#shout outs to Ashley Barton and Charlie Parker y’all are forever on my mind as the Parker kids that could use so much guidance and support

[harumscarumcos]

SFW ALPHABET + Kaine Parker

I sat on this cause I have a side blog I made specifically for Kaine but I’m too lazy to post to it + I can post wherever I want who’s gon check me?

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

• He is not the most outwardly affectionate person. It’s hard for him, all he’s been through, all he’s done, to really show the kind of affection that comes so normally to others. Sometimes, it makes him come off as a callous guy, and honestly that’s fine to him. Doesn’t want the world to see him as soft or weak.

• But when he does show it, it’s little things—words of support that may sound rougher than necessary (he’s trying to become gentler with them, but it’s tough), looking out for them in different situations to make sure they’re safe and protected, will sometimes just silently sit nearby when they’re doing an activity, just for the company.

• If this is someone he is really close with, platonic or romantic, it’s careful, soft touches. It’s brushing a strand of hair back that fell out of place for them. It’s letting them lean against him when they get too tired to keep themselves up. It’s offering to carry them when walking gets too tiring for their own legs, when their muscles are fatigued.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

• As much as he may to deny it, Kaine has a bleeding heart, and it has definitely led him into some unlikely friendships. I tend to think back to the elderly blind person he ended up staying for a time, that offered him a roof over his head and company to talk to. So I think he’d find a friend maybe in someone he may have met while on the lam, who gives him an ear willing to listen to some of his woes. Possibly someone who offered him a hot, home cooked meal, something he hasn’t had in a long time (if ever, really), who sits him down at their table to settle and eat, will even make him a to-go plate, offer him to come back anytime for food and conversation.

• Thus, it becomes routine for him to spend some quiet moments with this person, starts to divulge more about himself, learn more about them, forming a bond he had not expected. It’s nice, a comfort to have such a friendship. Becomes so talkative in this friendship, so trusting. Truly ankles himself to open up.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

• He does! He just doesn’t know how! He’s never been properly cuddled in his life, it’s AGONIZING.

• But say he’s on the couch or in bed with his person, laying back while they’re propped up on his chest before they settle their head down to use him like a pillow; he’s got his arms wrapped around their middle, chin resting gently atop their head at first, but soon enough the lower half of his face is buried in their hair, inhaling their scent. Just feels so much safety in this act.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

• Kaine has some notions of wanting to settle down with someone, but he wouldn’t even know what that truly looks like for him. His life has been such a whirlwind, whether because of his own actions or the actions of others that have complicated things for him to build a future, it’s kinda hard for him to imagine domesticity for himself.

• But he for sure will have the thought, from time to time, having a home of his own, something like what he knows from his memories (well, Peter’s, really) of what it was like with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Imagining that house in Forest Hills, Queens, all the memories on the walls, the warmth in those halls. If he had a house like that, he wouldn’t even know what to fill it with. He knows he would always have a room for Aracely, though, would always make space for her.

• And maybe there is a romantic partner in the picture. Someone he can come home to, when he walks in the door can already smell the scent of something delicious filling the house. Maybe he calls out for them and they callback, letting them know they’re in the kitchen. He’ll come in, wrap his arms around their waist as he notches his head where their neck meets their shoulder, landing a kiss on their cheek. And they’d ask each other how their days were. Maybe a few complaints here and there, but mostly just…happy to be in each others presence now. Makes the whole day better. He wants that so bad.

• God, he’s shit at cooking. His partner is definitely shooing him out the kitchen cause ‘you set the fire alarm off every time you cook in my kitchen’. He makes up for what he lacks in cooking skills for cleaning, will for sure get on the ceiling to get those cobwebs in the high corners.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

• Kaine is…not good with a break up, to put it lightly. Part of that is because of his first truly committed relationship, with Louise Kennedy, where she used him and betrayed him, and the actions he took after this were certainly regrettable. Even if we talk Muse, another woman who used him in such a similar fashion and betrayed him all the same, and how that ended. It was different with Annabelle. Things were better, so much better. Until they weren’t. Until Kraven. Until Shathra. Until the Other. Until she saw him for all he was, or all he thinks himself to be, and she ran.

