wait much longer to give him an answer.” he suggested, rising up from the table. Gwen nodded as he made his way to the door. Leaving her alone with her thoughts in the greenhouse. 

It was amazing to Gwen just how quickly the warm days were turning into cold nights. Sitting patiently in the old armchair just beside the fire. Snuggling up tightly in Primo’s old throw, breathing in the lingering scent of his cologne. Trying her best to wait up for him but finding herself slowly drifting into sleep. Just as she nodded off, the sound of the bedroom door creaking quietly open awakened her. 

“Papa?” she asked, easing herself upright in the chair and turning to find him standing in the doorway.

“I am sorry I woke you. I know it is late.” Primo smiled, walking towards her. Her silhouette dancing against the light of the fire. Primo, bending forward to press a soft kiss on her forehead. Taking a spot on the other chair beside her. Gwen, humming in delight, wishing this moment between them could stay just like this. Without the pressure of knowing that he was undoubtedly waiting for her to answer. 

“I know that this might not be what you want to talk about right now.” Primo began.

Oh no here it comes, she thought to herself. Swallowing back the knot forming in her throat as he continued on.

“I assume you have been thinking about what I asked before leaving?” Primo, watching as the smile began to fade from her face. The moment she had been dreading, had finally come.

“Papa…” she began, Primo looking at her as if the name was foreign to him. Correcting herself before she continued on, “Primo…I just. I just can’t. I’m sorry.” she told him, her eyes falling to the floor. Primo let out a frustrated sigh. He wasn’t having it any longer. He stood up and came up before her. Taking hold of her face in his hands as he pulled her up to look at him. 

“And why not? Tell me. I want to hear you say the reason.” he demanded.

“You know why.” she answered, the tears already welling up in her eyes. Though she knew this moment was inevitable, it didn’t make turning Primo’s proposal down any easier. The pain grew as she saw his face. His heartbreak, and her own, made her want to die.  

Primo’s anger and frustration grew. He knew she was trapped in the past still, despite everything they had been through. All he wanted was to make her happy. To help her—to love her. To give her everything she ever wanted, if she’d only let him. 

“That's not an answer Guinevere and you know it. You can’t stop living forever!” Primo snapped, dropping his hands from her face and pacing in front of the fireplace. Gwen’s eyes widening at his hostile demeanor. The fury inside him, unlike anything she had seen from him before.

“I am afraid Primo you know this…” she cried, but Primo was done. While every time before he had comforted her—coddled her. Helped her to calm the inner demons that raged inside her at the wounds of her past. Tonight his heart could no longer bear the burden. He had finally had enough. 

“Then be afraid Gwen! That is part of life. All life is made of horror and magic and happiness and despair. All of it! Let me show you that I can make it worthwhile. That I can help you—”

“You can’t help me!” Gwen snapped back jumping up from the chair. Ready to storm out of the Papal suite and find refuge in Finn’s room for the night. Her blood boiling, wanting to run from the truth.  

“Oh, but I can and I will. Be my Prime Mover Gwen. Let me love you and honor you as the wonderful being that you are. Let me spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Let me give you a child.” he begged her, grabbing hold of her wrist and turning her to face him. Laying out the truth for her, bitter and hot. 

“What?” Gwen responded, angry at him for forcing her to acknowledge things head on. 

“I know I can do this. I can make you happy.” 

“Primo how…how can you say such a thing to me?” she asked him, her eyes now red with tears. Her wilted mascara, streaming down her cheeks. Streaks of blackened scars, bearing the pain she felt plainly on her face.  

“Because I know it to be true. I can’t replace what you’ve lost, but I can and will make you happy. I can give you a life. A love. A family…”

“Primo I… I am sure you could give that to someone, and they would be so lucky to have it, but that someone is not me.” Gwen told him. Her hands held tight to her shoulders. Almost hugging herself as she tried everything not to fall apart in front of him.  

“Why not?” he asked, refusing to take no for an answer.

“Because.”

“Because why dolcezza?!”  

“Because I have already lost one and I will NEVER get them back. NEVER.” she sobbed, collapsing to her knees and burying her face in her hands. Primo took a deep breath and settled down beside her. His old aching joints, cursing him for his haste. 

