#shitty haiku series

[its-your-mind]

This is a call to action for all the PJO girlies (gender neutral) that I know are sleeper agents on this webbed site

Go read Trials of Apollo. Go do it. Do it right now.

I know what you’re thinking. “Tbh I didn’t love Rick’s writing towards the end of Heroes of Olympus” “There’s no Percy so why bother” “All of the Argo II crew are kinda OOC” and listen my friends. You are so valid to have those opinions. I felt the same way after Blood of Olympus. But listen to me. Look at me.

Now that you have had some time away, you must give these books another try. For me. For Uncle Rick. For the demon baby grain spirit who is only able to say his own name (Peaches).

Do not worry friends, I do not expect you to read just based on my say-so - I also provide:

A list of reasons why you (yes you) should go read the Trials of Apollo series right now gogogo:

(Spoiler warning - all broad plot things that you learn early on, but I know some people (including me) avoid that shit at all costs)

All the chapters are titled in bad haiku. Ya know that one scene in Titan’s Curse where Apollo just starts reciting apropos of nothing? That’s every chapter title. They’re all so bad it’s amazing.

Apollo is so up his own ass about everything, and it’s so cool to experience the same world through the eyes of someone who is not used to being in amongst the chaos

Oh yeah the plot. That’s a reason to read it.

Okay so

Basically Zeus continues his streak of being a shitty shit parent and decides to blame like… every bad thing that has happened on Apollo, and punish him by turning him mortal and enslaving him to a demigod girl named Meg who is a garbage gremlin with a little demon baby guard named Peaches (see above)

And like the A plot is they gotta save the oracles from shitty old Romans who wanna take over the world (stop me if you’ve heard this one before)

But like the B plot is about what it means to discover that you’ve fucked up, you’ve made mistakes, you’ve hurt people, and you gotta fucking own up to that shit

But also

You do not deserve to be punished for every horrible thing that has ever happened because of you, or even around you, and when a parental or authority figure in your life tells you that, they are an abuser and they are wrong

And yet

It can be so hard to fully separate yourself from them. Because for so long, they were all you had.

But that’s okay, because when you start to learn that the people who were supposed to care for you and love you were not actually doing that, there are people around you who will love you, who will support you, who will pick you up and hold you close and make sure you know that you are okay

And they can’t fix you

But they can give you the safe space to fix yourself

hmm that was an essay about themes and metaphors BUT THATS WHY YOU SHOULD READ IT

also there’s a wikipedia arrow who only speaks in Elizabethan prose (in all caps)

OH ALSO ALSO you get to see Will and Nico being a CUTE AS FUCK couple in the first book. Nico smiles. Also makes skeletons grow out of the ground when people annoy him. Fuck I love this little gay death boy so much.

AND. You get to see so MANY of your old friends. And they still! Get! Plot! And! Character! Development!! Even though they are only there for a little bit

OH OH OH there are two old lesbians who run a halfway house for people who are tangled up in magic shit with nowhere else to go

Did I mention Peaches? I did. He’s my favorite.

OH ALSO. This is “unreliable narrator” executed SO FUCKING WELL. Like, all narrators are unreliable. But Apollo used to be a FUCKING GOD. He has not had to deal with the reality of death all that much. He’s used to people praising his name and bowing down at his feet. But that ain’t happening!! And he is Unhappy about that!! But it also lets there be such a clear juxtaposition between what Apollo believes about himself and about the world and what is really true, which is such a wonderful way to write about recovery from trauma.

Ahem

Anyway it’s just real good Uncle Rick continues to knock it out of the park but he just did something different and we (at least I) needed some space from OG PJO fan brain before I could appreciate how fucking awesome this series is.

OH OH OH and if you like audiobooks Robbie Daymond (hello CR mutuals - yes, this is the one who is our beloved Blue Boi who we (Orym) so desperately need returned) is the audiobook narrator and he is. So fucking good. Absolutely NAILS the dramatic-ass-inner-monologue of this dramatic ass ex-deity. Also nails all the other voices as well. 15/10 audiobook narration I’m lichrally gonna go listen to other books JUST cuz he reads them.

okay why the fuck are you still here. GO. GET THESE BOOKS. If your public library does Libby you can absolutely get them on there. GO FORTH.

[tortured-demigods-department]

an unhinged (and unofficial) dissertation on the pjo fandom

so i don't usually post anything that isn't my-works-related, but i had a...mildly heated discussion with a fellow film student tonight about the pjo show and it's got me thinking. bear with me, we'll be here awhile.

as we all know, the first season of pjo has ended. i've stayed relatively OFF tumblr and other social media during this time, but i know there are a lot of OG fans who are (in their words) "massively disappointed" in the show. most of the complaints i've heard have been during in person conversations though, so this post is mostly going to be referencing real complaints i've heard.

i've been a part of this fandom since i was thirteen. that's nearly eight fucking years of my life that i've devoted to the pjo universe. i have written and consumed YEARS' worth of fanfiction, i have read and reread every book so many times i can quote them forwards and backwards, and i went to the bookstore every single year on the new books' release dates to pick up my copies in-person. this fandom, these characters and this world have brought so much joy to my life, and i don't think i could ever fully articulate that in words. when i think of this series, i genuinely feel nothing but happiness.

but a few years ago—around the time i started college—i started distancing myself from the fandom for one glaring reason. this fandom can be such an...angry place? like, genuinely, i don't know how far it goes back—maybe all the way to the release of HoA, honestly—but i wasn't here pre-HoA, so all i know is that i very much remember how much people hated ToA when it came out.

here i was, having the TIME of my life with apollo and his silly little haikus, and people are going to war over how the series' writing quality has gone to shit and how everything was better before, blah, blah, blah. IN SPITE of everything that series gave us—discussion of the repercussions of child abuse and ptsd, representation of lgbtqa+ characters, and deep psychological messages that really teach young readers, i think, how to better understand themselves and their emotions and deal with them in healthy ways. and it just wasn't fun to be in a fandom where, as soon as you go "hey, did you read the new book?" they scoff and roll their eyes and only want to talk about how terrible it is. (i also missed all the discourse on the sun and the star when it came out—PHENOMENAL read, btw—but i've read some things that lead me to believe that it wasn't well received either, in spite of how lovely it was.)

so...it's dramatic to say i "left" the fandom, but i certainly withdrew from it. deleted my pjo ao3 and tumblr, started over with a different fandom. but the love has always been there, and the show starting really helped spark it fully back to life.

but now, the same thing is happening again, i'm noticing. remember back in the day, when we only had the shitty fucking movies, and we were like "man, ANYTHING would be better than this garbage. literally just give us actors who are the right age and we'll be happy." well, now we have PHENOMENAL kid actors who genuinely are having a good time playing our beloved characters, and instead of supporting them, we're STILL complaining about them not being "portrayed correctly"?

