#shocked into good taste. just went 'well damn' and immediately got rid of the book

[kirnet]

bad news everyone. my best friend really enjoyed a court of ass and roses :/

[tothemeadow]

Art trade with @azurenocturne​

Art originally done by @ Lsjenjen on twitter

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader

- Kyojuro decides to take your relationship to the next level while teaching you how utterly amazing you are, no matter what anyone else says. -

warnings: NSFW, oral sex, mentions of emotional abuse, Douma is kind of a dickhead

words: 2k

-

“You’re doing it again.”

Snapping away from your reverie, you nearly drop your phone as you fumble around, embarrassment heating up your insides. You hadn’t even realized you were spacing out again. Still, Douma cracks a smile. You tense as he reaches over the table, the rings adorning his fingers catching the afternoon light streaming in through the windows. He merely pats the crown of your head with a gentle touch; you know that this is all for show since the two of you are in public. While Douma has never struck you during the course of your relationship, he isn’t gentle either.

“Stupid girl,” he mutters. “There isn’t anything that important in your life to distract you this much.”

Ah, there it is.

You’re used to the biting words, the snarky comments, the endless insults. On some days, it’s like his sole mission in life is to yell at you constantly, but what can you do about it? It is your fault, after all. Maybe if you had your head on straight or weren’t so sensitive, things could be better for you in life.

You swallow dryly. The plate of half-eaten food sitting in front of you doesn’t even look appetizing anymore. “I’ve got exams coming up, you know that,” you tell him, voice low. You know better than to talk back to him, especially when you’re in public like this.

With a scoff, Douma leans back in his seat. It’s unfair that he’s still unbelievably attractive even when irritated; strong jaw set, eyes heavy lidded, and birch hair pulled up high, he looks like he’s ready to set foot out on the runway rather than be sitting here on a lunch date with you. The houndstooth material of his jacket ruffles as he crosses his arms. He’s just so pretty, incredibly so, and you’d be damned if you said you couldn’t bear to stare at him all day.

“Well, you’re with me,” he spits. “Exams be damned.”

“Douma, you know I can’t fail these courses if I want to graduate-“

“I don’t care,” Douma interrupts. “Christ, all I did was ask you out to lunch, and all you do is think about it your classes? What am I, chopped liver?”

“No,” you say frantically, “of course not. I��m sorry. Please… Please don’t be mad.”

Douma sighs. His expression softens, then; getting up from his chair, he opts to take the spot next to you instead. “I know you’re sorry, my little cherub. You know all I want to do is to be stuck in that pretty little head of yours, right?” With a gentle hum, he slings an arm around your shoulder and nuzzles the top of your head. “You’ll be a good girl for me, won’t you?”

It’s those simple words that makes your tummy flutter and the ice around your heart to melt. This is why you love Douma, after all. Sure, he can be mean sometimes, but he means well.

A smile blossoms across your face as you lean into his warmth. “I promise.”

-

When it comes to playing life, you always act the fool.

Words are cheap, enough said. It just so happens that Douma’s are practically dirt.

Although he knows you’re sorry about focusing on your studies lately, it’s almost if he never drops the subject. He has a point though – he is your boyfriend, after all. It’s just your fault that you have the improper abilities of juggling your love life and schooling at the same time. It’s when he’s attending his own classes that you’re finally able to breathe, even though you feel guilty about thinking that way in the first place.

You still can’t shake off the guilt as you venture through the school’s library, browsing for books your professor recommended for you to better understand the material. It’s a slow process, your eyes scanning over each of the exposed spines. “No… no… no… “ you say to yourself, the quiet mantra continuing on while your search comes up with nothing. “Dammit, why can’t I – ah!”

Before you know it, your body is colliding into someone else’s; as you’re about to take an inevitable tumble and land on your ass, a strong hand grasps onto your forearm while another lands on the small of your back.

“Whoa there! Sorry about that!” a deep, attention-getting voice whisper-yells.

As you open your eyes (you didn’t even realize you closed them to begin with), your met with a boy around your age, eyes bright and blond hair held back with a backwards ballcap. As he flashes you a cheeky smile, you’re struck by how white his teeth are compared to his golden skin, the sharp line of his jaw. Your heart thuds in your chest, and for good reason, too – this man is hot.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” this stranger continues. He pulls you upright, making sure you’re properly balanced before giving you a onceover to check for any bruises.

“I’m alright, thank you,” you say awkwardly. It’s incredible how quickly your body heats up under his gaze despite literally just bumping into the guy. “I wasn’t paying attention anyway, it’s all my fault-“

“Hey,” he interrupts, his eyes crinkling even further, “I wasn’t paying attention either. Don’t take all the blame for yourself, eh?” He sticks out a hand, then, the prominent veins in his forearm and hand instantly catching your attention. “Rengoku Kyojuro, at your service. You can just call me Kyojuro, though.”

Kyojuro.

The name rolls around your brain like a loose bolt. You wonder how it tastes on your tongue, how your lips feel when you say it. “Kyojuro,” you say, testing it out. You immediately decide you like it. Grasping onto his hand, you introduce yourself, an easy smile making its way onto your features before you even realize it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Right back at ya,” he chirps.

His hand is large and warm. In fact, heat seems to radiate off his body, tempting you to lean in and hold him close.

“Say,” Kyojuro says, a hopeful glint shining in his eyes, “do you want to grab a coffee or something?”

Your heart nearly gets stuck in your throat. For a moment, you think of Douma and what he would he say if he found out about you grabbing coffee with some other guy. However, Kyojuro just seems so nice and, well, perfect.

“Yeah,” you tell him, “I’d love to.”

-

After that fateful meeting, things started to change.

During the free moments you had, you would meet up with Kyojuro, either to go out to eat or simply have a study session together. You quickly found yourself thoroughly enjoying his company, and all for the right reasons. Despite his excitable, bold behavior, he was kind, more so than most people you know. You craved to be in his presence, to have his pearly smile directed at you. Hell, even the thought of him made your heart throb.

Of course, it didn’t take long for Douma to start noticing your “odd” behavior. You acted distant whenever the two of you were together, so much more… closed. What really got him, though, was when he confronted you about it. I found someone else, you had told him, face and voice equally solemn. This is the end of us. Even you were shocked by the mere fact that you had dumped him; after all this time, you were finally free of his cruel words and the endless pain.

“You’re doing it again, sweetie.”

Just like that, you’re snapping back to reality and away from your thoughts. “Sorry,” you mutter, “I was just thinking of… things.”

Even after a few months of ditching Douma for Kyojuro, you still find yourself spacing out. Kneeling on the bed like this, your hand hangs in the air, absentmindedly holding a brush while the other is still holding onto Kyojuro’s blond locks. Turning around fully, Kyojuro’s thick brows furry together as a glint of worry sparks in his eyes. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he urges, taking your face into his hands. “I am not Douma. I’ll never be like him, you got it?” Gently stroking your cheek, he flashes you a soft smile. “I couldn’t bear to put you in pain like that, my sweets. You’re too special for anything like that.”

Oh god, he’s so gentle, so freaking sweet that you’ll get a toothache. As cheesy as it sounds, your heart yearns for him, for his promises, and for his loving touches. You don’t think you’ve ever met someone like this in your life.

“So please,” Kyojuro continues, gaze dropping to your mouth, “trust me.”

And you do. For the love of everything high and mighty, you trust this guy with your entire being. The kiss you two share starts off slow, yet it’s so full of unspoken feeling that it makes your heart soar. You can’t deny the fact that his hands feel good as they trail lower, brushing over your neck and shoulders before settling on your waist. Hell, you love it when he presses you onto your back, his weight hovering over you protectively. Like this, Douma can’t hurt you. Douma can’t even get near you, not when Kyojuro is around, not when he’s treating you this softly.

It didn’t take very long for you to confide in Kyojuro about how your relationship with Douma went. Appalled by Douma’s so-called methods, Kyojuro promised to treat you like the queen you are because you deserve it.

Even as you quake, Kyojuro holds you steady. And he’s always so warm, so wonderfully warm as he rids you of your shirt before following suit. Your fingers drift over the swell of his pectorals, the divots of his abs. Now, things have escalated between you two before, but nothing to this extent. The last person you slept with was Douma, and even then he would degrade you and make you feel like utter trash. But no, not with Kyojuro. Never with Kyojuro.

