#shout out to my best friend ness for editing this and making sure everything was in order

[ignominyy]

Mistakes Like This

Fandom: Cow Chop Pairing: Aleks/James Word count: 1,922 [ taken from my ao3 ]

The morning’s sunlight trickled through the blinds, whilst the numerous birds could be heard chirping their songs loud and proud outside, having not a care in the world. Rays of light currently rested upon Aleksandr’s face, slowly waking him from his slumber. He muttered curse words as he blinked his eyes open, squinting at the harsh light. Shielding his eyes from the attack, he took a quick glance around the room.

He almost panicked for a moment; not recognizing the room he currently was in. His nerves calmed as his brain registered where he was, and he turned his head to look at the person to his right. Dark hair was tied in a messy bun, strands escaping from the hair tie’s grasp and splaying themselves against the pillow. Aleks shifted slightly to turn towards the sleeping man, noting the soreness in his hips as he moved. He knew it was from the actions that took place the night before; with the familiar yet harsh hands grasping at him so hard, it was bound to leave bruises. With that in mind, his hand slowly slipped under the cover, pressing his fingertips gently into the sore skin. A bruise was most definitely on his left side and he assumed there was another on his right side. It wasn��t like he minded the bruises, though.

Turning his attention back to the man who was responsible for all of this, he sighed softly. Most of the time when he spent the night, this was the sight he would always wake up to. A back towards him instead of a handsome face. It was probably because he was ashamed of what had happened on those late nights, not wanting to look at Aleks and comprehend what he had just done. The blond laid there for a few more moments before rising from the bed, making sure to be as quiet as possible. He quickly gathered his discarded clothes from the floor and slipped them on, quietly sighing as he turned to look at the bed once again. Beginning to walk towards the other side of the bed, he hesitated.

This was part of the routine when he woke up as well; should he leave without giving the man a soft kiss on the forehead, or should he still give the other a gentle peck? He always went with the latter and was unsure as to why he had to think about it anymore. Approaching the sleeping figure, his heart began to race, not wanting to wake him. Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before whispering a “bye, James”. With that, he left.

When he arrived home, he unlocked his door before stepping foot inside, jumping at the sound of a voice from within.

“Where were you all night?” Aleks shut the door behind him before his eyes traveled to his couch, where Brett was sat. Brett would often show up to Aleks’ place unannounced, mostly to see if he was actually home or out sleeping with James again.

“Nowhere in particular,” Aleks replied simply, not looking Brett in his eyes as he began to walk towards his bathroom. The older man followed, standing in the doorway as Aleks went to the mirror, studying his neck for any signs of hickeys.

“You sure you were ‘nowhere in particular’?” Brett said this with a hint of smugness behind his voice, tilting his head to the side. Aleks pretended he hadn’t heard him in favour of continuing with what he was doing.

“If going out to the bar and going home with James is ‘nowhere in particular’, then I guess you are right.”

Sighing heavily, the younger man looked towards his best friend. “And? What about it? Are you going to lecture me about it again?” Pushing past Brett, he sped walk to the living room, sitting down on the couch and folding his arms.

“You know it’s not healthy for you,” Brett commented as he walked into the living room, “You’re so madly in love with someone who just thinks of you as a fun fuck after getting drunk.”

As soon as those words hit Aleks, he felt his heart tighten with emotion. “Shut up,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Aleks, you know I’m right. James is a good guy overall, but you have to know he’s just using you. He doesn’t want the same things as you, do you understand? No matter how many times you fuck him, he’s not going to love you.”

“Brett,” his voice was louder this time, his tone stern. Taking the hint, Brett simply sat down next to his friend, wrapping an arm around his shoulders with a soft sigh. Aleks lowered his head into his hands, putting his elbows to his knees, shaking his right leg a bit to distract himself from his thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Brett whispered, “I just hate seeing you get hurt over and over again.”

“Yeah?” Aleks let out a dry laugh, lifting his face from his hands. “Imagine how I feel.”

Brett left later that night, making sure to talk about the whole situation, his opinions on it, and what he thought Aleks should do. Both of them had decided Aleks should tell James how he felt and end their relationship as fuck buddies if James didn’t reciprocate his feelings. They agreed that the longer all of this went on, the more hurt it would cause. So now, Aleks was at James’s front door, knocking ever so softly on the door. Taking in a deep breath, he slowly let it out as the door opened. His eyes lit up as he saw the man in front of him, greeting him and walking in. James closed the door behind him, returning the greeting with a small smile. The two made their way to the living room, James beginning to talk about some game they could play or a movie they could watch. Aleks could barely hear his friend speaking, the sound of his heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears. He simply nodded before taking a seat, James sitting down as well.

All Aleks could think about was how he was suppose to admit to James that he was so in love with him, that he loved him so much that it fucking hurt.

“Hello?” Aleks jumped a bit at the sound of James’s voice, half expecting that James had heard his thoughts and his cover was blown. James let out a laugh, “Are you alright, dude? You look like you’re about to have a full on mental breakdown.” Aleks shook his head slowly as he stared at James for a moment, his gaze going to the tv then.

“I’m fine, man. Just have a lot of shit on my mind.”

Nodding a bit, James’s attention also went to the tv.

“Well get that shit off your mind and pick whether we’re playing some shit or watching something.”