i've talked to so many people who complain that percy is "too smart," which is kind of a bullshit insult to percy's canon character. in the books (at least the first five) we're seeing things ONLY from percy's pov. he's a kid who's struggled with learning disabilities and been told he's an idiot all his life by everyone except his mom—but as others have pointed out way more eloquently than i could, percy is a very intelligent and powerful individual while maintaining his goofy fun personality, which is WHY so many people love him so much. he's complex, and i think they managed to capture that really well in the show even amidst all the changes.

don't get me started on the fucking racism towards leah sava jeffries—i'm honest to gods ashamed that there are racists who call themselves pjo fans. she is so talented, and everything we ever could have hoped for in an on-screen annabeth. ALL of the kids are—there's literally no argument to be had there.

and then, if people aren't complaining about the casting, it's the series' writing. or there's too much exposition. rick is changing too many things. the directors don't know what they're doing. it's not a TRUE book adaptation. (someone said that to me, and i genuinely laughed because i thought they were joking. when the MOVIES exist, they wanted to make that comment about the show.)

are there some things i would change about the show, given the opportunity? god, yes. the set design for the underworld was horrendous. (in my opinion, of course.) but here's the thing. i have spent eight years of my life waiting for this show to happen, and in that time, i've learned a lot about how much goes into successfully producing such a complex series. how much money and time is spent, and how many people have to be on board to make it happen. it's genuinely kind of miraculous that we're even getting this show at all, considering all the ways it could have failed before it even made it out of pre-production.

and i think we, as fans, sometimes forget that we aren't owed this. we don't own the percy jackson franchise. it makes me so sick and tired when authors or artists in any capacity feel like they have to cater their works to the masses, because they know they'll get thrown into the fucking fire if they don't. rick and becky riordan didn't have to got to the trouble of producing this show for us. they chose to—everyone involved chose to—because they wanted to make something fun and enjoyable not only for the fans, but everyone who chose to be a part of it.

do you know how insane it is that, when you read pretty much any interview of pjo bts, everyone talks about how fun the production was? i've been on film sets. they can be ABSOLUTELY miserable when they're not done right. but eight months into production, the kids were still laughing and having a good time, everyone's still giving 100%, they're excited, it's fun. walker was willing to go into a diving tank for a full fucking day in order to get one scene—i know i would never have that kind of dedication, and i bet 99% of you wouldn't either.

i know this has gotten really long-winded, but i've said all of that to say that...i'm kind of tired of fans trying to bring down the show, and more than that, trying to bring down each other for having a good time. as i've said before (many times, i'm sure), i waited eight years for this, and i have had SUCH a fun time watching it. assuming we get a season 2 renewal, there are going to be even more new fans coming in than we've already gotten from season 1, and i want this fandom to be a fun and positive place for them. for all of us. we don't have to miserable and angry all time. we can critique the show, sure—it's not perfect, and it was never going to be—but we have to remember that television is an art form, and that art is subjective even when it involves our favorite characters. and we can accept that and still have a good time, because it's just more fun to have fun, you know?

this fandom has always had so much potential to be the BIGGEST, most supportive and kind and loving fandom. with how much representation this series has, with how much content we've been given, with the SHEER massive number of us...i've always thought we could be a really, really great community. maybe it's impossible to hope that we could be the best fandom on earth, but if nothing else...could we all try to just be a little bit kinder? genuinely, as cheesy as it may sound...it's just nicer when we're nice to each other. and when there's so many real things in the world to be mad about...i would much rather this be a place where we can come to at the end of a long day and just...feel at home. personally, i just think that would be really, really nice.

[pearlnareff]

Dear, you are the sun and she, of course, is the moon and I am but waves     Warmed by your presence     Tugged and pulled under her glow     So... so far away          Oh to be a star...          To shine in the sky with you          but I am just waves

Not celestial No shine, no sparkle, no grace Unremarkable          I am simply waves          One day, the tides will lower          Then where will I be.                              I am only waves                              Here for a moment, then gone                              Pining from afar. 

[think-through-pen]

Pure Haiku

A hug from behind

my wife wrapped her arms so tight

my mind exploded.

[yayoi-deathstrike]

bly manor finished hate everything why do i do this to myself ugh

[sweetnsour1]

4:46:02

Fluff, Bakugou x female reader, 2/4

Read Part 1

Part of the Cute as hell collection

He had his hands in his pockets. He was shouting something at Todoroki and...he turned around like he could feel your gaze. You stumbled into Mina as you hurried past the open door of class A.

"Woah, sorry y/n! You okay?" You glared at her.

"No! Whyyy did you text Bakugou from my phone? You said you were just entering his number!"

"Hmmmm, because you dooo think he looks good?"

"That's not the point! He never replied and it's so weird now."

"Eh, don't sweat it. He's more of a reader than a texter. He never replies to us either." You swatted her hand away when she pat at the top of your head. "Isn't that right, Bakugou?" Her eyes trailed over your head and you spun around.

"She doesn't like being touched, raccoon eyes." She smiled and twisted around you both, spinning into the classroom. She stuck her head back into the hallway.

"Maybe she's waiting for the right person to try." She winked and swung back into the room when you lunged towards her. You groaned and slowly turned back to the uncharacteristically quiet blonde.

"Sorry about-" His body faced you, but he was looking out of the windows.

"Told ya' not to say that shit to me. It's fine. I know how annoying she is." You nodded and bit at your lip. You tugged at the frayed strap of your bag, wondering if you should just walk around him. "So the text was a shitty joke?" You stopped trying to plan your escape. You forced your eyes up to see a red face under what looked like very soft blonde hair. How did he keep it up if it still looked soft? You cleared the thought away and simultaneously answered his question with a shake of your head. You cleared your throat when he didn't answer.

"Umm...it wasn't from me, but I...I did say it." He turned to you with that adorable shitty grin of his. You no longer felt the urge to look away, knowing you'd somehow lose if you did. "And I did ask her for your number." He nodded and cocked his head to the side.

"Ya coulda just asked me for it if you wanted it so bad." You rolled your eyes and nudged him out of your way, finally continuing on to your own classroom.

"Yea, well it turns out I didn't need it. Heard you don't text, grandpa."

"The fuck did you just call me?" You chuckled, turning at the door of class B.

"What? Lost your hearing too?" You walked to your seat, hearing a growl echo in the hall behind you. Your phone vibrated as you slid it into your bag.

So you think you're cute?

My hearing is fucking great.

Like the rest of me.

You quickly tapped out a reply.

Hahaha is that a haiku? How ancient are you? ☠️

You grinned as it buzzed angrily back, but dropped it back into your bag without checking the screen.

Go back to part 1

Go read part 3

Connected to the 7:50:xx Bakugou fluff series

Masterlist

[chaoticspacefam]

Fanfic Tags Meme!