“You’re gorgeous,” he mutters, mouth slanting over your neck and down your chest. Your heart quickens as mouths your breasts, hands slipping around and unhooking your bra. “And you’re so soft and sweet…” Trailing off, he lifts himself back up, his eyes meeting yours. “You’re perfect, (y/n). I’ll be damned if anybody tells you differently.”

Heart leaping to your throat, you sling your arms around his broad shoulders and pull him back into a kiss. You refuse to let yourself shed any tears, but you can’t deny the dampness gathering in your eyes.

“Pretty girl,” Kyojuro says, mouth beginning its descent once more. This time, he carries on past your chest, lips brushing against your tummy as he carefully removes your pants. Your fingers comb through his hair as little gasps slip through your lips; nuzzling you through your panties, he openly gropes your thighs and ass, deep, rumbling moans vibrating in his chest.

“Kyojuro,” you breathe, back arching as he yanks down your panties and presses his mouth against your quivering pussy. His movements remain slow, but the deep stroke of his tongue inside your pussy or the strong suckling on your clit has you seeing stars. His bright eyes never leave your face, a lustful yet loving expression carved into his handsome features. A slight yank on his hair has him redoubling his efforts; easily bending your thighs to your chest, he works at your pussy vigorously, the lewd noises and his husky groans filling your ears.

“So fucking perfect,” he mutters, thick fingers slipping past your folds. You keen at the touch, your velvety walls fluttering around his digits. “You’re wonderful, my sweets,” he coos, pressing his mouth to the inside of your knee in a quick kiss. “I love you.”

“Kyojuro, please,” you pant. The tears building up in your eyes finally break free as you reach out towards him. “Make love to me… won’t you?”

Drawing away from your dripping pussy, Kyojuro hovers over you, a dazzling grin painted on his face. “Are you sure about that?”

You nod frantically. “Yes. I… I trust you, my love.”

Hearing the pet name tumble from your mouth has Kyojuro’s eyes crinkling. “Anything for you, sweetie,” he purrs, reaching down and undoing his pants. “Everything for you.”

[spikesbimbo]

Say Please

Summary:  Dilf Daddy Spikes rest stop

Paring: Spike Spiegel x Reader

Tags: oral sex, spit kink, age gap, smoke kink, bimbo gf

wc: 2.3k

a/n: for my daddy, my superhero yes i said it was was coming out in a few days, but i did it today bc dilf spike was the only thing on my mind.

-

“Fuck.” 

You turned and saw him mumbling curses walking through the door. His messy hair, messier now than when he left. Specks of grey flicked in there, wanting to run your fingers though it, so soft you thought.

“You okay?” you asked, eyes bigger as you watched him walk towards the couch, laying one of his guns down on the table.

“No baby, c'mere.'' he said, dragging you into his lap, playing with the hem of your mini skirt barely covering the swell of your ass. His hands resting on it, sneaking his fingers up there, making their way under the strap of your panties.

You were his warmth in the cold vastness of space. Relaxing whenever he was around you, being the only thing he would look forward to coming back to. Not the annoying kids and women he had to deal with daily, their attitudes nothing compared to yours, his sweet angel.

You looked up at him, seeing the stubble grow as he'd been gone for a day and a half, not caring about taking care of himself. Which you took into your own hands, wanting to treat him the way he deserved. Him being the only reason you were alive.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After saving you, you instantly fell for him, shyly flirting with him, until one night the tension got too high and yall fucked.

Waking up in the morning seeing he didn't care, you just went on about your day until it turned night again as he knocked on your door. Remembering him saying “you sure” before placing his lips on yours, immediately picking you up and taking you to his room, almost tripping over the dog how fast he was walking. God damn he hated that dog.

And after this it happened a few more times. Then one day you confessed your love for him after drinking too much, you crying as he watched the scene unfold before leaving the ship. Leaving you to cry even more, worried that he was going to get rid of you like they did, worried that he left his gun.

He left his gun, yes. He was so shocked he just left, face unfazed but his mind was racing. Did you say that because you were drunk? Because he's the only man you've ever been with, the only man that hasn't treated you like shit.

He came back to you lying on the couch, eyes red and closed asleep with the dog cuddled in your arms. Curled up like a baby, knowing you were cold, so he went and got a blanket. Laying it on you while sitting next to you, looking intensely at your pretty face wondering if what you said was true.

You, a pretty young thing with a life ahead of her, with him? An old man that was a bounty hunter for a living?

You stumbled in your sleep, feeling right next to you, being a light sleeper after what happened to you. Opening your swollen eyes faintly seeing his hand resting on you. Quickly trying to get up stumbling, the effects of the alcohol not wavering yet, but luckily he was there to catch you. Your hands started shaking along with your eyes starting to water again. “M-sor-” 

He pulled you in, his lips touching yours, placing his big warm hand on the back of your head. Holding it gently as he pulled you closer to him. Wrapping his other arm around your waist, pulling you into his lap. 

You confirming that you actually had feelings for him while he pulled you into his arms, kissing you on the top of your head while mumbling out how he was sorry for just leaving like that. 

“Im not going anywhere doll.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

“God damn, I got a headache” He said, pulling the cigarettes out of his pocket, wanting the stress to be gone completely as he adjusted you in his lap so he could do so. Wrapping his arm tight around your waist, fingers gripping onto that tiny shirt you were wearing, exposing your cleavage right in his face. 

Your eyes still so innocent as he kissed you again, lightly but passionately as he turned you to face him completely. Chest to chest while he lit the cigarette between his fingers, using you as a shield from the air flowing.

“Spike...”  you said just loud enough for him to hear, dragging your fingers down his chest looking down as you waited for his response.

“Hmm?” he said, placing his hands on your hips, resting the cigarette between his index and finger. Blowing out the smoke as he moved his head down under to look up at your hidden face.

Your body grew with heat as you could feel his bulge under your panties, internally thinking that maybe you should've worn pants, but you didn't have any. All you had were the skirts he bought you.

“Hmm baby?” he said again, his hand free of the cigarette moving up to your throat, gently grabbing the base of it to force you to look at him. “You wanna take care of me? Like you always do?”

You nodded, body itching to move as your white cotton panties grew clearer with each touch. Yes you babied him, but he took care of you. You couldn't do anything on your own, not knowing how to read, write, even cook. 

But you were trying; studying while he was gone with the books he ‘borrowed’, and making dinner every night. At least trying, the only thing you were good at was cheese bread, but luckily he would eat anything.

“What a sweetheart, such a good girl.” he cooed, taking a puff from the snout. Dick growing harder by the second as he thought about the last time you ‘helped’ him out. He took his lips off blowing the smoke in your face, just how he knew you liked it. “Not like these other bitches, no ... I got me an angel.”

You got off his lap, he fingers slowly being dragged away as you tried to hold back your smile. You loved making him feel good, it being the only thing you were truly good at, but you had no shame. Some people were gifted in different things, yours was making your man feel good.

“Woah baby, can't see everywhere at once.”  he teased, watching you strip for him. Taking off that top exposing your bare chest, pulling down your soaked panties clinging to your thighs. Eyes looking all over your figure as you were only in that oh so tiny skirt now, being pushed up to just cover your aching cunt, so embarrassing.

You got on your knees, already palming his crotch, head resting on his thigh as you waited for him to tell you if it was okay. Mouth already watering at the thought of gagging on him, the thought of him fucking your face, then maybe you.

“off.” you whined as he stroked your head, hand under your chin; looking at you intensely, eyes not leaving you once as you pulled his pants down freeing his erection. 

It slapping him against his stomach, hard as could be, so neglected. But it's okay, you were here to relax him, ease him, make him feel the best he ever has.

“Open up” he said, tensing his jaw. His fingers spreading your lips letting themselves in before  he let his spit fall into yours. A string of droll connecting you two. Pulling back and watching his mix with yours on your tongue, letting it drool in your mouth, before he leaned back, giving the okay.

You turned your attention to his cock, so hard and pretty. The vein on the underside begging to be touched, the tip so fat that you couldn't take it anymore. 

You let your tongue hang out, your spit dripping onto the head before connecting your lips to it. Kissing all over it, sucking it like a lollipop while moving your hands to play with his balls, wanting to get him real worked up.