• So when it comes to the person Kaine is now, how he would go about a breakup? I think he’d just…go. In an attempt to avoid the mistakes he’s made in the past, the monstrous acts he committed against the others he was with before, and even to kind of avoid any further heartbreak. Just ghost, not a word. It’s better that way, right?

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

• Commitment is, admittedly, confusing to Kaine. Like, yeah, when he falls for someone, he falls hard. He is ready to give his everything to them, for them, whatever the case may be. But marriage has never really been something at the top of his mind cause, again, he doesn’t think the life he has lived allow for that.

• Of course, if the conversation is brought up by his partner, he’s gonna talk about it and tell his true feelings: that he loves them, immensely, he’s just not sure about marriage itself cause like 1) “superhero” life seems like it would make it tough, that it would complicate things 2) he’s seen how it went for his own brother (albeit, he definitely put some pressure on that marriage with his own actions that began to mar Peter’s life) and 3) he is still a wanted man and he doesn’t wanna put that on his beloved with a civil union.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

• He is one of the least gentle people in the world, physically and emotionally. But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t trying. He is working on himself to be more gentle, sometimes he’s gotta catch himself with the things he says or does, but I promise you, he is trying.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

• He likes hugs, he just can get a little awkward with them when someone gives him one, especially if it’s a little unexpected. It takes him time to get used to just one specific person hugging him. Definitely took him a minute with Aracely, cause she would just spring them on him (and still does), but now he passively accepts the hugs, sometimes returns it.

• When it comes to how he hugs? Again, he’s awkward with it, will probably like pat whoever on the head in that kinda “there, there” manner, tries to very carefully encircle them with his arms (he’s so damn big), but as he gets more comfortable with hugging them, he’s like a goddamn teddy bear.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

• Controversial, but I think he’s always on the verge of saying it with someone that he has found himself infatuated with, but bites his tongue every time before he can. He’s too nervous that his love will be spurned. Or worse—they’ll say it back and won’t mean it. He’s already been through that, where someone said it only as a means to use him, to control him. So he tries to distance himself from the word.

• If someone else says it to him first, though, WHEW! He’s gonna crumble. He’s going to melt. He was convinced from the day he came out the clone tank that he was unlovable just an experiment, a creature. And was further convinced through the years he’s a monster that no one can possibly love. So if someone says it and means it with their whole heart and shows him that love? He’s breaking down, baby.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

• Oh, Kaine gets big time jealous. Gonna refer to when he went to the rodeo with Annabelle and got super pissy when her ex was flirting with her (IIRC he shoved him out the way at some point and planted a big smooch on her). He will definitely start to hover around his partner, if not outright keeping an arm around them to keep them near/against him, and will glare at the person who is the source of these feelings of jealousy, like he’s actively plotting their downfall.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

• His kisses are very intense, all encompassing. Will have both hands pressed against the sides of his partner’s face to hold them there while his lips slot against theirs, may move one to cradle the back of their head as he deepens it. Just really gets into it, might end up getting some teeth and tongue in that kiss.

• He likes kissing the crook of his partner's neck or jawline, maybe the very top of their head.

• He likes getting cheek and forehead kisses. Something about it makes him feel so soft. He’s also a bit of a sucker for if they kiss him on the tip of his nose or along the shell of his ears, really likes it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

• He gets a little nervous around kids. Teenagers are one thing, like Aracely is a handful as is (a personality that was hard for him to get used to), and Charlie (Spider-Kid) is a little shit, but he can definitely manage because he gets them, he understands where they’re coming from, why they are the way they are, and can definitely relate. If he had a chance to have a childhood, grow into teenhood, be a ‘real boy’, he believes his personality would mirror theirs in some ways.

• But kids? He does not really understand kids and worries when he’s around anyone under the age of 12. He’s worried he might end up being too harsh with them, might scare them off.

• The thing is kids kinda gravitate towards him, and this is very apparent with baby Mayday and Gerry, as they will crawl all over this man, will hang off him like a jungle gym, will coo and babble at him, and after a time, it becomes pretty amusing to him. And, soon enough, Uncle Candy Cane starts getting unexpectedly saddled with babysitting duties.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

• Depends on how the night before was for him, as I believe he deals with a touch of insomnia (which I will go more into in the next section), so he can be a little cranky in the morning, only giving slight mumbles and grumbles as he gets himself together for the day.