I was tagged by @sleepswithvillains (thank you! :D) I shall tag, as always no pressure and only if you want to!, @rainofaugustsith @pauletta-00 @thatmmolesbian​ @mercurypilgrim​

1. When did you start writing fanfiction: Oh good lord, uuhhmm, a long time ago?? I started with LotR fanfics (though never posted them) like, waaaayyy back in 2008?? something stupid like that haha

2. Of the 1 work I have on A03 : (it’s empty right now but it won’t stay that way I swear on my life XD)

0 finished

1 (?) on hiatus - idk whether I should call it this. I’m just very very slow and I keep getting distracted by oneshots (that I also haven’t yet finished). I’m sorry LOL

0 abandoned

0 one shots (at the moment, you don’t want to know how many I have to post one day when I have enough done for them to start/the time is right siohudtgdyudtgd)

0 haiku

0 (1??) series of collections (Creeping Shadows is actually part 1 of the Subterfuge(verse) series, it’s just the only “part” that’s out there in the world atm XD)

1 is a ship fic (Female Sith Warrior/Female Jedi Consular)

1 is general

1 sibling (Female Sith Warrior & Male Smuggler are siblings)

1 friend (there’s a little bit of everything, main ones are Female Sith Warrior & Vette (& Female Jedi Consular eventually), Female Sith Warrior & Lieutenant Pierce, Female Jedi Consular & Qyzen Fess, Female Jedi Consular & Male Smuggler & Female Smuggler)

0 misc

3. I have written(I assume this means “in the past” and not just “written and uploaded or going to upload to AO3)

5 Star Wars: The Old Republic (1 of which is already posted/ongoing (Creeping Shadows), the other 4 are a collection of drabbles/oneshots from all over the place in the timeline(s), 2 fics from another main viewpoint, aaand the other, later SoR-onwards joint fic once they all band together to form the Alliance proper - all of which are not posted yet but will be in the future! ;D)

2 The Hobbit/LotR (never to be posted, lost most of it during laptop changes throughout the years and even though I know the plot/characters by heart I’m too lazy to re-write it as of rn)

1 Felidae (the Akif Pirrincci book series)

3 Warrior Cats (don’t laugh at me ok - 2 of which have since been (mostly) lost, 1 is a massive WIP that I haven’t touched for a while but would like to finish/post one day)

4. My longest completed/unfinished fic is:

Creeping Shadows at 33,399 words (and counting)

5. My most popular work (by kudos) is:

Creeping Shadows with 9 kudos (it’s the only fic currently uploaded so it wins by default, but all other future fics are connected in the same verse so :D)

6. My most common additional tag is:

I only have 1 fic uploaded atm too, so I’ll go with the one I know will be most common once I post more of the others: Not Canon Compliant. I’m an anarchist and I use canon as a sandbox to do whatever I want while I outright remove or change the shitty parts I don’t like. Fite me :’P

7. My A03 user name is:

TheElvenJedi

8. Bonus Facts to get to lucky number 8:

I have way too many unfinished doodles of the characters from these fics; I may or may not finish them all one day

Aria was originally going to be my Jedi Knight and not affiliated with the Sith at all, just kinda...rough-edged. She decided she didn’t like that and evolved into the Chaotic Neutral Pretend-to-be-a-Jedi Sith anti-hero she is today and now there’s no going back LOL

The Sith Twins (Saarai and Ni’kasi) were also originally only going to be very minor side-characters, but I fell in love with Purebloods and then the twins by default so They Are Main Characters Now Too (tm)

[lovebugcody]

Hi there.

Im finally reading the Percy Jackson series and I just finished Titans Curse and I have made a decision;

I’m in love with Apollo and his shitty haikus

Thanks. Have a lovely day

[paper--elly]

Not Three but Four Unfortunate Haikus

Yah girl went to poetry club again today. The opening exercise was to write a haiku about someone in the room or people you know. So I wrote some more shitty haikus about various people I talked to last month and then I also wrote one abt myself. I.  The cat lover sits atop the shredded pieces of the ancient couch. II. Passionate, she speaks of pipelines wrecking small towns. But I just can’t care. III.  Social anxiety draws a lack of understanding but I cannot speak. IV.  Uncomfortable but determined, her eyes light up at sounds of writing.

[mechae]

What is your favorite Evangelion character? (P.s: Beautiful blog ♡)

ahhhh okay this is a difficult question, because I truly love every one of the characters for a set of different reasons. Buckle up, this will be long and spoilery because I can’t help myself. I’m putting it under a read more lmao

I guess my absolute favourite one might be Shinji? Before you shout at me, let me explain. I used to dislike Shinji - my first time watching, I was stuck on the popular consensus that he’s whiny and useless (and he kind of is) so I felt angry about his powerlessness, and his reactions to the things happening around him pissed me off. On the second watch, some year later (five months ago?), I had to change my mind. What I noticed is that he reacts genuinely to shitty ass things?? 

Like, he’s thrown into a gigantic robot and into a world-scale project that he knows nothing about, just because his terrible, absent father that left him to his ministrations since he was a little kid tells him to. He doesn’t fucking explain anything to him, just says “get in the goddamn fucken robot and risk your life to protect humanity.” He doesn’t even train him, for god’s sake. He just gets him into the prettiest eva and lets him fight an equally gigantic and scary mass of unidentified power called Angel, just like that. And this poor, scared off his pants little boy (he’s fourteen, what the fuck) literally does fight it. His father hates him and he still does something that doesn’t come naturally to him (his instinct tells him to crawl in a hole and sleep forever, might I say big mood) for his sake, because he wants to be loved and feel useful.

He doesn’t know shit about what’s happening. The world is in shambles all around him, no one tells him anything except that he has to do it, because he’s the only one who can, and maybe the thing he’s piloting is his long dead mother?? 

The supporting characters are a lonely, silent girl who is also kind of his mother??? and another girl who regularly calls him stupid and pathetic and kicks him in the nuts. I love them both to hell and back, don’t misunderstand me, but they’re not the greatest support system (and of course they wouldn’t be, everyone is so messed up). Then, in like the last two minutes a boy who is kind of nicer gets added to the equations, but it’s not like he says to Shinji anything more than flirty remarks and incomprehensible philosophical one liners that seem taken from a haiku book. Let’s not talk about the adult figures, because it would take a century, and let’s all agree that they’re not a good influence even when they try to be, because they have too many issues to deal with themselves and they’re not fit to deal with children at all.

So, my boy Ikari Shinji just- rolls with it. He stumbles through terrifying things, gets manipulated into killing shit and making bento lunches, gets silently traumatized to death repeatedly and still powers through it. Look, as a fourteen years old I would have died like seven times in his place, once only by fear for sure. I won’t make excuses for some of the mistakes he makes, and damn if they’re big ass mistakes, but he’s a true character. His depression level is off the charts and he cries and screams and 10/10 would prefer to be dead but he still gets up and does shit. He kills all the fucking angels and saves people, is kind and sympatethic even if he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing 24/7. 

Ikari Shinji gets beaten, thrown around, shouted at, kicked, and he’s generally the most mistreated character of the series (not that I’m saying the others aren’t, get me, everyone has their piece of misfortune and mind fuckery please save them). He runs away a lot, sure, but he always comes back, no matter what. 