“It won’t happen again. Not this time.” he promised. Pulling her close to his chest. Gwen’s tears, staining the fabric of his shirt as she sobbed hard against him. 

“How ? How do you know? Some spell? Some ritual? I won't be made some spectacle for the Ministry or for you to help prove something.” she hissed, deflecting the reason. Hoping to convince herself that Primo was only doing this to prove his virility. To be held in high regard for it, like his brothers had been for theirs. Hoping to produce an heir to prove a point to the rest of the Ministry. 

Primo refused to allow it. Staring at her, deep into her eyes as he confronted her. Ready to fight for the woman he loved, even if it killed him in the process. She would have to hear him out.  

“That's not at all what this is about, and you know it! There will be no ceremonies, no public rituals, no prying eyes—just the two of us. I want us to share everything, share our lives. For you to truly be mine. If we conceive, we conceive the way Lucifer intended.” he explained. Gwen turned her eyes away from him. Ashamed for her accusations, for evening having thought such a thing. 

“I don't even know why I'm listening to all this…am I that desperate.”

“No.”

“Then what then?”

“It's because you love me too cara. You felt it just as I did, the moment we saw each other there was something sparked between us.” Primo proclaimed, smiling at her as she struggled to stop crying. 

“Primo, I don't know what to say.”

“Say you will let me. Say you will allow me to give you everything I can. The most intimate parts of myself.”

“Heh…You act as if you haven’t given those to me already… or plenty of other sisters I imagine.” Gwen scoffed as Primo picked her up in his arms. Catching her off guard as he carried her with youthful ease to their shared bed. Looking deep into her eyes once more and laying her down gently. 

“No I haven’t. I have taken many lovers, sure…but I have never spilled my seed freely inside them. Never before had I been certain enough to allow it. Certain enough to—”

“To what Papa?” Gwen cried, swallowing back as she watched the look of desire and passion growing steadily in Primo’s eyes.  

“To become a father. I hadn't even thought of it before you and now all I can think of is you. You cara. Spending my every breath whispering your praises. Touching you, kissing you, being inside you. Watching and waiting for your belly to grow round with life–a gift I want to give you more than anything. I want you to be my Prime Mover. To be mine always.”

“I won't listen to this.” Gwen said, turning to face away from him as he hovered above her on the bed.  

“Have I not already proven I would give my own life for you. Am I not bound to you for Lucifer’s sake?”

“I didn’t ask for that!” 

“No…no you didn’t, but I cannot bear to think of a world without you in it. Without that smile that ignites fire within my soul.” Gwen turned back towards him. Knowing that she wanted him, just as much as he wanted her. It was the fear of her past holding her back. The fear that she would relive the worst moments of her life again.  

“Primo…I do love you, but I just can’t.” 

“You can and you will amore. I promise to make you happy, and I have never broken a promise. I don’t intend on doing it now.” he vowed, bringing his lips to hover above hers. 

“Papa.” she said breathily as she stared at him. Her love for him, slowly melting away the fear. Seeing the love in his eyes. Knowing that every word spoken was true. Gwen, beginning to think that as much as it scared her to move on, the thought of being without him might scare her even more. 

“Sister.” he uttered just as she rose up to kiss him. Lips locked together. Soft and sweet like the honeysuckle from the garden. The taste of one another, so passionate and whole. Gwen’s legs wrapped around him after Primo’s hands made quick work of unbuttoning his pants. Throwing them to the floor, his body was ready and hard for her.  

“I need you.” she moaned, caught off guard by the sound of him tearing off her panties. The cotton, shredding easily in his grasp and his wandering fingers went traveling over the mound of her sex. 

“Amore.”

"Ah…ahh..." Gwen moaned into their kiss. The heat between them was growing quickly and before they knew it the rest of their clothing had fallen to the wayside. Primo carefully slid his fingers inside her. Gwen, moaning and writhing as she relaxed her legs open for him. Allowing him more access to her as he used her slick from his fingers to wet himself. Pressing the head of his cock against her entrance. Nudging her open before slowly pushing deep inside.