• Even after he’s done his bathroom routine—brushing his teeth, taking a shower, getting in a quick shave, doing some hair care if he still has his long, flowing locks—he’ll still probably be a bit of a grump until he gets some breakfast in him, a cup of coffee, something.

• There are times where he wants to just sleep in til noon, and if he’s been cuddled up in bed with his partner and they’re about to slip out to get there own day started, he’s definitely dragging them back in with him. Will mumble something about ‘just a few more minutes’ into their hair which, of course, turns into way more than a few more minutes. He just wants to revel in this.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

• He has a rough time of actually getting to sleep. Sometimes, he’ll just go swinging through the city for a while, looking for someone in need of help (there’s always someone), trying to tire himself out. Maybe he’ll hit up a bar to get a beer or two, which leads into a bar fight and a blackout because he got the same tolerance Peter had to alcohol—slim to none.

• If he has a partner, sometimes he’ll try to get them to stay up as long as he is up, but definitely feels bad when he can see them struggling to stay awake. Other times, he may cuddle up with them until they drift off, and will just watch them as they sleep, enjoying just observing them.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

• It definitely takes a while for him to open up, because he’s been burned in the past and doesn’t really want to reveal too much in the fear of it happening again. He also doesn’t want to risk driving them away with the things he may talk about concerning himself. He knows what he is, knows that a lot of what he’s done is unforgivable, and doesn’t want to unload all of that onto them, doesn’t want them to see him the way that he sees himself. But once he has found his comfort with that person, once he really feels he can trust them, he does start to slowly reveal more and more about himself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

• Oh, too easy to anger. He has an admittedly short fuse that can go from annoyance to full on rage if someone hits the wrong nerve. And it’s not too easy to calm him down, so tread carefully.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

• He remembers everything. Every small detail, every little moment. Really makes sure to pay attention to the things that make his partner smile, makes them laugh. Remembers every soft moment between himself and them. But he also remembers the bad moments, the ones that he wants to burn from his memory entirely. Those become so etched into his mind, like a black mark. But he carries it with him. It’s his burden.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

• (insert self-indulgent fic here)

• Actually, I WILL be a little self-indulgent, albeit brief: it was the first time that he had any kind of significant interaction with them, a kickback at the Parker household. He knew of them, brief mentions of them, had caught a glance once or twice when he went to the pub they worked at the couple of times he’d accepted Peter’s invites to grab a bite, ‘catch up’, as it were. He knew they were a friend of MJ’s, something about meeting them at an audition? On set? He wasn’t too sure. Didn’t particularly matter, at the time.

• He found himself getting a bit overwhelmed, had been trying to avoid too many questions about ‘why he never really came around’, ‘how come he’d missed out on the Parker-Watson wedding’, ‘why they’ve heard so little of Peter’s jock of a brother’, and so one and so forth. He was sure a couple of them knew the truth of it (definitely Johnny who threw out that last one), but was finding it tough to navigate the questions.

• So, when they came over to interrupt, requesting his specific help because they ‘needed someone big’ to help carry a couple trays of leftovers down to the deep freeze for May, he nearly jumped at the task, a grunt and a quick nod as he trailed behind them. Though, as soon as the two of them entered the kitchen, he was quick to note the lack of food trays in need of transport.

• They instead handed him a cup, holding one identical in their other as they propped themselves back against the counter. “Sorry, you just kind of looked like you were drowning out there,” they would go on to clarify their deception, giving a brief laugh. “Couldn’t keep watching that. I say we’ve got a good five minutes before they expect you back. Maybe ten.”

• He had to admit, he was definitely relieved for the save. Even mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’ to them as he clutched the cup, leaning slightly against the counter adjacent. They’re finally able to give a proper introduction—Nanette, but they just go by Nan since it’s easier—explaining that they’ve seen him the couple of times he’s come into the bar with Peter and MJ. Clocked him as just as much of a lightweight as Peter; has watched him nurse one beer over an entire evening.

• “You might wanna sip slow from that cup,” they advise him, giving a small tap on their own. “Sangria. Made it myself. MJ says I make it ‘too strong’, so tread carefully.”