He messes up big time, but would you blame him? He lives in a apocalyptic reality with no reliable source of coherence. His dad pretends to want to save the world but instead believes that by effectively destroying humanity he’ll be able to meet his dead wife again and that everyone (him) will be better off like that (except that’s bullshit, Gendo, why don’t you go to fuck a cactus). The Angels are trying to destroy everything daily, but maybe they aren’t? What is salvation? What is the truth? Is it all a lie? Is he on drugs or everyone else is and he’s the only one who isn’t? What the fuck is happening? So many religious references.Even in the Rebuild, okay, he’s a stubborn shit, Kaworu warned him not to do that, but he just wants peace??? And he doesn’t even know what peace is. Does he want to die or does he want to live? 

It’s so frustrating, why do people get off so much on miscommunication? Take two minutes of your life to talk things through instead of plowing on random stuff and make people shoot first, talk later???? Or don’t tell him, fine, and leave him the fuck alone to listen to the same song in loop for six hours straight while staring at the ceiling. Hell.

Okay, I’ll stop for real now. This is so long, frick. A conclusion: what I’m trying to say is, almost everyone deserved better. Shinji did. And I love him because he’s not your usual buff hero with no fear and emotions except for rage, destruction and badassery, he’s a wimpy little boy and he knows it and he deals with it anyway. He’s a character that you’re bound to dislike, and blame, maybe even hate, but only because he’s undeniably human. And humans are nonsensical, messy, scared pieces of shit. 

I won’t talk about the others because this became a loooong essay already, but I have a lot of strong feelings about evangelion and even more to say if you were ever interested. I wrote my thesis about it, of course I would. Sorry??? If you got to the end of this, I love you. Thank you for asking and I’m so glad you enjoy my blog!!!! ♡♡♡

[rieshon]

Spring 2019 Preview

How the hell is there another season already. I was hoping for a light load this time around, but it looks like the anime gods will not be so kind. Bonus feature this season is all the titles are links to the shows’ official websites so you can click and look at the cute girls I mention.

Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu: This is an adaptation of a Katsuwo manga, who is the guy who wrote the original for the brilliant Mitsuboshi Colors which ended up on my top ten of the year list last year. An all-female cast of adorable looking girls, a proven mangaka, and the usually-capable Hanada writing the scripts makes this one look like a pretty sure bet. Oh yeah it's also got a good looking deko blondenblu gaijin.

Joshikausei: I think this is a short, but all you need to really know about this show is the tagline on the website: おバカかわいい、この日常がたぶん青春. They got all my favorite words in there. Too bad it's a short, but I think it will be fifteen minutes at least.

Sewayaki Kitsune no Senko-san: This is one of those shows where you can probably guess exactly what it's going to be like from the title. It's cute kitsune wife (actual age: 800) and other girls in a rabukome animated by Douga Koubou... which is endorsement enough but it's also got Ayaneru as a meganekko joji anime otaku JD?? Hell yeah. The cast is actually fantastic: Waki Azumi, Mareitaso, Ayaneru and Kitaeri, and Suwabe Jun'ichi holds down the male protag fort so that should be good too. No reason to think this won't be great.

Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo Yu-No: You wanna talk about some aesthetic, this is some aesthetic. It's an adaptation of the hugely influential PC-98 eroge of the same name, which was a work that in large part helped bring us the sort of complex science fiction and fantasy stories that would shape the golden age of that medium. With how much I've been lamenting the lack of 'that eroge aesthetic' in anime as of late, it should be obvious that I'm hype for this, and it's getting two cours from based feel. at that.

Fairy gone: Not gonna lie, I was kinda mad that this new P.A. Works original looks nothing like what they typically produce, but having seen the PV, it looks pretty good. Then I learned that the scripts are being written by the author of Grimgar, and I got hype. Fantasy plus WW2-ish shit is a good aesthetic (think Youjo Senki) and it's got the considerable might of a P.A. Works production behind it. The director of Suzuki Keiichi, who doesn't have a lot of credits but worked on the first season of the Jojo anime, which was great, so this one definitely seems like it could have all the ingredients to really pop off. The girls also look hot which is very important.

Nande Koko ni Sensei ga!?: With Hina-sensei of Domekano about to leave my life this show promises a much more concentrated injection of teacher moe into my veins... In fact it is all about lewd and cute senseis and they all look good. My only worry is that, as sometimes seems to happen with shows where the lewdness is put front and center, the animation doesn't really look like it's the best. I am grateful to this show for allowing Ishigami Shizuka to play a cute girl at least, even if she is still slightly typecast as the tomboy gym teacher.

Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai: One of two shows about being a dumbass this season; in this one, everyone is a dumbass. It definitely looks like a standard harem anime, and I always need at least one of those a season to keep myself alive. The girls all look fantastic, but I'm especially excited for the pink-haired teacher character and the purple-haired loli BBA. There's also a delicious brown genki girl, a meganekko who wears kuropansuto... Yeah it's got all the good good ingredients. Oh yeah, it's also being directed by the guy who directed the extremely good Last Period anime last year, so it's got that going for it too.

Kenja no Mago: It's isekai tensei anime, and yes, it literally starts with the protagonist getting hit by truck-kun... But the PV ended up really winning me over, and I'm cautiously looking forward to this one. The premise is recycled, but there's nothing new under the sun anyway. It looks like it's got a decent sense of humor about it and the heroines look cute as hell, but it also looks like it's got some major production values being pumped into it. This show could definitely be a pleasant surprise.

Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai: One of two shows about being a dumbass this season. This one has some good-looking character art courtesy of Silver Link, and one of a couple major leading roles for up-and-coming seiyuu Waki Azumi. The main girl looks extremely adorable and is apparently a pervert so I got hopes for this one to be good.

Senryuu Girl: We actually traditional Japanese arts now (a senryuu is a kind of poem similar to a haiku) but more importantly, cute girls. Za-san takes the leading role but there's also Sumipe as a chuuni looking girl, Kuno-chan, and Paisen, among others. The direction doesn't inspire confidence (this guy was behind the shittier latter seasons of Prisma Illya) but it still looks like a cute rabukome.

One Punch Man 2nd season: How can there be a second season when he already punched last time? He's all outta punches! In all seriousness, One Punch Man was a surprisingly enjoyable romp the first time around, thanks in no small part to the spectacular (especially for TV) animation on display. There is concern over it having moved from Madhouse to J.C. Staff for this season, but if J.C. are being given enough money to rustle up the same level of talent as last time it should hopefully still be a spectacle.

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki: Hougen marudashi no joshikousei! It's cute dialects anime!! That fishing anime had good dialects but it was actually a bad show; this looks like it will have a good dialect and be a good show. It should be cute if nothing else. The main heroine's thing is that she speaks Nagoya-ben, but given that the other heroines are listed as being from Gifu and Mie, maybe we will even get many dialects. Unfortunately, though, it's probably a short, since Creators in Pack are involved.

Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma: This is also a short (ten minutes) which is too bad because these girls look cute as heck. A show with a premise like this is really gonna depend on how likable the male protagonist is, though.

Hachigatsu no Cinderella Nine: Toukyou no chuusuu wa marunouchi, hibiya kouen ryougiin... Wait, wrong anime. But yes, like the venerable Taisho Yakyuu Musume of old, girls are playing baseball in anime again. This one is set in the modern day, and I have no idea if it's a fictional setting where girls all play baseball or if they're gonna do the Taisho thing and try to take down the baseball boys because the website still has no plot section. The character designs look good as hell though, coming courtesy of Noguchi Takayuki, who also did designs for Tenshi no 3P! (they were like the only good thing about that anime) and Shoujo-tachi wa Kouya wo Mezasu (similar). Hopefully this show has more than just good girls to ogle.

Shoumetsu Toshi: Only thing I really know about this is Ayaneru is in it because I've seen her doing promo work for it. The key visual definitely doesn't do it any favors, nor does the fact that it's apparently based on a mobile game, but man some of these character designs look great. Ayaneru plays some kind of moe gumshoe detective, Mingosu is a sexy lab coat channee, actually there's multiple sexy lab coat channees... Really that's all you have to tell me, I'm fucking in there. The show will probably be crap.

Carole & Tuesday: This looks very pretentious and vaguely like they're fishing for overseas viewers (actually they definitely are because the website even defaults to English when I load the site, which offends my sensibilities), but the PV does make it looks fairly interesting. It's another music focused series from Watanabe Shinichiro, who also tried to steal the hearts of the west with Sakamichi no Apollon in 2012, which was terrible. It might be neat though I guess. It does seem to have a black girl as one of the protagonists which is cool.

Isekai Quartet: I have no idea who asked for this, but if it gives me the opportunity to hear more of Amamiya Sora as Aqua while I wait for a third season of Konosuba, it can't be all bad. I ain't never seen no Overlord though, so a quarter of this is gonna be lost on me.

Strike Witches 501 Butai Hasshin Shimasu!: The title is appropriate because this short is basically an appetizer for the coming next wave of Strike Witches content. It's a cute honobono comedy starring the Strike Witches girls, so it'll probably be good. Hopefully this can remove from my mouth some of the bad tastes Brave Witches left. It won't be until next year that we get the return of Takamura-kantoku and true Strike Witches anime, though.

Araiya-san! ~Ore to Aitsu ga Onnayu de!?~: What the hell is this? Do they really have these in Japan? It's about a dude who washes girls in the bath?? Whatever the fuck is going on here, the girls look cute and it definitely promises to be lewd, at least on ComicFesta's own streaming service. MX version will probably have nazo no hikari, so hopefully the uncensored one pops up somewhere I can watch it.

Choukadou Girl 1/6: It's definitely impossible to not think of Frame Arms Girl when looking at this series, which will probably end up being an unfair comparison. For one, it looks like we got a shitty ass male protagonist instead of a cute girl. I remember how Busou Shinki turned out... Not having high hopes for this one.

Fruits Basket: Honestly, there's no way I'd be watching this if it didnt have such a famous name on the tin. Two ikemen danshi on the key visual is too many! Fruits Basket is a legend of shoujo manga, though, and there should be a lot of resources going into this new, full adaptation of the series, so I feel vaguely obligated to check it out. People are mad about the new character designs but the girls look pretty good, especially that blonde delinquent looking girl.

Sarazanmai: Uh-oh. It's Ikuhara anime. My consternation with Ikuhara is well documented, and although I've never seen his opus of Utena, I find his works, though visually compelling, to be frustratingly obscurantist, or to put it another way, "trying too hard." Still, you gotta give the guy credit for being unique I guess, so I'll still end up watching at least an episode, whatever the fuck it turns out to be about. Unfortunately there seems to be a major lack of girls to hold my interest, not to mention none to be lesbians, so it might not last very long.

Kono Oto Tomare!: It's koto anime. You can have an anime about anything and this is one about people who play the koto. Lots of traditional Japanese arts this season for some reason. Unlike the senryuu anime though, this one only has ONE measly female character, and it doesn't even look like she's the protagonist, so I probably won't watch it. The koto is cool though.

Kimetsu no Yaiba: This show looks like a big deal just from the number of stations it's airing on and the fact that it's a rare TV anime from Ufotable... Unfortunately I have little interest in actually watching it. It's a Shounen Jump series, the art makes it look edgy, it uses the word "zetsubou" in the tagline and I already hate the Hanae Natsuki-voiced boy protagonist just after seeing his face in the key visual. There is a cute looking oni girl though.

Gonna put these down here since it feels weird to rank what are essentially ongoing shows:

Aikatsu Friends! ~Kagayaki no Jewel~: Friends is the Aikatsu series that finally really got its claws in me, so I'm chuffed that we're getting a second season, with some sexy looking space idols voiced by Hiyocchi and Oonishi at that. The fact that there will apparently be a time skip has me a little worried, but also, two years older Mio and Maika are gonna be good. I'm sure it will still be great.

Kiratto! PriChan 2nd season: Unlike Aikatsu, Prichan doesn't seem like it's getting any major changes going into its second year, but I hope they shake it up with some new idols or something. Prichan's definitely not on the level of its predecessor (though little is) and its formula is getting a little stale, so hopefully they take this as a chance to rejuvenate it. Oshamatrix full idols now goddamnit.

[jeneelestrange]

How Death Note *MIGHT* Still Pull This Off

*deep breath*

Okay.

Here’s the thing.

I think some of ya’ll discussing this in general are…..leaving some stuff out of the discussion, and I don’t know whether or not its intentional, but here it goes. Have any of you tried to translate anything? Because for any sufficiently complicated piece of work(what people would consider Literature™), a perfect translation does not exist. Period.

Death Note stopped being Authentically Japanese™ the minute your Western eyes saw it. A lot of the meaning a work has is brought there by the viewer. And I’m not even talking about the more nitty-gritty details, I’m talking about the very PREMISE. The idea of a teenage boy with a notebook that can kill people is just plain not going to have the same impact on an American that it does on a Japanese person. Japanese has a next-to-nonexistent crime rate. Americans are constantly surrounded by teenage boys with access to literal death machines. Every month, there’s a new random shooting in my country. I am CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED by teenage boys who could indiscriminately kill me and everyone I love, AT ALL TIMES. I live in an ENTIRE COUNTRY of Light Yagami’s. If it wasn’t for all the other squeeing weebs around me who gave me a recommendation, I would not be that interested in that premise. I LIVE that premise.