“Oh Gwen.” he groaned, reaching the back of her insides. Carefully moving in and out as Gwen held tight to his shoulders. Her legs now once again wrapped around his waist as her cunt throbbed intensely inside with every thrust of his hips. The two of them, losing themselves in the moment of passion between them. 

It was true they were in love, and nothing was going to change that. Not Gwen’s fear, not Primo’s age, not anything that the world could throw at them. At this moment it was just them. Locked together as one.

Primo was pounding steadily away as she squirmed beneath him. Her toes, curling and nails dug deep into the flesh of Primo’s shoulder as she came over and over again. Overwhelmed with the sensations of lust and love. Primo, too, was engulfed in it. Swimming in ecstasy as he felt her fluttering around him. Trying his best not to cum with each pulsation inside her.

He was giving it his all, waiting for the right moment. Moaning and grunting as he was determined to send Gwen over one last time. He knew it had come as her body once more melted beneath him, giving way to yet another orgasm—exhausted and languid. 

“Do you accept me?” He asked, driving himself harder and harder inside her. Determined to get as deep as he could. She was shaking around him, moaning and whimpering as her body locked tightly on to him. Sensations rushing through her, her soul unfolding for him like the petals of a flower. His words barely discernible over the salacious sounds of their sex and her moans. 

“What?” She asked, breathy and weak in pleasure.

“Do you accept me? Will you allow me to cum inside you? Give you what we both want?” Primo asked her. His gaze fixed on her as he tried desperately not to cum. Waiting for her to consent. She was overwhelmed, feeling the tears pricking once again at her eyes. Gwen wanted it all—comfort, pleasure, a life where happiness still existed, a baby, and though she had only now fully admitted it, she wanted Primo. 

“Yes…ah!” She cried out. Primo, bucking hard inside her, his pace quickened and breathing ragged. Tangled up together in a mix of sweat and desire. Both completely lost in the moment of rapture between them. 

“I love you.” Primo said, letting out a guttural moan. His hips, stuttering as he grabbed tightly unto hers. Pushing himself in as far as he could before pouring out everything he had. Filling her deep into her core, and concentrating that it happened exactly as intended. 

“I—I love you too.” she cried. The two of them, holding on to one another a moment before Primo finally collapsed beside her. Gwen, falling fast asleep in his arms, leaving Primo awake and alone with his thoughts. Feeling exhausted but filled with joy and excitement with the knowledge of what they had finally done. 

[copiousloverofcopia]

Hello Ghesties!

I stayed up to finish it because I just couldn't stop and now, I am crying. This is not going to be easy, it's gonna hurt but I promise it will be worth it in the end. So again, content warning for potential triggers below.

Thank you all for reading my work and I hope you enjoy the sheer angst to come!

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️Discussion about Pregnancy termination/Abortion⚠️

*Special shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the awesome dividers!

Something Blue

Sister of Sin Astrid is anything but excited for Cardinal Copia to return home from tour. As his assistant, she leads a life of monotony and boredom from which she longs for more. When the Cardinal returns, anointed as Papa Emeritus IV, she is faced with an unwanted and unavoidable situation predicated on her family’s position within the church. Will Astrid rise to what has been asked of her or will she destroy everything and leave it all behind?

Chapter 7: A Sixpence in Her Shoe

Also available HERE on AO3. Haven’t started yet? Start from the beginning HERE!

Read below the cut!!

The day certainly fit the mood, Astrid thought as she sat staring blankly out the window of the clinic. The weather had taken a turn for the worse that late morning, setting an even more melancholic mood, as the rain drizzled down the glass. Over and over, Astrid was mesmerized by it. The little streams, distorting her view of the outside world—one she wished she had the courage to return to. 

Instead she was trapped, held deep inside her own thoughts. Her mind, captured by this small, still insignificant thing growing inside her. She had never felt so confused and lost in the entirety of her life. Leaving her with the only thing she knew for certain—she loved Copia.

It broke her to know much, even more so to know that she had caused him so much pain. Wishing that she didn’t have to make this choice. A choice that would inevitably tear them apart. Something she could never come back from. 