Oh, if only James knew what was going on in Aleks’ mind; maybe he’d understand then.

“I don’t really give a shit, dude,” he replied, trying to make his words less suspicious and more like what he usually would say. James glanced slightly over at Aleks before ultimately deciding on a movie. Aleks was sort of glad for that; he wasn’t sure if he could focus on a video game at the moment. As the movie began to play, Aleks began to plan out what he should do. Should he just say it randomly in the middle of the video? ‘Hey, I kind of have a huge crush on you and it fucking hurts, so can you tell me if you feel the same?’ No, that sounded too stupid. He couldn’t do that. Thinking of a few more options, none of them seemed to really fit. Aleks wasn’t sure what to do, wishing that Brett could be there with him somehow. Just Brett being in the room with the two of them would’ve been a major help, but he didn’t offer, so Aleks didn’t ask. Looking towards James, he studied him for a moment before looking to the floor, taking in a deep breath. His body was trembling at this point, and he could swear he was making the couch shake.

“James.” Aleks instantly regretted the word as it left his mouth, closing his eyes momentarily before opening them again. Slowly turning his attention to James, the other man was staring at him already, eyebrow slightly raised.

“Yeah?” Aleks opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Embarrassment suddenly flooded over him as he realized nothing came out, and he almost felt like crying.

“Aleksandr, what’s wrong?”

Aleks loved when James called him by his full name, it sounded so good rolling off of his tongue and many people didn’t do it very often. It was almost like it was… special, in a way. Suddenly, Aleks found himself leaning forward, lips connecting with James’s. Almost as soon as the touch was initiated, it was taken away. James had a slightly confused and disgusted look on his face, and Aleks just wanted to disappear. Backing away slightly, he wasn’t sure what to say at this point.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Aleks’ eye flickered to the couch cushions, holding back the urge to just get up and run out. “We only do that shit when we’re drunk. Not now.” James’s tone was slightly harsh, almost like it had a hidden trace of malice behind it. “I mean, what the hell, Aleks. You know this. Did you just come here to make a move on me or what?” His voice was growing a bit louder; a bit more annoyed. Aleks couldn’t bare to look at James, afraid of what expression was being made at him.

“I’m sorry.”

Silence overtook them for a few seconds, James’s scoff breaking it. Finally, Aleks mustered up the courage to look at his friend, noting the disgust behind his usual kind brown eyes. He seemed to be backed up fully against the couch, almost like if he got closer to Aleks he would lunge at him for another kiss. “I-I’m sorry,” Aleks repeated, standing to his feet and feeling instantly light headed. Why did he think this was actually going to work? That somehow James liked him back? Why did he kiss him instead of just confessing?

“We’re too sober for mistakes like this, Aleks.”

Mistakes? Is that what James thought of when they slept together, that it was all just one big mistake?

“I know, I’m sorry.”

James sighed, folding his arms as he looked back to the tv, still playing the movie they had put on. At this point, Aleks felt like he couldn’t breathe. Things would probably never be the same after this, and he knew he should just break off everything right then and there, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lose those nights with James; walking home from the bar and practically falling into the front door, mouths connecting as they made their way to the bed. James calling out Aleks’ name, his full name, between kisses and as they had sex. Falling asleep next to the warmth of James, the feeling of happiness as he fell asleep.

“I’ll leave,” he finally said, not meeting James’s eyes as he turned away, quick steps going to the door. James had said something, but Aleks didn’t acknowledge his words as he walked out, closing the door swiftly behind him. But maybe he should’ve listened.

“Aleksandr, come back”.

[court-of-abs]

Update on “Maybe Tomorrow” [Final Chapter; Chapter 17]

Hello, hello my ducklings. 

It’s been nearly two years since I’ve last been on Tumblr and well over that time since I’ve written anything for my Elorcan fanfic “Maybe Tomorrow.” I actually just finished up reading a Court of Silver Flames and I remembered this page existed. 

As you all might’ve guessed, I never did finish writing that last chapter, or the epilogue, even. And while I no longer intend to finish writing that last chapter now, I decided it would be fun to post what I had written so far as well as a bulleted list for the ideas I had for the epilogue. Please keep in mind two things: this was written over two years ago and I’m not letting myself attempt to edit it (although I did read through it quickly) and there is a potential trigger warning: this chapter covers themes of mental health, therapy, and topics related to it. I’ll also be adding this warning to the previous chapter, as I feel in hindsight I most definitely should’ve included it.

This community and these books were my everything in 2017-2018. I was going through a pretty tough time then, and I am so so happy to say I’m doing much better now despite everything going on in the world. I still keep up with each series to this day (I even cried the BIG tears when I finished Kingdom of Ash) and it will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. 

Enjoy!! Let me know what you guys think <3 I miss and love you all, and I hope you’re doing well.

~

Naitivity. To herself, to her problems, to the pain flowing through her veins every step she took. That was why Saturday night had affected her so much.

In the almost nine years since their death, Elide had never acknowledged what had happened. She’d never grieved, barely faltered- she got away with it by not thinking about it, not talking about it. By not accepting the cards the fate had handed her, by turning a blind eye, it became so much easier to pretend it didn’t happen. It became so much easier to pretend she hadn’t changed.

Elide knew now that she wasn’t being strong for it. She was just being naive.