“So pretty.” you mumbled out, kissing on its side before taking it in your mouth, its fat heavy weight resting on your tongue. His downturned eyes looking at you take him whole, groaning at the feeling of the warmth surrounding his cock. Moving himself up to see you better, wanting to imprint this pretty picture in his memory.

His sweet baby with his balls at her chin, eyes watering in pleasure, so precious. His shoulders still tense as he wrapped his hand around your head once again.

“You mind doll?” he asked as if you could respond. You did your best to shake your head with his fat cock stretching your mouth out, wanting him to use you, loving it. 

Loving when he tied you up and fucked you like some street whore, loving it when he woke you up in the middle of the night to ride him because his dick was hard. You loved it, loved being his toy.

His hand encompassing your whole head within it started pushing your head back and forth, starting slowly even though you could take it. At first you couldn't even fit it in your mouth, choking on it after the tip was in, but after a lot of practice and praise you were an expert at this, even deeper throating him with no prep.

“Fuck, baby… you’re mouth is so good. Such a little hole for me to use” he said, gripping the back of your neck, using it to control your movements, bobbing your head faster while you whimpered at the feeling of his tip in the back of your throat.

“You like that? You like me telling you how well you take my cock in that cute little mouth of yours, huh?”

His words made you whimper again, his cock throbbing at the vibrations. Your eyes gleaming up at him, looking at him pleadingly. The salty taste of pre-cum and the ache of your jaw was addicting, too addicting.

He saw the fat tears getting ready to fall onto your eyelashes and felt an emptiness of heat fuse in his stomach. His angel was so perfect, so good and submissive for him. He felt his balls start to swell as his body tensed up to orgasm, ready to blow.

“I’m gonna cum, doll. Im close… fuck. You feel so tight. You gonna swallow it all, sweetheart or you want me to pull out? You gave him the look you always did, just wanting his cum, not caring how you got it. Him immediately understanding. “You gonna be my good girl?”

His cock so hot now that was taking up all the room in your mouth and was starting to twitch and throb. You used your tongue, licking against the underside vein and closed your lips of the way back, pulling in your cheeks like he taught you

“Ah… fuck. I’m cumming, fuck baby. Fuck”

You felt the hot cum reach the back of your throat choking on it, some of the cum spilling out the sides with his cock still on your mouth  as he pulled out and let the remaining cum be painted on your face. “Bang.”  he muttered under his breath.

You kept everything in your mouth, holding back the urge to cough, wanting to show it to him proudly. Your cheeks puffy as he came down from his high admiring your appliance, eyes meeting yours, as he took your jaw in between his fingers opening your mouth to see for himself. Knowing you loved his approval.

“Such a good girl… letting me cum all over you, wherever I want. What a pretty girl.”

He squished your cheeks, making some of it fall out to your protest. Kissing you for being so irresistible, his thumb tracing your lips after, his saliva and cum staining them prettily.

“Swallow angel.”

He peeked down after you moaned, seeing your thighs reflecting off the lamp so soaked and messy, leaving a wet spot underneath you. Your legs shaking as his cock grew harder again at the sight.

“I got you, baby. I’m gonna you feel good, gonna make it all feel better. ”

[marshmallow-phd]

Innocent Intentions

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Tao x Reader

Summary: There was one thing you couldn’t stand in all your years at college: playboys. And the campus was riddled with them. So when Tao - a player with a particularly well-known reputation - inserts himself into your life, you come up with a plan to get rid of him, whether he makes your heart race or not. But the more he’s the around, the more you just might find there’s a hidden layer underneath all the rumors, including a secret you never could have guessed….

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

“You want me to do what now?”

All week, you’d been looking forward to tonight. Not that you hadn't also had casual lunch dates and a spare five minutes here and there to spend with Tao over the past few days when you weren’t in class or working. But you’d worked yourself up into this mindset that Tao was over the top with all his more official dates and you couldn’t wait to see what he had up his sleeve for you next. Would it be just as romantic and intimate? Or would it be something thrilling and adventurous? Or maybe something more simple, yet just as memorable. Whatever it was, you were getting to spend uninterrupted time with Tao and that was going to be the best element of your evening.

However, your assumption that the date would be happening after school seemed perfectly reasonable. Not during the time you were supposed to be in class. But there was Tao, standing in front of you in the courtyard, trying to convince you to skip your last few classes of the day.

He gave you a look that read as playfully contentious. “It’s not a big deal, (y/n). It’s just starting the weekend a little early.”

“But it’s class,” you argued. “You know, the thing you pay to attend.”

“You’ve really never skipped?” he laughed.

You clamped your jaw shut before mumbling, “No.” It didn’t seem very logical to you to not go to class unless you were sick. Even that had been a struggle to stay home.

“Then your first time will be with me.” A large grin spread across his lips, giving you an uneasy feeling in your stomach. What did he have planned for you?

Grabbing your hand, Tao pulled you away from the buildings you were supposed to be entering for class and headed straight for the parking lot. You weren’t really fighting his grip, a sense of thrill drowning out the anxiety.

As he zoomed out of the parking lot and into the street, you didn’t bother to ask where you were headed. He wouldn’t tell you anyway. you still clung your backpack that was resting in your lap as if you were being tracked by the dean, like Ferris Bueller. Granted, you were an adult and could choose not to attend class if you wanted to. It wasn’t like they took attendance or anything.

The upside, at least, was that you didn’t have any tests or major assignments due today. To be honest, though, you had a feeling Tao would still be able to talk you into not going if you did. With him, the tiny, shriveled up rebellious part of you started peeking out from the covers it usually hid under.

When Tao parked the car in one of the designated spots off the main street, you were more confused than ever. This was the shopping district, mixed with unique shops and high end stores. You went through different scenarios as to why you were here, but came up empty on a good explanation.

“What are we doing?” you asked as you got out of the car.

“I need a new jacket,” was his answer.

What?

Tao took your bag and threw it in his trunk for safekeeping before leading you into one of the expensive stores you usually avoided. The associates on duty greeted the two of you, giving the typical “let me know if you need anything” spiel before wandering off. You stood there awkwardly while Tao searched through the coats, occasionally pulling one out, inspecting it, and shaking his head as he put it back.

After ten minutes or so, he turned to you. “Aren’t you going to look?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why would I?”

“I want you to like it, too,” he replied.

Seriously? “Why does it matter if I like your jacket or not?” From what you could tell of his past outfits, the two of you had different tastes in the way of clothing items. “It’s your clothes. My opinion isn’t that important.”

He went back to looking through the jackets. “Because I’ll get you one, too. Whatever I get, you’ll get one, too.”

You snorted. “Like… matching jackets?”

Glancing at you, Tao actually looked a little offended. He huffed, stepping away from the rack, and put his hands on his hips as as he stared at you. “Is there something wrong with that? Showing you off? Shouldn’t everyone know that you’re my girlfriend?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Girlfriend?” You were completely stunned. This felt… fast. Very fast. “When did we have that conversation?”

“I didn’t realize that was a conversation we had to have,” he replied a little arrogantly. “Do you not want to be in a relationship with me?”

“W-well, it-it’s not that,” you stammered. This was such an inappropriate place to have a conversation like this. “I thought… you know… that we’d go on a few more dates before labelling us like that. Shouldn’t you make sure that you actually want to be stuck with me?”

Tao apparently didn’t like your argument. Closing the gap between you, he took your hand, maintaining eye contact with you. It was amazing how quickly his sharp eyes could turn soft. “I already know that I want to be with you. But if you need more time, I understand. I’ll… try to be patient.”

Damn it. Why did he have to be so smooth? You were such a sucker for this boy. All it took were a few slick words, a soft touch of his hand, and suddenly you were puddy. Besides, you knew where you wanted to go with this. Was a label that big of a deal?

You sighed, staring at the racks of overpriced polyester before looking back up at him. “Does it have to be something as obvious as jackets?”

The smile that flashed on his face outshined the sun.

“Come on.” He nearly tore your arm out of it’s socket when he dragged you out of the store. Finally coming to a stop about a block away, he nodded towards a little knick knack store. “This better?”

You nodded happily as he led the way in.

Funny keychains and cellphone cases and other bobbles decorated the walls. The cashier behind the register looked up from his phone just long enough to wave at the two of you before going back to whatever was entertaining him before you showed up.

Immediately, you headed for the animal themed hats, taking one off the rack that looked like a koala and putting it on your head. You looked in the mirror as you pulled on the braided strings. Sure, it was a little childish, but this store was much more your speed. And everyone was allowed a little immaturity every now and again.