She just couldn’t, the fear was too strong. The existential dread of being tied down by the Ministry forever was overwhelming. Horrified at the thought of becoming something akin to her own mother, in both social and maternal ways. 

Astrid hated the thought of another child having to grow up that way. Burdened with a mother, who treated them so poorly, that it made them feel so worthless. Feel like nothing more than a piss poor excuse for an adult who wouldn’t amount to anything. So filled with self doubt that at times it ached just to be alive. 

So sure, that she was not strong enough to break that cycle. She sniffled back her anger and sadness. Trying her best to remain calm, appearing at least to have her shit together. Hoping that she wouldn’t attract the attention of anyone else in the room. 

Looking out at the other nameless faces. Both comforted and pained, knowing that they were all haunted by the same awful decision. Though Astrid was even more worried at any moment someone from the Ministry would come and try to drag her back to the Abbey—but no one ever came. 

She half expected Copia to find her there. Her heart knew, however, that he wouldn’t. That Copia would be able to watch as she did this. Thought she’d wished so badly he’d have come just to hold her hand. This was just as hard for him as it was her—just in different ways. 

For now she would be alone. Waiting for it to all be over, time seeming to however stand still. Astrid had a sense, from the moment she walked inside, that the seconds and minutes could have just as easily been hours passing and she wouldn’t have realized. Only coming back to reality as she came walking through a doorway. Returning to herself, as if she were having an out of body experience, the moment as the door slammed shut. Finding that she had been following a nurse down the hall. 

“If you would please put this on and wait a moment, I will grab the doctor and get things started sweetie, ok?” the nurse asked her. Astrid, clearing her throat before she was able to respond. 

“...ah…yeah sure.” she replied, slipping out of her shoes to find a small pebble from the Abbey garden had fallen from it. A little reminder that she was a long way from home in both mind and spirit. Another chance for her to grieve Copia’s absence. 

“Ok, I will be right back.” the nurse told her.  If words were spoken between them after that, Astrid wouldn’t have remembered. Shivering a bit as she put on the gown in the cold, empty room. Feeling sick to her stomach as the reality of what was about to happen began to truly set in. Unsure if it was just her nerves or maybe even the baby. Baby, she thought to herself. 

Astrid swallowed back, unable to clear the lump from within her throat. Sitting on the exam table as she clung to the thin, frayed fabric at the hem. Focusing on the sound of her breathing, feeling like it had become too loud. Trying to occupy her mind as she took note of everything around her. 

The cabinets lining the walls, a muted tan color with key locks on all the doors. The small stool with the hole in the upholstery, that sat just opposite her in the room. An empty metal chair beside her, and the most concerning of all, the suction equipment at the bedside. It all felt so surreal.

“Astrid.” came a soft voice from the void. Astrid slowly turned to see a comforting face waiting for her in the doorway. She was a slender woman, with soft brown hair and a gentle smile. The kind of person who looked like she would ask to hug you if she thought you’d be having a bad day. 

“Yes…that’s…that’s me.” Astrid answered, fiddling with the gown a bit more and avoiding too much eye contact between them. 

“I’m doctor Wagner. I will be doing your procedure today. How are you feeling?” she asked, taking her seat on that small stool. Pushing herself over to Astrid on it as she opened up her file. 

“As good as can be expected.” Astrid replied, nervous laughter turning into tears. Burying her face into her hands when she felt Dr. Wagner placed her hand on her knee.

“Everything is going to be alright. You are in charge here and nothing happens without your consent.” Dr. Wagner assured her. Astrid nodded as she realized that she surely hadn’t been the only woman to burst into tears in this moment. 

“Thank you.” Astrid told her, wiping away at her eyes and taking in a long, deep breath.  

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?” the doctor asked. Her kindness and sincerity, warming Astrid’s heart. How nice it was to have someone care about how she felt. Someone who knew what she was about to do and didn’t judge or blame or make her feel guilty. Astrid shook her hand and took a moment to gather herself up.

“I will be.” she exhaled; Dr. Wagner nodded. Smiling gently once more before she continued to talk her through it.

“Now in just a few minutes, Nurse Ada will be back with some medication to help you sleep. The procedure won't take very long…” she continued on. Explaining to her the plan of action. Careful to describe things in non-threatening terms. 