And some of ya’ll are not realizing that, by your logic, we shouldn’t translate anything ever. You may think I’m exaggerating, but muddle over the fact that JAPANESE TRANSLATIONS for SHAKESPEARE exist. HOW DO YOU EVEN HOPE TO DO THAT??? There are works for which the original meaning is UNSALVAGEABLE(a good example is in The Inferno with the famous “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here” line. Italian has gender, and “hope” in Italian is gendered female–calling back to Beatrice in heaven in the first part. What do you do? Put in a note and interrupt the flow of the reader in the story? Try to cram in a reference to women somewhere else? There literally is no perfect solution). And NO, the solution is not to annotate every goddamn thing! They interrupt the flow of the story! Dyslexic people often can’t read them! And sometimes people just want to Enjoy A Thing, not take an entire course on a country’s culture(this is rich coming from me, but still)! Not to mention trying to translate a COMEDY word-for-word is the worst idea imaginable if you’ve ever had a joke explained to you–if you weebs don’t believe me, watch “Nerima Daikon Brothers” and read the essays upon essays on its jokes and tell me you find that shit funny.

So how can you make it actually have the same punch to someone who has never heard of Death Note? You’re either going to have to give up and make something shot for shot the same–which audiences AND fans don’t like because WHAT’S THE POINT–or you’re going to have to change something.

LET ME STOP HERE FOR A MOMENT TO SAY, that I *completely* agree that whitewashing is a problem. That we need more movies with characters of color. That it is simplistic and stupid and wrong what they did in Avatar, Gods of Egypt, Pan, Prince of Persia, Ghost In The Shell, basically everything else. But I am going to speak up and say it might be different for THIS MOVIE IN PARTICULAR. Why?

Because Light Yagami, from the eyes of an American like me, acts like every typical overprivileged white dude I know. I’m not even kidding, he reminds me of every single guy I went to school with in IB–full of himself, full of ennui, convinced with how smart and great he is just because he happens to get A’s with a stacked life deck. Then when he gets the Death Note, it takes him like a couple of seconds of thought to get to God Mode™ because he’s had everything come easy to him his whole life, right, so of course he must just be smarter and all around better than everyone else. Light is the dominant race in his country. He is not Ainu, he is not Ryukyu Island Native, he is not Burakumin, he is not one of the other Asian minorities in Japan. Remember, the Japanese do not have the same racial dichotomy that America does. The Japanese are the dominant race there.

If you tell me, “Imagine Death Note happened, but in America,” I would immediately switch Light to white. Because while yes, that character flaw and personality can technically happen to anyone, I see it faaaaar and away more commonly with white men. In basically all the other examples of movies I listed above? They didn’t have that issue. Their main characters didn’t act like a privileged white shit.

NOW AT THE SAME TIME, the writers have to confront that they must change SOMETHING about the narrative. It’s either going to seem like “who cares” to an American audience that is desensitized to everyone carrying around death machines, or it’s going to seem like the movie is making commentary directly on this fact–which it originally never meant to. And when a movie accidentally ignores an elephant in the room, that normally sinks the entire story because your audience can’t stop thinking about it. So as I see it, the show’s only possibility of it not sucking is to confront the problem head on. It will inevitably be compared to white terrorism. This is simply the life we’re living in the West, and it is not at all early 2000s Japan. It has to dig the knife deeper and make it a commentary directly on it, otherwise it will be guaranteed to be tonedeaf as all fuck.

“But I don’t want to watch a commentary on our shitty current events in this movie!” THAT’S TOTALLY FAIR. I would like to not be reminded of this shit either. But please acknowledge that deciding to release THIS PARTICULAR FRANCHISE in THIS PARTICULAR COUNTRY at THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT puts the writers between a rock and a hard place. There is NO WAY you can have the internet erupting in love for Kira like it does in the original and *NOT* think of how similar that is to life on the internet with the altright at this moment. It’s options are this, doing an exacting replica which will inevitably make it SUCK, or not doing it at all. And like I said, if not for people making transliterating compromises, we wouldn’t have Japanese Shakespeare. We wouldn’t have haiku in English. We wouldn’t have anime at all. So please don’t say the last option and not expect me to call you out on it. Stop implying that a fucking anime is Uniquely Untranslateable™ and we must treat it like a heavily indexed, dry-as-dirt work that we all study like goddamn Beowulf in a literature class, because that’s problematic as fuck.

Now, I didn’t think it would actually have the balls to do this possibility UNTIL I heard they had cast both Light and L. And L was played by a black man. That perfectly sets up the dichotomy for this–white terrorist shithead who thinks he should rule the world, black man protecting the good and the interests of everyone else. That could be why they were not accepting Asian actors for the two leads–they intentionally went with white for Light and black for L to make a point that specifically ties into the narrative(also this just so happens to both play into AND subvert the black-and-white aesthetic that Death Notes has going on).

That, and the fact that this is a Netflix series, NOT a movie. And not only does that give us more narrative room for depth than a movie, but Netflix can sometimes get it really right sometimes(and sometimes not, but like I said, I’m just giving it a shot–not saying it will be good).

This is important because relevant example: In the very back of my mind, I did admit to myself that it *might* be possible to make a Ghost In The Shell movie with a white actress work if you actually made the movie a critique of Whiteness and our technology–that she was originally Asian, but only white cyborg bodies exist because of the usual marketing speak that justifies racism in media, of just not testing and test-marketing on anyone who wasn’t white because they forgot other people exist, etc. But I didn’t even BOTHER to say that because I knew that the suits would rather strangle themselves with their own ties than allow precious run time in a big budget action movie to go to EMOTION and DEPTH and BACKSTORY. Ghost In The Shell was doomed the minute it was decided to be a big budget action movie–the suits won’t allow any risk to occur lest they lose money, so it inevitably ends up being a mediocre, paint-by-numbers story. Whitewashed!ScarJo was just adding dirt on top of the coffin. And SPOILER ALERT, Hollywood scrambled and got someone who actually knew what the fuck they were doing and ended up shoving JUST THAT TWIST into the movie, but because they had no run-time to actually devote to it and don’t actually give a damn about trying, it fell flat and failed, no shit. This interview with prominent Asian-American agrees–if Ghost went with its addition in a way that was genuine, it might have worked and been poignant, but it was the slapjob quickfix that would be expected so of course it wasn’t:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/ghost-shell-4-japanese-actresses-dissect-movie-whitewashing-twist-990956?utm_source=twitter Netflix has the ROOM and ABILITY to go to the depth it needs to in order to make an effective cultural critique. And taking the “exacting translation” path, as I earlier went into, will only end in failure.

Now, WHETHER IT’S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS *AND* DO IT EFFECTIVELY, I have no idea. It could do it for the same ol’ moneymaking reasons that made all the others shitty. It could do it exactly as I’ve laid out but do it inexpertly and ham-fisted, and so I will hate it. I don’t know. But because I see the possibility of it actually trying to salvage new meaning out of the situation, I will actually give it a shot. Also, please give a little bit more thought to people whose job it is to actually translate a work into another culture for everyone, holy shit, some of ya’ll act like everyone should have access and ability to subtitles and cultural research and that’s just not true. And they have to take that into account when they write. You can make the movie work with a white lead *if* it ties into a movie’s specific critique of whiteness. But that takes the stars aligning in the right ways, and we have at least a couple of them actually doing so. All of the technical details that could stop it from doing so have been taken away, as far as an outsider like me can see. Now I just have to cross my fingers the writers know what they’re doing and pray.

