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A change of heart
So, I’ve written this MimEve chapter with a TimTin one in mind and decided to post it on Ao3 AND Tumblr. In case anyone is interested.
To make this very clear: Mim haters don’t interact!
@everyone else: Have fun! =^^=
(Ao3)
A change of Heart
Sometimes, it felt almost funny how much things could change in the span of a few days and weeks and months.
Only three weeks ago, Mim had been hiding in Tin’s house, believing everyone to be her enemy, giving up on her life, her future.
She’d hated Eve and Tim, had tried to protect herself by believing Tin would betray her too.
Now, she was sitting at the big table in Tin’s house, leaving over new drafts and designs, as if she hadn’t felt burned out only a short time ago.
Her knees were pressed against Eve’s, a comfortable reminder of how far they’d come in their friendship. They were whispering, even though they hardly needed to. Nothing they talked about needed any privacy and Tin and Tim were too occupied to care.
Tin had wanted to study, originally, but when Tim had accompanied Eve on her visit, that endeavour had failed instantly. Not only because it seemed Tim’s biggest goal was to annoy Tin, but also because Tin let him, his eye-roll by more almost fond.
Mim had once asked Tin why he let Tim so close again and again and Tin had grumbled something about “thankful for the support during the case” and “not so bad” and “he gets worse if I ignore him”.
“Are you doing this for me?”
The look he’d given her had been one of utter confusion.
She’d tried to clarify for him: “Because Eve kind of likes him and drags him with her?”
“I ... I try.”
“You don’t have to.”
“It’s okay.”
And he’d seemed so sure on it, she’d dropped the topic. Because she’d learned to trust him and his words and not second guess it all the time as she’d done before.
Now, it was almost funny to watch him prepare some fruit, probably for her and Eve, while being chatted at by Tim who leaned against the counter with his hip.
He really was a handsome guy, but the way she wasn’t attracted to him anymore really surprised her. He could have been stark naked in front of her and she’d have shrugged.
“Mim?”
The pressure against her knee got stronger and Mim felt her face heating up, her pulse racing. Just for a bit.
”Why did you bring him with you?”
“Who?”
Mim nodded towards Tim as subtle as possible. He seemed to be making a joke right now since even Tin seemed to smirk or smile at it, even if it was barely a shadow.
“I wouldn’t have”, Eve shrugged and leaned even closer, for whispering reasons, “But he said Tin had invited him? Or at least accepted his self-invitation?”
Mim huffed: “Tin wanted to study.”
“Aaaaah”, Eve said as if that explained everything suddenly.
“What? Why such an ‘ah’?”
But Eve only smiled: “Seems Tin is warming up to him?”
“It feels more as if Tim grew on him like a fungus during the investigation. You sure you want to give him a chance?”
This time, the reply was a shrug: “We will see once he’s properly changed himself.”
This, somehow, made Mim angry for once.
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
“You think so?”, Eve’s smile was almost secretive.
“Of course! He’s been an asshole and he’s used you!”
“So, you think I shouldn’t forgive past sins?”
At that, Mim shut up, her teeth almost hurting from the pressure. She’d forgotten. Almost. And still ...
“You even think he can change?”
“Didn’t he already?”
Of course, he had. Even she could see it. And Tin letting him close was another important sign. But why was it so difficult to admit? Because she feared Eve might instantly let him date her?
“He has”, she finally admitted when the pressure against her leg got too much, Eve’s elbow now hers as well, “But I am still afraid he’ll hurt you.”
Wistfully, Eve nodded and Mim felt even worse, knowing that smirk too well.
“So, you finally know how I felt back when the two of you started dating?”
Oh damn, she’d forgotten about that.
“I want you to be happy.”
“As do I.”
Now, her heart was definitely racing and Mim felt the heat in her cheeks but refused to touch them, knowing she’d betray herself then.
Suddenly, a soft hand took hers and covered it with a cool touch.
“Nothing has been decided, Mim. And should I really date him, I will remind you of your own words.”
“Hng?”, was all Mim could say, her attention mostly on her hand, not on Eve’s words.
“It’s my own responsibility, even if I get fooled.”