“I’m ready…let's just get it over with.” Astrid blurted out at her. Trying to disassociate from it all when the nurse walked back in. The doctor, nodding as she took the IV sedative in her hand.

“Ok then, let's get started.”

The day started out as most other days at the Abbey. An obnoxious, but very necessary alarm sounded. Prompting Copia to get out of bed and head into the shower, throwing on a towel before bruising his teeth. His eyes, fixed on the overcast sky seen from the window. 

Carefully he picked out his clothes, a suit and tie today instead of his usual vestments. Checking himself in the full-length mirror before going back to the bathroom to put on his paints. Meticulously applying them before he was satisfied with it. Finally, finishing up by slipping on his shoes and leaving the papal suite. Heading down to the refectory, a routine he had done with very little variation, day in and day out, for years when not on tour. 

The difference was that today was the first day after he knew. Knew that there was a piece of him growing inside of Astrid. A child they made together. An amalgamation of their love, one that he wanted so badly to hold, to raise, and to love. It was only when he noticed her absence in the halls—a vacant seat where she usually sat in the mornings, that he knew something else. 

Without saying anything aloud, Copia felt the emotion bubbling up inside him. Sniffling back before doing his best to force a smile. Making his way through the ghouls and siblings, pretending everything was business as usual. It was clear, however, that Astrid was missing to get things ‘taken care of’. His heart, shattering into constellations—pieces that formed images of what could have been.  

By the time the afternoon hit, Copia found himself alone in the cloister. Neglecting his duties for a while to clear his head, a notebook and quill with him to keep up appearances. He had kept his promise to Astrid. Not a word of what was happening, spoken to anyone. The whole situation kept just between them, just as she’d asked. Leaving him alone in his thoughts of losing the family he could have had—once again. 

“Andrew! Please stop jumping around in the dirt, your mother will have my head if I bring you back inside all dirtied up!” Sister Agnes reasoned. Hollering as she approached a small, but very precocious little boy who was already knee deep into the flower beds lining the cloister. 

“Not again…I am on my way! Sister Rose, please can you hurry up.” called back another of the nursery sisters as Copia watched on. The rest of the little ones, coming out for their enrichment time. All the school aged children of the Abbey, heading outside at full speed. Their smiles, lighting up the otherwise gloomy day while they laughed and played. 

Of course, Copia couldn’t help but to think about it. To imagine one of them was his own. Would his child have had freckles like him? Maybe they would have been chubby-cheeked like Brother Sebastion’s little girl? Would they have had Astrid’s willfulness? The tears came slipping from his eyes before he knew it. Registering the fact that they wouldn’t have the chance to have anything at all.

Never had he wanted so badly to hate her. To be able to dwell in that dark place where he could never forgive her. Hoping that he could just her and the child they might have had. Blame her for the misery he was feeling—but he just couldn't. No matter what, Copia knew he would always love her and nothing was going to change that. 

He knew she was right. Had anyone else known, Astrid would have been forced to keep it. Forcibly tied down and under the control she feared and was always so desperate to escape. He was glad she’d be able to. That she would now have a true chance to be happy. 

As the kids all filed back inside, the sky turned even darker. Suddenly the rain began pouring down so hard that Copia could no longer see anything distinguishable in the courtyard. As if it had been letting out all the emotions that he had to keep inside. The fresh smell, filling his nose as he inhaled. Giving him a small, but not insignificant sense of peace. A cleansing of the past and a feeling of renewal for moving forward. 

He sat there the rest of the afternoon, pretending to read or write. Pretending to care about anything else but her. No one, the wiser of anything going on around them. By the time night fell, he wondered if she would be too scared to return. Unable to face him and leaving the Abbey for good this time.  

His answer came when he caught sight of her at the other end of the cloister. Quietly walking into the courtyard with her hands in her habit pockets. Her face, blank and unreadable. Slowly approaching the statue of Lilith at the north end. 

She looked different, more herself that she had been in the days leading up to this. Immediately his heart began pounding. Copia, so thrilled that she’d come back to him. Practically jumping up from his spot on the bench and running towards her. Surprised, when their eyes met that she smiled back at him. Copia, no longer caring who saw as the tears began to fall down his face.