Elide wrapped her arms around herself and leaned forward to rest her head on the steering wheel of her car. She breathed, deeply, taking in the muffled sounds of students walking towards the front of the school- their voices, their laughter.

She smiled, then, thinking about what today was.

Then she frowned, thinking about what today was. The elections and then…

Another breath. In and out, just like the therapist had told her. Elide reached for her school books and swung open the door of her car, stepping out into the heat. She just needed to focus on today, just today.

And then, with the support of her friends, those that cared about her, she’d focus on the next. And the next, and the next…

Elide made it all of three steps away from her car when she ran into Aelin, Lysandra, and Manon standing by the rear of her car, their arms crossed and faces tight.

Elide swallowed and reached for the words she’d been saying over and over in her head for the last 24 hours. They were on the tip of her tongue-

“Manon!” Lysandra’s shout was cut off by Manon barrelling into Elide, pulling her into one of the most suffocating bear hugs she’d ever received. It was exactly what she needed.

“You scared the ever-living daylights out of us” she said into Elide’s hair.

Elide leaned her head on Manon’s shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Manon shook her head, and Elide watched as Lysandra and Aelin took a few steps forward, readying to pull Manon away should Elide need them to.

“There’s no need to be sorry, but Jesus, Elide, you just… disappeared after Saturday night. No one could get in touch with you all of Sunday, not even Lorcan.” Elide froze at his name. She mumbled another “sorry” into Manon’s shoulder and gripped her harder so that she wouldn’t notice.

“All right, all right” Lysandra said as she gently pried Manon’s arms off of Elide. “Don’t smother her.”

Elide smiled at her. “It’s alright-” and then Lysandra was gripping her in another extremely tight bear hug.

“Hey!” Manon shouted, scowling at Lysandra.

“You had plenty of time with her, it’s my turn now.”

“I got less than a minute-”

“Ladies” Aelin said, stepping between them. “This is about Elide right now, not you.” Aelin stepped towards Lysandra and Lysandra took a step away. 

“Don’t even try, Aelin. You’ll get your turn in a minute.” Elide giggled as Aelin sighed and took a step back.

Lysandra smoothed down the hair on top of her head and said, “Do you want to tell us what happened- after Saturday, I mean. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

Elide smiled up at her, at all of them, and took a small step forward- Lysandra reluctantly loosened her grip.

“It’s true,” Elide swallowed, “what Maeve said about my parents. That’s all true.” She wrapped her arms around herself, tighter, remembering what Dr. Ren had told her.

“I’ve spent the last nine or so years of my life… in denial. My parents, when they died, they were all I had. I was horrible at making friends, and when Vernon became my guardian, well, you might imagine why he didn’t exactly give me someone to talk to. The SDD tried to get me to talk, to acknowledge what had happened. They worked tirelessly to try and convince my uncle that I needed therapy but my uncle doesn’t really believe in mental illness, of any sort, and I… it was just too much for me,” Elide tried to meet all of their eyes as she talked but the bareness of the moment forced her eyes down to the pavement, “I didn’t talk for almost an entire year after they died. I had no outlet for the pain,” her voice cracked on the word, “the utter pain I was going through. Eventually I learned it was easier to shove it all down. Everyone said that since I was young I would quickly get past it and I took that as meaning that I had to quickly get past it. And so I did everything you’re not supposed to do when trying to grieve about the death of your loved ones.” 

Elide gestured a hand to all of them, “I pushed people away... and I let the mention of the most amazing parents in the world become a trigger for my concealed anxiety and grief. And after Saturday, I couldn’t push it all back down after Saturday. And so nine years of pent up… everything came tumbling out.”

None of them spoke for a moment.

Then: “You talked to one hell of a therapist yesterday, didn’t you,” Manon said. 

Elide let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, he set me straight.” Elide said, tracing the lines on one of her textbooks.

“So you’re okay?” Lysandra asked, wrapping her arms tentatively around Elide.

“No” Elide said, “I’m actually far from it. But ��” Elide cleared her throat and hastily brushed away a fallen tear. “That’s okay. I know that.” 

“Good” Aelin said. She reached for Elide, then, waving off a pissed Lysandra. “We’re going to be right here while you get through all of it, Elide. Absolutely all of it.”

“Thank you” Elide said, gladly accepting her third bear hug of the day. “And I’m sorry about how I reacted on Saturday, it must have been so scary for all of you. I’m really, truly sorry-”

“Don’t apologize” Aelin said, smoothing down her hair. “You don’t need to. What Maeve did was the definition of malicious, and you didn’t hear it but everyone booed her off stage after Lorcan rushed you out of the room.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t disqualify her from the race after that,” Lysandra said, and then she grimaced. “Gods I can still remember the look on her face-”

“Lysandra” Manon warned, “we all know she’s a bitch, but we don’t need to debate how much of one she is right at this second.”

Lysandra looked down at her feet and mumbled, “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, really” Elide said. “I don’t mind talking about how much of a bitch she is at all.”

“Oh thank the gods” Lysandra sighed, rushing over to Elide and grasping her hand. “Let’s all go sit down somewhere and discuss this. It’s going to be a lengthy conversation- there is so much bitchy-ness about her that you don’t even know about it.”