It was like a bucket of ice water right over her head.
Oh, how right Eve was and how very much Mim hated her own words now.
~~~
It became somewhat of a regular occurrence at Tin’s house. At their house. As Tin loved to say again and again.
And Mim could see it. This being her home as well because she loved it here way more than in her old apartment. Than anywhere else.
It was bright and big and warm and Tin was there, with a smile, usually, and Eve as well, more often than not. She even grew accustomed to Tim over time, not understanding properly why he was there but realising that he wasn’t disturbing any peace. Except for Tin’s, maybe. But then, Tin didn’t really complain, only grumbled now and then before making Tim help in the garden or kitchen, dragging him with him each time he. Eve even swore that she’d seen Tim help Tin study but Mim wouldn’t believe it without proof.
Somehow it had truly become her home with every sun-filled corner, all those dark wooden pieces of furniture and those arms she could lean back into when it was all too much.
Those arms were Tin’s, for sure, but also Eve’s by now, the more time they spent together, chose to spend their free time together as well.
“We don’t see each other as often at work anymore”, Eve had pouted and Mim could have sworn that her heart was about to jump out of her chest as she’d stared at her friend, speechless and confused.
“We see each other”, she’d said, dumbfounded.
“Only at meetings”, Eve had continued while casually gripping Mim’s hand despite the cold sweat, “You don’t want me to come over?”
And Mim had been lost.
“Always”, she breathed, her face and neck heating up, “As often as you want to.”
And there it had been, Eve’s soft and happy smile. One, Mim had almost destroyed himself with everything she’d done. One she now treasured even more.
“Good.”
And then, Eve had turned back to the game on the table between them to end Mim with her next move, all the while holding on to Mim’s hand. And Mim, competitive by nature, didn’t even care for once.
~~~
It was their home by now, a year after Giwi had gone to jail and half a year since Mim’s own brand had started, four months since Tin had started his studies to become a teacher. It was their home but sometimes Mim still wondered. Wondered how long this would work out. What would happen once a tiny variable in their lives would change.
“What will you do if I fall in love again?”, she asked one evening, securely cuddled against Tin’s chest while they were watching TV.
For a short moment there, Tin tensed but then relaxed again, his fingers continuing to brush lightly over her arm in circles.
“You mean when you fall in love again.”
She could basically hear his smile and felt her own tension rise and drop again as he tightened his hold for a bit.
“I don’t know”, she admitted, “I am happy like this and I don’t know if I’ll want another romantic relationship again.”
Tin hummed and the sound travelled through them like a calming wave.
“Don’t you believe me?”
“Oh, I do”, he promised, “But I also want to prepare myself. Just in case.”
The guilt rose once more in Mim’s chest and she scooted to the side to look at him properly.
Of course, he knew what was up, the corner of his mouth lifted for a crooked smile: “Don’t feel guilty. It’s what we agreed on.”
“I know, but still ...”
Once in a while they had this conversation and would always end at the same agreement.
They were happy like this right now. They wouldn’t change anything as long as they were happy. They would accept whatever the other wanted once they wanted something different.
“But just in case”, she started again, “What would happen to our home if I fell for someone else again?”
Tin looked at her calmly but she knew he was thinking furiously and she let him, didn’t want to pressure him.
When Tin finally spoke again, his voice seemed so soft, she almost feared it might break.
“When you fall in love again and want a romantic relationship with this person, this will still be your home.”
“But ...”
“As long as you consider it your home and want to live here, you have a place and a room. And even if you want to move out, you can always come back.”
The old and familiar pain seemed to stretch in Mim’s lungs, taking her ability to breathe properly as white noise took over in her ears.
It felt as if her tongue was too thick and heavy to talk properly, to form the right words, but Mim still tried. Still needed to try.
“And what if you are the one who falls for another person?”
It wasn’t what he’d expected and she could see it by the way his eyes widened and his breath hitched and his fingers seemed to try to hold on to nothing for a split second.
But he still answered, even though it must be hard and he still remained calm, something she would forever be thankful for.
“Even if I fall for someone else, I will still love you. Just maybe in a different way.”
It was meant to reassure her and she appreciated it, but it wasn’t the answer.