“Is that what you want instead?”

You laughed when you turned to answer Tao. He’d put on the panda-themed hat on, taking his look down from runway model to little kid. The giggles coming out of you were nonstop. “You look so cute.”

Playing the part to a “T”, Tao held up a peace sign and posed in a cute fashion that fit him all too well. That just made you laugh even harder until tears started to form.

Just then, his phone rang. Tao held up a finger asking you to wait for a second. “Hello?” For a minute, he didn’t say anything as he listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone. The cheerful features on his face slowly dissolved into shock and horror. “I’ll be right there.” In one swift motion, he pulled off the hat and tossed it back onto the rack before running out of the store.

“Tao! Wait!” You took off your own hat and followed out after him, barely catching him by the sleeve of his jacket before he could get in the car. “What’s going on? What happened?”

He ripped out of your grasp. “Nothing! I just have to go!”

Something bad happened, that much was obvious. “Can I help-”

“No! Just leave me alone!”

Shocked at his sudden change and harshness, you stepped back and watched with a hanging mouth as he sped away, tires squealing against the asphalt, leaving their mark as he disappeared down the street.

**

Tao could barely see as he broke several laws getting back to the farmhouse. It seemed like every few seconds he was wiping away tears with a swipe of his sleeve just so he wouldn’t accidentally run off the road. He slammed on the breaks just outside of the house, tearing up the grass in the process. He just left the keys after turning off the engine and ran the up the porch stairs. Shoving the door open, he tore through the house until he found a majority of the pack standing in the kitchen.

No one was talking. They were just scattered around the room, staring at nothing, arms folded across their chests. Junmyeon was sitting at the table, leafing through his old family book while Minseok groaned in pain. The injured wolf was lying on the dining table face down, Jongdae holding on his hand with an unstable stoic face. A deep gash ran diagonally across his back, the blood so dark, it was almost black.

“What happened?” Tao growled.

“The hunter,” Kris replied in an equally menacing voice. “They shot at Minseok while he was out running with Luhan, Kyungsoo, and Sehun. Something was on the arrowhead that’s infected the wound. We’re trying to figure out what it was.”

Scanning the room, Tao only counted eleven wolves, including himself. “Where is Luhan?”

“We’re not entirely sure,” Yixing sighed. He looked stressed, even more so than Junmyeon and Kris. He was always the one who’d patch them up, who took pride in his work. Not being able to help Minseok heal was obviously messing with his head. “He ran out of here before everyone else came back. We haven’t heard from him in a few hours.”

“Why hasn’t anyone gone to look for him?” If anything happened to Luhan… Tao needed to keep his cool before he started shaking. He wasn’t as good at keep his emotions in check and stopping himself from shifting when he got too upset.

“We don’t need anyone else disappearing,” Junmyeon sighed. “There didn’t seem to be any clothing scattered in the area, so we think he’s at least stayed in human form. If we don’t hear from him in another hour so, then we’ll go look for him.”

Tao hated that answer, but he figured the alpha was right. Looking for Luhan while they were all on edge wouldn’t do any good.

Evie and Ming were the only mates that were currently around. They were whispering amongst themselves, occasionally glancing at the table. Ji Yeon wasn’t around, which could only mean she didn’t know yet. There was going to be hell to pay once she did.

Unable to take the tension in the room anymore, Tao stormed out through the back door. He sat in the grass, arms folded on his knees as he tried to fight back the tears. Guilt was building inside him from leaving you behind with no explanation. It was a major fault of his, this one track mind. When Sehun called and told him that Minseok was injured and it wasn’t healing like it was supposed to, all he could think about was getting back here. And in the process, had abandoned you in downtown.

Shit.

He still had your bag. You had to be pissed. Hopefully you’d understand, once Tao explained - in vague details since you didn’t know the whole truth yet. This was all too much at once and Tao felt like a giant foot was stamping down on him.

The grass next to him rustled. Tao barely glanced at Kyungsoo. The normally introverted member patted Tao’s back in an attempt to comfort him.

“He’ll be okay,” Kyungsoo said.

“I should have been there,” Tao declared through gritted teeth. Maybe he would have seen the arrow, pushed Minseok out of the way, and taken it himself.

“There’s nothing you could have done.”

Kyungsoo’s reply was straightforward and to the point. He wasn’t trying to sooth Tao’s pain or coddle him, simply telling him the truth. It didn’t really help Tao in the moment, but maybe he’d look back and appreciate it farther down the road.

“Tao? Kyungsoo?”

Both of them turned to see Jongdae standing just outside the door. “Junmyeon found the cure. But it’s going to take a while.”

“What do you mean it’ll take a while?” Tao asked.

“From what the book said, it looked like it’ll be a process to clean the poison out. Over a day or so.” He swallowed thickly. “Yixing thinks it won’t be pleasant, either.”

Minseok had to go through pain again? He had to be tortured again?

Jumping up to his feet, Tao hurried away. Away from the situation, away from the pain, away from reality.

“Tao!” Jongdae came jogging up just before he could hop back in his car. “Where are you going? We’re already missing Luhan.”

Tao shook his head. “I can't stay here, Jongdae. I need her right now. I need her.”

More than understanding of what he meant, Jongdae nodded. “I’ll let the others know. Just keep us updated, please? And if you see Luhan, tell him to call. Okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

**

You were damn lucky that Tao had only put your school back in his trunk and not your purse as well. That at least left you with your keys and wallet. Still left with exactly zero answers as to why you were suddenly stranded outside a shop in the middle of the city, you checked the bus schedule and waited forty-five minutes for the bus to arrive so you could get back to the university. And you still had enough time to attend your last two classes for the day, even if you didn’t have any of your materials with you, it was still better than not attending at all.

Your sour mood didn’t relent even by an inch as you drove home. Walking into the empty house, you just went into automatica mode, heading straight into the kitchen to raid the fridge. After three rounds of going back and forth from fridge to panty and back to the fridge, you settled on just making yourself a sandwich and calling it good. Until a hankering for ice cream came over you. You figured given the events of the day, you’d earned a bowl. A large one, at that.

The sun was setting by the time you’d finished and cleaned up and you decided that maybe you should just go to bed for the night. Tomorrow, though, you’d be thinking of what to do the next time you saw Tao. Throwing something at him while demanded an explanation seemed like a good idea.

Now showered and in your sleepwear, you shuffled back to your bedroom, more than ready to crawl in between your covers. Before you could, however, a series of taps knocked against your window, jump starting your heart and pulling a yelp out of you.

Slowly, each step taking you ten seconds or so to take, you made your way over to the window and pushed the curtain out of the way just enough to see out of it.

“Tao?”

For a moment you just stood there, staring at the boy who had ditched you earlier and was now crouched down on the roof of your house just outside your bedroom window like this was some teen rom com. His eyes were rimmed red and there was no hint of his usual smile, cocky or otherwise. He motioned for you to open the window. You were tempted to just let the curtain fall back into place, but his eyes were what stopped you.

Throwing the window open, you stepped back and watched him climb into your room.

“Is the door broken?” you asked with a bite.

“I knocked,” he said simply. “I don’t think you heard me since you were in the shower.”

“How-” Oh, right. Your hair was wet. Crossing your arms, you went in the obvious direction for the conversation. “What are you doing here?”

“I-” Tao choked up, unable to give you the explanation you were wanting. Fresh tears spilled over his eyes and he fell to his knees, unable to hold back the sobs he must have been pushing back for a while.

You stepped up to him, unsure of what to do. You’d been there for Kendall plenty of times when she cried, but this was a new experience. As soon as you were within arms reach, Tao wrapped his arms around you, pressing his face into your stomach, soaking your shirt in seconds. Instinct told you to run your fingers through his hair. It was how you could let him know that - whatever it was that was going on - you were here for him.

A few strokes seemed to help, to give him the comfort he was seeking. Tao straightened up enough for you to see his face. “I’m sorry. For leaving you.”

Your earlier anger was - not gone - but certain dissipated. “Just tell me what’s going on. Why did you leave so suddenly?”

“Minseok-” he sniffed. You knew that name. One of Tao’s “brothers” that he’d told you about. If you remembered correctly, he was one of the oldest ones. “He was hurt. Badly. They didn’t know if he would make it.”

“Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.” You pulled Tao back into a hug.

Pushing himself up to his feet, Tao sighed. “They said he’ll be okay. I hope they’re right. I just-” He stopped, shaking his head frantically as he squeezed his eyes shut. Something was tearing him apart. Was Minseok worse off than he was letting on? If the doctors said he was going to be okay, should he trust that?

You frowned. “You just what? You’re worried they’re wrong?”

Tao shook his head. “I just needed to see you.”

That line did you in. You buried your face in his chest, forgetting all the snarky lines you’d been coltimating all afternoon.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

You nodded, the motion moving his shirt up and down. In a swift move, he picked you up and carried you over to the bed. He laid you down gently, kicked off his shoes, and held you close once he was settled on the bed as well.

Careful fingers brushed down your face as his breath tickled your nose. “Thank you,” he whispered. “And I’m sorry about earlier.”

“You were upset.” You gave him a slight smile. “Next time, though, instead of rushing off and yelling at me, maybe try and tell me what’s going on. I won’t be mad. I’ll understand.”

He nodded. “I promise.”

“Good.”

Humming in content, you shuffled in a little closer until there was basically no space between you. Tao was so warm that you were already drifting off. He was like a living heated blanket on a cold winter’s night. You hadn’t really been able to sleep with other people in the same bed in the past - is always made you anxious and hyper aware of their existence - but right now sleep was overtaking you easily.

You weren’t sure if it was your imagination, but just before you completely went under, you could have sworn you heard Tao softly singing to the tune of the song he’d played for you earlier in the week. Hopefully in the morning, you’d remember to ask him, because you wanted to hear the words he was trying to convey to you. Perhaps, something that he hadn’t been able to say directly to you yet. Whatever it was, it could wait. Right now, you were basking in being in his arms. It might not have been the Friday night you’d been imagining, but if you could be the one to comfort Tao in his time of need, it was worth it.

[theoneandonlyameliajones]

Be Careful What You Wish For

Summary: When Gray wishes that Juvia had never joined Fairy Tail, he is met with the consequences.  Suddenly he finds himself in a world without Juvia. Will he he realize his feelings in time or will it be too late?

The Fairy Tale guild was unusually quiet today and Gray sat alone, taking slow sips of his drink, paying close attention to the door. This was his way of avoiding Juvia, as soon as she came through that door, he was planning on booking it out of there. She had been more suffocating than usual lately and frankly he just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Still, the guild seemed a little too quiet for his taste. Natsu, Lucy and Happy went off an a mission together and Erza was probably back at fairy hills doing some cleaning on her day off. Juvia wasn’t there either, so he didn’t even have anything to run away from. Gray would never admit it, but he was a little bored without her and the rest of them.

“You doing okay, Gray?” questioned Mirajane who was hauling in a large pot of soup to the counter. 

“Yeah, I’m doing fine, it’s just a little quiet around here. What's with that pot Mira?” Gray eyed it once more, it really was quite large, something you’d find in a cafeteria.

“Oh, Meredy and Ultear came in this morning and dropped off some soup. They apparently made too much and thought it would be better to give to us rather than waste it.” explained Mira.

“Makes sense,” nodded Gray, “I'm kind of hungry anyway.”

“Coming right up,” Mira served him some soup, “ Gray you sure you’re alright? You seem a little dull. Oh that reminds me, Juvia wanted me to let you know that she took a mission with Gajeel and that she’ll be back tomorrow.

“Why does she have to let me know her schedule. God she has been so annoying lately.” Gray commented while drinking his soup. It had a flavor that he was a little unfamiliar with, but he paid no attention to it.

“Don’t be like that Gray, she is just really fond of you,” Mira smiled, “Besides, you can’t tell me that you aren’t at least a little bit fond of her, right?”

“Well I appreciate her as a nakama, but she is just so…” he paused, “Frankly, I wish she had never joined her guild. It would have made life a lot easier.” Gray finished up his soup and began to gather his belongings. “Anyway, thanks for the soup Mira,” he gave the older mage one last smile and headed out.

“Good grief, when is that boy going to realize that he is lucky to have someone who loves him so much” the former S class mage uttered to Makarov, who just sat across from her. 

“Well, he is still young. Why don't you pour me some of that soup Mira,” asked Makarov. He took a sip and spit it out almost immediately. “Mirajane this soup has wishing powder in it, do you know how much damage this could cause out guild?”

“Wishing powder?” questioned Mira.

“Well yes, it is a rare magical ingredient, but it has a very specific taste. Whoever eats this will have their wish granted the next day. We need to get rid of this immediately. In a soup form like this, the wish shouldn’t last more than two days. Still, our guild has seen more damage in less time,” exclaimed Makraov.

“Oh right, I’ll get rid of it right away,” Mira responded. She remembered Meredy said something about doing Juvia a favor, perhaps she meant more than just giving her soup. Her thoughts then shifted back to the ice mage who made a wish he was sure to regret.

Gray woke up the next morning feeling a little strange. However, he ignored whatever it was and made his way over to the guild. When he walked in, he found that it was a lot more lively than the previous day. Natsu and Lucy had returned from their mission and it appeared the former was picking a fight with Erza. Naturally, he lost quite quickly against her. His eyes glanced over the guild once again, no sign of Juvia. Her mission must be taking longer than expected. Gray breathed a sigh of relief, he didn’t need to avoid her advances this morning. He made it over to the work bored and decided it would be a good idea for him to take a mission of his own. He spotted one that would take a little over a day to finish and proceeded to head out of the guild, flyer in hand.

He returned back to the guild the next afternoon and it seemed just as busy as the previous morning. Still, there was no Juvia. Exhausted from his mission, he took a seat at the counter across from Mirajane once again. He ordered a drink and against his better judgement decided to ask about the water mage. “So Mira, are Gajeel and Juvia still away on their mission?”

The white haired mage gave him a look of confusion. “ I don’t know who you are talking about?” she said bluntly.

It was Gray’s turn to be confused, maybe Mira misheard him. “ You know Juvia, the water mage who is in love with me and Gajeel the iron dragon slayer,” explained Gray but he was met with the same response. Natsu suddenly came up and took a seat by him.

“You talking about that guy from Phantom Lord that I totally beat up,” bragged Natsu.

“Yeah, where is he?” Gray asked, more sternly than how he had asked Mira. 

“How should I know?” shrugged Natsu, “we haven’t seen any of those phantom lord freaks since we beat them up. Who was the other one you were wondering about?” asked Natsu.

“He says there is a water mage who is in love with him,” responded Mira. This initiated a burst of laughter from Natsu, which got Lucy’s attention.

“Like anyone would ever fall in love with you. Dude are you delusional?” Natsu continued to laugh.

“Shut up you damn dragon spawn,” responded Gray angrily.

“Wait Gray, you’re talking about that girl from element four right?” Gay nodded to Lucy’s question. “I heard she joined a guild a few years back when we were still on Tenroujima.” added Lucy. Gray grew more confused by the minute, what the hell were Natsu and Lucy talking about.

“Hey Mira!” Makarov exclaimed as he walked in, “Did you get rid of the soup from yesterday, the one with the wishing powder in it?” Mira nodded and smiled back at him. Gray wondered if wishing powder was what made the soup taste weird yesterday. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide. He remembered that he has wished that Juvia had never joined Fairy Tail after he drank the soup, was that what was going on? He began to worry, a deep pit forming within his stomach. He needed to find out where she was and fast.

“Wait Lucy, you said she joined a guild right. Do you know which one?” asked Gray a little too eagerly. It struck Gray that he really didn’t have an obligation to bring her back. It wasn’t like it mattered right, he had finally gotten rid of her and if she was happy at another guild, so be it right. Though for some reason Gray felt uneasy, he was worried for Juvia. It made sense, she was his nakama after all. 

“Hmm… I’m not sure, let me call Levy-chan. I think she has a magic directory where we can look her up,” Lucy left quickly to get her. Gray thought of stopping her and ignoring the issue for a minute. Still, something in him really wanted to know where she was. 

Lucy returned with Levy, who appeared a little less lively than usual. She wore a smile like always, but behind it Gray noticed that something was off. Oh right, he remembered that Juvia was the reason Gajeel joined the guild. It was no secret that the small mage had a thing for the iron dragon slayer. Gray’s heart began to swell with guilt, his wish affected more than just him and Juvia. The script mage opened up the magic directory and looked up at Gray, “What did you say her name was?” 

