#shitpost(⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

[blondwhxrewrites]

Mattheo, in a modern AU, is the rich bad boy everyone wants to fuck. He's the whole package, good looks, a whole lot of daddy issues, and he gets into fights every other day. He's never seen without a cigarette in his mouth, and he's been caught multiple times fooling around with girls in empty closets. He's a total asshole, and he knows it—does he care? Nope. He parties hard and doesn't give a single shit about anything. He lived like that until his third year of college when you came stumbling into his life. You had managed to snag one of the best scholarships at the most prestigious colleges in England. The only downside is that you're surrounded by rich, snobby assholes half the time, and your will to live is slowly crumbling. You live in a shitty, small, apartment, and the only friend you have is a girl named Pansy—the platonic love of your life. She's filthy rich, and she insists that you meet her friends, who are also filthy rich and apparently are the most infamous group at the school. You quite literally crashed into Mattheo at a small get-together Pansy had dragged you to. He sees you for the first time, and it's love at first sight. You're on the brink of tears because your day was so bad, and now you've bumped into someone, and the bar is overwhelming, and all you want to do is go back to your shitty apartment and play Roblox. And something inside him clicks at that moment—

Holy shit you're perfect

[blondwhxrewrites]

Raccoon reader will forever remain 🔛🔝

Raccoon!reader when she hears the words shiny

@blondwhowrites :)

[blondwhxrewrites]

i feel like the slytherin gang would love to grope raccoon!princess in public

obviously mattheo takes lead on this but someone is always touching princess, whether it's matty with his hands on her boob, princess sitting on pansy's lap, theo with his hand under her skirt...

You literally cannot go out in public with any of them—

No matter where you are or who you are with there is always a hand on either your boob or ass and most of the time it's both. Mattheo, Theo, and Enzo are the most common ones to grope you shamelessly because they just always need to have a hand on your body—they say it calms them down 😌

Pansy will pull you onto her lap and just cuddle with you and glare at anyone who stares at you two weirdly, and she absolutely loves any rolls or stretch marks you have on your body!!!!!!! (I love you my plus size queens please give me a chance I will worship you PLEASEEEEEE)

Draco and Blaise aren't really big on PDA because of how they were raised (Mattheo and Theo were also raised like that but they just don't give a fuck) but they will hold your hand and give you the most subtle amount of PDA

I also think Mattheo would be subtle with his groping, he isn't too big on PDA but he just needs his hand to be on you and all his reservations are thrown out of the window.

Mattheo, Theo, and Enzo are the three menaces. They will literally team up to tease you and torture you the whole entire day just because they feel like it 😐

Look they just wanna smash that bomb-ass pussy

Enzo is known to finger-bang you in the library and he'll have you literally crying in the corner of the library and everyone knows what's happening because Mattheo and Theo are just guarding them and enjoying the show.

Theo and Mattheo will both pull you away and just rail you in an empty closet or classroom

Basically if you see any of the three boys and they give you a smug smirk—run.

[blondwhxrewrites]

Texts from Mattheo Riddle:

[blondwhxrewrites]

Mattheo with his girlfriend is literally the cutest thing to ever exist!!! Like he's so in love with you it's not even funny ):

I MEAN LOOK AT HIM 🥺

[blondwhxrewrites]

Sigh

Time to begin writing for Tom Marvolo Riddle

[blondwhxrewrites]

Nah I need Bunny!Reader to find abandoned baby bunnies and she takes all them back to her dorm and Mattheo finds her just cuddling with all of the baby bunnies and when he tries to take them away she literally yells at him because they are her babies and Mattheo is just forced to watch his girlfriend adopt a whole entire brood of baby bunnies...

She ends up being forced by Mattheo to give away the bunnies to very lovely students who will take good care of them...she also keeps at least one

[blondwhxrewrites]

cnc with mattheo just stay in my mind 24/7 girl, do it and i just gonna love u more nd more

Ohhhh and you bet your pretty ass he's always thinking about it to...

It's his dirtiest fantasy and he'd feel so bad whenever he jerks off thinking about pinning you to the floor and taking you even if you didn't want it. His mind is so depraved sometimes, but he can't just help it!! The thought of you begging him to stop and sobbing as he kisses you...

He blames his father for these thoughts because those Riddle genes are STRONG 😔✊

[blondwhxrewrites]

I feel that bunny reader would absolutely have an oral fixation lol

I can see her like just always biting on something (kinda trauma-dumping here but I have one and I sometimes [out of habit] bite and take off the skin around my fingernails) and like the whole Slytherin gang knows when she's stressed or scared cause she takes her hands to her mouth and starts chewing on her fingers.

So I actually have an oral fixation in real life too, and whenever I write princess (no matter what universe) I always see her as having an oral fixation. She definitely bites Mattheo a lot and tends to chew and suck on pieces of candy and her clothing. Mattheo has to shove his fingers down her throat half the time to stop her from nibbling on random things.

[blondwhxrewrites]

imagine just being in the shower, peacefully shampooing your hair then suddenly feeling the needy little mf Mattheo behind you. Grabbing your hips and teasing you.

“Mattheo what do you want?”

“nothinggg….”

You're just showering after a long day, doing your usual shower routine, and you're sitting on the floor of the shower shaving, and in comes Mattheo who just stares down at you confused because why the hell are you on the floor in the shower????

"Watcha doing princess?"

"Shaving."

"Want me to help?"

He helps you shave 🥰

And then he rails you

[blondwhxrewrites]

Nah imagine in a modern AU Princess finds Mattheo watching porn (honestly he just watched it out of pure curiosity) and instead of being like 'how dare you—that's practically cheating!' she just sits down next to him and watches it with him

"Actually, there's this couple on this one site that I used to watch because they were cute together."

"Oh yeah princess? Care to show me?"

And that's the day Mattheo found the type of porn he likes and doesn't think is cringe or fake.

"We should recreate it." He'd say to you absolutely eager to get his phone out and record himself a little treat for whenever he's away from you.

[blondwhxrewrites]

Nah, cuz I know that (as long as you consent) Mattheo would rail you in front of his friends, make a whole fucking show out of it, God help you if you squirt, cause he ain't stopping 👀

I might need to write this

[blondwhxrewrites]

I'm gonna be honest here—

I think Mattheo would be fully against being called daddy but if you ever call him daddy once it's like something in his soul is awakened and now he's trying to get you to call him dad, daddy, papa, literally anything because his daddy issues are just that bad

Ah shit and it gets so much worse if he ever finds out what subspace is, like he's never wanted to take care of someone before but now he literally just wants you to be thoughtless and all dependent on him

[blondwhxrewrites]

I want to sleep with mattheo in the innocent way cause ik he loves cuddles. in public he'd not really show it but he loves being babied and no one is convincing me otherwise cause it's just true u know

He literally just collapses into your arms and falls asleep all warm and cuddly after a long day

[blondwhxrewrites]

'Tom Riddle can't feel emotions since he was birthed under a love potion'

Stfu I don't care what the roach JK Rowling says, the only types of emotions he is able to feel are negative emotions like anger, annoyance, and most importantly OBSESSION. The love potion takes away his ability to feel healthy emotions like kindness, happiness, and it takes his empathy for others away. FUCK YOU ROWLING CANON IS MINE TO CONTROL

[blondwhxrewrites]

Saw this and instantly thought of raccoon reader

She'd have so many random cute things to wear like a raccoon onesie, or insect based jewelry (she stole all of them) and Mattheo thinks it's adorable especially when Reader gets so excited to wear her pretty things 🥰