“What will happen to our home then?”
As she watched the determination take a hold over him, his back now straight and his gaze clear, she knew this had never been a question and maybe never would be.
“It’s still our home. For as long as you want it to, I promise you.”
“Even if you and your wife will be living here then? Won’t she get angry?”
By now, Tin almost seemed annoyed with his imaginative future spouse and he rolled his eyes, a bit more comfortable as he leaned back.
“She won’t be my wife if she’s going to have a problem with my best friend living here. It’s the way we are and she’ll have to accept it.”
“You’re naive”, Mim chuckled and feared, a bit, but let herself be pulled back into an embrace by Tin.
“Maybe”, he sighed, “But that’s for another day to see. Why should we care about people who don’t even exist yet?”
Mim frowned and looked up at him: “She better exists already or I will haunt your ass!”
It took a moment of utter confusion, but when he got it, Tin let out a deep and rich laugh and Mim felt something settle, at least for the moment.
She was still so afraid of being hurt, but also of hurting Tin and she’d never be able to let it slide completely. But for now, they were good. For now, they were content.
And she wondered, who those possible partners were, waiting for them. Had they met already? Or would they never cross ways?
As Tin pressed a short kiss to her temple, she sighed and cuddled even closer. Those questions were truly for another time, another future.
~~~
Oh ... Oh!
Her hand frozen midair, Mim’s thoughts were reeling, chaos by her own making and she felt herself trembling.
This ... this couldn’t be! This shouldn’t be, this was allowed to be at all and she’d ... fuck. She’d fallen for her best friend.
And as the realisation sank, as Mim continued to stare at Eve’s sleeping face right in front of her, another thought dropped.
It was the wrong friend. The wrong best friend. She’d managed to fall for someone and it was the wrong fucking person. Again.
Because Eve would never love her back. Not like this. And the knowledge was devastating.
It had been a calm Saturday evening with Mim and Eve at the beach. Just when they’d left, it had started to storm, heavy raindrops falling to the earth, soaking their clothes in seconds.
Tin’s house had been closer and they’d gone there first, dripping and giggling like two school girls on a night trip.
“Take a shower and wait till it gets better”, Mim had offered Eve to keep her from driving home during such a storm and also because there was this urge, deep in her stomach, to spend the rest of the evening with her friend.
Because what could be better than sitting together, drinking some tea and watching the world end? Nothing, of course.
“I don’t want to impose”, Eve had tried but Mim had known it had all been for show.
“You don’t. I am happy to have you here and you can even sleep over if you want to.”
Fuck. She’d said it too fast, she’d realised and had almost bitten her tongue. She’d wanted to wait and then propose for Eve to stay the night. The idea alone had felt like a dream from her childhood, to have a friend over and stay up late. Not a boyfriend and not Tin, but a girl friend.
Still, it might have been a dream of hers but she’d felt needy now, too eager for an adult, a grown woman.
But Eve had smiled at her, almost secretively.
“Sure. That sounds like fun. But I’ve promised my dad to have breakfast together tomorrow.”
“It’s okay”, Mim had hastily replied, feeling the nervousness taking a hold over her, “You can leave whenever you want.”
“Then I’ll stay”, and this time Eve’s smile had been broad and honest, her beauty taking Mim’s breath away.
No wonder, she’d thought as she’d stared, her face a hot mess, Tim had fallen for her and was still trying to woo her. No wonder Pitch had been devoted to her. No wonder the people loved her. No wonder Mim herself did so as well.
Eve was everything she wasn’t and it wasn’t only because of the money. Her beauty, inside and out, was radiating and stunning and Mim caught herself holding her breath each time she witnessed it.
The fact that Eve had been soaked to the bone right now, her shirt partially transparent, her hair clinging in wet strands to her throat, her collarbone, hadn’t made anything better. Or easier.
Nothing, in fact, had been easy, as Mim had tried not to stare at her best friend and the skin visible beneath her shirt, which was holding on for dear life it seemed. It had made Mim want to reach out, to brush strands of hair to the side, to pull the shirt over Eve’s head and the thought had made her shudder and stop and ...