“Oh Juvia, Juvia Lockser,” Gray for a brief second wondered how Juvia Fullbuster sounded, but suppressed the thought as soon as it came up. 

“Gray you must be really smitten with this girl huh?” chuckled Lucy. 

“That’s not what this is!” he snapped back in response.

“Oh I found her,” exclaimed Levy, “looks like she is a part of Lamia scale. That’s Lyon’s guild right?” Maybe it was just the thought of Lyon, but for some reason Gray’s blood began to boil. 

“Everything alright Gray?” Lucy questioned. He began to calm down a bit. He knew he should have been content with the information he had received, but for some reason he wasn’t. His legs started working before his head and he started heading in the direction of Lamia Scale. After a few hours he arrived in front of the guild. Gray felt his stomach sink again, what was he doing here. He could have just left everything the way it was, it was what he wished for after all. He entered the guild hall and was immediately greeted by Lyon. 

“Gray, funny to see you here. Are you looking for advice on how to use your ice magic?” scoffed Lyon. Gray really didn’t have any time for this. He had to see Juvia. Why? Well he didn’t quite know, he reasoned that she was once his fellow nakama and he had to make sure she was happy in this new life.

“I’m here to see a water mage, Juvia Lockser.” he asked. It felt weird to call Juvia just some water mage. Ever since she had joined the guild, she had a strong presence Gray’s life. 

“Juvia? Why do you want to see her. Let me guess, you want to steal her away from me before the wedding?” Gray’s eyes grew wide. What wedding? w|Why the hell was Juvia marrying Lyon? These thoughts span around in Gray’s head and his fingers curled into a fist on instinct.

“Wedding?” Gray questioned through his clenched teeth. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot Gray, I invited you last week. My Juvia and I are getting married next month. You are invited, of course, the best of Ur’s pupils is finally settling down after all,” Lyon smiled slyly. Against his better judgement, Gray pulled out his clenched fist and punched Lyon square in the face. Gray had no idea where that came from, why couldn’t he control his damn body. Lyon after living the initial shock, punched him back. Pretty soon, an all out brawl began between the two of them. Suddenly, a tall, pale water mage walked into the guild. Gray stopped fighting with Lyon just in time to spot her. She looked older, her wavy blue hair cut short and she was wearing a low-cut dress along with one of her signature hats. Gray reasoned that the difference in her appearance was due to not being frozen on Tenroujima for 7 years. The ice mage couldn’t help but blush, she was just so damn beautiful. Not that his Juvia wasn’t beautiful, what was he thinking his Juvia? beautiful?

The water mage started heading in his direction with arms wide, like she had a hundred times before. However this time, it was Lyon who she embraced. “Lyon-sama!” she exclaimed as she embraced Lyon and pulled him into a kiss. Gray cringed at the name, it felt wrong hearing Juvia call Lyon that in such a loving voice. “Gray?” she uttered softly as she turned to look at him. His ears perked up immediately at the sound of his name from her lips, but when he looked up at her, there was no love in her eyes. She looked at him with pure indifference, the way any of his other nakama would look at him.

“You’ve met?” questioned Lyon.

“Yeah,” she responded softly, “we fought once, back when I was a part of Phantom Lord.”

“We trained with the same teacher Ur, when were younger. Although, my magic is still a lot more advanced than his.” Lyon commented. Juvia smiled at her fiance and he pulled her in for another kiss.

“Hey Gray, you’ll be at the wedding right?” she asked eagerly. Gray took a good look at her and his heart began to swell with some weird feeling that he couldn’t quite place. 

“Yeah, I'll be there,” he managed to get out, though his body did not react well to his response. His heart hurt, he had never felt this emotion before. Juvia seemed to perk up at his response though and her smile made him feel a little happier. God she looked so happy here. She had Lyon, someone who actually returned her affection and she was getting married. He was happy for her, but why did he feel so horrible?

“Well, I’ll head out know,” he said as he made his way out of the guild hall. He had done what he wanted to do, see Juvia. There was nothing more he could do at this point, nothing more he should do. She was happier this way, he was happier this way too, right? As he started to walk back to Fairy Tale he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Wait up Gray,” Juvia caught up to him. She took a moment to catch her breath and proceeded to speak, “Sorry for chasing after you like this. Lyon mentioned you were looking for me. Is there something you need to ask me about?” she asked.

“Uh no, sorry about that.” he smiled softly at her. She smiled back, but was not entirely convinced by the ice mage’s response.

“Well, while your here I guess I should thank you. If it wasn’t for you and Fairy Tail disbanding Phantom Lord, I don’t think I’d be as happy as I am now. I’m part of an amazing guild and have such a loving fiance now and it’s all thanks to you,” she came closer bringing him into a friendly hug. Gray hated this hug, it didn’t have the same warmth Juvia’s normal hugs had and he hated himself for thinking this. He looked at her once more and once again his body acted before his brain and he pulled her in for a kiss. Her lips were soft and Gray wondered why he hadn’t done this a million times before. However, after a few seconds of initial shock, Juvia pulled away from the kiss. There was a look of pity in her eyes, as expected, this Juvia didn’t love him.

“Sorry,” he said apologetically and headed back home. On his way back, he kept thinking of her. Not the Juvia he just saw, but his Juvia. Her smile, the heart eyes she gave him and her comforting hugs. God he regretted that dumb wish he made, he kept beating himself over it. Eventually, he arrived back to his bed and fell asleep immediately from exhaustion, his heart heavy with regret.

The next morning he headed back to the guild hall as usual. He took a seat at the bar counter and looked to see the madness that lay before him. Levy was reading a rough draft of Lucy's novel, Erza found a piece of cake to indulge in and Natsu was fighting with Gajeel. Everything seemed like it always had. Wait, what the hell was Gajeel doing here. He wasn’t supposed to be here, not after the wish he made. Gray’s mind shifted straight to the water mage.

“Where’s Juvia?” he yelled a little too loudly.

“Huh? She’ll be here soon. She must have slept in, our mission took a little longer than expected,” responded Gajeel. Gray’s heart was filled with a happy confusion. 

“Wait, Mira the wishing powder in the soup. My wish, what happened to it?” 

“Oh, Master said the wishes made with wishing powder only last about two days, What exactly did you wish for?’” she questioned even though she knew the answer. 

Gray began to bury his head in his hands. “ I made a really dumb wish and I regret it. I wished that Juvia had never joined Fairy Tail and --”

“Gray-sama wished that Juvia have never joined Fairy Tail?” the water mage interrupted her eyes filling with tears. Those eyes, Gray thought. He loved those eyes and never wanted to see her cry again. She ran out of the guild, but Gray caught up and grabbed her arm, pulling her in for an embrace. 

“That was the worst wish I ever made. I regret it Juvia, I really really regret it Juvia.” his voice began to quiver.

“Juvia is sorry for always bothering Gray-sama,” responded the water mage. Grays body took over again and he pulled her in for a kiss. This kiss was different, her lips were just as soft, but she felt so warm. This was the warmth that Gray always needed, his heart had been cold for a little too long. She was the one to pull back from the kiss first. “ Wait, Gray-sama, is Juvia dreaming again. Juvia -.” 

“Shh-” he shut her up with another kiss, and this time neither pulled away. Instead they took their time exploring each others mouth until they were finally out of breath.

“Juvia is so happy. Juvia loves Gray-sama,” she put her arms around him once more. 

“And I love you Juvia. Please, don’t ever leave me,” Gray admitted pulling her in closer.

“Never, Juvia is Gray-sama’s.” she nuzzled herself into his chest, and they stood there just enjoying each other’s warmth. Little did they know that people in the guild hall were watching there little moment on a surveillance lacrima placed there by Makarov. Lucy felt relieved, as she was no longer a love-rival, Gajeel felt his heart warm for the mage who he considered his sister and Natsu reluctantly gave Erza 50 jewel because she quote on quote ‘called it’.

[notyourmotherscopingmechanisms]

Water Bottles, Getting Rid of Stuff, and Social Media Goodbyes.

Hi, all.

This is it! Welcome to the first post on this experimental foray into talking about my brain, intentionally, and with a purpose in mind.