“Are we really doing this?” Manon said, raising a single brow. “Doesn’t that make us a bit petty?” A snort from Lysandra.

They all turned to Aelin, but Aelin just shrugged. “What Elide says, goes.”

Manon’s jaw twitched and then she threw up her hands. “What the hell.”

Elide giggled as the four of them linked arms and walked towards the school together. Manon had been right- she had talked to one hell of a shrink yesterday. But she hadn’t just helped her sift through the memories, figure out how to deal with the pain.

Lysandra cackled at something Manon said, and Aelin smiled back at them, unrestrained.

No, she’d also helped her realize how amazing her friends were. And that was best part of all.

~  

If he couldn’t find her before the end of the day- he didn’t know what he was going to do. He just had to talk to her. He just had to know if she was alright.

His feet pounded into the concrete of the school parking lot... (I’m sorry I stopped typing here)

Here’s how I originally outlined the chapter (you can see some changes for when I actually sat down and wrote it):

Chp 17 Summary

Monday morning- day of election results. Elide is a mess. She hasn’t talked to anyone since Saturday night: this includes Lorcan. At school she’s confronted by friends and they’re all worried about her. They make up- Elide opens up to them about it. Lorcan clears things up with Rowan in the parking lot, they walk towards the school together. Then Lorcan comes over and asks to speak with Elide alone- they talk, and Lorcan gives her a new backpack (green like the carpet in the library). Asks if she could take care of Hellas for him- she says yes. They walk into the school hand in hand, knowing what they are and what they could be would have to wait for now.

Chapter Specifics

Outside of School

Elide sitting in her car again, contemplating the weekend. Reflective of first chapter- when she’s sitting there, not sure how things are going to go. 

Walks towards the school in a daze. Aelin & Co waiting for her a few feet from the school. Everyone is tentative but then Manon comes running over and gives Elide a hug. It’s just what she needs.

Elide says she’s sorry and opens up to them about her thought. They all just tell her it’s not her fault for any of it and they’re sorry that happened to her.

Lorcan & Rowan Meeting

Lorcan walking towards Elide when Rowan steps in front of him. The two tersely talk 

Flashback scene of sorts about what Rowan did for him the night before (Cain trying to goad Lorcan into a fight of sorts and Rowan stepping in)

at the end of it the two shake hands and are on good terms again.

Lorcan walks over to Elide and asks to speak with her alone. Bell rings for class to start but Lorcan leads them down a trail to talk.

He’s awkward until Elide leans up and kisses him. She tells him thank you

He gives her the backpack. Elide opens it up to find a copy of A Court of Wings and Ruin, and the picture of her parents protruding from it. 

Lorcan says he wishes he could have made her happy like that. Elide says he did. In the short time they had, he did.

Lorcan asks her to take care of Hellas. She says of course.

Elide leans up and kisses him again and says that she’ll always care about him. And maybe in the future they’ll be something (make sure you don’t rush this!!)

Lorcan starts stuttering and Elide shakes her head. She explains that as much as she cares about him, she knows how much the long distance thing will wear down on them- and that he needs to be his own person when he comes back to her.

Outdoors speakers announce that Aelin and her team had won the election as they approach the school building.

Elide walks into the school with Lorcan, prepared for the day ahead. And the next. And then the next, and the next…

Epilogue

I actually don’t have any notes for this (I THOUGHT I DID I’M SORRY) but I think I had it so that they bump into each other at Terrasen University or something like that and they start as friends but eventually begin dating and then get married in the library and the last scene is them at their spot in the library in their wedding apparel just holding each other (because I’m sappy like that)

Thank you all, again. Writing this was a pleasure and I could not have asked for a better community and support group

- Abs

[artcompilations]

hello friend!!!! i hope you are doing good and staying safe!!! if you have a moment, do you have anything on depression and/or carrying on despite it? thank u bunches!!

hi pal! i would have liked to give a more comprehensive response but i’m not sure i’m going to be in the right mindset for it later so i’m just going to link a couple of things for now and maybe you’ll find some that speak to you as well 

as ever with these, a wee nudge that this will be here for when u have the energy and mindset for it, so please do dip in and out as and when is best for you, take it easy!

with all that said, sending love from my corner of the world to yours, we’re here and we’re going to make it, we are!! take care lovely 💓 💓  

poems (**personal faves though obviously everything here is a personal selection) 

poetry recs. would highly second the rec for ‘wild geese’ by mary oliver!! it’s comforting in a very small gentle way and sometimes that’s what u need, a poem that feels kind & soothing... here’s another: susan coolidge’s ‘new every morning’ (mentions of religion) 

**‘a good day’ by kait rokowski, this poem is !!! (mentions of past suicide ideation and self harm but the core of the poem is focussed on the small goodness of the present)

**‘elegy for my sadness’ by chen chen (I wish I could peel / all my sadness in one long strip off my skin / & toss it in a bucket. No one would have to carry it. / It would just sit there & be punished. / It would just sit there & think about everything it’s done.) 