“You should take a shower first then”, Mim had tried to smile and of course, Eve had smiled back.
“Is that okay for you?”
Mim had nodded hastily: “I will prepare everything till you’re ready.”
But mostly she’d have to go back into the rain and clear her head. Probably.
In the end, she’d ended up talking to Tin instead.
After she’d realised that he wasn’t even home, she’d texted him and he’d called back, frustrated.
“I’m at a friend’s house. Got stuck studying and now the storm is too much to come back home anytime soon. Sorry.”
“Why are you apologising? You’re the one who’d get soaked. Probably should have taken the car instead of the bike, shouldn’t you?”
Tin had laughed and she’d felt a bit more settled amidst the chaos inside of her.
“I just feel better being at home”, he’d admitted and Mim had wished she could shove him right now. Just a tiny bit.
“You don’t have to be at home to protect me each night, Tin. It’s okay, really. And Eve is here as well.”
“She is?”
“Yeah, she agreed to stay because of the storm.”
There was a pause and Mim had a feeling it meant something, but she had no idea what or why.
“I’m glad”, Tin had said softly as if he’d read any of Mim’s thoughts tonight, “Have a good time together.”
“I ... thank you. You, too. Are you alright?”
“I am”, and this time Tin had sounded calmer, more content, “Knowing you’re alright and not alone helps a lot.”
“Get a life, loser”, Mim grumbled and Tin chuckled.
“Sleep well.”
And with this, he’d left her a bit shaken, a bit off balance and excited for the night.
Because opposite to all the times before, it would now be only them, only the two of them.
~~~
“1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 there it is!”
Mim stared outside, careful not to tip the mug of hot chocolate while she leaned as close as possible towards the window to watch out for the next lightning while the thunder seemed to roll over them.
“That’s close”, she murmured, “1 kilometre? Two?”
“About 1.4”, Eve whispered back, equally transfixed on the darkness outside, frequently illuminated by the lightning.
“No wonder it’s so loud.”
Eve turned a little, a glint in her eyes: “Are you afraid?”
Mim tried to shove her with her foot, but it was securely lodged beneath Eve’s thighs and she wouldn’t budge.
“Shut up”, she said instead, even though she wasn’t even afraid of the dark or the lightning. It was simply for good measures.
And Eve stared outside again, the smile still on her lips. But Mim couldn’t look away from her.
After Mim had taken a shower as well, they’d decided to get some hot chocolate and move together to one of the big windows in Mim’s bedroom to sit there, huddled together and watch the spectacle.
“Why haven’t I done this before?”, Mim murmured and forced herself to look away, just in time to see the next lightning go down.
“1 ... 2 ... thr...”
The impact sounded more like an explosion, rather than thunder and both women froze instantly, staring outside wide-eyed, the noise still brimming through their minds.
“What?”
“That was close”, Mim felt a bit shaken, “Too close.”
“You think everything is alright?”
Mim looked outside into the darkness again but couldn’t make out anything.
“I can’t see any fires. Let’s hope it was only the thunder and not one of the trees.”
She felt Eve’s eyes on her and couldn’t suppress the shudder running through her.
“Shall we take a look?”
And then there was an offered hand and Mim took it, automatically, her body on autopilot as Eve dragged her around the house, searching for any possible damage, not letting go even once.
If she’d done, Mim might have died, right there on the spot, right then.
But instead, she followed her best friend around, her mind a mess as she could do nothing but feel the warmth of Eve’s hand, the determined grip of Eve’s fingers, so familiar but so foreign right now.
It was a world on their own this night, the darkness surrounding them, the storm keeping everyone away, keeping them inside. Nothing but the rain and wind and thunder were to be heard, not even their own heartbeats as they seemed to move like one joined entity from room to room.
“I think everything is alright”, Mim whispered after they’d finished the round, just to say something, expecting every moment that Eve might let her go.
But Eve didn’t. Instead, she squeezed her hand tighter.
“The thunder got quieter”, Eve whispered back, as if there was a reason for that.
And maybe there was with the fragile walls of this little bubble of theirs.
Mim nodded even though she hadn’t even paid attention to it. But it must be true since there hadn’t been another noise like the one before. So, she kept nodding and watching Eve and their hands.