The post that led you here (from facebook, instagram, or twitter, if I got my shit together) mentioned that this post would be about the first few things I’ve done since the New Year to try and wrangle my life back into some sense of order, so I’m just gonna jump right into that. 

1) I bought a planner.

A real, actual physical paper, honest-to-god planner. 

This in and of itself is not much of a shock. I’ve bought a lot of planners in my lifetime, always excited to finally be one of those women—capable, powerful, every moment of their day accounted for in perfect handwriting—and reader, I am absolutely garbage at using them. 

So I bought another one. Makes sense, right?

I’ll tell you why: I think I finally figured out why I’m bad at using them. 

Every planner I’ve bought in the past has been one or both of these things: a month/week/day view, or an electronic planner (for my iPad.) These...did not work. The use cycle would usually go something like this: Overjoyed with my new beautiful book, I would spend an hour or two dutifully filling out the “month” views with absolutely everything I knew about at the time, and then I’d manage to use it for about a week before I realized I’d been forgetting to write in the “week” portion of the planner. This immediately triggers the guilt—I failed, I wasted part of such a nice book, what was the point, why did I even start....you get the idea. Of course, this is all ridiculous. The book never changed...but now it makes me sad to look at, and angry at myself every time I remember it. I can’t stand to use it anymore, because every time I pick it up, it’s a reminder that, according to me, I suck. So I put it away, and vow to never again buy a planner, or to do better next time. (I wouldn't.) 

Then, I read a post a few months ago that my dad sent me (I’ll have to look up the link later and edit this post to add it) that boiled down to something along the lines of “stop trying to do your tasks the way “normal” people do their tasks.” If you have a hard time getting your laundry sorted out because the hamper’s hard to get to, take the lid off the hamper. If making a sandwich is too much work, just eat the parts, no sandwich required. Shit like that. I sat with myself for a few weeks and said to myself, brain, how can I remove obstacles that don’t even seem like obstacles in order to make things less hard?

And then I learned the secret. 

Did you know they make planners that are ONLY a month view?

There’s another secret to this process, by the way—but it applies to a lot more than just planners. Through a bit of soul searching (and by a bit, I mean a lot of grumbling about what a materialistic, vain, optics-centered magpie I am at heart) I figured out that I’m at least 80% more likely to successfully use something if it’s pretty. If I love the way it looks, I am excited to be around it. I am delighted to use it. I am sad when it isn’t nearby. So, the month-view-only planner I bought is also covered in small flowers and made from beautiful low-tooth paper that feels good to write on. I also downloaded many, many, many beautiful habit trackers, goal planning pages, and other freebies from bloomplanners.com (they made my work calendar.) Highly recommend. 

2) I bought a water bottle.

I am probably the most dehydrated person you know personally at basically all times. I’ve literally gone to the ER with medical issues that, while genuine, were all exacerbated by massive dehydration. It’s not just that I hate the taste of water (even though I do) but also that I just...straight up do not remember to drink. Ever. And when I do remember to drink, I never remember how much I’ve had, what’s left to go, any of that crap. 

“But they make apps to remind you!” 

“You can log every time you drink!”

YES, CORRECT, but also may I remind you of the above “remove obstacles from my brain” epiphany from three paragraphs ago: if there’s more than two steps (realistically, more than ONE step) to getting from “I drank water” to “I drank this much water, and now have this much left to go to not die” 

I won’t do it. 

So, I bought myself one of these bad boys. #notanad 

The Hidrate Spark is a “smart” bottle that connects to my iPhone and my AppleWatch. Its connected app will remind me through the watch, as well as via pretty glowing lights on the bottle itself, numerous times a day that I need to drink. When I drink out of the bottle, a sensor will record how much I drank, and immediately log that info into my Health App on my phone. The app automatically uses the humidity and temperature at your location, your weight, your height, and real-time activity data from your watch or phone to update how much your water goal is in realtime. 

Notice how nowhere in that description in there is there anything I have to do to track my intake and hit my goal besides fill out my info in the app once, fill up the bottle, and drink out of it? Yeah, me too.

I’ve avoided buying this bottle for over a year, because it’s a $60 water bottle, and I have twenty water bottles already, and it’s “techie” and “unnecessary” and “silly” and “excessive” and all those other things people say about smart tech, but goddamnit, and ER bill costs more than $60 and I’ve been there four fucking times for this problem. I talked to my fitness director (I work for a YMCA, so, health and fitness woo) a couple friends, and my doctor about it, and everyone agreed it was a good decision, so I did it. I can’t say if it’ll work or not yet because I don’t HAVE it yet, but I promise to keep everyone apprised. 

Also, it’s pretty. 

3) I deleted an ass ton of people off my social media. 

I’ve never cared much about my numbers when it comes to social media, I’m not in it for those, but I have the same problem with my friends lists as I do with my real life: I add without thought and then people I never talk to, never see, never will see, and don’t have an effect on my life...take up space. I’m very happy for all of them, and I hope they have wonderful lives, but I don't need all of them front and center at all times. Plus, after the year I had last year, a lot of people needed to be let go from my life for my sanity and theirs. 

So, on January 2nd, I deleted 160 people from my Facebook friends list, and blocked 7. I thought it would stress me out more—I’m not about the numbers, but I always worry someone will take offense, or be upset. But once I did it, I felt literally, physically, lighter. It hasn’t had any measurable impact yet besides that initial weight-is-lifted feeling, but I know it’s a step in the right direction for my eventual journey towards weaning off a lot of social media platforms. (Did you know facebook is the actual face of evil in the internet age, and we’re all trapped beyond belief?)

4) I cleaned, or cleaned out, everything (and I mean everything) in my house.

This is the biggie! This is it! The goodwill pile is literally taking up every inch of available space in my car! 

(This is also one of those “Ooh, it’s embarrassing, I can’t talk about it” moments I mentioned in the original post. Whelp, here I am, talking about it! Cower in fear! Hide in your homes! Real Talk is coming!)

The Marie Kondo bug that bit all of us last year got me in tandem with a few months of violent living situation upheaval. As a result, I tried to go through my belongings with every moving day I went through, and use those hell experiences as motivation to just. Get. Rid. Of. My. Shit. I’d already started on this task a few years ago, but it’s difficult to describe how much....stuff I’d managed to collect in 18-19 years. It doesn’t take much past the first time you and one friend, or just you, have to move everything you own in a single day to go “oh my god I am never doing that again.” But, I know I’ll have to move again, and even if I didn’t...my stuff was stressing me out. The obvious solution was, and is, “have less stuff.” 

I go through my wardrobe once a month now and try to get rid of at least three things. If you’ve known me since high school or just after, you might remember the absolutely astonishing size of my wardrobe. I mean, truly ridiculous. I achieved my goal early last summer of “all my clothing must fit inside a single closet” and began extending that to the rest of my life with a general rule of replacing the thought “I need more storage” with the thought “I need less stuff.” Obviously, there are some things that really do need better or different storage, and I’m recognizing that, but I can’t actually describe how much better I feel with...literally probably 70% less stuff than I used to own. 

This is an ongoing process in every part of my life, and with the habits I’ve learned and the very particular anxieties that I have (I can’t get rid of this, I might need it one day/that person was so nice to give it to me/someone might get angry if I goodwill it) continuing towards a minimalist outlook will be a path I am on for literally the rest of my life. But it’s a good path—a worthy one—and I’m so absurdly relieved that I’m finally walking on it, regardless of how many stumbles, stops, and starts there might be. 

The bonus part of having less stuff is that it’s suddenly way easier to clean your house; which is what I spent all of Saturday and part of Sunday (today) doing. My combined to-do lists* numbered around 72 items, all-told, and I accomplished almost all of them—everything from sweeping/mopping/vaccuming to moving all the appliances in my kitchen out of their spots and cleaning the sides of them. All the laundry got did. All the shelves got dusted. The tub got scrubbed. The fridge got cleared out. My closet got organized. Even my bed got a facelift in the form of a new duvet cover and some swanky king size pillows. We. Cleaned. Everything. 

And damn does it feel good to have a clean space. It’s so. Much. Easier.  To keep tidied up when I’m annoyed at myself for ruining the room with clutter, or setting something down and not putting it away.* When you have less stuff, everything suddenly has a place...and when it all starts out in that place, it’s way easier to put it back and keep that momentum going.