who can look in the mirror for three minutes / and say I love you, I love you, I love you / without bursting into tears over all the ways / we have not loved ourselves (jennifer saunder’s poem)

spoken poetry (youtube links): sabrina benaim’s “explaining my depression to my mother” (death mention) and reagan myers’ “depression is funny like that”

some articles: “I Lived. I Lived. I Lived.” article by Tori Burgamy (mentions of suicide and self harm / “I like to think that we all have two birthdays—the day we were born and the day we started fighting for our lives. That fateful day was my rebirth, although I didn’t know it at the time. It was the day I recognized depression for what it truly is: a liar and a thief.) and ask Polly - why should I keep going 

quotes

WHAT I AM NOT: My brother and I used to play a game. I’d point to a chair. “THIS IS NOT A CHAIR,” I’d say. Bird would point to the table. “THIS IS NOT A TABLE.” “THIS IS NOT A WALL,” I’d say. “THAT IS NOT A CEILING.” We’d go on like that. “IT IS NOT RAINING OUT.” “MY SHOE IS NOT UNTIED!” Bird would yell. I’d point to my elbow. “THIS IS NOT A SCRAPE.” Bird would lift his knee. “THIS IS ALSO NOT A SCRAPE!” “THAT IS NOT A KETTLE!” “NOT A CUP!” “NOT A SPOON!” “NOT DIRTY DISHES!” We denied whole rooms, years, weathers. Once, at the peak of our shouting, Bird took a deep breath. At the top of his lungs, he shrieked: “I! HAVE NOT! BEEN! UNHAPPY! MY WHOLE! LIFE!” “But you’re only seven,” I said.

— Nicole Krauss, The History Of Love

- inkipri 

I sit with my grief. I mother it. I hold its small, hot hand. I don’t say, shhh. I don’t say, it is okay. I wait until it is done having feelings. Then we stand and we go wash the dishes. We crack open bedroom doors, step over the creaks, and kiss the children. We are sore from this grief, like we’ve returned from a run, like we are training for a marathon. I’m with you all the way, says my grief, whispering, and then we splash our face with water and stretch, one big shadow and one small.

- Callista Buchen (not specific to depression but i think some of the sentiment is still? applicable? sometimes at least)

Depression is stupid and not a thing that makes me a better writer. One time I went a whole year without writing and I stayed in bed and drank. Fuck your Bukowskisms. I want sunlight and love and running down some street I’ve never been on where it’s warm and cool at the same time and I’m smiling. I want nothing to ever be bad again- and I don’t mean that I want a life free of conflict, I mean that I want a life free of meaningless conflict. Not being able to will oneself to take a shower or leave the house is meaningless. There is nothing to be gained, no lesson to be learned from that kind of life. My heart is stale, my prose is stale. Give me fire if you want to hurt me. Give me something I can taste. There’s nothing romantic or mysterious about where I am. There’s nothing here worth holding onto.

- Joshua Espinoza

Wherever you are it’s okay. You can come back from it. Whatever happened to you down there, whatever the world looks like now, that’s not how it always looks. That’s not how it’s always going to look. There’s more. There’s always more.

- Patrick Ness, More Than This (yeah out of context but! that’s not how it always looks! there’s always more!!) 

some more general compilations

resilience, to keep on living (mentions of death)

to forgive and value ourselves

choices and life

reminders / two

+ if anyone has anything to chip in, feel free to pop it in the comments or something for anon to check (edit: @/anon see the replies!) all the love ✨

[sparklingpax]

A Different Side (1/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts...but there’s more to that story. 

///

A/N: 

-This is a rather silly fic, so do not worry I promise there is nothing inappropriate or heavy in this one at all! It’s,,,a dumb idea I had in History the other day,,,I wrote most of it between/during class periods, and edited the rest when I was supposed to be doing homework at home! :’) 

-Please excuse any typos, grammar mistakes, ooc-ness, weird phrasings, punctuation errors, or really just anything that looks weird or isn’t right; I’m an amateur and I do this stuff for fun! So I’m naturally not the best at it....keep that in mind pls...

-WHAT IS THIS TITLE IM SO SORRY--

-Ok but this story is honestly kinda dumb goumen I’ll write better things soon

-Set in the TFP universe! 

-This only has two parts, so this be the first and the next update is the end of it.... 😹😹 ^^’’

Enjoy! :D 

///

“Eat my dust, Jack!”

“Not if I pass you first!!”

“No, you won’t!!!”

“Says who?!”

               Two cars raced around the base, one just barely passing the other.

               Miko and Jack had gone head-to-head, racing one last tournament before they had to go home—after the tie last round, they just had to know who, really, was the victor of the day. The two of them shouted competitively as they jammed the controls in one direction or another. Excited, Raf looked on. He, too, was curious of the outcome.

               At present, only Ratchet had remained at base.

               The others had gone out to investigate an abandoned energon mine somewhere in Maine. Optimus had visited the location once before but was not able to reach the source of the readings he’d gotten.

               Therefore, since there had been no Decepticon activity in the past week or so, he took his team to search the caverns.

               They were due to return in about 10 minutes, according to Ratchet. When they did, each guardian was then going to take their human companion home.

               It was a normal day at the Autobot base.

              “NO WAY—”

              “TAKE THAT!!!!”

              Jack threw his fist in the air triumphantly while Miko crumpled to the floor in defeat. Raf burst into laughter as she actually went and laid flat on her back.

             “The horror! I’ve let Jack win!!” She overdramatically wailed. Then, after a moment, sat up and giggled along with Raf and Jack. As the two went to retrieve their cars, Raf scampered up to Ratchet.