“Shall we go to bed?”, Eve still whispered and Mim simply kept nodding.
Because really, what else was left to do?
~~~
Mim wasn’t used anymore to having someone else sleep beside her. At least not someone who wasn’t Tin. They didn’t do the sleepover often, only sometimes, mostly by accident and it never went anywhere, not even a bit.
But now she felt restless, knowing Eve was right beside her, right next to her and she swore she could feel the heat of the other’s body seeping through the blanket to her.
Eve hadn’t wanted to sleep anywhere else and to be fair, this was already the guest room they were occupying. So they’d crawled into the same bed, Mim’s heart up in her throat. She was waiting for sleep since then, but it didn’t come. Only almost with those short dips into unconsciousness, that never lasted long.
Frustrated, Mim turned and looked at her friend’s face, slightly illuminated by the moonlight.
She’d probably never seen Eve as relaxed, even though her hair was in disarray and her one cheek very much mashed against the pillow, leaving her mouth slightly open.
How could she even sleep like that?
Mim huffed, reminded that her own her was in a ponytail to keep it from getting in her face at night.
Carefully, she shuffled a bit closer to look more properly since the shadows dancing across Eve’s face were hiding too much and exactly the right amount.
Wasn’t her hair annoying like that? Right in her face, probably tickling her nose? Right then, Eve started scrunching up said nose as if she wanted to move the strand of hair away somehow, even in her sleep.
Which was truly adorable, Mim thought with a smile and brushed the hair away gently, careful not to touch any skin so she wouldn’t wake Eve.
Although the temptation was there, the urge to let her thumb brush over Eve’s cheek, let it feel the soft skin of her lips and follow the line of her brows like an endless journey.
Mim wished she could do it. Wished she had permission to do so. To watch her own finger explore Eve’s face like a newfound land, let it wander even further and ...
Oh.
Mim froze, her hand still in mid-air.
Oh!
~~~
Eve was waking up slowly, knowing something was close. Something or someone.
It had been long since she’d fallen asleep so deep and fast, content to be right here, next to Mim.
Mim who’d looked at her as if she was a riddle the whole day, the entire evening. And Eve loved it. Loved it because it gave her hope because it made her even braver.
And there she was, when Eve opened her eyes, right in front of her, watching her with wide eyes as if she’d just solved the riddle.
Eve wasn’t fully awake yet, her brain still foggy and half asleep, but she liked what she saw, enjoyed that Mim let her in so close, looked at her like that. As if she was everything to her. It made Eve’s sleepy heart race and she smiled and reached out to hold on to Mim’s neck, to pull her close, to pull her closer.
And as she pressed a kiss to Mim’s temple, she felt a hand reflectively hold on to her waist and heard the release of a shaking breath.
“Is that ok?”, she murmured and hoped it came out the way it was intended.
And Mim, the fierce and strong Mim, looked at her, lost for a moment, before she nodded, not moving away but instead coming closer.
“That’s nice”, Eve sighed and pressed another kiss to Mim’s nose before cuddling right into the space beneath Mim’s chin, her fingers still loosely holding on to Mim’s neck.
A breath hitched and those fingers at her waist didn’t let go. And Eve smiled as she slipped right back into sleep.
~~~
No, Mim hadn’t slept much, if anything, by the time the sun came up. No, Mim also hadn’t let go, even for a second, even despite the cramp in her arm and the stiff neck. And no, Mim still had no idea what had happened and why it had happened.
Eve had woken up and she’d kissed her and she’d even asked her if she’d liked it and then she’d smiled and cuddled closer and Mim was as confused as she’d been when it had happened.
Confused and in pain, to be honest. How was Eve even able to keep this position? How had she even been able to fall asleep? Or had it all been a weird dream to her? Unreal and nothing of consequence?
The possibility made her afraid, even though she’d only realised what she wanted a few hours prior. She’d barely had enough time to process the revelation and think about how little her chances were when Eve had done ... this.
The hand at her neck, the lips against her skin and being so insanely close.
“Hey”, the sleep-driven and rather rough voice pulled Mim back from the depths of her worries and thoughts suddenly.