ALSO, THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN THIS GENERAL DISCUSSION OF THIS MOVIE THAT I NEED TO CALL THE FUCK OUT: If Light’s actions suddenly become disgusting to you because “ew now he’s just like every other white fuckboy” whereas before he WASN’T, you just might be fetishizing Asian men!!!! Light was always an absolute horrible human being and swooning over him meant you have always been swooning over a serial killer! If changing someone’s race suddenly makes someone killing a bunch of people and playing god easy to ignore for you, HOLY SHIT, you’re a fetishistic piece of shit! I’ve seen so many things going around saying x Asian actor could play Light, and the only reasons listed were Asianness and “how hot they are!!!!!” And absolutely no mention of past roles, acting ability, ANYTHING ELSE. JEEEEEEEESUS. Examine your actions! Also, as an aside, I threw this idea out there with some POC friends of mine, who overall said, “Okay, good point actually.” But they know me personally and that I’m not a Total White Shithead™, so your mileage may vary. Still, I welcome polite points and critiques. If there’s something I have overlooked addressing, hey, let me know, I want to learn.

TL;DR - I finally get to use both my majors in Sociology and English AND my minor in East Asian Studies on an opinion, hooray! Edit: Shit, I almost forgot--YA’LL! STOP ACTING LIKE JAPAN DOESN’T HAVE RACE ISSUES. Yeah, Light’s actions look pretty eugenics-y in an American setting, but that’s because you’re FAMILIAR with Western history of eugenics and not Japan’s. PEEP THIS SHIT OKAY: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics_in_Japan GUESS WHAT, THERE ARE MINORITY GROUPS IN JAPAN THAT ARE OFTEN ALSO FUNNELED INTO ORGANIZED CRIME BECAUSE OF RACIST LACK OF OPPORTUNITY ELSEWHERE AND POLICE PREJUDICE--THE YAKUZA ARE SERIOUSLY MOSTLY BURAKUMIN AND ETHNIC KOREANS AT THIS POINT! IT’S JUST THAT JAPAN DOESN’T LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE FUCKING ANYTHING EVER

[shittyhaikuss]

Doesnt he bare the beauty

Of a thousand suns

Or the spray of rain in spring

The mother moon watches over us

And whispers when shes pleased

[think-through-pen]

The sun paints her cheek

orange, her hair golden red,

her eyes turn jasper.

[the-missing-curly-poet]

Welp. This is a shitty poetry blog after all

And theres nothing wrong with bad poetry. Good or not, its an honest look into the poet themselves. Here goes nothing

Effort.

As draining as it is to want,

It is worst yet to try.

But worst of all is to simply pass life by.

The need to suffer to love is lifes cruelest taunt.

I got off track with the need to rhyme. Maybe next time ill do freeform. Or a haiku. Anyways, ive been thinking about getting an espresso machine, and how life is a series of suffering for rewards. Not in a deoressing way, just a realization that comfort is built off discomfort. Anyways i love my gf

[flauntpage]

The New Norm – Ten Takeaways from Cowboys 27, Eagles 20

I’d like to begin this morning with an Eagles haiku:

Offense was dog shit

Defense was also dog shit

Please claw out my eyes

What a diabolical performance. It was a travesty of a mockery of a sham – as Woody Allen once said – and a waste of three hours to boot. You’re gonna come out of the bye week, playing a division rival at home, and put THAT on display? You’re going to give us a first quarter interception, a dropped pick-six, a stuffed 4th down attempt, and a 3rd and 2 screen pass with the game on the line?

Those were just the atrocities I could think of off the top of my head. There were a lot more than that.

This was, by far, the worst loss of the Doug Pederson era, which I think I’ve written twice already this season. It was worse than the Carolina loss a few weeks ago, which was worse than the Tennessee loss a few weeks before that. We’ve watched the three worst losses of the Doug Pederson era in something like a six week period. I don’t even think I’ve enjoyed a single quarter of Eagles football this year, not as a neutral and jaded blogger OR a local kid who grew up a fan of the team. It’s just been disjointed, mediocre, inconsistent football all season long.

At halftime I called the 97.5 the Fanatic “Riled Up” line and made one long fart noise before hanging up, so we’ll see if they play that on Gargano’s show this afternoon.

For now, I’ll keep it relatively short, since the only real takeaway from Sunday night is that the Eagles are done. They’re cooked. This team is ravaged by injuries and they aren’t coming back to win the division. They’re gonna get annihilated by the Saints next weekend, so start drinking now.

1) Golden Tate Warriors

Quiet night for the new receiver, just 2 catches on 4 targets for 19 yards.

They got him his first reception on the first drive with a screen/bubble pass. He didn’t have another catch until the second half.

Tate also doubled as the Eagles’ punt returner for this game sans DeAndre Carter and Darren Sproles. He brought one back for 12 yards and fielded another that bounced off a Cowboy helmet and scared the shit out of probably everybody watching.

But here’s the rule:

Smart move. Even if he fumbles they get it back where it hit the Cowboys player. Wear a diaper next time.

— Mike Garafolo (@MikeGarafolo) November 12, 2018

Yep. You can’t cough it up after it hits an opponent in that situation.

Wentz tried to hit Tate deep on his first pass of the second half, and there was no call on what I thought was defensive pass interference. They got him later in the drive on a hook and ladder, which was wild, but kind of a risky call in that situation I think. In hindsight, maybe you try that hook play with more room to operate on the field, since it seems like it was kind of smushed over there in a red zone situation.

2) offensive line and “running game”

Big V played right tackle with Lane Johnson inactive due to his MCL issue.

Good effort by him right here:

Josh Adams stuffed on 4th down pic.twitter.com/TBY3TU2dac

— The Bitter Birds (@AdrianFedkiw) November 12, 2018

Good job also by Nelson Agholor and Zach Ertz, the ole’ “matador” blocking scheme.

DeMarcus Lawrence didn’t do a ton last night, so I guess Big V actually did relatively well for the rest of the game, though I counted at least two holds that weren’t called. Michael Bennett scored a better separation number over at the NFL’s NextGen stats page, and the Birds only allowed two sacks on the night.

One of the problems was that they finished with a 42 to 18 pass/run ratio, so the Eagles threw the ball on 70% of their plays last night. When you ask linemen to pass block over and over and over again, you just lose balance. It’s predictable and defenses start teeing off.

All linemen would prefer to run block rather than pass blocking, and when you can’t really establish much of anything on the ground (71 yards last night), then you’re just not keeping defenses honest enough, which puts a strain on the line. Take away the Josh Adams 29 yard run and the Eagles’ backs ran 13 times for 35 yards. That’s bad, and it helps explain why the Eagles rank 22nd out of 32 NFL teams in rushing yards per game. They are bottom half in just about every running stat this year.