             “Hey, Ratchet. What are you doing?”

             The medic sighed, continuing to tinker with what looked like some kind of tool. “Fixing one of Bulkhead’s….accidents,” He muttered. With a sigh, he remembered the large mech smashing it while trying to reenact a fight he had, showing off to Miko. Naturally, the girl had been amazed, but it was short-lived as Ratchet, too, had witnessed that retelling.

              Raf fixed his glasses. “I’m sure it was just an accident, Ratchet.”

              With an eyeroll, Ratchet responded, “It was, but that doesn’t make it any less of an inconvenience, Rafael. It was quite immature of him, too.” He held it up to the light to observe a small detail of the frame.

              “Oh…I see.”

              “Thank the Allspark it’s not one of my more important tools,” he murmured, mostly to himself. Ratchet put it down for a moment to check on the progress of the rest of the team’s expedition.

              He pushed the comm button. “Optimus, come in. Have you found anything? Is everyone okay?”

             “Negative, Ratchet. There is nothing left in these caves,” he reported, a faint note of disappointment in his tone. “Though, everyone is fine. We require a bridge.”

              “Understood.”

              Ratchet tapped a few more buttons to lock onto their coordinates and pulled the lever, activating the groundbridge.  Miko and Jack broke off their conversation and joined Raf to stand by Ratchet, waiting for their guardians’ returns.

               Sure enough, after a moment, the team came through the portal with a swishing noise, Optimus the last one through. While the three kids gravitated to their partners, Optimus merely stood at the bridge. He remained for a moment, passing his gaze over his team.

              Then, without a word, he turned and headed down the halls—to his room.

              “Did you really think….” Arcee trailed off her snide remark at Jack as she heard Optimus’s heavy footsteps go past everyone and down the hall. She and Jack exchanged looks as everyone else, also, noticed this.

               After a short spell of silence, Miko finally spoke up.

               “Is he mad or something? Cuz I mean, geez—he didn’t even say hello.” She folded her arms.

               “No, Miko,” Ratchet responded, sounding a little exasperated. “What could he be angry over, if he were?” More silence followed his words. It was not often Optimus actually showed what he was feeling like this.

               Everyone was therefore concerned.

               “Do you think…he might be, like, really disappointed about not finding anything in the caves, then?” Jack asked, drifting from Arcee to the groundbridge area. “I mean, from what he’s been saying, you guys really needed that energon…”

               “He could just be tired, too,” Raf chimed in. The bots thought for a moment.

               Bumblebee shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. ‘I just hope he’s okay…’

               Ratchet set his tools aside and headed for the hall. “I’ll go talk to him,” he said. The humans and bots exchanged glances, then nodded.

///

               “So!” Ratchet huffed frustratedly, emerging from the halls. “He won’t open the door, and will not talk to me, either!” He threw his hands in the air with a noise of exasperation, trudging back to his station.

               Rafael nudged Miko, who had her headphones in. Jack stood up and began down the stairs.

               “I guess something is wrong,” Arcee murmured, folding her arms. She caught sight of Jack, regarding her companion with an inquisitive gaze.

               “Jack?”

               “I’ll talk to him.” He heard his own determined voice, then touched the back of his head with an awkward laugh. “I’ll—I’ll try, I mean…”

               “Good luck,” Ratchet muttered bitterly, not taking his eyes off his current repair project. “If he even has the courtesy to acknowledge you at all.”  Jack flashed a thumbs up.

He uneasily began to wonder what could have put Optimus so out of sorts that he wouldn’t even speak to Ratchet. It was also rare for Optimus to do this kind of thing, apparently.

Something told Jack it wasn’t just about the energon…but he still wanted to find out for himself.

               “Later, Jack!” Raf called, scampering down the steps. Miko followed, slinging her backpack onto her shoulders. She waved.

               “Yeah, we’re gonna go home now, but you better text us later, kay?” Bulkhead and Bumblebee then transformed, and the two kids hopped in. Ratchet, remembering he had to bridge them out, audibly sighed, slumping over.

               “For the love of Primus, am I able to get any work done around here without constantly being interrupted?!”

               That’s my cue to leave, Jack thought. He quickly hurried down the halls, not wanting to be the next victim of Ratchet’s frustration. He knew the medic only meant well, and that his work was important to him.

               Still, he internally wished Ratchet had more patience. Even if he didn’t scare Jack, it was still unpleasant to be around the old bot when he was not in a good mood.

               Speaking of which….

               Jack came upon Optimus’s berth room, which was closed. He sucked in a breath, raising his arm to knock. Hesitation pulled his arm back after a second.

               What if he is just resting? I’d be pretty ticked if someone interrupted my long nap…

               A memory of Miko pushing him off the couch as a prank resurfaced. He remembered feeling frustrated more than anything else. Of course, she’d apologized, but that wasn’t really going to give him back those precious minutes of sleep.

               He rolled his eyes. “What can you expect when you’re friends with Miko Nakadai, right?” He murmured, raising his arm again. But for the sake of satisfying my own curiosities, at least—

               “Hey, Optimus?” Jack called, knocking lightly. When he received no response for a few minutes, he sighed and knocked again—this time, a bit louder. “Optimus!! Are you okay in there?”