“As–Astrid.” he sniffled, taking her hands in his. The warmth of her touch, making him cry even harder. As if feeling her soft hands in his were the confirmation he needed to know she was truly there. Really standing right beside him once again.  

“Papa.” she smiled, squeezing his hands tightly. Copia, beaming as he pulled Astrid into his arms. Holding her close, unable to stop himself from continuing to sob against her. 

“I love you so much. I am so grateful…so happy you came back…that you came back…back to me.” he cried. Burying his face into the crook of her neck. Listening to the sound of her heart beating within his ears. 

“Copia—I have something…” Astrid began, wanting to tell him how sorry she was. Wanting to explain herself to him. To help them heal, but he stopped her.

“It–it doesn’t matter… None of it matters now. All I know is that I love you Astrid and I know now more than ever that I can’t live without you.” he professed, pulling himself away to look at her. The paints around his eyes, smearing with his tears. Astrid felt relief and happiness like never before. If there was anyone that would make her happy it was him. That the two of them would be there for one another even if the whole world burned down around them.  

“Copia…let’s get married.” she cried, Copia staring into her eyes with such devotion. 

“There is nothing I want more.” he told her, scooping her up into his arms and passionately kissing her. Astrid, overcome with emotion. They were going to be married, it was something they both wanted and now refused to deny. The time to talk things over between them would come soon enough. The only thing Astrid wanted to do now was be held by him. To be held and loved by him–her beloved Papa. 

[copiousloverofcopia]

Hello Ghesties!

I am not going to lie to you all. This one is absolutely going to hurt. I will add a potential trigger warning below. Thank you all for reading my work and I hope you enjoy the sheer angst to come!

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️Discussion about Pregnancy termination/Abortion⚠️

*Special shoutout to @gothdaddyissues for the awesome dividers!

Something Blue

Sister of Sin Astrid is anything but excited for Cardinal Copia to return home from tour. As his assistant, she leads a life of monotony and boredom from which she longs for more. When the Cardinal returns, anointed as Papa Emeritus IV, she is faced with an unwanted and unavoidable situation predicated on her family’s position within the church. Will Astrid rise to what has been asked of her or will she destroy everything and leave it all behind?

Chapter 6: Something Real

Also available HERE on AO3. Haven’t started yet? Start from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below the cut!!

The second-floor bathroom had never felt so cold. Deep in a long-abandoned section of the Ministry, now reserved mostly for storage, was the sound of a dripping sink. The deafening droplets, setting Astrid’s nerves on fire. Waiting for the cursed plastic stick to decide her fate.

She was already certain what it would say. Still deep down she prayed to Lucifer that she was wrong. That the suspicions growing ever since that night at dinner were her own anxiety and fear taking their toll. Each moment was torture, especially around Copia. Dying inside as she hid it all from him, the pain, the struggle, and the constant worry. 

She knew that her own reaction to this “blessed event” was met with fear and anger—something quite different from how he would take it. Her heart ached to think of it. The sheer elation and excitement Copia was sure to have towards the news. Only to be told it was ill-fated—not meant to be. 

It's almost over, she told herself. It had been a grueling week, and she was acutely aware that the moment she was chosen and announced as Prime Mover that all eyes were on her every move. Thankful to have managed to get a ghoulette to get one for her. Sneaking it in with her change of linens like some prisoner, just before the headed off to evening Mass. 

She took in a deep breath, gripping tightly to the stick before turning it over. Her vision focused on the two bright blue lines staring back at her. Astrid felt the air leave her lungs, like the world was crumbling around her. Crushed by this tiny thing—signaling her downfall. 

It was as loud and glaring as the trumpets of Heaven, said to sound at the end of the world. For Astrid, this was the end of the world. Tears, falling over her cheeks as she slid down the back of the bathroom door. The stick, still in her hands. Wishing she could wipe away that second line without ever having known it was there at all.

“Finalmente è finita.” Copia sighed, finishing up his filings for the Ministry expenses. The roller of the old cabinet drawer, catching as it always did. Eliciting a grumble, and a few curses, under his breath as he lifted it up and shoved it forcefully back in. Thankful that he was finally able to put that task to rest.  