And still, she didn’t dare to move away, not even in surprise.
“Hey”, she replied hoarsely.
“You’re thinking too loud.”
The unwavering hold on her went seemed to loosen up slowly, Eve’s body giving her more freedom as she cuddled even closer.
“Is that a surprise?”, Mim really didn’t want to take any blame when she was going crazy for hours already, “Although you’ve clearly had a restful night.”
Eve opened one eye halfway to stare up at her and then smiled.
“I did, thank you.”
Did this mean she wasn’t as affected by all of this as Mim was? Did it mean she didn’t think more of it? Mim could feel her mind reeling again, a race she’d never be able to win.
But there was a hand, again, slowly wandering from her waist to her arm, her hand, interlacing their fingers the way Eve had done the night before.
“Eve, what?”, Mim asked, not knowing where to even look.
If this was a joke. If this was just gals being pals for Eve. Right when she was finally opening up her heart again, Mim wouldn’t know what to do, how to behave and how to keep herself whole.
Because she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t give anyone this power over herself again. Never.
“Don’t you like this?”, Eve frowned and opened her eyes more to look at Mim properly.
Mim’s thoughts still didn’t feel comprehensible in any way but she knew she had to be honest. Even if it was all still so new, but on the other hand it wasn’t and she needed to know where they stood and ...
“Depending on how you mean it.”
Now, Eve leaned back a bit, a serious look on her face, but her hand still holding Mim’s, her body close enough to make Mim feel the heat, the almost-touch.
“I would love to hold my girlfriend’s hand.”
She’d said it just like this. As if it was a simple matter, a simple fact.
“My hand?”
Eve’s whole face softened up at Mim’s words and she somehow pulled their joined hands up and pressed a kiss to Mim’s knuckles, lingered on the soft skin between.
“Definitely your hand.”
When Mim could only stare, trying to process that this was, indeed, happening, Eve grew visibly restless, a crooked smile sneaking on her face.
“If you want to, of course. But I thought ... after last night ... or did I read everything wrong?”
Mim felt her face heating up as the whole meaning of this conversation suddenly hit.
Oh!
“I mean yes, but no. But also yes”, she managed to say, wondering where her usual confidence for handling confessions had gone.
But maybe it was different since this was Eve and since they were lying together in one bed, trying to figure out what was going on together.
“What?”, Eve laughed even though Mim could feel the tremble in her hand, displaying her nervousness.
“I want to”, Mim confessed and dared a smile, “But I didn’t think you’d like me back. Not like that.”
Eve leaned towards her again, so close now that she seemed to be all Mim could perceive any longer, “I didn’t believe it, too. But I dare to hope now.”
There was something in Eve’s eyes. Confidence maybe. Confidence mixed with a rest of uncertainty and hope and love, so much love. And it was all combined with a smile, a grin, a tease, a dare, a promise.
Whatever it was, it made the restlessness in Mim’s chest settle.
This wasn’t a shady guy she’d just met. This was someone she trusted, someone she loved. Had loved for years.
Apparently, more than she had bargained for, but there was no mistaking her feelings. Not with this urge to pull Eve close, to pull her on top of herself. To kiss the smirk off her lips and get her hands in Eve’s hair, so beautiful and teasing.
This was Eve and she’d just confessed that she had feelings for Mim.
Holy shit, she realised again: Eve had feelings for her.
Mim still felt somewhat off-balance, somewhat beside herself, albeit slightly. And weirdly, at the same time, she also felt as if everything was finally in its place, at the right spot. As if she'd finally arrived where she'd always wanted to be, where she was supposed to be.
And with a surge of confidence, she cupped Eve’s face with her one, free hand.
“I’d like to kiss my girlfriend now”, she whispered with a smile and watched as giddy happiness took over Eve’s whole face and made her smile so wide, it shook Mim for a whole new reason.
“What are you waiting for, then?”, Eve teased and Mim finally, carefully, kissed the woman she’d fallen for. The one she loved. The one she trusted. The one she was longing for. The one right in her arms.
And as they deepened their kiss, huddled in a somewhat uncomfortable but perfect position, smiling right into the kiss, Mim felt a lightness she hadn’t experienced for a while, had missed and yearned for.