               There was a rustling noise from behind the door, but still no response. Jack decided to stop knocking. He put his back against the metal and slid to the floor. Maybe simply talking it out would help.

               “You know, everyone’s kinda worried about you…” He sighed again, laughing a little. “Oh, and Ratchet’s kinda mad you didn’t even acknowledge him. So…you’re probably gonna have to apologize for that later…”

               The boy bowed his head a little. It was possible Optimus wanted to be left alone right now. Coming to bother him might have been a mistake. Jack began to think up other ways he and the others could figure out—

               “Jack.”

               Optimus spoke at last, his voice sounding calm—completely level, actually. Instantly, the teen sprang to his feet and answered.

               “Optimus! Ok, good. You’re alive, then,” he joked. When the Prime didn’t respond to his jest—naturally—Jack shook his head and chuckled quietly. “It’s ok, I was joking. Anyway—do you….wanna talk? Is everything ok? You seemed kind of sad when you came through the bridge…and you didn’t even tell us how it went…”

               Didn’t tell us anything, actually, but I’ll leave that part out. I’m sure Optimus doesn’t want to be guilted for stuff at the moment.

               There was another noise—it sounded a little more desperate before it abruptly came to a stop. Then, the Autobot leader’s hefty footsteps began to approach the door. Jack backed away, glad that his efforts seemed to have paid off. The large metal sheet slid upwards, revealing Optimus’ huge figure.

               His face was completely expressionless, but he mustered a somewhat warm look when he gazed at Jack.

               Well, at least Optimus said something and…opened his door, Jack consoled himself mentally. Even though I still don’t know what’s bothering him. Guess we’ll just have to wait for him to tell us…

               “I will go apologize to Ratchet. It was not my intention to offend him…” He started out the door and down the hall. Then, he paused to face Jack for a moment as he added, “And my apologies also to you, I did not mean to worry anyone. Thank you for coming to get me.”

               “Oh—no, don’t worry about that, Optimus. It’s fine.”

               The Prime nodded briefly, saying nothing more. Jack watched him go. Now, he was even more confused than before.

               So why were you acting weird when you got back to base?

               By coincidence, his gaze happened to wander to Optimus’ open berth room. Jack had the sudden realization that he’d never seen Optimus’s berthroom before. Actually, he hadn’t seen any of the bots’ rooms since he’d known about their base.

               He left the door open, it wouldn’t hurt to go take a look…I think?

               Quietly, he padded inside. Taking a moment to look around, Jack noted that it was quite a huge space—way bigger than he’d expected from the size of the door.

It was also very….bare.

               No posters, furnishings, or anything other than the walls, his berth, and a small shelf. On that shelf, there was nothing except for some mystery object shoved in the corner, covered by an old blue cloth.

               “Exactly what you’d expect from a guy like Optimus,” Jack remarked to himself. He sighed and began to walk away, when suddenly a noise snapped his attention back around.

               Back to the shelf.

               Back to the blue cloth.

               A noise that had come from….

               “What is that thing?” Jack murmured to himself as he drew close to it again.

               He jumped back as it vibrated and briefly glowed a bright blue. It seemed to come back to life as a steady humming filled the air of the room. The teen came to a halt right in front of the shelf, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at it, curious and confused.

               Was he trying to hide this? Jack wanted even more to know what it did—what it was.

               And while he stared at it, the object beneath the cloth made another noise.

               “Roadwork ahead?? Uh, YEAH, I sure hope it does!”

               For a moment, Jack stood immobile. Then, he burst into laughter.  

               Optimus was watching vines….he was watching vines….Optimus Prime was watching vines.

               He suddenly remembered what had happened to his mom when she watched vine for the first time. For at least two long, painful weeks, the only things she said were vine quotes—in a failed attempt to be funny. 

               Optimus was watching….vines….oh no.

               Jack turned on his heel and sprinted down the halls.

....

I’ll edit and fix stuff later; I’m in class rn lolol :’D

Thx for reading!! Feedback is always appreciated~

<3

[penny4yourthot]

Unforgettable truth- Part 3

unforgettable-truth part one / unforgettable-truth-part-2

Thanks to @ithoughtofthisusername for editing

Summary - Ez has been dating Vanessa (OC) for a little over a year. She has finally agreed for him to meet her father. What happens when Ez recognizes her dad Happy Lowman from his past? Contains spoilers for season finale of Mayans.

EZ x OC 

Nessa felt the familiar feeling of her anxiety creeping through her body as they pulled up to the TM Lot. Her heart was pounding so loud and fast, she could hear it in her ears after Angel shut his bike off. The tight feeling in her stomach and the overwhelming wave a nausea that overcame her as she saw EZ walk into the clubhouse was enough to make her breath hitch. She quickly followed Angel into the building and the sight she saw made her anxiety worse.

EZ was rushing towards Happy in a drunken state. Happy was sitting at the bar with a drink and was caught completely off guard when his head was slammed down on the hard bar top. Happy then felt the feeling of a gun held to his head.

Nessa started to shake as she saw all of the members of SAMCRO pull their guns out and point them at EZ. The Mayans quickly pulled their guns out as well, aiming at various members of the other club.

“What in the hell is the matter with you boy?” Happy asked, turning his head slightly so he could make eye contact with the man holding the gun to his head.