• They stay making a bit of small talk, nothing too in-depth. Talking about the party at hand, cracking a joke here and there. It’s nice. It’s only when someone calls through the back door for one of them that they find themselves ending their little chat, Nan heading back out, raising their cup in a mock toast. Says they hope to see him again sometime. He hoped so, too. Maybe he’d show his face act the bar without Peter sometime.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

• Oh, he’s super protective. Like ‘would commit crimes for you’ protective. Just looking at his past relationships, platonic and romantic, he definitely is super protective of those he loves and will do whatever necessary to ensure their safety.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

• He for sure would put a bit of effort towards these things, it’s just he doesn’t know what that looks like. He’s never really been in a relationship long enough to figure out what all that entails. His attempts may be a little lacking, at first, like it will mostly be watching TV on the sofa, maybe grab some takeout from the Chinese food store down at the corner or that New Mexican spot that opened on 10th, but as time goes along it will definitely develop further to “I saw this necklace that made me think of you, no big deal”, or “yeah, uh, I remember you talked about this exhibit, thought it would be nice to check it out together, maybe”, like he’s so awkward about it.

• He’s not really as used to doing housework as others might, so may lack on some things but will for sure try to make sure the laundry is done, that any trash goes down for trash day, will bring in the stray package the mailman left down at the leasing office.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

• He has been told multiple times to take his shoes off at the door, and multiple times he has tracked dirt into the space on the bottom of his shoes. He won’t even wipe his feet on the mat like he’s supposed to (half of that is for sure cause he’s coming through the fire escape window, but that’s another problem to tackle another day).

• Also, his communication skills are kind of terrible, he really needs to work more on having open lines of communication with the people in his life.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

• He acts like he doesn’t care, but this man has every hair shampoo, conditioner, hair mask, oil, pomade, all to make sure his hair stays immaculate when he’s growing it out.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

• Without a doubt. Wishes he was back on that beach with the waves licking at his feet, but will settle for this margarita he’s sipping on in this little Mexican spot you two would go to every other week and think about all the conversations you two had, the future promises you made. Would feel like there’s a hole in his heart (again…) And that’s on codependency issues, babes!

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

• On top of having unofficially adopted Aracely, I also like to think that since the Spider-Geddon event, Ashley Barton and Charlie Parker will occasionally hang around his apartment (Ashley wants to get to know her ‘not-so-great’ Uncle Kaine since she doesn’t really know him in her own world, and might drag Charlie with her cause she’ll be damned if her ‘Gramps’ is living alone on the streets of his own universe with no guidance; and suddenly Kaine is fulfilling the actual big brother role to at least one variation of Peter when it comes to Charlie, whether he’s setting the best example or not is the question). Now he’s got all these teens around his place, his snacks are gone, and has absolutely no peace of mind, but it’s okay, they teach him how to use the internet in exchange for unwilling mentorship.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

• He cannot abide by liars, even though he’s a huge liar himself, so kinda hypocritical. But if it’s big things, if it’s truly like ‘you told me you were this, but you’re actually this’ kind of things in regards to who they are as a person, it definitely will remind him of every partner who has presented a false self to him in the past, and he just can’t do that again. The trust will not be the same.

• The thing is, he does hate this about himself, too. He hates the way that he has martyred himself in the past based on a lie, he hates the situations that he has gotten others into based on lies he told them. And, unfortunately, he’s not really taking the steps necessary to not be that person who lies to those around him. Or at least he’s not trying as hard as he could.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

• When it comes down to him actually falling asleep, he kinda takes up the entire bed (he’s MASSIVE) and will move around quite a bit in his sleep, a very restless sleeper. With his partner, he may end up hugging them to him like they’re a stuffed animal, and good luck to them prying themselves from his arms if they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

• Otherwise, this man has insomnia and hasn’t had a proper sleep since he was out the clone pod. He’ll say he doesn’t need it, that he’s good off getting maybe an hour or two, but it’s more like he doesn’t want to deal with what is subconscious will conjure up in his dreams when he finally lays down to rest, doesn’t want to see the faces of those he has wronged, those whose lives he has cut short in his pettiness and his times of instability. The man is haunted by guilt in both the waking world and the land of dreams