He noticed that he was more impatient as of late. His patience for life's little inconveniences was wearing thin as his mind was always fixated on Astrid. Even before that night at dinner, he felt like something was going on with her. And after all he had seen and heard, his conclusion had been the only thing he could make logical sense of. Hoping that if it were true, she would tell him in time. 

Though as the days passed, and the night of the Prime Mover ritual drew nearer, Astrid hadn’t said a word. Copia was beginning to wonder if he had imagined it in his head. That all the signs and symptoms he had seen when one of the other sisters of sin had fallen pregnant, weren’t the same ones he had noticed with Astrid. Little did he know, he would get his answer that afternoon. 

Copia sat down at his desk, stretching back into his chair. His decidedly aching bones, cracking and popping at his change in position. Resigned to find something else to occupy his mind when he heard a knock at the door. Reluctantly he called in whomever was on the other side, not bothering to hide his annoyance with the audible groan in his voice. Surprised and thrilled however when it was Astrid’s face that came peering through the crack. 

“I am not interrupting anything am I?” she asked him, slowly coming through the doorway after verifying that the coast was clear. Glad that there was no one else there to witness them.  

“No, not all cara. Come in please, sit.” he told her, rising from his desk to meet with her on the large, black leather sofa across the room. Watching her face for any signs that might alert him as to why she was there. 

“I hope you are having a good afternoon.” she began, the odd pleasantries noted as Copia watched her fiddling with the hem of her habit. The low hum of Abbey lives, just discernible from the closed window. All of them blissfully unaware of the turmoil she was enduring. 

“I am, and the same for you I hope?” he asked her. Astrid felt short of breath. The weight of her news, heavy and unrelenting. She tried her best to ease into things, but she just couldn’t. 

“Copia—we need to talk.” she explained. 

“Ok.” he said. Smiling as he scooted close beside her. “I am all yours.” he told her. Watching as the weariness became more and more apparent on her face. Astrid, clearing her throat and doing all she could to hold back her tears. “Is everything alright?” 

“No…no it's not alright.” she sniffled back. Her body, stiff and tightening up all around. Curling in on itself like she wanted to ball up and disappear.

“What's wrong?”

“I'm pregnant.” she confessed. The words barely audible though Copia heard them loud and clear. He had been waiting for them and now they had finally come. He felt an immediate spark of elation. Thrilled that he would be the Papa to carry on the Emeritus line. That he was going to have everything he always wanted. It was only after that flicker of a thought that reality began to settle in. Looking at Astrid it was clear—something was wrong. 

“Pregnant. Are you sure?” he asked her. Trying to remain neutral toned. Delicately hiding his own feelings until he could make out hers. Then Astrid smiled. Not the kind of smile Copia himself was fighting back, tugging with joy at the edge of his mouth. No., it was the kind that comes from denial—from shock. How quickly her smile fell to tears proved it.

“I am sure.” she confirmed, her eyes quickly becoming red. 

“Oh amore…it’s alright.” Copia smiled, pulling Astrid over to him. Holding her as the resolve she had clung to fell apart the moment she felt the warmth of his arms. Sobbing uncontrollably as he held tightly to her. Kissing the top of her head and waiting for a moment to reassure her once more. 

“Astrid, amore mio. I promise you things will be alright. I know this isn’t exactly how it was supposed to go but…” he continued until she unexpectedly cut him off.

“I can’t have it.” Astrid blurted out. Pulling away from Copia and turning her back to him. Ashamed to look him in the eye. Knowing just how crushed he would be staring back at her. Her face buried in her hands as she continued to cry. 

“What?” he asked softly, hoping with every fiber of his being he hadn’t heard her right. His heart sinking deep in his chest. The words like shards of glass, piercing him. Tearing him up inside.

Astrid knew he more than anyone, Copia wanted a family. She just couldn’t. How could she bring a child into the world, she herself at times despised. Recalling images of her mother and the Ministry’s control. All of it like looming glimpses of her wretched future. She would be stuck, trapped, regretful if she kept it.  