*/**There is a flip side of this feeling, which is my anxiety this summer beginning to express itself as certain tendencies towards OCD behaviors, but I won’t go into that here. It’ll come up soon enough, but it will need to be another post about that topic specifically and what I did/am doing to work through it. Another post will be about my “listing” and how it works/doesn’t work for me, because these are tandem issues.

I’m sure there’s more than these, but I’m going to stop here.

Mostly because one of my other goals for 2020 is to do better at setting, and sticking to, a routine. (Hey, another post!) That routine involves me being in bed by 11:30PM every day, and awake by 9:30...and it’s 10:44. So for now, goodnight, and I hope this didn’t bore anyone to absolute tears. Even if it did...that’s okay, because this is as much for me as it is for anyone else. 

See ya!

[deansgirl215]

Diving In

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Song Prompt/Challenge: Dive by Ed Sheeran for Kari’s 9.5k British Song Challenge

Warnings: Semi-Angst, Fluff, Implied Smut

Word Count: 1,535 (including lyrics)

A/N: Well this is what I came up with for Kari’s 9.5k British Song Challenge! Congrats @thing-you-do-with-that-thing on reaching such an amazing milestone! I’m so happy I got to use this Ed Sheeran song! It has been an absolute favorite of mine ever since I first heard it. And as soon as I heard it, I knew it was a Dean song, no doubt about it! LOL A big thank you to @torn-and-frayed for looking it over for me! So without further ado, enjoy! (And if you haven’t listened to Dive by Ed Sheeran, give it a listen!!)

Dean tipped back the beer bottle at his lips and took a long swig, closing his eyes at the onslaught of images that danced through his mind.

He saw the first werewolf go down from the silver bullet he shot its way. But before he could turn around to go after the other one, he was thrown across the room, the gun sliding out of his hand. And before he could register what was happening, she was sliding in front of him, firing her gun at the charging werewolf, killing it--but not before its claws swiped down her side.

Dean’s eyes snapped open and he shook his head to try and rid the images from his mind. He didn’t want to remember how she fell to the ground in front of him as she desperately attempted to use her hand to stop the bleeding. Damn, there was so much blood…

Maybe I came on too strong

Maybe I waited too long

Maybe I played my cards wrong

Oh, just a little bit wrong

Baby I apologize for it

“Dean?”

He spun around in his chair at the sound of her voice. “Hey,” he swallowed thickly. “What’re you doing up?”

She shrugged, “Couldn’t sleep. You?”

Dean shrugged back, “Something like that. How’re you feeling?”

“A little sore, but Cas fixed me up as best as he could. I’ll just have another cool scar to add to my collection.”

Dean took another sip of his beer as she walked over to the table to join him. She sat down on the table right next to his chair and plucked the bottle from his hand. Keeping her eyes locked with his, she took a long gulp of his beer before setting it on the table.

“Are you ok?” she asked him.

Dean scoffed, “You’re seriously asking me that? You’re the one who almost died tonight, throwing yourself in front of me. Why the hell would you do something so stupid?”

“Maybe because I didn’t want you to get killed!”

“Yeah well congratulations because you almost got yourself killed instead!”

“Well excuse me for caring about what happens to you.”

“Sweetheart, it doesn’t matter what happens to me,” he said.

“Well it matters to me, you jackass! I love you!!” she shouted at him.

I could fall, or I could fly

Here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I’ve been known to give my all

Jumping in harder than

Ten thousand rocks on the lake

Dean stopped short at her words as he realized what she said. Her chest was heaving, her face was pulled into a scowl and there were tears welling in her eyes as she stared at him.

She sniffed, “I know when we reconnected, we decided to just be friends. But I don’t want to just be friends, Dean. I want what we had 18 years ago, when we were young and naive and stupidly in love. We couldn’t make it work back then because we were both on different paths. But here we are, after all this time, still fighting the good fight. We’re all grown up now and it seems like the last 18 years have been pretty shitty for both of us. I’m not stupid enough to think that this life won’t catch up to me at some point, but dammit why can’t we make the most of whatever time we do have by spending it together?? Is that too much to ask?” She hung her head, afraid to meet his eyes after pouring her heart out to him.

So don’t call me baby

Unless you mean it

Don’t tell me you need me

If you don’t believe it

So let me know the truth

Before I dive right into you

Dean’s heart clenched when he heard her confession. Everything she said was exactly what he’d been feeling ever since they reconnected 6 months ago. Way back when they were just 20 and 22 year old kids, love had no place in this life. Not with Sammy taking off for Stanford and John keeping Dean busy with hunt after hunt after hunt. Not to mention she had her own family drama going on back then, what with her mom dragging her all across the country as well, trying to hunt down the wendigo that killed her dad. Of course, as he came to learn when they stumbled upon each other again all these years later, her mom died about 3 years after John did. How the two of them never crossed paths hunting all these years was remarkable.

But what was even more remarkable was how Dean felt when he saw her again. She was still as beautiful as he’d remembered and still a bad-ass hunter. No one could ever hold a candle to her in his book. But his fear of always losing the people closest to him is what kept him at arm’s length from her this time around.

Dean stood up from his chair and stepped in front of her. He lifted her chin up so she was looking at him. “After all this time, you still want me?”

She blinked up at him and gave him a soft, sad smile, “I’ve always wanted you, Dean. It’s always been you.”

You’re a mystery

I have traveled the world, there’s no other girl like you

No one, what’s your history?

Do you have a tendency to lead some people on?

'Cause I heard you do, mm

Dean locked eyes with her and just stared for a moment. He saw the young girl he’d met practically a lifetime ago, so young and full of life and ready to take on the world. He also saw the beautiful woman that life had beaten down over the years, almost extinguishing the fire in her eyes. But it was still there, still burning. And he wanted to make sure it never went out.

He stepped in closer to her until he was standing between her legs. Without warning, he dipped his head and met her lips with his. The initial shock of his kiss wore off quickly and she soon responded fiercely as she wound her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer.

I could fall, or I could fly

Here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I’ve been known to give my all

And lie awake, everyday don't know how much I can take

Dean’s hands made their way down her back to her thighs, where he lifted her off the table and into his arms, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist. They didn’t break apart on the way to his room until they reached his bed and he set her down on it. She peered up at him as he stood at the end of the bed and when he took too long to join her, she reached out her hand for him to take. As soon as his hand grasped hers, she pulled him down on top of her, wanting to feel his body against hers again. She pulled his head down to hers and immediately claimed his lips again.

So don’t call me baby

Unless you mean it

And don’t tell me you need me

If you don’t believe it

So let me know the truth

Before I dive right into you

They spent the rest of the night rediscovering each other, making sure they left not a single inch of their bodies untouched. The feel of her smaller frame against his, the taste of her skin, the unique scent of her invaded his senses in the best way. Dean was lost in her for hours, wondering why in the world he deprived himself of this in the first place.

Long after they were finished, she found herself laying with her head on Dean’s chest, her arm around his torso while one of his hands stroked up and down her side, and the other played with her hair. She felt him press a kiss to the top of her head and she hummed happily.

“I missed you,” she murmured as she placed a kiss on his chest.

“I missed you too, Sweetheart,” Dean replied.

“Are you sure you want this, for however long we have it?”

Dean pulled away from her so that he could see her eyes. “I want you. I’ll always want you. I love you. It’s you and me.”

She smiled brightly at him as she reached up to cup his cheek. “You and me, Baby,” she whispered against his lips as she kissed him again.

I could fall, or I could fly

Here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I’ve been known to give my all

Sitting back, looking at every mess that I made

So don’t call me baby

Unless you mean it

Don’t tell me you need me

If you don’t believe it

Let me know the truth

Before I dive right into you

Before I dive right into you

Before I dive right into you

Tags (sorry if some of you don’t read Dean x Reader, I just tagged pretty much my faves lol. I’d love any & all feedback and any signal boosting as well! xo):

@thing-you-do-with-that-thing @torn-and-frayed @supernatural-jackles @sis-tafics @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @oneshoeshort @acreativelydifferentlove @queen-of-deans-booty @imagineteamfreewill @super100012 @deanssweetheart23 @ravengirl94 @wheresthekillswitch @winchesters-favorite-girl @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @luci-in-trenchcoats @iwantthedean @just-another-busy-fangirl @blacktithe7 @ilostmyshoe-79 @bringmesomepie56 @chelsea072498 @katymacsupernatural @teamfreewill-imagine @anotherwaywardsister