Who would have thought, she mused as they shuffled into a more comfortable position, her fingertips exploring the warm, soft skin underneath Eve’s shirt, that being with the one you love could feel so groundbreaking, so natural, so extraordinary?
“How am I supposed to kiss you when you’re smiling so wide?”, Eve teased her with a whisper before biting Mim’s ear gently, making her let out a surprised cry. Surprised but not unwelcome.
Mim locked her legs around Eve.
“Don’t stop”, she demanded and asked and prayed and hoped, “Don’t ever stop.”
From the way Eve looked at her, took her sight in as if it was the water she’d been thirsting for, she certainly didn’t plan to.
And Mim couldn’t wait for it. For them.
~~~
“How much longer do we have?”
Mim was the one asking but didn’t want to let go, her hands finally in Eve’s hair, feeling the soft strands and heavy weight as she ran her fingers through it. As she caressed it over and over again, addicted to the way it felt on her skin.
Their legs were entangled, their bodies a connected heap and Eve’s hair right there, for her to touch and entangle. And Eve was pressing lazy kisses against her collarbone every few minutes, humming to an unknown song, sending vibrations right through Mim’s heart.
“Not long enough”, she grumbled and Mim chuckled.
“It’s raining anyway. Are you sure you want to leave?”
With a sigh, Eve tried to bury herself even closer.
“I do but don’t. And I have to be there at 11.”
“So it’s more of a late breakfast?”
Another hum, paired with a shuffle and Mim wondered if her girlfriend had fallen asleep again already.
She wouldn’t complain, even if. Not in a million years.
And softly, she pressed a kiss to Eve’s head, putting in all the feelings that had been building inside her chest, all the emotions she hadn’t been able to explain or word yet.
No, she wouldn’t complain. Because they had all the time to figure this out.
~~~
There was something to be said about having Eve on tiptoes in front of her, leaning up to pull Mim into a kiss, one of her hands firmly at Mim’s neck, the other at Mim’s hip, to keep her balance. Maybe.
There was something to be said about having her girlfriend smiling into the kiss and knowing it was the second time she’d tried to leave already. But she’d turned back for “one more kiss”. Again.
“You’ll be late”, Mim murmured against Eve’s lips but didn’t let go.
“You could come with me”, Eve huffed before chasing Mim’s lips again, “I wouldn’t have to let go then.”
At this, Mim had to laugh and she broke the kiss, enjoying the dramatic pout on Mim’s face, despite her own heart racing so fast, it seemed to drown out everything else around them.
“Next week maybe”, and she brushed a strand of hair behind Eve’s ear, enjoying the nervous blush she caused, “Once I’ve processed it properly.”
“What? You still can’t believe it?”
Only with some effort was Mim able to keep Eve from tickling her, holding her hands prisoners, basically.
“As if you have realised it completely already.”
“Fair”, Eve smiled sheepishly and pressed a kiss to Mim’s cheek since there was no other movement possible with hands bound.
“And I need to tell Tin first”, Mim admitted, even though she had no desire to get so serious so soon.
But Eve’s smile deepened and her arms lost some of the tension, making Mim wonder if it was safe enough to let her go and hug her once more.
“I have a guess your feelings might not be the only ones that have changed”, she said, like a cryptic goddess and refused to elaborate.
“Talk to him first”, another kiss to Mim’s cheek, “I don’t want to be wrong on this one.”
“Fine, but you better tell me your theories later.”
And Eve promised with another kiss, leaning her whole body against Mim as if she never intended to leave but instead wanted to bury herself into Mim.
When she left though, after a while, when she was almost too late, it was with a giddy smile and a promise and laughing eyes.
Mim loved her even more for it.
It was okay, Mim realised. She trusted Eve. Trusted her to come back again. Back to her. Back to them.
And then they would figure out their feelings, their relationship together, making it right.
Mim wouldn’t have thought she’d be excited for this once more, after everything, but her heart was about to jump out of her chest at the prospect, at the simple thought of Eve back in her arms.
She sighed.
Before that, she would have to have a talk with Tin. Because he deserved as much.