“Copia…please. I know you heard me.” 

“No…Astrid. You can’t mean it.” he reasoned, rocked to his core by her words. 

“I do mean it. I can’t be a mother. I—I….” she cried, choking on her tears. Her chest burning and her stomach flipping. 

“You’re afraid.” 

“Yes.” she admitted, though it wasn’t enough.

“I know it won't be easy, but Astrid, we can make it.” Copia began again trying to reason with her. Desperately hoping to change her mind. That suddenly she’d turn around and they would embrace. Holding on to one another as their child peacefully slumbering in her womb

“No Copia, I can’t—I won’t.” 

“Who knows?” 

“Just us. I want it to stay that way. If anyone else were to find out I would be forced to carry it. Like some proper Ministry breeding cattle. I won’t do it.” she hissed, hoping that Copia wouldn’t tell them. 

“That's not what you are Astrid, and you know it.” Copia yelled, hoping off the sofa and pacing the room in anger. 

“I thought you should know.” she told him when he turned to her, his face covered in tears. The pain he was feeling inside, written all over his face. 

“Why? Why come tell me?” he asked, his voice cracking under the weight of his tears. 

“I—” 

“You what? Thought you would come here to tell me that you are carrying our child just so you can—can.” he sobbed.

“Copia I am sorry. I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“Sorry? For what Astrid. For telling me that you want to…to…sweet Satan I can’t even say it.” Copia cried, pulling at the tufts of gray hair along his temples. His head and heart, aching and blood boiling with the thought of what she wanted to do. 

“I have an appointment tomorrow morning. It will be over soon. I wanted you to know I will be leaving too. I know it will be too hard for both of us for me to stay around after.” 

“So that's it? You already thought everything through, and I don’t even get a say?” Copia growled. Angry at himself for having said it. Knowing it was and always would be her choice, but it killed him to know that he was this close—they both were so close to happiness, and she refused to see it. Their child, a casualty of her own fear and self-loathing.  

“I’m sorry.” Astrid said once more, standing from the sofa and ready to leave Copia for the last time. When he suddenly took hold of her arms. Forcing her to sit back down on the sofa. Determined to have one last say before he would allow her to leave. 

“No…you’re going to hear what I have to say.” he demanded. The rage and hurt in his eyes, making Astrid feel scared of him for the first time ever. “This thing between us… Astrid it's real. The love I feel for you is the most real thing I have ever felt in my life. I know we can do this together.”

“Copia…”

“No, don’t. I know that's why you are so scared. Afraid to become like your mother. Afraid to lose who you are, but you won’t.”

“You don’t know that.” she replied, tears once again trickling from her eyes. 

“Neither do you.” 

“This…what happened between us was…it never should have happened.” Astrid told him. Her hardened eyes staring up at him as he hovered above her. Blocking her from leaving until he had his say. 

“Please Astrid...” he cried, angry at her for the lies. He knew as well as she did that they were in love. Why would she be so cruel to deny it, to take away everything. 

“Copia, it was a mistake!” she yelled, ready to push past him when he fell to the floor. Weeping on his knees before her.  His broken frame, shaking with grief. His soul crying out to the universe and begging her to reconsider. 

“Please don’t Astrid. I love you. I already love our baby. Please. Non porre fine alla vita di nostro figlio. Ti scongiuro.” he begged. Astrid felt like she wanted to die. She didn’t want things to be this way. Loving him was one thing, but a child? That meant she was no longer her own person. Bound to the Papacy—to the Ministry. Thinking of what a mistake she would be as a mother. Resentful to a child, like her mom was with her.

“Papa.” she said standing up, Copia held tight to her waist. Crying against the small of her belly. Embracing Astrid and his child in his arms as best he could. Begging her not to go through with it. “I have to go.” she told him, pushing past his quivering grasp and quickly making her way out the door. Copia left on the floor, knowing that despite it all, he would never be able to stop her from doing what she wanted. A truth that haunted his very soul.  

Notes:

Finalmente è finita.- Finally that's over with.

Non porre fine alla vita di nostro figlio. Ti scongiuro.- Don’t end our child’s life. I beg you.