“Shut up! Why did you do it?” EZ managed to slur out, his head started to spin a bit as the alcohol spread through his body like fire.

“EZ please stop!” Nessa yelled, walking closer to him. He turned his head and saw the pleading look in her eyes. It broke his heart to see her so hurt by his actions. The tears streaming down her face made him almost rethink what he was doing. Almost. He quickly turned his attention back to Happy.

“You Ki-killed my mom! Why did you do it? Did someone hire you to do it?” EZ screamed directly in Happys ear.

“I have no clue what you are talking about,” Happy gruffed out, his usual gravelly voice had a hint of worry in it. This was something Nessa had never heard before.

Tig moved a few feet forward slowly trying to gain some ground on EZ. Angels gun was aimed at Tig the whole time making sure he wouldn't attempt to shot his brother.This was the first time in years that the clubs had their guns pointed at each other and no one liked the feeling of it.

“Don't play dumb!” EZ yelled as his head began to spin more.

Nessa managed to grab a handgun out of Angels pocket, She held the gun directly on EZ’s head.

“Put the gun down,” she yelled, “Babe, I love you so much, but I swear to God, if you don't put the gun down, I will kill you!” she said as calm as she could. Her voice shaky with tears.

“Wow, I guess you're just like your father, w-willing to kill someone,” he mumbled as he sent a burning look directly into Nessa’s eyes. Happy took this moment of distraction to grab EZ’s arm and twist it so the gun would fall out of his hands. He then got off the bar stool and held EZ by the back of his neck so his head was on the bar. You could hear the sighs that escaped almost everyone's mouths as they all lowered their guns.

“You killed my mom! It was 8 years ago at the meat shop my family owns,” EZ started. “I saw a car out-outside the shop and then one night I saw you get into the same car,” he said his voice filled with anger, “I know y-you are a contract killer, who the fuck hired you?!”

“You know how many car’s I have stolen? Probably more than 30!” Happy yelled into EZ’s ear.

“Don't even try to lie to me! I know it was you, wh-who hired you?” EZ asked, his words starting to slur worse than before. Nessa turned around and looked at everyone staring intently at Happy.

“EZ, he wouldn't do it! He would never kill a women,” Nessa shouted as she gently pushed her dads hands off of EZ’s neck. She then stood him up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Please babe just listen to me,” she started. EZ saw the look in her eyes but couldn't help the anger that was still rushing through his body.

“He is a contract killer Ness! He will kill anyone for money,” EZ spat right in her face. In reality she wasn't sure if her dad would kill a women. She wasn't sure just how far he would go for his club. He was such a good father to her, but she knew the other side of him as well. He was probably sent to kill someone else, but their mother got in the way. There must be some explanation for this.

Nessa's thoughts were quickly interrupted when she felt EZ slightly shove her out of his way. This caused Happy to yank EZ back and punch him in the face, hard. EZ’s reaction time was slower then usual, so when he went to return a punch, Happy grabbed his arm and twisted it.

“Tha’s enough!” Chibs yelled. Everyone was silent trying to see what was going to happen next. Happy let go of EZ and backed up, grabbing his daughter and pulling her next to him.

“Don't you ever put hands on my baby girl again!” He shouted.

“Dad he didn't mean to, he is just drunk. I promise he is a good guy,” Nessa said. She couldn't help the tears that, once again, began to stream down her face. Her eyes were sore from all the crying. She walked back up to EZ and hugged him once more.

“Babe, please look at me,” she started, EZ looked her in her eyes. “I'm sorry about your mom, I know it is hard for you. But if my dad said he didn't do it then he didn't,” she continued as she placed a kiss to his cheek.

“I can't do this Ness, I'll always look at you and see you as the d-daughter of the man who killed my mom. He was in that car that was there th-that day. I'm sorry, I have to go,” He replied as he gently unwrapped her arms from around him. He started to stumble towards the door. Nessa quickly grabbed his arm.

“EZ please! Don't leave, I love you more than anything in this world.. We have been best friends for years. Please baby, don't go. I need you in my life. You are everything to me!” she cried out, more tears spilling out of her eyes.

“I can't do this, I'm sorry,” he said, then walked out of the clubhouse. Happy wrapped his arms around his daughter as she sobbed into his chest. Nessa could never be angry at her dad, she knew it wasn't his fault this was all happening. She hated this feeling. The feeling of not being able to control a situation combined with the empty ache of her stomach that she felt every time she cried. Her eyes were burning from all the tears. She knew EZ was stubborn and would never let this go.

By the time she could catch her breath and the tears stopped, all the Mayans were gone. She had heard the sound of the bikes earlier but didnt think the whole club left. The main room of the clubhouse was empty except for her and her dad, who was still holding her. Happy rubbed his hand gently up and down her back as he looked down at her, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“I'm so sorry baby,” He whispered into her hair.

“S’okay dad,” she said as she pulled away. Her heart literally hurt. She could feel each beat like it was a shock that was sent through her entire body.

She was in a state of shock. She couldn't believe that EZ would just walk out on her like that. He was her best friend. Even though he was drunk, she knew he would never come back to her. She knew he was gone for good. She also knew that he took half her heart with him when he left.

A/N: I was thinking of adding one more part that takes place in the future. Comment and let me know if you would like that please and as always thanks for reading!