And so, as happy as she was nervous, Mim waited.
But for once, it wasn’t for others to change her life. Instead, she was the one taking the next step, another new, exhilarating path.
And Mim couldn’t wait to make it happen.
To be continued ...
#the player the series#the player#MimEve#TimTin#shouting my niche fanworks into the void#this is very dear to me#definitely one of my favourite fics from the last weeks and maybe months#pure self indulgence
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Writing and My Goblin
The writer in my brain is a Goblin.
They’re really good at digging up impossible things from the dirt, plot points and ideas others would’ve left as trash but can turn into diamonds when polished.
They’re also an idiot that chews on pencil erasers and chokes on the rubber bits that fly down its throat.
I love it a lot and have had such a joy working with it.
But recently, it’s been on strike.
My internal write-mine is shutdown. The Goblin has gone on strike, and I know why. Bitterness and jealousy, the things we always say we’ll never succumb to.
And yet, here we are.
Because we aren’t just creators, we’re also consumers. Many of us start writing because there is an absence, something we want to read but it doesn’t exist. We’ve read everything that’s interested us, fallen in love with authors and creators, and are still left hungry.
So we write, but are we necessarily read?
Most of us have been there: we see other people writing in the same niche space as we do that get so much more attention.
“Did we do something wrong? Why aren’t we popular? Am I just a shit writer? Is the fandom purposefully excluding me? Did I write on a taboo subject?” If you’ve had any of these thoughts, you are not alone. Your fears aren’t silly.
It’s like screaming into the void, except the screaming is writing and the void is the internet... which is kind of the same thing, nevermind.
But anyway.
Why is this happening?
Because no one ever really told you how to wrangle your Goblin. It’s some cruel hazing ritual we as creators have to figure out for ourselves.
Notes and kudos and comments and fanworks, “Validation Jewels” I’ll call them. These are a TREAT, and it’s toxic to yourself to think of them as anything but. Your Goblin CRAVES validation jewels, will scream like a kid passing McDonalds for a Happy Meal.
But you have to be the parent that says “we have food at home.”
Because as much as you give them the jewels, their hoard will NEVER be big enough for them. Their craving will never be sated. They’ll look around at all the other creators in your space and their hoards, and wonder why they have some jewels that we don’t have.
Worse, what does it do when it sees their hoard of jewels is so much bigger than ours?
Well, it throws a god damn fit. “What’s the point?!” it screeches. It smashes the keyboard to pieces. It snaps the pencil in two. No more writing in this mine, no sir.
When I sit down and open the word doc, the Goblin stands there with its arms crossed. “Validation jewels first”, it demands, tapping its foot. You turn out your pockets to find them empty, and all you can do is look achingly at the languishing plot plants wilting about the edges of the cave. It doesn’t care that you need to actually produce first before any validation jewels can be harvested.
And so I close the word doc, only to open it again a week later and go through it all again. And again. And again.
And it won’t stop until you realize: YOU are the Goblin Wrangler.
The Goblin has grown greedy and needs to be reminded that Validation Jewels are a TREAT. They’re not actual food.
A true healthy diet is built upon Accomplishment Coins. These are the unique, undescribable coins found at the end of completing a piece. These are the fuzzy, prideful feelings once you submit that WIP. It’s the tears you wipe away after you finally save a piece without “draft” in the title. It’s the crack in your throat when you shout “Finally!”. It’s the feeling of wanting to run miles upon miles in joy.
Self. Fulfillment.
You did this. You wrote this. And no one could’ve done it in the same way you did.
Accomplishment Coins are loaded with healthy vitamins and minerals. It’s pure goodness. While Validation Jewels are a nice treat, it’s like eating nothing but ice cream all day.
The Goblin wants it. Don’t give the Goblin what it wants. You know better as a Wrangler.
So at the end of it all, remember that Validation Jewels are a rich, luxurious treat only to be consumed in moderation. Trying to make them a valid diet for your Goblin will only make them spoiled and sick. Accomplishment Coins are the only true, sustainable meal for a Goblin, and will make you, your plot plants, AND your Goblin happy and healthy.
Treat your Goblin well, but most of all, treat yourself with kindness.
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