3) The secondary

Captain Obvious: the injuries are just destroying them here.

Tre Sullivan started as safety with Avonte Maddox in the slot, then Corey Graham came in at safety on third down. They had Maddox back in deep safety in the base, with Rasul Douglas covering for the injured Jalen Mills. Douglas had a really poor game, just slow off the line and awful trying to plug holes and tackle as well. As a fellow Mountaineer, I was embarrassed and ashamed.

After Ronald Darby went down, Chandon Sullivan came in the game, leaving the Eagles with Malcolm Jenkins as the only true starter remaining on the field.

They’re down four guys in the secondary: Rodney McLeod, Darby, Mills, and Sidney Jones. Better hope they get healthy soon, or else the Saints and Rams are gonna do things to this defensive backfield that might not be legal.

Doug on the defense:

“I think one of the things we knew coming into this game was we were going to get a steady diet of the run game. Zeke is a big back, powerful back. Probably some of that a little bit. But I thought, overall, we didn’t tackle great. That’s one of the areas we got to get better at, too. Tackling in space, tackling in the box, and just making sure that we get the guys on the ground. There were too many yards after contact and things like that. So those are areas we have to concentrate on.”

Zeke Elliott carried the ball 19 times for 151 yards and a touchdown. He caught 6 passes for 36 yards and a score. He’s literally the only elite player on that Dallas offense, and he went off for almost 200 scrimmage yards and a pair of touchdowns.

You had one job!

They didn’t get it done.

4) Penalties

Zero.

They committed zero penalties for zero yards.

And they lost.

Wait:

“Clean” pic.twitter.com/Oknmh4LtbU

— Colton Skeens (@Spidercolt) November 12, 2018

Eagles got some of that home cooking and didn’t do anything with it.

5) Zach Ertz

14 catches for 145 yards and two touchdowns.

He’s now 9th in the NFL in total receiving yards, pipping Travis Kelce as the top tight end on the list. Ertz has 75 catches on 100 targets this year and his numbers project like this:

75 receptions = 8.3 catches per game –> 132.8 catches over 16 games

100 targets = 11.1 targets per game –> 177.7 targets over 16 games

789 yards = 87.6 yards per game –> 1,402 yards over 16 games

5 touchdowns = 0.55 touchdowns per game –> 8.8 touchdowns over 16 games

Those are Pro Bowl numbers and extrapolate to Hall of Fame numbers if he keeps doing anything remotely similar over the next 5-7 years.

6) Peripherals

Ghastly stuff here:

lost time of possession battle, 33.22 to 26.38 minutes

-1 turnover margin (interception)

4-10 on third down (40%)

0-2 on fourth down (0%)

allowed Dallas to go 8-16 on third down (50%) and 1-1 on fourth down (fake punt)

lost 10 yards on two sacks

2-3 success rate in red zone

zero penalties

The third and fourth down numbers are just repugnant.

And that’s the first time the Eagles have lost the time of possession battle since I started making this a regular entry into the weekly column. Philly came into the game as the NFL’s best team in time of possession while Dallas was one of the worst. The shitty 1st quarter offense and the defense’s inability to get off the field consistently killed the TOP numbers in this game.

7) Josh Adams

Shrug. He’s just another guy.

Everyone is out here saying, “man I like Josh Adams, I need more of Josh Adams” when the reality is that the Eagles don’t have any above average or interesting running backs, which is why you default to thinking that he has some kind of incredible upside or value.

And I swear to God, if Doug runs Adams out of a sweep or toss one more time, I’m gonna lose it. The guy is 6’2″ and 225 pounds. You cannot run him sideways. Run him downhill, which they did on that “wham” scheme that broke him loose for 29 yards in a NORTH/SOUTH DIRECTION.

It’s true that they need to run the ball more, but Smallwood is just a dude, Adams is just a dude, and Corey Clement has been really disappointing this season.

8) Doug’s best call?

The 2nd quarter challenge seemed like it was more about giving his defense a breather rather than anything positional. They only really got a yard out of the reversal, which may have made Dallas think twice about running the ball, but it was more of a momentum stopper than anything related to field positioning.

At least I think that was the idea..

Was it?

9) Doug’s worst call?

Take your pick!

The very first series set the tone, with some crap play calling.

Of course people might argue about the decision not to kick the field goal early, but more important was the fact that it was a boring and predictable 4th down play call for Adams. Just sneak it with Wentz, right? You’ve had a ton of success doing that, but instead they tried to run behind Big V, Agholor, and Ertz.

And the 3rd and 2 screen pass in the fourth quarter was whatever. Just throw the ball past the sticks. Jason Kelce and Brandon Brooks gotta do a million times better on Leighton Vander Esch there, but again, throw the ball down the field.

On the ensuing 4th down play call, the one that Ertz caught one yard short of the marker, here’s what Doug said about that:

“It’s a route that’s going to get you the fourth down or any down really. I give credit to Dallas and to (Jeff) Heath. He came up and it was a contested catch. Zach did a great — ball was a little bit high, but he came down with the ball and we were just about a half yard short. So just a great play by them, and it was a play that I would call again. You’re putting it in Carson’s hands, you’re putting it in Zach’s hands and that’s what you want.”

Wouldn’t have been a problem if they didn’t lose yards on 3rd and 2. Clement was asked about that play after the game and said that if he could have it back, he would have tried to get the ball in the opposite hand so he could throw a stiff arm and shake Vander Esch for an extra pair of yards.

10) Boring broadcasting

I laughed when Al Michaels referred to Geno’s Steaks as “one of the city treasures.” I guess it was just the choice of words. You could say it’s a cultural landmark, for sure, but Philly city treasures are things like the Liberty Bell, Art Museum, and whatever Evil Genius currently has on tap. Of course we also got the Rocky music and all the assorted cliches in this broadcast as well. There’s more to Philadelphia than cheesesteaks and a fake boxer. God forbid they shoot some broll of the new Revolutionary War museum or Elfreth’s Alley or something else. It’s the same lazy stuff over and over again. It’s like showing TV footage of chili every time the Bengals play. There’s more to Cincy than chili, I think.

Also – what the hell was with the sky cam being used for almost the entirety of that third quarter Dallas drive? Goodness gracious, just show the normal angle please. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I also rolled my eyes at Cris Collinsworth going over another completed catch 10 minutes after the play actually took place.

But maybe the worst part of the last 24 hours is that this guy gets the last laugh:

Biggest loser in the crowd of 70,000 has to be the guy wearing a Marion Barber jersey all these years later. pic.twitter.com/lc4wUypdtE

— Glen Macnow (@RealGlenMacnow) November 12, 2018

Happy Monday, the Eagles suck.

The post The New Norm – Ten Takeaways from Cowboys 27, Eagles 20 appeared first on Crossing Broad.

The New Norm – Ten Takeaways from Cowboys 27, Eagles 20 published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/