#shoujou rei is the most devastating song ever written

[k9wa]

𑣲 少女レイ ft. hanemiya kazutora.

⠀ — crying cicadas, and you who won’t return again.

⠀ OR

⠀ — a lonely spirit haunting those cursed train tracks.

⚠︎ angst, mentions/topics of suicide, major character death, gore if you squint, fem!reader, canon divergent (you're both in highschool), wc 1.5k.

it was the littlest things that always seemed to send the memory of you flooding through kazutora’s senses. 

it was catching the scent of your perfume in the wind on his route to school that would stop him dead in his tracks, spinning his head in every direction like he truly expected you to be somewhere near him.

it was the sound of a cicada on a distant tree, screaming so loud in search of companionship that it’s enough to pierce straight through the serene summer air. he wished he could scream, too. he yearned for an outlet to belt and sing his feelings of misery, of agony, of how alone he suddenly felt in the world. your departure had ripped a part of his soul from this earth and carried it away along with your own to somewhere he couldn’t ever reach.

it was passing someone on the street, with a bag holding the same keychain as yours hooked onto one of its straps. such a miniscule thing forced him to remember that his matching one sat forsaken on his nightstand, mimicking the solitude he bathed and wallowed in every night since that horrific morning.

kazutora never thought he would find you to be so utterly suffocating.

yet at night he lay awake, grief thick in his throat, praying to a higher power he had not ever asked for one favour, begging for you back. as if all his prayers were enough to piece you back together and place you back by his side where you belonged. where he needed you to be.

even just a glimpse of you, one final touch, one last kiss placed on the back of your palm, anything. he craved your ghost haunting him in the dead of night so bad that it hurt.

his pleas were never heard by anything outside the four walls of his bedroom.

kazutora remembered the day he found out. he remembered the hour, the second, the last breath he took before everything crumbled to pieces around him.

6 months ago to the day, 06:54.

he remembered blankness, his limbs suddenly weighing much more than they had just moments ago. he remembered hanging up the phone and standing still in his living room as his cell fell to the floor. the screen still had a crack in it. he couldn’t cry, couldn’t scream, couldn’t even blink or breathe.

you, 

the you who had pulled him out of the black hole that was his own mind and healed the most broken parts of him,

the you who had filled his heart and life with so much warmth and vibrance he only read about in cliche stories as a child,

the you who kazutora had fallen so deeply and incredibly in love with that he drifted off to sleep every night at the thought of marrying you some day and growing old together,

you were gone. just like that.

your voice would never be heard again, your hair would never tickle his face in his sleep, your shoes would never be left in his doorway for him to trip over. 

you no longer existed.

and the one who had taken you away was the very person he entrusted his entire mind and being to. 

when you disappeared, kazutora had nowhere to be and no one to belong to.

the news of your suicide thoroughly destroyed him. 

on an otherwise beautiful morning, those same cicadas ringing distantly in his ears, kazutora kept his head down as he sped-walked past a pair of rickety train tracks he was forced to pass by on his morning commute. a routine he had grown accustomed to ever since the sight of them had started causing him unsoothable nausea.

he was almost in the clear, near able to pull his gaze from his shoelaces until there was the damn smell of you filling his sinuses. 

he knew better. he knew you were gone somewhere there was no returning from. he had a piece of you hung around his neck for god's sake, one of his only keepsakes of you being the ash you were reduced to that he never went anywhere without.

yet he looks, and spins around trying desperately to see you behind or beside him. 

kazutora’s breath caught in his throat when he saw your keychain dropped on the sidewalk back where he had just walked. 

it could have been anyones, and he knew that. but a delicate hand sneaking into view to pick it up was what nearly made him break down. 

he knew that hand. it had held and played with his own, it had pinched his side and his cheeks, wiped his tears and sorrows away.

his eyes snapped up, but all he was able to see were a few strands of hair ducking behind a shop corner.

his legs were carrying him in that direction before he had time to think, running so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet. he turned the corner, coming to a comical stop as he rounded it. his bag had fallen off his shoulder, abandoned and probably acting as an obstacle to any foot traffic passing by. kazutora didn’t have the room in his brain to worry about that. 

for around that corner, he was met with the sight of your back. 

the wind was knocked out of him, your name falling so silently from his lips that even he barely heard it. the skirt of your uniform blew softly in the wind, your arms crossed behind your back to help keep it from flipping up from the breeze. 

kazutora’s shoes felt glued to the ground as he pushed and shoved his way through an invisible wall to get closer to you. he was trembling, eyes filling with tears and an overload of emotions filling up in his chest, all beginning to spill out.

you looked over your shoulder, finally giving him sight of your face. you were as beautiful as the day he’d lost you.

you leaned against the yellow and black stripes of the railway guards, smiling softly as if nothing was wrong. as if nothing had ever happened in the first place and it was just a normal day where kazutora was meeting you so you could walk to your morning classes together. 

he broke. the tears started to overwhelm his vision as he continued treading towards you. you were there. there and smiling at him, the glow of your skin and freckles on your face just a few paces forward. kazutora felt himself take a breath for what felt like the first time since you vanished, similar to the way he had when he met you for the first time.

it was short lived when the red lights on either side of the tracks started flashing, a familiar horn roaring and approaching from the distance, and you hopped effortlessly over the barrier. 

kazutora reached for you, paralysing fear swelling inside him. he willed himself to speak, swimming up and out of the tar he could feel himself sinking back into.

“h-hey, don’t—”

he stepped forward.

“don’t. please don’t. please—”

“kazutora.”

your voice was still the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. he couldn’t believe he was actually starting to forget the sound of it. 

the look on his face showcased pure heartache, wet cheeks and squinted eyes, furrowed brows and a quivering lip.

you reached a hand out to him, inviting him to a transparent and quickly fading you. 

the warning sirens were no longer heard, the clanging and clashing of train wheels getting closer and closer by the second completely gone. kazutora pulled his feet out of the cement and walked towards you. 

in the distance there was someone trying to get his attention, to warn him that he was wandering too close to the tracks, but he couldn’t hear a lick of it. 

kazutora ducked under the tracks on shaky legs, an even shakier hand hesitantly reaching out to yours and gently grabbing a hold. 

it was warm. kazutora hanemiya never truly realised how cold he was without you.

you pulled him into your arms, held him with such delicacy you’d think he was the illusion. kazutora fell to his knees in your arms, withheld sobs clawing their way from his chest as he finally screamed. piercing through the summer air, his misery was finally voiced, released. 

kazutora didn’t feel the impact of the train that didn’t have time to stop. he didn’t feel his bones crush, nor his body be ripped and torn apart like he was made of glass. he didn’t hear the horrified shrieks and cries of the bystanders, or the rushed ambulance sirens someone had called in advance at the scenario before them.

kazutora smelled your perfume, felt your skin against his, the tickle of your hair against his nose, and heard the screeches of the summer insects surrounding him finally quieting. 

he kissed the back of your hand. together you would move on to another world, another reality, where you were able to love each other just as you were.

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